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Previous Thread: >>30672774

GoogleDoc Pastebin Archive: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1b1jASUKcbpyp6u1nk0d8m8m_toNwUGSlesl7F1IPa4o/

Old CrazyRain's Stories' Archives: http://pastebin.com/C82B4dea

Prompt collection:
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I wanna court Princess Celestia and make a dozen kids with her, and emaresculate the hell out of her during pregnancy
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Would a marely mare accept bellyrubs from you in public, or would she be too embarassed?
Would the pleasure win over the social stigma?
>Be Lord Anon of Middenland
>Lord of castle Drighzold, and knight of the Order of the White Wolf
>Under the command of Emperor Karl Franz, you and an army of ten thousand imperial soldiers were deep in Sylvania
>Your mighty Emperor had decided that he wished this province to be back in the Empire's hands after centuries of it being under the yolk of those damned undead
>So, in his majesty, he had sent you
>It had been months since you had marched into this God's forsaken land
>Corruption was everywhere
>More than once your army had been forced to stop so your warrior priests could combat some unholy abomination
>Some days you'd find your men torn to pieces of giant bats
>Or worse
>And still, you hadn't seen hide nor hare of the vampiric army
>One of the Var Carstein's was hunting you down
>You, not one to run from deadmen and more than eager to kill something, had wanted to meet this demon in battle
>You wanted this vampire and his ilk to taste your steel, bolt, and gunpowder before you went to siege and destroy Castle Drakenhof itself
>Unfortunately for you, your would-be opponent was an idiot
>The man, who had lived in this land for CENTURIES, had somehow gotten turned around trying to find your troops
>You and your army, who couldn't really send out scouts out in the countryside for fear of the many abominations that lived here, hadn't been able to properly track them down
>So your dreams of glory and honor had now boiled down into a very grand, very ridiculous game of hide and seek
>You were not happy, and you most certainly weren't amused
>You couldn't leave the damned moron to his own devices and just go to Drakenhof
>He might find his way home and hit you in the rear while you sieged it
>You also couldn't keep looking around his his damned army
>Your supplies were beginning to run short, and you most certainly couldn't forage for supplies here
>But running away wasn't an option
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>that cap
why did you stop
>So you, ever the dutiful lord, continued looking for this stupid vampire so you could crush his army
And, to your delight, you got your wish
>One morning, you had awoken to find the vampiric army not three hundred feet away from your encampment
>Usually, this would be a cause for concern
>The my-army's-about-to-be-completely-destroyed-oh-shit kind of concern
>But the gods were looking kindly on you and your army that morning
>That or that vampire lord truly was as dumb as a box or rocks
>Not a single undead, bat, or ghoul had noticed any of you
>Their army sat in a wide open, flat field below the forested plateau you and your men had taken refuge on
>You, nor any of your men could see a trap
>None of the magic casters you had on retainer could see and magic that would stop you from seeing an enemy encamped someone
>The Var Carstein mongrel was unaware, unsupported, and on the low ground
>You were going to fuck him
>You were going to fuck this undead man harder than any gods' blessed whore you've ever laid with
>After a just prayer to Segmar, and a few other gods, since you were a man that liked to keep his options open, you and your army found itself just about ready to attack
>All armed and armored, your men looked a glorious sight
>You, of course, were in the front of your army with your captains and advisors, trying to come up with the best plan possible to fuck these vampires up the ass as hard as possible
"Hurgel, I want you to bring our cavalry to the right and hit those zombies. Twing, I want you to take a platoon of greatswords to attack their front, have a squad of halberds with you."
>Both men saluted
>"May we purge these demons from the land, my lord," Hurgel said, giving his mustache a twirl
>"Aye. Lets kill these buggers," Twing said, grinning like a madman."
>Saluting again, the men wheeled their horses around and galloped toward their men
>You watched them go, smiling
>This was gonna be a cake--
>"Um, Mr. Anon?"
>Your smile diminished
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You welcome senpai.
And remember, if you keep on believing in your waifu, they'll be waiting for you on the other side
go on

>At the early stages of the pregnancy it was just a mass blob of incomprehensible mess of sounds heard by the unborn foal
>as the pregnancy progresses, luna sees glimpses of random scenes that an unborn foal shouldn't even know about
>every night she comes here to actively protect her foal from the lingering presence of nightmare moon who will do anything in her power to corrupt this innocent foal

>Immediately detecting an interloper in her child dream leaps into action
>but something has changed in her foal's dreamscape
>its no long the blob of sounds that it experience before but an actual landscape
>a landscape similar to what her husband described in one of his stories of home

>you saw Nightmare moon standing there looking at the alien landscape, beside her was...
>...that was your foal
>it had no color just a shape but you KNEW it was yours
>you walk towards them
you wanted to run and take you precious child away from the monster but when you look onto nightmare moon's face
>you understood why
>"its fine mommy"
>"lets go to sleep"

>the dreamscape darkens

>you wake up in warm embrace of your prince refreshed and rejuvenated
"what an odd dream"
>Slowly, you turned your head and look at the advisors the great Emperor had sent along with you in this campaign
>They were horses
>But not only were they horses, they were colorful, talking, magic horses
>And you didn't very much care for them
"Yes, Twilight?" you asked
>The purple, mare, who was riding atop of a great armored gryphon, looked to and fro nervously
>"Are you sure this is something stallions should be doing?" she asked. "I mean, I like to think of myself as a very progressive mare, but having stallions FIGHTING doesn't seem... right."
>Your eyebrow twitched
"Twilight Sparkle, The Empire of Mankind has been doing very well by letting its sons fight for over two thousand years."
>"I know, I know, but wouldn't it be better if you all just talked out your differences instead?"
"I will not talk with some undead demon."
>The orange one whose name you've forgotten, who was also riding a gryphon, let out a snort
>"Will ya quit with all that there prissy stallion nonsense and just go an' talk ta the fella?" she said. "I like seein' colts fight as much as the next gal, but this is takin' it too far."
"If you ladies don't like it you're very welcome to stay in the camp," you said, pinching the bridge of your nose
>"Nonsense, darling," the white one, who had INSISTED you call her lady Rarity, said, puffing her chest out. "What kind of gentlemares would we be if we didn't do our very best to protect you?"
>Your eyebrow twitched
"I'm a Knight that has won countless battles, there's no need for you to--"
>Out of the corner of your eye, you could see the Pink one reach behind her back
>Through some warp deviltry, she somehow pulled a colorful cannon from out of nowhere
>"FOR THE EMPIRE!" the mare roared, tugging on the cannon's cord
>An explosion ripped through the air along with confetti, covering you and your personal guard in the stuff
>The pink pony blinked
>"Oh... Hehe, wrong ammunition," she said with a sheepish smile
>Your eye twitched a little harder when you heard the vampiric army let out a hellish shout
>You, along with all of your captains, could see them already making their way toward you
>"Segmar protect us," one of your warrior priests murmured
>Your frown deepened
>Fucking ponies...
Alright, I'm done. Since I'm really grumpy that I didn't pony up to buy Total Warhammer when it was really cheap on Steam I decided to write this to help muh autism. Sorry.
Okay, now I can post without feeling like an interrupting asshole.

Thanks for the idea kinda

A short
>The enticing aroma of cooking breakfast as the sore pangs in your hips are all the keep you awake at the kitchen table.
>You are Spitfire. Captain of the Wonderbolts, Commandant of the Wonderbolt Academy, world superstar, marefriend of the only human…
>...And a mare who had her world rocked.
>You tenderly shift your legs, making the limbs throb from the minor exertion and getting no reaction from your almost raw marehood rubbing on the chair.
>Celestia damn. He actually fucked the estrus right out of you. What a way to break a dry spell.
>But most curiously, the empty feeling was gone.
>Again, you shift around, but the emptiness refused to return.
>As you grew older, past 25 or so, the weirdest sensation settled into your lower stomach.
>It’s if a cavity was there.
>Eating until full didn’t make it go away, doctors found nothing wrong, spiritual junk like soul-searching told you nothing, and even meeting your husband-to-be didn’t fill some corny emotional hole there.
>But now…
>You take a breath and close your already droopy eyes, stilling yourself and readying the soul-search trick again.
>The literal kind, not the traveling hippie stuff.
>Your last thought before your mind goes blank is a thanks to Soarin for teaching you this.
>Silly colt and his obsession with natural curatives...
>Slowly, your senses fade out. Sight first, then hearing, smell, taste, and finally touch, leaving you in a void of your own creation. The sudden lack of sensation sends its usual thrill of fear through you and makes your mind buzz.
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>Tiny ‘lights’ come to life around you in various shapes.
>The sensation of 360 degree vision would be nauseating if the beauty didn’t distract you.
>The first you notice it your human, behind you at the stove. The dense green aura under his skin slowly flows like molasses with an almost lazy burn, ready to fuel his body for hours on end.
>He hardly even seems tired after the wild night you and he had, if the sheer amount of aura is anything to go by.
>But even with the impossibly thick green enshrouding him, you still see the vermillion knot resting above his heart, pulsing with light.
>You smile without realising it
>There are few tiny pin pricks of light around. Insects in the house, birds outside, a fat rat in the neighbor's wall, things like that.
>Then you look at yourself.
>Your raging vermillion fire moves slower this morning, more like a stream through your veins than the runaway rapids it usually is. It’s easy to guess why.
>Right above your heart, a knot of dense green pulses languidly, uncaring of the faster aura’s pace around it. It’s warmth makes you want to drift off to sleep.
>But something catches your attention near your stomach.
>If you could feel, then your brows would have furrowed.
>Right where the empty feeling was, your light swirls around a tiny point like water draining in a sink. Slowly but surely, it’s pulled away.
>Just what in tartarus could this be?
>Closer, you look.
>In the center of the swirl is a tiny dot of captivating emerald, totally unlike your color and almost too small to see, but the small mote keeps pulling at you.
>What could it be..?
>It hits you like a rookie does the ground.
>Again you look, and again the little emerald is still there.
>Warmth floods your body as both your heart and aura in your veins begins to race.
>Thats...You… You’re going to be a-!

You don't dissapoint LaP, but you always leave me hungry for more.

to bad i still need to finish all these fucking dishes if i wan't something to eat off of at 3 am when i have to leave.
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>The world snaps back into focus, the lights gone in an instant.
>You blink, finding an amused and hairless face in front of yours.
>You shake your head of the cobwebs that technique leaves you and focus back on your tall coltfriend.
>”You alright? You looked like you were passed out at the table,” he asks, masking his concern with his light tone that you know so well by now.
>He sets a plate of breakfast in front of you before sitting with his own plate.
“Yeah, I’m good,” you smile. “I’m better than good, babe,” you tell him, taking a big chomp out of the haybacon on your plate before continuing. “I think I might have a surprise for you.”
>”Huhm?” he mumbles with an inquisitive blink, cheeks full of food.
“I’ll tell you later,” you say with a giggle. “I don’t want you to choke after hearing it.”


Ayy I did a thing
More, please.
Those last 5 digits... nice full house.

More plis
>Thanks for the idea kinda
I meant >>30697681
That sounds like something a handful of ponies would get flat out executed for. Them fucking up likely just cost the lives of hundreds of men, if not more.
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That was weird. Weird but cute.

You should do more.
yeah, it is kinda weird. is spitfire an airbender or something, or is she going to reveal that she unlocks her chakra gates to fly so fast?
..what in a world with real actual magic, chakras and auras or whatever are implausible and out there?
Most would have no problem with it, only tsundere mares like Limey would object to it.
theyre heresy
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did you forget she doesn't have a horn, and is therefore incapable of expressing magic outside the confines of her body?
...and how was she doing magic outside her body? that was internal sensory shenanigans.

honestly I am mostly just confused why someones getting all "muh realism" on this.
She was sensing insects and rodents in the walls, senpai. That's pretty external.

That's beside the point, because the story was still cute.
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no, it's called "internal consistency," you troglodyte. you can have whatever unrealistic elements you want, but they have to mesh together in a way consistent to the rules laid down by the story. some mudpony stallion teaching spitfire the secrets of chakra manipulation is way out of left field.
>buying TW: Warhammer

you disappoint me LaP

TW: Warhammer was CA's Heresy from the very beginning
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What? Soarin isn't a mudpony.
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>tfw I bought TW: Warhammer
I can't believe I fell for that juden shit
I only need to pay for 7 dlcs for the "Full" experience
>Complaining about consistency
>Calls Soarin a mudpony
>Can't keep his own sentence consistent.
You played yourself. It's magic, it can do whatever. It seemed pretty connected to me.

>Soarin learns an unusual skill that goes in line with an interest of his.
>Teaches it to Spitfire.
>Spitfire uses it.

after rome 2 i lost all hope for TW

but at least Divided et impera was good
>pegasi with magic is no problem at all
>don't talk shit about my hoersbando
ah, not pretending then.
I see that belly, dash
Pretty kickass cinematics though.
>rome 2
My heart sank when I learned of how mediocre Rome 2 was.
I played probably a few hundred hours of the original Rome and loved it
All I wanted was to make the Roman empire again but I guess we are damned to not be able to

The cinematic are pretty good, I can say that for sure
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its warhammer its a given
doesnt excuse CA's heresy tho

i played probably a several thousand hours in rome 1 an medieval 2 alone

rome 2 did not give me the feeling of awe like in rome 1
Yeah, their DLC practices have completely turned me off of all of their games.
me too
it was on humble bundle monthy for 12 bucks a few months back
hey, just checking in to let you know i'm still working on the next update. I already had a few hundred lines, but i realized that, without more ponies from RGRE interacting with moonponies, it would never be RGRE enough and I was just stalling with unnecessary dialogue.
It's changed the direction I was going to take it, so it will be a much longer story, but I'm hoping that overall it will focus more on the clash of gender roles between the moon and equestria. also the apple clan is going to be heavily involved.
but this is also the first long story i've written, so please let me know between updates if i'm going off the rails or something. constructive criticism is your civic duty in greentext threads.
anyway, the next update will be in this thread or the next!
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>so it will be a much longer story
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>the next update will be in this thread or the next!
we need more tabletop fun times with sexist horses

I've been playing warhammer for so long I remember the days when white dwarf had included record with the magazine, and a few 80's thrash metal records
for those interested
Their piss weak modding tools to TW killed any desire in me to get the game. No custom models, everything most be cobbled together from what's already in the game. Fuck off.
How much longer we talking here? Thirty thousand words? Fifty?

however long it takes to finish. i try to plan my stories out beforehand.
> No horn, therefore no external magic

> Weather manipulation
> Cloud walking
> Producing lightning from small clouds that do not disperse
Pegasi probably can't work actual spells, but perceiving energy, even through visual barriers, that fits in with the crazy stuff they can do with clouds. Even better, it would seem to be mostly subconscious, requiring unusual focus to become fully aware of.
So two hundred thousand?
>All the other wonderbolts fly so well because they were promising recruits that underwent special training to unlock latent magic that improves their speed, control, ect.
>Dash either is just naturally fast as hell or she is some sort of idiot savant when it comes to unlocking this power
This amuses me
Popped, please.
is kill
He's a fucking newfag or he's retarded.
A mudpony is a earth pony dumbass! Soarin would be a skyswooper or something like that newfag.
He's dealing with stuff. If I remember correctly his best friend's brother or something died. Give him a bit.
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>Bully Flash in RGRE
Gets constantly bamboozled by anon
Exactly, but to call him a mudpony just doesn't work. It's like calling a gook a nigger.

Well, what about Zecora? Hell, in the S3E5 (Magic Duel), it was shown she could walk on water and essentially conjure up tea out of no where. I think it's plausible in a world full of magic and pastel pones.
Flash is /ourguy/ Anon.

Or maybe I'm mixing it up with Twi on the water. It's been a while since that ep. Still, I think someone like Zecora could teach a thing or two about magic.

New to the conversation here, but...

I think what he's saying is that non-horned ponies throwing around insanely powerful non-tribe/non-cutiemark specialty magic like BEING ABLE TO SEE LIVING THINGS (through other living things, likely through walls, and having omnidirectional vision no less!) is pretty OP for "this has nothing to do with my talent or species" magical hippie sideshow tricks.

If she had some sort of TiBITtan monk or ultra-hippie-nature cutie mark, or were a unicorn, that would be okay.
But just "I studied with some half-baked self-improvement enthusiast buddy for like a week once" is a level of ridiculousness on par with saying "I looked up to the sky a week ago and saw a black helicopter, so now I can pilot military aircraft".
I like "featherbrain" as the pony racist name for pegasi.
Zecora is an outcast loner nature buff with a very zen/tribal voodoo vibe and style to her.
At least that makes sense, as she lives the life of a zen/zebrican mystic 24/7.

Meanwhile, Spitfire spent like MAYBE a week or two learning third-hand info from a semi-ditzy self-improvement amateur wannabe.
MASSIVE difference.

That's the difference between "I've train to do this task for hours every day of every week of every year for decades now," and "A girl I knew in college told me about doing this meditation thingie for a few days after we binged on her pothead roomate's brownies on weekend."
This is Nof writing it and he loves magic. If we go with how he usually does things, then Spitfire can probably learn some certain powers and spells because shes an especially exceptional pegasus. A normal pegasus probably could never learn such a thing or even try.
Biggest issue here is we have no idea how long Spits was learning from Soarin. For all we know, she might have been taught for years.
While these are both very true in the scope of what is talked about there is also the fact that we have not looked at, Equestria is a place filled with magic, if someone isn't actually looking into how to do magic I bet they wouldn't know it because it was right there ready for them to use.

This is the same argument about Earth ponies or pegasi not having magic, it's old as this board is at this point.
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>nature buff
no, she's more of an alchemist, or potion master.
Bone head works well for unicorn
are there any stories wherein more than one human arrive in equestria more than just oneshots only a few posts long? i don't have the talent for it, but i'm sure a writefag would be able to explore human nature and chronicle the ponies witnessing of it through a story like that, without going completely misanthropic.
I like this, we should talk about this.
Those who are fond of nature often make potions/remedies from natural ingredients.
Alchemists are more prone to using manufactured ingredients as well as personally harvested ones IF needed.

Zecora fits more into the realm of "zen nature dewller who uses natural home-made remedies from local flora" than into the category of "I make potions and alchemical substances from whatever sources are purest and/or most effective".
An alchemist wouldn't bat an eye at having purified ingredients from a laboratory somewhere sent halfway across the country so they can ensure the purity of what they're making.
An outdoorsman/outdoorsmare doesn't care if what they're making is perfect, they just care that it's effective and can be made with what they have on-hand/on-hoof or at least from what's easily accessable (which generally means it can be acquired locally).
>dash, who is naturally that fast, is eventually taught the techniques
that reminds me: at a certain speed, fighter jets no longer require lift to stay in the air. the inertia of the air molecules prevents them from "falling" as they no longer fly but rather "swim" through the air like a submarine goes through water. my physics professor told me it's more like gliding through jello, because the difference between your speed and the air around you is so fast it might as well be solid to a degree.
if spitfire were to pass on her knowledge to dash, she'd push her protege into shonen-tier levels of power and speed. dash is strong-willed, competitive, and willing to take risks. sure, her pegasi magic protects her from the worst effects of passing the sound barrier, but what happens when she reaches speeds that stretch out her spine, strip her of hair and feathers, or even igniting the air around her?
or a nerd anon could tell dash about this, get twilight to verify it or be interested enough to conduct experiments, and see what kind of shenanigans ensue.
>explore human nature
>human nature
Like anyone on this board knows what human nature is.
well maybe they could just copy some concepts from old science fiction stories, before they became pozzed romance-in-space stories with werewolves.
What if I want to kill my waifu?
suicide pacts can't happen if you've committed it once already. if you just want to kill her to kill her, she was never your waifu to begin with, you fucking normie.
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alright, I got more moonponies for you, just like I promised.

>Thank Celestia for paperwork
>Focusing on ironing out the details of this deal has thankfully given you a very useful distraction from getting lost in his--
>From studying the differences in moonpony and Equestrian pony biology.
>Also, you were sure that those blind(?) ponies were staring back at you every time you looked over at them.
>The delegation--or rather, Colonus--had persuaded you with some very convincing arguments that it would be best for everyone involved to set up an outpost here in Ponyville somewhere.
>Ah, you think back to a few minutes ago (or was it hours?) when Colonus was talking about Ponyville growing to rival even Canterlot in trade, culture, and societal matters.
>You stare out the darkened window and can just about make out the lights of Canterlot on the side of the mountain.
>Celestia would be so proud of you.
>You catch a look at the King and Queen.
>For the most part, they've been content to be silent during this negotiation.
>A couple of their guards had, with your permission, gone and retrieved some books from your library for them to browse while you spoke with Colonus
>Queen Selena had offered advice or asked questions here and there, despite not even looking up from a dense history book.
>You knew her sister had the same ability to read and listen at the same time to different subjects, too.
>It had caught many a mumble in day court, and made you feel all the more special when she gave all of her attention to you.
>King Anonymous had, to your wonderment, been reading the backs of several stacks of fiction books during the more tedious moments, but it seemed that he didn't have the same ability as his wife.
>From the looks of it, mostly adventure, romance, and adventure/romance novels.
>He didn't sound or look impressed by them.
>What did he expect with pulp fiction?
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>He'd definitely be impressed with the amount of knowledge in your collection of non-fiction.
>You'd give your left wing to have unfettered access to the libraries in the Gray Spire.
>Well, maybe not that, but something equally valuable!
>But, back to the matters at-hoof.
>The zoning map of Ponyville in front of you.
>He wanted a place not too far from Ponyville and not too far from the Everfree
>Also beyond four hundred meters from any structures, to allow for construction of the Crater.
>A name based on the topography of the moon's surface, perhaps?
>Must investigate further.
>Which you will once you've got these strange ponies and strange technology firmly under your hoof!
>No, he's right.
>You'll be underneath his barrel, with him firmly in your grasp.
>Your name on his lips, unable to wrench his own legs from your body, a slave to his own desires for your--
>You blink a couple times.
"Hmm? Yes?"
>Colonus looks at you with a hoof on the map.
>"I said that this area would do nicely, and it's marked as belonging to the crown."
>You look down at the map again.
>Something about it looks familiar, though...
>If you remember correctly, that land is part of Sweet Apple Acres, or at least they grow apple trees there.
>But they don't actually own the land, it just wasn't part of either of the surrounding plots.
>Applejack wouldn't just steal it, though.
>In all likelihood, the trees just started growing at the edges and spread across it over time.
>Still, it meets all the criteria.
>Applejack won't be pleased, but you'll find some way of repaying her.
"I'm sorry, Prince, but that land is already being used my friend Applejack. I'd hate to kick her off of it."
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>"Is this map outdated, then?"
"No, no, it's not outdated. I remember that this area is part of what they consider to be part of their farm. Even though it doesn't actually belong to them, I wouldn't feel very good just taking it from them to give to someone else."
>"If it's money she requires, I'm sure we can work something out."
>"I'm sure you can," King Anonymous comments, "After all, you've done way better than I expected tonight."
>The king reaches around the guard next to him and pats the prince's back.
>"I'm proud of you already, son."
>Colonus straightens out in his seat, sitting a little taller.
"I don't think the Apple Family will part with their farm for a bag of bits. They value it all very highly, since they've owned it for generations."
>Anonymous looks over at his wife and they lock eyes for a moment.
>Not a word passes between them, but she eventually nods.
>"We are certain we can strike a bargain with them," Queen Selena announces, "perhaps mere gold will not suffice, but they may be swayed by a different prize."
>"Well," Anonymous looks at the clock on the wall, "if they're farmers, they would probably be up and about by now, right? Why don't we go talk to them, see if we can't get them to part with a few of their trees?"
>You look at the clock on the wall.
>5 a.m.
>Yeah, they'll probably be awake by now.
>Granny Smith will already be making breakfast.
>You wouldn't want to bother the King and Queen with another visit for yet another negotiation, and all the details are still fresh in your mind.
"Of course they'll be up. I just, um, don't have any chariots nearby for the trip. I can arrange for one if you'd like to wait for one to get here from Canterlot."
>"Neigh, Princess Sparkle," Queen Selena waves a hoof, "it has been ages since We have experienced a walk in the twilight before dawn. We would enjoy the trek."
"I should call a couple royal guards here, then. I wouldn't want the ponies in town to worry."
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>You still hadn't figured out what would set off the ponies that lived here.
>You still remember the reaction that Zecora got.
>Yet they welcomed Iron Will, a giant minotuar with a goat entourage, with open forelegs and wide eyes.
>Better safe than sorry.
>"Nonsense," Anon waved his hand, "They're gonna have to get used to us in time anyway. I'm sure if they saw you with us they wouldn't freak out. Besides, our guards can handle anything.
>Anonymous rested his hand on the back of one of the helmeted guards and rubs her back.
>"Isn't that right, Ensiculia?"
>She doesn't move, but you can see her stone face crack into a small smile.
>Well, just her mouth. It's the only part of her face you can see.
>"It's settled, then," Colonus announces with a smile, "Let's get moving. I'm sure you can tell me all about Ponyville as we walk, Princess."
>He turns his glowing eyes back to you with a glowing smile
>Well, his teeth aren't glowing or anything, but they might as well be.
>You feel your heart flutter in your chest.
>King Anonymous is right, the ponies of this town have to get used to seeing them.
>This will also give you a chance to impress--
>Explain to Colonus all about Ponyville.
>They all stand up at the table, reminding you just how tall everypony from the moon is.
>Anonymous stretches, doing some odd twisting motions, each time eliciting a couple pops or cracks
>Each one makes you shiver.
>You move to open the door for them, but one of the guards beat you to it.
>Hmm. They were all so silent during your hours of talking that you had forgotten they were even there.

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>You make sure to float a large mug of coffee out of the kitchen as you make your way down the hall.
>The commercial-grade machine was worth it's weight in gold.
"Would any of you like some coffee?"
>"Ooh, yes please," Anonymous says.
>Queen Selena and Colonus nod their heads as well.
>You stop at the door and pour out three cups, leaving enough room for colty things to add.
"How would you like them? I make mine a little strong, but I can add water, milk, or syrup if you'd like."
>"Do you have another cup like that one?" Anonymous points at the one you're floating.
"Yup. What would you like?"
>"Fill'er up, black."
>The only pony who could stand to drink coffee the way you drink coffee was Moondancer.
>And Celestia when she's had a long night.
>The both of you had developed your taste through your years of study and many all-nighters.
>Coffeeshops aren't actually allowed to legally serve the kind of coffee you drink.
"I brew my coffee pretty strong, King Anonymous. Are you sure you don't want some water?"
>"The stronger the better. I've really missed it."
>"We will take ours with a spot of cream," the queen says.
>"Same here, but more cream and add a couple scoops of sugar," Colonus adds.
"If you say so."
>You pour them their drinks and pass out the mugs.
>Anonymous takes a sip first and lets out a very deep and satisfied sigh.
>The queen is a more collected when she takes hers
>Colonus, however, passes his cup off to the Captain who sips first.
>You raise an eyebrow at him and taste the coffee in your cup.
>Yup, just the way you like it.
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>It isn't burned, and there's no grounds floating in it
>"Oh, don't mind him," Anonymous says, "he's just, uh, picky."
>The Captain nods and gives it back to the prince.
>Not even Blueblood does that.
>"Sorry, Princess Twilight, I just had to get it tested for p--"
>Anonymous stumbles to the side and nearly bowls him over, almost spilling the prince's drink.
>The King stares at his son with a serious face.
>Not that he said sorry, but it almost looks like he did it on purpose.
>Colonus pulls on his robes and coughs into a hoof.
>What is going on?
>"Ahem," Colonus smoothes out his robes, "I um...have a sensitive palette, and the Captain here knows what I like. Th-thank you, Captain Insularum."
>She nods back at him before he starts down the hall.
>"Well let's go, sky's turning!"
>Anonymous lays a hand on the Captain's back before he joins his son and wife.
>"Captain, send for Villa. Tell her to bring a box of the glacier apples with her and meet us on the way to the farm."
>"At once, All-Father."
>You're quite torn.
>On one hoof, they're probably going to teleport another pony here from Faust knows where (probably the moon again) and you want to witness it.
>On the other, you have to be a good host and escort them to Sweet Apple Acres.
"We can wait if you'd like, there's no rush."
>"Nah, it's no trouble. She'll catch up with us. Oh, and Captain, brief her on the way."
>>"Roger, All-Father."
>What in the world does that mean?
>You really want to ask, but you manage to keep your urge to interrogate in check.
>Another note you have to try and remember.
>The front door opens before any of you get close or use magic.
>You pass by a pair of silver-armored guards and step out into the cool night air.
>The sun isn't anywhere the horizon, and the moon hangs in the night sky.
>"Hey, look!" Anonymous points to the moon.
>His arms and fingers are long when they're not all folded-up.
>"Wow, we're so high up."
>Wait, what does he mean 'high up'? He's on the ground.
>"Indeed, dearest," Queen Selena leans against him, "I had forgotten how I enjoy this view."
>"I think I can see my house from here!"
>"Really?" Colonus stops and looks up.
>"Yeah," Anonymous leans down next to his son and points, "Right there, see?"
>Colonus squints.
>"Well, look harder. It's right there. Look, there's the Spire poking out right there."
>"I still don't see it."
>"Squint real hard, look right there. No, not there, there. The Palace is on the other side of the courtyard."
>Anonymous keeps pointing.
>Can he really see it?
>You finally look up.
>You think you can see what he means.
>You squint, but no details become apparent.
>You frown and set your coffee down.
>Your horn shines a little brighter as you bring up a spell to try and enhance your vision.
>Your coffee nearly spills when both of the not-so-blind guards stop and again spin around to face you, interrupting your cast.
>Queen Selena lets out a cackle at the sight of you three.
>"My dear son, Princess, We believe you have fallen for Our husband's playful ruse."
>"Ah-hah, gotcha!" Anonymous stands and smiles, then musses up his son's faintly-flowing hair.
>Colonus frowns and whisper-yells at him.
>"Father, please! Not in front of the Princess!"
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>You smile and shake your head, picking your coffee back up.
>Your own Mother used to do that sort of thing to Shining all the time when you were growing up.
>Oh the look on his face...
>It was a lot less funny when it happened to you.
>Better change the subject.
>You start walking and talking
>Starting with the town's founding
>Fun fact: you checked out Granny Smith's stories about founding this town and the details matched with other accounts
>She is...very old.
>You suppose at some point, the Apples stopped saying all the "Greats" in front of her name.
>Anonymous and Selena share a few looks between them while you talk, but Colonus seems very interested.
>It's...actually quite nice to have someone so interested in listening to your lecturing, even if it's history instead of the cutting edge of magic or friendship studies.
>There aren't even any other ponies out at this time of night, not in town anyway.
>Halfway there you feel another twinge in your horn and you try to suppress a frown.
>They definitely "teleported" another pony from somewhere very far away inside your castle
>And you weren't there to witness it.
>The things you do to be a princess...

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>A few minutes later, a voice behind you calls out.
>"All-Father, Mother Moon!"
>Your group stops to look at the newcomer flying through the air.
>The guards make way for another moonpony to land.
>A mare, just as tall and thin as the prince, folds her wings before landing and giving the King and Queen a hug.
>Her hair has a green hue, bright as the aurora borealis, and is tied up with a flower glowing bright blue into a very long ponytail that slightly curls and flutters in the ethereal wind.
>Her dark blue robes, unlike the prince, are much shorter and tighter around her limbs, with silver-lined flaps for her wings and lacking a hood.
>Her glowing eyes share the same color as her translucent mane, and they shut tightly as Anonymous scoops her up.
>Her muzzle shares the shape with Selena, unlike the strong lines of the prince, and you can see the fangs underneath it in a smile.
>In light green magic hangs a cloth bundle, no doubt with the apples her grandfather asked for.
>She nuzzles Selena before looking at the rest of you.
>"Princess," Anonymous begins with a hand on her head just behind her horn, "allow me to introduce my granddaughter Villa Flosculus, Head of Agricultural Research."
>She bows to you and you nod your head.
>"Villa, this is Princess Twilight Sparkle, the Princess of Friendship and ruler of Ponyville."
>"Pleased to meet you, Princess," her voice is much higher than even the Captain's, andshe offers you a smile before looking at the prince.
>"Oh. Hey Colonus."
>His jaw stiffens, but he manages to sound collected.
>"That's 'Prince' Colonus, Ms. Flosculus. Princess Twilight was just explaining to me the history of this city, and I must say I find it quite interesting."
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>Villa huffs and turns her nose up away from him, her mane flowing through the air like a ribbon.
>"Ah yes, your title remains Prince. Perhaps you tend to the flower of love the same way you tended to my projects. I don't know why I would have expected otherwise."
>His eyes narrow and he opens his mouth to retort, but you interrupt him before he can start off a tirade.
>Even if you've never dated a colt before, you've seen how they can be when snubbed.
>Though you hardly expected a mare to do something like that to a prince in front of his own parents.
>Who does she think she is?
>His father seems to be holding back a laugh though, and his mother is looking at her son with a raised eyebrow.
"Um, do you two know each other?"
>"Well enough, I think," Villa begins, "to keep the PRINCE far away from anything that needs starlight to live."
>Colonus stomps one of his tiny hooves in the dirt.
>"It was one acre, and I won't be Prince much longer, you'll see!"
>Anonymous nudges him with a knee.
>"She does have a point though. Stallions your age usually--"
>"YES Father, I know. You and Mother have made your expectations quite clear on the subject."
"Well! Let's keep going, Sweet Apple Acres isn't far now, and I'm sure Granny Smith is up already."
>"Who?" Villa asks.
>Colonus sighs.
>"The Apple Family Matriarch. She presides over Sweet Apple Acres, around which the town formed."
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>"I certainly hope the Prince stays away from the fields, or the town will starve."
>"We are going to negotiate for the use of some land upon which some of their trees grow, but does not actually belong to them."
>"Well you certainly are the right pony to clear land of vegetation."
>King Anonymous chuckles next to him, but Colonus stands taller as he walks.
>"I am going build an outpost here in Ponyville, starting with a Crater. That land is where it will be planted. You, Villa, are here at Father's request, not mine."
>"A first-name basis again? Nothing will yield from those efforts, Prince."
>"Alright, that's enough, Villa," King Anonymous says with a smile and takes a sip from his mug, "No need to keep flustering the colt, we're almost there...Wait..."
>You can see the fence and sign for the farm, and lights on in the house.
>Anonymous sniffs the air.
>"What is that? It smells like...but there's something wrong...something very wrong."
>You sniff too, but can't smell anything.
>"I smell it too," Colonus remarks, "something does smell wrong about it."
>Perhaps they have a greater sense of smell than you do.
>Another thing to remember for your notes.
>Soon you do smell what they were talking about.
"Oh, that's haybacon. Granny Smith likes to cook a hearty breakfast."
>"Hay...bacon?" Colonus asks.
"Yes, bacon made from hay. It's a favorite breakfast food for lots of ponies."
>Your ear twitches when you hear Anonymous whispering "blaaaaaasphemyyyyy..."
>The Queen whispers something back, but they don't make a fuss about it.
>The eight of you file through the gate and make your way to the house.
>You pound on the sturdy oak door.
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>You hear a faint voice from inside, along with some creaky hoofsteps.
>"Well you sure sound alright dear!"
>The door creaks open, revealing the old mare.
>She smiles and wobbles over to give you a hug, which you return.
"Good morning Granny Smith!"
>"Well I'll be!"
>She pushes you back with her hooves to look you up and down.
>"What in tarnation is a youngin' like you doin' up so early? Not even Celestia herself is up yet."
>She looks behind you at your little entourage.
>"Who on Faust's green earth are you folks? Some kinda...circus group? The fair grounds are closed fer the year, you need to come back later."
>Your heart jumps into your throat and you look back quickly at them.
>Damage control, damage control!
>Colonus and Villa look incredulous.
>Captain Frigoris has the same face your brother got in the royal guard,
>and Queen Selena has BOTH eyebrows raised now!
>And King Anonymous...just bursts out laughing.
>Like, really laughing.
>He even has to lean on his wife for support.
>You hope AJ is awake.


and that's it for now. let me know what you think
Thanks for the green. I don't have much to say other than I really enjoy this story and want you to write more.
More please this is really good. The dialogue feels natural, Luna and Anonymous have good personalities as do their children.

>mares expect the humans to just slap at the zombies like the stallions they're used to
>are horrifically surprised when it's a total bloodbath on both sides.
>none of them have ever seen such gore and brutality before
>what disturbs them the most is that after it all ends, the humans remark that there were less casualties on their side than usual
But you must understand anon I'm killing her so she can't be hurt anymore she deserves a long peaceful sleep without any worries. I love her.
Fucking granny Smith, my sides are in orbit right now
seek help anon
aww yeah
thats the good stuff
Twilight is desperate to get MOONED by Colonus
Nah, she wants him to get EQUISED by her.
>>And King Anonymous...just bursts out laughing.
>>Like, really laughing.
>>He even has to lean on his wife for support.
>"Husband if you don't cease your merrymaking we may very well have to retrieve your sides from the neighbors backyard"
>They are even more horrified when they see the stallions cutting those who had been turned down and burning the remains without the slightest hesitation
i love you
She's craving to be COLONIZED.
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I'm absolutely loving the ethereal and magical descriptions of the moonponies. I especially love their crazy otherworldly magitech and magic sensitive helmeted guards.
majestic as fuck
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das rite
>we may very well have to retrieve your sides from the neighbors backyard

>Giant, regal moon palace featuring grand spires, arches, and decor that is the pinnacle of moonpony architecture
>Next door neighbours: unremarkable middle-class suburban bungalow

Urban planning on the moon is inconsistent to say the least
There really is not enough Granny in RGRE, she is a fount of hilarity.
Haaaa, I like this image more than I could.
You're forgetting to include the RGR in your memes.
Twilight is the one who will embarass moon mare with her hot mare depths
nah senpai she thirsty as fuck

shes craving the moon dick
how can moon fillies even compete??? xDDD
and it is the instinct to care for the foal that tames NMM. Hmmmm. interesting premise.
Very good NoF. You should consider continuing it a bit more. Then come back with more 'Promised Land' if you could. Please?
>"Oh, that's haybacon. Granny Smith likes to cook a hearty breakfast."
>"Hay...bacon?" Colonus asks.
"Yes, bacon made from hay. It's a favorite breakfast food for lots of ponies."
>Your ear twitches when you hear Anonymous whispering "blaaaaaasphemyyyyy..."
>The Queen whispers something back, but they don't make a fuss about it.
"There, there Anon. You can begin your crusade against the heathens once the Crater is established."
bacon isn't even that good it's just crunchy meat strips
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Your one sick fuck, you know that right
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To yourself.
You absolute disgrace to humanity.
>actually enjoying food
get on my depression level faggots
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1. you've overcooked it.
2. you're using american meme "bacon", rather than correct and proper back bacon

This is a good green.
Bacon is supposed to be crunchy you heathen.
Chewy and Crunchy both have their place, but I prefer crunchy most times.

Just don't overdo it. Burnt bacon is such a waste.
>Luna is a shut in now, was probably one before she was sent to the moon, when she was on dream patrol she did it alone, when she wasn't she slept
>Anon is just some guy from an alien planet
I doubt either of them will have a vast knowledge of how to decently plan out a city if they're lucky Anon played SimCity or City Skyline
I imagine you'd pick things up after a literal millenia.
>crunchy bacon
>chewy bacon
>not cooking it just right so that it melts in your mouth and can be torn about by poking it with your knife
I know you faggots have shit taste, but this? I'm just disappointed
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>Are they arguing about cooking again?
>Great, now we have to deal with a few weeks of passive aggressive one-upmareship, why cant they just buck each other in the face and be done with it?
Shut up Dash, or I won't do that thing you like with my tongue.
if such a large portion of the moon's population that they call you 'all-father' and 'moon-mother' because so many of them are related to you then I doubt they had time to learn for the first few centuries
i.e. "Just fucking build your house wherever"
what would be the rgre mare's equivalent of bacon?
i.e. the one food thing that every mare will argue about the correct way to cook whether they know how to cook or not?
I imagine they'd still have a pretty small population after only a few centuries, though.
Welcome to rgre motherfucker. Today you're learning how to cook a perfect fruit salad for your wifu! Sit down, shut up and eat ALL the eggs!
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This, probably. If there was actually some kind of urban area on the moon, then the entire population would probably be centered there. Their biggest city/town would be their only one.
>melts in your mouth meme
Some of us like a little texture instead of flavored slime

Hay, or baked goods.
Maybe desserts, that mystery episode showed that no species could resist the allure of a perfect dessert.
>Anon is a complete janefilly, in all aspects except one
>When it comes to cooking, he is a typical Stallion.
>His kitchen is his kingdom.
>He's extremely opinionated, and will argue endlessly about how his way of cooking is the best, and how all these other faggots have no idea what they're doing.
>The only stallion to ever convince him he was doing it wrong was Mr. Cake.

>Most mares are terrible at cooking, but the few who are good at it, are strangely persuasive to him. >Whereas most stallions will ignore a mares advice on how to run their kitchen on principle.
>But Anon actually listens to Pinkie and Bon Bon, and especially Granny Smith, when they have some advice for him.
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The All-Father is Getting STRONGER
That was hilarious. Thanks for the green Lithonius. I agree with these Anons >>30702697
>>30702711 >>30703097 >>30703454. Keep up the good work and I look forward to the next update.
All-Father and Mother Moon are titles of affection that only the moonponies can use since Anon and Queen Selena are literally the progenitors of the entire moonpony colony. This was explained in our world building posts and in the early updates/chapters of Lithonius's story.
Yeah, they'd literally ALL be related to you.
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I'm imagining a literal army of moon ponies living and training in a barracks right next to their massive 'crater' teleport pad, just waiting for someone to send word that the Equestrians made an attempt on the all-mother or all-father so they can immediately blast down and shit fury on everyone.

I figure their immortal rulers also doubling as their parents would instill some powerful loyalty and zealotry.
ALL moon ponies are trained in self defense at least. Just as ALL moon ponies are trained to do things in all aspects of moon colony life. It had just been them out there on their own so every pony had to pitch in. No task too small or to great. Are they all good at everything? Probably not especially since it seems Colonus can't grow plants to save his life but he does know the concepts. They are a peaceful society but they are prepared. My headcanon on this story is that King Anon and Queen Selena are stepping back a little bit and letting Colonus handle things. Preparing him to be the leader of the Moon colony outpost in Ponyville.

>more loyalty than zealotry
I think it goes both ways. Again because they're all in it together.
>Anon starts choking with laughter.

>Meanwhile at alpha moonbase
>A small but ornate gemstone embedded on a wall begins to glow with a sharp bell-like noise, the nearby moonites gasping in shock.
>[Dozens of panicked teleport noises]
>Twilight goes crosseyed at the sudden magical pressure.
>NMM facehoofs
>Anon's lungs valiantly continue their attempt to supply their host with precious air in spite of his amusement.
Hey Twilight, have you seen my pan? It's not where I usually keep it.
>Oh, I got rid of that dirty old thing, it was too heavy anyway and I bought you this new one that's not only feather light, it's scientifically proven to-
>all of Ponyville gets btfo by moonpony QRF armed with police batons
>armed with police batons
*armed with magical lances and blasting gems
>startle or panic the moon ponies they end up causing significantly more damage than even the changelings did to Equestria
>on accident
That was really good.
You're the one who needs help by not helping your waifu at her time of need she'll cry at first but will later understand why you did it in the first place she'll be forever grateful.
Her eternal sleep will empower and make her happy in the long run.
/trash/ is a few doors down
I'm confused; if all moon ponies are the children of Selena and anon, then does that mean they spend the first few years churning out foals? How long do they live? Are they breeding with their brothers and sisters? Is there magic invoked to avoid the mutations that come from inbreeding? What about the inherent ick factor of boning a sibling?

I love the idea of high-magic moon pones, but inquiring minds need to know the truth.
yes, the people must know!
Well, if Anon and Nightma- I mean Selena are magical enough to turn the moon habitable and lush with greenery then I imagine they can prevent in-breeding issues and deformities.
If I remember correctly the two most popular concepts were:

1. NMM, Anon and her/their followers were all banished to the moon. They all had foals with each other to ensure genetic diversity.

2. Magic hand waving.

My headcanon is it's both.
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Peacekeeper-chan is here to kill you now.
Still don't like #1. It ruins the effect of just Anon and NMM's lonely struggle to build something from nothing.
One possible solution: NMM is shown to be a shapeshifter, what with being an alternate form to Luna, and being able to transform into inanimate objects and three separate ponies. It is entirely possible that once she decided to colonize the moon, she split into at least three mares with very different genetic makeups. That would also explain why some of her children are more NMM than Luna, if she was using a form that was more NMM than Luna.
Meanwhile Anon ends up with an ever-changing one mare harem.

I get that. Both options appeal to me and it is difficult to choose one over the other.
At least someone gets it
How about NMM can't split up, but can still shapeshift, and thus vary the gene pool on her end?
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What about Shinobi-chan?
How about it's just magic and alicorns don't suffer from failing gene pools or genetic abnormalities.
I prefer to picture a bunch of moonponies beating the shit out of everyone in Ponyville, swinging police batons with the Half-Life 2 3rd person crowbar swinging animation
I like it better where Alicorns just have an inherently diverse gene pool to draw on, being that they encompass Unicorns, Pegasi, and Earth ponies (and possibly Zebras and other off-screen pony types)

Any children an Alicorn has, is a roll of the dice what they are if they aren't also an Alicorn, and they would also have diverse genetics (if not to he same level as an Alicorn).

Throw Anon into the mix with his entirely alien genetics, and defects from inbreeding become a very distant concern. One that essentially doesn't apply to their children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren.

After a 1000 years, it might be a potential concern for their distant descendants, but oh look, the magical exile is over and they can start intermixing with the likes of Purplesmart, how fortuitous.
>After a 1000 years, it might be a potential concern for their distant descendants, but oh look, the magical exile is over and they can start intermixing with the likes of Purplesmart, how fortuitous.
how do you think humans started senpai

we began from two and blossomed into seven billion
more like we came from proto-humans and slowly changed over time.
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ok senpai
When did Poppedanon last post?
Did he an hero?
>"Anon, my …sister… and I are about one-sixteenth Breezie from our Mother's side of the family. Thanks to my ancestry, I have magical affinities even my extensive memory has long since forgotten."
"So, is that why you like it when I-"
>"Yes. Yes, it is. Now pass me the moonsugar, I need it for the cake."
He said, "soon"
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This confirmes /rgre/ is the Gordon Ramsay of /mlp/.
Well...if it was gonna happen, it would be here.
Okay, that solves the genetics problem, how about the age, incest aversion, and pregnancy issues?

Personally, I like to imagine the "early days" as a period the moon ponies don't like to talk about.
I thought we confirmed that with the two-thread shitstorm over the ketchup incident.
Or, maybe incest isn't taboo to them as it is in normal society since they don't suffer the adverse effects of it.

Cultural differences and all.
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thanks for all of the positive feedback guys

i've actually thought about this quite a bit and have planned scenes in the story where they address this.i'm going to try to avoid magical handwaving, but I also have to take into account Anon's magical properties, (including his immortality), genetic compatibility, alicorn anatomy/magic, and factor in how they came together tee hee to produce their unique offspring. Either way I'm not going to make it a crisis that needs to be averted with copious amounts equestrian hoerspussay. 1000 years is only so many generations, after all.

anyways, i'm working on the next installments already. it will probably be a bit of a longer wait though, sorry.
Das ist urkomisch.

Also, are we going to see the Celestia, Selena, and Luna initial interaction?
Shit is not a condiment.

Anon is an idiot sandwich.

>>"Yes. Yes, it is. Now pass me the moonsugar, I need it for the cake."
>That's no pony.
>That's a kajhit.

You are poppedanon.
Get back to writing.

>NMM can't split up
>Long long ago in a distant land, there was a man.
>This man met a lady and they grew to like eachother
>Their friendship was such that by the laws of that far-away land, they had passed from being good friends into being married.
>Many would think that this would be wonderful news.
>They would be correct, but only technically correct.
>For this happening did cause wonder in the man, who wondered "Why the fuck should I be considered married just for some casual fisting?"
>And with no good answer to this question, he decided to fuck right off and get the hell away from these lunatics.
>The wise and beautiful ruler of the land would not let a marriage be torn asunder and had her trusted guards return the man to his wife's home.
>It only escalated from there.
>This wise, white, wonderful princess of the day had really fucked up.
>Such was the intensity of the tantrum-spiral that the shit-storm blotted out the light of the sun and cast the world into eternal night.
>Seizing her chance, the wife fled the country so that her husband might have dearly needed his time alone.
>But no story can have a happy ending, and as the beloved blue beauty buggered off she was hit with more than just any old mean words.
>She was hit with mean magic words from the furious sister.
>And with that the three were torn apart forever.
>The man left to roam the world, not willing to stay under the power of the princess.
>The woman lived in her cabin on the moon, upgrading it over the years.
>And the princess dearly missed her sister.
That's actually a good idea for a separate bit of green.

>Anon and the Sisters were close friends, but he got on better with Luna.
>Anon and Luna began dating. much to Celestia's inward sadness.
>Despite his support, she still slowly became Nightmare Moon.
>During her finally going apeshit on Celestia, Anon is there, pleading with her to stop.
>To Luna and Celestia's horror, Anon is gravely wounded in the crossfire.
>Luna is banished, and Anon is caught in the afterwash of the Elements.
>Weeks later, Anon wakes up in Canterlot, the capitol having been moved, from his coma.
>Finds out what happened.
>Celestia begs for forgiveness, but also affirms it was the right choice.
>Anon basically says "fuck you" and blames Celestia for the whole mess.
>Despite her pleading, he leaves Equestria in disgust.

>A thousand years later, on the eve of the Summer Sun Celebration, a mysterious biped arrives in Ponyville...
>That's a Khajiit.
>"May your road lead you to warm sands, my friend."
"Luna, honey, stop. I know I called you an animal in the sack but you really don't need to turn into a literal cat girl."
>"I thought you liked me no matter what form I took?"
"I can only produce so much sperm in a day, love."
>If you start a new population with a group of "average" people, then the numbers I've heard are around 160 or so, 80 men and 80 women.

this is, of course, without any kind of magic

>A thousand years later, in the castle of the two sisters, Twiggles finds a strange statue in the main room, holding aloft a stone sphere, its face twisted in rage
>At its feet, a broken and enraged mare
>Oh hey, Don't I have that spare stone-to-flesh scroll lying around?
Alternatively twiggles finds the statue thinking it was sick pro-stallion art, because hey, the male doesn't seem to need no mare and decides it'd be a nice center piece for the new pony-vile gardens, which she then invites the other princesses to
>This thread
Where is my fucking Video nerdmare RGRE?
did the NEETpone thread die already?
>somehow successful in anything
not believable at all.
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>Either way I'm not going to make it a crisis that needs to be averted with copious amounts equestrian hoerspussay
Thank goodness.
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>Be chef Ramsneigh.
>There has been no sign of a frown on your muzzle for the entire day.
>The reason? The alien colt has decided to show you his cooking!
shitty page nine prompt
>Anon leaves the castle in a rage.
>So blinded that miles away from the castle, he is blindsided by a cockatrice.
>While turning to stone he catches and starts strangling the thing.
>The bird soft stones itself to preserve its life, while Anon is made an imperfect statue.
>Anon hangs in a limbo, contemplating many things.
>Goes mad, gets bored, turns sane again.
>He makes peace with Celestia in his mind.
>Until one day an Orange mare crashes into him while running from the local Timber Wolves.
>The aura he still exudes spooks them off, savng her.
>She marvels at the statue until she sees the beast still in his grasp.
>Time to call in the Stare Master.
That pussy-resolves the story's central conflict-triangle between Anon, Celly, and Lulu, Anon.
It doesn't quite resolve it, Cel still has 1000 years of guilt and forgiveness is not to forget. Maybe Anon has fallen out of love having been alone in his own mind for 1000 or so years.
>Be Incognito Blood Drinker
>Leader of the Skin Ripper Clan
>For too long you and your tribe had been suffering in the cold of Norsica, fighting for your lives from monsters and demons
>The dwarves hid in their mountain halls, only coming out to burn your villages
>The other cold-bitten tribes were no better, looting and murdering where they could
>But no more
>After the death of your father--who's still beating heart you had offered to the Blood Father-- you and your tribe had swept down from your mountain holds
>You had destroyed or subjugated all the tribes around you
>Even the mighty trolls had been forced to yield or die
>All throughout the blood-soaked carnage you had gained much favor with Blood Father
>He brought unmeasurable strength and ferocity into you and your men
>For some, his gifts had been a death sentence, but for those of strong wills his blessings were invaluable
>For many, many years you had fought, gaining men and strength, until, finally, All of Norsica was yours
>From the Bay of Blades to the far north where the old dragons slept your banner was hung and your altars to your dark god stood
>You yourself were also something less than human
>Few mortal weapons could harm you
>Sleep and food weren't needed, and you now had the strength to crush a giant's skull like it was an egg
>You were ready now
>First you would sweep aside the dwarves, kill them in their mountain holds and steal their wealth
>Then you would go south, where the southern children were
>Those soft, pot-belly men that knew nothing of hardship
>You'd ride down to their lands
>You'd burn their pitiful towns to the ground, steal their wealth and rape their women and butcher their children
>And you'd keep riding south until the southerners blood overflowed the world's rivers
>For your people
>For your glory
>For the Blood Father and his gifts
>Thirty thousand men had come with you from the far north
>Berserkers, Chosen, hounds, even the trolls and giants
>Just like yourself, they seeked the glory of the battlefield, to taste the blood of enemies on their lips
>At that moment you and your army had surrounded the great dwarven hold of Sjoktraken, as you had been for some days
>The dwarves, seeing your horde, had decided to hide behind their walls
>They were no doubt waiting for some of their brethren to come to their aid through their underground roadways
>And that was fine with you
>Let the stunties come
>No matter how large the force you'd crush them under your heel and erect an altar of skulls in the middle of the hold
>And after that you'd--
>"Are you sure you wouldn't like something to wear, Incognito? I know that I'm rather warm, but it IS very nippy out."
>You stopped your inner monologue at your mount
>This creature was a gift from the Blood Father, a mighty steed with wings and a horn who had some ability with magic
>On paper, she would have been a gift to cherish, but in actuality...
"I've lived in this blasted cold all of my life," you told your mount, rocking back and forth in your saddle. "It's barely even noticeable."
>Your mount raised an eyebrow
>"Are you positive? Big, bad warlord or not, you're still a stallion dear, and I'd hate to see my favorite human catch a cold."
>Your eye twitched
"Your concern is unneeded, Celestia. I'm--"
>The tip of your mount's horn glowed
>There was a pop, and something settled on your shoulders
>Looking at yourself, you saw that you were now partially wrapped up in a blanket
>A fuzzy pink blanket
>"There you go, dear!" your mount chirped with a happy smile. "Now the two of us can ride all day without me having to worry about you
>One of your bloodriders snorted
>Eye twitching, you made note of the man so you could kill him later before letting out a sigh
>At least this isn't as bad as when she insists to snuggle with you whenever you DO try to sleep...
Done. More autism
Ow the edge
Why must you hurt me, random Anon?
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>Genes are NOT blueprints. This means you can't, for example, insert "the genes for a pegasus' wings" into a unicorn and get a royal feather duster. There are no genes for wings.
>Walking home through the late-evening Canterlot streets, you try to clear your mind off work.
>Some mare acquires a lock to the spot of pavement in front of you, forcing you to synchronize.
>You speed up to a canter to get home faster and, perhaps, occupy your mind with not running into somepony.

>Cooking another dinner for one back at home, you forget to chop the parsley until the last possible moment, and it throws your routine off.
>Lazy eval always bites you in the butt later, like that timing problem you had last week at work...
>You fix your recipe to eagerly prepare all ingredients at appropriate times and start reviewing the changes before you even realize what you're doing.

>Reading the Spellforge Weekly before bed, you stumble upon a request for comments for a new Kth order statistic algorithm.
>At half past midnight, you guiltily catch yourself checking the proof for its asymptotic bounds.
>You will get back to practicing drawing tomorrow, you promise.

>Going to bed for another not-enough hours of restless sleep, you try counting clouds to black out quicker.
>The clouds came as a collection, and you know the count instantly.
>You order them by size and then iterate over them instead, and fall asleep satisfied with your own quick thinking.

>"Yeah, but do you have any hobbies? What else do you do in your spare time?"
"I don't know"
>and you now had the strength to crush a giant's skull like it was an egg
Crushing an egg in your hand is pretty tough thing to do, actually. Its shape spectacularly distributes outside pressure.
>>One of your bloodriders snorted
So edgy it puts a mountain of freshly-broken glass to shame.
Now I'm imagining the mane 6 as faction leaders
> Provost Sparkle
> Sister Applejack
> Colonel Dash
> Lady Fluttershy
> Commissioner Rarity
> CEO Pinkie Pie
> Chairmare Starlight Glimmer
Admittedly, Pinkie Pie doesn't really fit, but Flim and Flam would be out of place in a different way.
Lol what kind of weak faggot can't easily break an egg in their hand?
>Of course we'll bundle our PonkaNet software with the new network nodes, silly! Our customers expect no less of us. We have never sought to become a monopoly. Our parties are simply so good that no one feels the need to compete with us. --Where do you want your Cake today?
We'll he IS a khornathe norsican from the sea of blades, he's by definition the edgiest one can be in WHFB.
Hey now; Khorne hates magic and magic users. Why would he gift a magic casting steed to a champion. It would make more sense if she was a gift from Tzeench, or stolen from a Tzeenchian warlord.
Tzeench impersonated Khorne to gift the horse as part of his plan.
and now the night in burgerland begins. will the thread survive, or starve?

LaP must now post a story about a Homely Nurglite being politely turned down by mares.
is there more to this or not?
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there is never enough green of bronze-age anon
It's only if you're squeezing it vertically, faggot.
Jesus Christ you are one weak motherfucker. I've seen a starving person break a egg in his hand, yet you can't? Like, holy shit man come on.
>tfw your autism leaves you like this irl
Actually the curvature of the egg distributes weight on it's vertical points very well, this is why people are able to walk on eggshells. It's actually not that hard. In history people used curves like that to jetty houses too so a second much larger than the first floor would actually be more stable than if it was a straight horizontal shoot up.
Man, this general has really slowed down the past few days. Is it some sort of holiday or something that I don't know about?
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Anon... the hiatus is over. New horse episodes.
Angry Flutters needs a hug.
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This is what happens when there aren't enough stallions to go around to temper mares.
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>mares constantly angry and irritable or flat out depressed from lack of stallion attention
would you

would you break the curse
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>There is an immense fear of dying alone among mares, as such a thing happens with alarming frequency.
>A rare few end up in small herds were they're treated well.
>Many end up in larger herds were the unlucky ones are largely pushed to the side for favorite mares.
>But since they're the stronger gender, they keep it to themselves. It results in frazzled emotions and lapses in thought.

>Get a waifu and remain mono
>With the looming and emotionally taxing pain of being alone gone, she can think straight.
>All the genuine and loving one-on-one attention lets her focus on other things. Like the newfound common sense the peace of mind gives her.
>Like blinders being taken off, your waifu takes a step back and sees all the absurd actions and leaps of thought that go on around her, all done by other ponies. It shocks her that she didn't see it before.
>Only the other extremely rare mono mares like Mrs Cake and Cadence see it too.
>Love really is a life changer...
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I vote for Fluttershy being in the mono relationship.

After a months long secret courtship where she planned out every "sudden meeting" and took out reservations in his favorite restaurants and she just so happened to be "tragically stood up" by a friend or date.
>Ponies only gain common sense when they feel loved and secure

This explains *so fucking much*.
>Waifu Rainbow
>Twilight is shocked and more than a little upset that Rainbow of all ponies is suddenly better than her at logic puzzles.
>>Ponies only gain common sense when they feel loved and secure
>This explains *so fucking much*.

Doesn't this apply even to humans?
Along with better logic, Rainbow is also alot more calm and focused.
Also explains why cadence fucked off to a completely different kingdom the first chance she got.
Not a huge fan of mono in +3:1 ratio equestria.
It seems like ponies would have evolved for the males to generally be able to split their attention multiple different ways between their mares. Granted, excessive numbers (5-6 or more) wouldn't be able to sustain equal balance, but 3 shouldn't really be an issue for a species with it's brains wired to process emotion and attention this way.

This would also explain why stallions are so flighty (too used to jumping around from one topic/situation to the next, to the next), where as mares are heavily key'd into focusing on one thing clearly and concisely.
> Ponies calm down and think clearly when they get enough love and attention from their stallion
This is perhaps the saddest thing. Imagine a mare who loses her stallion in some way. She can feel herself start to slip as the loneliness builds up again. Eventually she becomes as irritable and irrational as every other mare, but she still remembers a better time, when she could be better than she is now.

This would also affect how herds form. Say one mare manages to snag the attention of a stallion. Once she can think more clearly, she wants to save her friends from their own mistakes, and persuades her stallion to bring them in and give them some of his love.
In this scenario, the mane six are just shy of too large a friend group for a a stallion to handle.
this makes the "Anons immigrate to Equestria" more meaningful

imagine how far ponies will go with their entire population focused into a razor's edge and earth's scientific marvels

the thought alone makes me giddy


>peppering your waifu with kisses and attention is akin to sharpening a blade and tempering steel
>your waifu becomes THE ULTIMATE POWER
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Makes changelings even more horrifying if you think about it.
Would also explain why their victim doesnt notice any discrepancies in the act, they're slowly becoming more irrational as they get love drained.
that would explain why bughoers was so cunning, and how she could fool so many ponies at once. after she got rid of meddling cadance and mind-controlled shining, the only pony in the whole operation with any clear thinking (i.e. love) was herself.

Bellies will be rubbed, in public or not.

Who subs for Svengard, Aki Zeta Five, Chi Dawn, Dormai, Judaa Maar and Lular H'minee

I like this. It gives ponies a more alien feel, instead of them being merely quadrupedal humans.
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>Twilight feels pushed away by Shining before the wedding
>sees that Cadence is acting strange
>the loss of love from her angry brother starts to affect her
>acts irrational when trying to explain to her friends due to not feeling as loved as she was before.
>by the time she is captured she loses the love of everyone she cares for
>doesn't question why Cadence would capture her and put her in a cave with herself but somehow starved, scuffed, and dirty
>attacks on sight
>as soon as Cadence proves that she is herself and still loves Twilight she becomes rational immediately
>Chrysalis' success and threat level make sense
>the episode makes sense
>Lesson Zero makes sense
>Nightmare Moon makes sense
>Discord makes sense
>Celestia makes sense
>tfw a random fan theory ties together the worst parts of the show's canon.
Never played the expansion, so I don't really have a grasp of those factions or their leaders.
>MFW love is as big as friendship as a physical manifestation in pone biology
>MFW every illogical event in the show can be explained by a lack of friendship and love

and we're just finding this out now
This is the part of the story where government agents come to disappear your inquisitive ass for knowing too much
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someone fucking screencap this holy fuck
>A new villain tries to introduce the internet, including /r9k/ so that ponies will become so depressed they won't be able to stop him.
I always assumed that ponies tinies braines thanks to their big-asss eyes required magic to run fast enough to be able to work at the same level of a human. And magic and friend ship are a kind of magic (or something)
Which is why Twilight is the smartest pony and Celestia is all about them keikakus.
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The jig is up. Welcome to the World of Darkness Anons.
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>The maretriarchy exists.
>Cadence was behind it all along.

>Villain Anon in RGRE
>figures out ponies literally need love and friendship to function properly
>introduces the internet to Equestria, including the pony version of 4chan
>the shitposting and bile affects everyone who uses the site, with only the ponies who don't have computers remaining unaffected
>depression skyrockets across the country
>Anon's robot army easily conquers most of Equestria in their depressed state
>Anon's /robot/ army easily conquers Equestria in their depressed state
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Explains why the changelings were so cunning and able to get so far. They literally feed off of everyone's love, therefore they might as well be sapping away their intelligence and rationality.
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Would you have a brainy lovebug as your alphamare?
>It makes sense
How do you people keep coming up with this?
Same shit, sis
I was asked this by head of hr shortly after I was hired at my current workplace. I fucking panicked.
Moonie's struggle never ends.
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would you help your waifu put her panties on
I want more cousin Cadence
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Call Hasbro, we cracked the code
As do I, based Anon. As do I.
>Be Nameless
>Whisperer of the dark ones
>Raiser of the dead
>Master of all things magic
>The greatest of all necromancers
>After nearly a century of study and work, you were nearly about to do it
>With part from every creature from the old world, and some dark magics never before seen on this world or any other, you were about to create the perfect undead
>One that could not be destroyed, or banished
>An unstoppable monster with claws of steel and the strength of a hundred men
>It's teeth would tear through the flesh of orks, men, and dwarves alike
>It would also have an animalistic intelligence that would be invaluable on any battlefield
>And, most important, it would be completely loyal to you
>It'd be stronger than a hellbat, faster than any vampire, more vicious than any skinchanger or follower of the blood god
>Your creation, if it worked how you expected it to, would just be the beginning
>You'd create an army of these monsters
>Tens of thousands
>So many that no one, no pitiful vampire lord, or weakling human king would be able to stop you
>All you needed was one final ingredient
>A sliver of heart from a great frost dragon
>This was by and far the most difficult part of your masterpiece to acquire
>Dragons were a sturdy, old, and very powerful breed
>Time and time again you raised entire armies of undead to send at the creatures, only for your forces to be utterly and completely destroyed
>But you were persistent
>Persistent and with a tactical genius expected of a man of your stature
>After much searching, you found a very old drake in the northern waste
>The beast was slumbering, as it most likely had for the last few hundred years
>It didn't even realized what was happening until your skeleton knights and ghouls were tearing into its hide
>Just like every over battle that you had had with these creatures, it had been a truly fearsome one
>Fifteen thousand of your minions had fallen in battle
>But you had done it
>Landing the final blow yourself--a very fine blow if you did say so yourself-- the beast had crashing into a mountain range, dead
>It had only been a matter of cutting into its belly and pulling out it's giant heart
>A heart that would be a fuel for a hundred thousand of your creations!
>Rubbing your hands together gleefully, you strode through the halls of your dark stronghold
>You had left the dragon heart in your courtyard, guarded by a platoon of skeleton knights
>Floating next to you, held aloft in your mighty aura, was a single sliver of the heart
>At that very moment, you were making your way toward your laboratory, intent one finishing your creature as soon as possible so that you could test it out
>There was a small human settlement not too far away
>That would be the perfect place to see how your creation did, as well as give you much needed building materials
>For the first time since you had begun walking down this dark path of horror and death, you found yourself smiling as you grabbed the door to your laboratory and twisted it open
>First a human settlement, then you'd begin attacking those blasted Von Carstein strongholds
>After that, well, you'd have to--
>You froze as you looked at your creation
>...Or what was left of your creation
>"Hmmm? Oh, Nameless, darling, I didn't expect you see you back at the castle so soon!"
>Eye twitching, you slowly looked over toward the only living creature in this stronghold, Lady Rarity
>Or so she insisted that she be called
>The talking unicorn, who looked particularly proud of herself, trotted over to you with a smile on her face
>"Goodness me do you look ravishing this afternoon," she said, fluttering her eyelashes at you. "Riding really does wonders for your complexion, darling."
>A dozen things flashed through your mind, nearly all of them were violent
>Actually, ALL of them were violent
>In fact, if the unicorn in front of you wasn't your primary source for gathering warp stone, you'd have blasted her to pieces and used her soul as a jump rope
"...Rarity, what in the name of the dark gods did you do to my creation?"
>Rarity's smile grew a bit more
>"While you were away I was giving a bit of artist's block for my next line of creations, so I decided to take a walk around your lovely abode," the mare said, pressing a hoof against her temple. "I didn't know WHAT I was going to do, but then I saw this creature of yours and--"
>The mare clapped her hooves together, looking positively giddy
>"--the INSPIRATION just came flooding back!"
>You covered your mouth with your hand
"...Why it is pink now?"
"Because this is a stallions creature, dear, and you should know just as well as I that pink is the stallion's color."
"And what happened to the claws?"
>"I didn't want you to hurt yourself with them so I took out both them and any sharp teeth."
>You opened your mouth to say something, only to cover your mouth with both hands
>A fire spell came to mind, one that would rip the unicorn apart both body and soul
>You then thought of a spell that would twist her soul in the most painful ways imaginable, so that she'd spend the rest of eternity in absolute agony
>Finally, you were able to find yourself
"I... I have been working on this for three hundred years. Your line wasn't even alive when I began collecting the parts for this beast," you said, oddly calm.
>Rarity's smile didn't waver
>"And now you can show this off to your stallion friends and they'll be green with envy, dear," she said, giving your leg a nuzzle. "No need to thank me. I was happy to help."
>Your eye twitched again
>Fucking ponies...
I am sure a whole unicorn skull can be used for something suitably Necromatic
it is your green that reminds me that there are both pros and cons to an RGRE world
I love it
>Kth order statistical algorithms

Stop using aspects of my life.

And then Rarity gets murdered.
Leave it to RGRE to shit solid platinum and gem incrusted gold.
Calmly and violently rip her horn off, then get your equipment to put it back together. The first one can be pink, we can play it off by saying a pony did it. People would understand.
This is sounding more and more like at the ends of these shorts the ponies are murdered in horribly grisly ways for their immense stupidity.
No jury in the world would convict you, Nameless. Do it, kill her for your creation.
Just change it back and reattach the pointy bits.
WarlockAnon knew what he was getting into when he decided to use the most fabulous unicorn to find warp stone.
Price of doing business
Depends on how the creature was modified to be "stallion-friendly.' If they were just removed, maybe, though that could also depend on how much work it takes to attach the bits.
If she shaved them down to be rounded and safe? Burn her!
Wasn't there a story where everyone thought big Mac was a guy but was actually a girl? Is there anymore stories like this? Will anyone write anymore?
>TFW babby's first screen capped posts

i made history!
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>all my posts are cut out of it
Love and Powerlifting is a pretty cool dude

> AJ acts normal because she has a loving family (loses it when her brother leaves when a big harvest comes and works herself ragged)
> Fluttershy has her animal friends to get love from (Panic mode when angle runs away)
> Rarity only has her sister (hence why she is prone to the dramatics)
> Twilight only has Spike (Spargle)

> Dash has no one (Hence why she does so much foolish things)
> Pokna is the same she may live with the cakes but shes still alone (Thats why shes off her rocker)
Pinke has no one to love her till a sexy green monkey came along.
would your waifu let you rub her pregnant belly?
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Well... yeah. Why wouldn't she?
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>AJ spergs out when her brother leaves or her sister is peeved at her
>Flutters spergs out when animals deny her love
>Rarity spergs out when Sweetie distances herself or the fashion world ignores her
>Twilight spergs when Celestia, Spike, or the M6 ignore her
>Dash spergs out when she loses her fans or her tortoise has to hibernate
>Pinks spergs out when her friends leave her out of something
Could you do it Anons? Are you a bad enough dude to be the loving rock that your mares need you to be?
>An aspiring Champion of Slaanesh indulging in one of the Dark Prince's greatest and forbidden pleasures. Reverse Corruption.
>From ritualistic debauchery to intercourse in the missionary position for the sole purpose of procreation.
>From an unquenchable machine of sex and sin to a proper pillar of a family
>you will never reach the maximal apex of degeneracy at which point sex in the missionary position for the sole purpose of procreation becomes your fetish.
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>Mane6 almost break the record for that one room escape game before they got carried away.
>Even with a two minute song they just barely missed the mark.
We've stumbled onto something big here.
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Love is VERY important for the health and development of mares, Anon.
I'm hard enough to be that rock
>anon is herded with the mane 6
>after a while the girl decide they need to go on this retreat again
>they pick the hardest one ever
>best record was 8 hours
>they finish in 3 minutes
>they couldve finished it earlier but they had to convince pinkie pie that they shouldnt break into song again
>all those abominations against nature
purge time soon
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Equestria really would be the perfect world to raise many, many children.
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I want to set out and start a homestead. Build a small town composed of nothing but me, my wives, and my many kids.
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I'd enjoy a farmstead next to a stream with hundreds of acres of farmland with my waifu and our six to twelve children.
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>you're standing on two legs, so you must be Anon Y. Mous
>normally you would spend the day spearing fish from the river and eating it in your nice warm tent in the everfree or just relaxing under the canopies of trees
>instead you were stuck waiting in the town square waiting on twihard spergle after she saw your handmade housing and deemed it to rugged for a "soft-hearted colt" like yourself.
>she was never happy letting a "poor stallion down on his luck" live in the everfree but she eventually relented after you just kept going back.
>it wasn't even that dangerous, most of the dangerous wildlife avoided you like a plague after you started using timberwolf corpses as firewood and the smaller animals you ate anyways
>but while she did eventually stop following you into the woods, she insisted that you needed protection from the woodland creatures
>she eventually just said to wait in the town hall for her.
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>be White Knight, most chivalrous and humble of the 734th royal guard recruit regiment
>you were hoof-picked by the princess of friendship to guard the alien stallion who lived in the everfree
>why a stallion would want to live in the everfree you can't fathom, but if that is where your charge resides, than with celestia as your witness you will defend his honor with every ounce of your being
>you were getting close to the town center, escorting Princess Twilight there to meet your new charge

>you've been sitting on your ass for about two hours, so you're probably Anon
>you just saw purplesmart waltz in with some silver-armored white earth mare
>she didn't
>locking eye's with you the white pony spoke first
"Greetings Lord Anon, I am humbled by your radiance"
>"Twilight... what the fuck did you do"
smug look plastered on her face she replied "Well, since I can't devout all my time to keeping an eye on your coltish whimsy..."
>"You watch me?"
"i decided to ask if any guardspony could be spared to watch over my favorite human"
>your sigh is the only thing that permeates the building before silence falls over the room, Twilights smug smile slowly faltering
>"You understand that i live away from ponies to avoid you peoples coddling, i don't need a personal nanny nagging me all day in the forest"
"If I may Mi'Lord" the white one spoke up, "i am your guard if you require my silence i will happily fulfill my duty and do what is required of me"
>"I don't get a choice in this do I"
"Nope", Twiggles reply was exactly what you expected of her.
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>"Greetings Lord Anon, I am humbled by your radiance"
how adorable
I really fucking tired and my writing is shit anyway so add in lack of slepp and you got a recipe for "meh". Spent at least ten minutes rewriting whole lines because I misspelled one word. But shit green is better than no green.
That picture actually has the ideal size for adult pones, I think.
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don't lurk satyr thread, but now am curious
why is this one called mistake?
aren't they all mistakes?
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All the changeling satyrs named themselves, it's based on an old story and needs context.

What essentially happened was Chrysalis got dicked and ditched, then left all the resulting children with the human she literally screwed. There were a lot of them, like, a fucking lot, and he wasn't too into it so he just let them grab a dictionary and name themselves.
Of course, but naming all of your kids that would get confusing to remember.
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Pic related.
If I recall correctly, Anon was raped.
I forget Anon's character in that ye olde story, but nowadays that specific Anon, when he actually appears, seems to be devoted but eternally tired and not able to spend a lot of time with any specific one of them because literally 100 kids.
Probably why he lets Mistake stay with Yuzu so much. It's safe, and gives him that much more breathing room.
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No, I don't recall Anon being raped. I recall him being seduced by a beautiful "woman" then having a one night stand.

Then several months later or so there's a shitload of changeling hybrids at the door.
Take your sales pitch for your dead thread somewhere else.
> Its actually celestia in a night costume
> She wants that monkey d
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Damn that's clever
Based dub-dubs anon says it like it is.
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because ketchup
It always amuses me when someone cannot even believe that perhaps there actually ARE two or more people who agree on something.

But hey, there may one day be a cure for autism, so keep your hopes up and you may end up being normal one day. Too bad about the retardation though. There's no way in hell humanity's gonna cure that particular ailment of yours any time soon.
I like the premise. What you posted wasn't bad. I hope you decide to continue.
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I want to impregnate this pony
There was Just'a Good Ol' Girls by Frostybox but that got reee'd into oblivion.
Your image hurts me for how comfy it is.
It's too late, I can only see the gts version.
bigpon is best pon

I would mind a herd of hard working old mares.
>Waiting for the girls to come home from a day of hard work at their respective places.
>First one to arrive is Harshwhinny, with a saddle filled with papers.
>Always take the couch and spreads her being on it.
>Taking her coat and saddle off of her is the last thing she always do.
>Not much problem, you use this to test the water and snake some kisses, pets and scratches.
>Next is Photo Finish and Prim Hemline who came yelling at each other.
>One defending her camera with her life and the other trying as she only can, to take away that thing.
>The put their equipment on each side of the house.
>You can hear the grunting of their workers as they put more of their work tools inside the house.
>To your mares, something cold, like a beer and soft music.
>The crew will finish to acomodate their tools in half an hour and go home.
>You have some snacks and drinks for them.
>The next to arrive is Stormy Flare, carring what looks like a new coat for her.
>That diet that she has been on is good for her.
>That and the D.
>You can't forget the D.
>Arriving with magic and the smell of ozone, is Twilight Velvet.
>As low on battery as the rest, she lets herself go over Hash.
>Who is too tired to discuss or put Velvet on her place.
>The family is complete.

>You were courted by older mares.
>Mares that were alone, despite their status, money and fame.
>And when they found you, they got to know once again what it feels to have someone to live for and with once again.
>Someone who will help them and be their rock on uncertain times.
>Someone who will be there when the day ends and they arrive home.
>And that will be there for as long as they want, in the good and bad times.

>Sometime past and they get a little nervious when they think Anon is getting distant.
>They fear that they will back to square one, alone and sad.
Fuck off to your containment thread you mutant loving freaks.

>Velvet formulates a plan, so stupid it might work.
>Behind Anon's back, with their wealth combined, they buy potions to revert their aging and be 20 years younger.
>With their bank accounts empty and in peril of being broke, they obtain everything and wait for the right time.
>Anon will never know what hit him.

>Anon feels that the girls are getting sadder and unstable arround him.
>Insecure with themselves.
>Losing fluffyness on their turf.
>White feathers.
>Not being able to use more magic,
>The feel old.
>But Anon has a solution
>An stupid one, but will work.
>Spring is here and with that, heat is coming.
>And soon, he will.
>Trains his D to max effect on them.
>Wax On, Wax OFF, move like a butterfly, stings like a bee and shots like a firehose.
>They will be full like turkey.
>Anon tries several times to abandon his guard or get her to quit
>Runs into the centre of the Everfree where the worst beasts live, hydras, dragons, etc. etc.
>It never works
>Even after running himself ragged for the entire day he still always opens his door to see the guardmare sitting on the other side waiting for him
>Eventually gives up trying to get rid of her
>Order her to only speak when spoken to and only do something when ordered to after she attempts to coddle him
>Does many things that could put a soft colt like him in deep danger
>Guard mare has to sit in silence, screaming internally as her charge puts himself in harms way every other minute
Write more
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>Trains his D to max effect on them.
>Wax On, Wax OFF, move like a butterfly, stings like a bee and shots like a firehose.
>They will be full like turkey.
<Wax on, wax off
>Anon tries this after it is suggested to him by a large mostly-white pony at the gentlemares club
>Accidentally waxes too much off
>Ends up in horsepital with a detached donger
>Waifu horses feel awful about this
>Clearly it was them who drove him to such extremes
>If only they hadn't pushed him for so much sex
>If only they had shown even the self-restraint of a celestiadamned hormonal teenfilly in heat their husbando would not be in critical condition.
>They vow then and there to make sure this never happens again
>They will make sure to never have sex with him more than the HSDA-reccomended 5 minutes once per week maximum.
>No matter how much he tries to be generous and push himself.
>No matter how much he tries to make them feel better by telling them he wants it.
>They will keep their husbando safe.
Shukaku also wrote something along those lines.
I recall it being that for whatever reason, firstborns in the apple family were always male, perhaps due to a magic blessging, until Mac broke that cycle.
So they pretend she's a guy.

It is best headcanon
Chewy bacon with a slight crisp would change your mind. I don't understand why some people just fry the fucking hell out of the strips until they go brittle.
I like it when its crunchy.
>Anon just outright ignores the mare and does his daily routine.
>Any attempt at interference has him either ignoring her efforts or calmly pushing her out the way.
>Twilight, who thought this might get him to consider settling down somehow, screams internally.
>Guard pone feels lonely as Anon won't even acknowledge her, outside of ensuring she has food, water, and somewhere to snooze.
I would read story about a rgre guard mare having to deal with a reluctant anon who lives in the everfree.

It's fresh enough to make for good green imho.
>Guard Pone is sad
>even for tough as marshmallow guards pone anon cant stand ponies being sad
>offers to to little guard pone
>"i wont let you stop me but you CAN help me"
what was it called?
Stay out of this.
It's personal to the crusaders.
Deus Vult
well if they won't let him have sex with them, then there's only one answer
>rape in the missionary position for the sole purpose of procreation
>Anon stumbles out of a bar
"Knight, walk me home, it wouldn't be safe otherwise."
>Anon goes to the gym
"Knight, spot me for this lift, it wouldn't be safe otherwise."
>Anon goes to the pool
"Knight, apply liberal amounts of sunscreen to my body, it wouldn't be safe otherwise."
"Knight, guide my inflatable pool raft around, it wouldn't be safe otherwise."
>Anon accepts an unintentional challenge
"Knight, hold my beer, it wouldn't be safe otherwise."
>Anon gets hit on by a married mare
"Knight, give me a quickie, it wouldn't be safe otherwise."
>Anon falls in love
>"Knight, please accept my hand in marriage, my heart wouldn't be safe otherwise."
>"Hold my beer"
I imagine that phrase would trigger the poor mares PTSD a few years down the line.
So, I guess that leads to the list of things Anon's no longer allowed to do?
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I know that feel
Is she floating?
Satyrs are way shorter than that, especially Dawn.
She's probably just standing further back.

But she's also a silly filly, so floating is a possibility.
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>you will never have an easygoing life with your waifu
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This picture makes me a feel a deep sadness for some reason.
Stop posting.

Speaking of hybrids, i am afraid that satyrs are not the worst cause scenario, would you kill your own child if it was an anthro?
Also it could be fascinating to observe how such hybrid would develop on a biological level.
Witch path of sexual dimorphism hybrid will take?
>Announcing a report
>Reporting what you don't like
I don't like Satyrs too but that's just retarded.
There's no good reason to expel satyrs from RGRE, as long as they are actually RGRE, and it doesn't wallow in fetish shit.

Same goes for batpones and all kinds of things.

If you don't like a specific subject, filter it or just keep scrolling. Don't be a REEEEE-ing retard screeching "I DON'T LIKE THING!" all the time about everything.

Yes, yes, I know exactly where I am, and this is mostly wishful thinking on my part, but I can hope.
No you cant, now take your shit thread out to the graveyard where it belongs and don't come back.
Yes. Mutants will be put down.
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The big question would be, would you raise your girls like girls and your boys like boys? Or would you go with the wonky Equestrian gender stereotypes?

I imagine a human's offspring would naturally gravitate towards our gender roles.
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I wouldn't. I figure the nature of genetic rng could mean anything from nearly human with some mother features, to nearly pony with some human traits, along with satyrs, centaurs or anthro sorts of deals.
Carnifax did a chimera-human anthro offspring that was kinda cute, and one with r63 Spike that was alright. So I'm not hostile to the idea.
Just remember, you're a family of weirdos, and weirdos gotta stick together.

Probably usually human. But there's SOME exception.
For example, Feather Heart probably looks like a normal girl as a kid, but as an adult would become pretty muscular and androgynous as an adult, since buffalo have very little dimorphism aside from raw size.
>You will never annoy proud buffalo cows by mistaking them for bead weaving bulls.

I'd raise my boys like men, and let my girls be tomboys.
If a boy acted like a normal male in rgr, I'd try to gently correct that behavior,l but wouldn't force it.
Admittedly though, I'd be very permissive of girls who ended up acting feminine by human standards.
I don't even read the satyr threads, I just don't sperg out about them when they show up here.
I'm wondering how long it'll take for you to realize you're being ignored.
Not shit satyrfag, you not complaining about satyr's shitposting? What a odd concept.
About as long as it will take for the mods to do their job, so its gonna be a bit.
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I'd have my boys grow up to be men and continue the human tradition of, sometimes literally, sweeping lonely mares off their hooves.
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I don't have nothing against you guys but
>I'd raise my boys like men, and let my girls be tomboys.
>If a boy acted like a normal male in rgr, I'd try to gently correct that behavior,l but wouldn't force it.
If you are visiting another thread you need to adapt to the rules of that thread.
Why would your content be accepted if it isn't rgre?

>I don't even read the satyr thread
>being okay with watching your boys turn into prancing lala homos
Because what >>30728139 said.
The boys are standouts from their girly peers. With big herds, giving you many grandkids.
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Hey man, sucking cocks is about as manly a thing that you can do.
A few people from the Satyr general are complete autists. I mean, A few of them love anthro pigs and headcanons where Anon fucks all kinds of monsters in Equestria and then raises the female offsprings from said monsters so he can fuck and impregnate them too.
I personally think that a male rgre doesn't mean that he needs to be a screeching faggot or talk like an average Stacey from the 70 or the female rgre doesn't mean to be extremely sexist.
That's why it's hard to find good greens with correct characterization.
I kind of like centaurs better, because those are rooted in actual mythology.
Shhh, don't spoonfeed the newfag, he needs to understand these satyr posters are cancer on his own. Not everyone can be here to tell them to fuck off, again. This would be the 7th time right? You'd think these fuckers would get the hint the first time they got banned for shitposting.
When this thread was """"raided"""" by batfags and satyrfags I checked those threads to at least know what's the main topic of their threads. Surprisedly I read a shit ton of incest in the last one, I'm talking about an Anon who fucked a rabbit (I think) and then he had like 30 daughters and then he fuck them too, I can't remember a lot of that story.
It was quite the experience.
So are satyrs, but they're goat/human hybrids rather than horse/human.
The girls are strong, so you need to raise your boys to be stronger.
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>He gets banned and deleted himself

Those are some horrible abs.
That's still a thing. It has now turned into an inbred bunny empire.
“So… How have the two of you been?”
>Almost a week after the incident in the hospital, you found yourself sitting at a table of one of the fancier restaurants in Ponyville. That honestly wasn’t saying that much, since this itty-bitty town had no more than five restaurants—two of them being pizza joints that, for some reason, were right next to each other—but even the place was nice enough that you had felt obligated to wear a dress shirt. On the other side of the table were your two favorite medical professionals, Coldheart and Redheart.
>Redheart, who had been the one to ask you out to this lunch—not able to look you in the face and shimmering and blushing the whole while—had also decided to dress for the occasion. The earth pony was wearing a simple but well-fitting blue dress. Her mane looked like it had just been styled and cut this morning, and her coat had been brushed so thoroughly that it seemed to shine in the sunlight. Coldheart, on the other hand, had elected a more casual look. The mare’s mane was messy and slightly wild. Her coat stood up at places—though it looked like she had taken the time to carefully comb the fur on her chest so that he puffed out—her eyes also seemed slightly blood-shot, leading you to believe that the mare had been asleep not ten minutes before coming to the restaurant.
>However neat or unkempt either mare looked didn’t particularly matter, however. You were happy to see both of them all the same and, from the looks of their faces, they seemed very happy to see you.
>“I’ve been doing pretty good, big guy,” Coldheart said, taking a long slurp of her iced tea as she reached over and grabbed a little slice of bread that the waiter had sat for you all while you waited for your food. “A lot of work, some laying around, even more work.”
>Females outnumber males significantly.
>Males tend to either be innately in charge or just sit in the lap of luxury
>Females do most of the work.
Bunpire is extremely RGRE
>Buttering her bread, the earth pony gave you a wink. “I’ve also been doing a [i]whole[/i] lot of jilling since I got a taste of that hog between your legs,” she said, licking her lips. “I can’t stop picturing it while—OW!”
>“Shut. Up,” a red-faced Redheart growled. “We’re in [i]public[/i] for Celestia’s sake.”
>Coldheart stuck her tongue out at the doctor as she rubbed her side. “You can’t tell me what to do while I’m a civilian, Red,” she said. “If I want to get on top of this table and tell everypony in here what I did to this stallion then I’m allowed to.”
>“That's right, but I can also beat the fur off your body if you make a scene while we’re having lunch,” Redheart said with a frown as she took a sip of her water. “Or I could make [i]you[/i] pay for everything.”
>Coldheart flinched. “Alright, alright, I’ll be good, I’ll be good” she said, sitting straight in her chair. “There’s no need to bring out the big guns like that, Red.”
>She took a bite out of her bread, looking over to you. A small grin came to her face as you felt something brush against your leg. If you had to take a guess, you’d say that it was a tail.
You took a sip of your water, trying your very hardest not to laugh. “What about you, Redheart? How have you been doing?”
>“I’ve been doing very well, thank you for asking,” Redheart replied. “It’s been a very long week, but I’m positive that this will make it all worth it.”
>“You should have seen Red for the last couple of days, Anon,” Coldheart said, her grin widening as she leaned out of the way to avoid an elbow from the doctor. “She was practically skipping up and down the halls. I’m also pretty sure that a smile never left her face.”
>“S-So what? Can’t I be excited to go on a date?” Redheart said, looking down at the table. “It’s been bucking years since I’ve managed to talk a stallion into coming to dinner.”
I am horrified but intrigued do you have the Pastebin?
>“Hey, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t be excited, Red,” Coldheart said, wrapping her hoof around the doctor’s shoulders. “You should be super jazzed that this cutie wanted to go out with the two of us. I know I’m really amped up to see where this night takes us.”
>Coldheart gave you a wink. That tail once again brushed against your leg as the earth pony took another bite out of her bread. Redheart grumbled to herself, refusing to look at anyone at the table. You, seeing this, leaned over and placed a hand on her hoof.
“I was actually pretty happy to see you turn up at my front door, Redheart,” you said. “I didn’t really know if you two were really all that interested in me.”
>Both mare’s eyes snapped up toward him. Redheart’s mouth opened slightly in an expression of absolute bewilderment. Coldheart just chuckled.
>“Sweetie, if you don’t think they two of us were interested after what you let us pull the other day you must be loco in the coco,” she said. “And even ignoring [i]that[/i], it’s not often that you find a cute single stallion running around town.”
The smile on your face grew just a hair. “Really?”
>“O-Of course!” Redheart said, shaking her head rapidly. “Any mare would be out of their minds not to at least ask. Somepony that produces the amount of sperm in one session that you do is an ideal stallion for any herd.”
>A few seconds passed as the doctor’s words sunk in with everyone at the table. Redheart was the first one to realize what she had said, the mare’s eyes widening to the size of dinner plates.
>“I-I mean, I know there’s quite a bit more one n-needs to look for in a stallion, a-and I’m absolutely positive t-that you have every single t-trait, but I just meant t-that—”
>Coldheart looked over at the doctor, obviously trying very hard not to laugh. “How you never managed to find a nice herd really is a mystery.”
>“I don’t see [i]you[/i] running around with a bunch of stallions, missy,” Redheart said with a huff.
>“That’s because there aren’t any stallions around here, or at least there weren’t,” Coldheart replied, helping herself to another slice of bread. “So we’ll need to win this big guy over before some other mare pounces on him.”
>You chuckled at the mare’s bravado, reaching over and giving Redheart’s hoof a squeeze. Redheart gave you a small smile, squeezing your hand right back.
“So the two of you are going to try and win me over then, huh?” you asked.
>“Of course,” Coldheart said, leaning back into her chair as Redheart, who was staring at her in disapproval, took a sip of her drink. “No, actually, the plan was to get you to come home to Red’s house so we could buck your brains out.”
>Redheart’s cheeks ballooned and a spurt of water shot out of her mouth and hit the table. You fully expected to get a mouthful of water to the face but the earth pony somehow managed to swallow.
>“I know we weren’t the only ones that enjoyed that little ‘examination’,” Coldheart said, leaning toward you with bedroom eyes. “I’d bet you this week’s paycheck that you wouldn’t mind doing something like that, eh big guy? Or maybe something a little more… physical?”
>She wiggled in her chair, licking her lips. Redheart gave her a hard slap on the back of her head but she barely seemed to notice it.
>“If you think our mouths were nice, you should see what other parts of us can do. Did you know that earth ponies are the tightest out of any other races?”
>Redheart slapped the back of the nurse’s head once again. A blush was working its way down the earth pony’s neck. She was also biting her lip hard as her eyes darted back and forth, checking to see if anyone was eavesdropping on your conversation.
You gave her hoof another squeeze, leaning across the table toward Coldheart. “Really? I don’t think I’ve ever heard that before.”
>“Yep, it’s completely true,” Coldheart said with a nod. “It was one of the first things they taught us in medical school. Earth ponies are the tightest, have the best flanks, and are the most fertile. We’re also the most thoughtful lovers and we’re known for making some out of this world sweets. I’m pretty sure we’re also the cutest and the best cuddlers but don’t quote me on that.”
>She nudged Redheart in the ribs. “If you don’t believe me just ask Red. She probably took the exact same class as I did.
>Redheart sputtered. “Don’t you drag me into your nonsense! Especially your racial horse apples.”
>“Hey, it’s not racist if it’s all true,” Coldheart said, stuffing her slice of bread into her mouth and noisily chewing. “Don’t listen to her, Anon. She knows I’m right, and she also knows that the two best earth ponies in town are sitting right in front of you.”
Your smile grew so wide that you wouldn’t be surprised if it was hanging off of your face. “Lucky me, huh?”
>“That’s right!” Coldheart said a little loudly, slapping a hoof against the table. “We’re two of the cutest, most marely mares in this town. Red over there might not look like it but she [i]easily[/i] has one of the nicest flanks this side of Manehattan—”
>Redheart, somehow, blushed a little bit harder.
>“—and I don’t mean to brag, but my flank isn’t too shabby wither. Red’s a doctor and I’m a nurse, too, so you know we’ll be able to make sure that you’re healthy and happy. We’re also [i]pretty[/i] loaded, so you won’t have to worry about getting a job or anything.”
>“I-I also have a very nice house,” Redheart quietly added, looking down at the table.
>“She does,” Coldheart said, reaching over and dragging your free hand. “It’s a big old thing too. The perfect place to have a bunch of foals. Did I also mention that we earth ponies are good at making those? Because if you’re looking to start a big family we’re pretty much built for that kind of thing. I also like sucking cock and talking about feelings and all of that mushy stuff if you wanted to know.”
>You couldn’t hold it back any longer. Throwing back your head, you started laughing hard. You were laughing so hard that you had to let go of both mare’s hooves so you could hug your stomach.
>Coldheart’s once confident expression shattered into a million pieces. Anxiousness replaced it. Anxious, concern, and even a bit of horror. Redheart didn’t look much better, the mare doing her best to make herself as small as possible while she tried her hardest not to cry.
>For a good minute and a half, you struggled to contain your laughter, and failed miserably. However, once the waves of jovialness died down and you were able to catch your breath, you were able to speak.
“You know, I don’t think I’ve ever had anyone hit on me like that before,” you said, wiping a tear from your eye. “It’s actually kind of… nice.”
>Both mares held their breath, looking nervously at each other before looking back at you.
>“R-Really?” Coldheart said, desperately trying to regain her mask of confidence. “I mean, of [i]course[/i] you’d never get hit on like that! When you have the best, the rest aren’t even worth thinking about!”
You had to resist the urge to start laughing again. “I’m lucky I’ve finally gotten to see the best then, huh?” you said.
>“Maybe the luckiest stallion alive,” Coldheart said as your waiter came over with your orders.
You couldn’t help but chuckle as you unfolded a napkin and sat it into your lap. “You know, I’d think that I’d like to go and see what your house looks like, Redheart,” you said.
>Both mares perked up.
>“Really?” Redheart said, her voice barely above a whisper.
>You said nothing, just giving the doctor a wink.
>“Yes,” Coldheart said, pumping a hoof. “Momma’s gettin’ some!”


>Lunch was nice, if a little rushed. You all ate as quickly as you could, wanting to get to Redheart’s house to have your fun. In fact, the waiter hadn’t even asked you how you liked your meals before you were asking for the check. You had offered to pay half and had been pointedly ignored. Coldheart had then grabbed you by the sleeve and all but dragged you out of the restaurant, a nervous yet excited Redheart following closely behind.
>As the three of you made your way through the streets of Ponyville, you noticed both earth ponies standing a little straighter. They eyed each pony that passed. If it was a stallion, all they were given was a look, but if it was a mare both the doctor and the nurse would puff up like chickens. If the mare came too close, Redheart would dart around and charge the mare for a few steps, snorting angrily and tossing her head. When the usually very confused pony would scramble away, Redheart would proudly come trotting back with her head held high, dragging her tail across your leg or lower stomach before taking her place back behind you. This extraordinarily adorable display made the walk go by quickly, and in no time at all you found yourself standing in front of a red brick house.
“Here we are, Casa Redheart,” Coldheart said, giving your sleeve a tug. “Nice, isn’t it?”
“It is,” you said with a nod. “The windows are really—”
>“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you still keep your key under the mat, Red?”
>Redheart frowned as Coldheart tried her hardest to drag you up the house’s front porch. “And how the hay do you know where I keep my key?” she asked.
>“I remember you told me where it was last time you let me sleep on your couch after I drank too much cider last year,” Coldheart replied, giving your sleeve another tug. “Now enough chitchat. We got some bucking to take care of!”
>You did your best to contain your laughter as the mare let go of your hand and reached under the welcome mat in front of the brick house’s white door. With some fiddling, she was able to unlock it and push it open.
>“Put that key back where it was,” Redheart said, stepping beside you. “I don’t want to get locked out of my house because of you.”
>The doctor looked up at you with a nervous smile. You replied with a smile of your own as you placed a hand on top of her head. She tensed at your touch, but as soon as you started running your fingers through her scalp she seemed to calm down, letting out a hum and pressing herself against your leg.
>“Come on, we can do all the foreplay we want when we’re inside!” Coldheart said, motioning the two of you to go into the house. “Let’s get a move on, we’re burning daylight. Go, go, go, go, go!”
>“Coldheart, will you bucking [i]stop[/i] for five seconds,” Redheart said with a frown, glaring at the mare. She then looked up at you, her expression softening and her smile returning. “Anon, would you l-like to come inside?”
“I’d love to,” you said, offering the mare your hand.
>She smiled, reaching up with a hoof and taking it. “C-Come on then. I’ll take y-you to the living room.”
>Coldheart darted into the house as the doctor led you through the door. As you closed said door behind you—also making sure to take your shoes off so you didn’t dirty the nice wooden floor— and took a look around, you saw that the inside of the house was cozy and comfortable, if a little outdated.
>“Sorry in advance if anything’s messy. After my shift yesterday I spent all night cleaning up but I’m sure I missed a few things,” Redheart said, leading you through what looked like a dining room.
“So, you were expecting to bring me home then?” you asked.
>Redheart paused mid-step, her head whipping around to look at you. “No! Yes! I m-mean, I was going to ask if you wanted to come over for drinks, not… [i]that[/i]!”
You laughed, giving the frazzled mare’s nose a boop. “You’re adorable.”
>Redheart blushed. “I’m not adorable,” she muttered, looking down at the floor.
>“Are you love birds coming or what?” Coldheart called from the other room. “Because if the two of you are and I’m not in on it I’m going to be [i]very[/i] upset!”
>A shiver ran down the length of Redheart’s body. She slowly lifted her head to look at you, her ears pinned against her skull as she chewed on her lip.
>“A-Are you sure you want to do this, Anon?” she asked. “I know this is really, [i]really[/i] fast, and I don’t want to think Coldheart or myself are pressuring you to do anything that you don’t want to…”
You crouched down so that you were eye level with the mare. “Is this something that [i]you[/i] want to do, Redheart?” you asked. “The whole pressure thing goes both ways you know, and if you’re not comfortable with this we can just sit down and have drinks or whatever. I could even go if you wanted—”
>“No, no! Don’t go!” Redheart said, placing a hoof on your shoulder. “I don’t want you to go! I want you to stay! With us! With m-me!”
>>30728712>The white mare lost a bit of steam, turning just a bit redder as she looked back down at the floor. She took a few deep breaths, closing her eyes. When she opened them and looked back up at you, the nervous, shy mare that had stood right before you a few seconds ago was gone.
>“Anon, I’d very much like it if you stayed for the night,” Redheart said. “And don’t think you’re pressuring me to do anything.”
>Just underneath the doctor’s stoic, resolute expression you could sense something. You saw it in the slight movements of the earth pony’s body, the way that she leaned forward toward you to take deep breaths, even in the way that her tail not too discreetly dragged against your ass. It was hunger; pure, animalistic hunger.
>“I want this. Oh Celestia above do I want this.”
You smiled, leaning over to give the mare a kiss on the nose. “Good.”
>The moment that your lips touched Redheart’s snout the confident, strong mare crumbled into a million pieces.
>“Y-Yes, good,” Redheart said. “I’m glad that you want to do this with us. With me. I-In my house.”
>You gave her another kiss on the nose. The mare blushed a little harder, but as you pulled away she darted forward and give you a peck on the cheek. You chuckled, giving her a quick kiss on the lips before standing up.“Let’s get to the living room. We don’t want to keep Coldheart chomping at the bit now, do we?”
>Redheart, who had a slightly dopey expression on her face, nodded. “Alright! R-Right this way then, m’lord.”
>Taking your hand, the doctor lead you through a dining room into a room with a comfortable-looking couch and a row of bookcases. Coldheart was sitting on the couch, impatiently kicking the bottom of it as she stared at the cabinet of fancy drinks that was sitting in the corner of the room.
>The moment you and Redheart entered the room, she perked up. “Finally! I was about to get up and look for the two of you,” she said, hopping off the couch and trotting toward you. “So how are we gonna do this? Do you wanna take turns, Red, or should we take this big guy on at the same time? Maybe one of us can sit on his face while the other goes to town on that monster between his legs? How’s that sound, big guy? I know a lot of stallions don’t like eating a mare out but you look like a pussy licker if I’ve ever seen one. And even if you aren’t, I’m sure I can make you into one in no time~”
>Grinning, Coldheart, made a move toward your groin, only for Redheart to stop her. “N-No. If we’re going to do this w-we’re gonna do this right,” she said. “I’ll go first.”
>The grin melted off Coldheart’s face. “What? But I—!”
>“No butts! If we’re going to do this I’m going to go f-first,” Redheart said, butting heads with the mare.
>Coldheart puffed her cheeks out and tried to push the mare back. Unfortunately for her Redheart, who was half a head taller than the earth pony, would not be so easily moved. Puffing her cheeks out as well, the doctor forced her to take a step back, then another, then another, until Coldheart finally scrambled away with her tail tucked between her legs.
>“Fine, you can go first. Jeez, no need to bite my bucking head off,” she said. “I’ll go when you’re done.”
>Redheart smirked. “Good.”
>Turning away from the nurse—slapping her in the face with her tail in the process—Redheart trotted over and gently, but firmly, pushing you onto the couch.
>“Are you ready, Anon?”
“Yes ma’am,” you replied, leaning back and spreading your legs.
>Redheart’s eyes drifted down to your groin. The mare licked her lips, leaning down to burying her nose in your crotch.
>“Hmmm. So am I~” she said, giving your rapidly growing bulge a nuzzle.
>You reached down to unbutton your pants, only for Redheart to bat your hand away.
>“No, I want to do it,” she said, planting a trail of kisses down your cloth-covered length. “If that’s alright with you.”
You hissed, your back arching as the mare started nuzzling your cock a little more firmly. “If I was anymore alright with it I’d be ripping through these pants,” you said, gritting your teeth.
>Redheart giggled, nosing your inner thigh before grabbing the button on your pants with her teeth. She tugged on it gently, trying her hardest not to just tear the thing off. Her brow furrowed and her tail flicked side to side in irritation, but after a few moments she was finally able to open up your pants.
>The mare let out a happy hum, reaching for your zipper and giving it a tug. You lifted your hips, helping her along as she pulled your pants down. With a few hard tugs, she pulled your pants completely off and tossed them away, leaving you in just your dress shirt and boxers.
>Your cock, very happy with how the day was proceeding, was straining against your underwear. Even through the fabric you could see it throbbing. At the very tip, you could see the cloth was a bit wet with your pre.
“Yes, I’ve been waiting for this~” Redheart said, licking her lips.
>She booped your cock with the tip of her muzzle, her eyes focused on that little wet spot on your tip. Her tongue slipped out of her mouth and she ran it up your length.
>You let out a groan, your hips gently bucking. Redheart let out another breathless giggle, licking your cloth-covered tip.
>“You know, after you left that examination room I didn’t know what to think,” she said, grabbing the hem of your boxers and slowly pulling them down. “Something like that just doesn’t happen unless it’s in some smutty book, but here it went and happened to me. And just like the books I thought you were going to walk off into the sunset, never to be seen again.”
>Redheart’s eyes slipped closed as she inhaled deeply. A shudder ran up the length of her body.
>“But not only are you here you live just five minutes away,” the doctor continued, giving your cock another loving kiss. “You’re five minutes away and you’re single.”
>With one final tug, your cock sprung up from its prison. It wetly slapped against your belly before bounding right back and hitting Redheart right on her incredibly soft cheek. Your eyes crossed at the sensation and your cock throbbed, leaving a dollop of pre on her face.
>Redheart smiled. “You’re single, cute, and you have the nicest cock I think I’ve ever seen in all of my life.”
>Taking a few breaths, you opened your mouth to reply, but whatever you were about to say ended up a moan as Redheart wrapped a hoof around your cock and starting jerking you off. Angling it downward, she wrapped her lips around your crown and gave it a few hard sucks.
>Your entire body tensed. You tried to buck your hips, wanting to force more of your length into the mare’s warm, wet mouth, but before you could she released you with a pop. Redheart let out a groan, licking her lips as she gave you a few more pumps with her hoof.
>“And it’s mine,” she said breathlessly, staring at your cock in nothing less than worship. “It’s [i]mine[/i].”
>Letting go of your dick, the mare crawled up into your lap, wrapping her hooves around your neck. She pressed the two of you together. You let out another groan when you felt her hot, damp marehood brush up against your cock, as well as her cute little teats.
>Giving you a grin, the mare pulled off her dress and tossed it behind her. “You’re going to be mine,” she said, staring deeply into your eyes as she pressed her forehead against yours. “I don’t care what I need to do, but I’m going to get you to love me. I’ll make sure that you won’t even [i]look[/i] at other mares. And I’ll love you.”
>She bit her lip, grinding herself against your shaft.
>“I’ll love you so bucking much~”
>Redheart leaned up for another kiss. You leaned down, parting your lips as your hands reached around to grab her rear.
>The doctor’s eyes crossed as your fingers sunk into her firm, wonderfully plush rear. She moaned into your mouth, holding onto you a little tighter as you felt a very noticeable wetness coat your cock. You growled, forcing your tongue into Redheart’s mouth. The mare’s eyes widened at your aggressiveness, but even so her tongue was quick to meet yours.
>While her tongue was longer and thicker than your own you were determined. You battered her tongue down with everything you had until the fight had left her. Victory assured, you began exploring, running your tongue along her teeth while every once in a while going back to play with her wet muscle.
>You could feel Redheart running her hooves through your hair. She wiggled and bounced in your lap. You responded by bucking your hips, grinding your length against her marehood. Redheart, in turn, lifted her hips a little higher so with every grind you could feel your tip pressing against her entrance more and more forcefully.
>“Yes~,” she said, groaning into your ear. “Oh by Celestia’s sun, yes…”
>You buried your face into the mare’s neck, inhaling her scent. Panting hard, you lifted her up and angled over your throbbing cock. She squirmed excitedly, reaching down and grabbing your dick as you lowered her.
>“Yes, yes, yes, yessssssss~”
>You both gasped as your cock parted her lips. Redheart wiggled, taking a few deep breaths to steady herself as she helped guide your length. You took a deep breath as well, steeling yourself as you lowered the earth pony just a bit more. There was some resistance, then heat, wetness, and a form-fitting tightness that took your breath away.
>Redheart’s back arched and her eyelids fluttered. “H-Hah~.”
>>30728757>Your hands spasmed, and it took considerable effort not to just impale the little pony. Redheart’s marehood rippled and squeezed your shaft, trying to force you deeper. You obliged, lowering the mare down a few more inches on your maleness.
>Redheart groaned, her back legs spasming. She leaned forward to plant a kiss on your neck, her tongue darting out to collect the sweat accumulating there.
>“I’m going to love you,” she murmured, squeezing you hard. “I’m going to love you so bucking hard~!”
>You lowered her a bit more, giving her a few seconds to get accustomed before lowering her a bit more. The two of you kissed and nuzzled the whole time, staring into each other’s eyes the whole time as you whispered things to each other. Silly things. Heartfelt and loving things. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, you felt the doctor’s rump connect with your lap. You looked down to see that she had taken every inch of you.
>A small bolt of satisfaction surged through you as Redheart moaned, resting her head on your shoulder. That satisfaction turn into concern when you noticed that her moan sounded less than pleasurable.
“Are you… alright, Redheart?” you asked.
>“It feels like you’re in my bucking tummy,” she replied, her marehood squeezing you hard as she wiggled her hips back and forward.
“Do you want me to lift you off of me?” you asked.
>Immediately, Redheart began shaking her head. “D-Don’t you dare,” she said, throwing her head back as she lifted herself an inch off your cock before slowly lowering herself back into your lap. “I—h-hah~! I feel every bucking inch of you!”
>She rose herself a little higher, pausing for a second or two before lowering herself back down. You made sure to hold her hips to keep her steady so that she didn’t hurt herself. Again and again she did this, raising herself higher and higher, taking less and less time before her rump was back in your lap. Soon, she was riding you are hard as she could, her mane bouncing around her shoulders as she moaned and groaned. It was all you could do to hold onto the mare as her rump wetly slapped against your lap with more and more force.
>You held onto the mare as tightly as you could while she nipped and kissed your neck.
>You could feel her marehood squeezing you tighter and tighter, trying to milk you. Your cock started throbbing harder and harder, your toes curling under the pleasurable assault. Squirming, you tried to make Redheart slow down, but that only spurred the mare to go faster.
>“Come on, Anon,” she said. “Give it to me. I want it all. Fill me u-u—”
>Her eyes lost focus for a few seconds. A jolt ran down her body, and you felt her marehood spasm. Redheart frozen, her mouth opening to an “O” as you felt her soak your groin. You let out another groan, feeling yourself come to the brink of orgasm. You bit your lip hard, just barely managing to keep from cumming.
>Redheart shook in orgasm for a few moments, holding onto you tightly, before she went limp against you, panting like she had just run a marathon. “B-Buck…” she said, grinding her hips against you. “T-That was… I… I m-mean…”
>The earth pony tried to lift raise herself up but couldn’t quite manage it with her shaky legs. She tried again, rising an inch or two before she lost her strength and sunk right back down.
>“The big guy too much for you, Red?”
>Startled, you looked away from Redheart’s sweaty, frustrated face to look at a grinning Coldheart.
>“If you aren’t up for it I’d be happy to take over for you,” she offered, licking her lips.
>Slowly, Redheart looked over her shoulder at the mare. “P-Please… I c-can’t…”
>She turned back toward you with her pretty blue eyes. “Anon I’m s-sorry… that I c-couldn’t…”
“There’s nothing to… be sorry about,” you said, leaning down and kissing her nose. “You did… great.”
>She let out a quiet hum, giving your cheek a nuzzle. “Could you… p-please lift me off of… you? My l-legs won’t work…”
>Giving her another kiss, you did as she asked, slowly picking her up and pulling her off your length. Cradling her like a baby, you then laid her down right next to you and stood up.
>Your cock throbbed, red and angry at being denied its release, but you ignored it for the moment. You looked toward the direction where Coldheart had been standing just a second before to see that she was no longer there. A small frown came to your face, and you were about to look around the whole room, when you felt someone grab your leg.
>Before you could fully process what was happening, you were knocked to the ground onto your back with a triumph Coldheart standing over you.
>“Finally,” she said, straddling you. “I thought I was gonna have to watch all of that mushy stuff all day.”
>You tried to sit up, but the earth pony placed her hooves on your chest and pushed you right back down onto the floor.
>“Ah, ah, ah. None of that, sweet stuff,” Coldheart said, leaning down to give your face a nuzzle. “If we want you to uncork those nuts of yours we gotta do this [i]my[/i]way.”
>She gave you a kiss on the nose as she started grinding her soaked marehood against your cock. Though she was doing her best to keep a confident grin on her face, you didn’t miss the gasp that escaped her, nor her back legs nearly buckling.
>“That means you need to be a good little colt and let momma show you a good time,” she continued, giving her flank a wiggle. “You just lie back, relax, and let me—hey!”
>Reaching down, you grabbed Coldheart’s back leg and lifted it up. The earth pony shifted her weight to cope with the unexpected loss of balance, which allowed you to sit up just enough to nudge the mare with your shoulder, knocking her onto her side.
>“What the buck do you—!”
>As she wiggled and kicking you rolled on top of her, pinning her to the floor with a grin on your face. She tried to lift you into the air by placing her back legs onto your stomach but you shifted your weight while spreading her back legs apart.
>Coldheart looked up at you, her eyes narrowing. “So you wanna play like that huh?”
“You know it,” you said, giving her a kiss on the muzzle.
>Her grin returned in full force. “I knew there was a reason I liked you,” she said.
>Before you could pull away, she wrapped her hooves around your neck, forcing your face against her chest. Shifting her weight, and with a grunt of exertion, she flipped you onto your back once again. You tried to buck her off but she just spread her back legs apart while using her front legs to hold you down.
>“You’re gonna be screaming my name until you're hoarse,” she whispered in your ear, grinding against your length. “I’m gonna make you cum so hard and so many times if I so much as lift my tail that fat cock of yours is gonna stand at attention~”
>Coldheart grinned, her face flushed and sweaty, reaching down and grabbing your cock. “And you know what? Every time I lift my tail and I see this monster at the ready I want to—h-hah~!”
>The earth pony pressed your cock head against your entrance. You responded by bucking your hips hard. Your cock slipped out of her grasp and slide all the way up her marehood. Coldheart’s eyes crossed when your tip bumped against her sensitive button. Her grip on you also wavered for a moment, giving you just enough time to grab her by the shoulders and flip her back over. Coldheart let out a growl, wiggling away before you managed to roll on top of her. You followed, managing to grab her tail just as she managed to scramble to her hooves and yank her back toward you.
>“Oh, I’m gonna buck your brains out when I get you on your back again!”
“I’m gonna fuck you cross eyed, you cute little horse!”
>For the next five minutes, it was an all-out wrestling match on the floor. The two of you jockeyed for position, grabbing and pulling. Leg locks were used, and more than once someone was lifted into the air and slammed onto the wooden floor. Each time one of you found yourselves on your back, however, you’d somehow manage to wiggle free at the last moment.
>Sweat started to pour from your bodies, making the floor slippery. Both of you could also feel various bruises already beginning to form, but that didn’t matter. At this point neither of you could even feel them. Your hearts were pounding in your chests, and you were leaking pre cum like a faucet while the nurse's legs were coated in her excitement.
>Coldheart’s mane was wild, and she was blushing hard. Every few moments a twinge of arousal nearly made her knees buckle. She was panting hard, just like you, and you could almost see the hearts in her eyes.
There's a difference between crunch and half carbonized, anon.
You're making bacon, not peanut brittle.
>With a mighty roar, the mare charged toward you, head lowered. You, on your knees, readied your hands while shuffling backwards where the floor was a little less hazardous. As she closed the distance between you, you grabbed her by the ears and heaved.
>Coldheart flailed as you lifted her into the air, using the mare’s own momentum to throw her over your shoulder. She hit the ground with a surprised grunt as you scrambled to your feet and launched yourself at her, teeth bared and eyes wild.
>Grabbing the mare by her big rump, you forced her into a standing position. Quickly grabbing her by the tail and mane, you forced her face into the floor while keeping her rump into the air. Coldheart let out a moan, spreading her back legs nice and wide.
>“Oh buck!” she said, trying to lift her head.
>Another moan escaped her as you forced her head back down, pressing your cock against her marehood.
>“Oh buck, oh buck, oh buck, oh—O-OH~!”
>Her back arched as you gently, yet very firmly, parted her lips and entered her. Coldheart’s back legs finally gave way as her mouth opened in a wordless scream. Coldheart was just as tight if not tighter than Redheart, so as much as you’d like to have been rough with the mare you took your time. You held her up by her tail, slowly but surely forcing every inch of yourself inside of her. Coldheart wiggled her hips, pressing her rump back to speed the process up.
>“Yes, yes, yes. Buck me! Oh buck me, you wonderful, h-huge bucking stallion~!” she said, her eyes fluttering closed.
>You pressed another few inches inside of her. Her marehood rippled, squeezing you hard. You gritted your teeth, giving her tail a tug as your cock fired a spurt of precum into her. Drawing back a bit, you pushed a bit more. You drew back again and, with a sigh, pressed forward until you felt your hips touching her rump. The mare’s back arched a little more and her insides began milking you hard. A rush of fluids coated your groan and all of the tension left the earth pony’s body.
>“Buuuuuuuuucccccck~!” Coldheart hissed, drool collecting on the floor around her mouth.
>You grinded yourself against her as she rode out her orgasm. Letting go of her mane and tail, you grabbed her rump and spread her cheeks. Taking a deep breath, you started to pull back. Coldheart groaned, her marehood trying to pull you back in. Your cock throbbed hard, firing another spurt of pre, but you continued to pull back until just your tip was inside of the mare before pushing back into her.
>You were close. You could feel the pleasure in your stomach starting to build. Gritting your teeth and doing your best to hold back the tide, you picked up the pace so that the nurse’s rump as jiggling each time they connect with your hips.
>“Cuuuummmmmm iiiiiiiinnnnnnnnn mmmmmmmmmmmeeeeeeeeeeee,” Coldheart said.
>You let out a groan, digging your fingers into her rump. Your cock was throbbing harder and harder now. Bending down over Coldheart, you opened your mouth and bit down on her shoulder. Hard.
>Coldheart’s eyes snapped open. Every inch of her tensed, and her marehood clamped down on your cock so hard that you could barely move. Another rush of fluids soaked your groan as her insides began milking you harder than ever, the mare’s lower body jerking and twitching with orgasm. You moaned into the mare’s shoulder, your hips giving one last half-jerk before you found your end as well.
>Your balls tightened as the pleasure in your belly exploded throughout your body. The first spurt of cum fired out of your tip, filling the mare’s deepest depths, as did the second, and third, and fourth. The little mare did her best to hold all of your load, but soon your cum was spurting around your cock and onto the floor. And still you came.
>It wasn’t until you had coated both her and your lower bodies with your seed did your cock finally stop, giving one last twitch before starting to soften. You let out one final groan, slowly sinking to a knee. You pulled out of Coldheart and gently laid the mare down. A spurt of cum shot out of her marehood before the mare’s inner muscles clamped down, keeping your semen trapped inside of her.
>Coldheart herself looked dead to the world, the mare lying limply on the floor, her eyes closed as she struggled to regain her breath.
>“No… stallion’s ever… wanted to get that… rough before,” she managed to say.
“I’ve never… been that… rough with… anyone before,” you replied, wiping the sweat from your hand with a hand.
>Coldheart smiled, cracking open an eye to look at you. She tiredly raised her hooves. Getting the idea, you bent over and picked up the mare.
>The nurse let out a hum, wrapping her hooves around your neck and resting her head on your chest. She murmured something you couldn’t quite catch, nuzzling you before closing her eyes and drifting off to sleep.
>Giving the mare’s head a pat, you looked over at Redheart. The mare was lying on her couch, looking like she was about ready to pass out. You walked over to her—ignoring just how exhausted you felt— bending over and picking the mare up.
>“Sorry about your shirt, Anon,” she said, nuzzling your neck.
You chuckled. “Don’t worry about it, I’ll get a new one,” you said, giving her nose a kiss. “Now where’s your bedroom?”
>would you kill your own child if it was an anthro?
Get twiggles to send me back in time and warn self, past self gets magi-sectomy, never have to live through such nightmares.
>“Up the stairs. Second room on the right,” The doctor replied, her voice low and far away.
>Nodding, you made your way out of the living room—making sure to mind the sweat on the floor. Walking through the house, you climbed the stairs and carried both of your lovers into a nice, tidy little room with a queen-sized bed.
>Though it took some doing with your hands full, you managed to pull back the covers. You placed Coldheart into the bed first, then Redheart before pulling off your cum-soaked shirt and climbing in between them.
>The moment you had thrown the covers back over the three of you and laid down, Redheart wrapped her hooves around you, pressing as much of her body against yours as she could. You wrapped an arm around both her and Coldheart, nuzzling the mare’s face.
>“Anon?” she said.
“Hmm?” you replied, your eyes closed.
>“I j-just want to you know that Coldheart and I are serious about wanting to court you,” Redheart said. “This isn’t j-just about the sex. Both of us really want to get to know you. We want you to get to know us too.”
>She planted a kiss on your cheek. You chuckled, giving her a kiss right back.
“You know what, Redheart?” you said, reaching up to play with her wonderfully soft mane. “That sounds pretty great.”
Alright, I'm done. One more chapter to go
>"Do you love me, father?"
That was hot.
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>There's MORE.
>Last one probably has more feels.
You're going to kill us all.
This. I never had such a huge heartboner before.
The main issue with Satyrs is that most stories/pics consist of the Satyrs wanting to fuck their father and or be a slut, meaning the writer/drawer wants to fuck a Satyrs. I'm not going to bitch and complain about Satyrs but honestly I personally don't understand why people like them. Why not just have a regular human or pony? I don't understand it, honestly I thought it was like Nyx posting for a long time.
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Oh man, I love the feels.
>The main issue with Satyrs is that most stories/pics consist of the Satyrs wanting to fuck their father and or be a slut
There was a time when satyrs were mainly for feels. That was before the porn-obsessed fetishfags invaded.
>Why not just have a regular human or pony?

>In a weird quirk likely caused by magic, your kids are born human boys with features from ponemom if male, but are fillies with features from you if female.
>Both grow up like a normal member of their species, just with the occasional oddity or power up from the other species parent.
>Meaning your boys are going to grow up like you.
>The first old timey betrothal proposal for your oldest son that shows up in your mail is less of a shock than it should be.
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yeah, they all get told to "fuck off to /sad/" now.
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>There was a time when satyrs were mainly for feels.
I remember those times.
Incest is common, yes, but most other porn is simply left to the viewer's imagination on what's going on.
I would largely agree that many ships are just a layer of abstraction from normal shipping of their parents, a lot of time I suppose it can be seen as a desire to see the kids grow up and start their own family or something.

And that's where lewd stuff almost universally stays, and the troll just keeps sitting around /sad/, screaming about how lewd posting in a self contained lewd thread is ruining everything.
>You touch down onto the cool gem staircase and can't help but let out a mighty sigh of relief.
"Aah~ Nothing like home sweet buckin' huge castle!"
>Doesn't quite roll off the tongue, but you got your human husband for that.
>With a temple raiding steady hoof, you kick in the door and yell out to your fellow sisters from other misters.
>Your smirk and extended wing sag after a short time of waiting.
"Tsh, what gives?"
>You drop your bags on the floor of the empty castle, Anon'll take care of it, and proceed inside.
"Dash? Hey, I had a 'heyoo' at the door and you went and left me hang-"
>Not in your room eh?
>It's not like her to leave you hanging basically ever, but especially not after you've been away on an expedition.
>N-not that your feelings are even hurt or anything, and sure you're home a little earlier than you told them, but still.
>Where's the sismance?
>You tippy-hoof past one empty bedroom after the other.
>Your ears perk up as you near your destination, low muffled music leaking through the closed door confirms your suspicions.
>She's playing that dorky rhythm game again after Pinkie got a score so high that the room caught fire, she's been determined to burn up the entire herd wing.
>You steady yourself just behind the door, visualizing the layout of the room in your mind's eye and readying to pounce.
>If anything it's harder to keep from snickering than it's gonna be to scare the pants onto her.
"Aaaaaaand..." With grace unmatched by any, and can still call themselves straight, you flick the handle of the door with an outstretched wing and dive through the moment it starts to swing open, "BETAMARESAYSAHHH!"
>Ha, classic-
>You rub the back of your head until the stars fade from your eyes.
>Looking around reveals an empty room and a game left on the menu screen.
>Damn irresponsible mares.
"Ponies have killed to be able to waste power like you do! Killed!" you bark, while you nurse the growing bump on your head.
>After turning everything off with both a huff and the scrunchiest scrunch that could ever be scrunched, you can't help but chuckle a little to yourself.
"Oh mare, I sound like my aunt."
>From mom's side of the family, the one from Stalliongrad.
>You and The Derpster would play 'count the beets' during family gatherings.
"Ahh, good times..."
>Thinking of, when was the last time you saw your cousin?
>You live in Ponyville now too, as much getting used to as that took, it only now strikes you that you haven't really seen her around lately.
>Your ears swivel.
"Oh thank Celestia, somepony is home!"
>Finally can get out of your thoughts to keep from relapsing about being alone-
>WHOA THERE, let's not worry about that now, Humie Herdy Ho!
>...Damn Pinkie for getting that phrase stuck in your head.
>You walk, by some definitions of the word, towards the direction of the sound, eager to be greeted warmly by your new-ish family.
>Whoa whoa, pump the brakes there girl!
>Is that some-
>"Ooh yes, just like that you bad colt~"
>Wew, but are they all...
>Without you?!
>Hmm, eh, you'll let them have this.
>Being in a herd is great as it turns out, but after getting to have any colt you wanted all to yourself for most of your adult life, the group sessions don't quite do it for you.
>You leave them to their fun and make for your bedroom.
>He lasts even longer on the second round anyway, so, it's definitely worth the wait.
>The fresh linen scent of your room puts you right at ease without even having to step inside.
"Mare is it nice to have a husband."
>The smell alone is so much better than the stale dusty air you were used to back in your bachelorette days.
>You reach your bed, swiveling on a rear hoof and letting yourself fall backwards with a gentle *pomf* onto the fresh sheets.
>You take another deep breath.
>Only to be cut off by something clogging your talking hole.
>Also known as Anon's third favorite hole.
"Heyo- Aww, right..."
>You flip over the sheet of paper that had smacked your face to the side with the words on it.
>Must've been on your pillow or something.
"Daring, I'm writing to let you know that the girls and I are out on a friendship- blah blah... will not be home blah blah... forgot to record Sassy Bandicoot on- Awww!"
>You toss the note aside and flop back onto your bed.
"That was the season finale! I'm gonna have to wait for a whole month before the reruns catch up to-"
>Wait a second...
>When did they say they'd be back?
>You bring the sheet back up to your face.
"Today is... uh... buck."
>You fling your pillow at your desk, catching the edge of your calendar and flinging it back in your direction.
>Buck, you're good!
"Alrighty, let's see here. Today is... so that means they came back- no, they're COMING back in... three days? Yeah."
>So then.
>That humping thumping you're conveniently not making note of until now is...
>You gulp.
>The door in front of you.
>The sounds you're hearing and are too twisted up to describe, certainly not rushed to describe or anything, nope.
>Mare you're really hoping that somepony left the t.v. on.
>Because you've experienced this before, you being on the other side of the door of course, but-
>Whoa, you were a total douche if this is what the mares on your side of the door felt like.
>Daring Douche... huh, kinda has a nice ring to it, like a story or something.
>Something that could do with a sequel even, it's that great.
>What were you-
>"Uh~ uh~ Oh~"
>Oh yeah, right.
>With a shaky hoof you turn the handle to the herdroom, and after cutting through all the hesitation your body could will inside of you, you push it open.
>"Yes colt! I'm gonna buck your eyes crooke-"
>Your heart sinks at the sight before you.
>And your clit gives a little wink too, always wanted to try that position with him.
>The color drains from your husband's face.
>Derpy, your very own cousin, flesh and blood, looks directly at... well, the vase behind you but you know what she's seeing.
>Your blood boils in your veins.
>Hurt and rage flood your heart, your mind, as your eyes dance between the two coupled on your bed.
>"Daring! Wait! I can explain!"
>Derpy's eyes remain, well, derpy, but in a way that show no remorse.
>"Daring I-"

>"Mrs. Do, I understand your distress, but I think you're being a little excessive don't you think?"
"You what?!"
>The judge's guards hold you back the moment your wings flare outstretched.
>"Please, Mrs. Do-"
"Miss Do." you growl back.
>"Mrs. Do, please, I don't think you understand the gravity of a request like this. Cutting ties with your herd? And over something so trivial-"
>The guards hold you back again, while the judge tries to get you to calm down.
>It's not until you've gotten both of their hooves on your back that you let the judge speak.
>"Out of your system now? Good. Listen, I know that marriage and herd life isn't easy, there's times where disagreements happen or personalities collide-"
>What in the BUCK is this girl on about?!
>"But to want to break away because your husband is..." She glances at her paperwork briefly, "Is 'being very silly' come on now, there are far worse reasons to-"
"Whoa whoa whoa, what did you just say my reason was?"
>"Says here that your husband was 'being very silly', ma'am."
"Oh that stupid secretary... I don't want out because he was 'being very silly', your honor. I want out because-"
"And that's when I told the judge, 'I want out because he's FUCKING DERPY!'"
>You and your raiding buddies all proceed to slap the table, laughing so hard that you could swear Lindy peed herself.
>"Whew, I gotta say Daring, that was one hell of a mediocre story with a very average pay off at best."
"Oh, it's not a story, that actually happened."
"Yeah, couple years back. It's all good now though."
>The mares all share glances, "So, what happened?"
>You kick back and prop your hooves up onto the dingy table.
"It's all good now, Judge sent us all to counseling, turns out Rarity orchestrated the whole thing. She was in the closet wearing a power mare outfit. We kicked her out of the herd for being a degenerate and brought in my cuz, now that we were back under the maximum limit for herds."
>The others all share looks again, but you couldn't care less what they think.
>You and the Derpster are tighter than ever, nopony beats you two at four legged races during family gatherings anymore.

Sorry for this bring shit, I was on a real time crunch because I didn't know it was today until basically earlier today. Even still Happy Birthday BNW!
aww thanks bby. <3
yes, worse mare kicked out, fuck her.
and not in the way she wants.
So this is my terrible thing I wrote from the prompt about how humans are fairly unique in the awful experience of being preggo. Enjoy.
>Pastebin: https://pastebin.com/wH4kRLBJ

>This is my journal. I am Raven, personal attaché to Princess Celestia. If you are reading this, something has likely terribly gone wrong. Or maybe it’s all ok and we are gathered around the crib chugging ciders and having a sensible chuckle over all our worrying. I’ve decided to start this journal to chronicle the strange behaviors of Princess Luna after a tryst with the infamous slut Anon.

>It’s been 3 months now since it was confirmed that she was pregnant. The princess continues to exhibit strange unponylike behavior. Her energy, both magical and physical, seems to be constantly drained by the strange hybrid foal. It seems the foal has taken control of her hormones, causing her to become emotional at the drop of a sun hat. An angry outburst caused her to teleport Anon to we think Tartarus for doing this to her, followed by uncontrollable sobbing over what a jerk he was for laughing at how emotional she was and leaving. The search parties we sent out have yet to find him. We’ve had to squash more than one rumor about the princess' unmarely behavior, lest it spread and tarnish her image.

>Her previous sensible diet has given way to a massive increases in calories. Strange cravings have led to her eating all sorts of foods. Half the castle chefs quit after she demanded fried chicken and waffles. We’ve hired Griffin cooks for her more unsettling demands. She’s been asking if we could make her a brisket. Jokingly at first, and we all had a laugh. But she keeps asking...
>All attempts to scan the foal have failed as it seems to have inherited Anon's magic resistance. Going by what we can see of the dark shadow surrounding the fetus, it seems to have actually taken root inside her, drawing nutrients directly from her blood stream. This has the Nurses extremely concerned as it seems to require far more than the average foal. They think we may have to change her diet again to try to keep ahead.

>It’s been 6 months. Princess Luna attempted to enter the dreams of the foal. She was shocked to find Nightmare Moon in the dreamscape. An inky blackness stood by her side, leaning against the Queen of the Night, snuggling. Luna attempted to say something but was silenced by an angry Nightmare Moon and ejected from the dream. She has become increasingly stressed as she is afraid to re-enter the dream.

>Its nearly 9 months since the drunken Nightmare Night haunted house party. The Princess is huge. There is no getting around it. While the foals consumption seems to have plateaued, Luna has taken to eating as stress has eaten at her. We have not been able to find Anon. Some think she might have sent him to the sun accidently, but no one has the heart to say it out loud. We have no idea what is inside the Princess. She has taken to cooing and talking to it like a stallion as she eats her chicken tenders and custard. The constant talk about geometry and where the points converge has the of Princess of Friendship worried. A doctor that suggested she attempt to self abort was sent to the moon. Celestia promptly brought him back before he suffocated, but it didn’t stop Luna from bawling afterwards. I don’t think we can survive another year of this. Seriously, now she’s leaking everywhere and OMGWTF
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MFW my autism propeller posts are still used in in propeller pics.
>Princess Luna delivered the goal at approximately 3am this morning. By all accounts he appears to be a perfectly normal little Colt. Dark blue black coat, wavey purple mane, and bright teal colored eyes. The fact that it was an Alicorn supprised everyone, as we were all geared up for a terrible abomination not fit for this world. Perhaps his teeth were a bit sharper than usual, as the Princess yelped when he latched on to her teat, but otherwise perfectly fine. We wonder where he got the little helmet though…
>>Princess Luna delivered the goal at approximately 3am this morning
>The ball sailed through the net as the timer ran out, signalling that Luna's team had won the game
>Her team (the Nightmare Mare-Mooners) proceeded to hoist her up on their withers and run around the field and took a victory lap
Luna is best soccer player.
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>>Giving you a grin, the mare pulled off her dress and tossed it behind her. “You’re going to be mine,” she said, staring deeply into your eyes as she pressed her forehead against yours. “I don’t care what I need to do, but I’m going to get you to love me. I’ll make sure that you won’t even [i]look[/i] at other mares. And I’ll love you.”
That's kinda cute.
I really enjoyed the mushy stuff with Redheart.

I also enjoyed the rough wrestling and holding down and fucking of Coldheart. That was great.
>And that's the story of how Nyx was born.
>>An angry outburst caused her to teleport Anon to we think Tartarus for doing this to her

>Where he proceeded to make friends with the most dangerous creature that realm holds: Tirek.
Tirek seems like a pretty cool dude desu. I'd play a game of chess with him.
>straight up murdered the father
why is this okay

where is the rgre
The real ending was Anon shows up after the birth after having a random adventure and says that's a typical human pregnancy. Celestia then outlaws breeding with humans. But is that really what you want? No more filling your waifu with your superior human seed? Truly the darkest timeline.
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>punish the stallion by never allowing him to be with a pone again because he was almost murdered by her sister
While I encourage the implanting of parasitic human/pony offspring into marshmallow pones through genital interaction, I don't think the pones would appreciate it in this case and would chalk it up to a learning experience.
Hey, if they're that hungry for foals than beggars can't be choosers.

Ovary up and take it like a big mare.
>minimum eleven dollars
>probably fifteen

Pretty shitty but you can get a decent amount of food for that much.
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Bugmom is great.
Ok AIE 2.0 Oblivious Chad Edition
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>he keeps getting deleted
I hope the next chapter has a lot of cozy cuddling and cute shit.
File deleted.
Marish or coltish, make sure your daughteru knows how to hunt and defend for herself like a real mare should.
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I'd take both my boys and girls hunting. They're gonna carry on the human warrior spirit, it's their duty being the only ones with human genes.
>tfw Moondancer brings you along to the cinema, because Equestria has a nation wide 'no singles' policy
>she's currently a bit salty, because you almost got admitted by yourself anyway last time since they didn't know you were with her.
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so no one's going to talk about how the luna satyr looks like marie from ed edd and eddy?
The spear goes in front of you dumb-shit
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also the stomach, where all the squishy vital stuff is located, is totally unarmored.
Because it doesn't, it just looks like the emos fetish bait of the day...which to be fair, Marie counted as well. But she is pure, for DD at least.
But the because you never had the abomination you never had a reason to go back in time and thusly never got magi-sectomized and had the abomination and went back in time to warn yourself
MODS = GODS, again!
Time travel hurts my head, can we not?
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You're making us look bad dude.
Please stop.
There is nothing wrong with the damn posts!
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I want my own rgr changeling swarm.

I want to be the hivelord.
This is the kind of thing that wrecks your body.
Also, you mad.
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maybe the next thread won't be so full of shitposting.
here's some constructive criticism for those preoccupied with posting satyr without posting RGRE content:
if you're going to post satyr, post it in some RGRE context or content. even though we REEE about it here, you can silence them or redeem the concept of satyr if you write it well enough. we've seen this recently in PoppedAnon's TF story, and we saw it before that in LaP's EqG stories.
however, just posting satyr pictures or explaining the convoluted incest maps of already-established satyr stories does not fit under the wide topic of this thread.
we've had good stories with minotaurs, griffons, >no hooves, changelings, and even races of ponies that don't exist in canon, and the reason we tolerate them is because they stick to the RGRE setting.

honestly I'd be very interested in reading an RGRE-satyr story, but only if the story doesn't become fetish fuel.
Listen to Fluttershy, for she is a wise pony.
Literally none of the posts about satyrs here have been about incest, though. They were about the merits of whether to raise the kids under human or pony gender roles, and stuff like teaching your daughter to hunt.
Make the stories RGRE, skip the fetish fuel bullshit.

> Twilight is showing off her smartness to the girls and anon through making a portal
> Shenanigans happen and anon wakes up in another world
> Sees the girls and picks some up in hugs to see if they are ok
> They start screaming and beat him up and blast him a few times
> turns out he entered the None-RGRE world and the girls freaked out about the strange creature trying to grab them
> Best RGRE mares show up to find anon during this beat down

What happens next?
>Fall in love with a Changeling infiltrator, who falls for you.
>After a tearful reveal of her true nature, you take a leap and stay with her.
>She takes her own leap, abandoning her broken and dying hive to live with you. She even severs the telepathic bond to Chrysalis and her sister 'lings.
>Human love is so potent that you can easily fill her up for hours with a single kiss.
>Waifu quickly metamorphs into a Queen from the sheer amount of free love she takes in.
>And it's not long before she's carrying a clutch of eggs, marking the first new generation of changelings since Chrysalis, in her arrogance, stopped bothering to breed years ago.
>And of course, the hatchlings are never wanting for a meal with you as the father.
>At first, no one in Ponyville is aware of the changeling nursery built under them.
>But as a few years pass, Twilight notes an oddly large number of new ponies in town who came from seemingly nowhere. At the same time, she also gets reports of unusual subterranean activity.
>But the strangest thing is with the alien colt, Anonymous.
>He's shadowed by a group of mares seemingly at all times, none of whom are his wife of several years, but they all know him far too well to be simple friends.
>And all the underground tremors are most focused under his home...
>Dots are slowly connected.
Flutters a cute
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>>Fall in love with a Changeling infiltrator, who falls for you.
I already love it.
That was fantastic LaP. I'm not just talking about the excellent lewd either. I can see the underlying love story and it's giving me a heart boner. Something tells me they'll be needing to buy a king-size or large bed soon. I look forward to the next update.
I'd have changeling hatchlings in every pocket of my clothes and a dozen under my sweater at all times.
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>>He's shadowed by a group of mares seemingly at all times, none of whom are his wife of several years, but they all know him far too well to be simple friends.
>>And all the underground tremors are most focused under his home...
>>Dots are slowly connected.
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>you will never dig out and build a seemingly never ending labyrinth covered in chitin and changeling goo with your waifu and swarm of changeling children
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>abandoning her broken and dying hive to live with you. She even severs the telepathic bond to Chrysalis and her sister 'lings.
I can just imagine Anon going full palpatine on her to convince her.

"Join me, and together we can make our own hive, and rule it as husband and wife."
>Anon raises his fist in the air.
"Search your heart, you know what I say is true."
>Anon grips her with one arm against his chest and looks up to the sky
"Yes, give in to your love, strike down the tyranny of Chrysalis, take your proper place as my Wife, and together we can make a hive that will last FOREVER!"
>and together we can make a hive that will last FOREVER!"
Or at least until he drops dead and can't give away free love to all his changelings anymore.
"Do it."
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Kinda sad I missed the raising your kids discussion, but fuck it. I'm posting my thoughts anyway.

One variable you have to keep in mind is that your kids are also learning how to behave through their peers, friends, and adults who aren't you. It's arguably more influential than what the parents want when it comes to gender roles.

Some notable things.

Mom, no matter how shy submissive, or cockwhipped, probably won't be cool with you encouraging her son to fuck a bunch of mares. It's pony nature. Much like a human father wouldn't be cool with his teenage daughter slutting it up. Seriously, arguments over that shit could wreck your marriage.

It's inevitable that your son dolls up a bit and wears a ball-bra. If he doesn't, he'll be seen as homely at best, and the rgr equivalent of a bull dyke at worst. This doesn't mean he'd have to act like a pussy though.

If you really love your kids, do not try to raise your daughter with Earth gender roles to satisfy your tradcon fetish. You won't be around to support her forever; stallions that would both act like you and be attracted to her are virtually non-existent. You're also just asking for her to get bullied, and to start browsing /p9k/. Honestly, this is the only real mistake you can make. Your son will have life on easy mode, and virtually can't fuck up his life unless he becomes a druggie, and maybe a single father. It really doesn't matter what he does or how he does it so long as he doesn't kill, steal, or become a self destructive addict. But your daughter won't, not in this world, and so you can't raise her for life on easy mode.
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>Chrysalis comes back with her swarm to conquer Equestria again
>sets her sights on Ponyville first this time
>before her forces even reach the town, massive sinkholes open up along it's outskirts
>different colored, healthier, more vicious looking changelings pour out in droves and begin engaging her forces on every front
>Chrysalis shits herself as her changelings get their shit smacked
>ponies shit themselves as an entire hive pops out of the ground like out of a horror movie
>except the monsters are protecting them all
I've always been of the idea that biology still plays a major role in things, the reversed gender roles being a largely cultural influenced thing, or maybe even a magical thing.

Could be an interesting mix with a father from a completely different culture, which also tends to be 'magic resistant' in a lot of stories.
>Chrysalis finds another source of love from Saddle Arabia, Griffonstone, or the Minotaurs
>Chrysalis does her best to disable one or two of the elements of harmony beforehand
>Anon's hive plays cloak-and-dagger with the other hive in ponyville, trying their best to foil their efforts while preventing their own exposure
>Being less experienced in the art of deception and infiltration than Chrysalis, they mess up after a few months of a shadow war
>Rarity disappears during a trip to Manehatten
>Dash disappears during a trip to see the Wonderbolts
>King Thorax is too much of a puss to do anything to stop her, much less fight
>Anon turns out to be a wargaming nerd in his past life, and has been making money by winning Hyperspace Hyperwars tournaments and consulting for the company
>Anon goes to Twilight and makes a deal with her: accept his hive as part of her kingdom, or he and his family can fuck off into the depths of the earth to leave them to their fate. He won't fight a war on two fronts, or two back-to-back
>I’ll make sure that you won’t even [i]look[/i] at other mares.
Immersion damaged, critical breakage levels rising!
Seriously though, you just got done mentioning that herding is the social norm, and establishing that she's got a friend there also raring to get a turn, and now for some reason Redheart is proposing the pony equivalent of a human guy IRL proposing a threesome with another woman on the first date?
It doesn't track at all.
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>The Mane 6, Anon's regular guards and Chrysalis' elite warriors are fell into a sink hole
>They prepare themselves for the fight of their lives.
>A small filly runs towards Fluttershy
"Don't worry big sis shy I bought my biggest sis! She'll take care of those meanies"
>"Biggest Sis?"
>"Ha! As if some foolish mare can stand up to me."
>Anon's Lings gives everyone a "Prepare your Anus" look before scurrying away.
>A massive crest with Inky black carapace reveals itself from deeper within the shadows
>They can only describe her/it as Nightmare's nightmare made manifest.
>It suddenly smells like fear and piss in the sinkhole
Anti-paradox time magic.
Because it's magic. Ain't gotta explain shit.
>>worse mare
Worst mare? What are you talking about?
Appul hoers wasn't mentioned even once.
Garbage swan
Just Tirek? Weak.
Besties with EVERY inhabitant.
rarity and dash are tied for worst

what can you even say negative about appul hoers, compared to "slaver" and "drama whore"
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>"Fucking loud ass whopwingers swoopin' around ruining everything! Lazy fucking sky rats do barely any work, get royal subsidies and multiply like the fucking rats with wings they are! Ponyville used to be a nice place until the whopwingers arrived..."
after the battle does it scuttle back to papa anon for it's cuddle reward for a job well done?
Couple this with the "ponies need love to think straight, and changelings cause harm from pony feedings because of it" concept from a while back.

Now you have a self-sustaining super-hive who possesses the only means of being so powerful. Additionally, Chryssie and other hives can't steal that source of love, because it's anon and he's always as rational as ever, so they can't deceive him, and because of this they can't get love from him.
Meanwhile, anon's hive can sense his love like a blinding light shining in a clearing on the night of a new moon, so they can find him with ease anywhere on the planet.
Background pony
"Der prncez 'lestia, I din' learn nuffin"
Stereotypical closed-mindedness.
The list goes on, im just too lazy to keep writing.
Yep, and it offers him a bloody organ liberated from one of it's victims. Only the tastiest of the nice squishy bits for papa anon!
(Seriously though, I used to have a cat that would bring me the organs of stuff it killed. Most cats bring you a tail or a leg or something thinking you can't hunt and that they're helping provide for you from their scraps. But I was the first thing she saw when she opened her eyes as a kitten, and ever since I guess she though I was either dad or momma, because she'd offer me the best parts of her kills.)
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Your cat is now mai waifu.
Post picture immediately.
Yeah, I'm not a huge fan of apul or annoying party pone. AJ's just too... whatever the opposite of adorable is, and pinkie is painfully unrelatable. Any human that acts like her is psychotic, so her personality raises every "this person has no concept of the value of life and probably keeps people in a cage in her basement" red flag I have.
I get that pinkie wouldn't do that (probably?), but I still wouldn't be able to spend any serious amount of time around her, let alone be in a serious relationship with her.
I don't have any pictures handy, i'd have to get one from the family photo album (it's with my mom).
Cat's name was "Toby" (my mom named her).
She was born back in 1994, and died late Sept. 2009.
She was an amazing mouser, and would occasionally spend hours at a time stalking birds by sitting high in the trees out front waiting for one to fly onto a lower branch or just flutter underneath her position. They never really caught on for more than a few months each year, but she would always look so pleased with herself whenever she'd be sitting under the tree with a pile of bloody feathers.

Oh, one time we got the butt end of a rat (literally chewed in half, and she deposited the entire back third on our pourch).
My mom's first reaction was to call us kids over, and blurt out "Apparently Toby DOES give a rat's ass!"
I know those cat feels. We adopted a pregnant stray cat a year ago. Now she and her children brings us freshly killed snakes and birds as offerings. Normally I'd be pleased but cleaning the bloody tiles and carcasses almost every 2-3 days is tiring.
Better start a new thread cause yall bout to smash that muffugin like button senpai :^)
New thread.
>Anon's heart becomes the Astronomican for the changelings
>Also known as the Amornomicon
how very mickey mousey rick and morty of you
I liked it Thanks Frosty.

And a belated Happy Birthday to you BNW!

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