[a / b / c / d / e / f / g / gif / h / hr / k / m / o / p / r / s / t / u / v / vg / vr / w / wg] [i / ic] [r9k] [s4s] [vip] [cm / hm / lgbt / y] [3 / aco / adv / an / asp / bant / biz / cgl / ck / co / diy / fa / fit / gd / hc / his / int / jp / lit / mlp / mu / n / news / out / po / pol / qst / sci / soc / sp / tg / toy / trv / tv / vp / wsg / wsr / x] [Settings] [Home]
Settings Home
/adv/ - Advice

Thread archived.
You cannot reply anymore.

How is it possible for a girl to say she loves you more than she has ever loved anyone else, will love you forever, is your soulmate, knows for certain she wants to be with you forever, and will never leave you ever or even consider leaving you

...then when she gets in a bad mood just change her mind, laugh at you, call you a loser, threaten to cheat, tell you she has been cheating all along and I should have known because it's obvious, then go back again and say she loves you, then blame you for all of the relationship problems, say it's all your fault because you're mean to her after she does this thing, then leave you for the guy she threatened to cheat on you with and say it would be obvious she'd go fuck him and I should have known

How the FUCK can a person do this to another, what the FUCK was going on in her mind. Are all girls like this? Someone help me. I cannot figure this out.
>How is it possible
some people are crazy
>Are all girls like this?
>I cannot figure this out.
you won't, they probably can't figure out why they did it either
She's just trying to manipulate you to make you stay with her despite her sleeping around.

What you do is you shut her completely out of your life for a week or two set it on your calendar so you don't forget. When you finally do reply be cold and distant, say only the minimum. Wait a minimum of 3 days preferably another week before giving an answer as to why.
When you finally do answer say "I don't like cheaters" And leave it at that.

If you do this she'll throw herself at you. Let her. Use her for sex but don't ever give her your whole heart again.

Remember this is one of the crazy ones. So don't dump her. Until she loses interest in you. Otherwise she'll probably destroy your stuff and otherwise make your life hell.
Three words: Borderline Personality Disorder
>How the FUCK can a person do this to another, what the FUCK was going on in her mind?
If she's an undiagnosed Borderline Personality Disorder sufferer - which, based on the black-and-white thinking / splitting, blaming, cheating, and verbal and emotional abuse, it sounds like she is - it's because tl;dr she's emotionally damaged and is massively insecure in intimate relationships. She's basically a dysfunctional human being, and by being in a relationship with her you've entered into the crossfire. It isn't going to get better, especially if she isn't in BPD-specific therapy, so it's best that you're (I'm assuming) out of the relationship.
>Are all girls like this?
No, only the ones with debilitating mental disorders and bad human beings. Obviously, those aren't mutually exclusive categories of girls.

I'm not an armchair psychologist, I've merely been in a very similar situation and I don't like to see others content with emotionally damaging relationships. Take care of yourself, get yourself into therapy or group therapy (I prefer group), and research BPD, codependency, and emotional abuse as long as you're confident that it fits your situation.

Quints aside, this is terrible advice except for being wary of dumping mentally ill people - which isn't a reason not to do it.
Hey, BPD-ex-survivor! You've also found out about how our own codependency is what led us to allow such fucked up relationships? I've been going to CoDA for a while now- is that the group therapy you're talking about? It's been great for my own recovery. I feel like more people should be talking about codependency.
No, I dropped out of CoDA pretty quickly, decided it wasn't for me. I don't really regret it. Instead, I joined a group for people who were in abusive relationships operated on my college campus. So group talk-therapy, I guess.
The thing about CoDA is that it's structured; it's a double-edged sword. On one hand, some people really benefit from weekly meetings with a stricter rules. On the other hand, I personally found it very restrictive and couldn't open up because of it.

>I feel like more people should be talking about codependency
Agreed, it's much more productive than talking about PDs. Like, talking about PDs can contextualize the behavior you'll encounter in an emotionally abusive relationship, which is very valuable because it is just WHAT THE FUCK at first. But I also see a lot of people playing the blame game in support groups. Understanding my codependency has helped me protect myself and mature much more than realizing my ex-girlfriend was emotionally damaged ever did.
I certainly understand that. The structure is exactly what keeps me going back. I like that it's predictable and I know what is expected of me. It's a welcome relief from my obsessions of feeling responsible for figuring out an individual's unspoken rules- the rules are blatantly spoken!

You're totally right about how helpful this is. Realizing that my ex was fucked up helped me realize that I didn't deserve it, but that only helped me cope with the past. CoDA helps me gain tools to improve my current life and how to establish healthy relationships in the future. It gives me agency and autonomy in what I can control; myself.

I'm glad that you're doing well.

Delete Post: [File Only] Style:
[Disable Mobile View / Use Desktop Site]

[Enable Mobile View / Use Mobile Site]

All trademarks and copyrights on this page are owned by their respective parties. Images uploaded are the responsibility of the Poster. Comments are owned by the Poster.