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Sunfags are cucks.
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kinda First for best pony, again
I'm not drunk, I swear

fuck you
>mfw Discord slammed a princess and an element of harmony
Someday I want to be as Chad as him
>Blaze, the Osean ace fighter pilot and flight prodigy of Ace Combat 5, after a life of adventure and countless military accolades, passes away.
>He's reborn into RGRE as a pegasus colt to a normal family. He keeps all of his genius and with great effort, learns to fly at a record age.
>A new life, a new goal. He knew where his destiny awaited.
>The instant he was old enough, he inlisted in the Equestrian Military. Not the Royal Guard, AKA eye candy for the princess, but the real military.
>He rose through the ranks before and served his old home of Osea as a champion and rallying force. Even with gender discrimination and the oddity of pony society, he can do it again. He WILL do it again.
>But the quiet prodigy garners much attention from his superiors, peers, rivals, and even his princess.
>"So kid? Thought about my offer? It just takes one sponsorship from me to get you transferred, and I know you won't be in the reserves for long."
>Blaze, or Stratosphere as he is called in this life, sighs.
>The single biggest annoyance so far is none other than the Wonderbolt Captain, Spitfire.
>Even offending her by saying he wants to be a "real soldier" didn't get her off his back.
>What a pain.

>when he was first learning to fly as a pegasus, Blaze constantly made a bunch of bizarre (to ponies) mistakes due to his previous experience as a fighter pilot
>things like banking too hard and spraining his wings while expecting a reaction thruster to fire, or miscalculating wind resistance and drag because his body's no longer made of metal and weighs several tons
>however, he manages to beat them down and move past them for the most part
>but, unbeknownst to him, a pegasus' brain is very much like a child learning their first language when they're first learning to fly
>for better or worse, he's stuck with those reactions until further notice
>all they need to pop back up again is the right stimuli
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I am now a namefag
>You are Anonymous
>Lately you've noticed the changeling staring at you when you work
>Like not in a creepy way, but some odd form of affection
>This started a week ago
>Maybe you made it seem like you were into her
>Whatever, if she tries anything you can just go to mom and dad and have her zapped away

>Chrysalises log day twelve
>How can one colt be so lewd and yet so pure?!
>I have extracted some love from him passively whenever he gets done with family business and such
>I can't just pin him down and force the love out of him just yet giggity
>I need to get him completely infatuated with me, then I can ensnare him in my spell and then drain him
>It also helps that he is admittedly cute
>That just makes this easier for myself
>The OP dog
>foot long hotdog in a six inch bun, topped with mayo

>The Anon in Equestria
>six inch bratwurst served next to a foot long hotdog, but for some reason the bratwurst lasts longer

>The RGRE dog
>bun wrapped in a hotdog
>Anon loves hotdogs
>wants to bring hotdogs into Equestria
>but poners can't into meat, or tomatoes
>spends weeks testing various combinations to try and bring his favorite food into this new world in all its many styles
>at first, mares were bemused at the sight of such a tomfilly finally "learning his place" after so long
>he was... less than pleased with their remarks at first, and often wanted to go out and slap their shit
>but he held his tongue, and continued his Grand Endeavor
>he never knew how satisfying it was to see those same mares become his best customers until it happened
>and he can scarecly put the shadenfreude of seeing them try and act tough for their friends/coltfriends and end up choking on a hot dog into words at all
>truly, this was the good life
Oh, damn. You just reminded me that I have sausages and sauerkraut in the fridge. I only have 5 sausages left, though. Not enough to justify buying a package of hot dog buns.
>Celestia lays it on thick with her out-of-date cheesy moves
>Anon, inexperience as he is, finds himself flustered by the nonetheless
>Ponies around her facehoof at how embarrassing she's being, but they don't say anything because she's the princess.
>Celestia thinks she's still got it
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Why don't Anons doing stories get trips and pastebins?

I'm checking these threads on a weekly basis to reap green harvests and your shit is especially hard to keep track of.
this is a public service announcement
chrysalis is a THOT, an evil soulsucking one at that.
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>chrysalis is a THOT, an evil soulsucking one at that.
She's just misunderstood and desperate.
can you really blame a little bug-hoers for doing what she's been taught is right, especially if she thinks its whats best for her hundreds of little brothers and sisters?
listen to the goddam song, it shows she's a sociopathic bitch who only cares about herself and enjoys using other people until discarding them when they are used up. all other depictions of her continue that trend.
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thorax showed there was a better way, even before he became the fagmoose overlord of the nulings. so yes i totally can, she acts far too much like human women and sets off all my THOT alarms and warrants the correct response from THOT patrol. (nulings are no longer bugs, they are fagmooses)
Hey man, good to see ya here. Keep up it up.


Congrats on the name and good luck of keeping the story rolling.
>>The RGRE dog
>>bun wrapped in a hotdog
>Smothered in ketchup
>No LA or Portland Dog
Skippin da west coast I see.
>A green where Anon makes mares vomit/feint/Scream/depressed after eating a delicious hotdog
>Becomes a national Dare to eat the Ape man's murdered animal meat tubes
>Slammed a princess
Source or is this just on of your fimfic ships?
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he's just being a faggot
so yes, it is just in his fics
Not the same guy but iirc they say in the comics they had dated or, at least, try to.

Also Sombra smashed the royal bums too.
>double dubs
wtf I hate Discord and Sombra now!?
I was thinking the hot dogs would be made of something other than meat, but that has potential as well

>meaning a god damned thing
really though, personal canon will always be more important here than anything else
I suppose that's what happens when there are so many more "fans of the fans" than there are fans of the show here
Again, that's literally the standard for "neutral" behaviour in women. That's where the bar is for normal.

Besides, with the breaks in canon fanfiction has, a little bit of retconning her actions and personality isn't too much of a stretch.
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This is a good horse that didn't do nuffin.

She's also a very nice and friendship-focused pone that's not too tall and has a perfectly proportional backside.

She also doesn't have a cake problem. She actually has it pretty figured out.
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>Celestia's so focused on friendship in her old age because she was never able to make any of her own when she was young
>by the time she actually learned how to keep her spaghetti contained, she was already a princess and people were lining up to suck up to her
>promotes friendship so hard so that the "mistakes of the past won't be repeated"
>she actually says it like that, too
>out of the two princesses, most assumed Luna would be the melodramatic one
>not Celestia
>but then again, how long can that melodrama last now that she's a mother?

I've completely lost track of what I was going with this
In the comics the dragons are autistic enough to attack a nation over some stupid shit, spike can go ultra death stead, the princesses were always alicorns, and Sombra killed a princess called Amore. The comics say alot of shit but it doesn't mean jack as sadly they're not canon. Wanna say a show writer said so.
I could only find two posts of content for that Fleur story.

I'm looking for a flashier title than "Fleur Meets Anon In Canterlot While His Girlfriend Is Off Shopping". Any suggestions?
Pretty sure people were calling it "Poor Little Human Boys," or maybe that was just the posts about human-Equestrians taking disillusioned men from Earth back with them
Pretty much the same thing, really, just with more horse
From what I remember, the comics were really, surprisingly good even given the surprisingly good nature of the show already, up until all the shipping started. The writers started using it as their own personal shipping outlet, shipping Celestia with an alternate universe Sombra, and then there was Ted Anderson giving explicit support to one of those "kill all men" honest feminists, and absolutely nothing was done about it. The Humble Bundle Comic bundle for the MLP comics' top donation said "Please fire Ted Anderson" in the name field.
No, the "Poor little..." stuff was humanquestria stuff. This is just two posts. Fleur walks up, and starts chatting with Anon, and then Anon says "Okay, I'll let you show me around, but I have to be back here to meet my girlfriend by sundown". Then it ends.

As far as my read of the story, at least.
Don't you have a country to run? Get off the interpone!
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Hey, interdimensional superspeed magic internet connections aren't cheap. I need to make use of this as much as I can.

You ought to know. It's your taxes paying for it.
Exactly. In the beginning the comics WERE good, but as soon as they realized they could put any half thought story in it and retards would pay them for it they stopping being good.
>Spike can go ultra death stead
Sounds neat. Salsa?
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>That art style
Is THAT guy isn't it? Fucking hell.
>Be Fleur-De-Lis
>Supermodel extraordinaire
>You know just how to get a colt wrapped around your hoof
>At first it started as a way to climb your way up the social ladder
>Then once you were at the top it became something of a game
>You had a new coltfriend every other week
>And then that started to bore you
>That's when you started to move onto more exotic romances
>Griffons, minotaurs, zebras
>Now even that's gotten stale
>Now you've set your sights on a new prey
>A creature unlike any other on the entire planet
>The only one of his kind
>A human going by the name of 'Anonymous'
Stay away from thots.
>Despite all her talk of friendship, Celestia doesn't actually know how to make friends
>She's called upon by Twilight to be a guest speaker at her Friendship School in order to inspire others
>Celestia thinks she can just give a speech and be on her way, but is asked to give a demonstration with the class's problem student, Anon
>Anon can sense her spaghetti a mile away
>Ma'am, this kid seems to be having a really, really hard time socializing with other kids their age.
>Hmm... let's pair them up with this other kid who also has a hard time socializing with people.

>Double the socialization problems!
There are some people that think this is actually a way to solve problems rather than magnifying them.
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Here's that Fleur-meets-Anon starting prompt from earlier. I figure the scraping bots on pastebin are done for now.

Also, here's a glossary of distaff terms to gender-flip terms like "cock blocked" and "blue balled" that I made... 3 years ago. And updated last August. Damn, being busy makes time fly.
Eh, the hotshot supermodel thing's been done to death. I just want to live a cozy simple life with my french horse girlfriend, maybe move to out to the country so we can live in marital bliss and raise our children
>Eh, the hotshot supermodel thing's been done to death.
Then provide green links. I only remember one single story that may not have even finished.

Other appearances were just cameos, or single scenes in gag stories.
>You are Anonymous
>You're at the local blacksmith
>The smiths are currently laughing at you
>"He-he wants to forge a hammer!! A freakin' hammer!"
>"Ohoohoo run home prince, and let us go back to work"
>And you lost respect for these ponies
>"Let him forge it."
>An old grizzled giant of a mare comes out
>She has black fur, a grey mane, and battle scars with a tower shield as her cutie mark
>"You heard me! Or are you going deaf on me?"
>The monster of a mare look at you and smiles kindly
>"It's been too long since our shop had royalty in it's doors, what brings you here little prince?"
>Holy shit she is bigger up close
"I uhm...I want to make a hammer...um what can I call you?"
>"My name is Black Iron, but you may call me Tarkus"
>Internally you came in your non-existent pants
>Black iron Tarkus!
>The two of you discussed further about your plans on the hammer
>While discussing you looked around at the weapons mounted on the walls
>The one that caught your eye was a massive great sword
>You look back at Tarkus and show her your sketch for mjolnir
>She nods in approval and asks if you would like to help make it
>You almost broke your neck with how fast you nodded
>Chrysalises log day thirteen
>Anonymous usually meets me by now
>My spies told me he went to the local blacksmith
>Most likely for that hammer of his
>I can't wait to see the look on his face when they tell him to get lost
>Then I can wipe away his tears, and comfort him.
>The affection he has towards me would get stronger
>I have yet to be uncovered, hopefully that stupid alicorn Cadence doesn't find out about me, then this whole plan would go straight to Tartarus!!

>You look up from your journal too see Anonymous clenching his eyes shut in concentration
>He has the hammer
>He made it
>"H-hey C-crystal! I m-made it!!"
>It's not even enchanted and it looks like it could cruck your head in one swing
>Get it together Chrysalis
>You get back into character
"That's so cool Anonymous! What's it's name?"
>He drops it and it makes a crack in the floor
>You aren't cleaning that up
I like this story, but it kinda feels like you're not sure where Anonymous is going with this when he's interacting with Chrysalis.
To me it's like he is not the original writefag, especially because he wrote 'Chrysalises' as in plural for Chrysalis, instead of writing Chrysalis' - the property of her.
Basic grammar and stuff.
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This reminds me of that one prompt a few threads back.

>Twilight takes Anon on a tour of Ponyville.
>She explains the three main pony races.
"So you've explained earth ponies, pegusi, and unicorns."
"But what about those bug ponies?"
>Twilight stops walking.
>"What bug ponies, Anon?"
"Like that girl Roseluck, and that Time Turner guy was one too."
>Anon points at a passing pony.
"Like that one. Black shell-body with holes in the legs, wings and a horn like you and the other princesses, and those weird blue bug eyes."
>Twilight's pupils shrink as she watches her friend Lyra wave at them and happily skip down the road.
"Are they alicorns too?"

I love the idea that Anon can just see through magic disguises.
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>Anon and Crystal the totally normal pegasus filly beach episode.
>Anon uses his hammer to crack crab shells and then uses his magic to eat it's meat like a human.
>Everyone else cringes but Chrysalis just stood still as the hard shell is crushed by the hammer
and the little colt dismantles and eat the crab with efficiency.
>Local beach bum griffins declare that the new prince is radical and brütal enough to be an honorary griffin.
>Chrysalis is having some second thoughts about this, sometimes she gets the feeling that she isn't the hunter in this relationship.
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Probably not the original, but it's also pretty understandable.
>I'll mess with it a bit before revealing it to mom and dad.
>[Several hours later]
>This is fun, i'll reveal it tomorrow i guess.
>[Several days later]
>I could reveal it now, but they've actually got some cool ideas about enchanting, maybe after this project.
>[Several weeks later]
>Fuck, i think she's my best friend.

>Changelings eat love.
>Drains a ponies magic as a byproduct.
>Anon doesn't have magic, so is essentially a limitless supply of love.
bonus; She is aroused by this, and her arousal confuses her.
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>Equestria is essentially a Westworld-style park
>It was made to be a sort of fun, fantasy land for young children, and especially young girls, hence the much greater number of female creatures that were made
>That's why many names in Equestria sound either quite simple, or are puns based off of existing places outside the park
>It's also why everything is as close together as it is, so children can quickly go from one part of the park to another
>Other locations, such as the homelands of the Dragons, Griffons, and more were planned to be made later on down the line, but the park soon ran into financial issues, which eventually lead to the owners cutting their losses
>It would also cost far too much money for them to clean the whole place out, and so it was left alone and sealed off from the world
>The various creatures that live in the park have no idea of the outside world, and their internal coding prevents them from leaving, always coming up with one reason or another to return to what their coding calls the "status quo", even though various plot lines change things around them
>Characters like Gilda are out-of-place as their story lines relate to locations that were never built
>Changelings fall into a similar category
>One simple way of handling the various designs of the Ponies were to make models that could be quickly designed and sent out into the world
>The Changelings are ones that didn't take
>Unlike most Ponies who have fully settled into the characters they were created to be, the Changelings have not, which is why they appear unfinished, can temporarily take on the image of different Ponies, and why they crave one thing above all, the thing Ponies were designed to induce
>Also, due to the lack of leadership, the large majority subconsciously took charge, which is what lead to Mares typically being dominant in the evolving, yet restricted, world they find themselves in

Looks interesting but the whole programming thing, especially of the changelings, doesn't sound that good. Maybe expand on that or rework it?
>You just saw the prince crush a giant crab seemingly effortlessly with his hammer.
>Giant crab shells are weaker than changeling shells but you don't doubt it could kill a changeling in one blow.
>And he's eating the meat...
>You really don't know how to feel about this.
>But first things first, you need to get that hammer away from him.
>It's time to think of a plan and quick.
>"Do you want to try?"
>"I said, do you want to try my hammer?"
>Could it be that simple?
>He is literally giving it to you on a silver plater.
>You smile and reach out for it and grab it.
>Time to run away with this cursed thing and hide it from-
>Why can't you lift it?
>You fix your grin and try again.
>It doesn't even budge!
>You pour more of your magic into it and try to levitate it as well without him noticing.
"Why. Won't. It. MOVE!"
>"I guess those enchantments worked after all."
>"Yeah, I made it so only I could use it. Sorry I used you to test one of my enchantments Crystal."
"Did you say 'one of' as in more than one enchantment?"
>"Oh I have a few on this. Another is that its linked to me so if I will it to me it'll come."
"Doesn't that drain a lot of magic from you?"
>"No, I used another one to greatly lessen the magical stain those spells use."
>He picks it up with his wing with ease.
>"Let's get moving. I wanna see what else is on the beach."
>Your plan might need some major tweaking now.

>Be Flurry Heart.
>Your brother has been spending a lot of time with that girl.
>It's not like you're jealous or anything!
>So what if he's spending more time at the library and this with her instead of you!
>You are Cadence
>You haven't seen much of Anonymous lately
>He spends so much time in the library
>Maybe you should check in and see what he's doing
>You trot to the library and see him
>With a filly
>Oh you are SO telling Shiny about this!

>You are Shining Armor
>Your son has been spending time with a filly that isn't Flurry
>You aren't sure if you should be glad he made a friend, or to be worried for him
>You decide to go with the glad option

>You are Flurry Heart
>You just found out by totally not listening in on mom and dads conversation, that Anonymous has a filly friend
>If she hurts him, you will break her

youre gonna have to explain why anon is able to eat RAW crab
The fact he can eat it does not necessarily mean it wont end with lengthy stay in the royal bathroom.
>mjolnir insta-cooks what it kills
>anon does this to get away with stealthy meat eating because he wastes no time in the kitchen, where he'll likely get caught
>Don't want mom to know about his love for crabs
>or for her to misinterpret that previous statement.
Boom, done.
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This or Alicorn iron stomach. Raw sea food also isn't that bad. They ear raw shellfish in some places just fine.
I wonder if Cadance will have a real conflicting character moment soon. On one hand she would want to protect her perfect little prince from commoner slags. On the other she's the princess of love and she would never forgive herself if she tried to separate them.
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You guys are kind of going overboard with his enchanting thing, dont forget he's still a kid and he could barely carry the thing as soon as he made it.
Lightweight alone would be a good starting point for a novice while "flies to him when called" is a sign of his prodigy / special talent.
Have him do the "Only i can wield it" thing after he gets annoyed at Crystal or Flurry always wanting to use it and the "instant cooking" feature after he gets sick from stupidly eating raw crab.
>You are Chrysalis
>You and Anonymous have been discussing about new items that he could make
>One interested you greatly
>A horn sheath that acts as a magical amplifier, boosting spell strength immensely
>This would be used for him due to his crippled magical reserve but if you were to steal it, you would be unstoppable!
>"Hey Crystal, I invited my family over to meet you. Isn't that great?"
>If they find out
>Get it together Chrysalis, you manipulated his father once you can do it again

>You are Shining Armor
>So this is the filly that your son spends so much time with
"Hi! I'm pretty sure you know who I am already, what's your name?"
>She looks nervous
>"My name's Crystal Clear, it's nice to meet you."
>You trot up to her and lean in and whisper in her ear
"If you hurt him, I'll make Lunas banishment look like a luxury vacation. Got it?"
>She nods frantically
"Glad we understand each other"

>You are Chrysalis
>Was this the same Shining Armor that you enthralled or did he grow a spine?
>... you're not scared
>using Mjolnir as a sort of progress bar to see how far along Anon is coming in his studies, adding more and more difficult enchantments after events in the story calls for them
good idea
I support this.
Don't be such a pussy, Anon. If you want to stay in your safe widdle bubble and never ever ever push your boundaries or do anything that makes you uncomfortable, just come out and say it.
This is a good idea. Mirin'
Maybe Anon can't focus and do quick casting at all due to being a dainty colt and he has to use enchantments to keep up as well. Cheese legs could be stalking him because he's easier prey than Flurry is.
>You are Anonymous
>While mom and dad are scaring the she'll off the changeling, you aare showing Flurry Mjolnir
>"This is so cool!!"
>She picks it up with a lot of strain
>"How could anypony use this?!"
"I'm going to enchant it to be more light weight, and then I'll add some more enchantments down the road"
>She looks at you in amazement
>"Enchant it now, enchant it now!"
>Mom and dad look over at you and Flurry, making their way over
>"What's this about encha-... Anonymous, why do you have a hammer?"
"I made it."
"A day ago"
>"And you were going to tell us when?"
"Uh...soon-ish. Want to help enchant it?"
>Dad smiles and mom is unsure
>Eventually they nods
>"Next time you do things like this please tell us."
"Yes ma'am, yes sir"
>Crystal looks at you and your family as you get the required gems for enchanting
"The first enchantment is to make it light enough for somepony to use"
>Mom smiles
>"Oh I'm sure it's not that heavy"
>Long story short mom almost threw out her back lifting it above her head
>After that mess, you mom and dad finally enchanted Mjolnir
>Why does your ass feel weird?
>You look at your flanks to see it glowing
>After it stops glowing it shows an anvil surrounded by a magical aura

So there's Anons cutie mark, what do you all think?
>"Anon why do you keep calling yourself Hephaestus?"
"Because its the name that fits me best. Now hold still while I fit this lightning bolt quiver to your armor."
>Anon still doesn't 100% consider himself to be Flurry's brother, since he was only reborn as an alicorn
>That doesn't mean he doesn't love her like a sister, but "love like a sister" and "is my sister" are two different things
>Turns into the RGRE male version of every hot, teasing sister in my Japanese animes and mangos
>Flurry wants her friends to come over to play and just wishes Anon would stop walking around in just his testicle bra
>"How can my little brother be this cute?"
I like it.
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The fun thing about his instant cooking enchantment is that it could work via pumping the surface of the hammer full of energy at the point of impact because anon just tried the simplest method right off the bat for something he didn't feel was too important.
Later discovers he accidentally created a bootleg lightning conductor when he accidentally causes a storm by dropping his hammer in a cloud one day.
>That pic
So why do the skates have room for toes if ponies have hooves?

>An Equestria where there are less obviously human-influenced items
>Doors do not have conventional handles, but instead have spring-loaded paddles/plaforms at the very bottom that unlatches the door when ponies step onto them
>Many objects and tools come with handles that are specifically engineered for ponies to comfortably carry them in their mouths
>Unicorns have their own separate types of tools that lack long handles that are typically used to act as levers I'm probably using the wrong word because I'm retarded.
>Chairs do not have backs because pony posture does not allow them to lean backwards
>Chairs are typically longer so that ponies can relax by laying down, which is the pony equivalent of leaning back
>Many objects and everyday items are clearly designed to be used by creatures without fingers or hands
>Anon struggles to work in pony society and has to dump a boatload of money into expensive items shipped over from minotaur lands
This is a good prompt.
Do NOT do this. You boil those pinchy fuckers alive. Makes em taste better.
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Not sure what would be the correct course of action, but I know you should boil cancer live.
Does flavor escape the meat from the cut?
Never tasted a crab.

I heard an opinion that crabs are like weird space water bugs that came to earth so we can enjoy eating them, that they will eat fucking everything and end up tasting delicious anyway.
I think crabs are cool, not as a dish since I have yet to eat one, but as an animal.
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>better way
>becomes "fagmoose" as a result
>better way
This. Keeps all they steamy juices in. Raw isn't bad either though I've only had it once on sushi.

If you've ever had shrimp or lobster before it's about the same but with a less springy dry texture. There's fishyness to it, but not much and there's an underlying sweetness to it too. Not just the taste but the smell as well. It's worth wrasslin' those limbs open to get to the meat. Go fot it, Anon. You only need to boil it for a few minutes. If you want to improve the flavor more you can have it with butter and lemon.
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You messed up the RGRE here.
Dad wouldn't be bear mode here, mom would.
Shining would be trying to calm Cadence down, and maybe trying to push the two together.
one could say that Shining and Cadence are the exceptions to that rule, but I never really liked that view anyway
>Be Inconspicuous Spook
>You are tasked to watch the prince and his playmate inconspicuously
>They're playing around the local wildlife an- what is that smell.
>The prince just set down his hammer on the sand and is using it as and improvised grill/hot plate.
>He just cracked the crab with it.
>It would be hot if the prince is older and without the smell of cooked meat.
>heard Princess Cadance was a pegasi before her ascension, must be from her side of the family
>Now he's cooking fish with the hammer.
>What the fuck is wrong with the royals, celestiadamn.
>At least that little filly managed not to vomit.
>Hang in there filly you can do it.
Would Anon eating meat, combined with how he acts more human than pony, make him seem like a sociopath/psychopath?
>Shining and Cadence think Anon is going through his shitty edgy phase
>They try to support him by buying him black clothing, shitty emo band posters, and things with flame decals on them
>"Look, sweetie! Daddy learned your favourite song! Ahem... CRAAAWLING INNN MY SKIIIIIINNN"
I tried shrimp once, it was very chewy, way more than I expected it to be. It smelled a bit fishy, but tasted pretty bland on its own. In retrospect I may have undercooked it and some spices should make it tastier.
It was budget frozen shrimp tho, maybe product quality makes huge difference here.
Wish I knew some receipts for shrimp dishes back then.
I can imagine it tasting great, but I tried it just plain boiled back then just to understand how it tasted.

Plain boiled shrimp with no spices - not terrible, definitely edible but bland, uninteresting and chewy(possibly undercooked)
"Mom dad what're you two doing?"
>"We're singing g your favorite song!"
"No...I prefer [insert Beethoven horse pun] over that kind of music."
"Anyways, I'm going to the beach to eat more crabs, love the way the shell sounds when it cracks..."
>Confused horse noises
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>Butter and lemon
Damn Yankee. C'mon down to New Orleans for crab season and we'll blow your mind out the back of your head.
what the equivalent of tendies of for marefillies?
Fuuuuck all those look good.
>that spoiler
Tell my Mr. Natas, is it concentrated leftover water from boiling crabs and shrimps, or something you add to water you boil crabs and shrimps in to add a bit of extra flavor?
>inb4 both
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Ooooh baby
I work with a guy who looks just like your pic. He's stoned all the time when he shows up for work.
Deep fried daffodil and daisy sticks
that sandwich Twilight goy was her trying to wean herself off them
Yeah, I lived by the sea and never had store bought frozen shrimp until recently and I couldn't eat it. The taste is shit but normally it's definitely different. Crab is much more flake and moist. It's like comparing the texture of a gummy bear to a flaky moist apple pie crust. two different animals with different textures.
>plain boiled shrimp with no spices
>no spices
Yeah, you fucked up
Reminds me of those PETA/vegan bullshit ads.

>"uuugh if meat is so good just eat it raw without spices to prove you like meat and not the other food you cover it with."
To which the response was, "eat a potato fresh out of the ground. Don't wash it off, don't cook it, just eat it wrong and tell me it's good."
I just wanted to try it out in its most basic form, to see how it tasted that way and try to come up with what would be a good fit to it.
Should have stop trying to play mastercheff and just look up some easy receipts on the net.
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>"Anon, you're going to die."
>Anon was reading an article from his favorite newspaper, Gabby Gums. For a long while, this paper hadn't had any of the juicy and eye-catching articles that had made him fall in love with it in the first place. In fact, it had become so mundane and normalized that the only reason why he got it anymore was habit and the Canterlot Gazette was two bits more.
>Still, the article that he had been reading was a neat little piece about some corruption in Appleloosa. It was something that he'd had probably liked to read in full, and maybe even follow up at a later date. That is until Princess Twilight Sparkle, Princess of Friendship and Dorks, appeared next to him.
>Anon looked over the top of his newspaper at the mare. A frown worked its way onto her face when he saw that she had a smile on her face, as if she hadn't just said what she had.
>A sigh escaped him as he closed and folded his newspaper.
"I'm pretty sure we're all gonna die, Twi," he said, balancing his paper on the arm of his chair as he leaned back.
>Twilight blinked
>"No, I KNOW that. What I'm saying is that you're going to die. Horribly."
"Well, you don't have to look so happy about it," he replied.
>Twilight gasped.
>"Happy? Why in Celestia's name would I be happy about something as horrible as that?" she asked.
"That's what I want to know. What with you smiling and all."
>The princess's brow furrowed. She stopped for a few moments, looking around as let out a thoughtful hum. Anon simply sat there, not at all surprised when he saw her jolt, then jump into the air.
>"Oh horse apples, it did look like I was happy about it, wasn't I?" she asked, her ears folding against the sides of her head.
"A little bit," Anon said with a nod. "But hey, you mind telling me what's the deal with you saying I'm gonna die."
"Yes. Horribly."
>"Well, remember when you came to me saying that you were having a stomach ache, and I did all of those tests to see what was wrong?"
I assume this probably has to do with the deadly bacteria that naturally resides within our stomach.
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"Most of the tests didn't show anything unusual, but that x-ray that I took showed something... disconcerting."
>Anon sat up in his chair. A pang of worry filled his chest, but he calmed it with a deep breath, intertwining his fingers
"I'm guessing that there was something wrong?"
>"Oh yes. There's something very wrong," Twilight said with a nod. "From what I've been able to gather, your body is beginning to both accept and reject magic."
"Both accept and reject? How the hell does that work?"
>"It's really, really, REALLY complicated," Twilight said, taking a step closer toward him. "But in laymare's terms you're bodies accepting magic by growing a very particular organ that most creatures on Equus have to filter and use the magic in the air in a constructive way.
"Oh, neat."
>"The problem is that not all of you is accepting it quite as readily, which is creating... complications."
"Complications of the exploding kind?"
>Anon just sat there quietly for a few moments, trying to process what his purple friend had just said. It wasn't everyday that a man is flat out told that his demise is very soon, and that it would be relatively grisly. To his surprise, he found that the news didn't scar or terrify him as much as he had expected.
>He was worried though. More than a little worried in fact. Concerned might have been a better word. Extremely concerned.
"So should I start making funeral arrangements or is there something you can do?"
>Twilight's smile came back to her face
>"Actually, I think there's something that can be done," she said with a little hop.
>Anon released the breath that he didn't realize he had been holding, leaning back into his chair.
"Good, good. So what is it?"
>Walking over to him, Twilight climbed into his lap. One of her wings unfurled, wrapping around his back while she pressed as much of her small furry body against him as she could.
>Anon started at the sudden physical contact, his face scrunching up in confusion.
I recognize the prompt that inspired this. Continue.
"Hmm?" Twilight murmured, placing her head right under his chin.
"Mind telling me what's all this?"
>"It's what's going to help you keep from exploding," the alicorn replied, tightening her wing around him. "The organ that filters out magic is nowhere near big enough in you yet, so if you have someone or something that partially negates magic just enough so that your organ can handle it you should be fine until it's fully grown."
>Closing her eyes, Twilight reached up and grabbed one of his hands. Wiggling in his lap, she guided it toward her belly.
>"It's a little known fact, but alicorns are so magically powerful that we create a small vacuum around us that has very little magic in us. If I'm correct, me being in close proximity to you should keep you from exploding."
>Twilight moved his hand back and forth in rubbing motions. It took a minute, but Anon began to do it all on his own, much to the mare's delight.
"So an alicorn needs to be this close to me?"
>"Yes, for at least a few hours a day, and since Princess Luna and Celestia are too busy and Cadence is too far away I've decided to help you myself."
>Twilight opened her big purple eyes to look up at him, her expression bright and happy.
>"It's the least I could do to help a friend."
>Anon nodded his head.
>"Not the worst perception I've ever gotten I guess," he mused.
>Twilight let out a knicker, bumping his chin with the top of her head. Anon, without looking at her, brought down his other hand and rubbed her belly as well, sending the mare into squirming fits.
"So, how long do you think we gotta do this until my do-hickey's grown?" he asked.
>Twilight neighed, her back legs kicking at the air. It wasn't until Anon had eased up on his scratching that the mare was able to string together a collection of thoughts.
>"A--oh, yeah, just like that!-- a month or two should do it, though if I were you I'd stay on the safe side and wait a few weeks after that just to make sure.
>Her eyes crossed as he reached up and began playing with her ears
Ha, the prince would probably have a few personal bodyguards that lurk in the background. These ponies must see a lot of weird shenanigans anon and possibly Flurry get up to.
Are you actually stupid, or are you just trying to be a troll?

Seeing things happen, and working as a teaching assistant for a while, it looks like the staff at the schools I've been to (and other schools, judging from the several articles I've read on this subject over the years) are either just trying to further isolate the awkward kids. Or they think that all awkward kids are awkward the same way, and have the same interests as other awkward kids and will bond and develop social skills the exact same way if they're grouped with all the other outcasts.

>The "solutions" that used by authority figures in education to solve problems often either don't work, or make things worse.
>This aside is relevant, because it was alluded to in the green that the post was replying to.

I'm not sure why you didn't understand that. Think about what you're reading. Don't assume everything is autobiographical.

Try searching out some reading comprehension lessons online. You could probably get some use out of them.
>Are you actually stupid, or are you just trying to be a troll?
Honestly, moreso the latter. I wanted a response and I got one. Thanks.
>You are Anonymous
>Mom and dad took you and Flurry to the beach
>Crystal was there
>You brought Mjolnir with you
>God damn you want meat!
>You spies with your little eye a crab
>You grab the poor bastard
>Crystal makes the mistake of looking at you just as you crack it open and eat the good parts
>She looks sick
>You stare her in the eye as you take another bite
>Could use some spices

>You are Chrysalis
>By everything good in the world he just ate a still twitching crab without flinching
>Don't you dare throw up
>You're gonna throw up
>You run to a bush and vomit green slime
>What is wrong with that colt?!

>You are Cadence
>Looks like Anonymous is getting meat cravings
>Soon Flurry will want meat, it's good for the wings
Concentrated seafood seasoning. You tip the bottle in before boiling. Best damn shit ever.
Deep fried cauliflower bites
>Raw sea food also isn't that bad.
It probably depends how fresh it is. The main issue with things like shellfish is that they can go bad really fast if they're not eaten quickly.

I used to really like eating shrimp from a frozen shrimp ring as it thawed, but I think those are cooked. They were pink instead of grey. Same story with smoked salmon.
>Somehow does not apply to New Orleans
I thought Yankee was supposed to be shorthand for "any person who lives in the united states".

>You tip the bottle in before boiling.
Add part of it to flavour the water, or add the entire thing to a measured quantity of the water before you boil it?

I lived by the sea for a while, but one of the people in the house was allergic to seafood, so no-one was allowed to eat it. That sucked.
Yankees are anyone who lives north of mason-dixon you uneducated slob,
>Pegasi enjoy/crave seafood or carrion.
>Earthies like/crave vegetables with lots of starch and protein, and can digest certain plants other pony phenotypes can't (e.g. potatoes).
>Unicorns prefer/crave foods high in carbohydrates and sugar, though they complain it'll go ''straight to their flanks''.
>Alicorns can eat/crave all three, which initially freaked out Cadence and Twilight, given they were once a pegasus ad unicorn, respectively.
What Yankee means depends on where you are/are from.

If you're not American, a Yankee is an American.
If you are American, a Yankee is from the northeast.
If you're from the northeast, it starts getting more specific. I think they eventually end up pointing toward Vermonters as Yankees.
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>it's good for the wings
I've always liked the "pegasi eat meat" thing.
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>Deep fried cauliflower bites
might not be deep fried, but baked cauliflower is some pretty good shit, especially if it has garlic on it
Most say those states north of the Mason-Dixon line are Yankees, but the further south you get, the lower that line gets. I'm personally of the opinion that anything north of Tennessee is a Yankee. As for the Zatarain's crab boil, about 2 .tsp or a .tbsp to a gallon of water (more for more flavor).
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>>Local beach bum griffins declare that the new prince is radical and brütal enough to be an honorary griffin.
>anon is just growing a new organ

Unless the magic is ALSO making the rest of his body accept the new organ that could lead to some issues as well.
>story about magical prodigy anon
>now it's just about him and his desire for meat

I'm hungry and want a steak.
It just means he has more quirks as a human in a magic horse body.
>Anon ends up in Equestria and realizes that he can use magic
>Turns out the appendix is a left-over organ from when Earth had magic
>Courtesy of the appendix altering things, Twilight discovers by disgusting happenstance that Anon's poop contains crystals that are highly reactive to magic.
>Thus valuable.
>Further assistance by a now-traumatised Starlight covertly acquiring more of his shit reveals the different things he eats creates different crystals.
>However, the unofficial rule amongst mares is that males don't poop.
>She can't exactly ask him for a steaming pile of his crap no, could she?
>Something something plot.
>Everyone's baffled when Tvilight tries to get Luna and Cadence, the worst cooks she knows, to prepare him meals.
>Said other alicorns believe she's trying to set them up with him, despite the latter being married.
>Though, the idea of banging Anon with her husband's consent...

>Luna's open to the idea of romance, and thus RomCom shenanigans occur.
>Hey, even if their meals are like McDonald's on a good day, free food is still free food, right?
scat pls go
>A creature from a fundamentally different reality produces items with unusual, and therefore valuable, attributes, just as part of the normal process of living. This is similar to a magic goose that lays golden eggs, or shedded dragon scales having the power to heal others.

This idea's a good one.

>It's in his poop.
Proceed with EXTREME caution. Maybe switch it to hair from his brush, skin cells, or his sweat or something. That might keep the same basic idea you wanted to go with.
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The programming/coding thing was basically just a way to make sure that Pegasi, for instance, didn't leave the park since they can fly and all. As for the Changelings, I don't think I mentioned any coding they might have had, only that since they are essentially unfinished Ponies, they crave love that the finished Ponies naturally induce in others.
It's only scat if it involves sexualising shit.

Shit being involved in a non-sexual way isn't scat. Otherwise, the pizza in the pizza man delivery plot-device in the most cliche porno would be sexualizing pizza itself.

Knowledge is key, pleb.

Crystal grains glittering in his hair would gain him looks from ponies.

...Rarity. Oh, shit.
>''I have graciously volunteered to cut and style your mane, dear.''
''One, it's called hair. Two, stay the fuck out of my shower, you crazy whorse!''
>Turns out the appendix is a left-over organ from when Earth had magic

Yes, I too miss LaP's Lero/Anon crossover story. Still want more Page-anon too
> Crystals in poop
I hope they are really small, or else that could be incredibly painful.
Reminds me of the oneshot post I saw a long time ago.

If they're at the center of a stool, not really.
To be fair cozy, comfy, “I’m the only one who sees past whatever makes her attractive to stallions” has also been done to death.
I'm still just sitting here waiting for the next update to Anonymous Letter and giving myself giggles imagining that Thunder reveals his bro-status with pure Americana.
>Crystalline shit
>can (or at least will be able to) use magic
Why is Anon becoming an Eldar, and NOT a patrician metal bone-man that finished science?
Because he's literally shitting crystals in the core of his poop, not building from said poop.

Although, shitting explosive mines would be pretty hilarious.
Yo popped you there?

better come back quick or youre gonna get replaced
Just because two write-friends are attempting their own takes on a similar concept doesn't mean one is being ''replaced''.

I have no idea where such an idea comes from: just because one person tries their hand at an idea doesn't mean the idea itself can't be attempted by other people.
Link's not working, friend.
the memories of threads are very short
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Nah, props to REEEE because his story is cute and fun but he writes in a more fast and loose style than popped does.
Both are good greens but popped is objectively the better writer due to the length and detail of the scenes.

>First TF and RGRE green to be considered good by both respective threads being forgotten.
Not likely.
>Starlight fucks up and transforms Anon.
>Stuck like this until Twilight gets back from the Empire to fix her shit.
>Suddenly, mares who didn't even look at him now see him as the hottest shit on the block.
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>Twilight gets back
>mares desperately try to convince her or Anon to stay like he is
nah, get this disney-tier cowardice outta my face
interspecies for life
i said before he became the fagmoose overlord, remember he had those spots of light in his wings on the season finale and wasn't constantly hungry. just being friendly seemed to work well for him and even if it only would work in the crystal empire, there's plenty of room for changelings there since they could live underground.
Try removing the letter q.
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>You are Chrysalis
>You need to get that image of Anonymous eating crabs out of your head
>Those she'll cracks are the worst part
>He didn't even feel remorse like most pegasi do when they eat fresh meat
.He just kept cracking them open, sometimes picking them apart alive
>You involuntarily shiver remembering
>That's going to give you nightmares
>Hopefully none about him using that hammer on changelings and...
>Don't think of it further, that'll make it worse
>Still...those eyes of his
>It was like he didn't even see the crabs as living things

>You are Anonymous
>Those crabs were fucking tasty
>You could go for more but don't want to get sick
>Dad looks uncomfortable knowing you killed things and ate them but mom calmed his nerves saying it was normal for pegasi to eat meat to help their wings develop
>He shouldn't be so judgemental with your eating habits
>He eats almost as much dessert food as the pink abomination
>Mom said I'll crave them soon enough to better fuel my magic
>But you don't want diabetes
This was supposed to be green
>He just kept cracking them open, sometimes picking them apart alive
I hate phoneposting.

I have an idea for a Reincarnated anon as flurry's twin

the story is just anon being born, barely able to move because of being drained in the womb, he is still completely lucid albeit feeling a little shitty.

he is still able to hear everything clearly, the neighs and whinnys of the creatures around confused on whats going on.

over time he starts to understand his situation, his foal brain is malleable and able to learn faster than an adult brain, but his human brain is still alive and kicking just behind it.

he is the complete opposite of his sister, flurry being loud and giggly, generally being what you'd think a baby would do

anon on the other hand is quiet, never seems to react to things that would normally scare the living daylights out of a foal(knowing already that such things like thunder could not hurt him), but responds almost how a older pony would react.

shining cadence and twilight notice this odd behavior, what really tipped them of that he tried to talk, anon was trying to imitate every word ponies were saying

His first word was FAGGOT
>Those she'll cracks
You keep typing "she'll" instead of "shell."
more than likely its autocorrect, though one does wonder why he hasn't picked up on it yet
just something to keep an eye out in the future, I suppose
Also, unsure if it's your phone, but you keep typing she'll instead of shell. The apostrophe makes all the difference.
Or someone could point it out before I hit the bottom of the thread before posting.
Kek, I would have done this if I knew how to properly pace a story
What's the deal with the raw crab eating? I find it unlikely this is a thing I've just never heard of before now.
>having that many countries that actually put ketchup on their hot dogs
You literally do not deserve a hot dog if you're gonna put sugary-tomato glue on it.
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>Be Akhonymous the Quasi-Infinite, Necrontyr Overlord under Phaeron Hiron of the Four Quads Dynasty
>Trazyn got the Infinite title first, fuck that guy
>Your slaves just finished polishing your frame your bitchin overlord frame
>Yes slaves, because you're a newcron and you can have slaves
>You just got pulled through a random temporal rift and arrived on what seems to be horseland.
>Their society works like the Orks, "Biggest is strongest"
>They're sentient and have tech to boot but you can't really compare it to yours because haha, you finished science
>They seems to have magic similar to the warp but fundamentally different, yes it can be influenced by "feelings" but not to the extent of the warp. So no Chaos gods HAHA!
>You're beginning to like this place already. You hope the flayed ones don't find this place.
"Twilight, Apprentice or not I don't want to take Anon's crystal shit anymore."
>Did the pink and purple pony just say 'crystal shit'
>I hope it's some kind of new creature not, Silent king forgive me for uttering the word, an Aeldari
>It'd be best if you observe them from now before phasing in Gauss blazing.
>Necron, not tomb kangz
If it were up to faggots like you, there wouldn't even be any ketchup at all because apparently it's not acceptable to put it on anything, ever.
Fuck. You.

Also, this prompted me to read up on the history of ketchup. I learned some interesting things, including:
- British people originally made ketchup out of mushrooms
- this is fucking gross
- nobody seems to know where the retarded spelling "catsup" originated from, since it seems completely wrong and unrelated to any rational etymology. I blame the Welsh.
>British people and early American colonists (whom were still British at the time, really) made ketchup from mushrooms.

Yeah: an embarrassing period of our culinary history, Anon.

Then again, a lot of foods and recipes back then were vastly different, too. Some even unrecognisable to what they look like today.

a British Anon.
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>Tomb Kangz
>Be Akhetanon the Banned
>You're in the throne room of the celestial sisters
>You flash Nehekaran hand signs and do the Khemri walk
Here's a prompt I don't think I've seen before
>Anon lives in Canterlot
>This is before the show happens and Twilight moves to Ponyville
>Anon catches Twilight's attention because of his different physiology
>Eventually they become good friend
>Then it goes one of two ways
>Either he helps her reconnect with her Canterlot friends
>Or the canonical events happen and she starts spending more time with random ponies she just met than him
>"Okay, Anon, it's time to collect those crystals!"
>You are Rarity, and you just decided to walk in front of Twilight's castle.
>You are currently wondering why there are blood-curdling screams coming from one of the open windows, and why they sound like they're coming from Anon.
It's either ketchup, or nothing but meat and bun.
>walks by the home of two of her friends, on male and one female
>hears the male screaming
>doesn't rush in to help
>a British Anon.
Anon, I have to know: do you really have 'tea time' at around 10:30 or 11, and is "pip pip cheerio" part of your regular vocabulary? And is it true that there's a law in your country that states if somebody says "god save the queen" you have to say it back to them or face charges of treason?
Ehh... If I heard what sounded like somebody being brutally murdered (or more accurately the noises someone makes as they expel sharp rocks from their anus), I would think twice before trying to investigate.

>"You know what? He's probably fine."

Also, implying Rarity isn't just pretending to be a gentlemare in order to get dick
>You will never have a daughteru to take care of with your waifu
Look how fucking comfy this is.
This, you put mustard and mayo on that shit or no deal
Fair enough.
Hold the fucking phone there, buck-a-roo.
Somewhere in the world a tiny egyptian pegasus pony looks up from her newspaper with a slightly annoyed expression
There's nothing wrong with mayonnaise, especially if you make it yourself
>"Bunch of assholes keep saying gibberish to me. Yeah, yeah, 'blue to in for banana fortune' to you too, you pricks."
Spicy brown mustard, raw white onions, and sauerkraut for me.
>Anon lands in Equestria
>Has trouble finding a decent job, so he turns to writing
>He's been around long enough to notice how many more mares there are than stallions, but hasn't figured out the gender roles yet
>He decides to write a cheesy romance novel, expecting it to sell like hotcakes
>He'll even have a girl pen name to appeal to them more, something like Glitter Pen or something
>Reviews comes out the week after it is published, most of them condemning the book for encouraging coltish, beta-mare behavior and improper morals for proper stallions
>It still became the #1 best seller; everyone has a copy but won't admit it
>ketchup out of mushrooms
>this is fucking delicious

Fixed that for you. I found a recipie, made it, and it's amazing. It's a different kind of flavour than tomato ketchup. Consider ketchup to be the name of a kind of sauce making method. One where you take the liquid from edible plants and season it.

Try this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ERWr8la3Y_M
Wouldn't making a paste or liquid out of a fungus... just grow more fungus? Like, you forget about the bottle for a month and when you find it, it has an entire gross ecosystem growing out of it?
Go watch the video, then tell me if you still have those questions.

Also, tell me what experience you actually have with mushrooms. Are you confusing them with the mould that sometimes grows on old foods?
I don't know anything about mushrooms, and the entire topic seems scary and unpleasant to me.
Watch the video. He explains (and shows) how to make it, and also explains some of the history behind it.

I'm not going to accuse you of something negative yet, but you're not dealing with anything dangerous like puffer fish.

Watch the video. Mushrooms are a commonly available food, and they're not that expensive, so you should be comfortable around them. Every pizza joint I know of has mushrooms available as a topping, so they won't kill you.
No, most people drink tea at any time, typically on breaks like everyone else.

I'm sure there are posh people out there who do, but such things are pretty much antiquated ideas, now.

No, ''pip pip cheerio'' pretty much comes from Americans' views of us as a stereotype, thanks to Hollywood: if you said that anywhere, people would assume you're being sarcastic or just taking the piss.

And no. Though, if it's an obscure law technically still on the books, like some crazy American laws from colonial times (like, ''don't try to cross in front of a duck on a Tuesday'', or something), probably, but such things wouldn't be known.
>And no. Though, if it's an obscure law technically still on the books, like some crazy American laws from colonial times (like, ''don't try to cross in front of a duck on a Tuesday'', or something), probably, but such things wouldn't be known.
I hope there are plenty of laws like that in your law books. Your place has been around longer than American or Canada, and god knows we have lots of stupid laws along the lines of the example you gave.
I'm sure there are, and they're probably hilarious, coming from a time when they probably made sense (such as shortages, culture, etcetera).
>You are Anonymous
>Crystal has been more distant lately
>Maybe eating those crabs infront of her wasn't such a good idea
>Right now she's in the library browsing books
>You sneak up behind her
"Hi Crystal."
>She jumps and screams, making the crusty old librarian shushes the two of you
>You look back at Crystal and see she looks uncomfortable
"I would like too um... apologize for eating crabs infront of you"
>"I-it's okay, I know pegasi eat meat for their wings, I just wish you didn't eat them alive"
>Her cheeks turn green
"Alright Crystal, I'll be sure to eat live crabs out of your sight"
>She looks sick
"That was a joke, sorry"
>"Don't joke about that. Gross"
>You smile and chuckle slightly
>An hour later you go back to your room
>You look to the sound
>Flurry has a crab claw in her mouth
>Shell and all
>The two of you keep eye contact and she finishes cruching the claw and swallows it
>"...Hi Anon"
"...Hi. Are those my crabs?"
>"Don't you mean OUR crabs?"
I love how this went from Anon having a small magic pool to a fic about crabs.
> Be Anon, at some potluck
> All the food is on one long table, but the condiments each get their own island
> While strange, you have more important things on your mind
> Like all this food on your plate
> French fries, pizza, corn dogs, and salad
> As you approach the condiment islands, the general murmur of the crowd dies down
> Ranch first, on your salad and corn dogs and pizza crust
> Somepony squacks behind you
> Then tobasco sauce on the corn dogs
> There's some chuckling, and the clink of bits exchanging hooves
> Next, a small pool of ketchup
> You hear Applejack's voice easily above the rising din
> "Ah told you he'd be a ketchup colt, you can see it in his hips!"
> You roll your eyes and head for the last table
> You put a small dollup of mayo in your ketchup and swirl it around
> The crowd falls silent
> You turn around, now that your food is ready
> The ponies just stare at you
> Some with disgust, others with horror, and Pinkie Pie just winks and beckons you over
> You hesitantly head her way, only now noticing that the food in front of the ponies only has one condiment on it, segregated by lunch table
> ... This is going to be one of those "respect each other's differences" episodes, isn't it?
I'm going to be disappointed if there is no giant enemy crab a some point. Also, I think it used to be a theme in AiE stories a number of years back that some ponies ate seafood to supplement their diets. Particularly, pegasi were regular fish-eaters while either unicorns or earth ponies were pretty grossed out by how frequently they ate it.

>Rainbow Dash will never try to impress you by catching and cooking her own fish and taking you out on a picnic
>You will never laugh along with her when you make some random mare vomit at the sight of the two of you tearing apart a lobster as you devour it
I really want seafood now. I've never had lobster or crab before, but fuck me if it doesn't look delicious. Ocean-spiders are the best.
>You are Princess mi Amore Cadenza, and your two adorable children are fighting over crab-meat.
>It's so heartwarming to see your foals roughhouse like this.
>Unbeknownst to you, the Heart pulsates for a moment, softly.

>You are Shining Armour.
>Your foals are fighting over a butchered crab like two dogs would a rope.
>Your chest tightens in unease.

>You are Anonymous, and your Sister was trying to pilfer your crab!

>You are Flurry, and your Brother is being a butt.
>I don't know anything about mushrooms, and the entire topic seems scary and unpleasant to me.
Jesus Christ, anon. Tell me, is water too spicy for you as well?
Fucking writing in present tense!

I kept slipping back into past.
>> "Ah told you he'd be a ketchup colt, you can see it in his hips!"
>Applejack will never insist you have "foal-sirin' hips"

>> You hesitantly head her way, only now noticing that the food in front of the ponies only has one condiment on it, segregated by lunch table
>You try to ignore the enormous muscled human, Incognito, as you pass by the ketchup table
>He's smeared his entire upper body in the condiment, and his plate is absolutely covered by it
>You can't even tell what he's eating; there's too much ketchup
>You think you spot a fish head
C'mon, Anon, I like mushrooms. I put them on my pizza and everything. I just can't quite comprehend the idea of making a paste out of them and smearing it over my french fries.
>You are Chrysalis
>After the whole...crab situation, you've started spying on Anonymous during his tutoring
>He mostly focuses on pure magical control over powerful spells
>That's smart of him
>He needs all the control he can get with his crippled magical pool
>Draining his love will subdue him easier than you thought
>Right, you need to keep grooming him, getting him attached to you
>Then when he's head over hooves you'll pin him and drain all of the love you want Giggity
>But you have to admit, you've grown attached to the strange colt
> https://youtu.be/Z_1kpd3nBus
>You just need to play the waiting game
Kek, nicely done
>Cadence notices that Shining gets grossed out by the way pegasi eat seafood
>Notices that this is usually one of the only times he complains about his son's behaviour
>Anon's more human things just so happen by pure coincidence overlap pegasus things, like eating crab-meat and rough-housing
>Cadence thinks that Shining is just being grumpy that Anon is doing pegasus stuff; things that unicorns don't do
>Every time Shining notices Anon do something weird, something that a colt his age shouldn't know or do (ie human things), Cadence just rolls her eyes and tells him not to be so intolerant of pegasus culture
>Shining wants the world to stop being so crazy
This isn't easy to do well. A lot of media that attempts this kind of humor just ends up being a big cringey mess, and it really comes down to the execution on the specifics.
You didn't even watch the video. Christ.

You chop the mushrooms up, and stir in some salt. This makes the mushrooms release their juices. You add a few more spices and seasonings, boil it for 15 minutes, and squeeze out the liquid.

You don't make a paste out of them.
So, since Rarity's cutie mark is gems and given how she got said mark, wouldn't she have some sort of knowledge that Anon would shit out gems and such?
>there's too much ketchup
>You think you spot a fish head

Do what >>32498366 says and watch the video.
>Like, you forget about the bottle for a month and when you find it, it has an entire gross ecosystem growing out of it?
A bottle of that stuff lasts at least 4 years in a basement, and it was fine to eat on air during one of their livestreams. Nothing wrong with it at all.
They both taste fairly unique. As mentioned crab is slightly naturally sweet, with a minor fishy taste and then what can only be described as "crab". One problem with crab though, and the reason it's so expensive, is that almost all of the worthwhile meat is in the legs/claws. People can and do eat the body, but at that point you're pretty much just eating the boiled guts of the thing, and I find it foul as fuck. That's also the reason the big-time crabs are the massive species like snow crabs, Japanese spider crabs, or Dungeness crabs. They have large legs, so you get a lot more meat. Most crabs are small enough to not be worth the effort, though some crabs like blue crabs found on the eastern shores of the USA are popularly prepared by waiting for them to molt, then when the shell is still soft they're deep-fried so their new shell basically becomes a crispy batter coating. Fun fact: blue crabs are angry little fuckers and they'll chase and attack you, even out of water. If you're into sushi and ever get something called a spider roll, they have the fried legs of softshell blue crabs.

Lobster I'm not so much a fan of. Again you get some people willing to eat the guts and brain out of the body, but the main draw is the tail where all the meat is. Lobster is a lot tougher and more rubbery than crab in general, and the flavor, while good, I think is best described as slightly musty and gamey shrimp. I don't go out of my way to eat it.

There's no smearing, it's a liquid savory sauce like onions or worchestershire. Here's something fun you may not have known, worchestershire sauce is made of fermented anchovies.
Lobster is fucking delicious in butter, some of the sweetest meat I've ever tasted.
>Fun fact: blue crabs are angry little fuckers and they'll chase and attack you, even out of water.
As someone who lives in a landlocked city, with the nearest large water body being an inland great lake, that sounds hilarious.

I assume killing one that's attacking you wouldn't be considered illegal, would it?
Yeah, they're fair game. Pretty much the only restriction is not to be caught taking over your daily limit of the things by a warden. Little bastards are everywhere. You'll find them on the coast, in the brackish marshes and washes adjacent to the ocean, you'll find them just milling around on land near the water sometimes. The fact that they want to kill you once they detect you makes them easy to catch since they'll come right to you. It's like a fatal case of little man syndrome.
>It's like a fatal case of little man syndrome.
Oh fuck, I lol'd hard on this!
...Part of me really wants to see Anon Heart stare up at an enemy...

>He bares his teeth and flares his wings, staring up at you in defiance.
>''I'll bite your bloody nuts off!''
>On instinct, you and every other male in the room flinch and cross their legs.
>Somehow, you believe the sociopathic little colt.
not rgre
Birdpone instincts. There must be a bit of seagull in there.
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Stupid laws? I always remember this one.
It's illegal to detonate a nuclear weapon in some town in California. Do it and they'll slap you with a $500 fine.
I recall it being illegal to have a duck on your head or some dumb shit. I think it was in Minnesota or something.
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>Mudcrabs from Skyrim actually exist in real life, just smaller.
>But just as angry.
>Anon reads up on old Equestrian laws.
>Uses them as loopholes to defeat sexist situations.
>Princesses begin to dread Anon's visits as he always causes havoc.
...Fucking seriously? A nuke popping off gets you a five-hundred buck fine?
Look I just live here I don't make any of these bass ackwards rules
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I just spent the last few hours looking up "crab attack" videos. Then it went to "catch and cook" videos about crab, some documentary stuff about coconut crabs attacking birds, then some gardening videos.
I'm liking your stuff, so please, bin your shit.
Just another day in the magical land of Equestria.
we /crabgeneral/ now
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I think I accidentally turned /nmp/ into /cloakgeneral/, too.
I actually got a bit nervous when that guy started wiggling his finger in front of the crab.
>lurking /nmp/
You disgrace me Anon.
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It was mentioned recently in this general, so I decided to take a look. I'm still working my way through a couple of their stories so far. Gotta take the pulse of things, you know?

Otherwise I'd be working on my attempts at greens for this thread.
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We both love mares friend.
Cutest hug.
I love it because if either of them fucked up or didnt time it right they'd fall over.
That's what makes it adorable and warm to me too. They know they could fuck up but they trust each other to give the perfect warm hug every time even if they live a city apart.
>>Anon uses his hammer to crack crab shells and then uses his magic to eat it's meat like a human.
You left out the part where he cooks it with magic as well, as crab meat is like egg whites. It's a viscus liquid protein until it's cooked.
He would actually be drinking it, as crab meat is almost identical to the egg whites of chicken eggs, both are clear viscus liquids when raw. You have to cook it to turn it into a solid.
The equivalent of seeing your little girl (10 years or younger) go out, catch a live bird, eat it raw and drink the blood like a wild animal.
Yeah, that would be disturbing.
New Orleans: officially the land of Satan.
>dat pic
>Proceed with EXTREME caution.
You don't even want to MENTION poop in this general, or you're likely to get REEEE'd out of here. It doesn't even have to be fetish stuff, just fetish-adjacent.
Fuckin' mudcrabs, man!
I can't stop laughing about this.
Anon... If it was viscous then crabs wouldn't be able to move. That's not how muscles work. There is a lot of fluid under the shell but there is still meat. The meat absorbs it when it's cooked which is why it's a lot flakier and moist than most shell fish.
When I was younger I used to kill Crawfish with a hammer I got from my dad's tool box and cook them over a firepit. I got sick alot but it was damn good, can't imagine crab any different.
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I finally get to post this again, after 9000 hours in ms paint a few months back
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And what if your little girl was half seagull, or twenty-five percent bird-of-prey?

It'd be more understandable, then -- which is what's happening here.

He's a third pegasus, and his mother was a pegasus pre-ascension.

He and 'Crystal' are just squicked out because he's a unicorn and she a changeling, respectively.
>Be Shining Armor.
>You were on a walk through the garden when you heard cheers and hollering.
>Turning a corner you see your Sister, your wife, Celestia, Luna, and a few pegasus mares all in a big circle hooping and hollering.
>You trot up and peek inside the circle to see what's going on.
>In the circle is Flurry and Anonymous tugging on a crab in their mouths.
>You can't help but realize it's a rathet big blue crab at that, nothing like the ones on the beaches around here.
>Their wings are unfurled as they growl at eachother while tugging the crab.
>"Go Flurry! Aunt Twilight has alot of bits rolling on this match!" Twilight calls.
>You hear Celestia sigh as she looks to her sister.
>"Ah, to be so young again. Do you remember our squabbles over fish Lulu?"
>"We do, tis why we bet upon the runt." Luna says with a nod before looking back to the match. "Push then pull Anon! Push and pull!" She calls trying to give pointers.
>"That's got alot of meat in it you two, and they're hard to get." Your wife says causing the growling to get louder and tugging stronger.
>Normally you'd be pissed to see this happening.
>But it's not every day you get to see two young alicorns fighting over a huge crab.
>Also, they're not hurting eachother.
>You nudge Twilight's hoof getting her attention.
"Who's taking the bets?"
>She points you to a pegasus with a green cap.
>You walk over and hand her a bag of bits.
"Three hundred on the colt."
>unicorn dad is warming up to pegasi weirdness
Shining secretly giving crab meat a try and puking his guts everywhere when ?
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>Her freckles are constellations
FUCK that's precious.
I want Anon to hereby be known as the Pincer Prince.
That picture got me thinking.
>Be Anon
>Comforting your three crying girlfriends
>They had come home in tears
>Somebody had broken their necklaces
>You know that they weren't always the easiest to get along with, but that's simply uncalled for
>You're going to have to have a talk with somebody
>Unbeknown to Anon, the man gives off a serious dad aura
>Makes it known to the humane 6 that he isn't mad, but he IS disappointed.
>"Do you just go around breaking other people's property? I thought you were all raised better than that."
>The girls are surprised at how bad they feel
>Shame-faced, they mumble apologies and hand him over the shards of the siren's crystals
>Anon is just pleased that he managed to be assertive and get the job done, all without having to resort to kicking the shit out of a bunch of teenagers
>He can't help his girlfriends put their necklaces back together again if he's being held for multiple assaults against several minors on school property; male or not
>Little did the ponies know that all was going according to keikaku
>Anon shoots a wink at his sister
>She takes the signal and manoeuvres herself so her back is turned to the pony taking the bits
>With a nod they set their plan into action
>Flurry pulls the crab as hard as she can while giving Anon a small magical push
>Using his precision magic Anon steals the whole bag of bits from the pony
>Then with her super powered magic Flurry throws herself and Anon through their bedroom window/wall
>Alicorn durability for the win
>While the crowd of shocked ponies stare up at the settling dust of the castle wall Anon and Flurry break the crab in half and enjoy their share on their newly acquired thrones of bits
>You are Anonymous
>Mom has made you start doing exercise
>It's horrible
>When you were human you were just lazy
>Now though, you feel like having an asthma attach whenever you run a few laps or fly for more than ten minutes
>The only plus side to this is more meat
>After doing the last bare minimum lap you collapse
>Dad walks up to you and helps you up
>"Why don't you do the colt exercises?"
>You give him the stink eye
"Dad...buck that"
>Ten minutes later and you have a bar of soap in your mouth
>You want moar krabs

>You are Flurry Heart
>Your brother is so cool!
>He's so stubborn
>He never does the colt excersizes even though he just ends up hurting himself
>He helps you so much with your magic and now you get to help him with Galloping!
>...And stuff!
Kek, I'll put that in when I do another beach part
>tfw people are too busy talking about crabs instead of RGRE
>Anon realizes that pegasi eat seafood
>Shows off his favourite recipes to Rainbow Dash and other mares with wings
>Said mares are pleased that Anon has accepted his role as a traditional house-husband and has found joy in staying in the kitchen, where he fucking belongs
>Rainbow takes one bite and immediately considers proposing to Anon
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>"Stay back, sugardick! Your old mare'll take care of this hussy!"
>Anon constantly places plastic swans all over the castle just to fuck with Celestia
She catches Anon blowing one up.
Oh my stars! How did I miss that. Makes it even more adorable.
Don't forget the niggers. We've got lots of those.
Semi-famous rgreqg Anon prompt
>Anon dies and is reborn as Vinyls' older brother
>Eqg has never had rock music
>He recreates songs from the old greats, KISS, AC/DC, Queen, you name it
>Something something rgre
>Something something Sirens
>You are Anonymous
>Mom took you and Flurry to the beach again
>This time the crabs are mudcrab sized
>Mom took away Mjolnir for some reason
>You just used telekinesis on a large rock and pummeled the crabs to death
>Flurry just used her magic to Kamehameha them
>Shit was so cash
>Then you heard it
>Thump thump thump
>You turn around to see a crab that puts Ds3 giant crabs to shame
>You give Mom a glare and she smiles awkwardly
>You think to yourself "fuck it" and fly up and gather clouds
>While flurry distracts crabzilla you place the now massive cloud above the crab and kick it as hard as you can
>The cloud discharges a bolt of lightning so strong it makes Zues look on in envy
>Zues is the local griffon beach bum
>Crabzilla is dead
>Mom starts cheering at you and Flurry
>"That was so good! I'm so proud of you two! Anonymous, Flurry, get some rock!! We need to crack this shell!"
>You and Mom look over and see Flurry took a bit out of the crab already not even bothered by the shell
>Zues flies over and gives you a fist bump and starts to help peeling off the shell
>Half an hour later you mom and Flurry took home a few weeks worth of crab meat
>That was from one claw
>The rest was free game for griffons and pegasi
>You earned the unofficial title of Crab Cracker
"Dad dad look how much crab we got!"
>He looks sick and gives a weak smile
"C'mon dad give it a try!"
>You hold a lightning cooked piece of heaven out for him
>He takes it and takes a bite before promptly puking his guts up
>Mom looks at you and Flurry
>"Go put the crab away, I'm going to help your father"
>Many keks were had between you and Flurry
actually sounds like a scene from the show/10
good jorb
We don't have enough birb waifus.
This thread could use more Vinyl.
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>tfw no griffon brosis's to hang with at the beach
Please tell me this was not intentional.
It wasn't, sorry though
So you do know how to write his name then, good! Keep writing, you do good.
>a liquid
truly seafood is eldritch abomination
That must be why alicorns eat seafood alot
that's not how muscles work, anon
What if Anon fell in love with Nightmare Moon, but not Luna. What would happen when she was purified?
>What would happen when she was purified?
some have it that, assuming Luna was controlled by a separate entity, NMM gets her own body, and Luna sometimes wants to get back in on that shit
however, I don't think I've actually seen a story where Luna and NMM aren't separate people, but Anon does NOT love both of them
would be interesting to see a green about how Luna would take knowing that the person she loves (or at least remembers loving) only loved her when she was NMM, and doing literally everything wrong, by her standards at least
significant personality shifts in general and how people react to them can be very interesting
>however, I don't think I've actually seen a story where Luna and NMM aren't separate people, but Anon does NOT love both of them

>"Luna, I love you dearly and sincerely when you play dress-up and make-believe that you're a villain. But when you stop, I have as much love for you as I do for a flaming bag of shit."
Anon is worst THOT.
NMM is a different entity entirely, Anon.
Or maybe he fell in love with a different person?
Sounds like the thing with the woman changing her personality in an almost 180° after marriage, of course the heartbroken husband can't accept this 'new person' his wife turned into.
>however, I don't think I've actually seen a story where Luna and NMM aren't separate people, but Anon does NOT love both of them
>a story where Luna and NMM aren't separate people, but Anon does NOT love both of them
>a story where Luna and NMM aren't separate people
>Luna and NMM aren't separate people
>Luna and NMM
>aren't separate people
You don't understand, Anon. I already stated my opinion, and that means I'm in too deep to admit I'm wrong now.
I said different ENTITY. They share a body.
Well fuck me, then.
what I meant was that, while there's only one consciousness between them, Nightmare Moon and Luna are so different that they'd likely qualify as different people
of course, one could counter that they're still the same person they've always been deep down, but that's discussion entirely
THIS discussion is focusing on Anon liking what he sees in NMM, but not liking what he sees in Luna, preferably for a reason other than "colts like bad mares" or something like that
>Be Anon
>You don't know why but everypony always calls you 'Dad' or 'Uncle'
>Even the Princess'
>You don't know why
>You're not even that old
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>At Anon's insistence, Nightmare doesn't confront the elements or even abandons her plans altogether in favor of the love and acknowledgement she finally has.
>They flee and canon is messed up.
>A small, fledgling kingdom pops up far away from Equestria some time later.

>Nightmare fights and loses.
>She stubbornly clings to life in the recesses of Luna's mind, slowly leaching power.
>Once she has enough, she takes over Luna again or simply manifests a body for herself and flees.
>Nightmare has a tearful reunion with her lover before they come up with a plan to cover everything.

>Nightmare fights and loses.
>The power of the elements is too much. She's totally purifed and destroyed, one agonized scream marking her destruction.
>Anon is left a broken man, forever changed for the worst. The likelihood of him dropping dead from a broken heart or taking his own life becomes high enough to be a real threat. His relationship with the elements and Celestia is forever hostile.
>The elements get a harsh lesson that good and evil aren't black and white.
>Anon pushes past the grief and moves on, but can't totally forgive. The elements and Celestia are treated frostily if they're spoken to at all. The knowledge and experiences of an alien are forever lost to them.
>Again, the elements learn that there is no real winner in most conflicts.
>In destroying one villain, the elements accidentally create a much worse one. Two worlds worth of loneliness is too much and sends Anon over the edge.
>>The elements get a harsh lesson that good and evil aren't black and white.
>Anon and Nightmare run away together
>They set up a kingdom and Anon acts as her morality pet, keeping her away from a tyrant and firmly in harsh but fair territory
>The elements find and confront Nightmare
>Anon can't do anything to stop them from using the magic of Harmony on her
>The light is blinding
>Nightmare screams in fright
>The light eventually fades
>Nightmare remains there, eyes shut tight and forelegs held up in front of her face to ineffectively fight off a foe
>Anon stares at her; she slowly opens one eye to peek around
>Nothing happens
>Nothing has changed
>Everyone feels a little bit sheepish
>Nightmare might be a gigantic asshole, but she isn't evil anymore
>Ponies learn that the world is not black and white, and people are not either good or evil
>Anon and Nightmare go home and fuck to celebrate
Something something RGRE
>Be Anon
>Living in a little pony world
>Apparently males being raped was a major concern here
>Not for you cause these ponies were tiny and weighed like 20 kilograms
>Didn't stop them from trying though
>Too bad for them you have a fucked up sense of humor
>Anytime a mare tried to rape you you turned it around on her and made sure that she wouldn't be able to walk for a few days
>You're pretty sure you might have even snu snu'd one's pelvis to dust
Reminds me of that Russian woman that held a burglar captive for days, as her sex slave. Quite kekful, innit?
>You are Chrysalis
>Right now you above a sleeping Anonymous
>The guards watching him in secret are in actuality changelings
>He looks peaceful and harmless
>You brush aside some of his mane to see more of his face
>After all this time with him do you even wish to harm him?
>...if he doesn't willingly join you then you may have to
>You hope it doesn't come to that
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Mailmare berd herd
>mailmares are chosen specifically for their long-term flight abilities
>they may not be able to pull off a rainboom, but they can fly the length of Equestria in just a few hours easy-peasy
>which is good for you and your herd, considering that every one of them is a mailmare stationed in a different city, and your house is roughly in the center of the country
I like the idea that Equestrian school is easy and Anon's foals are considered 'gifted' for their basic human-level intelligence
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>I don't think I've actually seen a story where Luna and NMM aren't separate people, but Anon does NOT love both of them
That's a lot of negatives in that sentence. Do you wanna parse that out for me?

The best I can figure is
>There is no example of
>>Luna / NMM are the same person
>>>Anon loves them

I just don't fucking know. There are too many links in that chain for me to work out easily.
>Twilight's wings have always been non-functional
>It's always been Anon holding her up and running around making airplane noises with his mouth
>Nopony ever catches on
Double negatives don't apply like that.
>not even Twiggles
Hey man, his skin colour lets him act as a greenscreen.
>Anon becomes a discount Jack Griffin
>ponies can't see him when hes naked
>only ponies tho
How about this?

>I don't think I've actually seen a story where Luna and NMM aren't separate people, but Anon does NOT love both of them

>No story observed
P >Not separate people = are same person
Q >Anon not love both = Only love one OR Does not love either

If P, then NOT Q
If Q, then NOT P

P and Q are not both true at the same time.
They're both true at the same time. Double negatives only apply when both are used to talk about the same thing.
>Nightmare was initially a separate consciousness/entity.
>On possessing Luna, however, they became a composite entity with one mind/became one pony: Nightmare Moon.
>It was her Anon fell in love with.
>She was feisty, didn't see males as delicate flowers, and despite ''being evil'' thing which began to quickly change after meeting Anon, was a lot like a human woman.
>After being purged, however, the Nightmare aspect was destroyed, returning Luna to her sense of self before the merging.
>However, she still has the memories and feelings of when she was Nightmare Moon, even if that wasn't her anymore/her personality.
>She tries to resume things with Anon, but obviously...
>To Anon, it's like someone walking around in the body of the mare he loved.
>To say he treats her, Celestia, and the Elements frostily is an understatement.
>Despite hating them, he also knows that he's just one human, so he resolves to rebuild his life as much as possible.
>However, it doesn't help things that Luna won't leave him alone for her own reasons.
>The Elements/Celestia are also worried he might become the next Big Bad through bitterness.
>Any mare that gets close to him is chased away by an incredibly jealous Luna and the Six/Celestia, as the latter believe said mare is trying to prey on an emotionally-crippled stallion.
>It also doesn't help that he's being treated like a delicate flower by the town's mares/stallions because of his 'loss'.
>I have not seen a story where Luna and Nightmare Moon are the same person, but Anon only loves one of them and not the other
there, better?
I legitimately don't know how to make this any simpler but that might just be my retardation kicking in
>there, better?

>How to explain better?
Try to put only one piece of information in each sentence.
>"I've read a bunch of stories where they're the same person. In these stories, Anon always loves both of them."
>Pegasi often eat fish
>Fluttershy is one of the few exceptions
>However she does breed and sell fish to eat
>She's got to get the money to take care of her animals somehow
wait, just figured something out
>Luna and Nightmare are the same person
>there was no possession, or even corruption via an outside force
>just a sudden shift in personality
>Anon fell in love with her as Nightmare Moon
>"purification" happens, turning her back into Luna
>like restoring her from a backup
>Luna is sufficiently different from NMM that Anon finds he doesn't love her anymore
there we go
So through their attempts of preventing Anon from turning 'evil', they are unintentionally making him more and more bitter, right until the breaking point where he snaps and does the feared 'monster of the week' thing,
>It wasn't enough that they took Nightmare.
>It wasn't enough that the 'normal' mares were acting as if he was made of glass.
>It wasn't enough how the murderers of his love kept hanging over him like vultures.
>No, it was not enough.
>Then the mare that emerged from what Nightmare once was showed her true colors, chasing away every and all chances and hopes he could have.
>It's time to show what a human can do when pushed to the limits.
Hey fellas. I don't know if you know this, but this is a horse.

She might not look like a horse. She might be taller, and her hooves are gone, and her pony ears and muzzle aren't anywhere in sight, and she doesn't have any fur, but she is a horse. Her hooves are in her heart.

And because of this she cares about you. She wants to get to know you as a person. She also likes a lot of the things that you like too, and even if she doesn't she'll support you in those other things. She doesn't care about the size of your balls or the way your wiener flops around when your pants are off. She also doesn't care that you do that weird thing when you think people aren't in the house.

This horse will care about you if you let her. She'll also snuggle you, hold your hand in public, let you play with her butt and boobs, and give you half of her fries even though you said you didn't want any like two minutes ago.

So doesn't that make the fact that she likes to send you random snapchat pictures of her boobs and cooch without prompt and sneaking into your house to steal your underwear and take pictures of you while you sleep seem not so bad?

It's not even really her fault. It's all of the horse hormones in her. You, if you didn't walk out the house dressing like that she wouldn't treat you like she does. You slut.
Sounds like a needlessly unhappy prompt, famalam.
I want to hug her and apologize for being a slut.
That's a Barbie tho
I just realized. In RGRE would colts be the cheerleaders? And would there be that one spot for mares that they'd fight over so that they could get close to all the colt cheerleaders?
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>He has to have her back. He has to. It was a once in a lifetime romance and he can't live without it.
>There must be some way. She can't be totally destroyed. Some part of her must exist still. He can feel her, he can feel Nightmare, just the smallest amount when he looks at that damned Luna. There must be a way to free those small bits of Nightmare and heal them, to make her whole again.
>He would have her back. No matter what.
>And so began his dive into the maddening world of dark magic.
Also what would male cougars be called?
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The hair grooming with her mouth is pretty weird tho
I think the point of the prompt wasn't to go into the typical edgy dark magic revenge shit seen every time, but a broken man trying to rebuild his life despite the fact these mares keep fucking things up for him so he can't heal.
Oops. I linked the wrong post then. Disregard.
because p is for penis.
That's actually pretty good.
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>This horse will care about you if you let her. She'll also snuggle you, hold your hand in public, let you play with her butt and boobs, and give you half of her fries even though you said you didn't want any like two minutes ago.
S-Sounds nice...
Dammit, why didn't I see that connection before? Nicely done, holy shit.
>Nightmare Moon clings to life and manifests a weak body when she can. She's little more than a confused shade and will take a few more weeks to totally build her strength.
>Celestia, Luna, and the elements spend several weeks trying to track the disoriented Nightmare, who takes a winding path to Ponyville.
>When she's totally formed, she finally makes it to Anon's home for that tearful reunion.
>Only for the princesses and elements to show up, ready to blast her again.
>Anon blurts the first thing he can to stop them.
"Stop! She's pregnant and you'll hurt the foal!"
>And like magic, it stops them dead in their tracks. Even with RGR and their opponent being an evil alicorn, striking a pregnant mare is still a huge no-no.
>She's not pregnant, but Nightmare plays along.
>Baby defense. Works every time.
>They're reluctantly forced to be lenient, instead having a semi-permanent watcher for Nightmare.
>And to complete the ruse, Nightmare actually has to be pregnant.
>It's a less distressing thought than she expected.
>but Nightmare plays along.
But Nightmare plays along and pretends she's been with Anon for weeks.*
Dunno why my phone cut that off.
>Sexually aggressive waifu Sunset
I need it.
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>You are Nightmare Moon, Queen of the Dark.
>And you sigh contently as you settle on the human sized loveseat lengthwise, letting you stretch out.
>The pillow you rest against has your lover's robust aroma, making the furniture that much more relaxing.
>The book in your azure magical grip wavers, then is set down the coffee table as you decide to simply doze.
>You could watch the "television" invention that had taken Equestria by storm in recent years, but decide against that as well.
>You roll your eyes after looking at the large box of a machine in the living room. A box that plays moving images broadcast from far away. What will they think of next?
>A sudden scent and the sound of sizzling coming from the kitchen made your nose twitch and ears perk.
>That must be your beloved preparing dinner.
>Without warning, your stomach grumbles, wanting the delicacies being prepared in the other room.
>It still amazes you that your beloved can turn common fare into mouth-watering cuisine. The sort that puts the royal chiefs of old to shame.
>Or maybe your relationship is coloring your opinion? You find it hard to speak ANY sort of ill about the father of your unborn foal.
>Your stomach growls again, reminding you that you eat for two now.
>Clicking your tongue in annoyance, you shift on the couch and resign yourself to waiting.
>Not even 2 months in, and the small lump on your belly is making you ravenous at just the smell of food.
>It would be unseemly for a queen to try and beg food out of her soon-to-be husb-
>Wait, you aren't a queen anymore. You have no need to hold yourself to such stifling standards.
>With a small smile, you rise and walk to the kitchen, intent on trying to sneak away with a treat.
>Idly, you wonder what Celestia and Luna are doing.
>Whatever it is, they can't be enjoying themselves as much as you are.
Already seen it. Maybe actually try writing something.
That's pretty twisted.

Imagine your wife or girlfriend dying or suffering a personality death, and someone different that has her memories and feelings walking around as her, trying to reforge a relationship with you, despite understanding why in her head why you reject her.

It's like that twist in horror films or books where the main character's love interest is revealed, at the end, to have been possessed by the ghost/spirit/demon and has taken over their life.

Or, you know, like a Goa'uld from Stargate.
Oldie but a goodie. What a kick to the teeth something like that has to be to Luna, who still has vague memories of Anon and the love she/Nightmare was showered in.
Except Anon fell in love with the Goa'uld parasite in this case.
Wait. Didn't Carter fall in love with a Tok'ra?...
>incoming headcanon
Males would still play football, baseball, etc., but they would be the eye candy to the true feats of agility, strength, coordination, and harmony of the cheerleaders.
>You are Anonymous
>The changeling that goes by Crystal is standing over you undisguised
>You're pretending to be asleep
>Why hasn't she drained your love yet?
>Why is she just standing there?
>You don't understand
>You shift around slightly causing her to back up slightly
>You hear hoofsteps heading towards your room
>The changeling gasps quietly and teleports away in a green flash
>The door opens and you open one eye slightly to see what's happening
>Mom is eating some of your crab
>God damnit
>What a kick to the teeth something like that has to be to Luna
Wouldn't that just make her rebound right back into being evil? I mean, it was the whole "loneliness and rejection" thing that turned her in the first place.
She can't really rebound when Nightmare is now a separate being with her own body.
Who else could see RD as a cringy fortnut streamer? Anon would be a jackass when she streams
>"Yeah, your building suck!!"
>Anon walks into the background of her camera
>He starts doing pelvic thrusts behind RD without her realizing it
>He keeps doing other lewd actions behind her before someone in chat tells her to get her slut bf under control
>She yells at Anon and he yells "PUBG IS BETTER!" before running out of the room
>not the clearly superior option of Totally Accurate Battlegrounds
Are you trying, or does taste this shit just come naturally to you?
I'm betting it comes naturally. I mean he did set RD as his pone of choice.
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Did YOU get your access key in time?

I did.
Hmm yes that's very interesting. Allow me to present my counterpoint
That's a nice picture of sand and grass.
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This. And why have scenery when you would have a bacon-loving womanly woman snuggling you in the couch, the two of you waiting for the pizza she ordered so you could watch a movie?
delet this.
There's literally nothing wrong with beating your meat to sticks.
Hi Wallflower
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Foolproof plan: Chrysalis needs to cover herself with crab meat
>tfw Sunset tries to snuggle you at every opportunity possible
>tfw not a day goes by that you don't wake up to her splayed out right next to you
>tfw she makes horse noises if you try to ask her to leave
>tfw your thievish sister or mother steals your bug waifu along with your precious crab
>Ywn never be the Jontron to Sunset's Arin
>Ywn be Hila to Sunsets Ethan
Wow Sunset
Great moves
Keep it up
Prouda you
YouTube 'celebrities'
> Ywn be Pat to Twilight's Paige
Sunset literally plays like Arin Hanson of Game Grumps, i.e. sucking at video games and completely failing to do even the most mundane tasks
But that's ok because I still love her
>You are Chrysalis
>After Cadence left you change back from the fly form you took
>Anonymous turns to face the wall in his sleep
>You sigh and move to go
>You slipped on abstray piece of crab meat and fall into the magically preserved meat
>You look up from the meat pile and see Anonymous didn't react
>He must be a heavy sleeper
>You get up and fix the mess you made
>The smell is another problem
>Hopefully him or his family don't try to bite you
Fuck where's that animatic of Sunset playing with Fluttershy for her games channel?
>Anon ends up in Equestria
>After a while he ends up with a herd
>One of his mares gets pregnant
>He starts suffering from phantom pregnancy
>Ponies find this weird
>phantom pregnancy
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Someone like RD would fit better.
>RGREqG Game Grumps with the occasional stream.
>Video games draw viewers in.
>Then games just become a backdrop to RD and Anon talking and so viewers can live a life with real friendship vicariously through them
>Then they don't break it off because one was a douchebag, quickly becoming a huge channel.
>The amount of creepy emails Anon gets is pretty extreme.
Donna Burke Whoaaaoaaaa.mp3
Remember the Metal Gear Awesome flash animation on newgrounds from a few years back? There was also one about Trauma Centre and Ninja Gaiden. Those made Arin famous.

Jontron does some alright videos on youtube. Part videogame review, part skit. Lots of editing and scriptwriting.

Somewhat after they both got a bit of fame, they started a "gaming" channel back when that was a sort of new thing. I think their claim to fame was that they had a sort of animated intro. Some of their rants have been turned into memes here and there, so that's probably how the kids who never heard of Newgrounds heard of them.

TL;DR Arin (Egoraptor) has a couple of old Newgrounds flash animations that might be worth checking out (I recommend the Ninja Gaiden one, at least), and Jontron's got some well-made review/skit videos on YouTube that he's put a lot of editing work into, and it shows.
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>After Cadence left you change back from the fly form you took
We <Animorphs> now.
ecelebs who are shilled a lot on /v/eddit.
>Be Anon
>You were stuck in a world full of ponies
>That wouldn't be so bad if males weren't treated like glass here
>And even that wouldn't be so bad if you hadn't somehow been turned into a little colt upon arrival
>And even that would be bearable compared to what you were going through now
>It was complete and utter torture
>The one thing that everybody in the world collectively agreed to hate
>You were being forced to sit through class at Ponyville Public for four hours a day every weekday
>It was bad enough being forced to 'learn' things that he already knew by the time he was in third grade
>What really made it unbearable were his classmates
>It was bad enough that they all had the mentality of a stunted five year old
>What made it worse on you was that you were the only one who seemed to hate classes
>You didn't even have the camaraderie of hating school together
>Fucking ponies man
It's something that can happen in dads-to-be, and is more common than you think. It can range anywhere from axiety to stomach pains and muscle cramping. when the wife is in labor. Even things you wouldn't relate to it like sudden insomnia and depression out of felt field can be classified as it.
>You are Anonymous
>Last night the changeling fell in your crab meat
>Time to rustle her jimmies
>Right now she's reading a book about whatever
"Hi Crystal!"
>She looks up and smiles at you
>"Hi Anonymous!"
>You go closer and stop before sniffing around
"Something smells good"
>She looks nervous
>"W-what does it smell like?"
"It smells like...crab."
>You go up close and personal
>Practically touching her at this point
"Crystal you smell so good!"
>She looks like she's going to run
>You rub your cheek against hers pulling the oblivious fool
"Wow you smell really nice!"

>You are Chrysalis
> He can smell the crab on you
>Is he going to bite you?!
>...Why is he rubbing your face?
>You feel a blush forming
>Stupid lewd colt
I-it's not like you like him or anything!

>You are Cadence
>Right now you are spying on your son
>Shut up it's not creepy!
>You just have nothing better to do
>Right now Anonymous is forcefully cuddling Crystal
>She must have used something that he likes as cologne
>You smile and teleport to Shiny
>He looks at you before smiling evilly
>Celestia and Luna aren't actually sisters
>Not by blood anyways
>After all, what are the odds that two siblings would both ascend to alicornhood
>Instead Celestia ascended first
>Then later Luna ascended and was found by Celestia
>Unlike Cadance, whom Celestia considers her niece, Luna is much closer in age to her, thus the title of 'sister'
>Anon wasn't a technological genius
>Nor was he very charismatic
>But he was incredibly passionate about animation
>He was even a big boy at Disney
>Unfortunately, the whole corporate process slowly wore him down until he completely lost his drive
>That changes when he reaches Equestria
>At first, he's content to just retire from everything and be the doting grandmother of the town
>But after having to substitute at the local school, he realizes the lost drive he had for making animated movies
>Ywn raise Celestia and Luna
>Ywn witness Lunas' transformation to NMM
>Ywn comfort a crying Celestia
>Ywn have a cryo spell cast on you to pass time
>Ywn be released to spend time with Celestia every few decades
>Ywn welcome back NMM when she returns
>Ywn hold Luna in your arms when the elements are used on her
>Ywn witness Celestia turn into Daybreak
>Ywn say "I'm not angry, just disappointed." to her
>Ywn put her in time out for burning the new rug you got
>'I'm not angry, just disappointed.'
Those are the most powerful words any Dadnon can use.
Not true. Ketchup has a place for children. It can be great on a classic cheeseburger with other toppings and condiments. And old-school chicken fingers go great with it, too. Hot Dogs, though? No. Never. Not in a million years.
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>>The one thing that everybody in the world collectively agreed to hate
Bookhorse disagrees.
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>Bringing degenerate literary junkfood to Equestria.
BatB aquaman visits equestria, what happens?
>"A pony with wings and a horn? Outragerous!"
>"Y-you too."
This reminds me of someone I loved. Fuck. Why'd you do this, Anon? ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL MY HEART!?
You've never cracked open a live crab and seen the raw inner stuff, have you?
I have... a quite a few times. When you do, there is no meat, just some tendon-like flappy stuff and a clear liquid that's nigh-identical to raw chicken egg's egg-whites.
>If it was viscous then crabs wouldn't be able to move. That's not how muscles work.
Much like human fingers (not counting the thumb), they don't use muscle. They use contracting and expanding tendon-like material to pull their exoskeleton pieces closer together.
The "crab meat" is less "muscle" and more "blood and immune distribution enzymes/proteins", because they don't have a closed pulmonary system.
I miss JonTron being on there.
Crawfish meat is nothing like crabs. Crawfish and lobster have closed circulatory/pulmonary systems (They have actual solid muscle and veins, just like mammals).
Crabs do not. They have an open circulatory system (if they're injured internally, they don't give a fuck because it just bleeds back into the system as if it never happened), and rely almost exclusively on tendon-like segments rather than muscle. The "meat" is just an immune system and part of the open circulatory system, it has nothing to do with the mechanics of how the crab moves from point A to point B, it just keeps it from getting an infection and it keeps what passes for crab blood... flowing.

If you want a good example of what eating raw crab "meat" is like, watch the 2000 Tom Hanks movie "Cast Away". There's a scene right before he tries to start a fire where he catches a crab, smashes it open, and gets a mouth full of clear, thick, snot-like fluid for his troubles (which he promptly spits out, if I recall correctly).
>If you want a good example of what eating raw crab "meat" is like, watch the 2000 Tom Hanks movie "Cast Away". There's a scene right before he tries to start a fire where he catches a crab, smashes it open, and gets a mouth full of clear, thick, snot-like fluid for his troubles (which he promptly spits out, if I recall correctly).

You're not wrong. That bit was nasty.
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Welp, I wasn't expecting to learn about the "meat" crab and the difference about the closed pulmonary system. It's good to learn about it but still, it's weird to learn here.
https://cytube/r/mlpanniversary hey where watching a docu about donkey fucking if you wanna watch.
It's two sentences, you double nigger. A 5 year old would be able to read that.
i have idea for an addition to anon's taste for crab

>because of anon's lower magical level
>he has to supplement it with LOTS of calories especially as a growing colt
>in other words
>he has the metabolism of gunpowder
>he can be seen eating stacks upon stacks of pancakes at breakfast and feel hungry an hour later
>the chef in canterlot castle has to work overtime EVERYDAY
>Celstia gets to tease Anon for eating even more cake than her.
Anon just retorts
>"at least it doesnt go to my flanks"
>anon just burned the sun
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>Taunting Celestia's shapely butt
My my, Anon, what shit taste you have.
>If you still had your ears they would be pinned against your weird fish skull right about now.
>Some evil king was reportedly taking over Seaquestria, according to one of the sea ponies you found fleeing.
>And you, Princess Twilight Sparkle, were solely called by the map to help.
>With less magical control and no friends around to help, you were completely helpless to stop him.
>Not only that but he has some kind of pull on all aquatic creatures.
>You gaze upon the tyrant as he makes sad whale noises.
>You don't know what he's saying in whale, but one thing's for certain.
>He had a very grim look to him.
>And he's surrounded by sharks of all manner, dressed in golden barding not unlike the royal guards of Equestria.
>With luck, your pony brain won't be affected by his odd magic.
>Now if only you could get away from this shark pulling on you.
>You watch carefully as he somehow materializes a javelin and throws straight through a target some crab was holding up.
>Ohh horse-apples. You're bucking dead, filly.
>"Aha, Frisk you bright me one of these seahorses. Spendid. Bring her closer."
>He waves off the crab, and turns to regard you.
>The shark? Behind you chirps in a way you sounds suspiciously like a dolphin.
>"Hello there, Sea creature. Perhaps you can tell me why my home is different, and the currents are bare?"
>He looks at you with a regal half smile, confidence radiating through the grimness of his demeanor.
>This stallion isn't some apple bud.
>He's probably some ancient lost king.
>Another Sombra, but without the need of iron to chain the local population.
>What is it with silly dainty Stallions and being power hungry?
"Ohh ponyfeathers," you groan, as you try to focus on another teleportation spell.
>The water current is pressurizing, pushing, and pulling against your horn, especially in movement make your magic fizzle out and disperse in the water.
>"Easy there, old girl." He says, reaching out to you. "Now then, what manner of sea creature are you?"
>You let out a little wicker as he digs his claw behind your fins.
>Ohh, no. this must be how he controls them!
>"A sea pony, and you won't get away with this." You jerk away from his hand, glaring down at him.
>Calm down, Twilight.
>The map wouldn't have sent you if you wouldn't handle it.
>Maybe he just needs a friend?
>His brows raise and he looks around dumbly, before smiling down at you.
>"Nonsense, there's nothing you can do to stop me, in fact-"
>You jerk back further only to be stopped by one of his shark lackeys.
>"I think I'll call this adventure-" he waves his hand out in a regal fashion, "The 'King Orion looses his way to the supermarket' adventure. Haha!"
>Then he... stops?
>You wait for him to do something.
>His eyes then light up.
>"Why, I think I'll add it to the 5th volume of my autobiography. It'll be Magnificent. And dare I say-"
>He puts leans his fists on his hands in a powerful imposting stance.
>One that has a commanding regal presence to rival Celestia herself.
>Your fishy snozzle scrunches at him.
>"You... write books?"
>"Of course I do," he giggles, pulling you in close in a near rib crushing half hug.
>Sweet Celestia he's strong.
>"And they're all about me and my adventures with my friends!"
>"But mostly about me," he interrupts. "Actually, about ninety-five percent about me."
>You need to redeem this stallion and put a horn ring on one of his weird phalanges.
>He swats you on the back, and it pulls all the... water? out of your lungs- err gills.
>"Why, this reminds me of that time I was stuck on an alien planet Rann will all my will sapped away. Luckily batman was there to snap me out of it so that I could save the day!"
>He then stands up, and pulls a book out from behind him.
>What is he doing bringing a BOOK under-
>"Now then, enough modesty. How about I read you volumes one to four while we figure out a way to get me home, Sea Pony," He says, flipping through the pages as if they were on land.
>You want to be happy, but why do you feel a sense of foreboding?
https://pastebin.com/TxTCndGZ A bit short but I binned it anyways.
Now im imagining anon as jackie chan tulpa from 4cc
Yeah, but she's a NERD
>>You don't understand
>Anon is suspicious
>Gives Chrysalis multiple opportunities to feed from him while he pretends to be defenseless
>Initially suspects that she knows he's faking it and isn't risking blowing her cover
>Uses crab-based magic to determine that Chrysalis legitimately thinks he's asleep/otherwise indisposed and still refuses to feed from him; gently touches/caresses him instead
>Anon comes to the conclusion that either Chrysalis is into young colts, or her plan has fallen apart and she's fallen in love with him
I kept writing "Celestia" instead of "Chrysalis" in every instance of her name.
>that file name
>"C'mon, Anon, why don't you give me a chance? I'm a nice gal! Nobody ever seems to notice me."
>Wallflower thinks she has magical powers to go unnoticed
>In reality, the guys she hits on just think she's creepy and they pretend they didn't hear her talking to them
>>The one thing that everybody in the world collectively agreed to hate
Pussy. It must be so hard having to study a whole week before your final exams in order to get an 'A'. After going through university, I just can't understand why kids complain about how hard their butt-fuck easy school is.
Well, fuck. I can never eat crab or lobster ever again.
Why did the fucking captcha give me a picture of a harry potter poster as an option when it asked me to select all the store fronts?
>Anon and Celestia bond over cake
>Anon no longer feels like some sort of glutinous freak (despite all of the calories going towards magic)
>Celestia hat met a kindred spirit who appreciates cake as much as she does
>/ss/ happens
If you don't want to crush that puss then I fear there may be something wrong with you
It's not about being hard, it's about being tedious. In a University setting, you can at least console yourself with a certain sense of freedom and satisfaction that, if nothing else, you're taking the classes you yourself chose for your own purposes. In lower grades though, you know with 100% certainty that you'll be sitting for eight hours doing pointless busy work for no reason other than because it's what the government says you have to.
Also, if you don't have a car, that means you'll be taking the bus, which means waiting for up to a half hour even in sub-zero winter temperatures just for the privilege of wasting the rest of your day. Or showing up only to have to chase the bus down because it showed up early. It's the worst. That damn bus still shows up in my nightmares.
Even though I spent my University days literally working from sunup to sundown, I greatly prefer those days to high school.
>Also, if you don't have a car, that means you'll be taking the bus, which means waiting for up to a half hour even in sub-zero winter temperatures just for the privilege of wasting the rest of your day. Or showing up only to have to chase the bus down because it showed up early. It's the worst. That damn bus still shows up in my nightmares.
I took the bus to university. The only time it really fucked with me (I had long since accepted waiting for the bus as a part of university life, and so it had no affect on me) was when I had labs early in the morning, and I had to be up on time to catch the very first bus.
I'm pretty sure you're talking about public transit buses. We're talking about school buses.
Oh. You had school buses that took you to high school? That's so weird, where I live they only ever went to elementary schools. Nigger, you had BETTER have school buses take you to high school, because we are going to have problems if this "school is so rough" discussion is centered around Grade 7, 12-year-old-child shit.
Yeah. Not everyone has their own license or car when attending high school, thus school buses.
No joke? Jeez, that's bizarre. But Christ, the high school kids with cars were always so obnoxious. It wasn't even their car, it was their parent's car. Congrats on being able to drive the 10 minute commute from the school to your house.
>Be Anon
>You've taken it upon yourself to teach Sweetie Belle how to cook
>A lesser man would've broken already
>But you were no lesser man
>Already you've managed to get her to go from somehow liquefying toast to simply burning it
>At this rate she'll be able to make something edible within the week
>And they said it couldn't be done

would Rarity be upset that Sweetie is turning out coltish like her, or happy that Sweetie might be getting some dick out of it?
The second especially if she thinks she can get in on it too
Sisters share everything, don't they?
>You are Anonymous
>You want cake
>You went to dad and he just had a thousand yard stare
>"It is time."
>He took you to the dining room and gave one of the cooks the thousand yard stare
>The cook had a grim look on his face
>Ten minutes later they came back with a cake that puts wedding cakes to shame
>You will demolish this cake

>You are Shining Armor
>Your son has just started craving sweets
>Perfectly normal for unicorns
>But your son is an alicorn
>You turn to walk away but stop when you hear a burp
>You turn around and look on in horror
>Your son ate the entire bucking cake
>He just gives you a look

I know I'd never share a girl with my brother, wouldn't rgre have mares not getting along if their after the same male?
They can, but it's generally assumed that, if herding is a thing, they'd be okay with it
Every heard of the concept of herding? This thread uses it quite often, friend.
>implying he's been around long enough to have heard of the concept
Oh. It was an honest mistake, apologies.
No no no, I refuse to believe anything but the worst. You can't stop me.
Would Anon's magical weakness make him crave sweets more in order to make up for it, or less because he just doesn't have as much as he should?
>Be Anon
>You had been stuck in Ponyville
>Everypony treated you like glass
>It sucked ass
>That is, until Rainbow Dash's friend from flight school game over
>Her name was Gilda
>And she was an omnivore
>You found this out when you saw her eating a sandwich with meat on it
>You ended up stealing her sandwich from her
>Then she beat your ass
>Good times
>When it came time for her to leave you begged her to take you with her
>It seems you made a good impression on her because she agreed
>That's how you ended up living with your henfriend
Lobster is different, it's actually like raw shrimp, which is somewhat clear, but solid (like cooked penguin egg whites).
>cooked penguin egg whites
So...how do you know what cooked penguin eggs look like?
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>>Then she beat your ass
>not giving her a run for her money
>not at least giving her a black eye
Perhaps this is one of those universes in which all the magical creatures are also magically powered, or very large.
If Gilda were the size of an actual lion, Anon probably would have gotten his ass beat, no matter what.
No, hey, don't you ruin my super OP self-insert. If Anon can't effortlessly beat the shit out of every griffon and dragon out there while all four princesses line up to suck his dick at the same time, then it's utter garbage.
>If Anon can't effortlessly beat the shit out of every griffon and dragon out there while all four princesses line up to suck his dick at the same time, then it's utter garbage.
this. anon has to be a master of hokuto shinken or i just can't get invested.
My dick remains flaccid if Anon isn't treated like he's morally superior in every confrontation, even when he's being an enormous asshole with no conscience and is clearly wrong.
I just want Anon to be treated like a delicate flower
>Anon is treated like a delicate flower
>Anon does not immediately use physical violence as disproportionate retribution, or otherwise string some mare along with the intent of dropping her in the near future and emotionally hurting her for his own amusement
That would be a breath of fresh air.
>translates "at least give her a black eye for her trouble" to "anon can wrestle fully grown dragons and punch out lions LMAO"
Boy you sure are a word twisting cunt. Kill yourself.
>having to study a whole week before your final exams in order to get an 'A'.
Take something other than lesbian dance theory, and you'll see what university is supposed to be like. Switching from University to a full time job was like a vacation, even with the three hours of commuting every single day.
>Boy you sure are a word twisting cunt.
Given how all those posts have the same tone of triggered, willfully dishonest cuntishness, what do you suppose the odds are that it's just one or two especially retarded anons?

It's probably the same person who went to some pathetic, useless schools and thinks all school is easy and enjoyable.
>Be Anon
>A workaholic
>Unfortunately you were stuck in a land where it was near impossible for you to get a job on account of being a 'stallion'
>You couldn't stand it
>The more you were forced to sit around doing nothing the more it ate away at you inside
>You needed to get out and do something or you were going to go crazy
>Anon headbutted her and chipped her beak,
>The fact he was willing to brain himself (in her view) to try to injure her like some sort of psychopath actually impressed Gilda.
>Turns out his viciousness was attractive to certain species.
>Fluttershy is one of the few ponies that doesn't treat Anon like glass.
>Instead, she treats him like how she would a very large ape.
>Considers how an ape would react when dealing with him.
>Body language, etcetera.
>When she sees Anon becoming increasingly irritated, she tries to warn her friends.
>A rampaging silver-back was a terrifying thing, after all.

>She stamps her hoof in frustration.
>"Ooh, can't they see the signs that Mr Anon is about to go coocoo!"

>Only trouble is that humans aren't apes.
>Sure, we're related, but the differences are like that to a dog and a wolf, or a chimpanzee and a marmoset.
>Thus, Anon is baffled by how odd Fluttershy sometimes acts.
>>having to study a whole week before your final exams in order to get an 'A'.
>Take something other than lesbian dance theory, and you'll see what university is supposed to be like
No, genius, that was high school I was describing. High school is the piss-easy education facility where you can study a week in advance and still get an 'A'.
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>No mare to take me on a date to the movies and try the ol' "pretend to yawn, stretch, and end up resting your arm (or foreleg) on your date's shoulder" trick
This is how an obsessive gardener/home DIYer is made.
>High school is the piss-easy education facility where you can NEVER STUDY and still get an 'A'.
public education is effectively pointless inefficient daycare till you are 18
School quality really depends on where you are, and what you make of it.
I remember some of the people I knew in high school nearly fucked themselves when they went to college. They went their whole high school life never really studying, and then suddenly they had to do nothing *but* studying or else they'd fall behind and fail the course.
if its what you make of it, what good is standardization?
Promote them maximize their own making of it without forcing a idiotic minimum standard

standardized schooling just reduces the bar to the least common denominator, and sabotages any real exceptionalism

its a waste of time, if not sabotage, for those who could actually make improvements to the world, and self-esteem welfare for those who couldn''t
its a day care either way
>self esteem welfare for those who couldn't
is a good classification for the people you describe

not everyone should go to college
Don't even bother with that.

When you're sitting next to each other and talking, draw her into a story. The kind of story where you might have to sketch out a scene in front of them.

Obviously, you want to sketch the scene out so she can imagine it right, so you have to move next to her to start pointing to where things are in the image. Putting your arm over her shoulders to hold her close is just common sense, so you can tell the story better and describe things with both enthusiasm and accuracy.

Shit's comfy.

Like the Woody and Buzz pic here, but closer, and happier.
Don't forget about that asshole neighbor that always tries to report people's lawns for being one centimeter too tall.
>After months of being treated like glass no matter his attempts Anon eventually just gives up and decides to take the easy life
>He still acts like a human guy he just ignores the advances of cunt mares and only uses the spa's sauna to get his stallion friends off his back
>His saving grace from going Columbine on Ponyville comes in the shape of a handful of ponies
>Trixie, so full of herself that she treats mares and stallions as equally beneath her but enjoys a challenge
>Anon enjoys attempting to knock over her ego and enjoys her own attempts at his
>Then there's Moondancer who doesn't care if somepony's a stallion or mare so long as they enjoys what she does
>She used to be weird around stallions but she resigned herself to loneliness and as a result doesn't feel embarrassed as she's basically conditioned herself to think it wouldn't go anywhere if she tries
>Anon is thankful for this and does end up helping her friends to give her a push every now and then but doesn't forceful
>He ends up taking up O&O with her and her circle
>Then Zephyr Breeze unexpectedly became a bro
>They both like to just relax at either Anon or Zephyr's place
>Whilst Anon dreaded meeting a hairstylist he soon found that Zephyr was much more lenient with his own coat and mane and didn't need to go to the salon every 5 minutes
>Finally there was Tree Hugger
>The thought of a hippie put Anon off but when he found she wasn't a homeless, jobless bum but just someone who appreciated nature and relaxing he found himself relaxing with her and finding a new view on life
>if its what you make of it, what good is standardization?
By what you make of it, I mean what courses you choose to take, when you start getting a choice, and doing extra-curricular stuff. Some extra curricular stuff gives credits, but you'll have to do extra work during lunch, and before/after school actually starts.

Standardization is still good for getting a minimum competency standard. Being able to read and write is important. So is getting a basic comprehension of multiple branches of science, math disciplines, economics, and history.

The basic courses are there, but you're supposed to choose what the other 30% of your education is about.

Protip: If your school offers a cooking course, fucking take it. You'll have to cook and eat food for the rest of your life anyway, and the test days sometimes just end up being buffets.

Walking by that room, which was right next to the stairs in my HS, was torture. It smelled so good, I had to take that class.

I was also one of only 3 people in the class who passed the big cooking exam towards the end of the year on the first try. Some people had to make up to 3 tries to pass it. It's an actual food handling / safety certification that you can use in the industry if you want.
>Protip: If your school offers a cooking course, fucking take it. You'll have to cook and eat food for the rest of your life anyway, and the test days sometimes just end up being buffets.
Also, it's ridiculously easy to get an A+.
I mean it’s posshble she might be the RGREqG version of that obliviously weird person who blames all of their problems on others?

>poor hygiene
>weird hobbies
>easily spergs out when she talks to people
>dresses like a literal background character
Standardization, kills competition, and forces everyone to the bottom, it cannot uplift anyone

Standardization a pipe-dream of postmodernists
Only 3 people passed the exam the first time, Anon.
I guess my class was just a bit shit.
Standardization of the maximum, yes.

Standardization of a minimum, no.

The whole idea of making education universal was to get a higher minimum standard of education and knowledge into the hands of the public. Those who choose to go for higher or more specialized education later can do so, same with those who do things like join the jazz band.

There is significant value in having a minimum standard that you try to raise people to.
>There is significant value in having a minimum standard that you try to raise people to.

There are practical limits to what you can do to raise someone who isn't interested in making something of themselves, or worse, lacks the potential to reach any particularly lofty heights. When you have performance requirements for a minimum, though, you create a perverse incentive to lower the standards.
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There is no standardization of a maximum, that's insane, the point is to continually increase it

When you make a minimum standard, it punishes anyone who exceeds it

when the teacher has to focus on the retard in the class everyone suffered, because the one genius who would actually help everyone is ignored

when a business is given handouts, and subsidies it punishes competition, and more leaches play the welfare game

when the poor are given money, or the minimum wages are increased it just incentivizes more people to be poor, and reduces the value of the money

i bet your a moron who thinks common core isn't a globalized brainwashing campaign

its a fucking postmodernist pipe dream
>When you have performance requirements for a minimum, though, you create a perverse incentive to lower the standards.
I am now imagining buzz holding woody Tightly as shit, and with a manic grin on his face. Woody still looks the same.
But the only alternative to a minimum standard is "everyone gets a trophy."
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fuck off you Marxists scum
good bait
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>when a business is given handouts
You have no idea what minimum standard means. This example, and everything that follows it, has nothing to do with making sure that school at least teaches things like reading and writing.

What grading system do you propose, then? Should there be a minimum standard for passing, or should only 10% of the students pass every year, regardless of their absolute performance? By what standards will you judge the top 10%? Productivity volume? Project complexity? Depth of themes in their essay?

As long as there's a difference between "passing" and "getting a lot done" within the school system, there is a minimum standard. If I'm going for a geology degree, I don't need to meet the same standards for biology or paleontology that specialists in those fields do. I still need to learn some basics from those fields, though. I imagine it's the same for specialists in those fields having to learn a small amount of geology as it applies to their field.

If you still want to disagree, then tell me how your idea of an education system would work, and why it would be better for society.
>That pic
I want to see Anon get into a debate about education with Cheerilee. In fact, I don't think we see many RGRE Cheerilee stories.
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the punchline is schools don't teach reading and writing anymore anon
the internet does that by just existing
No, literally, stop and think about it.
If you create a system where there is no standard for failure, then failure becomes an impossibility.
Minimum standard doesn't mean "let's minimize our standards so everyone can meet them," it means "everyone must at least be this good in order to succeed."
The perverse incentive is introduced separately, by other unrelated systems that, say, give schools rewards for the number of students "meeting" the (downwardly flexible) requirements rather than alternatives like the quality of the maximum levels of students, or adequate performance of instruction measured independently of how many stupid students may be present.
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Boy, I sure do love ponies
And I love gender roles that are reversed, but like all things in this thread, that's a non-binding suggestion at best.
and you keep playing with definitions


welfare is a reward
>Minimum standard doesn't mean "let's minimize our standards so everyone can meet them," it means "everyone must at least be this good in order to succeed."
Fucking this. Kudos for boiling things down like this.
And how exactly do you enforce that?
Its way easier to just make everyone the same anon
>Pinkie is affectionate with Anon
>Not coming from an RGR society, Anon is rather pleased to be on the receiving end of hugs from Pinkie Pie, rather than thinking she's being weird and/or a potential rapist like stallions might
>Ponies think that he and Pinkie are a couple
>Pinkie does nothing to disprove the rumours
You guys seem to be in violent agreement with each other regarding the negatives of declining standards.
>You are Anonymous
>After eating three cakes in one sitting, something even Sunbutt can't do, you decided to forcefully cuddle the changeling again
>Seeing her flustered is so much fun
>Who new that a being that lives off of love would be such a prude?
>Well that or really naive
>Mom is making you exercise again
>With how much you're doing it combined with more rigorous magic practice, you're eating like a bear before hibernation
>You feel gross after each meal
>Ever heard of a guy called Tarrare?
>Kind of like him but less eating pets and more exhaustion
>Right now you are snuggling Crystal
>"Could you please get off me?"
"No, I'm tired and sore, you're soft and comfortable"

>You are Cadence
>Your plan to get Anonymous and Crystal together is working perfectly
>You start to cackle like a typical villain when their plan works
>Shiny gives you a weird look
I just wanted him to admit public schools now are useless daycare, that most people don't have to go to college, but he can't let go of anything, so he started to play with definitions
>snuggling Crystal
>"Could you please get off me?"

what is she a fag?
>A changeling not wanting love to be willingly given to her.
Yeah, she is.
or a
and can only feel fulfilled if its taken
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>Cadence's face when she finds out she's been setting up her son with the same changeling queen that tried to steal her husband
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less arguing, more cute bug
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>>After eating three cakes in one sitting, something even Sunbutt can't do, you decided to forcefully cuddle the changeling again
>>Seeing her flustered is so much fun
>>Who new that a being that lives off of love would be such a prude?
I like thing
>Chrysalis is good at disguise
>Cadence doesn't catch on until her and Anon's first foal is a changeling nymph who cannot, due to her age, disguise herself as a filly
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>I've been setting up my son with a changeling queen.
>The changeling queen is barely older than my son.
>We almost lost equestria to her Twice.
>Chrysalis is actually a not entirely intentional cradle robber
>This is Candyass' fetish
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>Anon's reaction when, after giving them the standard "and that's how I met your mother" story, his foals ask him if they really were, by the RGR standards of Equestria, the product of a rape
Can you link the two greens that your talking about?
The two TF greens getting posted ITT, Popped and REEEE's.
>>After eating three cakes in one sitting, something even Sunbutt can't do
>something even Sunbutt can't do
so, does that mean he has more magic, or his cravings are working overtime to build it back up?
also, I can only imagine the force of Celly-belly's pure smug when Cadance admitted that, had she eaten more sweets during the pregnancy, maybe Anon could've had a more "normal" magical strenght
His body is working overtime, he is physically and magically exhausted from excersizes and practice
To add to this, Sunbutt sits on her ass all day, and Anon actually does stuff
>Celestia decides to have a friendly cake-eating race with him in private.
>You know, like how adults always humour babies, toddlers, and kids.
>Family and all.
>To her astonishment and worry, he not only out-eats her, he continues to do so.
>Decides to look for ways to help him in the Royal Archives.
>Luna also aids her, worried about their great-nephew.
Perhaps to prevent the newfags and/or autists from creating 2 additional threads like the other day?
Faggotry, there's no other explanation.
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he possibly thought he was in the nothing more pure thread
wtf happened to the thread ?
idk, new thread because that one already gone.
It's some sperg that do it just to post "le celesia best pwincess xD" as the first post like we are in youtube.
Example of said faggotry on the new thread >>32505148
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>when people confuse you for others
also jesus christ, anon, can't people have preferences around you, or do you force people to take the same portions from each thing on the buffet table when you go to parties, too?
I don't know where I was supposed to be going with this either
>ywn surprise analingus a sun horse on a picnic
It was a huge mainstream deal about 4 months back. If you missed it, google it. It's clear as those cheap clear bouncy balls from the 90's with those injection molded plastic toys in the center.

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