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/fit/ - Fitness

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>Gym got a fresh supply of lifting runes
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>tfw only 15xp away from leveling up OHP but I'd need to buy the "professional xp pack"
Fuck pay to play gyms honestly this sucks
>dub dubs
What did he mean by this?
>Gym loot box only had a new skin for the barbell
What kind? I normally just get "steel", fucking ripoff
>Gym squad invites me to raid a gains goblin den
>tfw you’re not druid and you can’t use runes
>I wish we stayed /fitlit/ so I could still be using scrolls
>not enough exp to class-switch into paladin
>tfw still no gf
t. Wizzard
>stupid fucking YMCA gets new fingerbox
>it's plastic, all rounded, no hard corners anymore
pic related, looks like this but make of plastic, I hate using it now.
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Waiting for squat rack DLC to go on sale this summer (ausfag reporting in)
>be new to the gym
>buy the machines expansion pack
>discover /fit/
>haven't used it since
>rolled low on my levelup gains
>stalling hard

wat do
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>tfw the gym barbarian uses demoralizing shout after each rep
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>The gym staff dug the manlet pit even deeper
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>Gym rogue steals my plates during sets
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>gym necromancer drew sigils with chalk on the deadlift platform again
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At least your gyms have a good variety, everyone at my gym just plays spy and pretends to be Ronnie Coleman
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>tfw the season pass doesn't include unlocking the gym twinks' chastity belt
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>High levels keep killing the gym raid boss so fadt that I cant get enough damage to him so I can get some drops too
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>Gym servers are in maintenaince
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>tfw about to merge my holographic weights with a real barbell
Wish me luck boys, only ever benched digital lmao2plates
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>The early new years resolution dyel all rushed B
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>the 4 scoops guild is buying out the protein auction again
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>Anticheat detected my steroid hack and banned me from the gym
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>gym necro's skeleton summons are hogging all the deadlift platforms
>Cheaky fucks cast ward against good around the preacher's curl bench.
>Can't buff bicep stats without changing alignment
>TFW Centvrion Primvs pilvs strvts into the castrvm with two Gallic slaves vnder each arm
>TFVV Can only carry one Gallic slave vnder each arm

Feels Graecia man
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>Gym herbalist sold out on strength potions and staminas
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>gyms wizard isnt taking any new apprentices any time soon
its all over lads
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Double dubs, nice. In honor of that, let me tell you a tale about Lifthalla:

>5th of May the manlets breach the pit through tunnels that exit from the squat rack
>grab the nearest bar and start knocking them back towards the squat rack
>bros everywhere are waist deep in manlets, the tide slowly rising as they begin to form human towers to topple our gains
>my skull gets smashed in by a manlet wielding a dumbell with weight only on one end
>swole women ride down from above on glowing wings, each armed with a sharpened barbell
>these Valkyries walk among the dead and take those of us who died fighting to save our gains
>"Great warrior, you've earned the right to lift among the gods in Lifthalla."
>carried up into the heavens to a gym in the heavens
>enter through the massive doors engraved with the ruins of our people:
>"You don't even lift"
>spot Brodin doing curls in the squat rack
>Thor is doing hammer throws with the dumbells
>Freya keeps posting Instagram photos of her ass while she uses machines wrong
>Loki runs the front desk and won't let me lift without proof of my gains
>all my gains were lost upon my death
>after much arguing I'm finally allowed in, but I'm only permitted to do cardio on the treadmill
>don't even get to watch the Valkyrie's do their cardio since they have more gains than me and literally throw me off the treadmill when they need it
>spend every night drinking the whey of the gods and praying for the day my gains make a return
>have my gains pillaged from my every day by more experianced bros
>mfw I never get my gains back and remain the smallest bro in Lifthalla
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>gym trap has decided to become macho
>whole gym forced to draw straws to determine who is the new gym trap
>mfw I get the short straw
>doing HIT for cardio
>can't find the B button to go faster
Will I ever make it?
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>when the gym shaman uses bloodlust
>Tired of miniscule XP gainz from killing Tortured Manlets
>Check the wiki for recommended slayer tasks at my level
>Brap Elementals
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The manlet banblade has breached the free weight area
>designated gym chad uses the disarm shout and everyone mid squat goes to snap city and loses their XP for the day
he cant keep getting away with this
>have to RWT my gym gains to pay for membership
>levels are now too low to access P2P area
>can't make progress using f2p equipment
Is there any hope lads?
>you probably wanted the short straw..
Look what 4chan has done to you
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>mfw I'm not one of the Emperor's Finest
Can one truly make it if they don't take the Astartes upgrade package?
To be fair this whole site is pretty fucking gay...
>Implying he didn't have wall hacks turned on
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>cardio bunny logged out when I tried talking to her
>Banned from gym for using macros
I knew I shouldn't have gotten my squat plug from Bad Dragon
Top kek
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>Tfw the gym cleric wont bless your squat plug
>accidentally turn noclip on while squatting
>bar falls through my body and bangs into the floor
>asked to leave and never come back due to abusing console commands
>be sorcerer
>spent all my sorcery points twinning my lifts so I can double OHP
>use last spell slot to make enough points to double my lift rolls when gym thot walks by
Worth it
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>he didnt put points in his lock picking skill
ill tell the gym twink you said hi faggot
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Where the fuck is your gym paladin at?
>tfw you help the gym paladin Bitor defeat the necromancer
dude is a BRO
>Gym goblins only drop cardio armour
Never happens when I actually roll cardio class
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>Squat plugs got nerfed in latest patch
tfw the lads and i grind xp in the manlet pit
>manlets have started to do speed screeches to distract everyone in the gym during their lifts
>the high pitched noise is gradually making me deaf

At least I can focus more on my lifts since the gym orchestra was replaced by the gym one man band
>all prepped for leg day, got a new squat plug and everything
>lifting buddy shows up in a walking cast and says he can't do legs
>spend entire workout doing chest and tris a day early with my squat plug in

A-am I gay now?
Dude that's a medieval fleshlight
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>Gym boss has infinite healing items
>Have to beat him to access cardio level
>Bust my ass all year
>looking swole
>gym gets shut down
>go to a different gym
>suddenly a skelly
>realize all this time I had been working out at a test gym
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>Gymquisition busts through the doors
>Start taking anyone who wasn't on free weights into the yoga room
>Been hearing screaming for hours
>They won't let anyone leave
>Running out of free weight exercises to do
>A-any suggestions /fit/?
>farmer's walks x home
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None of these threads have been funny for the past year. Stop trying.
just grind on lesser gains goblins until you get enough xp to dual wield dumbbells. it sucks, but LGGs are pretty much the only thing worthwhile for noobs.
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>me reading this
>doing the usual bench press
>check my phone for a minute in between sets
>unrack the bar, but the bar is all slippery
>right before it lands on my chest, spot the gym jester in the corner of my eye
>he lubed the bar while I wasn't looking
>forced to do the roll of shame while everyone else in the gym are pointing and laughing at me
One of these days I'll get back at him
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>gym bullies keep stopping me from training runcrafting
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>accidently spill my protein shake and all of my gains
>gym jester rolls up
>"whey to go."
>everyone is looking now as I try to sop up the mess of spilled shake and my forming tears
>"guess all your gains went a-whey anon"
>I can feel his smug painted face looking at me
>trembling at this point, I just want the humiliation to end
>"oh, don't let me get in your whey"
>he leaves, big shoes squeaking as he honks a comically large bike horn
>mfw I find out he was doing a deload week on puns and he was using me as the weight
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>trying to level up bench but curl bros are already there killing all the gains goblin respawns
>free gym "member"
>can't go to Swolytania
>can't go to Liftdynnas
>stuck in Gains Goblin Village
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>Log on to old Gym server where you initially started before transferring.
>Last login date of your guild bros was 551 days ago.
>log on to gym
>do a few dailies
>run around the track harvesting some mats for protein powder and opening a few hidden gym bag stashes
>barely get any good loot, sell it on the TP for a handful of gymshekels
>stand in front of the mirror for a minute while trying to think of what to do
>log off, masturbate, and go to sleep
Why do I even play this game anymore?
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>farm shoulder xp every other day for 14 months
>finally enough xp to purchase proficient shoulders on symmetrical strength
>tfw completely forgot to farm any back xp
I can OHP my body weight but only 3 pull ups
kumiko is so perfect, her gf is so fucking lucky
>the bavarians are bragging about their cocks again
>wanting to go to the cardio level
for what purpose
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>be ranger
>doing my usual reps
>gym knight comes up to me and says "Hark at thee, fair fellow! I hath been searching for men of character to aid in my holy quest to slay the gym dragon! Would thou careth to join my adventuring party?
>don't have anything else to do today so I accept
>other party members are Paladin and Sorcerer
>we go to the gym supply shop and get some potions for the road ahead
>descend into gym catacombs
>fight off manlets and gains goblins, nothing too harsh
>enter a chamber, find a lesser daemon
>"Shouldn't be too hard lads! Lets smite it" says the paladin
>our corpses have to be recovered by the janitor
>have to tribute half of my gains for ressurection
>never fucking questing again
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>gym sorcerer is using an extended wild magic table
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You know you wanted this.
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>Risking your gains in the wilderness
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>gym paladin casts his strength aura when I struggle with a pr
I love that guy.
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>gym succubus cast "you're here on a friday night again lifting alone, anon haha"-curse on you
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>guy using squat rack
>says I can use it if I give him 200 manlet bones
>enter manlet pits
>kill first manlet
>get Bone (1)
You're not supposed to farm the manlets one and one... Just run through the manlet pit aggroing all of them then use an AOE like C&J-drops.
>Been questing for Legendary Abs
>Need them before I can run the Succubus instance
>Can't find them
>Stuck my noob belly from the starting area
>Ask mate where I can find them
>He tells me to grind in the cardio badlands and they'll drop randomly
I fucking hate the cardio badlands
that doesn't count
>Forgot to pop a pre potion at the gym boss
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>autistic faggot playing gym warlock casts damage reduction aura simultaneously because "strength aura is cheating"
What is that old Jew taking in the original video footage? Snorting cocaine?
Fucking newfag, Druids can't use Runes, they're for Deathlift Knights
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>gym receptionist potion seller won't sell me his strongest potions
>told him I need his strongest pre-workout potions
>he says I would die
He’s a ‘War criminal’ who drank poison after hearing the final judgement and saying the words ‘Slobodan Praljak is not a war criminal, with contempt I refuse your sentence’. He was sentanced to 20 years, however due to how the prison worked and the fact he’d been there for 13 years already during ‘investigation’, he would be out in a couple of months.

However he was too prideful and decided to take his life instead. He’s a very controversial figure and many believe he was a scapegoat in my country.
>gym necromancer decided to cast leech despite it being outlawed here on sacred ground
>literally steals everyone’s gains and we had to start back at skelly mode
I don’t know where the fuck the gym paladin has been but he’s not doing his fucking job.
Y-you're right. See you in the shower later?

N-no homo.
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>doing wood choppers on the cables
>random dark mage keeps walking by and attacking me for literally NO reason
Was he on the Christian side? Because if he was then he was definitely a hero and no war criminal. The Serbs were right in wanting to purge the lands of mudslimes.
And as a general rule, anyone the UN calls a war criminal is bound to be a very good person who fought for justice and good in this world.
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>Be me
>DYEL kvm cleric
>Decide fuck it
>Dip in to wizard
>Start lifting
>Get some fun spells
>Dip more in to wizard
>Start lifting more
>Decite its time to /fraud/
>Take up the necromancy school
>Start leaching gains from local gym peasants
>Gym paladin starts suspecting something
>Oh shit.jpg
>He tries to detect evil
>Its an int roll
>The Lunks dump stating int in favor of dexterity
>Lol mobility
>Befriend him under the rouse of being a friendly cleric
>Slowly working my way on making him fall
>Still no gt3.14 spooky skeleton gf
>Maybe I'll get one when I get promoted to lich
>We're all gonna make it
Because I need to grind to raise my stamina level.
Yeah he was on Croatian (catholic) side, but his wife was muslim, and he even helped save many muslims from Serbs, yet he’s sentenced for ‘crimes’ against muslims
>gym dishwasher studying calculus in the squat rack again
>but his wife was muslim, and he even helped save many muslims from Serbs
Not my hero then.

Serbia stronk, remove kebab.
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>Gym chessmaster won't let me use the squat rack until I manage to beat him
>gym jester keeps doing leapfrogs over people to cross the gym and yelling "king me" when he gets to the other side
>tfw the gym veterinarian starts petting the cardio bunnies
>gym receptionist rolls her eyes as I walk past her without giving a tip
>he didnt choose musclemancer as his class
lmaoing at your life
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>not using your INT stat to convince gym Paladin that you should cuck him
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>get to new gym
>talk to first guy I see
>"I'm training legs today!"
>walk way and talk to second guy
>"We're all gonna make it"
>walk away and talk to gym dog
>talk to first guy again
>"I'm training legs today!"
Better than the one in my gym, he keeps trying to put me down.
>gym paladin says a prayer for everyone in the gym
>I break all my PR's by 10%
Praise the Lord.
>start taking tren to increase my gains
>end up growing a cow 's head and being forced to wander the gym labyrinth in search of gains
You are smalltime.
>finally paid off that debt to Mr. Gymson
>saved up all my Nuyen on the last 3 workouts
>go hit up my fixer to set me up with some more cybertech so I can leave humanity behind as a cyberzombie
>the Gym Sam bought the good stuff already
>he's a swole troll, can't argue with him
>settle on a cheaper cyberarm, finally I can do proper cybercurls
>it starts randomly hitting me in the crotch
>catch the decker snickering in the corner
Frag it, I'm playing some black ICE onto my commlink right now.
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PT's Log
>four days have passed since the manlet uprising
>the small ones pooled their resources in secret and escaped the manlet pit when we least expected it
>made their escape in the dead of night and hid in the ventilation ducts til morning (still haven't figured out how they got up there)
>they launched their ambush on leg day, when they knew we wouldn't be able to run
>it was horrible. Many good men were lost that day... my shins are covered in bruises, Chad took a blow to the nuts with a dumbbell. Good thing he's on roids or it could have been much worse
>they cast us down into the pit and have desecrated our gym. Curling in the squat racks, Crossfit, all manner of unimaginable travesties. They have torn down our pull-up bars as they see no use for them, since they are well out of their natural reach
>I sense dark days are ahead. I don't know how long we will be down here, but I pray that our tribulation is short lived.
Just step out of the pit you knob, it's only waist deep.
>That feel when duradel only assigns me treadmill gargoyles
>Try to parry the protein powder salesman
>Mistime it and now have to buy a tonne of strawberry flavored whey protein
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>take the neck redpill
>download the trap dlc to help increase my gains
>dlc was not what I was expecting
>pic related
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Annnnnd now I'm going to have nightmares about this face.
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>jah rune finally dropped
>can't wait to make Enigma runeword and teleport around the gym

months of farming the manlet pit finally gives me a prize
What class did Zyzz choose?
He was an alchemist.
>Made and took -Stam +Str potions over and over to turn him from a twink into a sick cunt
>His Stam went into the negatives after he got the "Coked up ladyboy orgy" debuff
>Didn't truly die, his health underflowed and he became a god who looks over us all
>5cp Expose armor
How do I find dystopian gym threads in the archive
I know for /tv/ they have a colloquial term for these threads (kinoplex).

What should the /fit/ stereotypical gym be called?
Let's be honest, he had a Charisma perk too.

>captcha: druid school
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>ran out of GymCredits™ mid squat
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>gym has gone to micro transactions recently
>initially annoyed but the gains system was rebalanced, the texture quality increased and there is greater bandwidth for the gym
>have to pay to enter the gym, lift and even to make gains
>free weights cost more than machines so most people only lift on machines
>mfw free weight master race
>Had fun thinking about what my role would be in these dystopian gyms
>Realize i'd practically be an NPC stuck in the manlet pit
>yfw you have the rarest barbell skin in the gym
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>Just got enough gains to purchase a horse
>Have to dismount to use any of the weights
What a waste. I hope they patch it soon
shouldn't free weights be free though
Not since EA bought the gym.
Good reference, kek
This one made me kek since I can see some autisitic gym doing this
>tfw you fail your strength check
>tfw the gym trap is doing cock pushups
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>barbell plates expired last week
>can't afford to keep paying the monthly cost for new ones

how do you guys afford a home gym?
Buy your weights in bulk.

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