[a / b / c / d / e / f / g / gif / h / hr / k / m / o / p / r / s / t / u / v / vg / vr / w / wg] [i / ic] [r9k / s4s / vip / qa] [cm / hm / lgbt / y] [3 / aco / adv / an / asp / bant / biz / cgl / ck / co / diy / fa / fit / gd / hc / his / int / jp / lit / mlp / mu / n / news / out / po / pol / qst / sci / soc / sp / tg / toy / trv / tv / vp / wsg / wsr / x] [Settings] [Home]
Settings Home
/mlp/ - Pony

Thread archived.
You cannot reply anymore.

Last Thread >>31857850

IRC: irc.rizon.net #/mlp/AiE
Active list: http://pastebin.com/mVG33ERX
Master list: http://pastebin.com/xGf9RcL9
Completed Stories list: http://pastebin.com/QZ4PDe7g
Stories Sorted by Pony: http://pastebin.com/GJyQquaY

>rope's super gay Thread Archives: http://pastebin.com/Qg2dwzq0
Collection of AiE images: https://www.dropbox.com/sh/ju8ygvv3n4fa0um/quC3vIooOq#/

Add for Skype: sin.aie

>PiE corner
>Remember to tag all PiE Stories.
PiE Author List: http://pastebin.com/Mgd0QuNy
PiE image archives: http://derpy.me/PiE_Pictures
Browser Pony Author List: http://pastebin.com/ZCGjtftk
Browser Pony image and story archive (cloud): http://derpy.me/BrowserPonies
Then there's THIS faggot
>Anon is a really damn good artist who is more than happy to draw things for the ponies in exchange for money, food or other stuff
>He expects most will just want cute, fun or adorable pictures
>He couldn't be more wrong
File: 1420012506436.jpg (47 KB, 750x750)
47 KB
>"Uh, excuse me... Anon?"
>Flutter's head peers around the corner of your office with her trademark meek smile.
"Come on in 'shy, how can I help?"
>"You, um, still do all those wonderful drawings right?"
>You nod, cautiously.
>Knowing how these things often go, you've got a 9 in 10 chance of disappointment and/or anger incoming.
>Fluttershy rummages in her satchel bag, struggling to find something.
>"You see, I'd like you to draw some... art for me," her voices echoes from the deep pit of her bag before the mare reemerges looking dishevelled.
>With a quick flick of the head, she blows a few strands of hair out of her eyes and gives you some papers.
>"His name is Lucian Darkrose," she mentions as you gloss over the abomination before her.
>It's human, or at least humanoid from the poor draughts before you. But the air about this seems to read 'gay vampire' as his white hair, one yellow eye and the other is a glowing red, with a blood streak tattoo to look like a tear, a loose eye-patch around the neck, and the horrors seem to keep on going.
>Little details and descriptions are pointed on every page in an attempt to fill out every imaginable detail.
>Then you're handed a small and worn diary labled, 'Lucian Darkrose Origin 1'
>With a deep sigh, you point to the sign that reads, 'NO HUMAN OCs'
>"Oh," she says after a drawn out and awkward pause before refling through her bag again, "Well, we can still make this work... cause I also have a bear fursona named--"
>Her voice trails off into the ether as you ignore her, so you may better put your brainpower to plotting suicide.
>Fucking ponies.
New bread smell
File: DELET.png (131 KB, 857x759)
131 KB
131 KB PNG
It's time to let go. You need to move on.
This picture right here
Suddenly got me wondering:
What if Anon created a comic book or something like that that is all about dark, silly, and really weird humour? How would the ponies react to that?
No u
File: 1373282301280.gif (1.46 MB, 480x270)
1.46 MB
1.46 MB GIF
File: 130532.png (184 KB, 720x600)
184 KB
184 KB PNG
Hey, AiE write and readfags.
I plugged in an old external hard drive today and was looking through it when I saw a lot of pony stories from back in 2012. So, thinking of you, I wanted to say thanks and remind you that you're really cool.
I remember you. So you finally moved on. Congrats.
File: Can't take it anymore.png (364 KB, 480x910)
364 KB
364 KB PNG
Oh ... ok.
As in your stories or stories you saved? Either way be sharing names nigga
Isn't it nice?
>welcome to the production offices of "Maned" Magazine
>a collection that combines surprisingly incisive and sharp pop-culture parody with fart jokes in vast profusion
>the founder posed for the inaugural edition's cover picture
>Anon E. Newman
>"What, me plagiarize?"
>it's the most popular magazine in Equestria with fillies and colts before they get their cutie marks
>mostly they get tired of booger jokes after that
I'll bet it is.
File: 1370140883419.png (746 KB, 597x728)
746 KB
746 KB PNG
>moved on
I wish. Just a lot less time to do the things I want to do. Like write pon and pon accessories.
My own. I tried putting in my pastebin, but it feels wrong. Maybe another time, when I've actually written something.
There is no moving on.
Only horse pussy.
File: neu7DTY.jpg (83 KB, 700x851)
83 KB
File: The Truth About EqG.jpg (105 KB, 1025x716)
105 KB
105 KB JPG
Also work in the other direction.
She misses masturbating with fingers.
Does she miss it so much that she would ask Anon to finger her?
Only in the butt
Oil checks are a regular part of pone slave maintenance.
Didn't you read the manual?
>Also work in the other direction.
>She misses masturbating with fingers.
>Does she miss it so much that she would ask Anon to finger her?
>Only in the butt

>visit /mlp/
>it's the first thing I see
shit I missed this board.
File: Bamboozled !.gif (1.77 MB, 300x375)
1.77 MB
1.77 MB GIF
Sadly Anon is too busy pretending to be a pony, and admitting having hands would blow his cover.
Does the rift seriously have a dorkyass cable plugging straight into the top like that?
The old DK1 (first "public-prototype" version) did.
That pic is super old.
early HMDs, puking through a screen door
But it's not Thursday.
It's not?
Shit, now I'm worried.
No, weekends are for painal.
Well, enjoy your butthurt I guess.
Butthurt is eternal.
File: Lyrawww yuss.gif (38 KB, 450x626)
38 KB
What a waste.
Hay guise, I missed the last few AIE threads, did fallanon ever come back?
Why not check the archives?
He's always around anyway.
I know it's lazy to ask, but it would be so nice if someone who knows could just tell me, instead of having to comb through the last 5+ threads looking for it.
His last post was in the previous thread
That's what Equestria still has
thank you
Wasted quads
I've posted at least a little each thread if you want all my stuff in one place I can just link the pastebin. I'm aiming to update again tonight anyway
Page nine pussy.
Everyone always comes back eventually.
ITT: laws that Mayor Mare has been forced to enact because of Anon.
The "Harlem Shake" is banned.
Anon is not allowed to own power tools.
Anon is not allowed to borrow power tools.
Anon is not allowed to invent new power tools.
No shrinking spells are to be used on Anon. (It's still sexual assault to trick someone into sitting on you.)
Anon is not allowed to mind children of any species.
Anon only has one birthday.
Anon may not demand monetary compensation for asbestos exposure.
Anon is not allowed to blame flatulence on inanimate objects.
Anon may not create, own, or distribute pornography.
Humans do not celebrate any pornography related holidays.
Humans do not greet each other with oral sex.
Humans do not fight for territory via "Sword Fighting."
Anon may not seduce stallions to "The Dark Side."
Public defecation is not a protected cultural experience.
Anon must keep his genitalia covered in public.
No "Mooning the Moon Princess" even if she liked it.
Anon may not give out nick names.
Humans do not require sexual intercourse once a week to survive.
Anon is not allowed in the woods.
Anon may not be alone with Lyra Heartstrings.
Anon may not be alone with Pinkie Pie either.
Applejack is only allowed to kick Anon once a day.
Anon is a member of a protected species and will not be put down for his own good. Even if he deserves it.
Anon may not suggest "Death by Snu Snu" as a punishment.
Anon: The Movie continues.

>Because you're a nosy jackass and also because Discord would probably feel insulted, in his own weird way, if you brought him unopened mail.
>You're gonna open his mail. Let's see what we got here. Oh. It's exactly the same letter you got. Urgent summons.
>Better not be about the comedy club you and Discord Chapelle did at the Gala.
>Celestia may have found it funny but as far as the rest of the crowd were concerned, you were dying on your feet.
>Best get this sorted quickly. To Fluttershy's! He practically lives there these days.
>How those two haven't taken each other dancing, vigorously and horizontally, yet is beyond you.
>Beyond most people in fact.
-----------------A short walk later-----------------
>"Discord you in there?"
>A flash of light, a brief sensation of nausea and a sudden eye watering change of surroundings.
>"Yes and so are you!"
>You fucking hate teleporting.
>"No time for the usual fun and games Discord. We got business to take care of."
>Discord reacts to your stern tone by slithering through the air and behind your back, looming over your shoulder like an evil conscience.
>"Ooooh? Do tell."
>Stepping away from the looming shoulder devil, you toss the scroll at him.
>"Celestia wants us."
>"Well who wouldn't want the pleasure of my company?"
>"I can think of quite a few but we don't have time for mucking about."
>Discord floats over, pinching your cheek like a disapproving grandmother.
>"And here I thought you knew how to have fun." Another flash of light and a diary appears in his claws. "When does her royal sunniness expect us."
>Snatching the diary, you toss it away. "Today. Now. The next few hours." Gotta be firm.
>He rolls his eyes. Before you can protest you're teleported again. When your vision clear you find yourself in- Oh for fucks sake.
>You appear to be in some sort of tacky 1920s club. Or maybe 1940s. Or maybe you're just in Las Pegasus.
>Whatever, it looks like the kinda of place you'd find pinstripe suits and gangsters who say 'See' at the end of every sentence.
>"What?" He has an injured tone in his voice, like he's done nothing wrong.
>"We don't have time for this."
>"Well someone is a grumpy one today, what put you in such a bad mood."
>"I only sing four songs a year, I'd quite like to get back to finishing the one that royal mail just interrupted."
>He lets out a dramatic sigh. "Fiiiine."
>Two in a row, you feel a little like vomiting. You're still suppressing the feeling when you hear the melodious, motherly tones of Celestia.
>"Anon, Discord. Thank you for coming so quickly."
>"You're welcome, Princess."
>"Yeah, what he said." First he doesn't want to come, now he's all you're welcome and stuff.
>"I will be brief with both of you, since time is of the essence."
>That post teleport nausea just got wiped out by a wave of foreboding.
>"Anon, you and Discord must find and capture the changeling queen, Chrysalis."
>Wow. That is.... Wow. Quite the bombshell. Wait a minute, there's a fucking chaos spirit with unlimited magic right here.
>"Ok then Celly. Discord. You heard the lady, one changeling queen in a cage please."
>Discord raises a claw but Celestia quickly interrupts.
>"I'm afraid it won't be that simple. We've had word that Chrysalis is in possession of a fragment of her magic dampening throne."
>Oh, Twilight told you about that thing. Nasty business.
>"It's not a large piece but it is enough to shield her from magical attempts to locate her."
>This is starting to sound a bit above your paygrade, hunting changeling queens with Discord. You have been on an adventure or two but this...
>"Don't worry Anon, it won't be just you and Discord. Pharynx of the Changelings and one of my Guardsponies will be joining you." Celestia apparently saw something of your internal doubt in your face. "They're already waiting for you in the lobby."
>Discord says something and leaves, you didn't catch what it was but he seemed eager to start, your own thoughts are in turmoil.
>"I know what you're thinking Anon but you're the best beings to send. Discord has great power. Pharynx has knowledge. And you... have a unique way of thinking."
>She's giving you that motherly 'I believe in you' smile.
>"And the guard?"
>"I thought it might make things go much more smoothly. My little ponies might get the wrong idea if Discord, a changeling and a well known eccentric troublemaker were wandering Equestria together."
>You're being sent on a dangerous quest and Sunbutt can still crack a joke.
>"Why not Twilight and the others, surely they'd be a better choice."
>"Perhaps. But Luna and I think it will take a different kind of friendship to stop Chrysalis."
>"But none of us are friends." Not even you and Discord, you're more partners in pranks than friends. "Most of us haven't even met."
>Celestia lays a reassuring hoof on your shoulder. "That's why you're going Anon. I believe you have the power to bring them together."
>"You've met me before right."
>"Don't be afraid Anon, there's more to you than the eccentric stranger you portray yourself as." There's that smile again. Guess you're not weaseling out of this quest.
>"I best get going then."
>"Good luck Anon."
>First task. Gather your party before venturing forth.

Is the floor clear? I'm ready to dump more Herd.

I shall take that as a "yes" then.

>"Anon!" a happy voice chirps from behind you.
>Looking over your shoulder, you see Lyra trotting around the seats.
>"Where are the girls?"
"They went home, Lyra. It's Sunday night and some ponies have work tomorrow."
>"Aww, I was looking forward to introducing them to Tavi!"
"You four do seem awfully close." you say, standing up and ruffling her mane.
>She coos happily as you scratch behind an ear.
>"That's- that's because- oh man, right there!"
"Great concert by the way. I have to admit, I was pleasantly surprised to see you featured so prominently in those folk songs."
>"Thanks, Anon! It isn't often ponies can really hear me through the orchestra, I just got lucky with that song!"
"I'm sure the conductor wouldn't have chosen it if he didn't think you were up to the task."
>"Shushushush." she says, flailing her hooves at you.
>Smiling, you kneel down and wrap the flustered mare in a one-armed hug.

>Straightening up, you offer a final ear scritch and look down at Lyra.
"Come on, let's get going."
>You walk out into the hall before motioning for Lyra to lead the way.
>Following close behind her, a thought comes to you.
"Do you go to the spa a lot, Lyra?"
>"Sometimes, but I can't really afford that kind of thing." she shrugs. "Spent it all on the house."
"Because somepony told me that the four of you are spending a lot of time together."
>"Ohhh, I thought you meant for a spa day or something. Yeah, we hang out together a lot now! Aloe and Lotus are a lot of fun to be around, and Rose just seems to know so much about everypony!"
"You know, you're pretty fun to be around too, Lyra."
>"Thanks, Anon." she says, rubbing up against your leg. "C'mon, this way."

>Eventually Lyra leads you across the stage to a collection of dressing rooms and rehearsal spaces.
>Pushing on the door to one of them, she calls out.
>"Tavi? It's Lyra. Can we come in?"

>"Oh! Lyra, yes, of course."
>As the two of you enter, Octavia looks up from her instrument case.
>She neatly tucks her sheet music into a side pocket.
>Closing the case, she walks up to Lyra and embraces her.
>"It has been too long." she sighs.
>"I know, I know." Lyra agrees. "But you're always on tour, and I just can't afford to travel that much."
>"You're such a gifted musician Lyra. Something will open up in time."
>Lyra shifts a little uncomfortably at the praise.
>"Thanks...oh, this is Anon!" she quickly redirects. "We're dating!"
"A pleasure to meet you." you say, offering a hand.
>She gives it a firm, single shake accompanied by a curt nod.
>"A pleasure to meet you." she says before hopping onto a nearby stool. "Please, make yourselves comfortable."
>There's a low couch against the wall, and Lyra hops over to it.
>Sizing it up, you decide it will be easier to lean against the wall.
>"So Anon, are you a musician as well then?"
"Nope. Quit band as a kid, wasn't very good at it." you chuckle. "I'm better at listening to music than playing it."
>"Anon is an architect." Lyra offers helpfully.
>"Oh, I see. How did you two meet then?"
"We met at a party thrown by a mutual friend."
>"I already knew who he was, the newspaper had run a few stories about him."
>"Really? I can't say that I recognize him."
"Lyra is making me seem like a bigger deal than I am." you say, throwing Lyra a wink. "Most of my work was done in Canterlot, if you're from Filly then you probably get different headlines."
>"Hmmm, yes, that makes sense." she nods
>"Anoooon aren't you going to sit?"
"There is no way I'm ever going to get out of that couch."
>"He is correct, Lyra. There is no graceful way for him to join you."
>"Don't take his side!"
>"I am just stating the facts-"
>You unceremoniously drop onto the cushions beside Lyra.
"You" you state flatly "are lucky I happen to like you."
>Lyra beams in response.

>"Be careful, Anon. She'll drag you into all kinds of trouble if you let her."
>"What? Why would you accuse me of such a thing!"
"Do I feel a story coming on?" you ask, leaning forward eagerly.
>"Well, there was the time you got us lost in Manehattan and we missed our train home-"
>"That wasn't entirely my fault! Normal places don't have both Blue and /Light Blue/ train routes!"
>Octavia just looks from Lyra to you with a deadpan expression.
>"We didn't get back to the city until an hour after the last train to Canterlot left."
>"But hey, Vinyl took us to that really neat club since we were in the city for another night!"
>"Ugh. We are /not/ discussing all of the hijinks you and Vinyl got us into together."
>"Awww, well I had fun..."
>"Some ponies just like the quieter things in life."
>"But it's important to roll with the changes, Tavi. You've got to learn to be flexible, like me!"
>You lift an eyebrow as you look over at your beaming companion.
>Before you can form your doubtless witty remark, Octavia pushes on.
>"I just wish there were a few less close calls."
"Close calls?"
>"I had a date the next afternoon. I only barely managed to be make it on-time, and I'm afraid I was a little disheveled-"
>"How is Minnie these days anyways?" Lyra asks, looking around as if the mare was hiding in a corner.
>"I wouldn't know." Octavia sniffs. "We broke up a few months ago."
>"Aw, Tavi. I'm sorry."
>"It's fine. I'm the one who broke it off. I think- I think you and Vinyl were right about her."
>"Still, you really cared about her."
>"We'll have to catch up later this week. I'd... rather not talk about this in front of Anon."
>"Oh. Right."
"I can leave, if you-"
>"Nonono, we'll talk later this week!" Lyra objects. "We can go to Hazel's place!"
>"Oh, so this is where she decided to move to? I knew she left Canterlot."
"I remember Hazel. She seems pretty cool."
>"Her dedication to her craft is amazing."
>"Octavia and Hazel both get super focused sometimes."

"You say it like it's a bad thing."
>"Focus is important!" Octavia huffs.
>"Music is more than notes on paper Tavi. You can't expect to express on paper what you haven't felt in your heart!"
>"Wha-Lyra! We are not having this argument again."
"So what do you do for fun in Filly?" you intervene.
>"Oh, well I, um." Octavia stumbles.
>Lyra giggles into her hoof.
>"I spend a lot of time practicing, but I do sometimes go out with a small group of friends from the orchestra. I enjoy listening to music in the park. And I visit mother and father every month."
>"Tavi is a homebody." Lyra whispers in your ear, the grey mare narrowing her eyes.
>"I can hear you, Lyra." she growls.
>"Eheheheh, it's not like it's a big secret Octavia."
>"That doesn't mean I want to be introduced that way!"
"Well you should come by Ponyville more often." you suggest. "I'm sure Lyra and Bonbon would be happy to host you."
>"Ah, how is Bonbon?" Octavia asks, quickly redirecting the conversation.
"Charming as ever."
>That earns you a light slug on the shoulder.
>"You know Bonnie. She's just been kind of serious since it happened."
>Octavia nods knowingly.
>"I take it Anon has met her then?"
>"A few times. Not a lot."
"We really should do something about that."
>"Wellll how about the three of us go somewhere sometime?"
>Et tu, Lyra?
>You're about just ask what trip she wants to go on, when she starts rattling off ideas.
>Nice, affordable, local ideas.
>She just meant to do something together.
>Damn, you're getting paranoid Anon.
>But seriously, these mares are bleeding you dry.
"-or we could go to Running of the Leaves together." she continues "Oh! And Million Bit Quartet is coming to the auditorium next month, and when the snow arrives we could-"
>You smile at no one as she rolls through an unending list of things to do.
>This mare really deserves more of your time.
>Soon you'll have more time.
>Or at least free weekends again.
>With a quick tousle of her mane, you seize a perky little pony ear and rub gently.
>"A-Anooon! Not in front of Tavi!"
>Looking over at the surprised Cellist, you offer a wink and a grin.
"Hey, you know I'll make time for you. I think the real trick will be getting Bonbon to agree to go."
>"Anon has a point." Octavia interjects "Bonbon wasn't very social before, I can only imagine how she is now."
>"Did-stop that!- did you two practice this conversation earlier or something?" Lyra asks, batting your hand away from her ears.
"Nope. But you know what they say, Great Minds think alike!"
>Octavia scoffs.
"Oh, you don't agree? I am hurt, Octavia."
>Lyra snickers into a hoof and the grey mare rolls her eyes.
>"Stating the obvious does not make somepony a 'great mind', Anon."
>Feigning ignorance you point to your companion.
"But Lyra overlooked that detail, and she's Bonbon's best friend!"
>"Lyra approaches /everything/ with unwarranted enthusiasm."
>"Well maybe you should come with to help us, then!" Lyra shoots back.
>"I have to get back to Fillydelphia-"
>"We both know that you aren't busy. Your cello and music are already here with you in Ponyville, and I have a spare bedroom at home you can use!"
"Ponyville is a very quiet place compared the city." you offer.
>"I-I suppose I don't have any performances coming up-"
>"Awesome! Now we just need to get Vinyl-"
>"Celestia no!"
>"Aw, but we're getting the band back together!"
>"I just want to relax, Lyra."
"I know the feeling." you commiserate "Lyra, let's give her a week to settle in first."
>Lyra looks between you two before deflating a little.
>"So Octavia, got any more good stories about your groups adventures?"
>As the door closes behind Anon, you look over at your old friend.
>It's late, but you don't have work tomorrow.
>Neither does Octavia, though she is going to Canterlot for a few days this week.
>She hops off of her stool and takes Anon's place next to you.
>"He seems nice."
"He's the best."
>"I didn't know you had a coltfriend."
"We've only officially been together for a little while now."
>"How does Bonnie feel about him?"
>"Is it because of Anon, or-"
"It isn't Anon. At least, I don't think it's Anon." you reply carefully. "I'm trying to get her to agree to go on a date with him!"
>"Forming a Herd isn't something to take lightly, even if it's with Bonbon, Lyra."
"Oh! Right! It never came up, but Anon was explicitly told to build a herd. I'm trying to get Bonnie to take one of the spots."
>"A stallion -or whatever- of station?"
"Eh, kind of? I don't really know how any of that works, Octavia."
>She smiles gently.
>"Bonnie always did handle that sort of thing, didn't she?"
"I just...I'm always worried that I'll screw up!"
>"You seem to be doing just fine with Anon."
"I hope so... I like the other girls so far too!"
>"How many are there?"
"Four of us right now. Me and Roseluck and then Aloe and Lotus!"
>"That doesn't leave any room for Bonbon, are you trying to push one of the others out?" she asks, frowning slightly.
"N-no! I couldn't do that!"
>"It wouldn't be worth it to help your best friend?"
"But I won't have to!" you quickly explain. "Anon- he was told by the princess that he needs seven mares, so there's plenty of room!"
"Yeah! Yeah, so you know, I won't have to push anyone out..."
>Your expression must be giving you away, because Tavi leans in close.
>"Lyra? Is something wrong?"
"What if...what if I get pushed out?"
>A familiar bell rings as you enter the spa.
>Nopony is at the desk, so you check the sign-in sheet.
>Hmm, both are in with customers...
>Looking surreptitiously around, you see nopony around.
>So you walk around the desk.
>The little book of reservations is lying open on the counter.
>Checking your watch, you run a finger down the column to 1:15.
>It seems that there are back to back doubles.
>Cheerilee and Bonbon are in with them currently.
>Daisy and Lily should be arriving in fifteen minutes...
>But if you recall correctly, the first half of the treatment only needs one pony.
>They're just chaperoning the sauna and tubs.
>Assuming your experience was typical, of course.
>Which it probably wasn't.
>Eh, you only need to catch Aloe for a minute or two.
>Making your way back around the desk, you take a seat in the reception area and lean your head back.
>Closing your eyes, you quickly run through your theoretical Canterlot itinerary:
>Get to Canterlot
>Meeting with the Academy
>Take Aloe to the Institute of Art
>Meet with the Pink Demon
>Take Aloe somewhere nice for Dinner
>This does leave you with a bit of time still.
>And you need to find something for Aloe to do while you're in those meetings.
>You'll need to write back to Cadence and ask for suggestions.
>Realistically, you know what her response will be for the first meeting.
>She's going to drag Aloe shopping.
>Because the Imperial Treasury can afford it, and -more importantly- it gives Cadence a chance to talk to Aloe and snoop around your relationships.
>Letting out a sigh, you roll the thought around for a moment.
>You /suppose/ it's reasonable.
>She /is/ the Princess of Love after all.
>Not that she seems so directly involved in anyone else's love life.
>The bell rings and you open an eye.
>Lily and Daisy have arrived a bit early it seems.
"You're a bit early." you offer, closing your eye again.
>"Ten minutes isn't that early." Daisy counters.
>"I hope we aren't interrupting anything." Lily adds.
>Sitting upright, you put up your hands.
"Nothing exciting, just need a quick word with Aloe." you say. "Hoping to catch her between appointments."
>"We won't judge you for wanting to spend some time with your marefriends-" Daisy says, sitting down next to you.
>"But you really should make an appointment!" Lily finishes, dropping into the seat next to you.
>You can feel your face heating up a little.
"Well, I, uh-"
>The two just crack up laughing.
>"Too-Too easy!" Daisy sputters.
"Rose put you up to this, didn't she?"
>"Not really." Lily says, her breathing normalizing. "She said some things that gave us the idea, but we had no idea you'd be here today."
"Fair enough."
>"So you're here just to see Aloe?" Daisy asks.
"Yeah, I need to ask about her schedule."
>"But not Lotus?"
"Not this time, no. Why?"
>"She's just being nosy." Lily interjects, rolling her eyes.
>"Hey, I'm just trying to keep tabs on Rose's coltfriend."
"Oh really now?"
>"Oh, because you're such an expert on coltfriends?"
>"He's a nice stallion and you should be happy for Rose!"
>"Not in front of-"
"I hope I'm not causing-"
>"Am I interrupting...?"
>All heads turn to see Aloe in the doorway.
"Just chatting while they wait." you offer cheerily.
>"Okay then." Aloe says slowly. "Well, Miss Daisy, Miss Lily, Lotus is waiting for you by the hot tub. If you'd follow me please?"
>Daisy heads into the back followed by Lily, who turns to give you a wink before she disappears into the spa.
>Furrowing your brow, you digest what just happened.
>You're going to have to talk to Roseluck.
>And since you saw the schedule, you happen to know that her sisters will be at the spa for the next two hours.
>Aloe first though.
>A few moments later Aloe returns.
>"Anon? Why /are/ you here?"
"You." you offer, standing up.
>You follow her into the break room where she promptly collapses into a chair.
"Long day?"
>"Absolutely unbelievable." she groans "Lotus handled the scheduling while I was sick, and she likes to pack all of the difficult appointments into one day so the rest of the week is easy."
"That's an interesting way of doing things."
>"It is also why she isn't in charge of scheduling."
>You shake your head and laugh.
>Picking Aloe up out of her chair, you cradle her in your arms and retreat to the futon against the wall.
>Dropping into a corner, you stretch Aloe across the cushions.
>She rests her head in your lap while you gently rub up and down her back.
>"We should teach you how to really use those hands."
"Some mares would argue that I already know how."
>"Incorrigible." she snorts.
"What did you have in mind?"
>"Hmmm, I'm not sure. But give me and Lotus some time to think about it."
"Well, if I have my way, you'll be stuck with me for a very long time."
>"Good. Because I'm too tired right now."
"How long until you have to go help Lotus?"
>"Oh, I'll have to go prep the tables in half an hour or so."
>You just hum in acknowledgement.
>This is nice.
>The quiet is nice.
>Aloe is nice.
>You need to do less, savor more.
>You're here for a reason, idiot!
"Before I forget, I did come here for a reason."
>"You mean you didn't come here just to see me?"
"No, I came here for you. But I needed to ask about your schedule."
>She cocks her head just enough to look at you with one sleepy eye.
"So you mentioned how Lotus plans things... want to leave her to handle the light load and come to Canterlot with me?"
>She shakes her head as she closes her eyes again, heaving a sigh.
>"You're lucky Lotus is so bad at scheduling."
"Is that a yes?"
>"When do we leave?"
"8 o'clock on Thursday work for you?"
>"Mhmm. When do we get back?"
"I'm thinking Friday afternoon. It can be sooner if you need it to be."
>"What if I want it to last longer?"
>You look down at her.

>She's not looking up at you, but her one ear is adorably cocked, waiting for an answer.
>This mare.
"Well, I can't take you away from Lotus for too long, or you'll get another schedule like this." you muse. "However, we could always catch an evening train instead."

>Sadly, but predictably, Aloe did eventually leave you to return to work.
>On your own once more, you venture out into the cold afternoon and start heading back to the castle.
>Or wait...
>Lily and Daisy are at the spa.
>Changing course, you head for Ponyville's only florist shop.
>Inside the shop, you don't find anypony.
>A bell says ring for assistance, but you opt to simply walk through the back of the shop.
>Sticking your head out the back door, you can see Rose loading up a cart in the greenhouse.
>Crossing the yard, you surreptitiously bump her flank as you come up alongside her.
"Need any help?"
>"Are you in any shape to do so?"
"Hey, I only have to rest the one arm."
>"Speaking of, where is your sling?"
"Back at the castle."
>"It doesn't work if you don't wear it, Anon."
"Hey, it's uncomfortable and in the way. I've done a good job of not using my left arm so far."
>"Just don't be surprised when Redheart gives you grief about it later."
"What she doesn't know won't hurt her."
>"It might hurt you, though." she shoots back, before fixing you with a smirk "And don't be so sure she won't know."
"Are you implying" you answer, taking hold of the cart with your good arm "that one of my marefriends -my most trusted confidantes- would rat me out to Nurse Redheart?"
>With a heave you begin to drag the cart along behind you.
>"I am implying that your marefriends, who care very much about you, would do their best to keep their big strong hoofball player healthy, even if he has taken a few too many blows to the head."
"Hey now." you start to argue as you enter the shop. "I think you're overhyping this."
>Rose motions for you to lean in close.
>She places a quick kiss on your cheek.
>"Aloe is right. You can be really dumb sometimes."

>You were now sitting on a couch upstairs.
>While Roseluck unloaded the cart, you had been sent back to the castle to put your sling on.
>There was much grumbling, but Rose would hear none of your arguments.
>You admit she is probably right, of course.
>But this damn thing is uncomfortable around your neck and tends to get sweaty.
>Just because you know you should doesn't mean you want to wear the sling.
>Rose returns to the room with coffee.
>Thanking her, you take a mug and lean back as she snuggles in beside you.
>Reaching behind you, the mug is set on the window sill, freeing up your good arm to pet the pony.
>She's a very good pony, the kind of pony that seems to know how to make you do the right thing without ever raising her voice.
>The kind of pony that other mares are comfortable confiding in.
>And the kind of pony that they take advice from, too.
>You reach up to scratch an ear affectionately.
"How is it, princess, that you are so intuitive with ponies?"
>"Oh, it's just a combination of who I am and what I do."
"That's not much of an answer." you chide.
>"I am a florist. Who do most ponies buy flowers for?"
"Their marefriend?"
>"Their marefriend." she nods. "And who do you think they talk about while buying those flowers?"
"Their marefriend?"
>"You're catching on." she teases. "So if you're just good at listening, a lot of ponies will tell you all about their relationships and thank you for it. After a while, you just get a feeling for how things will go."
"Hmmm, I see. So tell me, oh wise one... do your sisters like me?"
>There's a pause, and Rose shifts to look up at you.
>"Lily likes you. Daisy does too, but she feels like it's her job to look out for me because I always looked out for them."
"That's sweet."
>"It is, but it is also irritating."
>"She's not very good at it."
>Squeezing Roseluck, you can't help but laugh.

>The rest of the day, and the next few as well, are spent buried in your work.
>You visit the House several times, but there isn't much to oversee during the gutting process.
>Also, Jim threatens to punt you over the fence himself if you keep bothering him and the crew.
>You knew there was a reason you liked him.
>Technically it was your property and you had a right to be there.
>But you respect him as a foreman and understand that, ultimately, you were distracting the work crews.
>You sent a few letters, just getting things in order.
>Letting a few ponies know you were coming and such.
>The remaining time is spent making final revisions to your botanical garden plans based on feedback from your last visit.
>The goal, as overly optimistic as it may be, is to get the plans approved on the first pass.
>You know that, even if they're approved, you will be dealing with countless revisions right up until the final day of work.
>But at least the overall vision won't change.
>You've got to start somewhere.

>Thursday evening you went down to the practice field to watch the team.
>You had told Rainbow about your arm earlier in the week, so your absence would have been excused.
>But it was good to coach the offense a little.
>Particularly the quarterback.
>They'll be fine.
>Not like this game really matters.
>Thunderlane and Company's win last weekend effectively ended your hopes for a playoff berth.
>Technically possible...
>...but highly unlikely.
>As you walk back to the castle the cold night breeze starts to really pick up.
>Autumn is fading fast.
>Next weekend will be the end of the good weather, probably.
>Hopefully it holds out just long enough for Fluttershy's shindig.
>Pushing through the doors, you catch a glimpse of a roaring fire in the study on your way upstairs.
>Hanging up your coat, you consider your schedule.
>8 o'clock train means picking up Aloe at 7:30...
>Have to leave here by 7:15...
>You've got a little time left tonight.

>Grabbing a bottle of bourbon and a rocks glass, you head downstairs.
>On the sofa is a passed out purple pony.
>Her nose pressed into an open book.
>Giving her a light shake, you find her dead asleep.
>Chuckling to yourself, you heft her into your arms and somehow manage to grab her book as well.
>Carefully keeping it open to her page, you carry both up to her bedroom.
>The book goes on the nightstand.
>The pony goes under the Princess Celestia covers.
>Some things never change.
>Sitting by the fire a few minutes later, you think about what Rose had told you.
>Did Twilight like you as more than a friend?
>Do you like her as more than a friend?
>You already know there's going to be a thousand rules about dating a princess.
>Quickly parrying the oncoming headache with a drink of the elixir of life, you dismiss those thoughts.
>Too much thinking for a nice night like this.
>Tipping a bit more into your glass, you watch the firelight reflect off the amber liquid.
>The oaken body, the hint of sweetness at the finish and the sting of good alcohol eventually lull you to sleep.

>The next morning finds you (after taking a shower and a few aspirin) cheerily yet blearily making your way to the train station with Aloe.
>While you will never admit it to the pony beside you, it was only Spike that saved you from oversleeping.
>Needless to say, after racing through your morning routine, you had taken a few seconds to leave a more tangible thank you for the little dragon.
>Which reminds you to talk to Celestia about scribe training for him while you're in Canterlot.
>So much to do, and so little time!
>All aboard!

>Stepping off the train in Canterlot, you pause to take in the hustle and bustle of the city.
>It really is an entirely different feel than the ambling pace of Ponyville.
>"So where to?" Aloe asks, looking up at you expectantly.
"To the castle."
>"The castle!?"
"The castle." You nod "It's not as intimidating as you'd think, c'mon."
>Leading the way, you push a path through the sea of ponies milling about the terminal.
>Outside isn't much better.
>"It reminds me of Stalliongrad."
"I guess that makes sense, they're both big cities."
>"Canterlot doesn't have as much soot though."
"Yeah, Canterlot is a money and politics kind of place."
>"It's nice!"
"It's just dirty in other ways. Shall we?"
>Aloe offers a cute nod, and you press on into the city.

>After a quick visit to your apartment, Cadence arrives to whisk Aloe away.
>You probably should have warned Aloe about that.
>To you, Cadence is a friend -albeit a sometimes overbearing one- but to Aloe she's still a princess.
>You're looking forward to her expression when she finds out tomorrow afternoon's schedule of events.
>Ah well, one thing at a time.
>Right now you're in a conference room at the Academy.
>Have been for over an hour now.
>And somehow this project got better and worse at the same time.
>Dear Celestia and Luna made a deal to match donations to the Royal Canterlot Academies (up to a certain amount, of course) and the bits poured in.
>Including several donations specifically towards this project.
>Large donations.
>The Board of Regents has decided to considerably expand the size of this project.
"Gentlecolts, I appreciate your enthusiasm." you begin slowly, quelling the oncoming migraine. "But I must point out that you cannot simply double all numbers in the drawings to produce a compound of twice the size."
>"Surely it is within your capabilities, though?" the Chairman asks, leaning forward expectantly.
>You sigh, and close your eyes.
>A list of all the things you will need to do floats through your mind.
>Opening your eyes, you meet the Chairman's gaze.
"I can do it. But it won't be free."
>"We have already budgeted for that." the Treasurer nods. "We'll be doubling your compensation."
>It takes a moment for her words to sink in.
>That's a lot of bits.
>You could do a lot with that kind of money.
"What's the catch?"
>The Chairman looks to his right, and a stallion two rows down shuffles some papers.
>"Yes, well, in addition to the increases in the overall scope, there are a few other changes."
"Such as...?" you growl.
>"Oh, most of them are very minor." he chuckles nervously. "We do, ah, however, need to have some sort of nod to the larger donors in each of the buildings."
"Ah. You sold the naming rights."
"Is that not a thing here? In my world it wasn't uncommon to sell the name to a building as part of the financing. This was quite common on University campuses."
>"It isn't something we'd considered, no." the Chairman answers. "How would that work?"
"Well, Let's say that Prince Blueblood is the primary donor behind the Vahoover house. We could name it 'The Prince Blueblood Hall of the Northwest' and inside both ends would be a small lobby with restrooms and a bust of the Prince."
>"How much extra work will that create? And how much more will that cost?" the Treasurer asks.
"Expanding the size of the project this way more or less requires that bathrooms be added to every building. This simply uses that same space, so the only change in costs will be the art piece dedicated to the sponsor."
>"So not too awful." an older stallion on your left rumbles. "I can handle that part of the project."
>Ah yes, that's his name: Brass Tacks.
>Owner of a small art foundry here in the Canterlot, and a much larger -and dirtier- mill out in Filly.
"As soon as I have the new drawings, I'll get in touch to work out the details."
>"So you're taking the job then, Anonymous?"
"Did you really think I would say no?"
>"Well, er-"
>"We know you relocated to Ponyville to recuperate." the Treasurer chimes in.
"It seems that everyone knows something about my personal life these days." you say, rolling your eyes as you get to your feet. "But I will indeed continue to serve as your architect."
>Shaking hooves with all assembled, you pull on your overcoat and head out the door.
>As you pass through the lobby and out into the cold mountain air, a thought hits you.
>What will your mares say?

>You're near the end of your third martini when Aloe returns.
>Unlike Rose, she seems to have actually enjoyed her time with Cadence.
"Have a good time?"
>"Oh Celestia yes! It was so much fun!" she exclaims, hopping up onto the couch beside you.
>A moment later a guard enters your apartment and drops a dozen bags and boxes on the table.
>With a grim nod to you, he leaves.
>Before you can even ask, Aloe starts describing her day.
>After you parted ways, the Pink Princess had taken her straight away to go clothes shopping.
>Which she apparently considered 'warming up'.
>Then the usual spa trip with a twist.
>Aloe and Lotus run a spa after all, so the usual simply wouldn't do.
"So where did you end up going?"
>"It's called 'Caspian' and it's run by two lovely Ibexian mares. Lots of traditional and natural cures and treatments from the wilds beyond Stalliongrad."
"Any new ideas to bring home?"
>"There were lots of new things, but Ponyville is so old-fashioned sometimes..."
"Ah, yeah. Maybe just something for you and Lotus to do together sometime."
>"Yes, that's a great idea! You'll have to take her there!"
"I will?"
>"Somepony has to be at the spa, Anon!" she giggles.
"You can't just close for the day?"
>"Afraid of going alone?"
"I wouldn't want to give Lotus any more ideas than she already has."
>"She's harmless."
>You lean down to plant a kiss on Aloe's forehead.
"I also promised to take her to the ocean."
>"I understand." Aloe says, eyes gleaming. "You're afraid that taking her to a spa will give her ideas, but you don't think that laying around in the sun and the sea will?"
"I may have made a miscalculation."
>Aloe finally breaks eye contact as she collapses into a giggle-fit.
>You down the last of your drink.
"So what else did you do today?"
>"Oh, after that we went to a bunch of galleries."
>"Some art and a lot of jewelry."
"Cadence does know how to drain the Treasury."
>"You're always so critical of her! She's a wonderful pony!"
"...what did you get?"
>"A pair of silver and pearl lily mane pins. One for me, and one for Lotus."
"Ah, like the ones you wore to the concert?"
>She nods. "And we located a few places that do custom work...for Herds."
"Alright, you crazy mare." you say, scooping her up into your arms as you get to your feet.
>"Where are we going?"
"I figured we walk through the Upper Market and eat while we browse"
>"I can't walk if you don't put me down, Anon."
"You'll live."
>The next morning, having dropped off Aloe with Princess Luna, you proceed directly to the usual place.
>Walking into the spacious parlor, you kick back on your favorite chaise lounge.
>Closing your eyes, you soak up the warm morning sunlight.
>Stretching, your joints pop as you release a contented sigh.
>You don't even open your eyes when the door opens.
>The soft clinking of decorative horseshoes on the floor tells you that your company is royal.
>"Comfortable, Anon?"
"Thanks for coming, Cadence."
>"It is very rare that you actually ask to see me, I usually have to chase you down. Call me curious."
"You were always very good at it."
>"I only did what was necessary."
"Was it all really necessary?"
>"You needed a social life."
"I needed a break."
>"And now Twilight has arranged one for you!" she exclaims gleefully.
"Uh-huh. And somepony gave her the idea to force me to form a Herd while on this break."
"Somepony who happens to know a lot about Love, Relationships and the magic and law surrounding them."
"Cadence." you say, opening your eyes and meeting her gaze.
>She looks away and huffs.
>"Because you need a mare...or seven."
>Giving her your best incredulous stare, you open your mouth to protest only to be cut off.
>"No! Don't object! Don't tell me that you're fine and just tired and whatever! I am the Princess of Love, Anonymous! I could feel the loneliness every time I stepped into your studio."
>You sit up as she begins to pace.
>"It positively radiated from the untouched spaces of your apartment, and screamed at me from the chaos of your home office."
>You're caught off-guard by her intensity.
>Was it really that bad?
>Are you lonely?
>Surely not anymore, but back then?
>"Whether you were ready to admit it or not, you desperately wanted somepony. You clung to Celestia and Luna as your closest friends, and they love you for it. Few people see them as equals, and that makes you precious to them. But there are rules about dating royalty, and they know it. So I started throwing mares in front of you!"
"I never said-"
>"SHUT UP!" she shouts. "Just listen to me!"
>Swinging your legs around so you can face her, you set your feet on the floor and nod for her to continue.
>"Maybe I didn't know you well enough, but I had to do something Anonymous. So whenever I found a mare that I thought might hold your interest, I looked into their relationships. If they were single, I set up blind dates."
>You want to say something before closing your mouth when Cadence's posture sags.
>"And when that inevitably went down in flames, I took the time to help each and every one of them find a good coltfriend." she sighs sadly. "Nothing I ever did seemed to work."
>Aren't you just an asshole.
>You fumble for words to convey what you're thinking.
>On one hand, you feel a need to apologize.
>Cadence was really only trying to help.
>On the other, you really couldn't possibly have balanced all of that work and a relationship at the same time.
>Your mouth opens and closes a few times.
>False starts as you try to piece together a response.
>"So...So yes, Anonymous." the pink princess sniffles. "When the opportunity presented itself, I pushed. And I pushed hard."
"I- I don't know what to say Cadence."
>"It doesn't matter. You seem to be doing better in Ponyville, now that you're away from work."
"Yeah, I guess so."
>"Oh, don't think I don't know, Anon."
>"About the House. And you told me yourself about the botanical garden. And there's always hoofball." she says, rolling her eyes. "For such a cultured colt, your love of that sport is truly typical."
"Hey, you wanted me to be social. Don't rag on the one thing I do for fun!"
>"Even when we send you away you still manage to take on more work than you can handle."
"Hoofball is over in two weeks. Construction is beginning on the House which should be done by Hearthswarming. That will leave me with the gardens, which I only took on because I needed the bits."
>"Lots of gambling debts, Anon?"
"What? No, not really my kind of thing. Why?"
>"Then you really aren't hurting for bits." she shoots back "I know you think you are, but only because you're either a stubborn colt or a clueless human."
>"Probably both."
"Alright, so tell me about the bits you think I have."
>"So clueless then." she says, abruptly sitting on the couch.
>With a sigh, you heave yourself onto your feet only to move to the couch and flop into the corner opposite Cadence.
"Actually, that's the real reason I wanted to talk to you."
>"What's that? You didn't just come here...to be angry?"
"No." you admit. "I needed to be angry -this whole thing is a mess sometimes- but it's not the real purpose of coming here."
>She gives you a small nod.
"I said it was a mess sometimes. One of the reasons for that is that I know nothing about Equestrian dating, let alone the apparently very tradition-rich etiquette of herding."
>"So you-"
"I need your help."
>Cadence stares at you for a moment...
>...before a tremendous grin spreads across her face.
>"Oh Anonymous! This is amazing! I never thought I'd see the day!"
>You just sink into the cushions.
>Leaning your head back, you stare at the ceiling while she titters excitedly for a few minutes.
>"Anon? Anon!"
>"So where do we begin?"
"Well, I think we've cleared up the issue with pony dating speed."
>She nods.
"Just about everything else is like an old-school human romance, as far as I can tell." you continue "And I've had to have a lot of conversations about human dating."
>"So herding then?"
>"Well, that's kind of broad." she begins slowly. "I suppose you understand the base concept, so we'll go from there."
"Sounds good to me."
>"So Herds form around successful stallions simply because there are more mares than stallions. Even so, it's considered a mark of status to have a second mare."
>You roll your eyes and lay your head back down.
>"I know you aren't thrilled about it Anon, but understand that the task ahead of you is a big deal in most circles. You might not realize it because you lived in Upper Canterlot for so long, and herds are common there, but think about Ponyville. How many stallions there have even a second mare?"
>It's a good question.
>You can't name a single one.
>Sitting up, you look over to her.
"Why is that?"
>"If you have one mare, it isn't uncommon for her to work. But if you have a second, it's expected that at least one of your mares will stay home and raise the foals."
"Ah I see. So the Cakes, for example..."
>"They pay the bills, their foals are fed, and their home is warm. What little else they have they save -just in case."
"But if suddenly they were the only baker in town, and their business quadrupled-"
>"-probably, yes." Cadence says after considering it for a second. "But we're moving off topic."
"I don't-"
>"You make plenty of money. In fact, by Ponyville standards you're quite well to do."
>You can't argue that.
>Even if you're rather housepoor.
>"So it is expected that some, if not all, of your mares will stay home."
"See? I keep telling-"
>"Hush, I'm not finished." Cadence says, waving a hoof. "Yes, you're very concerned about money. I've heard as much."
"Who told y-"
>"Don't worry about that. Just know that your mares don't all have to quit their jobs immediately. It's normal for them to slowly fall into their places in the Herd."
>"While every herd is different, with the mares taking on all sorts of roles, there are only two specific roles that every herd has." she explains. "The Herd Stallion -that's you- and the Alpha Mare."
>Now where have you heard that term before...
>"The stallion is expected to lead the herd. How he does this is up to him, but it's his job to take care of the Family. And you're going to do just fine."
>"But" she continues. "You could stand to be a little more...in command."
>"I know that your philosophy towards your Herd has been rather...C'est la Vie, but if you want to preserve peace in your household, you really need to step in and take charge more often."
"Fair enough."
>"Now the Alpha Mare, that's one way to help you take charge Anon" Cadence offers. "She's intended to be the stallion's right hoof."
>She explains that, since you cannot be everywhere, the Alpha Mare will be there to help you take care of the family.
>"Some Alphas are like lieutenants, others are more autonomous. Again, that comes down to how you want to lead your herd."
"Like lieutenants?"
>"They check in with their stallion before he leaves for work, and then again when he gets home. He gives them the marching orders for the herd for the day."
>You pull a face and Cadence giggles.
>"I know, you aren't the micromanaging type. But not everypony is you, Anon."
"Whatever works, I guess." you say, standing. "Drink?"
>"I'm fine, thank you." She declines. "Anyways, those are the two roles every herd has. Oh, and just a warning, Anon?"
>"You can expect the mares to compete for that title until you choose your Alpha."
"Ahhh. Yeah. That makes some sense now." you say, watching the tonic water fizz.
>Glass in hand, you return to your seat.
>Mmmm, that's some high quality gin.
>"There is one last universal constant in Herding."
>"A dowry."
>"Of course! We already established that a mare joining a herd wasn't free. In olden times, this was meant to keep the poor from marrying up through herds. But now it's just to ease the impact on the family."
"See, now this becomes difficult!" you exclaim.
>Hopping onto your feet, you take a sip of your drink and waggle a finger at the princess.
"This used to be a thing back in the day with humans, but it hasn't been a part of my culture for a very long time. I have no idea how to handle a dowry."
>She just keeps staring at you sweetly.
"Stop giving me that look! I mean, is there a negotiation? Does the mare talk to me about it? Do I talk to her about it? How do I know if I'm being low-balled? Is it an insult if they do?"
"I don't *think* that any of them would do that to me, but what if they can't afford an 'appropriate' dowry? Do I kick them out just for that? I mean-"
>"Anonymous, please! Sit down."
>You look over at her.
>"Anonymous. Relax. I can help you."
>"First, sit. Then I'll answer some of those questions."
>You quickly return to your seat.
>"So yes, there is a negotiation of sorts. Traditionally the stallion would ask the mare's father for permission to marry his daughter. If he said yes, he would then initiate a conversation about the dowry."
"How quaint."
>"You said it yourself, Anon. Herding has a lot of tradition surrounding it." she smiles reassuringly. "But times have changed. If you feel her family is traditional like that, go that route. But more commonly, a stallion will invite a mare into his herd, and a day or two later the mare's parents will write to schedule a visit and it gets discussed then."
"Okay, so I just let them come to me. I can deal with that."
>"See? Not so hard after all."
"How do I know how-"
>"Yes, the amount. This is going to be hard for you, and some stallions will try to use it as a test on you. So I am proposing this: let me know when these visits happen, and I'll either arrange to be in Ponyville or Canterlot."
"Oh. Wow." you reply dumbly. "Really?"
>"Anon, we know that we tossed you into the deep end of the pool with all of this. The fact that nopony realized that humans dated less than half as fast as ponies taught us that." she confesses. "It would be wrong of us not to help you with some of the more subtle nuances of herding."
>"Myself, Twilight, and of course Luna and Celestia."
"There was a time when I was suspicious of the four of you discussing my life."
>"And now?"
"I've just come to accept the meddling."
>"So melodramatic." she chides.
"It is good to know that I'll have a skilled negotiator with me. Feels kind of like cheating though."
>"It's not uncommon for negotiations to go back and forth across a weekend together. Maybe you could just consult with me, and do it yourself... if that better suits your ego?"
"Hey, I- alright, that's actually true." you say, finishing your gin and tonic. "And yes, it feels more manly."
"Yeah, yeah."
>"Oh, hmmm, there's more to consider, but we'll get there. So those are basically the common things that happen in every herd. But there are lots of things to consider about how you want your particular herd to function."
"I think a lot of that is going to depend on who ends up in the Herd, don't you think?"
>Cadence offers you a bright smile.
>"Smart colt." she says with a smirk. "And while that is certainly true, you should be thinking about some of these things as you build your herd."
"Okay, shoot." you say, pouring a fresh drink.

>"There are two things at this point you should consider. The first is how you want to make herd membership official."
>Your confused expression and hand gestures convey your lack of understanding.
>"I know, herding is... complicated sometimes."
"Don't I just propose to the mares?" you finally blurt out.
>"Yes... No... Sometimes?" she answers with a shrug.
"Go on..."
>"A lot of it depends on family traditions and what you and your mares want. In unicorn tradition, for example, the Alpha Mare is the only one who marries the Herd Stallion."
"And in the others?"
>"Pegasi and Earth traditions vary, based on the ancient clans' differing traditions." she sighs.
"So I'm just going to have to talk to all of them about this."
>"To be blunt...yes. That would be best."
"Okay." you nod, standing up again. "Are there any common arrangements?"
>"The two most common are every mare being married to the stallion, and just brood mares being married."
"Brood mares?" you ask, rummaging through a desk.
>Procuring a legal pad as well as a fountain pen and ink, you take a seat.
>As you scribble down notes about marriage arrangements, Cadence explains how some herds only have certain mares designated for bearing foals.
>Usually these are the same mares that stay at home, while the non-brood mares maintain their jobs outside the home.
>Apparently this is most common among Pegasi.
>Duly noted.
>When your note taking finally catches up, you look up to see Cadence talking quietly to a butler.
>Once he has left, you nod.
"What else do I need to know."
>"That." she smirks "Is a very large amount of information. But let's just stick to herding for now, okay?"
>...you really walked right into that one.
>Well played, Pink Princess.
>Well played.
>"So the other thing to think about is how you want to handle a wedding."
"This soon?"
>"Well, that's the thing. You don't have to marry them all at once."
"I think I remember Snap mentioning that, come to think of it."
"Roseluck's dad."
>"Meeting the parents already? You might be doing better than I expected, Anon."
"It was her idea, but yeah. They're good ponies."
>"Well her father was correct. You could theoretically marry Roseluck, and then Aloe, and so on and so forth."
"I suppose that might be easier to plan."
>"Naturally, the first mare that you wed should be your Alpha."
"Makes sense."
>"And this does assume that you're marrying more than just the Alpha." she continues as the butler from before enters with tea service. "Though even if you don't marry any of the others, some sort of ceremony would be nice. Every mare dreams about her wedding day, after all."
"That seems rather stereotypical, but I suppose you're the expert."
>"I am, aren't I?" she giggles.
"Let's not push it, Cadence." you warn, watching the butler leave.
>"No fun..." she mumbles, shaking her head.
"Anything else about the weddings I should keep in mind?"
>"Just that many families have traditions about weddings, and you need to be conscious as to how they may interact or interfere with each other."
"That...is a headache for future Anon."

>"I believe I have heard about living arrangements already being in the works?"
"Yup. I've got that handled."
>"Do tell." she says, sipping from her tea.
"We can talk about the house in detail later -it's one of my favorite subjects, in fact- but for now let's just say that it's spacious, with rooms for every mare plus a master bedroom."
>"And if the family grows?"
"It is on a large plot of land in the country, and the farmhouse design is built to take expansions."
>"How insightful of you." she smiles over her saucer. "I may have underestimated your nesting instincts."
"I will choose to take that as a compliment."
>"It is." she says "So you're going to have all of your mares living with you in time?"
"I wasn't aware that there was any other arrangement?"
>"Again, every herd is different-"
"Of course."
>"-but some arrangements will leave the mares in their own homes."
"How is that even supposed to work?"
"Sometimes the mares stay at their homes and spend the weekends at the family home, this is common in herds with working mares and brood mares."
>"And other times, brand new herds will have everypony in their own homes, with the mares alternating who spends a week with the stallion."
"Just until they find a family home though, right?"
>"Usually. Though sometimes the stallion moves between homes as well, if the herd is really spread out. That isn't very common though."
"I can't imagine why."
>"Yes, it isn't an auspicious start for a herd. But with love and dedication, it can work for a time."
"Well, I don't live so far out of town that any of my mares will need a satellite home."
>"It sounds like you've got that pretty much figured out on your end. What about on their end?"
"I, uh, what do you mean?"
>"Well Anonymous, I presume none of your marefriends are homeless?"
>"Then they have homes of their own already. If they only have apartments it is a simple matter of terminating or waiting out the lease. If they have houses, those will become the Herd's."
"I see. And what if they have a shared interest in a house?"
>"Like Rose and her sisters?"
"You know much."
>"Please, Anon. You're too paranoid. I spent an entire day shopping with her while you were out looking at buildings or whatever it is you do for work."
"Something like that." you grumble.
>"Unfortunately there is no easy solution to that kind of arrangement." she explains with a shrug "You'll simply have to work that our on a case-by-case basis."
>"Look at it this way, that's potential money coming into the Herd."
"I suppose it won't hurt."
>"That reminds me, you'll be in charge of finances for the entire herd, unless you designate a mare to do that."
"Is that one of the 'roles' you mentioned earlier?"
>"One of many possibilities, yes."
"Okay, that's pretty normal." you sigh in relief. "I was waiting for some sort of weird ritualistic roles or something."
>Cadence lets out a burst of laughter.
>"Ohhhh...that's so...oh Celestia. That's amazing Anon."
"Well, come on. Look at it from my perspective."
>Cadence ignores you and continues to giggle uncontrollably for another minute or so.
>When she finally calms down, you clear your throat.
"Alright, very funny. I get it. Is there anything else I should know?"
>"Not too much." she sighs, taking a long sip from her tea.
>She talks a bit more about divvying up responsibilities in the household amongst the mares.
>Her logic is sound, you're not the micromanaging type.
>If you have a herd of mares you trust, why would you expend that kind of energy when they can easily handle it?
>Most importantly, it will allow you to keep working, so that they don't have to.
>Which is important to you.
>It just feels right that way.
>"One final subject to think about, Anon."
"Just to think about?"
>"You won't need to make any decisions just yet." she nods. "Which of your mares you plan to have foals with."
>And suddenly you have a headache.
"I'm not sure if that's even possible yet-"
>"Anon, don't give me that." she says, shaking her head. "You and I both know that the magic exists to help you with that problem. It has for centuries."
"Humans are different from Gryffons and Minotaurs, Cadence."
"Then accept that your children will all be ponies." she shoots back. "The potions for maternal-linked crossbreeding are tried and true."
"I suppose I should have known that my usual deflections wouldn't fly with the Princess of Love."
>"Like you said, I'm the expert on these things."
"I suppose I /would/ like to have kids..."
>"I know."
>"Just call it a feeling."
>You sigh, and set down the notepad.
"Okay. Anything else?"
>"That's it. Any other details are between you and your marefriends."
>"Oh, and I hear you've bought a large home?"
"I have. You'll be pleased to know that I bought it specifically with my mares in mind."
>"Twilight tells me it's become a big project for you."
"Well, they're just finishing up some demolition work right now, but down the line..."
>"Absolutely typical, Anonymous."
"Hey, you know full well how picky I am, and Ponyville isn't exactly Equestria's largest real estate market."
>"I want to see it."
"Of course. As soon as it's done I'll-"
>"No, this weekend when I'm in. I want to see what has you so fascinated."
"Of course." you sigh.
>Glancing at the clock, you realize it's been an hour already.
"Cadence, I have to admit, it was good to finally talk to you about all of this."
"And we should do it again sometime. But for now-"
>"You're thinking about your marefriend." she smiles knowingly "Go on, I'll see you this weekend."

>"Yes, Sister tells us she personally hosted him for an entire Summer at the Royal Retreat on Horseshoe Bay."
>"Is that place very rural?" Aloe asks, as you step silently into the room behind them.
"Quite. But it is very peaceful." you answer, stepping into place beside your marefriend.
>"Anonymous, welcome." Luna offers with a smile. "And yes, he is correct. It is built far from the prying eyes of the public."
>"You've been there?" Aloe asks, whirling to look up at you.
"A few times, yes." you nod "I was actually going to try to escape there for a bit before I was rerouted to Ponyville for my vacation."
>Luna has the good grace to look a bit uncomfortable.
>"If you worked less you would enjoy your vacation more, I think."
>You size Aloe up in confusion.
>"What? What are you looking for?"
"The zipper. There's no way you're not Rose in an Aloe suit."
>"Oh no, you have figured out my secret." she says, rolling her eyes.
"So what exactly are we looking at here?" you ask, gesturing to the large painting in front of you.
>Placing a hand on her withers, you let Aloe and Luna explain the story of the naval battle before you.
>It is a nice painting.
>You can clearly understand the subjects, and it conveys the motion of the ships well.
>Internally, you sigh in relief that Aloe has such good taste.
>You could have ended up at some awful post-modern gallery.
>And while a real Manet is well out of your price range, you would be perfectly happy to acquire a copy to hang in the house when it's complete.
>Hell, "The Battle of Cherbourg" may hang in your office.
>Allowing yourself to be lead into the next room, filled with more of Equestria's finest Impressionism, you hang back to allow Aloe and Luna to dive into the paintings together.
>Aloe may be your marefriend, but when it comes to fine art you are the odd man out in this trio.
>They are enjoying themselves.
>That's what matters.
>Eventually you settle into a post beside Aloe, hand on her withers, letting her and Luna meander through the Exhibit.
>A thought strikes you.
>It would be good for Luna and Celly to hang out with your mares like this.
>They're two of your closest friends.
>And, frankly, they need some friends of their own.
>Most ponies are cowed by the mere presence of their Diarchs, but it seems that their common interest in your relationships serves as an adequate bridge.
>Rose and Aloe had no trouble with Cadence.
>Aloe is now talking animatedly about a series of paintings of the Grand Canal in Venice.
>Clearly she is comfortable around Luna.
>That would be good.
>With a nod to yourself, you resolve to make this happen.
>Now if only you had something to drink...

>As you finished with Manet -and with dusk fast approaching- Princess Luna excused herself to return to the castle.
>She still has duties of her own, after all.
>You've got tickets for the last train to Ponyville, leaving at 10pm on the Apploosan Overnight, which gives you just enough time.
>Stopping at the apartment, Aloe takes a moment to change while you grab your trusty pea coat.
>When she emerges from the bedroom, she has donned a carolina-blue pea coat of her own, accentuated with a white scarf and a matching blue hat.
>It's a good thing your coat is black- you aren't ready to do the matching couple thing yet.
>You open the door, and as she walks by you notice the lily pin she mentioned clasped to the side of her hat.
"So did you get a hat like that for Lotus too?"
>"No, why?"
"I just noticed the pin. I remember you saying you got a matching one for Lotus."
>"Yes! But we don't /always/ have to match, Anon." she says, adopting a fake pout. "I just liked the hat, the karakul was very popular in Stalliongrad."
"Ah, a little piece of home?"
>"Mhm. And you can pull them down over your ears when it gets really cold!"
"Well I daresay it's a cute outfit for a cute mare."
>She tries to bump your leg, but misses and ends up brushing you with her tail instead.
"And here I thought you weren't like your sister."
>She overcompensates on her second attempt and you topple over onto a nearby bench, catching yourself with your bad arm.
>Wincing at the pain, you straighten up and shrug it off while making a show of straightening your coat before turning back to a wide-eyed Aloe.
"Alright, alright." you say, hands up in mock surrender. "No more teasing."

>You reach Perimeter Park just after sunset.
>The noise of the milling crowd mingles with the mixed smells of fair food and seasonal treats.
>Rows of tents and stalls line the long paths, with strings of lights crisscrossing overhead to provide a soft warm glow as sunset fades to night.
>Wandering the unending rows of stalls, hand resting gently on Aloe's back, you mull over how to tell the girls that your workload just doubled.
>You needed the bits, it was no secret.
>Cadence had clued you in that your situation wasn't as dire as you had thought.
>But you still had a considerable mortgage to pay off...
>You look down at Aloe, who is picking through some blankets at a Yak vendor.
>If you tightened your belt and quit drinking so much you could probably afford to hire some help...
>Or you could just expect to pay your mortgage off more slowly.
>It isn't ideal, but you feel like maybe having a mortgage is just part of being a responsible adult though.
>Aloe tries on a couple of scarves and a poncho, but eventually decides not to buy anything.
"I dunno, the poncho was kind of cute."
>"It was heavy." she shrugs as the two of you walk away. "And unless you plan to take me to Apploosa, I can't imagine where I would ever wear it."
"I guess it is kind of niche, isn't it?"
>"Very." she agrees. "Oooh, where's that smell coming from~"
"And here I thought you were worried about your figure."
>Aloe, however, pays you no mind, following her nose until you find yourself in front of a familiar looking brown chef mare.
>"Anonymous! You're a bit far from Ponyville!"
>"You know her?"
"She's a friend of Lyra's." you explain, stepping forward as Hazel serves a pony at the counter. "She has a restaurant in Ponyville."
>"Is this the Roseluck Lyra has told me about?" Hazel asks, sliding a plate of food to a waiting mare.
>"My name is Aloe." your marefriend answers as the two of you step up to the till. "I run the Ponyville Day Spa with my sister."
>"Ohh, I think I've seen you before. Sorry, I'm new to Ponyville still."
>You order a butternut-pecan waffle, then nudge the pony next to you.
"Aloe, food time now."
>With a little squeak, she returns her focus to the menu and quickly settles on the apple-cranberry bread pudding.
>Two mugs of hot mulled cider complete the order.
>Stepping to the side, you watch as Hazel barks instructions at her assistants.
>"So is Lyra trying to set you up with her?" Aloe asks, holding onto your side as she whispers at your ear.
"I don't think so." you say, shaking your head. "We went to her restaurant on a date."
>"That doesn't mean she isn't."
"Would it bother you if she was?"
>"Every mare knows the way to a colt's heart is through his stomach." she mumbles. "And she is very pretty."
>"Well, Lotus says it's through something else-"
"Alright" you interrupt. "Ask Lyra about it next time you see her, but I think she's more concerned about Bonbon than Hazel."
>"Hmm, we do have plans to go for drinks next week sometime..."
"Oh, so there /are/ secret meetings."
>"It takes a lot of planning to court somepony as busy as you."
>Before you can reply, a golden brown waffle is slid forward, with a light drizzle of maple syrup and a generous dollop of whipped butter.
>It is followed by an enormous slab of bread pudding, dusted lightly with powdered sugar.
>Aloe takes her plate, and you grab yours as well as the two mugs that are pushed towards you.
>"Come by sometime, Anon. Maybe bring her next time, eh?" Hazel says with a wave and a wink.
>You just nod and go to join Aloe.

>Late that night, you sit on a train bound for Ponyville.
>Half of Aloe's food came home with you, warm in your coat pocket.
>Your other side is kept warm by the pink pony snoozing quietly against your side.
>Sleep had evaded you thus far and, with only half an hour left to Ponyville, there was no point in trying anymore.
File: 1391311559462.jpg (321 KB, 1000x1000)
321 KB
321 KB JPG

>Instead, your mind gnawed worriedly on how to bring up the extra work you'd taken on.
>Cadence will be furious, probably.
>But she wasn't in Ponyville much, so that won't be too bad.
>It's really Roseluck and Aloe you worry about.
>Lyra will be understanding -she always is- and Lotus will simply give you a wry smile and make some sort of lewd implication.
>But Aloe and Rose are going to be disappointed.
>You do not understand why they don't understand.
>Everything costs bits, that's just how the world works.
>This solution allowed you to make more bits while keeping the burden completely on yourself.
>It's perfect.
>But you know that they won't see it that way.
>With a tired sigh, you turn your gaze out the window and watch as the few distant lights of Ponyville come into view.
And that concluded the supersized Chapter 11 of Herd. Stay tuned to see if I ever learn to write drama, or if this stays (to quote one of my editors) as the "pony Brady Bunch"!

Binned here: https://pastebin.com/yKfBwj1E

My Bin here: https://pastebin.com/u/Hawkeye88

All Chapters in one paste here: https://pastebin.com/ZiQnVzzB
>"I know that your philosophy towards your Herd has been rather...C'est la Vie

I'm enjoying this story, and I don't want to be That Guy, but when I read that sentence, i have to ask: did she, or you, mean "laissez-faire?"

That would also work, but I intended C'est la Vie. Very much a shoulder-shrugging 'it is what it is' kind of sentiment.
That a long ass green. Love it.
File: unf top.png (160 KB, 600x600)
160 KB
160 KB PNG
I hope you write some moar.
>Read the billboard as Mayor Mare stamped the latest decree on it.
>She though the name rather tasteless, but the ponies of Ponyville love a bit of flair and after a while it seemed more necessary.
>Something about this board drew everyone's eyes and they all put themselves together to ensure these laws were upheld.
"Shit, what did I do this time Miss Mare?" Said Anonymous in his whiny voice that drew his smile in your mind even if you didn't look at it.
>"You know what," Mayor Mare replied sternly.
"Not really," Anonymous added with a shrug, "I get up to quite a few things. Just wondering which I got busted for today."
>"Anonymous. you are a public menace. Just because the Princesses have declared you an endagered species, doesn't mean you can do whatever you will."
"What?! I do not do as I please, thank you very much," Anon replies defensively with his arms raised, "In fact.... I haven't done Commandment #109 ever since you put the ban up."
>There's a pause as Mayor Mare tried to recall which of the many rules this would be until Anon took pity on her and decided to fill her in.
"Anonymous shalt not glue velcro to the bottom of horse shoes."
>"Ah, yes."
"You've got to admit, it through the town for a loop when they stepped on the carpet. Or one of my many 'Other-Half-of-the-Velcro traps."
>Mayor Mare rolled her eyes and turned to the latest decree.
>"Do take careful note of the latest commandment."
>Anon leant down and looked over every part of the new paper. He moved his head this way and that as he read it over and over and then finally let out the snicker he was so desperately trying to hold in.
"Anonymous shall not be sold, given, or so much as touch ginger root. That's a shame, there's a few mares, and two stallions, who rather enjoyed it."
>"Well, no more of it," Mayor Mare scolded as her flank let out a ghost of pain to remind her of the incident.
"Would you like to know how I found out about it?"
>Anon grinned wildly and waggled his eyebrows like a couple of caterpillars at a dance party as Mayor Mare turned a shade of red before angrily shooing the human away.
>His high-pitched and childish giggles stayed with the Mayor long after she left.
>Then she made a mental note to draw up a commandment of no teasing the mayor for him.
>Fucking humans.
One thing I wonder about sometimes, do people prefer stories to be written in the third person, or in first?
I think everyone is happy with either.
Second-person is just the usual fare on 4chan
I got this idea from reading of the Prison Anon and a short SCP idea. Any thoughts/advice/criticism is appreciated!

>Be Anon
>Confused and unsure of just where you'd woken up
>You'd been walking down the street, gone to take a step around a corner, and found your foot meeting air
>You began to fall, shutting your eyes as you tumbled through the air, only to wake up the middle of a forest
>It had been oddly silent, but you hadn't really been all that worried about that fact. The more pressing matter was just what was going on, and how you'd wound up here
>After walking for a while, you saw light shining through the trees ahead of you, and you soon emerged from the dark, silent woods, the sun beaming down at you
>This was when your memory began to get fuzzy
>You'd noticed what looked like a brightly-colored village in the distance but then, as you began to make your way towards it, you felt a sharp sting in your arm
>You looked down to see what had stung you, saw a...you couldn't quite remember, but then you were falling again, the world going dark


>When you awoke, you found yourself sitting on the ground in the center of a small, stone room, light beaming down at you from above
>The walls were smooth, and you couldn't see any signs of cracks or partitions in the walls
>Struggling to stand, you leaned against the wall behind you and, after looking around the room for a way in, or out, you slowly looked up, squinting into the light
>With how bright it was, you couldn't make out just what it was, so you looked back down, staring at the walls again
>Reaching out, you ran a hand over the wall in front of you, feeling the cool stone
>You called out, stepping away from the wall, moving into the center of the small room, trying to resist the urge to panic
>Wherever you were, this place clearly wasn't natural, so there must be people nearby, right?
>If that was the case, then there had to be someone who could help you out of here, right?
"Is anyone there?"

>When no reply came, your panic started to rise again
>Why were you here?
>Had you done something?
>This wasn't any kind of jail cell you knew, after all, and as far as you were aware, you hadn't committed any kind of crime nearly so bad as to warrant something like this
>The fear began to take over here
>If this wasn't a cell of some sort, then what kind of person would have this set up?
>When you thought of that, you came to the conclusion that you really didn't have any desire to hang around and find out that fact.
>Not seeing any way out around you, you glanced back up, squinting at the light
>Reaching your hands out, they easily met the walls on your sides
>Flexing, you brought your legs up, pressing them to the walls
>You were still wearing your clothes, your soles giving you plenty of grip, even on these smooth walls
>Shifting, you began to climb higher, keeping your head facing down so you didn't need to squint
>The light was higher than you'd figured it would be, gauging you'd made it around nine feet up and you'd yet to feel your head bump into anything
>You considered climbing back down, only to feel your head touch something hard and warm, your growing shadows nearly covering the room below you
"Guess that's the light."
>You grunted, moving your head up, staring at a...crystal?
>Sweat dripping down your head, you pushed as hard as you could with your legs and arm, moving your left up to see if you could grab it
>It was warm to the touch, and clearly the source of the light being cast into the room, but unlike a normal light, it was hard as anything, and smooth too, your attempts to dislodge it from the stone ceiling proving all but fruitless
>Disappointed, you slowly climbed back down, coming to rest sitting on the floor
>No doors, a sealed ceiling, and a gem shining light down into the room?
>Just where the hell were you?

>You weren't really sure how long had passed, given you were standing outside during the day, and now you were in here
>It could have been less than an hour, or maybe a day
>You weren't feeling all that hungry or thirsty, so you couldn't imagine that much time had passed
>Still, you were really hoping someone would come along soon and explain this
>You weren't claustrophobic, but if anything would make you into one, this would be it
>Though...boy were you feeling sleepy
>Yawning, you leaned back against the wall behind you
>A part of you said not to fall asleep but you were finding it harder and harder to keep your eyes open
>As your head slumped downwards, you almost thought you could hear voices, but you just couldn't keep yourself up, you had to sleep
>How many times were you going to have to handle the world falling out beneath you?


>When you woke up, you found yourself in another stone room, though this one was larger than the last
>This room had to be nearly 9-by-9 feet, enough space to lay down or move about in
>Light similar to last time was shining down on you, though now it was softer, and more spread about
>You wanted to kick yourself for falling asleep earlier, but given what was going on, you could only imagine that whoever was keeping you here had done something to put you out so you could be moved in here
>That, more than anything, gave you hope that you could at least talk to someone
"Is anyone there? Please just tell me what's going on!"
>Once again you were met with silence
>With a groan, you went to lay down, sitting on the ground when you got what you thought was a response
>You shot back up, your body tense as you looked around the room, trying to find the source of the voice
>You waited for a moment, trying to hear if there'd be a follow-up, but when none came, you decided to try again
"Quirrel? What does that mean?"
>"Qwirrl courlarr? Clwah?"
>Well this was going nowhere but yet...
>Someone was there!
Moar plz

"As you say."
>The prince takes a moment to skim through the stack looking over the notices more closely.
>"Doing discharges is always rough. Everypony starts going stir crazy after the first few days of sitting around."
>That makes sense enough. These ponies seem to base their entire lives around their talent, the guards you have met being no exception.
>Being forced to stand idle must be maddening.
>"Luckily it looks like most of the wounded can just go on light duty when they're ready."
"Having seen the extent of the injury I suspect private Shield is not among them. Am I correct?"
>"Afraid so. With a break like that she'll be down for a while."
>Unfortunate but not unexpected.
>You'll have to see about bringing her something to occupy her mind while she's on enforced bed rest.
>Deciding it would be best to bring up your minor requests before the prince can become too deeply occupied with his administrative duties you interject.
"Forgive me for troubling you over such a trifling matter but I will require lodgings for the evening."
"There is also the matter of a request private shield has made that I lack the finances to fulfill."
>The prince takes a blank piece of parchment and quickly scribbles something down on it before levitating it over to you.
>Scanning the note quickly it simply reads "Give Anon whatever he wants within reason and bill the castle as needed." followed by the prince's signature.
"That is certainly an expedient way to resolve the matter."
>"You haven't really asked for a lot since you got here and you don't seem like the kind of guy that is going to abuse it."
>"As for a place to stay you're welcome to sleep here in the castle. Just find a spare room you like."
>You give a slight bow and cross your fist over your chest.
"My thanks for your hospitality. I will interrupt your work no longer."
>Exiting the study into the hallway you set off in search of a disused room.
>Rather than divest yourself of your armor you elect to take half sleep this evening.
>With the distance you've traveled the chance that Incognito will mount a follow up attack seems low, but you'll be prepared all the same.
>Rest fails to come as easily as it usually does, your mind too active to allow you the respite.
>Your thoughts keep turning to Stormy's situation.
>You've had battle brothers wounded or killed in combat before,that is something of a given for an Astartes.
>None of your kind have ever succumbed to old age so barring gene seed rejection or some horrific mutation meeting your end in battle is all but guaranteed.
>The kind of camaraderie you've developed with stormy is stronger than any you've had outside your time in the legion.
>Perhaps what is troubling your mind is that despite her strange xenos abilities she is still merely mortal.
>Legion training and your own experiences have left you ill prepared to deal with this sort of situation.
>Dwelling on it further is likely to do you little good. You will simply have to support Stormy as best you are able in her recovery.
>When you do find rest it is blessedly free of the nightmarish visions Incognito has been inflicting on you while attempting to pillage your mind.
>The hours pass quickly in your half conscious state and you rise again with the dawn.
>Most of the castle staff are just now beginning their duties.
>Given the late hours they were forced to keep the previous night you expect it may be some time yet before the royalty rises.
>You were unprepared for an extended stay here so lack any of the materials necessary to repair your tabard or armor.
>Still you do your best to make yourself presentable.
>Legion black and bare ceramite show through in places but the damage is largely of a superficial nature.
>You take just long enough to fill any of the deeper scars in your armor with repair cement giving it a short time to cure before departing the castle.
>Hopefully word will come from Celestia or Luna soon and you can decide on your next course of action.
>Though for now you are grateful that you have yet to be summoned as it will give you time to visit Stormy.
>It takes you some time to find the restaurant Stormy requested her meal from.
>Though there is some initial confusion they are willing enough to honor the letter from Shining Armor.
>The hospital staff are somewhat less understanding about the hour of your arrival.
>"I'm sorry but you're too early for visiting hours." The nurse at the desk informs you bluntly.
>Her manner curt manner reminds of you some of the apothecaries you had known in the past.
>"You'll just have to come back later."
"I have brought the meal private shield has requested. I would present it to her before it grows cold."
>"Be that as it may rules are rules and you'll have to come back later."
>You let some of your displeasure slip through your usually stoic expression.
>There is a good chance Stormy won't even remember having requested that you bring food in her half drugged state but all the same you gave your word.
>It may be a trivial matter in this particular case but a knight's word is a measure of his worth.
"Your dedication to your duty is admirable, but I have given my word and I must insist I be allowed past."
>Drawing out the note you were given by the prince you place it on the counter before her.
>While the letter may have been drafted with the intention of allowing you to procure goods the wording is vague enough that this may work.
>The nurse frowns and gives you a glare before returning the letter.
>"Alright but keep it short I'll not have you hanging around disturbing the other patients."
>Deciding to be civil you merely nod before heading onward to Stormy's room.
>For the sake of making return trips less difficult you will honor the nurses request, even if they would be physically incapable of removing you from the premises.
>Entering Stormy's room you find her still deep in slumber.
>Possibly a result of the pain killers or she may just always sleep like a log.
>Clearing you throat politely fails to rouse her, as do saying her name and waiving the food near her face.
>Unsure of what else to do you resort to jabbing her lightly with your index finger.
>This yields a more immediate result in the form of weakly flailing hooves batting at the offending armored digit.
>"Stop it, five more minutes" She whines before opening her eyes enough to see who it is that has so rudely awakened her.
>"Anon?" She says slowly regaining her senses.
>She wipes the sleep from her eyes with the back of a hoof before sitting up as much as her bound wing allows.
>"What time is it?"
"An hour or so after dawn. I have brought food as you requested."
>You say proffering the brown paper sack her breakfast came in.
>"Awesome real food!" she declares while tucking in with unseemly haste.
>Her metabolism must be truly impressive to allow her to stay in fighting shape while eating foods with enough grease to turn the bag translucent.
>"Not that I'm complaining but isn't it like way early for you to be here?" She manages between bites.
"Yes, the nurse was quite firm on that point."
>"Well I'm glad you came by anyway. I'm gonna go nuts sitting in here."
>Looking around at the stark white walls it's not difficult to imagine why.
"There does seem to be a dearth of entertainment."
>"Yeah but the worst part is being stuck here knowing your jerk brother is still out there and I won't be able to do anything to help."
>She crosses her forelegs across her chest in a petulant show of irritation.
"There is not a great deal any of us can do until we know his location."
>"Yeah but that's not the point. I just don't wanna sit here and be helpless."
>Her frustration is understandable.
"You fought with valor and saw the mission through to success, that is more than many can say."
"For now you must allow your body time to mend so that you may fight again."
>She snorts and gives you a flat look. "Easy for you to say. You were up again like ten minutes after getting thrown out the castle."
"Veterans prerogative."
>You say simply.
>Despite your own wishes it is probably best that you draw your visit to a close soon.
>If you raise the nurses ire too much efforts might be made to bar your return entirely.
"I can tell that your duty means a great deal to you. I will think of some way you can assist if I am able."
>Your companion perks up at that. "You mean it right? You're not just saying that to make me feel better?"
"Though our time together has been short I would think that you know me better than that."
>Stormy gives a genuine smile at that her mood over her situation apparently improved.
>"I'm gonna hold you to that."
"There was never any doubt."
>You reply taking the discarded food wrappers from her bed.
"I will return as soon as I am able. For now you should rest."
>"You've got that right." Stormy says stifling a yawn. "Way too early to be up, but thanks for the food."
>With that she plops back onto her pillow once more intent on returning to sleep.
>Shutting the door behind you, you exit into the hall and depart the hospital entirely.
>Though she says nothing of the sort you get the sense that the nurse is glad to see the back of you.
>With your promise kept and no immediate duties to attend you decide to make use of your time by training.
>Perhaps you can find some members of the empire's guard to drill with.
and the updated pastebin as usual https://pastebin.com/gtuTK4Zs
Back with more soon.
>Herd story is still going on.

Please see it to it's finish, Hawkeye. I'd hate to see it just wither and die after investing so much time into it.
That was comfy.
Anons, I am not dead.
Power has been out since Friday evening. Came back on this morning. Once I get home from work tonight, Volunteers will resume
File: Hey Kid wanna ss.png (152 KB, 787x1015)
152 KB
152 KB PNG
Hells yeah I want some seared steaks
"No, Anon. Stop sleeping. Wanna stop sleeping?"
>You wake up.
>It was all a dream
Angel trips prove the truth of your statement.
1. I'm not even old enough to join the Hitler Youth, much less the Schutzstaffel
2. I'm a girl, you perv.
Here's a playlist, to put you in the appropriate mood.

File: cwl.png (718 KB, 779x806)
718 KB
718 KB PNG
Fucking awesome. I've been waiting for more of this.
A handful of threads ago someone asked for non-grumpy Bon Bon greens. Another Anon recommended "An Alien Walks Amongst Us". Not bad considering its age. Thanks Anon.

"An Alien Walks Amongst Us" by Hazardus_Havard
Shame it's dead.
Volunteers 2: The Booze Cruise

>You have no idea what time it is, but you'd estimate it's maybe two or three in the afternoon.
>Day drinking, fuck yea.
>You can't avoid the curious onlookers as the four of you walk through Canterlot.
>Apparently, not a lot of humans have left their barracks or rooms between missions.
>Typical 4channers, fuckin' shut-ins.
>You come across a small pub-The Bannered Mare-- and sit up on the stools at the bar.
>The stallion behind the bar is an older one, a unicorn, with a warm smile that greets you as he turns around.
>"Well now, what can I get for you gentlecolt--I mean, gentle-MEN?" he asks with a chuckle.
>You all look to Boss.
>"Uhhh... got any beer that's better than Horsteiner?"
>The barkeep laughs.
>"Well, that shouldn't be hard to do! Four?"
>You all nod.
>"Well, alright then."
>He looks down and carefully examines his stock.
>"You're the first humans I've seen in here. Little strange, considering how many the Princess says are here."
"How many?"
>He seems to find something he likes, and uses his horn magic to lift four of whatever it is from the bar cooler.
>"Thousands, she says. With hundreds more arriving every day."
>He opes all four floating bottles, and pours them into four floating glasses.
>"How did they find room for us all?" Maple asks.
>"I don't know," he chuckles.
>He floats the four glasses down onto the bar.
>"Try this. Ponig Ludwig, imported from Germaneigh."
>You all take a glass and, without a word, take a heedful drink.
>Not bad.
>Rich, smooth... best of all, actually tastes like beer.
>"There we go," Fritz says with a nod.
>The barkeep smiles again.
>"Well, I'm glad you enjoy it. But then again, when you're starting point is Horsteiner, the only way to go is up!"
>You all laugh as the front door opens again.
>"Steedie, this one's on me."
>"You got it, Cap!"
>You all look back to see Shining Armor approach the bar.
>"The great Shining Armor himself!" Fritz exclaims.
>"And finally I've found some humans to drink with!"
>You all chuckle.
>"Seriously... none of you guys EVER leave your barracks outside of training or going off to fight."
"Yea... most of us are sort-of antisocial."
>And a little autistic.
>"Just a bit!"
>He sits up next to Boss.
>"Whatever they're havin'."
>He pulls out another Ponig, pours it and places it on front of Shining, who immediately takes a drink.
>"So, you boys have been making quite a bit of noise around here."
>"Is that good or bad?" Boss asks.
>You take another drink as they speak.
>"Good, believe me. If there's one thing the regular ponies need, it's a morale boost."
>You all nod as you take another drink.
"Has it been that bad?"
>Shining looks down the bar at you.
>"We're surrounded on all sides, and there are some towns that have been under attack for months on end. Only yesterday was Appeloosa finally rescued... by HUMAN units... after two months of siege."
>You shake your head.
>Things are worse than you knew.
>Twilight and the Mane 6 are good at hiding it.
>You and Shining take another drink at the same time.
>"How's the fighting along the border?" Boss asks.
>"Which one?"
>"Uhh... the one our air support blew a hole the size of a train tunnel in."
>"Ahh, the northern border..."
>He sighs.
>"It's only getting worse... and they're stepping up their offensive in the south too. You know that base you guys helped defend a few days ago?"
"Yea," you all reply.
>"Well, things are getting so bad down south that we're going to be revitalizing it completely... I don't think you'll believe this, but ten thousand soldiers used to live there."
>...now it's a ghost town.
>Stop it, Anon.
"Wow. So what are ya gonna do with it?"
>He points a hoof to the four of you.
>"Human base... And keep this between you and me, but you're probably one of the first units going."
>Well, it's good you got the heads-up instead of it getting thrust on you like all these missions they've had you do 'til now.
>You all look to Boss.
>He turns and looks blankly at the wall.
>"Fuck me..."
>"No thanks, I'm married."
>You all laugh, and you decide that Shining is a bro.
"Any word on who else?"
>"I have no idea yet... there's too many of you."
>"So wait... YOU'RE making the decision?" Fritz asks.
>"That's what happens when you're captain of the guard."
>He sighs again.
>Steedie does an exagerated reproduction for a few chuckles.
>"Cap, ya really gotta relax. Ya could be out there with these guys getting your head blown off!"
>"I'd prefer that rush, Steedie, you know that. How many times have I said it?"
>"Yea, yea, I know."
"You ever seen combat, Shining?"
>He looks back down the bar at you.
>"Yea... not long before I was married. It was brutal... lost a lot of good stallions. Good guards."
>He pauses.
>"It's strange... it was the most frightening time of my life... but the feeling was incredible. Y-You get this rush of energy, y'know?"
>You all nod.
>A week ago, you couldn't have sympathized.
>Now, though...
>"We gotcha," Boss replies before knocking back the rest of his beer. "You miss the adrenaline high."
>"Yea, that's it."
>You finish your beer, and Steedie puts another in front of you.
>Well damn.
>A smirk rolls across Boss' face.
>Even from three seats down, you can see the wheels turning in his head.
>"How long are you off-duty, Shining?"
>"'Til tomorrow, w--"
>A goofy grin appears on his face as he looks at Boss.
>"We makin' a day outta this?"
>"Oh yea."
>Shining laughs, leans his head back, kills his beer and slams i=the empty glass down.
>"'Nother round, Steedie!"

>Ten beers later... or is it eleven?
>You have no fucking idea.
>But y'know what?
>You're in a good place.
>A GREAT fuckin' place.
>You find yourselvs stumbling about like fuckin' assholes through the pleb part of Barracks City.
>In the middle of the afternoon.
>You've never fuckin' done this before.
>The five of you stumble about, heading down the main drag, when som faggot antagonizes you.
>Something about drinking on the job... or drinking like a slob...or just drinking...
>Edgy straight-edge sperglord.
>Boss immediately steps up.
>"Go back inna yer barracks an' eat yer fuckin' cheetos ya god-damn katana plonkin' spastic!"
>You all fall the fuck over laughing.
>You can definitely hear the Philly accent now.
>"Fight? FIGHT?! What, ya wanna go? Let's go!"
>Oh shit!
>You sit up to watch as a crowd gather around.
>Shining uses his magic to pull you back to your feet, and the lot of you push your way through the crowd.
>Just in time to see some other faggots pulling Boss away from this faggot, who's on the ground.
"Get yer hands off my sarge!"
>Ya take a mad swing at the faggot holding Boss.
>You dunno how you connected. But ya did.
>And that's when it turns into a massive fucking brawl.
>Ya lose yourself in a haze of swinging wildly and getting hit by things ya can't see.
>A hand grabs ya.
>Ya get puled through the crowd and emerge, finding it's Boss who puled you out.
>He's laughing hysterically.
>Thus, so are you.
>And so Fuckz and Mipple.
>"Let's get outta here!" Shining shouts, and the five of you run, laughing at the brawl that's still goin' on behind you.

>You wake up with the most splitting headache of your life.
>Your vision is spinning and... good GOD, your head hurts.
>You roll it to the left.
>Boss is leaned up against his bed, head hung low.
>Maple has his head in a trash can.
>Fritz is out cold.
>It's dark outside.
"Anybody alive?"
>"I got ya," Boss mumbles.
"Maple... you good?"
>He's hacking loudly.
>"The fuck does it look like?"
>No point in asking Fritz.
>"Nug... get your shit together... we're wheels up for the badlands in a few hours."
"You kiddin' me...?"
>Shining was right.
>"I really wish I was."
>This is not what you wanted to hear.
>Especially with a hangover like this.
"Whu'time is it?"
>Boss look at his watch.
>"Uh, two ten."
>In the morning?
>You nod.
"What happened to Shining?... Fuck, what happened after the...?"
>Boss is distracted by Maple's vomiting for a moment.
>"...we came back here... drank all the shit in the fridge, he dipped and we all passed out."
>You drank more?
>Is that humanly possible?
>"Oh, and Fritz confessed that he's in love with--"
>"Shut the FUCK up."
>Damn, you thought he was out.
>You roll out of bed with all the enthusiasm of a boulder.
>Opening your locker, you throw each piece of thing you have, one-by-one, on the bed.
>You grab whatever bags and shit you have there and begin throwing shit in them.
>You've got an FAL and an AK sticking out of a backpack.
>And you really don't care, either.
>You'll get your shit together later.
>The Nugget gets slung over your back.
>The trench knife in your pants.
>A knock comes to the door.
>"Maple, stop throwin' up."
>"Fuck you, Boss."
>Boss un-slumps himself in some strange way and answers the door.
>"The hell do--Oh... Princess."
>You all shoot out of your beds.
>"Is... is everything okay?"
>"Of course, Boss... the chopper team is waiting for you. I'd like to walk you out, if you don't mind."
>"Uhh, yea, sure."
>"We have selected you and two other units to be the first on base because you are the most capable unit we have... despite your seeming ability to cause a war within your own ranks..."
>She knows.
>This just got really awkward.
>Look up at the stars and keep walking, Anon.
>"BUt Shining Armor has assured me that you were not the aggressor, so I don't hold you responsible for today's events."
>"Thank you," Boss replies.
>"Anyway, the southern border is brimming with activity. Minotaurs, Griffons, Diamond dogs, and now Changelings are moving around and... doing other such things. We need our best defenders on that side of the country, and... as I'm sure you've noticed, my guardsmen and army simply aren't able to hold the line."
>"I gotcha."
>The distant buzzing of the heli rotors are already tearing your head apart.
>This is gonna be a long flight.

>And you're right.
>You keep your ears plugged.
>It hurts your very being, the chopper noise.
>Looking around to your squadmates, you come to realize they all feel the same way.
>At least the sun isn't out to try to kill you.
>"Hey... wonder who else is coming?... think it's either of those units we met last time?" Maple asks.
>He seemed to have made a lot of an effort to even speak, so you humor him.
"Maybe... or maybe we'll meet one of the other 'Delta' units..."
>You lean your head back against the wall.
>"Only one Delta worth knowing about," Boss mumbles.

>You look to him and manage a smirk.
"Fuck yea... Delta Squad, motherfucker."
>"Delta Squad, motherfucker," Maple repeats.
>"Delta Squad, motherfucker," Fritz agrees.
>That's right.
>Unlike the first time you were here, you now take the opportunity to actually look around the base.
>Its many buildings are run-down, but the place is bustling in a way that it wasn't previously.
>There are ponies everywhere, painting, refurbishing and repairing buildings, both inside and out.
>It's hard to make out the full scale of the operation, given the sun hasn't risen yet.
>Strange, considering it's like 7am.
>Not that you're complaining; the sun is your enemy with this hangover.
>"Any other bipeds?" Boss asks.
"No idea."
>You look back down at your watch.
>Where the fuck is the sun?
>"Excuse me, Delta Squad?"
>You all look down to an armored stallion.
>"Follow me to your new barracks."

>And of course, as you all reach your new beds, the hangover takes hold again, and you all pass the fuck out.
>As a unit.

>Delta Squad, motherfuckers.

>You don't know how long you were out for, but it's still dark out.
>"Ah, and baby makes four," Boss jests before going to comms.
>You can't here who he's talking to, but his words give you enough of an idea.
>"Hiiii Princess," he says like he's saying hello to someone in an AA meeting.
>"...Yea, we're all awake now... hold on, lemme check... we all good?"
>You nod, as do the other two.
>"Yea, we're all okay... thaaank yoouuuu, you're the best... Roger."
>You look out the window and see the sun quickly begin to rise.
>"What time is it anyway?" Maple asks as he watches with you.
>"Dude, it's like 3pm," Boss chuckles. "I still can't believe she agreed to this."
"Agreed to what?"
>She kept the sun down until we recovered."
"She what?"
>You look up to Boss as the first rays from the sun light his face.
"How on God's green earth did you manage--"
>"I don't fuckin' know, man."
>You look back out as the sun shoots up into the sky, above the base, then over to where it would sit at around 3 o’clock.
“Something tells me she wouldn’t do that for just anybody, Boss… maybe she’s takin’ a shine to you.”
>”Better not be… I’m spoken for.”
>You look back to him, confused.
“Riiight… so you two are a thing?”
>”Might as well be.”
>The barracks door opens.
>”Well! Delta Squad!”
>/mlk/ enters one-by-one.
>You stand up and the formalities ensue as you shake hands with Dallas, Niner and their comrades.
>”Good to see some familiar faces down here,” Niner says with a nod. “I guess we know this best better than any other anons, so it makes sense.”
>”Maybe that’s it.”
>You nod in agreement.
>”They’re building pretty fast out there,” Dallas remarks as he picks a bed and begins putting down hit shit with the rest of them.
>”I’m sure a lot of it’s magic though,” Maple says.
>”Probably, but… doesn’t mean it ain’t impressive.”
>”True enough.”
“So what’s the deal here? Are we just gonna dick around until everyone else shows up?”
>”Dick around… and pull night watch,” Niner replies as he throws the last gun into his locker. “Good job on sleepin’ so late; you get first watch, Delta.”
>Fucking great.
>There’s a catch for everything, isn’t there?
>”How’s four guys supposed to guard a perimeter this size?" Fritz asks.
>"Easy enough," Boss replies after a moment of thinking.
>"Nugg, you still got your Mosin?"
>"Alright. Maple, Nugget, pick a roof; you're our long guns."
>The two of you nod.
>Fritz... take that guard tower right out there, and I'll find another one."
"Gotta say, Boss... you're getting good at this 'sergeant' thing."
>"Well, to paraphrase what you once said, experience is the best training."
>You remember what he's talking about, recalling standing over the dead body of a bull whose throat you'd just slit from ear to ear.
>That feels like an eternity ago now.
>And it wasn't even a week.

>The night is clear, the moon bright.
>There is a pleasant breeze easing its way past you as you stand on the roof of the southernmost building on base, looking through your night vision goggles.
>You listen to the hustle and bustle of rebuilding behind you; ponies conversing, hammers and nails colliding in that signature way, and other such things.
>"All points, report," Boss requests.
>"Delta Two; no signs of movement."
>"Delta Three here; no activity."
"Delta Four reporting; we're dead down here, Boss."
>"Delta One copies all."

>Another hour or so goes by.
>You hear Boss being to sing in a very low tone.
>"Hey there little red ridin' hood... you sure are lookin' good..."
>"Boss, what the fuck?" Fritz asks.
>"Just tryna keep myself awake, is all."
>"Right, I got ya."
>There is not contact for about fifteen seconds after that.
>"Ya gonna keep goin'?"
>"I dunno much more."
>You chuckle.
"If you're gonna start singing a song, at least make it one you can do all the way through."
>"Shut up, Nugget."
>Fritz and Maple laugh.
>"Know your role, Nugget," Maple says.

>Besides that, it's boring as shit.
>The occasional radio check.
>Besides that, the only thing keeping you awake is the sounds of reconstruction--and new construction--going on around you.
>The sun comes as the ultimate salvation.
>As the first beams of light touch your face, you swear you can feel Celestia kissing your cheek.
>You wonder if the other faggots feel it, too.
>Or maybe they're too tired to notice.
>"/mlk/, this is Delta 1. We're done up here. You faggots better be awa-- Damn, they got a lot done last night."
>You look behind you.
"Dude holy shit."

>The buildings are pristine-looking.
>As if there was never a war, and all they had time to do was clean shit.
>There are Hangars now, too.
>Fucking hangars.
>And what's with the train tracks? And that turn table?
>Christ, talk about revitalizing.
>"Right?" Niner replies over comms. "I'm just looking out the window; Jesus Christ they move fast."
>"Because magic," Fritz remarks.
>That's gotta be it.
>You're about to say something else when you being to hear a familiar sound.
>The sound of prop engines.
>You look up to the sky for the source, but don't see anything.
>Until it roars right over your fucking head.
>By its shape, it's a P-36G.
>It's gotta be Nuke Anon.
>Behind him, a pair of P-51's rip by.
"Finally, some company!" Dallas laughs.
>The eight of you group together and head over towards the airfield to meet your new base-mates.
>And even more aircraft are pouring in as you do.
>"Aww, shit!" the man you assume to be Nuke anon says as he sees you. "I thought we'd be the first ones here! They told us we'd be first here!"
>"You must be nuke anon," Boss says with an extended hand. "We're Delta Squad."
>"Oh, yea! I remember you guys."
>You all begin shaking hands.
>"How long did you guys beat us by?"
"'Bout 24 hours."
>"Damn... whatever. Where's our bunks?"
>"No idea," Boss replies. "Pick a bed and fall in it, I guess."
>"Well, we're not quite ready to fall in yet... I just got up."
"So... did you bring any gear, or...?"
>"Oh, they're bringin' it down on the trucks."
>Boss looks into the distance.
>"What trucks?"
>"Oh they're comin'," Nuke anon laughs. "Believe me. They should be down here tomorrow."

>And holy shit, do they come.
>The trucks, gathered in their masses, kick up an impressive amount of dust as they thunder in from the north.
>Trucks of all kinds, from the big ones that pull howitzers, to some faggot's jacked-up Ford Ranger, and of course, multitudes of Humvees and Land Rovers and the like.
>Someone even brought down Boss' Dodge Durango, which he had no idea was even here.
>You can't help but stare in awe of the sheer numbers of anons, gear, and weapons they bring with them.
>Cue the montage of you and your squad mates helping these faggots set shit up.
>Artillery positions, gun nests, radio towers, and spotlights.
>You help build pillboxes, direct traffic for tanks and APC's--again, from all possible nations and eras--show operators to barracks you think they should be in, and somehow manage to wolf down an MRE with Boss in the middle of it all.
>With Celestia's ball of sex beating down on you from above, and sweat pouring out from every possible spot, you continue the process.
>It's like college move-in day, except there's a lot more faggots, a lot more contraband, and a much bigger chance of something blowing up.
>Slowly, the faggots begin to handle things themselves.
>Airfieldfags begin directing planes in.
>Tankfags get to work inspecting shit.
>Truckfags start opening hoods and cleaning out intakes; the badland dust can be brutal on and engine.
>You can't help but admire it all.
>Not two days ago, this was the most depressing excuse for a military base any of the four of you had ever laid eyes on.
>Now it's like the Dazzling thread on /mlp/; insanely active.
>And as the sun hangs low in the afternoon this day, you almost forget that this is where Flutterguy died.
>You'll never get that image out of your head, and you know it.
>The four of you decide to take a break.
>Some other anon was kind enough to give you some beer... human beer.
>Yuengling, to be specific.
>And it's ice-cold.
>It feels too good to be true for you, who have stripped off all your gear down to the t-shirt you've been wearing underneath everything since you've gotten here.
>You decide that when you get home, you're gonna have this shirt framed.
>It's seen some shit.

>So you all sit on the stoop of your own barracks, sipping quietly at your beers and watching the hustle and bustle.
>Someone in your barracks has music playing, and you can't help but listen.
>It's "Feel Good Inc."
>Boss suddenly looks up.
>"Well, I'll be damned...."
>You all look in the same direction.
>Shining Armor struts toward you, a shit-eating grin on his face.
>You all stand up.
>"Are we that desperate for cannon fodder that they're clearing out the sick, the lame, the crazy?"
>You all laugh, and each of you greets the Captain one-by-one.
>"How the fuck did you find us?" Boss asks.
>"I have no idea... but thank Celestia you guys haven't been run over by any of these things. I wouldn't be able to run this place without guys who know what they're doing."
"Whaddaya mean?"
>"What happened to your Royal Guard gig back in Canterlot?" Boss asks.
>"Yea, rockin' the fuckin sidepipe with those noguns hotties," Fritz snipes, with a wink.
>"Forget that. I haven't seen anything interesting since the wedding; I had to get some, but I never would have jumped ship if it meant rollin' in with THESE guys."
>"Who?" Maple asks.
>"These APLHA guys."
"Who the fuck is Alpha?"
>"They're just..."
>He groans.
>"They're crazy. They think they're some kinda gods just because they were lucky enough to pull some escort duty for the Princess when she toured the northern border. And now they're down here with us. You can't miss em... what do you call them... 'autistic'?"
>Oh great.
>Shining smirks.
>"Oh and by the way, they're living with you."
>"What did you expect, Boss?" Fritz asks. "/mlp/'s full of autists. Fuck, I'm autistic about some shit, you saw."
>Boss sighs.
>"Yea, I guess."
>As he finishes the sentence, a Humvee without doors or a roof roars up in front of the barracks.
>Four of the most stereotypical horsefuckers you've ever seen climb out.
>You swear, they called each other before they came to Equestria.
>Neckbeards, Nuggets and acne all around.
>Besides that, they don't seem to have any gear.
>You all look to Boss for any signs of how to address the faggots.
>"Is this barracks 12?" their apparent leader sneers.
>Boss slowly looks to the number above the door--12--then back down to them.
>He shrugs.
>"I guess so."
>He steps aside and you all watch as they saunter in.
>You immediately hear jeers and shouting from inside, which makes you chuckle.
>Niner pokes his head out the door.
>"You CANNOT be serious."
>"Not my call, man."
>He looks to Shining.
>"Fuck you, man."
>Shining laughs as Niner disappears.
>"So, one last thing before I go off and do more desk stuff... since you're my guys here, I wanted to give you the honor of renaming this base... any ideas?"
>"Shut up, Fritz!"
>You all laugh at the reaction.
>Boss thinks of something.
>"Fort Chan."
>You nod.
"I like it."
>"Right... welcome to Fort Chan, soldiers."
>Shining nods towards the barracks, and the four of you follow him in.
>As he enters, he gets an ovation and some whistling and cheers.
>"Thank you, thank you... My good humans, welcome to the new Human military base, the newly-named Fort Chan."
>Everybody laughs.
>Everybody except the faggots of Alpha, who sit there and roll their eyes.
>"Now, I guess you know who I am; I'm gonna be here as the liaison to the Princesses, in other words, I'm here to make sure you guys don't kill absolutely everybody."
>This gets a few laughs.
>"So... there needs to be SOME semblance of order here, so when it comes to matter pertaining to life in this barracks, you will be answering the the 'anons' behind me... I think some of you MIGHT know them... the one-and-only Delta Squad."
>The four of you get a few whistle and cheers.
>One guy in Marine gear shouts "Get some!"
>You raise your beer.
"Get some, horsefuckers."
>"What makes them more qualified than anyone else?" Alpha lead asks cynically.
>He earns a few glares.
>You hate them already.
>"Well let's see," the same Marine anon says, "First anons to make contact with the enemy, first anons to kill the enemy, first to down a King Bull, first to meet the Mane Six, proceeded to evac the Mane Six..."
>"One of them may have BONED one of the Mane Six..." Fritz jokes as he looks at Boss.
>"Shut the fuck up," Boss replies to a round of laughs.
>Dallas picks up where the marine anon left off.
>"First and ONLY anons to make contact with changelings..."
>Damn, word gets out fast.
>"... first to meet the Dazzlings, rescued the Dazzling... am I missing anything, guys?"
>Alpha lead glares at the lot of you.
>"...first human killed in action," Shining Armor adds hesitantly.
>Everyone looks to him.
>He nods.
>"Only a few hours before the battle at Appeloosa, which saw around forty anons make the same sacrifice..."
>That totally killed the mood in here.
>Until you hear someone pouring a drink.
>A Russian anon raises a shotglass.
>"To the fallen /k/omrades."
>The four of you raise your beers, as do some other anons who happen to have drinks.
>"Yea, sure, uh... a toast to the fallen... come back with your shield or on it... and, uhh... if you're gonna die, make it glorious. Cheers."
>"Cheers," many anons reply.
>You take a drink, thinking of Flutterguy.
>And damn, could he lob a molotov.
>"Right! sorry to kill the vibe. So... Boss, any rules you'd like to lay down before I go?"
>"Uhhhhh... I mean, guys.... don't be dicks. I mean, not in here, I don't give a fuck what you do anywhere else, but don't be a dick in here. Keep that in mind and we'll be good."
>He glances at Alpha lead.
>You wonder if the rest of them are as much assholes as him.
>"Right, well I gotta go give the same stuff to all the other guys down here, so I'll see you guys around. On behalf of the Princess, thank you for doing this!"
>Shining gets another round of cheers as he leaves.
>"Alright!" Boss says. "As you were!"
>He leaves the barracks.

>You find him about an hour later, sitting near the turntable at the bottom of the base, smoking a cigar.
"What's up?"
>"Not much."
>He takes a puff.
"What're you doing down here?"
>Boss shrugs, watching a pretty flitter of smoke rise and dissipate in the air.
>"I like trains, and back home, me and my boys would go up to Valley Forge and smoke cigars near the railroad tracks... so I guess this is for them?"
"Could be doing worse things."
>You sit down with him.
>"You smoke?"
>He takes another long puff, being careful to aim it away from you.
"Any idea what these tracks are for?"
>"No clue... I overheard a pony say they're gonna put down two more turntables tonight."
>You look over at the one already here, which actually has two sets of tracks on it.
"Maybe someone pic related a rail gun?"
>"Ooooh, that'd be sweet."
>He takes a few more puffs, and the two of you watch as Nuke anon's F-4 roars overhead, its body glistening in the setting sun.
>Two F-18s rip by after him.
>"Like some Gustav shit?"
"Yea, yea."
>"I wouldn't be surprised."
>As he takes a few more puffs, you think of something else to say.
"So... you miss home yet?"
>"Eh... maybe a little. Family and friends. I mean, it's only been a week, but... y'know."
"What do you think they're doing?"
>"What all these fuckers' families are doing..."
>He chuckles.
>"Frantically searching and wondering where the fuck I disappeared to. I feel bad for Maple; he's probably gonna get a nice little court-martial when hes gets back."
>Don't think like that, Anon.
>"What about you?"
"Not really."
>Not much to miss.
>Boss nods.
>"Would you stay here if ya could?"
>That's a tough question.
"I dunno... like... maybe?"
>Boss nods as he takes another puff.
>He takes no time to answer.
>"If Rarity would have me..."
>"He looks to you.
>"I'd stay forever."
"You really like her, huh?"
>"Ahh, she's such a sweetie... I dunno, she just... I like a classy gal, y'know?"
"Not many of those around 2nd and Wolfe?"
>Boss laughs.
>"Not a whole lot. Accents turn me on, but ya gotta be a nice girl, too... Rarity's... shit, she's the kinda girl I want. In every way."
>He nods slowly as he takes another puff or two.
>You can tell he's drifting off mentally, thinking about her.
>"Every fuckin' way."

Normal posting should be resumed, but with the erratic nature of the electricity on the top of this hill, that's always in question. Either way, goodnight, anons.

>Slowly, you stood up to your full height, looking around the room before your eyes peered back up towards the light
>Could the voice be coming from there?
>If that was the case, maybe it was why you'd been moved into this room
>Still, issues needed to be sorted
"I don't know what you're saying! What do you want from me?"
>Another pause, and fun the voice came again, different this time though
>It sounded like the same speaker as before, but they were speaking in an entirely different way
>"Grar? Rrgrath?"
>There was a growling to their tone, and it almost sounded like they were gnashing their teeth when they spoke
>On e again you responded with confusion, and once again your captor's replied with a different voice
>Once you heard a third sort of way of speaking, you realized that they might just be trying different languages to see what you spoke
>The only issue with that was the fact that you couldn't recall hearing any language before that sounded like these
>The voice broke the silence yet again, and you sat down while the questioning tone rang out
"I don't understand you! Do you speak English?"
>The voice didn't respond after that, though you waited to see if it would
>When you got nothing in response, you laid down, cold floor greeting you, making you shiver
>Someone was out there
>It was only a a matter of time
File: Jeee.jpg (38 KB, 446x453)
38 KB
(Something wrong?)

>"Entity is a tall, bipedal creature. It stands 195 centimeters tall. It's arms both end with five digits, similar as to those of a Minotaur. No effort has been made as of yet to remove the entity's clothing, but given the lack of fur, the entity may very well wear clothes to maintain a preferable temperature."
>The light green mare paused momentarily, examining the footage that had been recorded of the entity so far
>It was a strange thing, tall and lanky, and something about it just looked...off
>Like it didn't belong
>While obviously that was normally the case, it seemed different in a way than many of the other items and creatures that had been contained
>Was it something to do with it's eyes?
>"The Entity has shown comprehensive abilities, using the size of its original containment unit to climb to the top. It recognized the crystal embedded there, and attempted to grasp it, but when it could not, the Entity returned to the floor."
>Pausing again, she replayed the footage of the Entity responding vocally to the questions posed to it, her horn glowing, letting her take up her pencil once more
"The Entity responded vocally to questions posed, but, as of yet, we have not found a common language. Further testing is required."
>If it could talk to them, that would certainly be helpful
>Then again, if they couldn't communicate verbally, they might be required to teach the Entity
>First things first though, given it's shivering when it laid down, and the clothes it wore, it might be good to get it some proper bedding
>While this was a place to contain these types of things, you were far from cruel, and besides, if it turned out that the Entity had some hidden powers, things might go far better for both her, and the rest of the foundation to have treated it well
>No one wanted another "D-Day" Incident
>Pressing down on a button at her desk, the Unicorn spoke into a speaker, letting them know that SCP-1067 would be needing a bed
Liking it. Is good story
>Schwerer Gustav
I can only imagine insane laughter the moment that thing rolls in, all the way to the point to where it gets fired.
D-day, the day the flying dick monsters attacked.
If you're in the tri-state area get ready. We got another one coming on Wednesdays.
I'm not a fan of SCP/Horror but you've captured my interest so far. I like that you've started with the language barrier issue. I look forward to reading more.

Oh believe me I know. My rwd truck is gonna be tons of fun tomorrow.
File: DrinkingwithTex.gif (1.22 MB, 300x168)
1.22 MB
1.22 MB GIF
Here's to you. You glorious bastard.
Oof. Drive safe. My favorite green must continue.
Was gonna wait, but fuck it.

>You wake up the next morning to a commotion.
>Or maybe it was the asshole a few bunks down who was blasting some rap; you don't really know.
>Boss busts in through the front door.
>"Delta, we got orders!"
>You shoot up.
>You hear a few oooh's and oh's from around the half-empty barracks.
>"Load up, move to the heli field; we'll be briefed en route."
>Fuck yea.
>Short and to the point.
>You hop out of bed, open your locker, pick out your AK, armor and other things and get ready.
>"Alright, here's the deal," Boss begins, "we're gonna be playing a little smash-n-grab. Gleaning intel from the Reliant, and getting what they could from the Dazzlings, our friends seem to think the enemy is constructing some kind of super-weapon, something they needed the Dazzlings to amplify or... I dunno, some shit like that."
"So what are we doing?"
>"We'll be infiltrating a facility in Ungula, which, if ya don't know, is the country south of the Badlands that no one knows about."
>They never mentioned it in the show, from your knowledge.
>"The facility is in, uhh... where are we goin' again?"
>"About ten clicks north of Oxford," the pilot replies.
>"There ya go. Facility's not to big. We split into pairs and look for intel regarding this super weapon. Go in, kill everybody, grab some papers and bounce."
>Sounds simple enough.
>But is it ever that simple?
Shit, forgot the trip

>It seems it might be as you land right outside the facility.
>Fuckin' bulls immediately take an interest.
>"Go, go!" Boss shouts as you all jump out.
>You put a few rounds through a bull and Maple blows into another.
>Shouting erupts from within.
>More bulls come out and attack, only to be cut down.
>"Split up, search everything! I don't care what it is, just find something!"
>You and Maple split away from Boss and Fritz as they charge into a building, guns blazing.
>Maple kicks in the door of another and you follow him in.
>A bull throws you against a wall.
>You hit your head hard.
>You might be seeing stars.
>You reach down for your trench knife and shove it up into the fucker's gullet.
>You watch as he gurgles and falls over, blood spewing onto you.
>It stinks
>Oh well.
>As you arise, you hear Maple letting go of a few shotgun shells.
>The two of you begin turning the whole place upside down, keeping an eye out for anything involving a weapon.
>Blueprints, written reports, anything.
>Unfortunately, this isn't the building where you would find it.
>Just a report involving a dick pic.
"Boss, we got nothin' in here."
>"Oh well, keep looking!"
>As the two of you exit the little building, you find yourself needing to put a few rounds of seven-six-two into another bull.
>"Like a turkey shoot!" Maple agrees.
>"Take THAT one!" Boss shouts as he exits the building he was in, pointing to a slightly larger building near you.
>You and Maple make your way to the next building.
>As you kick in the door, you're accosted by a catbird.
>It squawks at you as it tackles you to the ground.
>Shit, you don't have your knife!
>Shit, he doesn't have a head anymore!
>You push him off.
"Thanks Maple."
>The two of you enter the building and take different rooms.
>The room you take has three griffons, who all seem more than willing to fight.
>Initiate rock'n'roll mode.
>God, you love this gun.
>AK master race.
>The lone desk in the room offers no answers to this riddle of the super weapon.
>God damn.
>You rush out of the room to another bull, and take a few shots to tear him up.
>"Hey Boss! I got something!" Maples shouts.
>"Whatcha got?"
>"Looks like some documents... 'Project Starswirl'?"
>"Take it! Dunno if it's connected, but take it!"
>The two of you run back out and meet with Fritz and Boss.
>You look back around.
>"One last spot. Let's move."
>You all move in towards the last small building.
>Fritz goes up and kicks the door in.
>You all rush in.
>"Watch the corners!" Maple calls.
>As you look around, you realize that this room is empty.
>And there is only one other door.
>Boss moves towards it, but freezes when you all hear a noise.
>The noise of a bolt being cycled.

>On a Mosin Nagant.

>"What the fuck?" Boss whispers.
"Maybe... maybe they found my gun up north."
>"Shiiiit," Fritz puts a hand to his face.
"Hey, I had just gotten thrown across town by a fucking Stay-Puff'd-sized minotaur! Finding my gun wasn't the first fucking thing on my--"
>You all jump away from the door.
>"You'd better get out of here now!" a female voice demands.
>"Or what?" Fritz chuckles. "Everyone else is--"
>Whoever has the gun cycles the bolt again.
>Another bullet comes through the door.
>"Let's just wait her out," Boss mumbles.
>She cycles the bolt again and lets another one go.
>You all look at each other.
>"You're not hitting anything besides the door!" Maple observes.
>The bolt is cycled again and the gun is fired.
>Boss has to jump back to avoid getting grazed.
>"Close!" he shouts.
>You all laugh until the fifth round is fired.
>The four of you kick the door in at once and point your guns at the individual behind the desk.
"Hooves up, bitch!"
>"Bitch?! Excuse ME?!"
>"SHUT UP!" Boss roars.
>She stands there, mouth wide open for a second, but does as he asks.
>You and Maple both look at him.
>You've never heard him make THAT noise.
>"Get out from behind the fucking desk!"
>She does as he asks.
>"Nugget, search the desk."
>You say nothing and raid the fucking desk.
>Take everything, Anon.
>"Are you always so submissive to him?" She says, an eye in your direction.
>You don't know what possessed Boss to dislike her so much but he's pissed.
>"OUTSIDE," he demands.
>She huffs and you all leave the building.
>She looks around at the masses of bodies.
>"The fuck are you doing?"
>"Admiring the damage..."
>"...You've done quite the job."
>You look around.
>She's right.
>There's dead bulls everywhere, along with a griffon or two.
>"Fuck, hold on."
>Boss rushes back into the building for a few moments.
>He re-emerges with your Mosin.
>The helicopter, which had been circling overhead, comes down in the middle of the camp.
>The five of you climb in and fly off.
>As you fly over the base, an amazing sight catches all your eyes.
>Each of the three turntables on base are gradually being occupied by massive artillery guns, each with multiple steam locomotives behind them, pushing them into place.
>You and Boss look at each other with wild eyes, remembering the conversation you had the night before.
>Holy shit, you called it!
>Fritz and Maple have the same "holy shit!" looks on their faces.
>So, you assume, do all the anons gathered in their masses around each of the behemoth turntables.
>"Fritz," Boss asks, putting a firm grip on the Nazifag's shoulder, "What're we lookin' at here?"
>"We are looking at... two... Krupp K5 class guns... aaaaand..."
>He turns to Boss, a glimmer in his eye.
>"...and ol' Gustav himself."
>Jesus, you love /mlp/.
>The mare looks down at the guns, an amused expression on her face.
>Boss doesn't like that.
>"You won't be smiling when you're sitting at the fuckin' business end of the shells those fuckers are throwin'."
>"I doubt that will happen. I think you're overestimating your abilities."
>"I think you're underestimating how much you're gonna get raped."
>"Literally and figuratively," Fritz cracks.
>He's right.
>She's not a bad-looking mare, and of course these faggots will >rape anything that moves.
>hopefully she'll be escorted straight from the helipad.
>As you land, Shining Armor and two guards are there to meet you.
>"PLEASE tell me you found someth--"
>You drop a big vanilla folder on the ground in front of him.
>"Something called Project Starswirl. Get on it, Shining," Boss advises.
>"Oh, we will, Boss. And HOPEFULLY this mare will be a little more cooperative with us than she was with you.
"She had my fucking gun."
>You hold your old Mosin in the air.
>Shining laughs.
>"You should hold onto your gear a little tighter!"
>Kinda hard to do that when you get thrown thirty yards and hit the ground with all the force of an eighteen-wheeler.
>"Anyway," Shining says, "we'll get this one outta your hair; I'm sure you guys wanna take a look at... whatever those monstrous things are."
>Oh, do you ever.
>As they three lead the bitchy mare away, she gives you one last, admittedly sexy look.
>But fuck her.
>The four of you sprint--seriously, SPRINT--from the helipad, as if you're a group of first-graders on the last day of school.
>Other anons shout and whistle at you as you tear your way, but you pay no heed.
>As you reach the gathered crowd, you push your way through until you find Dallas and the britbog from the Screamin' Eagle squad.
>"Holy shit, boys!" Boss chimes.
>"Righ'?" Eagle lead replies.
>You listen to the slow huffs of the locomotives as they slowly push the massive Gustav into place.
>The steam is hot, and, well, steamy.
>You can hear music coming from one of their cabs.
>Sounds like Hendrix.
>One blows a three-tone whistle, bringing cheers from the crowd of green, bald soldiers.
>Some of the other locomotives join it, throwing everyone into a frenzy.
>Boss, who somehow got beer, hands you one, and you take a sip, watching the big steamers do their job.
>Considering the size of the brute in question, they're doing a good job of putting it in gently.
"They picked the right locomotives."
>"Oh dude, there was a big argument about it on The Thread, apparently," Dallas replies.
>"Yea, someone pic related the guns, and then someone else asked 'how the hell are ya gonna move 'em, 'cause I don't think these little pony trains can do it'. So someone pic related some locomotive and said 'we'll use this'. So then they got into this big debate about what locomotives would be best to use and a bunch got posted. So now they got a fuck-ton of human locomotives up at a big rail hub near Manehattan and no fuckin' idea what to do with 'em."
"Well at least there's work for us in the railroad when the war's over."
>"Yea, dude, right?"
>You smirk.
>Welcome to FortChan.
>Where we'll argue about LITERALLY anything.

Tonight, we'll see something a little different.
>She's not a bad-looking mare

Tall? Lanky? Black with greenish mane and tail? Crooked horn? Lots of holes?

Because I figure she has to show up sooner or later, and she certainly seems in-character.

patience anon. patience
Well, okay.

I also wonder how long it will be before these humans find themselves facing other humans with guns.

There's no shortage of Chrysalis or Gilda fans who would fight for their chosen waifus. Not as many as some others, maybe. But no doubt some would show up sooner or later.
>day 404 not found in Equestria
>chilling at the royal castle in Canterlot because authorial fiat, that's why
>one of the lower floors of the castle holds an indoor heated pool
>you've been swimming laps because you've been eating too much cake with Princesses lately
>you see a dark triangular dorsal fin cutting through the water approaching you
>you flail and fairly leap out of the water
>because you've seen enough weird shit since you came to Cartoon Horse Land that you're convinced anything is possible
>the shark must be enormous
>you peer into the water when the gigantic shark heaves the front third of its body up over the edge of the pool to bare its teeth at you
>the purple and blue and pink shark
>really looks more like an orca, now that you can see the shape of its body
>with lovely, very feminine magenta eyes
>wait a fucking minute here
>"The look on your face was priceless."
"Laugh it up, Shamu. Do it again and I'll stick my dick in your blowhole."
>"Don't threaten ME with a good time."
"Yeah, yeah."
>she's as kinky as she is unshockable
>"Oh, and another thing." she raises an eyebrow at you
>"Does this species make my butt look big?"
>it was a day of questions without good answers
(kenny loggins plays eerily in distance)

>You sit quietly on a plastic chair in the open hangar, letting the cool breeze gently roll over you in the pre-dawn darkness.
>You perk up when you hear nuke anon's voice.
>"Change of plans... Ace 'n Eights are gonna take dawn patrol today; we got something else we need to do."
>You stand up.
>"Get wheels up; I'll explain when we're in the air."
>You grab you flight helmet and look up to your bird.
>Nuke anon loves to give you shit about flying a MiG.
>In fact, the two of you give each other shit about whatever the fuck is being flown.
>But this ol' bird has been doing well for you since you got here.
>And of course, Nuke anon is Nuke anon.
>He's got eight or nine rigs besides the Bear, which he's made infamous on the board.
>Whatever he decides to fly, you give him shit.
>And he gives you shit right back.
>It's all in good fun, though.
>When shit goes down, you watch each other's backs.
>Putting on your helmet, you walk lazily over to the ladder and climb up.
>You hop down into the cockpit and begin doing up your straps.
>Reaching about in the cockpit, you being hitting the necessary switches and buttons and such.
>as the engine kicks on, another anon jogs up and rolls the ladder away while you do up your flight mask.
>You begin manipulating flaps, ailerons and elevators in a quick check.
>Of course, you really don't need to check shit.
>This is essentially a brand-new plane.
>You disengage the brakes and ease the MiG forward out of the hangar.
>As you roll out, you look to find Nuke anon has selected an F-15 for this mission.
>Behind him, another anon rolls out with an F-18.
"Holy crap, Nuke, you actually know how to fly something built after 1965?"
>"Big surprise, right?"
>Thankfully, of all the fucking hangars they built, the one you're in is right next to the massive open area that you all use to take off and land.
>Literally anything could land here, it's that big an area.
>You turn the MiG out to face it.
>"Smoker will be joining us on this flight, Angel."
"Good to have you along, Smoke."
>"Finally get to blow some shit up... course I'm coming."
>You gun the throttle.
>As the MiG begins to roar across the desert, you smile.
>Never ceases to amaze how fast this fucker spools up to speed.
>Pulling back on the stick, you pull up and roar off.
>You nod as you note to yourself that everything feels good.
>You look off into the distance at the first dim rays of the sun, on the edge of the seemingly endless desert.
>"Alright, so here's the deal.We've been getting reports from along the eastern coast of massive-ass catbirds. Just one or two, but our dear princess is deeply concerned by the reports, nonetheless. So we're gonna go up there and look ourselves because they've only just started building defenses out there."
>"What do we do if we find them?"
>"Shove an AMRAAM up its ass, what else?"
>You laugh a little.
"Sounds simple enough."
>"Yea, it does..."
>Nuke, as he prefers to be called, pauses.
>"So, when do you guys think we're gonna go on the offensive? I mean I'm hearing stories about shit really starting to get done around here."
>You nod to yourself.
>The operators have been doing quite a number on the enemy. Especially Delta.
>You guys go up and do your thing without any trouble at all.
>You had the battle at Appeloosa, which saw a gallant defense by some nofuns fags in spartan armor.
>And of course, there's the rumors of humans volunteering to help rebels in Saddle Arabia.
>Some Afrika Korps type shit, probably.
"I figure that when we're done beating them out of Equestria, we'll just keep going."
>"Nothing wrong with a little aggressive expansion," Nuke chuckles.
>"You really think the Princesses would do that?" Smoker asks.
>"Eh... yea, maybe not... I would though."
"Who's to say WE won't?"
>"Good point, we could," Smoker agrees.
>"We should," Nuke says. "Go north or south, carve out a nice piece of land for ourselves."
>You imagine it.
>It could work.
>Like the Four Cannon thread, but real.
>Or it could go really bad, and you all end up killing each other.
>That's probably more likely.

>The sun glows orange as you reach the coast., flying over the Hayseed Swamps
>"Alright, boys, just a quick run up to around Baltimare and back. We don't see anything, we come back tomorrow and do it again. Roger?"
>Stop, looking at the swamp, faggot.
>It's go time.
>You keep your eyes peeled on the skies around you as you and your two comrades make your way up the coast.
>As you reach Horseshoe Bay, your radio crackles to life with a new voice.
>"Lions One, Two and Three, this is Horseshoe Tower, are you receiving?"
>"That's a copy, Horseshoe, we read loud and clear"
>"First of all, thanks for making the flight out here, anons; hope it was a smooth one."
>As you hear him talk, you hear another voice barely coming in behind him, calling people to come listen because Nuke anon is here.
>"Second, let me fill you in; some anons watching the sea have been reporting what look to be griffons, but bigger. Since we're still in the process of setting up Ack-Ack positions and all the air units in Canterlot are tied up elsewhere, we had to call down to Fort Chan."
>Fort Chan.
>That should be 4tChan.
>"Understood, Horseshoe, we-- wait a minute, I got something on scanners here..."
>You look down at your own instruments.
>"Horseshoe, I've got contact. One-seven-five, seventy-two miles... we've got a flight of three, angels ten."
>"Roger that, Lion One, three contacts, seventy-two miles."
>You watch your comrade for a moment.
>He's not making any sudden moves yet, so you're ok for now.
>"Horseshoe, contacts appear to be heading three-one-five now, speed four-thirty, angels... around eight-thousand."
>Nuke turns out towards the ocean.
>You and Smoker follow suit.
>There's another long moment of silence.
>"Two-zero-seven, sixty one miles... bearing one-eight-zero....angels eight, heading three-three-zero."
>"Horseshoe copies all, Lions."
>It's hard to know where the fuck they could be.
>The sun is getting bright now, making it difficult to see as you fly out to sea, straight towards it.
>"Bogies seem to be... juking to the right now, heading north. Speed four-three-zero, angels nine-thousand now, into descent.... distance fifty-three miles now."
>"Lions, any idea what we're looking at."
"Negative, horseshoe. Hard to know what they are when ya can't see them."
>"Bogies appear to be heading directly at us, I'm coming to port, steady up one-fife-zero for thirty degree offset, fifty miles."
>You and Smoker snicker quietly.
>Nuke has admitted to you before that he doesn't know what any of that shit means.
>He just watches the dials and flies at whatever he's gonna blow up.
>All the fancy words are to make him sound good in case anyone noteworthy is watching or listening.
>He'd tell you he prefers to fly his WWII prop jobs.
>"Just shoot what you see," he'd say.
>You'd rather not say anything, lest you make the three of you look like the idiots you really are.
>"Forty-nine miles now, speed four-fifty, angels nine, I'm going down to three."
>The three of you descend down towards their level.
>As Nuke anon continues to talk, your heart begins to quicken.
>All you've done so far is blow up some big bulls on the ground.
>This will be your first taste of actual air combat.
>"Thirty degree offset now. Bogies heading three-four-zero, speed five hundred, let's accelerate."
>You push the throttle forward and listen to the engine whine as you're pushed even further into the seat.
>"Bogies have jinked back into us now, let's come starboard, thirty degrees, other side."
>You turn the stick and pull back, turning to the right along with your two flight mates.
>You're trying not to meet them head-on, just in case.
>"Lions, this is Horseshoe, close out warning yellow. Weapons hold, I repeat, warning yellow, weapons hold."
>"Roger that, warning yellow, weapons hold."
>"Horseshoe, bogies have jinked back into me now, for the third time. Thirty-five miles, nose is on. Angels seven."
>Nuke's raising his voice.
>This is serious shit.
>"Taking another offset starboard, two-one-zero."
>You look back down at your own radar.
"One, this is Two, I got them leveling off now, distance thirty miles."
>"Roger that, let's level off."
>You pull back on your stick and level out.
>"Bogies turned back into me for the fourth time, we're coming back port. Twenty-seven miles, seven thousand feet."
>You all begin to turn your planes back into their direction.
>There's no avoiding a tangle now.
>"Copy that lions. Bogies bearing one-three-five, angels sixteen. Heading three-four-zero. You're in collision."
>Oh boy.
>Here we go.
>"Bogies have jinked BACK into me for the fifth time, they're on my nose. Inside of twenty miles."
>"Roger that Lions... Hope you make this a good fight; We've got a bit of an audience, here."
>"Roger that, Horseshoe, fifteen miles."
>"Say your angels."
>"I'm at angels five, nose up."
>"No, HIS angels."
>"Uhh, angels nine, twelve miles."
>You take your free hand and arm your missiles.
>"Fox one!" Fox one!"
>You watch as an AMRAAM shoots out from under Nuke's left wing.
"Ten miles."
>The AMARAAM disappears into the distance.
>You look around one last time.
>"Five miles, break and engage."
"Roger, breaking off."
>You pull away from Nuke while he ducks low and Smoker takes a high angle.
>You enter into a bank of clouds.
>"Horseshoe, these AREN'T catbirds!
>"What are they, Lion 1?"
>"We got DRAGONS, Horseshoe!"
>As you emerge from the clouds, you see a trio of massive, armored dragons.
>One of whom is buzzing about, desperately trying to evade the AMRAAM Nuke fired.
>Another one makes a b-line for it and reaches out for it.
"Oh shit!"
>"Good kill, good kill!" Smoker laughs.
>The third dragon immediately engages you, almost tearing the canopy off your MiG.
>"Watch 'im, he's behind you, Two--"
>The other dragon manages to do what the one who attacked you couldn't.
>His armored claws dig deep into Smoker's left wing, and he pulls it off completely with what you can only assume is steroid-or-magic-induced strength.
>You look back as the wing falls away.
>"Shit!" Nuke shouts as you both watch the rest of the F-18 fall out of the sky.
>"Horseshoe, we've lost Lion Three! Say again, Lion three is down!"
>You see a minor explosion, and Smoker successfully ejects from the cockpit.
"Thank fuckin' Christ."
>"King Bulls, now we got fuckin' DRAGONS! Where the fuck are they comin' from?"
>You don't know if you want the answer.
>You quickly look behind you.
>That fucker's still there; you have to evade.
>As you pull as tight a turn as you can, all you can hear is your own breathing and your heartbeat.
>The dragon stops and watches you as you complete your gut wrenching turn.
>She takes a shortcut and flies straight toward you, her claws extended.
>You pull up as hard as you can, roll over and pull back again, completing an especially acrobatic stunt that sees your flying lizard friend staring down the nose of the mighty Foxbat.
>She panics and turns around, trying to outrun you.
"Good luck."
"Don't worry about it, Nuke. kill that birdie bastard."
>The giant dragon you're tracking is desperately trying to lose you.
>Again, good luck.
>Bitch, you're not outrunning a Foxbat.
>You switch on the locking mechanism.
>The familiar 'beepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeep' begins as the targetting computer begins closing on the dragon.
"Tracking... tracking... tracking..."
>"C'mon, get 'im, Angel!"
>The beepbeepbeep turns to a beeeeeeeeeeeep...
"...Lock! Fox 1!"
>You launch your own AA-6 missile.
>It tears out from under you and begins chasing the ladylizard.
>The poor bitch dives down, then flies back upward, trying to evade.
>"Ha... too late."
>The explosion is brilliant, but you're too busy watching it to realize that you're flying right into it.
>While no damage is doen, you emerge on the other side with a generous helping of blood smeared on you windscreen.
"Damnit, I can't see!"
>You find one spot in the window that you can see out of.
>"Angel, take evasive action! He's on you!"
>You roll over and loop around again.
>"I got him, Angel, just keep evading."
"You're gonna have to play spotter, Nuke, I can't see anything!"
>"Roger that, he's in on your five o'clock!"
>You look over your shoulder.
>You catch a fleeting glimpse of the fucker.
"I'm goin' to port, Nuke!"
>You bank left and pull the stick, making a hard turn.
>You hear the earth shattering thuds from the F-15's cannon as Nuke tries to shoot down the lizard.
>"Goin' starboard."
>You bank hard right and pull back.
>Nuke lets go of another burst of cannon fire.
>"Target hit, but still goin'. Keep going, Angel, I almost got him!"
"Goin port again, get the fucker!"
>One last time, you bank and pull.
>You hear more thundering gunfire, followed by a pain-filled roar.
>"That's a kill!"
>Thank fuck.
"Horseshoe, this is Lion Two; radio back to Fort Chan and report mission accomplished."
>"And report one casualty," Nuke adds. "See if you can get one of those coastal PBY patrols out here, yea?"
>"Copy that Lions. Thank you."
>"Ahh, no problem."
>No, that wasn't a problem.
>The problem will be landing this bird with all the blood on the windscreen.

(creepy kenny loggins fades out)

That'll do for tonight, methinks
For a somewhat different take on the concept, from a board even more autistic than this one:


It's less a story than a series of scenes, all from pony POV rather than human.
Thank you, anon! I'm glad you're finding my story interesting, if nothing else!


>Shifting about in bed, you awoke with a groan, feeling overly hot
>Glancing down, you could easily see you were still wearing your clothes, despite being under a blanket
>It was only by glancing up did you see the smooth stone wall your bed was pressed against
>When had you fallen asleep?
>You'd felt a bit tired earlier, but you didn't think it was that bad
>Was it them again?
>Why would they do it, though?
"The bed."
>You practically whispered, looking down at it
>If nothing else, that at least gave you the impression that you were important in some way
>Psychopaths wouldn't give you a comfortable bed to sleep in
>Had something happened to you, then?
>Were you in some kind of weird quarantine zone?
>You didn't feel all too strange, other that warm from sleeping in bed
>Speaking of which, you were feeling well rested if nothing else, so you got up, your eyes landing on a book left sitting on the ground
>Glancing around your room, and then up at the ceiling again, you stepped over to the book, bending down to pick it up, examining the rather plain cover
>There was a title of some kind on the cover, but you couldn't make heads or tails of the language
>Opening it up, you were greeted with a kind of cutesy...horse?
>It had it's hooves raised up into the air, a smile on it's overly-large face, it's big, colorful eyes sparkling
>It almost looked like a picture, but you simply shrugged it off, flipping to the next page
>Greeting you was a picture of a large apple, as well as a word written in whatever language this was
>A book to learn to read for children?
>Where the absolute fuck were you
"Well...no time like the present, I guess."
>Time to learn

>Apple, bench, cheese, door, egg, flower, gold, hat, ice, jewel, kazoo, lantern, magnet, nail, oven, pail, quiver, recorder, safe, towel, ukulele, vase, watch, xylophone, yarn, zipper
>You recognized the somewhat cartoonish images, ,though the words still eluded you
>Still, when you compared the different words for each, the writing began to make more sense
>You started to recognize repetition between the spelling, noting what you thought might be one letter her, or another there
>It certainly wasn't easy, as it didn't quite flow like English, but you were making progress


>A while into this process, your stomach growled, and you realized that it must have been at least 8 hours or so since you ate anything
>Getting up, you looked at the ceiling, shutting your eyes, hoping you were right and that they really were watching you from it
>Raising the book, you pointed to the apple, to your mouth, and then to your stomach, trying to say the word for apple aloud when you did
>A moment of silence passed, and then the voice from before returned
>You still couldn’t make heads or tails of what they were saying, but you hoped they got the point

>What felt like 10 minutes or so later, you heard a noise, one that was unlike the sound of the voice from the ceiling
>This was the sound of stone on stone, and when you looked to the source, you could see one of your walls shifting, sliding to the side, moving over until a door was revealed!
>The voice from above chimed in with a wary tone, and you tried to resist the urge to rush towards it
>It was your first glimpse at real freedom in a while
>Still, fortune would not favor you, a small hatch opening up instead, through which a singular, red apple slipped through, coming to a stop on the ground
>This might take some negotiating

>Taking what you assumed to be the individual letters, you put together a rough statement
>You might have been completely off for all you knew, but if they wanted you to be able to speak whatever this language is, and were planning on only feeding you what you could tell them about, you'd need to learn and learn fast
>M E A T
>Thinking about how literal they'd been, you took the time to figure out how to say 'cooked meat', just to make sure to lessen the process
>Once you were ready, you looked back up at the lights, raising one hand to shield your eyes as you spoke
["C O O K E D....M E A T"]
>It was awkward to say, and some aspects of it was guesswork, but it sounded sort of similar to the way the voice normally spoke
>Close enough for the voice to return, a hint of surprise to the way they spoke
>Whether that was a good thing or not was yet to be seen


>In their office, the same green Unicorn quickly wrote down their latest discovery
>How exciting!
>The Entity had only had the book for an hour or two and it was already speaking!
>It was nearly incomprehensible, choppy gobbledygook, but still!
>Progress was being made!
>"At 2146, the Entity spoke it's first words. The Entity's level of intelligence is still unknown, but it is clear that the Entity is capable of taking literature and learning from it. Neither 'cooking' nor 'meat' is mentioned in the book. Therefor, the Entity was able to deduce the spelling of the individual words written down, break them down into the letters it needed, and rebuild them into the words it was seeking."
>She paused, looking back down at the strange thing, still staring up into the crystals above it
>A part of her was grateful it was shielding it's eyes
>"I would like to request a dialogue coach to teach the Entity to pronounce it's words correctly, as well as additional literature for it to study."
>Satisfied with that for the moment, she rolled the page up, sealed it, and sent it on it's way
So, I'm thinking of writing something for you guys, but I'm not caught up on the show. I think I'm still on S5. Plot wouldn't be anything serious or too related to the show, but I'm trying to decide if I should prioritize catching up over starting this green. Time is kind of limited for me since I already write for another thread. Just looking for input.

>The Director wanted to handle this!
>The mare rapidly tidied her office, cleaning and clearing all she could
>She removed personal effects and hurriedly gathered additional papers, pencils, quills, and more
>She figured that she would simply be sent somepony who could handle dialogue and working with the Entity to help improve it's grasp on the language
>And yet, the Director wanted to come in and do it herself instead!
>Trying to calm herself, a serious look crossed the mare's face, one of determination and strength
>It soon fizzled, but it was enough to get her to calm down
>"Come on, get it together, you'll be fine! Just let her talk to it, and things will be fine."
>Feeling more self-assured, the mare settle down, waiting for the Director to arrive


>You needed to ask about a bath at some point
>You'd gotten your food yesterday, and they'd given you another apple and steak today
>One that was made surprisingly well, all things considered
>That didn't change the fact that you'd been wearing the same clothes for probably three days now
>Going back to your book to figure out how to say that, you twitched as the voice spoke again
>They seemed nervous about something, and when the second voice spoke, you guessed what it was
>There were two now
>This second one spoke slower, and with a more authoritative tone, yet even as they did there was a hint of something else to them
>Like some kind of excitement they were trying to hold in
>Whatever the case, you needed to pose your question, and this was as good a time as any
>Lifting the book up, you pointed at the pail and spoke
["B A T H?"]
>You hoped that was clear enough for them to understand
>You hadn't quite been expecting the new voice to respond with your word, repeating it back to you in the same way you'd said it
>["B A T H?"]
>Thank God you were good at charades
I don't think people would be all that worried. It's your story, anon, you should feel free to write it how you'd like it. If we all stuck to the pre-established work, none of these stories would exist any ways.

> You sat down on the ground, starting to gesture, turning invisible knobs, watching invisible water fill up the invisible tub you were sitting in
>You even grabbed some invisible soap and gestured like you were cleaning yourself, speaking your word as you did so
["B A T H."]
>To which you got an immediate reply from voice #2, repeating what you said back at you
>["B A T H."]
>Unsure if you were being tested or not, you began to repeat your actions, and spoke again.
["B A T H."]
>And again you got a response, only this time, it was a little faster, a touch more flow to it
>It was still recognizable as the word you'd said, just smoothed out a bit
["BA TH."]
>The two of you carried on your back-and-forth, repeating the word for 'bath' so many times that it began to lose all meaning, but you could feel yourself getting closer to the 'proper' way of saying it
>You could of sworn you heard some sort of weird, happy snort when you said the word back to them correctly
>Saying the word back softly to yourself, you could see why you'd been so thrown off by it before
>There was a bit of a musical quality to the word, with a hint of bluster in them, almost accentuating it
>It was familiar in a weird way, but you couldn't quite place it
>The more you thought about it, the emptier your room sounded, the repetition having become normal in it's own way, silence now seemed strange
>A small part of you found yourself longing for the voices to come back, for them not to leave you alone here
>Trying to think of something to say, you found you already knew
>Looking up at the lights, you began to mime a barbecue and some nondescript meat
["C O O K E D M E A T?"]
>There was silence, and then voice #2 greeted you again, repeating
>["C O O K E D M E A T?"]
>It wasn't perfect, but it would do for now
>It takes you some time to locate the training fields.
>They lay a considerable distance from the castle likely due to the crowded nature of the city scape.
>The grounds are nearly deserted save for those souls that have risen early to make use of the running track.
>Since there is no one to train with you simply find an open spot and begin working through your routines.
>While you have grown more accustomed to having company of late the solitude is not unpleasant.
>It gives you a chance to free your mind of the many concerns and distractions that have recently weighed on you.
>You slip easily into a rhythm losing yourself in the blade work.
>The weight of the chainsword familiar in your hand and though your new shield is lighter than the combat shields of the legion the movements are the same.
>Several hours pass in comfortable routine before startled back to the present but a scroll suddenly appearing in the air before you.
>Had you been practicing with the chainsword active the letter would have been neatly shredded.
>As it stands it is stuck to your sword, one of the dragons fangs having perforated the parchment.
>Freeing your other hand from your shield you pull the parchment loose and unfurl it.
>The contents are succinctly spell out your new assignment.
>By word of Princess Celestia you are to return to Canterlot by the first available train.
>She further explains that you will be overseeing the transportation and distribution of supplies and weaponry to the Crystal Empire.
>You have your orders then, best get to them.
>The trains run a tight schedule and you find passage back to Canterlot easily enough.
>Having down time during the ride makes you wish you had thought ahead to bring writing supplies with you.
>It would have been a good chance to sketch various defensive layouts you might use.
>Ah well, the train isn't exactly the smoothest way you've ever traveled. Most likely you would have ended up with more spilled ink than well mapped plans.
>When you disembark in Canterlot you find Raven waiting for you along with a guard escort.
>"Welcome back Anon. I heard things didn't go exactly as planned but it's good to see that you're alright."
"My thanks, though I am sorry to say that now everyone was so fortunate."
>Raven offers a sympathetic look. "Still it could have been a lot worse."
>"Now about the supplies" She says seamlessly transitioning to her usual business like demeanor.
>She produces a clipboard and directs your attention to it.
>"We'll be sending more of the standard guard kit to the Empire since we have reason to believe that will be closer to the front line."
>"Once we're sure we'll start sending rations and other essentials, but crystal castles own stock should hold for now."
>You nod and reach for the clipboard which she surrenders without argument.
>Among the items listed you also see allotments of lumber nails rope and other building supplies.
"We will need sacks as well."
>You say noticing their absence on the list.
>Seeing Raven's confused look you elaborate.
"Bags filled with earth and stone can be quickly piled into fortifications."
"This will allow us to more quickly erect defenses in streets and buildings should the need arise."
>"Right then I'll see about getting those sent out a.s.a.p."
>She directs you to follow her and you fall into stride taking long leisurely steps so that she won't be forced to run to lead.
>"Since you can't be everywhere at once we'll also be sending private Moondust along to help oversee efforts."
>"She doesn't have much in the way of actual experience at the moment but she's familiarized herself with all of the plans you've written out. Including the ones for the weapons we'll be sending."
>You aren't surprised. Of the handful of unicorns you've met thus far all of those that make full use of their magical abilities seem to have a voracious appetite for knowledge.
>"Some of the weapons are going to have to be shipped as pieces due to their size. So we thought you could use an assistant."
"Very well. Any aide provided is welcome."
>Following Raven she leads you to a staging area where crates are being stacked off by work crews.
>Nearby you see one of the workers lowering the last crate from the back of a wagon which promptly sets off back towards the heart of Canterlot.
>"Looks like they're almost ready to bring the cars up for loading."
"How swiftly will they complete the loading?"
>"You've probably got at an hour, maybe more. Was there something you needed to do while you were here?"
"I wish to gather some of my belongings. I will not be long."
>Without further preamble you start towards the castle at a jog.
>Truthfully you'd like speak with the princess and see what progress her wizards are making in tracking Incognito.
>Despite your desires you recognize that that is not a productive use at your time.
>Pestering the sorcerers and being under foot would be more counter productive than anything.
>At the very least you can gather your clothing and the paint to put your armor back in order.
>A stop by the kitchens may be warranted as well.
>While the Crystal Castle is an impressive sight it lacks in many of the amenities provided by Canterlot Castle.
>If you are fortunate they may have some dried meat in stock that you can take with you.
>Failing that you'll just content yourself with one final sampling of whatever is on offer before your departure.
>Upon arrival you find your room much as you had left it, your belongings left more or less undisturbed.
>Someone has taken the liberty of removing the used candles you had used to make your wax seals and replaced them with fresh ones.
>They also appear to have changed the linens on your bed. A shame then that you won't be making use of it.
>After sleeping rough so often in the past you were beginning to enjoy the luxury of clean bedding.
Had time after work for a quick update, will be back as my schedule permits or on the weekend at the latest.
Good kek.

My knowledge of canon hardly extends past season 2, you're good
I'm still reading fall, and still enjoying it
So what happens to smoker? Do they fish him out?
File: 1323736400615.png (17 KB, 374x208)
17 KB
It's been a fucking month since I published anything and I hate it.

A month of time fucking wasted because of this bullshit job working Fifty Shades of Horny White Bitches and Vibranium Kangz because I happen live in the zeitgeist buffer zone of an upper class area and a prominently black town.

I hate how my job has made me a less productive and worse writer and I hate that it makes people who actually look forward to what I make read:stooges forced to wait for the rare mercy the Hollywood box office can offer me where I get a respite from having my shitpipe remodeled enough to churn something out.

I guess thanks for your continued patience and readership, life's too short to be wasting it in a fucking movie theater so I've decided to quit this piece of shit job "soon" and ensure my next one doesn't ever have the opportunity to fuck me over like this.

At the very least expect things to fucking get done once I escape from this buttery popcorn hell of terrible management and uneducated customers who see a movie seven times with their extended family just because they have the same skin color as the guy on the poster.
You should feel bad about not supporting all the future Kangz of america.
File: nNXlbWT[1].jpg (120 KB, 500x600)
120 KB
120 KB JPG
Fuck the kings.
File: 1520450385531.png (282 KB, 623x513)
282 KB
282 KB PNG
>Fuck the kings
And here I thought you weren't that gay.
Fair enough. I'll get started soon, hopefully I'll have something to show for it in a few days.
It's to establish dominance. You know, like chimps.
Thanks for the update Hawkeye! I really like all the comfy you're bringing so don't worry too much over writing some drama. I left the rest of my comments on the other board so as to not sperg out all over this thread.
Hang in there famalam. You know we love ya.
Fair enough. As long as its you establishing dominance not the other way around. I'd hate for you to get chimped more than you already have.
Also, why don't you leave your job with a bang, something memorable, like James did.
just throw a folding chair during the evening rush
File: kopfjaeger.jpg (70 KB, 472x640)
70 KB
Here, lemme do another opinionated dump of stuff.


I want to start by saying I'm enjoying the story and I think you've got the tone just right.

At the same time, because overthinking things is my superpower, I am pondering a human volunteer foreign legion fighting in someone else's war.

The ponies, I guess, are really impressive at the logistical side, maybe because magic. Maybe they can magic up all the food these volunteers need, and magically dig latrines and supply fresh water too. Where's the ammo coming from? Is that magic also? Did some /k/ommandos make the trip with an eighteen-wheeler full of ammo that was supposed to go somewhere else?

Who's doing CASEVAC? Is poni medical science more advanced than the spears-and-plumed-helmets tech level the Royal Guards display? Brrrr.

Imagine being a "war tourist" who goes to places like Bosnia or Chechnya in the 90s, or Kurdistan or Ukraine in the present day, just for the thrill of strapping on the body armor and going hunting.

Imagine having the chance to fight for ponies.

But what if you're not a war tourist? What if you're just some guy who made a joke post on an Internet message board? Some Anons are going to go bugfuck and stay there. Some are going to refuse to fight.

And you're touching on some things that we'd see--the humans and their tech aren't invincible or unstoppable. Guns don't make them immortal. Airplanes don't make them able to pick off dragons without danger. "Delta Squad" has taken what would be, historically, some heavy casualties so far, and the war's not over.

And, though I see you say you've only watched the first couple of seasons, back when Celestia and Luna were pretty unambiguously the most powerful beings in the world as it was presented--if they're so powerful, why does anyone think they can win against them? They're heavy hitters, no doubt--but there are heavy hitters on the other side, too. We haven't seen them yet. I'm sure we will soon.


And, to expand on that point a bit--do you think it'd be safe, going to the front line with the Princesses, because they're so powerful? Oh hell no. If Sunbutt is leading the charge herself, then things must have gone completely to shit. Where she is, is Schwerpunkt--"center of gravity." She is going where the fire is hottest, where things are worst, where the danger is greatest. Before Chrysalis, before the Great Worfening, one could be sure that she would fight and lead magnificently. But it would still be a horrifyingly dangerous place to stand.

For that matter, my headcanon (lawl) is that Celestia has the raw magical power to sling a heavenly body around the sky with a thought, a feat that once required scores or hundreds of the world's most powerful unicorns working in concert, and pushed them to their limits. Luna never had her sister's raw power, and could not best her even with the boost she got as Nightmare Moon. So, Luna fights dirty, with horrifying black magic, summoning Things that Should Not Be to do hideous and unimaginable things to her foes, far worse than mere death. She's imaginative and has a mean streak and has studied this stuff for centuries. Be afraid of the loud little blue horse. It's not safe to be near her either, at the front line.
File: halowars.jpg (214 KB, 671x1114)
214 KB
214 KB JPG
>inb4 somebody pic related this
File: Spoiler Image (348 KB, 1200x900)
348 KB
348 KB PNG
Threadly reminder that pone wears the saddle.
File: abandon thread.gif (768 KB, 320x240)
768 KB
768 KB GIF
Here's hoping, Anon...
File: fahNGmz.jpg (966 KB, 2560x1024)
966 KB
966 KB JPG
Really loving it, Anon. I like this green more than any I've read in a while.

Also, sunbutt gets the dick when?
>war tourist
What about going to the philippines to get paid hunting communists?
I think earlier Luna magics up specific weapons and their respective ammo so it seems like magic is responsible for logistics.
I think he said only stuff that exist (as in have been built and used before) were summoned.
Funny you should mention that, I have these stink bombs...
Fair enough, otherwise they could summon some zany shit. At the same time, they do still have Nuke anon...
Who is this "Nuke Anon" anyways? Somebody on here I don't know about? (I have been away for a while, I guess) Or just made up for the story?
Sunbutt never gets the dick.
It's been 746 years since she got the dick.
They always make excuses like:
I'm already married, or I thought we were just friends, or get out of here I'm trying to poop.

She just wants love.
Yeah, I mean if they could summon anything you'd probably see a CSO-class supercarrier, a pillar of autumn, a super star destroyer, and a few capital ships from Elite Dangerous constantly raining hell on the enemies. War would be over in a day.
>some anon manages to catch wind of this before posting
>pic relates a Halo
>activates it
Wouldn't that technically bring the flood to be?
haha, yeah
But that's okay. They're innocent.
>you've really done it now
>you saw what you assumed was a joke thread in /mlp/
>about a war in Magic Pastel Pony Land and a request for volunteers
>you posted a picture of yourself holding an enormous dragon dildo
>and boasting that you could defeat your foes by the power of >rape
>when you found yourself in Equestria, the pony they sent to collect you said only "you're a very interesting person."
>you cheerfully responded "I know!" but she wasn't in a mood for banter
>and now
>the ponies dropped you into a cave
>and a dragon the size of a three story building is glaring at you
>then she stares for a long time at what you're carrying
>a year later you and the dragon are married in a big ceremony
>Princess Celestia officiates
>you're going to need to get a job, though
>half-dragon child support is expensive
>they can only sleep on gold coins
>who knew?
>it could have been a worse day
Nuke anon was a Rarifag who used to post on the board a few years ago. At some point in an rp thread I think he got into an argument with Celestia, climbed into a b-29 and dropped an atomic bomb on canterlot.
I love that series. I think that guy has fucked pretty much every fantasy creature you can think off.
Isn't that how you play a bard correctly?
File: 1389729183022.png (31 KB, 250x199)
31 KB
File: 1519534726210.gif (174 KB, 500x281)
174 KB
174 KB GIF
>wanting to take the fun out of a story by getting nitpicky and serious
>uses the word headcanon and thinks his opinion is still valid

Okay, we'll let's also point out that, since they've arrived, Delta Squad has basically done nothing but fight and sleep. They've drank nothing but beer, a couple of them are mentioned eating MREs once, and that was well after they arrived. How are they not starving to death? How come we're not reading about what rations they've brought on missions?? This is really killing my suspension of disbelief. My autism is driving me crazy!

Just writer your own story. Fuck's sake.
That art. I feel so nostalgic
That had to be either really funny or really cringey.

>You'd spent the rest of the day working, volunteering words and talking them over with voice #2
>You hadn't gotten anything other than food by the time you'd gone to bed
>You were aroused from your sleep by the sound of something heavy scraping against stone, and a muffled grunt of annoyance
>It wouldn't normally have been enough, but this experience had left you jumpy and, as nice as the voices sounded, you wanted out
>Rousing yourself, you looked up, catching a glimpse of what seemed to be two figures hunched over
>One had what you quickly registered as a flashlight illuminating the large object they were carrying
>Glancing over at the door, you saw that it was shut
>If you rushed it now, you'd more than likely find it was locked
>No, the best thing to do would be to pretend to be asleep and let your mysterious guests do what they came in here to do
>You listened to the sound of metal and stone, trying to keep your eyes shut, or close to that, not wanting them to spy you and guess your intentions
>When you heard them start to leave, you prepared yourself
>You didn't even question the odd, numerous sounds their footfalls created, you were focusing on the door
>The light had left the room, making it hard for you to see more than glimpses of the second person leaving the room but, as soon as they were about to head through the door, you sprang to life
>Surging from the bed, you whipped your blanket at the one by the door, not even bothering to think about how short he was, the blanket hitting him and distracting him for long enough for you to push past
>There was a second sort of room beyond yours, this one smaller, though the multiple doors were unlocked
>Bright lights were shining outside the room, and the sudden shift blinded you momentarily, forcing you to shut your eyes while you reached your arms out
>You could hear startled voices around you, but you staggered forwards towards where you'd glimpsed the open door, your eyes slowly adjusting
Containment breach!
File: 1517597719304.jpg (1012 KB, 1200x849)
1012 KB
1012 KB JPG
Would you give her love, Anon? Would you lovingly cuddle your princess?
Greetings from the sunfag thread, friend.

And oh, yes, she is the kindest, wisest, sweetest,and prettiest poner of them all.
File: 1442857505027.jpg (229 KB, 1024x945)
229 KB
229 KB JPG
>It was that time of year again.
>The Ponyville fundraiser event.
>Apparently just straight up donating money was too simple, so ponies would set up little stalls to sell something, with the money going to whatever it was they were trying to fund.
>Kissing booths were particularly popular, probably because there isn't much effort involved.
>This year was no exception.
>You start your stroll, taking in the sights.
>Kissing booth, kissing booth, kissing booth, tasteful summer hat made right before your eyes (and presented to you with a kiss) booth.
>Spike desperately trying to get more bits from Twilight while holding his tower of tasteful summer hats steady with one claw.
>A small crowd of ponies around a booth staffed by Princess Celestia.
>Well that's new.
>As you got closer to the new addition, you can hear ponies talking about it.
>"I wonder what the special is."
>"She's hardly had anypony brave enough to get even a kiss, we'll probably never find out."
>This won't do at all.
>Determination welling up within you, you stride purposefully to Celestia's booth, and start counting out your bits.
>A hush descends over the town as everyone stops to watch you.
>Celestia's eyes light up as you count out your tenth bit, and slap them down on her booth.
"I would like ten kisses please."
>Her face falls instantly, and you can hear the crowd's disappointment behind you.
>Once the tension has been suitably ruined, you drop the bag with the rest of your bits next to your first ten.
"And three specials."
>That gets you the reaction you were hoping for.
>Hopefully the special turns out to be nice.
>tfw the "special" was a trip to the moon
>not metaphorially, either

>Colors strobing in your eyes, your sight still blurry as you began to move, your eyes beginning to recognize a large, barren hall, clean, smooth walls on all sides
>Around you you saw figures moving but they didn't look right
>They were too short and oddly colorful
>Were you being kept in some kind of farm or something?
>You were kept from your confusion by a jolt, sharp, tingling jolts spreading out through your back making you shudder and stumble, slamming up against a wall
>While it hurt, it wasn't enough to keep you down, and you whirled about, trying to get your eyes on what had attacked you, blinking away the last of your issues
>You found yourself looking down at a small pony, similar in shape to the one you'd seen in your book, though this one seemed more muscular, a thicker frame being exaggerated further by the body armor it wore
>Thick cloth covered its body with what looked like leather padding covering much of it's more vulnerable areas
>Attached to it's body by a belt was a sort of club, and atop it's head, there was a horn, one that was still glowing, sticking up from it's helmet
"What the fu-"
>You raised your hand up instinctively, just in time to block another blast from the small creature, your hand going numb as shocks ran up your arm
>The thing looked as surprised as you when you moved backwards, staying on your feet as you turned to run
>You weren't sure if it was the shocking, or the lights, or something in the air, but the hallway was occupied with tiny horses similar to that of the one you'd seen in the book, each of which was wearing varying degrees of clothing
>They were panicked, running from you, and in your addled state you realized that they must be running to someplace away from here
>Right about now, away from here sounded like the best option
>Pushing yourself off the wall, a bolt narrowly missed you, ricocheting off the wall and hitting a pony, bringing it to the ground
>Time to leave
Would anyone happen to have a copy of

It Ain’t Easy, Praising the Sun

The Dark Souls crossover? The link is dead and so is the author page and it seems interesting.
>You and Boss lean against the barracks doorway and watch as an F-15 and a MiG-25 roar over the base, wheels down and heading for the massive sand pit that the use for a runway.
>"They lost someone up there, apparently."
>"Yea... Fuckin' dragons."
>Fucking lovely.
>You both see a trio of stallions approach, carrying boxes and large bags.

>As it turns out, they're mail ponies.
>And they brought a lot of shit for the residents of Fort Chan.
>One mail pony calls out the names of the squads in your barracks, and everyone is very excited to be getting letters from ponies from around the kingdom.
>"But what about the rest of that shit?" one Marine anon asks.
>They still have a whole huge bag and a few boxes.
>"This," one of them ponies laughs, "THIS is all for Delta Squad."
>That causes a frenzy of guys both laughing and bitching.
>Of course, the alpha fucks are the lead bitchers.
>"What the fuck makes THEM so special?" one asks.
>"Who the fuck cares if they saved fucking Twilicorn?! I would've let her die."
>The rest of the barracks collectively asks if they could kindly shut the fuck up.
>You get a pile of letters dumped into your lap and a box.
>Everyone in the barracks begins laughing and chatting as they open their shit.
>You open your first letter.
>"Dear 'Nugget',
>How are you? I hope you're doing well; I've heard some terrifying stories from the front. I also hope all of your squadmates are okay.
>I met you when you were in Ponyville; do you remember picking me up and snuggling me?"
>Oh shit.
>It's fucking Snowdrop.
>Your heart melts.
>"It was very sweet of you to do that; you didn't have to!
>Anyway, I wanted to thank you for what you're doing. Like I said, I've heard some scary things from pony guards returning home; they're all being relieved by you fellows of the HVF! That's very sweet of you all to let them come home while you fight."
>Wait... how the fuck can she write?
>She probably dictated to someone else.
>"I'm very happy to have my older sister home, thanks to you... she's writing this letter for me! She was stationed at the air tower at Horseshoe Bay, and has told me stories of Humans in flying machines fighting Dragons. They must be very brave to fly so fast!
>Anyway, like I said, I hope you're well, and give your best to the others in your unit. I hope we can meet again someday!"
>"All the best,
>You heart is melting into your legs at this point.
>"D'awwwww," Fritz says out loud, reading the letter over your shoulder.
>"What?" Boss asks as he sifts through his shit, certainly looking for a letter form Rarity.
>"Nugget got a letter from Snowdrop."
>"A'wwwwwww," Dallas calls out from his bunk as he reads a letter.
>"Aw, God," a marine anon says as he walks by, "can I read it?"
"Sure, go ahead."
>You hand him the letter.
>He reads it rather quickly, and you can see his face melt onto the page.
>"That's just... I can't dude, I can't. Take it back, PLEASE, before I melt."
>You laugh as you take back the letter.
>"YES!" Boss roars in triumph as he finally finds a letter from Rarity.
"Oh God."
>All three of you go over and lean over Boss' shoulders.
>He decides to read it aloud.
>"My dearest 'Boss'..."
>Christ, this'll be good.
>"My heart aches in a way that it never has before. Although the moments we have shared have thus far been frustratingly fleeting, I do so long to see you again."
>You all begin to chuckle as other anons in the barracks stop and listen, snickering themselves.
>Alpha leads looks pissed.
>He must be a Rarifag.
>"The way my heart flutters when you gaze into my eyes, they way my pulse raced when you kissed my hoof the first time we met, the way you talk when we're alone, how I miss it so, darling..."
>You're all laughing the whole time.
>You in particular are laughing at Alpha lead, who's only getting more and more red with each word.
>Boss, noticing this too, begins to read with all the acting of a middle-schooler in a Shakespeare production.
>"Indeed, my sweet, how I long for you; your touch, your voice, your eyes... your very soul."
>Some of the /mlk/ and marine anons begin to laugh.
>This is getting ridiculous.

>You open your locker and grab a pastry that you think is a pop-tart, biting away at it as you try to keep it in your mouth while laughing.
>"I LONG for the day that you will return to me, the day that I might once again feel your strong arms around me!..."
>You fall onto Boss' bunk with laughter.
>Alpha lead looks like he's about to explode.
>"...the day that we might finally seal our fates with a kiss, your lips pressed, oh-so-close to mine..."
>That's the killer.
>The whole barracks begins to howl with laughter, many anons falling back onto their beds.
>Some cheer and yell out catcalls.
>At this same instant, Alpha lead storms out, having heard enough.
>"Our stories are intertwined in a way neither of us can understand, my dear... we were meant for each other... But I don't mean to rant. Along with this letter you will receive a special something I've made for you... It will go nicely with your hat, if I do say so myself--awwwww..."
>"Awwwwww," the whole barracks responds, then laughs.
>"Well, let's see it!" a marine anon demands.
>Boss takes the box he received and uses a pocket knife to open it.
>As he pulls it out, you recognize what it is.
>You know those fucking scarves that you always see the guys wearing when they're overseas?
>It's one of those.
>It's midnight green and silver.
>"Oh god! I gotta bring the hat back now! Fuck the helmet!"
>Everyone laughs.
>He quickly wraps the scarf around his neck, then pulls his Eagles hat out of his locker and throws it on his head.
>"Fuck yea!"
>You all laugh harder, and you choke on a crumb of your wannabe pop-tart.
>He picks the letter back up.
>"I hope you think of me when you wear it, as though I', wrapping my hooves around your neck and hugging you with all my love."
>More "dawwwwww's".
>"But again, I mean not to rant. Please give all my love to your fellow anons, and let them know that I'm keeping them all in my thoughts. But even they are secondary to you, my dear.
>All the love I have,
>"Twenty bucks to the fucker who shows that to Nuke anon," Fritz offers.
>"Oh shit!" a marine anon shouts.
>Everybody begins laughing.
>"Pretty sure he'd kill us all!" Dallas remarks.
>You're not so sure.
>You don't know him well, but from as much as you do know, he seems a lot more level-headed than he puts out on the board.
>He probably wouldn't ACTUALLY bomb Canterlot unless he had a legitimate reason.
>You watch Nuke read the letter that some Marine anon ran in with, chuckling.
>He sighs heavily after a few tense moments, then tosses the letter aside.
"I'm sorry, man."
>You don't quite know what else to say.
>Nuke sighs again.
>"It's... it's whatever..."
>No it's not.
>Everyone knows how much of a Rarifag Nuke is.
>When he's not blowing up Canterlot, he's dumping in Dress Horse threads.
>One of the Delta boys--you think it's Boss--shows up.
>"Nuke, I'm sorry, man--"
>"It's fine dude... you saved her life after all."
>He hands the letter back to Boss.
>"We wouldn't have gotten through the border without you... I'll make sure she knows that."
>Nuke nods.
>You look down to the unopened letter that was addressed to Nuke.
"Hey... you gonna open that shit?"
>He looks down at it, sighs, then picks it up.
>"Why the fuck not?"
>"To 'Nuke,'
>I'm not one for flowery talk, so I'm gonna be straight with you... I saw your picture in the paper, the one with your flying machine. Some of the stories you told... I know how it feels.
>"Being a Wonderbolt, I myself have been on a few air missions... dangerous ones. But the things you do? I can't imagine it... all those weapons at your disposal, the ability to condemn and enemy with the push of a button... it must be mind-boggling, even to you."
"Who the fuck is it from?"
>"I dunno."
>He keeps reading.
>"You and I... we're a rare breed, Nuke... we flyers know the world in a way few others do... from above. If you're ever around Cloudsdale, come up and see me."
>"Yours, Spitfire."
>"P.S... I heard you fellas like plot shots..."
>Nuke and Boss look wide-eyed at each other.
>What's paper-clipped to this fucker??
>He pulls it out.
>There are a series of pictures, most of which feature Spitfire's ass.
>You and Boss begin to howl with laughter.
>"Fuck Rarity, man, Spit wants your dick!" The marine anon says.
"Dude, c'mon! She's THROWING herself at you!"
>Nuke smiles as he views the pics, and beings to nod his head.
>"Alright, okay... I'll give 'er a shot.
>You smirk.
>That was a less than enthusiastic response for a guy who's got an admirer who's willing to take picture of her plot and mail them to him.
>She's literally all-but-screaming "PLEASE! FUCK ME! FUCK ME YOU STUPID BASTARD!"
>"Lemme see 'em!" the marine anon demands.
>"You can see ONE," Nuke replies, handing him one featuring Spit in a bomber jacket presenting her plot.
>Yea, it's pretty hot--"
>The four of you all stop what you're doing when you hear a commotion outside
>Boss immediately gets up and leaves.
>You and NUke look at each other, shrug, and follow him, as does the marine.
>Outside of the hangar, two groups are nearly ready to start a brawl.
>One group is all wearing balaclavas, but besides that are wearing different clothes.
>The other group match perfectly; Black berets, ski masks, camo jackets, olive pants and boots.
>You recognize the balaclava guys as the Screamin' Eagles squad.
>The others... no idea.
>"Ya fuckin' wanker! I swear I'll kill ya!" Eagle lead declares.
>"Let's see it, then, fooker! C'mon!" the othe replies.
>He sounds Irish.
>THe lead Eages lunges for him, but gets grabbed by his squadmates.
>THe lead of the other group does the exact same.
>"He's not worth the trouble!" One of the Eagles tells his sergeant. "He's just another bloody Paddy!"
>"W'got more important things to worry 'bout than this fookin' shoibag!" one of the other guys insists to his sergeant.
>They must all be Irish.
>Boss steps in and pushes the two apart.
>"Whoawhoawhoawhoawhoa WHOA... WHOA... break it up, fellas!"
>"Ah, Boss," Eagle lead says, "There you are; we were lookin' for you before--"
>"Before this Arse decided to accost us fer what we're wearin'!"
>"You're a fuckin' disgrace to the crown!"
>An' bloody proud, faggot!"
>"Alright, shut up!" Boss demands.
>You're impressed by how quickly both sides follow his order.
>"Eagles, do me a solid and go back to the barracks? Since you're under my 'command' I might have to file this shit. I'll get your story back there."
>"Shit... alright, boys, let's go."
>The Eagles turn around and walk away.
>"And as for YOU..." Boss says, turning around and pointing at the beretfags with his ber.
>He waits for a moment as the Eagles round a corner.
>With a smile, he raises his beer.
>"...to the Cause, gents."
>You, Nuke and the marine all laugh as they Irishfags all pull alcohol from their jackets, each also chuckling.
>"To the Cause," their sergeant replies with a wink as they all clank and drink.
>"Name's Lim, by the way."
>"As in Limerick?"
>Lim smiles.
>"You know, do ya?"
>"My ol' man's from Galway."
>"Ahh, I see."
>He points to his boys one-by-one.
>"He's Dun, he's Bel, and he's Mayo."
>They all nod.
"I haven't seen you around. When'd you get here?"
>"Heh, Ten bloody minutes ago. Still a tunna 'non's comin' in up from Canterlot."
>"So I've heard," Boss says with a nod and another swig. "Still mostly swordfags, yea?"
>"Aye, mostly swordfags."
>Lim takes another drink of whatever's in that flask.
>Probably whiskey.
>"There's only this cluster o'Bowsies operatin'?" Dun asks.
>"Nahh," Boss replies, "We're operatin' all over, just stuck a ton of us here."
>"Lovely little shower o' savages," Mayo comments.
>"Fuckin' A, we are," Boss replies.
>As they continue to talk, you can understand less and less of what they're saying.
>Boss' words become more and more similar to the Irishfags as his clarity deteriorates.
>You and Nuke look at each other, thinking the same way, and go back into the hangar.

>It's been a few days since anyone on base has done anything.
>You've spent a few nights with Boss, drinking a few barracks over with the IRAfags, Rover Team.
>You've been getting a kick out of their back-and-forth insults with Screamin' Eagles.
>They call them Black n' Tans, and in return, they get called Fumblin' Dublins.
>Since Boss has been there, it's never gotten bad, so it's just funny.
>But besides that, nothing's really going on.
>Boss tells you that he heard from Shining, who heard from Cadence, who is off in some undisclosed location, that there is intense debate as to whether or not the Human Volunteer Forces should be used in an offensive matter, or if the only objective is defense.
>The sentiment for an offensive push is unanimous around here, obviously.
>Of course, everyone here has seen some sort of action at this point, but running off and doing day trips to blow up an odd King Bull or something... it's getting old.
>Boss put it best.
>"We came here to end a war... if they want us to end the war, let us off the chain already!"

need sleep. until another day anons, probably tomorrow
The bin, the backup bin, and the backup-backup all seem to be dead so I'll upload it right-quick. The version I have was saved on June 9th of 2014.
Good Night Bro.
Sorry for the long wait but it's finally here after a long 5 years
>year 7 in equestria
>have raped my way to the top
>it was too easy
>these dumb bitches thought they could stop me, THE MIGHTY RAPE MAN
>after fucking that purple pone into submission everything went well for a while
>their shitty town became mine
>nothing to do here except fuck ponys all day
>but man that purple bitch was something else
>bitch tried to magic me
>I've got way to much semen for that magic to do shit nigga
>I slapped that purple whore on the face and yelled my mighty rape man roar
>Windows broke
>Apple pone's barn collapsed
>party pones hair deflated
>This pony is lying there crying
>this bitch think she's got a magic horn
>I'll show this cunt a magic horn
>Through the power of rape, my rod shall transcend the heavens and peirce this womb
>it's dangalang time nigga
>I shove my mighty rod right into that horse mouth of hers
>she tries to bite down but no woman can summon more strength than my mighty cock.
>back and forth we go, when will I stop?
>this bitch sure don't know
>Finally i release my seed with an extra meaty thrust
>the choaking only makes my rape baton harder
>As this purple nigga be coughing and spilling cummines out of her fat ass nostrils
>I stick it DEEP in this ponies ass.
>lmao I know this bitch be a virgin so i'll go easy on her
>let her keep her virginity for now
>oh what the fuck
>this cunt's moaning
>alright, into the baby oven we go
>many cummies were had
>"j-just wait until the princess comes..." she says between gasps "she'll stop you..."
>"I'd like to see some princess try to stop the mighty rape man!"
>I'll find this princess pussy and make that ass belong to me and me alone

To be continued :)
File: 1390970227816.gif (41 KB, 360x360)
41 KB
File: 176724__UNOPT__.png (318 KB, 883x700)
318 KB
318 KB PNG
I wasnt the one that asked, but you're a Savior Anon.

I like you
File: I mean it.png (267 KB, 900x900)
267 KB
267 KB PNG
>ywn give Celestia a kiss when she is sad
>ywn find out what a special is

Why live Anons?
But what happened to Smoker?
Memory kick me hard than a fucking hangover
Died from a ruptured anus.
Her kisses are extra snotty.
The special is sending you back to Earth with an erased memory and a UTI.
File: Spoiler Image (56 KB, 473x311)
56 KB
>"Hello Anon you are very cool and also I want you to write a story
>"Well ok then, Anon. Anything for you"
>"You are cool"
Then this happened.
Only because we love each other.
Can you feel the love here Anon?
>Nuke is fucking Spitfire after the war.
>He's about to climax and yells like https://youtu.be/yqdDB_tMtgA
>It's said all of Cloudsdale and Ponyville heard it.
>Boss just so happens to be fucking Rarity at this time and yells https://youtu.be/6EBuKP-uc94 .
>page 9
I was the person who asked so I will thank you as well! Thanks!
Thanks for passing on gratitude in my absence.
File: MAXIMUM AUTISM.png (200 KB, 263x336)
200 KB
200 KB PNG
anyone remember what this thing was called? I'm trying to torture a friend
Is there a Pastebin for this story yet?
File: Saturn V.jpg (342 KB, 1024x816)
342 KB
342 KB JPG
>Somebody pic relates this in the Volunteers thread
Would Luna approve?
Can Anons into space?
File: Marine_MRE.jpg (186 KB, 806x908)
186 KB
186 KB JPG
Outstanding. Let me try one.

>another day on the POG
>another batch of Marineanons came in today
>there are thousands of them now
>you're constantly confiscating crayons from them
>half of them are eating the crayons
>the other half use them to draw dicks on everything
>you hate your life
>and then there are the Coastfags, who keep yelling "is too a service branch"
>that's how you recognize them
>but you really do hate your life
Most Anons can. Polandanon cannot into space, however.
File: 84412__UNOPT__.png (218 KB, 600x600)
218 KB
218 KB PNG
time to wait 5 more years for part 4
File: F-15.jpg (335 KB, 2850x1663)
335 KB
335 KB JPG
Great shit, Anon. I can't tell if there's a shift in perspective when they show the letter to Nuke anon, because there's nothing that states it explicitly. Is the second half of the latest green from Nugget's perspective, or Angel's? Maybe some kind of note to the readers when the perspective shifts would be helpful.

Also, what ever happened to Smoker? Will we find out in the next episode?
but who washes the rocks?
File: unnamed.png (127 KB, 300x300)
127 KB
127 KB PNG
File: XB-70 Fuelling.jpg (189 KB, 1421x1007)
189 KB
189 KB JPG
inb4 somebody pic relates something really esoteric. Do you take vehicle requests, TenTwentyFour?

>Once outside the airbase HQ, on the scorching hot tarmac of the freshly laid apron, you climb into a jeep and tear off down the strip along the massive line of hangars.
>For an airbase barely three weeks old, the fucking place is huge, and still growing.
>Last you heard they were still paving a massive runway, well over three miles long. For now, the salt flat serves well enough.
>There are more aircraft here than you've ever even heard of in one place, ranging from WWII era all the way up to the most modern.
>Most of the birds are military, though. Either cargo or combat.
>You and the faggot sitting next to you stick out like a sore thumb as the driver maneuvers the jeep down the apron towards the largest of the hangars.
>Usually, you would be sweating by now in the hot sun, but the bright orange pressure suit you're wearing keeps you cool.
>Oxygen hisses into your helmet with every breath, fogging up your visor a little bit.
"So... have you ever flown before?"
>You glance at the Anon sitting next to you. He looks unusually surprised by your question.
>"Nope. I just shitposted a whole squadron of MiGs into the thread, and they assumed I knew what I was doing."
>That's comforting, considering you haven't even touched an airplane in your life, yourself.
>Apparently there's some honest-to-God Naval Aviator Anon teaching some of the strike fighter guys a crash course, but you've yet to see him yourself.
>The jeep rolls to a stop in front of the biggest hangar.
>An XB-70 Valkyrie rests before you, surrounded by fuel trucks and scaffolding as Anons work the bird over as best they can.
>It's not like any of you have seen one of these things before this week.
>"Fucking shit, man."
>A bead of sweat rolls down your brow.
>Why the fuck did you ever think it was a good idea to pic relate this thing, again?
>Why the fuck did you ever think it was a good idea to pic relate this thing, again?

"Good" is a relative concept, Anon. Is a Mach 3 jet bomber better or worse to arrive with than the H-bomb Major Kong got to ride at the end of Dr. Strangelove? Better or worse than a sword? Or a dragon dildo?
File: XB-70.jpg (173 KB, 969x768)
173 KB
173 KB JPG
Point taken, but if you're not an airforce fag or something, a Mach-3 deep penetration strategic bomber with a 70,000 foot cruising height is pretty tough to make use of effectively. The Volunteers Anon takes some liberties with the number of people actually capable of operating aircraft on this board. It's great, but still something to activate the almonds. I wonder how many people actually have even private licences on the board.
I've got a license to ill
True, and then there is all the maintenance military vehicles need--hundreds of man-hours of checks and such between flights. I just assume the ponies do that by magic and keep reading.

Also, better or worse? If you're riding shotgun to Valhalla, there are worse ways to arrive than in a BTR80, breaking speed limits and blasting Sabaton from loudspeakers:

File: VF-25F loadout.jpg (412 KB, 828x1200)
412 KB
412 KB JPG
What if you pic related something like this? Would it end up being fully functional, or does it have to be something that actually exists?
It has to be real.
File: GouldElric2.jpg (67 KB, 500x612)
67 KB
And then there are the guys who made the REALLY bad choices.

>be Raven, Princess Celestia's assistant
>greeting a human
>only he's not, exactly
>he's taller than the Princess, with arms and legs so thin he doesn't look able to stand up
>unlike all the other Anonymi with their green faces, he's an albino
>his ears come to points, unlike every other human's
>he may not in fact be human
>and then there's that enormous black broadsword he's holding
>Celestia wanted to meet him
>they said he just appeared at the front lines up past Vanhoover
>no armor, nothing but a sword
>all the witnesses agreed he fought like a lunatic, or one possessed by demons
>he bayed like a wolf and cut griffons and minotaurs down like wheat
>some accounts said he killed over a hundred
>what concerns you more, though, is that every unicorn who so much as glanced in his direction could FEEL the layers and layers of magic radiating off the sword in his hands
>the enormous black broadsword as long as he was tall, with the glowing red runes on the blade
>unicorns more skilled and powerful than you had tried and failed to analyze the enchantments
>but everyone agreed the sword was horrifyingly powerful and seemed to have a sinister, bloodthirsty will of its own
>that thing was bad news, you knew instinctively, and so was its wielder
>Celestia can sense it instantly, you can tell
>but she keeps her voice and expression friendly
>"They say you fought very bravely and saved the lives of dozens of ponies. What's your name, friend?"
>his face is a mask of sorrow, and his voice drips with regret
>"Call me the Eternal Championonymous," he says
>"And please stay back from the sword. It has a mind of its own. Not kidding. It likes its work and I can't always control it."
>the sword pivots to point at Celestia
>the glowing runes shift around in a way that hurts your eyes and the sword begins to emit a sinister hum
>the guards notice too, and spears begin to point at him
>"Please stay back."
File: mushroom-cloud.jpg (42 KB, 500x399)
42 KB
How about "I want one hundred grams of antimatter in the form of nickel-iron alloy, in a superconductive magnetic bottle?"
a Thunderscreech then

Not sure if you guys know this, but TenTwentyFour is just reposting one of his old stories.
File: conspiracy board.png (906 KB, 1280x720)
906 KB
906 KB PNG
Then why is he making such a show of posting updates so sporadically? Why talk about "not much writing today guys" and such? What's the purpose of that? I want some proof before I'll believe this claim.

Pabstbin the raw link

But why though?
Unfortunately, it didn't last long.


>Your long strides made it easy enough to keep up with the running creatures, but with all the shocks you’d taken from whatever science freakshow robot thing that guard had come from, you were definitely slowing down
>You hardly registered the other doors scatter along the wall as you moved, glancing back to see two of those weird guard things chasing you
>You really should have been looking where you were going though, as something solid slammed into your gut, knocking the wind out of you and sending you down to the ground
>Gasping for air, you started to try and get up, only to feel something like little hooves stomp down on your back with a surprising amount of force, keeping you pinned
>Christ, you weren’t going to die to a bunch of animals, were you?
>As you choked down air though, you noticed yourself getting heavier by the second, exhaustion sinking in
>Or was it?
>Looking at the other two, strange creatures, you noticed they had what looked like crude gas masks on
>So it was a chemical then?
>You really hoped it wasn’t messing with your body or anything
>You passed out to the sound of Voice #2 saying something unintelligible


>You woke up in your bed, sore spots all over your body
>The door was shut, there were no mysterious animals around, and now you had a bath tub and a stack of books
>Groaning, you climbed free of your blankets, making your way over to the tub, your hands grabbing you shirt to lift it when you heard voice #2
>You couldn’t understand everything, but you picked out what seemed to be rather crucial words
>[“You”], [“I”], [“Need”], [“Talk”]
>You agreed with that, though you didn’t say it
>All you wanted was to soak the pain away
>Turning the tap, you were surprised to see plenty of hot water flowing into the tub
>You decided to ignore the questions of why they would let you have this and focused instead on getting the tub full
>You could question things later

>The same mint green unicorn as before hoped her blush wasn’t noticeable as she watched the Entity disrobe, slowly removing its clothes to bathe
>She winced when she noticed the bruised and inflamed areas
>While she took notes, the Director paced from one wall to the other and back again, making tight oval shapes, muttering quietly to herself
>They’d both shared the office when the containment breach occurred and, while there had been only one pony-related injury, this was not a good sign
>The further this went on, the more intelligent the Entity was seen to be
>Not only that, but it had been surprisingly resistant to those blasts, while a single one had downed a pony
>If magic wouldn’t work that well on it, they couldn’t over-use the more mundane tools, such as the gas they’d been using to knock it out for the last few days
>No, there was only one thing to do
>[“I’m going to have to talk to 1067.”]
>The Director said, prompting a swift response from her employee
>[“Talk to it? With all due respect, Director, do you think it’s wise for you to interact with 1067 so freely? We still don’t know much about its methods, means, or even desires. Not only that, but it likes to eat meat!”]
>The Director rolled her eyes at that, her pacing stopped as she looked over
>[“Yes, as do other intelligent races. If I go, 1067 might find comfort in a familiar voice, and besides, of everypony here, the two of us know it best. If it wanted to hurt us, it would have done so during the panic of it’s attempted escape.”]
>She took a moment to think about that
>Given its large size, it wouldn’t have been too hard to grab up ponies left and right, and with the shocks it’d taken, the Entity might very well have been able to claim the lives of a few ponies before being forced back into its cell
>Yet it hadn’t, a fact that relieved the green mare, both because she didn’t want other pony’s to be hurt, and for some other reason she couldn’t quite explain

>[“Alright, but I’m going to request at least two guards.”]
>She said, smiling slightly when the Director nodded in agreement
>[“That seems reasonable to me. Hopefully they won’t be needed. Considering how panicked 1067 looked on the footage, we really don't need it to be any more agitated, especially if it turns out that it IS from another world."]
>That thought hadn't occurred to the Unicorn, glancing down at the image on the screen of the Entity sinking into it's bath, a look of pained contentment on it's face
>What if the thing they were holding here was no different from anypony else, just from another place?
>Sure, it might look...off, but still, being slightly unsettling was hardly a crime, and especially not one worthy of keeping it here
>At that thought, she perked up, glancing over at the Director who was wearing a similar look
>["Do you think...it might be possible to make friends with it, Director?"]
>The Unicorn asked, looking into the Director's eyes
>They seemed almost warmer now, the trained professionalism the high-ranking Mare had about her slipping some as she considered the question
>["I suppose that's what I'm hoping to find out~"]


>After setting the schedule up for tomorrow's interview of sorts, the Director headed home, eager to relax in bed
>It had been a long day at the facility, and while she might enjoy writing reports, as well as giving them, it was always nerve-wracking to have to deal with a containment breach
>Thankfully, nopony had been seriously injured, so she could rest easy
>Laying down in bed, she shut her eyes, drifting off to sleep
>Or, she would have, had she not decided to gather a few more books to read in bed before going to sleep
>One could never be too well-informed after all
File: 1519177389616.png (465 KB, 929x969)
465 KB
465 KB PNG
I'm really curious about the motive for this now. Why is he treating it like a whole new story if he's literally got the whole thing written out already?
I'm actually pretty disappointed now.

I came back to finish it. When I asked a few threads ago whether to just post the pb and go from where I left off or post from the start, the latter was the more popular choice. So that's what I'm doing.
Ah, so it isn't finished, then. That clears things up a little.
It's a really good story, Anon. Looking forward to reading more.
>One afternoon Boss busts in, startling whoever is in the barracks.
>"Delta! we got orders!"
>You sit up.
>Niner follows him.
>"/mlk/, load up, we're moving."
>The Marine sergeant follows him.

>Holy shit.
>It's on, huh?

>"Alright boys, here's the full briefing: We're gonna use those big guns, and WE'RE gonna tell 'em where to shoot."
>That it?
"That's it?"
>"Well if ya let me finish, Anon. Anyway, in the capitol city of the Griffon Empire, Gryphendel, is a large facility with a series of generators on it; they dunno who built it, but anyway, it's providing some sort of barrier over the kingdom so our recon and spy shits can't see anything. Our job is to get within visual range of the thing, call the fire mission back to Gustav and the Krupps, and watch it rain.
"So what's everybody doing?"
>"Well, Rover Team and Alpha are coming with us.
>You all groan.
>"Alpha? Seriously?" Fritz complains.
>"Yea. Alpha... now we're not gonna bitch, right? Let's just deal with it."
>You shake your head as you load an FAL magazine.
"If they give us any shit--"
>"Rover's gonna have our backs."
>You sigh.
"Alright, if you say so."
>The plane shakes and rattles loudly, like it's trying to tell you something.
>"You're all gonna die! YOU'RE ALL GONNA DIE!"
>Yea, that's what it's saying.
>You look to Boss, who's helping Fritz get his gear ready for the jump.
>Maple chats with Dun, who's explaining how he got his hands on an Israeli assault rifle.
>Alpha sit impatiently beside you.
>You look to them
>Alpha's lead--Shor, he goes by--looks to you.
>Before he gets the chance to give you some douchebag comment, you nod to Rover team.
"Whaddaya think of these guys?"
>Shor looks to them, then back to you.
>"Stupid Mick faggots. They're probably better at making car-bombs than they are at shooting... too bad there aren't any cars here."
>He adjusts his glasses and gives you a smirk.
>The pilot calls out.
>"This is Blackbird. LZ is in range. Thirty seconds."
>Everyone stands up and does one last gear check.
>You watch as the back door slowly begins to open.
>The air roars past the plane, sounding like a goddamn vortex.
>The vibration also gets significantly worse.
>Every eye in that bay is one the light.
>It's still red.
>Butterflies fill your stomach as you stare at it.
>After what feels like an eternity, it finally turns green.
>Boss looks back at you briefly before running to the edge and jumping out.
>Fritz and the whole of River go after.
>You close your eyes, run at full gate and jump into the darkness.
>You can see nothing.
>The only indication you have that you're not dead is the roar of air that whips over you on all sides.
>Apparently Luna didn't find it necesary to light up your drop.
>But then again, if there was a full moon overhead, every catbird between here and the capital would know where you are.
>Good call, princess.

>"Whoooooooo!" Boss calls over comms.
>"Wait... what the hell is that?!"
>A bright flash catches your eye.
>You watch as a bolt of lightning, coming from somewhere on the ground, reaches up high in the air and strikes the C-130 you JUST jumped out of.
>"Overlord, this is Blackbird; mayday, mayday, mayday! We've taken severe electrical damage from an unknown force. I can't keep her in that air, we're gonna have to bail out! How copy?"
>"Solid copy, Blackbird," Another voice calls. "Delta, this does not change the mission; it is imperative that you reach the capital."
>"Roger!" Boss calls.
>"Don't worry about us, Delta, we'll be alright! God luck! Blackbird out!"
>"Roger that! ALPHA! What's our altitude?"
>"Eight thousand feet!" Shor replies
"Still got your glasses, Alpha?"
>Fritz laughs loudly.
>"Fuck you, Delta!"
>"Alright, alright, get it t'gether!" Lim calls.
>"Roger that, ALPHA, altitude!"
>"Seven thousand!"
>The rushing of wind continues around you.
>You being to lose track of time.
>It all just feels like forever.
>"Six thousand!"
>You take one last look around in the darkness.
>Only now are you curious as to where in Catbird land you've actually been dropped.
>"Five thousand!"
>You grab hold of your chute cord.
>The roaring wind is now accompanied by a sense of tension as you wait impatiently for boss to give the "open" order.
>"Four thousand!"
>"NOW!" Boss calls.
>As you pull the chord, your head snaps back suddenly.
>The rest of the fall is a blur.
"Hey, guys... ya wanna gimme a hand?"
>You sturggle to free yourself from the chute, which hangs you about eight feet from the ground.
>"Jeazus, you fuck," Bel chuckles.
>"Ahh, leave 'im up there. We can come back and get him on the way out," Fritz jokes.
"Not funny. Gimme a hand."
>"You amateur!" another alpha fag, Kyne, scoffs as the four of them approach.
>"Is he ALWAYS this clumsy?" Shor asks.
>"No," Boss replies with a bit of a snap as he tosses you his box cutter.
>You manage to grab it and proceed to cut yourself down, the last eight feet being the most inconvenient of your life.
"Ow," you say casually as you sit up.
>Boss reaches down.
>"C'mon, let's move."
>He helps you up.
>GOD, this shit is heavy.
>You were told to prepare for a multi-day mission, so you packed as many MRE's and ammo mags as you could into every orifice in your clothing.
>But maybe the extra changes of underwear were a little much.
>The twelve of you drudge your way through the thick forest, with Maple and Dun taking point about fifty yards ahead.
"So Fritz..."
>You've always been curious.
"Why Trixie?"
>He chuckles.
>"I... I dunno, man..."
>You smirk.
"Just sorta happened?"
>"Y--... Yea, I guess."
>He hops over a large stone.
>"I mean, when I saw her in the first season she annoyed the shit outta me... just saw her as a total bitch, y'know?"
>So did you.
"Yea, I getcha... so what changed?"
>"I dunno. I guess the board had something to do with it... I just happened to fall into a Trixie thread and some of the stuff posted was just adorable... and this one faggot wrote a one-shot about her and how she just wanted to be loved... it clicked with me, y'know?"
>You nod.
"You decided you'd be the guy to love her?"
>Fritz chuckles.
>"One of a few... Haven't met any but ya gotta think they're here somewhere."
>"Trixie's fucking cancer," Shor snipes. "She's a selfish piece of shit."
>"Takes one to know one, faggot."
>"Shut up back there," Boss says in his best impersonation of a Skyrim guard.
>You and Fritz chuckle.
>Shor huffs.
>"Wrong guard voice."
>"Who cares?... and why the fuck are you all named after Skyrim characters anyway?" Fritz asks.
>It's true.
>Shor, Kyne, Alduin and fucking Tsun.
>"Seriously, shut up... They know we're here, clearly, don't you think they're looking for us?"
>Shit, that's true.
>No one responds.
"She send you anything?" you whisper.
>Fritz pats one of the pockets in his vest.
>"Haven't read it yet... once we find somewhere to chill for a bit, I will," he whispers back
>You nod again.
"She seemed to take well to you just scooping her up and carrying her around all day."
>"Oh, she took to it very well," he laughs.
>You chuckle.
>"Say... who the hell is your waifu, anyway?"
>"You do have one, don't ya? I mean who gives a fuck if you don't, but I'd be surprised to find someone here who didn't come to save their waifu."
"Well, uh.... I'm kind of a Sunfag."
>"Really?" he says, cocking his head. "You didn't seem to excited when we met her."
>Revealing your power level by fanyboying at her would have been the worst thing you've done.
"I was... still trying to get to grips on what was going on at that point... and then the other time... well I mean we were all blasted."
>You could only imagine how much she was giggling at the lot of you.
>That probably doesn't help your case, either.
>In fact, that whole probably doesn't help you much.
>You know it's bad when the boys on base are all referring to it as "The Royal Rumble".
>"Ye-hea, we were, weren't we?" he laughs. "Probably not the best time to put the moves on a mare, huh?"
"That's what I figured."
>"So you actually thought about it?"
>He laughs as quietly as he can.
>"I would have loved to see that."
>You chuckle and look about.
>You can't help but notice Tsun glaring at you through your NVGs, your only source of light.
>Clearly he's a Sunfag too.
>You instinctively flip him off.
>Fritz laughs beside you before Maple calls in.
>"Everybody stop."
>The whole group freezes.
>You drop t one knee and raise the FAL, scanning the area.
>"You hear that?" Fritz mumbles.
>You nod as you begin to hear shouting.
>"Shit..." Dun mumbles. "They're close, boyo's."
>"All points, standby, standby..." Boss mumbles.
>Your eyes glance quickly around again, and you notice movement to the left.
>"Contact, ten o'clock."
>A lightning bolt flies in from that area, hitting Tsun and drawing a blood-curdling scream as he slowly sinks to the ground.
>"All points, GO LOUD!"
>You drop to the ground and start shooting blind in the general direction that the bolt came from.
>The whole place lights up with flashing muzzles and roars with gunfire.
>"Watch you heads! Contact up!" Boss calls.
>Glancing up, you see a catbird swooping down and move just in time to avoid it.
>You roll over and begin shooting again as you come back up, putting the bastard in his place.
>"We gotta move, keep moving!" Shor calls out.
>That's probably a good idea, actually.
>The twe--scratch that, eleven of you begin to push forward, with you blindly shooting up and around at what you think might be catbirds.
>Some of you are getting hits, clearly, as you can hear the shrieking of birds as they get shot.
>All while dodging bolts of lightning.
>You can't seem to hit anything, though, while everyone around you is.
"Where do I shoot?!" you finally yell in frustration as you hop over a downed tree.
>"Just shoot anywhere," Fritz replies, "They're everywh--"
>"WAIT!" Boss roars.
>You all freeze.
>As you slowly scan the area, you keep your ears open.
>And you hear nothing.
"Did... did we kill them all?"
>You and Fritz look at each other.
>A blind hail of bullets later and you're clear of the threat?
>This feels like fucking CoD.
>"Whew," Bel remarks with a sigh. "That's it then, is it?"
>"Alright, we win," Fritz chuckles. "Everybody go home."
>Some of you laugh quietly.
>"I don't really know if this is funny, guys..." Boss says.
>"Five minutes on the ground and we're already down a man... think about it," Lim concurs.
>That's true.
>You look to Shor.
>He's looking back behind the group, to where Tsun was killed.
>FOr the first time ever, you feel sorry for the faggot.
>While they'd done some scrub ops, this was the first big one, and they lose a man in five minutes.
>On the bright side, if he was a sunfag, he's less competition.
>Though something tells you stying alive isnt enough to impress the sun princess.
>You probably have to do some crazy-heroic thing, like how Boss earned Rarity's heart by jumping on a King Bull.
>At east, you think that's what it was.
>"Alright, boys, let's move out... no time to lose."

>Except you actually have all the time in the world.

>The sun rises behind an overcast sky, and as you continue east, it begins to rain.
>Suddenly, this feels like Vietnam.
>You swear you can hear "White Rabbit" playing from somewhere.
>You note how badass Fritz looks with the rain trickling down and dropping off the sides of his stahlhelm.
>He, like Boss, went back to his original loadout for this mission.
>You and Maple chose your fancy-pants Shadow Co. stuff.
>And you can't help but wonder how Boss is faring with all that rain pouring onto his...
>Oh wait, he's wearing the hat forwards.
>"We're approaching a clearin'; standby," Dun mumbles.
>Those of you who aren't Dun or Maple stop and scan the area as the two of them move ahead.
>"Boss, five tangos in the clearing. Permission to engage?"
>"Do it."
>"Roger, standby."
>Boss lowers his hand down as he slowly drops to his knee, and you all follow his order.
>"Just lemme put this damn suppressor on..."
>You sit down in the wet dirt, indifferent.
>Fritz does the same and reaches towards his pocket, presumably for the letter.
>He hesitates, then lowers his hand.
"Not the right time?" you whisper.
>"Nah... when we set up a camp somewhere for more than two minutes."
>You smirk.
"You wanna enjoy it."
>"I do. Be like if you got a letter from Sunbutt."
>You're not quite so sure.
>Something tells you she'd rather just appear to you like some vision of the Blessed Virgin.
>IF you got a letter from her, it would probably be a fucking dishonorable discharge.
>After all, you DID start the Royal Rumble.
>"Target down..." Maple whispers.
>A moment passes.
>"Tango down," Dun mumbles.
>God, they're good.
>"Target down."
Another moment passes.
>"...tango down..."
>Fritz shakes his head and chuckles.
>"Some real fuckin' operators, you two are."
>"British sniper trainin'.... goes a long way," Dun replies over comms.
>"Target down, and we're clear," Maple says quietly as he stands up.
>"Do we wanna check inside?"
>"Inside what?" Boss asks.
>"This fookin' shack here," Dun answers.
>"Yea. Nugget, we're up."
>You nod and stand up, sneaking up to join Boss.
>The two of you trek the thirty yards between you and the two snipers.
>Dun points to what looks to be a two-or-three room shack.
>"We got you covered, Boss," Maples says with a nod.
>You raise your FAL and begin scanning the area as the two of you make your way down the soggy embankment.
>This feels familiar.
>You remember Flutterguy, and your first mission, making your way down a rocky path to a pair of small buildings that was supposedly an outpost.
>You remember Boss quoting Lord of the Rings as he cut down bull after bull.
>That feels like an eternity ago.
>And it was only...what... nine or ten days?
>Something catches your foot, and sends you face-first into the wet ground.
>Boss does all he can not to laugh as you look up at his face, covered by the half mask with the skull teeth.
>"You're just a glutton for stupid today, aren't you?"
>He reaches down and helps you up for the second time this mission.
>You pick up your FAL, look it over quickly, then continue to follow Boss down to the shack.
>He kicks the rickety wooden door down and moves to the right, while you move to the left.
>You don't need to hear from Boss to know what to do.
>You move into the small room on the left and begin sca--
>There is a sudden unbearable pain in your stomach.
>You begin spraying the room, and upon hearing a griffon shriek, are satisfied that there's another dead catbird.
>But you're having trouble breathing.
>You look down to find a crossbow bolt sticking out of your stomach.
>Well shit.
>You fall against the wall as Boss rushes in.
>"Nugget? Nugget!... Shit! Delta, Nugget's down!"
>You're vision is beginning to blur.
>A motherly voice echoes in your ears as your vision goes completely.
>"...Anon... fear not, Anon... you're going to be alright..."

until tomorrow or something anons
File: 1518993783054.png (3.33 MB, 3000x2500)
3.33 MB
3.33 MB PNG
So when is the story with the foal named Meme going to continue?
More spoonlicker when?
File: Spoiler Image (100 KB, 1191x670)
100 KB
100 KB JPG
Again has to be real. But if we REALLY want a nightmare for the enemy you forgot the best non OP tag team in gaming and the thought of them being controlled by a thinking planing human instead of a AI? Dear god. My best recommendation for any dragons or attackers who look to hurt Celestia? Run, because that hammer's going to hurt, really bad.
I thought I was the only one that remembered that one. I'd love to see it continued, too.
File: smirking.gif (964 KB, 439x318)
964 KB
964 KB GIF
Do I detect sun horse?
Good shit, Anon. I'll admit I wish I could write like you (and wish I had come up with the idea for this green, you clever bastard!).
So I'm not just imagining shit? Good, just making sure. But was it here or RGRE it was posted? I'm actually thinking RGRE.
Propellers might hunt down writers, but readers never die and endlessly shuffle about in unlife seeking MOAR.
Then I suppose I'm going to have to do something about that aren't I? And April 1st is coming soon...
Well... I must admit I don't know much about gaming. Elric of Melnibone, though, if you read the books--he kills gods and eventually brings about the end of the world.

That sword is Stormbringer. It has a mind and powerful magic of its own--can move on its own, among other things--and it is completely evil. At the end of the last Elric story it kills him and changes form from sword to demon, then becomes a new world's Satan.

A note here. Michael Moorcock was a 50s-60s British "New Wave" science fiction/fantasy author. He's got a lot of imitators who don't even know where the ideas they're "borrowing" came from. Elric was the first creepy edgelord antihero--when it was original, before it became a stupid cliche. Apparently Moorcock disliked Robert E. Howard's "Conan" character and set out to create an antihero who was Conan's opposite in every way--intellectual, self-doubting, physically weak but magically skilled, recognizably clinically depressed and prone to berserk rage. It may be ironic that the way the story ends justifies Conan's mistrust of magic and magicians.

Anyway. From the ponies' perspective, the main problem with Elric and Stormbringer is, they aren't just a nightmare for your enemies. Elric doesn't necessarily mean well--he's not human, and his people tend to be moody and cruel by our standards, though Elric is by their standards kinder than most. But that sword really, really likes killing, and at the best of times he is just barely in control of it. Wherever he is, bad shit is about to happen, not necessarily to people who deserve it.
File: medium.png (415 KB, 607x600)
415 KB
415 KB PNG
Nugget is a sunfag? He's got good taste in mares.
The white dude is the OG edgelord with an evil sword.
>Anon is not allowed to blame flatulence on inanimate objects.
>Anon may not create, own, or distribute pornography.
>Humans do not celebrate any pornography related holidays.
>No "Mooning the Moon Princess" even if she liked it.
>Anon may not give out nick names.
>Anon is not allowed in the woods.
>Applejack is only allowed to kick Anon once a day.
>Anon is a member of a protected species and will not be put down for his own good. Even if he deserves it.
>Anon may not suggest "Death by Snu Snu" as a punishment.
The rest are understandable sort of but these are bullshit, fuck you Celestia let me have my fun
>mfw I know someone who plays d&d as a shape shifting bard who seduces idiots and drunks then shapeshifts into an animal and keeps saying that's the only way they'll go
>constantly pisses off the DM
>constantly amuses her teammates
>the DM can't do shit without revealing themselves to be a tool
it's been three years, I've waited and always hoped you'd come back
I can't tell you how happy I was when I heard you came back
I think my brother ruined d&d for me. He's one of those guys that always has to be some mary sue min/maxed bullshit. No joke, the first 'campaign' (it only lasted like two or three sessions) he ran, he was playing some half changeling half vampire rogue who also happened to be the daughter of some prominent god or demon queen or some stupid bullshit. I don't even remember what we were supposed to be doing, but it was some dumb bullshit centered around his character. His character ended up getting her shit slapped and died after our third or encounter, only to be suddenly replaced her 'sister' at the start of the next session. She was literally the same character.

Now he occasionally mentions that he's been listening to some d&d podcasts and wants to try out a bunch of stuff that they did. I'm scared to see what he thinks is a good idea.
File: the DMPC arrives.jpg (1.81 MB, 1104x1752)
1.81 MB
1.81 MB JPG
File: wink.png (135 KB, 371x379)
135 KB
135 KB PNG
He's a total sunfag.
Page 8 bump
There is a lot to love about Best Princess.
File: 1398123102832.png (74 KB, 824x910)
74 KB
Now for some nofuns anons

>The hot, unforgiving Saddle-Arabian sun beats down on your heavy armor, which only gets heavier with each step.
>But this, all things considered, is irrelevant.
>You are on a glorious mission.
>Spurred on by the news that ponies have begun organizing rebellions against their oppressive conquerors, Princess Celestia has sent you, along with a few thousand others, to help them liberate their desert kingdom.
>This is a holy endeavor.
>This... is a crusade.

>Some of these guys are just wearing shirts and shorts, their swords dragging in the sand because they have nowhere to put them.
>On the whole, though, you're surprised at how many others had not only brought swords, but full suits of armor, as yourself.
>Or at least a piece or two of armor.
>Though the factions vary, they all look impressive.
>The man to your left, in particular, has a full set of Teutonic Knight armor, complete with a massive pair of horns atop his helmet, which glisten like candles in the sunlight.
>He looks to you, breathing heavly under his helm as you are.
>"Are we sure this isn't 'Kingdom Of Heaven'?"
>You laugh.
"No, actually; I'm not so sure."
>He shakes his head and chuckles.
>"Call me Ulrich," he says, offering his massive shield.
"Ulrich, call me... shit I dunno, just call me Anon until I think of something."
>You both laugh as you bang his shield with your battleaxe.
"Everybody here's got cool names and I can't think of one."
>"Well," Ulrich says, looking your armor up and down, "you're a soldier of Antioch..."
>Edessan guardsman, in particular.
>"...soooo... damn, I dunno, man."
"Told ya!"
>"We'll figure it out," He concludes. "Say, where are we going, anyway?"
"Wherever these Napoleon douches take us, I guess."
>You look up ahead at the group of about twelve or fifteen guys, who are all wearing insanely ornate armor for a bunch of /mlp/ anons.

>They're also all on horseback.
>You can't help but wonder how the Canterlot guards, or the Princesses, or the citizens of Equestria reacted to their non-sentient counterparts.
>Chuckling, you imagine them trying to talk.
>They must believe these horses to be very rude and antisocial.
>Your thoughts are interrupted when one of these guys raises his hand.
>The rest of them stop, and begin yelling back at you guys to stop where you are.
>So you do.
"Traffic jam?"
>Ulrich laughs.
>"Maybe, man."
>One of them rides down the front line towards you.
>"PREPARE FOR BATTLE!" he roars.
>"Damn! Already?" someone says behind you.
"Holy shit."
>As the guy rides back down towards you, you think of a way to get his attention.
"Hey, faggot!"
>He stops.
>"Yes, faggot?"
>That earns a few chuckles.
"What the hell is going on?"
>"There is an army of Minotaurs waiting for us on the other side of this dune, anon. We have no choice but to engage them."
>You shrug.
>You look to Ulrich.
>He shrugs as well.
>"Alright, let's to it, then!"
>"Units, march!" the asshole on the horse calls out.
>You, Ulrich and all the anons around you begin to move forward to the top of the hill.
>As you reach the top and look down, you see an army of what look to be minotaurs waiting for you, a few hundred yards away.
>They got here fast, didn't they?
>Everyone stops.
>One of the others assholes further down calls out for archers.
>"Apparently," Ulrich replies.
>As you look back down the line, you see the archers.
>Holy crap, there's a lot of them!
>Do so many anons REALLY know how to shoot arrows?
>As they fire, you get your answer.
>You watch hundreds of arrows sail through the air, you can't help but be impressed.
>They shower the battalions of minotaurs, some of whom freak out, break and run.
>That makes you laugh, along with a few guys around you.
>The fact remains, however, that they are much bigger than you, and that sobers your thoughts.
>The archers fire a few more rounds of shots at the stoic minotaurs.
>You guess that's you.
>Your hands take a tight grip of your battleaxe.
>Ulrich shouts loudly and pounds his sword on his shield.
>You're kinda wishing you had a shield now.
>"Move Forward!"
>Go time.
>The multiple lines of men begin to march down the sandy hill towards the bulls.
>Thank God you're not in the first line.
>You at least have a second or two to think of how to avoid getting slammed in the face when they start running up the hill.
>Which, after one of them roars something, they do.
>Everyone around you begins yelling and running, so you guess that's what you do too.
>You pick out a guy and run down towards him.
>As the two lines collide, you run up with the first line, close your eyes and take a wild swing.
>Oh shit.
>You actually hit him.
>Unfortunately you never figured he'd be so heavy.
>As he falls to the ground, your axe goes with him.
>Damn, you cut him deep, didn't you?
>Now comes the problem of getting it out.
>You grab the blasted thing with both hands.
>It slowly begins to move, but you have to stop to avoid a wild swing of another axe.
>All of a sudden, you're pushed down onto your ass.
>A ragin bull stands over you, sword high over his head.
>He brings it down and you close your eyes.
>You open your eyes again.
>Ulrich is standing over you, his massive shield between your face and the sword.
>He pushes the bull away and engages him as you scramble back to the dead bull with your axe in his chest.
>You can't hear yourself think over all the screaming, yelling, roaring and clanking of metal things.
>As you finally stand back up, you grab a hold of your axe and begin to pull again.
>There we go.
>Now, where's Ulrich?
>You see him, continuing to fight the bull.
>Rushing to him, you take a swing Babe Ruth would be jealous of.
>At the same time, Ulrich thrusts his blade into the beast.
>The two of you connect at the same time.
>This time, the axe is much easier to remove.
>"Not bad, slugger!" Ulrich says.
>Something clicks.
>You can tell by the way his head shifts that it clicks for him too.
"SLUGGER!" the two of you shout at once.
>The two of you duck under another axe or something.
>You turn around and hit the bastard dead in the gut.

>As such, you spend the rest of the bloody battle earning that nickname.
>You can't remember how many you killed.
>You just swung wild and hope you didn't hit an anon.
>Afterwords, you watch other anons go through the belongings of the dead, both bull and anon, looking for cool shit.
>It might not seem honorable to steal shit off your own dead, but you get it.
>The living need it more than the dead do.
>Ulrich approaches you, having jacked some anon's cape.
>It looks badass on him.
>"You get anything?"
>You lift a helmet you filched from the corpse of a minotaur.
>Kind looks like one of those Hurlock Alpha helmets.
"I thought so too."
>He sits down next to you in the sand and removes his own helmet.
>You're surprised at the lack of a neckbeard.
>Or rampant acne.
>Or anything of the sort.
>This guy doesn't look like a horsefucker at all.
>Then again, you're not exactly a spaghetti-dripping sperglord, either.
"So did ya ever think we'd end up in Saddle Arabia?"
>"Nope... I was hoping I'd get to meet Candyass before I got here, too."
>You hold back a chuckle.
>"Yea, I know, blahblahblah Cadence is shit-tier."
"I don't mind her."
>"Oh, well that's rare here... so who's you're waifu?"
>He chuckles.
>"I'm tempted to say something about a Mary Sue."
"We came from /mlp/, it's nothing I haven't heard before."
>"True that, I suppose."
>You look up into the endless blue sky for a moment.
>"Has it hit you yet what's going on?"
"Nah, not really... I'm surprised that thread wasn't deleted or 404'd... it's been up for like a week and a half at this point."
>"Nothing the mods can do... They tried some shit, but clearly it didn't work."
>Oh well.
>You're better off here than at home anyway.
>You'd rather die from battle than die from boredom.
I'm really liking the different perspectives of the war. This is definitely my favorite story I'm reading so far. Also nugget being a sunfag is a plus. Gotta praise that shit.
her roast is ruined?
Ruined by the Roast Busters, apparently.
File: My Roast.jpg (38 KB, 700x747)
38 KB
But, what if she were to purchase fast food and disguise it as her own?
delightfully devilish, anon
File: Superintendent Luna.png (570 KB, 1280x720)
570 KB
570 KB PNG
File: The Balcony.png (396 KB, 1280x720)
396 KB
396 KB PNG
Superintendent, I was just stretching my legs on the balcony! Isometric exercise, care to join me?
File: Superintendent Luna.jpg (8 KB, 184x273)
8 KB
Why is there smoke coming out of your microwave, Celestia?
File: Steamed Dreams.gif (3.26 MB, 1024x768)
3.26 MB
3.26 MB GIF
Uh..ooh, that isn't smoke, it's steam. Steam from the steamed clams we're having. Mmm, steamed clams.
File: Supintendent Luna.gif (912 KB, 320x180)
912 KB
912 KB GIF
>You wake up and find this in your house.
What is your response, Anon?
He made the same fart joke every day for seven years.
His pornography was crudely made and he refused to accept criticism.
His butt is flabby.
"Fucker" is a lazy nickname.
Applejack has better things to do.
Anon is the only human. He also smells nice and remembers birthdays.
There are no creatures in Equestria that could Snu Snu him to death in the manner he described. Luna watched a dream he had about it once. She can't stomach the sight of yogurt anymore.
"I don't even own a toploader, where did this come from."
That was their first gift to you.
The second was in the lint tray.
Close the lid and turn it on high.
Run out really quick for some dryer sheets because I know I'm out.
Realize it's Sunday and the stores are closed.
Luckily the weather is nice so I hang the wet Celestia on the line in the backyard and chat with the neighbors over the fence.
"No, Sunbutt. I recommended sitting on top, not getting inside it."
>"But I'm a dirty girl."
"It vibrates."
>"I know, but where do you think the agitator is, and why do you think I'm smiling like this?"
"You're a perverted old nag, and I love you for it."
>"That's the sweetest thing you've ever said to me."
Is it bad I know what Wikihow this is from?
>Real people can not replace your pony.
>As you enter the lobby to gather yon party and venture forth, things seem off to a good start.
>The changeling and the guard are death glaring each other, sort of. Things in a Equestria are a bit too cute to death glare properly.
>It's more 'he took the last muffin' glare.
>And Discord is helping things along by poking them both with a stick. Yep. This is your team.
>Okay. You can do this. Princesses believe in you. First things first. Don't scream internally.
>Check. Step two. Remember that hope and good always triumphs in the end. The changeling won't betray you all.
>The guard pony is not two days from retirement. Discord can be serious when the situation calls for it.
>And you are the nobody from a small town who becomes the chosen one and saves the day.
>Now what would the protagonist do right now? Restore order.
>"Enough fooling around you lot, we've got a job to do."
>All three pointedly ignore you. Hmmm, right. Seems you need to establish yourself as the leader. The Twilight Sparkle of this little friendship adventure as it were.
>What would she do? Learn a... no. That won't work, you're not really in the sort of situation to solve this issue while learning about friendship.
>Wait, Pinkie taught you a trick that just might work.
>"Everybody pay attention." No one does. So you reach behind your back, thinking silly thoughts just like Pinkie taught you to do.
>Silly thoughts. Silly thoughts. Silly thoughts. Your arm suddenly feels like it's holding a heavy weight, you whip it back round into view pulling an object from hammerspace. Or Pinkiespace.
>"I SAID PAY ATTENTION!" Now confronted with a human scale party cannon, your erstwhile companions look at you.
>"Now I don't like to use the pay attention cannon but we don't have time for mucking about."
>"What do-" *BOOM*
---------------------------------------The Train to the Crystal Empire-----------------------------------------------------
>You're feeling rather pleased with yourself. Already you can feel your party bonding over shared experience.
>Okay, so the guard is giving you dirty looks while picking confetti out of his mane. And the changeling is looking at you like you're crazier than Discord.
>But you can accept that. It might not be Princess of Friendship grade bonding. But you can accept a role as the Drill Sargent who brings everyone together in mutual hate.
>At least Discord isn't being moody like the other two. He's just floating up and down the carriage annoying the other passengers.
>Whatever, gives you time to focus on staving off the imminent onset of a great deal of stress and pressure.
>Gotta block out the fact that you're on a mission to stop a legit super-villain.

Would have liked to post more but it turns out writing a song about friendship is hard.
That unicorn looks faggy, they canon or someone's donut?
We're getting a little too high up there, even if we are 360 posts in.
I'd boop it
>We're getting a little too high

something something drug joke something something
I'm not a fan of HFY but I feel compelled to point out that 1024 did ask anonymously if he should post his green from the beginning or just start where he left off. The majority response was to post from the beginning and I swear he's cleaned it up a bit and made some slight changes for the better.

Forgive me if this has been answered already as I've been out of the thread for a few days and haven't caught up yet.
Not that Anon. I remember it as well. Sadly, I seem to remember the writer saying they were abandoning the story.

I want to say it was in RGRE as well.
Going from /k/ommandos, planes, missiles and railguns to medieval swords and battle axes is a bit of a stretch now isn't it? Really testing the suspension of disbelief there.
is it? The whole point is to show the separation between anons who brought guns and anons who didn't.
The real stretch is if the princesses can keep bringing in people and items why don't they arm everybody with proper gear.
psst... hey anon...
I know it's been a while, but how is Milky Way doing? Anybody heard from her? What about their little group?
stay quiet though, I'm not sure if were even allowed to talk about this again yet
Seriously, it's been like 5 or 6 fucking years since Milky Way threads got kicked out of here. Have they ever come back?
I mean nothing's stopping you from posting some without pictures, I think.
Page 8 bump
>why don't they arm everybody with proper gear.

Do you really want to arm the cuddle slaves?
How long have you been reading AiE stories?

What keeps you coming back?
I've only been here a couple of years so I missed all the Milky Way stuff. What related greens would you recommend?

I gather from recent events that you're fine so long as pics used aren't lewd and text ≠ pics unless there's a mod with a raging hate-boner against what's posted.
File: 1441601592711.png (710 KB, 1024x1165)
710 KB
710 KB PNG
>What keeps you coming back?
Inertia, mostly. Plus maybe someday I'll finish my greens.
The laughter of small children
I like posting things here.
It's still fun.
I can still come up with prompts when asked.
I like making lists of things Anon can't do anymore.
Since near the beginning. Wrote some in early 2012 too. I come back out of fond memories and to kill time by reading memetext stories.
>How long have you been reading AiE stories?
I skimmed green off page 0 off and on for a bit, but the first time I actually clicked into the thread was whichever thread had chapter 8 of Rebels in Equestria.
File: this please me.png (646 KB, 1207x678)
646 KB
646 KB PNG
Intresting story. Please continue.
File: 1520621260727.jpg (103 KB, 800x800)
103 KB
103 KB JPG
Admittedly not long, but the greens I've seen so far have been pretty decent.
File: 1518951270546.png (125 KB, 357x357)
125 KB
125 KB PNG
L-lewd, Anon.
>Uses image from the garbage movie animations
>Also worst horse
Only just started reading AiE this week and I wish I had started sooner
i want to cum on that pink dog
For 6 years now. Never feels that long until I'm reminded of how many years it's been.
When Anon arrives in Equestria, he is forced into Celestia's cuddle harem.
>inb4 obrez home defence
Numbers-san, how do you feel about people throwing in non-canon bullshittery of various misc side characters and their experiences in this particular event? I have some dumb ideas, but at the same time I'm afraid that if I start contributing, this shit will become it's own general, and nobody wants that.
File: Lyra knows.jpg (98 KB, 945x945)
98 KB
the start
spite and having fun
Around the fifth thread.
The fact that I read so many good greens and remember our most active time and hope they come back.
Hi anons, I'm having a bit of trouble finding a green I read a day or two ago. Here's a general description of it so far: Anon lives in a trashy apartment where the subway station below feels like an earthquake, and later on has a dream about Luna. He wakes up to find a realistic picture on the nightstand.
Forgot to note that it's pretty recent, as in - less than a week old.
Not familiar with it, but you have my interest.
That is Cosmic's story over in /nmp/. Just updated too.
I don't speak for him, but this place needs all the greentext it can get.
Anon is the most attractive human in the harem.
It's not exactly a high bar.
File: TFM.jpg (325 KB, 495x654)
325 KB
325 KB JPG
File: 1520798080817.gif (698 KB, 559x1024)
698 KB
698 KB GIF
PiE crashed and I'm snowed in. Have a thing.

>"This is an automated weather alert for your area. The weather for... SMARCH... UMPTEENTH... is expected to have heavy precipitation. Persons are encouraged to remain indoors for the duration of the... SNOW... storm."
>You turn the radio back down again, letting its text-to-speech broadcast mutter to itself about snowfall totals and school closings
>It blends in nicely with the ticking of your space heater to form a soothing layer of white noise
>That layer is smothered by noise from the jet black Equestrian fugitive in the living room
>Your exiled former queen of a roommate snores like a cinder block getting dragged over pavement
>She's sprawled across the couch in the sleeping bag you found in the closet
>This has been her 'temporary' sleeping arrangements for several months now, and by your count she's been asleep in it for the last 18 hours
>Chrysalis must be hungry by now, and you'd like to curl up on the couch and take an afternoon nap
>There's a compromise to be made here
>You grab the long red thing lolling out of her mouth and pull on it gently
>It's either a tongue or proboscis, you've never asked which
>All you know is that it hangs out of her mouth when she's asleep
>A few gentle tugs start her twitching in unconscious discomfort
>You continue until you see her eyes open
>"Thop thath."
"As you command, your highness."
>She pulls the appendage back into her mouth and stretches her forelegs out of the sleeping bag
>"What did you wake me for?"
"You've been asleep all day. I was starting to think you were pupating."
>She sits up and yawns, baring her fangs and smacking her lips a couple of times
>"You're a bit late for that. What time is it?"
"Mid afternoon. You hungry?"
>"I'm always hungry. Get over here and make yourself useful."
>Somebody is grumpy
>Not that you blame her
>You join her on the couch
>"Honestly, I think you may be overfeeding me."
"I thought you said you were always hungry."
File: 1520798143910.png (571 KB, 1620x2880)
571 KB
571 KB PNG
>"Let me rephrase that: I always want more to eat. That doesn't mean I can't have a food coma."
"I can cut back if that's what you want, cuddle bug."
>A light snort of impatience escapes her
>"Would you please address me by my title?"
"Sorry. Lady Cuddle Bug, Queen of the Badlands Hive."
>She raises an eyebrow at you
>"That's almost my title. And no, don't cut back. I'm humble enough to know I shouldn't refuse free meals."
"And I can't stand to let you go without them. How about breakfast in bed?"
>"That would be fantastic."
>Green magic pulls down the zipper
>"Get in. Hurry up, I'm freezing!"
>Okay then, you're also going to be sharing warmth
>You slide into the sleeping bag beside her
>"Now turn around. I want to be the big spoon."
>You face away from her as she zips up the bag
>Her hooves wrap around you and pull you close
>The chitin covering her body are rigid but pliable, like pads of warm polyurethane foam
>"There. Much better."
>A hazy, numb feeling overtakes you as she starts extracting love
"You don't mind if I take a nap, do you?"
>"Not at all. I might end up joining you."
"That could be a problem. You snore really loud."
>"I don't snore."
"I heard you snoring a moment ago."
>"Get your hearing checked. No one has ever told me I snore."
>And there's an obvious reason why
"They probably didn't tell you because you were their queen."
>She scoffs lightly
>"My brood is still finding ways to disappoint me even after they turned into those... things. Unbelievable."
"Hey, at least you've got a roof over your head."
>You feel a sigh blow across your neck
>"I can't properly thank you. Not without turning into one of them."
"Be whatever you want. I don't care who or what you are."
>"Oh, I can tell."
>You feel a tingle of magic just behind your head
>Chrysalis begins singing softly into your ear
>Her voice has dropped slightly and gained a pleasant vibrato
>"The snow is snowing, the wind is blowing, but I can weather the storm..."
Oh, and PiE's Skype Illuminati are going to put a new thread up tomorrow to mark Pi day. Just a heads up for anyone who's browsing both threads.

>You weren't entirely certain as to when you'd gotten into bed, but you found yourself being awoken by a buzzing sound
>Sitting up, you looked around the room before staring at the door
>The buzzing stopped then, making you wonder if it had been intentional
>They hadn't woken you up before, after all, but then, you hadn't tried to escape until yesterday
>Was this some form of punishment?
>Whatever it was, it'd be best to be fully dressed
>Getting up, you made your way to the tub, covering yourself as you grabbed your freshly "washed" clothes
>You still only had the one set after all, and since they'd let you have plenty of water, it seemed like a good idea to clean them
>You pulled your shirt on, only to hear an unfamiliar sound coming from the door
>Locks being unlocked
>So this was it, then, the “talk” your captors wanted to have
>When no one came to get you, you hesitated, looking towards the door, wondering if this was some sort of test
>They might not want to keep you around if you tried to escape again, after all
>Then again, nothing would be gained by hanging around in your cell
>While a part of you was sure you’d regret this, you forced yourself to walk up to the door, flinching as it opened on it’s own, and stepped through
>On the other side was a separate room, a large glass wall sitting in front of a desk of sorts
>More crystals dotted the edges of the glass, and beside it sat an unopened door
>You flinched again when the door shut behind you
>You stood there for a moment before moving over to the chair in front of the window, sitting down, only to find yourself staring through the glass at
>Why were you looking at another cartoon pony?
>And why was it flanked on the sides of the room by two of those guard-looking ones
“Not this shit again...”
>As nice as it was to have something else to look at, you really didn’t think you could handle more of these weird-ass pony things

>You started to get up, only to hear the familiar sound of Voice #2 speaking
>[“Please sit.”], [“Need”], [“Discuss.”]
>Only this time, it wasn’t coming from above, but through the glass
>Quickly stopping, you turned your head, looking back at the thing beyond the glass
>It stared back at you, a serious expression on it’s face
>You sat back down, looking up as you spoke, still unsure as to where Voice #2 was talking from now
[“Where you?”]
>Your answer came from beyond the glass and, as you looked back down to it, you had a horrible moment of realization as you watched the pony-thing speak
>[“I”], [“here”], [“You”], [Not see”], [“me?”]
>Oh no
>No no no this isn’t happening
>Pushing back, you stood up, the thing on the other side’s already huge eyes widening further, it’s eyes shrinking down as you moved, though it didn’t pull away from it’s seated position
“How the shit are you speaking? Why am I speaking to a horse? Where are the people?”
>[“Calm”], [“not”], [“understand”], [“you.”]
>There was a radio
>Something, anything
>It was either that, or they were putting people’s brains into pony things and you really didn’t want to think about the ramifications of that right now
>They were just messing with you
>Well two could play at that
>You sat back down again, feeling a whole lot more confident, looking into those big eyes as they settled back to normal
>Well as normal as big, purple eyes could be
[“Where I?”]
>You asked, your talking in this weird, made-up language enough to get a smile out of the thing across from you
>Equestrian? You were pretty sure that’s what it said
>What she said?
>She sounded like a girl, at least
>Her answer didn’t really answer your question, but whatever, they were messing with you
>Maybe this was the test
>[“Where”], [“you from?”]
File: 1516911233707.png (123 KB, 992x1722)
123 KB
123 KB PNG
Since a little before May, 2012.
Holy shit I didn't think it's been that long.

>What keeps you coming back?
This weird belief that if I keep coming back and looking at all the other stories posted, I'll start writing again.
A comfy story of the Cuddlebug. I approve.

It's a shame about the PiE thread, though. I always liked PiE, though I should probably try to motivate myself to contribute more, when the threads are up.
File: IMG_2003.png (466 KB, 1500x1500)
466 KB
466 KB PNG
File: 1440522693313.gif (208 KB, 383x381)
208 KB
208 KB GIF
That Dosh is too big
I assume it's just some more fucktarded fetish garbage
tfw you already know it is
Someone is masturbating to this picture right now.
File: celestia 2.png (1.27 MB, 1747x2192)
1.27 MB
1.27 MB PNG
What's that HiE fic in which some girl asks Celestia out on a date in front of her court? The girl has some sort of British Isles accent that's heavily written in but I forget what sort.
more like this
Oi Sunarse! Ya fancy a shag?
File: celestia surprised.png (414 KB, 658x616)
414 KB
414 KB PNG
Dude, people masturbate to tile patterns.
Nothing is beyond our lust.
Page 10
File: large.png (507 KB, 1229x1024)
507 KB
507 KB PNG
File: 1660143.png (971 KB, 3562x1280)
971 KB
971 KB PNG
It is. I recognize the art style.

That doesn't mean that horse-sized ponies aren't a neat idea.

>Pinkie makes you a cupcake for some occasion or other
>It's the size of a small regular cake to you
>She makes a shot glass cake as an apology for making a cupcake that's too big
>It's still pretty big as far as cupcakes go, but at least you don't need a fork and knife for this one
As I just said, I recognize the art style. This one is more likely.

You're welcome, you filthy perverts.
This takes me back
Snu Snu.
Thanks for the update. You continue to hold my interest.

This too interests me. Love to have some more cuddly Chrysi.
File: 1424821568835.png (294 KB, 1280x1239)
294 KB
294 KB PNG
Giantess and femdom fags are known as wussies.
File: ppo.png (269 KB, 1280x640)
269 KB
269 KB PNG
The hope that Sherm will one day finish his story. No bullshit
You know, it would be cool as shit if he did.
I'd welcome anyone back really.
Even Duke.
Ew, no.
I'd give him the chance to prove he's grown up a bit. Then when he shows he hasn't I can tell him to fuck off.

People can change.
File: fuck duke.png (27 KB, 397x420)
27 KB
Thanks Twilight.
You have to admit, it takes real talent to piss people off for that long.

Thanks for posting that though. It seems I forgot just how much of a twat he is.

Next beer's on me.
Can any of us really say we wouldn't do the same?
I'd sooner kill myself then let my autism create a perfect storm of bad taste. I remember the fucking Sonic Monoboom.
This was actually the first thread I ever wrote green in, some five years and change ago.

Some dude said he thought it would be funny if e Three Stooges w not to Equestria.

I said "challenge accepted" and wrote this on the fly...


I remember that. Huge fan of the stooges. It was nice.
File: 1520869174467.png (106 KB, 500x499)
106 KB
106 KB PNG
I re-read his story not to long ago and man that shit was ridiculous and cringy, but it's the tether that keeps me here. I've had a good time reading all the stories here and I firmly believe the crazy mother fuckers who've been here all these years has improved who I am in many ways, but I need to move on.

Sherm, even if you think you're a retard and everybody hates you and your story, I need to you to come back and finish. Release me
If I've improved you then I demand you tell me what kind of trainwreck you were before so I can believe it.
Admittedly, that tile pattern was asking for it....
Sherm? Oh shit, that takes me back.

> That seemed to make her happy too
>A shared word, perhaps?
>It is a pretty important name, after all
>[“What”], [“you?”]
>You weren’t entirely sure how to answer that, but given it’s a proper name, you figured your way of saying it would be fine for now
>You gestured to yourself to make your point, but it was a little odd how it looked like she was examining you
>It certainly didn’t look like a random decision after all
>Fuck, you really didn’t want to think about these things as being actually intelligent
>[“You”], [“Earth Hyooman?”]
“No, I’m a space Human.”
>You replied, rolling your eyes
>[“Not”], [“understand”]
>Okay, one of you needed to pick up the other’s language soon because hearing that every time you spoke normally was going to get old fast
>Okay, yep, that clinched it
>The fact that she looked sheepish after that, the way she was moving around
>She was definitely intelligent
>That of course created a whole new problem
>Before you continued on this train of thought, she spoke again
>She looked like she was having trouble thinking of a way to phrase it, eventually coming up with
>[“Sky hyoomans?”]
>Sky Humans?
>What, like angels?
>You weren’t entirely certain you were in the right state of mind to try and explain life and death to what should be a dumb animal
>Wait, it might mean people in planes and helicopters
[“Sky Humans.”]
>You said, nodding confidently, quirking a brow as she seemed to grow even more excited
>Well, an animal would probably be relieved to-
>Big head, big eyes, strange language, bizarre holding cells, laser blasts
>Had you been fucking abducted?

>Time to go over the facts
>She didn’t know what the name of the planet was
>She didn’t know what you were
>She wanted to know about “flying machines” or whatever
>Was this a test of how advanced you were as a species or something?
>You quickly glanced down at her ‘hooves’ and said a silent prayer that she didn’t want to ‘probe’ you
>Fuck, not only that, but were you even on Earth any more?
>What if they’d grabbed you and put you on one of their ships?
>You could be anywhere by now!


>The Director watched as 1067 began to panic
>She tried to speak to it, but it simply ignored her, growing more and more agitated
>She’d been making such good progress too!
>They’d been talking and, despite their admittedly limited comprehension of one another, she’d learned of some similarities between their worlds
>Perhaps 1067 wasn’t as otherworldly as they’d thought it to be
>Still, with them as unsure of it’s capabilities as they were, the Director gave the order, the two guards she had with her entering the room to bring 1067 back into it’s holding cell
>She’d made sure they were Earth Ponies too, not wanting similar issues as to the containment breach
>While 1067 had struggled to reach the door, the guards had been trained hard, one of them alone enough to stop even a Bugbear
>With their joint effort, they managed to get him past the door, the metal barrier shutting, sealing 1067 inside yet again
>Once it was sequestered away yet again, the Director went through the necessary decontamination and debriefing steps, before finally coming to rest in her office
>Try as she might, she couldn’t think of a proper reason behind why 1067 might have become agitated
>She ordered copies of all recorded footage of 1067 to be brought to her office for her to review, an idea beginning to form in her head
>While it learned their language, she would learn it’s
>Communication, one of the first steps to making a new friend
File: Anon da Movee.png (399 KB, 625x625)
399 KB
399 KB PNG

November 2012

I'm here because I, in all seriousness, enjoy the stories. I also write a bit, and that creative outlet is important to me.

And obviously because AiE is better written than MLP at this point.

Man, I wish MDR hadn't gotten off the ride. I still have all the pastes of editing I did for him saved in my bin as a reminder that I'm not allowed to quit my own story halfway through.
>"Anon... Nugget... You're alright, everything's okay."

>You slowly open your eyes.
>The pain in your stomach hits you immediately.
"Ow... Ow... Jesus Christ, ow..."
>You roll your head.
>Twilight sits perched on a chair, smiling softly at you.
>Below her, sitting on the floor, are Applejack and Fluttershy.
>The roar of a propeller plane overhead gives you a hint as to where you are.
>In a medbay at FortChan.
"How... how did I get back here?"
>"You were... uh... EE-vack'd, by yer buddies," Applejack replies awkwardly.
>Boss stopped the whole fucking mission just to get you out?
>"Yes, good sir," a cute nurse pony says as she struts in, using her horn to float a clipboard in front of her, "You were evac'd by your teammates. Just in time, too. Another hour or so..."
>She looks to you with big green eyes.
>"...you might not have made it."
>Good on'ya, boys.
>She looks back down to her clipboard as you turn back towards the other ponies.
>"How... how do you feel, anon?" Fluttershy asks.
"I'm in a lot of pain."
>Fluttershy is visibly saddened by this.
>"Well, you're alive," Twilight says, trying to keep things on the bright side.
>Hell, she's right.
>You nod.
>The nurse kills the mood.
>"Your friend didn't fare so well.
"Who?" you ask quickly.
>You swear to Christ, if another Delta died...
>"Alduin," she replies. "While they were waiting for the evac for you, they were ambushed by some griffons. He went down in the fight so they sent him back too... he didn't make it."
>Alpha lost two guys in one mission.
"How long have I been here?"
>"Few days," Applejack replies.
"Any word back from the rest of them?" You ask the nurse.
>She sighs.
>"Only that Rover team lost a man... Mayo. But... they were too deep behind the lines for an evac at that point. That was yesterday."
>You nod slowly.
>Four casualties.
>And you guys are supposed to be the elite units?
"So... have I missed anything earth-shattering?"
>The nurse pops her eyes brows.
>"Oh yea," she say as she leaves.
>"Nugget... Manehattan was attacked by the griffons, not long after you and the others left... the city's burning."
"Holy shit..."
>"Yea," Applejack sighs. "Lotta ponies died... lotta humans, too."
>You shake your head.
>Jesus fucking Christ, they're serious.
"I'm... sorry to hear that..."
>"You'll... you'll get 'em back, right?"
"Oh yea.... yea we will."
>When Boss and the boys make their way to the capital, you will.
>Well... maybe not YOU you.
"Sooo... where are the others?"
>"Umm..." Fluttershy begins, "I think Pinkie is... having a party with some of your friends."
>You hold back a chortle.
>"Rainbow Dash is off with them flyboys, flyin' guest on a patrol 'er somethin', and Rarity..."
>She and Twilight laugh quietly.
>"She's searching for Boss," Twilight finishes.
"But... I mean, he's..."
>"We know, Sugarcube, that's what we told her!" Applejack laughs.
>"She just refuses to believe he's not here... it's pretty funny, actually."
>You smile a little.
>That's so cute it's stupid.
>You wish Celestia would do shit like that.
>..she'd probably go after a guy who doesn't get himself hurt in battle.
>You now feel like shit.
>"Are you okay, Nugget?" Twilight asks, probably seeing a change in your face.
"Huh?... yea, I'm good. Just thinkin' of the boys."
>"Ah'm sure they're fine, hun... tough bunch o' boys, that's what they are."
>Tough bunch of boys.
>"Hey, Nugget!"
>You jolt awake at the sound of Shining's voice.
>He and Twilight are sticking their heads in the doorway.
>"They're gonna start shelling the Griffon captial; the guys made it!"
"Ah... cool."
>Twilight uses her magic to roll a wheelchair into the room.
>"Nugg," SHining says, "they're gonna use those HUGE guns. Ya gotta come watch!"
>You know all the guys in your barracks are gonna give you shit if they see you in a wheelchair.
>"C'moooon," Shining pleads. "It's gonna be awesome!"
>You sigh.
"Fine, fine."

>The night is pitch-black and, thanks to all the lights on-base, starless.
>Though that might also be because Luna is hiding the squad.
>Thanks again, Princess.
>You could swear everyone on base is out here tonight, crowded around each of the three massive rail artillery pieces.
>The biggest, Gustav, towers above seemingly everything else.
>Shining and Twilight manage to get you through the crowds and up to the stand where the radio op is waiting for the call for a fire mission.
"How long?" you ask as you watch one of the Marine anons scoop up and cuddle Twilight, who has no objections to make.
>"Not long, hopefully."
>You look back up at Gustav, which is slowly rotating towards the east.
"Why are we using the big guns?"
>They're the only ones that can hit the target. Besides, all the other arty's turned north to Manehattan; we dunno what's goin' on up there at this point."
>You nod.
"How bad is it up there, Shining?"
>He huffs.
"How... how's the Princess handling it...?"
>He shakes his head.
>"We pull this off, it might change hermood... but she's distraught."
>You really wish there was something you could do.
>But no... you had to go and get yourself shot with a crossbow bolt.
>Your thoughts are interrupted by a bright light in the sky.
>A bunch of "what the fuck"s go through the crowd as the light darkens into an image.
>He's leaning against a mound of dirt, with a city behind his back, one massive building towering over all the others.
>A voice echoes in the air.
>Damn it, Luna, ya gotta be so loud?

>Boss adjusts the skull mask on his face, and speaks just as you hear Rarity squealing somewhere in the crowd.
>"Good evening," he says.
>"In the words of the human band Megadeth... war... is a playground for the demented... a haven for those who walk this world, bereft of heart and soul. And indeed it is, as we've already seen... what, with the battle at Appeloosa, the air combat seen over the eastern coast, the attack on Manehattan... everything else."
>He pauses and adjusts his hat, which he was wearing forward, the Eagles emblem shimmering despite no moon to reflect.
>"Thing is... by all 'counts... war is pretty much a foreign concept to the peoples of Equestria, for the most part, so when this war came, our dear princesses' hands--or hooves, I guess--were forced, and they turned to a species they still haven't fully grasped."
>Boss sounds very astute.
>"You birds, you bulls and dogs... you merely... ADOPTED... the ways of violence. We humans... we were BORN IN IT."
>Anons begin laughing around you.
>"Baneposting in the sky!" someone shouts.
>"...MOLDED BY IT. And we have spent CENTURIES creating tools specifically to kill, and that's what everyone is going to see tonight."
>He adjusts his hat again.
>"To you Griffons... YOU started this war... plunged the whole of this realm into chaos. But now humanity is going to PUT YOU DOWN, and restore the peace!"
>You laugh as you hear Fritz's voice.
>"Alright, General Tullius, call the fuckin' fire mission."
>Everyone around you bursts into laughter.
>"Alright, whatever..."
>He puts a hand to his ear.
>"Rain man, this is Delta 1, requesting fire mission, over."
>You can hear his voice echoing in the nearby radio equipment.
>The radio op, right next to you, responds.
>"Rain man has you loud and clear, go ahead, over."
>"Grid, Delta-Juliet, two-one-niner-eight, four-niner-six-six..."
>Hey, he got dubs!" someone shouts.
"Check 'em!" someone else replies.
>That gets a lot of laughs as you listen to Boss.
>"...seven thousand mils... enemy shield-generator-palace-lookin'-thing in open. Fire for effect, over."
>Everyone freezes as the turntables holding the guns begin to move together, and the dozens of crewmen begin turning the guns upward.
>The radio op replies as you watch.
>"Grid, Delta-Juliet, two-one-niner-eight, four-niner-six-six, seven thousand mils. Enemy position in open, out."
>The turntables stop turning, and the men begin loading the rounds, shouting at each other as they do.
>"Message to observer: Fire control number Alpha Foxtrot one-zero-two-seven, Break. Two rounds, HE delay in effect, three guns."
>"Copy that, Rain Man," Boss replies.
>"Uhh... three anons died to get us that fire mission, Rain Man... make your shots count."
>"Roger that, Delta 1."
>Boss turns his face away from whatever's making him visible to you and watches the city, mumbling to Fritz and one of the Irish guys.
>You look back to the guns.
>The two K5's are ready as Gustav's barrel slowly begins to rise.
>Someone starts a slow clap.
>Gradually, more join in.
>But your eyes are fixed on the massive gun.
>People begin banging on things as the beat gets faster.
>It's like you're making some kind of sacrifice to some war god.
>As the gun finally stops moving, people begin whistling and shouting.
>You hear shouting from each of the guns.
>"Shot in five seconds," Rain Man says.
>Without warning, the two K5's fire, rendering you deaf and rattling your bones.
>That's probably good.
>Gustav manages to knock you out of your wheelchair.
>As you hit the ground, your vision is blurred, but your hearing slowly comes back.
>All you hear is thunderous crowd noise.
>You don't have time to react before the second volley goes.
>Gustav takes your face and slams it into the ground.
>Holy shit, they need to turn that thing down a few notches.
>Maybe Gustav needs some Prozac.
>Twilight uses her magic to help you up and back into your chair as she leaps out of the marine's arms.
>"Oh my goodness, Nugget, are you okay?!"
"Y--... y-yea..."
>"Shot over!" Rain Man calls.
>"Shot out," Boss replies. "You guys sound like you're having fun."
>"We sure are!"
>Boss shakes his head and continues to watch the city.
>A few moments go by before you can hear the shells splitting the air.
>The first two explosions are big, to say the least.
>The third... fucking huge.
>"Whooooooo! Hell yea, bitches!"
>Boss begins laughing hysterically with the guys as the second round roars in, completely obliteratiing the daunting palace and a bunch of other points.
>"Splash over! HOLY SHIT!"
>"Splash out, Delta."
>The whole crowd--the whole BASE, probably--is roaring with excitement.
>You smirk and nod.
>See, Applejack?
>You told her you'd get 'em.
>Boss turns around after he calms down.
>"Let THAT... serve as a public service announcement to ALL the enemies of Equestria. We can reach out and touch you, REGARDLESS... of where you are. You brought this on yourselves. You wanted a war?... YOU GOT A WAR!"
>The base roars with approval again as Boss' masked face disappears from the sky.
>A song begins to break out.
>You can't help but smile as you hear the words, sung to the tune of O My Darling Clementine.
>"No one likes us, no one likes us!"
>No one LIKES us we don't care!
>We're from 4Chan, fuckin' 4chan,
>"No one likes us, we don't care!"
>You Jump in, and for a few moments, everything around you seems to not fucking matter
"No one likes us, no one likes us!
No one LIIIIIIIIIKES us, we don't care!
We're from 4chan, FUCKIN' 4chan,
No one likes us, we don't care!"
Just finished reading that, shit's hilarious. It's a shame Discord never got to meet the stooges.
They'd probably be his best friends and a go-to for creating utter chaos whenever Discord is busy.
File: 1373282475072.gif (2.51 MB, 480x270)
2.51 MB
2.51 MB GIF
Keks every time
She needs that protein.
Never was one, I was just a sad and lonely guy. The stories here were funny to me and sometimes inspired me to set new goals and try new shit. I know for a fact I started taking weightlifting and taking care of myself seriously because of some stuff I read on here a long time ago. This place also helped me meet and make some cool friends online that I've been talking to for the past 6 years and have even had over at my house to visit several times. I think I do have to be thankful for this place for inspiring me to do shit that I would have otherwise never would have cared to do.
>"Hey Kid, wanna snatch snakes?"
"Snakes are cool, but aren't they dangerous."
>"Just let me do the wrangling."
"Alright, where are they?"
>"Well the one I'm after is in your pants."
"There's a snake in my pants?! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
>"Wait, come back!"
Great green. You should put this in a bin, Anon.
That's good to hear man.
I knew you could do it.
Because I love you for who you are and I think you're great.
You're worth it.
You too Mandroid. You're pretty cool and I know you'll go far.
God, you people are worse than the guy who told me that Flanking Maneuvers helped him connect with his dying father.
File: You see this.jpg (31 KB, 319x296)
31 KB

No trip confirms for Fake and/or Gay
You gotta get over that bad attitude
Suck two dicks Pinkie, you're worst horse.

My bad attitude is part of my charm.
Also I lost my job so I'm all salty,
Mandroid's job is building furniture for the Amish. They don't fire people, they exile people.
File: Bitch please.png (78 KB, 512x512)
78 KB

We have tripcodes for a reason.
If you don't have one, you aren't Mandroid
You joke about that but living near the Amish I can confirm that they will straight up kick you out of town if you fuck up to them.

Mc-fucking-drown yourself Cotten Candy horse.
Who said I was joking?
Did you throw that chair
Also another person I would give my possessions to see write again is CYOA_AIE, that dude made some funny shit and is sick af even though he writes like some juggalo who writes his rap lyrics in youtube comments
>tfw nobody nostalgiaposts about you
Maybe you shouldn't be such a bitch
I nostalgiafag myself
I read such a volume of early greentext but remember nothing about any of them at this point. I'm sure you're somewhere in my nostalgia
Well maybe you should have done something else FartAnon.
Not everyone shares your fetish.
nani the fuck

Looks legit.

Hey big boy~
Wow. Can't believe this is still going on. It's been years since I last posted here.
Gosh, it couldn't have been your people skills.
I actually had a really good poker face that I used to convince people to buy what I wanted and leave me the hell alone, that and I could fake enthusiasm really well.
Same way I faked it when I fucked your mom.
File: 1502105949215.png (19 KB, 272x306)
19 KB
>I was really good a doing things at a job I got fired from.
Mmm... that's not how that goes. Now, had you said you were in charge of creating descriptions for products, I could believe that, because your writing is shit.

Anyway, I find myself wondering if you feel your desperate anger is impressive. It's bad enough that you're a tripfagging with no actual reason to aside from being an attention whore, but this tantrum throwing and entry-level shitposting is more sad than whatever you're going for. I really hope for your sake that you're drunk right now.
Go to bed Lulzies.
File: 1518184471883.jpg (32 KB, 338x654)
32 KB
>place Mandroid in charge of writing a come-back
>get this
Seems par for the course.
Koreans are too small to be worth my effort, that's why you have to squint to see them.
File: 1516935168810.jpg (34 KB, 600x429)
34 KB
Shouldn't the insult have something to do with Koreans squinting instead of you? And what do Koreans have to do with anything? Mandroid-quality writing strikes again.
File: 1506392450649.jpg (22 KB, 349x344)
22 KB
What you think it's a coincidence that shitposting appears a half hour after Lulzies drags himself out of whatever cave they're letting him squat in? Come on, he's probably the oldest asshole here besides me and I've shitposted with him more than enough to get a grasp on his style of typing and dictation.
It's his style of dick-tacking that's second to none. Step it up, sempai.
File: swagmasterofswg.jpg (21 KB, 400x400)
21 KB
I'm not sure how you think assuming I'm someone that you know is important to anything aside from getting to pat yourself on the back for solving a mystery incorrectly. You're also declaring yourself some sort of literary sleuth when you can't even figure out how to properly use commas, so maybe it's time to turn in your detective kit. I mean, you already lost one job today, so what's one more?
File: 1519452242505.jpg (13 KB, 480x360)
13 KB
If this place were a job, I would have left or gotten fired for not showing up ages ago. I'm still here now because I need something to do until I go to bed and I was having some playful banter with some anons earlier before the site had a conniption fit and you seemed to decide to either stop understanding banter or not read the thread where I said I was quitting my job. I'm not exactly comfortable going on about how my employment was terminated on a laotian cavepainting forum, but suffice to say I'm happy I'm gone, that place was a turd circling the drain and I don't need to go down with it, I spend enough time in a sewer with a bunch of turds when I come here.
File: 1517404952037.jpg (88 KB, 685x388)
88 KB
>I need something to do
Maybe read up on how to improve your writing.
>my shitty posts didn't land well and that's your fault
>why aren't you keeping up on my blog posts about my job?
Why would I? Also, quitting and getting fired aren't the same thing.
>I'm not comfortable talking about losing my job here
Then why did you just say that you posted about it previously? Why are you posting about it now?
>I'm happy I'm gone
Then why did you say you were salty?
>that terrible analogy making up the rest of your post
Sir, please. I don't need more examples of how untalented you are.
mandrod pls write
The fuck is this
Boy, I sure do love it when people post their personal blogs here.
If I started a church dedicated to Princess Celestia how many of you would go?
File: 1353885563714.png (358 KB, 711x509)
358 KB
358 KB PNG
File: Bite Me.png (191 KB, 436x458)
191 KB
191 KB PNG

>Anonymously calling out Mandroid

I'm gonna assume you're a dead writer, because you walk like you're worth a shit but won't put on a trip. This means you're either a cockbag full of unwarranted swagger or a tripfag that's been dead long enough to get called a hypocrite if you actually tripped up.

TL;DR Pic related.
And the answer to that question is 0. Further proof on who the best princess is.
Twilot's pretty rad indeed
Look, I praise Luna when I can but I'm not 15 anymore. I only get one praise a day if that.
File: its spiders.png (108 KB, 500x500)
108 KB
108 KB PNG
File: Noriko2.png (215 KB, 500x377)
215 KB
215 KB PNG
>using a trip means you're worth a shit
>poor assumptions
>being this mad
How is being anonymous a bad thing? This is an anonymous image board. Trips are for one purpose: identifying yourself when you're performing some sort of useful action within a thread so that people can follow your posts. It's not for posting updates on your life. If you're in a greentext thread with a trip and are not posting a story or some information relevant to your next story, welcome to Jackassistan. Defending that kind of action also earns you citizenship.

Besides, you just called me out anonymously, and by your assumptions, I'm a writer too. Does that mean everything you just said is now applicable to you, and that you're a cockbag hypocrite?
File: 1508471776315.jpg (40 KB, 499x669)
40 KB
File: 1397154968465.png (490 KB, 1000x780)
490 KB
490 KB PNG
File: 1471828548877.jpg (289 KB, 724x1024)
289 KB
289 KB JPG
File: 1404324707027.jpg (561 KB, 1145x1299)
561 KB
561 KB JPG
File: 1419385364841.gif (506 KB, 500x500)
506 KB
506 KB GIF
File: 1424971976580.png (188 KB, 700x709)
188 KB
188 KB PNG
File: 1440222197579.png (612 KB, 618x800)
612 KB
612 KB PNG
>no hooves
File: 1470547966870.png (244 KB, 622x554)
244 KB
244 KB PNG
File: 1081144.png (65 KB, 612x583)
65 KB
File: 3maKF6c.png (184 KB, 856x856)
184 KB
184 KB PNG
Way to post literally worst horse
File: 1433614870079.gif (81 KB, 200x200)
81 KB
>He says while posting literal trash
File: 1417330792208.png (178 KB, 773x739)
178 KB
178 KB PNG
Posting best deer</