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Not one active so might as well drop this here.
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It is funny to me how you make a Facebook status about how you two are happy together, no one can come between you two, and no one can start shit to break you up.
You're the one who always went around starting shit and getting into people's business. Always starting drama to make a couple break up. Oh...Now you're not about that life since you got yourself your own man?
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It's has been so many years. I don't know if I should be the one to contact them first. We have grown so much and I doubt that they remember who I am.
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This shit feels like it's playing on repeat. Every time my mind wanders, I think about what you fucking said to me.
"I did have feelings for you, but I killed them off".
Then you go and get feelings for someone else a month later, so I don't even have a chance of even reciprocating them. You don't think about the shit you say and you bait so many reactions out of me with the shit you say and do. It's getting to the point where even thinking about you makes me upset. I never fucking wanted this.
I know I hurt you and what I was planning to do was absolutely moronic, but I was fucking scared, I didn't feel up to par with you and I still don't. I feel so close yet distant to you, and I can never confirm anything genuine about you because you never open up and act so robotic all the time. Now I just feel rage and envy every time you sent me a stupid fucking meme on Facebook. I don't know what I did to deserve having some random emotionally dead idiot walk into my life, make me so fucking happy to the point where I felt like I wanted to fall in love with him, and then inevitably turn into something negative that I can't bare to look at unless I could hold him in my arms again.
I can't fucking believe this. I just want this to end, and the only way I can see it is having you disappear completely, which will also fucking gutter me not having you around.
I fucking hate this and what you've done to my feelings.
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It feels like shit going to the barber and not understanding what he says because I was raised with another language.
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I somehow have finally gottena job. 3rd shift stocker job. I don't know why they picked me.
I have crippling anxiety that isn't helped by meds. I'm a slow learner with learning disabilities. I can't lift the weight they said they'd need me to.
I am grateful that they hired me, but holy shit balls. What am I going to do?
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I get the pains that come with aids
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>>18785578
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>>18785583
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That's it! I fucked up again! My depression and anxiety has once again ruined my life! I wanna DIE!!!!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGH
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Silly girl. You are my pet, and I love you. You are more than just a pet, you mean a lot to me.
But, for now we'll keep it simple. My Pet. You make me way too happy sometimes. I'm not used to it, but I'm starting to like having a smile on my face. Someday I hope to make you feel that too. To make you feel like things will alright no matter what life throws at us.
Good or bad, you are mine and I, yours. I won't ever let you forget that.
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I won't take no for an answer
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>>18785528
Do you best my man.
Don't focus too hard on the things you view as downsides. They are irrelevant. You just show up, and try your best to learn and pick up the job as best you can.
Use it as an opportunity to learn about having to deal with these things. Act like your are confident enough and see where you can better yourself.

You say you have crippling anxiety, may be, but it didn't stop you from going outside and getting a job. That's how it starts. Apply yourself to whatever you do and you'll be fine. Also, take time to get swole, and that will get rid of the weight issue.

Still, take it easy and don't ruminate over this too much. Just show up and do what you have to do for a few hours, and get that paycheck.
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any tips for trying to claim social security disability as a young guy with back problems?
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Okay I needed this

>be me
>finishing up senior year of high school
>girl asks me out
>regency her because I was fucking edgy

Fast forward 2 years

>get intel from old friend
>she committed suicide

>Her note said it was because I regected her

I want to die.
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I cheated on my wife today. I'm halfway around the world, and I was too weak to resist temptation. All I have to do is keep my mouth shut and I'm off Scott free, but the guilt inside is tearing me apart to the point that I am physically ill. I don't know how I'm going to manage to go on from this, my wife has been very good tother me and I don't want to lose what I've had for the past 6 years because I had one moment of Lustful weakness. I'm nauseous, hollow and angry at myself. I wish I could die at this very moment.
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>>18785676
assume she cheated too and you just evened the board

chances are she did too, ask anyone here.
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>>18785674
Sounds like she was the edgy one amirite
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>>18785625
Thanks man.
I do over think shit. I know I got to take things one at a time. I should work out and it will be good experience.
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Go in for my very first pap smear
>"Don't worry anon, it doesnt hurt at all, it only takes a second"
>Worst pain of my life
>Takes like 5 fucking minutes
>Bleed profusely
>Still bleeding 24 hours later

Why are doctors lying ass bitches?
Fuck this shit, I'll take my chances on the cervical cancer I'm not doing this bullshit every 3 years.
I've never wished I had a dick more in my life.
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>>18785685
I'm trying to take solace in your words, and I thank you for them, I just can't see her doing it though. Although I guess you have a point, there will never really be a way to know for sure.
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>>18785714
Uhm, that's not how they're supposed to go. Maybe your uterus is retroverted or they are just incompetent af.
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>>18785729
She said I had a blood vessel on my cervix or some shit that burst when she scraped it. Way she said it didn't sound like it was too uncommon, so just fuck me and my stupid ass body.
I'm still lightly cramping.
This whole thing was basically why I avoided the goddamn thing until now at 23, I knew it was gonna suck ass. Shoulda been like my bitch ass sister who's 25 and never done it. But she gets the luxury of being gay so she doesn't need the fucking pills like I do.
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I have a crush on this girl but she has that quiet but super raspy voice and I'm semi deaf so sometimes when she talks to me I ask her to repeat herself and she just bails. Fuck my life, out of all the things out there THIS is something that might fuck things up for me. There's always something with me and girls, they're either fat and cock block me with their hot friends, they bail on me for no reason, they flirt with me but then "oh I've a bf" or "I'm married". I don't even flirt back, I just talk to them at this point, fuck it, I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life. That doesn't help my social anxiety either, its frustrating as fuck
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F*ck my luck with that used car, hopefully it will be ready to be picked up today, I've had it 7 days and its been a light dash shit show, I purchased an extended warranty that somehow doesn't magically go into effect for 30 days, the paperwork yielded no such info, had to pull teeth to get them to fix the right wheel bearing only to get a call asking if the abs lights had come on at all when driven, nope just the check engine and tire pressure lights, so they're going to try another wheel bearing the other one might be faulty, f*ckaroo, then I get a call from a wrong number insisting I called them, nope no butt dialing here sir, was so hoping it was dealer about car. Patience is not a virtue for me today, and stress makes me a bit off kilter. I shall match my SO socks in anger......
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Have oneitis for a married man going on three years. I just want to forget him and the one time I managed to he showed back up in my life by liking a status and we aren't even friends. The timing was eerie, like he knew. I never heard from him outside of that. I don't know why I still love him when I'm married now myself. He's the one who made it clear he was married to begin with. Why is he checking up on me then? I just don't want these feelings for him anymore.
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>Hasn't texted me back since he finished work

Really bummed out that I've become the kind of girlfriend who is bothered by something like this.
I'm gonna tell myself that it's not a big deal and just get on with my evening.
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>>18785790
Shit, I've just thought, what if he's dead? Or had an accident?

(Calm down anon)
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I'm so fuckin lonely I thought I'd met people at school just by pure virtue of fuckin being there, but I haven't met anyone yet literally I've only made 3 real friends in all of my time at uni, I feel so fuckin shitty some people completely change their entire friends group in college, I guess not me tho.

I have also wanted to date girls here from day1, but I only went on a few dates at all, and those didn't go anywhere because I'm a fuck up who can't keep women interested in me long enough to actually mean anything

I feel so hollow, so dead inside the only thing I truly want is a way out of this bullshit fake ass life
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You have this way of symbolizing even the simplest of life's daily happenings. Your imagination goes beyond the scope of what the average person can possibly imagine.
The way you talk makes you seem wiser and more knowledgeable about the morals and values that people share. You seem to be more free-spirited than structured because you question the way people think, you clearly embrace diversity, and you always ask yourself what makes a person beautiful.
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Please, A. Please.
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>>18785744
Let them know you are semi deaf. Most people will speak up if asked, don't let that ruin things for you.
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Nobody exists on purpose. Nobody belongs anywhere. Everybody's gonna die. Come watch some TV
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I like reading most of these
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Sergio, ex-roomate, you disgusting piece of shit, you pot-addicted living garbage can, I should have given you the beating of a lifetime. Beat you until you asked for mercy and then some. You big CABRÓN. You deserve nothing, scum of earth. I wish you had cancer. I would watch you rot.
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>>18785827
I told her that after the 2nd time I couldn't make out what she's saying, it was in a hallway with a lot of people too but she just shrugged and mumbled 'nevermind' and walked away from me. I hate being me, just retarded on all fronts
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You guys have got to stop fucking with my dreams.

The one where you flashed the... THING wearing black jeans, black sweat shirt, and a black graphic tshirt standing in my kitchen scared the living shit out of me.

It was the face. They had a literal pizza for face.

What the fuck.
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I'd be fine if you were no longer attracted to me. If you could no longer see me that way, and didn't want to be involved with me anymore. But maybe you could've either blocked me or told me directly instead of continuing to be involved in a half-assed way? I guess its pointless to ask now
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>>18785513
>facebook

adults only plz
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I am so tired of being a mom friend. 23 yo F here. Every girl I know who got knocked up as a teen is dumb as fuck and emotionally immature. I don't want to hamg out with you and your shitty toddler. Your kids cant keep up and i dont want to slow down for them. Stop trying to get me to do shit with you.
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>>18785927
>be side nigga to a lot of F's with kids
>they're literally the worst parents ever
>not to mention shitty ass GF/wife
>show up to smash
>have drugs on me because I'm a low life
>ask if they want to go outside to participate
>they say no, we can do it right here
>kid is in a crip in the corner of the same room we're in
>we just fucking light up right there
>always leads into sex as soon as rations are diminished
>right infront of the kid

I'm talking about more than 1 example here, this is 9/10 'young moms' i've come across.
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I can't even think anymore, don't know where to begin, what bothers me more, I'm at the point where I'm just indifferent to everything, its just too much
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GO FUCKING TALK TO MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
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I don't understand why people can't just think. The guy passed all background checks. Having even more strict laws wouldn't have prevented anything. Like, it's a F A C T. There shouldn't be any debate about this...

mario 3 is super comfy. It's my favorite Mario game, followed by 64.
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>>18785946
message them
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Im so fucking lonely. I have to be the one to message first usually. When I had a boyfriend I was so happy and now nobody talks to me or checks up on me when I'm dealing with being so depressed and almost to the point of killing myself (more than just being lonely, our world is fucked and people are so trying nowadays). I feel like I have no purpose anymore. I'm friendly and honest and smart, good looking too, but I think it's just not worth it sometimes. I would once just want somebody to want me when I want them. And the worst part is that I deepdown don't care about anything anymore. Like I care more about myself and my wellbeing than anything else's... I'm such a fucking idiot
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>>18785959
you sound gay, have you tried craigslist?
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>>18785959
Welcome to the club. We're all together in our loneliness
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>>18785959
pretty much on the same boat here, except I'm a guy (I assume you're a girl). When I was with that girl everyone seemed to just gravitate towards me, then when she bailed it was like the spell was lifted and everyone else bailed too. I'm invisible to people I know right now, even the ones I met recently, I said hi to this guy today and he didn't even look at me kek what the fuck is life
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I've decided my plan for the future: meet S. then OD.
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>>18785946
why would I?
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I have very long letters for every single one of you explaining everything that I dont know where to start...
Its easier just to avoid my feelings and focus on current events and political writings...
Fuck, emotions are bloody complicated and overwhelming!
Lets just say that being off of weed and pharma makes me realize I am wayyyyyy more sensitive than I remember I was.
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if my ex wasn't a dumb whore, life would be perfect right now.
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>>18785932
Young moms are gross af man. Sluts
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I have to make a phone call to renew my prescription. I'm shaking and trying not to cry. Calls make me so fucking anxious. I would rather die than make this phone call.

I'm too pathetic for this world. I should just let my script run out and die so the world doesn't have do deal with another pathetic worm.
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>>18786078
you should ween off the pills, they're not helping you because you don't have a real disease, you're just dumb and unmotivated and think there's no possible way you could help yourself, when in fact that's the only way you'll ever get better.

Assert yourself, you don't need that shit. Everyone thinks they have these bullshit problems, and these feel good pills are going to make everything better.
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>>18786088
I'm taking xarelto, I'll die if I just stop taking it.
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>>18786093
fuck it die then you're probably a burden on my tax dollars anyway
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>>18786099
>that damage control
I pay my taxes and contribute to society. I'm going to die one day anyway, we all will. Don't worry anon.
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>>18786088
>I have no problems, therefore, no one has any.
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>>18786078
I was like this too, but the more you expose yourself to it the easier it gets. I was shitting myself when I had to call up places to rent, I was clueless, what do I ask about? what do I need to know? but now I fucking call everywhere and notice its easier.

just take a deep breath, hold it in for 8 seconds, exhale and prepare to say something before calling, then go over it in your head and call. The person on the other end is human too
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can I go home now?

Can one of you come over and just take me away from this shit? Give me some answers?

let me live my fucking life. Why, why the fuck is this happening and why is it taking so fucking long?
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>>18786162
Thanks anon. I'll try to get over it. Helps knowing I'm not the only person who gets anxious over calls.
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>>18786173
>you're not living your own life

who is anon?
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I get random days where everything seems to be going just right, I always say the right thing, I meet new people, keep my 'cool' on at all times, do things that impress people, feel like no matter what I do I'll just do it well because its just one of those days.

Then, its all over and just like that, I get back on my shit days. I say the wrong thing, I get too anxious, I become very self conscious about it, I just don't get along with people, don't know what to say and everyone seems to avoid me.

Why can't I stay on the good days forever? why does it change at random?
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>spend years trying to maintain a bad relationship
>gf doesn't want to talk about us, never makes time for us
>treats me like shit
>trying to work things out to fix relationship
>gf resents me but never tells me, nor tries to communicate this
>things get really bad and we break up
>ex blames me for everything wrong with us and her life
>guilt trips me for months and denies me any chance to try to make up for things
>finally say fuck it and walk away
>months pass, start working out, meeting new people
>she finds out i moved on
>starts trying to reconcile with me after the mess she wouldn't try to work on together
>mfw I found out she got fat
Yeah it's petty, but I'll take it. Besides that, I'm happy now with someone else It pissed me off when she told me that I should break up with my gf and try things over with her. Nah, that's not how it works.

My gf has given me her trust and care. Aside from that, I love that she talks to me. Anytime there's a problem we sit down and talk things out. It's amazing what a little communication can do for a couple. I love it. I love getting treated like an adult when things are serious. I love knowing that even though my gf and I are sometimes playful and childish together, we can buckle down and shit done. Never have I felt that with my ex. It was always a mess, and with (ex) it felt like I had to be the only adult for both of us. Nah, I'm not leaving something I have wanted for years.

Fuck off, and I wish i could tell you that I told so about watching yourself and your health. But hey, fuck listening to me right? Everyone deserves that one time when they can be petty, this is mine.
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>>18785817
>tfw not your A
Pain
>>
I'm not "depressed" anymore! Probably because I don't hang out with some friends as much as I used to but also because I found the love of my life. What's great is that I know she'll ALWAYS be there for me when I need her the most. She promised me that and she's kept her promise to me for the last 4 years. We've been on and off but we find a way to find each other again. And each time we do, GOD. She makes me feel so warm and fuzzy. She doesn't judge me for the person I am and that's why I love her soooooooooo much. I'll see you soon babe because I miss the fuck out of you. It's been a while.
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>>18786232
Aw, man. I wish I was your person. :(
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And, it's very likely you already know, but I have to say this even for myself now. I have to move on. There is no point in having any of this continue. No point in let you have any reason to expect anything from me. If it wasn't apparent from the last time, it's over.
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>>18785674
You owe it to her memory to go as far away from the edge as possible.
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What's wrong with him?
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I wish girls asked guys out as much as guys ask girls out. I just can't do it
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>>18786263
Why?
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WHY IS HE ACTING SO WEIRD FFS TALK MOTHERFUCKER
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>>18786300
I have someone else.
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>>18785817
Your life is your own and good and evil is determined purely by actions

so long as you don't do bad things, you aren't bad
so long as you do good things, you're good

It's just much easier to do good things when you have control over yourself and not let other things or people control you.
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>>18785865
I like insulting most of these

>>18785828
heh emo twat
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>>18786237
Honestly? You probably don't. I hurt people without intentionally trying to but for some fucking weird ass reason she takes me back every time. EVERY. SINGLE. DAMN. TIME. WTF, am I dreaming? I don't know what the fuck this chick sees in me. I'm a fucking loser compared to her but aye, I'm not complaining. In fact, I'm grateful I have someone like her in my life still. She's the best and worse thing that has ever happened to me and I don't see anyone else doing that for me ever. I'm so grateful, man.

Hopefully you find yours soon Anon. :( Sending my love to you even though it's like the equivalent of "sending my thoughts and prayers". You get the idea.

I love you.
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There's this really cute girl in of my uni classes, but she's across the classroom plus always with a friend of her's. If the opportunity presents itself and you're alone I'll try and talk to you. If not, it's nice to glance at you once or twice during lecture, so thanks for that at least.
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Wtf do I have to kick him out again?????
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>>18786343
Why do you say she is also the worst?
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>>18786232
>>18786343
I had a person like that and I lost her after 5 years of what you have. Don't get lazy, you lucky idiot.
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i fucking hate women. Also i have a crazy gf. Should i just cheat as much as i can?
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>>18786284
Tell me already assholes.
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>>18786379
He loves you but he knows he shouldn't show you that.
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My friend's girlfriend just basically told me that she's sexually attracted to me.

I'm a morally weak individual, due to my impulsivity and high sex drive.

I'm afraid I'm going to ruin my already shattered life.
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>>18786398
What can I do? I'm clueless...
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>>18786405
When in doubt, bang her out
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>>18786430
What do you want to do?
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>>18786343
>I hurt people without intentionally trying to but for some fucking weird ass reason she takes me back every time

Story time? What did you do to hurt her, anon?
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>>18786437
I wish we could remain friends but is he able to do so? I want nothing more than what we had.
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>>18786312
no way fag
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>>18786456
I don't know, I don't want to give you false promises. I feel like he will suffer in either case though, but less so if you two remain friends. I'm sure he would prefer that.
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>>18786466
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I'm an idiot. play with me what ever mindgames you wish to play with me.....you think I'm some psychopath mastermind .....yet you hate my mushy side. so what is it?? do you want me to be your tragedy or your special one??? cause honestly .....If you want me to be a tragedy...then ....no my heart can't take it much more....I can't hurt the ones I love. and that includes you......even If you believe you are the worst person in the world....you truly aren't......you might say you dont change ....then go on abou saying how much you've changed.....and everytime we see each other in a 4 month span........you try to be something new......but I enjoy that....you dont know how much I do....how much i enjoy the change ...and deep down i hurt ......because i know that someday you will change your mind about ...me .....you kiss me less already but you smile more......I think you just wanna see me break mentally ....but thing is you suck because I've been broken since we first talked 7 yrs ago..and yet ....this love...I feel for you went no where
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Too dumb for college, can only handle wageslave job for a few hours a day. what is even there for me?
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>>18786479
The short term problem is should I face him with it now or wait until he is ready to talk. It's literally shutting him down.
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>>18786508
Better sooner than later, but make sure he knows you're not planning to disappear.
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>>18786334
You're a jerk, why do that.
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>>18786498
Organ donor?

JK JK don't off yourself. Mate life is a mountain and one day you're going to fall off. The closer to the top you climbed the longer you enjoy falling. Can you really accept your current place in life?

You're not too dumb for college, you know how many college students can't even use "too"?
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>>18786538
Well he's in deep sleep atm...
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>>18785947
Uhhhh if we banned assault weapons (like the one he modified from a legal semiautomatic into a fully automatic weapon) we will have at least prevented the opportunity for some folks to get their hands on these weapons. Doing nothing is ridiculous.
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>>18786293
I've definitely done the asking out before. So some girls do?
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I hate customers with kids.

I REALLY hate customers with kids.

The chain blocking people from coming behind the counter is not there so you can fucking play with it you little snot nosed brats. Quit pawing the fucking counter to high holy hell. And for FUCK'S SAKE, STOP YOUR KID FROM HEADBUTTING A FUCKING GLASS COUNTERTOP.

Lemme fix these phones in peace, jesus fucking christ. I dunno how parents fucking do it, cause having kids would give me a fucking coronary.
>>
Sorry I didn't reply to your snap for a week, I didn't see the notification because I hadn't updated my app. Now I feel like an asshole, but it would be awkward to explain at this point and also maybe you don't care. My b.
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Just found out an old high school friend has had me blocked on social media for 3years.
I don't understand what I did to her. We had reconnected and hung out back in 2014. We went to lunch a few times, then later on a hiking date. After that she dropped me supposedly to focus on her studies, which she has been doing.

I don't know if it's because she got sick on our hike and it put her off from me somehow (I'm a bit more active than she was) or if she saw me as so much of a distraction from studying that she felt the need to ghost me entirely.

Either way shit sucks. She was a cool person. I just wish she could've been more direct and honest.
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>>18786582
Ask me out then. I want to see what approach you use.
>>
Pretty sure my mother is in a cult, and I am not sure what to do with that information.

Her pastor has convinced her that his bible secretes oil, which has a healing power used all over the world.

Anyone have any thoughts or anything?
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>>18786600
Oh goody! Snake oil scams!

Best way is to usually catch people in the act and expose them.

alternatively, have your mother question whether or not actual paper can do that.

PROTIP: It can't.
>>
So, here I am again. Every few months I visit this board once, to see that I'm not the only one who's not happy.

Perhaps I should visit a psychiatrist, because I don't feel like I'm doing well. For about 10 years now I've struggled with myself. I feel I'm missing out on stuff. I don't know how to be happy. I'm not satisfied with the things I have in life.

I read some of the stories here, and I guess my life isn't even that bad. I've got enough family and friends. The only thing that I'm missing right now is a girlfriend. I've gotten close a few times but it just never works out.
Most of my family thinks that I'm just not ready for a relationship, or that it's a conscious decision to stay alone.

It isn't really. Everyone I've ever liked has turned me down. Right now everyone my age has a steady relationship, they're getting children. I started realizing that that's something I'll probably never have now. Just one more thing I'll have to endure while going with my life.

I guess my biggest fear is that I've already accomplished everything I'm going to in life. What if this is my endpoint. This is an oversimplification on my part, but when you graduated, you have a job... the most important thing becomes starting a family. Without that as a goal...what is someone supposed to do?

Then again, when I look at the suicide of Chester (Linkin Park)... He was famous, rich, had a wife and children.... And it still wasn't enough to make him happy. If he couldn't make it. What chance do I have?

Anyways, enough rambling for one night. I'll see you in a few months I guess... I'll probably just stay here... being myself... a sidenote in everyone else's story.
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>>18786582
if it was chads you asked out then it doesn't count, its purely sexual at that point, I'm talking regular girls asking regular guys out. As it stands girls just stare at me wherever I go, I can't tell if its something weird about me they see or if its interest they're showing. Having low self esteem makes me confused. But none approach so I've reason to believe that
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>>18786575
Maybe I should just let him read the thread!?
>>
>>18786589
It could very much be the latter. Of you honestly felt you did nothing wrong, then don't lose sleep over it. It's been 3years.

Peopledo strange shit. Especially women.
>>
>>18786575
>>18786636
How do you know he's asleep? Maybe he's lurking in this thread right now, or worse!
>>
>>18786659
He is right next to me.
>>
Why is this website stuffed with people complaining how they can't get a gf, are still a a virgin, or haven't had sex in years? And they're confident these are the reasons their life is miserable when it's more often than not them? Obvious NewFag here.
>>
I haven't been here for like 3 months. I just decided one day I'd stop and it was weirdly pretty easy. I long ago stopped visiting any other 4chan board anyway but I just came here for the feels every evening.

It hasn't really been the liberating experience I thought it would be. Feels pretty empty to be honest. There's just something I get out of this that I can't figure out how to get anywhere else.
>>
>>18786312
>>18785946
Alright for the sake of it, what initial are you?
>>
>>18785817
You have always been an ugly and shitty person. The only notably achievable thing you have ever done is dawn a mask and ruin people's lives alongside taking other people's ideals and spinning them into your own like you're some pseudo intellectual that has something wise go say. There's nothing you are passionate about making your life bleak and meaningless. How you have managed to live this long is beside me and I wish you would just fuck off.
>>
I think about death a lot lately. Not thinking about suicide just the concept of death and dying. I think about my mother and how she will die someday and I wouldn't know how to cope with it. Growing up as a single child with aspergers the only person who ever cared for me and still cares for me is my mother. I wouldn't know if I'm ableto do the same and take care of her when she's too old to do things for herself even when she's too stubborn to admit it. I'm lucky that I that I'm able to live on my own considering my disability, but I do live near so I'm most of the time available. It will probably change when I finish studying, get a job and move away. I will probably see her less and talk to her less. She does have a husband now who takes care of her so I hope that will last and she won't feel alone when getting older.

I'm just scared of death and not fulfilling my duty as a son and a man to make my mother proud before she passes away.
>>
>>18786672
Damn, this has a pace of an R. Kelly opera.
Anyway you're not the person I imagined, and I knew that all along, but now my suspension of disbelief is ruined.
Good luck.
>>
>>18786710
I'm >>18786312 and >>18786284
>>
>>18786716
This was a beautiful read, thank you anon
>>
I want to go back home.

If I had stayed home Id be in my own place with a job I like in an area I can afford to support myself in.
>>
*projections intensifies*
>>
>>18786737
Lol
>>
I caved and looked at her Facebook page again. It's a wasteland. Almost no posts in a year, save for two pieces of music she recorded recently that sound like they could be Modest Mouse tracks. Of course it's making me paint a mental picture of her being sad and broken like I am, despite knowing absolutely nothing and having no right to.
>>
>>18786722
I know, but what letter of the alphabet starts your name?

I get the feeling you are familliar, which is why I ask.
>>
>>18786759

r
>>
>>18786755
I also caved in and web searched her name. It turns out she already graduated, unlike me who dropped out. She always treated me like I have more potential than her but she was always way way more mature than me.
We used to listen to Modest Mouse all the time, to the point that they are ruined for me now.
>>
get out of my head
>>
>>18786766
Hmm, R on the person I talk about is her last initial.

Well still, what is up with the guy that evades you?
>>
What is the most efficient alcohol to buy? In the sense of how much drunk you can get with one bottle, as well as price-wise. I'm thinking something like vodka...
>>
>>18786802
Higher proof you go, quicker it'll work.
>>
>>18785512
I can't tell the woman I care about I love her because I know she doesn't feel the same way
>>
>>18786772
Jeez. Lots of parallels there. She introduced me to that band, so I can't really listen to them now either. That and a bunch of others.

If you lived in London, wrote poetry and were into Communism, maybe I dated your ex.
>>
>>18786800
Long story
>>
>>18786802
Rum and bourbon go pretty high proof.
>>
Everything about our "relationship" was unbelievably stupid. The only thing stupider was me
>>
>>18786816
The only thing that doesn't match is London.
>>
>>18786802
For flavor go smirnov or pennicle. For low price and large quantity go burnetts. Burnetts is poison, get a chaser. Cake flavored vodka has always upset my stomach and a few of my friends stomachs as well as the seasonal flavors like peppermint
>>
>>18786833
UV us delicious as well.
>>
>>18786824
I'm bored and I love long stories.
>>
>>18786831
Well that's good. I hadn't quite figured out where I'd go from there.
>>
I f\can feel that my parents secretly hate me because I am a failure but they're too nice to actually say something. I'd off myself but I feel like I'd somehow fuck that up too.
>>
Just because you have depression doesn't mean I don't on some level. You always talk about how you are depressed and so sad, I might not have the words to say, but I do listen. I have a cloud above me too, I just can't talk about it, I have to pretend everything is fine, our family relies on me to. I wish I could just go to sleep for a week and feel like I used to, happy, energetic, passionate, and optimistic. Now all I can think is how this certain doom lingers, that I don't have a clue what to do about our finances, that I know I am a POS inside. I try to hold my head up and make the right choices, I just can't seem to succeed at anything ever anymore. I'm sorry I let you down after the last 7 years. I really did try my heart out. Whatever happens now, I am sorry I didn't do better.
>>
>>18786850
I could write a book, sorry but not tonight!
>>
>>18786865
Aww.
He sounds interesting enough to be an entire book? Hah.
>>
I was sexually abused by my dad until I was 17 and moved to another state.

I'm in my final year of uni and I've decided I'm not going to go crazy over grades this year. I'm gonna go to class every day, do all the work and all that, but I'm going to put more priority on writing, working out, spending time with family, etc. I'm not going to lose my mind to jerk off some professor. I think my GPA is solid enough that it won't matter.

People in my uni writing class seemed to like my goofy space adventure romance story. I had a lot of fun writing it and I'm most likely gonna come back to these characters again.

I have a huge fetish for cheerleaders. I'm terrified of people finding this out and consider it worse than the fact that I'm a grown man who likes romance.
>>
She has my cell number, I don't have her number. 2 days, no calls. fffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck
>>
>>18786881
Well there are several other main characters included. :-)
>>
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K3Ch91bssLM
>>
>>18786903
This is beautiful
>>
Fuck you. I hate you so goddamn much for making me feel like a selfish piece of garbage when I am making an attempt to better myself. you say you're supportive of me and then you drink and get so fucking mad at everyone, and then wonder why nobody wants to be around you. "Nobody gives a fuck" yeah because we don't care enough to be around this fucking place. The only reason i don't stand up to you is because i'm afraid you're gonna beat me. Fuck you. Fuck you. I feel like dying.
>>
Hentai has been a constant throughout my adolescence. I'm now 25 and have a gf, but it's still like a hobby to me. I've spent so much time building up my collection and I don't want to lose that, but at the same time, I don't know if I can share it with my gf. She's very interested in my sexual fantasies, but also insecure about her own body, and I fear exposing her to artificial body types that I like might give her the wrong ideas. I like thicc, and I like her, but she's not fat! I like all kinds of anime tiddies, but I love hers too. And stuff like shota and molestation just follows completely different morals in hentai, but she might not see that.
I don't even know why it bothers me so much. It's completely insignificant to our relationship, but at the same time, it's a big part of me.
>>
I've got no idea if I'm a better writer or a music maker and I don't know where to go to talk about it. Which websites would be good for getting crtiqued on and such. Maybe it helps me stop wasting my time and actually do something instead of playing games and nothing else.
>>
>>18786893
Beginner mistake. You lost the offensive.
>>
>>18787031
One option is to go to /lit/ and /mu/, show them your work, then compare how many people call you a pleb on each board.
>>
Today a car almost ran over me, for a second I got really scared but deep inside myself I actually wanted it to happen. Fuck.
>>
Your projections are delightful! You're so insecure about everything kek
>>
>>18787156
Is this meant for me or am I only projecting again?
>>
>>18787167
Initials?
>>
>>18787171
I was just joking, I don't have any friends.
>>
I keep thinking about this guy knowing nothing could ever happen. I need to keep dismissing my feelings until they disappear. He's too busy for this shit.
>>
>>18787156
at least they aren't a piece of shit attempting to troll an honest thread for no reason
>>
>>18787207
I have reasons.
>>
>>18787217
oh ok
>>
More of advice I need.
Got a qts number but I got it out of her purely based on a uni assignment that I missed while being absent. 2 days later she becomes single. How do I go about this? Do I try talking to her in person or text? And how do I shift things from being about academics to personal life?
>>
>>18785512
The only reason I can think of not to kill myself is that I don't want to put my parents through that and it feels like it's become less and less of a reason lately
>>
>oneitis I am very slowly moving on from is dating a controlling fuccboi who doesn't allow her to interact or befriend other males
>also cheated on her early on in the relationship
>still have to see her regularly until at least May as we're in the same graduate cohort together
The slow death. The above details actually make me unable to respect her as a human being but, as we were close once and talked a lot, I know there is a beautiful person underneath all of those emotions and defensive barriers that she has.
>>
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>>18785512
Here's a small excerpt from my journal:

As Dad and I looked up at the night sky I pointed out constellations to him, talked about the clarity I draw from such things when I was out in the wilderness. Here where the Milky Way is so faint I tried to invoke in him some of the magic of that place, as dull as it may be out here.
"Imagine all of this" I said, arcing my arm from the north to the south, "only there are fingers in the sky, clouds of space dust so clear you can make animals out of them. Imagine, all of this, but bolder, brighter." He looked up and simply said "I can't." In 60 years he has never seen the world beyond his atmosphere. Fundamental things are unknown to him. That just makes me so sad. I hope someday he will stop, if not just for long enough that I can take him to those places, show him my world before he dies.
Even with all of this, swirling around us like the clouds in the grass, it was wonderful, looking at the sky together for an hour or two as I taught him from what little we could see in this obscured sky, feeling small together. He looked at me, and up at the sky. "I'm tired of feeling small" he whispered.
My father is not a talkative man, he thinks and thinks with that tremendous inner world if his. He's anxious, trapped in his own head, understandably so. We're a lot alike in many ways.
He began to talk about all that has happened in our lives, the struggles, the pain and suffering, his own damage, he began to tell me how resilient and strong I am. I don't remember what I said back. We just stood there together, in the fog. I am tired of everybody always telling me how fucking tough and solid I am. I hate it because I want to be weak, to let people in again because weak things can still grow. They do not stagnate and die. To be firm in your weaknesses is to be the strongest thing in earth. I've somehow lost that again and I want it back. I love my father. I feel sorry for him.
>>
I have a clingy personality and love my best friend who I’ve only known for a half year but we hit it off well. They don’t feel the same and it hurts so bad
>>
>>18787247
Posted this but read the post above mine. Tough act to follow listen to that guy first.
>>
>>18786815
How do you know?
>>
>>18787319
Not him, but I know because she has her own life now.
>>
I think I'm starting to get over you. I still miss you form time to time, but it's not killing me like it used to. You're a great person, and beautiful too. I hope you'll find someone who connects with you better and whose life goals align with yours. Big hug, H.

P.S.: If you need my dick again that's fine, I'd be down.
>>
I'm finally over the 9/10 I smashed!
>>
I was in a relationship for two and a half years and ended it recently because every moment I spent with him felt like I was lying about loving him. I did love him, but some part of me always knew I would never be in love with him. He's an irreplaceable part of my life, but he's not someone I want to spend the rest of my life with. I didn't want to be the person he loved. He asked me to marry him months before I broke it off and I told him that I wasn't ready to commit like that, and after a while I realized that I never would be. He was the perfect boyfriend, and understanding and sweet when I broke up with him. I can breathe a lot easier now. I'm happier. There's just a part of me that says that I had no reason to do it and that I might never find anyone else.
>>
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>>18785525
You speak English better than I can speak whatever your native tongue is anon. :)
>>
E,
why are you like this? and why am i like this?
Your maybe's haunt me. And yet I am just happy talking about nothing with you. please E just tell me that you hate me so that i can go on.
Love S.
>>
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>>18785512
I hate you because now you're so far away from me and we're still loosely in touch. I hate youbecause I know in my heart that you're someone I could spend the rest of my life with. I hate you because you felt the same way and now I'm gone.

I've been forced to move around a lot, and it wasn't my choice to leave. We both just need to go fuck other people and forget the other exists, you know?

Stop fucking talking to me, you wonderful person.
>>
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I don't know how to tell you that I'm feeling small and neglected. But I'm definitely not going to start with telling you I'm secretly jealous of your best friend who you put before me like... Three times now since he's been back in your life for a week. I get it, you missed him after you guys had a falling out. You were in love with him. It's cool. But god help me if he ever decides he's gay because I'm afraid you'd leave me for him in a second
>>
That time we got in to an argument in.....

Thank heavens I got bailed out by the on-looker.

I'm sorry. If I knew what you meant at the time I would've elaborated.
>>
I will tell you the truth, that time I saw you holding hands with that dude... I don't think I've ever felt like more shit. I wish I had my shit together at the time I guess I can't blame you for what happened. If it's any consolation, I did not realize who you were nor what I was doing at the time.
>>
I hate that I have only slept or even dated two women, both fat. Like tits under the tits fat. I married the second one and I'm starting to feel like I made a mistake. Put into debt and stuck in a trailer in a rigpig town. She seems to love me but I just don't know any more. Every step up in the relationship feels like her idea
>>
Are letters still allowed here?
>>
>>18787747
Yes
>>
>>18787747
It seems like you will have to petition for such privileges. Better familiarize yourself with code § 1073 section 2 of the 4chan acts.
>>
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Girl I'm dating hasn't replied to my message in the whole day.

I'm afraid I'm being ghosted.
>>
Here we go again. Duking it out over something petty. I listen to you constantly question my decisions, my motives, my hobbies and my finances all under the guise of "as a couple we're supposed to build each other." You told me it's wrong to omit information and if it do it's because I have something to hide...

But then I caught you rping online with not one, but several people. You denied it until I put all the evidence I compiled into your face. You said you felt disgusted and felt terrible for keeping it from me. I forgave... I had no choice because of the passion I felt we shared. But here we go again, you keep trying to unnecessarily cover your tracks while you continually tighten your grip on mine. As if I'm suddenly supposed to believe these behavior changes have always been here.

I want to leave you stranded right now, but I'm either to weak or to retarded. Now you'll persuade me into believing I'm being irrational and you'll creep back into my will to weaken it until I have another outburst. A cancerous cycle of regret I just can't break out of despite literally having all the tools available to have another relationship. You're a bastard....
>>
>>18787769
Dope

>>18787801
Hey man, I'm just trying to make sure I'm posting my blog in the right thread.

Hey JC Ray,

Third letter I've written you here because I'm too worried about pushing you further and I know you and no one we know will read it here. Still love you, obviously. Vegas hit really close to home for me, what with ytou being there not even an hour before and all. It's given me a drive to give blood because of how close it hit. Reckon I should be doing it regardless since I'm a universal donor. Also, morally, it should be something I should do regardless. I've been thinking about the weird connection we have. I've never been able to sense another persons presence before like that or just sense a text or phone call before it happened. I wonder if you think about it too. Reckon not. Wish I could figure out why you're trying so hard to push us apart when you said you wanted to stay friends. Wish I could figure out what I did to make you hate me. Anyways, that's enough venting to keep me copacetic a few days.
Until next time,
Stormtrooper

P.S. Reckon you'll get one of these every time now, each being music related. I produced a track for you yesterday. It needs some more mastering but it isn't bad. Shame you'll never get to hear it, not that you heard the ones I produced while we were together.
>>
>>18787815
I think I want to hear more of this. Maybe I could help?
>>
>>18787846
I honestly have to drive home first. If you really want me to go into detail, I'll come back to this thread later on in an hour.
>>
>>18787743
Leave dude. no self respecting man deserves a fat pig. Realistically the only things an ideal wife needs are good looks and loyalty and there are women out there like that anon. Leave jabba the hutt to her cats.
>>
You know, all these songs you keep getting in my head would mean so much more if fucking ANYTHING EVER WOULD FUCKING HAPPEN.

Welcome to the jungle, easily about me. Paradise city, oh won't you please take me home. I'm solo, han solo. Cherry Lips, Go baby Go baby, yeah, were right behind ya.

All these songs about me being a hot lady going to LA but then nothinngggggg fucking happens. You also keep giving me all those songs about "love me tonight, tomorrow I'll be gone" songs like The Chain and Mary Jane and other shit but the thing is? I don't want to fucking love aannnyyyyooonnnneeeee. Not Renee, not Iris, not Vicky. I don't even want to fucking see them ever again, not even for a second. If I ever get in a situation where I DO see them, I'm going to turn the fuck around and walk out.

So yeah, just fucking end this. I don't want to play your stupid little fucking game anymore. You could have made a deal with me but you refused, so fuck it.

End this shit already.
>>
>>18787747
>asking permission for fucking anything
Holy shit.
>>
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>>18785512
Hey, stranger far away who I know so well,

I think you're a really special lady and the only thing I want in the world is to fuck your brains out and then cuddle with you while gazing at those beautiful desert stars in the back of my car.

I know you're probably riding someone else's dick right now and don't even remember me but hey, it's nice to dream.

Fuck me right?
>>
What defines a source of unhappiness, maybe the realization the path you forge will leave you stagnant drowning in a pool of water, but the water is not filthy so is it worth your time. Going through another phase of nothing really makes me happy anymore. I then question everything. Morally just for what reason? I'm not feeling very well lately, become what you are.
>>
>>18787890
God forbid someone have the common courtesy to ask before posting something that potentially doesn't belong in a thread
>>
I have like... 6 stink bugs in the vacuum cleaner right now. They are the fucking worst.
>>18787911
god forbid you use up that precious, precious post limit. We all know how 4chan can only have so many posts before we are all out of posts.
>>
>>18787904
what a nice view they could've shared with you. I guess there's no chance it'll happen though?
>>
I cant Fucking believe you, you dumb fucking cunt. After all ive done for you and m all you do is step on me and act like im the one that is ruining his life when in reality im just your fucking scapegoat. The only thing i ever did to ruin his life was get him back together with you. You are the most childish, self centered bitch i have ever fucking met in my entire life. Fuck you. I cant wait to fucking absolutely destroy you. It wont be today, it wont be tomorrow, but it wilk fucking happen, i promise you.
>>
I only met you a few weeks ago, buy you're all I think about. I've never been great at hiding my feelings--one of your best friends figured it out already--so I guess you probably will soon too. You're smart, even if you're not great with people. God, everything you do makes me want you even more, even the things that you think make people dislike you. You're so fucking cute. I don't know if you'd ever like a girl like me. I don't know what to do to make you like me. Please pay attention to me. Smile at me. I love your smile.
-O
>>
>>18787942
what happened?
>>
Dementia anon's posts stress me out.
>>
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I might have to stay an extra two quarters at school because of one class sequence I'm not allowed into because I don't have the prereq yet. Tried waiving it and because of "Some Issues" that propped up with non-majors trying to sneak their way into the sequence everyone (even those like me that actually are majoring in the subject) can't waive the prereq. Really??

The extra burn was how I went to the first class meeting and my skill at the subject genuinely surpassed everyone else's--I was the top scorer on the skill test in class. Even got extra credit worth half a letter grade. The professor betted that no one would get 100% and I beat him....I really know my shit but nope, doesn't matter.

Anyways my scholarship gives me another year so...technically, I'm not losing anything and, if nothing else, gives me a ton of time to spend on honing my abilities on my own time. Still. It feels pretty shitty. felt so happy at the prospect of joining that class...but it was all for nothing.
>>
I am 100% certain you people are changing history and other shit just to fuck with me.

I am almost certain that everyone on here is actually just a single AI pretending to be other people.

Or something like that. I don't really care all that much, all I know is it's all fake.

>>18787962
Because it's all true anon. You're not even fucking real. You're just an NPC in my simulated world. YOU AREN'T REAL.
>>
>>18787870
Listen, I don't know exactly what you're going through. However, I could tell you this(and maybe it will mirror what was going through his):
There's this lady I really love. I fell in love with her as a teen; and, well, the cliché she moved away thing happened. I am not talking about only a few blocks away, more like states apart (she went to nj I stayed in fl). Sometime shortly after I received a traumatic brain injury, then another one. I actually received like 5 or so separate brain injuries due to car accidents and other things I would rather not expand on. I literally forgot who she was, and only to draw this in to perspective, I forgot most of my childhood memories.

My life continued and she became a sort-of absentee memory. I formed new relationships, flings, fucks and friends with so many benefits. I always felt like there was something missing. And I don't mean that feeling in your gut when you haven't been laid all year. It was simply a void. It was her absence.
Years have passed, and now I finally met her again, her memories passes right in to me like a flash I recollected everything practically instantaneously and I feel so happy we finally reconnected yet I feel so guilty of the man I was while she was gone. It's not like I am holding back a secret from her but it's such a sensitive time and I would hate to spoil it with bad news. It's not like I'm trying to manipulate the situation-- I'm only waiting for the right moment... you get me?

Perhaps that's what he was doing. Perhaps not. You could always try to ask for an explanation you know? Try to be a little smooth about it.
>>
>>18787925
I actually took that photo myself. I might see her again next summer when we're both out there for work and training, but even if I do it will only be for a month tops.
She was hitting on me pretty hard but we were with students so I couldn't do anything about it and then we all had to leave. The life of a guide is a lonely one. Hell we all talk about it openly around the fire pit but it still sucks ass, especially when you meet prime wife material like her.
>>
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What's the catch?
I see you as perfect. Sure, I won't tell you this for a long time. We have ro take it slow until we are both ready to go forward, but so far you are perfect to me.
Everything I ever wanted in a partner. Even when you have bad days, I can't stop myself from trying my best to perk you up. Sometimes it takes longer but I can get a smile out of you even when you want to be miserable. Didn't I tell you I wouldn't leave you alone to deal with that if i could help it?

Tonight was great. The more me learn about each other, the better we have been working together. I have no idea what events brought us to each other but I think you make me believe in this fate of yours.

I am both terrified at the future but I am ready to face it head in if you are to be my partner in time.
I love you so much, but these words are for another time. Soon enough though.
>>
I don't regret anything I said or did. I don't regret the things I gave you. I regret all the things I'll never know, and that I didn't say goodbye. Thanks for the fun memories, and the opportunity to get to know myself better. Hope you get better wifi one day~
>>
>>18785518
I remember who you are.....I never forgot, even after 3 years of no contact.
>>
>>18788038
Contact me if you want to.
>>
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w04krpq3liU
>>
I miss the taste of sweet life.
I miss the conversation.
>>
I miss everything and yet everything keeps tumbling down and down.
>>
Last week I had an unusual dream. The only dream I've had in a very long time. In it my gf and I were married with a few kids in the 10-12 age range. We had parted for some reason like she was traveling for a work conference. She told me "don't forget the movie" before leaving. Next in the dream I'm walking through a mall with a pretty 20-something bubbly blonde woman who was skipping around me giddily. Definitely not related to me. I'm feeling uneasy and unhappy like I really don't want to be doing this. Next I'm buying the tickets and this woman is just as happy as before. We start walking through the theater to our seats and saw an entire row of my gf's parents/siblings and their future families along with some older yet familiar looking people I don't presently know. I felt uneasy still but the woman locked fingers with me and led us to our seats. The in-laws greeted us and left it at that instead of their usual catching up with my news. Next in the dream the movie is still going but the lights are up and everyone has left. The woman tried to kiss me but I put my hand over her face and shoved her back into her seat, saying "don't try that shit with me". She then lifted the armrest and tried to cuddle but I shoved her off. At this point I'm thinking about my gf and how hurt she'd be if she knew about any of this. This makes me mad at the whole situation, and I leave the movie. Suddenly it's night time, the woman is now gone, and alone sitting on a bed. I'm both angry and hurt by the day's events. Then I woke up with those same emotions along with an awful feeling like I had somehow cheated on my gf even though I was faithful to her aside from going on what appeared to be a shitty date.

We're in a very strong, happy, loving relationship. We're talking about getting married next winter and are starting premarital counseling next month to prepare. I have no idea what this dream is about as even in it I was faithful
>>
m
you are a failure, jobless of 10 years, leech off your husband, fucking clueless. i cant WAIT for you to fucking crash and burn the way you oppressed upon me and the others. you are nothing but an attention whoring leech thats way past their fucking prime. give up and just kill yourself.
>>
I don't know how to deal with being friendzoned and ghosted by her, honestly pissed at the way she has been handling this.
>>
im just done with people desu.

its not anything personal, i just dont want to be around people for a while.

sorry.

you should understand that. you really fucked me over.
>>
I lost my bracelet. Someone that was a major part of my life gave it to me and now it is gone. I know it's dumb but I feel really hurt by this fact, like I lost a part of myself.
>>
I just came out to my boyfriend that I'm polyamorous and he took it extremely well
It only took me getting drunk to say it

The next few days are going to be strange
>>
After a month of applying for jobs and 0 calls back, I've gotten 4 interviews and 7 phone calls. All in the span of 4 days. Just got hired for my first big boy job out of University. It's not much, but I have a great oppurtunity to make some decent money.

Everything bad that happens to you can be turned around into self improvement, or a lesson learned. Im the only one in control. Not some stupid heartless bitch that left me to go fuck around. While you're still figuring your life out and moving out of your parents (despite being 4k in debt) im debt free and making 40% more then you. Look who's laughing now? You fucked up by dumping me. Enjoy the quality time on Tinder. Hopefully you find out how awesome i really was and you come beg for me back like you did in January. This time I wont be as stupid and tell you to go fuck yourself.

Ps. Fuck you M.
>>
Theres a mouse in my room just hanging out and eating all the crumbs in the carpet.

Hes a homie, he gets it.
>>
M
You have a baby. You're transgender. You have cerebral palsy. You've been raped and have depression. I want to help you if your mental illnesses are legitimate. I know you have been through a lot of shit.
I can't help but feel like you are only claiming you have them and the other things that happened for attention. Part of what you say doesn't add up. I've given you numbers you can call and my best advice. I've been here to comfort you and listen to what you have to say.
I don't know what else I can do. You have to also make the effort. I don't know if you're wanting me to call a therapist or hotline for you. You have options. You can get help if that's what you want.
>>
Die edgelord.
>>
>>18788401
Do you want me to pay rent for the space I got in your head?
>>
>>18788416
You're not the one I was talking about sorry.
>>
>>18788423
Bajangles leninerd
>>
>>18788429
?
>>
C it's over dumbo
>>
>>18787428
Honestly it sounds more like you are afraid of commitment.
>>
Fuck yourself with your bent dick moron.
>>
>>18788429
Heh. Fucking idiot
>>
You know what? Fuck you. I gave you 8 years of everything I could give. You fucking asshole. You couldn’t even be fucked to tell me you wanted it to end. “Sorry too busy” until I gave up. Why did I believe you? Just the smallest sliver of dignity would’ve done. I asked you for so little.
>>
>>18788486
What the fuck?
>>
>>18788486
Typical /pol/ dream.
>>
DL,

I don't feel a thing for you except a sexual thrill - what is wrong with me? Yet I manipulate you because I know that telling you how much you 'mean to me' and how much I 'miss you' will boost your ego and pacify you. When really, I'm just lonely and a sex addict - and you were the first person to show me any interest.

I didn't cut my leg at the same time as my arm. The cuts on my leg were made because I wanted to betray you, in the hope that it would make the decision to see you again easier. In the hope that I would tell you, you would hate me, and not want to see me ever again. You cried over my self harm and I loved it.

You asked me if I actually cared about the you and the relationship, because I so easily break my promises. I lied. I'm a liar. Because I hate you, I hate you, I hate you.

Today you asked me to never forget you. Well, I will never forget you.
>>
I find myself in a situation where I have a hard time speaking directly to people about my issues

There's some people that are asking around because I'm absent, I just went away way before I was noticed. Now I'm getting messages from these people and I don't know what to honestly say because even though they're not friends specifically, they're people who seem to think they deserve an explanation for it.

I acknowledge the fact that if they don't matter that much I can just politely tell them to fuck off, but I can't really do that. At the same time they have no business with what I'm going through right now. I don't owe anything. I just don't want to make enemies, that is all.
>>
im fucking sick and tired of who I am. it's like I go through life so flippantly, and then everyone else gets caught up in my mess because I don't know how to contain myself. I wish I could stop myself but the only way to do that is exile. perhaps that's why I'm so set on joining the defense force, it's the only way to do damage control.
I'm still such a manipulative bitch.
>>
i want to fuck an hairy italian women with huge tits really hard.
>>
>>18788154

where did you lose it.
>>
>>18788554

Run for your life... they are pure players
>>
>>18788034
Haha no need to feel regrets.
We are actually friends.
This counts as a goodbye? It seems?

And the wifi... I hope so too! Fucking technology. See what this shit does to people? I'm constantly thinking about how my wifi is doing as if its some entity. It seems like I really need to only buy a better router.
>>
Flu anon again. I'm pretty much better but now I've lost my voice.
So I probably still won't be able to go to work.
>>
>>18788714
Go to work! Now you would have an excuse not to talk to your colleagues!
>>
I started college recently, thought I'll finally make some friends, and I did, a good few in fact, but none of them are in my course.

Its just that nobody seems to be like me in there, everyone is so dull and I've no interest in talking to them, I can't imagine myself being friends with them even though I tried, nobody clicks with me and I just meet them and forget about them the day after which sucks because I feel alone in my classes, I only ever get to hang out with people during breaks because everyone is doing a different course than me.

It sucks because I have this weird anxiety complex, where if I don't speak to someone I know early on in the day, it kind of fucks up my speech pattern and how fluid my conversations are, like if I start talking late in the day my mouth feels 'rusty' and I can't even pronounce words. Its weird as fuck but the fact I've noone in class to talk to makes this really hard for me and I just feel anxious and alone all the time
>>
>>18788717
Ideally yes, but I work in a cinema, I have to talk to customers.
Thanks though, anon.
>>
>>18788714
I got the flu today myself, it sucks because there was a trip everyone in college went to, there will be drinks, people will get to know each other and all that and I missed out on it and now I feel like I want to put the blame on someone for making me ill, but I can't and now I've to deal with it at home. Tomorrow I've a class that I'll be sharing with my crush as well, next week the groups will change so she most likely won't be there again, if I'm sicker tomorrow I'll just fuck up my chances with her and other than that I haven't really gotten opportunities to talk to her. Fuck I hate being sick, its just so frustrating sitting at home waiting this shit out
>>
Finally, my dick is dead

Been masturbating twice daily, even more, for God's know how long, and yesterday even though I was erect I couldn't cum no matter what, nothing I usually fapped to was aeousing enough.
This is the beggining of a new me
>>
>>18788752
Are you sure it's dead dead? Just give it time, I imagine it will work again after some fapping hiatus. Good luck!
>>
You people are asswipes... Purely evil. You manipulated, drugged, and cherry-picked in order to fuel your own agenda... Once again.
Do you have any idea what kind of guilt you are trying to levee on me?
You people still haven't read between the lines, it seems.
Hmmm... Geez it's obvious. Just know someone must have been pulling the strings.
>>
You know it's a good day when you smoke two fat joints after work.

Pain is receding now I need to go shopping and work out for 2-3 hours because I hate my life.
>>
I got woken up this morning at 1 am to a horrible itching sensationing at the end of my foot and no matter how much I scratched it wouldn't subside.
The skin was peeling off inbetween a set of toes and googling that came up with "athlete's foot". I don't understand how this happened, I rarely get sick but I'm no athlete.
I think my loneliness is starting to have an effect on my health?
>>
I hooked up with a friend at the start of the year. She was hurting after her bf left her and came on to me while I was trying to comfort her. I made the mistake of reciprocating and cause I was too much of a pussy to let her down in the first place I ended up leading her on for a couple weeks after that and I ghosted her when she asked if I wanted us to be a thing for real. Haven't contacted her since, and it's been nine months. Things between us have essentially been reset now. She's back with the guy who left her, and the friends I share with her have told me she isn't mad, but I still feel kinda shitty for the mistake I made in leading her on like that.
>>
>>18788846
You don't get itchy feet from being lonely nigga that's not how it works.
Ridiculous, your feet were itching and you freak the duck out. It was probably a bug bite
>>
>>18785512
I've been too self-absorbed.
I must stop it, now.
>>
I wonder why I'm always dumb enough to fall for the same shit even if I knew better. I regret the time I wasted on you and I am disgusted how pathetic I act when it comes to you. You could have just been honest with me instead of using me and I should just learn my lesson.
>>
>>18788860
You're probably right, but that doesn't stop me from being a worthless chicken-shit coward who should be exterminated.
>>
I thought my tuition balance was over in money, i got an email today. Turns out I'm 1,100 under. And if I don't pay it today, my classes will get de-registered.
Even with all the money i possibly have, I'm still 100 dollars short. I don't even know what to do anymore.
>>
>>18788871
Yeah yeah nigga whatever, check out some self made pudding from the bag before and some brownies and a fat blunt to take it up a notch. If you're gonna die might as well try everything out.
Be a ducking stoner and a cokeheadget mad dmt and LSD trips.
Just destroy your mind completely until it stops hurting and you're just a potato.
>>
>>18788865
I love you don't give up on me but I'm scared of you hurting me
>>
I’m breaking down. It’s coming closer to an end, finally. When I wrote to her, I talked about certain things I hadn’t even mentioned. I wrote them because I have no one else to talk to about them, but with no context, I just seem insane. It’s for the better, so that she understands that she must stay away from someone like me, but I can’t help but feel I’ve made another damning mistake. I have squandered every chance I’ve been given, and it is clear to me now that there is no helping the likes of me. I am disgusting, and will be punished for it when the time comes.
>>
>>18788251
Name him!
>>
>>18786694
Lot of them tried the advice to improve themselves

it didn't work
>>
I think I may actually be depressed. I was diagnosed with depression years ago, but I thought they just handed it out too easily and I never really quite believed it.

For one, I'm not generally sad, especially like the people who claim they are depressed (not saying they aren't, just that I don't generally feel that way). I also have some pretty big bravado.
However, I realized that all my bravado and high-sprung optimism was just escapism from what I'm actually feeling. I'm terrified of seeing myself as worthless, and I get sad and lonely all the time. I also have zero energy all the time, and I only really eat once or twice a day. Not to mention that I feel like I don't enjoy things like other people. Its pretty rare for me to actually really enjoy something and I try to satiate myself with video games and visual media. I also have really bad anxiety issues, and I get irritated pretty easily. I also can't concentrate on things for more than 10 minutes or so.

Maybe I should go see a therapist after all.
>>
Alright, so.

A - You're a lovely person. I thought I would lose you but you were able to comprehend me. Somehow you took a different stance towards me, maybe because you respect me more. I respect you too. I want to work with you and help you get to your current goal. I'd marry you honestly.

J - Dude, don't take this the wrong way, but I'm done with that. I don't feel the hole I left there was nearly as big. For a year you and others from our group didn't even give a shit, things haven't changed that much. I'm gone, but I wish you people well, really. Nice meeting you.

M - I fucked up last summer, I apologized twice for that but it might not be enough. Next summer it won't happen again. Just let's not bring these stupid topics.

C - Sorry, I know you mean well and you lent an ear. But I did a lot for you and you kinda pushed me out of there. I really don't stand you as much as you think. Everyone has personal problems, I can't solve your life.

C2 - And this goes for you, his daughter. You better change. You are not a permanent victim. You caused him pain which translated to me being in trouble. I don't know why I was ever interested in you. Stop stealing, stop beating girls up and stop cheating. Bitch.

S - I understand that you might have some problems too at the moment. However please don't lie to me. If you don't want to hang out that's pretty understandable. It's getting more distant every year I guess.

C
>>
I have an eating disorder.
As ashamed of this as I am, I have it.

No, not anorexia or bulimia, but something else. My unhealthy obsession in trying to look like a bodybuilder has driven me to a point in life where starving myself is the only way I can feel in control. Because if I eat, it will be chicken breast and rice, or steak and potatoes, or greek yogurt, or oatmeal.

I became so strict in what I ate and when I ate that it was either that or nothing.

So now my body, subconscious, or whatever has chosen nothing. I went 2 days without eating and felt nothing in my stomach, not an urge to eat. I began to feel extremely weak, tired, and school was impossible to focus on. The thought of any food was nauseating, even the foods I used to love.

I've made myself think that I can't eat food anymore. Lifting weights started as a hobby, then it became an obsession, and gradually became an unhealthy obsession where it controlled my life and now my body is trying to regain control by rejecting all foods.

This is my only explanation. I'll admit that it became such a disgusting, unhealthy obsession to make "gains." There was no rationale, catch up with family after being stationed overseas? Nah, got gains to make. Friends want to go out for dinner at an unhealthy restaurant? Nah, got gains to make.

Eating, and the thought of food makes me gag. Drinking water is even difficult at this point.

I haven't lost much weight because I've been forcing myself to eat to stay alive, not because of gains, but my body is still in response mode where food is disgusting.

I hope this isn't permanent. It's embarrassing to eat out with people and sit their finishing last every time. Eating someone's home cooked meal in front of them is the worst.

Weed doesn't help either. I don't smoke marijuana, but of the times that I did, it has made me incredibly hungry. Well, not anymore.

I want to bash my head against the wall like it's going to make all this go away.
>>
>>18789124
How do you make gains from barley eating
>>
>>18789134
Barely* ffs
>>
I want to stone women to death.
>>
I want to get stoned to death
>>
>>18789140
>>18789161
Dude. Chill.
You sound like some brainwashed stonner.
>>
>>18789192
I'm >>18789140 but not >>18789161
>>
I finally figured out why I always felt like that.

I am truly sorry for what I did, and yes I mean it.

But that's just fucked up. I am sure you had a ball watching all of this. Though, It's a good thing I finally found the source. Perhaps now I will feel a little better.
>>
When we finally meet I want to go for a drift across the city with you. I want to relive some of what we had. I hope you won't insist on us just talking about our own respective lives in some quiet café filled with other people. At least let's go for a walk in the city park and get drunk on some park bench.
You were like heroin to me. I haven't seen you in years, I want to feel the rush for one last time.
>>
>>18786714
What lives did I ruin? What ideals did I spin into my own?

>There's nothing you are passionate about making your life bleak and meaningless.
I'll give you this much.
>>
S, R, J,
I love you all. The 3 of you mean the whole world to me. 1 of you hasn't talked to me in so many years...I miss you so much.
>>
>>18789321
>1 of you hasn't talked to me in so many years
Which one?
>>
she's shy and whenever I approach she looks at me intensively with her eyes wide open as if to say "is he gonna talk to me??" but its the opposite of inviting, I feel like she'll be bothered by me so I bail. Is it wrong to think so?
>>
>>18785676
If i were you I wouldn't tell her, cheating is like eating bbq, it's really messy for yourself and if you tell her is basically getting it all over her as well. If you tell her, it will likely destroy her. You need to live with your mistake and become and beter husband because of it. Really analyze yourself why you did it, and tell yourself you will never do it again. She doesnt need the pain, you got messy slobbery bbq sauce all over yourself, don't spread it onto her. Just be better from here forwards.
>>
>>18789203
You are full of shit. Stop trying to do whatever the fuck it is you are trying to do.
>>
>>18788557
IF THEY KNEW WHERE THEY LOST IT THEY WOULD KNOW WHERE IT IS UH DUH
>>
>>18786714
You know what? I don't need validation from someone so dishonest and weak.
You're right about being passionless and my life being bleak and having no meaning. I'm working on that. It's a long and painful road.

>The only notably achievable thing you have ever done
How about graduating with zero debt, without any help, while supporting you to top it all? How about owning my own apartment at age 21? Or how about being surrounded by friends whom I've known for a little under two decades?
What have you achieved? Leeching off your then husband? Your parents? Your new boyfriend? Gotten worse at the only thing you did all day for years?
Yeah, shelves full of awards, aren't you.
My cats had tapeworms less parasitic than you.
>>
I know what I promised you something. Please. This is just too much right now. Text me or something.
>>
>>18789331
R
>>
>after acing one exam utterly fuck up another subject
>literally warned others about hubris before the exams
>only to see myself fall
how fucking ironic
thank fucking god I can have a second try
it didn't go that bad, not below average, but I completely underachieved; feels horrible
this doesn't alter plans too much, only adds a bit of extra pressure
just very worried that I will fall into that stupid fucking conformity where you think you're fine, you think you know all that you know
though this time it wasn't me not knowing something, it was just me going "haha, that was way too easy"
should not be writing in english anymore anyway fuck
>>
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I find it funny that you are calling me sick because I'm dating someone 10 years younger. What I find comical is that this "young 18yo bitch kid" actually has been acting like more of an adult than you ever did in the 6 years we shared. It's also funny that you tried dating a 21yo after we broke up, but I didnt say shit about it. And then what happend, you cheated on the man? So why the fuck do you have to come back and try to start shit? Why can't you admit you got replaced and I'm happier with her than I had ever been with you?
Face it, it is fucking over.

Also, you got fat, why you let yourself do that?
>>
>virgin
>18
>live with parents
>feelsbadman.jpg
>>
>>18789725
18 is young, you way more than enough time.
Living with your parents is almost the new norm thanks to how fucking expensive things are.
If you improve yourself, you'll stop being a bitch and maybe get some nice moist slizz.
>>
I’m frustrated with myself because I’m so socially inept that I can’t talk to that one qt in one of my classes.
>>
I'm not sure if I should pop these pills and go fuck some random whores I know or just stay home.
>>
We haven't even seen each other in years but whenever I think of our time together, of arguing, of being shit to each other, sometimes it was you, sometimes it was me, of being hurt by each other, sometimes you, sometimes me, and of loving each other, sometimes you, sometimes me, I can't help but want your love back, and my love to meet yours. I can't even believe you ever loved me, and it hurts so much we did this to each other but I never felt so alive as when I was with you. I should have ended my life when we ended because after that I've been dead.
And when we finally meet this year I fear you won't let me enter your heart and soul again.
>>
I just saw that my sister had gotten another tattoo.

I don't know why it bothers me. Maybe I feel like she shouldn't be spending the money. Maybe it's the 'tattoos are for prostitutes and hookers' mantra that my mom said over and over when I was a kid. Maybe it's because she hasn't really mentioned it, or that he really don't talk. (we're 5 year apart)
>>
>>18789831
I miss you so much :3
>>
>>18789346
Possibly, she might just whig out slightly, does she know you? She might not recognize you, people get weird for different reasons.
>>
I miss you. You're hurting me.
>>
>>18789878
Contact me
>>
>>18789876
she doesn't know me but I think we're from the same town, I recognize her from school but that was like 4-5 years ago so can't tell for sure if its her. 99% sure its not that, I think its just the fact we're in the same class now and I wanted to go up to her and ask her name but she just gives me that weird vibe and I feel like its pointless, one of them silent girls that will give you one word answers.

I thought that girls like to be approached by guys, some just give me that weird feeling like they're afraid of any guy that wants to approach them and prefer to stay alone forever. Its a shame because thats the only type of girls I find attractive and being a beta myself it makes me even more nervous trying to chat them up because of how they are. I don't even have high standards, I just don't find the more out going/club type attractive, I wouldn't relate to them at all
>>
>>18789893
But your last message made it seem like you're too busy too care about what I have to say. And I get it, you have your own life now. But it just made it all seem useless, that's why I didn't send you any messages since your last one.
I can't wait to finally talk to you in person.
>>
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OMMlPs0O2rw
>>
>>18789771
I feel it
>>
>>18785512
i should not have got these tattoos when i was 18
>>
>>18790011
And I should not have got these scars. But fuck it, whoever gives me shit about it is not worth my time.
>>
>>18789249
I feel this on a personal level. I hope you get to do this with that person. And I hope its wonderful for you.
>>
I always say the wrong thing. I love you so much though, it makes me stupid.
>>
>>18785698
I agree.
>>
>forgot I had a tri-monthly bill to pay
Whoops im fucking broke and i cant wait to get to my shitty job and take some money i deserve but not get paid because everyone is fucking stupid and sarcastic and poisionous as fuck,me included thanks to this job. Fuck this cycle of how it started like : need money -> get a job -> job sucks -> get depressed and gamble with money -> need money -> go to job -> job sucks -> get depressed and on and on and on
I know need to work 6 months to get clear if im quitting to hit the tables but that wont fucking last long thanks to this job
>>
>>18785512
This one girl I know in IRL wants me to hang out with her on her birthday. We've hung out in a group setting many times before but never alone. But as of right now it seems like she wants it to just be her and I on her bday, were not good friends by any means. What do? Does she want to fug? She's kinda crazy and just got out of a relationship..
>>
It feels like I'm going insane. I'm getting scared of myself.
I'm scared that the anxiety will just take over and I'll try to take my life again.
I'm really trying, I'm not as chaotic as I was 1-2 years ago.

I just want to get better, I am so tired of this.

I just want to yell to you all that I'm not fine but I always end up staying quiet because I don't deserve taking up any space and I don't want to see you being disappointed in me. Fuck.
>>
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Sometimes, people want you to fail,
sometimes people won't acknowledge you success
Now's sometimes again

Every day I'm not losing, I'm winning
>>
>>18790229
Fuck yeah
>>
He has a girlfriend. I was pretty sure he was single so I probably was too slow. I wish I hadn't gotten so invested. I need a hug.
>>
I broke up with ex a year ago. Since then my neuroticism turned into anxiety affecting my work life and I've also developed IBS. I feel like I want to poop all the time but when I go so often is mostly just noisy diarrhoea.

Could it be a coincidence?

Was it a mistake? Sometimes I think we should try getting back together.

But is that selfish? Being with someone because they soothe my anxiety and keep me grounded.

We met up today, to catch up. I didn't feel like I needed to poop once, during several hours. As soon as I left I felt like I needed to go to a bathroom.
>>
>>18790380
You have withdrawal symptoms. They disappear only when you get your fix.
>>
That first (second?) tweet of yours, was it about me? I wish I could find it. That's where it all started for me.
>>
"After these next few crazy months are over, will you still message me this much?"
"We had to be our own saviors."
"I wish you guys would start already, I've suffered enough."
So many more. You people all knew this was going to happen but it's been a fucking year almost.

When is it going to be over? When will you just fucking tell me what the fuck is going on?

"You have been living a lie."

Tell me the truth. Do you think I'm just going to forget all that has happened? Some of the craziest shit ever, absolutely with no explanation other than the supernatural or some kind of alien technology.

You hit the gas hard every other month and then do nothing for a long time. I'm bored out of my fucking mind. I'm living as a prisoner.

I want to live my life.

Or I want to die.

Fucking end this shit already.
>>
i think its enough, time to see a therapist, i'm at my lowest, how do i make sure the therapist i will choose is good and how much should i except to pay per session, cant find much info on website of places near me. and i dont have alot of money.
>>
Tu vas morfler fils de pute
>>
Will you ever grab my hand?
>>
>>18790514
I'm too shy. Can you grab mine?
>>
Je te fais confiance, te soutiens quand tu vas mal, je te "prête" ma famille et c'est tout ce que tu trouve à faire ? J'espère vraiment que t'es pas hypocondriaque que j'aille chier sur ton cercueil rapidement.
>>
>>18790519 Only if you call me by my name.
>>
I hate arguing so much. Whenever it comes along, I fold in on myself, collapse, and wish it would stop. I'm a functional adult, but I grew up with parents who hated each other, and it left its mark. Maybe it's fun for some people, but I can't stand it.
>>
I'm glad that I'm not the only one that thinks you two actually hate each other. You insisted that wasn't the case, and that you liked each other, but the way you act is totally different. I know some couples like to resolve things in volatile manners, but the passive-aggressive jabs and continuous stream of contempt and sarcasm doesn't appear to be the least bit constructive.

You don't end arguments with an agreement to disagree or any kind of resolution. One just gets tired of arguing, says 'whatever' and rolls their eyes, and dives into another conversation. You don't even look at each other with fondness. There's no gentle touches. Zero tenderness. Your bodies are actively oriented away from each other. It's all hostility, defensiveness, or apathy.

It's a cycle of sarcasm, apathy, annoyance to grab the other's attention. Your jokes are at each other's expense. You complain about each other's actions, attitudes, and interests when the other is out of ear-shot.

It's difficult to remain an unmeddling friend. I feel more concerned than anything else.
I wish I knew who made the comment about you two hating each other so we could compare notes.
>>
https://youtu.be/lFXvNa-jOxQ
>>
I'm kinda proud of myself. I dropped out of Uni last year, and felt like shit. This year I got a job as a programmer, I'm getting way underpaid though, but the freedom I get in my projects make it so much fun.

This year I have already done a project for Virgin and tommorow I'm giving a demo for a very big investments company. Feels good to see what I have accomplished.
>>
I feel bad reaching out to my brothers for advice or when I'm a threat to myself. They tell me to call them whenever for any reason, but i feel like the more i do the less they seem to care. I don't want them to feel like I'm too much a burden for them to handle.
>>
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I feel as though I am finally starting to think clearly. I really need to talk to someone about my current situation and future endeavors. Because, I would like to rectify parts of it. I am sorry if this seems like typical indecisive me but you and I both know this was a childish plan to begin with.
I need to be put under.
>>
>>18791176
you can talk to me, but I won't be able to give you any advice most likely
>>
One part of my brain is confused and afraid that everything I know is wrong and I'm going to make a fool out of myself. That I'm imagining all of this and getting my hopes too far up like last time.

The other half is screaming about how much fun we had today, assured that I'm into you and you're into me, and wants to spend every ounce of energy recalling your smile and the little dance you did and the things you said.

Between the two of them I don't think I'll be able to sleep tonight.
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>>18785512
I don't know why I'm not okay.

I mean, I survived something, something horrible that kills most people who are subjected to it. Everyone tells me how rare I am, that it was a miracle Inwas able to power through it without killing myself like all the others. Do you know how isolating that is? To be the only one left alive? I'm breathing, I can still bleed, and I should be happy about that right? I'm just so sad all the time.

I love being alive, but because of what they did to me, every day I want to die.
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I hate how my grandmother was essentially my second "mom" during the most critical points in my upbringing and how my father just allowed that to happen. She's Tony Soprano's mother to the T. It's no wonder Tony needed therapy. This "tough love" bullshit just doesn't work for everybody if that's the only type of love you know to give. And I know she has good intentions and everything but goddamn, accept responsibility for your fuck ups as a parent, man. Don't play this sweet old lady crap you've been doing all these years. I see right through your your bullshit and so does the rest of the family. But there's no point in confronting her about this anymore, she's old, her way of thinking is already cemented. And I hate how she always tries to victim and manipulates everyone into taking pity on her when someone calls her out on her shit. Whenever I look at my uncles, my dad, and myself, I go "Yup, we got this from her" but it's so true though. I don't know, maybe I'm trying to put blame on someone else for the way I turned out because I don't want to accept full responsibility to how I got here but it's so frustrating trying to fix yourself when you know exactly where things went wrong in your life and you can't go back to change them. It made my blood boil when she said that I got "this" from my mom's side of the family. Like bitch what? FUCK YOU. Everyone in the family has worked towards your approval and your validation but you always manage to turn it about yourself, playing the victim card. ALWAYS.

She's probably the closest person I've actually come to "hate" but I just can't go all the way. Maybe that's what I need though, someone to hate. I don't know, I think I need love rather. I'm an asshole. And I hate thinking like this about my family. I fucking hate it but it's about time I start moving forward and away from this toxic mentality.
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New thread when?




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