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This is the place to unload that baggage that's been weighing you down for days, weeks, months, or years; to relieve the pit in your stomach that won't go away, write a letter to someone, ask for advice, etc.

Previous Threads (up to 5, working backwards):
>>18708341
>>18701905
>>18694568
>>18687678

Resources:

- A public Kik group for whomever wishes to connect with others and discuss their issues: #GIOYC

- Suicide Hotline Numbers are located above the catalog, or check your country's Hotline Numbers (here):https://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/wiki/hotlines

- A YouTube channel which pertains to therapy, mental health, depression, anxiety, etc.:https://m.youtube.com/#/user/KatiMorton
>>
I don't even want to get better any more. I just want to motivate myself to get it over with.
>>
>>18715918
fpbp
>>
I broke up my 8 year relationship and have been sleeping with someone 20 years my senior. Part of me thinks he is using me and another part just longs for a companion. He's the second man I have ever had sex with and I feel disgusted and disappointed in myself because I don't love him and a goal in life I had was to only give my body to one man. Nonetheless, it's my second "relationship" and I can't stop because the unknown and discovering dating again thrills me.
>>
I honestly feel like dropping out of college will be better for me financially than a degree in computer science. I have a great financial plan, and a job that makes enough for it to work. The only reason I am staying in college it pressure from family and wife. I would be so much happier investing intelligently, and not going to school.
>>
>>18715918
That's bullshit if you can't motivate your self to commit suicide. You still want to live. Tough shit.
>>
>>18715992
So your chasing a high. Your basically a junkie.
>>
>>18716001
Then do it anon. No one but you decides your path in life. If you live by other people wants you'll stay miserable. Be the man you know you are.
>>
Reposting because it lacked exposure last time.


I need advice.

What is considered cheating? What is the line? Is flirting with someone else cheating? Or is it something more extreme such as kissing or even having sex?
And now with the advent of technology, with sexting and sending nudes becoming a common thing, it makes the line so much blurrier.
Personally I consider anything you have to hide from your partner cheating. Unless it's something harmless, like planning a surprise.
>>
>>18715992
serves you right cunt
>>
I know that I have a pretty good life, much better than most. I go to a good college, have a loving family, and have a fair amount of friends. Yet on the inside I feel fucking miserable. Like I legitimately hate myself. Pretty much my whole day I feel a constant mixture of sadness and anger and contempt. I am paranoid that other people especially my friends despise me, and the only time where I feel any semblance of happiness is when I'm drinking or doing drugs. In the worst of times I think about either harming myself or others. Like mercilessly beating the shit out of random people at my school. Of course I would never actually do that, but I think that thinking about it all the time is really fucked up. I do a pretty good job at appearing normal and acting fine, but the more I do that, the worse I feel. On top of that I feel that I'm not close enough to any of my friends to open up to them about this. Has anyone else ever experienced this before or knows what I'm talking about? If so, how did you get through it?
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So I'm in an internet relationship. It's kinda odd, but we are working towards being together in person. Still it may be a while and I wonder if we would be compatible when we actually are in front of each other. From what I know of her, I like her a lot, we have tons in common and she really seems to dig me as well. It's a little hard since I do yearn for the physical touch from her. We are planning on meeting once the current semester is over since I could go visit her. We have a lot to talk about. I'm excited but also terrified.
I been looked at weird for having what is pretty much an E-gf, but this was the same way I met my previous gf, and we were together for almost 10 years.

I'm scared. From what I know of her she's pretty much ideal in every way, but I know that the people we are through a screen is only an approximation of who we really are.
She really seems to like me, I trust her, but part of me is wary because there are things like catfishing out there

I hope this is real and that we can make something work. I been here before, but so far this person has been different, she's actually open with her feelings. That's all I wanted from a person, some proper honesty, but I'm only human and I'm a pessimistic fuck.

Please, I hope this is what it seems. The way she talks to me seems like it is. I'm scared to love like this again. Fuck.
>>
The harder I try to type something, the angrier I get. I guess it's just that bad right now. Why can't people be more predictable?
>>
>>18716035
Flirting outside of your relationship is healthy. If you have to hide flirting for your partner. It's not the relation ship it could be.

Also. Start meeting women before getting caught up with useless rules.
>>
C
I'll only be interested if you keep ourselves between us, and share us to no one. If anyone finds out, then the world fucking explodes.
>>
You keep telling me to "Look closer." or "retard, look harder."

I don't know what I'm looking for or for who or when. Is it about Renee? You tell me to look for freckles but those can be covered up by makeup or they can turn darker or lighter depending on how much sun she has been getting.

Or are you talking about "look closer at her vajayay"? If she was born intersex, was she born with a small penis or a normal penis with a vagina (aka, like me)? How the fuck could you tell? It's not like Vaginas inc are pretty and neat. They are all just... RAGHGNRFFFF

Or is there someone else in the photos? Someone hiding behind a door or something? I know for a fact that she was not alone when she did the skyping things while she was in "Canada." I could see her making eye contact with someone in the room or some of her responses were really fucking weird. I heard someone in the kitchen and when I asked her if her roommate was cooking she got nervous looking, and said "Oh no... I'm cooking something." it's like, what? How? You're laying in bed and the sound was of pans.

Also, that day I had her walk around the apartment in to the bathroom. When I told her to look into the shower she got extremely quite and she wouldn't move the camera around so I could see. She like.. backed up in a weird way and got nervous as fuck. When she walked away I swear to god I saw someone with glasses for a fraction of a second.

If you say "look closer/" at the photos... how could she have taken some of those photos if she was by herself? At the same time, I figured she would be using a timer or clicking take the photo with her feet (laptop on the dresser.)

Or maybe Renee has a twin.

orrrr you could be talking about Bree or Lucia or Maria. You keep telling me that the bunny has a penis (which would be bree) but if she has a dick she has found a way to tuck it up pretty neatly. Or she photoshops her bulge out.
>>
>>18716110
Honestly? I don't fucking care. I don't trust any of them. I never want to see Renee again. Or Iris. Or Vicki. Or the others I have mentioned.

I don't trust Bree. I don't trust Maria. I don't trust any of them. Even if they are great people, they are lying to me (If they are indeed the ones involved, which you people have spent an incredible amount of time and effort to make me think they are). If they have dicks, they are hiding them in order to make some big ol reveal to make things more entertaining for the viewers and to make things shittier for me. Which.. why the fuck would I want to be with someone that enjoys my suffering?

I don't want to have sex. I don't want company anymore. Everyone is a liar, everyone just uses me, and everyone will just fucking leave anyways.

I just want to be free. I want the truth. I want to be a pretty lady. I want my medications.

Just give me those things, leave me alone, and fuck off forever.

Or just fucking kill me.
>>
I have feelings for another guy and I'm in a commuted relation ship. So is he. I'm also in love with my current s/o
I really care about both of them very much and it's incredibly frustrating
>>
How do I trust people again?
I've never fully trusted people (bully victim for whole life), but in recent years I have even less meaning to. People of my age group are just so dishonest, and have such a large capacity for cruelty. Whats even worse is that I know at least half of those people don't even know how cruel they are.
I can barely make friends. I can't make romantic connections. I just want to be close to people and feel like I can make genuine connections again.
But I'm too afraid of getting hurt.
>>
>>18716126
don't trust anyone. they are all out to hurt you, use you, and abuse you for fun.
>>
MT,

You are a total cunt and a hipster faggot. Kill yourself, you dumb bitch. LOL

PS: I'm tempted to tell everyone how psychotic and manipulative you are by exposing the fact that you only got with your current girlfriend to spite your Xanax-popping, ugly ass, acne-covered, revolting to look at ex R. Not sure if that is worse or covering for a borderline rapist. But I guess it's permissable for you because you gain from him not being in jail despite trying to assault underage girls and your friend's own family.

Or maybe the fact that you're so massively insecure that you feel the need to crack mental health jokes about people that you feel threatened by. You must feel pretty scared knowing anything about you that was remotely interesting is dead now that you're an unorginal talentless hack. Whoops.

So long you dumb, chubby ass butch. I'd call you an emotional vampire but that's too much of a compliment for you, you brainwashed sack of SJW shit. Hahahaha
>>
>>18716109
I suggested this.. a quiet, simple, private lifetime spent together. You know that when I'm with you I have eyes for no one else, no one else holds a candle to you.
>>
I just don't get it. You put it on thick for a week straight and then it's like nothing has happened. Even though I'm getting worse every day and the things that have happened have most definitely happened...

Are you trying to test my faith? Will you please just stop fucking testing me? Haven't you gotten enough info out of and about me? What else do you fucking want?

Why won't you just let me die? All you have to do is give me a means and I'll do it myself. Give me a pill, a gun, or gas. if you're not going to end this stupid fucking game, if it takes my death for it to finally be over then let me end it.

The disaster artist, I get it. You used the font I used for my book, a font that in no way fits that movie at all. if it's even a movie. How could you even make a movie of that?

"We'll laugh about this eventually." no, we fucking won't. This is fucking torture. Literal torture.

I want to be free.
>>
>>18716172
>I want to be free.
Then neck yourself
>>
>>18716179
I can't get the fucking knots right.

if I had a gun I would put a hole in my head so big sewing me back up would be a waste of stitches without hesitation.
>>
So just found out that my college ex just recently (like a couple days ago) had a kid... shit shit shit shit shit.

I don't know what to do, she was the one and I knew something like this would eventually happen but now that I know it's kind of... fuck I mean I expected her to get married at least and instead is a classic case of a single mother, fuck I wish I didn't knew about this but hopefully I will finally be able to get over her.

Fuck I don't know how to deal with this shit.
>>
A, if I ever see you again I'm gonna punch your fucking face in.
>>
Today is my birthday and i feel a bit sad. I was dating this girl a month ago and she has also mentioned stuff like oh my it's almost your birthday yadayada. Ofcourse she dumped me 2 weeks ago. So the whole double thing of still being single and yet another failed relationship hurts.
>>
>>18716035
Emotional cheating is worse than a physical act. There is no blurry line, just don't fucking act single for attention or abuse trust.
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>>1871626
Ooph. Ouch. Wth did I do? Lol
>>
>>18716266
who might you be?

what did I do to you?
>>
ok so what the fuck does that have to do with anything?

are... you trying to get me to fuck a girl that has an illness which causes her to not go through puberty so they look young forever in a weird attempt to cater to the underage fangirl market without breaking any laws?

Or like... do you really think I want to fuck young girls and this is your way to "let me do it.: without getting in trouble?

Either way... what the fuck.

what's wrong with you people.
>>
>>18716372
If you were him, you would know.
>>
I wanna ask her out but no matter how many times I try to convince myself to do so I feel like bailing in the last minute and thats exactly what I do. I never know what to do and my timing is always off. No matter how many times I hear "just ask her out pussy" it doesn't convince me
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>>18716407
well I mean... a whole lot of people want to punch me in the face.

A whole lot of people want to fuck my face.

A whole lot of people want to fuck my butt.
>>
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>>18715882
Dear Ill,

There are so many people in my life who I meet, every day. They say so much and prattle on about themselves yet I don't even remember their names. Somehow I can't help but remember everything you tell me. When you really start to care about another human being, things like that become easy.

I remember you always telling me about how inadequate you felt about yourself. "I try to play the game, but my game sucks haha...". "I'm weird" you say as you walk away, "you're not weird" I say back, and you persist "yes I am!" Those were your words, and by the look on your face I could tell you actually believe that. I understand that burden in my own life yet for someone like you I can't wrap my head around it. You shrunk back in your chair and my chest hurt a little because you're just so fucking fantastic I can't even describe it. You couldn't be more wrong. I'm weird too.

What if there didn't have to be "a game." And if there had to be, what if we decided not to play, to turn around, walk away from everyone else's bullshit and do our own thing. You know I think you're incredible, and I know you think the same about me. Hell we've said it to one another so many times. What if you and I, two people who are somehow just so self aware, such insane over-thinkers, could simply sidestep all of that, chill out. I think we could do it.

We're both nervous as hell, but what if we could openly acknowledge that, toss it out in the grass, point and laugh at it, and walk away? I want to sit with you under the stars of Mancos, and laugh about the absurdity of life, about the absurdity of myself, revel in the awkwardness. I have no idea what I'm doing when it comes to girl stuff like this, and you scare the shit out of me because you're so worth it. I'm okay with that.

Another thing I remember that you said to me, "don't become a stranger." Thank you so much for that.

I'll see you next summer.
>>
>>18716454
Hahah, nobody would want to fuck him.
>>
Not going to the concert.
Sad, many such cases!


I'll listen their songs instead on those two days nonstop.
>>
You're a 10/10 and I can't wait to see you tomorrow.
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>>18716558
I wish this was for me but I know it's not.

I want to go home.
>>
>>18716279
Happy Birthday :)
>>
I'm kinda sick of this whole love thing. EVery time... I get tricked. I get used. I get terribly hurt. Everyone hates me for it too. They treat me like I'm a predator, like I'm the one that lures women into a web where I suck the life out of them.

Why? Are they just being mean to me just to be mean? Do they honestly think I go out to take advantage of others? That I want to hurt them?

just fuck it. I quit, I give up. I don't even know what the fuck my life is. I don't know who I am or even what I am. I'm a fucking wreck of a person and rather than help me you people fucking torture me some more.

What do you want from me?

Please, just tell me what you want. I'm so fucking tired.

I don't like painting anymore. I don't like listening to music anymore. I have no hope left. God please, just let me die. just give me a way out. I want to go home.
>>
>>18716126
Are you me...
>>
I have nothing to offer anyone but a good dicking.
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>>18715882
You're so beautiful, so introspective and insanely strong and I love you so much. Why do you have to live on the other side of the country? I'm sorry for being a coward, you're the best thing that's ever happened to me and I want to be with you forever. I'm fucked up but I'm trying to slay my demons because you deserve better. I know I can be a better man for you. I know I can be brave.

please wait for me, I'm coming, I promise
>>
J, take it easy. I just said you looked pretty the other day tbqh. It shouldn't mean anything else.
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>>18716682
I know this feeling.. don't you get tired of it?
>>
I don't really have anything to get off my chest, and i don't mean that in a good way. My life is shit, my dreams are dead, I just live for the sake of living. End of story. I don't know what else to say about it all.
>>
You told me you didn't want a relationship. I said okay and that I was fine with sex. Then you said you needed space, so I gave it to you, and you kept pestering me for attention. Then I pushed away and started living my own life so you told me you were sorry for being an asshole and that you wanted to be serious down the line. I told you you could stick around and we could be friends, and then you act out, get into arguments. You treat me as if I'm sleeping around when I'm not seeing anyone else, and then you fuck some batshit crazy cokehead who tries to fuck everything that moves? Knowing that we work together?

You're right, I do deserve better. And you deserve everything you get.
>>
>>18716764

if this is S

it don't mean anything else, ya fool
>>
>>18716822
Nope, not S.
>>
L, I can't stop thinking about you. You being gone for a while has got my mind racing and I want you even more than I ever have.I should have told you before you left but I didn't want to put more on your mind. I hope you and your mother are okay.
Love,T
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>>18716835
What is it then?
>>
Ive got a good idea for a story and its mostly about people killing themselves as if it was something simple as brushing your teeth but because its so simple,the whole world population is in decline and so only a few humans remain
But Im really shit at writing and wouldn't know where to get critism anyway since I got no one to talk to
>>
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>>18716558
I'm in the same boat anon. We're going out for breakfast at 7am before classes and she's so cute it hurts :3
>>
I feel obligated to have sex. I've never done it and I just want to get my first time out of the way. I really didn't care about this during high school. But ever since I started college, it feels like everyone around me is doing it so easily. I don't want to go through the trouble of developing a relationship with a girl though. Nor do I want a random girl to fuck me at a party. I'm not looking for advice. I'm just annoyed that I have this sense of obligation for something trivial.
>>
>>18716881
I just chased a fatty and nailed her pretty ez

after that I was a slut
>>
>>18716863
Get writing. Get the stuff down in paper and then worry about criticism. If you get desperate enough ask 4chin.
>>
>>18716684
you probably shouldn't build someone up that much in your head before even meeting them
>>
>>18716895
Are you saying I should lower my standards a bunch just to get it over with? Then I'll be more interested in doing it often afterwards? There's this fat black girl that would probably fuck me but my standards would have to drastically plummet for that. I think I'd rather be a virgin if she were my only option.
>>
I have crippling anxiety, but tomorrow I've decided to ask a guy I like to come hang out with me. Doesn't sound like a big deal, but I'm typically not able to talk to people unless I'm heavily drunk or if it's through text. He makes me comfortable. I met him almost a year ago, but we've never had the opportunity to really bond. I think we'd get along very well. Something feels right. We pass each other between classes this semester, though, so I figure I'd ask him them. Any advice from other anxietybros before I take the dive?
>>
>>18716975
Ask to do something you know he likes. Something that seems like you were going to go to it anyway and figured he would want to go. There's a girl in my class who is also a Republican so I said we should go to the on campus meeting together. Sure she didn't go but if she would've went anywhere with me, that event just makes sense because it's a common interest. Don't let her not going with me sway your decision though. Asking to go somewhere that appeals to both of you makes sense to me.
>>
I'm glad I saw you get online briefly because that means you have a means of doing so which means I might not have to wait til you get home to talk. I really want to message you but I probably won't because I know you're busy and I don't want to pester. On the other hand I'm also really annoyed you got online because I was half done with my homework for the night and now I cant focus because I cant stop thinking about you.
>>
Real talk, I don't get people who are bad at tests. To me, doing well on tests just comes naturally. Studying beforehand is basically the difference between "pretty good/average" and "Top 5%".

I mean, the level I'm at now obviously doesn't do multiple-choice tests like that, but doing well on tests helped me get to this point in the first place. So i acknowledge that it's been an advantage, and don't really get the whole "some people suck at testing even though they're smart" thing
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>>18716784
Every day.
>>
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Every situation is unique but someone please give me some rough general advice on how to let go of a drug addict friend. I actually like this girl and care about this person but it's getting ridiculous to the point where it's starting to (barely, but starting to) affect my own life, other friendships, and I think now is the time to "let go" before things get any worse

Should I just go the route of leaving this person to figure out things on their own because I've honest to god think I've done all I can do without them having a moment of clarity.

I just constantly get the mental feeling of worrying about her or she'll wind up getting mad and say that I'm not emotionally supporting her, whatever. This girl is a carbon copy of Jenny from Forrest Gump. Which makes me think by the time they realize they have to quit it'll be too late.

I have no idea why I even care about this girl but I do and it fucking sucks at times like this.
>>
I've won. Feels fantastic.
>>
I can't stand my gf but I'm too afraid to break up with her because she has a lot of mental issues that I didn't noticed when we first started dating. I have so much regret and guilt over all of this. I'm so stressed it's unreal.
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Sometimes when i feel again all i can focus on is how short it lasts. I dont know if i've hurt myself.That if i've done damage that prevents me from feeling, if going through the motions is most of me now. Or maybe i'm just scared of what i really have to feel. To realize what i have done to myself, where i am in life, and what the future probably holds.
>>
>>18717133
you don't owe her your love
>>
I'm so fucked up
I'm literally useless
I shouldn't exist
I'm fucking worthless
I'm stupid
I'm retarded
Nobody likes me
My best friend left me for good reasons
I'm a cuck
I'm a stupid idiot
I'm a worthless masochist
I'm a loser
I'm worth nothing
>>
>>18717164
I know, but I don't know how to go about it. She always talks about how much she loves me and how she's never been happier. I've expressed my uncertainty about us but she just doubles down. I feel like I'm being guilted into staying when she has to know this isn't going to work out.
>>
>>18716917
Oh anon you assume too much. We worked and lived together, it was a unique situation. The more time I spent with her, talked to her, got to know her, the more we each began to care about one another. Then some crazy things happened, she was all I had to rely on and I was all she could turn to but we got through it. I was forced to move away but I'm doing my best to change my life and go back.
>>
Hate giving damn good advice for others but not following any of it myself. Knowing how to get out of a tough spot is one thing,but putting a plan actually in motion and get it running through is hard as fuck for me
>>
>>18717177
have you tried not being such a faggot?
>>
Getting old and still living with parents
Stuck in a shit relationship
Stuck with a shit job
With a long commute thus wasting money on gas and putting the car at risk
Driving gives me anxiety every day
Almost got hit in the parking lot
Not feeling like my life is worth living anymore
Everyone around me is negative
I feel like I cannot trust anybody around me thus I cannot express myself
Cant stop thinking about the past, ptsd from all types of abuse
Unhappy and frustrated and cannot even afford to see a regular psych for help
College put me in thousands of debt ontop of more debts
Trying to distract myself with stupid arts and crafts but its all so shallow
Life is meaningless and I just don't want to go on anymore
>>
>>18716682
Chad thundercock is that you?
>>
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>>18715882
I am lonely, and I know that you are too, fuck you even told me so.
I know that you are traumatized, and I know that I am too.
I know that you torture yourself, overthink everything, live with those residual monsters in the back of your mind from what happened. In that way we are the same.
You can see things most other people cannot see, you are stronger than everyone else in a way that makes me look at you and understand. I know where that comes from. I'm so sorry you had to go to that place as well.

I know how you've suffered because I've been there myself. From what you've told me, from how you act, I can see it. Do you know what the most beautiful thing in the world is? It's when two people who've been chewed up and spit out can find one another, reach out a shaking, hopeful hand, and embrace one another and pull each other out of the darkness.

You call yourself strange but to me your scars make you more beautiful than anything in the world, even more so since nobody else but you and I can see them. You're a girl who can't see how incredible she is and that makes me heartsick. I want you to have that.

I want to hold you tightly in my arms, tell you everything is alright, and say "I know who you are." Until then please, take care of yourself. I love you.
>>
I just want the truth out of people. Stop manipulating me.
>>
I'm lonely, I haven't had a decent, meaningful conversation with anyone in over a year, I suddenly started caring about my High school friends never chatting with me over social media or through our cellphones, every day is the same, I got to uni, I barely interact with anyone and then I forget everything we saw in class, then I ride the bus for an hour while listening to music, trying to silence the negative thoughts I have constantly, I can't escape myself, I can't escape the fact that I'm alone, that it's all my fault, that I'd rather be left alone so I don't bother anyone with my "friendship" anymore, I'm just not feeling it anymore, I feel no reason to go on, I've got nothing I look forward to, no dreams or ambitions, just loneliness.
>>
>>18717116
What did you win?
>>
>>18716266
Likewise
>>
Recently came upon the realization that everything is pointless. We all just fabricate our own points of life. Some are trying to get ahead of others, some just want comfortable lives, some want to change things, some seek love and beauty, etc.

But if you realize that people are doing this and you see all the options for purpose in life, you have to stop and ask what the point of those points are ultimately. There must be a way or I would have killed myself already though, right? I'm not a depressed person but the nihilism has got me bad.

I'm becoming psychologically asexual. I see an attractive girl and my thought process immediately goes from recognizing they are good looking to remembering that there is no mental peace to be found there and any extra blood flow stops. When girls are talking to me I'm not the least bit interested in responding to flirting. I see it happen and stop and know to flirt back but I don't, not that I don't know what to say that's not a huge issue for me, but I just quite coldly move on trying not to go along with it. I want to love I really do I just don't believe there's a person I can connect with.

I wish I could share these feelings with anyone but I know this is the kind of darkness that people fear. Someone please save me
>>
>>18717353
Ha, that's not darkness. Darkness comes after you get over it.
>>
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Still healing.

Getting better but have a long way to go.

It feels like a part of has died.

Sorry I had to push you away while I've been sick. I really do miss you. And you'll always have a special place in my heart. But for now, I need to get stronger and become the man I need to be.

I hope you're safe and having fun on your trip. I really want to write that I love you. But I need to kill that part of me. I can't keep reminding myself of the importance of you. There are new girls and opportunities. But you'll always be that golden one.

You're the cancer in my mind and the hole in my heart.

But as of now. I just need to heal and fix my body and mind. Then my soul will come back.
>>
>>18717368
Meaning that I am crushed by this feeling and become a bad person? I think I'm more the type to fade away silently.
>>
Am I going through the stages of grief when it comes to her? She didn't die... she's perfectly alive and happy.

We already have plans to go to a dance on the 23rd, we already bought tickets to an amusement park on the 30th. We went to go see IT tonight and she didn't even bother to look at me during the whole movie.

We fucked, we confessed we liked each other, but now what used to be laughs and smiles is a dead silence in the air. A once beautiful rose of friendship, now wilted, and rotted.

At first I didn't believe it. Kept telling myself things would get better.

They didn't.

Now I'm pissed.

I am not a quitter. Not until I get surefire evidence that what you said was real was really just a facade. Tell me you don't like me that way. Save me the time and emotional energy I am investing into this. Don't fucking run a knife into my heart. All you're doing is pissing me off.

I suppose bargaining is next. We'll see what happens I guess.
>>
>>18717377
Crushed isn't the right word. More like you embrace it. All in all, I think it depends on how much pain you go through.
>>
I've found the one but i can't be with him and it hurts like hell. His parents hate me because they think I''m manipulative and he lives a couple states over. The last time we talked, he looked right into my eyes and said " please just know its not my fault." In context this made sense---when we first broke up, he was the one who broke it with me, and he felt super guilty and he hated the fact that he did. He told me that it was awful after because he realized that he couldn't get over me and didn't feel like he had the right to feel sad because he was the cause of our break up and would beat himself up for it. This is fucking messing with me tonight cause for the past couple of months he's just been on my mind. I've dating around, I've dated perfectly nice people, people who met everything i wanted in a person and yet i still only love him. I'm basically gonna be alone forever, cause i hate that i don't love the guy im dating now. Although i care about him, i don't love him and i feel like I'm leading him on. I'm about to text my ex, but i can't tell if its just my concussion making me shitty at making decisions. What if he answers? What if we get to atleast small talk one last time?

You know what the saddest thing about this is? If he was to text me that he was happy with a new gf, i'd be happy. More than anything i want him to be happy. That's another reason why im scared to text him. I'm afraid ill make him unhappy...
>>
There's this guy that fucking said the other day in passing that "there's always someone who will like you as a person", romantically speaking.

Fucking bullshit. I know that's not true. It's all raw sexual attraction and resource accumulation.

I dunno, I know it's bullshit that I'm this salty about dating. I've just had a very shitty dating life this year, with like three dates which didn't really work out. Just now a girl I asked out said in august 31st that sure, she'd go out with me, but until the 23 of September.

I don't know why this stuff is so hard for me without reason. I take care of myself and I have a job, and I can make friendly chat.

Sometimes it sickens me that the attitude of modern people seems to gravitate around doing nothing all the time. That everybody just wants to be cool and that your degree of "I'm cool" is what makes you attractive. Sometimes I get a bit grossed out by seeing all the people just relentlessly seeking entertainment. I think that's why I'm so disconnected...

But at the same time I just feel so tired at times. I've been working 16 hour days nonstop for the past year with clients outside of office hours and in my day job and I'm really tired of it. I've taken a bit of a habit of coming back home and eating my dinner with beer, whereas I didn't ever use to drink beer alone before. Sometimes I just feel like performing socially so intensely drains me and I just need a fucking break right?

And then there's so many signs that I'm in that weird part of your career where things are good but not quite great. I get the feeling I have a shitload of maxing out to do by doing lots more consulting work and self-study and all that jazz.

I don't know man, I think it's the loneliness getting to me and I know the fucking solution. If I want to be with someone I have to be ultra-cool with them and relax, and have lots of charisma and resources to offer but I dunno man.
>>
>>18717386
Not sure what to make of that. I am in pain but it's sort of an existential pain. My body and mind are healthy. How do I embrace this?
>>
>>18717372

God, you remind me of my old guy... this fucking kills me, I hope you continue to heal, just as I hope the one I love heals. I'm not as strong as you, I just have to accept that I'll always love the person who has left.
>>
>>18717391
I wish I knew someone who I could see as a sexual partner and who I could really open up to but I can't do it. I like the masculine role in the end anyway, and usually that means that you're not allowed to be sensitive. I like that, because it feels good to commander and lead things, but sometimes I get the feeling I do all this stuff to social climb and to try to attract resources and mates where I'd just like to let go for a little while and watch some fucking anime and go crazy.

And there's this friend who likes to joke about me that I'm always going to be alone. She's just joking but come on

I really don't know what to do. I think I gotta do a shitload of movie going and concert going and do a lot of dates and cool off for a little while on the hotheaded social climber performance shit. But at the same time I don't want to because I have to fucking progress in my career.
>>
>>18717372

I feel like i know you. I'm prolly super wrong cause everyone on here does this "i think i know you" thing, but tell me the first letter of your first name just so i know its not.
>>
>>18717418
N
>>
>>18717372
Damn, its probably not you, but if it is i just want you to know that i want more than anything for you to be happy. I had a great time on my trip, but i wish it was to you like you wanted. If you think it will make you happy, i want you to move on from me but make sure she loves you this time. Make sure she'll take take of you like i would if not better. Make sure she's beautiful. I'm so happy to hear that you are healing. Good luck my bubbes
>>
>>18717423
welp, i rolled the dice and i was totally wrong lololololololol, sorry about that splerg dude haha
>>
>>18717285
You should tell them this.
>>
I was so upset on saturday that i locked myself in a room and hit my face over and over for an hour.

Gave myself a concussion.

This is the second time i've hurt myself this badly.

I need help, I've already seeked out professionals and they just didn't want to deal with me.

I'm so fucked, one of these days im really gonna do it.

I'm scared, a part of me really wants to live and have hope but life...doesn't want me
>>
>>18717392
It's not really something you can do yourself. It's like getting your head dunked underwater long enough to make you want to gasp for air. You need to know all that "existential pain" is there to help you ignore the fact that you're drowning.
>>
This whole thread is killing me, but its also comforting to know that so many people feel in a similar way that i do
>>
Is it better to ignote ocd compulsions? Ive given in everyday the last 2 weeks and its getting so horrible and worse but i feel like i keep needing to do my compulsions
>>
>>18717449
You're supposed to learn them away like a bad habit.
>>
Jessica, there's so much I haven't told You, good and bad. Stuff that would make you smile, stuff that would make you want to die. I'm upset that I wasted money on you but none of my time was wasted. I want to see you again on good terms when I'm back, even just to close things off if need be.
>>
You deserve somebody better than me. I hope he makes you happy and that everything that happens to you is the best thing for you.
>>
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>>18717462
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>>18717436
Seconded
>>18717285
That's beautiful and made me cry you eloquent bastard
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>>18716629
You deserve to suffer and are not entitled to sympathy, you crazy piece of shit.
>>
>>18717473
I had a butterball roommate who collected disability and worked full time. He spent his disability paychecks on junk food and stupid weeb shit. He also maxed 3 credit cards and was deeply in debt.

He hasn't been stripped of his beetus bucks yet. I think you'll be fine. Keep in mind IANAL so my advice is probably shitty.
>>
>>18717439
Can you be less cryptic please? Are you saying that I should continue thinking down this path or that thinking like this is the problem? Your sentences seem to contradict each other.

What do you propose is happening to me wise one?
>>
>>18717280
Sadly no. It's the truth. I can get women to fuck me but nothing more.
>>
>>18717499

I was just asking hypothetically but thank you
>>
>>18716266
I would probably deserve it.
>>
I fucking hate my fiancé and don't want to marry them anymore.
>>
Can't concentrate, cute guy on my mind.
>>
>>18717545
then don't do it bro, tell them how you feel. Get out of the situation. You don't even have to explain to them why right away. Just leave and then explain later. Get the distance first, make sure it doesn't happen. Then explain. You don't want to get sucked back in
>>
>>18717575
I provide for them completely and they have nowhere to go.
>>
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>>18715882
I'm working in a supermarket on Nightshift stacking shelves. There's this tidy bird who joined a while ago and as I've got to know her we have a lot in common similar TV likes and uni degrees. She also gets her mom to give me a lift home when she isn't getting a lift from this other guy who lives opposite her and has a gf btw. She's here in town till January then she goes back to uni. Due to a break in on Sunday night I walked her home at 430am. She is transferring to another department on Wednesday next week so I only have 2 more shifts working with her. She also said she'd make cookies and bring them in before she transfers :). I'm not sure whether to pursue her and give her my number and try to hang out like Netflix and chill etc or just leave it. Things could get bad at work if I'm rejected perhaps or even lose job maybe¿ What do?
>>
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>>18717508
I'm not wise, just trying to speak from experience. It is a problem, but it's a path you should keep walking down. Eventually you'll realize that even the fact that everything is meaningless, is in itself meaningless.

I don't know your story, but I know I was where you are. In my case everything that woke me up has to do with the people in my life. The people closest to me have issues. They dragged me down and caused me to suffer the worst I've felt. But along with that, certain people I've met and identify with inspire me to places I never would have considered otherwise, because of the hardships they've pushed through. And I know meeting others can be hard, but people are everywhere and I've come to learn that you run into the right kind based on what you do and what you follow.

In the grand scheme of things life is meaningless and nothing really has a "point." But you need to be the one to decide why something in this world matters to you. You need to let yourself want things, for whatever reason you feel is fulfilling. Within reason. Ultimately you'll come to find the trivial things people chase that you can't find a point in are justified in the act of pursuit. Above all else keep in mind that pursuit is part of your human nature. The darkness comes from the harshness the act of pursuing demands from you. The answer to your question is: What do you want?
>>
I've never been here before, like I'm finally out at sea drifting, where a couple events happen and now no ones holding me accountable for making a single movement in my limbs. The thing with losing friends...doesn't hurt while it's happening because it's in the background, no only once they are all apparently lost in the wind and this deafening quiet looms over your life, that's when it becomes a life emergency

Over the years i've been in similar places, cycles starting with weeks of hard work, only to gradually get blinded by recurring inadequacies with myself that only seem to be there in comparison with other people, that drag me down so badly I end up giving up the work and stress, blocking it all out and finding this mode of stasis to retreat to until the consequences of giving up rear their ugly head and then necessity drags me into a state of desperation, gets me moving in a direction, but not up to speed, ever, only moving at my pace, which feels like flooring it, but it's not enough because I have to play whack a mole with my inadequacies while maintaining face that I'm doing life like everyone else, not suffering a pattern of dying and waking up again every day, the only inkling of a purpose of each hour being to escape empty feelings...anything will do, just keep me off the couch thinking, that is hell, unable to point my brain in a single direction other than abject misery, just a collision of feelings of regret that no one has ever really known about this, and thoughts rushing to defense to argue that no one ever should. Then I ask myself how do I fix my life so I'm happier....and I get a laughing echo of the hundreds of other times I asked that...every approach I've tried, every feasible way to wrap my mind around JUST DOING IT like Shia Lebouff. All mentioned here before, and a bunch of them were right, and maybe all of them are right........but I think something is broken in my head, I don't care about this stuff unless someone else does
>>
>>18717622
Ahh fuck let me tidy up that last bit. You don't necessarily need to know what you want initially, just look out for what catches your attention and try chasing that. Learn to invite the idea of stumbling over yourself a little while figuring that out. Fucking up with decisions is part of the process, as well as pain here and there. That's how you learn. As long as you're making some headway into territory you decide is good for you, you can bare it. The real answer to your question is: Do more.
>>
>>18717721
Thank you anon... this is a good point.
>>
I've known my friend S since January 2012. She's the sweetest, most caring, and greatest person I've ever known. I've been slghtly infatuated with her since a bit after I met her, but I always blew it off and did other things and focused on other girls. A bit after that I stopped ignoring it and tried to cope through it. I did okay. But come around February 2015, I realized my feelings for her were really strong. I even remember saying to someone I knew at worked that I wanted to drive up to where she was in college and tell her that I loved her. I meant it then. Now, I mean, I still am in love with her, and would do anything for her. But I can't tell her for multiple reasons. One, in September 2015, I told her I liked her more than a friend. I didn't tell her I loved her, but either way she said she didn't feel that same way, and I know she still doesn't. Second, you can't say that to someone. Period. Saying to someone you're not dating that you're in love with them and would do anything for them only works in the movies. There's nothing I can do. It's so unfair to her. She genuinely cares about me as a friend and I wish I didn't feel this strongly and felt that same level she did. Because I feel like a shitty friend like this. I don't know what to do. End my suffering.
>>
J,
I miss you so much. I understand why you don't want to talk to me and I can't blame you for that. I'll get over my stupid feelings eventually, but you'll always hold a special place in my heart. Thank you for everything, I wouldn't make it through last few months without you. I wish it didn't have to end this way, I'm sorry I ruined it all.
>>
went through hell time and time again however the last time I didn't make it back. instead setting myself up became the easiest choice rather than clawing my way back out. now there is a dent the size of my body in a cozy spot for me to be abandoned in.
>>
>>18717697
>JUST DOING IT like Shia Labeouf
Ooh, I think it's best you find a better role model than him. Seen the news lately?
>>
>>18717758
Wish this was for me from W but it isn't.
>>
(Sorry everyone. I posted this and went to play vidya. Would have responded sooner but wasn't feeling well)

>>18717398
Thanks for the words. Well when I ment heal, I meant physically cause I've been sick and hurt (horrible accident).

The person who I was referring to is a person who I pushed away during my time of healing. I can't have them around in my life due to the pain they have caused or the selfishness of them. I just need to focus on healing.

There is this new girl who has been super supportive who I'm starting to like her. But I'm not sure if we're gonna date.

I do enjoy her company though. Good friend to say so the least.

>>18717418
I'm pretty sure you might not know me. Lol.

But if you know anything about me, you'll know I'm very much into art and nature. As well as guns and beer.

That help?

It's weird, don't take it personal, but the thought of someone recognizing me in here is scary. Not being on 4chan perspective, but being able to recognize my condition.

Another hint if it helps is that I went off the grid for 5 months now. That help?

Also, that response wasn't from me.

>>18717427
You sound like a beautiful person. Where did you go?
>>
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>>18717800
And an image because comfy art makes us all feel something soothing when we see them.
>>
There's a brazillian girl at my work who drives me fucking insane. She's older than me so she probably doesn't take me seriously but she flirts with me all the time and has the nicest body.

If I knew the world was going to blow up tomorrow I'd look her in the eye and ask her if I could rip a fat mound of coke out of her asshole. For some reason I think it'd turn her on.
>>
>>18717827
How much older?
>>
>>18717598
Be soft about it and don'5 freak out. Just calmly ask if she wants to chill.
>>
>>18717837
Ok cool I just don't want to get a reputation at work where there are other girls and my bosses n shit. Especially when I'm a 22yo virgin and don't wanna lose my job for harassment or some shit. But thank you anon have some internet's (+100 internet's) damn autocorrect
>>
>>18717843
Derp, forgot the picture -_-
>>
Why do ugly cunts exist? These trash are disgusting as fuck, i just bricked a severely ugly chink from taiwang in her hideous face because this delusional bitch kept sneaking into my rental claiming her worthless fat ass is a princess. Dumb whore.
>>
>>18716124
How long have you been in your current relationship?
>>
>>18716477
I love how heartfelt this is. Unconditional love?
>>
>>18717372
God so understand your feeling so much. She cheated on me, but for some reason I still care about her even if she did me really dirty. Due to that I slut shamed her out of anger. I regret my choice and she is always on my mind nearly 24/7. I recently sent my apologies and she refuses to accept it. It doesn't matter if she accepts it. At least she heard it and she seems happy and I quote "My best friend says I'm the happiest single person she knows." She says. I hope she is doing alright. I still love you Jacqui, but not in the same way I will ever love you again. I hope to see you again soon, and maybe just maybe. We can reconnect again.... as friends.
>>
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>have an assignment due today that I have to with friends outside of class
>tfw no friends
>>
It's kind of crazy how I was manipulated into liking a friend that I saw as another brother as a potential boyfriend just through a couple of repeated phrases, numbers, and POVs. I actually started to believe in that shit for awhile. It's also crazy how much of an effect your diet has on your mental state. Remember to eat more veggies!
>>
>>18717884
That was beautiful brother. Just take it slow and place one foot in front of the other. I know it's hard. It's suppose to be hard. There is no other way around it. But you must be strong.

Believe in yourself and keep yourself busy with hobbies and goals.

You're not the bad guy here. A cheater is just as bad as a rat. They can never be forgiven nor trusted. They're selfish and should always be branded as one.

You have so much love to give. Give it to a person who deserves it. Like a real person. Not one that expects it. Give it a person who likes you for you.

You're gonna be in hell for a while. But while you're there, kick some ass. Be strong, be smart. But most importantly, love yourself and try to be the person you want to be.

I won't lie to you and say you got this. That's false hope. But what I will say is, never stop believing in yourself. You will be your biggest supporter and the one that you can count on the most.

Hang in there brother. Fuck cheaters.
>>
I cant stop myself from masturbating at least once a week but im still always terrified that God will punish me. I feel like every bad thing that happens to me is a direct consequence of me masturbating.
>>
>>18718128
Fuck I wish I could go that long...
>>
>>18718127
Thank you Anon.
>>
>>18718134
You got it bro. I'd buy you a beer if I could.

I hope my words help a bit.
>>
Alright /adv/, I fucked up. Long 3 post story coming up

>2 days ago
>friend calls me up
>"Hey Anon, I have to do some team project and wanted to ask you if you wanna be part of that team"
>"Sure"
>"Alright, let's meet there tommorow evening"
>talk for a bit more than hang up
>only then realize I didn't ask what that project was but I just assumed it'd be within the same subject both of us are studying
>meet up next day in an office of an big company
>friend introduces me to someone he's working with
>that person talks to me about the job that him and my friend are doing now which is a Multi-Level marketing scheme
>tells me about how my job would be to talk to customers and discuss the insurance plans they wanna have
>tells me about the profit and promotion chances aswell as a larger training program with pretty influential people in luxorious hotels all paid by the company
>>
>>18718147
>during the meeting they arrange some bigger meeting for the next day so I can sign up for that training program which starts next week
>all of this sounds kinda good to me
>meeting ends, I go home
>on my way home I realize that all of it sounds too good to be true and decide to put a bit more research into the topic because I never really heard about MLM before
>find out that I have to go out in public and seek out customers myself (I wasn't told about this)
>absolutely hate the idea of annoying people on the street or going from door to door inorder to advertise stuff
>read experience reports of multiple people who worked at such companies
>many of them describe it as a cult-like experience with how the most successful marketers are being worshiped at the training
>some also mention them losing all of their friends because of this job
>and also the profits drying up quickly once you don't have any friends/family members to sell stuff to anymore
>>
>>18718149
>next day
>write to friend that I don't want to come to that meeting
>he called me later saying that the positive experience reports from people that currently work there are the more valuable ones and I should atleast give this meeting a try inorder to really have a concrete decision
>I give in and agree to this meeting eventhough I still have no intention of ever working there

God that was such a huge fuckup. Why can't I stand my ground? Why did I agree to this? As soon as I hung up the phone I realized that this tactic worked just as planned. I know that that's part of the job but that's the exact reason why I couldn't do this. I feel manipulated by my own friend and just the thought of me doing something like that makes me sick. And then there's the fact of how quickly it all changed. He didn't use to be like this at all. Now I'm scared that other friends of mine will fall for this aswell and change in the same way.
>>
>>18718152
Hey, it's okay man. Baby steps.

Sure you made the error of falling into a trap, you can't allow this to ruin your life.

Play Tyrion Lannister. Do the first meeting or what so ever then bounce.

Write down on a piece of paper your game plan how how to jump ship and think of scenarios on how to avoid them.

Be careful with those get rich quick schemes.

Be smart and vigilant. But more importantly, be good to yourself by allowing yourself to be free.

It's hard ya, but so deciding what you want to eat at a restaurant. Just stick to your words.

You got this man.
>>
>>18718152
Just don't go. Jesus christ.
>>
I have met with a terrible fate.
>Father is abusive
>Travel a lot during early years 2 major moves loose many friends
>Get bullied and rejected in school
>Violent tendencies
>Girl almost got pregnant
>Fail Elementary school
>Try to repair grades
>School environments gives me anxiety attacks
>Try ignoring problems while slowly failing my studies
>Fail studies again, get shit pitty job
>Loose job after drama
>Living alone with mother now who has money issues
>Get back on trying to repair grades so i can take a loan to pay rent
>Failing studies again

Sprinkle vandalism/drugs(never caught) and videogames in there when trying to cope. Self harmed multiple times when i was young, last month was scoping out the railroads to try and figure out where the trains seemed to reach decent speeds.
Also im thinking about killing my father, hes pretty much the primary reason for all of my misery. My can keep an appearance of being a functional human being but lately i am not calming down, i have to rub my head and do autistic shit to chill out. Music no longer works, i know all these thoughts are wrong but its getting worse and worse i used to be able to become rational but now im getting all kinds of fucked up. Like its illegal to kill someone sure but what if it improves peoples lives, taking a few years in the can aint shit when i get out people might shun me but thats for the better of them too not having to give a shit about me too.
pointless thread but whatever
>>
I've had to listen to my grandparents argue with eachother LITERALLY all day every day since I was 4 years old, I'm 22 now. This drives me fucking insane.

I've tried going to college 3 times but failed/dropped out all 3 times. I'm pretty sure I have ADHD because I forget everything and zone out when trying to read, etc.

I'm in love with a girl that lives in Russia (I'm in US). I've never really had feelings for a girl because I'm very insecure due to high school bullying (puberty hit me late and my football teammates would verbally and sometimes physically bully me). I want her so bad. She wants me. We both agreed it most likely won't work but we still talk daily.

My life feels like a complete mess, I don't even know where to start.
>>
>>18718239

On top of this, had no real father figure (dad was a drug addict and left me when I was very young, grandfather is an asshole that insults my grandmothers every day).

I feel so bad for my mom because I treat her badly sometimes to vent all this anger, frustration and pain I have inside of me.
>>
Last night as we talked about nothing important I kinda realized that I do want to be with you. Right now that's a bit hard to do, but if we plan it out maybe we can get something to work out.
Normally I'm the stronger and more stoic one of the two, but I have my nights and for those I have you.
Thank you for being there. You mean so much to me, if only I could tell in more than just words.
What confuses me is why you think yourself so worthless? You can't see what I see, I guess. You're beautiful, you're pretty talented, and you do a bunch of things as hobbies. You're kind hearted, more than I deserve in my life. You intimidate me like crazy, but where others run from you, I want to remain by your side. Maybe intimidate is the wrong word, you inspire me. You inspire a desire in me to improve myself, to better myself so i can stand beside you and keep my insecurities in check.

In all aspects I am average, but I will never tell you this directly. The only lie I had told you, is not one of words, but of acting. I am far from the confident person you know me for. I simply understand your type of brain, because I have lived through all those thoughts you have now. Still, you would think it would push me away. It doesn't. It pulls me in more because I know that underneath that mire, there's something so bright and beautiful, I want to help you bring that out. What others would call ugly, I view as a complexity, as something that makes you different from others but the same as me. I used to hate seeing myself in others, but you? You're the first mirror that shines brighter than I, and instead of breaking you, I want to understand you better. I want you to see what I see. I want you all for myself, everything. Those sad memories you have, the happy ones we are creating now, all of them, all of you. I want it and I will do anything to keep you forever.

Last night you reassured me of something, that I need to love you with the fear of losing you. I will give you my all.
>>
>>18716163
>when I'm with you I have eyes for no one else

So when you aren't, you definitely do.
Okay.
>>
Edgelord.
>>
I'm just so tired. I hate that all attempts to make my life better only result in more megativity, setbacks and just general chaos and only send me into a spiraling depression. I just want to die. That's what I want more than anything at this point.
>>
I really don't want to live anymore. I don't want to kill myself, but I just don't want to go on. My situation is so ridiculously petty and I'm blessed with so much when I look at it on paper, but in my mind I just think I'm a piece of shit with no future so why go on? I sit here and hope that someday something will just happen and my life will be great but I won't actually do anything to change my life because I don't think I can do anything.
>>
>>18717878
Something like that. I'm not sure how healthy this is but I miss her so much it's killing me that I can't go see her.
>>
What the fuck ia wrong with youm. You beat your Girlfriend, you call your Mother whilst doing so. You have let drugs go to your head. I want my brother back. Before you end up in prison, or die
>>
>wife says she tired of being married, wants a divorce
>tell her that we can separate and figure things out
>let her know that if she's serious to start getting paperwork together
>everything is properly filed
>get court date
>drive 8 hours to her home state for it
>judge asks us about it, if we really want to, etc etc
>we get officially divorced
>drive back another 8 hours
>halfway through she breaks down into tears and blubbers about how she didn't really want to divorce
>she only went along with it because i went along with it
>even though she started it and did all the work

I guess her questions about "Are you gonna let me go or make me stay" weren't a trap and I betamaled my way out of the only woman who would ever be with me
>>
>>18717756
Can someone give me any advice? I'm sure one of you guys must have felt this way.
>>
>>18718874
literally all you can do is drown yourself in work and pussy
>>
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Why did you have to show me what it was like again
To show me what it was like to love someone again
To feel what it was like to wake up to good morning texts from someone who cares about me
To think I had someone to hold again
To think I had a smile I could look forward to seeing again even when I felt like shit
To hold someone's hand and actually feel something for them again
To be hopeful again
To think I actually connected with someone again
And then leave me.
>>
You leave clues
You leave warnings
You leave apologies

I just don't care. I don't care to solve any puzzles, or riddles, or to look for hidden messages. I just want to go home. I just want it to be over. Whatever you have to say doesn't matter.

I just want to go home.
>>
It just seems that I can't satisfy anyone... I'm sorry I let you down, sweetheart.
>>
are you a disaster
>>
Feeling down tonight. Sometimes I wish I did end it. I don't think this will ever leave me.
And you don't make it easier telling me you're not sure when you're going to stop being in love with me. You were the only one who could ever make me feel better. Who knows me best. And now I'm moving 7 hours away. Although we haven't been together for a few months, I couldn't stop thinking about you after you messaged me. Having conversations like we don't know each other best. Fuck
>>
>>18719086
If you still love each other that much why not get back together? Moving doesn't mean shit, take them with you.
>>
>24
>meet girl on dating site
>instant chemistry, whirlwind of mutual infatuation over just two dates in which we discuss being exclusive and I meet her family on the second date
>less than a month together and this is stronger than anything I've felt before
>she breaks it off suddenly because she "isn't ready," I am bummed but satisfied that she's sincere and not just looking for an excuse to date others
>chalk it up to Maybe Some Day and cordially do a scorched-earth no-contact
>date around successfully, develop a small harem of beautiful girls. almost forget about her
>6 months later I text her on a whim
>she responds instantly
>we're both reserved but there are flashes of our old conversations
>confirm she's single (very surprising, she's a 10 on any scale, no lie)
>try to set up a date but she's just starting college on top of working full-time
>put the ball in her court to let me know when she's free
>creep on her tumblr out of curiosity.
>there's a rare text post right after I contacted her saying "I think about you every day"
>despite my delusions to myself over these 6 months... I've thought about her every day too
>of course this might not refer to me.... but it certainly could....

I so badly want this to be real. She had 6 months of inertia working for her if she wasn't interested. All she had to do was ignore my text and I could finally bury this whole thing. Why even respond to me if she thinks about someone else "every day" y'know?

But It's been about a week of waiting on her schedule without further conversation.And in the meantime I'm reeling in this haze of puppy-love and anxiety, like i'm on a mild dose of MDMA 24/7. It's exhausting. Yes I'm over-scrutinizing everything here, I just gotta be patient. I'll wait for love but if I'm deluded and just gonna be let down I'd rather know right now.
>>
I didn't cheat on you, you asshole. I didn't even give it up to you, someone who I cared a lot about, why would I go and give it up to someone else? Now stop telling everyone I fucking created. You broke up with me because you didn't want to do the long distance thing. And I understood that. But at this point, it's almost like you want to believe I cheated on you. Fuck you for being such an immature brat. Now I know why your mother disliked you so much and why your friends never cared about you or wanted to hang out with you. I should've taken the hint when you'd always slander your ex's to me. God I was an idiot. Hope you never find a decent girl to hurt again.
>>
No one can hurt me like you.
>>
Anyone else feel empty? I have friends, do decent enough in university, live in a comfortable home with a supporting family, and have food on my table everyday. However I just feel sad, I can't explain it.
>>
>>18719191
I think pretty much everyone feels that way sometimes
>>
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Thanks for inviting me to join your "squad" but I really cant stand stereotypical and loud fuckboys and girls. I lied I actually went home and studdied becauese I'm a fucking loser. I love going out but alone and not because I'm sad or some shit. I dont need you telling me "I feel bad for You. I pity you" your becomeing real annoying man.
>>
Whenever I have a low point and feel like crying... I somehow become totally motivated again and fix things.

I once had such a bad time in my life that now I'm always telling myself "This isn't as bad as that one time, so why worry".
Seems like I believe in myself, yay
>>
My longest friend is fucking me over by getting out of our lease to move in with her bf she's been seeing for literally a month. I'm gonna be stuck with the full rent I can't afford, and no way to find a new roommate since nobody will be looking for housing in the middle of the year like this.

This just solidifies to me the fact that friendship is so paper and temporary. You will always get left behind in the pursuit of love and romantic interests.
And I'm never gonna have anyone like that, I will never be loved, I will never have a partner to rely on, and because everyone else will, I'll be left behind alone and forgotten.
>>
>>18719277
Find yourself a bf who will share the rent with you
>>
>>18719169
Do I know you? Sounds awfully familiar.
>>
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>>18719289
>And I'm never gonna have anyone like that, I will never be loved, I will never have a partner to rely on

I've been fucking trying and begging for any goddamn taker at all for 7 years now. I'm so insanely desperate I turn off guys from a 50 foot radius, they smell the crazy on me. On top of the fact I'm a basket case of other mental illness, there is no redeeming me. I have nothing of value to give anyone and I never will.
>>
I had a really crappy day, anxiety through the roof forgot to vape, found some not cool texts on his phone, waiting for more than a bullshit half truth on that one, I got weirdness last night, then a you don't have to worry about that crazy, all in all not cool. Guess it was best that I didn't take a bullet. I'm no better I guess so fuck it.
>>
>>18715882
I lost her. The girl of my dreams for over four years. It all means nothing now and I'm left empty and hurt, with nobody to turn to.
>>
I want to go home.
I want to know what the fuck is going on.
I want to fuuuuuuuckkkkkkkkk

You know, just... if you don't plan on doing anything nice for me ever could you at least fucking kill me?
>>
>>18715882
Where to even fucking begin with just how much rage has consumed me the past day both with myself and my surroundings. I fucked up on a few things and made some errors of judgement the past few weeks. Nothing catastrophic just annoying.
To start I'm really frustrated with the lack of work my generation really has. I want to work as much as humanly possible. I haven't had much work for the past month and currently in the process of transferring to a job that allegedly allows me to work 50 hours a week with 10 hours being voluntary. I just feel like my kind aren't appreciated in modern society and even worse we get beat over the head with more taxes just for working harder. Responsibility within this nation is completely dead. I just wanna work. I recall the happiest moments of my life and they all were when I worked +60 hours. The frustration almost provides a sense of relief and pleasure with the satisfying view of money in my wallet and finding a spiritual purpose within the work. Don't listen to the lies. You are being enslaved by your pleasure. I just want to find something I can excel at and work with as much as possible and as soon as possible. I've put much consideration into web developing AND working my new job. How much joy that would bring. Nothing satisfies me more than money and feeling like my day is complete. I just wish I knew how to enter web developing ASAP. I have dabbled in HTML and a little CSS but nothing as far as implementing scripts though I do have experience with JAVA and C.
>>
>>18719024
Initials?
>>
>>18718378
I wish this was about me.. I don't doubt that he cares about me but I've always been a little worthless.. I've been told as much often enough.. it's why I apologize so much.
>>
A MAN SHOULD ALWAYS CHARGE HEAD FIRST INTO ANYTHING. THAT'S WHY HIS PENIS IS ON THE FRONT
>>
I am so god damn fucking bored.
WHY. Why do you have to make me so fucking bored? Is there literally ANYTHING you can give me to help pass the fucking time while I wait? Do I really have to do this all alone? Can't you just give me a fucking friend to talk to about this shit? Why the fuck are you making me do it all alone? Why the FUCK do you have everyone lying to me about all this fucking shit?

what are you getting out of this? You won't let me have any money so I can't do anything at fucking all. You've isolated me. Then you spend god knows how much fucking effort to send me secret messages that I don't even bother to think about or even see.

you know for a fact I am dying. You know that every day I spend here is another day I'll never get back. You tell me to live life to it's fullest but you keep me a prisoner.

So what the fuck. "Live life like it's your fantasy." I have no fucking life to live. You won't let me.

I can't think of a single good reason as to why you aren't telling me what the fuck is going on. Telling me directly. You can't even use the excuse of "liability" because the entire fucking world knows what's happening already. I'm the only one that doesn't.

So what the fuck.

Either let me live or fucking kill me.

Where the fuck is the person that's suppose to take me home? Where the fuck are they? They know where I am so why don't they come and get me?
>>
You say nothing i say will make not like me but I think you would probably hate me if I told you I was into shotacon
>>
>>18717466
Underrated kek
>>
>>18717372
>tfw got super sick and had to leave my gf and move home and spent 3 years of my life skirting death before healing
Nigger are you me?

>>18717398
Callie is that you?
>>
>>18719396
Lol nah. You're probably way more stronger and handsomer.
>>
>>18715918
I have felt like this recently. It helps me to focus on the moment I would get it over with. Imagine the relief of it. I plan to making it the best moment yet.
>>
I wanna die
>>
>>18716056
Yes.
I read lots of self help books. We gravitate to what we already know learn new feelings, sensations, emotions.
I focused on my self. Who my ideal was, and decided I wanted to be who I ideally feel I am. Physically, mentally and emotionally. I learned I was hateful, and am still learning to love myself and others. Somehow life brings the challenges that help me work those areas of my life. Find your purpose.
Love yourself.
>>
>>18716279
OMG Happy Birthday! I hope you find a way to make this a memorable day. Years from now you will look back at this day. Make it a day worth talking about.
>>
There is absolutely no way in hell that I can afford to go to college because I fucked my self by never trying in highschool
>>
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>>18715882
Here's a little poem I wrote

Did you ever close your eyes in a sea of green motion and watch as the birds flew by?
Did you ever breathe deep in a strong wind's causeway and feel how the oak trees fly?
Did you ever stumble down from a freight train's path, deciding to not yet die?
Did you ever limp back to that paradise on earth, collapse in the grass and cry?
>>
I'm going to talk to her lads. Its going to be my own "space oddity".
>>
>>18719419
+1
>>
I'm bitter. I also suffer from crab mentality pretty badly. What is the cure for bitterness? Gratitude?
>>
>>18719516
What are you bitter about?
>>
>>18719291
Maybe honestly. My name starts with an N
>>
>>18719471
Anon that is a phenomenal poem if you actually wrote that
>>
>>18719480
Good luck anon, wish I had someone to talk to, as usual the conversations I have with myself fill novels.
>>
You used me for sex yet you admit that you still have feelings for me. Make up your fucking mind and stop being a pussy. Your cunt ex wife doesn't scare me either.
>>
Why the hell won't you talk to me...?

You tell me you love me, you tell me you want to spend the rest of your life with me, but you never text me anymore... This wouldn't be an issue if you didn't live thousands of miles away, but you do...

I told you how this makes me feel several times. You just ignore me.

Why...? Are you cheating on me...? Are you just testing if I really love you...? Fuck, man... I love you, I've loved you for years... I know that we've had our issues, I know that I haven't been the best to you, but damn it, why are you doing this to me?

And then out of the blue you tell me you ran out of your medication and are having suicidal thoughts, and I try my best to support you and you JUST VANISH AGAIN...

... Why do I even stay...? Why do I even come back...? Is it guilt...? Is it just being attached to the past, how our relationship was...? Fuck... I can't get over you, no matter how hard I try, but I know I need to in order to get on with my life...

... But I can't... I'm too weak, too pathetic... I just keep coming back, over and over... Like a beaten puppy...

... I miss feeling loved and happy in this relationship... I miss the old you... The you I fell in love with... Before everything happened...

Before I started breaking up with you every other week, only to come back hours later and have you take me back...

Before my family found out we were dating and broke us up in the harshest way possible...

Before I cheated on you for someone who was here in person...

... I know I'm not a good person, /adv/. I know that I fucked up hard with this relationship. I know that I'm weak, and selfish, and in general just a fucked up human being... But I just want her to love me again... Even though she says she does, and she says she always has and always will, she just... Doesn't...

... What's wrong with me...?
>>
I cannot fucking wait to get the therapist and antidepressants the psychiatrist prescribed. He said I need someone to talk to and hes so fucking right.

My cousin and I just got in a big fight and I told him I don't want him around me. Problems between us have been going on for a while and I just can't have in my life anymore. All my other very few friends are either pieces of shit or bad friends who never invite me out except for big occasions which is rare.

No one talks or checks up on me. No one gives a fuck. I have no one in my family I can talk to. I've tried to reach out to people. It Doesnt work. Even though they always tell me how helpful I am and appreciate me being there. It's not reciprocla.

Meanwhile, this fucking girl stands me up just now on our date and proceeds to tell me how she just cant do it because.she keeps thinking about her ex, tells me she spent the past hour in the parking lot of our meet place crying. Says shes sorry then fucking blocks me. This has also happened once before. DO YOU KNOW HOW FUCKING BAD THAT FEELS? IT MAY NOT SEEM LIKE MUCH BUT IT FUCKING HURTS. Something about being cut from someones life because of another person makes me feel shitty. inadequate. i know its not like that but j can't.just jgnkre the se feemings i cant just make them
Go away i so badly wish i could holy christ.and i have no fuckig way to express myself other than 4chan. At least. Thank God. I have another date right now with a super beautiful girl which is kinda cool but i dont know how im going to show up in this state. I dont want tl fuck everything up. Thank you 4chan. Thank you guys. I feel like I'm really going crazy
>>
I feell like I'm stuck in a love hate relationship with my girlfriend and it's ruining me mentally. I feel like I constantly cause arguments and do stupid shit that winds her up and in turn get constantly told off and insulted. She has anxiety and in turn, wants constant attention and to constantly see me but when I say no, I get pestered with "Why?" Over and over until I crack. I can't even go on nights out anymore due to her finding a reason to lose her shit with me, mostly to do with how much attention she's receiving off me. Her constant insulting and reminders of my fuck ups is ruining my positive outlook on life that I love. But the worst part of it all for me is that half the time, she's fun and interesting and I can genuinely have fun with her. I've spent ages on and off the thought of a break up but I get hung up on oh if she does something real bad I'll call it quits but I always apologise and fix it at the final moments. It's something that's eaten me up for a year now
>>
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>>18715882
I'm piece of shit for burning all of the bridges I've burned with people, I know that. I'm a childish asshole that can't get out of their own head and as a result is constantly emotionally degrading for any relationship as a result. I'll never be good enough, I'll probably end up killing myself at an early age just like one of my equally awful would be friends said I would. I can't even make friends anymore, they don't care about what I have to say and I don't blame them. My job is terrible and my body hates it.

I'm beginning to believe there really isn't a point in living, it's all just one horrible mobius loop. My chest feels as if it's always sinking.
>>
>>18719554
Although 4chan is a good outlet it's not enough. Only enough to keep me from actually going crazy or having a heart attack or some shit. At some point I'm
Really going to need that therapist and some real friends. Maybe a girlfriend.

Lmao I have other problems that are killing me slowly. These are only the things most immediate at the moment. I can not fucking believe the turn my life took when my girlfriend left me. Can not believe it. As if my fucking mom dying wasn't enough.

How the fuck does one even fix this shit? I hope the antidepressants help. I used to be super against medicine and now I'm so excited to take the medicine I was most afraid of. Funny how life works. I'm literally twitching trying to type this shit out on the way to my date. I fucking hate my life the way it is.

if my money was at least right things would be better. I have this heavy boulder of debt on my back literally all the time stressing me and holding me back in so many ways. Which i happened to get myself into as a way of implicitly dealing with my break up. Which is the dumbest thing and last thing id expect myself to do. I used to be so good with money. My credit was so good i qualified for mortgage if i wanted it. Now i cant even afford a phone.
>>
I'm going to get my license real soon so I can come and visit you as often I possibly can. I don't care how far away you are, you're worth it. Damn, do I miss everything about you. I can't believe I'm actually falling for you
>>
>>18719521
D-donut steel pls

Should I delete it?
>>
>>18719593
I feel it
>>
>>18719581
My dad is also a piece of shit who doesn't sympathise woth my debt or anythng and only makes my life more complicated.

Im also in school doing I don't know what. Ive expressed im not ready for school right now because of my state, lack of motivation and not knowing what i want to do. I want to drop out and work for a while but my uncles pressure me to stay in school telling me DONT WORRY ABOUT YOUR DEBT WE'LL TAKE CARE OF IT!! Which im nkt fucking buying. How are you gonna do that? You just gonna hand me $6000?.i doubt that for so many reasons. Then what? A weekly allowance of $100? Fuck.that Id MUCH rathER work full time. FUCK
>>
God! I hate myself. I am a failure in everything I do. I can't even learn from my failures; I just do the same retarded shit over and over. I am tired of living. I am tired of being me. If it wasn't for him, I'd be hanging from the ceiling right now
>>
>>18719640
At least you're young
>>
I'm having a real bad day.
Sometimes I'm ok
But it's not today
>>
>>18719643
Youth is fleeting. It is utter pointless to rely on such a ephemeral thing
>>
>>18719658
As someone who is pushing 30, don't think like that.
Late teens and early 20s is the strongest foundation you will ever know in your life.
It's the time to plant your feet and make something happen. Something real and lasting.
As you get older and older, that foundation rots away. And nothing you will ever try will ever come from something so strong.

Young failures happen. It's part of learning. Just don't ever fucking give up.

Also, never use semi-colons. They make you look like a "Oh look at me I'm trying to be smart" cunt.
>>
All of my problems mentally are self-imposed. I fucking know that already. But that doesn't mean they're not problems. I'm tired of hearing and seeing shit that says 'oh you can just CHOOSE to be happy today!'. No I fucking can't, ok? I wish I could but I can't. I know that everything wrong with me mentally is my fault, I know that it's a matter of perspective. I know all of this shit, so why can't I just choose to be happy then? Why do I have to think I'm a worthless, useless, immature man-child with no future? I don't think I can be the fucking president or anything, but I should be able to at least be productive and get a fucking normal job and live a normal life, right? So why can't I just do it?
>>
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My emotions are like a zit. The moment i become aware of them they nag at me to experience them. So i reach to pop the zit, to let it all out despite the pain. But there's nothing like this. The way it washes over me, captivating every sense i have. Involving every thought, propelling every second as purely, inevitably, me.

It chokes out self preservation, making the existentiality of my mistakes transparent and pure. I cannot escape myself in these moments. I cannot deny who i am. All alone as i have made myself over the years, yet i still cannot escape myself. I will always take pride in what is true, however i feel. And so that truth that i ignore bottles up like a bomb. And even when it's not exploding, it's tearing my soul apart. Each moment i am not dying fast i am dying slow.

But is suffering so bad? What else is there? I refuse to believe in the naive happiness that i once strived for as a child. That on some level pain is the only thing to contrast pleasure, that you cant have one without the other, so maybe this shit is life. Maybe the zit is ok to pop, even if it drags you further down. Maybe the pain brings you closer to yourself, and the pleasure drags you away.

I dont think my life is long enough. I'm still learning but i'm way past the training phase. If it weren't for luck i would be dead. And lots of the decisions i make are based on the assumption i will die living the life i am now. Why not burn twice as bright when you are the only candle of your kind, all alone in your mind. It's funny to me that the people(person(1)) who has to watch does so with passive agression, hell i dont even know if my mom notices, would it even matter? With the way she is to me, either she is waiting for me to die, or is too scared to say anything.
>>
I keep thinking that if I can get past this depression, I'll be a better person for it. I'll have experienced something awful and grown. But I never will get past this. For some reason I just think this is it. There's no recovery. I don't understand why I have to be unhappy when I could just not be if I wanted to. I'm blessed with so many things in my life. I have an associates (lel but it's something), 19k in the bank, my parents love and support me they let me stay in the house forever since that's how they treat their children, I've got free healthcare through my mom since I'm still under 26 which includes therapy/mental health shit but I don't take advantage of any of it. I just sit here all day long and be sad and cry and think I have no future. I just don't understand it. Why am I sad? What do I have to be sad about? People would kill to be where I am. What the fuck is wrong with me?
>>
>>18719429
>Love yourself.

But there's nothing to love. There's nothing good about myself. How is someone supposed to love himself when they can't even make a good argument for themselves?
>>
Can't figure out what to do. I have a job offer to leave my current position with about a 12k raise. Still can't pull the trigger.
>>
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>>18719674
See my problem IS learning. I always retreat to self loathing.

Also (on the subject of the semicolon that is, I think,what I was going for. I am a pretensious idiot. Maybe I'll get lucky like Anno and make some shitty thing that stupid people will talk about
>>
>>18719720
>But there's nothing to love.
I also say that, my nigga.
>>
>>18719720
Not who you replied to, but why do you think you don't deserve love? What do you think is so terrible about you?

Also, some advice right off the bat that's helped me. I've grappled with major self-esteem issues, to where I didn't think I deserved love or happiness. But I realized that I probably feel that way because I'm wearing shit-tinted glasses when I look at myself. If I saw someone else with many of the same traits as me, I wouldn't think they were pathetic or deserved to be miserable. So I realized that maybe the way I view myself is distorted and inaccurate
>>
>>18719732
You forgot your closing parentheses you pretentious idiot.
Don't watch anime, it rots your brain and makes you think that people act like anime characters but in reality, no one, not even Japs, act like anime characters.

Anyways, go out and find a career. Since you like anime, I figure you got some nerd shit university degree. So use it.
>>
>>18719720
I would say that is a difficult question to answer anon, but not impossible. Your focus is placed on the rejection of you or idea that you're not valuable.
Look up affirmations rehearse them.
YouTube has tons of affirmation videos, I suggest starting from there.
You love yourself to reach out and post this in hopes someone would reply. You love yourself you just need to be more aware of it to create a bigger neurological association.
>>
I've been living at my sister's for a year.
I feel like such a piece of shit. I am a piece of shit
>>
>>18719729
Why not? You got some reason to want to stay?
>>
I'm attracted to my ex-girlfriend's mother who is an absolute MILF. I'm 6'6" and she's 5'2", so I have this whole overpowering fetish where I want to just pick her up and fuck her brains out.
>>
>>18719739
>You forgot your closing parentheses you pretentious idiot.
Thanks for being helpful as whole.

Anywaya no I dont have a degree, nor am I in college. I'm probably too stupid for that seeing as I tend to fuck up on posts on a japanese cartoon site

Also that is the stupidest reason to hate an entire medium
>>
>>18719758
Fear of change. I'm been with the same group for 10 years and I'm making good enough money. Right now I'm keeping a lot of problems under wraps. If I leave the problems will come to the surface and I'm still with the same company so they'll track me down. What would you do?
>>
>>18719771
Oh no, it's the best reason to hate anime, as an entire medium.
It's gotten to the point where it's not based on reality, but based on older anime, which based on older anime, which is based on 50s Disney cartoons.
Modern anime only exists to sell dolls of 10 year olds with giant tits to unproductive morons to masturbate on.

Anyways, that aside, you've wandered your way here and the 4chan atmosphere hasn't repulsed you entirely, so it's likely that you aren't as dumb as you think.
You can do college. All you got to do is show up to class, do 30 minutes of homework a day, and then bam, suddenly you're graduating with honours.
You may think "Oh I'm too dumb to do that". But let me tell you that it's not a matter of smarts. It's about determination. Most people don't show up to class or do their homework.

If you can get through SOL anime's shitty pacing without falling asleep, you can go to class.
Go to class and learn something useful.
Then, when you have a real career, you can buy all the jerk off dolls you can dream for.
>>
>>18719519
Nah. I don't. Sounds very close to my situation though.
>>
>>18719568
Break up with her man. Don't waste your time. You can't love and hate your partner. It should only be love.
>>
>>18719780
>What would you do?

Personally I would probably stay. If what you say is accurate and you're making good money with a group you know, then depending on your job commitment may pay off in the long run. I don't know if 12k a year extra is worth the stress of the problems you're referencing, on top of the stress of adjusting to your new job.
>>
>>18719803
That's what I'm thinking too. Thanks for the advice anon. All the best to you and yours.
>>
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>>18719811
Cheers. I sometimes wonder if this board is true altruism, or if true altruism actually exists. Here we have people that don't know us, will never know us, don't even know if we're real or lying, and yet here they come to try to help us getting nothing in return other than maybe good vibes.
>>
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>>18719770
Go in like the US Marshals. What's stopping you, anon?
>>
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>>18719737
I think my problem is that I ONLY think of the negatives about myself. I'm unmotivated, I want results without wanting to put in work, I'm scared to leave my comfort zone, there's a lot to choose from. I know there's positive things about myself, but I disregard the positives because I don't want to change those things. I only think about what I can change, so I only think about the negatives. And since I only think about the negatives, I forget the positives. It's quite the headache just trying to put it into words.
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I just find threads like this to be completely meaningless. Who wants to read this shit. I don't. It is just a waste of space that has no relevance to the board topic. Telling my dog this shit would be a better idea. What type of shit will be discussed here. Me being worried I will fail in life somehow. I will get fired. I will fail out of school. I will die. My family will die. I have limited control over one of these things. What else can I do.
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>>18719871
The fact that you posted this instead of keeping it in your head tells me you do see merit in these threads. You got to vent about how shitty the thread is. Maybe it did or didn't make you feel better, but it gave you something to do, just like reading this post if you do so.
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First: Thabks so much to whoever made this set of threads, it's fantastic, Really.

Second, actual thing I wanted to say:

Fucking two chances! Two girls I literally could've had relationships with! Twice I fucked up god damnit! I hooked up the second beautiful girl with a goddamn idiot who literally told me his pay is $140 a week and doesn't see that's fucking illegal and he's getting screwed, his current boss won't admit he worked there for experience either! He clearly has no fucking future and my dumb ass hooked them up! They fucked like rabbits for two years! He met her entire family! That could've been me!! She fucking told me there WAS a opportunity for there to be an "us", and I fucking blew it! Why the fuck did I do that? God damnit.
And the first girl! Why the hell did I say no!?!! I should've said yes then!! I FUCKING BROKE HER HEART and didn't hear the end of that for months! It took going away for two whole years to get that shit to stop hanging over my head! At least good for her because she eventually found someone... while I wanted to be with her, I hope I don't miss my next opportunity.
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>>18719329
Kys you psycho nigger bitch
>>
We were engaged, pregnant and getting a mortgage together.
Now we are none of those things. Two broken people, barely speaking, under the same roof.
It's fucking torturous.
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Oh my anons, I think he likes me! Not 100% sure, but I really feel it here. If I land this guy I'm done for life, he's amazing
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Eventually I'm going to have to tell you that I want us to have our own personal bank accounts in addition to a joint account. I know how you spend your money, and I don't want you draining our finances. Maybe it won't be so bad when we do live together, but it makes me nervous.
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Been three months now since I ruined my life and I don't think things will ever get better.
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>>18720091
what did you do, anon?
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>>18720087
I am dreading the day I have to tell my husband this. He gets really offended every time I even hint at it and I have to take it back immediately to get him to calm down.
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I dunno what I did, but I'm sorry. I dunno why you deleted me off of everything.
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I just got out of a relationship a few months ago. She got a new bf after the first month. Its been like 5 or 6 since than. I've been talking to girls but it just never seems to work out. Or rather I find it a hassle rather than I enjoy talking to them. Like I feel like I'm not putting any effort into this that whenever they cancel or I stop respond or they stop responding I'm just like oh well or thank god. Recently one of my good friends is setting me up with a her friend from her dorms. Her friend told me straight up shes interested in me and wants to date. But I'm still hesitating. I dont know why. Shouldnt I be over my ex by now. Why am I still thinking of her.
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The pain from the ingrown nail is making me so fucking angry for no reason.
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Hey L
Your a cunt, and I hope you learn to be humble. Scratch that you are a cunt and dumb cunts always will be one. I'm laughing at you cause you'll NEVER find happiness because you're a two face bitch that says shit and lies for attention and I'm fucking glad the guy you cheated with dumped your lying ass.pay back is a bitch and heard you chlamydia, glad I ain't got that oh wait I'm not a dirty cunt. Glad I left your ass where trash belongs in a incinerator called hell. Have fun dealing with the fact you fucked up for life. Glad your young, cause you got years to fucking remember this. May you fucking live with knowing the shit you did to others you scum
And also your cunt ass bitch sister, she wonders why she has no friends, she's a shit talking whor who will gladly never be laid why she looks like a hideous fat cunt which I'm glad no guy ever consider fucking. You two are fucking cunts glad I left your ass and told your sister she's an ugly cunt and your a cunt too, no regrets. I bet it hurt the most when he told you he loved you and left your ass within 2 weeks for some one better
Sucks to suck huh cunt. I'm lucky I realized the game you were playing fuck you cunt nice try dumb isn't smart.
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I fucking hate it that I went and fucked up with my ex. The thing that fucking hurts the most is that we understood each, we fucking clicked. Then after a year she sends me a fucking message on Whatsapp and says something cutesy faggotry along the lines of "you'll make a wonderful husband for someone else".

It's been a while now and I'm still angry at myself for letting it get to the point of getting fucking dumped.
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I want to die. I don't have dreams, hope, friends, a future, and the only, "Good old days," I have to remember is a miserable childhood of bullies from my family to my fellow students to teachers.

I'm too pussy though. I'll think it every day for the rest of my life until I die of a heart attack, fat, bald and miserable at age 34, but I won't do it now.
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Wish I could call you right now (you said it was okay) and ask you to come cuddle me but it's just too frightening.

Maybe I'll have the courage to at least invite you out for a coffee sometime.

I hope you know what a beautiful, sweet person you are. And how grateful I am, even if we don't know each other that well.
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>>18720620
I bet your cuddles are the best.
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I love you. I know you love me.

I wish I could articulate all the things I think and feel. It's selfish- because I just want you to listen and understand. It's easy to rattle on like that when I'm high, because I think you'll dismiss it as the weed and not how I actually feel. But all that crazy, juvenile, megalomaniac shit? All how I actually feel. I think you kind of get that, and kind of love me anyway.

I just wish I could really show you how beautiful it all is.

I think then you'd understand where it is we are growing apart. Adult life is stressful. We both enjoy fiction in books and games. I just feel like I can make some of it real, and you don't care to because it's difficult. Survival games are fun, but learning skills is incredibly satisfying. Crafting games are fun, but...if you do it IRL you actually make something. We can't slay dragons in real life, but I wish I could really just pull you straight into my crazy god-complex shit and really make you believe that you can actually be the ripped, articulate, skilled and educated baller of your dreams.

You're capable of so much, but you have no ambition, and it makes me feel like a fucking idiot for bothering to learn skills, languages, and put effort into other shit like that. For both our sakes, grow up a little. Video games are fun. But they're not real. Giving up on your real body and your real brain doesn't free you from them.

-J
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>>18717499
>Keep in mind IANAL so my advice is probably shitty.
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therapy is bullshit
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>>18719689
because you don't want to. figure out why
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My boyfriend self-harms and I'm worried about him.
Some small part of me feels like he does it to punish me sometimes because he knows it hurts me, but I'm an incredibly paranoid person and have trouble trusting anyone. I want to trust him. I don't want him to be in pain anymore. I don't want him to have to look at a scar-covered torso for the rest of his life and feel shame mixed with guilt. I don't want him to have to cover his arms and legs forever. I don't want people to judge him if they see. I don't want him to have to make up stories about his cats attacking him or falling on a knife or having kitchen accidents.
I said I know he didn't want to get help and risk getting sent to a psych ward, but I'm scared that it's getting worse. He stopped replying. I don't know what to do or feel.
I feel like I need to remind him that whatever he does to himself, he has to do to me.
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I'm starting to wonder I'm bi/gay. Lately I've been noticing certain guys in the same light as women that I find attractive and it's really been digging at me. I have never had gay urges or desires before and I'm not really sure what do think about them. I'm honestly kind of scared to find out but just suppressing these feelings doesn't feel great either.
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For the love of fiddlesticks
Could you text me back already? You have no idea how much I want to fuck you, watch your eyes roll as you go in to convulsions, and blow my load all over you. That look in your eye when we do it is to die for. And somethings telling me you get your rocks off whenever I call you a bitch.
Listen bitch, please?
I know you like calling me king and letting me rule you, wouldn't you love that?

The king stays king.
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>>18721060
>The king stays king.
Sure, until a new heir takes over.
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I feel like I've stagnated. Last year I actually did shit - researched new stuff, made friends, got a job. Now it's just the same.

People tell me that it's normal, and that aroutine is good - but how? I just feel locked into bullshit obligations and stupid position that is no longer interesting. I want to go back to research, but where's the money?

I fell just stuck - no new friends, and the old ones were slowly but surely dropping off, no idea how to get into a relationship, and no idea how to move forward from a boring engineering desk job
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So I've been infatuated with this girl for awhile now. We've shared a lot of fond memories together and most of my experience with women has been with her. We haven't been on good terms for awhile, I wouldn't speak to her for months.

But to keep a long story short, her and I went out the other night. Ended up making out for a bit. At one point she passed out on the way home so decided to go thru her phone. Found a lot of shit I didn't want to see. Including her talking shit about me. She was saying some really nasty shit like mocking me for being a virgin, calling me a piece of shit, etc... I just want to know, what would u guys do? Do I bring this up to her? Do I drop her yet again?
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>>18721060
Are you sure you have the right number, It's a shame to get no reply when you're throwing out that much heat.
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I'm worried I can't make my long distance relationship work even though it's only 500 miles, but we only see each other every month and 1/2 on average and i'm used to being very sexually active as well as physically intimate.
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I've had a bad relationship with my parents for as long as I can remember, and I think it's gonna reach it's breaking point.
I don't think they're abusive, although my father has gotten rough physically a couple times in the past year or so, and a few times over my childhood. I just don't get along with them, especially my mother, who is just a painfully negative person who seems to love complaining and bringing up nothing but the negative aspects of everything that's going on in my life.
It's gotten to the point where we regularly get into large shouting arguments over tiny things. I feel like I constantly have to be on the defensive because someone will have a go at me for nearly everything I say, even if I'm just trying to make a joke or be silly. Nothing I do or say is right it seems. When I'm with them I usually just lock myself away in my bedroom until they leave or I get a reason to get out of the house eg work, going to the shop, going for a walk, or hanging out with friends.
My mother often just doesn't listen to me when I'm talking and when I call her out she will often lie to save face and when I call her out on that she will just shut off and get angry.
When I'm not at home/with them I'm a completely different person. I'm a successful, respectful, kind, happy, smiley person with a great social life. I enjoy being out and interacting with other people. I'm a hard worker and I'm likeable and have never got into a proper confrontation with anyone outside of the house. When I'm at home though it's a different story.
I'm moving out next week for university and I think I'm gonna try and cut them out for a while. I know I sound like a fucking asshole because I should be past my edgy teenager phase but I feel like when I'm around them I'm in a really toxic environment.
I feel disliked and alone in my own home and the exact opposite everywhere else.
I don't know what to do, I feel like a cunt and a brat sometimes but no matter what I do nothing seems to change.
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>>18718529
Like, so jaded and edgyyy
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>>18721060
FUCK
right in the goddamn feels, come on man
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Cycled dnp (150mg/cap) for the third time. It was my second time upping my dosage to three a day. Took all necessary measures: two days dosing with one pill - then upped the dosage to two pills (trained until I reached three pills a day) for three days. What's bothering me was the mental barrier of skipping training while on three a day due to my internal body temperature. The sweating at night is miserable and overbearing -- not to mention the insomnia.... Now I can't help but to feel like I cheated myself. Like I'm a fat piece of shit for being out of the gym for about a week.

Yesterday I was puking so much for no reason the best course of action was to immediately stop cycling and drink a shit ton of water.

It's been over twenty-four hours. Headaches have subsided and I still feel uncomfortably hot. Been awake since yesterday but the exhaustion isn't enough to cause me to fall asleep.

Also, dnp nightmares exist. It's shitty.
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>>18721111
>I feel disliked and alone in my own home
iktfb

don't blame yourself, some parents are just trash
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>>18721148
Forgot to mention the breaking out in hives part ("dnp rash"). When the dosage was upped to three a day I spent every day (even coming off of it now) feeling an insufferable itchy feeling.

Hopefully within the next couple of days I can start training again and do a fruit/veggie diet plan for a few days to cleanse. My body sure as shit needs it
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Have you realized yet after all these years that I get really freaked out when flying. It's like I'm a bird being dangled in front of a cat. I'm glad I didn't see you yesterday I was a complete mess. Too much thinking, I get sucked into my own vampiric thoughts, the past 5 days have been stressful, had I not seen you I would have married him. I don't know why I can't let these feelings die. I guess you're the only one who has ever sparked the pistons in my head. I'd really like to talk to you like old times. I'm going to send your persona a message. I'm sorry I freeze up, I don't want to say the wrong thing and again it's weird I only get like that with you. So I'm stepping out of my comfort zone take it as you will.
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2 Months of hitting the gym is paying off. I look the best i've ever been and I still feel empty, but at least i'm doing something.
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>>18721111
I had a very similar relationship with my parents. Only my dad was actually good, but my mom cheated and now he's almost never around anymore. My mom on the other hand is a fucking piece of shit who does nothing productive with her life.I used to avoid arguments with her by staying in my room all day or finding a reason to get out.I recently ran away from home cuz I was tired of her abuse and bullshit (I was 17 now 18 and pushing 19). For the past year I have been living with my aunt and trying to improve myself. I cut off a lot of communication cuz the only fucking thing she talks about is "the end times are coming". Do what you are doing. You shouldn't have to respect your elders if they don't even respect you. Do what you need to do to improve yourself.
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>>18720817
There are many reasons why people do this to themselves. Realizing why usually helps. Likely he doesn't quick know why he even does it. He just feels better when he does. I used to scratch my skin until it scarred up. I have odd patches of skin that never healed right, so constant reminders of what I used to be.
Why did I do it? It wasn't to make my SO hurt, but it was because I hurt. Simply said physical pain is easy to understand. It hurt, because I'm bleeding, because I'm cut, or scratched maybe a bit burned.
My old thought process was like this: " I see what causes my pain, easy. Much easier than emotional pain, that shit is hard. Why does emotional pain confuse me so? Fuck it, I need something i understand. So I'll make myself hurt."

There is something deeper, and likely of he goes himself he don't end up in a ward. Only if he does something so stupid that lands him in a hospital. Then he gets what he didn't want.
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>>18717436
>>18717468
I will, when the time is right.
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Hi friend, remember me?

I wrote you a thing here a couple days ago. I know I'm crazy for chasing ghosts, and I apologize, but I really want to find you. You mean that much to me. If you didn't catch my memo from two days ago that's fine. I know you'll probably not read this one either but here's hoping.

The LGBTQ meeting wasn't that great. A lot of toxic haired fucks and they/them pronouns. We didn't really talk, either, we just sat and watch some bitch with dyed hair give a presentation about what the group was about for a full hour (and I'm somewhat sure said bitch is the same one >>18716158 is writing to). I should've known better. V was there, though. I'm not mad at you for not being there, I mean there's a lot of things going on in the first half of the first month of class so it's only natural that shit gets kicked up and you'd get lost. Even if you chose to stay home I don't blame you. I'm confident that the computer club would be something interesting though. It's at Carmen Hall near the tower, they meet at 6 tonight. They ask for $10 to join but if you don't have any money I'm sure they'll let you stay if you're with me.

Or maybe you just didn't go because you're just as scared of me. Can I blame you? I very much said I don't want to hurt you. But I know trust is a very difficult thing for both of us. We're both cursed faggots. Despite all, I promise I won't let anyone hurt you, myself especially. I'm bringing candy tonight and I won't share them with anyone but you.

Please,

-P
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I broke up with my girlfriend a few days ago, and last night I had a dream where I had sex with my stepbrother's girlfriend.

I'm only physically attracted and don't feel anything emotionally, but what could this mean?
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>>18720809
God dammit I know. I know this is the reason why. But why don't I? I'm tired of feeling this way, right? I don't want to be like this anymore so why am I so opposed to moving forward? I have the option to get FREE therapy through my parents' insurance and I don't take it. Why am I so scared to progress?
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>>18721295
you're tired of feeling this way but this is at least familiar to you. you know you're able to handle this much. and what do you have to potentially look forward to if you were to actually change?? sure this sucks, but changing is gonna suck for a while too and in all new ways and is it even gonna be worth it?

...sound about right?
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Why do I keep attracting the wrong kind of women in my life? Is the world over populated by degenerate sluts?
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>>18721336
yes. clearly yes lol. where have you been?
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Talk to me.
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>>18721386
Don't know what to say
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>>18721386
Sorry, but that ship has sunk. Burned to the bottom of the abyss.
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>>18721400
For both of you anons start from the beginning. You'll regret it later if you don't. I lost someone I cared about over 7 yrs ago, they finally moved on, seeing this person still pulls on my heart strings. Don't let stupid stuff get in the way of being with someone you truly care about. I wish you luck anons.
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What did I do to you exactly? Did I reveal things I wasn't supposed to? I have a bad memory and literally don't know. Were you mad that I said I didn't like the drama you and her were dragging me into? You've never been this butthurt with me before. I don't want to lose you as a friend. I also don't want you to think I'm the same as her. I dunno what I did but I'll take blame if you also take blame. You broke my heart, man. You both keep talking about me to each other, maybe your anger is directed towards me due to that. I miss when you said I was a great friend. I'm not a bad person. I just don't want you or her to hate me. All I said was I didn't like this drama. Why'd you have to delete me from steam and discord?
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>>18721321
That pretty much sums it up. What I have to look forward to though is being happy again. Getting a new job. Moving out. Starting a family. But none of that is gonna happen if I sit here and wallow in my own self-hatred. I need to get my head right first. My mom gave me a number to call for a therapist. My brother has the same program he used when he was in the same spot in life I am. The number is sitting right here in front of me, I'm just too scared to make the call. I think 'oh well I feel alright right now so I don't need it' but a normally functioning human doesn't switch on and off depression every 4-5 hours. I need to make this call. But I'm scared.
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>>18721386
p much all i want to do
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>>18721448
do it fgt

seriously you either want to or you don't.
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>>18716126
going to have to trust someone
leap of faith, leap of faith

if all else fails, join religion (it's the only socially acceptable form of waifuism)
>>
I decided to check if you're doing alright, and while things seem to be going your way (apparently, of course), I was a little disappointed at your work. It used to be so beautiful, full of color but now everything is just...bland. Too much black, too little shading. It looks lazy. The city in the background looked neat though, really liked it.
Remember when I said I didn't have a single drop of art in me? I was wrong. Been doing a lot of stuff, it's freeing.
Your work isn't bad, but you can do and be so much better. Stop holding yourself back.
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>>18721485
P? That makes everything even more confusing for me now. (It's not you, I know it, but we see and find what we are looking for even when it's not there).
>>
My health just keeps getting worse and I don't know why. I can't eat more than a few things per day now before I feel stuffed, and I get stomach gas after everything I eat. My BMI is in the mid-healthy range, but it keeps slowly falling without any intent on my part. And I only crap like once every five days now. Depression often leads to issues like this, but it's still bizarre and quite scary.
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heck
>>
want to talk about the secret messages they send to me in my sleep?

I don't.

Just fucking end this shit.
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>>18721661
I've lost ~7 pounds in the last couple of weeks. I'm so fucked up I can't eat correctly. I see commercials for food that I used to love and have to hold back from vomiting.
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So I was going to be a changed person.
Social now and outgoing. I tried and I'm just creepy and disgusting again.

Fuck all this, I want to stop giving a fuck about this already. Enough, I can't do it. I'm not going to keep doing it.

Feeling sad feels fucking disgusting and I'm done with it. Fucking falling backwards into a group of hippies and being avoided. How do I even manage to be so cartoonist bad at being being with other people.

What am I even doing wrong. But whatever, this is it. Online it won't work, offline it won't work I'll just drop it altogether.
>>
every fucking time you hint towards Iris being at all related to whatever the fuck is going on right now... I die a bit more inside.

I want fucking NOTHING to do with her.

I want fucking NOTHING to do with Vicky, Renee, fucking any of them.

I just want to go home, wherever that is. I just want to know what the fuck is going on.

I just want this shit to be over.
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>>18715882
H,

I just don't understand. It's only been three months. Is that how forgettable I am to you? Did the three and a half years we spent together mean that little to you? You've already gone and found some other guy, and I know you're trying to be subtle about it but you can't hide it from me. Maybe I'm reading too much into it like I tend to do. But you looked so happy with him in that picture. Maybe that was just the alcohol. I don't know. Maybe you're just trying to fill a void with some random guy. Maybe you really have already moved on. It breaks my heart even more to think that. All the time and experiences and firsts that we shared, thrown out the window just like that. I hope he's the greatest human being on the planet. He better be worth it. But from I've seen, he's not impressive, and he's marginally attractive. I know that's not how you judge people, but it's true. I have a sick feeling that you've known him for a while. To think that you might've been talking to him behind my back kills me even more. I don't know what to think at this point, but anything I see with you two just makes me angry, and it makes me want to move on just that much more. Im just so hurt. I thought I meant more to you than that.
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>>18721656
standard autist shorthand for "pretty much"

who are you missing anon? what's your story?
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>>18721775
who's tormenting you so?
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>>18721779
The dating timeframe (ignoring the fact we were friends longer before hand), the break up time frame, the emotions, the initial. Literally everything except the want to move on part is identical. Anon are you pretending to be me? Fuck this hits brutally close to home.
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>>18717246
yep didn't work
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To those writing poetry about how you've given up on life. Why don't you guys start contacting each other?

Misery loves company after all so why not be miserable together?
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>>18721788
Oh don't get me wrong, I absolutely don't want to move on. But everything I see from her is telling me to deal with it. I thought I was going to marry this girl. And now I have to rethink my entire life because she decided I wasn't good enough after THREE AND A HAF FUCKING YEARS. People say not to view that as a waste of time, that you should be glad that you got to make good memories with her. But god dammit I just want her back so much and I know I can be better for her. I just didn't expect her to move on so damn fast.
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>>18721716
Don't quit. It's supposed to feel that way at your stage. This kind of thing needs to be chipped away at.
You're like a marble slab that wants to stop being chiseled because you're still square, but the artist just started. Grit your teeth and keep going.
>>
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xAkg4cwJp1Y
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>>18721783
I don't fucking know.

Apparently, I come from a family high up in the Nazi rulers. As in, from the man himself.

Something to do with Chicago and Hunting Trolls and tripod electricity technology or something I don't fucking know. my great grandma from what I can tell was the secret daughter of Hitler.

whoever they fucking are, they ate trying to tell me about who I am and where I am from. I have been living a lie.

Or they are trying to make me look crazy.

Either way, fuckkkinngggg ennddd thiisss I don''tttt fuuuckkkinngggg caaarreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
>>
>>18721111
I know exactly how you feel. My dad was abusive mentally, physically, and emotionally, and my mom would either defend his actions or just sit back and let it happen. Luckily, I've moved out and haven't talked to them since then, and don't plan to talk to them for the foreseeable future.
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>>18721870
the fucked thing is that these assholes know that I have no fucking idea what is going on. They are doing things to me which should be impossible. Because of this I will practically believe anything they tell me because what the fuck. This shit should be impossible.

and they just fuck with me.

Hasn't it gotten old yet? You're making fun of a mentally disabled person. Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with these people.
>>
>>18721819
I hear you, I have been unable to cope with it myself. I was literally going to propose to them a few weeks before it all went to shit. I sunk so much time, energy, and money into this relationship and in an instant it was gone. Not only our relationship, but four years of being best friends before hand too.

They act like nothing happened and it is no big deal. They proclaim that they still want me around as a friend, but I know that isn't true because they stopped even acting like a friend. Pure fucking wall, all they are now is a wall who occasionally says things that they made up in their head about me to feel less bad about the impact they caused. That is the worst part, the made up shit they use to convince themselves they never liked me. Who the fuck does that.
>>
>>18721910
After 4 years, you think you know someone. And then something like this happens and then you don't know what to think. I haven't had much contact with her since we broke up but I plan on catching up with her soon. Not expecting a whole lot out of it, just some confirmation that she's a heartless bitch that has no regards for me.
>>
So like, I remember seeing a post that said "If I see JT at her funeral I will break your fucking legs."

And Renee making the claim of "I am legendary in Mexico."

So, did I die? Was the funeral mine? Is Renee legendary because she was the one to finally kill me?

By kill me, I mean on october 18th I overdosed on adderall and then you people revived me while wiping my memories and then hiding me from the public.

Is that why everyone is coping my art? and my fashion? When I died I became a famous artist?

People know I'm not dead right?

Like, they have literally seen me. Is everyone in this town being held captive?

This is dumb. All of this is dumb.

Just fucking tell me what is going on already.
>>
ok so people don't know about the adderall.

They just thought I died from a broken heart.

Well, to be faiiirrrrr, I did have a literal broken heart. All the stress, all the anxiety, all the shit you people put me through gave me fucking heart disease.

That, coupled with the adderall, literally fucking killed me.

So everyone thinks that she killed me through a broken heart.

Fucking lame.

Do they know I'm still alive yet? Or am I going to remain dead while you give me a new identity and all of that?

You do know I'm just going to tell everyone right? Ironman style.
>>
>>18721870
could just be schizophrenia. your brain fucking with you. sounds more likely from where i'm standing at least. what do you think?
>>
>>18721870
Hitler man, you need to take your meds!
>>
I texted my fiancee this morning and she never responded :(
>>
Did I just solve faster than light communication?

Do I get an award or something? Like, at least a blowjob.

>>18722015
I want it to be but I'm not the only one that sees these things.
>>18722045
they won't give them tooo meeee.
>>
>>18721336
>>18721348
Are you actually chatting up degenerate sluts or are you just shit people?
>>
I'm not afraid of dying. I'm afraid of surviving. I'm fearless because no matter what, life moves forward. Either with you in it, or if you're gone. My only fear is losing my physical quality of life. I know people survive every day with disabilities but to me, it would be torturous to have full mental capacity with a body that wouldn't, or couldn't, respond. I won't stop doing crazy stuff, either. I just hope that if a disaster ever strikes during one of my adventures, I die rather than become impaired or scarred. So I don't need anyone to worry about my well being or admire my fearlessness, just let me do my thing and please have enough strength to pull my plug, if needed.
>>
>>18721068
Geez. You're just too naive. Where would I go if someone replaces me? Have you thought of that one yet?
>>
>>18721139
So many feels. I literally can't hold all these feels
>>
I don't want to paint anymore.

I know what I want to be doing. I know what I want to be.

But you people won't fucking let me.

PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF FUCKING ME LET'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED.

Or at least like... let me be a pretty lady.

Oh, sorry, can't hear me? Then how the fuck did you respond you stupid fucks.
>>
You know I don't want fucking anything to do with my old life right?

Not even for one night.

All those people are dead to me. They were never real to begin with and it's not like I want to spend any more time with people that have fucking lied to me about who they were or couldn't just tell me what the fuck I was.

So no, I don't want to go back to where we were. Even for one night.

How about you go fuck yourself for one whole night while I go off to live a life that isn't full of a bunch of backstabbing cunts.
>>
>>18722343
I don't want it either. I realized you're too fucked in the head to make things right.
Go fuck yourself too.
>>
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>Start looking at new phones because I've had mine for a couple years now
>There's a "#2" and "#3" version of my phone now
>Check out the specs
>They're basically the same phone I already have, in terms of processor and RAM
literally why is this allowed?
>>
>>18722402
Because it's not a pc.
>>
>>18722407
What difference does that make? Why should I buy a new phone if it brings nothing new to the table in terms of performance?
>>
It makes me sad how these threads are always full of the utter nonsense shit produced on daily basis by this shizo tranny guy. He spams his retarded shit faster than I can hide it. I don't understand why the mods won't ban him - isn't spamming against 4chan's rules? Why every single thread that is supposed to be a safe space for people to vent has to be brimming with his shitposts? Why does he have to contaminate gioyc threads with his madness? It makes me incredibly sad. I don't want to be confronted with human madness and deterioration of his mind every time I enter this thread.
>>
It's weird, you keep trying to tell me I have HIV but then you warn me about putting it in the purple box I'll get HIV.

So, do I have it or not? Odds are I totally do and you were just warning others but isn't that fucking something you should tell someone?

What if I gave blood all those times where EA had blood donation days? What if I had sex with someone else? God knows I had opportunities but I was too god damn loyal.

Is it HIV or herpes? Is it syphilis? Parasites?

what the fuck is wrong with me and why do you people absolutely fucking refuse to tell me?

So what the fuck. What the fuck.

I'm not going to have sex with ANYONE until you tell me what is wrong with me. I'm not going to risk other people's lives because you people are assholes.

Was I born with it? Or was it given to me?

Is vicky the head runner for all of this? Did she end up getting pregnant from the last time we had sex and has kept a child secret from me for 7 years?

Or did Iris get pregnant?

Or all they all technically men.

Or fuck all of you I hate you all. It's cruel what you're doing to me and there is absolutely no fucking excuse for any of it.

Why won't you just tell me what's going on? You're just using me but for what? And why does that fucking require you to torture me?

I have to be in hell. This has to be hell. I'm paying the price for something but I don't fucking know what it is.

All I can think of is that you're trying to put me through hell because of the drugs I take. Thing is, these drugs are the same fucking drugs I will have to take for the rest of my fucking life anyways for the parkinson's and dementia shit.

The only reason you could possibly want me to be drug free is for me to suffer even more.
>>
if you want me to fucking stop then start answering my fucking questions.

It's been 11 months now that shit hit the fan and I have been asking the same fucking things every day, at the same consistency since then. I'll never fucking stop thinking about this shit and I'll never fucking stop asking these questions until I get some fucking answers.

I told you then that I have to have fucking answers or I literally cannot function. You didn't believe me then because you're all a bunch of fucking pricks but for the love of god can't you fucking see what this is doing to me? Do you fucking think I'm faking this?
>>
>>18722154
those of us who are degenerate sluts (and by extension bad people) outnumber those of us who aren't by a pretty wid- i mean "beautiful at any size" margin. reeee at me all you want for not toeing the line.

>>18722241
..i kil u m8

>>18722441
>safe space
those are for preschools and universities. scroll past. or pick out patterns and wordfilter them to catch most of his posts. nbd. he'll run out of steam eventually. or funding.
>>
>>18722441
I know.. it'd be one thing if he was trying to get help. Doesn't this person have family? Someone needs to involuntary hospitalize him. I fell sorry for him but he's so frigging stubborn.
>>
>>18722415
Better camera. Better sound. Better interface.
>>
>>18719277
Update: Bitch is staying bc she got told there was a 2 pet limit and a current tenant already has 1 pet, and she has 3, and also that it'd be $50 a month extra for a pet hahaha.
I told her she was never gonna get a deal like ours anywhere else where she's allowed all her pets and with no charge either in deposit or monthly for them.
>>
It's not my fault that I'm in love with you. It took years so it's not a big surprise. Obviously I'm nothing in your eyes. I wish I didn't feel this way but I can't keep beating myself up for it. I don't think I'm a bad person for caring so much but I am mad at myself. I wish I knew what I'm supposed to do. I think I know...
>>
You know, for some very odd reason I think I might be more female than I think I am and that's the reason you want me to get fucked in the ass so fucking badly.

Like, you found a way to get my intersexed ass pregnant.

If that shit is even remotely fucking possible, which WHO THE FUCK KNOWS WHAT IS REAL ANYMORE, fuck you. Fuck you, and fuck you.

If you mother fuckers find a way for me to get pregnant SOME FUCKING HOW I'll get an abortion asap. Either from a doctor or from punching myself in the fucking stomach a thousand times.

I don't know what the fuck I am anymore. You can get women that look like men through hormones and steroids easily enough and seeing how none of you really care all that much about ethics... and seeing as how I was genetically engineered, grown instead of being born, you will find a way to do something this fucked up.

No

and

No.

Fucking end this fucking shit already.

FUCKING

END

IT.
>>
>>18722725
Okay, it's ended.
>>
Does that really make me a bad person?

That I don't remember people's names or their faces?

or am I really face blind? I see people and I think "That's totally him right? maybe?"

I can only tell people apart based on what they are wearing, and their haircuts. You change any one of those things and I'll have no fucking idea who they are. When I first went to ringling I saw a girl that had pink hair. I swore to god that she was a girl from my highschool (kayla?) and I still think they are the same person. (her name was tiffany)

My dorm mate had an identical twin and I had no idea they were identical because they had different haircuts and one was heavier.

I get actors confused a whole lot. I think they are either different people or I don't recognize them at-fucking-all.

I THINK I ran into my old boss at the gas station but I only think that because he was on the phone and the guy was always on the phone. The lady I had no fucking idea. Probably someone I knew, who knows.

I think every grandma is my grandma. I thought Iris's mother looked like my grandma. I look at pictures and I think I look like a completely different fucking person in each one.

Some people have super distincy voices that I can remember. Uncle Tom and Uncle Wade are super unique. Other people I see and I think "Is that my cousin?" but I have no idea.

Seriously, do you have any idea how horrible this makes me feel? It doesn't help that I am 100% checked out whenever I get into any kind of social situation. if you're talking to me there is a very good chance that I am trying to decode a secret message in carpet circles rather than listening to whatever the fuck you're talking to me about.

I wish you people would stop being all coy with me. Just tell me who you are and I'll remember you that way. Some people I can recognize but most I cannot. I don't know if I'm retarded or not but I'm pretty sure I'm retarded so no need to point it out.
>>
>>18722754
so tell me what the fuck is going on.

Can I have access to the real internet now?
>>
>>18722781
I just can't get over the fact that you pieces of shit get off to fucking with someone's various disorders.

Instead of just telling me "Hey, your brain is fucked and it doesn't index people's faces." you instead do everything you can to fuck with me. You put people into positions that they don't do normally, like putting my photographer friend into the role of a nurse at the hospital. Or others from my past into fast food clerks or working at a gas station.

You do this knowing I won't recognize them, and I avoid eye contact at all cost. So I'm not even going to look at their faces.

It's fucking cruel. That's all it is. It's cruel.

As cruel as refusing to give me STD tests. As cruel as not telling me what the fuck is wrong with my brain or which fucking TERMINAL ILLNESSES I FUCKING HAVE.

You know I have some bit of OCD or autistic traits so you're constantly putting images online that trigger that shit in me. Images of cakes with horrible kerning or things which are slightly unaligned or rows of makeup which should be aligned based on shade but are slightly off.

That shit legit bothers me. It actually bothers the fuck out of me and I'm not even doing it for laughs. It fucking kills me when you fuckers do that shit. Just like when I'm waiting at a customer service line and all the papers are slightly unaligned.

But then I live in my own trash which is a bit odd. I'm not a psychiatrist, you people are. Fucking tell me how that shit works.

You know I can't stand having unanswered questions. That shit drives me literally fucking insane. Again, you uploaded pictures of people where you change something or crop their faces out and it drives me insane trying to figure out who they are. I have to find body marks and detective the pictures together to find out who it is. You've done it with Bree Bunn and you've done it with Grimesy.

You're just fucking with me. You're fucking with a person that is mentally insane for laughs.
>>
>>18722864
The times I actually went to see a psychiatrist all they did was harass me and criticize me. They mocked me for fuck's sake. They did everything you shouldn't fucking do as a psychiatrist.

You take young girls and dress them up in my fashion only to call me a pedophile for liking the photos. A dress is cute no matter how old the fucking girl is. A hair style is cute and makeup can still be used as fucking reference for painting. It doesn't mean I want to fuck them, it just means I like the fashion... which they got from me in the first fucking place.

Why? Why are you torturing me? Why the fuck would you do this to someone? You know all the things I need to actually get better and you do the complete fucking opposite. Rather than give me a friend that has my back you turn everyone against me.

Just... why?

This goes far beyond "Life isn't fair." If life was just "Not Fair." I would be an extremely successful, happy person. No, this is "Were going to put forth an insane amount of effort to make you miserable."

For what end?

You tell me I'm the champion, I'm the winner. You tell me that it's over, I have this in the bag. You tell me that I'm a big deal. You tell me that the dog days are over and I'll never be alone again.

Yet... nothing happens. Nothing has changed.

You tell me to live my life to it's fullest and to do something different every day... all while keeping me a fucking prisoner incapable of doing anything at all. You isolated me from the world, you cut off my flow of money, and you've turned everyone against me no matter how logical my argument is or how correct I am everyone disagrees with everything I say.

You have told me multiple times that "This is the day it ends." and each time it's a lie. Later, you make fun of me for believing , trusting you.

What the fuck.

WHY?

Why continue to just fuck with me? This shit is downright EVIL. It's wrong. Yet so many fucking people participate in it.
>>
>>18722787
It's real now
>>
>>18722922
It's clearly not.

You faggots realize that people have stated that this shit here exists solely for me.

Not only that but there is still the whole "All my friends completely disappearing for no fucking reason." thing or talking as if they were totally different people.

One of my friends went from native speaker of German to... again, disappearing.

So...

Go fuck your own ass faggot boy.
>>
Feeling depressed tonight over employment shit. Currently unemployed, with no degree, no valuable work experience, no money, nothing to get me ahead. Bottom of the barrel. I had an interview but it turns out it was one of those "salesman" scams. My last two jobs were in senior care but fuck that, healthcare definitely isn't for me. Before those two my last job was in highschool, at a dq, but that was 3-4 years ago. At this point I'm pretty desperate, applying for essentially every fast food place I can. I'm pretty lost though, I'm not really sure where to go from here. If I could afford it I would go to uni without a doubt but, I have literally no money to fall back on and I'm clueless as to where I'd start in trying to get financial aid.
The worst thing is I feel absolutely terrible for my gf, she's currently working and has a good job, and I feel like I just bring her down with my mental health problems and lack of an income. She deserves better, and I want to do better and be a better person, but damn it's not working out. I just wish finding employment in my area wasn't so fucking hard
>>
Close friends I've had throughout college and afterwards treating me like a business connection, and nothing more. We went from being the best of friends, to nothing when they found I wasn't (at this time) actively pursuing a career in the same field.

I feel that to some degree, they only hung around me in the chance that my artwork got popular, or if I got a nice job, I'd recommend them in hopes that they also get a position. I expected to be seen this way by friends, but to have been this for my best friends? Ugh. I understand the importance to get in the field, and my situation is likely hardly unique, but it feels pretty lousy. I really felt like we'd have been best friends for years to come, but I suppose I was the only one who thought that. It's just a shame, and that along with other things have put a bad taste in my mouth when it came to the industry.
>>
It hurts. So. Much. I know it was for the best, but still. And the worst part is I don't think I have any resources left to make it go away. I will still drink myself to sleep (it's the only way I know, sorry mum, sorry dad) but even when I'm drunk, it doesn't stop anymore. Please help me. I don't know who I am asking for. And again, I'm still conscious. This shall pass too. It was for the best. Everything it's gonna be okay. But please, just please, make it stop.
>>
>>18721870
Oh looooooooooool... Schizo dude is at it again
>>
>>18721870
You are so far beyond help by now, there is two possibilities. Or you really are a poor soul dealing with a very bad schizo crisis and no one to take care of you or you are the biggest troll ever. Really hope is not the first one, because that is just sad.
>>
fucking end this fucking shit already.

What the fuck do you give me that keeps me awake? You are building an image, a persona, something to sell to the masses. It's of a broken artist that speaks to God.

You make sure I come off as at least a little bit schizo, you make sure I either never sleep or I sleep way too fucking much. You make... you're controlling my life to be a fucking mascot for whatever the fuck game you're playing.

fuuuckkkkk yoouuuuuuuuuuuuu.
>>
>>18722441
He sadly lives here, this guy has been torturing us with his stupidity, the no engage rule is good, but not the solution. I just ended abandoning this place and coming to check it out once in a blue moon hoping he left.... Well, he is still here.




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