Hello /adv/, Last year I broke up with an ex on semi bad terms (he was an alcoholic) and its been about five months since then. He's been emailing me once a month since then, however the emails are so badly written (or maybe he's trying to write poetry?) that I feel I have to wait a few days to try and understand what he's trying to say before I reply back. The trouble is, I think he's drinking again and somehow made it to my house two weeks ago and I think he attempted to enter my house via garage and may have been looking for a spare key to enter. I should also mention that when this happened, it was around his birthday. Now the last time I saw him person, I threatened to put a restraining order on him however I never did. I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I know he was in a mentally bad place five months ago and maybe he's just having an episode again. He's never been violent except for that one night five months ago and even then it was all that violent... it was just me not wanting to get too aggressive in bed but you know.. alcohol changes the brain. Anyways, /adv/ should I look more into what I think (and am pretty positive it was him) is going on? And what should I do about it?
>>18145669Yes. Youtube is full of stories where a grill is killed by her stalker ex. If he is seeking ways to enter your house illegally its already too dangerous to not call the police.
You deserve someone who isn't an asshole.> Now the last time I saw him person, I threatened to put a restraining order on him however I never did. I just couldn't bring myself to do it.Why?> I think he attempted to enter my house via garage and may have been looking for a spare key to enter.Call the police.
>>18145669Plus at least make a report so that if things escalate you will have a record of past incidents. You have to go no contact. There is no way to ease him away. Any response you give will be taken for interest.
>>18145682Well.. I know if I put the restraining order on we'll both have to go to court and knowing his mentality, he may sink into another hole. I guess the thought of me being the cause of that hole just hurts.. I guess I do need to look more into this though.
>>18145692Fruit's gotta fall one day, might as well kick the tree before it comes down on you all rotten.
>>18145669I read an article the other day about a girl whos ex bf was stalking her. He even, ironically, aquired a key to her back door and enter the house while she hideing inside. She went to the police and they just gave him a warning apparently...He ended up sliting her throat and setting the place on fire.Search "shana grice" and you cant miss it. Its recent.Alcohol will help you do stupid shit. Especially if revenge is on your to do list. Does he feel that you've "wronged" him?
>>18145728I think he's depressingly drinking. The emails he sent me just sound like he misses and wishes we could be together again, but in a way he doesn't want to be with me? To be honest though, six years ago I did screw up. I didn't cheat on him nor did I have drug problem, I just wanted him to get away from the drug party. So I forcefully took him "out." Well.. Long story short, ever since then I've devoted the past six years to trying to make things up to him but I always felt his friends hated me for not being accepting of the drugs they were into. So that was always in the way of me trying to be there for him. As much as I wanted to hang out with him and his friends (and I really did want to) I just felt too awkward to be around them. Then by a rare instance I did get the chance to hang out with one of his friends and of course I screwed up by talking about weird things like orgy stuff(even though im not into it). I don't think that's enough for someone to get revenge on me though.
>>18145754What sparked you to talk about "orgy stuff"? LolAnyways... Sounds like you were good for him and he knew it. Breakups are some of the hardest things ive ever been through. It can be tough to just have a loved one seemingly disappear from your life. Kinda like a death. But does depressive drinking lead to stalking and trying to get into your house? Sound like there could be an aspect of malicious intent.Also what makes you think he was looking for a key or trying to get in your house? What evidence do you have or what brought about your suspicion?
>>18145783I guess I wanted to seem interesting? lol I don't know. But around his birthday one morning before leaving for work,the pin-pad to the garage was fully open (there are no batteries in it) and I did notice that the water gauge by my front door was creaked open a bit, like some one was looking for something. Before the breakup, he'd come by drunk and check those two things before calling or texting me that he was there. I never gave him a key though nor did I ever tell him where the key actually is, maybe that's what made him distrust me?
I could just be reading all the signs wrong, but the timing of the emails and the garage and water gauge just seem to tie in together.>>18145728I did read the articles on Shana Grice and that's just so appalling to me. If that was the case with her then what can I do to make a different ending with me? I really don't know what I did wrong in this case. I am still currently single and well.. I do miss him. I've been trying to keep my mind off however just by like gaming and working. I did go on a date, but we never "clicked" to the point where we kept seeing and talking to each other. However my ex wouldn't have a way of knowing since I have no social media what so ever.
>>18145810Seems like you guys dated a long time to have not been living together already or more involved or something. But yeah red definite red flags there. It does appear he may have been there. But even if he was, what do you think his intent was?? How do you feel about him doing that? (Assuming he did)
>>18145843I guess theres a possibility of you reading the signs wrong, BUT something ive come to learn is that theres hardly ever a true coincedence.Nothing good has ever transpired from one creeping around anothers house. As back up precautions... Never a bad idea to have a dog. Its a deterrant and can also alert/protect you. Place "beware of dog" signs as well. Maybe tell a close friend what you think is going on. Sadly, but most important these days, you should have at least one firearm in the home and car. And you need to know exactly where it is and how to use it :(My sister was home alone one time and some guy tried breaking in the house. He didnt get in and the dog scared him off. But now, theres a hand gun in 3 diffrent locations in her house. Strategically placed and she knows exactly where they are. Theres one she carries in her purse as well. She never goes anywhere without it. This was all her husbands idea, and he also made damn sure she knew how to use it AND hit her target. (Practice at fireing range).
>>18145859Well we were on/off together for a good eight years. I joined the military and that put a strain on us. I also feel like I emasculated him when I did that, since his family is military and I'm the one that joined, not him. It's also about the time the drugs and alcohol abuse started. Over the time the drug usage became less frequent until he cut cold turkey. From what I'm told, cutting any narcotics cold turkey can alter a person's mentality. However he replaced the drugs with more alcohol to compensate. I started to catch on to what was happening, but I really didn't know what to do. Then that night happened.I feel he was trying to better himself, but not appropriately. And if he really did find a way in he'd probably end up raiding my fridge and just pass out on my couch. I really don't think he could make it to my room since it's upstairs and if he's trashed there's no way he'd go up without causing a commotion.
>>18145898That's actually good advice. I know how to use m16(old school army ones!), but not handguns. I've been wanting to get one though but the money just isn't there right now. How much are small purse sized guns anyways? Because if it's less than $300 I may just have to fork over my savings and then some just to feel safe.
>>18145923Im a guy. Ive been through bad breakups. ive even turned to alcohol as my "therapy". With that said, honestly, i have a hard time believeing that his intention was to raid your fridge. Im not suggesting he wants to harm you or vise versa, but i could see him (in a drunken stupor) rationalizing wanting to "snoop" on you at the very least (go through your shit, see what youve been doing, has another guy been around) Still very alarming and could be a gateway to somthing more severe.A friend of mine actually purchased a 9mm pistol not too long ago and paid something like $300 for it. It was not brand new/out of box, but in perfect working order. It was from a gunshop. A 9mm might be a solid bet for the home. But for on person carrying i would go a tad smaller for concealing purposes. My sister has a "holster" for her .25 caliber that goes in your back pocket and is designed to resemble a wallet.