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/lgbt/ - Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, & Transgender

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I really need help really fucking badly and i literally am not even suicidal or self harm desiring in any way whatsoever, but this is still extremely serious for me. and please for my own feelings will you please not post in this thread if you are cis unless you both understand and acknowledge that you actually are incapable of understanding my condition as a transgender person, cause whether or not thats true i currently am incapable of accepting anything else. I am hyperventilating and crying even thinking of you posting in here without the understandjng that you are actually fully incapable of understanding ever

Not crying now.
How the fucj do i get help as a trans person, if literally i have been rendered incapable of ever being able to even trust one single cis person again, or any sort of medical professional of quite literally any kind at all, or any therapist who is not themselves actually tranzgender of either kind (ftms u my bros plz if you can help)shit crying again

Dunno how many posts this will be but im pasting it in
I actually have no fucking clue what to do. I have my old therapists number but right now i dont know if i can or should trust her and if she doesnt approach this right i will absolutely explode in primal rage i havent ever felt even with test, because if she makes one fucking single hint she has any idea what my having my condition is like, oh god, hahahahahajjaja

Literally does not fucking compute. I was fucking so normal. I want that back so fucji ng bad

But i have been seriously fucking wronged and even if i know i am being extreme, it absolutely feels not only logical but also in my best interest of self preservation to NEVER EVE R EVER contact any of these types of people

Because i really do tbink my fears are legitimate and if this world were just i would be able to get justice, but because this world is hell bent to fucj trans people i have no legal recourse for this and it literally cannot ever happen. Even though literal physical torture for days would be superior to what i went through, its all okay cause lol ur just emotional its perfectly fine to deny you medical care and then contibue to do so cause i know you will seek it for yourself when i let you and oh dear god, am i going to just dehumanize the shit out of you. Oh also, the nanosecond i heard you were trans i went "whaaaaat?!?!" And had to re ask for your id again cause i just actually copied female off of it into my computer, but i have to check again because im a bigot but that is actually 100% socially acceptable cause even though your life is a fashion statement afaic, i have had a couple trannies in here before (dont wanna tbink about how they did) and that means i accept you and literally (cont)
know far more about your condition than you are even capable of, so shut up lol quit being so emotional jesus better med you up cause i wont med you up

I dont even know what to do
Im not supposed to be like this. I am like. So fucjed up seiously and i really should not be but i am. If i were cis i wou ld be 100% fine and never before in my life have i ever wished so badly i could be that

The moment you tell them, they begin to attack you cause every last one ABSOLUTELY FUCKING RELISHES IT and its actually just a really fucking fun torture the tranny game for them and i truly do believe they actually get off on it.

And that scares me. This shit isnt fucking logical and i know it and FIRMLY believe it regardless out of sheer terror of it and self preservation

What do i do? Typing this cause i havent slept in 2 days save for a few hours and i am actually trying hard to.

I was crying into my pillow and then started typing this. I am goi ng to try to slep again but i cant talk any more about what specifically happened so PLEASE dont ask

Just tell me, i will be okay, but please, i need help on how to get out of this, and id you say a therapist i know you are a troll, cause i actually need help feeling i am safe enough to go to one.

I feel really tired so im gonna try sleeping again so don t worry i will be back later cause i want help but this is also a huge rage dump that i think i needed to do to sleep so i am doing that

I am sorry if i worry you. I just really wish this didnt happe to any one and it quite literally is every single cis persons fault that it does happen, in even some minor way all of them are complicit in allowing this world to be this way. In this way, i view literally all cis people as my abuser

I KNOW that is not true either. But i cannot believe it to be false at the same time. I am forced to believe in self preservation, even if I logically know why this is wrong

I will be okay, just sleeping literally, i do need it. Thanks and sorry if i dont respond. I seriously promise you i absolutely would never ever self harm in any way.
(For cis people reading i know you are actually incapable of understanding this but hormones are NOT self harm)

I will be okay and i will force myself through this but holy shit how?????????????? I need an easy button so bad right now

I cant even look up transgender therapists.


Cis people PERSONALLY AND LITERALLY ruined that for me by becoming therapists and thinking they should do anything with trans people

Ugh i dunno but bedtime
Dunno if anyone posted but i have to do this or i cant sleep:

It seriously fucking sickens me to the core, the twisted look of deep satisfaction i see in the face of the cis w****(you do not deserve to be called that from me atm, see it as sympathy hurting you) e.g. stupid hospital cunts, when you tell them you are trans

I can actually tell. They legitimately feel immense satisfaction of the exciting drama unfolding before them, and uh, WHY THE FUCK DO I NEED TO SEE A SOCIAL WORKER HOLY SHIT I CAME TO YOU FOR FUCKING CHEST PAIN NOT TO TALK ABOUT HOW MUCH SUPPORT I HAVE IN MY LIFE WHEN YOU DONT EVEN FUCKING SUPPORT ME YET CLAIM TO WEW

i know that look. Its real. Its there, and if you are cis? Right now, i truly loathe you for it. It is sickeng how fucking dehumanizing you literal swine can be

I know it must be really hard to contain your excitement, because for some reason i am(was) sane and your vagina quite literally makes you act like a fucking retard apparently, cause i cant think of another part it could be

If you know im trans already, dont ask me about my periods 28448848 times. The first was painful enough to hear desu and the one and only time anyone should have felt they could ask in good conscience

And that shit isnt even nearly the worst they are capable of. Its true. I saw it. It is horrifying. They are monsters, they really are fucjing monsters and it is actually SCARY AS FUCK how totally ignorant even the most monsterous ones are of that

Because as i said

If you are cis
Your acceptance of me is LITERALLY A WEAPON that you use against me and holy hell does that weapon fucking hurt.
No one gives a shit that you are trans. You sound schizophrenic lol
She hasn't slept in two days, reality starts coming undone at that point.
You havw no idea how much i want to lol
Sleep that is
Oh dont worry, i hate you FAR more tha you could ever possibly hate me. Cis people dont actually hate i think maybe, its just they are actually too stupid for their own good so their "good" intentions basically mean they gender you right but act like the fucking worthless animal they are and blame you for daring to correct them for it.

Yeah you would be a little fucking wack too if some people fucked on you so fucking bad you now hate over 99% of the global population. Think, i know you have a mental problem you cannot help but please try.
Im sorry. A lot of this is SERIOUSLY just venting and you are one big person if you are cis and can read that and not hate me.
Like i understand this shits wack but 1st words itt are help me for a reason

And the venting is so i can sleep cause otherwise that viciously cycles in my head and keeps me awake
you wanted to talk to ftms? i'm one
You can stop playing identity politics for a start, the divisive collectivism is only in your mind and you'll pull your own world apart with it

You can then understand that a large majority of people in the world push others' buttons to test who is able to take some flak and retain their composure. When you go to pieces, they lose respect for you and view you as a source of entertainment.

This all seems to be related to personal issues outside of your gender. You should see a therapist or change therapists. /lgbt/ will not be able to help you more than /b/
You're the reason no one takes trans people seriously.
Can someone tell me the actual course of events that set her off like this? This mess of misspellings, unorganized rambling, and high-strung emotionality isn't worth reading through.
Are you cis? Be honest because i cannot believe a trans person could read that all and not feel at least kinda miffed that that even can happen to any human being. You should understand:

Before this event. I had NO NOTIONS OF IDENTITY POLITICS WHATSOEVER and this experience has fucking traumatized me into a rabid sjw because i was actually wronged in a very serious way. But i know i just am not handling it right yet. But i legit do NOT feel safe thinking of even looking at, let alone speaking with, any professional.

Because they betrayed my trust in such a serious way. And i am so angry about it in a lot of really complicated ways.

One day someone is gonna be in there and cut their own balls off inside because they will not have my fortitude.

I was not tempted but i went in there fucki g stone cold sane. So i had enough wherewithall to not do anything crazy

But there are mentally ill people in there. Ive seen them, theyve even been transphobic themselves but i didnt wanna fuck them up by extending their stay for #misgendering me because at least even though i was perfectly fucking 100% fine, i actually identified with them in that BOTH of us were dehumanized even if not in the same way. Those places are fucked, and so much more if you literally did not do a single thing that a real professional or anyone who isnt retarded would put you in there for.

One day, someone like me who is actually put in there for mental illness, will not only be subjected to the extremely non-understanding and transphobic treatment in there... they will have to deal with that while trying to recover from a serious illness of the mind they actually need help for cause those people are VERY unstable. I actually feel so sorry for that future hypothetical trans person, that I actually feel immense guilt and i dont even know why really cause i am literally fucjing powerless to stop this insane shit they do... to my own kind.

I do not care how fucking ill they are (cont)
I really do not care how fucking ill they are and it does not matter, because there is not one single human being I would wish this on, save for the people who did all of what they did to me. I view serial rapists and murderers as less deserving though i know they are not. Thing is, none of those ever did anything to harm me personally.

I would never wish that on any of the people here. Even you, person I am replying to, though you are cis and dumb and frustrate me with your INTENTIONAL refusal to understand, you still are nowhere near as bad as them and sadly I have no choice but to respect you for it

I cant even fucking hate you actually. You are just some pore kid probably, and you have no idea what you do and that is VERY clear so i am not mad at you

I cannot forgive some things though

The truly concerning part i keep stalling to:
A MtF will one day maybe wind up there and get treated the way I was. They will actually become 100% convinced they will never be let out, which will happen to one of them because they actually try their absolute hardest to give you the runaround as often as they can purely to torment their patients and for no other reason I am able to gather atm. I am no idiot. I knew I would be released eventually because i am or at least was totally sane, and I knew I would get out eventually so I just dealt with it

That mentally ill trans girl though? The hypothetical one of course:
She WILL feel like she will never get out, cause a whole lot of peop le in there totally think that they actually never will even though i know thats not possible. That trans girl gets denied hormones too, btw, cause she self medded, therefore has zero real medical problems over the fact shes trans and neexs no treatment and nobody in there to give her a script. Even though she physically has symptoms you would treat a cis person for, she shall be denied treatment

And she will cut her own balls off in there and maybe lose her freedom for a very long time

They are really good at not having objects or things in there you can kill or hurt yourselves. But I know better than anybody how fucking stupid the people who run that place are.

Why are they stupid?
There has to have been at least 20 ways for me to easily and totally deball myself in there, and I had easy access to all of them. None were pretty but all were very very doable, many were simply crush methods. All it takes is some mentally ill trans girl to be in there, and she very swiftly will have all the motivation she would ever need and then some. Doctors are far too trusting in their own intelligence.

I literally could have had a friend smuggle in actual elatrator bands too, so so easily, i even had my hair ties, those could perhaps work though i have never tried. Thats not a good way to do it cause its not made for humans, and you can easily get and die of gangrene and other nasty stuff.

The thing is, this is basically inevitable. They just need an actually mentally ill trans girl in there and I simply know it will happen if she truly thinks she will never get out - something I know happens to many people in there.

That is actually really scary. But I hope it is the malpractice suit that wins and ruins them. It probably would be. Mine could not possibly, and yeah I have spoken with a lawyer, even spoke with one in there.

You need to get mad right the fuck now because cis people do not realize this could actually happen. You dont need to, i just really wish people would but I cant make you do anything. Reading what I have to say is more than enough
Im calmed down please be understanding. I can read that myself now (and choose not to) and see it like you are now, and i understand your feelings, but this is not an experience I think anyone could endure while sane and trans and not come out a little bit upset.
You both are the reason I never can again unless some people like you and I at least can say "thats fucked up"
Do that
Be up 2 days
Make this thread in hopes you can dump your anger so you can sleep

Then come lecture me about how well i did or not.
Though I am calm, and I do not hate cis people, I do recognize they still are partially to blame in that most arent aware enough to know any of this is any problem, and it was 100% cis people who did ir to me.

Please undedstand. Cis people. I do not hate you. You did nothing wrong, though desu if you can read my exoerience and not feel some sense of unjust I then do hate you in actuality. I just was so intensely angry it spilled onto a lot more than I wish it did.

But if you have ever been there you absolutely understand.

I do still feel the same about medical professionals and therapists, i seriously feel intense when I think of even considering going to any of them. I really truly feel I cannot trust them anymore.

Does this seriously not bother a single fucking person???

Point out your actual complaint, fucker. What did the cis person do to bother you?
Can anyone translate what's going on here? All I'm seeing is a uncomprehensible rant..
Someone escaped from the asylum and isn't taking his meds

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