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Last thread: >>29924865

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>>
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Sandwiches.
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>>29999810
Do you think he puts Rarity's horn in Trixie's mouth while they are sleeping?
>>
>>29999810

So how is that BROS/FM crossover coming?
>>
>>29999810
That was close
>>
>>29999810
>Cadence, when she was a pegasus, had a shy, outcast friend.
>Anon.
>She ascends after kicking the crap out of her village enemy (per her backstory).
>However...
>When Celestia arrives to take her away as a pupil, she says she "can't just leave Anon!"
>After some coaxing, Anon reveals himself from the bushes.
>Celestia is stunned: a human of all things, here? And a 'foal' to boot!
>Given that he's an orphan, courtesy of being displaced, she takes him on as her ward as with Cadence.
>Humans are mysterious, and not much is known about them.
>Throughout legend, when encountered, they have varied from being horrifically cruel to kindness matched only by the Element Kindness, but they always impart a valuable moral or lesson.
>They're pretty much our fae, boggarts, and tricksters in folklore thrown into a blender to Equestrians.
>To help raise a young human, to learn more about them as well as potentially forging ties with his kind?
>Too good an opportunity to pass up.
>That, and Celestia didn't want to separate friends.
>Years pass, and Cadence and Anon are as thick as thieves.
>Celestia, although she cares for Anon greatly, also keeps a keen eye on him, mostly to learn.
>She notices that when good or bad things happen around Anon, it always seems to be in a way where a lesson is learnt.
>She also wonders, a lot of the time, if Anon perceives things that they don't...
>>
>>30000200
What's going on with her face? Is it made of that shitty soft rubber foam that always disintegrates within a couple of months?
>>
Remember, you are not a lost cause.
You matter.
And you matter to me.
I know things are hard sometimes and you feel like no one cares about you.
But I care.
I care a lot.
I want you to be happy with yourself.
I want you to succeed.
And I want you to know you are fine just the way you are.
I love you Anon and I am proud of you.
Like a father should be.
>>
>>30001199
That's what happen when a fluffy, squishy pegasus meet a diamond-hard sandwich.
Even an hydraulic presses bend against the might of the HMD (Ham, Mozarella, Dandelion).
>>
>>30001199
They are all made out of that foam.
If you ever get to go remember to bring lubrication to prevent chafing.
>>
>>30001515
>If you ever get to go remember to bring lubrication to prevent chafing.

Isn't that what the mayonnaise is for?
>>
>>30001547
If that's your thing.
>>
>>30001199
Not her fault. The foam is a peanut butter derivative.
>>
>>30001467
Now I'm hungry.
>>
>>30000200
This thread needs more sandwiches. Pictures or green. Either works.
>>
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>>30002297
Y-(you) too
>>
>>30000868
intradasting
>>
>>30000868
I'm down for green
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>>30001424
>>
>>30000868
It's Cadance.
>>
>>30004440
No, is Ivan.
>>
>>30005604
Ivan's not home

boom
>>
>>30005868
All ponies are secretly Ivan in disguise. Don't let yourself be fooled.
>>
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>>30000200
Do (you) want a sandwich
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>>30006144
Nice dubs and more sandwich green when
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>>30000200
>next day
>>
>>30006324
I know that feel
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>>30000200
What about when Anon switches from cropping and sandwiches to anthro and EQG?
>>
>>30006950
An sperg will probably be triggered
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>>30007726
Good, good.
>>
>>30006324
>>30006742
M-me too
>>
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Still waiting ponynet story
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>>30008736
what the fuck is ponynet
>>
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>>30009056
Your mama's asshole
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>>30009074
Epic post, my man
>>
>>30009161
>>
>pg

Here, have some greentext I wrote for /luna/.

>>30010320
>>
>>30010800
neat
>>
>>30009161
That two punches bby
>>
Continued from >>29983303
Pastebin: https://pastebin.com/5gQ5hMeU

-----

>The pegasus stallion before you smiles.
>"Thank you Anonymous!"
"Anytime."
>He doesn't waste any time unfurling his wings and taking to the sky.
>With him out of the way the next pony takes his place, an earth pony stallion.
>"Hello Anonymous! How's it going?"
>You smile, raising a tired hand.
"Good. It's been a long day, but good."
>He nods in understanding, not moving an inch.
>*Boop*
>"Thank you Anonymous!"
"Anytime."
>If you lean over to the side you can see the line stretching far, far back.
>You've been here all day and you swear it hasn't gotten any shorter.
>Well, that indicates just how much ponies love being booped.
>In a little over two weeks you've gone from ponies cautiously approaching you, to the same ones visiting you nearly every day.
>After ponies saw your first public display of booping, word spread fast of your talent.
>With each passing day, more and more ponies came up to you.
>Of course there was the initial dilemma that was plaguing you: ponies only interested in your hands.
>You gave it some serious thought and eventually came to a reasonable conclusion.
>Rarity was right.
>You have to start somewhere.
>So here you've been at this bench for the past who-knows-how-many hours, giving delicate nose presses to anyone who wants one.
>And good god, there are a LOT of ponies who want one.
>You've been hungry for some time now, but you're not letting up until everyone is satisfied.
>*Boop*
>"Thank you Anonymous!"
"Anytime"
>You continue the arduous task of touching noses, idly wondering when the line will finish.
>You didn't even have breakfast.
>A familiar pony walks past the line to approach you, breaking your autopilot.
"Hello again."
>"Goodness Anonymous, are you /still/ booping ponies?"
>That better be a rhetorical question, Rarity.
"Yup."
>She looks down the line.
>"The line hasn't moved at all since earlier!"
"Oh it has."
>>
>>30012399
>*Boop*
>"Thank you Anonymous!"
"Anytime."
>Rarity looks at you in disbelief.
>"How do you plan on servicing every single pony?"
"One at a time?"
>Rarity glares at you.
>Ask stupid questions...
>Her annoyance shifts into concern as she gets a better look at you.
>"Have you taken a break at all today?"
>You shake your head, raising a hand to administer another boop.
"Nope, haven't had any free time."
>"Anon, I understand your desire to, uh, 'help' others--"
>Does she really?
>"--but you shouldn't run yourself ragged in the process."
>Rarity once again looks down the queue.
>"I'm sure everypony can wait until tomo--"
>"Thanks Anonymous! You're the best!"
>You chuckle.
"Anytime."
>Rarity shoots the offending mare a glare that would vaporize all but the most oblivious of ponies.
>"...As I was /saying/, I'm sure everypony can wait until tomorrow, when you're well rested."
"I'm fine, Rarity. Hungry but otherwise fine."
>She gasps.
>"That's right, you didn't eat breakfast! You've gone the entire day without eating!"
"I won't collapse just because I missed a few... Wait a second, weren't you here earlier?"
>You're referring to the light-aquamarine unicorn waiting her turn to be booped.
>"I was! It's worth the wait for a second turn!"
>She didn't cut in line or anything, so...
>*Boop*
>She giggles.
>"Thanks again!"
"Of course."
>Rarity waits patiently until the mare trots away. Before the next pony can step up, she walks in front of them.
"What are you doing?"
>She pays no mind to you.
>Clearing her throat, she projects her next words loudly to the queue.
>"Attention everypony! As of this moment, Anonymous is done for the day! He apologizes to anypony who did not get a chance to be booped! Thank you and have a wonderful day!"
>You can hear groans and 'aww's coming from the line, but the ponies reluctantly start to disperse.
>Rarity watches her work for a few seconds before turning back to you, a smug smile on her face.
>"There, now you can get some food!"
>>
>>30012403
>You grimace.
"I'd rather get the respect of this town."
>She looks at you like you've suddenly grown three heads.
>"Have you not noticed lately? Almost everypony is talking about you!... Positive remarks, of course."
>You're actually not surprised to hear that.
>...Nor are you happy.
"And what exactly are they saying about me?"
>Rarity balks.
>"Oh... you know, how amazing you are... and other things! My memory is a bit fuzzy but I assure you they are all superb!"
>...
>You knew it was coming.
>No one to blame but yourself.
"Of course they are. I'm willing to bet that each and every single compliment involves /these/."
>You waggle your fingers.
>"Well, not ALL of them but... yes, most do tend to gravitate towards your talent."
>You sigh, leaning back against the bench.
"You /know/ that's exactly what I didn't want... At first. Thing is, you were right. I'll take this over the alternative."
>Rarity is curious now.
>"Over what?"
"Not having ponies talk to me or give me the time of day."
>It's like your sentence hit her over the head. She stares at you, lost for words.
>You hope it gets through to her.
>When you arrived here, you figured you'd get over the hushed voices and stares in no time.
>Nope.
>Sure you're not dealing with humans, but ponies can act just like 'em.
>Sure there are a few ponies you casually converse with, but that doesn't solve the big problem.
>You're not going to speak it; mainly because of your stupid pride and also because you don't want to look like a little bitch.
>But you hope she understands now.
>You just want to be accepted.
>And if it means being acknowledged for the wrong reasons, then so be it.
>...
>Rarity shifts on her hooves, a somber expression on her face.
>"...I'm sorry Anonymous."
>What.
>What the /hell/ could she apologize for?
>>
>>30012405
"For what?"
>"This is not the first time you've brought up these grievances. Twilight and I were hesitant to intervene because she was hoping everypony merely needed time to adjust... I told you of Zecora, yes?"
>You nod.
>"We came to a conclusion: if Ponyville could befriend Zecora after a rocky start, surely they could do so again with you. Unfortunately, that did not go as planned. You're just too..."
"Alien."
>Rarity winces.
>"I was thinking more along the line of 'unique'. The closest other... being you resemble is a minotaur and most of Ponyville's citizens have never seen one."
>Oh right, minotaurs are a thing here.
>"Anonymous, I offer my sincerest apologizes for not listening to you sooner. You ARE a citizen of Ponyville and you deserve to be treated like one."
>Uhhh...
>You drum your fingers.
"Yea... Thanks for the apology but there's nothing to apologize /for/. You didn't do anything wrong. You can't change human nature... Pony nature... how pony's react. You get what I mean."
>"No, I suppose we cannot. However, what we CAN change is their opinion of you."
>Another waggle of your fingers.
"That's what these are for."
>"No Anonymous, you were right. There is much more to you than booping and Ponyville needs to know that!"
>Rarity scrunches her face in thought.
>Suddenly her face lights up.
>"I do believe now is the perfect time for such an event! Anonymous, booping ponies may have worked out better than we thought!"
"Event? What event?"
>Rarity grins.
>"Why, a party of course!"
-----

>You watch the Spa Sisters walk away, their excitement hard to contain.
>You have to admit, it was a smart business decision to seek you out.
>Their first request of charging for boops was declined. There's no way in hell you're making ponies pay for that.
>Luckily for them that's not the only thing you're capable of.
>So after a "brief" demonstration, they were all too eager to acquire you.
>You're getting paid to pet ponies. What's not to love?
>>
>>30012411
>It can barely be considered "work", making this a win-win situation.
>You can start earning your own cash, or "bits" as they're called. Odd jobs certainly aren't enough to pay Rarity back.
>From your seat in front of the Town Hall you take a bite of another godly cupcake.
>You don't know how many you ate today and you don't want to know.
>Pinkie should be around here somewhere. You need to find her.
>Based off of the turnout and general mood, you'd say today's party was a huge success.
>Turns out Pinkie wanted to do this the same week your stay was confirmed but Twilight advised against it, wanting to instead ease you in.
>You actually agree with her decision.
>A party so soon for something no one has ever seen before would probably not end well.
>But now...
>Rarity explained to you that with the town being much more welcoming of you (thanks to your booping), they would be less averse to learning about you.
>And she was one-hundred percent correct.
>The 'Welcome to Ponyville, Anon!' Party started off with something you weren't exactly comfortable with.
>A good ol' Q&A.
>You just wanted ponies to be less wary of you. The town doesn't need your goddamn life story.
>You voiced your complaint of "Twilight can just tell them about me", only to be shut down.
>Your pony pals wanted YOU to ease whatever concerns or curiosity ponies have.
>And boy there were a LOT.
>'Why are your claws so soft?'
>'Why do you wear clothes?'
>'Are you sure you don't use magic?'
>'Your eyes are so small!'
>'Do you have a Cutie Mark in booping?'
>All the questions they kept to themselves came rushing out over the course of two hours.
>You'll admit you ended up enjoying it. Although the focus was on you, it felt like one big group discussion.
>Afterwards, Twilight gave a little speech on accepting you as a citizen of Ponyville along with telling them to remember that you're more than just a boop machine.
>Hardly the mare to talk, but whatever.
>>
>>30012415
>You could see a few sheepish glances made towards you when she said that remark.
>Nothing surprising.
>With the main event out of the way, it turned into a regular party. Refreshments, music, games, the works.
>You were hoping the Q&A would eventually encourage ponies to approach you for more than just booping.
>What you didn't expect was for it to occur on the same /day/.
>You swear a switch was flipped in them.
>Ponies casually approaching you, greeting you as though you've been an acquaintance for years.
>Incredible.
>So here you sit, watching the party wind down as you polish off a cupcake.
>Fucking /hell/ these are good.
>"Have a good day, Anon!"
"You too!"
>You give a friendly farewell to a passing unicorn.
>Man they're quick to adopt your shortened name.
>You hear the front door open but choose not to turn around, instead mourning the loss of your cupcake.
>"I'd say this party turned out to be a success."
>You don't have to turn far to see the two mares standing beside you.
>...Well, one is standing. The other is bouncing in place.
>"Everypony had cookies, cupcakes, and got to know Anon! Of COURSE it was a success!"
>Twilight directs her attention to you.
>"Everything going okay, Anonymous?"
>You fix yourself so you're properly facing her and Pinkie.
"Absolutely fantastic. I was actually about to look for you, Pinkie."
>Pinkie stops her bouncing before giving you a salute.
>"Pinkamena Diane Pie reporting for duty! What do you need, Anon?"
>Holy shit, is that her full name?
"I need to thank you. Rarity said parties are your specialty and yea, you didn't disappoint to say the least. So... thank you for the party. It was incredible."
>Pinkie gives you a blinding smile.
>>
>>30012420
>"Anything to help Ponyville's best human--"
"Only human."
>"BEST human! I've been waiting /so/ long for a chance to throw you a party! I wanted to the very second you got here but Twilight was all like 'no parties Pinkie Pie, he needs time to adjust.' and I was all like 'but a party will help Anon adjust faster!' but then she was like 'you'll get a chance to have a party later' and I was like 'I guess you're right...' and guess what? IT'S 'LATER'!!!"
>Your mind is reeling at the variety of emotions she just went through.
>How does she do it?
>Apparently Twilight is used to Pinkie's antics because she shakes her head in amusement.
>"We had to take precautions, Pinkie. You understand that."
>"Well DUUUH, but I was still /really/ sad about it. Everypony deserves a party and now Anon has one!"
>A burst of confetti suddenly rains down upon the three of you.
>Pinkie and her Party Cannon...
>You brush pieces of scrap paper off your head.
"Again, I really do appreciate it."
>"Don't worry Anon, no need to thank me! I can see the gratefulness in your eyes."
>With that said, she proceeds to lean dangerously close to you until her face is the only thing you can see.
>You're frozen to the spot as she stares deep into your eyes.
>It's like she's looking into your soul...
>"Yup, right overrrr... there!"
>She grins.
>"Surprise hug!"
>Before you can react, Pinkie reaches out and wraps her forelegs around you, trapping your arms.
>You can't help but lock up as she squeezes you tighter.
>Twilight must see the shock on your face because her horn lights up, causing a purple aura to appear around Pinkie.
>That only makes her tighten her hold.
>"NOT YET! I'm not done with my Welcome-to-Ponyville hug!"
>Twilight looks to you for your input.
"It's fine."
>Pinkie's forwardness throws you off, mainly because the two of you don't talk much. And by 'much' you mean 'at all'.
>Yet here she is treating you like a close friend.
>>
>>30012428
>You guess that's to be expected of someone whose talent is parties.
>With a little difficulty you manage to extract an arm from her grip. Once it's free, you bring it to wrap around her back, returning the hug.
>...
>So do pony hugs last longer than human hugs or what.
>As if to add to the mystery, you hear Pinkie sigh.
>...
>Alright, this is downright weird.
>She's practically resting on you now.
>You look to Book Horse for assistance, taking occasional peeks at Pinkie to signal what you want.
>After a few confused seconds, Twilight nods in understanding.
>"I think that's enough hugging for today, Pinkie."
>The familiar aura appears around Pinkie, slowly dragging her away.
>"NOOOOO!!!"
>You lurch forward as Pinkie's iron grip pulls you with her.
>/Fucking hell/ she's strong.
>With your free arm you reach up to touch the back of her neck, scratching it.
>Just as planned, Pinkie bursts into giggles. Her hold weakens, allowing Twilight to fully pull her off of you.
>Pinkie is deposited next to Twilight, her giggling fit dying down.
>"Awwwww. You give /really/ good hugs, Anon!"
"...Do I?"
>You've never had anyone compliment your hugs. Of course you never hugged much, but that's beside the point.
>It's an unusual thing to notice, really.
>"Yea, it's like... being wrapped up in a warm blanket on a cold winter day with a snowstorm roaring outside! Oh, and there's a fire in the fireplace!... And you have a mug of hot chocolate with marshmallows in it, but not too many! Two is enough."
>...
>That is oddly specific.
>Pinkie gasps.
>"I have a GREAT idea! We should make hugging our special greeting! That way whenever we meet I get a hug, you get a hug, EVERYPONY gets a hug!"
>Another burst of confetti.
"Uhh..."
>"Then it's settled! Hugs for everypony!"
>You're at a loss for words now.
>Another gasp.
>"I almost forgot! I need to box some cupcakes for Ms. Cheerilee! Bye Twilight, bye Anon! Don't forget our new special greeting!"
>>
>>30012434
>"See you later."
"Bye..."
>Pinkie bounces back to the Town Hall entrance, leaving you and Twilight alone.
>...
>What the fuck just happened?
>Is this to be expected upon prolonged exposure to Pinkie?
>You need a drink.
>"So Anon, about that hug..."
>You look back to Twilight.
>She's got a glint in her eye.
>The same one she gets when she discovers something new.
>You don't like where this is going.
"What about it?"
>"There may be something more to it than Pinkie being Pinkie."
>More? What more could there possibly be to--
>...
>Oh no.
>Oh god no.
-----

"This is absolutely ridiculous, and I say that with full knowledge of what /these/ babies can do."
>You point to each hand.
>"Ridiculous or not, recent evidence strongly points towards it."
"You only have one pony to go off of, and it's Pinkie. PINKIE."
>Twilight pauses from her writing to look at you.
>"You're right, Anonymous. That's why we're trying it again with a different pony."
>Your expression falls flat.
"I know that. Stop avoiding the real problem."
>"What about Pinkie?"
>You know she's Twilight's friend, but come on.
"Are you really gonna make me say it?"
>"Pinkie doesn't exaggerate how she feels. If she really liked your hug, she really liked your hug."
>Enough to try and get one out of you every time you see each other.
>You roll your eyes.
"She 'really likes' everything."
>"She's also never enjoyed a hug so much she tried to make it the only way of greeting somepony!"
"Really? That seems like something she would've done by now."
>Twilight groans.
>"Anonymous, can you please entertain this idea? If not for yourself, then at least for me?"
>She finishes that up with a pleading look.
>God you hate when they do that. It should be illegal to pull that on you.
>Worst part is you can't even tell if she's doing it on purpose, unlike Rainbow Dash who always does so when she wants shit from you.
>Nah, you know Book Horse means well.
>Curse you, heart.
>>
>>30012442
"Fine, Twilight. If science requires that I hug ponies--"
>You grimace.
"--then hug ponies I shall."
>You're not even opposed to testing it out. It's the concept that sounds absurd.
>Yea. Despite having the ability to make ponies happy and calm with just the touch of a hand, there are /still/ things you deem ridiculous.
>The main reason you're dubious is that hugging does not require hands at all. Your other two talents use 'em, but a hug is just close contact.
>Twilight beams at you.
>"Thank you!"
>You wave a hand dismissively.
>When is this test subject going to show up?
>Why are you waiting for someone else when there's a perfectly willing recipient sitting not far from you?
"Can't you try this out yourself?"
>Twilight stiffens up before sighing.
>"As much as I would like to, it's better if somepony else takes over."
>That didn't actually answer your question.
>*THUD*
>You flinch as a deafening bang erupts from the library door, the poor piece of wood almost caving inward from whatever struck it.
>The fuck?
"I'll get it."
>You stand up, making your way to the still-vibrating door.
>Opening it reveals...
>...
>Rainbow Dash?
>She's currently sitting poorly, wings and hind legs sprawled out as her head spins.
>You swear her eyes are spinning as well.
>It's like she came straight out of a cartoon. All that's left are the circling birds.
>Did she crash into the door?
"Are you okay?"
>"...Wha?"
>She sounds waaaaay out of it.
>You're definitely concerned now.
>If that loud-as-fuck bang was any indication, she hit the door REALLY hard. Concussion-hard.
"Can you walk?"
>You watch as Skittles attempts to rise, legs straining to support her weight.
>With an 'oomph' she tilts over, landing on her side.
>"Just... give me a minute..."
>Her eyes are still spinning.
>How is she still talking?
>Fucking hell, stop standing around and help her!
>Twilight is smart, she can probably figure out if Dash needs medical attention.
>>
>>30012454
>You bend down to take her in your arms, fixing your hold so her head rests behind yours.
>Wow, she's surprisingly light.
>Once she's secured, you close the door before speed-walking back to Book Horse.
"I think she hit her head pretty hard."
>To your shock, Twilight is unfazed.
>"Rainbow Dash does that a lot. She just needs time to recover."
>Yea, time to recover in a fucking hospital.
>Has she gone nutters?
"She couldn't even stand up properly. Where's the hospital again?"
>"Anonymous, Dash shakes off injuries like this all the time. Wait a few minutes and you'll see."
"Are you mad? How do you shake off a fucking concussion???"
>"She doesn't HAVE a concussion!"
>As if to prove her point, you feel Dash shifting in your arms.
>"Anon... Anon?"
>She tenses up.
>"ANON! What are you doing?!? Why are you holding me???"
>...
>Talk about zero to one hundred.
"Are you feeling better?"
>"YES!!! I'm not a foal, don't treat me like one!"
>For how pissed off she sounds, you expected a lot more resistance in the form of struggling to break free from your hold.
>Yet Dash doesn't move an inch.
>Does she think you're stronger than her?
>.../Are/ you stronger than her? Stronger than ponies overall?
>That's something for another day, Anon.
>You lower yourself until she drops out of your arms, landing gracefully on the wooden floor.
>She proceeds to glare at you but it doesn't feel natural.
>...You have many questions.
"How the hell do you walk off something like that?"
>"That? That was nothing! Besides, I'm pretty tough. You can't let minor scrapes and bruises get in the way of being the best flyer."
>She pockets her glare in favor of a grin, sticking her chest out with pride.
>...
>You /seriously/ do not get these ponies.
>Are they secretly indestructible?
"If I hit my head even half as hard as you did, there's a good chance I wouldn't walk again. Or have another conscious thought again."
>Dash looks at you with concern.
>"Are you /that/ fragile?"
>>
>>30012460
"Anything would look frail compared to you."
>Shit, you just broke the first rule of conversing with Skittles.
>Never, EVER feed her ego.
>Dash chuckles, bringing a hoof to her chest.
>"Yea! I guess they would!"
>Thank goodness, you got off easy.
>Twilight loudly clears her throat, drawing your attention to her.
>"Glad you could join us, Dash, although you're a few minutes late."
>"That's why I was rushing here! Tried to slow down a few inches too late."
>'Join us'?
>...
>You glance down to Dash.
"You volunteered to help today?"
>"Yea, Twilight said she needed somepony to help with figuring out your new power or something like that."
>"I said--"
>"So I thought about it and decided, hey, what if it's something even BETTER than booping?"
"...Did Twilight tell you what's being done today?"
>You raise an eyebrow at the lavender unicorn, who frowns.
>"I tried, but she flew away before I could explain."
>Dash scoffs.
>"C'mon Twilight, it's Anon! I'm sure it's nothing."
>There's a pregnant pause, then Dash speaks up.
>"...Uh, what exactly /are/ we doing?"
>Here we go...
>Twilight doesn't hesitate to lay the truth on Skittles.
>"We're testing to see the effect Anon's hugging has on ponies."
>Holy shit, that sounds even more absurd when vocalized.
>Rainbow Dash blinks a few times, unable to process what she just heard.
>"...'Hugging'???"
"Yup."
>She shakes her head, clearly baffled.
>"I'm not-- That doesn't make any sense!"
"Tell me about it."
>"You said only your hands were special."
"That's what I thought too. Look Skittles--"
>Don't laugh, she'll only get even more annoyed.
"--either you're in or you're not. We can always find someone else to help."
>"I dunno..."
>Her nose wrinkles as she considers her choices.
>You're expecting her to lean towards declination. She doesn't strike you as the touchy-feely type.
>"This isn't for me. Sorry guys."
>>
>>30012466
>It's impossible to miss the reluctance in her tone.
>Her body also sags a little, as though she herself is disappointed in her answer.
>You can't help but prod for information.
"Why not?"
>"It's not that I don't want to help, it's just... They're not my thing, you know?"
>Figured.
>Still, she looks far too morose for someone who prefers not to get hugged.
>Even her ears are drooping.
>You're having a hard time believing she picked the "correct" choice.
"You may not want a hug, but your current mood tells me you need one."
>Dash looks up at you in confusion.
>"What?"
>You spread your arms in a welcoming gesture.
"Come here, you!"
>Dash watches with growing apprehension as you crouch down, taking to one knee.
>It's only when you're arms are about to surround her that she understands.
>"Hey! Don't you dare!"
>Her wings flare out but they do nothing to block your advance.
>Shhh, no tears.
>Only hugs.
>Your arms close around Skittles, resting lightly on her back.
>Checkmate.
>Dash's coat is even less soft than Twilight's. Still just as warm.
>You were surprised when she declined trying out your new pett-- massage treatment even after being told of the effects; her reasoning being she's more interested in the rush gained from booping.
>You wait for a possible retaliation attack but none comes.
>She's probably waiting for you to get it over with.
>Similar to when you held her, she's motionless.
>You should arm wrestle with her sometime. You bet you'd win.
>Seconds pass, and you decide to take peek at Twilight's reaction.
>Book Horse is watching intently, eye's wide with discovery as an aura-covered quill races across paper.
>...You'll never understand the information she manages to extract from these events.
>It's at this moment you feel Dash shift.
>Only instead of backing away... she leans into you.
>Just like Pinkie Pie.
>Goddammit.
>So now it's not just your hands that ponies like, but your arms?
>This is so weird.
>>
>>30012476
>...How long are you supposed to keep this up?
>You observe Dash's wings as they bend forward, immediately followed by a light touch on your sides.
>Is she trying to return the hug with her wings?
>...
>God DAMN that shit is cute.
>You're curious to know if all pegasi do this. Luna did something similar.
>While you're a bit too large for her to completely envelop you, it's the thought that counts.
>'Not my thing' your ass.
>An unknown period of time passes by, with only the sound of quill meeting paper being heard.
>You'd be content to stay in this position for longer but your knee is getting sore.
>Thus, you tap lightly on Dash's side.
"I need a break."
>Thankfully Dash is not Pinkie, and after a moment her wings return to rest folded against her.
>You lean back to gauge her reaction to what just transpired.
>She meets your gaze with a small smile...
>...that slowly disappears as the realization of what she did sinks in.
>In its place appears a steadily growing patch of purple-ish color on her cheeks.
>Oh this is /glorious/.
>She says nothing, continuing to stare at you... or rather the space you occupy.
>Skittles is probably malfunctioning right now.
>Ah well, your job is done.
>You get up, massaging your knee. A glance is directed towards Twilight.
>Twilight is engrossed in her notes. A large stack of papers are now piled up near her.
>What the fuck.
"Have you gathered sufficient data or do we need a round two? Looks like Skittles is out for the count."
>Twilight finishes up her writing before turning her attention to you.
>"The only step left is for Dash to recount how she felt."
>You look down at the still-flustered pegasus.
"Whenever you're ready."
>With a shake of her head, Dash comes out of her trance, focusing on Twilight.
>"What... what do you need?"
>"How did you feel? That's all... Oh, DO NOT downplay it. I need an honest answer."
>Dash exhales loudly before starting.
>"It was kinda like..."
>>
>>30012490
>Her voice trails off and she glances up to you.
>"I would prefer if you didn't listen."
>Yea, no.
"I think I have the right to hear how my body affects others."
>Poor choice of wording or great?
>If the fresh coat of purple on her cheeks mean anything, it was great.
>Skittles opens her mouth but you interrupt.
"I'm not budging."
>She grumbles in response.
>"Fine..."
>She turns back to Twilight.
>"It felt like I was... I..."
>She casts a desperate look to you, only to meet a shake of your head.
>You weren't bullshitting with your logic. You want to know exactly what's going on.
>Dash groans.
>"Auuugh!... You know when it's winter... and it's a really cold day but you don't have to do anything so you can just curl up in bed under the covers? It... feltlikethat."
>Interesting.
>Skittles and Pinkie both used a similar analogy. Although Dash's version includes less hot chocolate.
>Book Horse isn't satisfied with her answer.
>"Please elaborate."
>Another groan, another glance towards you.
>Nope.
>"...Imagine being wrapped in a warm blanketohCelestiapleasedon'tmakemesayanymore!"
>Dash is giving Quiet Horse a serious run for her money with how red her face is.
>Unfortunately for her, Twilight shows no mercy.
>"Is that all?"
>"YES!"
>Book Horse is unconvinced.
>"Rainbow Dash, I know this is difficult for you but I /need/ a complete description. Please."
>Ouch, your heart.
>Dash stares at her friend, torn between quitting and helping her.
>Eventually she responds.
>"...There's... one more thing. But Anon can't hear."
>Fucking what.
>You snort in amusement.
"Uh, yea I can."
>"Please Anon?"
>Breaking out the good manners again?
"Sorry, no can do."
>At this point Dash looks up at you and you can clearly see the desperation in her eyes.
>"I'm begging you, Anonymous. PLEASE."
>...
>Well shit.
>With that level of pleading you're basically required to oblige her.
>...
>Or not.
>>
>>30012496
>You gaze deep into her moderate cerise eyes.
"Rainbow Dash."
>Her ears perk up. Only once before have you ever used her full name; when you first met.
"I know we like to crack jokes about each other, but this isn't that time. We are not here to make fun of each other. We are here to figure out exactly what the hell is up with me."
>Her ears lower more and more as she begins to realize where you're going with this.
"Whatever you say here, I will not laugh, nor will I bring it up in the future. This is business. Nothing more, nothing less."
>Rainbow Dash looks down in disappointment.
>After a few seconds, she glances up to you.
>"You promise?"
>You bring a hand up to your heart.
"I promise."
>With a reluctant sigh, she faces Twilight once more.
>...
>......
>If she says anything funny, you are absolutely fucked.
>"I know I said it felt great and all, and it did! It did... but... I dunno, it felt like... only half of me was under the covers."
>Book Horse tilts her head in confusion.
>"I don't get it."
>Neither do you.
>"I, uhm, wanted more. You understand?"
>"...Not exactly. Wanted more what, hugs?"
>Dash whines. An honest-to-goodness whine.
>"No! More than a hug!"
>That must not have been what she wanted to say, because she brings a hoof up to cover her mouth.
>There's that blush again. Through her coat.
>Ponies are weird.
>'More than a hug'?
>What comes after a hug?
>For starters, let's eliminate all the sexual stuff because you're not a complete degenerate.
>Hand-holding?
>Lewd.
>Wait no, that's before a hug.
>...
>"What, like... cuddling?"
>A possibility.
>...Hold on a second, that wasn't you.
>Twilight looks expectantly at Dash to see if she's somewhere in the ballpark.
>Dash turns her head away, too embarrassed to keep eye contact.
>"...Maybe."
>...
>Huh.
>So it's not just your arms. It's you.
>All of you.
>Also, who would've thought Skittles liked to be cuddled.
>Oh right, this is because of you. In fact this only applies to you.
>>
>>30012507
>Still it's interesting, to say the least.
>...
>"STOP SMILING!!!"
>The unexpected outburst makes you jump.
>Dash is giving you a look that would set you on fire if it wasn't diluted by her blush.
>Shit, she caught you. Worst part is you didn't even know you were doing so.
>There's no getting out of this jam.
>Time for damage control.
"Sorry, I just think it's cute."
>Wrong answer.
>"I'm not cute!"
>Those rosy cheeks beg to differ.
>Hilarious how someone so bold and brash can be reduced to this state.
"Look, I don't judge... Okay okay, that's a lie. What I meant to say is there's no reason to get worked up over--"
>"I'm not worked up!"
>You give her a deadpan stare.
>"...Not as much as you think."
"Whatever. You seem to forget one thing: /This/--"
>You gesture at yourself.
"--applies to all ponies. Well, more than likely all ponies; no reason for it to change now. You're getting flustered over something out of your control."
>Dash's glare slowly dissipates as your words take hold.
>Eventually she scratches the back of her head.
>"I... may have forgotten about that."
>Understatement of the fucking century.
>"It's just weird, you know? I wasn't kidding when I said hugs aren't my thing, but you..."
>You nod.
"I know."
>Now you can add 'cuddling' to the list of things you can take over Equestria with.
>"Sorry to interrupt guys, but we're not done yet."
>Oh?
>Dash is understandably puzzled.
>"I thought the only thing left was a summary from me."
>Twilight shakes her head, smiling softly.
>Actually, she looks amused more than anything.
>"That was before you explained everything. Now there's a new test and I think you'll enjoy it."
>Book Horse is having fun with Skittles.
>"Enjoy what?"
>You say nothing, opting to let her figure it out herself.
>After a few moments, she glances up to you for support.
>Still clueless?
>You'll just nudge her along.
"Did you not say you 'wanted more'?"
>You have the subtlety of a sledgehammer.
>>
>>30012521
>That gets through to her.
>Her eyes widen as you once again bend down, this time taking a seat on the floor.
"Come here, you!"
>You can see the ongoing battle in her head between running away and staying put.
>"Don't you dare!"
>You smirk as arm takes hold behind her back.
>If she's gonna argue against you, the least she could do is make it sound convincing.


"Do you have a camera?"
>"Yes but it's out for repairs."
>You quietly swear to yourself. Talk about bad timing.
"Damn, I want to see her face."
>"She's...happy, to say the least.
>The pair of you are referring to the pale-cerulean mare currently nestled against you. Her head rests on your neck, similar to when you carried her in here.
>Unlike before, with your bodies being in such close proximity her wings now properly envelop you.
>Shit's comfy, yo.
>She's said nothing for the past few minutes, only letting out the occasional sigh.
>Someone is content.
"Let me know when you want this to stop."
>Twilight puts down her quill.
>"A couple more minutes will do. Besides--"
>She gives you a smug look.
>"--I think /somepony/ is enjoying it more than they let on."
>You can't help but smile.
"Maybe."
-------

Pastebin: https://pastebin.com/5gQ5hMeU

Part 5 done. Criticism needed, etc.

Conflict was probably rushed but then again it was never supposed to be the main focus. Just something to keep the story puttering along.

A heads up, next update will be much, MUCH shorter than the last two. If it isn't then I'll be extremely fucking impressed.
>>
>>30012530
fuck i love this
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>>30012530
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>>30012530
Liking it a lot, the booping bits kinda reminded me of this.
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>>30006324
Same
>>30012530
Thank write.
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>>30006324
Me too.
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>>30012530
Keep the petting going
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HURT ME MORE, SNAKE! MAKE ME FEEL ALIVE AGAIN!
>>
>effeminate slap
>>
>>30014517
>>30014557
FUCK YOU! WHERE IS THE FUCKING PONYNET!?
>>
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We all have to go back to work.
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>>30015106
>>
>>30015106
I'm at work
>>
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>>30015383
>>
>>30015175
>>30015398
How about this. If you keep bumping or talk about ponies, I will write a story about every stallion and villain became R63.
>>
>>30015460
Why not do it anyway
>>
>>30016120
>be me
>70km/h area on Victoria Rd in Sydney
>55km/h recommended limit around massive corner
>on my motorbike
>fang the fucking shit out of it doing 120km/h with my leg out and footpeg scraping the ground
>cop was right behind me.jpeg
>pulls me over
>myarseisabouttogetfucked.mov
>have a mad discussion with him, he was so surprised i could keep the bike up doing the speed i was doing
>mfw trying to join the Police Force myself
>mfw i walk away from being pulled over with a fucking "Failure to keep both feet on footpegs" instead of a $800 fine, loss of licence and 30 day impound
>later find out that the cop who pulled me over was the Area Commander of Ryde LAC (Local Area Command)
>>
>>30016620
It always sounds better in kph
That fine tho is something else.
>>
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>>29999810
Does anyone remember a story from way back where Anon gets imprisoned for years and the only pony to visit him is Scootaloo?
>>
>>30017686
What is this, a horse for ants?
>>
I know this is a bit of an odd question, but is there a screenshot from the show that has Celestia's throne room in it? I could just make up my own description of it, but I'd rather stay true to the show where possible. I'd skim through the ep's my but I had to delet the old seasons because I ran out of disk space.
>>
>>30017975
>I know this is a bit of an odd question, but is there a screenshot from the show that has Celestia's throne room in it?
Yes there is.
>>
>>30018070
Would you happen to have it, or know how to find it?
>>
>"Hey! Hey Anon! Non! Nonny! Hey!"
>You do your best to ignore the pink pony currently pestering you.
>Don't let her get to you, man.
>Don't let her win!
>"Look what I can do!"
>You hear the the little horse make those weird, cartoonish noises that always accompany her odd antics.
>Don't look, Anonymous...
>Even if you really, really want to, do NOT turn your head to see what she's doing.
>Maybe if you ignore her, she'll go away.
>"Awww, you weren't looking! Oh, hey, did you know that..."
>You slowly turn the page of the book you were reading until this stupid, pink horse came up to you.
>It was a really nice day out, and while you detested doing anything physical for fun, you knew you couldn't just stay in you house.
>So you brought the book you were in the middle of reading, went out to a local park and got to reading, the soft, cool breeze and warm sun shining on you making the experience of reading a more pleasurable one than usual.
>An experience that would have kept on being pleasant, had Ponyville's resident party planner (or party pooper, in this case) decided she had the right to encroach on your personal space and peace of mind.
>She's done this for as long as you've known her.
>She SAYS it's to put a smile on your face.
>She SAYS it's to get you out of your shell.
>She SAYS it's to get you to diversify your interests.
>But you know it's all a front.
>Constantly annoying you, trying to get you to come out of your house more.
>Always inviting you to the constant stream of parties she throws.
>Persistently bothering you in an her attempts at playing with you.
>Continually trying to get you to talk to random ponies.
>She SAYS they're her friends, but if that was true, she'd be friends with everypony in Ponyville!
>What a crock of horseshit.
>You've long since tried ignoring her, but somehow she always manages to get your attention in some way.
>Why, God, must this happen to you?
>You just want to read your books in peace!
>>
>>30018272
I'm in
>>
>>30018272
>You can here her rapidfire voice recounting some tale about this or that happening to this or that pony.
>You honestly think she might bore you do death.
>Seriously, what happens in Horseland that could possibly be interesting, beyond the occasional world-ending threat that ends up being quashed by faggy rainbow horse magic?
>"...so in the end he killed himself trying to murder his wife! That's absolutely bonkers, don't you think Nonny Wonny?"
>Your head quickly jerks to look at her.
"Jeezus! What the hell, Pinkie?!"
>She beams at you.
>"Ha! Made ya look! I win again!"
>You close your book with a sigh.
>Guess it can't be helped now.
>Damn this pony, she'd drive you to drink, if you were a drinking man.
>Which you weren't by the way.
>RIP in peace, Druncle.
>You stand and place your book into your backpack.
>The ever-excitable Pinkie Pie crouches and wags her tail like a dog, evidently expecting you to go along with her shenanigans after her "victory".
"This isn't a game, Pinkie. Go home!"
>"But Non, it's such a great day out! Won't you come play with me?"
>You rub your temples in frustration.
"No, Pinkie. No matter how many times you ask, I'll never not say no to your tomfoolery"
>She gigglesnorts at your statement.
>"See Nonny? That's exactly why you need to go out more! You spend so much time with your books that you've started talking like them!"
>You sneer at that insinuation.
"Do not!"
>"Do too!"
"Nuh uh!"
>"Yeah huh!"
>>
>>30018447
Sounds like someone needs a few friendship lessons from Twilight.
>>
>>30018447
more coming right?
>>
>>30018447
>This goes on for a while before you realize your mistake.
>This exact thing happened just the other week.
>You're aren't going to fall for that again, nosiree Bob!
>You quickly pipe up and about face, walking away from the still happily chatting equine.
>You hoped that she would continue to talk to the empty air you left in your place, but it seems you'll be having no such luck today.
>You hear her bouncing along behind you, without a care in the world.
>Damn her and her happy-go-luckiness!
>You need to find a way to make her go away.
>You know you can't outrun her.
>You fainted from exhaustion within five minutes of running the first time you tried.
>When you finally came to, there she was, her big, fat flank sat on your chest.
>Maybe you can distract her while you hide?
>Yeah, that'll work!
>You stop in your tracks, causing Pinkie to collide snout first into your admittedly over-soft buns.
"Hey Pinkie, don't you have a Friendship problem to solve?"
>Her muzzle scrunches up in doubt.
>"I don't think so, my Pinkie Sense isn't going off and my cutie mark isn't glowing or anything. Or is it?"
>She double takes at her flank to make sure.
>"Nope! Nothing!"
"No, seriously, I think I hear Twilight calling for you! You should check to make sure!"
>She rubs her chin with her hoof while giving you a suspicious look.
>"Hmm..."
>You can feel yourself start to sweat under her sweltering glare.
>Suddenly her expression brightens.
>"Alrighty, if you say so, Anon!"
>She bounces away towards Twilight's crystal castle, finally out of your hair.
>You let out a breath you didn't know you were holding.
>Time to get out of here while the getting's good.

>>30018779
Yes sir, just had to stop to make something to eat. Also need to leave for now so I can get to sleep. I promise to finish this later.
>>
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>>30013062
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>>30019064
ohhh, well noice work
>>
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>Next day
>>
Ever read your old stuff and it makes you laugh?
Pepperidge Farms remembers.
>>
>>30019629
>Pepperidge Farms
What is that? some kind story?
>>
>>30019585
>that stupid chair
>>
>>30019739
I'd fuck that chair.
>>
bump
>>
Asking theoretically here...

Would Herd stories be welcome here, assuming that they feature Anon and he is in Equestria? It's hard to keep threads alive when I write so slowly, but my take on Herding really doesn't fit RGRE. I haven't decided what I'm going to do long-term yet, but coming here is certainly an option.
>>
No one wants to cuddle with me.
>feelsbadman.jpg
>>
>>30020929
Bring the herd.
Better if Anon has no idea he's in one.
>>
>>30020929
Yes, you can post your greentext here.
>>
>>30020975
Maybe you should get better jokes than, "Pull my finger."
>>
>>30021184
Shut up, that's the pinnacle of comedy.
>>
>>30021190
Not while you're cuddling.
>>
>>30017708
I do, sorta. Do they live in a treehouse in the woods?
>>
>>30022022
Does he stick D batteries up his anus?
>>
>>30022299
Ah, the old thunder-dragon. a Classic.
>>
>>30022022
I honestly don't remember
>>
>>
>>30022815
I wish I were in equestria
i would go after her
>>
>>30022843
She wouldn't want you
Just like your mom
>>
>>30022925
okey
if you say so
>>
>>30022962
jfry pls
>>
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Hey, Aching, if you're still hanging around. The PiE thread died overnight, but you're still the man, man. Oh man. Pony Twitter wars are the best Twitter wars.
>>
>>30023138
>ponies on twitter
>they get into a flame war over whether alfalfa grown in Equestria or on Earth tastes better
>attention whorses take lewd photos of themselves and use photoshop to change their coat and mane color to that of Equestrian celebrities, claiming to be them
>>
>>30001424
Damn. You got me. Thank you.
We may not be related by blood but for a moment there you gave me all I ever wanted.
I'll do my best to pass it on one day.
>>
>>30023849
Go to Equestria.
Ponies act like small four legged humans.
They get mad when you jump on their backs while screaming and waving your hat around.
All that rodeo training for nothing.
>>
>>30012530
I really like this. I hope you continue. If I may quote:
>Shit's comfy, yo.
>>
Crosspostan
>>30025070
>Be Princess Luna, queen of the moon, in Equestria.
>You're chilling with your sisses Lyra, Colgate, Twuntles, Oral-B, and Changeling Lyra at the park.
>Today is your weekly fuck with foreigners get together.
>Twuntles has just finished using a portal and some creative prestigitation to make it look like the Minotaur queen has been cheating on her husband.
>You all have a most wonderful time watching them fight over it on the scrying pool.
>"Okay, let me have a go. I've got an idea I want to test out."
>Colgate steps up for her turn, focusing her magic with a look of intense concentration on her face.
>This ought to be good.
>A glowing tear in space appears before her in mid air, from which she weaves what looks like halfway between Erlenmeyer's lesser remote water scoop and Polaroid's autofocus.
>She then ties whatever it is she's casting into the scrying pool.
>The surface of the pool ripples and buzzes for a moment before settling back to a flat surface and showing what looks like a locker room.
>"There we go, whaddya thank?"
>You take a closer look at the pool and notice that it's not ponies or any other species you recognise.
>That's a penis.
"You just created an interdimensional alien peepshow."
>"Yep, I've been working on it on and off for like three months now, only just got rid of the distortions I'd been getting from the dimensional non-uniformity."
>"This is bucking awesome!"
>Changeling Lyra is leaning in close to the pool to get a closer look.
>Her snout touches to surface and then everything goes white.
>It takes a few seconds to regain your sight after the flash.
>And when you do, you notice she's somehow ended up in the alien locker room.
>That's not good.
>A few moments later you spot the other thing that's changed.
>The alien you were all observing is on the ground where Changeling Lyra was sitting.
>He's making groaning noises and clutching his head.
>You are not looking forward to telling your sister about this.
>>
>>30025389
Hey Durnk, haven't seen you in a while. How's the pony sweatshop in your basement coming along?
>>
New show?
>>
Man this stuff is still going, making me feel nostalgic...
>>
>>30027108
The ride never ends.
>>
>>30027108
No you're not. You're here forever. All of us are.
>>
>>29999810
>go to sleep with two unicorns
>wake up with both eyes put out
>>
>>30028540
that's why you gotta sleep inverted, hug tha booty close
>>
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>>30028829

Size and softness are important factors in choosing your unicorn companion.
>>
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>>30028971
>>
Despite being great at Hyperspace Wars, Shining is pants on shit at gambling.

Desperate to beat Anon at poker, he uses his wife as a wager.

Anon thought he was kidding until he dumps a very surprised and unimpressed Cadence onto the table.

Anon beats Shining, and wins his wife.

However, Anon thought it was a joke, and tries to give her back.

Unfortunately, Cadence is taking this opportunity to punish Shining for being a dick and gambling her away.

Hell, he even tries to get Shining to win her back as a stake in Blackjack... and he still fecking loses at that!

So now Anon has a grumpy alicorn 'wife' living with him, eating his food and fucking things up in an attempt at being "helpful".
>>
>>30029885
>Turns out the game's results are legally binding, and Candy Ass is perfectly fine with it.
>Somehow ends up winning Moon Butt, Sun Butt, and Spergle too.
>They move in and cause chaos in his nice, tidy life in Ponyville.
>>
>>30029584
Loaf pone
>>
>>30029934
>Turns out the game's results are not legally enforceable, but Love Butt goes with it anyway
>This causes a law suit against Shining for illegal cucking
>All life in Equestria turns into an episode of Judge Judy
>>
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>>30000200
>3 day later
I think he dead.
>>
>>30030962
Good
>>
Wow, page 10? Where is everyone?
>>
>PiE dead as shit, hasn't had a single writefag in ages
>was my favorite general for a very long time
The Times They Are A-Changin'
>>
Fuck off of page 9 for an hour or so, please and thanks.
>>
>>30033022
K
>>
>>30028829
>>30028971
>you will never sleep using twilight's ass as a pillow
>>
>>30012530
-----

>Really, what else is there to cover?
>You've gone over everything the two of you could think of.
>Well, everything /she/ could think of.
>You're currently performing the now all-too-familiar routine of visiting Twilight for /another/ testing session.
>What has she come up with now? Nothing new has popped up recently.
>...You may have an idea or two that you haven't brought up.
>Mainly out of respect for ponies.
>You can pass off your petting as a "back massage".
>But belly rubs?
>Ear scratches?
>Those are things you perform on dogs. Or cats.
>Ponies most certainly have pride and dignity. Being compared to an animal probably wouldn't sit well with them (Dash being a good example).
>...You know what, you'll bring it up with Twilight anyway.
>She's all business... usually. She'll understand.
>Reaching the library entrance, you knock twice.
>After a few seconds the door opens...
>...Revealing no one.
>"Come on in!"
>Twilight's voice registers in your head.
>Oh right, magic.
>Stepping inside, you close the door behind you.
>Twilight, as usual, is parked behind a table, multiple pieces of paper strewn across it.
>"Good afternoon Anonymous!"
"What's up. So, who's the victim for today?"
>You're referring to the mystery pony you glanced over when you came in.
>Twilight recently decided that she should have less of a hands-on approach to her project, starting back when you discovered your knack for cuddling.
>You explained that Spike was just messing with her before and she'd be missing out on a LOT, but Book Horse was adamant with her decision, if not a tad deflated.
>Putting aside her personal enjoyment for the sake of science.
>What a hero.
>Fortunately for her nothing was said about using your talent during off-hours.
>So yea, today you'll be dealing with...
>...
>......
>That is not a pony.
>That's a bird.
>...No wait.
>It's a lion.
>...It's both?
"Gryphon?"
>>
>>30033450
>You've never seen one before, only been told of their existence.
>The one here looks similar to what you were expecting. The only unusual features are the pale light-purple mark surrounding each eye and the way some white feathers stick out on their head.
>It's like a hairstyle of sorts.
>The catbird before you is unamused with your obvious statement.
>"Nice analysis, genius. What are you supposed to be, a hairless minotaur?"
>...
>Wow, where the fuck did THAT come from?
>First impressions are important and good god did she fuck up /big time/.
>It's been less than a minute and already you don't like her.
>At least you're hoping it's a "her". Did she swallow chalk recently?
>You're about to respond accordingly when you pause.
>Probably not a good idea to insult the test subject.
>Fuck, you can't just leave that shit be.
>Unfortunately you don't have a choice.
>You make sure to return her glare with one of your own.
"I'm a human."
>Based Twilight can see the sparks flying between you and the catbird, and decides to jump in.
>"Anonymous! This is Gilda. Gilda, Anonymous."
>Your gaze doesn't break from Gilda as the pair of you continue trying to melt each other with your eyes alone.
>"Gilda was nice enough to visit all the way from Griffonstone in order to help out today."
>"Only because the pay is good."
>She's still staring at you.
>Twilight laughs nervously.
>"Well, when not a single griffon replies to the 'Help Wanted' ad you place in The Feathered Post, you get a little desp-- Never mind that! Anonymous, I need you to start with a booping."
>Finally breaking your staring contest with Gilda, you face Twilight, ignoring her request.
"I thought this only worked with ponies."
>"We can't be certain until we cover all creatures."
>...Hold. The fuck. Up.
>When she says 'all creatures' does she mean /literally/ every single fucking thing in this world?
>Oh HELL no.
>Focus on the current problem, Anon. That's an issue for another day.
>Right, right.
>>
>>30033457
"It didn't work for Spike, remember? I doubt it'll work on... that."
>Shit, you let that one slip.
>Maybe she didn't notice.
>Gilda's eyes narrow.
>"Insult me again, and you'll regret it for the rest of your very short life."
>Welp, she noticed.
>You didn't like her before, now you downright hate her.
>Jumping straight into death threats?
>Twilight really knows how to pick 'em.
"If you touch me, I have zero qualms with figuring out if your front half tastes like chicken."
>The rational part of you is yelling at your retarded ass for antagonizing something with claws AND talons.
>The rest of you don't take shit from NOBODY.
>You can see her talons tighten up, sinking into her seat.
>Despite that, Gilda does nothing, only continuing her death glare.
>All talk and no bite?
>Either that or she believes your empty threat.
>She doesn't know shit about you except for three things.
>You're tall, you eat meat, and you boop ponies.
>Best not to fuck with that.
>Twilight once again hastily intervenes.
>"Oh-kay! A reminder Gilda, you won't receive payment if your behavior is not satisfactory."
>She makes it sound like it's an issue with all gryphons.
>Gilda huffs in annoyance, the warning enough for her to ease up.
>"Fine. Let's get this over with so I can get those bits."
>Twilight sighs in relief, raising a quill in preparation.
>"Whenever you're ready Anonymous."
>God, you really don't want to do this.
>You look at the catbitch-- catbird.
"You know what I'm going to do, right?"
>She rolls her eyes.
>"You're touching my beak. Hurry up already."
>Ugh.
>You close the short distance to her, also eager to finish as quickly as possible.
>Gilda eyes your hand like a hawk as it raises...
>...And near-instantly goes back down.
>You shake your head.
"I can't. Sorry Twilight."
>"Why not?"
>>
>>30033463
"Because on the off-chance that it DOES work, Catbird here will feel fan-fuckin'-tastic--"
>You direct your attention to Gilda as you finish your rant.
"-And I sure as hell don't want to give /you/ that pleasure."
>You gesture towards the door.
"You can fuck off whenever you're ready."
>Gilda gives you her signature glare you've come to know and not love.
>"What does 'fuck' mean? Is that some weird alien language?"
>You're all too happy to further broaden her knowledge.
"It means many things. All you need to know is it's very, VERY offensive."
>"Well /Anonymous/--"
>She spits out your name like it has a bad taste.
>"--You can 'FUCK OFF' with thinking I'm going anywhere! I'm not leaving until those bits are in my talons!"
>If you weren't so pissed off you'd be proud of how quickly she caught on to its usage.
>God this fucking catbird infuriates you.
>When was the last time you were mad? Not agitated. Honest-to-goodness mad.
>That's right, it was before you got dumped into Equestria.
>Ponies have never given you a reason to be angry. Most of them are very nice, polite at worst.
>Even when they avoided you, you only felt hollow.
>But Gilda...
>She reminds you of home.
>Hating for the sake of hating.
>So stupid...
>But familiar in a way.
>...
>You're still not going to boop her.
"YOUR ass is gonna be here for a long time, cuz I'm not--"
>"CAN EVERYPONY PLEASE STOP?!?!?!"
>Your arguing is shut down as Twilight's voice reverberates through the library.
>Holy /shit/, Book Horse has quite the pair of lungs on her.
>Gilda grimaces, both sets of talons pressed firmly against her head in an effort to drown out the yelling.
>Unfortunately you were too slow to react.
>Your ears ring even after Twilight is finished.
>Book Horse takes in a deep breath. When she's done, she focuses on you.
>"Anonymous, Gilda said she's willing to assist today. The only pony-- human left is you, and I /need/ you. If you decline now, I don't know if I'll be able to find another griffon."
>>
>>30033469
>Oh for fuck's sake, do not--
>"Please?"
>There it is.
>You have a sneaking suspicion Twilight has caught on to its effectiveness against you.
>Sucks for her though, you're not budging.
>No sir, not an inch.
>Not even for her dilated pupils... or her watery eyes...
>...Or those deflated ears...
>...
"FFFFUCK me. FINE. But you owe me. I don't know /what/, but you OWE me!"
>Twilight's devastated expression vanishes instantly the second you say 'fine'.
>Lousy manipulating--
>"Great! Don't worry, you won't regret it!"
>Lie of the century.
>Twilight coughs into a knee.
>"Right. Whenever you're ready."
>Bleh.
>You turn back to Gilda.
"Don't move."
>Thankfully she doesn't have a shitty retort.
>Up goes your hand.
>"Those aren't claws."
>You glance at your raised hand.
"These are fingers."
>"What are--"
"Save the anatomy questions for someone who gives a shit."
>Catbird is less than pleased, but says nothing.
>Damn, it feels good talking trash to someone.
>Your outstretched finger slowly approaches its target.
>Right before you reach her beak, you hesitate.
>Gilda isn't dumb.
>"I don't bite... most of the time."
>She's smirking now.
"Y'know, my earlier statement still stands. Food for thought."
>Her expression doesn't change.
>Fuck.
>Whatever, just get it over with quickly.
>Your target is near the top of her beak.
>Slowly. Slowly....
>*Boop*
>...
>Nope, nothing cute about that expression at all.
>Not a single thing.
>At all.
>...She's still a bitch.
>Much to your disappointment, Gilda is going through the same process ponies experience.
>Fuuuuuck.
>All that's left is--
>*POOMF*
>...That?
>You stare in wonder at the sight before you.
>Starting from the neck-down, Gilda's plumage has puffed out.
>What a sight.
>That, combined with her sudden shocked look, makes you laugh.
>Better to laugh than stay mad.
>Catbird isn't pleased with your cheerful mood.
>"Can it, dweeb!"
>Of course you ignore her, continuing to cackle up a storm.
>>
>>30033473
>She brings a foreleg up, pressing on her feathers in an attempt to bring them back down.
>It doesn't work and she growls in frustration.
>Meanwhile, you've finished up your laughing session.
"You look great, did you know that?"
>The grin on your face speaks volumes for the sincerity of that statement.
>Surprisingly Gilda says nothing, instead continuing to stare daggers at you.
>You're starting to question if she's still pissed off. She has that look on twenty-four/seven.
>...
>Wait a second.
>She's acting no different now than she was before the booping.
>You can't say it had no effect on her; her plumage speaks for itself.
>Then what the fuck happened?
>"What are you staring at, dweeb?"
>Fuck kind of insult is 'dweeb'?
>Well it sure beats death threats.
"You, obviously."
>"Gilda, I need a recount of your experience please."
>Twilight is good at recognizing tension and when to intervene.
>Gilda ignores her, continuing to eye you. Her tail sways to and fro.
>Reminds you of a cat.
>Because she's a catbird.
>As much as you'd love to indulge in this immature back-and-forth, Book Horse needs answers.
>You point towards Twilight.
"You want to get paid, right?"
>That's all the encouragement Catbird needs.
>She slips off of the stool, walking over to Twilight.
>"You didn't need to move. I can hear you just fine right here!"
>"I'm not doing it for you. I'm making sure /that one/ doesn't hear."
>She glances back to you with an expression you can't quite put your finger on.
>Yea, no.
>Dash tried that shit with you and it didn't fly.
>No way in hell Gilda miraculously gets a pass.
"Not happening. I don't care how embarrassed you feel, I want to know what the fuck is up with me."
>Thank goodness Spike isn't here. You've been swearing like there's no tomorrow.
>Gilda scoffs.
>"Embarrassed? As if. I'm not doing this for me, I'm doing this for YOU."
>...
>'For you'?
>Fuck is that supposed to mean?
>>
>>30033481
>Gilda doesn't wait for your rebuttal. She plants her talons on the edge of Twilight's stool, allowing her to speak directly into Book Horse's ear.
>Son of a bitch.
>Twilight, the traitorous cunt, is taking notes as Catbird speaks. Her quill races across the paper, lines being filled in seconds.
>Fuck this shit.
>You take this time to procure a stool of your own, planting it down before taking a seat.
>She's still talking. What the fuck could she possibly--
>Twilight's quill abruptly stops.
>Gilda, however, does not.
>With each passing second, you observe Book Horse's transformation from dark purple cheeks to almost her entire face turning red.
>...
>Alright, what did Catbird say?
>Eventually she stops and her voice picks up.
>"Did you get all of that?"
>Twilight is staring straight ahead, eyes wide.
>"I... I did. Thank you..."
>"Good, cuz I'm not repeating myself."
>Conversation over, Gilda returns to all fours, making her way back to her seat.
>You watch Twilight blink a few times, turning her attention back to her notes and continuing to write.
>When you look at Gilda, she's once again staring at you. Her plumage has managed to return to its flattened appearance.
>You still don't like her but the earlier aggression has dissipated, leaving one option.
>Annoyance.
"I know I'm devilishly handsome, but it's rude to ogle someone that much."
>Instead of the standard bristling and threats, Gilda snorts.
>"Please. The only thing I'm gawking at are those tiny eyes of yours. Do all hue-muns look like that?"
>That's the second time someone has brought up your eyes.
>Rude.
>Come on Anon, you need to save face for the human race.
>Think dammit, think...
>Ah-ha!
>You shrug.
"Our eyes are as big as they need to be."
>"At that size it's a wonder you can see anything."
>Fuck, that didn't work.
>Let's try again.
"I see what I need to."
>Gilda cackles.
>Sounds a lot like an evil villain.
>"What, a few feet ahead of you? Your eyes are set straight forward!"
>>
>>30033484
>Double rude.
>Man you're bad at explaining shit.
>That and she's deliberately poking holes in your excuses.
>...
>Oh!
>You have a good one.
"Consider this: what type of animals look forward /far/ more often than the rest?
>Gilda furrows her brow in thought.
"It's not a--"
>"Shut up, I'm trying to think."
>Aaaand you hate her again.
>Just kidding. That wasn't very nice though.
>"Predators?"
>Oh wow, she figured it out.
>You were expecting a few minutes of frustration followed by swearing at you to give a hint.
>You say nothing else, content to watch her.
>Honestly you just want Catbird off your ass. Your latest explanation should be reason enough.
>Her confused expression shifts into exasperation at your silence.
>"What about them? What does that have to do with you..."
>It's like the last word was a trigger.
>Gilda's irritation slowly fades away as the realization hits.
>Soon not even her standard glare remains.
>Now she's just looking at you, only the end of her tail flicking from side to side.
>You're having a hard time reading any of her emotions that aren't a variation of "fuck you".
>At the absolute least, you'd say Catbird looks calm.
>You were semi-bullshitting about the predator bit. Luckily she doesn't know that.
>At least she shut up.
>You idly glance over to check on Twilight's progress.
>She's still writing. Her face no longer looks heated.
>Speaking of...
>You turn back to the gryphon in front of you, gesturing towards Book Horse with a thumb.
"What did you say to her?"
>"Ask her."
>She sounds a lot more female when she's not agitated and berating you.
"Why can't you tell me?"
>"Like I already said, it's not me, it's you."
>Aren't breakups supposed to be the opposite?
>...Oh wait, that's not what this is.
"Gilda, I know we're close friends, which is why that's such a /shit/ excuse."
>She grins.
>"If you want to know so badly, ask your purple friend."
>Fine.
"Twilight, what did Gilda say about the booping?"
>Twilight's head snaps up.
>>
>>30033490
>"...She, uh, mentioned something... uh, along the lines of..."
>Is Book Horse sweating?
>"You know what, we can talk about this later! Yes, later whenhopefullyyou'veforgettenaboutit!"
>With that said, she goes back to taking notes.
>...
>You shake your head in resigned acceptance.
>How fucking hard is it to tell you?
>What's the worst that could possibly be said?
>Gilda is still grinning.
>Did she know Twilight would react like that?
>Stupid catbird.
>Gilda breaks the silence.
>"Next up is a... massage, right?"
>...
>Aw fuck, you completely forgot about that.
"I dunno..."
>Her grin falters.
>"What's that supposed to mean?"
"You said mean things and hurt my feelings. I don't think that sort of behavior deserves a massage."
>Gilda stares at you in disbelief.
>"...You're kidding, right? You have to be joking."
>You muster up all of your strength to keep a straight face.
"I don't joke about my emotions."
>Your face is going numb from the effort being exerted to avoid smiling.
>Sadly your will cracks, and you smirk a little.
>Catbird notices instantly. Her expression shifts to one of half-annoyed, half-amused.
>"Joke all you want. I want that massage."
>She's really mellowed out compared to earlier. It's nice being able to talk without insults flying.
>You might even be starting to tolerate her.
"I'm an amateur y'know. Don't get your expectations up."
>"After that boop, or whatever you call it?"
>Gilda leans forward in her seat.
>"Oh I /will/."
>...
>You don't like that look.
>THAT is what a predator's gaze looks like.
>Combine it with her smile and you have a perfect mix of get-me-the-fuck-out-of-here.
>Calm down, heart.
>You only trust yourself to chuckle softly.
"Don't say I didn't warn you."
>You're full of shit, of course.
>If the boop worked (effects still unknown), you have a sneaking suspicion petting will too.
>As for her reaction...
>Your thoughts are broken by the return of Twilight to the mortal realm.
>>
>>30033496
>"Finally finished! Up next--"
>"A massage. Get moving, Anonymous."
>You raise an eyebrow at the gryphon.
"I'm flattered you used my name without any derogatory statements BUT, points off for ordering me around. You're the test subject, remember that."
>Gilda rolls her eyes.
>"And you're the tester or something. Whatever. Do your job."
>So much for tolerating her.
"Damn, and here I thought we were getting along sooooo well."
>Gilda cocks her head to the side.
>"Are we not?"
>...
>If that's a rhetorical question, the genuinely perplexed look on her face strongly suggests otherwise.
>First you don't get ponies, now you don't get gryphons.
>Or Gilda. You don't get Gilda.
"It's hard to tell sometimes."
>"Oh."
>She says nothing more, waiting for you to 'do your job'.
>You point down.
"I suggest you sit on the floor."
>"Why?"
>Because you're not a princess.
"Because if what I'm expecting to happen does happen, you'll end up there anyway."
>There's that look again.
>Shit's unnerving as fuck.
>You're starting to understand how the ponies initially felt when you caught their eye.
>"You're getting my hopes up, Anonymous."
"That's on you."
>"Those fingers beg to differ."
>...
>Leaving you with that even-more-worrisome comment, Gilda makes the short trip to the ground.
>You follow suit, plopping yourself directly next to her.
>Being in such close proximity makes her head stand tall above you.
>She's a bit taller than most ponies too, adding to the height difference.
>Catbird doesn't hesitate to comment on it.
>"You're short when you sit down."
>You ignore her smug smirk.
>Can't even defend that; gotta roll with the punches.
"Thank you Captain Obvious."
>"Touchy subject?"
>Now she's just taking the piss.
"Nah, I just know when to quit early."
>"As if you have a choice."
>Oof. That one hurt.
>Despite that all-too-real burn, you can't help but smile.
"You got me."
>Gilda is satisfied with her victory, and spares you from further emotional trauma.
>>
>>30033499
>"I'm ready when you're ready."
>Her tail is back to swishing to and fro.
>Don't cats do that shit when they're excited or something?
>She's half-cat so it counts, right?
>It totally counts.
>Once more your hand reaches out to Gilda. Its destination: Her back.
>Her head is turned to watch what you're doing.
>As your hand makes contact with her fur you feel her body tense up for the briefest of moments.
>Nothing else occurs, so you continue with your task.
>...
>Naturally, everything changes the instant you move your hand.
>In a flash, Gilda's wing shoots open, catching you square in the chest and knocking you over.
>What the fuck???
>You lay on the floor, staring at the library ceiling in confusion and slight awe.
>Those wings are pretty strong.
>"Yea, that happens sometimes when something feels... nice."
>Is that a gryphon thing? Dash and Quiet Horse don't do that.
"A heads up would've also been nice."
>"If I knew it was going to happen, I would've said something. Stop complaining."
>You bring yourself back up to a sitting position.
>Catbird is giving you a flat look. Her wings are extended and even from this angle you can tell they're larger than pegasi's.
>"Well? I'm waiting."
>She seems to forget who's in charge.
"Remember: Anon giveth--"
>You reach out to gently stroke her back.
>You're pretty sure her eyes glazed over.
"Anon taketh away."
>Off goes your hand.
>"Don't even think about it."
>Her manners could use some serious work.
"That's no way to treat a friend."
>Gilda scoffs, and you can make out her mouthing the word 'friend'.
>"Whatever, dweeb. You promised your purple friend you wouldn't back out."
"You're hurting my feelings again."
>"...FINE. Can you PLEASE continue the massage?"
"Sure."
>"How long are yo-- oh."
>Before Gilda can say anything else to dissuade you, your hand is again making short stroking motions along her back.
>...
>.......
>Well that didn't take long.
>>
>>30033501
>Catbird is lying on the floor, legs and wings lazily extended.
>With her current position blocking easy access to her back, you've been petting dangerously close to her underside.
>If she has any grips with it, she says nothing.
>Admittedly you were secretly hoping she would adopt that weird pose cats do where they fold their paws next to their chest, but this is alright too.
>From what you can see, her reaction is similar to Rarity's.
>Unmoving, quiet as hell, may as well be asleep.
>Speaking of sleeping...
>Is she snoring?
>Did she seriously fall asleep?
>Your hands vibrate with each exhale she makes.
>Wait a second...
>...
>She's purring.
>Catbird is actually purring.
>It's like she's an oversized house kitty.
>With talons.
>Now here's the million-dollar question.
>To laugh, or not to laugh?
>...Nah.
>This isn't /completely/ out of left field.
>You'll just save this wonderful piece of information for the future.
>"That should do it, Anonymous."
"Alright."
>You cease your ministrations as per Twilight's instructions.
>Even when your hand is still, Gilda continues to purr.
>In less than a minute, she twitches, eyes remaining closed
>"Why did you stop."
>She doesn't sound annoyed or agitated. Your petting really mellowed her out.
"Because, all good things must come to an end. My job is done, now it's your turn."
>Despite a loud sigh of reluctance, she doesn't push the issue.
>After a brief stretch, she returns to a sitting position and you try to forget just how sharp those claws look.
>Catbird blinks slowly a few times, never taking her eyes off you.
>"That wasn't exactly what I was anticipating, but I'm not picky."
"Mhmm. What /were/ you expecting?"
>At that, she smiles.
>Not a smirk, or a grin. A smile.
>"Ask Miss Purple."
>You casually flip her off.
"Nice cop-out answer."
>To your confusion, Gilda looks up at the ceiling.
>Twilight once again butts in, most likely in hopes of diverting the discussion away from her.
>"Okay Gilda, I need--"
>>
>>30033506
>"What was that supposed to mean?"
>You rudely gesture again.
"This?"
>"Yea."
"It's another insult. Basically means 'go fuck yourself'."
>Gilda's gaze drifts away in thought.
>"Huh..."
>Twilight uses the lull in conversation to try speaking again.
>"Gilda, I need a recap of--"
>"Well Anonymous--"
>You watch as Catbird flips you off.
>"The feeling is mutual."
>She's still smiling.
>Do all gryphons make friends/acquaintances by being jerks to each other?
>That would explain her behavior SOOOO much.
>Well, you can't say you're not enjoying yourself.
>Of course you don't need negativity in your life, but it's satisfying to talk shit once in a while.
"I'm impressed with how quickly you catch on to my insults."
>Gilda sticks out her chest with pride. You swear her feathers puff out a bit.
>"I take pride in my work."
>She's like a rude gryphon version of Dash.
>"I'm glad the two of you are getting along so well, but I /need/ a response, Gilda!"
>Poor Twilight has been ignored twice already.
>"Yea, yea..."
>Gilda scratches her neck with a talon.
>"It felt nice... Good, even."
>...
>...Is that all?
>Twilight stares at the stone-faced gryphon in bewilderment.
>"Anything else?"
>Catbird shakes her head.
>"Nah."
>"I can't only use 'It felt good'. I need details!"
>"What details? There's nothing else to say."
>"You certainly had a lot to say about An--"
>Book Horse abruptly cuts herself off, almost choking on her words.
>The fuck?
>Gilda is unfazed.
>...It was relaxing? I can't think of anything else."
>Twilight groans.
>"Guess I'll have to work with that."
>That reminds you...
"Speaking of relaxing, I didn't know gryphons purr."
>"Yea, it's a sign of contentment. I have to admit, your fingers are something else."
>Damn, you were hoping it was a super-embarrassing reflex she couldn't control and you could make heavy implications towards her being a house cat.
>...
>You are a terrible person, Anon.
>She started it though.
>You nod.
"I know."
>>
>>30033513
>Gilda huffs at your lack of thanks.
"That's not even all of it."
>"Hmmm?"
>Right, next up is...
>...
>No.
>Absolutely not.
>As if to send you to the gallows, Twilight pipes up.
>"All done! Only one test remaining!"
>Catbird's eyes light up as she finally recalls the final event.
>The fuck is she so happy about?
"No thanks."
>"Anonymous, after this test you'll be free to leave. Please don't bail on me now."
"It's complicated, Book Horse."
>...
"Alright, maybe it isn't. Gilda, I know you and I no longer want to strangle each other to death--"
>She nods in understanding.
"--But I have limits. Skittles, Rarity, and Twilight all have something in common: they are friends of mine."
>They're also small(er), adorable ponies.
>Not big, feisty catbirds.
"I only cuddle friends. I'll give you another pet-- massage if you want though."
>Gilda doesn't flinch when you casually mention the lack of a friendship with her.
>Good. That means you're both on the same page.
>"I understand."
>Thank--
>"Good thing you said we're /close/ friends, right?"
>What.
>When the hell did you say that?
>...
>You give her a flat look.
>She has quite the smug expression.
"Do you REALLY think I was serious?"
>"Now I do."
>...
>......
"Okay, /that/ was a good answer."
>Gilda says nothing more.
>Dumb Twilight and her sad looks and needing you to cuddle gryphons.
"...Keep those talons to yourself."
>That's all she needed to hear. Her tail resumes its swishing.
>You size her up, trying to figure out how the fuck this is going to work.
>Catbird has other things in mind. She stands up, taking a few steps until she's by your side.
"What?"
>"Lie down."
"Why?"
>On this hard-as-fuck floor? Your ass is already sore, no need for your back to suffer.
>"Because it's not going to work with you sitting."
"Not with that attitude."
>Gilda pays no mind to your stupid remark. Instead she reaches up to grab your shoulder.
>You freeze.
>Fuck, they're as sharp as they look.
>>
>>30033517
>It's only when she starts pushing that you realize what's going on.
>Yea, no.
>You grab her talons, ignoring the annoyed look she gives you.
>With a little bit of pressure, you remove her foreleg from yourself.
"I don't know what you have in mind, but I'm not breaking my back on this floor. I'll figure something out if you give me a minute."
>"We don't need a minute when there's a solution /now/."
"Your solution blows and I already have an idea.
>You shift yourself until you're facing Gilda. She's irked, to say the least.
>"Why are you so stubborn? It's annoying."
>...
"Lay down and keep your front half on my lap. This is as good as it's gonna get."
>"THAT'S it? That's what you came up with?"
>She sounds disappointed more than anything.
"Catbird, the only other option is spooning and let's be real: we just met. Those kind of things don't happen until the third date at least."
>"...I don't see the problem."
>Wow.
>Either she's a bigger softie than she lets on or you really DO have magic.
>You raise an eyebrow.
"You don't strike me as that kind of person-- pony... gryphon."
>She huffs in annoyance.
>"I can make an exception."
>Gilda must really want this.
>The same gryphon you despised earlier is now poorly hiding her desire to spoon.
>If you call her "adorable" would she kill you?
>...Probably.
"Sadly there are no available couches or beds within a five-foot radius. Get down here, you!"
>Before Gilda can react, you wrap your arms around her midsection and tug enough for her to lose balance but not come crashing down.
>As she falls, Gilda lets out a squawk of surprise.
>...
>Did she really just do that?
>You've seen so many cat traits from her, you forgot she's also part eagle.
>Don't laugh. Those talons are dangerously close to you now.
>Her head now rests on one of your legs. The front half of her body occupies the rest of your lap while the rest lay limply to the side.
>"Do you want me to choke y--"
>>
>>30033518
>Her voice dies off as you adjust an arm so it now supports her head and wraps around to rest against her chest feathers.
>Damn that shit is soft.
>Your other arm lies on her side, hand lightly stroking her fur.
>This ain't half bad.
"Does this work?"
>Gilda only stares at you.
>Not the predator stare, thank goodness. The calmer-than-calm one.
>Did Rainbow Dash look something like this?
>Before you can properly settle in, Catbird wiggles her rear, sliding it over until her lower half rests along your legs.
>"Better."
>Nothing else is said as you continue your intense hugging session.
>Not long after, you feel the familiar vibrations of before permeating your body.
>Sounds a bit louder though.
>...
>You know, this feels nice.
>Sure you prefer cuddling smaller ponies (you'll never admit out loud Dash was your favorite), but this is a good kind of different.
>Gilda's purring up a storm, giving you a pleasant feeling.
>Yea.
>This isn't bad at all.


"Feel free to get off me anytime."
>"Can it, dweeb."
"You can't get any bits if you don't move."
>Gilda twitches ever so faintly, still staring at you.
>"Whatever, I'll live."
>Isn't that the reason she came here in the first place?
"I really don't want to move you--"
>"Then don't."
"--But I can't sit here forever."
>"Gilda?"
>Twilight calls out to the lazy gryphon.
>"Yea, yea. I'll get up in a few... hours."
>Oh hell no.
>Not even Twilight got this needy.
>Time for evasive action.
"Catbird, I just want you to know... It can't work."
>Her expression doesn't change.
"You only love me for my /body/, not for who /I am/."
>That gets a reaction. She goes from content to disgruntled.
>You never stopped talking.
"...Not to mention the whole long-distance thing. I mean, who wants to wait--"
>"Shut up, Anonymous. You talk too much"
>Rude.
>Gilda sighs.
>"I'm getting up."
>You remove your arms from around her, allowing her to flip over onto the floor.
>Suddenly you feel empty.
>>
>>30033520
>She proceeds to stretch out, only this time it's a lot like a cat. Back arched and everything.
>When she's done, she walks over to Twilight.
>...
"Are you SERIOUSLY going to do this shit again???"
>Catbird pauses as she reaches Book Horse.
>"Yup."
>Son of a--
>You stand up, choosing not to rub your sore ass and instead taking a seat on the stool you used before.
>To be honest, there's not much of a difference.
>Glancing over to Twilight, you see her writing a stream of words as Gilda whispers into her ear.
>Despite a few pauses, Book Horse doesn't turn red.
>Big deal.
>You don't need to know what's being said.
>Nothing important, you bet.
>Gilda's just doing this to fuck with you.
>Right, because she's--
>"What are you staring at, dweeb?"
>When the fuck did she get here?
>She's perched on top of her stool, returning your stare with one of her own.
"Is 'dweeb' a special nickname you use for all your besties?"
>Gilda brings up talon to mock-gag at your comment.
"So is that a 'maybe', or..."
>"It's a rude name for wimps, or nerds."
>You hear Twilight fidget oh so softly in her seat.
>"But I could set it aside as an insult just for you."
>Gilda sneers at you, but it's lighthearted more than anything.
>You place a hand over your heart.
"You would do that for me? Shit, this is the best gift I've ever received."
>"Why am I not surprised?"
>Twilight, as usual, interrupts the fun.
>"Booping: check. Massage: check. Hugs and/or cuddling: check."
>She glances up to Gilda, a smile on her face.
>"That's everything! Thank you very much Gilda and Anonymous. Gilda, here's your payment."
>Twilight levitates a brown pouch over to Catbird, who takes it.
>You can hear the bits clinking together as she inspects the contents.
>...
"You got PAID to do this?!?"
>Fucking hell, how did it JUST hit you?
"That wasn't a job, it may have well been a day at the fucking spa!"
>Gilda only smiles smugly.
>Thankfully Book Horse is here to knock some sense into you.
>>
>>30033526
>"Anonymous, we had no idea what could've happened. Gryphons aren't ponies, so in reality Gilda was taking a risk when she accepted."
>Ugh.
>Technically correct is the worst kind of correct.
>Gilda tosses the pouch in the air a few times, still grinning at you.
>"All in a day's work."
>You flip her off, which she proudly returns.
>...In hindsight, teaching that to her probably wasn't the smartest idea.
>"Looks like I'm out of here."
>You raise a hand in farewell.
"You're mean, and I'm alright with that. Take care."
>Gilda shakes her head, chuckling.
>"You're the weirdest minotaur I've ever seen, and that's fine with me."
>D'awwww.
>Gilda returns the gesture before getting off her seat, slowly walking to the library entrance.
>You watch as she opens the door, passing through the doorway before reaching back with her... tail to close it.
>Cool.
>Just as you turn around, a voice interrupts you.
>"Anonymous!"
>Looking back, you see Gilda poking her head through the doorway.
>"I don't know if you've ever been to Griffonstone, but... if you ever visit sometime..."
>She rubs the back of her head.
>"...maybe we could meet up again. You're not half-bad."
>Eh...
"Remember what I said about loving me for who I am?"
>Gilda groans.
>"Stop it already."
>You snort.
"Sure. That would be... nice."
>Gilda smiles.
>"Cool."
>Her head disappears behind the doorframe.
>"Later dweeb!"
>With that classy remark, the door slams shut.
>...
>Huh.
>The library is suddenly a lot quieter.
>You turn back to Twilight, who's also smiling.
>"Looks like somepony made a new friend today."
>You roll your eyes.
"'Friend' is a strong word. In fact, even 'acquaintance' would be stretching it... I prefer the term 'hate-buddy'."
>"Call it what you want, I know a friendship when I see one."
>Yessir, because you're the expert on making friends.
>"You should be proud, Anonymous. It's notoriously difficult for anypony to make friends with a griffon. They can be very... impolite at times."
"No shit."
>>
>>30033530
>"All of that aside, thank you for your assistance today. I know it was difficult at times and I appreciate you sticking around."
>You grimace.
"Somebody has to do it."
>...
>Remembrance!
>You glance over to the purple pony.
"You recall earlier when I said you owe me something?"
>Twilight looks at you with apprehension.
>"...Possibly."
"The words Gilda spoke to you in private. What'd she say?"
>Twilight freezes up.
>You can see her eyes shift around as she searches for something to bullshit her way out of the situation.
>There is no escape, Book Horse.
>"Uhhh..."
>You /will/ get answers.
-------

Pastebin: https://pastebin.com/5gQ5hMeU

Part 6 done. Criticism needed, etc.

What the FUCK is this??? This isn't the cute ponies you were expecting!!! IT'S FUCKING SHIII--
Yea, decided to mix it up a little with some catbutt. Don't worry, next update will bring back adorable poners. A thank you to whomever is enjoying reading this story as much as I do writing it.
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>>30033534
Kek noice man, though what did she say lol
>>
>>30033641
She came.
>>
So did Fizzles never continue this Redheart green? https://pastebin.com/v8dgiqrx

I really, really NEED want more of this to exist.
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>>30033697
It's never coming back.
It will remain unfinished.
Because you touch yourself at night.
>>
>>30025389
>>30025371
>Be Changeling Lyra
>Been hanging out with your sisses at the park
>Colgate did this awesome spell
>You leaned in for a better view
>Now you’re on a smooth hard floor instead of the grass
>You look around
>This is the lockerroom you were looking at
>You have two thoughts at this revelation.
>One: How could Colgate have screwed up a spell badly enough that this happened?
>It takes a lot of doing to make a remote viewing spell do anything other than view.
>Scrying panes normally just aren’t built for doing anything other than scrying.
>The ones that aren’t are either custom made for a specific job, unreliable to the point of being unusable, or really really expensive.
>Sometimes all of those at once.
>The one you were using at the park was none of these.
>And Two: This is the stallions locker room on an alien world.
>You want some of dem ayy guys.
>You don’t see any in here at the moment, which is probably a good thing.
>Don’t want to freak them out.
>Stallions generally don’t like mares in their locker rooms.
>Knowing this key fact, you decide to find your way out into a more mare-friendly locale.
“Showers are over there, that’s the toilets…” you mutter to yourself
>That might be the exit over there.
>You find that it is indeed the exit over here.
>You slip out through it into the public section of the building.
>There aren’t any aliens close by to see you leave, but you expect there will be some around here somewhere.
>Time to explore and find them.
>You haven’t had a holiday for ages, let alone one outside Equestria.
>You’re so excited!
>>
>>30033534
As long as there's passive aggressive snuggles going on I don't care if it's a poner or a catbird.

Really enjoyed the dialogue this time round though dude, can't wait to see what's in store next time.
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>>30033936
Welp, guess i might as well kill myself then.

Does anyone know any Nurse Redheart/Anon greens? I've come across a few before but haven't been able to find them again.
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>>30032085
Slave Pone thread is technically PiE stories.
>>
>>30036408
They aren't too bad either, but they are limited in scope.
>>
>>30036117
A better question is when are they going to make robot pony waifus so you can live your own Redheart story?
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>>30036663
>Celestia gets two ropones of herself
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>>30037155
>"Gee Celestia, how come your mom lets you have two robopones?"
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>>30037706
>"Because page 9 bump, that's why."
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>>30038557
How about MAKE SOMETHING!?

I DEMAND PONYNET STORY!

I DEMAND LUNA CHECK ANON'S DREAM [inserthere] STORY
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>>30039213
Pastebin?
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>>30039356
>>29950633
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>>30039529
Thank
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>>29999810
I hate monday
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>>30039873
>>
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>>30033534
Perfect 'test' subject. Excellent update. Descriptive and the dialog was well done. Flowed nicely.
>>
bump 8 before going to sleep
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>>29998966

>"How about we set up a time then. I'm think I could work you in any day this week." Twilight says levitating over a new scroll before pouring over it.
>Spike has made his way from behind here and seems to have taken interest in your bag of gems, a few of which have spilled out on the floor.
>"Hey Anon, you think maybe I could get a couple of those? They look delicious."
>Twilight levitates her scroll aside giving spike an annoyed look "Spike don't be rude, besides you just ate."
"These are just gemstones."
>You explain hoping to dispel any confusion as to what you're carrying.
>He likely has a strong sense of smell and is picking up traces of the food you had in the bag earlier.
>"Uh yeah..I know." He says looking at you as if you might be simple.
>Now you're just plain bewildered. Well at least there's any easy way to see where this is going.
"Feel free to take a few if you like. I only need the most clear ones anyway. Well that and someone to cut gems."
>"Sweet, thanks!" You watch as the young dragon begins to grab clawfuls of the gems popping them in to his mouth a few at a time.
>When he gets to a larger one he bites in to it like an apple, leaving clearly cut teeth marks through the gems.
>You're more than a bit amazed. No signs of cracking obvious in the gem, it wasn't broken apart with pressure, it was just sliced cleanly through.
>His teeth may well be the sharpest thing you've ever encountered outside a mono-molecular blade.
>They're definitely among the hardest for him to tear through so many gems without chipping or breaking them.
>"You okay there Anon. You're creepin me out a little." Spike says hesitantly.
>It is only then you note that you've been staring rather obviously.
"Ah, my apologies. I've never seen anyone eat a gemstone before. Feel free to take a few more."
>As spike starts to pile his arms full Twilight looks over from her appointment list and frowns.
>>
>>30042530

>"Don't eat all those at once Spike. You remember the stomach ache you got last time."
>Spike grumbles something noncommittal in reply and apparently satisfied Twilight returns her attention to you.
>"So about that meeting."She says beaming excitedly again. "When's good for you?"
"If you've the time free I could come back tomorrow evening. I've a few minor things to attend, but little else that should require my attention."
>"Great, I'll just write you in for tomorrow afternoon, that way we have plenty of time to cover everything."
>"Let's see I'm gonna need scrolls, and a few spare quills and "Twilight's continues to list things to herself as Spike pokes at your leg to get your attention.
>"You should probably just go ahead and leave while you can. She's gonna be like this for a while."
>Taking the little dragon's word for it you gather up the remainder of your gemstones and make your way from the castle.
>You must have spent more time than you thought in Spike's illusory game, as the sun is sinking low on the horizon when you exit the castle.
>Making haste you head for Rarity's boutique along the wide packed dirt streets of Ponyville.
>You find the shop with lights on, but a sign reading "closed" is on the door.
>You knock gently and try the handle finding it opens easily, pushing it slightly ajar you peek inside but see no one around.
"It is Anoniaus, may I enter?"
>You call out in to the seemingly empty shop.
>You don't have to wait long before a small white unicorn trots up to greet you, she looks similar to Rarity, but obviously younger.
>She looks at you for a moment before shouting towards the back of the shop "Rarity, there's a giant at the door!"
>Not really certain how to deal with this you just stand quietly waiting to see if her shouting has yielded any results.
>Just a moment later you see Rarity rushing down the stairs. "Sweetie Belle don't be rude. That's Anon, invite him inside."
>>
>"Rarity says you can come in if you want." Sweetie says pushing the door further open.
>"Rarity says you're some kind of knight, are all of you aliens this big?"
>That draws a smirk from you, you haven't had much cause to interact with children in your lifetime, but you can always trust them to get to them to be blunt.
>You enter the boutique and close the door behind you before answering her question.
"I am an Astartes, that's a kind of human, most of us are this large, a few larger. Most humans don't grow over six feet tall, about here."
>You hold a hand up to your chest just a bit below your neck to indicate the appropriate height.
>"So what's the difference between a human and an Astartes?" She asks struggling with the word a bit.
>Before you get the chance to answer Rarity interjects from nearby where she's pulling a number of garments from behind a curtain.
>"Sweetie stop bothering Anon I'm sure he's very busy with the guard and has to get back soon."
>The filly pouts "I was just asking about him."
>You head for the far end of the shop where Rarity is sorting threw a few things.
"I don't mind the questions, it's not as if she's the only one curious in Ponyville."
>"That's very kind of you Anon, but right now we need to get you out of that armor to make certain everything fits."
>Rarity spends the next several minutes removing pieces of armor from you with her magic.
>You move whichever way is needed to make it easier on her, but take the chance to answer Sweetie Belles question.
>Of course answering one opened you up to a barrage of follow up questions.
>You do your best to answer her questions while keeping the answers appropriate for her age.
>It has only recently occurred to you that this planet may know little of the wider universe, and in some cases the less they know the better.
>>
>>30042546
For some reason it's giving me connection errors when I try to link my posts, anyone else have that issue?
>>
>>30042550

>That'll be something to discuss with the Princess tomorrow.
>You've likely already affected their culture simply with the knowledge you exist.
>What damage you might do by carelessly spreading word of the horrors that lie among the stars is untelling.
>Eventually Sweeite's line of questioning comes round to more recent events, specifically your recent visit from Princess Luna.
>Rarity decides to intercede on your behalf when Sweetie Belle asks if she can try out your magic sword.
>You see Rarity's blue magical aura pushing her sister towards the stairs leading up to the second floor, all the while her Sweeite Belle is protesting.
>"I wasn't gonna cut anything with it. I just wanted to see it." Sweetie whines as she's shoved onto the bottom step.
>"You can see it just fine where it is. Look with your eyes not your hooves. Now go finish your homework." Rarity says with a tone that will brook no argument.
>Sweeite sulks but does as she is ordered and heads upstairs leaving you to try on your new wardrobe in peace.
>It would seem that Rarity made all the garments you requested and a few more besides.
>Most of the pieces are fairly simple, at least the ones made to go beneath your armor, but extremely well made.
>For the Surcoat however she has outdone herself. A wing sword stands emblazoned on the chest in gold thread, against white cloth trimmed in places with green.
>The cloth feels sturdy, but soft to the touch. You know little about the tailors arts but suspect this must have been expensive to produce.
"I fear I shall never have cause to wear something so fine, for fear I might ruin it."
>You say as you hold it up to your chest to check the length.
>It appears to be large enough to go over your armor as you requested,and even splits partway down the back to allow it to sit between your back and your armors power supply.
>"That one is just for formal occasions darling."Rarity says levitating a similar, but much plainer surcoat towards you.
>>
>>30042556

>This one appears to be made of a more coarse material, still finely sewn, but lacking in the gold thread that adorns the other.
>"These were simple enough to make so I took the liberty of making a few spares. I wasn't certain about the hood you asked for though."
>"The wings on your helmet stick up a bit far for the hood to cover and I didn't know if you intended to wear it up with that on."
"The holes won't be nessecary, I had intended to leave the hood down with my helm on. You have outdone yourself."
>After you tried everything on and Rarity has made enough adjustments to suit her taste you attempt to bring up the matter of price.
>"Oh I couldn't dream of charging you anything, you've already done so much to make our little town safer in your short time here."
"I must insist on some form of payment. After all I may need to request more from you in the future and I can't very well expect you to simply give everything away."
>You have done exactly that in the past, but those situations were a bit different.
>It's one thing to demand tribute from heretics, pirates, and rebel forces but quite another to do so when the inhabitants of this planet have treated you so kindly.
>The argument goes back and forth for a bit before Rarity, somewhat reluctantly agrees to send the bill to the garrison.
>With that done Rarity helps you with your armor once more and you bid her a good evening, departing for the garrison.
>It occurs to you Steel Heart might be somewhat annoyed by the unplanned expense the amount of items you've gotten likely a bit larger than what was planned for.
>Ah well, the Princess will likely cover it if it comes down to that, given the offere she extended you.
>Besides this is the first time in near a century you've been able to be so well dressed, fed, and clean.
>You'll have to take care to keep up with your training regime so this world doesn't make you soft.
>By the time you make it back to the Everfree garrison night has fallen.
>>
>>30042559

Alright, that's all I had for the moment. Hope at least a few of you are still enjoying this. I wish I could write faster but with the limited time I've got I've been trying to update at least a couple times a week to keep things going. The story I have in mind is less than halfway done so gonna be at this for a while.

Here's the updated paste bin.

https://pastebin.com/4DcZLrJe
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>>30042572
I've been reading since you started and I look forward to each new installment eagerly. I'm still amazed at how well you've done a 40k crossover, and how little cringe there is. It's great to hear that it's far from over, but you should definitely pace yourself and write better, not faster. Keep up the good work, you're about half of what keeps me in this general.
>>
>>30042559
Love it
>>
>>30036408
Slave Pone?

>Be Anon.
>One month ago you bought a pony from Ponymart.
>You needed someone to clean your house and do your laundry because you are a lazy bastard.
>You took the cheapest pony they had.
>She looked like she had been ridden hard and put away wet one too many times, but she never complained about anything and did whatever you told her to.
>She had some quirks though.
>"Master, could I use the restroom please?"
Yes, and again you do not have to ask me.
>You gave her a room with a real bed and actual furniture, but every night she goes through the same routine with you.
>"Master, have I been a good pony today?"
Yes Rarity.
>"May I sleep on the bed with you Master?"
Sure.
>She hops up to the foot of the bed. Almost touching you, but not quite. She circles around three times before curling up by your feet.
>"Goodnight Master."
Goodnight Rarity.
>If you tell her to get off the bed she'll sleep on the floor next to you. She will sneak out of her room even if you tell her to stay.
>You wonder if she's ever going to stop doing this.
>You wonder what happened to make her like this.
>But most importantly you wonder why you catch her staring vacantly out the window every once and a while.
>Oh well, your clothes have never been cleaner and they fit much better than they used to. You suspect she has been altering them while you are at work.
>She's such a good pony.
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>>30042572
Yus
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what happened to zew?
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>>30042760
I appreciate the praise and am glad to know that I've so far managed to keep it from being a cringe fest. I'll take your advice and focus on quality over quantity as well.

>>30043115
>>30044005

Also glad to see that people are enjoying this. Thanks for reading.
>>
>>30042572
Wow, you really sucked me in there Fallanon. I was a bit confused in the beginning but I chalk that up to me not being familiar with the source material you've drawn inspiration from. The world building fell into place very well and explanations brought forth in story at appropriate times has left me with a comfortable understanding on Anoniaus and the story. I look forward to your next update.
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>>30045313
Thank you, I'm glad to know the explanations I've tried to put in have been helping. I figured not everyone was gonna be familiar with the 40k setting so I've been trying to include pertinent information as I went
The meeting with Twilight is going to help more with that I think.
>>
>day Thingin' in th' Rain in Equestria
>be Anonymous
>it's cloudy and rainy
>days like this make you feel like shit
>you can't feel any enthusiasm for anything
"I don't like thing."
>see a vaguely familiar looking tan Earth Pony with strawberry blonde mane and tail step out of an alley
>oh, it's Thingpone
>she's crying
>"Well I still like you."
>it was a day of comic misunderstandings
>>
So, is Thingpone related to Shoggothlestia?
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>>30043280
Comfy.
Time to expand it.
>>
>>30044245
Sold to gypsies.
>>
>>30045953
Poor Sunbutt. Who did that to her?
>>
>>30045953
>>30047278
It is from the 'Reflections' story arc in the IDW Comic books. I've heard much REEEEing about the comics but I enjoyed that one. It was a good poke in the feels.
>>
>>30047278
I realized I didn't answer your question.
It was the Celestia and Luna on the other side of that mirror in the background. FYI; it is not the same mirror that leads to the EqG universe.
>>
>>30045598
Oh no. Poor Anoniaus'! An interoga...err interview with Twilight. THE. HORRORS!
kek
I look forward to it.

bump 8
>>
>>30042572
Fucking love your work.
>>
>>30048237
>>30048777
Thanks to both of you. Also got a decent chance to write today so depending on work hours tomorrow I may have an update sooner than expected. Failing that I'll just save everything I manage up for a few days and do one long update.
>>
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>>30047629
Ah. Evil!Celestia from the comics. I find her to be sexy as hell, but that whole "evil" thing is a problem.
>>
>>30042559
I await moar green
>>
>>30046246
Comfy Slave Pone?

>"Master?"
Hmmm?
>"May I get up now? I need to make your dinner."
Five more minutes.
>"Of course Master."
>You lounge on the couch with Rarity laying across your lap as you pet her.
>The TV is on some Netflix show that you're not really watching as you enjoy how soft her fur is.
>You do feel bad because you know she probably doesn't enjoy this, but pony fur is so nice.
>Plus you own her and she has to do what you say and right now you say it is time for couch cuddles.
>Not that she would complain.
>She doesn't even flinch when you touch her anymore.
>You wish she would ask for affection once and a while, or tell you no, or behave like something other than a robot all the time.
>Oh well, the food she makes is really good. Not restaurant quality, but wholesome and filling nonetheless.
>You let her up because you are done being selfish. That and you have to go to the bathroom.
>You can't tell her that though.
>Her last owner used her as a toilet for a while and if she finds out you have to go she will offer herself to you.
>Gross.
>Not your fetish.
>You're a titfuck man just like dear old Dad.
>God bless his perverted bones.
>>
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>>30049507

Nice to see an owner that deserves a pon, tiny horse is not for treating poorly.

Remember to wash your horse regularly.
>>
>>30049626
Make sure you use the appropriate pony washing appliances.
>>
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>>30044877
>"Hey kid, wanna snuggle somepony?"
"That's a weird question."
>"You're a weird question. Seriously, your face is a question mark. How does that even happen?"
"I dunno."
>"Whatever. So, do you want to snuggle somepony?"
"I guess. I wanna snuggle with her."
>"I meant with me."
"But I wanna snuggle with her instead."
>"Why her? What's she got that I don't have?"
>"My snuggle-sense is tingling!"
"I was going to say she looks really soft and comfy, but I think she also has ESPN."
>"What."
>"I don't. I just have really good selective hearing about snuggles. Ooh, a human! Don't see many of those in Equestria. What's your name, little guy?"
"I'm Anonymous. Nice to meet you!"
>"This is not going the way I intended."
>"Anonymous, huh? My name's Pillow Ca- wait a minute. I could swear I've seen you before."
"I don't think I've seen you before."
>"I'm pretty sure you haven't, kid."
>"No, I'm certain that I saw you the last time I was on Earth. In a grocery store, I think?"
"I don't remember ever seeing any ponies on Earth."
>"Y-yeah! That'd just be silly. Come on, Anon. Let's get away from this silly mare."
>"Where have you been for the last four years? There are plenty of ponies on.. oh no! I didn't see you in the store, I saw your face on a milk carton!"
"Does this mean I'm famo- ACK! Dash, put me down!"
>"Nope! She was going to kidnap you! We have to get as far away from her as we can!"
"I don't understand!"
>"I read about it in the news! There's some weird reverse-kidnapping thing going on where somepony pretends to recognize a kid as being kidnapped and lead the kid away!"
"She was only talking about milk!"
>"Some milk cartons have pictures of missing people on them! She lied about seeing you on one."
"Oh, okay."
>"Whew. I think we lost her. Stay with me, kid. I'll keep you safe."
"Okay."
>"So, how about some congratulatory snuggles for your rescuer?"
"I don't feel like snuggling somepony any more. I almost picked the wrong one."
>"Oh, for the love of..."
>>
>>30049058
yeah, she looked hella good. Andy is by far my favorite IDW artist.
>>
>>30049867
>>30047574
I really don't understand the hate behind this.
If you don't like something don't buy it.
>>
>>30049998
Me neither. It not like someone is forcing you to buy/read it.
>>
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>>30049998
>>30050159
I think it was partly that a previously single character got a romantic interest out of nowhere.
>>
>>30050208
She's been around.
No one likes a virgin.
I like my waifus broken in a little bit.
>>
>>30049789
... now this imply some very dark things.
>>
>>30050208
I think you're right but I kinda liked the idea. Helped round out her character in my headcanon. Like >>30050226 said, "She's been around". I mean, come'on; she's over a millennia old.

>>30050226
>No one likes a virgin.
Hmm, I don't know. Prior experience is a plus but I wouldn't turn a virgin down. Certainly approach with caution though.
>>
>>30050331
Okay, no one likes a thousand year old virgin.
She's going to have baggage. Sad, pathetic, annoying baggage.
>>
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>>30050350
no bully Luna pls
>>
>>30050366
Luna overcompensates.
Affair after emotionless affair.
You can fill every hole in your body Luna, but you can never fill the hole in your heart.
>>
>>30050350
Top kek!
Tears of Laughter, famalam. Thanks!
I shudder to think of the egg shells left behind by her past loves over the centuries.
>>
>>30050415
>Pining over stallions.
>Anguishing over whether or not to say anything.
>Finally building up enough courage to ask them out.
>They died of old age 10 years ago.
>Rinse, repeat.
>>
>>30050366
>>30050383
Wish fulfillment aside. I think Luna would be easy to love. It's finding somepony who isn't a power hungry bit-digger that would be the challenge.
>>
>>30050449
Anything after the banishment would be a placeholder relationship. Not only that, but it is hard to imagine her or Celestia having relationships due to their longevity. It would put them off the market.
Although they probably go through hedonistic phases once and a while, but not on their Equestria.
Go through a mirror and party for a while, but don't bring that shit home with you.
>>
>>30050467
>due to their longevity.
That's a good point. I can't imagine going through the pain of out living your loved ones over and over again. Perhaps, it's something they've become accustomed to?
Though this quote comes to mind:
>“'tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all”
>-Alfred Lord Tennyson
>>
>>30050554
I figure they would like talking to Anon though. If only because of the new stories and new things he would talk about. I don't think they would try to romance him, but they would want to hang out and listen to him.
>>
>>30050806
Maybe some casual banging when estrus rolls around
>>
>>30050837
Their estrus goes in hundred year cycles.
90 years of dryness followed by a decade of mares hiding stallions in their basements and a boom in the dildo industry.
>>
>>30050860
Plus you know there is going to be a fucking song about it when it starts.
>>
>>30050806
I could see that and if romance happens so be it.

>>30050837
Same basic response. If it happens so be it. Actually, my headcanon doesn't tie sexual intimacy with estrus. Neither does it turn mares into raging nymphos. The mind is the most powerful erogenous zone.
>>
>>30050860
>Hide yo Stallions. Hide yo....

>>30050884
>The hills are alive with the sounds of moaning!
>>
>At last, the rain has stopped, and the sun is shining again. Outside your bedroom window at the castle, you can hear the first birds of spring beginning to chirp out their praise for spring. Yes, spring has indeed sprung, after a long hard winter, and this is a much needed changing of the seasons. For a moment, you're content to just lie in bed, listening to the chirp of the birds, and feel the fresh sunlight playing across your cheek. You leave your eyes closed, somewhere between waking and sleeping, just breathing in the scents of fresh flowers, drying dew, and budding grasses. Yes, it certainly is spring.
>...Spring.
>Your eyes shoot open and you sit bolt upright in bed.
>Holly tittyfucking christ, it's SPRING! The first damn day of spring!
>With a muted wail of dismay, you toss off the covers and throw yourself out of bed, looking around frantically. The pegasus who moves the clouds was supposed to tell you when this was going to happen! Damn him, now he could have doomed you with this little misstep. Last year, you were lucky to escape with your life, and you know Spike wasn't that lucky. You heard his horrified screams as he was dragged into the bathroom, never to be seen again.
>Luckily, your room looks untouched so far. You're not sure how long that's going to last.
>You launch yourself to the dresser and grab one change of clothes, a few toiletries, and a decent book, but nothing more. There's no time to be picky, even if that shirt does make you look like the kind of homeless guy who passes out face down on the sidewalk so that no one is sure if they're still alive or not. You grab the first pair of shoes you see, still caked with winter mud. You should really choose different ones or wipe them off, but, again, there's just not enough time. You have to get out of here, now, before it's too late!

(1/?)
>>
>>30051637

>With another groan of frustration and fear, you slam your dresser shut and sprint to the door of your bedroom. You open it, trying to still your shaking hands, but you're barely able to grip the knob. Never mind that it's not the first time you've had trouble grasping the knob before, you have to focus.
>At last, the door swings open, and you go motionless for a second, debating. Do you sneak downstairs, just run, shrieking, and hope you make it? Wait it out?
>Something in your brain decides that sneaking might be the best bet. With all the care of a forty year old perv trying to get a glimpse into the high school girl's locker room, you tiptoe down the hall, then walk slowly down the stairs. You're careful to skip the steps that creak, and you pause every so often, waiting to see if you hear any movement from Twilight's room or the kitchen. So far, nothing, but every second you creep down the steps feels like an eternity. At last, you reach the bottom, and turn your steps towards the front hallway.
>You're almost free, you tell yourself as you clutch your bag to your chest. You're almost there. Just around this corner and you'll be at the front gate. Then you can run out of there, find someplace to hide, and not come back until...
>As you round the corner, you freeze. Your heart stops beating, your mind stops working. You just stand there, quaking in your shoes, as your eyes process what you're seeing.
>Twilight stands right in front of the doorway in the foyer. She's facing away from you, but you can see the way her shoulders are heaving up and down. She already has the mop and bucket at her side, and a sponge is levitating in front of her, as if she was just wiping down the door. The whole foyer smells like lemon disinfectant, and sparkles with a menacing, magical glow. There are strange, ratted curls in Twilight's mane, as if nothing else is important right now but that sponge in her enchanted grasp, not even her royal looks.

(2/4)
>>
>>30051642
>spring cleaning when she should be out organizing Winter Wrap-up.
out of character twilight, dropped
>>
>>30051699
love you too bby.
Also, connection error, doesn't want to let me post next part.
>>
>>30051642

>For a moment, you think that she hasn't seen you, and that maybe you can just sneak away. Then, achingly slowly, she turns to face you, and you drop your packed bag with a gasp and shudder of horror.
>Her eyes are wide, pupils dilated to the point where there is no color in her irises. Her teeth are gritted and her lips pulled back to show every last one of them, though you cannot tell if it's a smile or a grimace. Her cheek twitches, flushed with exertion, and beads of dark sweat dot her brow. She's panting hard, and you can hear the hiss of her breath sucking in and out between her teeth.
>It's too late. Before she even opens her mouth, you know it's too late.
"Twilight," you say, voice trembling, as you raise your hands in a defensive posture. "Now, just wait a s-"
"SPRING," Twilight says in a breathy cry, "CLEEEEEANING!!!!!!!!!!"
"Jesus fucking christ!" you shout as you turn to run.
"CLEAN!" The mare shrieks behind you. "MUST CLEAN EVERYTHING! EVERYTHIIIIING!!!"
>Maybe if you keep running, go from room to room, you can hide until this is over. Maybe you can get away just long enough for her to exhaust herself and then...
>You feel the back of your shirt catch, as if it's been grabbed or impaled on a spike. Still in motion, your legs, arms, and head fly forward, then your body crumples to the floor like a rag doll. You scramble to get up, but she's already dragging you backwards.
"You left footprints ON MY CLEAN FLOOR!" Twilight howls. "You're filthy! FILTHY FILTHY FILTHY FILTHY..."
>She chants the word over and over again, voice raising in volume and pitch as your hands scrabble uselessly across the marble floor.
"Please!" You cry, looking over your shoulder at the princess, tears beginning to form in your eyes. "I-I'll clean it back up! I'll take a shower, burn off my hair, sanitize my entire wardrobe in the clarification chamber, just please, PLEASE STOP!"

(3/4)
>>
>>30051750

"NO! I MUST CLEAN YOU, ANON! IT'S TIME!"
"It doesn't have to be time! W-what about Winter Wrap Up?"
"NO, IT IS TIME! SPRING CLEANING ANON!!!! SPRING CLEEEEEANIIIING!!!!"
>You let out a sound like a dying rabbit as you feel Twilight's hooves fall upon you. You struggle, but it's no use. The sponge comes down on your protesting hands, then your face, scrubbing and blinding speeds. The friction bites into your flesh, and you scream wordlessly into the echoing chamber of the castle. No one will come to your aid.
"NOT GOOD ENOUGH!" you hear over the whir of the sponge. "I MUST SCOUR!"
>You try to tell her to stop, think of someway out, but there's nothing. There's no way to escape. Before you have time to even pick a pleasant final though, you see, though tear-filled eyes, the steel wool closing in on you. It's already vibrating with anticipation, and you hold your breath. It's not strong enough to hold back your anguished cries as the steel wool comes down on your cheek, taking your eyelid and part of your lips with it as it moves.
>As more of your skin comes off with each stroke, and the blood begins to pour out over the castle floor, you realize that in a way this is your fault. After all, you really should have wiped your muddy shoes.

-END-
(4/4)

https://pastebin.com/UpCVazrZ
Hope you fuckers had a good weekend.
>>
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>>30051776
You have issues. The bad kind, but in a good way.
>>
>>30051708
Hey anonpencil! Long time no see. Thanks for some green. Try posing using the form at the top of the thread. Seems trying to post more than 4 or 5 lines using anything else just doesn't work anymore.
>>
>>30052038

Yeah, that's what I ended up doing. Worked out fine, but was frustrating for a while. I wonder what changed.

>>30051885
Yeah, you're pretty much spot on there.
>>
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>>30049789
>Seriously, your face is a question mark. How does that even happen?"
>>
>>30050449
I agree. Luna is adorkable. ("Thy butt is whole and ungobbled!" Oh, Luna, please don't ever change)

My headcanon is that she has a really dirty mind and a bawdy sense of humor, but doesn't let any of it show unless she knows everyone well. And that she only does the "thee" and "thou" talk when she's excited, upset, or she's been drinking.

I love Celestia too, of course.
>>
>>30000200
Alright, if you don't write down your greentext. Make a new one.

>Anon cracks his knuckles
>Lyra starts vigorously making out with him
>It turns out that stallions in Equestria pop their joints to signal to mares that they're ready to mate

>Anon stubs his toe, and shouts in pain
>Rainbow Dash shoves her muzzle down the front of his pants
>Turns out that the sound Anon made is very similar to an ancient Pegasus mating call

>Anon waves to Carrot Top
>Little did he know that flailing of the limbs is a key component of the Earth Pony's mating ritual

>Anon gives Roseluck exact change to pay for his flowers
>Turns out that exact change is basically saying "fuck me" in certain Saddle Arabian cultures

>Anon sits quietly in his house
>Not moving is definitely a sign of sexual submission

>The oversexed mares of Ponyville thank Celestia everyday for sending them the naive, gullible, sexy idiot that is Anonymous
>>
>>30052880
beautiful
>>
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I've barely got the story going.
Should I write moar or just dump what I have now?
>>
>>30053166
If you're at a decent stopping point for the chunk you have, may as well.
>>
>>30053166
Find a point where you're comfortable stopping.
>>
Here goes nothing.

>Be Anon
>A broke-ass student who lucked out and landed a job as a research assistant.
>Fancy title for someone who stays behind after the well-paid professors and others who actually know what they're doing leave.
>They're researching some metamaterial that seems to exists in multiple realities at once.
>You don't know the details or anything much at all, it's kept on a need-to-know basis.
>All you need to know is that green light means “data recorded successfully, starting another run”, yellow light means “go turn it off” and that flashing red lights everywhere means “push the emergency stop button and call for help.”
>Only the first two have, thankfully, ever happened.
>All you actually do is sit in a control room until the yellow light comes on, then go to the experiment and flip a switch to turn it off for the night.
>Everything else is automated.
>The switch could be automated as well if not for some old-ass regulations.
>So you sit there in front of a fancy-ass high tech science station that looks like it's ripped off the set of a sci-fi movie, ignoring the graphs and numbers displayed on numerous screens and dials around you, passing the time by playing shitty games on your phone.
>Long and boring minutes pass without anything of note happening, slowly turning into hours as you switch between games and browsing some sites on the Internet.
>Then you hear a faint “ding.”
>It's the sound the computer makes whenever it completes the collection of data from a run that the researchers programmed into it.
>You set down your phone and look at the incomprehensible mess of raw data displayed in front of you, looking for a yellow light, hoping that this was the last run programmed for today.
>Sure enough, the light is on.
>You get up and head out of the control room to do the last task of the day.
>Yet another boring day of easy money is nearly over.
>>
>>30053337
Very interesting. Go on.
>>
>>30053337

>The reader embedded in the wall goes “beep” when you show your ID card to it and the door next to it buzzes as the lock disengages.
>You push the heavy door open and enter the room the experiment itself is in.
>A movement sensor turns on the lights, revealing bare concrete walls and a room filled with a mess of chrome vacuum chambers, spare bottles of liquid helium coolant, wiring and tubing.
>The fireproof door closes behind you with a loud slam, closing off the outside world and leaving nothing but silent electrical hum of the high-voltage systems to fill the room as you march right in and squat next to one of the vacuum chambers, opening a small hatch at its base.
>There's a few switches and dials inside, and you place your finger on one of the switches.
>It vibrates at a very high frequency, which stops you just short of flipping it.
>Nothing like that has happened before, there should be no moving parts on this thing that cause vibrations besides the vacuum pumps.
>And those aren't on right now, the room is nearly quiet and not filled by their noise.
>You're puzzled, and stand straight to look inside the chamber through the tiny window it has.
>There's nothing to see, but you think you can just about make out some kind of sound.
>You press your ear on the window.
>All you hear is a silent pop and a faint hissing sound.
>Moving back your head, you see that the glass has cracked.
>The last thing you remember is a sharp pain in your head and the glass shattering completely.
>>
>>30053338
I'm posting as fast as the timer and connection errors let me.
>>30053341

>Be princess Celestia
>Be sitting on your throne in your castle's throne room.
>You're absentmindedly listening to a petty noble's rant about turnips, your mind more focused on the vibrant patches of color created by sunlight shining through the stained glass windows, trying to imagine what the noble would look like if he were wearing dresses of those colors.
>”And if we could increase the administrative fees to compensate for the loss of tax income...”
>He drones about some irrelevant tax that had been the treasurer's idea – and thus his responsibility – when you sense that something is wrong.
>Very, very wrong.
>Your eyes, seeing more than just the physical reality, fixate on a disturbance that suddenly appears in the invisible flow of magic while your ears pick up an otherworldly noise traveling in the very fabric of reality itself.
>You feel yourself tensing up as your eyes try and fail to find the source of the oddity.
>The nobles look at you, their faces full of confusion since they can't sense what you see and hear.
“Guards.”
>You summon your most authoritative voice.
“Clear the room. I need to leave immediately.”
>If they could see what you do, the rapidly multiplying eddies and vortices in the usually steady flow of magic, they'd be scampering for safety.
>Fortunately, the ponies in gilded armor snap into attention as if it was a training exercise.
>You begin to focus your own magic, the typically instantaneous teleportation spell requiring a fair bit of concentration due to the anomalies, and disappear.
>You reappear in front of your sister in her plainly-furnished bedroom.
>Her face is dead serious and she isn't phased in the slightest by your sudden appearance.
“It's near Ponyville, isn't it?”
>Luna says nothing, only nodding.
>You know that Twilight would already be on the scene but weren't certain she alone would be enough.
>>
>>30053351

>”Princess Celestia! Thank goodness you've-”
>You lift your hoof as soon as you land to silence your former pupil, looking at the anomaly in front of you.
>It is, in short, a hole in fabric of existence.
>To a normal pony it would look kind of like a window into another reality, and they could see a weird gray room full of shiny metal objects, thin tubing and huge bottles through it.
>They could also smell the smoke that was coming from the other side of the rift.
>But only you and the other alicorns saw that it was sucking in incomprehensible amounts of raw magic.
“I trust that you two can keep it from growing for a moment.”
>You look at Twilight and Luna.
“I'm going through to the other side and see what caused this.”
>”Is that really necessary? We could just close it.”
>Twilight has one hoof slightly off the ground and is leaning away from the disturbance.
“Yes. We have to be sure that whatever caused this won't do it again.”
>Not waiting for a response, you leap forwards and dive through.

>You've never felt anything like this before.
>Even Tartarus was not this oppressive.
>This world does not have even the slightest hint of magic in it, other than what is rushing in through the hole behind you.
>The room you're in is filled with incomprehensible shiny metallic devices and other stuff you don't even begin to understand.
>It is also on fire.
>And a native of this world is lying near the fire, clearly unconscious.
>If it was the machinery that caused the rift, the spreading fire would destroy what's left of them.
>If it was the creature...
>You weigh your options.
>It would be too cruel to end its existence without being certain of what, if anything, it did.
>On the other hoof, you couldn't just leave it there: it was at risk of burning to death.
>You make your decision and, using the magic coming through the rift, light up your horn and lift it.
>With the creature in tow, you leap back into Equestria.
>>
>>30053364

>Be Anon again.
>Your head feels like it has been hit with a sledgehammer.
>It takes considerable effort to just open your eyes.
>You're lying in a plain metal-frame bed with curtains drawn all around it.
>There's a monitor next to your bed that displays a spiky graph and some numbers.
>A heart rate monitor.
>You let out a sigh of relief.
>You're in a hospital, which means you're alive.
>Feeling a tiny bit better, you drift back into sleep.

>...”Anonymous.”
>You're woken by a female voice saying your name.
>”How do you know that?”
>Another female voice responds to the first one.
>You're still in the same bed as when you first woke up, and it sounds like the speakers are just outside the curtains.
>”We found this, it has his picture and name on it.
>The headache is gone and your body no longer fights against commands.
>”What else did you find out about them?”
>...did they just use a gender-neutral pronoun?
>They better be prepared to call you “Apachekin” if they're into that bullshit.
>”Him, actually. And we found out that he's actually quite similar to us despite looking different, he has the same basic bone and muscle structure, if a little differently shaped, and-”
“Why are you talking about me like I'm some sort of an animal you've been studying?”
>You're not quite sure what's going on, but the way they were talking made you feel like something's very wrong.
>”And the doctor said he's just asleep and no longer unconscious.”
>The curtain surrounding your bed is pulled to the side.
>>
>>30053373

>The smaller, mainly purple one is looking at you while saying something.
>Your mind is too busy trying to sew together some scraps of sanity to make sense of whatever she's talking about.
>Talking horse things. With wings. And horns.
>iveseeneverythingnow.jaypeg
>The purple one turns to face the larger, white one.
>Whose rainbow-colored mane constantly moves as if a steady breeze was blowing.
>Despite you being indoors.
>”Did I do something wrong?”
>Your brain has got itself sorted out enough to process sound.
>”I think he is just surprised to see us. Give him some time.”
>About ten seconds pass in silence, your eyes darting between their horns, eyes and wings.
>The white one waits calmly while the purple one backs off slightly, opening and closing her mouth a few times without making a sound.
“Wha- Who- What the fuck?”
>You finally manage to stammer out something.
“What the fuck is going on? And what the hell are you?”

That's what I have now. Do tell if something feels wrong, I know I'm far from perfect.
>>
>>30053382
i want more, its a bit short to comment on, but it looks good
>>
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>>30053382
>>
>>30053382
noice more plz
>>
>>30053473
Can't unsee Jack
>>
>>30053382
My sides
>>30053473
That hot. Write something please.
>>
>>30053382
So far so good. Not too "Tell-y" but not quite "Show-y" either. Not enough dialog yet but flow seemed to be ok. Certainly a good start to a story though. Please continue.
>>
>>30051885
This
>>
>>30017708
Yeah. It was by brainhorn. His pastebin is nuked
>>
>>30055585
Brainhorn was write on AIE right?
>>
>>30055719
For a while.
He was there at the begining and specialized in rape.
>>
Remember to dedicate your load to your waifu before you blow it. Otherwise it will never get to her.

Prominent ponies have to contend with random unexplainable cumshots throughout the day.
>>
>>30056514
No.
>>
>>30056573
Heresy!
>>
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>>
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>>30057722
You know he's going to boop those ponies if he catches them.
>>
>>30055585
reminder to back up EVERYTHING in case an artist nukes their shit.
>>
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Hey, i'm gonna put this here. Posted it in Glim thread, but its an AIE fic so it fits here. couldve posted it like a week ago, but meh. The fic is a second person as Anon romance fic between anon and starlight. warning, though: contains (currently) non explicit pet-play.
pastebin link:
https://pastebin.com/FbTDi5Gm
>>
Has 8th quit or something? His paste hasn't been updated in months.
>>
>>30058543

Just post the green, man. We're hungry for it.
>>
>>30053382
I never thought I'd see a Resonance Cascade, let alone create one...
>>
>>30058008
>Nuking bin
Mine would be just spraypainting over some stick figures and the scribbles you do while on hold onna phone
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>>30059166
Shouldn't have had him push the crystal in the super science thingie huh egghead?
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>>30055585
fuak
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>>30060802
>>30055585
Nevermind, I found it. Thanks, Wayback Machine

https://web.archive.org/web/20130704084804/http://pastebin.com:80/Gb5N5ETc
>>
>>30058008
I always wondered where these guys are getting this colored sand.
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>>30060859
Do they buy more every time, or do they sort all the grains by color (or redye it) and reuse it?
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>>30060842
Also, this really gets me thinking. It's so surprising to look back on this realize that the vast majority of my favorite stories were written just several months after I found /mlp/. Picking Up The Pieces in particular I could have sworn was written no earlier than 2013.
>>
>>30060877
It didn't even occur to me that these people may just be using dye on the sand. My retarded ass thought they were finding specific sands from all over somehow.
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>>30051776
Yes
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>>30060877
I mean, they're monks, maybe they make the impatient people at their monastery sort it?
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>>30060916
Oh shit, wrong thread.

Also image
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>>30033534
-----

>Peeking out of the window, you take in the passing landscape.
>Nothing but green as far as the eye can see.
>Boooring.
>You twist yourself until your back is once again pressed against the glass.
>Whoever designed these "seats" clearly didn't account for bipeds.
>Well, you can hardly call them seats. They're more like beds.
>Doesn't change your opinion.
>Even if you wanted to lie down and nap, you'd have to curl up.
>Thus you settle for using the window as a backrest, praying for nothing to break it.
>Now observing the train cart's interior, you're pleasantly surprised to see everyone minding their own business.
>The looks you got when you stepped inside...
>It was like day one in Ponyville all over again.
>Only with less screaming.
>You'll give these ponies credit, they've taken your appearance much better than you were expecting.
>No blatant gawking or whispering after the initial shock wore off.
>All they've done is occasionally glance over to you, something you're more than fine with.
>...
>Why couldn't Ponyville's citizens act this way?
>Maybe they're all secretly racist?
>Is racist even the right word?
>Whatever, you know that's not the reason.
>You look to the bed beside yours, only separated by a short glass pane.
>Twilight is lying down on her stomach, reading a book.
>No surprise there.
"Twilight."
>After a brief pause she looks up at you.
>"Yes?"
"How long does it take to reach Canterlot?"
>Admittedly a question you should've asked before getting on the train.
>"Not long. About two hours at the most."
"Thanks."
>Twilight nods, returning to her reading.
>That leaves you to continue staring at nothing in particular.
>Man, you really should have brought a book to read. Your daydream material is running dangerously low.
>Do ponies have Sudoku puzzles? Hell, even a crossword would suffice.
>"Anonymous."
>You glance over in time to see Twilight fish out a book from an out-of-view bag.
>>
>>30061369
>"I brought an extra book just in case I finished this one. You can read it if you want."
>Peering at the cover, you mutter the words to yourself.
"Daring Do and the Legend of Eagle Peak"
>Accompanying it is a picture of a pegasus deftly avoiding being torn to shreds by what is presumably a saw blade. The setting also looks to be a cave.
>What that has to do with eagles or a peak is beyond you.
>Dash mentioned this series a few times. Apparently she's a big fan of it.
>You take the book from Book Horse's magical grip.
"I was expecting something a lot more... not interesting."
>"I was /this/ close to choosing 'A Not-So-Brief History of Canterlot', but I figured you wouldn't care for it."
>Hold up.
"You brought this for me?"
>"Also just in case."
>Huh.
>The first option didn't sound so bad. It would've been useful to get some background information on your destination.
>...
>Oh who are you kidding, you would've dropped it after the first few pages.
>You smile at the lavender unicorn.
"Thank you."
>Twilight reciprocates the smile.
>"You're welcome."
>Book in hand, you do your best to get comfortable against the window.
>A pillow would be fucking amazing right about now.
>You flip open the cover, thumbing through to the first chapter.
>Let's begin...


>A sharp flash of light makes you blink a few times.
>...Did that unicorn just take a picture of you and Twilight?
>The pair of you are steadily making your way towards the huge-ass castle precariously perched on the cliff side.
>Questionable location aside, you have to say it looks incredible.
>Really, the entirety of Canterlot is amazing. Everything looks... posh.
>You have a feeling Rarity would love it here. She certainly gave you an earful when you mentioned the trip.
>Well, that was more about getting you proper attire for your dinner with Princess Celestia this evening.
>You swear you can hear her voice now.
>'You most certainly will NOT meet with the princess wearing such... everyday attire!'
>>
>>30061369
yay more
>>
>>30061372
>When you reminded her you did such a thing with Princess Luna, oh man...
>As a result, you had no say in the resulting clothes she made for you.
>That made you all the more astonished with the results.
>So here you are, carrying a bag containing some overnight shit and a hanger with your dress clothes draped on it.
>The overnight bit was unexpected, but not unwelcome.
>Now you can say you've slept in a castle!
>Speaking of castles...
>You're here!
>There are two unicorns stallions guarding the massive doors and now that you're closer you can properly view their getup.
>What's up with the roman helmets? You know Equestria is technologically-stunted but this...
>At the very least it complements the armor.
>Man, wearing that all day must be a chore.
>Twilight comes to a stop before them and you follow suit, positioned a little behind her.
>You're flying blind here, best to let her do all the work.
>"Good afternoon!"
>The guards' stone-faced expressions dissolve into more-natural smiles.
>The one on the right speaks up.
>"Twilight Sparkle!"
>You still prefer "Twilight Sprinkles".
>"Right on time, just like Princess Celestia said! But hey, never should've doubted you."
>He winks before turning his attention to you.
>"Mister Anonymous, I presume?"
>The change in tone is unmistakable. Still polite but longer carries a casual weight.
>Hell, you'll take it. Beats saying nothing.
"That's me."
>You're surprised when both guards bow.
>The other one finally talks.
>"It's a pleasure to meet you."
>You nod.
"Likewise."
>Since when does a visit by you warrant bowing? They didn't even do that for Book Horse and she's waaaay more important than you.
>"Lance is waiting right inside. He'll see you to your room."
>The stallions step aside, granting you access.
>Twilight gives a short nod of thanks before moving onward.
>Eager not to be left behind, you fall in after her.
>Now that you think about it, what's the point of guarding open doors?
>Are they just for show?
>>
>>30061381
>That question leaves your mind when you step foot into the castle.
>...
>......
>/Damn/.
>That is one nice carpet.
>The decor isn't too shabby either.
>Just kidding, this place is breathtaking.
>Between the tinted windows and chandeliers, you're not sure which you like more.
>Your admiration comes to an end as you approach a cream-colored earth pony stallion also decked out in armor.
>He also bows to you (and hopefully Twilight).
>"Twilight Sparkle. Mister Anonymous. Right this way."
>He starts to your left, leaving you a bit disappointed.
>You want to see what that huge staircase ahead in the next room leads to.
>Ignoring your curiosity, you follow the guard as he directs you down the corridor.
>This place isn't jam-packed with rooms like you were expecting.
>...What /were/ you expecting? You've never been inside a castle.
>You continue your trek, making a few turns at intersections.
>Along the way, you pass by the occasional guard or pony going about their business.
>Unsurprisingly the ponies ogle you.
>As for the guards...
>Every time your group draws near, they stop what they're doing and politely bow.
>Did someone put them up to this or are they super courteous to anyone new?
>Eventually you're directed up a spiral staircase.
>You poke your head over the railing to look up at the distant ceiling.
>...
>Would they mind if you slid down the banister?
>You've always wanted to do that.
>A few floors later, you're walking down a much smaller hallway compared to the ground level.
>More intersections, more turning.
>If you're left on your own, there's no question you'll get lost in the span of minutes.
>Where's a map when you need one?
>You can see two guards up ahead-- one unicorn and pegasus-- posted in front of a set of doors.
>Ooooh, what's in there?
>Lance comes to a stop in front of them as they salute him.
>"You'll be staying in here, Mister Anonymous."
>He moves forward, opening the doors to reveal your temporary place of residence.
>>
>>30061388
>You step past him and take in the room.
>The first thing that draws your attention is the huge-ass four-poster bed.
>Holy shit, a bed that you can actually fit in?!?
>Poor Rarity has to use comforters at the end of your mattress so you can sleep without curling up into a ball.
>You've adamantly rejected any sort of replacement since you don't want her blowing unnecessary amounts of cash on you.
>By now you could've bought one of your own but you're saving up to move out. A little discomfort is nothing.
>Tearing your eyes away from the bed, you're automatically drawn to the massive ceiling-high windows at the end of the room.
>The curtains are drawn, revealing a balcony outside.
>Awesome.
>There's two smaller doors against the walls, of which you hope one leads to the bathroom.
>Finishing up, the room is well-furnished with a small table and three chairs, among other pieces of furniture.
>Hell, they even have a bookshelf here.
>"If you need anything, Wind Swept and Steel Grip here will assist you as requested."
>The two stallions remain staring straight ahead.
>...
>Are they going to stand there the entire time?
>Why would guards be stationed outside your room?
>Do they think you're dangerous?
>...What an absurd thought.
>If that was the case, you wouldn't even be allowed inside the castle.
>Lance turns to face Twilight.
>"Your room is prepped as well. I'll escort you there when you're ready."
>Where's her place? Why aren't the two of you neighbors?
>You decide to butt in.
"Why is Book Horse located somewhere else?"
>Lance is puzzled.
>"I'm sorry?"
>Oh right.
"Twilight. Why is Twilight staying in a completely different area?"
>One of the guards-- you'll guess Wind Swept because of the wings-- coughs.
>If your guard-speak is as refined as you think, that roughly translates to "Internally I am crying with laughter right now."
>"This wing is reserved for our larger guests, such as Minotaurs, Yaks-- at one point-- and griffons."
>That explains it.
>>
>>30061395
>...Yaks are sapient here?
"Okay."
>Twilight speaks up.
>"Once my bags are dropped off I'll meet you back here, Anonymous."
"Naah, I'll follow you; it makes more sense. Gimmie a second."
>You power-walk over to the bed, setting down your garments and bag.
>Soon you're outside the room, closing the doors behind you.
>"Everypony ready?"
>One short nod later, Lance is again leading the pack to god-knows-where.
>He escorts you back down one flight of stairs, entering a similar hallway.
>Oh god, these upper floors look exactly the same.
>Even worse, you already forgot which floor your room is on.
>This is... the third floor, right?
>Cool, so you're on the fourth.
>Crisis averted.
>Several twists and turns later (along with a few more bowing guards), Lance stops in front of a room.
>Why do all of them have double doors?
>Where are the guard ponies?
>"And here we are. I know you're more than familiar with the castle, Twilight, so I'll spare you two the lecture."
>What lecture?
>No running in the halls? No sliding down the banisters?
>...You need to know the rules on that last question.
>Lance smiles.
>"Please enjoy the rest of your visit."
>"Thank you!"
"I'll try."
>He turns around just in time to miss the look of disapproval Twilight shoots you.
>You watch as he trots away, disappearing behind a bend.
>In the meantime, Twilight has also disappeared inside the room.
>Aside from a MUCH smaller bed, there's not much of a difference between this one and yours.
>Twilight takes off her bags, placing them beside the bed.
>You decide to ask the question that's been bugging you since a minute ago.
"Where's /your/ personal pony posse?"
>"...My what?"
"Guards. Where are the guards?"
>Twilight is perplexed.
>"Why would I need guards?"
"I dunno. I figured if there's two outside my door, there would be two outside yours."
>>
>>30061400
>"Princess Celestia and Luna are taking the necessary precautions to keep you safe."
"'Safe'? Safe from what? Are assassinations a common occurrence in Canterlot?"
>Why would anyone even want you dead?
>"What??? NO! You're a guest of theirs and they're treating you as such!"
"You're a guest too, yet there's a significant lack of ponies on watch nearby. You'd think Princess Celestia's star pupil would bring forth extra security."
>You turn your head this way and that to exaggerate looking around.
>Twilight cocks her head sideways, as though she doubts how earnest you are.
>When you do nothing else, she brings a hoof up to her chin in thought.
>"...Anonymous, I have a feeling you sometimes forget who you are."
>You scoff.
"Hell no. I am Anonymous; Anon for short. Nose-booper extraordinaire, master masseur, and giver of /damn-good/ hugs."
>Twilight's serious expression cracks, and she smiles.
>"How long have you been sitting on that?"
"A few weeks."
>Twilight shakes her head in amusement.
>"Along with that, you're also the first and ONLY human in Equestria. Of course you'll receive extra attention. This is the second-largest amount of guards on patrol I've ever seen; only my brother's wedding tops it."
>You've seen a picture of him.
>They look NOTHING alike.
>Ignoring that, if Twilight considers this a large gathering of guards, security must be incredibly light any other time.
>Seriously, are these guard ponies just for show?
"Still, these sort of measures make it seem like there's a chance someone will try to off me in my sleep."
>"Huh?"
"...Nothing."
>You should be flattered the princesses put this much effort into your visit.
"I see what you're getting at and even if I don't agree, it /does/ make sense..."
>Book Horse breathes a sigh of relief.
>"Great! Now let's forget about security and focus on something less... dreary."
>You step back into the corridor as Twilight exits the room, closing the door behind her.
>>
>>30061407
>"I was thinking I might be able to visit Princess Celestia before our dinner this evening. Care to join?"
>While meeting Celestia ahead of time does sound appealing, you have other plans.
"Thanks but I'll pass. I want to check out what the rest of Canterlot has to offer."
>"Sounds fun!..."
>Twilight's eyes narrow.
>"You /do/ remember what time we're supposed to meet, right?"
>You wave your hand dismissively.
"Six-o'-clock. Which is pretty damn early for dinner."
>Twilight grimaces.
>"Speak for yourself."
>You opt not to rebut, instead rolling your eyes.
"I'll see you at the dining hall or whatever they call it."
>"Have fun!"
>Twilight nods, giving you the confirmation to break away from your chat and start down the corridor.
>You haven't even gone five yards when you stop.
>...
>You turn around to face Book Horse, who hasn't moved.
>She's smirking.
>Smug little--
"Uhhh... where's the entrance?"


>It's five-o'-clock.
>Which means your ass should be preparing for dinner.
>Normally you're all too happy to put off important work until the last minute.
>This time, you should probably make an exception.
>Thus here you are taking the steps two at a time as you make your way back inside the castle.
>The two guards from earlier nod politely as you pass by; you wave in return.
>Once inside, you start towards the spiral staircase from before.
>...
>Just kidding, you have no fucking idea where to go.
>It's definitely not forward; you still haven't gone near those fancy steps.
>Right, it was left!
>Pleased with your memory and wordplay, you march down the hallway
>...
>......
>Okay, there's a /small/ chance you're lost.
>Why do all of these upper-level hallways look so goddamn similar?
>Everything was going well right up until it wasn't.
>You could've swore you were on the right track.
>You even managed to find the staircase.
>Goddammit.
>You have no choice.
>You have to ask for directions.
>...Assuming anyone knows where you're staying.
>Fuuuuuuuck.
>>
>>30061413
>You continue wandering aimlessly, hoping to run into a guard.
>You're having a hard time taking Twilight's comment on security seriously.
>What would ponies have to defend from anyway?
>You turn a corner, slightly miffed.
>Who would be stupid enough to--
>Jackpot!
>Up ahead you spy the unmistakable golden sheen of well-polished armor.
>A guard!
>You quicken your pace, eager to escape this hellish maze.
>Heavy footfalls easily echo through the corridor, making your savior turn around long before you reach them.
>He appears to be an earth pony.
>The guard bows as you reach him.
"Hey. Can you help me?"
>He glances at you before rising up.
>...
>This is not a stallion.
>In hindsight, the magenta coat was a good tip-off.
>You assumed all of the guards were stallions because that's all you've seen so far.
>That's sexist, Anon.
>Not cool.
>"Mister Anonymous. Of course, what can I do for you?"
"I'm having a /little/ difficulty locating my room. Do you by any chance happen to know where it is?"
>The mare takes a moment to think.
>"Hmmm... Oh! I do!"
>She does!
>...
>She does?
>"You're several floors up and in the complete opposite wing. Almost as far away from your destination as you could possibly get."
>You're impressed with your unparalleled ability to get lost.
"Honestly I was expecting worse."
>The guard chuckles.
>Woah, emotion!
>"Would you like for me to lead you there?"
"Please."
>"Then right this way."
>The guard starts in the direction you came from, pausing to make sure you're following.
>She's not moving fast so you fall in at her side.
>A left, straight, left again, right.
>...Your path is the same one you just took except in reverse.
>It's like you were determined to go anywhere BUT your room.
>Down a short set of stairs.
>"Are you enjoying your stay so far?"
>It takes you a moment to realize the guard said something, and a few more moments to figure out /what/.
>That isn't the question you expected.
>No wait, you weren't expecting ANY question.
>>
>>30061418
>All of the guards you met before have been relatively quiet.
>They only spoke when they needed to.
>This one on the other hand...
>It's like she's a manager asking for customer approval.
>Or maybe she's just making small talk?
>Are guards not allowed to do so?
>Maybe everyone else didn't want to converse but she does.
>...
>Fuck, you're making yourself sad.
>Answer the question you idiot!
>You carefully plan out your response.
"Yea."
>The guard isn't slowed by your pitiful answer.
>"That's good to hear. You've become quite the topic of interest lately."
>Fuckin' what.
>The pair of you turn right.
"Why?"
>"Everypony knows of your existence but it's a different story to see the real thing... that was poor wording, sorry."
"Not at all."
>...
>'Everypony knows of your existence'
>How? Did Twilight publish a book or something?
"...Could you elaborate on the first part? I've never left Ponyville, so I'd love to know why ponies know who I am."
>"Sure."
>A left turn.
>"It started with rumors of... /you/ living in Ponyville. Nopony believed them at first but as more and more visitors passed through Canterlot with the same story, it grew harder to deny. Any doubters were silenced when word got out of your visit today."
>Huh.
>Now that you think about it, it makes sense for ponies to gossip about you.
>Did you honestly expect to stay under the radar?
>That partially explains the citizens' attitudes toward you.
"What did those rumors say about me?"
>The guard's steps falter for a brief moment; still long enough for you to notice.
>You can see her eyes shift to the side, likely trying to come up with an answer that won't offend you.
>What's the worst she could say?
>"There were... good ones and... bad ones."
>Alright, you won't torture the poor guard.
"Let's keep it positive. Give me the good stuff."
>She eases up with that.
>>
>>30061427
>"Hmmm... It's been said that you're nice, easily approachable, and... something else that was outlandish."
>All of those compliments must have been made after Ponyville warmed up to you.
>...Maybe it's best if you don't pry on the bad rumors.
>Instead, you'll pry on the last bit she mentioned.
>You have a good idea what it is.
"'Outlandish'?"
>"Yes. With all due respect, it's not even worth mentioning."
"But if it's good, it can't be /that/ ridiculous."
>The guard chuckles.
>"Oh it /is/."
>Well, she's not wrong.
>You stroke your chin in mock-thought.
"Does it involve... noses?"
>The mare look up to you in surprise.
>"You've heard of it?"
"Even better. I've /done/ it."
>Clearly she's torn between calling bullshit and respecting the guest, if that blank expression means anything.
>"...I see."
>Down another flight of stairs.
"Would you like proof?"
>It's been a while since you've met a doubter.
>This'll be satisfying.
>That's why you're caught off guard when she shakes her head.
>"That would require me to stop working; my lunch break finished an hour ago."
>Oh.
>Maybe there's another way...
>...
>Loophole!
"Would it be considered work if I instead asked you to help me demonstrate?"
>The guard takes a moment to ponder.
>"...As long as you're requesting assistance, it shouldn't be a problem."
>Nice.
"Great. So, Miss..."
>"Stakes. High Stakes."
"Miss Stakes, mind doing me a solid by helping out with a booping demonstration for no one in particular?"
>She nods, and you swear there's a hint of a smile.
>"Whatever you need."
>Cool.
"I guess we can stop here."
>The pair of you halt in the middle of the hallway.
>Not like anyone is going to pass by.
"You know what I'm going to do, yes?"
>"Touch my nose?"
>Her face is static yet her eyes scream "this is absurd' with a hint of intrigue.
>Just like every pony before her.
"Yup. Don't move."
>Stakes remains perfectly still as you lazily raise your hand to deliver the killing blow.
>>
>>30061430
>It's like her helmet was designed for easy, accessible boopings.
>*Boop*
>...
>As you watch her go through the motions, you can't help but chide yourself for putting off more important plans.
>You should be getting yourself together for dinner, not booping random guards in the corridors.
>".../Woah/. That's... I thought... /How/???"
>Stakes stares up at you like you're her personal messiah.
>You waggle your fingers.
"Magic."
>"Really?"
>Oh right, that joke doesn't really work anymore...
"No, that was a... Never mind. It's not magic, it's just a... thing."
>You point down the hallway.
"No pressure but I need to reach my room soon."
>That snaps the mare out of her awe.
>"Of course! I'm terribly sorry, right this way."
>She starts forward and you once again fall in next to her.
>It's impossible to miss the spring in her step.
>Prancing. That's what it is.
"I take it that was a suitable demonstration?"
>"It was incredible! I /feel/ incredible! I should have never doubted you Mister Anonymous."
>You involuntarily twitch.
"Just call me Anon, please."
>"Are you sure?"
"Yea, the formality is appreciated but I never cared for it."
>Stakes nods happily.
>"Then Anon it is."
>You would like all of the guards a lot more if they acted like this.
>Looks like you need to go around booping any you spot.
>Is that allowed? Is it legal?
>Is non-consensual booping a thing?
>Is it really non-consensual if they always like it?
>...
>You're getting into some shaky-as-fuck territory.
>You catch Stakes speaking to herself.
>"I can't wait to collect the pot. Three hundred bits!"
>What.
"For what?"
>"Oh! Uhhh..."
>She stops prancing, realizing she just let something crucial slip.
>"There was a bet made... and it kind of involved you..."
>Of course.
"Sounds interesting. What's it about?"
>Knowing you won't be furious or anything of the sort, Stakes loosens up.
>"Well, there are two pools. One is for figuring out if the... 'booping' you called it?"
>You nod.
>>
>>30061433
>"One pool is for the pony who figures out if the booping rumor is true. The other pool is for whomever manages to get... booped?"
"That's the word."
>"Thank you."
>...
"Don't they tie in together? You can't have one without the other."
>"Not exactly. Somepony could ask for the truth, but that would require you to initiate the conversation. None of the guard is allowed to speak first unless the message is important."
>You did ask for her help. She must have taken that as a conversation starter.
>"Furthermore, none of us are allowed to request favors from visitors, /especially/ while on duty."
>Huh.
"So you basically had to get really, REALLY lucky and hope to high hell I was feeling generous?"
>"That's it!"
>You have to admit this whole ordeal is amusing.
>Gambling on who you speak to first? Which pony would be lucky enough to be booped (assuming it was real)?
>These guards aren't as dull as you thought.
"Lucky you, you hit the jackpot twice."
>"Full Helm is going to hate me and it's gonna feel /great/."
>You huff in amusement.
>Three hundred bits is nothing to sneeze at.
>All because she asked one question.
>...Wait a second.
>Stakes never asked if the booping was real.
>In fact, she didn't even want to bring it up.
>Did she suddenly remember the bet or what?
>...
>......
>You just got played, didn't you.
>She feigned disinterest so not only would you push for more information, you'd be more willing to prove her wrong.
>And the best part is, you gave it to her first.
>She didn't ask for anything because she didn't /need/ to.
>...
>Suddenly you feel used.
>Where's a shower when you need one?
>"There's your room."
>Breaking out of your trance, you find yourself approaching the two guards stationed outside your room.
>Stakes comes to a stop in front of Steel Grip. She faces you with a smile.
>"Here we are!"
>How can you stay mad at that face?
"Thank you very much, High Stakes."
>>
>>30061437
>Saying it out loud makes you realize it sounds more like the name you'd give a pony whose natural talent is gambling.
>...
>Son of a--
>"You're welcome. And thank YOU Anon for helping me win the bet."
>Wind Swept and Steel's faces change to shock and back in the span of a second.
>She definitely said that to rub it in.
"Don't mention it."
>With a nod and bow, Stakes prances away.
>...That was interesting.
>Stop standing around, Anon. You have princesses to meet!
>You slip past the guards, entering your room and shutting the door.
>What to do...
>Fortunately there's a clock on the wall, letting you determine just how fucked you are.
>Five twenty-seven?
>Wow, you were anticipating worse.
>With that much time left you can take a shower.
>No, not because Stakes used and abused you.
>Rather, you shouldn't look or smell like complete trash.
>You make your way over to what you're assuming is the bathroom door.
>They supply their own towels... right?
-------

Pastebin: https://pastebin.com/5gQ5hMeU

Part 7-1 done. Criticism needed, etc.

Decided to dump this since it's been four days and there's a sliver of hot finger-on-pony-nose-action. All the gud shit happens next update.
Also, FUCK these posting issues.
>>
>>30061442
Noice love this story
>>
Trying to post an update but having trouble getting anything to post.
>>
>You're challenged at the gate but only until the guards are able to swing a lantern round to see you.
>After that they quickly let you inside, before closing the gate once more.
>It's not terribly surprising that you're recognized on sight, given that you're the only thing around here over seven feet tall.
>Well the only thing that size you've seen anyway, by some of the accounts you've heard there are other creatures truly gargantuan in scale that inhabit this world.
>You're a bit surprised as you enter to find Stormy as one of the ponies manning gate this evening.
>It's already drawing close to lights out for most of the guards, meaning she must have drawn the night's watch.
>Since you have no particular cause to hurry you make your way over to her, waving in greeting as you approach.
>"Oh hey Anon. Nopony saw you around since breakfast, I was wondering where you got to."
"Ah my apologies, I had meant to run a few short errands, but circumstances changed."
>"What happened, go out to pick some apples and end up fighting off a bandit raid?" She teases.
"Something of the sort, though it was stones not apples."
>Stormy blinks momentarily off balanced by how close to home her guess was. "You're not just pulling my leg right?"
"I have been accused of many things, having a talent for humor was never one of them."
>Stormy gives an exasperated sigh. "How come you get to do all the cool stuff, and I got stuck here for my turn on gardening duty?"
"Gardening?"
>You ask looking around. You don't ever recall seeing any garden within the walls of the way castle. Most of the food you've seen is dry stock or shipped in from town.
>"Yeah, clearing the tall grass around the castle, pulling up saplings, that sort of thing. Lieutenant says we gotta keep a clear line of sight."
>>
>>30061640
>Ah, that makes more sense now. You nod your agreement with the thought.
"It having an open stretch between here and the treeline does make it more difficult for attackers to reach the walls."
>Stormy gives you a flat look. "Yeah I know. I took the same military tactics class as every other guard."
>"Still clearing the weeds isn't exactly what they advertise on the recruitment posters you know?" She grumbles.
"What were the posters like then?"
>Stormy clears her throat, putting on a more theatrical voice. "Honor,Loyalty,Bravery, do you have what it takes to stand among the elite Equestrian Royal guard?"
>"Don't get me wrong, I don't regret joining up, but the posters made it look a lot more exciting."
"Perhaps it's not the most exciting work, but it is important for the security of your nation.
>You dust off a spot on the flagstones near the gate and have a seat, your back resting against the wall.
"Besides, you should never be too eager to see battle."
>You doff your helm your helm and let it rest in your lap, turning to give Stormy a wan smile.
"I have seen enough to fill a dozen lifetimes worth, and I can promise you that it rarely holds any of the glory you so often hear about."
>"So what's it like then? An actual war I mean."
>You consider her question at length, a simple one, but difficult to answer given how different your cultures are.
"First you must understand that war in the Imperium is different. We have little magic, and make much greater use of ranged weaponry."
>Stormy hesitates, but nods her understanding.
"I saw my first battle on Sarosh. A world we had thought eager to join the Imperium at first. Though their treachery quickly made itself known."
"The initial stages of the rebellion were put down quickly, their government destroyed and forces scattered."
"I was to be part of a squad sent to root out the last pockets of resistance within one of their major cities."
>>
>>30061642
"The Imperial guard had been sent in ahead of us to reconnoiter the area and collect information on enemy dispositions and numbers."
"The Imperial guard are different than the Astartes, unagumented, they lack out size, strength and speed."
>As you begin telling the tale you drift further into the memory.
>The smells of cordite and ionized blood still stand as fresh in your mind as when you stood there all those centuries ago.
"The enemy forces were making their last stand in the lower levels of a ruined hab complex."
"The street was littered with knife sized shards of broken glass, fragments from the windows that had been blown out by shock waves from the initial bombardment."
>Stormy looks like she has questions, but doesn't interrupt, and at this point you're too far caught up in the retelling to notice.
"The rebel forces had managed to fortify their position and were heavily entrenched."
"The approach to their positions was littered with guardsmen who fell in the initial attempts to assault the position."
"In the close confines of those city streets the echo of heavy weapons fire was thunderous. Almost enough to drown out the other sounds."
>You finally take notice of Stormy out the corner of your eye, she looks slightly unsettled. You decide it best to stop for now.
"Forgive me I ramble too much in my old age. My point was that many brave men and women gave their lives so that we might retake a single building in a city full of them."
"That is the part they rarely tell you about."
>"Thanks for sharing anyway. You may have a point. Weed clearing doesn't seem so bad when you think of it that way."
>You nod and give Stormy a reassuring pat on the back while you sit beside her.
"If nothing else think of all the good you've already done. Simply by keeping the roads safe you've likely saved more lives than you imagine."
>>
>>30061644
"Caliban had far fewer beasts than you have here on Equestria, and it took scores of knightly orders safe guard the villages."
>You can see a bit of the pride and enthusiasm you're more used to come back in to Stormy's eyes as she considers your words.
>"Huh, I guess I hadn't thought of it like that. Only reason we're not neck deep in monster or bandits is we took care of most of them already."
"Indeed, I have only been here a short time and have already seen a number of the dangers the Royal Guard faces. It is a selfless calling you have undertaken."
>Stormy merely nods in reply, apparently lost in thought for the time being.
>Deciding now is as good a time as any to change topic you figure it might be a good time to move to something more light hearted.
>Not that talk of war or battle is anything strange for a space marine, but in your admittedly limited experience mortals tend to get melancholic thinking too much about it.
>Recent events seem as good a topic as any, so you decide to go with that.
"I have a meeting with Princess Twilight tomorrow. She says she has questions to ask. Is there anything I should know."
>You say drawing Stormy from her reverie.
>Stormy laughs, and claps a hoof against your pauldron. "Yeah be prepared to be bored out of your mind. That mare can go on for hours once she gets started."
"Yes, I rather got that impression by how eager she was to begin. Perhaps if I can manage to do most of the talking."
>"Yeah, that's gonna be your best bet. I'm sure she's gonna have like a million questions for you anyway. Probably all sorts of stuff about space ships and stuff"
>>
>>30061649
>You chuckle.
"She is going to be sorely disappointed by how little I know then."
>Stormy chuckles at that as well, the conversation lulls for a moment before Stormy provides you with the next topic.
>"So what was Caliban like? Other than the monsters I mean.
"At one time it was mostly forests, small villages eking out their existences as best they could. Protected by the fortresses of the knightly orders."
"Though most of that changed as I came of age. I had just become old enough to join one of the knightly orders as an aspirant when the Emperor came to Caliban."
>"Wait, I know you've talked about Luther and that Lion guy, but who's the Emperor?"
"Put simply he was the father of the Lion and all the other Primarchs. When he came to Caliban he placed the Lion in charge of the first legion."
"The first legion is also known as the Dark Angels legion, the order to which I belong."
>"With a name like that and dressed in all black like you were I'd think you were one of the bad guys if I didn't know better."
"Yes well, the Emperor did refer to us as his "Angels of Death". I suppose the whole thing was a bit melodramatic given that we didn't believe in angels or demons at the time."
>You can see Stormy struggling to keep a straight face now, snorting as she attempts to suppress a laugh.
>You shoot her a look before continuing.
"As I was saying, the Emperor put the Lion in charge of the first legion, at which point knightly aspirants were recruited into its ranks."
"Once the legion started to grow the forests of Caliban were cleared away to make room for space ports and industry needed to fuel the legion."
"Anymore is a telling for another day I think. For now I should retire, I have much to consider for tomorrow."
>You stand up and place your helm back on, fitting the neck seal firmly before you turn to speak to Stormy.
>>
>>30061652

"I wish you a pleasant evening at the gate, . Stay vigilant."
>You give a salute with parade ground precision, fist banged against your breastplate.
>Stormy returns your salute with a smile, her boredom apparently alleviated for now.
>You head back to your room in the castle proper.
>Once there you lay out shattered pieces of your armors left and begin fitting them back together.
>As you work you consider what to tell the Princess tomorrow when you go for your meeting.
>While you're fairly confident in your position given Luna's support you don't want to do harm to this world by giving them knowledge they shouldn't yet have.
>You've heard tales of primitive worlds finding caches of archaeotech and wiping themselves out with the ancient technology.
>A similar situation could well arise here depending on circumstance.
>There's also the problem of revealing too little.
>You don't wish the rulers of this world to think you uncooperative.
>Besides that even is the question of how open they're likely to be with you if you aren't open with them.
>Too many secrets kept tore your legion apart after all. Well it was one of many things at any rate.
>As always when faced with a difficult decision you lose yourself in the task at hand, letting your mind wander as it will.
>>
>>30061659
>You turn the problem over in your head for quite some time, completing the repairs on your armor at the same time you reach your decision.
>You'll simply remain vague on matter they may not need to know about.
>Besides it's not as if you're a tech-marine or Mechanicus priest.
>You can preform field repairs on most of the equipment you've regularly used, but the process behind their manufacture is as much a mystery to you as it would be these ponies.
>Speaking of the Mechanicus you rather wish you had a priest about now, as in repairing your armor you've made and unfortunate discovery.
>When you began to squeeze the vambrace to test the hold new cracks began to appear in the piece.
>While the repair cement Zecora made is a working facsimile of the real thing it seems it simply won't do for the left arm.
>The damage to the ceramite shell is too extensive and like a broken blade welded back together in a forge it is much weaker now despite your repairs.
>You pry away the ceramite as carefully as you can to inspect he cable bundles more closely than you previously had.
>You fail to find any signs of damage, which gives you some hope. If you can't repair the ceramite perhaps you can simply replace it with other materials.
>You've seen some of the traitor legionaries such replacements before.
>You'll wait until you're accepted in to Luna's service to attempt such a delicate repair.
>If nobility on this planet is anything like everywhere else they'll have greater access to artisans and finer tools.
>The garrison smith Draw Down is skilled at what he does, but lacking as you are in replacement parts you don't want to risk any more damage to your armor's more vulnerable systems.
>At least the hole in your chest plate is repaired. With nothing more you can do for now you take half sleep, resting your back against the wall while remaining armored.
>>
>>30061662
>Shutting down parts of your brain in sequence to let them rest while you remain aware doesn't allow for dreaming the way true sleep does.
>As such no further visions of Incognito disturb you this day, making this much more restful than your last sleep.
>Eventually you rouse yourself and spend most of the morning preparing your thoughts, both for topics to explain to the Princess and questions you yourself would like to ask.
>When you're as mentally prepared as you're likely to get you don the finest of the surcoat's Rarity prepared for you and make your way to the castle.
>As you arrive you're greeted by an odd sight, the castle is guarded today unlike yesterday.
>Stranger still is that you recognize none of the guards as being from the Everfree garrison.
>Not likely an immediate cause for concern, but years of surviving on the run make it difficult not to put your guard up at something unexpected like this.
>You remove your helm and tuck it beneath one arm before approaching the guards.
"I am Anoniaus of Caliban. I believe I am expected."
>The guards uncross their spears and turn in unison to push the doors open for you.
>"The Princesses are awaiting your arrival, your escort will show you the way."
>You step inside and immediately find yourself flanked by another pair of guards, a third standing before you gestures down the hall.
>"If you'll follow me." He says trotting off at a swift march.
>The formality as well as the word "Princesses" isn't lost on you. Clearly your meeting with Twilight has become something more than the simple interview you were expecting.
>Your escort finally stops before one of the many doors along the long hall and pushes it open.
>Inside you see Twilight, seated next to a much larger white Alicorn with flowing multi-hued mane that seems to stir an an aetheiral wind much like Luna's.
>This then must be Celestia.
>>
>>30061665

That's it for tonight.
Here's the updated pastebin, tried to clean up some of the formatting in that as well as correcting a few old spelling errors and things. If anyone notices any glaring issues feel free to let me know.

https://pastebin.com/4DcZLrJe
>>
>>30060842
Been a while since I've seen that.
>>
>>30062308
Just finished reading it and the sequel myself. Never saw it before. Not bad at all. I liked the premise. Too be it seems it'll never be finished.Anything else similarly themed?
>>
>>30061442
Love the update and the next one is better?!? I can't wait. Excellent story progression. The internal monologue-ing and dialog seemed to interrupt the flow a tad. However, it did lend the air "excited anticipation" so I assume that was intentional. I loved High Stakes and I loved the slow realization that Anon got played. I'm left wondering EXACTLY how much High Stakes really didn't believe the rumor or was it all part of her plan. I wonder if either of the Princesses had anything riding on that bet. Luna already knows it's true but I'd imagine her trying to participate some how.

>>30061684
Very nice. Good job filling in some backstory. The conservation felt natural and easily conveyed Anon's feelings about his influence on those around him not to mention on Equestria itself. I look forward to the next update.
>>
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>>30061442
I love your story so far.
>>30061684
You too
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>>30062588
Thank you for the critique. Flow and pacing is definitely something I need to work on.
>>
Damn son I haven't watched or been on /mlp/ in almost 3 years I'm surprised Aie isn't dead yet. Any ways Nos energy drinks are still the best and you guys need to drink them or die
>>
>>30063298
We died for about two months we're just getting back on our feet.
>>
>>30063298
death please.
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>>30063340
It won't work.
>>
>>30063334
Kek not really that surprising that it did and a moment of silence for all of the fallen writefags that have left us standing on a edge
>>30063340
>that image
Kek I had a written short of luna that talked like a cholla in my note pad but my girl friend almost found it and I nuked it as soon as I could because my power level had to be secret
>>
>>30063587
Shit I forgot to leave my name and does anyone know what happened to gadget when he still wrote shit?
>>
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>>30063599
>gadget
>he
>>
Anyone remember the story where Anon gets executed by Celestia(?) and saved by Chrysalis
>>
>>30063609
What is he not a guy or did he become a trap now I need to know.
>>
>>30063762
Gadget has always been a girl.
Same with Lovelymuffins.

are you sure you used to browse AiE?
>>
>>30063762
Irish was the only trap.
The rest were just gay.
>>
>>30064894
>girls on the internet
I have some bad news for you friend
>>
>>30050299
Equestrian citizens are legally entitled to keep any interdimensional objects that materialize on their property.

Have you ever wondered what happened to that sock you lost? It may belong to a pony now.
>>
>>30059064
He finally had that heart attack. We should have like a funeral or eulogy for him. Something nice we can ruin in his memory.

>>30064894
Gadget is a post-op guys now. We must refer to it as the busty and girthiful gadget.
>>
>>30066134
>guys
Shit. Phone refuses to accept naughty words I to its dictionary like futa
>>
>>30066134
I figured it was drop bears
>>
>>30066155
Damned drop bears always knocking on my door trying to convert me to pdf.
>>
>Be Anon.
>Own a pony from Ponymart.
>She's kind of broken.
>Not glue factory broken, more I have no thoughts or feelings of my own broken.
>Still, you don't abuse her or anything.
>Mostly because you don't want to get woken up with a horn to the sternum.
>Not your fetish.
>She has her own room where she can go be alone after she cleans your house and does the laundry or whatever else needs doing that you don't want to do.
>It's nice.
>Maybe you should get a second pony to keep her company.
>You'll ask her in the morning.
>Right now you have video games to yell at.
>>
>>30020211
That's a married chair you fuck.
>>
>>30067430
YOU CAN'T TOLD ME WHAT TO DO!
>>
>>30064894
Nah man gadget has been a guy anons started to say that he was a chick as joke and he went along with it. I've browsed AiE when it was close to the 300 thread mark but I mostly lurked or posted crappy short "stories"
>>30065357
He was also underage ban when he first started to post here
>>
>>30067190
>Be Anon across the hallway
>Your neighbor Anon is a quiet guy
>He doesn't say much to you other than hello or goodbye
>He's talked a bit with your pony
>That girl will talk to anybody
>A problem that almost got your tv stolen multiple times
>Thankfully Anon isn't that type of guy
>He apparently has one himself
>His pony is quiet just like him
>They also sleep in separate rooms
>That guy is probably a cuck
>>
>>30061442
I await moar
>>
>>30067466
Why am I imagining two tupla idiots living across from each other in a shitty apartment complex?
>>
>>30067466
>Be Asian anon across the south hallway
>Your neighbor Anon is a weird guy
>He doesn't say much to you other than hello or goodbye
>That neighbour is stalking him
>Check to see if your neighbors are stealing your internet
>A problem that almost got your wifi stolen multiple times
>He really quiet just like other neighbor
>He live alone
>That guy is probably a serial killer
>>
>>30067683
>Be kid anon across the north hallway
>reading book in my room
>dad is in the living room watching some old comedy VHS
>suddenly hear him laughing HARD
>he yells "HEY ANON COME HERE"
>dude it's past midnight don't yell
>go see what he wants
>"Yo check this out"
>he can't contain himself, and he can't stop laughing
>rewinds and plays this
>starts laughing everytime Anon says something
>>
>>30061442
>Saying it out loud makes you realize it sounds more like the name you'd give a pony whose natural talent is gambling.
That lovable pony need some payback.
Time to test what happen when you boop a mare in her ponut.
Preferable while she is on duty, in front of the court.
>>
>>30064894
>Gadget has always been a girl.
>just like Betty Spaghetti, amirite guise?

wew lad
>>
>>30068018
Yes
>>
>>30068485
jfry pls
>>
>>30067965
Yeah, I like her. I would mind seeing her return. Maybe offer to buy Anon a drink with her winnings after her shift ends.
>>
>>30067677
>Be Average
>Average Joe they call you
>Four Clover Apartment's attending Super
>Everything is just peachy in this old fix me up of a residence scam
>You even make a dollar over minimum wage
>Yes, life is really going your way
>One problem
>A group of autists living on floor 13
>Rumor is they think they have little horses despite the strict no pet rule
>You've searched their rooms and never found anything
>One even accused you of trying to steal his tv
>Another thought you were trying to steal his wifi
>You're pretty sure they are sharing needles
>Hey, you don't judge
>Plenty of the tenants use a little pick me up
>But there is a line to be drawn
>And that line is crossed when they poop in the hallway and blame their nonexistent ponies leaving it as your mess to clean up
>You swear you are going to burn this place down
>>
>>30068587
This
>>
>>30068557
Nope.
Older
>>
>>30064894
I do that all the time...
>>
>>30064894
>>30070145

Does anyone know how to spell "horse" or "pony" using numbers like that? I need to know for reasons. All the googling I've done on the subject makes it seem like calculator screens just can't display the right symbols for what I want.
>>
you arrive in equestria due to magic problems by twilight, what is the first thing you say and do?
>sit cross legged and look at her
would you be interested in some forbidden knowledge?
i dont know why, but i just found this concept rather funny
>>
so is Doormat's Half-lifeish story dead? like 90% the stories i care to read
>>
>>30070870
Realistically? Either freak the fuck out or assume I'm having a really bizarre, really fucked up lucid dream. Or first #2 then, when it becomes obvious that I'm not dreaming, #1.

>"What the fuck ARE you?"
>"I'm a pony, and there's no need for that kind of language."
>"No, no, no, no. I've seen ponies, you're NOT a pony. And they don't talk. What ARE you?"
>"Ponies that don't talk?"
>"So, is this Disneyland, or something? You're some kind of animatronic robot thing with a speaker inside it, right?"
>"Ani-what,now?"
>"And I'm talking to a voice actress in a control booth somewhere, right? I don't remember how I got here. I think I need a doctor. I think something is wrong with my brain. I think I may be having a stroke. Could you please dial 911?"
>"I can get Nurse Redheart but I don't think anyone's ever seen something quite like you."
>"I think I must be dying. Or I've had a psychotic break and I'm hallucinating a conversation with a tiny purple unicorn. Are you actually there? Am I having some kind of strange conversation with a housewife on the sidewalk outside Shoney's? Or am I collapsed in an alley, mumbling to a picture on a label of a discarded tin can?"

etc.
>>
>>30070940
Funny thing is; for me at least. I originally came here looking for the 'complete' first version of a story on FIMFIC. I got tired of all the stories I'd been tracking going on hiatus or just sitting without updates forever.

tl;dr
Retard comes to /mlp/ because he's tired of incomplete stories on FIMFIC.
>>
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>>30070940
>>
>>30071633
Dubs
>>
F-Friday night
>>
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>Be spike
>Every since about a month after anon arrived things from other worlds besides anons
>They can range from A book about some maid all the way to giant golems anon can fit in
>Whats even stranger is that anon seemingly recognizes most of them.
>Something about them being from stories in anon's world
>Ah but most of this stuff goes way over your head. you just want to eat your cereal
>*POOF*
>*PLOP*
>And some jar with a tiny squid thing in it just landed landed in your cereal

first time writefagging what do you guys think
>>
>>30072986
>in your cereal
I don't think I ever could.
Alright Snippy, welcome to AIE.

write here write now
>>
>>30071887
>>30072112
>Ever since you met Luna's sister, you've never liked her.
>At first, it was just a vague, unsettling feeling in your gut, sourced from a thing unknown.
>An itch in the back of your mind that wouldn't fade.
>As time passed and as your connection with your marefiend grew, you came to understand.
>In the past, Celestia treated her sister like shit.
>Her actions indirectly led to Luna being first contaminated by a Nightmare, when she was just a filly.
>That parasite festered over the years, eventually driving her insane and leading to her becoming Nightmare Moon.
>We all know how that ended.
>The most horrific thing, you learned, was that she had been conscious for a thousand years, trapped in that twisted state of jealousy and rage.
>Celestia says she wept, and that she regrets her behaviour in the years of Luna's exile.
>But, even if she weren't seeing it herself, you see little has changed from what you've been told.
>She rarely respects her sister, and although her status had been restored upon her purification by the Element Bearers, her throne has not.
>Her duties in helping to run Equestria are very token.
>The once-diarchy is still a monarchy.
>Principality.
>Whatever.
>No second throne is aside Celestia's.
>And the worst thing is that your Moon Butt is so beaten, so broken that she just lets her sister run roughshod over her.
>It's only when you're together that traces of the old Luna surface.
>Your fun, bubbly, sometimes utterly dippy Lulu.
>...Never thought you'd ever be with a more mature "valley girl" stereotype.
>Geeky girls had been more your thing.
>Celestia is still blind to her constant, daily wounding of her sister.
>You sigh and look at Celestia.
>She looks at you, desperate to know why her sister's soul-mate feels nothing but disgust towards her.
>You merely sigh and walk away.
>>
>>30073082
>anon sees how messed up celestia is to luna
>celestia is blind
>despite loving one another, celestia is shocked one day when luna renounces her title and status
>she moves in with anon and tries to adjust to 'civilian' life
>slice of life hijinx of a human in ponyland with his former-princess roommate
>sexual/romantic tension
>anon and luna help each other heal
>celestia schemes to get her sister back as princess
>>
>>30073082
>>30073098
Sad
>>
>>30073082
>>30073098
I like the idea for its uniquness, but my inner Sunfag is rageing.
>>
>"Doc, you've gotta help me! My human just isn't interested in sex
anymore. Haven't you got a pill or something I can give him?"
>>
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>>30073177
>"Ordinarily, I wouldn't do this."
>"What doc! Anything please!"
>"Rape, if you did every day"
>"Um... okay"
>>
>>30073177
Dubs
>>
The worst part about living in Equestria?
Ponies have better hearing than humans. They always comment about how loudly you pee.
>>
>>30074654
Horses piss way louder than people do though.
>>
>>30073098
Need
>>
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>>30070870

>Get summoned by Twilight again
>This happens once every two weeks
>There's some kind of temporal fuckery about this
>Every time you end up in Equestria, it seems to be at the same moment
>Twilight, in her study, beaming with pride at her newest magical feat, her horn glowing with the spell that keeps you in her dimension
>She says exactly the same thing each time
>"It worked! You can understand me, right? I need to concentrate to keep you from returning to your point of origin, so let's keep this quick. I'm gathering personal accounts of parallel dimensions. Please, tell me something- anything- about yours!"
>It was confusing the first few times
>Now it's a routine
>If it's going to keep happening, you might as well make something of it
>You've been making notes of ways to fuck with bookhorse upon arrival
>Telling her she's actually a horse from a cartoon is a good standby
>Not as good as arriving nude with a fresh rose between your teeth and thanking her for selling her soul to spend a night with an incubus, but it also requires a lot less preparation
>She caught you off guard today
>You were hoping to bring along a picture of that dress that can be either white and gold or blue and black this time
>Alas, you are armed only with your wits and a half-eaten peanut butter sandwich
>Dormammu-light Sparklebutt, I've come to bargain
"Would you be interested in some forbidden knowledge?"
>"Ooh, yes please!"
"Are you certain? Some things are not meant to be known."
>She hesitates only a moment before nodding
>Just like always
>You stroke your chin and stare into the distance before returning your attention to the eager pony
"Cereal with milk is a type of soup."
>Purplesmart eyes you with skepticism
>"Pfft! No it's not!"
"Oh? How so?"
>She opens her mouth to speak
>The words die on her lips as a weak croak of shock
>Her grip on the spell slips, sending you home
>You go to your notes and mark this knowledge bomb as particularly potent on purple ponies
>>
>>30075075
Okay, I don't care who you are. That, right there, is funny.


Also.

"Would you be interested in some forbidden knowledge?"
>"Ooh, yes please!"
"JEWS DID 9/11"
>>
>>30075075
...More of these, please.

Also, how would Celestia, Luna, or Cadence react in the same situation?

Alternate loops between each alicorn could be hilarious.
>>
Mornin
>>
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New episode confirmed that herds are canon!
>>
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>>30076682
Can we get an episode number? This airing schedule is confusing as heck.

You hear that, Canada? You're fucking things up. Quit that, would ya?

>>30075228

"Would you be interested in some forbidden knowledge?"
>"I suppose. You're not going to tell me to stimulate my husband's prostate again, are you?"
>Wait, wait
>Again?
"Holy shit, you actually remember the last time? How?!"
>"That wasn't me. Well, not THIS me. You know how Doc sent a video to himself in Back to the Future?"
"Yeah, I've seen that mov- oh."
>"Wanna see it? It's super hot."
"I'll pass."
>"Let another me know if you do. That tape should be pretty well distributed across the timelines by now. I'd be ashamed of my other selves if it wasn't. So, about that forbidden knowledge..."
>This is problematic
>Now she's going to be less open to sexual suggestion
>You'll have to draw upon your reserves and hope you pick a winner.
"It's not delivery."
>Lovebutt cocks her head in confusion
>"It isn't? What is it, then?"
"It's DiGiorno."
>Cadence gasps
>"Th-that can't be..."
>Her stare falls, unfocused, to the floor
>Over the next few seconds, she unwittingly decreases her power to the spell, sending you home once more
>Back to the notes
>Pre-packaged pizza problems: very effective
>Pink princess probing prostates: "most timelines" should have a recording of this, allegedly "super hot"
>>
>>30076820
Oh, oh! Do Celestia, based Anon!
>>
>>30076682
Probably not the retarded polygamy fetish, just horse groups
>>
>>30075228
>>30076820
>>30077094
Maybe some evil versions of them too?
Or spiders?
Anon deserves a good freak out now and then.
>>
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>>30077094

"Would you be interested in some forbidden knowledge?"
>"If you would be so kind, I would."
>Celestia doesn't seem to know Cadence's trick
>This means two things
>One: when Sunbutt summons you, your chances of a threesome with Shining Armor are practically zero
>Two: you've gotten to know more about her than she has about you
>The various Cadances all seem to have a basic idea of who you are
>That's nothing on your profile of Sunbutt, which has taken up several pages of notes
>This is either a very one-sided relationship or she has an absolutely flawless poker face
>You are certain of the fact that she's got stress and anger issues from a thousand years of being understaffed at work
"Very well. You have an extensive record collection in the metal genre."
>A confused horse noise emanates from the princess before she replies
>"What? What are you talking about?"
"You think I'm bluffing? It's in the fifth barrel on the left in your wine cellar."
>Celestia rears back slightly in surprise
>"That's not the sort of forbidden knowledge I want. It's not even forbidden!"
>Au contraire, mon poni
"You forbid others from it."
>"I have an image to maintain! How did YOU know about this?!"
"A little birdy told me."
>"Philomena?"
"I meant it more as a turn of phrase. Point is, too many of those album covers are pictures of dudes in makeup and tight pants."
>Princess Celestia, Devourer of Pastries, Mistress of the Sun, and Possessor of Dat Ass strikes a pose of regal defiance
>"I enjoy their music. It makes me happy."
"It's aged terribly! Your. Music. Is. Shit."
>She grits her teeth and stomps a hoof, cracking the floor beneath her
>"I will fight you!"
>You turn towards the door and start walking
"You should get a second opinion before committing an interdimensional act of war."
>"THAT'S IT!"
>A shout with the fury of exactly one sun rattles you to the core as she sends you home
>You needed to get that off your chest
>Last time you saw her, primary princess played punk
>>
>>30073149
Indeed
>>
>>30078126
>Summoned by Luna
>"Forbidden knowledge?"
>Is nervous.
>"You're best princess."
>"Also, your sister's ass is fat."
>>
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>>
>>30079659
Bamperu
>>
>>30075075
haha noice
>>
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>>30077209
But maybe the excellent polygamy fetish, not simple horse groups.
>>
>>30080678
naw
>>
>>30076682
yeah no it didn't

Just one dude who's reeaaally good at banging groupies
>>
>>30080946
Gene Simmons did a guest voiceover?
>>
>>30081044
Dubs
>>
>>30078126
All of these have gotten a laugh out of me. Thanks man.
>>
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>>30081610
No problem, bro.
>>
>>30081610
This
>>
>>30080678
Pinkie isn't even in that herd. She just likes to ruin family photos.
>>
>>30082886
Photobombed by Ponka?
>>
Page 8 bump, fuck it's early
>>
>>30083393
or late
>>
>>30083718
Very late.
>>
Write something.
>>
>>30083971
This. Bump
>>
>>30083971
>something
>>
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>>30082525
>>30082679
>>30082785

Someone wrote some good green about the village sluts in the last horse episode, and we're hoping he'll appear somewhere here.

Merci Twingo
>>
>>30085520
Me too.
>>
>>30085520
I can't wait to see it. Break they pussy anon. So they can go heaven or coma.
>>
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>>30085630
i've been waiting since the episode came out for green about them. I for one cannot wait
>>
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>>30085668
>Herd Canon
>Mac x Sugar belle Canon
>Shipfags gone crazy
>Several anon choke themselves to death as the rest of their life could not possibly match this moment
Fuckin' Perfect right.
>>
>>30085774
>still trying
>>
>>30085520
Agreed, we need more herd story.
>>
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>>30082920
yes
>>
>>30083971
I am
>>
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Happy mother's day.
>>
>>30090258
>you smile went away 10 seconds later
>>
>Celestia's connection to the sun re-energizes her and keeps her un-aging at her prime.
>Luna's connection to the moon re-energizes her and keeps her in the 19--early twenties age.
>FML always the younger sister.
>Cadence, ditto with the Crystal Heart.
>Twilight is the only one who ages, as her friendships with her friends and Glimmer are mortal.
>Slowly watch Twilight, Shining, and Flurry, if she has no anchor, grow up, age, and die.
>Feelsbad, man.
>>
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Ponynet
>>
>>30090519
Artist?
>>
>>30090599
ur mum
>>
>>30090519
Sundown.
Full https://derpibooru.org/1429388
>>
>>30090519
YES! YESSSSS!
>>
>>30086789
writefag here, what's the deal with the herd obession? Or am I just some kind of sicko who can only stand being monogamous?
>>
>>30090862

You're not a sicko, just a little judgmental. Let the herd folks have their fun, plenty of stories with monogamous Anonymous.
>>
>>30090953
>I don't get the appeal.meme

is it the 'being fawned over by multiple women' thing?
>>
>>30090970

Man, idk. They've got a whole thread, why not just ask 'em?

Or don't, and don't worry about it.
>>
>>30090862
its not you, theyre all sick. having more than one waifu will ruin your laifu
>>
>>30090970
>Have multiple mare
Yes.
>>30090519
Post it anon.
>>
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>>30091029
really makes you think

>>30091014
>have never even noticed the herd thread before
>>
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So I'm gonna guess we're not welcome here if the Herd thread dies then?
>>
>>30091136
>>30091136
The thread is simple "Anonymous in Equestria"

Yes, you can post here. Just ignore retard about monogamous.
>>
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>>30091193

That's good to hear... I do not have a lot of faith in the threads ability to stay alive on its own, and I'd rather not merge into RGRE.
>>
>>30090862
Just normal
>>
>>30090659
He does good work.
>>
>>30090862
The fantasy of having more than one female wanting you is very powerful.
>>
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>>30092342
Indeed.
>>
>>30091225
I don't like them either. They used to be good at writing prompts story, but not anymore.
>>
>>30061442


>You give yourself a once-over in the mirror.
>You're more of a three-piece guy but you'll be damned if this doesn't look good.
>You'll be sure to give Rarity proper thanks when you return.
>Only she could create a perfect suit for someone, or something, like you.
>She even supplied a clip to keep your tie in place.
>After fussing with your cuffs, you check the clock.
>Nice, you still have about ten minutes to reach the dining hall.
>Should you leave now or wait a few more minutes?
>Arrive early or right on time?
>Either way, you need to ask the guards outside to escort you.
>The last thing you want is to make a wrong turn and end up missing dinner entirely.
>...Yea, you'll leave early.
>Three short knocks catch your attention and you head to the door, opening it.
>...Twilight?
>You thought she was going to meet you downstairs.
>Something seems off about her now...
>Maybe it's the yellow dress she's wearing with a pink ribbon fastened around the collar?
>That might be it.
>"Hey Anonymous!"
>Book Horse takes in your fancy duds.
>"Wow, that outfit looks great on you!"
"Thanks."
>You point to her getup.
"Nice dress."
>"Thank you! It's one of my favorites."
>Twilight peers inside the room.
>"Are you all set?"
>You go through your mental checklist.
>Clothes?
>Check.
>Basic manners?
>Check.
>Hungry?
>Check.
"Yup. Question: I thought we were going to meet at the dining hall."
>That was not a question.
>"Originally, yes. Buuuut, I have a hunch you're still getting used to the castle's layout."
>That's one way of putting it.
"Good hunch."
>You close the door behind you as you exit the room, Twilight backing up to give you space.
>Once you're ready, the pair of you set off.
>You can't help but glance behind you as you leave.
>Wind Swept and Steel Grip haven't budged an inch.
>That has to be the most boring job in the world; standing around doing nothing.
>You should boop both of them later on to spice up their day.
>>
>>30093169
>Only the sound of echoed footsteps and hoof-steps are heard as you and Twilight continue through the hallways.
>Let's change that.
"Twilight."
>The lavender unicorn glances up to you.
>"Yes?"
"Did you meet with Celestia?"
>Her face falls.
>"No. Princess Celestia was in a meeting."
"Oh... That sucks."
>"It's okay, that's what tonight is for."
>There's a pause, and she brightens up.
>"How do you like Canterlot so far?"
"It's fancy. Not just the castle, the entire city. Real upper-class ponies live here, I bet."
>Rent must be a nightmare.
>"You would be correct! Canterlot plays host to a lot of famous ponies ranging from musicians to fashion designers, like Rarity."
>Makes you wonder how Rarity ended up in Ponyville...
>You descend a short flight of stairs.
>Book Horse has gone quiet; a quick glance shows her lost in thought, occasionally looking down.
"You okay?"
>"I was wondering..."
>She appears apprehensive, as though her next words will hurt you.
>"...Were there any... /complications/ while you explored the city?"
>How considerate. You appreciate her concern.
"Naah. Lots of ogling, but it felt more out of curiosity than uneasiness. I spoke to--"
>Twilight barges in, releasing the floodgates.
>"Oh good, you noticed too! I was worried about coming here because it took so long for Ponyville to come around and that was /with/ the booping. Traveling to a brand new city that's never heard of you? Oh jeez. I sent a letter to Princess Celestia requesting a personal chariot for you but she said there was nothing to worry about which only made me even MORE worried."
>...
>Should you interrupt?
>"But if the princess says everything will be okay, you can't just brush it aside... Well, except that one time. Though I wouldn't call /this/ a world crisis, which is why I didn't write back asking her to--"
"Twilight."
>The mare abruptly stops both her verbiage and movement.
>You also halt, turning to properly face her.
>>
>>30093171
>Book Horse lets out a shaky chuckle before sighing, pawing the red carpet.
>"Sorry. I kind of went off on a tangent there."
>You fail to mask your amusement.
"Kind of."
>She gives you a small smile.
>"I'm glad other ponies are warming up to you."
>It makes you feel all warm and fuzzy to see someone show that much concern over you.
"Me too."
>With that, the two of you resume walking.
>...
>'World crisis'? 'Personal chariot'?
>You need details.
>Another time. No need to ruin the moment.
>After roughly a minute of walking you're introduced to a wonderful sight: The large staircase you admired from earlier.
>Only instead of fantasizing about its secrets, you're now walking down the steps!
>So this is where it leads.
>Why didn't the guard from earlier... Lance? Why didn't Lance take this route?
>Maybe it's slower. Who knows.
>Twilight's voice brings you back to the present.
>"This is one of my favorite rooms in the castle. I'm torn between this and the throne room."
>You can see the appeal.
>Now that you're closer you can make out two stained glass windows residing on the wall; one colored various shades of orange, the other blue.
>A sun and moon can be seen on their respective windows.
>As you trek down the main steps you take in the view.
>There's the castle's main entrance straight ahead.
>Off to the sides, several archways lead away to other unknown sections of the castle.
>You're definitely going to poke around when everything is done.
>Sadly your staircase adventure comes to a close when you reach the bottom.
>Over just as quickly as it began.
>Twilight makes a right turn and you follow.
>Soon enough, the pair of you approach a(nother) set of double doors with two unicorn guards positioned on each side.
>This must be the dining hall.
>They bow as you reach them; both of their horns are enveloped in a bronze aura as they telekinetically open the doors.
>>
>>30093176
>You can see the interior now but you're not paying much attention to it.
>Twilight doesn't hesitate to trot inside.
>You on the other hand, involuntarily pause.
>...
>You had no problem with meeting Luna.
>This shouldn't be any different.
>So why does it feel different?
>Perhaps it's your getup.
>Less informal than before. Anything /but/ informal, really.
>It's just a friendly dinner, Anon.
>Twilight already said Celestia is a nice person-- pony.
>You'll do fine.
>Feeling a little more confident, you too step inside.
>It's show time.
>...
>Huh, this is less of a dining hall and more of a dining room.
>You'd give it a more thorough examination, but the two ponies sitting across from each other at the smaller-than-expected table demand your attention.
>On the right end, Princess Luna in her usual dark regalia. She watches your entrance in silence.
>And on the other end...
>...
>She's tall.
>The pictures didn't do her height justice.
>The pictures also gave her coat a faint pink tinge.
>In person it appears blindingly white, though that may be an error on your part.
>Aside from those two notes, Princess Celestia looks exactly like what you were expecting.
>Her rainbow-esque mane flows off to the side as she smiles warmly.
>"Twilight, Anonymous. Thank you for joining us this evening."
>There's no trace of the sharp undertones prominent in Luna's speech. Celestia's voice is soft, akin to a mother addressing her child.
>You and Twilight stop a couple of yards away from the table.
>"Princess Celestia, Princess Luna."
>Book Horse bows and you follow suit.
>As you're straightening up, you feel a light tap on the back of your thigh.
>You glance back in time to see Twilight's tail returning to its resting position.
>Was that on purpose or what?
>She quickly looks up at you, jerking her head towards Celestia before turning back just as fast.
>Oh, she wants you to say something.
>You rack your brain for a suitable response.
>>
>>30093182
>Something along the line of ‘it's more afternoon than evening but I get your point’ probably won’t cut it.
"Thank you for the invitation. It's an honor to meet you, Princess Celestia, and a pleasure to meet again, Princess Luna."
>Luna nods curtly.
>"We have convened on many occasions since Our last visit. Worry not, your words are praiseful all the same."
>Yea yea, dreams...
>You're afraid to know what goes on in there.
>"Sister is well aware of your mannerisms, Anonymous. While We are pleased with your consideration towards us, there is little need for such formalities."
>Thank.
>Fucking.
>GOD.
>You won't start swearing like a sailor but it's good to know you can be yourself, so to speak.
>Luna briefly scans you and Twilight.
>"We are most impressed with your attire for this evening. Was it the Element of Generosity who provided such?"
>...
"What."
>Just like old times.
>Twilight pipes up.
>"She means Rarity."
>Ahhh.
>You suppose that title works for Rarity. She /is/ a very hospitable pony.
"Yea. She was adamant on making me look half-decent."
>"And she succeeded."
>You wave your hand in mock-dismissal.
"Oh, stop it you."
>Celestia takes the opportunity to jump in.
>"A conversation is best enjoyed when both parties are comfortable. Please, my little ponies--"
>A pause.
>"--And humans, join us."
>She winks to you on the mention of humans.
>So both princesses are relatively lax.
>You can get behind this.
>There's two available seats; one right in front of you, the other on the opposite side of the table.
>Twilight parts from you, circling around to the other side.
>That's cool, you totally didn't want that one.
>You take a seat, relishing the tall backrest.
>Now that you're properly seated, you can make several observations.
>For starters, this table stands taller than what you've gotten used to. Possibly the same height as the average table on Earth.
>Moving on, the table is bare except for various utensils lined up neatly in front of each seat.
>>
>>30093185
>...
>Oh god, why is there so much cutlery?!?
>Why is there more than one spoon???
>At least there's only one knife.
>This is akin to taking a test you didn't study for.
>They'll understand if you stick to a single fork like a filthy commoner, right?
>Lastly, this chair is fucking amazing.
>It's like your ass is on cloud nine.
>Thorough analysis finished, you twiddle your thumbs underneath the table.
>Should you strike up a conversation?
>Twilight is eyeing her teacher as though she wants to say something.
>Best to let her speak first.
>"Twilight Sparkle."
>Instead it's Luna who makes the first move.
>Twilight faces her.
>"Do tell Us of your latest studies provided by Our sister."
>"Anonymous."
>You tune out Luna, redirecting your attention to the voice in question.
>Princess Celestia is watching you with a calm expression.
>In the back of your mind, you have a feeling that exchange was planned.
>"I apologize for missing out on what was supposed to be our first meeting. Unexpected events came up, leaving me with little choice in the matter."
"It's all good. Better late than never, yea?"
>She smiles.
>"Indeed. Ever since your introduction to Luna, she has spoken well of you. Her visit to Ponyville solidified her appraisal, which only furthered my curiosity."
>Man, what could have possibly happened in Ponyville for Luna to do that...
"Has she only said good things about me? Because if that's the case, she /may/ have painted an unrealistic portrait..."
>Celestia's expression doesn't change.
>"My sister assures me you are a good human at heart, and her interactions within your dreams are not wholly indicative of your character while addressing others."
>...
"Did she mention what goes on in said dreams?"
>"She has divulged a few."
"...Would it be okay if you shared that information?"
>At that, Celestia shakes her head.
>>
>>30093191
>"I am afraid I cannot help you, Anonymous. Luna only speaks to me of our subjects' dreams if there is a matter of dire importance. Per her request, I am not allowed to reveal their contents to anypony else."
>That would be understandable, except...
"But it's MY dream. You would be telling me things I already know yet /somehow/ don't know, if that makes any sense."
>Celestia looks sympathetic to your plight
>"I am sorry, Anonymous. My sister does not bends the rules as easily as I."
>What sort of ass-backwards rule makes it so someone can't be privy to their own dreams???
>"Perhaps you could ask her yourself?"
"I... I did! Over a month ago, back in Ponyville."
>"And she declined?"
"Naah, she said 'maybe later' or something along that line. Now it's later, and still nothing."
>"A reminder may work in your favor."
>You give a thumbs up.
"Good idea. I'll try that."
>Celestia smiles again, glancing over to her kin.
>Looking over as well, you can see Luna paying rapt attention to whatever Twilight is babbling about.
>After a few seconds of staring, you realize she hasn't blinked once.
>That is some intense focus.
>...The focus of someone trying hard to appear interested.
>Your sacrifice will not be in vain, Luna.
>You turn back to Celestia, who's once again eyeing you.
>"Are you enjoying your time in Ponyville?"
>Small talk. You can do small talk.
"It's good. Everyone is nice, like a close-knit community. Very cozy."
>Celestia nods, slowly trailing off as her expression becomes more serious.
>"Twilight has told me of the difficulty you faced adapting to your new environment. On behalf of Equestria, I offer my sincerest apologies."
>She does a half-bow.
>You're floored.
>What's with ponies saying sorry for shit out of their control?
>Are they just naturally apologetic?
>How to approach this...
>>
>>30093199
>You lightly drum your fingers on the tabletop.
"Princess Celestia. Make no mistake, I one-hundred percent appreciate your words. I really do. It's just... it's not your fault, or anyone's for that matter. Let's be real, when someone or something suddenly pops up and you have no idea what it is or is capable of, the first sensible course of action is NOT to greet it like an old friend."
>"Of course. However, your troubles were not resolved after Twilight eased the reservations of Ponyville's residents. Understandable, as both parties needed time to adjust, but you settled in to an unfamiliar environment far sooner than my little ponies did with a new inhabitant. Thus you were ready to be accepted, only to receive silence."
>Celestia's mood turns somber.
>"Anonymous, no /one/ should ever feel like they don't belong. You are more than just a human. You are a citizen of Ponyville. You are a citizen of /Equestria/ and you deserve to be treated as such."
>Her pale magenta eyes bore into your own as she finishes her speech.
>Unlike Luna's scathing glare, Celestia's own is as soft as her voice.
>...
>......
>This is getting way too heavy.
>If this keeps up, she might actually convince you it was her fault.
>She has a way with words and emotions.
>If you can, you'll change the subject.
>You break away from her gaze so you can think properly.
"Well... I'd say things are working out pretty great. I have a job in Ponyville and when Twilight and I arrived in Canterlot no one screamed, which was nice."
>Celestia blinks.
"That was a joke."
>There's the smile again.
>"You are quick to make light of your troubles. A rare method of handling them."
"All of the major issues are over and done with, so I might as well humor myself and others."
>The princess nods in understanding.
>Suddenly a switch is flicked.
>"You have a job?"
>A question asked not out of malice, but genuine interest.
>You thought Luna gave her your life story.
>>
>>30093203
>You don your best/worst French accent.
"Sure do. There's a spa in Ponyville, I help out as a /masseur/."
>Celestia closes her eyes in thought.
>"Of course. How silly of me to presume otherwise, what with Luna's enthusiasm."
>She opens her eyes, taking in your perplexed expression.
>"My sister speaks highly of your talents. She's rather fond of your, ah... /massages/."
>...
>That slight accentuation.
>The twinkle in her eyes.
>The oh-so-subtle smirk.
>She knows.
>She fucking knows.
>...
>Why is it so warm in here all of a sudden?
>You do your best to maintain a normal tone of voice.
"Most ponies are..."
>"So I've heard."
>She's still smirking.
>She's doing nothing else and you're still melting under the pressure.
>Damn, she's /good/.
>"I won't push the subject, as I have a feeling it gets brought up frequently."
"Very."
>Bless her heart.
>The sound of doors opening makes not only you, but the entire table turn.
>From an entrance you didn't notice before, emerges four unicorns grouped in pairs of two.
>Each pony wears a black vest covering up a white button-down shirt
>Each pair is behind a cart, each cart holding multiple ornate plates and silver dishes whose contents remain a mystery.
>You kind of forgot there was supposed to be food.
>The carts make their way over to the table, coming to a halt on each side.
>With wordless precision, plates and dishes are levitated off the cart, enveloped in a multitude of magical auras.
>They float carefully over the table, plates being set in front of each chair; the dishes are placed in a neat rectangle right in the center.
>Except for one.
>One silver platter makes its way to your section of the table, coming to a rest right in front of your plate.
>Uhhhh...
>Before you can voice your inquiry, every single cover is lifted to reveal the course for this evening.
>...
>......
>Is this...
>Is that...
>All other foods have taken a backseat; you only have eyes for one dish.
>>
>>30093210
>Laying before you in all its tantalizing glory, is meat.
>Not just any meat.
>Chicken.
>Baked chicken.
>Equestria, being the land of ponies, is understandably populated exclusively by herbivores.
>You are not an herbivore. You are an omnivore.
>You. Need. Meat.
>Naturally that's a problem
>From what you've seen, pigs, cows, and chickens here are borderline sapient. Ponies keep them as livestock and nothing more.
>Thus, that left you with one option.
>Fish.
>You've had nothing but fish to satisfy your carnivore cravings.
>You haven't dropped dead yet so it's keeping you healthy, but the desire for tastier meals has never faltered.
>...
>"If chicken does not strike your fancy, the chefs can always prepare something else."
>Celestia's gentle voice brings you back to the present.
>You glance over to the Sun Princess, who's still smiling.
>She's always smiling.
>You hastily try to clear up the misunderstanding.
"No! No, this is... words can't convey how happy I am right know. I might start crying. Seriously, do you have any tissues?"
>You make sure your voice cracks as you sniffle.
>With that, Celestia giggles.
>It's like music to your ears, and you can't help but grin.
>"The staff can supply you with all the tissues you need for this joyous occasion."
>Speaking of tissues, there actually aren't any in sight; only a single small hand towel for each seat.
>Or hoof towel.
>You've also been supplied a wine glass, a bottle carefully filling it up to half height.
>White wine. Fancy.
>The bottle levitates away to be placed near the center of the table.
>Looks like that's everything.
>Celestia takes the opportunity to address her staff.
>"Thank you."
>You slip in a thumbs up.
>The unicorns bow before trotting away, both carts in tow.
>"Do not hesitate to fill your plates, my friends. Sister can and will feast on entire dishes if one catches her eye."
>The unexpected jab from Luna makes your face twitch.
>>
>>30093215
>Celestia takes it in stride, smirking at her kin.
>"I have to be quick, lest a certain somepony consumes them before her sister reaches the dining room."
>At that, Luna sighs.
>"Fair point. However, your justification falls short when discussing desserts."
>Her rebuttal is met with silence.
>You swear there's a hint of pink on Celestia's cheeks.
>Sibling banter finished, you focus on the food.
>Can't just have chicken, you're not a savage.
>What to eat...


>It's later in the evening and you've long since finished your five-star meal, your suit jacket resting across the back of your chair
>The table has been cleared of anything uneaten or not in use, replaced with sweeter treats such as pie and tarts.
>You'd sample a few but after demolishing the ENTIRE chicken (along with other foods), you have a hunch you're done with solids for the day.
>Now, Celestia is in the process of telling a story.
>"...the entire royal guard to sweep the city and castle grounds. Guess where she was found."
>Hmmm...
"The library?"
>The Sun Princess nods.
>"She decided to live in the Canterlot Library so she would never have to leave again. Her provisions consisted of a pillow, three graham crackers, a carton of apple juice, and her favorite stuffed bear."
>You laugh, Celestia grins, and Luna smirks.
>The mare of honor is abashed, to say the least.
>"I was a filly! Of course I had no concept of the necessities to live alone!"
>Still embarrassed, Twilight takes another sip of her wine.
>If it was anything stronger, there's no question she would've slammed it down in seconds.
>"Of course. That is why we find such antics most humorous."
>Book Horse doesn't appreciate Luna's words.
>"It wasn't a joke! My intentions were very serious."
>You decide it's your turn to speak.
"Don't worry Twilight, we understand."
>Your assurance eases her mind.
>"Thank you, Anonymous."
"You were only practicing for the future, right?"
>Now she's puzzled.
>"Huh?"
>Wait for it...
>...
>>
>>30093221
>The reactions are simultaneous.
>Celestia laughs, her rich, melodious voice carrying throughout the room.
>Luna chuckles, her voice losing its usual edge.
>Twilight's cheeks puff out as she scowls at you, which only widens your shit-eating grin.
>"Ha ha, /very/ funny."
"I know."
>Celestia comes down from her high, exhaling while smiling.
>Luna speaks up.
>"An excellent quip, Anonymous."
"Thank you."
>Twilight rolls her eyes, taking another sip of her wine.
>"Yea yea..."
>Anon: One. Twilight: Zero.
>Celestia eyes your still-empty plate.
>"Are you sure you don't want any pastries?"
>Your mind says "no!" but your stomach...
"As delectable as that blueberry pie looks, I have to pass. I wanted to make dinner count, and my stomach knows it was a success."
>"Do not worry, Anonymous. A pie can be baked for you to consume at a later date. We would offer you this one--"
>Luna is referring to the remaining pan, all others being bare.
>"--But previous events suggest its presence will be short-lived."
>Donotsmiledonotsmiledonotsmile...
>"My dear sister, how could you say such a thing? I would never be so selfish as to deny guests their pie."
>Celestia's hurt tone is the polar opposite of her expression; a mischievous grin plays out across her face.
>Luna is also smirking.
>"Our apologies; you are correct. It is /cake/ that would drive you to do so."
>"Correct."
>As if on cue, the pair laugh softly.
>Family first, diarchy second.
>An unexpected yawn escapes you, and you blink away the newly-formed moisture.
>"Long day?"
>Twilight addresses you from across the table. Her wine glass is now empty.
>Took long enough. You polished yours off twenty minutes ago.
>Your eyes narrow.
"You sent Spike over to wake me up at /six-oh-fucking-clock/. You tell me whether it's been a long day."
>Probably shouldn't swear in front of royalty but they're still having a moment, so you doubt they noticed.
>>
>>30093224
>Book Horse is unperturbed.
>"Rarity tells me you have a tendency to sleep in late. I needed assurance you wouldn't miss the train."
"I don't stay in bed until two in the afternoon!"
>"She didn't mention the specifics. Better safe than sorry."
>What sort of shoddy excuse--
>"Do you wish to retire for the evening, Anonymous?"
>Oh shit, guess they /were/ listening.
>Luna waits patiently for a response.
>Do you REALLY want to call it quits already?
>You're a little tired, yes, but you're enjoying yourself.
>No need to turn in the towel just yet.
"Naah, I'm good for a few more hours."
>Your body thinks otherwise, and you fail to suppress another yawn.
>Thank you, bad timing...
>Luna-- to no one's surprise-- is unconvinced.
>"Nonsense. Do not let us keep you from answering the call to rest."
>You shake your head.
"If I leave this table, the only call I'll answer is the call to explore the castle... if that's okay with you guys."
>You point towards the two princesses.
>"You are more than welcome to explore to your heart's content."
>Cool.
>Throughout your exchange, Celestia has been staring at her crumb-infested plate.
With Luna done talking, she pipes up.
>"Your words have reminded me of my plans for this evening. Nearly half an hour off schedule and counting."
>She sounds a lot more cheery than the subject suggests.
>You choke back a guffaw at Twilight's devastated expression.
>"Princess Celestia, you don't have to put aside your work for us."
>"But I want to, my dear student. Do not worry, everything can be picked up at a later time."
>That was not the answer Book Horse needed.
>Based off of her eye twitches, she's probably having internal conflict over obeying a schedule or doing as her teacher pleases.
>"We share similar sentiments, but one task approaches that cannot be delayed."
>You have a hunch it relates to the deep orange-red sunlight streaming in through the large rectangular windows.
>>
>>30093228
>Celestia nods to her sister in understanding before speaking to you and Twilight.
>"Twilight, Anonymous, while I would love nothing more than to converse into the early hours of the morning, there are duties I must attend to every day."
"Of course."
>All good things must come to an end, right?
>Her chair is wrapped in a light gold aura, sliding away from the table and allowing her enough space to stand.
>You catch Luna and Twilight doing the same.
>When in Rome...
>You rise to your feet, briefly stretching your arms before facing a waiting Celestia.
>Twilight circles around to stand by her side, and approaching hoof-steps alert you to Luna's presence next to you.
>With everyone standing, you can properly gauge the heights of each pony.
>Celestia, to your surprise, barely reaches your chin. Her horn adds some serious vertical but you don't count that.
>Luna is next up, easily taller than the average pony but still falling short of her sister.
>Twilight is akin to a midget.
>"Thank you Anonymous and Twilight for granting me this visit. Anonymous, it has been a great pleasure getting to know you this evening, and I am honored to consider a human of your caliber an Equestrian."
>At that remark, Celestia smiles.
"Oh stop it, you."
>She chuckles, giving you enough time to come up with a proper response.
"Thank you Princess Celestia and Princess Luna. It was an honor to meet over such a wonderful meal with equally-wonderful conversations, some at the expense of others."
>Twilight narrows her eyes, her annoyance going unnoticed by her teacher who goes back to speaking to the pair of you.
>"If you would like, you are always welcome to join me for breakfast tomorrow morning."
>"I'll be there!"
"Sure... Wait a second. You raise the sun, so what's your definition of breakfast time?"
>"Six forty-five."
>Not terrible, but...
>>
>>30093232
>You scratch the back of your head.
"If I can wake up that early without spending a half-hour questioning my life decisions, I'll be there."
>"You are not a morning human, I take it?"
"Not even a little bit."
>...
>REWIND, REWIND.
"Not that I don't appreciate a good sunrise--"
>"I understand, Anonymous."
>There's that twinkle again.
>You cough lightly into your fist.
"Cool."
>As if on cue, the princesses begin making their way out of the dining room, Twilight trailing behind Celestia.
>You waste no time putting on your suit jacket before following the mares outside.
>The guards stand at attention as their rulers and co. pass by, the doors shutting behind you.
>You watch Twilight slow her gait until she's near you, looking up at you with concern.
>"Are you sure it's a good idea to wander around? You might get lost."
>Again.
"Probably, yea. Thing is, I have nowhere else to be for the evening so it'll be like a fun little adventure."
>Who knows what you'll find.
>Hidden rooms, lost treasure, maybe even secret documents?
>The possibilities are endless.
>Twilight wrinkles her nose.
>"I guess that makes sense..."
>"If you experience any difficulties finding your way around, our night-watch will assist you."
>Luna doesn't even turn her head to face you.
>Nosy little Night Princess.
"Noted."
>Eventually your walking leads you back to the fancy staircase room.
>It's clear everyone else is heading upstairs, but you have different plans.
>You clear your throat.
"Uhhh, guys?"
>Three sets of hooves come to a stop, each pony looking expectantly at you.
>Ugh, you hate audiences.
"I'm gonna poke around the ground floor first, sooooo... I guess this is where we part ways?"
>The two princesses properly turn around, Celestia the first to speak.
>"Enjoy the rest of the evening, Anonymous. If we do not meet again tomorrow, I wish you safe travels on your return trip."
>You nod curtly.
"Thank you. I'll do my best to wake up on time."
>>
>>30093234
>Luna is up next.
>"We will meet later, if that is acceptable."
>...
>Oh right, dreams.
>Your face is flat.
"Not like I have a choice."
>She gives you a funny look, but says nothing else.
>Twilight anchors for the farewell address.
>"I can stop by your room in the morning if you need help waking up."
>Bless your heart, Book Horse.
"I appreciate the thought, but I'll be fine."
>Twilight only stares at you.
"Seriously, don't do it."
>"Fine..."
>Your beauty rest is somewhat assured, so it's time to wrap this up.
"Alrighty, you guys have a good evening too. I--"
>You twirl your index fingers.
"--Am outta here."
>You gesture towards the large archway leading to the castle entrance.
>"See you tomorrow!"
>"Farewell."
>"Have fun!"
>You give a thumbs up before turning towards your destination, breaking away from the group.
>The sounds of hooves meeting carpeted stairs fade as you exit the room, making your way to the entrance.
>The doors are finally shut, so the guards at least have a small understanding of security.
>You're not leaving of course.
>There's an entire half of the ground floor you still haven't seen, so you'll start there.
>...Shouldn't you change into something a like more loose for walking around?
>Naah, you like this suit. Let's wear it for a little longer.
>Just have to turn left at the doors.
>There's a staff member approaching from the right as you reach the intersection and you give her a passing glance.
>...
>Hold the fuck up.
>That magenta coat looks awfully familiar.
>You pause, turning around to make sure you aren't mistaken.
>...Nope.
>The lack of a helmet threw you off, but now you're certain.
>The final nail in the coffin is her reaction as she reaches you.
>"Mister An-- Anon?"
>Ayyy, she remembered!
>Her armor has been replaced with two saddle bags. There are all-too-familiar clinking sounds emanating from them as she shifts on her hooves.
>She appears a little uneasy, for whatever reason.
>>
>>30093240
Oh yes.... go on.
>>
>>30093240
"High Stakes, right?"
>A nod.
"What's up? Done for the day?"
>"Yes. I was about to... head out."
>She almost smoothly covered up that pause.
"Ah. Well, don't let me keep you from today's spoils."
>You point knowingly at her bags, taking delight in her sudden bashfulness.
>You'll hazard a guess and say she's about to do things a guard shouldn't be doing the night before a work day... assuming she has work tomorrow.
"Have a /great/ evening."
>"Wait!... please."
>Hmmm?
>Stakes glances at her haul.
>"This wouldn't have been possible without you, and you're /much/ nicer than most other guests."
>Is she allowed to say that?
>"What I'm trying to get at is, if you’re not busy… allow me to buy you a few drinks... as thanks. If that's okay with you."
>...
>Is this small horse coming on to you?
>Just kidding, you know her intentions.
>So, what to say...
>On one hand, there's an unexplored section of the castle waiting for you.
>On the other, free booze.
>Not that the wine provided at dinner wasn't more than adequate, to say the absolute least.
>It's just you prefer your drinks with a little more kick.
>Guess your decision is a no-brainer.
>Also your pride /did/ take a hit with that stunt she pulled.
>You make an "okay" sign with your hand.
"Sure."
>Stakes eases up, releasing tension you never noticed was there.
>"Great! There's a quaint little bar I'm fond of not too far from my place. I think you'll like it."
>It has alcohol, you already love it.
>You gesture to the closed doors.
"Let's find out."
-------

Pastebin: https://pastebin.com/5gQ5hMeU

Part 7-2 finished. Criticism needed, etc.

...Yea I kind of lied before. In my defense, I can't judge section length for shit. Next part will definitely be "the one", I promise.
A heads up, I'm not delving into major details with High Stakes (ebin OC name, right?). She's just filler. Better for me to disappoint some of you guys now (sorry) instead of later.
>>
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>>30093249
>>
>>30093249

noice man
>>
Boop.
>>
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>>30094045
>>
>PiE thread 404d after only 6 replies
Fuck.
>>
FAQ

Q: Does my story belong here/ can I post my story here?

A: Does your story have an entity known as Anon? Is he in, around or going to Equestria? If the answer to these 2 questions is yes then your story belongs here.

No, seriously. That is the only requirement for this thread. The story can be about what ever you want. Anon can be what ever you want. You want Anon to be some guy from New York? An 8 year old girl adopted by Fluttershy? A space marine? A giant spider living in the everfree annoyed by ponies bumbling into his cave? Even a talking bagel brought to life by pinkie that talks her into lewd acts with pastry items. What ever you want it to be about and what ever you want anon to be is fine and welcome here. So long as it is some type of Anon and he/she/it is in Equestria.

Does your story involve ponies doing pony things WITHOUT an Anon in it or in past/future parts of the story? Then yeah not really Anon in Equestria.

Is the name of your main character George Liquor, which coincidentally just so happens to be your name, & the very idea of not having him named as such sends you into an autistic rage? Again not aie. I know the idea of your self insert oc donut steele character banging your pony waifu while she screams your name in text is your fetish but it doesn't fit this thread.

Anon In Equestria.
>>
>>30093249
Excellent update. I like the conversation flow in particular. You did a good job taking Anon from nervous "what to say, how to say" to relaxed "friendly banter". Scene setting with a nice zig zag mixed in felt well placed. I could have sworn Celly was going to get a massage by the end of the evening. (I think she still needs one BTW. A token of thanks for the evening meal and companionship.)

>She's just filler.
Aww, thanks for the heads up though. Hey, at least Anon knows he's got a new friend in Canterlot, right?

I look forward to the next update.
>>
>>30091225
I'm trying Hawk. Even bumping from my phone when I get the chance. I like the idea of a dedicated Herd Thread. I'm really only keeping it bumped for you and Leaf.
>>
Hey, Tw/G
I really enjoyed "Last Resort". A little slow to start but quite satisfying in the end. Easily my favorite of the completed greens in there.
>>
>>
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>>30095128
Thank you man.
>>
>random pony fact of the day: pony mares become the most smug creature in the planet after giving birth to their first offspring for the next year.
>It is said that this period of time is the most straining in any pony marriage and friendships.
>Be sure to take this into account before deciding to procreate with any pony.
>if you know anyone whose pony partner is due for childbirth be sure to warn them of the consequences

if this were true, what would you do? and would you warn your fellow anons of this?
are you able to withstand such levels of smug?
>>
>>30097238
>implying it's any different from human women
They knew what they were getting into
>>
>>30097242
so you are fine with the idea of your waifu waking you up in the middle of the night by slightly nudging you awake and in a whispered voice telling you "hey, hey, I made this" and showing you your child in her hoofs with the biggest shit eating grin on her face, every single day?

actually that sounds kind of cute, and now i made myself sad
>>
>>30094045
poob
>>
>>30097369
>Wanting an extra drain on your finances on purpose
>>
>>30097369
I remember thinking that after the waifu gave birth to our first child.
>>
>>30097238
>implying she could remain smug with a cock in her mouth
ngga pls
>>
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No Anon to own you and make you do chores while he plays video games and breaks wind as though you are not there.
>>
Lots of new faces and things around here, makes me want to hurry up and catch up with the show. Just came by on a whim though to see if I could recognize any names. Shame about 8th if he's actually dead, guy wrote good stuff. Think I'd be better off not knowing what happened to all the other guys I knew so I'll be on my way, have a bump though.
>>
>>30099693
k
>>
>>30099693
8th isn't dead, he's just a lazy asshole.
>>
>Dear Princess Celestia
>Your idea is stupid
>"Hey eternal roommate. Writing another letter to your Mom?"
"She's not my Mom, she's my teacher, and as a matter of fact, yes.This is a VERY IMPORTANT letter. About YOU."
>"About me? Then I guess it's okay if I take a peek."
"Come near me and I'll remind you again how pointy this horn is."
>"Touchy touchy. Fine, you can keep your letter."
"I intend to."
>...
...
>"So, got any plans for the next 20 minutes of this episode?"
"Will you please stop referring to our daily lives as episodes?"
>"I calls em like I sees em, and right now it's looking like either a 'new friend' or another 'frustrated Twilight' episode."
"I hope it's the latter. I'm still regretting the last 'new friend.'"
>"Love you too Eggplant."
"Spike, send a letter."
>>
>>30100260
I don't understand the "Joke"
>>
>>30100703
What's a "Joke"?
>>
>>30100886
You
>>
AnyAnon remember the Marital Problems thread? Did it die for lack of content or just no interest?
Anything similar still out there? Not as far as I can tell.
>>
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Sending out the signal.
Hope everything is going well Tex.
>>
>>30101894
\0/
>>
>>30101894
Can't stop the signal.
>>
>>30101397
I don't know what happened to the threads.

Here, have this. https://pastebin.com/6z5kcvTM
>>
>>30102581
The secret signal?
>>
>>29999810
Ded thread
>>
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>tfw suddenly get an mostly complete story idea out of nowhere
>>
>>30104936
You too?

of course, I posted mine in /femdom/
>>
>>30104936
>tfw you start writing said idea and immediately want to shoot yourself in the face
>>
>>30105078
You maybe, I'm having fun again.
Although, I do kinda want to shoot something atm but that's true most of the time
>>
>>30099693
>>30059064
>>30066134
I won't dispute the lazy part but can you assholes please not kill me off like that. You'll hurt my feelings.
My computer shit the bed for a while there. I had to build a new one but I'm back. I'll have something written soon.
>>
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>>30105223
Still lub u bby
faggg
>>
>>30105223
Moonie when.
>>
>>30105577
Soon™
>>
Bumping a thread near bump-limit? Sure why not.
>>
>>30106367
>>30106367
>>30106367
>>30106367
>>30106367
NEW THREAD
>>
>>30106355
I mean, I guess you could do that.




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