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There is nothing more pure than love between a man and a mare

"Family Baking Time" edition

Old thread >>32333202

Stories by Tsar Anon: https://pastebin.com/BnjZqwM3

Stories by DGCT: https://pastebin.com/u/dontgooglecrotchtits

Minty's Careful Steps: https://pastebin.com/P2aD5GVa

A Heart Longs for Another: https://pastebin.com/11TXCVXJ

The Sun Where You Belong: https://pastebin.com/WRUW1xQu

The Taming of the Harsh: https://pastebin.com/pVk0yjP7

The Broken Carousel (Part 1): https://pastebin.com/TJELn7vt
The Broken Carousel (Twilight Sparkle Interlude 1): https://pastebin.com/LvSPqhwG
The Broken Carousel (Part 2): https://pastebin.com/TBUr6F5f

Quest for the Forbidden Lover: https://pastebin.com/SRTzXyLm

Moon Dancer’s Hope Chest: https://pastebin.com/BFbyEcBg

Mate Retrieval Expedition: https://pastebin.com/U72A3jGU

Untitled /nmp/ green by Cosmic: https://pastebin.com/Xytb3xMC

Stories by Trandhal: https://pastebin.com/u/trandhal

This Heart That Fears: https://pastebin.com/0b7L24Ln

Violet Memory: https://pastebin.com/e9Ec1vd1

A collection of miscellaneous greens since the first thread.
Are divorced mares okay?
Trick question, there's no divorce in Equestria.
No, that will trigger some autsits.
I could go for baking a family
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>Work all day.
>Family eat all the food in the house.
>Neglect to inform me of this development.
>Force me to go get shit to make food.
>Imagine cooking with waifu.
Forgot to add, but it eases the loneliness somewhat to imagine everyday things like that.
Do you guys do something similar or try to keep thoughts of her confined to special moments / your alone time?
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How long until pone companion bots


I know Boston Dynamics has a fantastic quadrupedal robot.
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I do something similar. Imagining her near me during the day really improves my mood sometimes.
I want to marry Cadence.
Mare pee
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>Go to equestria to be with your crystal heart match.
>Happily live with her in the empire for a month.
>She sneezes super hard one day and accidentally reveals herself to be a changeling.
>Hurriedly says she never replaced any pony and that her love for you is genuine, is willing to go to Cadence with you to confirm it.
>Explains she slipped into the match program out of loneliness and was going to tell you her true nature after you had settled in a bit more.

How would you feel?
Betrayed and angry that a love leech is using me as her food source. They don't know a thing about "genuine love" when it's their predatory nature to feign and exploit it.
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>Genuine love from a waifu that can roleplay as anyone or anything
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I'd be too busy pounding bugpussy into mush to really care. I'd rather she be up front with that kind of thing but as long as there isn't a pony in a cocoon in the cellar or a corpse in the woods I don't care. Changelings are still an improvement over thots any day.
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>when she says she needs your love she means it
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We talking nuling or trueling? Pretty sure truelings it's rare for them to love but so long as she truly does I guess I can look past it. No hurting ponies though. Also I want a dozen foals.
That picture made me dawww super hard.
>out of loneliness
You mean out of hunger. That's the same thing for bugs. Sure, you're willing to do a lot of desperate things when you're starving but
>for a month
would be enough to do that. It's enough to "settle in a bit more" and she should've revealed the truth to me. It's clear the she had no intention to do so. Deceiving and exploiting someone's feelings is exactly what thots do so it would be better to cut all the ties with her, even if it means living alone for the rest of my days.
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>"I'm so glad you agreed to come out today Anon."
>"It's been really rough, what with the intense custody battle I've been going through, and the talks of paying alimony."
>You look off into the distance sipping from a glass of water, while Mrs. Cake twirls her hoof in circles on the table.
>"I've been so...so LONELY! You know? I feel like I don't have anypony in the world left, who can make me happy."
"Zat so?"
>You grumble, rolling your eyes.
>"Yes. I figure that maybe it's not a PONY per se, that can make me happy, now that I think about it..."
>Her blue hoof slides over the table onto your hand.
>You reel your hand away from the disloyal thot mare, a look of disgust apparent on your face.
"What do you think you're doing?!"
>"What? I don't- I thought-"
"Clearly you didn't! Otherwise you wouldn't have tried to feel me up! Harlot!"
>Mrs. Cake frowns, hurt by your words.
>"But, I thought you were into single mares!"
"You're married!"
>"I'm divorced!"
>You promptly splash your glass of water in her face,before excusing yourself.
>You came just to have a nice meal. Not whore yourself out to some frisky, cheating horse who thinks you're an easy lay!
>Divorce doesn't exist in Equestria. Stupid Thot horse gonna thot.
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You are off prompt, Anonymous.
>divorcee always complaining about their ex
>divorcee always using comparing you to their ex as argument fodder
Not worth the drama. Its up there with BPD sluts that constantly threaten to kill themselves when you start looking for an exit.
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They cannot threat with something you wish
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Yep. I got dragged into BPD shit in high school and it was shocked when I just said OK then and left.
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You're matched to a completely redneck mare who lives in the middle of nowhere with her giant family that doesn't even understand what human matching program is.

>not that pretty, lanky and awkwardly built for an earth mare
>large and pragmatic family, she's not the favorite kid by far
>works for the whole day, sometimes misses dinner
>talks about inane stuff no one but a hick like her would care about
>pretty dumb, zero education, sheltered, knows only work
>family is always there and doesn't really like you, thinks you're a burden and constantly remind of of this even if you work as hard as you can
>doesn't get your jokes, zero sense of humor save for idiotic inside jokes of her family
>you have no common interests
>sometimes cries in your arms and you can't tell the reason why

>really, really adores you, thinks you're so unique and awe-inspiring
>she doesn't understand some things you say but she's always listening, sometimes with her mouth open
>really proud of having you, never forgoes a chance to remind her "prettier" but still single sisters that she's an engaged mare now
>secretly she knows she's just a stupid hick and thinks she doesn't deserve someone like you
>had zero chance at finding a partner until you were assigned to her
>really tactile and physical at all times, afraid to let go
>complete maniac in bed, somehow finds strength to fuck all night long even after a horribly long day at work
>very, VERY loud during sex, keeps the family awake, they blame you for it every single time
>Do you guys do something similar […]?
Everyday. I like to imagine how and what she would do, react, feel. I also like to consider all the things I’d love to show her. It gives me a second, gentler opinion, and has allowed me to give a kindness to others that I found hard to capture before.
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>You're matched to a mare you have literally nothing in common with.
Not sure you understand this whole 'match' concept.
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not as good as mare fart
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Had the same situation once. Unfortunately for her and, to some extent for me, I was dealing with a real suicidal nutjob which I personally forced to puke back pills, dragged from the noose, bandaged hands and nearly fell from the window that one time when he decided flying is fun. This act of sadness and misery was so cheap and unnatural, compared to his empty eyes and really unusual, mad gaze when he just didn't care about what he's doing, I mean, come on, you could at least google how people go nuts, not just read shortened version of Shakespeare play.
> >secretly she knows she's just a stupid hick and thinks she doesn't deserve someone like you
> >you have no common interests
Also it's perfect time to build your personal shack on outskirts of the farm or even move somewhere, but not too far just in case something happens to you.
> >pretty dumb, zero education, sheltered, knows only work
Who wouldn't like to read a book or two for your mare if she's really interested in some topic? Maybe you'll educate together in local economics or try to recreate some familiar earth mechanisms like guillotine shear and be even better that way.
The mare on the right looks very cute, would snuggle/10
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>people/ponies can't develop new interests with time
The fact that you don't know or like anything about farmwork now doesn't mean you wouldn't in a few months. Similarly, someone who only had farmwork on their mind for their entire life can't really have much interests outside of it, but it doesn't mean you can't share some of yours, especially if they're willing to learn.
>BPD sluts that constantly threaten to kill themselves
honestly never understood why people stick with people like that just tell them to do it and leave
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Maybe they feel guilty and responsible for it? I have no clue.
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Regular people have moderate empathy.
They also have little experience with social manipulation, or rather, being aware of it.
They dont really think about things long-term unless prompted, and will prop up a depressed person so that they stop being sad in their presence.
There's variance, but by and large normies will very much "treat the symptoms, not the cause." when it comes to things like this, so usually dont bother to discover that the cause is "Wants attention."

Mare butt.
Post Devrozs' art.
I work at a hospital and deal with these people on a daily basis. A vast majority of them are just doing it for attention, and most of the time make a half-assed attempt to go through with what they say they will, only to be dragged into the hospital by police/EMS and become our problem
I'd make it work as best I could if I were dumped into that situation, but I'd rather not have to build my waifu from the ground up into someone with whom I could tolerate spending my life.
I want a mare whom I can love for who she is, not for who she could be after years of cultivation, especially if that'd make her choose between her family and me.
Having the Princess of Friendship called on me after one too many screaming matches with the in-laws about how I'm corrupting their daughter with my fancy book learning is not part of my ideal waifu scenario.
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>implying I wouldn't cuddle the bug
>Oldling = Yes
I'd brew moonshine and steal copper wire with her

[banjoes strumming aggressively and toothless yelling in the distance]
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It would be nice, she sounds sweet and I love that she'dbe a cuddler.
>ask to get waifu from heart horse
>there’s no mare for you
What would you do?
ask for husbando
Well, maybe they'd need expendable monster hunters to help keep the realm safe.
Ask for a swift, painless release.
If the crystal heart has no mare for me, then I'll go out and find one myself.
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With this confirmation that the distractions of mortals are not for me, i heed my true calling of being a wizard, becoming a minor figure of legend within a small area due to my magically empowered age and performing at birthday parties.
Figuring out an extended life / bonded-life spell would be my top project, for the sun / moon / twiggle fags out there.
a mix of these
>There are sadly a handful of cases where there is no match for a human
>After getting reports of several Anon's becoming an hero Cadance can't take it anymore
>The next time she finds an Anon with no match she asks him if there's anything at all she can do to stop him from killing himself
>He regales her with tales of the Monster Hunter games and how he always wanted to be like that
>She gets some help from the other princesses to drastically increase the physical strength and endurance of a human and sets up an armory for humans to pick up weapons and armor
>They get sent off to deal with the beasts of the Everfree and Badlands incase their numbers ever become too much to handle
>She still gets reports in of Anon's dying sadly
>Though she is given some small comfort when each of them confirms that they each died happy
>Now there's an entire division set up for the human's with no match to keep the world safe and act as the line of defence between the ponies and the monsters
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God we are pathetic
This is the logical conclusion of >no hooves
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>Can't play Equestria on tutorial mode
>Leave castle on an adventure
>Make it about a day before ponies realize you don't have a mare with you at all times and want to talk to you

Das a real cutie in the picture.
>God we are pathetic
Has this thread produced any stories with good cunnilingus scenes?
Minty's has a cunnilingus scene and is a generally well written story, but I don't know how it compares to your idea of a good one.
I'm calling the cops on her black ass
> "Officer Rusty Chains, how may I help you?"
"Check that black booty, yo"
> "Dayum, son, where'd you find this filly?"
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You're telling me
Call Chrysalis to have Ambrosia assassinated. Anon, Ambrosia is a confirmed loving sadist. You'll have a relationship with a curious sadistic faggot that would rip you limb from limb just to see how much you can bleed.
Is she underage? Hate to call the cops
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I adore mares with non-standard body models.
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>find a mare
>it kinda works out between you two but it's far from perfect
>a few months later she gets an invitation to the Crystal Empire since the Heart has found her match
>it's not you
Every thread with this shit.
Fucking hell, pick your imaginary happily ever after hc and just look forward to that when you die like the rest of us.
> a few months later she gets an invitation to the Crystal Empire since the Heart has found her match
How would she send a request if she's not lonely because of you?

Not to self-shill too hard, but the Siltsong green has not one, but two clop scenes involving cunnilingus. Whether or not it's just as good as the Minty one, I'll leave it up to you to decide.
She sent one way before that and she thought she'd never get matched. By the time you walk into her life she's already desperate and has given up on getting matched.
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>Mare politely declines, she's already found her match all on her own
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>Her match arrives in Equestria
>Gets told there's no mare for him
And so the cycle continues.
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This is why you can't regulate love through a matching system, it needs to work 100% of the time or a cascade of failures will occur.
"So, there's no magical waifu matcher?"
>"Nope, the heart is powered by love, but I use it to open portals. Love magic works on it's own."
"So what if the portals open wrong and let in terrorists or a gator?"
>"They wouldn't be drawn towards the portal, only people who have a connection to a pony here."
"And it just works because it does?"
>"Love magic is almost impossible to control because of how omnipresent it is. I can'tcl create or force it anywhere, just help it flourish."
"So why am I here?"
>"You felt something pulling you towards the portal, right?"
"Not really, but I wanted to see where it went and couldn't really stop myself from going through."
>"That's kind of how it works. You have a pony here that's intertwined with you."
"Who is it?"
>Cadance shrugs, "No idea."
"Well how do I find her?"
>"Just be yourself?"
"Are you for real?"
>Cadance grabs your face, forcing you to look at her
>"Anon, just be yourself. Don't pretend to be anypony you're not. You're not that social, smart, or strong, but you'll run into her eventually and you'll feel that same magical pull that she'll feel."
"Be myself?"
>"Just be yourself, she'll love it."
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With the lack of stallions, there's lots of single mares, even ones who are well into their 30s or 40s
Would you be interested in an older mare?
>it needs to work 100% of the time
There's no reason for it not to aside from those "prompts" that arise every once in a while.
> Heart automatically checks if she's lonely for obvious reasons
> She's not
> Request skipped
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It working 100% of the time is the entire point of the concept, every other thread we have someone say some variation of "But what if it's wrong?" in what i can only assume is a lazy attempt to add drama or a twist.
It's like going into RGRE and asking for mares acting like females or AiE and asking for ponies going to earth.
> >"Just be yourself, she'll love it."
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Hell yeah I would.
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>Would you be interested in a mare
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Age is just a number
>that text
Goddamn third worlders
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Even third world mares need love, anon.
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>those ears
>that pudge
Lemme smash
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Pone size is variable.
Please verify your desired waifu size before entering the portal.

Mail-order waifus when
Three foot five is the objectively ideal size for a pony, fight me.
>all those 20 carat ruby-scale waifus dying alone because of size-queen husbandos who don't want waifus who can pole-dance on their dicks
Maybe if you're a 5'11" manlet who'd be towered over by a 3'6" mare
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The comfy hug size please.

>t. 5'10''
2.5 feet, their canonical size.
*3.5 ft
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>pony heads are the same size as human heads
if you don't want your mares head to be freakishly big, than yeah.
It really doesn't matter what size ponies are everyone has their own preferences and conclusions on what that is and lets just say their the perfect size for you what ever size that is.
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I'd rather get used to mares with slightly big heads than mares who need a stepladder to receive ear scratches.
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>all those titanmares dying alone because of people having pleb tastes

Not a member of the manlet acceptance general, pham. That's a few doors down.
>the husbando shortage in Titanquestria is especially bad because they keep getting eaten, stepped on, or both
Such a ridiculous fetish.
Go back to your ketchup squish and unaware anal vore general
The ponies only work in the contex of their 2D world. You'll note that the EqG characters had to be heavily stylized to inhabit the same frame with them. The girls' eyes are far bigger than their tits. They're very strange.

I have seen the rumor that G5 will be CGI. If so, none of the designs we've seen will work. Those ponies will fall headlong into the Uncanny Valley...

...which doesn't mean that isn't exactly how things will be. Could Hasbro fuck up and produce something unwatchable? Gosh, what do you think?
Reminder that the manlet cutoff has been raised from 6' to 6'3" and all 6'2.999" manlets and below will be tossed into the marelet pit.
Enjoy having your 3'5" pony waifu tower over you, fucking 5'12" manlet

>t. 5'11''
t. 5'10" turbomanlet
>implying there's anything wrong with being a tactical husbando
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>Titanquestria goes through Prime Equestria's HII for their husbando hunt services because they can't stealthily send a titanmare to Earth
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Trips of truth confirm Manlet Mare-Men squads.
Another thread, another green from the past!

Caretaker by Zauberelefant

worth the read.
I remember not finishing that back in the day; I'll have to give it another look.
>AiE and asking for ponies going to earth.
There was a story about a pony going to a humanized Equestria named Anon.
Before I get invested and deceived once more, please provide a summary.

ecks dee
It's a green where anon becomes the caretaker of derpy. She's a little more mentally challenged than what's normally accepted. She may not be a smart mare but she knows what love is.
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I love this pony and i want to make us both blush awkwardly when i say it and hold her close and cuddle under a blanket together and brush her mane but most of all i want to make her happy.
does rarity fees self-conscious about her tiny baby horn?
Hm, sounds good, I shall breach this green come the new hour.
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>Busy being a sick cunt on a vespa scooter because you got a couple DUIs and now you're not allowed to drive a car
>Pony steps out of a portal
>"Anon, you need to come with me. I-if you want to."
>You take a second to park your vespa and take off the retard helmet
"Yeah okay I guess."
>Go with the little mare
>Meet Cadance
>She says you're getting a pony waifu, which is nice and cool
>"You see, we also do contractor work for alternate timelines with their own Cadances because Prime Earth is loaded up on husbandos, too many in fact for our Equestria to handle."
>You give her a thumbs up
>"Aaand, your retrieval contract is issued by the Cadance of Titanquestria. So, go on."
>Cadance shoves you through another portal and you come out in the same room
>Only, fucking huge
>Shining Armor was standing over you
>He was normal size, you reach up and touch his nose
>"Don't do that. It's gay." he says
"What happened?"
>"This is Equestria, only everything is bigger."
>"It's an alternate universe to the Equestria you were just at."
"So... It's just, bigger?"
>"Everything but the stallions."
"What about the other species?"
>"It's a unilateral difference here. If something is male it's our size, if it's female it's scaled up."
"What if you're born a herm, and you have both parts?"
>Shining stays silent and stares at you
>After a moment he speaks
>"That's a stupid question and you should feel bad for asking it."
Because it's a stupid question, duh.
>Prime Earth is loaded up on husbandos, too many in fact for our Equestria to handle
(x) doubt
Last thread this Anon >>32358754 linked a Harshwhinny X Anon romance green. Thanks Anon. It was exactly what I needed.

"All's Right With The World" (Harshwhinny x Anon, Romance) by JeffMango
Any cheeky breekies here able to translate that pic's wall graffiti?

>~{Day 264.5}~
>Scarce few developments came afterwards from either front, the days passing in relative peace.
>It was somewhat liberating, to know things were going well enough to set it outside of your mind for a time.
>Hell, not a whole lot was going on at all.
>It would seem as though the end of the war might be drawing ever nearer than once thought.
>However, your mind wasn't exactly in the state of contemplating the greater scope of this war or worrying over the ramifications of a distant conflict.
>You and Siltsong were quite asleep at this late-night hour.
>Together in a comfy bed, a mare held tightly in the arms of her human.
>A perfect conclusion to a day of relative monotony.
>At the very least, that's what it should have remained.
>During this sacred time of rest, at some indeterminate point in the middle of the night, a loud and aggressive knock rapported from the bedroom door.
>With each slam of what you presumed was a hoof against the wood, you and Siltsong were forced out of the realm of relatively sweet dreams.
>Siltsong groaned in annoyance, not possessing any wish to be woken at this ridiculous hour.
>As you were irritably woken by the unending assault of what you supposed might as well be a fucking battering ram, the mare at your side whined for you to get the door.
>Donning enough clothes to lazily cover up, you haphazardly grab the handle and pull it open with tired, squinting scowl.
>Right outside was the captain of the Honor Guard that protected Siltsong and the compound proper.
>His cold, calculating eyes meet your own, before his coarse and imposing voice broke the silence.
>"Is Lady Siltsong present and awake?"
>Glancing back to the mare that just wanted a good night's sleep, now unable to achieve that, you resisted the urge to deliver a wonderfully-sarcastic comment.
"Yeah. She's up now. What's with the urgency? Canterlot on fire? Under attack?"
>Keeping a straight face, he brushed off your remarks, getting to why he was here.

>"Lady Siltsong is needed for an emergency meeting with Equestrian officials. It is...recommended that she attend as soon as possible."
>Before you could attempt to prod further as to the meaning of this, the Guard Captain turned and began to leave.
>"Escorts for her and her alone will be in the main foyer."
>And with that, it was the last you heard from him from the night as he trotted downstairs.
>Your tired mind strained as it did its damnedest to figure out what on Earth your wife-to-be was needed for.
>And what the fuck meant it was one of these "wake you up at too-fucking-early o' clock" emergenices?
>Whatever the hell it was, the secretive meeting must've been important to be so unannounced and sudden.
>With a heavy, grumbling sigh, you walk over to the sleepy poner still partially wrapped up in the blankets.
"Did you catch that, Siltsong, sweetest?"
>Her messy bedmane in her tired violet eyes, she blinked as the gears within her head were only just beginning to turn in those quaint hours of the day.
>"I...I couldn't hear it too well...something about an Equestrian emergency..?"
>You nodded, elaborating for the drowsy pone.
"Some secret political meeting they really need you for...the Captain came by to say it was pretty urgent."
>Throwing off the covers behind her as she tried to get towards some semblance of readiness.
>"This early..? It's quite rude...I assume they didn't tell you much, at all?"
>You nod, unable to really say much else.
"The Captain was pretty secretive about it, yeah. You'd think they were about to disclose where the Ark of the Covenant is or some shit."
>A mild pink tinge splayed itself across her muzzle, never quite used to hearing your more colorful language.
>"Uhm...what's that, Anon?"
>You shake your head, setting a hand on her shoulder.
"It's just...something mythical. Hard-to-find kind of thing. You think you need a bit of help getting ready?"
>The sense of subdued urgency hung in the air from earlier conversation.

>After digesting the thought for a moment, the mare responded with what might be reasonable.
>"I could do with some helpful hands, if you don't mind...a bit of help with my mane, perhaps?"
>Giving it a once-over, you were honestly surprised at how bad her bedmane could be.
>You didn't know if she moved around too much in her sleep, or if her mane was trying to throw a revolution.
"Of course I can help with that, Siltsong, sweetest."
>You smile, always willing to lend your assistance to the little cutie who helped complete you.
>After she rubbed the tiredness from her eyes, Siltsong joined you on a quick trip to manage her amgry bedmane before this sudden, secretive political conference call.
>You supposed this would probably become more common as time went on, given her position and stature.
>Not much in the way of earth-shatteering significance happened as you and Siltsong washed up in a somewhat-hurried manner.
>There actually was a rush here, and you didn't have any time to fuck around in any sense of the word.
>With the haste of a man waking up to realize he has ten-plus papers to finish in under an hour, you helped in washing any late-night nastiness that may have been hiding out in Silty's coat and mane.
>A job well-done, if you did say so yourself.
>If the shower was taken any faster, the both of you might have ended up going back in time.
>Whilst she was drying off, you may or may not have made the cheeky decision to plant a quick little kiss right upon her lotus-shaped cutie mark.
>With a surprised gasp and a crimson-red blush, her hind legs quaked from the sudden, intimate contact of your lips against her plush and supple flank.
>You were starting to think that either it was a particularly sensitive spot, or something.
>The particularly-flustered mare glanced back to you, those slender legs of hers pressing closer together than before.
>"W-Was that really necessary, Anon? Now I'm feeling all...hot and bothered..."

>A little ping of guilt ran through your heart, knowing the memory of your lip's touch would haunt her for the majority of the time she was away.
>Though, at the time, it was certainly irresistable.
"I apologize, Siltsong, sweetest...couldn't help myself."
>You admit, both with a healthy helping of embarrasment and longing for her future return.
>Transfixed by her innate beauty and wonderful company, the time that would be without her would feel most decidedly empty.
>Y'know, if you somehow willed yourself into remaining awake or some other problem thereof.
>"I do love it when you apply a more...'hooves-on' approach to love, but maybe not before something so important?"
>Silty asked of you, trying to put some certain impure thoughts out of her mind.
"Alright, Silts, I'll try and not do that right before you have to go talk with the Round Table of Sentient Hieroglyphics."
>After your apology, you began with the process of fashioning her still barely-damp mane into the traditional two-bun style.
>Before long, you finished wrapping the silken bands around each bun of mane, establishing a firm hold on the locks of luxurious mane.
"You think it looks good, Silty?"
>Taking a moment to examine your handiwork, the mare gave a warm, affirmative nod.
>"Indeed it is, Anon...I suppose I should get going now..."
>The mare sighed, knowing what was to come.
>A separation of two lovers, though only for a few hours at most, would feel an eternity thrice over.
"I guess, yeah...want me to walk you down? I know I probably can't come with, but-"
>Before you could finish your sentence, Siltsong enthusiastically nodded with a renewed, bright smile.
>"I'd appreciate that very much!"
>Unable to say no to that beautiful, captivating smile of hers, you took her hoof for the short journey down.
>As the journey was practically programmed at this point into your mind, you almost barely registered its passing.
>When you came to the foyer, you knew it would be time to part ways.

>Close to the front entrance of the Imperial Saghai Embassy, there stood two Honor Guards, their spears with an attached crescent blade standing at attention.
>Between the two of them, there was some other mare, all dressed up in ceremonial military attire.
>You most certainly did not recognize them, but then again, you probably didn't know a majority of Equestrian political officials.
>Haven't exactly been keeping up with your politics character lore as of late.
>Maybe next season it will actually be good.
>When this mare of mystery laid eyes on the sweetheart at your side, a very light upwards curl of the lips splayed itself across the other mare's muzzle.
>"So you have arrived, Lady Siltsong. I trust that you're ready to go now? The meeting's on a tight schedule."
>As expected, it's not like anyone was gonna let a single real detail pass onto you.
>With everything shrouded in a layer of secrecy so enveloping, you'd think they were about to discuss the next generation of combat-capable beyblade spinners.
>With a nod, Siltsong affirmed her query.
>"I am, just...one last little thing before I go."
>The Equestrian official inquisitively raised an eyebrow, but nonetheless let her do whatever was on her mind.
>"Be quick about it, then. I'll be outside, waiting."
>With each hoofstep resounding through the great hall, you wondered what it was that Silty might've needed to take care of.
>The feeling of two strong forelegs wrapping around your waist answered your question for you.
>Looking down to Silty, you see her on the tips of her hooves, cheek pressed firmly against your middle as she hugged you tightly.
>"I'll miss you, Anon..."
>As she lightened her hug, coming back down onto her back hooves fully, you returned the favor.
>Locking your arms around her back and running your fingers through her mane, you say your own goodbyes.
"I'll miss you, too, Siltsong sweetest. You go take care of what you need to, and when you get back, I'll be right here."

>Your sweetheart looked up to you with those gorgeous eyes of hers, the way they seemed to shine and glitter in the dim light outclassing even the most brilliant and masterfully-cut amethysts.
>"Do you promise, Anon?"
>Signing, sealing and delivering your affirmative answer, you plant a short-but-sweet kiss on her lips.
"I promise, Silty. If I have to, I'll pass out in the lobby just for you."
>Shaking her head, Siltsong chortled softly at your jesting.
"Now, you should probably get to it. Don't worry, I won't be going anywhere."
>Not at this fucking hour, you wouldn't.
>Shortly after you let go of your beloved, she was off, Honor Guards flanking her for protection.
>And before long, she was gone...
>The weight of separation wasn't easy to put your mind off of, when for so long, it was filled with thoughts of your mare.
>Her name, the way she moved, her refined mannerisms...
>Even though it was something to expect, it almost felt as though it hadn't gotten any more palatable, being apart from one another for so long.
>Perhaps one of the major downsides of being a hopeless romantic, in the end.
>Well, not much you could do about it in this situation.
>All you could do was find something to temporarily occupy that void.
>As you thought about what you could do, from taking a bomb-ass nap to studying geography to practicing your calligraphy, that Captain came trotting up to you again.
>"Anonymous. If you'll follow me for a moment."
>You were gonna have to put the brakes on this wild bronco for a minute, there.
"For what? Did I do something particularly wrong?"
>A little less than amused, the military stallion tersely stared you in the eye.
>"You have not. Yet. On orders from my superiors, you are to learn how to properly defend yourself...and if it comes to the worst, Lady Siltsong."
>His gruff response, and its contents, caught you by surprise.
>Before you could stammer out another question or half-hearted remark, the Captain's order was repeated.

>"Now that I have answered your question, follow me to get you introducted to handling a weapon."
>Seeing as you weren't going to get out of this anytime soon, you supposed you found your activity for the night.
>You were honestly starting to get worried, now that you were apparently being roped in for some self-defense lessons.
>Had the war started tumbling back down to the Dark Tyrant's favor?
>Lady Luck was certainly a fickle kind of mistress.
>As you arrived in the training yard for the Honor Guard, now empty for the night as a skeleton crew watched over the grounds, the Captain withdrew the sword from his scabbard.
>Balancing on his hind legs with remarkable endurance, he gave some basic expositional information on the sharp blade.
>"This, Anonymous, is a Jian. It is a traditional double-edged sword from the ancient southern dynasties, and has seen service in Saghaic armies for thousands of years. While not an important detail, under the Classics, it is often referred to as the 'Gentlecolt of Weapons.'"
>With one gentle, almost accidental shifting of the blade, you could see its sharper edge nick off a little bit of his hoof's hard keratin.
>The Captain, of course, used this moment to give a tiny little lecture on weapon safety.
>"And as you could see, these are not children's toys or wooden practice sabres. I will not be held accountable if you do something particularly absent-minded because you didn't heed my warning."
>Keeping it steady in his hooves, he gestures for you to take it.
>"This weapon may not be forged explicitly for you, Anonymous, but it should give you a reasonable outline as to what it is like to wield a jian. Go ahead, take it for a moment. Don't keep it, though. I need it back."
>Carefully, you grab the hilt of the sabre, and go through the quantumly-beamed process of getting a read on the feeling of the sword.
>Though the grip did feel like it was more or less meant to be held by a pony's mouth, and didn't quite fit a hand...

>You'd guess this is what a balanced weapon would feel like.
>In some intrinsic way, it felt...right to hold.
>Of course, before you could get too carried away marvelling at the jian's beauty and design, the Guard Captain wouldn't leave that for tonight.
>For the next couple of hours that night, he instructed you on the absolute basics on how to hold a sword.
>More specifically, what the jian excells in its versatility.
>Unbeknownst to you, there were actually three "divisions" to the blade, and that they all were meant to do different things.
>The tip of the jian was meant for stabbing, quick cutting, and slashing; an entirely offensive stance.
>For the general area that was the middle, it was safe to say it was the one with the multirole section.
>Heavier cuts with some properly defensive deflection included for the low, low price of those last two fries in the bag.
>Last but not least, the area closest to the hilt was entirely defensive in nature, the foil to the tip's offense.
>Wasn't really jack shit you could do with it beyond taking it, at that point.
>Though most certainly a basic understanding of the sword, it was the jumping point from which teaching could properly begin.
>However, tonight was not the night for weeaboo fightan magic.
>You did get a few practice swings in, though, to better understand what the Captain was telling you.
>It was a surprise to see how fluid your movements felt, each movement of the sword in your hand as natural as a breeze.
>In due time, however, the lesson was over.
>The gruff clearing of a throat was the metaphorical bell to let out this class.
>"Good, you seem to understand how to follow directions well enough. We will continue this at a later date, when the Embassy's blacksmith has forged a blade properly befitting your size and stature. Return to me my sword, and you are dismissed for tonight."
>The stallion said, expectantly waiting for the weapon that he bequeathed unto you be returned.

>Naturally, you would not leave him hanging like that.
>Probably because you had some worries that he might be able to suplex you with his back legs, whilst chewing someone's ass out for whatever reason he could pull out of his hat.
>And so you did as he asked.
>After promptly fucking off, you waited around for the remainder of the time it took for Siltsong to come back home.
>Given that you had been preoccupied with the finer points of wielding a sharp, pointy metal stick, you thought it wouldn't have been long.
>But of course, you were wrong, as a certain overweight director would be so jubilant to remind you.
>As the seconds ticked on by at a glacial pace, yourself becoming anxious over the contents of that meeting, your disrupted sleep schedule called for you to return.
>Though you fought to stay up longer, you could not resist its gravitational pull.
>Finding a comfy seat to slouch down in, you attempt to punch in some extra shuteye, finding a moment's respite from the sudden upheaval.
>That was, until you felt some other presence shift up onto your lap, and curl up.
>Opening your eyes groggily, you were met with a most welcome sight.
>Siltsong, exhausted as ever, laying in your lap as her heavy eyelids were coming to a close.
>Of course, you found this a perfect opportunity to greet her as eloquently as your sleep-deprived mind could.
"Silty? What're you doing...?"
>Swiveling her head around to see the source of that familiar voice, her drowsy eyes met your own.
>"O-Oh...hello there, Anon...just trying to-"
>Her sentence was interrupted by a long, drawn-out poner yawn.
>"-trying to lay down...maybe sleep...I'm tired..."
>Letting her get comfortable for a moment, you soon envelop your beloved mare in lots of post-meeting gentle petting.
"I can tell...what took you so long? It's early morning..."
>Whining softly at having to recant the wonderful memory, Siltsong tried to be quick about it all.
>"It took so long because there was a lot to discuss."

>Running your fingers in her now-straight mane, your thumb providing some high-quality ear scritches, you inqure a bit further.
"Well, what can you tell me? Seems like there was much more than just a meeting of the minds to discuss foreign policy."
>Siltsong weakly waved her hoof in a dismissive manner as her braided tail wrapped around your middle.
>"There's some things I can't tell you...too secret, can't let it be compromised and all that...what I can tell you is that the war situation isn't doing too good in Equestria now."
>You could feel your worries of the fighting arriving at your doorstep increasing, but in your tired state, it wasn't too poignant.
"Oh. What happened, then, if it required all...this?"
>A couple of moments after shifting around in your lap to get the best Anon-based bed she could, Silty elaborated.
>"Commander Rainbow Dash's offensive failed, cost her a wing and nearly her life...some reports say that Griffonstone might be the next target for Sombra's aggression...Crystal Empire's also making fast territorial gains..."
>Unable to find too much comfort, the Saghaic mare situated her hind legs against your lap, before locking her forelegs around your neck in a weary and gentle hug.
>"Nothing new from home...it's all so tiring...you think you could take us up to bed again?"
>Siltsong requested, her voice quite tinged with a poignant lack of sleep.
>Thinking you were able to get her upstairs without passing out, you nodded slowly.
"I think I can, if that's what you want."
>Closing her eyes one final time, Silty nodded in affirmation, starting to snooze her little pony snooze in your lap and arms.
>Keeping a firm, tight hold of her sleeping form, you carry her back to the room you had been so rudely torn from a good night's sleep.
>An interrupted sleep shcedule was sub-optimal.
>And you needed to rectify this problem by sleeping in late with the Missus.
>Even if things were going to shit elsewhere, you at least had this.

>A mare who you loved with all your heart.
>Someone - some pony - who you knew brought new meaning into your life from day one.
>As you set her back down on the bed, gently tucking in the absolutely exhausted poner, you see her trademark soft smile blossom once more.
>Joining her in bed, you try and get a little more shuteye amid all the new information you took in.
>When you weren't sleepy anymore, then would be a good time to panic over the war's minutia.
>For now, all that mattered was holding the softly-snoring Siltsong close, and making sure you never let go of this little blessing.

And here's where it ends for tonight, hope it was something relatively okay by this green's standards. Just fixed the ungodly mess that was the pastebin, so it'll actually look good to read through now. The link to that aforementioned pastebin, for the curious: https://pastebin.com/XznWeDgt Apologies preemptively if this is too much blogposting for your liking, but I got one of dem real people jobs, and I don't think I'll have whole lot of time for writing green for you guys. If worse comes to worse, I'll probably release a planned green I've been working on in between writer's block as a little something extra to hold you guys over.
"Eternal p-" (paint broken)
KINO (a popular "underground" band)
(crossed out) Enough/Stop it
Don't leave me here
There, where's no death
Kinda surprised anon's haven't been outfitting Equestria with better weaponry, or depending on Equestria's relationship to earth, importing them. I know some have silly hangups on human tech in equestrian but it's still better than everyone being subjugated or killed. Heck with your non-defined in green use of the portal to earth or Equestria's relationship to humanity, they maybe even could use it to evacuate if worse comes to worse.

Something that came to me while reading this update. If these threads keep fading and you want to write more comfy green, visit us over in the royal guard mare threads. With all it's lore, backstory and above all comfyness we would have loved a green vary similar to this.
Guard Mares and Political Anon have greens that hit on the themes of war and weaponry more than Nothing More Pure, which is usually more domestic and intimate in its focus.
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Truest post in this thread.
Also, you should consider giving HK-47's story in Magicless Anon a whirl.
Even if John Browning, Dieudonne Saive, and Mikhail Kalashnikov all descended from heaven at once, they still wouldn't be able to bootstrap Equestria's entire tech level up enough notches for it to matter.
By the time Equestrian metallurgy and manufacturing tech got to a level that would support self-loading firearms, the war would be over, one way or another.
>By the time Equestrian metallurgy and manufacturing tech got to a level that would support self-loading firearms, the war would be over, one way or another.

TheManFromAnotherTime's Every Day Life With Guardsmares has an overarching plotline on Anon the Engineer working to bootstrap Equestria's economy, but it's more of a backdrop to the main characters - the group of guard mares assigned to VIP escort duty.
> By the time Equestrian metallurgy and manufacturing tech got to a level that would support self-loading firearms, the war would be over, one way or another.
Then invite Shpagin, his submachinegun was produced with bare minimum of bent sheet metal and labor. Or Reginald V. Shepherd, if you wish to save the metal in exchange of shittier weapon.
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If resources and time are low, you'd want to focus on a few larger cannons that would get the job done instead of millions of small arms.
At some point I feared the left stack would fall on him
On the contrary, more small, cheap, maybe even single-shot weapons would be more effective for the army with no proper training.
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Reminder that all your waifus are literal shit compared to best horse
this >>32373151
When under pressure and limitations, doing elite stuff is NOT the solution to survival.
Germany tried that at the end the war : doesn't matter how much better than everything else your Tiger II is, if the enemy get out 60 T-34 for the same price you will lose hard.
And don't forget kids with Panzerfausts, which gave hell to tanks near the end of the war, the thing required about 15 minutes of training and a strength to lift one.

You know, I might consider doing something like that, a little something for Guardmare General. Don't know where I'd begin though....maybe a little sidestory to the Siltsong green, or something else entirely. I'd have to think about it a little bit.

Also, as an aside about technology in Equestria, firearms wouldn't seem as feasible because of magic an' shiet, and with a sizable unicorn population it wouldn't seem as necessary as, say, a cannon.
Well, her ass IS glorious.
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>What are the Anons doing?
This is what tests the suspension of disbelief for me. Cannons are canon though I don't recall them being mentioned in the green. But, fine, let's assume such 'advanced' weapons and the creation of such is verboten. Anons could still help create siege engines or forge better armor, etc. Hell, maybe they could even help find a way to 'poison the metallurgical well' feeding the mind control helmets Sombra uses.
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>help create siege weapons
I got a siege weapon right here for ya
I wanna hold my mare close and whisper sweet things in her ear. Ending all of our days cuddling together in bed, falling asleep while listening to eachothers soft breathing. Spending every day with her, encouraging her with all her endeavours.
I want our relationship to be on such a deep level that we barely even have to communicate to do certain things, we just know that the other one will help and support us.
I want to be her best friend. I want to be her shoulder to cry on, and the one she looks up to, just as I would to her.
I want to look at her and realise that life would not be possible without her. Not just difficult, or lonely, or meaningless. My life would literally not be able to continue if she was not in it.
Love means you open yourself up, you lower your defences and you make yourself vulnerable. But that’s the only life I want.
A life with her.
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Why are you even here anon? Don’t you have better things to do than pick on some lovestruck losers on an obscure burmanese quill-weaving forum?
Translate from Memeish pls?
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Because what you're looking for doesn't exist anymore, Anon.
It's still autistic fantasy, even if we all want it.
Quit copying my filenames you stupid cuck faggot
Am I not allowed to have this autistic fantasy then? If it makes me slightly less miserable and cynical, isn’t that a good thing?
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With a few exceptions, Royal Guard Mare greens are usually about anon and his relationship with his guard mare.
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Anon, you are a fucking goober.

You're welcome.
Here's another chill story (pic related):
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Guard mare thread is weird, they have elements of RGRE at times and also tend to be orientated towards 'darker' stories, at least the longer ones do.
>tfw an otherwise good story had the protagonists cheat on each other for drama and your interest completely tanked.
t. 5'13" manlet
Enjoy getting tossed into the marelet pit, sweaty ;^)
Shit's about to hit the fan for good old 'questria. Looking forward to the developments.
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dunno if you'd be bakin wit her but...
It still needs a bare minimum of smokeless powder, brass cartridge cases, and internal chemical primers, none of which Equestria is set up to produce in quantity.
For example, even the most primitive nitrocellulose propellant would require volumes of cotton and nitric acid that ponies would be totally unprepared for, since until the introduction of self-loading guns they would only have been used in limited quantities for fancy summer clothes and alchemy.
Even a flintlock would be light years ahead of bows and silly swords and spears. They have seen this war coming for years. and the anons just sat on their hands.
and they almost deserve what's coming, for being so useless.
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Make love, not war.
sometimes you don't have a choice.
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You do here. It's a thread about love and that's what you should be doing.
If someone added a pony shell the the boston dynamics robot that would be amazing
Or maybe if boston dynamics eventually releases the software that runs on it (as fucking if)
>Even a flintlock would be light years ahead of bows
Magnet hooves or not, I don't see operating a flintlock as being within a pony's capacity for fine motor skills.
With so little choice as that. It's no wonder there's no new green.
Not those Anons. This brings me back to what I was thinking regarding siege engines. They could be small scale Ballista like a Scorpio.


Hell, even the ancient Chinese had a Repeating Crossbow. Yeah, I know it's not a siege engine but given the level of tech at the time it's impressive nonetheless.

Sorry if it's not to your liking, anon, maybe you should check out a dozen other threads on this board that don't restrain themselves to one specific topic.
I just want to hear her voice, actually hear it, not through headphones or speakers, but hear her talk to me even if its just a passing "hi"
>can imagine my waifu's voice almost perfectly
>always imagine her talking to me intimately
>heart melts every single time
>imagining her speaking in my native language, saying all the cheesy sweet nothings I can come up with makes me feel so special, just like whispering back to her feels so satisfying and calming
The tulpa general is here >>>/trash/15749779
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>imagining yourself with your waifu equals having a tulpa
At least it helps
>You are Anon
>corporate slave by day, hobbyist gunsmith by weekend
>when your turn came to be Matched, you decided you didn't want to leave your hobby behind
>surely your waifu would understand, funs can be art
>so you got around the tech ban by printing out a shitload of blueprints and specifications for molds, your old chemistry notebook that you had the formula for decent gunpowder tucked into, and your bugout bag that /k/ helped you make
>it was even scoped

>after you arrived, you had to keep Twilight out of your bag (she wanted to inspect your literature, or so she said) while setting up to meet your match
>who, it seems, had been waiting on-site almost since the moment she got her acceptance notice.
>you hadn't even met yet and you were already falling in love
>but then you did meet
>she was a little thing, all of maybe a meter tall from hoof to forehead
>her mane was trimmed short, and a lovely shade of mother of pearl
>her coat was glossy and well-kept, and a comfortably familiar soft gunmetal gray
>and her eyes! When the light hit them just right, it was like looking at two twinkling golden pools.
>you honestly couldn't believe your luck
>even moreso once she starts telling you about her hobby of constructing overpowered novelty slingshots
>together you laughed and bonded over stories of trial and error, and that one time she accidentally launched a pool ball through her neighbor's favorite tree
>you'd somehow been matched to the one /k/ mare in all of Equestria

>be /k/oommando gunsmith
>accidientally invent the ross rifle
>use your powers for good
>make a foal-a-pult
>you're an absolute hit at pool parties (after you do range testing with water balloons/melons, of course)
All this combined is the makings of a cute short story.
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>Or maybe if boston dynamics eventually releases the software that runs on it (as fucking if)
>Implying they have any say in the matter once it's out 'in the wild'
Calling it the holy grail of robot software is wrong, but it's pretty high up there.
>Software that can navigate environments autonomously as well handle the semi-complex task of recognizing a closed door, opening it to allow a companion through, and then passing through it.

Imagine a little sweetie bot clip clopping through your apartment, opening doors via a wireless remote in her horn and a mechanized door-arm, greeting you every morning and making you toast after you set up a little staircase up to the counter for her.

This is cute but
>you got around the tech ban by printing out blueprints.
>after you arrived, you had to keep Twilight out of your bag
They'd take any sort of tech ban far more seriously than that friend, the damage potential (Both physical and cultural) of some our basic modern shit is pretty high.
That all being said you seem to have forgotten that they canonically have cannons and fireworks, they're just not widely used by equestrians because of the impracticality for quadrupeds unless you're a unicorn, who can literally just zap and throw things with their magic instead of fumbling with a weapon and ammunition.
In a large scale war you could potentially have teams where a weapon is loaded on the back of an earth pony and managed by others, but in that situation you also have pegasi that can literally summon a tornado or rain lightning on a target, never mind any dedicated battle mages, so it'd be pretty pointless.
The basic things you brought to build were probably okay and every pony at the Human Initiative thinks you're just embarrassed by your love of explosions.
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I need the robomare.

Would you a Ship-robomare?
Fair enough point.
Besides, they got into his bag while he was making goo-goo eyes at his mare, so once Twilight was sure it was just small-arms blueprints for novelty work, she let him off with a slap on the wrist for trying to hide it.
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Would you a ship?

So much so, that I'd write about it. If I had the time.
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Doesn't mean I won't, though. Just a bit busy now. Thanks for sharing the ship pics, fampachi. Makes me smile when those crop up.
There must be a limit to love ai will discover that limit and apply.
In 60 years you will have a process that allows you to instill your love into... what ever it can be instilled into. You will have your pony but will you want it?
Less then 60 years. For whatever it is you desire.
That ship CYOA is the coolest CYOA ever made. Do you have any more as good as that one?
Unfortunately not, that's the only one.
cooking is one of our favourite activities together, aside from snuggle fests under many blankets.
what about star dust?
Oh shit, that's huge. And cool.
>tfw keep wishing somebody would make a story off of these
>tfw the guy who says he will never will
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>sweetie bot
>making you toast
What could possibly go wrong?
The handle looks like a cock
I was watching an episode of "Who do you think you are?" where Julie Chen is following her Chinese roots to find out about her grandfather and great-grandfather and I couldn't help but think of Siltsong and her family. Mrs. Chen's grandfather would transport American made guns and ammunition through Japanese occupied territory to the Chinese resistance during WWII. Her great-grandfather was a scholar and had been directly appointed by the Emperor to oversee what would be China's equivalent of the Department of Education.
>tfw rootless Amerimutt
Thank you anon
oh FUUUCK YOU, fine! here have even more, an entire thread dedicated to this stuff
even more resources and lists of even more CYOAs
and here!, even a really well organized MEGA archive of CYOAs
there, i hope you are fucking happy
bastard, thanking me for stuff and shit
How would you guys feel about getting a postcard or letter from your waifu?

I think anyone here would be ecstatic, you dumb motherfucker.
I'd have a smile that'd last a week or more, and that would come back each time I looked at it ever after.
I'd be overjoyed and cherish it forever.
>Darkness dominated your resting mind.
>Not that of a cruel nightmare to torment you, but a simply dreamless state.
>No sweet dreams, but also no terrors to make your night less-than-desirable.
>Time held no meaning in this forgettable void, merely but a pause between when your head hit the pillow and when your eyes would open.
>All of this was, up until the piercing screech of an alarm broke the silence.
>Even if there wasn't anything particularly nice happening in the realm of your dreams, you were still quite amgry to be awoken so early.
>With a scowl etched deep into your features, you look at the source of your woes.
>Your datapad chirped irritatingly, grating at your sensitive eardrums and precious little patience.
>In your groggy state, you had little in the way of tact or spatial awareness.
>All you knew was to reach for that damnable device and see what had it was blowing its load over.
>A hearty whack indicated that your hand had connected with the datapad, quieting the incessant screeching.
>However, you wanted to know exactly why it was getting all up in your face this early.
>You hadn't set an alarm, and you certainly hadn't planned any appointments.
>As the holographic screen flashed into existence, you realized you had made a grave mistake.
>Your sensitive, darkness-adapted eyes burned with the wrath of a dying star as the eerie blue glow of the screen flooded the room and gave you a faceful of regret.
>Once the stinging sensation of your eyes ablaze with blinding light had subsided, you were able to focus in and squint at the screen.
>From what you could determine, someone had sent you a message over the arkship's holonet.
>A special kind of lividness arose within your being, wondering who the fuck had the bright idea of bothering you this early.
>It better not be some body-mod faggot spamming your inbox, or another asshole warning you of the imminent collapse of the Mark, and that you should start instead using shit-cubes for your primary currency.

>Tapping at the over-eager notification, the datapad quickly took you into your inbox, displaying the message that so eagerly wanted to land right in your lap.
>Addressed to you from...
>The Navigator's Bureau?
>What in the shit was that, again?
>"Greetings, Corporal Anonymous, and congratulations on being selected for the Grand Fleet Admiralty Board's Navigator Initiative! For your commendable actions during the Yulmig III Offensive, the Admiralty Board has chosen you for the task. We are aware of your current difficulties adjusting back to civilian life back aboard the arkships, and we wish to extend our hand in gratitude for the valor you displayed by offering you this unique opportunity."
>It took a few minutes for your brain to register the words fully.
>Whenever it finally came to you, it was a surprise to see your old bosses offering this kind of thing.
>Following along further, you read into the details of what exactly it entailed.
>No point in jumping balls-deep into something without even knowing what was in store for you.
>At least, whenever you could actually ask them and not have some Captain or Major slap your shit upside the head.
>"The Navigator Initiative aims to chart parsecs of space that are unknown to the migratory fleet, both to determine ideal routes for travel and the potential danger of these far-flung reaches. A vessel will be provided for the journey, along with a Virtual Intelligence to keep you company out on your lonesome. Reports on any findings will need to be delivered on a regular basis, and you are beholden to the orders of the Navigator's Bureau - a subsidiary division of the Admiralty Board."
>Well, at least they're being up-front with you about what they can with you about the job.
>You also didn't think yourself that much of a hero, but hey, you'd be willing to entertain the notion.
>The rest of the message is just information on where the nearest office to your current residence was, hours of operation, etcetera.

>If you recalled correctly, this wasn't exactly a wild stock broker on the loose or some barely-cohesive fuckhead...
>You supposed it might be a good idea to get cleaned up, if you were going to take them up on the offer.
>Tossing the datapad off to the side, you throw the covers off of you, climbing out of bed with the level of coordination of a drunk.
>Your residence's lighting began to slowly brighten, illuminating the way for you to the shrine of morning rituals.
>Arriving at the mirror and attached sink, your reflection reminded you of your days in the aforementioned Offensive.
>A small cluster of scars on your gut, scar tissue glinting peculiarly in the digital light.
>It had a long history, and remembering how you had earned them did not bring the most welcome and sunshine memories.
>Brushing your teeth to get the filth out of your mouth, your mind played back the old sights of your experiences.
>You were on this shithole of a planet with a platoon of your fellow drop troops, decked out in full bio-chemical hazardous environment get-up.
>The planet, Yulmig III, apparently had some wicked kinda storms.
>One moment, everything would be fine; earthlike, even.
>Next, a foul caustic supercell comes out of nowhere and makes life hell for anything that isn't adapted for existence on that planet.
>A fortified, deep-space listening post had been built by the Myegir, a mortal enemy to humanity ever since the two met.
>But that was neither here nor there, all you were there for was to hunt down the scaly fucks and take out that listening post.
>The migrant fleets could not move through around a several parsec area without being spotted - and thereafter, hunted down.
>Deployed with a few other platoons, large enough to form a proper battalion, getting there wasn't an issue.
>That was, until things went ass-over-tea-kettle.
>A perfect shitfest of a hostile patrol encountered your platoon and an onset of the caustic weather all culminated in a firefight.


>And the detection of the allied force on Yulmig III.
>Reinforcements were likely coming for the Myegir, and everyone had to operate fast.
>Whilst you and your platoon held their ground, others were taking the fight to the listening post.
>Your men had taken a hilltop, holding their ground while transmissions from other subdivisions of the battalion were speaking of how they were assaulting the station proper.
>From that point, you don't know how long the firefight lasted.
>The more you and those you commanded slain, there just seemed to be another to take their place.
>You could barely see beyond the muzzle flash of your weapons and the quite visible miasma of toxins, awash in the aggressive winds that intermittently barraged both you and the enemy.
>As victory had been achieved elsewhere, the destruction of the forward listening post before any Myegir reinfocements arrived, all that was left was to mop up and clean shop.
>And you had been hit with a slug in the general area of your gut.
>It didn't perforate your armor entirely, only going so far before stopping.
>However, a crack had formed from the shock of the blast, ejecting spall deep into your flesh.
>Not to blame the engineers designing this stuff, they had put in some nice spall liners for just this sort of thing.
>Though, it didn't stop everything, and the agony that followed was a condensed nightmare.
>But wait, there's more, little Nonny.
>Since there was a broken seal now, the slurry of horrible caustic shit was now free to make your life hell.
>One of your mates out there had fortunately noticed this as you went down from the force of the impact, and did their damnedest to seal it with emergency sealing foam.
>Of course, by then, some things had already been put into motion.
>The moment it came into contact with your lungs, it was as if they had been set aflame.
>When it graced your skin, you could feel that it was lascerating it in the worst possible way, as though it was digging into you.
>mfw my grandfather was so hell bent on finding out our family history, he spent over five years studying and pouring over census data, cataloging as much as he could
>mfw he was able to trace our roots all the way back to some Italian knights way back around the fourteen hundreds
>mfw he found our family crest
It was pretty fucking dope too. I had a copy of it on a piece of paper when I was twelve, but who knows where that is now.

>Everything from that point on was...a bit of a blur.
>You know the battle was won, and you weren't needed to hold the line anymore.
>Perhaps you had faded in and out of consciousness in between you leaving that "livable" planet and waking up in a medical ward, scattered with occasional bouts of observing your surroundings, tossed in with trying and failing to communicate.
>Whenever you tried to speak, your trachaea felt like someone had shoved fiberglass cottonballs down it.
>So, all you could do was simply nod or shake your head to basic questions.
>Or flash (in)appropriate hand gestures.
>To wrap that tale up, thank God above for advanced reconstructive surgery.
>You didn't look like a man coming out of a 1917 battleground, and if these scars weren't there, it'd look like nothing at all happened to you.
>After you had been deemed fit to leave the medical ward, you were honorably discharged from the service with full merits.
>And with your internal documentary film having ended, you proceeded with the rest of your morning rituals.
>Couldn't exactly show up to this invitation looking akin to an unshaven and disheveled duct-runner.
>Making sure you were dressed up in your old dress uniform, you took a moment to make sure all your little post-combat baubles were in the appropriate place.
>Even if it was somewhat troublesome to remember where all this shit goes, appearances can and often do matter.
>They're the beginnings of a first impression, after all, ain't they?
>Deeming yourself acceptable for public presentation, you snag your datapad right quick to glance at the address of your destination.
>Up near the bridge, where a lot of governing bodies and their offices sat.
>Good to know you didn't have to meet them somewhere shady, like at the arkship's main reactor arrays.
>Seeing no more reason to stay in your little cave, you left for the Bureau to see what they had in mind for you.
>The journey there was relatively eventless.

>Not like there would be anything too particularly interesting this early unless you were in law enforcement.
>Then you'd find some really weird shit, and folks decked out on every stim known to humanity causing that weird shit.
>Taking one of the internal maglev trains, you didn't have to wait that long at all to get where you needed to go.
>If you couldn't tell by the name, these arkships were absolutely massive.
>Such mega-engineering was almost completely out-of-scope during the time they were constructed, making their longevity and scale somewhat more impressive.
>You weren't exactly an engineer, content to hug his yellow hard-hat, but it was still cool to admire that aspect.
>Before you might be able to mull over more thoughts, those precocious little things, you had arrived at the Atlas Terminus; just a stone's throw and a skip away from the general complex of political offices and administrative hubs you were due to arrive at.
>Eager to get on with the matter, you disembarked from the maglev train, glancing around for your destination.
>Tucked away between a tax administration service and some other nameless arkship agency, a small office complex brandishing the title of "Navigator's Bureau."
>In comparison to those other complexes, the Navigator's Bureau appeared far more ascetic.
>You would have thought they would have blown some serious cash on making their little slice of government paradise all hip, ergonomically business buzzword-infused, and opulent as humanly possible.
>Making your way inside, you were confronted with something you absolutely did expect from a government agency.
>A long-ass wait time, even if you were pretty sure there weren't that many of your fellows in the lobby.
>Whilst you sat there with your thumb up your ass, you weren't left with much other to do than wonder what might happen if you accepted their offer.
>You were firly sure that you could simply reject the offer, if you felt it just wasn't your thing.

>It wasn't a direct order from your old superiors, after all.
>Though, for all intents and purposes, say if you accepted this little job-for-vets program.
>What then from there?
>How far out would you be going, exactly?
>A few giga-parsecs?
>And exactly how long would you be out in the middle of absolute nowhere?
>Months, years, decades?
>They did give you the gist of this job, but the devil within the details was hip-hop-hoppin' right out.
>Long after your mind wandered out your ears, oozing out figuratively in your bored waiting, you were finally called to one of the offices proper to meet with one of these bureaucrats.
>Dressed as sharply as you were in your dress uniform, you were hoping you left a decent impression.
>You may have been a boots-on-the-ground grunt, but you at least had some self-respect left to at the very least make an effort to present yourself.
>The official whom was to process your potential entry into the program was a woman of average stature, and judging by the standard issue dress of the Admiralty Board, a long-time denizen of the pages of a governmental balance sheet.
>You'd assume she was approaching her silver years, her hair graying and wrinkles making themselves known and more pronounced.
>Her smile attempted to exhude a warm and welcoming facade, but it didn't feel as geniune.
>Sort of like it was photocopied, if that made any sense.
>"Corporal Anonymous, I presume? It's good that you made it when you did; it's shaping up to be a busy day here at the department!"
>Now that was a real prostate-tickler.
>Following her little blurb, she held out her hand, waiting for you to take it and shake it.
"If this is before it hits that watershed, can't imagine what it's like then."
>You remark, wondering if they really were that busy as you were led on to believe.
>Taking her hand and giving it a proper, firm shaking, you took a seat opposite of the woman.

>With the both of you situated, the lady of the ledger before you began typing away on the desktop holographic display.
>You could notice images of older, very-long-range space vessels in the display with text you couldn't quite decipher.
>Primarily, because it was backwards, and scrolling too fast for you to focus on.
>"I'm sure you're already aware of what the Navigator's Bureau is all about, Corporal Anonymous, so we'll skip the history and move onto any questions you may have regarding the job detail."
>Fair enough.
"Alright...so...what's the timeframe for workin' out there? Just roam around until a different order comes through?"
>You ask what was most prevalent on your mind, wondering how close to the ancient sail-voyagers they were trying to play to.
>Judging by the design of some of these ships, it was meant to be an incredibly long and isolated journey from the main migrant fleets.
>"You'll be surveying a designated sector that appears to be an overall deadzone for galactic traffic. We can't be too hasty in making judgements, so we'll need someone to make sure that's the case."
>Walking into a pirate's lair or an awaiting Myegir hunter-killer group wasn't exactly fun.
>Speaking of which, it might be high-time to assess your occupational hazards if you were to accept this position.
"I see, now how dangerous would you say this line of work is? After getting shot once, I'd like to not go through that again."
>Taking her time to lay out her case, the official across from you responded with what she thought would be best.
>"Given that this area of space is, well, relatively uncharted...there's some inherent danger to it all. I can say with a fair bit of certainty, however, that it won't be any more dangerous than the life of a soldier."
>Perhaps a downside, but you believed you didn't have to box yourself into a dangerous situation.
>Mulling over her words, you think about what other conniptions you'd want hammered out.

>She already kind of vaguely outlined the dangers involved.
>You were pretty certain you might not have the top choice in starships, but...
"These ships you got, they do come with a defensive suite, right? None of that unarmed-and-drifting nonsense?"
>It was almost unheard of, but some daft cunts think it's still a good idea to leave their vessel defenseless.
>How they haven't gone extinct yet, you couldn't fathom.
>The bureaucrat was quick to assuage your concerns over not actually dying whilst in the vacuum of space.
>"Of course it's going to have its own defensive compliment, we'd like to see our brave pioneers actually come back home at their jounrey's end."
>She said with a half-hearted laugh, and as you remained silent, she awaited anything else you may have to say patiently.
>After a while of sitting there and seeing you stumble over yourself mentally for other questions, as though searching for any holes poked in this metaphorical condom, the bureaucrat elected to ask one of her own.
>"Perhaps you'd like a quick overview of what ships we think might best suit you? Should you accept, of course."
>Having nothing else one your mind in that moment, you nod.
"Couldn't hurt, I suppose..."
>Smiling and shifting her focus away from you, down to that holographic display, she summarily went through a short listing of vessels.
>MVS Sampo, a capable and well-proven blockade runner and/or smuggler's ship, mayhaps?
>No, it had a track record of having parts breaking down too often for your liking.
>Next one was MVS Four Winds, one of the fastest ships in the Admiralty's arsenal at the time of its creation.
>You may have considered it, but its hull strength...left a lot to be desired, from its history of being penetrated more than a porn star.
>Swiping past that one in disapproval, you then arrived at the MVS Creative Treason.
>Just wasn't your color.
>Also, its on-board V.I. was a turbodouchecanoe, if the testimonies of the previous crews were to be believed.

>Before long, you were starting to give up on finding anything that caught your fancy, and your interest in accepting resultingly declined.
>That was, until you ran across the MVS Seagull.
>An old freighter appropriated by the Migrant Navy during a program to develop newer, more powerful weapons and tactics, it was designed with the purpose of a commerce raider.
>With a bit of creative editing, the front of the vessel was remade into a spinal-mounted, ultra-heavy artillery cannon.
>More specifically, a bigMclargehuge railgun designed with the sole purpose to propell rounds at something that absolutely, positively needed to die.
>There was only one strategy best befitting such a strategy.
>Pop a squat down where the enemy least expected it, and drive the Lance of Longinus through targeted Myegir ships.
>Whilst certainly successful in this role, ultimately, the project was discontinued as Command's favor shifted away from the project.
>Getting away from the sick stats, you read up on the V.I. it came with.
>It was, apparently, a very goal-oriented and no-nonsense kind of unit.
>You think you could get along with it, what with being on a voyage of great scale.
>After some deliberation, you think you might just accept this whole Navigator thing.
>What else was there for you to leave behind, after all?
>An empty room, strewn about with your few worldly possessions?
"I really like this one right here, the Seagull."
>Sensing that she had found something that captivated you, the bureaucrat then asked the million-Mark question.
>"I see...so, Corporal Anon...do you accept, and want to join up with the Navigator's Bureau?"
>She held out her hand, awaiting you to take it and shake it.
>Which, of course, you did.
"That I'll do. So, anywhere I should go?"
>She was quick to explain these last details, now that you were aboard with the whole "go outside and get a healthy dose of cosmic radiation" thing.

>"Whenever you're ready, the Seagull will be awaiting, docked in Hangar 13-B. It's a reserved area for the Bureau; your datapad should allow permission to the hangar. You won't regret your decision today, Corporal."
>She said with all the certainty of a rinse-and-repeat procedure.
>As you parted ways with the appointed official, and packed your shit up after saying one last goodbye to home as you knew it, a part of you wondered what you might find out there.
>Another part of you pondered if being out on your lonesome with some V.I. for company would eat away at your sanity.
>Who knows what will happen?
>Arriving at your maglev stop, and taking a short elevator ride down to the hangar in question, you flashed your datapad before a scanner to make certain you were allowed to be there.
>A happy chirp of approval later, and you were taking a stroll down the corridors of the hangar.
>It took a lot of walking, but you were able to locate the airlock to the ship you were looking for.
>Both because of the name placard displayed voertop, and a curious shell of a robot.
>If you had to guess, it was vaguely equine in shape, sort of resembling a horse and yet distinct.
>You could still tell it was a machine, cutting down the creep factor some droids had, which was nice.
>It's "skin" was overall a distinct shade of darker gray, with off-white synthetic threads resembling hair.
>A mane and tail, if you will.
>Said "skin" was segmented, parts of it ending and revealing the robotic superstructure of the mechanical construct.
>Of final note as its head turned to face you, its eyes were a brilliant digital golden color, almost catching you by surprise.
>"Captain Anonymous, I presume?"
>A most decidedly feminine, mechanical voice pipes up neutrally.
>Hold on for one fucking second.
"Uh...don't think I ever got that high up in the chain of command."
>Blinking on occasion, the pony robot enlightened you on the matter.

>"You're the new commandant of the ship I am integrated to, which makes you Captain, does it not?"
>Couldn't beat that sound reasoning.
"I guess, yeah...so. You the V.I. to the Seagull?"
>It gave a slow nod.
>"I am. Unit Designation: Seven Hundred-and-Seventy-Seven, at your service."
>Its name was UD-777, huh?
"Nice to meet you, UD-777, I'd introduce myself but you already seem to know me."
>Aware of this fact, the robot only nodded in acknowledgement.
>Seeing as there wasn't much else to say or do, you wanted to get used to your new home.
"Think you could show me around, Sevens?"
>Obediently following your request, the airlock behind Sevens opened, and she led you on inside.
>One thing that became immediately apparent, the internal design of the Seagull was primarily practical.
>No need for platinum-plating every square inch of it all.
>Really, anything but an admiral's personal ship would have this kind of interior design.
>Felt like home already.
>What was even more homely was the Captain's quarters, that of which being far more comfortable than anything you were afforded back in your marine days.
>Whilst you unpacked, getting a better feel for your surroundings, Sevens went off to the bridge in order to prepare the ship for its first stop.
>After slipping yourself into a much more comfortable outfit and pleasing your autustic characteristcs about how you liked your new room, you went to meet up with the V.I.
>Upon hearing the doors slide upen to the magnificent view of the bridge, Sevens turned to face you.
>"A pleasure to see you again, Captain Anonymous. Are you ready to reach our first stop? The Seagull needs to resupply on fuel reserves before continuing its journey, so we'll be arriving at the Japhet's Folly outpost first."
>Not wanting to end up stranded in empty space, you think that route was fine and dandy.
"Let's get to it, then, Sevens."
>Following some quick clearances with Hangar Traffic Control, the Seagull was free to voyage again.

>Shortly after reaching a safe distance from the fleet, Sevens informed you of the imminent FTL jump.
>"Jump Drives are warming up, Captain Anonymous. You may want to strap yourself in."
>Already in the comfy captain's chair, you give the go-ahead.
"Two steps ahead of you, Sevens. Let's put the jets on this bitch."
>You say with all due ceremony.
>Indifferent to your colorful language, Sevens stands by the navigation systems, guiding the vessel on its first journey in a long time.
>In the blink of an eye, the Seagull had accelerated faster than light, bound for a pitstop.

Alright, so enough of me pussyfooting around, here's that wA.I.fu story I said I'd do. I think I'll probably do a rotation of writing, where one day I do Siltsong's green, and the next I focus on this new one right here. In this beginning, I'd especially appreciate your feedback to see if you guys think I'm going in the right place. The pastebin for the future: https://pastebin.com/xG4Amf2B
>Two greens at once
The madman, the absolute lunatic. You’re gonna kill yourself mate.

Why do you think I'm doing two greens at once? Hell, I might even bump it up to three, with the other being in a different thread.
There sure was a hell of a lot of lore setup. I could tell you were trying to quickly fill in a little bit of Anon's backstory. The monologue of the outpost battle seemed to drone/drag on but other than that it looks good and I like the premise. I'm interested in seeing where you take this.
>tfw I will never be a clone submerged in a biovat, sharing senses with my yandere ship AI waifu
Sometimes I question why I bother continuing to live
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>ywn worship your waifu's butt
>a clone
But why. Time kidnapped is superior in every way.
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>ywn make her giggle with how you go on about the parts of her you adore
>swn nuzzle into your chest trying to hide her burning cheeks
>ywn wrap your arms around her and smile
>swn smile back up despite her blush
>ywn spend hours like that, stroking her mane as you both gaze happily into each other
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Looks promising. I'm really curious to see how anon could garner affection of an AI and not just shrug it off as her programming. Also looking forward to kinds of troubles they may run into out in the depths of space.

Please don't give up on Silty after we have already came so far.
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>Many mares have the somewhat embarrassing craving to be held in the arms of their man, however briefly.
>It is perfectly natural and you should not be ashamed of taking any opportunity for such, it is likely an enjoyable experience for both of you.
I dunno, I'm just fascinated by the idea of cloning. I really feel for the average Clone Trooper.
They gaslight guys into thinking it’s their fault they’re like that.
Im never thanking you again. Not thank you.
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The more embarassed she is to ask for upsies, the more she needs it and the better it'll be when you give it to her.
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How can thotties even compete?
He was just being shy, don't hurt his feelings more than he does
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My eyes

>cuckolding is the fetish of (((intellectuals)))
I see the Daily Beast watches a helluva lot if Richard and Mordecai.
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We need something like the Davao Death Squad but for adulterers instead of (or in addition to, why not) drug dealers.
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The only drug I ever need is my mare's love juice.
>not that it makes much difference if you're a Treehuggerfag
>giving your waifu morning cunnilingus not just because it's the only polite way to wake someone up, but because you need your fix
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Are there any stories about making Ms. Harshwhinny Mrs. Harshwinny? Or is this something I need to write?

There was the Taming of the Harsh, but I don't know if it's what you're looking for.
I mentioned this one a couple of days ago.

It's probably exactly the opposite of what he's looking for.

Don't let the existing Harshwhinny stories deter you, unless you've got other things that you could write instead.
The Taming is technically a romance story but the way there is difficult. I wouldn't mind another, happier one. Same with other older mares like Mayor Mare or Cheerilee. I'd love for them to get some nice comfy romance.
I can't quite tell, is that mare's cutie mark a bandaid, or does she have an actual bandaid where her cutie mark would be?
>her cutie mark is a bandaid and coincidentally she also has a bandage over it
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>Little mare gets letter in the mail
>Cadance helped set her up on a date
>Some green stallion she's never seen before, where did he come from?
>He's kind of weird, but it's endearing, and he doesn't seem offput by any of her odd quirks
>It all works out
Many such cases!
>0.0001% of matches don't work out.
>One anon per million. In an ideal world of ~1 billion candidates, that leaves a solid 1,000 men without mares.
>Due to a poorly thought out logistical structure- who's bright idea was it to have Cadance introduce literally every pair to each other?- many anons are forgotten, and don't even make it to civilization where they would undoubtedly find another match.
>Disparaged and trapped on an alien world without any tech due to the immigration rules, they band together out in the wilderness.
>Years go by before their society is found
>News gets back about an entire town of anons without mares. Even with the huge influx of bachelors, there's still a good double-digit percentage of mares without men.
>Que marewaves and shenanigans.
>1,000 desperate mares vs. an innawoods colony of 1,000 nudist bodybuilder Anons, all spurned by love but still hopeful that their other half is out there somewhere
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>0.0001% of matches don't work out.
Stop trying to inject this shit idea into the thread.

>1 billion candidates.
You are SEVERELY overestimating things here.
A candidate must have the following traits.
>Be capable of jumping the species barrier for the sake of love.
>Not be a complete dick.
>Be willing to leave literally everything on earth behind for the sheer chance of love.
It narrows down the amount of people significantly.

>Due to a poorly thought out logistical structure- who's bright idea was it to have Cadance introduce literally every pair to each other?|
This isnt a production line, Cadence introducing each pair to each other is the best way to do things to ensure that crucial first meeting goes smoothly.
>is the best way to do things to ensure that crucial first meeting goes smoothly
So then what's the backlog on this? If she spends, say, 2 minutes introducing every pair, sleeps for 8 hours, that's about 500 matches per day. And that's her working literally every minute from the time she wakes up to the time she goes to bed all seven days a week.
I doubt the goal is to get a man into the house of every mare in Equestria.
That assumes that 500 matches are all in place at once for her to do in one day, which would only work with husbando rescue teams also working around the clock bringing in hundreds per day, and boxcars full of waifus coming to the Empire every day to meet their matches.
I don't see Cadance's matchmaking project as operating on anywhere near that kind of industrial scale.
I think that a few dozen meetings would be an exceptionally busy day for her - the watchword here is quality, not quantity.
Hm, mirror pool?
What could possibly go wrong?
This isnt a production line and you are again severely overestimating the amount of guys that would willingly leave everything on earth behind to go be with a mare while also not being a complete asshole.
Even on /mlp/ we're basically our own little corner of autism amongst autists.
>want to make Harshwinny something to commemorate your match-iversary, but not sure what to make
>first reasonable idea that comes to mind is knitting her a scarf
>it took you hours to finish, and despite your best efforts there are still imperfections
>some of the hearts were screwed up, the tassles didn't all fall evenly, and you had to settle for little stick figures instead of fully detailed patterns of you and her together
>if even you could see how poor it was there was no way Harsh wouldn't, so, sighing, you tossed it into the bin in the bathroom, beside the hamper
>rather than give her a scarf you take her to dinner at a fancy restaurant to celebrate
>things go better than expected, and after a night of fine dining, light drinking, and subtle flirtation you arrive home, carrying a tipsy pony in your arms
>after some assurance that she can walk you set her down inside and the both of you disrobe and head to the bathroom to get ready for bed
>you finish up quickly and decide to ready the bed for Harsh while she brushes finishes up
>just as you finish you hear her voice, low with a touch of mirth, coo your name
>you turn around
>she's there, wreathed in the light of your shared bathroom, a look of sincere and surprised happiness on her face, the scarf you thought you'd thrown away wrapped around her neck
>"Did you make this for me?"
"That depends, were you digging through the trashcan?"
>she gives you a questioning look
>"Celestia, no! It was in the hamper next to it."
"Oh... you like it?"
>she giggles, trots up and hops into your lap on the bed
>she loosens the scarf and wraps herself up next to you, eyes closed in contentment as she rests against your chest
>"I love it."
>you smile and pull her into a warm hug
>you gently lean back into your bed, your mare atop you like a loving blanket, bound happily to each other by the scarf you made
>"By the way, you've been throwing your clothes in the trash for the past few months."
I love it!
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>"HA! Laugh now but when Trixie's genius camouflage works, SHE will have the last laugh!"
>"The Loch Ness Monster has infiltrated many high security locations!"
>"Trixie shall return with a husbando AND tree fitty!"
This >>32380129

Good kek
Harshwhinny really is a huge softie on the inside.
Stupid, use metric system
70 cm tall.
Your esoteric jibble means nothing to me, europoor.
I renounce the French Revolution and all its works.
Nice arbitrary distances buddy.
It's all based off multiples of 10, it's literally as non-arbitrary as it can be. Not like random fucking intervals to get to the next unit of measurement

>multiples of ten
>not arbitrary
Nice try, French taxman. Multiples of 27 are clearly the most rational and (((intellectual.)))
imagine murdering your king because remembering that there are twelve pouce in a pied is too hard for your tiny frog brain
>defending a retarded system of measurement with random increments which is overall more convoluted than it needs to be simply out of spite for everyone else
I wish I could hate you to death
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Be calm, pony waifus.
We aren't the brightest creatures.
Do you measure your cock in centimeters too faggot? Do you tell the ladies “yeah girl, I’m 2 centimeters long baby”
Yeah, sometimes we do really stupid shit like try to build entirely new societies from scratch based on some nerds' ideological pipe dreams, even though it nearly always ends up killing millions of people.
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Men belong to mares
>Not be a complete dick.
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What's your waifu smell like?
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Fulfilled dreams, happiness, and apples.
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Confidence, smugness, and strawberries.

The superior fruit.
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>Be a complete dick
>The kind of dick that goes to a public restroom and pisses everywhere but the toilet bowl.
>There's a mare that's just as much of a cunt
>Cadance is afraid that this wouldn't work out but she trusts the crystal heart's judgment.
>Dick Anon and cunt mare hit it off swimmingly.
>They don't act like they normally do towards each other, being a dick and cunt to others together is just soo much better.
>They become that couple that goes to the park on weekends just to ruin people's days.
>Being loud, and belligerent.
>Their favorite thing to do there is seek out lonely mares and then just let lose their wholesome vanilla love near them: snuggles, pet names, hopes for their future together, ect
>Mares often leave in tears.
>Time kidnapped
That's a weird way to spell rebirth.
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Depends, do you mean ones that are similar to this one or cyoa's that are just good in general?
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>Trixie decides it's about time she checks out what this husbando thing is about
>But husbando hunts involve things like teamwork and showing others that she's a lonely mare
>She doesn't want that, but then again, it doesn't sound like it requires any teamwork and advanced spellcasting. Just go there, grab the guy and return
>It's probably just for the safety of magic-inept mares
>Surely she, a master magician and a brilliant strategist, can do it on her own
>Even without knowing the first thing about the hunts, or even the human world, she's pretty sure she can retrieve her own sweet human
>All alone she sneaks into the portal, confident that she'll be back in like ten minutes or so
>Just how hard can it be?
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kek. nice.
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>It was a sad day in Equestria...
>A dejected Twilight Sparkle sat in her throne room with her human boyfriend beside her, who was currently berating a servant attempting to bandage the lavender Alicorn’s head.
>A downtrodden Thorax was in the room as well, staring down at the floor while Princess Cadence whispered something in his ear.
>Chrysalis had struck once again, and delivered a particularly damaging blow.
>Several months back, the Princess of Love had been searching for the answer to one of her greatest problems.>How to find love for all the lonely mares of Equestria, when there simply weren’t enough stallions to go around.
>The citizens of Equestrian didn’t deserve to join loveless herds, just so they wouldn’t be alone! Each and every subject deserved to feel the magic of a partner devoted to them, and to experience the greatest joy the world had to offer.
>True, unconditional love.
>Perhaps the universe took pity on Cadence and her tireless efforts, for an answer soon presented itself.
>An entirely new world, full of intelligent life, and more importantly, intelligent life looking for the exact same thing the mares of Equestria were looking for.>To be loved.
>Cadence began to tirelessly work on finding humans that had soul mates living in Equestria, and assigned Twilight Sparkle to devise a system of getting them over here.
>Unfortunately, not every mare could be allowed to have their soul mate, as much as it pained Cadence to admit.
>One such unfortunate example was the mentally unstable pegasus, Feather Breeze.
>The poor mare had suffered from mental instability all her life, and never assimilated into society. She developed violent streaks, and often harmed her caretakers by biting, hitting, and attempting, occasionally succeeding, to stab them on several occasions, finding immense joy in harming others.
>It pained Cadence to no end when her match was a violent, similarly unstable criminal on Earth, who was currently residing inside a mental hospital indefinitely for attempting to murder his own parents.
>It wasn’t the Heart’s fault, it just wasn’t sentient and couldn’t understand why those two could never be together. It only used its immense magical abilities to find lonely mares a soul mate by matching their personalities and interests together, among other factors.
>This meant that Cadence had several criminals run through her radar from time to time, but for the most part, she was lenient.
>No creature could possibly ever be perfect, and Cadence allowed many human criminals that were matched with mares a chance at a new life, so long as they weren’t violent.
>It always hurt when she had to reject a human, and it especially hurt when Queen Chrysalis herself wound up on the Crystal Heart’s to-do list.
>The heart matched her up with a human who, while not violent, would certainly not be considered “a good man”.
>Twilight Sparkle had found her own match at this point, a nurse by the name of Anonymous, and he shed some light on Chrysalis’s new match after overhearing Cadence mention his name while discussing the situation with Twilight.
>The man’s name was Incognito, and had a reputation for being a particularly shady individual back on Earth.
>Incognito was formerly a wealthy business man and politician, who climbed up humanity’s social ladder by using the bodies of his fellow man as rungs.
>He seemed nigh unstoppable for quite some time, bribing, cheating, and backstabbing his way through life all in the name of personal enrichment. He was the kind of corrupt that everyone acknowledged, yet did nothing about because they knew he was untouchable by the law.
>Yet somehow, someway, he angered the wrong people. People who had even more corrupt influence than him.
>He was forced out of office and had his multiple business ventures shut down in the wake of several federal investigations into his businesses. Incognito simply ran out of money attempting to bribe away the investigations and pay off the debts he accrued from that.
>Anonymous said he fell away from the public eye afterwards, bankrupt and without a future.
>The Crystal Heart, providing an image of the man, showed him sitting under a bridge to take shelter from the rain, wearing a dirty, torn, and ragged suit, carrying a busted backpack. He seemed rather skinny, and was obviously homeless from the long, unkempt and greasy hair he now had, and the large, untrimmed beard.
>Twilight took some pity on the human, but Anonymous merely sneered and said the man got what he deserved, despite Twilight’s disapproval.
>After some thought, and several more detailed explanations of Incognito’s illegal and questionable activities, Cadence decided a devious, silver tonged trickster being bound to a shapeshifting, devious, silver tongued trickster, wasn’t a particularly good idea.
>She simply let the Heart move on to the next case, and forgot about the entire situation.
>Until now.
>Somehow, someway, Chrysalis had discovered her soulmate existed on Earth. Not only that, but she knew of his location and, most likely, of his past.
>The exiled Queen managed to find the strength to infiltrate Twilight’s castle, and altered the location on Twilight’s schedule that instructed the young Princess as to where she should open the portal to Earth. In addition, Chrysalis personally kidnapped and replaced one of the guards on the Human Recovery Team, allowing her to venture directly to the human world.
>Upon reaching Earth, the portal is closed behind the team, and they are granted two hours to recover any targets in the area, but this typically consists of waiting inside a human’s domicile for them to return home, and then waiting for the portal to reopen. As a precaution, only unicorn guards are deployed to earth, and they must be proficient in invisibility and teleportation spells.
>Even now, the details of what Chrysalis had done are debatable at best, but what is known is that she quickly incapacitated the two remaining guards and used her transformation magic to disguise herself as a normal Human, allowing her to leave the portal site and venture into the city to find her soul mate.
>The few human operatives Cadence had on earth could provide no details either, and reported that there was nothing unusual circulating on their TV news or internet gossip sites about anything particularly unusual happening that day. It seemed that Chrysalis’s had used surprising discretion, and utilized an insane amount of luck to find Incognito.
>It was the only good news that came of that disaster of a day, because as soon as the portal re-opened, Chrysalis came bounding through the portal, sans disguise, with a passed out Incognito tied to her back via ropes. Twilight, who opened and closed all portals to and from Equestria, was far too focused on keeping it open to stop the vase Chrysalis had brought through from slamming into her head.
>The villain then flung a nearby table at one of the castle’s stain glass windows, shattering it before preceding to fling herself out as well, flying away from the crime scene. The guards quickly gave pursuit, or, more accurately, a single guard did, as only one pegasus happened be present in the room at the time.
>He was brought back to the castle two hours later by a traveling merchant, who claimed he discovered him out cold on the side of the dirt road he had been traveling upon.
>And so, Anonymous, Thorax, Princess Cadence and Princess Twilight now sat in the throne room, unsure of their next move. Word had already been sent to Celestia and Luna, who were currently on their way over.
>Humans were only allowed into Equestria on one condition. They could not bring their technology over, and they could not attempt to replicate their technology without express permission from the Princesses.
>They had seen how the explosion of technology had affected humans, and it was decided Equestria didn’t need an industrial revolution of its own. Especially after hearing of the ways humans waged war…
>But this Incognito, an intelligent man by Anon’s own admission, had no such restrictions.
>It was not written in stone that Humans could not replicate their technology, for the public might not react favorably to being denied innovation.
>Who knows what damage he could cause in the long term by recreating some form of technology from earth? What if he had any technology on him when he was brought into Equestria? This was most certainly the kind of man to seize on opportunity when it appeared, by any means necessary.
Meanwhile, In Chrysalis’s lair…

>Incognito was lounging on a particularly comfortable couch, and a clean one at that.
>A fizzy, strawberry flavored beverage was in his hand and he politely sipped the delicacy through a silly straw.
>As he did so, a buzz of activity moved around him. Black, nightmarish bug creatures flittered about the dimly lit room he was currently sitting inside, one occasionally stopping to refill his glass when it got low. The room had beige walls with paintings, knick-knacks of various sizes, and many glowing green rock things scattered about.
>Broken glass and busted picture frames sat brushed away into a corner, the wallpaper in some areas torn away, seemingly from some kind of struggle.
>He could see a damaged photograph knocked over on the coffee table that sat in front of him, the glass shattering to create a divide between the two colorful horses in the photo. Looking off to the side, still sipping his drink, he saw the very same horses from the photo in the corner of the room, suspended in strange, pulsating green sacks
>Their eyes would still glance about and they thrashed around in their transparent bonds, seemingly very frightened by the entire situation.
>Incognito just shrugged and kept sipping his beverage. There were only three logical explanations as to his current situation.
>Whatever he ate out of the trash earlier was moldier than he previously thought, and had hallucinogenic properties.
>He had finally died for some reason, and this was hell, purgatory, or, unlikely, heaven.
>This was all very real, and he was in a situation that seemingly defied all reason, which would likely result in option two occurring very soon.
>But he couldn't care less at this point. What was the point of it all?
>All his years of careful planning, his career, his social status, his very life had fallen down around him. A disgraced figure like him, there was no return. There was nothing he could do to save his public image short of saving a building full of burning orphans, and he wasn’t about to set an orphanage on fire, even with his low ethical standards.
>So Incognito just resolved to take the situation in stride. Whatever happened, happened.
>He didn’t have anything to look forward too.
>“Arms out.” a gruff voice commanded, its origins unknown.
>Taking one final gulp from the straw, he then spread his arms out as far as he could reach, drink still in hand. Turning his head a bit, he saw a tape measure magically floating near one of his hands, before extending out and traveling all the way over to his other hand.
>“Oh don’t mind them, my new friend~ They’re just taking some measurements for your new suit!” a new voice explained.
>This voice, wasn’t the same as before. It was… feminine, yet tough. Perhaps a little sultry, as well.
>Snapping his head forward, Incognito dropped his glass at the sight before him.
>A larger version of the bug-creature towered before the man, this one much more oddly proportioned.
>It had a large, crooked horn attached to its forehead, bent and twisting in at odd angles, forming a sharp tip. A thin, silky blue-green mane grew from its head and cascaded down its neck, unlike the other bug things which only had fin like protrusions, if any at all. A small black crown with blue-green beads sat atop its head, which contained two large, emerald eyes that stared intensely at the human.
>It had a long, grey-black neck with connect to a lean, skinny torso. The creature’s legs had holes punched in it like it was made of swiss cheese. Its back had a lime green carapace looking thing, that transparent, bug-like wings similarly punctured with holes emerged from.
>Its horn lit up with a sickly green glow, and the human watched in both concern and amazement as the glass he had dropped a second ago levitated back in front of him, not a single drop spilled.
>“I hope our guests over there haven’t spoiled the mood for you, have they?” it said, nodding towards the pulsating gel sacs filled with horses.
>Grabbing the levitating glass, Incognito decided a replying was probably the best decision he could make in this situation, as running for it didn’t seem like much of an option. Honesty is the best policy, unless you’re talking to constituents. Or investors. But it still had its moments, rare as they were.
“Personally, not much of a bother to me as I’m either hallucinating, dead, or about to be dead. Either way, it doesn’t matter much.”
>With astonish speed, the creature was quickly behind Incognito, shoving the bug taking his measurements out of the way. She, it was definitely a she, he decided, had placed her swiss cheese hooves on his tattered suit’s shoulders and was leaning into his ear.
>“Oh, you poor thing! I can personally assure you this is all very real. But you’ve given up on life, haven’t you? Everything you ever worked so hard on achieving, your entire life, destroyed~”
>Much to Chrysalis’s enjoyment, that got an annoyed snort out of the human.
“Yep. Spent years of my life climbing to the top, only to get knocked back down. But there’s no getting up this time. I’ve fallen too far.”
>He knocked back the entire glass as if it was a whisky in one gulp, before throwing the cup into the corner with all the other broken glass, finding a small amount of enjoyment in watching it shatter against the wall.
>“Don’t worry, Incognito~ I get it! I’ve been in your position myself, you know.”
>The human scoffed.
> “I mean it!” she said, sounding offended. Her hoofs began to kneed his shoulders, attempting to massage him.
>“I feel your pain, Incognito! I’ve suffered the indignity of having my own allies, those who I trust implicitly, go back on their word to me! Had friends and family turn on me the second things look bad. I understand~"
“Look, you seem to at least know a bit about me, so you should know I’m not new to this game. Don’t try to butter me up. What exactly do you want, and how do I fit into the picture? Spit it out, or let me wake up from this freaky dream so I can go back to drinking away my problems.”
>He lurched forward, forcing Chrysalis off his shoulders, but the changeling simply circled around to the front of the couch and back into his vision.
>“Quite frankly, I want you. But we can work out all the details later, after you’ve settled in a bit~”
>At Incognito’s unamused glare, she pressed on.
>“I understand your pain, and I know you understand can understand wanting revenge~ Thats where you come in, my friend!”
“How can I poss-”
>“Like I said, all will be explained in time. First, we’ll get you cleaned up. A man of your stature doesn’t deserve to be wallowing in filth like a vagrant. We’ll have you washed, trimmed to your liking, and properly dressed right away.”
>Incognito turned as he heard more hoof steps behind him, as three of the smaller bug creatures rounded the corner and came into the room. One carried a basket with what looked like a few towels on its back, another carried a pincushion in its mouth and was seemingly levitating several other supplies around its head, from bolts of cloth to various measuring instruments, and the third was carrying a small, straight edge razor, scissors, and what looked like some kind of shaving cream.
>“You and I, are gonna do BIG things~”
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I remember back when this was supposed to be a 2000 character prompt. Look what happened to that. Well Anons, what do you think? Is it worth continuing?
more bughoers
Well, you have a beginning, a motivated villain, and a new dragon in the making for ol' bugbutt. If you can find an ending and if you've found a protagonist for the tale, by all means, continue.
Just one thing - don't cheat your way through Incognito coming to trust and understand Chrysalis, because that sense of distrust in the developing relationship is probably the best thing you've got going so far.
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Bugbutt is always worth continuing.
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Loving it big time, don’t hurt yourself though
I like grown mares, Harsh and Cheerilee are prime examples
Chrysalis being hyper-competant enough to do everything she did was a bit weird, but seems good otherwise.

Is incognito the stereotypical jewish head of corporation corp, or corrupt former head of crime syndicate?
Going to assume the first but having a mafia boss in equestria would also be neat.
>Incognito sees random changeling drone idling in the hallway
>”Ey, Tony! I’m walkin ‘ere!”
Eh, I don't know how comfortable introducing a human villain to Equestria. By the sounds of it he and Chrysalis are going to have to be put down which is not comfy at all.

Personally, I'd prefer a reformed Chrysalis getting a match or she's matched to help her get reformed. Mandroid had a reformed Chrysalis green in AiE whose premise worked pretty well.
>Mandroid had a reformed Chrysalis green in AiE whose premise worked pretty well.
>reformed Chrysalis
>worked pretty well
I have my doubts about that.
What if you go to equestria and find your waifu who likes you but get matched to a different pony by Cadance? Who do you side with, when they start fighting?
>What if you go to equestria and find your waifu who likes you but get matched to a different pony by Cadance? Who do you side with, when they start fighting?
Then you have an off-topic green, or the beginnings of a herding story.
>Eh, I don't know how comfortable introducing a human villain to Equestria. By the sounds of it he and Chrysalis are going to have to be put down which is not comfy at all.
I'm personally not much of a fan of these types of stories where anons introduce dark, brooding or otherwise cynical stuff to what's supposed to be a lighthearted show, especially in /nmp/.
Now if they became harmless villains? that's another story.
>"Prepare for trouble."
>"Make it double."
Just admit you’re afraid to answer instead of being the “thread police”. Jesus
>Just admit you’re afraid to answer instead of being the “thread police”. Jesus
What's there to be afraid of? This is basically the "sappy romance because of a plot device" thread, and a few people keep looking for loopholes.
You’re still not answering the question, I can’t help but notice
>You’re still not answering the question, I can’t help but notice
The match or my waifu? Closest thing to a waifu is sunbutt so that'd get awkward fast. I wouldn't want to make the poners sad, but
Ooh. What if your match was Luna?
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>Ooh. What if your match was Luna?
I don't have a pony waifu so I'd stick with the mare I was matched with.
>Going for a mare that isn't the Crystal Heart soulmate endorsed one just for you.
It's anons like you that fuck it up for everyone else.
You're taking some other Anon's perfect match while depriving a Mare from her soulmate, you know?
>”I don’t care what Cadance said! Anon loves me!”
>”Nonsense! He is my soulmate! He was made for me!”
>They start wrestling, biting and kicking one another.
>”He is the one that makes my heart rise like the sun!”
>”Oh yeah?! He’s the man of my dreams!”
>RGRE infiltrator
Then the question doesn’t apply to you. It’s no secret that some anons here believe their waifu to be their soulmate, so what if that weren’t the case? Blaming such a possible situation on me is poor scapegoating and a common trait of indecisive people
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>20 minutes later
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If it makes you Anon's feel better, without spoiling the story much, reformation will likely happen. They're not going to eventually take over the land, or anything.
It'll start fitting into the /nmp/ narrative eventually. I just wanted to make a slightly more unsual story than
"Cadence gives pony her soulmate."
Not that theres anything wrong with that, of course. Minty Steps is best mare
I just wanted something a little different.
>Not being faithful to one
Get out. NOW
>implying there's not enough Anonymous to go around
LEAVE polygamyhomo!
There's really not.
What type of TRASH is this?
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The word you're looking for is polyamory
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So this is what the threads about? Why not just merge with RGRE?
>So this is what the threads about? Why not just merge with RGRE?
RGRE is matriarchal. Polyamory has no leaning in either direction.
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It also works both ways. So your mare can have you and another anon all at once. Enjoy those sloppy seconds
Gross I want polyfags & herdshitters to leave
>So your mare can have you and another anon all at once.
Only if the author writes it that way.
We need more questions like this to weed out the normies and unfaithful herd scum
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Sorry, I'm just not comfortable with polyamory. It wouldn't feel right to have two or more mares when they could all have their own Anons to make them happy.
>We need more questions like this to weed out the normies and unfaithful herd scum

You're missing an opportunity for a unique take on the prompt

>The Mates for Mares initiative has been a stunning success
>The Crystal Heart is never wrong
>But this is new
>The Crystal Heart has matched a man with the latest applicant mare, but the resonance is incomplete
>The perfect match is between a man and more than one mare, and Cadence has no idea whom else it might be
>It wasn’t the Heart’s fault, it just wasn’t sentient and couldn’t understand why those two could never be together. It only used its immense magical abilities to find lonely mares a soul mate by matching their personalities and interests together, among other factors.

If the heart functions like this, is it possible that a mare could potentially have more than one match living in the human world, forcing Cadence to pick one?
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No thanks
Take your bastardization of this thread's headcanon and go.
It's called man and mare, not man and mares or men and mare
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>She didn't pick you
A bit more regular cheesy romance between a man and a mare is fine, too. Most of these threads have been a bit short on green lately, and these things seem to get more life breathed into them when something new can be brought to the fore - especially if it isn't a deconstruction of the prompt.
Is this nigga seriously trying to push his herd ideas on the thread!
It gave me so many (you's) that I couldn't help myself.
To be fair, I’m having more fun than usual in this thread following this topic
That's how it starts.
These two are too close, they come in a bundle.
Like aids and hiv
Thanks for clarifying that, I'm all for different flavours of love stories and this one has a lot of potential.
I like a good redemption story.
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Literal perfection
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All mares are
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That's the joke
Did anyone save that lewd banter post about her from a while ago?
Is she really your waifu, anon?
>our own little corner of autism amongst
You mean fandom wise or /mlp/ wise? Because honestly alot of the people on /mlp/ are pretty good excluding the /r/reddit fags and nufags. The rest of the fandom on the other hand? Yeah, I've seen some really autistic people.
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They sure are.
Uh, I'd willingly leave all this shit in the blink of an eye.
He’s saying /nmp/ is it’s own brand of autism, even among the pont board itself
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Yes, even that one.
I'm a herd fag and think >>32382068 is just a dumbass. But honestly herd stuff doesn't belong here, man and mare not man and mares.
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I got you
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No, but I'd happily accept her as one, should the Crystal Heart say it was so. I don't personally have a specific waifu, I just like ponies in general. I feel any pony who I love and who loves me back could be my waifu.
But only a single mare.
Herdshits a shit.
Same here, any mare would do. My cold black heart demands it
Get out and kys
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It had that picture with it, yes. I found it in the meantime.
>Cadance delivers your perfect match to you,and she’s as loyal, loving as you imagined her!
>She absolutely lusts after you and wants your goals NOW!
>Only one problem.
>It’s the sundown version of her
Do you accept her as is or “the last option”?
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>The past six months had been a whirlwind of pleasure and excitement after you broke away from your loveless herd to find true love in Princess Cadence’s husbando program.
>As you lay on your boyfriend’s bare, muscular chest beneath your beach umbrella, you had to say you couldn’t be more satisfied with the outcome.
>You draw another tiny heart in the sand next to Anonymous, before retracting your hoof and going back to tracing circles on his lovely chest.
>The waves lapping behind you, some laughter from the few other families on the beach, and the gentle rise and fall of your boyfriends chest, gently rocking you up and down provided the perfect napping opportunity.
>Blowing a bit of sand off his chest, you laid your head down and purred as he gently stroked your mane.
>Nothing could spoil this moment…
>“Hey you! Pepperbitch!”
>Your eyes snap open.
>Glancing off to the side, you see your former herdmates and their stallion glaring angrily at you.
>“We never thought we’d see you again, runaway. First, you beg and cry, pleading to be let into our little herd so you wouldn’t be alone, and then you just up and leave after a year? How floozy can you possibly get?”
>One of the mares flings the bucket of sand she was carrying at the two of you, and you wince as the grainy particles fly into your eyes.
>Your boyfriend started coughing from inhaling the sand, and you found yourself thrown off your comfy perch as he reflexively sat upright.
>“Later, losers. Oh, and make sure you tell that human how much of a slut you are. Maybe he’ll think twice about accepting you. Wouldn’t want him repeating our mistakes, after all~.”
>Curling up into a ball, you ignore the feeling of sand digging into your pristine red coat.
>You left that herd because they were just as awful when you were with them as they were to you now.
>Taking some comfort as your human lifts you back onto his lap, you gently sob as he pets your mane sandy mane.
>Anonymous loved you, and thats all you needed to be happy. Who cares if those assholes didn’t like you.
>You watched them set up their own campsite not too far up the beach from your spot, many of them still shooting you nasty glares.
“C-can we go home, Anon? I don’t think todays a very good day for the beach…”
>Your heart sank. He was gonna ask about your herd again, you’d been cagey about it in the past. It was nigh unthinkable for a mare to leave a herd, no matter the circumstances.
>Yet you did it so you could be happy…
>Was that really so bad?
>They berated, insulted, and belittled you every single day during the one year you spent with the group, and you could count on one hoof the amount of times you ever got to spend with the stallion romantically.
>You weren’t a herdmate, you were a servant with the purpose of servicing the group, acting as their maid, no; their slave.
>You close your sandy, tear filled eyes as Anon holds you tightly, rocking you back and forth.
>“We’re waiting for those fuckers to sleep and then we’re gonna bury them all up to their necks in sand. Maybe when they have to wait for someone else to help them, they’ll regret throwing away such a beautiful unicorn.”
>Your heart flutters as he kisses the tip of your horn.
>You never payed much attention to it before, but the herd did consist entirely of earth ponies and pegasi.
>Wiping away the sand from your eyes with Anon’s help, the two of you soon resume your previous position, but with Anonymous wrapping his strong arms around your barrel.
>Smiling, you snuggle up against your human and enjoy the shared warmth.
>Truly, nothing could spoil this moment.
>Not so long as you had him~
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>sundown syndrome
Whats "the last option" is that any better
If you have more ideas for one-shots with Anon and Peppermint I'd love to see them.
I can’t tell you until you pick it.
>Work retail
>See sundown's characters rolling around in the store provided electric scooters all the time.
>Hear it creak and crack as they rock it side to side, because they have to get up to grab the cookies off the shelf.
>The embarrassment on the rest of their families faces as they fallow them around.

Absolutely fucking nightmare fuel for me mate. I don't think I could force myself to take care of a invalid, even if it was a pony.
Not even your match?
It has to be better than amorphous blobshit, consider it picked.
I mean CYOAs that are similar to the ship one
I'd rather die alone than Sundown'd m8
Taking care of someone who was either born with complications or had an accident later in life is one thing, having to take care of someone who willingly became an amorphous blob of fat to the point of becoming an invalid is another.
Aw cmon! You can’t tell me this doesn’t make you(urp) rock hard. The last option is to go to the anthro universe but it’s blackjrxlll anthro
Or these?
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>last option is futa anthro
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"I tell you those two have caused more mares to sign up for the project than all the other couples combined! Even Celestia and her husbando are nowhere near as good at it!"
>"But...isn't it a little mean? These are hurting mares that just want a stallion to hold."
"Its the push they need to take that step and sign up. I don't like the idea of it but I cant doubt the results!"
>One day an Anon comes up to you nervously.
>"Look man, I need your help... I just met my match today, and we aren't really hitting it off like I thought..."
"Why's that?"
>"I'm just too awkward around her!"
"That's rough, but what can I do?"
>"Well I see how you and your match are together, and I was hoping you'd double date with us? Help me break the tension between me and her?"
"Sure. I guess."
>You and your mare go on the double date with him and his match but things don't go as planned.
>"Awkward" is an understatement for how he acts. He often screeches or breaks out into song randomly.
>He's painfully, cringeworthy awkward.
>His mare match is obviously disinterested, and turns her attention to you.
>She laughs at all your jokes, makes eye contact, and you think she's playing hoovsies with you under the table.
>This isn't lost on your own match or the other anon, who starts flirting with your mare suddenly. Now he chooses to not be a sperg?
>Your match is starting to go for it.
>Do you attempt to repair the relationship between this autismo anon and his mare or do you and your mare excuse yourself for the night?
>Or do you just kill his bitch ass in the bathroom
Quadruple suicide seems like the best option here. This illness mustn't spread any further.
Holy shit anon. That’s extreme
Better than possibly enabling adultery. You already suggested killing Anon off, why not go all the way. Everyone is guilty of that behavior in this situation.
But you aren’t. You’re being normal. His mare isn’t into him and he’s jealous. Your mare is jealous and starting to dig him
That's why it's up to you to assure that it's done. And after that what's really the point of going on? You have no mare and you might be contaminated already.

Or maybe you should pledge your life to this personal crusade and watch for other occurrences like this. If it happened once, it might happen again, to others. Inquisitor's duty is never truly done, so that can also be a possible outcome. Though in that case you must swear to never love a mare again, to prevent any emotional attachment to those in need of purging. Such a fate is arguably worse than suicide.
>heavily implying
We don’t need to play this game because by the rules of the thread, the situation described is impossible. All discussion about it is completely meaningless.
File deleted.
Alright the only good one I have that's even remotely similar to Would You a Ship and isn't lewd is the Nightmare Waifu cyoa. I'll post it here.
Go take your meds anon
No, they are only supposed to be taken in the morning.
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>Burying them in the sand
Why isn't Anon going over there to kick their fat asses for throwing sand at his waifu?
>bury them in the sand.
>put a small sign next to them.
>"called my waifu a slut."
>they're stuck there overnight.
A bit of sand to the face is irritating.
Getting completely humiliated cuts right down to the soul.
>the tide comes in
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>Kicking their fat asses
I'm reminded of this tidbit on humanity for some reason.
>post Cadence's face when she learns more about humans
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>"Show me where they're at."
>'A-Anon, please, no, l-let's just try to make the best of the day out, huh?'
>"Just show me where they're at, I only want to talk to them."
>Really i-it's fine-"
>"Where are they at."
>you come check on them during the evening
>just to make sure they don't dehydrate or die or anything
>ask how they're enjoying the sand fleas
>after they've had their "time out", you dig them out and quite strongly say that the next time they call your waifu a slut you'll bury them past the head.
Thank you
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The more you look, the cuter and sexier it gets.
Sapphire green WHEN
Can ponies twerk? Human culture will inevitably seep through with the population, and what happens when a mare overhears two human males talking about "Reeana" preforming the human mating ritual of "twerking"?
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I like where this is going.
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>Can ponies twerk?
They could try, but it wouldn't be the same since equines don't have butts.
I'd rather they didn't.
>The mare in the mirror could not smile
>Not in good conscience, or even if she tried
>The independent state of aryan ponies was facing a supply shortage of oil
>To resolve this issue, a truce would be made with yaks
>Unfortunately, her older sister had arranged a marriage for her with yak royalty
>"Zhere is no ozher vay, Franziska." Aryanne would tell her
>"Do zhis for us, your kind, your country."
>No amount of patriotic nationalism would make fucking a yak appealing
>Aryanne was just doing this to ease tensions between the aryan nation and yakistan
>And she was afraid of nuclear power
>Franziska stared into the mirror, a vinyl record playing in the background
>She was going to find a way out of this, she was the head of weapons development and had more than enough smarts to figure this out
wrong thread m8
Reminder these are MLP ponies not IRL ponies/equines odds are they probably can with how flexible we seen them thus far in the show, As for the butts i'm pretty sure these ponies do have butts but this is a somewhat debatable subject for some here.
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I'm pretty sure instead of the up-down motion we know, they'd probably go for a side-to-side sort of thing.
>There is nothing more pure than love between a man and a mare

That's not what the fucking State of Wisconsin believes! A $2,500 fine, five years probation and monthly shrink visits just because a guy tries to fuck a horse! That's discrimination!
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>ywn flirt with the mailmare and make her all flustered because you're afraid to just ask her out and this is as close as you can get without her realizing you're an autistic retard
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>you can only interact with a mare a little at a time or else she'll realize you're a clueless autist
UHHHH shit
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damn you, mechahitler
What does this have to do with man and mare?
Maybe man is supposed to be their salvation somehow, they sorta left that critical info out though
> Aryanne
> Selling her own family in exchange for resources
So it's a parallel universe where Aryanne is jewish instead ?
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But, it's man loving mare and vice versa, I can't see a aryan wanting to screw any other species other than their own, kinda the whole issue with her fucking a yak, well that and yaks are disgusting creatures. Also don't see how her getting a human would change the whole ponies need oil thing without going into a edgy human kill all thing and even that wouldn't work because nukes. Then there's the issues of why aren't they going to Equestria for help. Honestly if it was meant for here it was written fairly poorly and I got to give it a 3/10, mainly because there MAY have been a attempt.
> nazi pone sees a creature, which has more evolved body
> runs for longer distances because of advanced sweating system
> lifts his own weight and runs with it fuck you, gym coach, for 1.5 weight
> has hands with most precise fingers she saw yet
> binocular vision debatable because show disproportions with good handling of low light also debatable with pony iris sizes, though I personally have no problems navigating in night forest
> can easily swim and dive, faster than any land quadruped
> can eat everything, even wood if boiled properly tastes like shit, but hey, it worked
> their species survive in jungle, dong give a damn about radioactive wastelands You thought someone bothered to clean Nagasaki?, dive in the ice water after bath far north and drink hot tea far south
> breeds any time of the year
> oh, by the way, all this crazy set of features, making him deadliest predator in the hood, also has brains entirely like hers
> only downside of this is that he's not used to cuddles
> she'll fix that in no time
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Aryans are just as sneaky and untrustworthy as jews and anglos
On the contrary, that's more of white thing. Jews keep their family close, if they were forced, they'd at least demand yak husband becoming a jew too
>t. squint-eyed knockoff jew
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This mare needs and deserves a loving Husbando so she can get back on her hooves!
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She certainly does. And not just her. But even if a mare thinks she doesn't need one, she deserves one anyway.
I want to hear all her grizzled war stories
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Have a tragically unfinished Cherry Berry green from ages past.
But still not a pony, and with a lurking predisposition for its offspring to regress toward humanity's mean.
You might as well ask Eva Braun to get blacked to get some of those sprinting genes.
> he doesnt want to give his race space benefits and undoubtful success among others
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Today task: Trigger cadence
Ahh, remember all those damning articles on women in the earlier threads? Like how the military was lowering standards to accommodate PC views, or how that one woman’s all female business was a toll on her? Good reminders of the 3DPD menace
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>post short green about Franziska
>aryannefags show up outta the woodworm
exactly like pottery
>Like how the military was lowering standards to accommodate PC views
She looks calm, detached
What do people hope to accomplish with this?
“equality” by lowering standards, because lower expectations and rigged results are fair
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Just ignore it before another blue haired tranny starts bleating about this being the 'incel' thread
I like aryanne a lot, but mainly because I like accents and I want to black her hard

It was never about equality. All they want is communist-level repressive controls on society.
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> it's even in the army now
And I thought my country had crazy militaries
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>She looks calm, detached
Romantically non-matched
Oblivious to those around
Till buried in the ground
So she thought her fate
Her soul consumed with hate
'Till Anon came into her life
And they became man and wife
This was definitely one of them, there was another where they showed the women getting rides in golf carts and the men having to carry their bags though.
*also how the men had to give their innafield mudhuts up to women
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>"You see, Berry? When make yell at bread, you scare bad luck spirit out."
>"Bread now more welcoming for husbando."
Breaking the army's morale and getting rid of anyone with professionalism or sense of duty.
When a gov want to do very shady shit, you must make sure that police and military are corrupted/disorganized/weak enough to not be in position to realistically overthrow anything.
Considering how owned the US gov is (both by foreign interest and internal) it's a good move to start soon. Having all "honor-bound/old-school/conscious-tied" officers leave in disgust is a very good thing, as those guys are the one who can start an actual coup.
And considering how much tech and budget the US army has, it will always be enough to blow up a bunch of countries in the middle east when they get told to. More casualties, but who give a fuck about peons ?
Anon, I’ve already taken the red pill. I don’t need this. You’re gonna depress me even further. I just want some man and mare.
>t. Man living in California who can’t even tell his dorm mates that Kraft cheese is literally shit without “starting something” and “need to stop”
You can tell me Kraft cheese a shit, it’s not but you can still try to tell me
>Kraft processed cheese product
Same difference, tastes good and is good for when I’m watching movies
>tastes good
Have you ever eaten REAL cheese before? You can taste the plastic in Kraft singles. I grew up eating Tillamok, and when I got to college the first thing I did was look for the cheese at the store. All I could find was Kraft. Man, when I bit into that shit I damn near started crying. It was awful, you can TASTE the perservatives. Threw that shit out right away. Eating that shit is like self harm.
A fellow Pacific Northwesterner?
More like Northern California, unfortunately
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Literally https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QrQ50P-Ffqk in every way.
There's a reason this episode is touted as the most 'redpilled', your feelings on that meme aside it's a pretty good analogy for the "race to the bottom" that certain people are constantly pushing.
There's more sinister reasons like >>32386568 describes, but to the simple supporter it's just a basic "I want it to be fair" and they have a very skewed view on fairness.
Picture a scoring system for "Getting through boot camp", and you need 75 points minimum to pass.
In their minds men get an instant 50 points just for being men, which is only reaffirmed when men outperform women in particular areas
The common thread for people like this is the inability to entertain a thought without internalizing it, as well as a bucket load of cognitive dissonance.
>"There are no meaningful differences between men and women apart from genitals."
>"On average, men score higher in particular areas than women."
The first is cast-iron fact to these people, to think otherwise would mean things aren't 'fair', being 'fair' is a good thing and so it must be true.
The second contradicts the first, so therefore the test itself is unfair, otherwise it would show the 'correct' results.

Cognitive dissonance is some scary shit, and breaking it tends to require huge circumstances that completely total your worldview.

To get back on topic, whats your favorite way to carry a mare?
this reminds me of the pic where Anon is picking up a homeless pony and asks about the "anything" pony and then tells her he wants her to come home with him and have a meal and a bath
[studio audience awwws]
horsewife a cute

This is common knowledge.
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This one.
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it’s dat boi, oh shit zigga
I think this is the pic your referring to and its the same pony.
That anon definitely deserves his equestria.
>balloon has a door
>she clumsily climbs over instead
earth pony intelligence
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That artist liked Morning Glory.
They were a total qt.
Heres one of her best, if not the best, Morning Glory story
I like that name. Would you do that for your waifu if she suddenly appeared on your doorstep in the rain?
Expanding on this, would you accommodate her like she lived in equestria?
Is best on the chest
I hate divorce. My wife just left me for a woman and now I need to find a mare for companionship because I can’t deal with humans now...
That’s fucking beautiful...
I don't think the US government can really afford a civil war. I mean all it takes is one rogue sub captain for all of the major cities to be vaporized in a blast of nuclear hellfire.
1. You're on 4chan
2. Alot of them are pointing out the issues with the prompt like normal
3. Some were trying to get it to fit the thread
4. U r an fagit
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Here's a little thing that popped into my head recently.

>You look up at the butter-yellow pegasus in your arms, her beautiful teal eyes meeting yours. You were relaxing on her couch in her cottage, so comfy with her weight and warmth on your chest that you were on the verge of falling asleep.
"What's up?"
>She looked a little nervous, which admittedly wasn't too unusual. She'd been getting a little better lately though, after the two of you had gotten together.
>"Well I was, um, wondering. About your name. Not that there's anything wrong with it, but, it's just..."
>She was getting redder and redder, shrinking back behind her hair with embarrasmant.
>Well that won't do at all
>You run a hand over and around her ear, clearing the hair from her face as you give her some light scritches
>Aww yeah, ponies love ear scritches
>She gives a tiny moan and begins to relax again, her eyes starting to lid
"So, what about my name?"
>Her eyes widen again, "Oh, right. Well, I was wondering, is Anonymous really your real name?"
>Your surprise must have shown, because she immediately follows with
>"I-if you don't mind me asking, that is! It's just that, all the humans I've heard of have only had the same handful of names. Is it in your culture to not have them?"
>You sigh, and think back on the "Great Human Migration" as the ponies call it
"Well, it wasn't always like that."
"Yeah, every human that came here from Earth once had a name, even me."
>"W-what was it? If you don't mind telling me, that is..."
>You smile a slightly sad smile
"I don't know."

>She looked worried now
>"You... didn't forget it, did you?"
"Not in the traditional sense, no."
>This only made her confused
"Let me explain. We, the humans who were given the chance to come here, couldn't do it for free. We had to give something up first."
>"Your name?"
"More than that; our identity. You've noticed that all the humans here have a green face with a question mark on it?"
"That was a part of it. We had to lose our names, faces and some of our memories if we were to come here. That was our choice, given to us by some...thing, whatever it was. I don't remember my name, or what I used to look like, or the names of my old family, or friends, or co-workers."
>She looked more and more sad, as you kept going.
"We adopted the pseudonyms that are our current names because there's was nothing else we could really call ourselves. That's why you have so many Incognitos, and Untitleds, and Anonymouses."
>"That... that sounds terrible."
"It kind of is, but it's the price all of us were willing to pay for a chance of a better life here."
>You brush away the tears beginning to form in here eyes, and give her a hug and a loving smile
"That's why we so badly want love here, even moreso than we did on Earth. Just being another "Anonymous", another blank face in the crowd, it awful. But..."
>You pause as you feel your face heat up
"If I could be "Fluttershy's Anonymous", well..."
>You hear an almost inaudible gasp as her face turns just as red, and you hug her even tighter
"I think I'd be alright with that."

And then they cuddled forever.
Yes. Always.
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gotchu senpai
It's cute; that's all that matters.
Piggyback, definitely.
I would say that there are some parts of this nightmare I'd rather forget, but those are the very things that would make being Limestone's Innominate most precious.
>he's surprised that the "tfw no monogamous relationship based on mutual loyalty and affection" thread on 4chan's most right-wing board has aryannefag sleeper cells
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I like this idea, and choose to believe it's voidpone doing the taking because she's lonely.
She's just trying to form her own match from the resulting gestalt.

The memory might be gone, but the effects would still remain on your psyche.
Do you remember ALL the things that made you into the person you are today? Do they constantly weigh on your mind as you make decisions?
e.g., remembering nights spent under a starless sky would make nights in Equestria special in a way that a vague feeling of "this is better than Earth was" wouldn't
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>that one woman’s all female business was a toll on her
Very satisfactory.
I’m surprised the Mane 6 weren’t done right off the bat as standard procedure. But, I’m not at all disappointed with what we do have either. I’m glad we went how we did.

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