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File: 800px-Aaron_Beck_2016.jpg (135 KB, 800x1199)
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Aaron Beck, a pioneer of CBT, pictured. He came up with the Beck Depression Inventory and other tests. The Beck Hopelessness Scale seems particularly relevant here.

Previous thread: >>9189208
>>
hmmm i will personal blog about my master plan about homosexuality because i think the formula is being completely flamingly obnoxious on 4chan because then u get all the cringe gay out here and can be elegant irl

yes this post will be cringe that is its purpose anyway i am 26 and very feminine looking but i live in such a conservative area that i never even considered crossdressing but now am becoming a flaming fag but i am always quiet and prostrated into fem positions and im just getting cuter by the day. i just got a pink iphone and my coworkers are all totally cool with how blatantly gay i am and its all because im quiet and respectful. i suggest this way of being sissy to literally all people.
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You will join us repgen. All of you do in the end.

Give in.
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>>9217725
you can still tell thats a man on the right in that picture
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>>9217739
Yes but she has embraced her inner woman. Surrendered to estrogen.

Nothing wrong with being trans anon
>>
>>9217746
there is if people can tell that you are
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>>9217552
i do the exact same thing actually
except i am 25 and on hormones anyway
>>
>>9217748
You should be proud of being a convert to femininity
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>>9217753
i would do it if i know i could pass. but i know i couldnt. someone in real life knowing i have this problem really seems like the worst thing in the world. even dying is preferable to having someone know.
>>
>>9217753

lol
>>
>>9217751

well ok anon do what u think will make u happy
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>>9217470
How are men even supposed to have fun? Are we just supposed to drink, smoke, and fuck our way through life? Are we the no fun allowed gender?
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>>9218574
No, talking with people, arts and crafts, outdoorsy activities, even cooking or something. Just do you, fuck toxic masculinity.
>>
>>9218592
I used to like camping, but god it's been forever since I've been out hiking a trail or sleeping in a tent. Just can't find the motivation to put together a trip.
>Just do you
desu I don't really have a grasp on what that might be. Maybe I should try and unfuck my appalling art skills and channel all this shit into something resembling art.
>>
>>9217725

>tfw hair is longer than it has ever been
>tfw started finasteride
>tfw first face laser appointment this weekend

I......It's not a slippery slope....is....it?
>>
>>9218613
take your fucking pills alice
>>
>>9218613
>have ffs and srs days scheduled
I-I'm going to cancel them and flush my pills any day now.. I swear
>>
I don't know if I can hold off repressing or not but when my pay comes in, I'm buying laser to get this stupid hair off my face.
>>
>>9218619

But....but....I'm not trans....I'm not....I just eerrrr like looking feminine

Damn I am getting shit at repression, I blame my distinctly dykeish gf completely

>>9218829

I would love FFS, but I spent all my money on a house deposit(muh 42 acres), need a promotion.

>>9218994

I am really excited about the idea of not having to shave and being done with beard shadow.
>>
>>9219171
I want my face to be so smooth again, to hell with shaving. I'd get full body laser but I'm not made of money.

>>9218829
Is it bad that I really want these even though I probably won't pass? ending up a cute boy with less dysphoria if I don't would be better.
>>
>>9219179

>these goals

I know these feels so well.
>>
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>tfw almost "borrowed" panties to wear for the first time in years
>tfw the only reason I didn't take any was because I didn't think I could get away with taking the panties I found
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>>9217725
>lighting, shadows, angles
good photography doesn't change the FACT the dad bod on left doesn't exist on the right

even jenner look can look smokin hot (in photos), lol
>>
>>9219538
>Jenner
>In a Porsche
Pretty funny desu.
>>
>>9219544
jenner is a good pilot and flies aerobatic planes

>>9217753
nothing wrong w feminine males,
but it's ridiculous for someone to think they are female when they've lived a male life
>>
>>9219563
Not that poster but I didn't choose to live as a male, that was decided for me and any deviation was squashed.
>>
Any advice on getting a non shit therapist? All the ones I've tried are just hug box shills who rinse my money and do nothing productive
>>
>>9219563
>but it's ridiculous for someone to think they are female when they've lived a male life
Transition young enough = not much male life, and over time the male life fades into the distant past. Not to mention that many of us weren't very masculine to begin with.
>>
>>9219563
Forcing a male life on a cis girl doesnt make her not female
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>>9220290
no cis girls here, hon
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>>9220382
Nice reading comprehension
>>
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Amy used to be on the left now she is on the right
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>>9221389
Amy used to be black?
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>>9221435
Transition is the cure for melanin.
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>>9217470
so whats the therapy to make me enjoy being a man instead of being broken AGP and wanting to transition to a woman?
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>>9221475
if you imply all those black trannies being killed
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>>9221389
>tfw will never be as cute as right
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>>9221572
>called her "satan"
lol
behavior of a typical sexually insecure dumb nigga
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>>9221592
if you look up transgender murders they are 90% blacks (by blacks of course)
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>>9221600
>(by blacks of course)
>tfw /pol/ was right again
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>>9221389
Oh how i love that meme
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>>9221600
fucking niggers tbqhon
and say this even though i am attracted to niggers
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>>9221636
is that you?
>>
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>>9222091
Getting there :)

Its nice. Microsoft how old AI and pictreiv consistently genders me as a 19 year old girl

Nice feels
>>
>>9221517
According to the Association for Behavioral and Cognitive Therapies:
http://www.abct.org/Information/?m=mInformation&fa=fs_LGBT_Clients
On page 2:
>Homosexuality, bisexuality, and being transgender are not mental disorders. Almost all cognitive and behavioral therapists agree that this is true, regardless of the fact that DSM still lists gender identity disorder.
>Research shows that trying to change sexual or gender orientation with conversion therapy most often has harmful effects.
>Cognitive and behavioral therapies do not change one’s sexual orientation.
>>
>>9222184
but Im not trans and my orientation is bi anyway
>>
>>9222390
>AGP (not that I believe in Blanchardianism at all)
>wanting to transition to a woman
>not trans
>>
>>9222452
its all AGP-induced, I used to be normal and I still can function as a man, if trans is a spectrum then Im pretty low on the scale, I should be cured
>>
>>9221389
>Nut job is white and masc af
Could you be any more wrong, kek
>>
Dreaming about a life I cannot have is agony. Why did i ever repress, this has ruined my life.
>>
>>9221636
You're p cute ngl
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>>9222876
you could google image, its a female cosplayer
attentionwhore tripfag is barely few months on hrt
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>>9222913
Well she did take them for a couple months before stopping before so that could still have an effect.
>>
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To anyone who is just repressing presentation but is taking hrt, be warned. Im several years into doing this, and while everyone sees me as a guy, ive been getting weird attention off straight and bi guys, and a handful people asked me for 'the talk' to ask if i ever wondered if maybe i was 'ONE OF THEM.'

You cant hide forever. It catches you. It's catching me.
>>
>>9223819
Im openly gay so no worries there
>>
>>9223822
Me too, but i think people have figured it out because of my feminine appearance etc. Hrt doesnt change much but after several years the subtle differences start to give you away
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>>9217470
Looks can be deceiving. You would never guess that guy would be into cock and ball torture.
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>>9223819
Hrt doesn't work for me so I won't know that feeling. Wish it did though.
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>>9223819
yeah you start to look uncanny a best like a butch with no makeup
be happy that you are attractive
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A question for all of you.
If there was a magical button that completely eliminates all your dysphoria, would you press it?
If there were was a second button which makes you an unattractive (4/10) cis girl (you'd still have to explain it somehow though), how many microseconds would pass before you press it?
>>
>>9226163
if only 1 option was available at one point in time id press the button no matter which one of those it is, but if both were available id pick the one to be a girl
>>
>>9226170
Don't you feel that dysphoria and your repressed identity is a part of who you are though?
>>
>>9226180
but id think that if it would truly get rid of it, i wouldnt regret getting rid of it, and i wouldnt care to lose it.
>>
>>9226186
and besides, its a completely unrealistic and delusional desire that will never become true anyways; if i could just stop thinking about it all the time then i would be much better off.
>>
>>9226163
I would press the second without hesitation but I'm not sure about the first to be honest, as shitty as it feels.
>>
Is repgen just for trans or can gay people vent too?

Because I’m now thinking more and more that coming out as a teen who didn’t know better was a mistake...as a young adult it seems like all my non family relationships faded away, and Dad straight up said there will be a close friend of his managinng assets when he dies, instead of me directly inheriting the money.

I don’t know if i’m being paranoid but it seems like my family has given up on me having a straight marriage and therefore is doing there best to keep me in a bad financial situation so I don’t run off to become a queer socialist.

Coming out was a mistake.
>>
>>9226163

Anything to stop this, to make these fucking horrible feelings go away, either button would be better than living like this.

>>9226559

Many hugs, this must fucking suck. I am in the closet partially for inheritance reasons.
>>
>>9226163
Im a man, just remove the dysphoria

>>9226559
tell them it was just a phase my man
and if can dat a girl for a facade
>>
>>9226163
>you'd still have to explain it somehow though
>tfw just a cis AGP degenerate but spent hours thinking about this exact scenario as a kid
And no I wouldn't press the first button but I would press the 2nd button.
>>
>>9226163
At this point I'd rather be an ugly cis girl than a degen freak, and the thought of living to old age as a man disgusts me..
>>
>>9226654
I would press the 1st button, no point in starting womanhood as a 4/10 over 30 nerd girl. I'd love to relieve my life as a girl upon death though. I've often pondered what life would of been like had I been born a girl.
>>
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>be agp with mild dysphoria
>have nice, slender body with nice legs and surprisingly feminine butt (confirmed by str8 guys)
>enjoy /cd/, crossplaying, and doing makeup
>but am 24yo, 6'1'' with neverpassing face and unsupportive family/gf

Is this something I'd be better off giving up completely and flat out repressing or can it be healthy in moderation to do in secret every once in a while? I've been so confused the last few years that I don't even know who I am anymore
>>
>>9227498
It does sound like you are already dressing in secret so if that is enough for you currently then I don't see the problem with continuing. Everyone manages in different ways and at least it isn't constantly drinking like I see some posters use to cope.
I've repressed for years until I broke down this year and I am taking hrt while presenting male, which honestly will be a permanent thing. That's what I use to keep going.
>>
>>9227896
How has daily life been after starting hrt? Have you been outed by friends/family at all?
>>
>>9228531
Daily life has been pretty similar, I've found it to be more manageable compared to just my antidepressants and I had a placebo effect early on that make me so happy that I was doing something to treat my dysphoria. I do get upset about not being able to go further with my presentation but I have to work with what I have and make small changes when I can.

To be fair, I'm old as dirt so any changes aren't going to be that noticeable unless people don't see me for several months. Right now no-one irl knows and I don't think that will change. Plus It's jumper season so no-one can see my chest anyway. Maybe my trans friend might know what to spot but It's not something I am worried about right now.
>>
>>9219858

There are two types of therapists when it comes to trans people:

1.

>Gender is over SJWs who majored in psyh/gender studies
>Will hug box the hell out of you
>You can probably get hormones from one of them in the first visit or two if they're chill

2.

>Hardcore loyalists who will dey everything you're telling them
>They will inevitably make you feel like shit and make the repression worse

Therapy can help if you find someone you really jive with, but at the ed of the day you have to work through your own feelings. Category 1 comes in handy when you feel you're ready to start HRT, but need that extra little push.
>>
>>9228782
Or you could go on transphobic alt-right websites and get some "counseling" from them.
>>
>>9228782
Well, mine is in between. He wants to wait a year at least for hrt but does not believe in one trutrans way.
>>
>tfw wearing panties right now
I couldn't stop myself from getting them. I feel like I'm one step closer to failing you all, but it just feels so right.
>>
>>9230198
that's not how you repress
>>
>>9230211
I swear it's just a low point and I'll bounce back. It probably also doesn't help that I plucked some hair on my body the other day. I used to wear panties as a young teen but then I stopped, I'm sure things will turn around again.
>>
>>9230233
I'm sure aswell, at some point you'll realize that transitioning is not an option.
I'm at that point and it breaks my heart.
>>
>>9230310
>transitioning is not an option
That may be, but I think the more immediate struggle is resisting the urge to order some cute clothes to crossdress in. If I start wearing women's outfits when I have the privacy then I fear I will have lost the war.
>>
it's another episode of
>anon has a personal crisis as to whether or not any of their friends actually likes them, so they freak out and push everyone away
left every server, blocked several people, and currently sitting in my room alone going through my contacts list and deleting people.
kill me plz
>>
>>9222091
>>9222876
low iq detected
>>
>>9230233
guys cd'ing is more common then trans
>>
Reeee, I am crubbling down but I need to repress
>>
>>9217725
i don't have a chance at passing or i would
>>
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>>9217725
>mfw I'm going to stay a man and there's nothing you can do about it
Maybe if I knew with certainty I would pass things would be different...
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>>9232414
The only people who know with certainty they can pass are those who can pass without hrt. That's a tough standard.
>>
i fucking hate my life i honestly let my life get out of control i'm at the point i don't think i could fix it
>>
>>9234260
i guess that depends on how you define "fix"
>>
>>9234291
just stop hating my life i'm a 23 year old neet who hasnt been to school in almost 4 years and i want to be a girl but i'm 99% sure i'm too masc to pass my life is pretty fucked all around
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>>9233153
>That's a tough standard.
I never said I was going to make things easy on myself. If I'm going to turn my life upside down, I better damn well know it's going to be worth it before I start.
>>
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Why do I have to have facial hair?
Fuck it just doesn't stop, I want it all gone but I might as well just come out as a degenerate AGP if I were to get laser...
>>
>>9228688
how did you get on HRT? did you tell your therapist you were gonna continue presenting masc?
>>
>>9234539
I am currently self medding as I won't be able to get them through the legal route for another year and I am still waiting over 2 years for the first appointment. I don't have a therapist that will touch gender issues right now but I did tell the one I see for my depression. Boy, that was a mistake.
She got offended that I was taking them and that I felt better on them instead of antidepressants that are only breaking up my sleep and not helping with mood. She told me that I would just end up miserable again and that I should only do what she tells me. I didn't have a chance to tell her that I was going to present male as I was so angry from what she said.
>>
>>9218609
Yeah, do art. Art's fun and you can make money off it if you ever get good enough. Especially if you draw that gay furry shit fampai. People will pay you thousands to get a wall-sized print of their fursona getting anilingus or smth that they can jack off to every night before bed.
>>
>>9234891
>Especially if you draw that gay furry shit fampai
desu I'd rather give up and transition than associate with that. Maybe I could find some other fetish to draw though.
>>
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Reminder to stay strong. You will be glad you're not a hormone dependent tranny freak when the war comes.
>>
>dick getting randomly erect
>desire to chop it off increasing
Fuck what do, make it stop
>>
>>9235232
But then I can't use my asshole as a bargaining chip to secure safe passage.
>>
>>9235354
Iktf. at least when it's flaccid, I can ignore it somewhat. But when it decides to 'show itelf', it makes me feel ill and it always have.
>>
>>9235082
>Maybe I could find some other fetish to draw though.
Forced feminization? Sissy stuff?
>>
>>9236087
I figured the market would be saturated with that sort of thing.
>>
>>9221572
there's some cases i see where it seems like them being trans doesn't have anything to do with them dying and i don't agree with people making a big deal of them being trans but this is just fucking horrendous. black culture is fucked
>>
>>9223819
i'm 8 months on HRT and i'm very very androgynous. how much time do i have?
>>
>>9236515
You should be seeing steady improvement. If you're not passable after two years or you're not improving now then you might be screwed.
>>
>>9226163
I'd take the cure, obviously.
I don't want to be a girl, nor am I one.

>>9226180
No. It's a mental illness.
>>>/mtfg/ if you think otherwise.

>>9226186
True. Even if it was some part of me, I'd still remove it.

>>9226190
STOP FAPPING, START LIVING!
Transition has no long-term proven benefits,
Don't trap yourself.

Purge the mental illness from your mind.

>>9226379
Pressing the second button is delusional.
You're not a girl, nor will you ever be.
You're a man with a mental illness.

>>9226559
You're welcome here, anon. Any form of real discusion is welcome.

That sounds like a rough situation, but sadly common for gay people.

I can't give you any advice beyond I'm sorry that you have to deal with that.

>>9226654
Delusional.
If you'd pres the second button rather than the first, you're being taken in by propaganda from /mtfg/.

>>9227216
STOP FAPPING, START LIVING!
Be happy as a man.
It's possible!

>>9227360
Good choice.
If I came back, I'd want to come back as guy in all honest however.

>>9227498
Crosdressing, as long as it is not overfetishized and delusional, is very common and mostly safe.

I'd say your best bet is to do it in secret in moderation. Key word moderation.

If your AGP gets worse after indulging it however, I'd immediately stop and repress.

Don't delude yourself, you're still a man but one that likes to dress as a woman does.

Transition has no long-term proven benefits.

>>9227896
Agree on the parts about not drinking, disagree on the HRT part.

You're trapping yourself, but thanks for the reasonsble discussion regardless.

Stop taking skittles.

>>9228688
Yeah. The placebo effect is quite common and only lasts a short time. This is what makes HRT the ultimate trap, as it seems to actually "work" for a short amount of time, before the truth sets in that you're delusional.

Good self-awareness is key here however, and at least you're aware whwt you're doing is transition rather than most "boymoders".

Best of luck to you.
>>
>>9228782
I've explained this many times to /repgen/ but people refuse to listen.

Either sjw pillpushers, or what I like to call gatekeepers namely they do absolutely nothing but waste your time.

Therapy very very rarely works, and this i true.
Your feelings are your own and you must work through them yourself.

Remember that transition doesn't work, and you can pull yourself out of dysphoria without HRT, contrary to popular belief.

Minus the skittlepushing bit at the end, good post.

>>9229267
Going to "transphobic" (Transphobia doesn't exist.) alt-right places doesn't help.

They'll just either give up and tell you to transition(lol.) Or they'll call you a degenerate and encourage suicide.

If you want to repress, the easiest way is this.
STOP FAPPING, START LIVING!
Don't trap yourself.
Find meaning and purpose in your life.

>>9230163
Gatekeeper. Transition has no long-term proven benefits. I'd reccomend against trapping yourself

But if you insist, get another therapist.
Remember, you are the customer, and they sre the product. If you don't want to wait a year, find the most delusional sjw you possibly can in your area, or order the skittles online.

While I can't stand bitterhons, my hate for shitty therapists that don't help is even higher.

>>9230198
Crossdressing has nothing to do with trapping yourself. As long as you don't fall into delusion, there's nothing wrong with it.

>>9230211
Honestly, it kind of is! Crossdressing is known to be safe and effective for sufferers of minor dysphoria, as long as you're certain it's not making your mental illness worse.

Immediately cease crossdressing if it's feeding your mental illness and making you delusional.

>>9230233
If it helps, and doesn't feed your mental illness, go right ahead. If you can live a full life as a crossdresser, I'm in full support of that,

Just don't trap yourself.
>>
>>9236799
yeah it's been pretty steady. and i pass to people even in boymode like 1/3 of the time and increasing. i went to a bar last night and i went to close my tab and they gave me some girl's debit card and the dude didn't think anything of it. i dont think he heard me right because it was loud and shit but he didn't doubt for a second that i was a girl. i thought that was pretty funny. i had to correct him and stuff
>>
>>9230310
Transition is not an option and never will be.
It's a trap, a delusion.

Find a way to make your life meaningful and work on yourself.

Don't fall for the delusion.

>>9230366
Crossdressing is not harmful on it's own.
If you're able to crossdress without becoming delusional, it can work quite well as a management plan for dysphoria.

>>9230778
Nothing wrong with a good purge, however.
>using CuckCord
>Ever

There's your problem.

>>9231769
This. Crosdressing is not transition, and while repressing CD's are welcome here, keep that in mind. I'm in support of CDing, so please if you're not dysphoric, say as such.

>>9232212
STOP FAPPING, START LIVING!
Transition has no long-term proven benefits.

>>9232373
Passing or not, transition is delusion and doesn't work.

Don't trap yourself.

>>9232414
Even if you could pass, transition ha no long-term proven benefits.

You're a man with a mental illness, remember that,

That poster is just a shitposting troll, whether from /mtfg/ or not I doubt they mean what they're saying. They just want a reaction.

>>9233153
Passing in the end doesn't matter.
Transition is delusion, and even if you pass you'll always be a man and feel as such unless you're delusional.

>>9234260
Have some hope.
There is always a way out.

>>9234324
I'd reccomend doing your best to climb out of neethood if that's a possibility for you.

If you're disabled (mentally or otherwise) then I'd reccomend doing your best to find meaning in your life regardless of your situation. Find something to live for.

Ignore the gender BS. First step is bettering your life.

>>9234494
You can shave facial hair, and potentially even get electrolysis/lazer if you wish to go that route and hate your facial hair. This isnt trapping yourself, this is aesthetic preference.

As long as you don't trap yourself, it's olay to make yourself feel comfortable.

No need to "come out".
>>
>>9234324
same, 23, neet for years
i feel like im already dead
>>
>>9236991
>you can live a full life as a crossdresser
>there's nothing wrong with it.
>>9237016
>Crossdressing is not harmful on it's own.
How will I ever have a normal relationship as a crossdresser though? At what point when dating someone do I come out and tell them that I like to casually dress in women's clothes? I don't think I could handle hiding that forever, and unless I go full tranny to make myself look like less of a hon I doubt I would ever go out in public all dressed up.
>>
>>9236998
also, like i said before, im really androgynous the rest of the time. i get a lot of confused or really intense stares, which is kind of uncomfortable but whatever.
>>
>>9234824
I'm sorry to hear your experience with that therapist. While I'm strongly anti-HRT, to me there is nothing more disgusting than the mistreatment of ill people. This is why I'm so against bitterhons and HRT as well, just fyi.

>do what she tells you
Remember, you are the customer and they are the product. I'm sorry that happened to you.

While she is correct that HRT will make you miserable long-term, I find it disgusting that a therapist would treat you that way.

The reason we have this problem in the first place is uncaring, greedy pillpushing therapists.

>>9234891
Art is a great idea if you're into it.
I'd avoid the erotic shit, but hey if you make a lot of money off it and you're okay with it then go for it.

>>9235082
Good call. I'd avoid super degenerate shit.

>>9235232
Stay strong repressors.
War or not, I'll always be glad to be a repressor.
It saved my life.

>>9235354
I don't personally have major genital dysphoria, so I can't help you there unfortunately.

Just hold in there is all I can suggest.

>>9235531
Life is a struggle. We're meant to fight.

>>9236087
HIGHLY RECCOMENDED you AVOID this.
This feeds your AGP.
If you are going to draw fetish shit, do NOT draw anything AGP related.
This will feed your mental illness.

Almost all the AGPs who tend to draw this shit eventually end up trapping themselves.

>>9236132
This too. There's enough AGP fetish fuel out there already.

>>9236491
Trans violence, along with all violence of that type is fucked up. It doesn't really matter who or why it happened.

However yes, it does happen more in black culture as far as I know.

It's sad.

>>9236515
Stop taking skittles, now.
Transition has no long-term proven benefits.

>>9236799
Passing or not, transition doesn't work.

>>9236998
Don't get wrapped in the delusion.
If you insist on it, please go to /mtfg/.

You're not repressing.

>>9237031
It's possible to get yourself out of NEETdom.
Just do your best.
>>
>>9237044
im not delusional at all. fuck off. im very self-aware. im doing this because i feel way, way better on HRT and i need it to treat gender dysphoria. i'll post wherever i want to.
>>
>>9237033
Relationships aren't required for a full and rich meaningful life.

At least for me, I'm an Ace AGP - AGP-as-an-orientation, so I'm literally unable to have any form of relationships romantic or otherwise thanks to my mental illness.

While I am NOT a-romantic, unfortunately I'll never be able to have a relationship. Sad I guess, but sometuing I'm perfectly okay with if it means a life delusion-free.

You can let your partner know you're a CD, however.. As long as you make a commitment never to trap yourself, and find someone okay with it, there should be no problems.
Alright. That's enough posts caught up on.
Best of luck repressors. I don't have much spare time lately.
I'll never stop fighting for a cure, and neither should you.
>>
>>9237057
If you're trapping yourself, you're delusional.
Also, that attitude alone just shows you're a bitterhon.
>>>/mtfg/, bitterhon.
>>
>>9237063
whatever you want to think dude. what do you even mean by trapping myself?
>>
>>9237066
Final post because I don't have the time to waste on bitterhons.

Trapping yourself is taking HRT.
Transgenderism is a mental illness, based in delusion.

Transition has no long-term proven benefits, and doesn't work.

If you want to know more, check the archives.
But you're obviously triggered at this point, so I doubt you'll bother actually getting the facts.

If you're taking HRT, you're not repressing and by being here you're just shitposting.
>>>/mtfg/, bitterhon.
>>
>>9237071
oh, kk. well i guess i'll keep trapping myself, it feels very nice and i actually have hope for the future for once. keep posting away on a tranny repression thread on a gay mongolian cartoon forum to make yourself feel better at a bunch of suffering people's expense.
>>
>>9237059
>find someone okay with it
Although crossdressing and being pretty is something I strongly desire, I'm still ashamed of myself. How am I supposed to find someone okay with it? Do I just come out and say that I crossdress and have the futile dream of being beautiful on the 5th date or something and hope they don't freak out and tell everyone that I'm a degenerate?
>>
>>9237016
it's interesting that cd's i've come across that look amazing, are refreshingly still guys
so they cd for whatever reason, but I have yet to come across one that is transitioning, even though some do
>>
>>9237101
it's just clothes
you're not going to harm yourself nor anyone
you just have to live your life and time/maturity will tell you what's right
>>
>>9237119
>it's just clothes
Yeah, they're clothes loaded full of social stigmas.
>>
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Join us repgen
>>
>>9236968
I really hate you.

>STOP FAPPING, START LIVING!
It never fucking worked, it only ever made the crossdreaming more intense until I had to make it "just a fetish" again. Only thing that worked was drugs-induced libido loss, which still kept me crossdreaming but not nearly as intensive as it could be when I was nofap and sober.

But again, that might've been because I just wasn't sober much.

God, I hate you.
>>
Came out to a friend when drunk. He's been cool. Feels a hell of a lot better I'll tell you that. Still don't actually know if I'm ever going to transition though
>>
>>9237705
I can't, I'm too masculine to be who I want to be.
>>
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>>9237705
uwu
>>
As i get down further in body fat % my face is looking younger and more feminine. Getting fit is not helping my repression =(
>>
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>>9217725
you are beautiful, Autumn!!
>>
Do I count as repressing if I'm on hormones and desperately WANT to transition but still stay in boymode
>>
>>9238878
Disingenuous as fuck lawl. I mean you of course.
>>
>>9238890
That's sort of what I am doing, I want to transition badly but it just isn't possible for me.
I would say it counts. It's not 'hard repression' but if you're using it to cope then that probably fits.
>>
>>9239032
It's not that it's impossible to me it's that

>try to practice girl voice
>overwhelming shame, guilt, self-hatred and dysphoria makes me want to kill myself so I stop and make no progress

>buy some girl's clothes and wear it
>overwhelming shame, guilt, self-hatred, and dysphoria makes me want to kill myself so I throw the clothes away

>want to shave my face
>overwhelming shame, guilt, self-hatred, and dysphoria makes it unbearable and I always cut my face because I'm struggling not to cry or I am crying and then I just don't shave for weeks after and thus grow a beard that makes me feel even worse

Actually I guess it is impossible for me
>>
>>9239063
I'm sorry anon, that must be awful for you. I don't get it as bad as that and I wish I could help somehow.
>>
So, after a lot of soul searching, I've come to realize and accept that I'm probably going to kill myself. It won't be any time soon - as far as I can tell, anyway - but it will happen at some point, and it will absolutely be from repressing and the depression it causes.

Anyone else in this boat?
>>
>>9239220
What you focus on materialises. That's a psychological fact. Aim for the simplest alteration in your life to solve problems ASAP. Start small and get the ball rolling.

I have body dysmorphia. I haven't left my house in over five years. But from having suicidal thoughts daily, I realised (quite obviously, really) merely entertaining the jump from encountering an issue to suicide, and treating it as a viable solution crippled my mentality and needed to stop if I wanted to move forward.

At some point you have to stop thinking intellectually about your issues and incorporate the truths you genuinely feel into your actions. IE. If you agree with the ideas supporting being vegan but eat hamburgers still, what use is that thought?

Decide you want to live. Begin action that backs up your decision. Slowly act out your truths and they eventually embody who you are. This clicked with me and I hope you at least try it. All the best!
>>
>>9239220
There a good chance that I will kill myself in the next few years. I can barely cope as it is and it isn't getting better.
>>
>order 2 months HRT "just to see how I feel"
>only got 2 weeks of Spiro left before I run out

I like having emotions and everything else that hrt changes but I don't wanna end up as a tranny hon freak :(
>>
>>9239063
How does having a beard/body hair not make you suicidal on a daily basis? If I go 2 days without shaving I cry every time I look in the mirror
>>
>>9239373
I am suicidal on a daily basis
>>
>>9239367
Just stay perma boy mode and low dosage? I dunno
>>
>>9239373
Not the anon you're replying to, but being completely dead inside makes it possible. Being utterly hopeless makes getting through the day with your obligations a bit easier regardless of any future plans. There's no hope for happiness anyway, what difference does a bit more pain make?

That and living in area where the only emotions men are able to show are disorderly frustration makes an unkempt beard acceptable if your life is falling apart. Wearing that kind of resignation to hopelessness on my face is the only genuine self-expression I've ever been allowed.
>>
I'm happy my social dysphoria isn't too severe, Christ. I'm pretty happy doing the whole ultra fem guy thing until I get some things fixed.
>>
Pre-everything (MtF) here. I have an alternate email under a female name, and I always play as a woman in RPGs; that's as far as I've gone. I think I'm going to repress and simply enjoy as much as possible just being a transvestite in the privacy of my home.
Two reasons:

1. I'm lazy and it would just be so much easier to not do all of the shit that would come with transitioning.
2. I have this haunting paranoid fear that no matter how I good I look and sound, how well I pass, those close to me who know that I was born a man will never truly accept and think of me as female. The cis women who are close to me especially, they'll humor me, but underneath the surface they'll be thinking "Ha, yeah, you can never be one of us. Come back if you start magically having periods, asshole."

Can anybody chime in on this? Are you doing the double life/tranny-at-home thing? Is it actually okay, and not nearly as sad as it sounds?
>>
>>9238878
>yfw you fall for the hairline lowering meme
>>
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This is the first time I've ever seen this general and after skimming this one and the last, these are quantifiable Nightmares of threads. Even as a cis man, reading all this casual depression talk mixed with suicide desires spiced with some mislead conservaboo trying to roleplay everyone's (abusive) dad is bizarre and dark.
Please just transition for your own sake. This shit is truly hurts to read.
>>
>>9240016
http://avitale.com/developmentalreview.htm

Enjoy learning about the nightmare existence that is gender dysphoria anon
>>
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>>9240016
Transition and let myself become a delusional freak? Not a chance

It's easy to say do it, when you won't have to live through the consequences.

I never wanted my life to be this way, I just wanted to be good at art, music, and someday make my own animations
>>
>>9240366
You're the one who is delusional for rejecting the medically advocated treatment for gender dysphoria
>>
>>9240373
Devil's advocate. Lobotomies were medically prescribed back in the day. Medicine is fallible.

t. Ftm tranny
>>
>>9240396
Modern medicine is dramatically more credible today than it was 50 or 100 years ago, that's why we don't do lobotomies anymore. You're being a tremendous piece of shit, do you just want that anon to shoot himself?
>>
>>9240373
Perhaps I am, but I just can't seem to get behind the idea that-

I wish I was born female therefore I am that most people see as valid enough.

I mean yeah I used to pray almost every night that I would be transformed, but that's not enough

Ri-right.....?
>>
>>9240404
just take the skittles. you'll feel much happier.
>>
>>9240404
You suffer distress and pain at not being the gender you deeply identify as. That is gender dysphoria.

Just because you want to be a girl that doesn't automatically make you a girl. But by having a female identity, that makes you a trans girl and no one can invalidate that. And if you transition, you'll be able to actually see yourself as the girl you want to see, and others may as well which will alleviate your dysphoria and give you the strength and energy you need to actually live your life. You won't be wrestling with nightmarish dysphoria constantly forever like you do currently.
>>
>>9239220
yeah i came to this conclusion as well i'll last a few more years but not too much longer i just can't be happy in life and it's really eating away at me i figure i'll kill myself in 2020 when i'm 27
>>
>>9239775
>those close to me who know that I was born a man will never truly accept and think of me as female.
I've been transitioned fully for a long time. My father does not accept me as female. My brother isn't totally there, like he sees me as neuter, and he'll talk about women with me as if I'm not one, but he doesn't see me as male either. My mom oddly enough was totally unaccepting at first, but when I started growing boobs she poked them and somehow because I had real boobs she suddenly accepted me. It was kind of weird. I haven't had much contact with extended family. My US grandparents had already passed and my mom's half of the family lives overseas.
Despite these family issues I didn't let it hold me back. I couldn't sacrifice my life because they had trouble accepting me.
>>
>>9238103
is this a face of femgen?
>>
>>9239820
The hairline looks worse because it's horribly unnatural looking.
>>9240366
>delusional freak?
It's not a delusion. Get that stupid meme out of your head. No competent professional would diagnose gender dysphoria as a delusion. It's totally different. Being trans doesn't make you a freak. The consequences have been great for me. You can still be good at art and music and make animations.
>>9240396
There's no comparison of hrt with lobotomies. That's just dumb.
>>9240404
>I mean yeah I used to pray almost every night that I would be transformed, but that's not enough
Not, it's not. It's going to take some work on your part.
>>
>>9240710
She's a mtfg trip. With quite a few health issues
>>
>>9240016
you thought 40% was only a meme?
>>
>gender dysphoric
>discover /lgbt/ at 25
>come out to parents and brother
>didn’t do anything to transition
>stop browsing lgbt
>27 now
>no life, live at parents house, work part time, just go on 4chan or play video games all day when not working, have gotten fatter and more testosteroned with time
>dont really want to go through transition but don’t want to live as a guy either
>will probably just kill myself in a few years
>>
>>9240373
>medically advocated
hardly legitimate medicine
and informed consent is proof
>>
>>9236968
>>You're not a girl, nor will you ever be.
>>You're a man with a mental illness.
Ouch, make me feel worse why don't you?
I want nothing to do with being a man.
>>
>>9240016
I really wish I could anon...
I am probably a good percent of the sadposts here as I missed my chance to do so successfully.
>>
>>9241535
>hardly legitimate medicine
Develop?
>>
>>9239367
Do you think those 2 months were worth it?
I'm planning to do the same but with progynova as well, would you recommend it?
>>
>>9241860
I think progynova should be taken after month 3 or smth
>>
Fuck. My jealousy of women and genital dysphoria have grown so much that I can't date anymore. I am utterly fucked now.
>>
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>>9238890
Yes, don't let curespammer tell you otherwise.

Hard repression is rejecting being trans

Soft repression is rejecting transition

There's a difference between the two, but at the same time the problems faced by either one are the same.
>>
I have an issue. My dysphoria isn't terrible so I don't think its fair for me to really transition so i go on with life but everytime I say this and try to do normal things it gets worse. It feels like my brain is fucking with me. It might be something else and not trans I hope.
>>
I don't even what I'm feeling is dysphoria anymore. My whole body is stinging and aching, both in gendered and non-gendered areas. Maybe I'm just dying of something else
>>
>>9242298
>so I don't think its fair for me to really transition
You can just transition for fun, you know.
>>
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ZfuNTqbHE8

Thanos=Dysphoria
Avengers=Repgen
>>
>>9242507
THIS IS JUST LIKE THE TIME VOLDEMORT
>>
>>9242507
Nerdgasm.

Also, holy shit Chris Evans is hot as fuck.
>>
>>9242500
And destroy my life in the process, don't think so. I wish there was some kind of pill to temporarily fix it. Since my condition is so miniscule, it'll probably make me cis right away
>>
>>9242533
>Tfw no pill to be a cis girl temporarily
They only have these crap ones that take years to work.
>>
>want to kill myself for a few months
>plan suicide out
>cry every day
>stops, feel like I can ignore being trans and do things that are productive
>goes on for a few months
>usually have panic attack or fit of depression after a month or two of being able to ignore being trans
>stop being depressed right before i finally go through with killing myself

i wish it would just stop
>>
>>9239324
The odds are stacked against me. It's social suicide and financially infeasible. I'm also allergic to spiro, so that further complicates things.

As with every aspect of my life, nothing works - not even repression, ironically enough.
>>
>>9242724
I do not feel "dysphoria" though, it is more of a disalighnment. It would not be fair for me to do it aince others are in pain, while I just feel a little weird all the time.
>>
>I'm not trans
>I'm fine being male
>I'm fine being male
>I'm fine being male
>crying in my bed wishing I was a woman
>>
I think my dysphoria has got so bad bad idea I love longer care about the social stigma implications. Fuck everyone y'know. In fact in a perverse way I actually like the idea of being seen as a freak. I've always been a bit of contrarian and the fact that my very existence will upset the majority of the population sounds pretty appealing.

This is a pretty big mental step. Think I'm gonna be transitioning soon. I still like licking pussy though. I hope I can still find some cis pussy to lick somewhere.
>>
>>9242882
You shouldn't judge your pain against others. There's no fair or unfair. You have to deal with your own situation and not worry about how it compares to other people. You don't have to suffer because other people are suffering worse.
>>
>>9244159
If someone is dying of blood loss while another has a minor burn, who should be treated? Honestly, coming to the hospital for a burn is fucking stupid abd you should probably deal with it yourself rather than take resourses someone else needs.
>>
>>9244308
>rather than take resourses someone else needs.
Fuck off commie.
>>
>>9244325
I'm a bigger capatilist than anybody here. I just don't think it would be morally right for me to alter someone else's path on becoming who they are. I never had the urge to cut my dick off or gotten super angry because i do not have breasts. I just kinda think i should be a girl. Maybe the failed male theory true.
>>
>>9241860
Take an AA in addition, just estrogen isn't going to do much at all
>>
>>9244358
You're sacrificing your well-being for the perceived well-being of others. Total commie.
>>
>>9244537
Oh lol I meant spiro as well.
Just wondering if it actually does anything or if I'm just going to be having breakdowns everyday and become crippled with even more anxiety.
>>
Crossdressing and doing drugs to meditate are together making me mentally ill and even more depressed.

what do
>>
>>9244308
Not everything is a zero-sum game. Getting help for yourself is not necessarily depriving someone else of help. Resources might not be fully utilized. If you're the big capitalist you say you are it shouldn't matter to you anyway if you have the money to pay for what you want.
>>
>>9244565
I am broke. Also, don't you need a million fucking surgeries. For me not to be a complete hon it's going to total 500k. I do not think anyone here has even a 5k in the bank.
>>
>>9243725
Yeah same, as time goes on the less shits I give
Fuck normies I wanna have boobs and a vagina
>>
>feel like I'm barely holding on to myself
>working a low effort part time job
>it's such low hours that I might as well be a neet
>just keep thinking that soon everything will get better
>get a call to schedule an interview for a full time job
>haven't even applied for anything in weeks because depressed and feeling hopeless
>start thinking to myself that finally I might be able to throw myself into work and forget about my problems
>anxiety spikes right after I hang up on the phone
>the way I see it, it's going to be harder socially if I break down and transition while working an actual job when more people know me
>going to have to throw repression into overdrive so I don't show any signs and fuck up whatever professional reputation I have
>get hit by a waves of self doubt and putting myself down
>dreading actually passing the interview and getting the job
>tfw realizing just how much I fucked up by not talking with the free college therapist and instead avoiding my issues (/lgbt/ related and otherwise)
How the fuck do I power through and market myself as a sane and stable human being who is worthy of the job during the interview?
>>
>>9244608
god we sound like the same person
>>
>>9243725
Good luck anon. I wish I would have your courage, but I would rather pull the trigger than tell my dad about my degeneracy
>>
>>9244661
My father was a big barrier and I was even living with him when I transitioned. I just said fuck it, he'll have to deal with it whether he likes it or not. I didn't get kicked out or disowned but I was able to move out within a year.
>>
>>9244678
What was his response?
>>
>>9244616
I'm sorry to hear that. I know I'm not as bad as some people in regards to gender issues, but I wouldn't wish my issues on anybody.
>>
>>9244684
It was quite a while ago so I don't totally remember. He was pretty pissed off though, said I was ruining my life and that it would never work, that he wasn't going to help me. I basically said that I had no choice, that I had no life if I didn't do this, and that he wasn't going to stop me. I was kind of used to standing up to my father already so I didn't back down from him. I also think he knew I wasn't normal all along anyway so he didn't try to argue that I was just making this up.
My mom thought I was crazy until I started growing boobs, then all of a sudden she accepted me. It was kind of weird how that happened. I'm mostly OK with my father now too.
>>
>>9244731
My father is different, but anecdotes are good to hear I guess.
>>
>>9244678
That is bravery, and something I severly lack
>>
Something I have been wondering for a while. Are there a group of people here who instead on not wanting to transition, they can't transition instead? I would fall in the latter as my body is so bad that I lost all hope of it being successful.
>>
>>9247055
Repgen consist of people who repress for all kinds of reasons. Some because they couldn't pass, some because of social and familiar circumstances, some because of partners, some because of worldview etc.
>>
I'm hoping an armed conflict comes up so I can do in a meaningful way
>>
It's finals fucking week and I need to study but my dyspgoria is making me not give a fuck. I might just be lazy though.
>>
>>9242812
update on this, today I cried for 20 minutes and have been depressed all day because I'll never be a girl

i thought i was feeling better
>>
>>9241525

Inject estrogen once each five days.
>>
>>9247252
>dying for porky's latest profit seeking scheme
It's honestly more honorable and meaningful to just kill yourself
>>
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>>9247388
This is me a month ago.
Failed my first exam in my entire life, didn't care literally do not care at all.
Have fun (:
>>
>>9248744
I took my second test and failed so no fun here.
>>
I'm dysphoric as fuck all the time but I still have fantasies about girls involving my penis (hell I just cracked two out to a girl on tinder who I briefly chatted to) so I'm struggling to reconcile the two. It seems like a I still have some remnants of a male sexuality but everything else about being male I can't stand.
>>
fuck guys im failing, i need help
i just started the fucking tranny pills a few days ago
i need to stop this madness but i cant actually bring myself to stop it
>>
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i6O2RVousYc
>>
>>9249113
You've already started, why stop now? You must like it if you can't bring yourself to stop.
>>9248744
>>9248768
I started flunking stuff too. That's basically what got me to start seeing a therapist for gender issues and lead to me transitioning.
>>
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Hey, /repgen/, another thought experiment.
Let's say there's a button that turns you into a cis girl. But in order to press it you'll have to fight with another repgen poster to death.
If you win, you get to press the button, but everyone will know what you did (you won't be charged with anything though).
You don't have to fight, you can hug each other and cry, unless one of you really wants to press that button.
Would you?
>>
>>9249116
>"it's okay to cry"
>I'm not going to cry
>I am not going to cry
>fuck I'm going to cry
>"but do you know what, they're not happy"
>tfw crying
Why did I listen to this?
>>
>>9249116

fuck this is making me so fucking sad

why'd my mum have to be a batshit narcissist?
>>
>>9249399
The last thing I want to do is hurt people. Avoiding causing others pain is part of the reason I repress. I would try to talk the other person down so neither of us have to die, however I'm not a spineless cuck so if the other person came at me I'd defend myself. If I won the fight they started I would push the button without a second thought. I don't have to be proud of what I did, but they made their choice.
>>
>>9249419
yeah there's not even any bubblegum chewing
>>
>>9249399
I'd probably just lay down and die so someone else can be happy.
>>
>>9249376
>why stop now?
because i cant let myself turn into a delusional hon. i also do not want to deal with the social repurcussions of being a tranny.
fuck i should have never even gotten these damn pills.
>>
>>9249907
Then boymode.
>>
>>9249907
Can I have them? ;^)
>>
>>9217470
It's hard to repress it, I dont have much time left to do so.
>>
>>9249907
I'll take them
>>
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My first gic appointment went really well

I highly recommend you simply talk to someone
Self acceptance can be done
>>
THERE HAS TO BE A WAY

THERE HAS TO BE A WAY TO CURE/REPRESS THIS

I REFUSE TO BELIEVE THAT FROM BIRTH, I HAD NO CHOICE BUT TO BE A GUY THAT REALLY WANTS TO REMOVE BEPIS AND GET BOOBS AND HIPS TO SHAKE FOR MEN

FUCK
>>
>>9250973
>had her first appointmen
>but is on mones
Reeeee my therapist should hurry up
>>
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>>9250994
Aww, sorry to hear that anon
Hopefully you get them soon.
>>
>>9250990
Why is it so hard to believe? Just a short time ago you had no difficulty believing that you had no choice - nor could even want another one - but to forever be a slave to the pursuit of the vagina. What's so unusual with this scenario compared to that one?
>>
>>9250973
What do you think the appointment has helped you with?
>>
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>>9251041
Well it's good to be on the official pathway finally

But important stuff like referrals and future access to counselling and other free trans healthcare stuff on the NHS

And blood tests so now I'll be able to perhaps up my dosage and get on progresterone
>>
>>9249399
I would
Either get to be a girl or get to die
>>
>>9250973
Mine is going to be at Nottingham next month and I am so worried that I won't fit the narrative there.
>>
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>>9249399
I dont want to kill anyone especially not a fellow sufferer
>>
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>>9251140
Good luck!

If they try to give you any shit just give em pic related
Mine in Scotland was fine but England could be more gatekeepy
>>
>>9249399
I'm too compassionate a person to take someone's life like that.

>You don't have to fight, you can hug each other and cry,
this would be the ideal outcome, but I'd gladly fight if they wanted. I wouldn't blame them for being deceptive either, I can understand anyone who want to be free of this. Regardless of who would win, we'd both be free of this problem in some way. I think I could die happy knowing I've freed someone from this.
>>
>>9250990
Transition and see if you can buy into the delusion and meme life
>>
>>9251917
Repressing is a form of delusion sempai
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>>9251667
I've heard that if I wore any kind of trousers, I'm sunk. I hope I can get away with leggings and something over it as it will be hard enough for me to present female.
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>>9251981
Maybe you should ask the nearest tranny group for a good therapist. Mine doesnt even really expect the whole rle.
>>
My therapist took an unexpected turn today. I really thought she was just going to hugbox me towards transition but now she seems to think this is all some mad reaction to childhood emasculation and trauma. Just her saying has made me feel excited and a bit better. Fuck I hope she's right.
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>>9252111
How happy are you really about this?
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>>9251956
People who have lived lives as male for 15+ yrs and then decide they are not male is ridiculous
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>>9252260
That's society for ya
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>>9252260
Because I totally decided to live as male kek
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>>9252260
>ridiculous
???
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>>9252260
I like how you worded that. You're very good.

Next: "You obviously choose to be gay!"
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Just went to university psych. He seemed to think this whole thing was stress induced and I am likey to believe him tbhon.

I wish i knew definitively but it is always some flip flop shit with me.
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>>9252817
Did you actually feel happy when he said that? and why did he think it was stress induced?
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>>9252817
>stress induced
desu this is what I tell myself so I can sleep at night.
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>>9252824
He eluded to that. And no, but i hope i snap out of it.
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>>9252837
I really hope he is right. He doesn't seem like he is interested in trapping me. He really wanted to see the truth.
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>>9252846
I hope everything works out for you anon. I fucked up by not going to my university psych when I had the chance. Now I'm holding out until I can get on my own insurance and afford one.
>>
Sorry if this isn't the right place to talk about this but is there any such porn as transexual POV stuff but from the view of the transgirl?
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>>9252949
Google exists fucking use it
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>>9252949
You should browse /gif/ and ask there in an appropriate thread.
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>>9252949
>needs porn
>asks in fucking /repgen/
Lmao
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>>9251023
I get them officially in july reee, idk if I should self med
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>>9253542
That's a long time. If you're still in your early 20s or younger you probably don't want to wait that long. 25 or older the extra wait probably won't make a huge difference.
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>>9253037
Yea, I can't figure out how to word it so it doesn't give me 'POV of a dude fucking a transgirl'
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>>9252237
Not him, but I would be happy deal with dysphoria other way than with transition/hrt, because:
1.No social troubles
2.Transition is phisically and financially hard
3. Passing
4.Quite masc in my behaviour/interests I would be more GNC as a girl
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>>9252949
Eww, how male.

Quick everybody, post your favorite erotic stories.
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>>9253650
Fuck, idk how to get the mones tho, my transactions are being monitored.
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>>9254921
Can you get hold of some bitcoin somehow? That might be a way to skirt the monitoring.
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>>9255079
Isnt bitcoin dangerous business rn?
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>>9255141
I've never used it, but at least one of the online pharmacies takes it.
>>
>tldr:anon the whiny bitch cries about everything yet nothing at the same time in his rambling personal blog.
I'm a miserable repressing pile of shame, regrets, and missed opportunities in my early 20's. Lately it's been hitting me pretty hard that it's only going to get worse, not better. I'm not talking only /lgbt/ related issues, everything just feels wrong like I fucked up. I can't do anything right, I don't even know what makes me myself anymore. I mean, what kind of person doesn't even know themselves? At the very least a person should know whether they're gay or not. I feel like my life is in pieces and that everything I've ever done in life has amounted to nothing.

The year I've had would have had great moments for any normal person, but I think so far this has been the worst year of my life. I knew the holiday season was going to be the roughest, since it is every year, but I didn't think I would get this bad. Everything I do feels so fake down to the very core of my being.

I hate myself, but at the same time I'm too afraid to make a change towards not hating myself, which makes me hate myself more. On some level I think I deserve to feel this way, as if it's my job to make other people happy and that I have no right to feel positive emotions.

Nobody I know irl would understand. It would just needlessly worry them and they would try to help me with some useless or misguided meme advice, so here I am crying on /lgbt/ of all places. I don't need those close to me treating me like a broken puppy. Maybe my close trans friend would make a good shoulder to cry on, but she's never alone and I wouldn't want to burden her with my shit.

I'm sure I've just had a really bad day today and I'll reset back to my default state of "sort of okay, but not really" tomorrow. I just needed to vent tonight.

I'm sorry if this isn't the right place for my venting, but I figure since my repression is a significant source of my distress it's relevant enough.
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>>9218613

This sounds similar to me. I started with 1mg finasteride a few months ago and I obsessively pluck my body hair. I am almost 21 and pretty thin. I don't see how I could get on hormones at this point though -- I have health issues tol. I keep a pretty good skin care routine and don't even have neck hair or much cheek hair yet. Every time I look in the mirror it hurts though, as even when I can ignore my masculine features it feels like I am a ticking timebomb. Anyone else with similar feels? I'm so scared about it.
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>>9249399
i would find someone like myself that is fine with either outcome i want to die and i want to be a girl i'm sure someone else feels this way as well and honestly maybe i just let them kill me




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