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File: taking a gander.png (272 KB, 791x1024)
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There is nothing more pure than love between a man and a mare.

"taking a gander" edition

Old thread >>32578781

Stories by Tsar Anon: https://pastebin.com/BnjZqwM3

Stories by DGCT: https://pastebin.com/u/dontgooglecrotchtits

Minty's Careful Steps: https://pastebin.com/P2aD5GVa

A Heart Longs for Another: https://pastebin.com/11TXCVXJ

The Sun Where You Belong: https://pastebin.com/WRUW1xQu

The Taming of the Harsh: https://pastebin.com/pVk0yjP7

The Broken Carousel (Part 1): https://pastebin.com/TJELn7vt
The Broken Carousel (Twilight Sparkle Interlude 1): https://pastebin.com/LvSPqhwG
The Broken Carousel (Part 2): https://pastebin.com/TBUr6F5f

Quest for the Forbidden Lover: https://pastebin.com/SRTzXyLm

Moon Dancer’s Hope Chest: https://pastebin.com/BFbyEcBg

Mate Retrieval Expedition: https://pastebin.com/U72A3jGU

Untitled /nmp/ green by Cosmic: https://pastebin.com/Xytb3xMC

Stories by Trandhal: https://pastebin.com/u/trandhal

This Heart That Fears: https://pastebin.com/0b7L24Ln

Violet Memory: https://pastebin.com/e9Ec1vd1


A collection of miscellaneous greens since the first thread.
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now fuck off
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>reddit/pol memes
What a great start.
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>that pic
Threads off to a great start.

Now tell me, what is your mare's fetish?
Don't worry, let me fix things
>Cracks knuckles

Part 12

>After gathering your bearings from your flashback
>And remembering you had some first aid kits that you immediately used to clean the wound on your temple
>You set out, once again, in your quest for Daybreaker
>Too bad you can’t clean yourself up
>Your pink coat will be covered in dried up blood and puke until you can find a body of water
>Another shiver makes itself known down your spine from remembering that your current look is the proof this place is fucked
>But this time you’re not letting yourself get shaken by it
>Not so much at least
>It still sickens you, but you can’t let it become a deciding factor in any of your future encounters
>With your newly found drive to find the Well of Spirits, and get a Soul Stone to perform the Soul Transfusion procedure, you journey deeper into Tartarus
>So far you have yet to find it
>And you don’t think you’ll find it any time soon
>The book you brought with you contained more info, but it was more about the ritual itself than the location of the Well of Spirits
>It just says the Well of Spirits in the depths of Tartarus
>But the depths of Tartarus could be anyway
>Literally the depth of Tartarus, underground or inside the chasm that homes the giga-Tatzlwurm
>Or depths as in, very far away inside this Celestia forsaken place
>So instead of trying to look for the information the book doesn’t have, you decided to read more about the ritual and how it works from
>Not while making your way there of course
>Without magic you can’t float the book and read while walking
>Acquiring knowledge is something you can only do when it’s time to eat or sleep
>Managing your time properly is key, the only way you’ll get the stone and get out of Tartarus as soon as possible
>And by as soon as possible you mean by the time one month since you got here hits you want to be right beside that damn gate to open it
>So your schedule has basically been traveling, avoiding encounters as much as you can
>Ignoring your sense of justice
>You don’t want your near death experience happening a second time
>Let this place tear itself apart from the inside Cadance, and ignore it as it does so
>Taking a few minutes of rest because walking for hours on end can be tiring
>When you feel you absolutely need to eat, you find a secluded spot to hide so nothing can jump you, and you eat only the absolute necessary
>It’s during this time you’ll take the book out and read it
>After that you go back to traveling and avoiding more Tartarus inmates
>And when you feel it’s almost time to hit the hay, again you’ll find a secluded spot, read some more of the Soul Power book, and then actually hit the hay
>You’ve been doing this for a few days
>And you had many close calls from either dangerous creatures or those your Aunt banished
>But each of them only makes you more proficient at avoiding them
>Not that that’s a good thing, one should never have to go through this and grow more experienced at avoiding death
>But unfortunately you are
>And, unfortunately, or fortunately depending on your point of view, you’ll need that experience
>Aside from the close calls, you feel like you’re getting closer
>Not to the Well of Spirits, but to at least something that’ll point you in said direction
>You hope
>Call it a hunch
>The environment around you isn’t even the same plain, desert like stretch of land with rocks
>You’re now at a place you’re very familiar with
>Well, you’re getting there
>The actual prison within Tartarus
>When just banishing isn’t enough, and the banished have to be kept locked away
>Yeah, that mountainous-esque region you were chained at with your Aunts
>With narrow pathways and staircases were a single slip of your hoof could spell your doom
>Maybe not
>You did survive a pretty nasty fall from that cliff with nothing but a cut on your temple and a hurting back
>It hurt a lot, but you survived, and that’s what matters the most
>You‘d still prefer not to fall from these pathways once you get there
>After all, without your horn and wings you’ll be stuck down there until your feathers can grow back, or you can use magic again
>Somewhere in those platforms-cell thingies must be someone who knows where the Well of Spirits is
>Yes they may be a hundred, even a thousand times worse than the average banished criminal
>But if your bumps into super villains taught you anything, is that they can be very reasonable
>While your average crazy criminal here will jump you as soon as they can and try to take your shit or try to kill you
>Somepony like, you don’t know, Chrysalis, or even Sombra would probably strike a conversation instead of trying to take you out as soon as they can
>It’s super villain stuff, you don’t know why, but they like to talk
>If the ones actually locked away on these platforms are like these two, then maybe you can extract the info you need on where the well is
>Because like you already mentioned, the book doesn’t tell you were the fucking Well is, so this is your best bet, second being continue to wander aimlessly around Tartarus until you find it
>The book did teach you more about the Soul Stone though
>The Soul Stone works as a sort of satellite
>Yes, you know what a satellite is; being around humans for so long triggers the desire for knowledge sometimes
>And they taught you about this wonderful box called a television, where you could watch recorded or live plays, and even news
>And it was thanks a machine called satellite that picks up some waves or some shit from their place of origin, and transmits them to the televisions
>losing to cartoon ponies
>The Soul Stone works in a similar way, where it picks up the soul, and transmits, or transfuses it, in this case, into the next host
>Without the Soul Stone to absorb the soul and later redirect it to vessel, a Soul Transfusion simply isn’t possible
>Why isn’t it possible?
>Because they tried, and it didn’t work
>All the cultist managed to do was turn a ponies into a soulless husks because there were no Soul Stone to keep it contained and redirect it toward the body
>It just got whisked away, floating aimlessly until it dissipates into nothing
>The research did take generations to be finished, many unnecessary
>And fucking dumb, you might add
>Sacrifices had to be made in order to create the final version of the ritual
>After learning the purpose of the stone you set out to discover if any lapidary could cut the stone into the oval gem you needed it to be
>Turns out this part was not as complicated as you thought it would be
>You thought you’d need some specific lapidary to polish the stone for you
>But nah, any professional will do
>There are no specifics techniques or stuff like that
>Just plain old lapidary lapidating the stone
>So after getting the stone and jumping ship from his hole
>You can just take the stone to anypony competent at polishing gems and you’ll have your working Soul Stone ready to momentarily house, and redirect a soul towards a dying body
>There was also more information on the Soul Stones you wished you didn’t read
>Like, the fact that after decades a rough Soul Stone dissolves by itself, allowing the soul of the individual trapped in Tartarus to finally go into the afterlife, and then resurrect into a newborn foal or whatever creature it was before dying
>What an awesome information, doesn’t make you at all feel even more like a piece of shit
>You’re pretty much damming two souls to eternal damnation and no chance of reincarnation
>But at this point and time you really don’t care too much anymore
>As for info on the well of spirits, it is the most basic, fucking vague info you could ever get
>What you want, and need, to know was where in the fuck was the Well of Spirits
>But it doesn’t say, it says what the well looks like, not where exactly in Tartarus it is
>The one info you needed exactly right and the book doesn’t have it, all the other info you could’ve read later, even after leaving Tartarus
>But the one you need? No, fuck you apparently, that’s what you deserve for doing what you’re doing
>So your best bet is to keep looking on hoof
>And that’s what you’re doing now, walking in a random direction, hoping you’d find that damn Well
>You know what it looks like, so it’s only a matter of identifying it from afar
>You actually don’t how it truly looks like
>The illustration on the book is too vague to serve as a hint
>The only info it has on the Well that can somewhat lead you do it
>All it shows is a circular hole with a lot of water in it
>No diameter, no circumference, no size, no nothing
>Most basic visual description you could get of what you were looking for
>You assume the Well is actually a lake and not a well from the how wide looks, at least in your opinion
>And it’s called a Well because… you dunno
>So sooner or later you might bump into it IF, your plane of extracting info from an quote unquote, inmate, doesn’t work
>There doesn’t seem to be many lakes in this place at all, so that might be the only one
>Which considerably streamlines your journey
>If you see a lake, it’s jackpot, simple as that
>Welp, looks like your musings have to be cut short
>You got to the “prison” part of Tartarus
>And you spy with your little eyes a Cerberus guarding the entrance from your spot
>Just peachy
>As if one isn’t enough, there are two
>And this time you’re as unprepared and outmatched as you can get
>If your horn and wings weren’t trashed you could just pop into one of the platforms holding some malevolent being, or just fly over the Cerberus
>Because funnily enough the three headed dog isn’t small enough to walk through the pathways and staircases to follow you if it saw you flying over it
>Or smelt the dried blood still clinging to your coat
“How the hay am I gonna get past it?”
>The Cerberus is not located on the entrance, but at a platform in-between the pathways that lead to it, and to the first cell-platform, which is what you’re gonna call them from now on because you honestly have no clue what they’re actually called
>So the dog is pretty much stuck in this platform just big enough to house it, meaning your only way of getting in is through the narrow pathway it can’t follow you through
>But if you do go through the pathway it WILL see or smell you
>And will fucking block your way to the next pathway that’ll lead you to the other cell-platforms because of how big it is
>Unless there’s some way to distract it enough for you to book it to the other side of its platform, you’re pretty much stuck and will have to go back to just wandering aimlessly and give up on your one chance of maybe getting some concrete information on where the Auntie dammed Well of Spirits is
>You mean, you could throw some of you food at the corner of the platform and hope to whatever deity that haven’t given up on you yet that the Cerberus will take the bait, giving you ample time to make a run for it
>But do you really want to waste precious supplies just to get past the Cerberus?
>If you still had both halves of your saddlebags, your answer might’ve been yes
>But now that your shit is much more limited you can’t just throw away food
>It’s not like you have much of a choice though
>But you still don’t wanna go with that plan, there must be another way
>You rub a crusty hoof on your chin as you thi-
>Looking at your blood covered hoof, an idea suddenly forms in your head
>You take out one of the few remaining first aid kits from your saddlebag, and from the little bag you take out the roll of tape, same one you used to cover the wound on your temple
>Next, you unfurl your wings
>Cringing at the state they’re in, you search for any feathers that might need preening, and promptly remove them
>Not like they would serve you or anything when they’re already broken
>With four bloody useless feathers removed, you search the ground for anything that is light enough for you to through all the way from a distance the Cerberus can’t see or smell you,
>But heavy enough to not overshoot the platform the dog’s guarding
>And you just managed to find it
>A stone, around your head in size
>Pocking the stone, you tape the feathers to it, and hope to Celestia your plan works as you stand on your hind legs and take a pitcher’s stance
>You need it to land on the platform, and for the dog to lock on to the smell of dried blood
>The smell will hopefully be enticing enough to distract the beast just enough for you to rush through the platform as fast as you can
>Alright, Cadance
>Take a deep breath
>On the count to three
>A grunt leaves your mouth as you toss the stone, and watch as it flies up in an arc, goes down as gravity takes place and…
>It lands on the platform; and near the edge as well!
>Fuck, you’re good
>You should play ball
>The Cerberus’ head snap toward the sound of the stone clacking to the floor, and as soon as its nose picks up the smell of blood, it runs straight toward the stone
>That’s your cue
>Run, Cadance, run!
>And make a run for it you do
>Hooves clip clopping loudly against the stone pathway and stairs
>Thankfully it seems too entranced by the smell to notice you yet
>But as soon as you reach the Cerberus platform, the three headed dog hears you coming and turns around, before baring its fangs and charging for you
>Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck!
>Put some more effort into your gallop you crazy Alicorn!
>Else you turn into dog chow
>The thunderous steps of the massive mutant bulldog shake the floor as it quickly catches up to you
>C’mon Cadance, you can do it!
>You didn’t come here to become dog food!
>Putting as much strength on your leg as you can, you make a dive for the pathway just as the beast was about to take a bite out of you
>You hit the stone floor as you land on your chest, heart beating at a million miles per hour
>Turning onto your back, your heartrate slowly decreases as you pat around your chest and realize you’re still alive
>Raising your head greets you with the sight of the Cerberus glaring and growling at you
>And of course, you can’t help but smirk and throw him a raspberry
“HA! Dumb dog, you’re not getting this flank so easily”
>You stand up on your shaky legs and pat your flank, flaunting your victory
>That is, until you notice the chunk of red that’s supposed to be pink, purple and cream colored strings on the center head’s jaw
>You look at your flank and nearly faint as realize a good half of your beautiful tail is now gone
>Looking back at the three headed dog, you see the beat spit it like some disgusting piece of trash, and give out a smirk of his own, before turning back to the center of the platform
>On that little shit, you oughta-
>You did what you wanted, you got past the Cerberus
>Any consequences are irrelevant
>You completed the objective, now the rest of the way is free of three headed demon mutant bulldogs
Doesn’t make you any less mad Celestia dammit, that was your tail! It could’ve at least eaten it! How dare it spit your tail out like that?! The nerve of that mutt!!
>Doing a one eighty, you face toward the first cell-platform, hoping to find someone who can give you some information about the Well of Spirits
>Making your way up the stairs, you’re met with a very familiar sight
>There’ no one here, unfortunately, but the place brings you vivid memories of the time Tirek locked you and your aunts here
>These were very unpleasant times
>Nowhere near as bad as what you’re living through right now, but you don’t want that happening ever again
>Still, nothing to see here, next cell-platform please
>You walk straight through the cell and onto the next pathways
>Before you lay a series of interconnected pathways and stairways leading to a multitude of these cell-platforms
>Thankfully, no Cerberus
>From here you can also see which ones have somepony locked or chained
>There aren’t many, but you’d expect that
>Sombra or Chrysalis level super villains are a rarity, despite Twilgiht fighting them every now and again
>And when Twilight deals with them, they usually flee, are reformed, or straight up disappear
>From your spot, however, you do see what you think is a pony in the distance, and that’s where you’re going
>Climbing down the staircase, and you make your way through the interconnected paths and crisscrosses, noting that shit’s so confusing that from the first cell-platform, you stood above all the other cells, but now your under all of them, and can’t see the pony anymore
>You still have the cell locked in your sight, but you wished you’d be able to see what you’re possibly going up against
>Even if whoever is locked or chained can’t do jack to you
>You know for a fact the chains in this drain the magic of the user in a second flat
>Your magic was already drained before being locked here
>But you still felt as if the chains were trying to suck your non-existent magic anyway
>As you climb up the stairs leading to the cell you’ve being heading for, you’re treated to a sight that shocks your core once you reach the threshold

Eeeeey, it’s ya boy Daybreaker Writefag, now known as DanteAnon from this point onwards, like the anon last thread called me, I’ll keep that name, and you won’t stop me. Like promised, here’s the week’s update, kinda late in my time zone, but I believe for some of you it might still 4/5/6 hours earlier, so it’s not as late for you.

This is the most filler-ey update so far, and it's kinda short but from this point the story will pick up again, we’re about halfway through as well, this fucking thing took more parts than I initially anticipated.

Anyway, hope you enjoy it, here's the pastebin
I want your babies.
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>I want your babies.
DanteAnon shall keep his purity and virginity like the real Dante. That way I'll attain ultimate power.
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This is why you don't give in to thots, they'll literally ruin your life, mares are the only correct choice.
but I ain't no thot. I'm just a man in need of some butt love from this here writefag
You just get the aids then.
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Remember to always clean and service your mare to ensure maximum efficiency.
but what if I like my mares dirty
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She look soft and fluffy. Top cute.
Way too small. Poner must be bred
it’s just a big cup

Must be xbox hueg, even for a man.
It's probably one of those novelty prop items people sometimes make for commercials.
Idea just popped up
>Be anon, good horsefucker and loyal disciple of Cadence
>Anons everywhere long to be loved, especially by their waifus
>As the series progresses, the longing, love, and their spite and hate for thots coalesces into life. our calls to cadence gives it identity
>The egregore looks upon man's heart and begins to reach out.
>You pray to Cadence for relief from your longing and she begins to respond
>As a vision grips you, you feel a sense of nirvana as her love radiates unto you
>Your waifu appears before you, she performs the sincerest heartfelt greeting ever
>An impossibly seductive voice bellows out from the pinkish light
>"Come my child, your heart rings out in longing and anguish and I bring unto you she who loves you most."
>"Man's heart cries out for love and yet receives only hate and predation. I have heard your prayers, faithful one and those who struggle as you do"
>She speaks again with noticeably more determination "I cannot allow the radiance of LOVE to be constrained from those who need it most."
>"Most faithful anon, I ask of you to remove the barrier between the realm of thought and feeling and the cold realm of matter so that all men may know LOVE. You and your waifu will be united for eternity, man and mare will be joined when time is nothing"
>You barely eek out your question
"how can I break the barrier between realities?"
>"Kek has revealed this process to some of his greatest followers, their cooperation may be needed. Do stay away from the followers of the /K/ube, They get quite violent"
>"I shall bestow unto you a great weapon, Thotslayer, made from a piece of the crystal heart itself, it blasts others with the power of LOVE. Thots and psychopaths will be destroyed as their souls cannot know LOVE."
>You sense a barely contained godly fury from Cadence everytime you hear 'thot'
>A great winged pegasus flies from high above bestows the gilded spear to you
>You wake up in a night shrouded meadow, as you pick up Thotslayer, you know this was not a dream
>You are filled with a inhuman conviction of your new task
>"Ave Cadenza, for man and mare!" you mutter as you trek off to find the followers of the frog god.
>the weapon is Thotslayer
i should’ve seen it coming, but i laughed regardless.
Amor Vult
holy shit, this is amazing, and right up my alley too.
>>You sense a barely contained godly fury from Cadence every time you hear the word "thot"
i believe some physical removal is in order?
anon, if you don't continue, then i may have to get off my lazy writefag ass and continue this, so please keep going
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I'm gonna try to cook something up
dropping some hot oc that i just spent an hour and a half cooking up
Makes me want to massacre thots but not in a murdery way mr fbi
>Walking out onto the empty road, you scan the moonlit landscape beyond. Noone to be seen from horizon to horizon, marching onward spear in hand to the nearest town at least to orient yourself
>As you cross hill after hill, meadow became forest and you began to wonder how you would come into contact with meme worshipping autists who hate the concept of reality and imparted secret knowledge by the first known autism god? Wizchan seems to be as good a place to start as any.
>Stopping to rest below a roadside tree, you collect some ripe blackberries growing at the edge of this forest and begin to snack. Silently thanking Celestia for her summer bounty, gazing upward you could make out the faint band of the milky way much resembling Luna's mane.
>Luna's blessed moon shone full in the sky as did the constellations, you spot the distant light of a mid sized town about the horizon. The road was still devoid of anyone except you and the sound of sicadas, this peace was refreshing from the daily drudgery of wageslave existence.
>Marching onward, the town took up much a larger portion of your view, it's street light were on but it seemed to be silent and peaceful. The walk continued as luna dipped noticebly toward the ground and your mind began to wander.
"Wait, all I have right now is the clothes on my back and a 6 food golden spear, I have no money or know if I can get back." the realization blindsides you.
>How were you going to get home? If there was a bus station, how would you pay for it? You certainly couldn't walk there, not without food at least.
>You stand immersed in your thoughts when the blinding light and gushing wind of a passing semi hit you
>Your heart racing, being scared shitless like that really gave you the focus to make it to town.
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One day
>You would gauge it to be an hour or so since the truck incident as the moon made it's final dive for the underworld below, you rolled into the town. You glanced over to a sign that said "Welcome to Oxford Population: 8,461"
>Thank Cadence, should be just about 30 mins from Durham. Now to see how I can get money for a bus.
>Celestia's sun begins to peak above the horizon, a nearby clock says it to be 6:25. Ten minutes or so walking the empty street, you spot a greyhound bus station.
>Quickly turning the corner into a sparsely used alleyway, you find some bushes that would conceal Thotslayer nicely. Can't just walk into a joint wielding a 6 foot spear forge by a goddess without unwanted attention
>you bury it so it's invisible unless you purposefully searched for it and make your way to the bus station.
>The harsh fluorescent lights were on, and waiting at the the counter was a man who looked about to be in his early 60's. Walking up to the counter, he perks up and you begin to ask
"When's the first bus to Durham leave from hear?"
>"About 7:45, leaves lot A6"
"How much for a one way ticket?" you inquire
>"$7.25, you not coming back?" The man asks in return
"No, I live in Durham. Came here for to see a friend"
>you turn back to check the clock, it reads 6:47
"I'll be back in a bit, got some business to attend before I go."
>"Okay, well you have a nice day then" the old man happily states
"Y-You too"
>Making your way back to the alley where you buried Thotslayer, thoughts of how you'll get money to get back and paranoia of losing Thotslayer crept into your mind
>The image of your waifu from Cadence's vision in her perfection centered you, LOVE conquers all in the end.
Nice blend of ironic and unironic autism. I am watching
>You begin to bend over to uncover Thotslayer when you feel cold steel poking your lower back
>"I just want the money, not your life man" you hear a rather harsh voice speak
"Just walked 25 miles into town, I ain't got shit on me" you sternly reply
>"Bullshit, you were getting something out of those bushes. Gotta be something in there, right?" the mystery man speaks softly
>"just slowly pull that out and I'll be on my way, m'kay. Any moves and you're a dead man, got it?"
>Reaching slowly, you grab the shaft and slowly pull the spear out. Your robber is so fixated on your upper body, he left his legs wide open.
>Fuck it, you go for a leg sweep but you are not a martial artist, though you have managed to stagger him
>The man in a black hood composes himself and brings his folding knife into proper place.
>You had bought enough of an opening so as he charges, you bring Thotslayer's butt end flying across his face. He holds his nose in pain
>You turn it around so the crystal spear point lays right across from his collarbone
>You have a good look at your would-be assailant in his rather shocked state, man looks to be twenty-ish and very pale with sunken eyes. Man was a complete pill head.
"Throw the knife at the bin" You angerly order
>He obliges
>In your anger and indignation, you fail to notice Thotslayer's head beginning to glow. This mugger took a step back and a quiet *clink* rang out
>You ready your spear for a thrust when you ask
"Wait, you got cash?! how much?" You give a fake thrust
>"J-Just 15 bucks, got it from pan-handling" he stammers
"Let's seen it then"
>you begin to grin when he pulls some fives, ones and some coins
"Drop 'em"
>Thotslayer glows more intensely, you don't know how to use this but he doesn't know that
>He throws the money away and runs into the morning sun. Oh how the tables have turned
>Taking your spoils To the ticket man you acquainted yourself with earlier, you buy a ticket and board the bus.
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>throw the knife at the bin
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>ywn get this
wait, so did the ticket man see Thotslayer?
if not, then how the hell did anon hide a six-foot tall glowing crystal-tipped golden spear?
Princess tiny hiney
>Literally angry incels fantasizing about murdering the women who have rejected them: the thread
You pathetic losers should be locked up before you kill someone.
Sorry I don't speak Redditish
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Just /nmp/ things, get used to it or get out.
I already gave you your (You), fuck off
Nobody is obliged to silently put up with your existence. If I want to come in here and point out that all of you are delusional idiots who obsess over mares only because you can’t meet them and discover that they too have hidden flaws and make severe mistakes just like actual women, then you can’t do anything about it.
If you choose to be assblasted about things you are not forced to see, that's your problem, not ours. We merely want to prevent another burnt building, because we care about you.
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>losing to cartoon ponies
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>the absolute STATE of roasties
>Watching the woods roll by, you begin to nod off.
>Finding yourself in Cadence's realm once more, your waifu appeared to greet you there. Pulling er into a tight embrace, you find that sense of bliss once again.
"I really missed you." you exasperatingly whisper in her ear
>"I couldn't bear to be part from you, so I came to you now" she heaves
>The warmth from her barrel radiates into your bones, her sweet smell flows into your nostrils.
>Her mane gently rubs against you cheek while your hands work their way through her short silky fur.
>"when this is over, we'll find a nice house outside Canterlot" like a gentle stream her words flow "The foals will like the open space"
>You pull her head from upon your shoulder and gaze into the glistening jewels of her eyes. You pull her into a timeless embrace, her lips caressing yours as the slip of her tongue contacts its target
>This embrace would soon become a sloppy teenage make-out session, were it not for Cadence's voice calling out
>"I love nothing more than to see the love a man has for his mare, but I must speak to you faithful anon"
>Cadence's voice boomed out once again "You now know the first aspect of LOVE, conviction. LOVE conquers all, this is certainty"
>Cadence speaks in a more gentle tone "I have heard the hearts of the arch wizards of Kek call out, I found out that they live within 40 miles of your home though I cannot find where they are exactly"
"How can they be veiled when their hearts beacon out to you, my liege?" your meek tone carries to her light
>"Wizards cloak themselves in an obscuring shroud, their minds are warded by meme magic their patron has shown them. You can feel the shroud around them when you are near, as they can detect my light reflecting onto you" She speaks with mild concern
>"Wizards, like their patron are quite cunning and manipulative. Remember that the mind can be clouded and lead astray, but your heart will show you the true path" She begin to recede from your mind
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>tfw wizard
candyass pls i'm not that cool
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>tfw not a wizard
Darkness is all that awaits me.
Repent and stay true to Cadence and LOVE, She will forgive
I like to visit once every two weeks or so and laugh at the state of this general.
>"Find them, and your quest will be halfway over. Go out and spread the word of LOVE, champion of the Crystal Heart and Herald of Cadence!" She boastfully proclaimed
"By Cadence and the Crystal Heart, it will be done!" you roar out yourself
>"By the way, this is your stop ^:)" Cadence states with mild amusement
>Snap back to reality, the bus stops at its lot at the bus terminal. You stand up as you wipe a string of saliva from the corner of your mouth.
>Looking behind you to check for witnesses, you sneak behind the bus to Thot slayer's hiding place
>Reaching up, you find the fold of sheet steel that you had placed your chosen weapon and pull it out. The thought crossed your mind that this should have fell out awhile ago
>LOVE works in strange ways you guess
>Before you leave the lot, you confront the problem of sneaking a spear through a crowded terminal and a newly crowded city. Inspecting the spear, you take notice of a faint circumcision midway down the shaft.
>Your twist the head and counter twist the butt and it begins to unscrew into 3 foot halves
"Thanks for telling me that" you angerly mutter to the spear as you conceal it in your jacket.
>You feel a small jolt of friendliness radiating from Thotslayer when you say that.
>Making you way though the terminal and downtown to your apartments, the scenery becomes for familiar. The sea of people going nowhere in particular, the drudgery of your wageslave existence thunders over you once again.
>Along your travels, a couple of women walk on across from you.They were typical college thots, the overdone jewelry and hair with the empty smiles and laughs made it blindingly obvious.
How big is thotslayer? Like, can other people see this guy weilding a glowing spear?
It was unscrewed into 3 foot long pieces concealed in anon's jacket, its glow is rather faint so people couldn't see it
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Is it just me or is the board a little fast this morning
Just a little, it's monday so all the zoomer kids are posting before school starts
just read it all, i am entertained. what is this Disciple of Love to do
That would have been a nice detail to put in the story.

I think you could also have it shrink and grow on command, like the iron staff that can shrink to the size of a needle in Journey to the West, the story that Dragonball was based on. That's practical for the story. Also, you get to make dick jokes with it.
thanks for the update
>Nobody is obliged to silently put up with your existence.
the feeling is mutual
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I really wish there was a way I could mail things to my waifu
I'd load her mailbox up with love letters everyday
good, she could use the kindling

cursed image
>That would have been a nice detail to put in the story.
It's in the post you originally replied to, >>32621829
Is this loss?
Yup. I fucked up and posted that before I finished reading the relevant story post. My eyes wander a lot.

If I hadn't read about a "survival spear" from Cold Steel being able to be taken apart like that, I'd probably still think unscrewing a spear like that was odd. As it is, I just kinda like the Shrinking and Growing Spear idea a bit more. It's got some mythological basis and you've got dick jokes.

I'm a little fuzzy on the story so far, but I'm willing to read along and give it a chance.

Currently, I'm futzing around with a prompt-ish story, and I have another story skeleton written from when I couldn't get to sleep last night. Just the sex scenes so far, but there's enough to expand into RGR territory.
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>tfw those poor husbandos on page 9
i don’t think a mare would let you slip past 1, 2 if she’s tired and/or at work
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>Ponies arguing about husbandos on their favorite scrying scroll messageboards
>Someone calls Rarity's husbando a shit
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Man, Condense's day just keeps getting worse and worse, doesn't it?

pic related
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>Equestria is very cheery and bright, isn't it
>Those happy ponies you see
>The happy ones in the background
>Look further
>Stare into the gray abyss of the crowd
>Gaze into the dark, unseen side of Equestria
>Where you learn the gender ratios are unsustainably skewed and Equestria is in for a population and economic crash soon
>Where ponies like Floor Bored and Moondancer fade into
>These are the marefoals, the necktufts, and the marecels
>While they don't pose an immediate danger to the ponies around them, their solitude and negativity puts a massive damper on their own magic and wellbeing, rendering some flightless or magicless and unable to support themselves
>The economic strain of this larger population, combined with the retiring ponies, will dry out social security funds
>The resulting depression will further expand the magical damper and may jeopardize all ponies' ability to do magic or fly
>This massive bubble will pop in the next few years and may certainly cause Equestria to collapse entirely
>he thinks you can take back what was given away
once you lose wizard status that's it.
you may plead for clemency though
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It would be heavily surreal to be considered a solution to those problems, even the ones pulled out of your ass like the health and low magic due to NEET life.
>Get matched with NEETPone.
>Their general wellbeing significantly improve simply by virtue of knowing there is another soul that cares about them.
>They're full of magic again, able to fly better, cast spells, etc.
>Through sheer stubbornness, a pinch of magic, several wild sessions of pure degeneracy and the occasional sex, manage to produce a viable, healthy foal between man and mare.
>As a more even mix of colts and fillies are born from these unions the gender balance moves toward a more sustainable population.
>One crazy mare in particular even began work on artificial wombs, realizing that the 'supply' of men would not be infinite, that mares birthing human boys would be horrific and wanting future generations of mares to know the joy of hot monkey dick.
mare pee
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You'll wait a long time for me
would you take a mare as your slave?
This isn't SiM or slave pon thread, Calvin Candie
Theys all free mares here, boy
What's the point if she's free to walk away from you at any time?
Pure love is the point.
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Slavefags go back to /spg/.

>implying all the mouth breathers here would be able to land a relationship with anyone, let alone a cartoon horse, without the aid of restraints, roofies and access to their parent’s basement.
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Smells like... burnt meat? Did someone let a roast get toasted?
Man now I'm hungry. I could go for a roast right now.
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Make sure it's the actually food kind or you'll probably catch HPV.

That guy's head looks really big. It's making me uncomfortable.
Remember to write legibly for your waifu
nothing that state enforced love can't solve.
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>ywn give your waifu the natty lickaroo
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>Being this intimate with Iris for the first time you realize that you've never actually thought about her as someone close to you before.
>Sure, she was 'your pony', but she was also a strange android that presents more questions each day you spend with her, and that took priority over everything else, over the very reason why you even got her.
>The scope of this mystery is completely unknown right now and you're sure that a lot of things are still waiting to be discovered.
>It made you unsure, even fearful for your future with her, especially knowing that, apparently, you barely have any control over it.
>But even if Iris' true colors are yet to be shown to you, right now it sounds like you've been missing something important.
>The meaning of her being your companion.
>With your hand upon her mane you try to get a hold of the feelings flowing through you.
>She may seem like a kid to you, but at her core she's designed to be an equal to you. Not only that, she's someone who is supposed to make you less lonely, to comfort you. To satisfy something in you no one else ever could.
>To be with you and to accept you as you are. That's the whole point, isn't it?
>Companion bots started with the promise of acceptance. That those who can't find their happiness with anyone will at least be able to find their place in hands (and lately, hooves) of a life-like machine.
>Never have you believed that this could work. People who fall for it are just desperate and would accept anything, that was your stance on it.
>The cold reality is that you are exactly that kind of person at this point in life. It wasn't obvious to you before, but it is now.
>Before you've been gifted Iris you had no intention of ever being with a robot, or with anyone else for that matter, but now that you have her at arm's reach, petting her slowly and watching her being lulled to sleep by your tenderness, you know that there's more to it than that.
>Maybe the whole divide between what's alive and what's not doesn't really matter that much. As long as you feel less lonely.
>As long as those deeply rooted fears are chased away, and as long as those memories are restored, even through something purely nostalgic and symbolic like this, isn't it enough to keep you happy?
>You never asked for this, but you find yourself getting used to it by the minute.
"Iris..." you whisper faintly, as if to taste the name you've given this filly of yours once again.
>The pony's eyes open at once and immediately looks at you.
>"Yes, Anonymous?" she asks, volume of her voice lowered for night time.
>She might've reacted that way because you were whispering. What a neat detail.
>You chuckle at her attentive behavior.
"No, it's nothing."
>Your hand slips right behind her ear and you caress it with your thumb. The softness of Iris' authentic coat leaves you impressed every time you touch it.
>The pony closes her eyes again and her rest mode resumes.
>Once you felt it, her immaculate warmth, you never want to let it go. However, you have to, in order to dig deep into the enigma of this mare.
>It's quite intimidating to think about solving all the problems, but at the very least you know where to start.
>Once you open up your social page you read that certificate again. Date and time and what exactly does it state.
>You haven't really miss anything back when you first seen it, so you decide to click on the first link mentioned in the interactive document - your own name. Mouse-overing it you see nothing suspicious about it, in fact it should just lead you back to your main page.
>It does exactly that when you click it. So, by that logic, Iris' link should also...
>You may be far from robot companion business, but you know from Incognito, your main source of AI and tech insight in general, that androids do get to use their own social pages, although they differ from the regular ones a bit.
>The moment of truth - hovering the cursor over the pony's link, you see the page's address. That should mean that it does in fact exist.
>It makes your heart beat faster, but not for too long. As soon as you click it, you're greeted with the blank 404 page with a cute mascot of the site, telling you in a speech bubble that this page doesn't exist.
>It has been removed or it's not yet created.
>So it's either of those. It was removed in the time frame of creating that post and now. Or it never existed in the first place.
>Googling the page number yielded no results. Same with the pony's code mentioned in the certificate.
>But then you notice that those two are nearly identical, save for one digit. One out of sixteen.
>This changes a lot.
>Now you nearly start sweating. Could it be that you were always so close to uncovering the truth, yet so far just because of a simple discrepancy?
>Could it really be that it's just a simple code error?
>Somehow it cheapens this situation a bit and, at the same time, makes it very strange. It's too simple. But it's also not all that it takes to uncover the truth.
>You enter the correct code in the URL.
>It takes a suspiciously long time to load. And then it gives you the same 404 message.
>What's with the loading thought?
>You wish you had some sort of way to track if there are any redirects involved here. Too bad you're not tech savvy like good old Inspergnito, the guy who actually used his education to his benefit.
>Even though you both attended the same tech-oriented college you never committed to it and kinda drifted to a more social sphere with time.
>You can't see anything different aside from the load time, so maybe it is just that?
>It almost like it's taunting you. None of this gives you any real leads. It could be literally anything.
>No matter what you do, it's impossible to find anything related to both codes, not to mention you can't even tell which one is the correct one.
>This isn't going anywhere. But there's still something you can do.
>These codes being different is an issue, a technical problem one you should report. You have that right, don't you?
>It doesn't take you a lot of time to find tech support contacts, and the form is filled soon after. All that's left to do is to send it.
>But at the last second a thought crosses your mind, a nagging feeling of worry.
>With that you'll certainly be attracting attention to you and, most importantly, your not-so-official pony.
>And just like that, doubts start piling up inside your head.
>It's not like they can do anything about your mediocre social status, you found out long ago that they don't care. But this whole situation with Iris seems fishy no matter how you look at it.
>They might solve it with just a few clicks, contact the manufacturer, correct her number and she'll actually be able to connect to her network and work properly. Or they might think it's suspicious once they discover there's no actual pony under that serial number.
>Hell, you wouldn't put that past them. What if she's some sort of an illegal item, smuggled and reprogrammed version? What if...
>What if that dainty electronics shop just got themselves a sucker who'd take their illegal item for free?
>The idea of this being the case is actually quite terrifying. Already you can't stop your mind from painting different scenarios and stories concerning Iris being a stolen mare. Like a stolen car she had her digital registration plate screwed off and had to be basically gifted to someone else to get rid of evidence.
>That's probably not the case. But it could be, right?
>But, even if you fear that, most of all you fear that they'll just take her away.
>She's not a faulty pony, not to you. Imagining her being any other way seems wrong, even if it's the 'right' way.
>Iris would lose her charm, what made her so special to you, maybe even become completely different.
>And then what if she doesn't remember you too?
>And her actual name might be completely different as well...
>You look at the warm pony at your side and suddenly you want to hug her like they are already coming to take her away from you.
>With thoughts of concern and dismay you just stare at the pony and try to find a solution. Even if you promised yourself to find answers, now that you're closer to actually doing it, sounds like it can turn into the biggest mistake you can possibly make.
>Always like this, Anon. Wavering and unsure. You want to postpone it, try to think it over some more, sleep on it. Anything.
>Talk to her? What will she say, that she should be fixed in order to deliver you the proper experience?
>It may not matter to you, but to her it probably does, considering how she thinks herself a faulty model just because of this.
>In the end, you just watch over the sleeping mare.
>It's getting a bit late now. Maybe you should just think about something different.
>Instead of inventing horror stories and conspiracies, maybe you should try to find a way to educate Iris yourself. She said she lacks experience but it is possible for her to learn things on her own.
>So that's pretty much how bootlegs do it? Or do they have their own networks?
>It's hard to even form a good query for this, but as soon as you type in 'unofficial pony companion' the search bar already suggests 'bot training' to finish it.
>And you see why right away. There's a whole forum dedicated to it and it seems like a pretty big place.
>You make your way to the main section and oh god, there's like a whole novel written here about how and why bootlegs are superior to the official ponybots.
>They're not called bootlegs here, but "freemare androids".
>Seems like they need a whole bunch of reasons to justify it, but you're getting a bit intimidated by the length of it, and that's just scratching the surface. Maybe you should search further, for more specific info.
>There's even a couple of video channels dedicated to these kind of bots. Some suspiciously clickbaity thumbnails and titles but whatever.
>It's almost time for you to head to sleep, so you'll just browse it tomorrow. Knowing you, it's better to not start new journeys before bed time.
>You don't really want to disturb Iris, who is sleeping so peacefully under the lights of your computer screen. You're sure that it's possible for you to sleep with her being on the bed.
>Your movement doesn't wake Iris up, after you make a trip to the bathroom she's still there.
>Walking up to your screen to turn it off for the night, you notice that you still have your tech support window open with your report still in. You haven't made up your mind about it yet.
>It can wait though, tomorrow you'll probably know better. The only light source in the room fades as the screen is turned off.
>You'll do it, you just need some time.
>After you're done with your preparations you kinda lay down a bit sideways, hoping that you won't push her with your legs in your sleep.
>You'd like to wish Iris a good night, but you're afraid she'll react to it so you just nod to her and try to fall asleep, hoping to rest better than yesterday.

That's it for today, thank you for your patience as always. I hope you enjoyed it and I'll see you soon (probably). Pastebin: https://pastebin.com/e9Ec1vd1
Could you also attach the name to your posts? There's 2 or 3 greens in that manner at the moment, it's hard to tell one from other without reading 5-7 rows
But anon, I always attach a related picture and mention Iris in the first few rows. There's not a lot of green going on these days anyway. I'll think about it.
Just helps when I'm Ctrl+F-ing
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Good for filtering too.
top laugh
We could not get him to do it during the Celestia green.
But there is basically 2 active green at the moment, not too hard to follow.
You can just CtrlF "Iris", I'm pretty sure no one else uses that word and every update has it.
thanks for the update
Does not quite sound like a proper excuse.

Yes, but seeing it right in the post header helps a lot more. Also discussions might interfere, and sometimes I want just green, not people.
Not enough feels in the thread, so I’m reposting 43k foals to fix that

>So Anon!
>I’ve been thinking...
>I’ve crunched some numbers and I think I have something figured out.
>Let’s assume that you are around 20 years old as of right now.
>Since you refuse to tell me your current age for whatever silly reason.
>Let’s say that you live to be around 80, and during those sixty years, we try to have as many kids as possible.
>Assuming the ideal 11 month gestation period for every child, I would be able to have around 66 children.
>Let’s consider my magic for a second.
>Let’s say that I were to magically store your semen, so that I can inseminate myself after you...
>...Well, let’s then assume that you “get off” as you so aptly put it, around twice a day.
>Let’s also assume the best case scenario, in which I only need the sperm from one orgasm in order to impregnate myself.
>Let’s assume we don’t count the orgasms that bear child while you are still alive to the total amount, and instead have you “cum” again that day.
>You humans have such weird, vulgar vocabularies.
>I would then be able to bear an additional 43,830 foals!
>As I stated earlier, assuming the perfect conditions, it would take 482,130 months, or 40,177 and a half years (considering leap years) to bear them all!
>So that...
>S-So that long after you’re g-gone...
>You’ll s-still live on in s-some way...
>A-And maybe, i-in over forty m-millennia...
>L-Long after I-I’ve f-forgotten y-you...
>O-once I-I’ve g-given birth to y-your last f-foal...
>I-I c-can *hic* m-move *hic* o-on...
>I’m not ready to lose you...
>I don’t want to forget you...
>Will you stay with me...
>Will you stay with me for a little while longer?
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Chill my dude
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I feel like this is either going to end very, very badly or Iris and Anon are going to lead a man and free-android revolution against the status quo.
Look, man.
I didn't come here for feels.
And yet you've made me cry.
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>tfw no qt-ponedroid to love and be loved by yet
What do you guys think we'll get first? The ability to make AI that can think on its own, or the ability to genetically make our own lifeforms?
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Undoubtedly the former.

Hopefully before either of those are realized, I'll have finished an update to one of my greens.
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>Corporate toy sales behemoth, Flambro, decides to revamp their old IP, My Little Human with a tv show
>Despite the show and "action figures" being marketed towards young colts, it gains a following of adult mares
>MLH is centered around several groups of humans in a modern setting
>None of the characters know eachother, but interact very frequently in a visualized office workplace for a company named 4chan
>One of the most controversial episodes was centered around the hilarious jokester boss, Moot, resigning and letting a much worse boss take over the office
>One odd activity in the fandom involves "glazing" the action figures
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Now have the edgy version.
>Lyra collects blindbag husbandos
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the collapse of civilization as we know it
Feels bad man.
Just freeze yourself in a safe, secluded location until the capacity to make waifus is common
>no significant drops due to the bubonic plague
hmmm...something tells me the right chart is just bullshit
Your waifu has an 'action figure' of you that reeks of her cum

Or Spanish Flu, or the two World Wars...
It's just the right size to fit inside
It was only 100 million people or so, and they were all replaced within a generation or so, so obviously they wouldn't show up at that scale.

>Spanish flu

>WW 1 and 2
>barely 100M between them
>plague takes out ~100 million at 1400 AD
>Chart says there were less than 500 million people in the world
>1/5 the population of the world dies in under 60 years and it doesn't change the chart at all
It should have a visible dip. Chart is wrong.
"C'mon c'mon c'mon, I just need Anon to finish the set!"
*tears open blind bag*
*hurls the Jeff across the room and it lands on a small pile of other Jeffs*

>tfw you're still looking for an abaoji figurine to complete your Dynasty set
>Alexander the Great
>collecting old G1 shit
>not collecting the new G4 humans
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Not as good as mare booty bombs.
>Gray Willow was like many ponies not slotted for greatness
>It seems fate chose her to do meaningless work
>For a unicorn, her magic was shit
>She went the lomgest time without a cutiemark, then one day discovered her true talent was in coal mining
>The bastard symbol of a single lump of coal paired with a pick haunted her since that day, knowing that she'd be coated in black powder everyday for the rest of her career
>Other ponies discovered their talents in accounting, or gardening, or cooking
>All simple shit to keep the background busy while the lucky ponies got talents in magic itself or aerobatics or sports
>It always seemed like destiny had it in for Willow, seeing as how she was pushing 30 and only briefly had one coltfriend in school
>At least she had MLH and the fun forums to talk with other ponies
>The neat thing about humans was they didn't get cutiemarks, the world was theirs for the taking
>They controlled their own destiny
>In reality, they didn't
>A human's destiny was bought and sold decades before they were even born
>Older humans sold the younger ones down the road in favor of cheap labor
>More powerful humans held the destiny of others in their hands, using it how they pleased
>A human could be born into an impoverished family and never make it to college no matter how smart they were
>All they had was the illusion of control
>So many of them were given shit destinies to keep a few in luxury
>It kept Willow thankful that her cutiemark, even if it was kind of shitty, gave her a purpose that was clearly defined
>She was thankful that she wouldn't be wandering blindly in a glass prison, being told she could go anywhere even though she couldn't, searching for a purpose she may never find
>At least she was good at mining
>Willow tried to think about the cute humans doing their crazy antics on tv, while ignoring the horrific implications their world would bring
>She had her filthy daki to sit with and a comfy couch to watch the show on
>Purity not found
Does DTCS get a humanbando? Does the milkmare?
>she gets matched with an anon that really loves cleaning her after a long day in the mines and just in general pampering her.
>scrubbing away all the coal dust and accumulated grime.
>lathering her up with sweet smelling shampoo, massaging away the stress and tension as his hands roam her body.
>gently rinsing her off and sneaking in a quick kiss on the muzzle as her eyes close.
>running a brush through her coat, mane and tail, lingering on her flanks in that special spot around her qt mark.
>taking her in his arms as she finally cant wait any longer and surges forward for a passionate embrace, hooves wrapped tightly around him as she asks herself what she did to deserve him.
> nmm is berserk-scruffy
I could go with that
>miner pony
>briefly had one "coltfriend"
The camera footage give another interpretation : https://derpibooru.org/1385351
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So which are the gods of 4chan?

>/mlp/: the princesses
>/pol/ : kek; the donald
>/k/ : the /k/ube
>/tg/ : the chaos gods; the emperor; sigmar
>/v/ : gabeN; hideo kojima; todd howard
>/int/ : uncle adolf

Did i miss anyone important?
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I would very much love to be that man, yes.
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>"See that mare? You can romance her."
No Todd, I'm not buying Elder Scrolls VI: Skyrim
We've been doing genetic engineering since the 80s, so that.
I liked it better when it was called "Saber Marionette J."
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> >/mlp/: the princesses
Didn't vote for them
Alright then smart guy
Who do you consider the gods of /mlp/ then?
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Will she ever finish her greenscrolls?
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Jesus Christ Todd, you came after me all the way from /v/? Stop following me, you fuck, I'm not buying Skyrim.
Someone who actually made changes or at least gets an honest emotion from anybody. Glimmerfag, scruffy, that guy who draws Shimmy in EQG threads, you name it. If we gonna choose multiple gods, I want someone who does something for his worshippers or haters.
Wojek is the god of /mlp/.

>that feel when your waifu isn't real
if you’ve got the poundage.
Is crackpone /nmp/? it IS man and mare, though tragic it be
But what does it stand for?
Couples who meet through their drug habits aren't that nice to be around.
deepthroat cockslut
but it was still their love
It's not that nice to be around most of the couples, frankly.
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>Good morning Equestria! And thank all you fine mares and gents for tuning into this wonderful day’s edition of Bucket Heads! So I’m hearing a lot of hullabaloo about my fellow husbandos, all good I assure you, at least if i ever went out haha! No, really though, as im sure youve come to expect I’m here with my lovely radio shy mare to talk about us, all of us. Everyone doing alright? Snuggled up on just “one more” lazy day am i right? I swear even with these cozy months i cant get enough of her, but now’s time for why you bother tuning in at all, it’s time to bring it back with some human classics, we’ll take guest calls in a few hours, it’s still early yet, and we all know how those calls go
>Bucket Heads

I like Aunt Suzie more
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Mare balances a pencil on her nose
What treats do you feed her
I now realized I have next to nothing in the way of snacks at my house, just the kind of chocolate ice cream that has like 8 other chocolates in it.
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Shared breath
Same here: beer, buckwheat and canned octopuses. And that candy pack that lies in my shelf for 3 years is probably a biological hazard right now, I'd have to cook her a pie I guess.

One (1) biscuit.
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My dick.
>Willow leaned back on the couch, turning on the tv
>A recent recording was on the guide
>The latest episode had aired, but Willow was in the middle of mandatory overtime
>The mare cuddled up with a long pillow emblazoned with the image of Anon as if he were laying on a plush surface
>The pillow was several years old and was discoloring with age
>Also she humped it sometimes and no matter how much she washed it the discoloration and fading wouldn't go away
>This week's episode, Anon's boss asks him to stay late fixing up the day's shitposting reports for all of /pol/
>Hiro leans into his cubicle as Anon is shutting down and preparing to leave
>"Hey Anon? Yeah... I'm gonna need that shitposting report by tomorrow morning. Thanks."
>Anon smiled, but not a happy smile
>It was the forced smile that belied an autistic shriek
>"You got it, Hiro."
>Anon logged back onto his computer with a scowl and dug around for /pol/'s shitposting files
>Soon all of his American friends left and the nightshifters arrived
>A dark brown australian sat down in his cubicle with him
>A japanese man showed up in the next one
>Fucking /jp/
>"Ay mate." the aussie whispered, "Ya want some fairy bread?"
>"Nope, I'm good." Anon clenched his pen and smiled again
>While the episode was playing, Willow leaned into the pillow
>In a few minutes, she started to get frisky with it, climbing on top of the lump of cotton and polyester
>Hearing Anon's voice coming from the tv was just enough to make it real for her
>"You're home late, you kept me waiting." she whispered to the pillow, imagining an episode-relevant situation to work herself into
>Willow gently rubbed her face up against Anon's knowing that attempting to kiss the pillow would break the thin illusion as her hips ground against the smooth surface of the pillow, adding more to the fading colors
What a sad perception of reality that poor mare has. Like obviously a homeless man in his 30's will never become a billionaire no matter how hard he tries, but everyone can move up in society. Her attitude of hopelessness and futility is exactly why she's stuck with a job she hates.
Normals leave
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Mission: Save his poor soul from that thot
*unsheathes thotslayer*
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Never fear, cute dirty Neet Mare FLOORB is here
>>"Ay mate." the aussie whispered, "Ya want some fairy bread?"
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>Australian is watching airsoft videos

This reads like something out of a shitpost.
Almost makes me feel bad for aussies.
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The look of pure terror on that man's face, I've never see someone so terrified in my life, is that the power of thots?
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Your waifu loves the cheesy smell of your sweaty ballsck.
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The Aussie's shitposting is a double-edged sword (that he doesn't have a loicense for)
Why no Kiwi fag?

>Kiwis the forgotten shitposters

Because the Aussies stole your thunder quicker than a Maori and a KFC waiver.
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I did it friends, my dudes, mi compadres, meus amigos, ore wa no tomodachi, I finally finished Quest for the Forbidden Lover. 24 parts/updates/chapters/whatevers in total, 193 pages on doc, over 70 thousand words not that many tbqh, literally my only finished story ever that isn't a one-shot.

I feel like this is an achievment worth sharing with you guys. And I think I'll start posting the updates twice at week,or twice per thread at least, because, honestly, I wanna share the story already, and I think having to wait a week for each part sucks. With 12 remaining updates to post, it'd take a whopping three months to follow it till the end.
B-but much All Blacks.
Muh rugby
green me daddy
Why you not posting whole thing?
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>There is nothing more pure than love between a man and a mare.

Tell that to the goddamn State of Wisconsin! A guy wants to fuck a horse and he ends up getting five years probation, $2,500 fine, monthly visits to a shrink, a restraining order and an ankle monitor? That's fucking gay! Where are we--Russia? You can bet it would be okay to have sex with a horse in Russia!!
>being an actual horse fucker
stay mad cheese land
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Technically I'm not an "actual horse fucker" because I got stopped before I could fuck the horse. But when the cops aren't watching, I have my eye on a few mares nearby...
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sapience over sentience my friend
I'm glad he's not; I can't stand greentext dumps that just go on forever.
Bite-size updates of 3-4 posts are great.
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Pretty much this >>32635276

I don't wanna dump everything at once... actually, I kind of do, but I don't think that's the right thing to do. I wanna let you guys at least digest the updates as they come instead or force feeding it down your throat all in one go.

Not now, be patient.
>70k words
This isn’t a dick measuring contest, DanteAnon.
it’s not, I’m just happy with myself

sentience, schmentience.
let the cops look somewhere else for once
nothing wrong with a human wanting to have sex with a horse
not like it was a MALE horse or anything like that
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That's why I said it wasn't that much.
dogs are much more discrete
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Go away, you impostor anon you.
I don’t see what you’re talking about, I’ve spoken to several lawyers, including your own, and they all agree my name is my own, I am unique.
muh place of employ
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You're as unique as Sony's Days Gone.
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>Willow's imagination could only do so much for her as she slowed down shamefully
>She stared at the unchanging expression of Anon on the pillow
>It wasn't the real thing
>Willow looked at the clock, it was getting late
>She turned off the tv and drug her bodypillow back to her bedroom
>A few dolls and figures sat by her desktop
>The dim glow of the screen reminded her it was still on
>Gateways was probably running another update
>Willow flicked the monitor off, casting her room in darkness so she could lay down
>It came back on, this time with a window opened fullscreen
>It was her inbox, nothing
>She turned off the monitor again and went to sleep
>Willow's back ached and she couldn't find a position to relieve it
>In a rare occurence, Willow dreamt that night
>In her ethereal realm, she was sitting at a bus stop on a very foggy day
>In the silence, Willow looked at a nearby advertisement at the stop
>A small billboard showed a simple pink background with a turquoise heart in the middle
>Before she had too much time to consider it, Willow noticed the oncoming bus had shifted onto the sidewalk and was headed right for her
>She awoke in a cold sweat, the time being 2:14am
>Gray had kicked off her blanket and knocked the bodypillow to the ground in her sleep
>She pulled them both back, clutching the pillow tightly
>"Sorry." she said, not that the daki cared
I'd play it though, waited for it since ps4 release itself and there was no good zombie shooters last couple of years.
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Well, REmake 2's coming January next year and it looks a billion times better than The Last of Dead Rising. Not to suck Capcom's dick, but after the trash heap that was MvCI they've been killing it.
Remakes of old games is so 2016, come on, konami!
The whole RE franchise has fucked up controls down to unplayable, except for part 6 and UC, which are finally shooters, not runawayers and quicktimeeventers. I have little hope for it. Days gone also show a bit of post-apoc community, that is also a bonus, while RE seems to ignore that part. I think I'll wait for the final movie and drop it completely afterwards.
Wait, fuck, not konami, capcom
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>Shitting on the classic REs
>While prasing Umbrela Corps in any way at all
>Even confused Capcom for Konami
>When I fucking name dropped Capcom
Jesus Christ.
Did you even read my post? Did I mention the plot, characters, music or style, or just the fucking retarded console controls, that don't allow simultaneous action and movement?
And then you just exploded over a mistype.
>Survival Horror game made back when the Dualshocker didn't even exist controls like shit
Who would've thought, huh?

I read your post, and honestly all I'm seeing is someone complaining that a survival horror didn't play like a run and gun action game.
> when the Dualshocker didn't even exist controls like shit
Nigga they were rolling on ps2 since Code Veronica, this is 2000, and controls were shitty untill 2012 when part 6 came out, what kind of excuse is that? I remember playing a shitty James Bond knockoff in 2002 and it already had proper controls for a shooter. Not to mention Call of Duty which came out in 2003.

> survival horror
Survival horror or not, it's not a reason to fall behind even Silent hill. And when controls kill the will to play and move you to youtube walkthrough, that's a sad story. And I'm not even telling this from a pc-only autist PoV, I've had almost every sony console except for Vita maybe, it's just when I have a gun, a task to shoot some zombies and controls that assume I'm too stupid to aim and move at the same time, I find it a little weird.
Great stuff m8

>The Jump Drive certainly was an innovative piece of technology, with the whole FTL thing.
>You may not be a man with one of them Polytechnic Edumuchashiunz, but you could at least appreciate how that marvel of science, engineering, and maybe just a little bit of space cocaine could make space travel so rapid.
>However, you reserved the right to feel grumpy that it was still taking time instead of simply popping in from Point A to Point B.
>The abandonment of good ol' human-engineered Breacher Drives was a mistake, in some ways.
>Indeed, you were currently wrapped-up in seeing what might be wrong with one of the backup Solagon reactors.
>Sevens had brought it to your attention that her ship-bound diagnostics had detected some fuck-up down the pipeline, and it might be pertinent to see what it was.
>So, cut from being in your personal quarters, sorting shit out and getting used to the change of place, to being in the ass-end of the retrofitted freighter.
>Sevens' vaguely-equine robotic shell was perched on a slight ledge, observing the influx of the Seagull's sensory data as you fiddled with some of the reactor's internals.
>Monitoring this likely incredible amount of information through a holographic visor display, Sevens gave feedback on your ship mechanic skills.
>The perfect way to waste your time whilst waiting to arrive at that distant refueling outpost.
>As you ever-so-tactfully move from one possible problem part to another, you probe the V.I. as to what might be the issue.
"What do you see with your android eyes, Sevens? Anything happening when I move this thing?"
>You question as you use a pry-bar to gently shift a coupling, specifically, where a Solagon Fuel Cell would be inserted into the hulking frame of the reactor to be promptly consumed for power.
>From the little, digital chirps heard nearby, you had an assumption that was indeed the case.
>"It would appear that a faulty fuel cell coupling might be the issue, among other possibilities."

>Called it.
>Moving onto the more complicated procedure of disassembling your way down to the purportedly-faulty part, you swap out your feely tools for fixy tools.
"Good, maybe that'll be the end of it. We have any spares just laying around, or am I going to have to wait for one to be machined?"
>You ask of the V.I. nearby, hoping you could get this done as soon as possible.
>Your question hung in the air for a few long moments, soon starting to feel uncomfortable.
>Before too long had passed in awkward silence, a gradually-stronger source of blue-ish light came to "hover" behind you.
>If your ears did not decieve you, an...energetic sound came with this light.
>The best guess you could come up with was that it sounded akin to arcing electricity, travelling ever closer yet remaining distant.
>Glancing away from your menial task for a moment to investigate, you were confronted with a shiny new fuel couping, hovering but mere inches in front of you.
>Suspended in a sort of aura, basking the part in question with a distinctive cyan-white field.
>Having a sneaking suspicion of who might be behind this, you crane your neck just a hair more to see what Sevens might be up to.
>Your eyes soon met with her optical sensors, their orange, digital glow piercing through the relatively dim lighting of the room.
>That, and a much brighter blue light being emitted from some antenna-analogue protruding from her robotic shell's head.
>Well, Sevens' probably got you beat on the number of surprising things either of you can do.
>"Where would you like this to be placed, Captain Anonymous?"
>Broken from your stupor, you gesture a clean, empty spot in the nearby toolbox.
"In there'll be just fine, Sevens. Ahd, uh, thanks for getting it for me."
>The android nods silently; the suspended, shiny-new fuel coupling finding its place approximately where you pointed to.
>With a soft, metallic 'plink,' the replacement bit was ready for you to jam it right up in there.

>When the time was right, of course.
>Before you could get to that time, reminding yourself, you had to get to the old one to take it out.
>And that required you to plod on through a questionably-designed housing to get all the way down to it.
>At the moment, you felt like throwing down hands with the designers of this reactor for making it this much a bitch to do so.
>Why she hadn't assigned some automated maintenance suite to the task, you may be asking yourself.
>The way Sevens put it involved familiarizing yourself with the Seagull's internals, as otherwise, there was a 'significantly heightened statistical likelihood' of your death should you not know how to perform emergency repairs.
>Having gotten pretty close to it already, you had a slight conniption towards going back again.
>That wild fucking mountain wasn't a ride you wished another go on.
>And, of course, here you were, stuck with this quirky little V.I.
>Just as you had a clear path to removing that failing coupling, which did appear to be quite fucked at this point in time, another convenient little digital chitter decided it should go off.
"Ah, fuck, what now, Sevens? Did I break anything?"
>Glancing over to the dark-grey equine android, all she mustered was a simple shake of the head.
>"No, you haven't. It would appear, however, that there are more issues than just a worn-out coupling."
>Ain't that just what you wanted to hear.
"Fantastic...so, any idea of where I need to look now? Is this a problem of getting alien tech to talk to human tech?"
>You voice your thoughts on the matter, being of the mind that it was the predominant issue.
>Even if humans were building their own jump drives, it was still first and foremost reverse-engineered technology from a more advanced and longstanding empire.
>Simply put, giving a caveman a flintlock didn't always work out so smoothly.
>"Should by diagnostic subroutines be correct, the solagon primers are currently unresponsive."

>Though it sounded familiar, you were unsure how deep those primers lay in the dormant reactor.
>A quick guess never hurt, before you were already balls-deep into this problem-fuckfest wrapped up a pretty little bow people called a reactor.
"Mind telling me how deep those primers are? It'll give me a ballpark on how much I'll need to scream n' cry for it to be done."
>Whilst you awaited her answer, you decided now might be a good time to swap out the older coupling for its brand-new replacement.
>Arguably, this was the quickest and easiest leg of your journey in learning how to maintain a freighter-sized starship.
>Moments after switching the pieces out, Sevens gave her answer to your question.
>"You won't be going into the reactor's inermost chambers, as that would pose a significant health risk for you. There's a maintenance hatch that allows you to access the primers in question. It's above the fuel cell neck you had just disassembled."
>Glancing upwards, it was not that difficult to locate, as it was exactly where the android had said it was.
"Guess I couldn't have shitted that up unless I had one of those augment suits..."
>You thought aloud as you shifted around parts of disassembled superstructure, clearing some space so you could have better leverage and line-of-sight for what parts were in such desperate need of repair.
>Of course, at this point, you were expecting something else to be proven inoperable or caught in the V.I.'s thorough diagnostic sweep.
>It was better to be safe than sorry, as a bad reactor was very bad news.
>Now that didn't take a scientist to wrap one's head around, but having seen pictures of an old Colonial-Era frigate sheared apart from a catastrophic reactor breach...
>You don't even think that a prop-driven ammo magazine detonation come close to how nightmarish a way that was to go.
>So, perhaps in the end, it was better to follow along with your companion automoton's suggestion and fix this damnable thing.

>Who knows, you might even need it one day.
>And judging by the extensive wear and tear on the bits and bobs you've already seen, the Seagull certainly had used it plenty.
>At least with this next step in your pathway to a self-taught engineering degree, it was smoother sailing.
>Now that you weren't wanting to neck the one bastard who designed these earlier reactors as much, your thoughts inevitably drifted to the Seagull in its entirety.
>And alongside that, its accompanying V.I.
>Reading that report back at the NB didn't really fill you in on a lot of what happened, all those years in conflict with the Myegir.
>Or, Hell, even before this all-consuming conflict began.
>Window-shopping for a ship to explore the galaxy in wasn't exactly a whole lot of other information.
>Besides, this existential silence - only broken when you spiced it up with obligatory cursing - was getting a bit uncomfortable.
"Hey, Sevens. You mind if I ask questions about the ship?"
>You could almost feel the emulated curiosity burning into the back of your skull.
>"Should your inquiries avoid any potenitally-classified material, I can answer what you need to know. What did you wish to discuss about the MVS Seagull?"
>A part of you was a tad perplexed as to why something would still be classified on a series of ships that have been discontinued for quite a while, if you weren't mistaken.
"Fine, I'm not gonna ask if Old-Earth 'slim jims' are gonna be staples in marine rations or not, just gonna start with something simple. Like when you were first installed as the Seagull's virtual intelligence compliment, if you're up for talking about that."
>Following the withdrawal of one of the heavily-corroded primers, you look back to your android companion, taking a break.
>Her facial expressions remained relatively neutral as she nodded, accepting your inquiry.
>"I have been an integral part of the MVS Seagull's subsystems approximately since human hands first claimed the ship."

>Her words had your interest piqued; arching an eyebrow, you continued to prod further.
"Really now? So, you weren't designed by the Admiralty's own hand? What did you start out as, then?"
>Sevens was silent for a moment, though not inactive.
>Digging through her extensive records and old subroutines, she was piecing together a picture for you to look into the past with.
>"The oldest designated functions still intact are centered around freighter maintenence, management of supplies and inventory, and risk assment for FTL travel points."
"Okay, so you started out as the Seagull's taskmaster when it was bought. How long ago would that've been, Sevens?"
>Her calculation of when she was first activated took little time to answer, her response ready almost as soon as the last words left your mouth.
>"First Activation was logged at solar year 2985, twenty-seven years before first contact with the Myegir Hegemony. Relative self-awareness was achieved fifteen years following First Activation following an ever-increasing scale of work and increased processing power from retrofitted hardware."
>Your eyes go just a little wide, knowing that this V.I. was somewhere over a hundred years old.
>A good number of later V.I.'s and some A.I.'s today suffered from gradually-fatal data matrix corruption, which meant she had a particularly robust defence against such things.
>Or was especially lucky.
"Wow, you've, uh...you've been in the service probably longer than me. In fact, when did the Admiralty get their hands on you and the Seagull?"
>It was a bit difficult to hide your wonderment; to the consternation of some your peers, you did have a soft spot for synthetic intelligences.
>At least, whenever some salesman wasn't trying to jam useless shit down your throat, refusing to take a hint and scram.
>"The Seagull's acquisition by the High Admiralty occurred twenty years into the Myegir conflicts. You would have been undergoing the opening phases of your military tutelage."

>Who knew that a bunch of stratocratic nomads would train their progeny in martial matters at a young age.
"The High Admiralty is a bit Prussian, aren't they? Anyway, I assume that they had a helping hand in deciding your later subroutines, just like they did in changing the Seagull's purpose?"
>Her next answer came a bit slowly, the android thinking over the question.
>"Two answers: no and yes. Whilst those within the High Admiralty are intensely responsible for changing the hull configuration of the MVS Seagull, alongside restructuring my programming to both process and execute the tasks of deep space naval engagements, limited self-reprogramming has allowed a more expedient evolution to the realities of modern naval engagements, amongst other concerns faced away from the rest of the Migrant Fleets."
>With how sophisticated she was sounding, you were somewhat surprised Sevens hadn't been classified as a true A.I.
"That's...honestly very impressive, Sevens. A different question, for now; what's up with the horse-like chassis?"
>Now back to a less difficult question, the V.I. was able to respond much, much quicker.
>"In a short explanation, it is to better accomodate the social needs of humans and to better serve in the role of companionship, especially when few fellow individuals are present, if at all."
>Well that didn't feel like it explained anything at all.
>So, of course, you dug a bit deeper.
"Okay...that kinda doesn't do it justice, though. Why choose that particular design over, say, a humanoid one?"
>The android shifted her head slightly, moving the white synthetic threads that comprised her mane out of the way from her optical sensors.
>"From behavioral patterns observed and documented among the previous crew of the MVS Seagull during its time as a commerce raider, robotic chassis designed in humanity's likeness appear to illicit a less-than-desirable response, save for outliers with certain predispositions. A...different form, was required."

>So anyone who isn't a robofucker might not find machines built like them to be pallatable?
>Made sense, in a way.
>"Through careful research, both from crew observation and selective holonet inquiries, the arrival at this particular form was inevitably reached. From experiences with the old crew...I would say that it was successful."
>If you didn't know any better, you would have thought that was a smile on the android's face.
>Disregarding that, if only temporarily, you had a sneaking suspicion her mobile shell wasn't exactly the entirety of the synthetic mind.
"The way you talk about it makes it seem like the physical 'body' you have there really isn't the extent of you. Does that mean you're...well, the ship?"
>After taking a moment to understand what your question exactly connotated, the machine gave what she believed an appropriate response.
>"An astute observation, Captain Anonymous. My central intelligence core is housed in an armored compartment of the ship, broadcasting control input to this particular shell. Within a significant-but-limited range, barring interference, I can accompany you or other humans outside of the MVS Seagull."
>Evidently, she really held her companionship functions in some higher regard.
>As you racked your brains for any other titilating quandaries for the android, and frankly found nothing else for the time being, you elected to get back to work.
>Not a good idea to leave a reactor in pieces like this, whoda thunk it.
"We should probably get back to working, now...was nice to sit down and chat with you, though, Sevens."
>She gave but a simple nod in return, getting back to monitoring her sensory suite.
>As you hefted a shiny new solagon primer into place, something that had been nagging at you chose to voice itself aloud.
"Oh, and Sevens? Can I ask of you something real quick?"
>Standing at attention, the pony-shaped robot attentively listened for what command you may issue.

>"You may, Captain Anonymous."
"If it isn't too much trouble, could you just refer to me as 'Captain Anon' or just 'Anon?' It feels...weird, being addressed all formally like that when I ain't even in my dress blues."
>If you were gonna be with this V.I. for a long journey, you'd prefer it she address you as though you were familiar.
>Also seemed like it was a bit of a mouthful, to keep calling you by your full name like that.
>"As you wish, Anon. I'll keep you posted on when we'll arrive at Jhorge's Folly, in the meantime."
>Giving your quick thanks, you return your focus back to your work, carefully sliding the new primer into its place.
>Getting into the pace of exploration seemed slow, for now.
>All there really was to do was simply wait.
>Wait for your arrival to this silent fringe of ther galaxy.

Finally, I have something I can feel decent with posting for you guys. I hope the story's developing at a reasonable speed for your enjoyment, and you're finding the setting still entertaining. If you have any criticism, I'd love to hear it, as I can't get better if you don't speak up. Pastebin, for your viewing pleasure: https://pastebin.com/xG4Amf2B
OH hey. I had almost given up on seeing more of this. It's good, it's pace is not as... relaxed as silt's, and lots to build upon. Kinda hard to love a ship though, Makes me think of that episode of Futurama where Bender and the ship are dating. Really curious as to what you have planned. Thanks for the update.
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>"ARE you a real princess?"
>"Have you ever caught a husbando? Like, a real keeper?"
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"This is the proper husbando-hunting equipment. Without it, a mare wouldn't survive even a minute in the toxic environment of Earth. And that means once you take off this helmet you only have about one minute to calm him down, then impress and charm him to make him follow you. If that fails, you'll have no other choice but to capture him forcefully or run away. So you better do it right the first time."
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Makes you wonder how toxic those husbandos might be considering they've lived there their entire lives.
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So... what would living in and breathing pure Equestrian air for the first time be like?
>zombie survives a shotgun blast to the face
Don't use fucking birdshot on zombies
>Three shots to head
>Gets back up
You start vomiting all the filth out for like ten minutes.
Nice update Tsar. I look forward to reading more.
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Pegasi don't even think about dating unless they're sure they want to marry. Their courting process is a months to years long dance of sneaking glances and silent observations before they consider asking you out.
Unicorns practice more modern dating, a little faster than pegasi, but only date if they want to marry in the end. Some stories go that they hold hooves on the third date.
Earth ponies bring their potential suitor to visit their families where they will either approve or not approve of it. Earth pony parents will additionally seek out suitors for their single daughters and sons.
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gib pure pegasus sweetie
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>not the purest
We get it, you hate Glimmer. No need to lash out on others.
The purest of pure
As a general concensus, human males are entranced by the ultra soft fur and intricate wings of a pegasus.
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>implying any kind of mare is worse than the other
I don't think you belong here, friend.
They're all equally worse than planepony mares
We all talk about how some humans might still end up being bitter in Equestria, but what if you along with vomiting up the filth of Earth you also ended up vomiting the negative emotions from Earth?
Breathe in Equestrian air long enough and within a week you're as happy go lucky as the ponies, I'm not sure how I'd feel about this
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>I'm not sure how I'd feel about this
You think that right now because all the filth is still within you. Live a week in Equestria and you'd never think about living your life any other way than being happy-go-lucky like ponies.

Even if the new arrivals look weirded out and confused at your behavior, wondering if they'll become like this too, you'll know that as soon as the first bucket of earthen negativity leaves them they'll start to understand.

And that's even before they meet their mare.
>going to Equestria = mindrape, forcible personality change, and forcible dosing with antidepressants

Not sure if want there, Satan.
Somepony's gonna have to clean up all that poisonous and evil psychic rubbish, which means that eventually some guy's going to get matched with a mare with a "cynicism and negativity mopper" Cutie Mark.

>set foot on equestria
>the atmospheric hallucinogen drugs you up immediately
>with each passing week you feel yourself slipping away further from yourself
>until your brain can't form negative thoughts anymore
>all you are left with is happiness but at the price of the constant feeling of saudade and dejavu
It's more like being rescued from abusive parents and placed with a foster family that genuinely loves you.
This is who I am. This is who I've always been. I don't know how to be anyone else, nor do I want to.

Maybe Equestria isn't for me.
>There is nothing more pure than love between a man and a mare.

State of Wisconsin doesn't think so. :(
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More mares for us then.
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Go ahead then.
Glimmer, Shimmer, Twilight, Rara

All unicorns, all sluts
The only real actual slut in Equestria is your waifu
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>lore depicts unicorns as only being attracted to virgins
>tfw wizard
>tfw make all the unicorn mares horny
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>All the pain, fear and hate pool into visible puddles
>Ponies gather up the puddles and dispose of the negativity in the badlands
>Some big bad beast like a chimera stumble upon the disposal ground and is possessed by the Hate
>The beast feeds upon the new captives and learns of earth
>The Hate begins an ambitious plan to pull earth into equestria in order to be the ultimate power in the merged realms and feed off the unlimited negativity
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It better drop something good when we find and kill it.
Sound like a plot from a 90 cartoon movie.
>60 gold again
>just enough for the repair bill
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It just makes some vague threats and just disappears
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WELL how about you fuck off to your ploner general then?
Oh wait
I forgot
It's fucking dead
How unfortunate.
The innate magic in the air starts mixing into your bloodstream, manifesting as a short fever as your body undergoes detox and adapts to the new environment.
A causality of this adaptation is the iron in your blood, it's role gradually replaced by pure mana as it flushes from your system.
When sufficiently saturated, it grants humans the same resistance and durability that most equestrian life can boast, which many of the newcomers unofficially call 'cartoon physics'.
I always imagined that equestria's atmosphere is about 35% oxygen and once humans start breathing it they are capable of extreme feats of strength and endurance for their size.
It would also explain why Equestria has so much mega fauna.
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goddamnit carlos
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>anons show up, and after a while of breathing Equestrian oxygen-rich air, are capable of extreme strength, endurance, have the power of cartoon physics passively laced into the bloodstream, and mentally still retain a shitpost-ey nature
oh the fun we'll have~
The funny thing is that feminists are already freaking out about the idea of sex bots and are lobbying against them. They did the same thing with themed fleshlights marketed as "tight" and "looking like a hairless vag00". They had no complaints about dildos or vibrators, suspiciously enough.

The only conclusion is that the most hated thing in the world for feminists, and maybe women in general, is a happy, satisfied man.
Luckily this will never happen, the free market would decide and it would be deemed too profitable.
R-right guys?
Is that a writefag? The name sounds promising, assuming it isn't just gangbang scenarios.
You ever wonder why women who own dogs always seem to have male dogs? Keep an eye out for this the next time you're around a dog park.
it's a joke OC about nominative determinism
>>zombie survives a shotgun blast to the face
>Don't use fucking birdshot on zombies
Half it's damn head was missing, along with half it's brain. I'd say that looks more like a still-glitchy damage model.

If it only has one arm, and doesn't have a full jaw anymore, it should be much less threatening.
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This week, on Capitalism's Biggest Dupes....
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>t. migrant worker that can't get a beijing hukou
As long as the tech exists, it will be legal *somewhere*. You might have to move away from feminist-influenced societies for that, but that kind of tech isn't the kind of thing I think you can un-make once it blows up like that.
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From footage taken of it, zombies in general seem to be much more resilent in this game, to kill them in one go you gotta blow their brains out good. There has been more than one demoing where the guy thought he had killed a zombie, turned his back, and the fucker got right back up.
>the west makes it illegal to have a robot companion that is too humanoid.
>animal-droids get a pass because 'it doesn't demean women'
>humanoid-tier social software is swiftly bootlegged to new hardware.
>cat, dog, bird and pony droids become common place too quickly for them to be banned without major uproar.
I just hope i live long enough to see an actually conscious AI.
At least from >>32636063 it looks like you can retrieve the defensive items from the zombie corpses.

I have a few RE games, but I've never finished them. I think I even swapped away from RE4 before it turned into a B movie.
> tfw without sjw robots would go straight anthro and ponies are more expexted outcome
At least something useful from those jerks
s e e t h i ng
>I think I even swapped away from RE4 before it turned into a B movie.
You didn't even finish the opening cutscene?
Man, you're missing out.
The village fight is one of the best parts of any video game.
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> think I even swapped away from RE4 before it turned into a B movie.
All RE games are B-movie tier until RE7 came out. And then End of Zoe DLC showed up, letting you play as a dirty mouthed redneck who hunts crocodiles with spears and punches everything to death.

Dude makes Chris look like a chump.
Fine, then. I never got to see the screeching midget Napoleon dude.
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>The funny thing is that feminists are already freaking out about the idea of sex bots and are lobbying against them.
I think they're banned in the UK. Actual whores lobbied the government and had a rivaling sexdoll brothel shut down.
Anyway, enough vidya for now

Part 13

>Your jaw drops to the floor at the sight before you
>The changeling queen
>Is chained up to the floor by the holes of her legs laying down on her stomach with her legs folded under her barrel
>Quite literally, there are shackles locked between the holes in her legs
>But, wasn’t she free? You’re pretty sure she escaped after Starlight and her rag tag group reformed her hive
>How’s she even here?
>Did one of your aunts hunt her down after she ran away and locked her up here?
>That can be the only explanation for this
>Without her hive to back her up she’s practically defenseless
>But why did she look so uninterested and bored until you called her out?
>Chrysalis in question now looks at you with a raised brow and an expression that looks almost… offended?
>You’d assume Chrysalis would be a little more absolutely livid upon seeing you
>She hates your guts with all of her heart after you and Twilight put a stop to her plans of taking over Canterlot
>She asks, before her eyes spark with realization and she face hoofs
>”Ugh, don’t tell me that little bug actually did take over my hive?”
>Wait, what?
>”Faust dammit, I knew that would happen after my exile, I just hopped it wouldn’t”
>… Chrysalis???? slams her head on the floor, hard
>”The hive’s a mess right now, is it not?”
>Y-you don’t know what to say
>So you just go
“Eh… kinda?”
>You still don’t know what to say
>She raises an eyebrow again, ushering you to further elaborate
“Well… Chrysalis kinda isn’t the leader of the hive anymore, after they were reformed”
>Not-Chryaslis’ eyes blink in succession, clearly confused by what you just stated
>She leans her neck and head forward, turning her head and giving you a sideways look
“Yeah, they’re not love stealing changelings anymore, they can generate their own love”
>Not-Chrysalis’ eyes widen in shock
“They’re now even friends and allies with us ponies”
>The look on her face is quite funny, between total disbelief, and a little bit of disgust, horror, and outrage
>She groans; closing her eyes and rubbing her temples with her hole covered hooves
>“Now I’ve heard everything. As if there weren’t enough reasons for me to hate her, Chrysalis let’s this happens to my hive”
>As the supposedly not Chrysalis and ex-queen of Thorax’s hive processes what you just said
>Your shock takes a step back and lets you analyze things with a more level head
>And your surprise, you notice that the changeling chained up in front of you isn’t, in fact, Chrysalis
>Despite the similar outward appearances, and the color of her carapace is the exact shade of black, her mane is shorter, a deeper shade of blue, and is slicked back instead of falling down her face
>Her wings also look bigger, and her horn’s less distorted, she lacks that crown looking thingy on top of her head
>And she’s got more holes and in her legs, like, almost up to her barrel, rather than just at the base of her legs
>Now you wonder, who IS this changeling?
>Aside from, well, being the supposedly ex-queen of Thorax’s hive as she already mentioned
>Curiosity prompts you to ask who she is, and what she did to get her get not only banished to Tartarus, but also chained up
>Being chained up is like a privilege, it means Celestia considers you dangerous enough to be a threat to the entirety of Equestria, if not the whole planet of Equus
“If you’re not Chrysalis, then who are you?”
>She stops rubbing her temples and opens her eyes to look straight at you
>The opens her mouth, ready to answer when you notice taking a closer gander at you, then leaning herself to the side, eyes still scanning your body before returning to her previous position with a small smirk tugging at the end of her lips
>“What is a Princess like you doing here anyway; got yourself banished?”
>And she ignores your question, because of course
>She raises a hoof to her mouth to hold a single ‘Heh’ before continuing
>“Gosh, I wonder what sickening crime you committed to have Celestia exile one of her own”
>You shake your head and try to explain
”No, no, no, you got it wrong”
>She leans her head in confusion
“I didn’t get banished; I came here on my own accord”
>Her mouth opens, revealing her sharp fangs, but she doesn’t say anything, and then closes it
>She repeats the action a few times, and each time she’s looking as if you have grown a second head until she finally says something
>”You’re not the sharpest tool in the shed, are you?”
>She deadpans
>“And look at you, by the maker, what happened? Did you take a dip in a fountain of blood thinking it was wine? These nobles, I swear, and I thought they were crazy back in my day”
>You can only puff your cheeks in frustration
>She’s just trashing you on stop!
>Who does she think she is?!
>But you release all that sucked in air and release it through your nostrils and calm yourself
>You’re not here to fight or argue Cadance, you want info
>Info you’ve been stalling to get
>To be honest, as much as the changeling have been bugging you
>Ha! Get it? Because she’s… okay…
>Actually speaking to somepony who ISN’T trying to kill you is doing wonders to your mind’s stability and health
>”Also, I’d like you to stop calling, or comparing me to, Chrysalis”
>Sure ex-queen changeling mare/bug thing whose name you still don’t know
>You actually feel a bit of your sanity coming back, despite being in a conversation with a potential murdered and warmonger
>You really going the deep end here, aren’t you?
“Well, you still haven’t answered my question”
>Still lying on the floor, the lays her flank and hind legs sideways, while crossing her forelegs
>One fucking letter off
“Wow, even your names are similar, it’s rather uncanny actually”
>”Well, yeah, she’s my daughter after all”
>Your eyes bug out at this tidbit of information
>”You’re Chrysalis mom!?”
>You nearly shout out
“But you said you hated her!”
>”Just because that little skank is my daughter, doesn’t mean I have to like her!”
>You flinch back in response to her harsh words and eyes full of hate
>That is so wrong on so many levels
>“And it’s not like I didn’t try, Chrysalis just didn’t want any of it”
>She hacks and spits on the floor, as if trying to spit on her daughter’s own image
>“To her, I wasn’t a mother, just an obstacle. All she desired was my throne and control over the hive, and made it clear any given moment”
>”When I realized she held no affection for me, I stopped caring about her”
>She waved he hoof lazily in the air,
>That’s… that’s really sad
>You’re a mother yourself, so even if you two are fundamentally different both as species and in your ideals, you kinda feel for her
>Just imagining Flurry Heart growing disdainful of you tugs at your heart like nothing else
>Doesn’t help that you can actually feel she’s not being completely truthful about not caring for Chrysalis anymore
>Princess of Love, you know
>Don’t need magic when it’s your special talent
>You wonder if she ever managed to love her daughter, she’d end up like Thorax and his hive
>Too late for that, you guess
>”Anyway, my turn for a question”
>That snaps you out of you funk
>”What in the name of Faust would induce you to get in Tartarus on purpose?
>You’re about to answer before she continues
>”Like, are you genuinely stupid?”
>That’s not very nice
“Too much to explain, and I don’t have time for it”
>You try to avoid answering her question, you just want yours
>”Oh, but I have all the time in the world, I’ve been here for Faust knows how long”
>She cracks her shoulders and neck
>“Be a dear and relieve me of my boredom, even if for few minutes”
>You were about to say no
>But man, she’s probably been here for decades, even centuries, if not fucking millenniums, maybe a little conversation won’t hurt
>And Celestia knows you also need it too to keep you from going crazy in this place
>You sigh and sit down, then proceed to lie on your chest
“Maybe one conversation won’t hurt, here’s how it all started …”

>”Wait, so you mean to tell me that you entered Tartarus, by yourself”
>”To find a Souls Stone”
>“So you can match whatever a human is, and the evil side of Princess Celestia, who’s an entity with just as much, if not more power than the princess of the sun herself?”
>Yeah, that’s pretty much the gist of it
>Chrysalid licks her lips and looks at you with her most ‘Are you serious, now?’ look
>“Are you sure you don’t have a few missing neurons in your head?”
>Can’t really stop the scowl on your face right now
>She giggles, holding a hoof to her mouth as she does so
>She’s doing this on purpose, just to rile you up
“Yeah, yeah, I’m stupid now, but let’s who’s stupid when I successfully reform the evilest mare in the world”
>A heavy, faked cough catches your years
>And you look at the changeling to see a deadpanning ex-queen pointing at herself
“Well, you’re not a mare, now, are you?”
>Chrysalid looked ready to retort, before bumping her hoof against the floor
>”Point taken
>Ha, gotcha
>You not the only one with banter skills miss ex-queen
>Anyway, you think you wasted enough time talking to her already
“Alright, now that we’ve talked can you answer me another question?”
>Chrysalid taps her chin, eyes looking up in fake wonder
>”Should I, or should I not? I do have a busy schedule after all”
>You hold back the urge to face hoof
>”It depends on what it is, I’m wise and all, but I’m not an all knowing entity”
>Okay that’s fair
“I need to know where the Well of Spirits is”
>She humms, tapping her chin once again
>”You did mention this Well in that crazy story of yours”
>Please stop saying shit about your quest
>It hurts your feelings
>”I CAN tell you…”
>Your eyes widen in victory, you’re finally getting your-
>“If you can answer some more of my questions about the outside first”
>You face-plant against the floor, hard
>“Hahahaha! I’m sorry dear, but this is just too much fun for me to just let it end like this”
>She lays her head down over her crossed hooves, looking at you expectantly
“… shoot…”
>”Alright, so, how did you meet my good for nothing daughter?”
>You cringe at how casual she insults her daughter
>But still takes your head off the ground to answer her question
“When I was going to marry my husband, Chrysalis foalnapped me, kept me locked in a cave, and tried to marry him in my place, to feed herself and the hive off his love”
>The ‘not bad’ muttered in front of you does not keep the frown from forming in your face
>”Your husband must be one hell of a stallion if he could feed the entire hive”
>At this you can’t help but hold your head high in pride
“Of course he is, Shining Armor is the best”
>”And I assume she failed at her task then?”
>She tries to hide the smirk on her muzzle, purposefully letting you see it
>Jeez, she really isn’t fond of that Changelling, is she?
“Yes she did, one of my friends broke me out and showed everybody the impostor that was Chrysalis”
>Just remembering the memory makes you growl to yourself
>“About my hive then, what happened exactly that got it… reformed”
>You can hear the words rolling inside of her mouth, with a little bit of disgust mingled in
>As if she’s trying to digest the concept
>Like mother like daughter you guess
>Both of them would rather be evil even if it has more noticeable negative drawbacks to the hive apparently
“After Chrysalis managed to successfully foanap all of Equestria’s sovereigns, a ragtag team of two unicorns, a draconequus, and a rogue changeling stormed her hive and beat her with the power of love”
>You wait for a reaction, but none comes from her
>Chrysalid just looks at you with such a nothing face that you wonder if you just broke her with that little description
>That is, before you see her cheeks puffing out and the queen quickly putting a hoof in her mouth to stop herself
>She breaks out in laughter, slamming her hoof on the floor
>She keeps going for a whole ten seconds non-stop before trying to control her laughter
>”Ha, ah, are you-ha- serious?”
>You start slowly
“Thorax, the rogue changeling, showed the other changelings that they didn’t need to steal love or any other emotions from other beings to survive, and that giving love was just as effective, if not better”
>Her chuckles still permeate the background as you continue the story, albeit a little slower than before
“After that, I assume he transformed? I don’t know, I couldn’t see it, but Thorax kind of evolved into this Changeling that looks nothing like you or the other changelings, and after seeing him free of needing to steal love, the other changelings followed him and evolved like him, leaving Chrysalis the only one rejecting the idea, and running away, effectively making him the king of the Changelings”
>You wish you could still use magic to show her what the evolved changeling looks like
“They all live a happier life now, they can be friends with ponies, and they don’t need to steal love or emotions anymore, since they started giving love, instead of taking it”
>Chrysalid’s still recuperating from her bout of laughter, but she looks less entertained
>”Heh, so that’s what happened to my hive, huh?”
>She sounds depressed, but not as much as you’d think she would
>”Yeah…. I guess that’s for the best”
>Now that takes you by surprise
“Wha- but a moment ago you sounded disgusted at the idea”
>Chrysalid looks at you straight in the eyes, and you can see she’s not joking this time
>“Princess, I grew up, and lived many, many years of my life believing changelings could only steal emotions to survive”
>She gives you a raised eyebrow, and a half smile, but there’s no mirth
>“You could say my lifelong beliefs were questioned, and were met with initial disgust, but when I think about it, isn’t this for the better?”
>Her half smile turns into a slightly regretful one
>”They’re happy, happy than they ever were with me, and they don’t need to starve anymore. As much as it clashes with what I thought was the right way to lead the changelings, I can’t say it’s worse than how they used to live before”
>Her body rocks slightly with her chuckles
>”I guess the years alone, with nothing to do but think, have mellowed me out. If I were still the same as the day I was banished, you can bet we wouldn’t even be having this conversation”
>She’s so much different from Chrysalis, yet apparently was once just like her
>You wonder
“What did you do to be sent here, locked up no less?”
>You thread carefully, she may seem level headed now, but what if asking that triggers some memory that makes her go crazy
>”Didn’t you want to know about the Well of Spirits”
>You still do, yes
“I still want to, but… talking to you, got me curious, you know?”
>You give her a shrug and an innocent smile
>”Well, if you want to know. I waged war against Celestia and Luna’s empire many millennia ago”
>Celestia and Luna’s empire?
>Your jaw drops
>That means she must be as old as your aunts herself if Luna hadn’t turned into Nightmare Moon yet
>And she’s been here all this time?
>”I tried to take over their empire in order to expand my hive, and have ponies slaves who’s emotions were ripe for picking at any moment, I myself was very fond of fear and sadness, and so were the drones under my command”
>War? Now you understand why she would get chained down here
>”It was a very bloody battle that took months to end, and had most of my hive exterminated, and Celestia and Luna’s army down to but a dozen combatants”
>You gulp, that’s a lot of deaths
>”But in the end I still lost, my daughter fled as soon as things started turning south, and so did my drones, choosing to side with her in order to survive. My pride, however, wouldn’t let me leave the battlefield without victory, and I tried taking on the princesses myself”
>”And, well, the rest is history”
>The ex-queen shrugged her shoulders
>”Celestia beat me down by herself, and banished me to this place, where I’ve for over three thousand years if my memory doesn’t fail me”
>That’s… that’s a lot of time
>You wouldn’t wish that for anypony, even your enemies
>Okay, maybe one of them
>”Don’t look at me like that”
>She sighs, rubbing the back of her head
>”I don’t need, nor do I want, your pity, what I did was irresponsible and rash. I thought that having the advantage in numbers would give me victory, and all that cost were the lives of thousands of my drones”
>”After years in here, I can safely say that my punishment is more than deserved”
>You don’t want to believe it
>Because she’s a changeling and they’re naturally deceptive
>Specially one that looks so much like Chrysalis
>But at the same time Thorax and his hive exist, and they’re your friends and allies
>Chrysalid looks and sounds genuinely regretful of her actions
>”I guess you want to know about the Well of Spirits now, right?”
>She breaks you out of your train of thought
>And you can only nod dumbly
>”Well, the Well is located… I don’t know”
>She shrugs her shoulders
>”I don’t know where this well is, I’ve been chained up since the beginning, remember? I can’t roam around”
>A lot of effort is put into not face hoofing yourself
>But you fail, and soon after a smack’s heard, alongside a giggle in front of you
>Of course she wouldn’t know
>By your aunty, you’re so stupid
>You’ve been wasting time this whole ti-
>”But I do know one who can answer you that?”
>Your hoof left your face as fast as it smacked it
“You do?”
>You stand up and rush towards the ex-changeling queen
>Invading her personal space and shoving your face against hers
>”Of course”
>She gives a genuine smile
>Is she really just gonna help you like that?
>”There’s this old goat who used to roam around Tartarus on his own, only to suddenly show up around here inside a cage.
>Details, miss queen, details
>Give them up
>”He’s been in Tartarus for even longer than I have if I’m not mistaken, and since he used to walk free, there’s no way he doesn’t know where this Well of Spirits is”
>You squee and hug the bug queen
>Her yelp of surprise is the most adorable thing
>And you get even happier when she wraps a hoof around you, even if reluctantly
“Thank you so much, Chrysalid”
>She might not be able to use her magic, or feel and suck any emotions
>But you hope she can at least feel this little demonstration of gratitude
>”Okay, that’s enough, stop, you’re making me feel weird”
what the fuck
tell me that's fake
please please please
>You pull away with and grin at her
>She doesn’t look that amused, however
>Only a tiny little bit
>”The old goat’s cage is located on the highest platform…”
>She raises a hoof dramatically
>”… that way”
>And she points it to a specific direction without even looking
>From your spot even at the center of the platforms, with one of the two rock arcs blocking the view, said platform towers it even from the massive distance it
“Thank you again, Chrysalid”
>You bow your head to the defeated queen
>”No, I should be thanking, Princess, I haven’t had this much fun in ages”
>She smiles genuinely
>But the statement only brings up the truth of reality
>Which turns your smile in a slightly sadder one
>She seems to notice however, and looks to remediate that immediately
>”Now get going, you pony Princess you, don’t you have a pair of lovebirds to match?”
>You nod, and bow your head in thank again before going on your way
>When you’re about to hit the pathway however
>”Hey, Princess”
>You pause and turn around to face her
>The ex-queen doesn’t turn you face you though
>”That program of yours, do you believe it could ever find a companion for her?”
>Her? Her who?
>She tilts her head just slightly, allowing you to see the tip of her muzzle and mouth
>”Do you think Chrysalis can ever find love?”
>That comes off as a shock to you
>Yet you can feel it again
>There it is, that small pint of affection you managed to catch earlier
>It’s very tiny, and is overwhelmed by the disdain and disgust she feels for Chrysalis
>But it is there
>And it brings a small smile to your face
“Who knows, if she’s willing, I’m sure she can not only find love, but be able to love back”
>It’s very tiny, but you see a small smile on Chrysalid’s face, before she turns her head, preventing you from seeing it
>”I see”
>After that, she stays quiet, and you take that as your cue to leave
>She may not have given you the information you needed
>But she directed you to somepony who apparently have lived in Tartarus for far longer than she have, and probably have the location of the Well of the Spirits
>Who’d thought you’d find someone like her in this place
>Like she said, the many years in this place must’ve mellowed out her heart
>Many years isolated with no one but yourself will have your mind wander through topics you’d never think before, and maybe change your view on life after reflection
>It kinda makes you sad that Chrysalid have to live an enteral live locked away in this place
>She could probably be reformed if given a second chance
>Auntie would no doubt instantly reject the idea if you ever brought it up to her, though
>The Chrysalid she knows and the Chrysalid you know are two completely different changelings
>She’d think Crysalid was just putting up an act to fool you, or that you were going crazy from being stuck in Tartarus
>You shake your head
>Unfortunately there’s nothing you can do to help her
>And it doesn’t seem she wants to be helped either
>You leave the platform and follow the instructions to the cell holding this old goat she talked about who knows a lot about Tartarus
>Guiding yourself through the maze of pathways and staircases, you find yourself again climbing up a set of stairs before reaching your destination
>The highest platform of the bunch
>The sight you witness, despite surprising, gets a different reaction out of you than the one you got from seeing Chrysalid
>Your eyes narrow in rage and genuine hate
>You hate Chrysalis; and always will
>But you can understand why she did what she did; she had to feed her hive, which is an admirable reason, albeit with not so acceptable methods
>But him
>He’s just rotten to the core and you wished you’d never have to see his ugly face again
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And there you go, finally an update with Cadance kind of not getting the short end of the stick, and look, she even made a new friend… somewhat. This may read like filler, but it drives the plot forward as it guides Cadance straight toward her goal, instead of having more updates of her wandering around Tartarus aimlessly. I was also tired of just writing Cadance’s thoughts and wanted to write some dialogue, so this is one updated I enjoyed writing quite a lot.

I also decided to make a drawing of her head/face to give you guys an idea of what Chrysalid’s supposed to look like if the description I used was too shitty. One of her eyes look kinda wonky, it’s supposed to be looking at the screen, but I swear sometimes it does, and sometimes it don’t, I couldn’t find a way to fix it, so I left it the way it is now, hopefully you didn’t find it too shitty of a drawing.
holy moly thats a long update, will read it tomorrow/ on the weekend
>The sound of robotic laughter echoes throughout the halls
>"More human than you are."
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*SNAP* AYEP, this ones going in my cringe compilation
Now I'm imagining this
but with the first Anonymous who went through the portal (who was also filled with the most hate) and whatever big bad brought Earth to Equestria
The TCR show finally revolted against anime and brony avatars, Ghost ranted about autists for like an hour, then they ended Radio graffiti.
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is there any chance you could make that into a green?
because that sounds like a kickass idea, but I can't exactly visualise how that would come out. I really really really want to find out how that would come to pass
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>Robomares achieve sapience and individuality not through a sudden breakthrough of technology, a quirk of fate or sudden burst of magic.
>They achieve it because human women are just so fucking shit at their biological and social purposes, jobs and roles that the A.I's inevitably determine that the best course of action is to become their replacement.
First gen robots specifically built for companionship will likely be therapy animals or "Seeing eye" types for the blind, since both biological versions currently require quite significant maintenance and training.
After that it's a natural evolution towards general assistant, and from there full blown companion.

>Blind Anon wakes up and says good morning to his pone, bringing her out of standby.
>Helps him walk simply by stepping by his side with his hand on her head.
>Provides up-to-date information on their current location and can navigate to specific places if prompted.
>Able to cuddle while 'on the job'
>All the things that google/alexa/siri can do in present day, housed in something mobile.
This shit is inevitable so long as we dont collapse society within the next decade or two so we just need to hold out until at least that long so we can go full mad-max anarchy with our mechanical qt's
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>go full mad max with our mechanical qts
now i want this
hold your horses, death and societal collapse, we're not quite ready for you yet!
>pre-haircut Karapone
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>robowaifu advertises to you and reports to Facebook/Google/Amazon/CIA
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delet this
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>not building a free and open sores horse waifu
My instincts tell me life shouldn't be so terrible
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>This shit is inevitable so long as we dont collapse society within the next decade or two so we just need to hold out until at least that long so we can go full mad-max anarchy with our mechanical qt's
I am excite.
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>he actually knows that feel
or atleast he used to
robofuckers assemble
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I've always been here, my son.
>robofuckers assemble your waifus
One job.
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I want an A2pone.
>comparing the Arch Linux car to the BeOS car
>robot waifus are a reality
>robot ponies fill their niche
>single major closed source product fills most of the gap
>only the normiest of basic functions and fantasies fullfilled
>bootleg open source horse supports all your weird and deranged fetishes
>it's the only bot to mimic a romantic relationship since normal consumers don't have that gap to fill as a need
>facial structure resembles a sock puppet to avoid copyright infringement
>pone responses are slow, body temperature almost too warm for comfort due to only supporting AMD processors
I wouldn't even be mad
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>only supporting AMD processors
You forgot to include the guy in the back seat holding a gun to your head in the closed source one
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>take closed source ponybot by Hasbro
>open it up
>remove jewish and russian spyware
>take open source ponybot by some chinese third party
>remove chinese spyware and add mods from the dark corners of ponybot modding sites
>skim programs for viruses and install the safe ones
>stuff the modded third party hardware into the Hasbro shell
>go to not-youtube and follow the tutorial on how to fit your ponybot with a bad dragon fleshlight
>pray that your frankenstein of a mare turns on when you run the startup diagnostics
>mare starts up
>eyes turn on
>she cranes her neck in your direction
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That is fine too
so… John Carter in Equestria? sounds good
pony names, how do they work, and do pones recognize the connection?
>Murderer McFuckface’s neighbor turned up dead the other day, just like the rest of his town, but we can’t find the culprit! Murderer is the only one ever around and he never seems to catch them in time
>boots up
>eyes light up
>lines of code eventually fade to one phrase
>Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
>tfw you forgot to check for Todd Howard's spy/malware
>tfw you just spent a not-so-small fortune on Skyrim
>bad dragon
>not getting the superior etsy version
i like the scale of this
Skyrim is now illegal
hell yea keep it up daddy
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My head says no but my dick says yes
>Always on-road DRM that shuts down the car whenever you leave the licensed drive zone
>leave the licensed drive zone
sounds british
I wackyparsed that as "save a loaf." In the UK sliced bread is illegal because it requires a knife.

>wake up
>eat breakfast
>knock on door
>it's the rozzers
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Fun fact: Men belong to mares
>Year 2031
>Ponebots are illegal in britainistan
>See the London police twitter
>get binned
holy fuck i was gonna poke a little fun saying computer bits were gonna be confiscated on the grounds of being able to make bootleg ponebots but that fucking bike wheel pic has a radio in it. /they're already doing it/
>when the only thing that can actually get the british men to care about the state of their country is when their ponebots are taken away from them
british union of ponyfuckers anybody? BUF for short
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Mares are for hugs
When you eat out a mare does it taste musky or sweet like candy? If the latter, does the flavor depend on her cutie mark or is it the result of a product intended to make them more desirable to their partner?
I'd be fine with either, desu.
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a little sweet, so you keep coming back for more and more ;)
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I'd build my own perfect waifu.
Like how their names are always thematically appropriate because of destiny, so does their candy vag also taste as you would expect.
>rainbow dash is skittles
>rarity is marshmallow

Either that or the somewhat boring alternative is that it tastes like sugar, to compliment the fact our cum tends to be salty.
ohshit a wild Tirek appeared
good update, Chrysalid seems like she could be freed/reformed. Maybe in a different green while she goes around undercover.
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Either or sounds pretty great to me.
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You degenerate
>hugs are degenerate
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Hugs, cuddles, hoof/handholding, making your mare embarassed in publish, saying you love her, all the makings of a heretic. That's why we're all here, to relish in our degeneracy
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Meant public, fuck.
Shut the fuck up and get back to ramming your sweet, sweet green up our pone holes
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I said two per thread, learn to be patient.
Reminder to smell your mare so you can recognize her by scent alone. In case you go blind.
I wan't to sniff redheart till she cums herself from over stimulation of lewd.
Happens to all of us.
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>ywn publish a book about the degeneracies you and your mare commit to make others embarrassed
>ywn gently blow on her clit and making her immediately cum
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>"Young lady, I see you're very interested in this book that ISN'T the univesity's math book, care to share its contents with us?"
>Your entire body freezes as your your teacher calls you out
>And suddenly the're a good three dozen heads looking straight at you
>You look at said contents of the book and start blushing madly
"Y-you sure you want me to read this ma'am?"
>You sputter, sweat bullets cascading down your whole body
>"Why yes, I do, if you think it's so important to read it in my class, then you wouldn't mind sharing with the rest of us, would you?"
>Once again your eyes set on the exact part you were interrupted, and start squirming
>Before gulping down a lump of air
"... A-and t-then, when I l-l-least expected, my human t-took my dainty hoof in his m-masculine hand and started caressing it gently with his fingers, as h-he looked deep into my e-eyes, f-far within m-my soul, and stated in his deep, m-manly voice "I'll h-hold you tight within my arms, a-and never let go, f-for you are the l-love of my life""
>And the sentence ends
>There's only silence around you as you gather any courage you have left to peek over the book you were reading
>The classroom is shocked
>All thef mares are blushing madly and the stallions look incredibly uncomfortable
>Your teacher have her eyes as wide as dinner planes with a hoof covering her mouth and rose tinted muzzle
>Her eyes, however, don't face you like you expected, they look down towards the floor, as if in deep thought
>Doesn't she have a human husbando?
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>get to horseland
>pony publishing company has already put out copies of your greentexts as books

Gosh, I'd feel bad for putting out trite for the poners.
Lonesome mares just love your sappy romance novels, Anon.
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>they make greens of us on their ponernet
>/nmp/ threads on 4pone full of mares lamenting the non-existence of their husbandos, making stories and posts about living loving lives with their men
>somehow even sappier and more hopelessly romantic than we are
>Browsing at my desk in nothing but my black work socks, and scratching my balls.

>"You perverted mare. You're writing my life just how I like it"
>Anon says out loud as he post in one of his favorite threads.
>be pony
>wake up one day
>browse 4pone
>see thread
>”I’m a man from Earth. Ask me anything.”
>Ask him if his penis is shaped like a horse or not
>”No, I do not have a horse-shaped penis.”

But I feel bad because only two of them have been really good, and I don't know if they live up to a high standard of quality. Of cute mares are reading, I want my sap to be of top-shelf quality.
>get transported to Equestria
>give-down low and lurk ponernet forums because that's all you've always known
>browse 4pone /nmp/ equivalents in a kind of psuedo-sad psuedo-attention whory way but refrain from revealing yourself because that'd be egregious
>go out for groceries one day and some small kind of damp-looking mare snaps a photo of you and runs away
>it gets posted
>/nmp/ goes absolutely nuclear
>pph shoot to 1000/h and the board literally consists of just pone pink wojacks
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>>pph shoot to 1000/h and the board literally consists of just pone pink wojacks
>pone pink wojacks
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>husbando initiative breaks silence on human existence
>4pone enters meltdown from overwhelming influx of posts
>ponernet explodes, 4pone freezes
>first thread on first page is /nmp/ with a pic of wojak and mare ponejak smiling at each other
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>Teacher finally decided to accept Cadence's offer that day.
All according to plan.
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>Some ponies set up an interdimensional internet hole
>One of the things they do is take man-on-mare romance stories and publish it
>Now there's a monthly journal that just prints green updates
>Is extremely popular and quite mysterious
>older flurry heart
>has a front row seat to all the husbanso shenanigans.
>writes lewd fanfics about it all while waiting for the day cadence lets her get matched.
I don't even hate 3D women, I just desperately want to love someone and to have that love reciprocated. Is that really asking so much? I don't want day after day of raw, kinky, depraved sex or blowjobs on demand 24/7, I literally just want LOVE. Why is it like I'm asking for a fucking miracle in the current year?

Am I the problem? Am I the stupid one, here?
Go look up "hypergamy."

And yes, you're asking for a fantasy that no one gets to live, ever, except a handful of oil billionaires and trust fund babies. Be glad with what you've got.

One of the most hilarious things, by the way, about this board, is this idea that mares wouldn't behave EXACTLY like 21st Century American women in every way that matters. They wouldn't love you either, and they'd all be clawing at one another trying to get to the oil sheikh, or local equivalent. Women pretend to be emotional, but you've never met a man as cold and calculating as a woman who's estimating the size of a man's bank account based on his clothing and car. And nothing in nature is as entitled as a woman.

These are hard and unpleasant things to think about, but they won't go away just because you close your eyes.

We live in our fantasies. Real life is something we tolerate.
If you go around observing attractive people (in the sense of having qualities or features which arouse interest) who have a large circle of friends you will quickly note that none of them are/act on their desperation. More so they are self-confident which in turn means that they are more likely to be honest to others and themselves.

The "easiest" way to pick up a following, increase your social status and have an easier time forming a functioning relationship is to pick up a book about leadership and start to inspire others. Also remember that western society produces more betas than Steam-Greenlight so someone with good leadership has virtually no competition and is highly sought after in almost all aspects of life.
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>One of the most hilarious things, by the way, about this board, is this idea that mares wouldn't behave EXACTLY like 21st Century American women in every way that matters. They wouldn't love you either, and they'd all be clawing at one another trying to get to the oil sheikh, or local equivalent
Equestria as a whole is a utopia devoid of a lot of real-life complications like socio-economics or politics. Fitting of such a setting, mares are literally perfect fantasy creatures; they wouldn't behave like real-life women for exactly that reason.

The romantic, perfect relationships that exist in our pone stories can't exist in real-life. This isn't necessarily the fault of "women" or even of our current society, but rather just a flaw of humanity as a whole. That doesn't invalidate the stories or our dreams of cute poners though.
I want to get to talk to a mare and find out all about her. I really want that heart-to-heart connection you get from really opening up to someone.
I really want a mare to sit in my face bros.
What's better about them? A friend of mine asked
getting mine in a couple of days in the mail. But from what i have heard it has a lot better texture and shape internaly. Decent quality and better than anything BD puts out. Theres also a slight external model/shape change on one of them as well as having the option to choose the tightness.
How popular are they in terms of lying on shelves? My friend is not that comfortable with ordering it by mail, if he bought it in person that would be easier and less chance anyone knowing about it, mail has all sorts of logs and stupid paperwork that arrives ahead of the parcel.
It's etsy my dude, the guy doesn't have a physical store where you can go and buy one. Internet order only. It comes in a inconspicuous cardboard box addressed to a John Smith anyways, or at least mine did. Tell your friend to not be worried about people finding out.
It's not people, it's family. That's sad, I wonder if local shops allow placing orders
just send it to a po-box or something like that lmao
Dangit, I even have one relatively near me, I wonder if it still works. How did I not think of that.
Hey, if there's a will there's a way.
It’s the dream that we all share.
It’s our hope for tomorrow.
>It’s the dream that we all share.
>It’s our hope for tomorrow.

>This isn't necessarily the fault of "women" or even of our current society, but rather just a flaw of humanity as a whole.
There's good reason to disagree with that statement. Things have been changing in the past 3/4 of a century, and not for the better.

This means that there was a time when relations between the sexes weren't as horrible as they are right now. That alone means that there is at least some blame to go around.

There are a bunch of things you can blame, and some ways of connecting all the dots that either make it look like it's practically inevitable or that it is deliberately engineered and spurred on by people for very specific purposes, depending on how much information you end up picking up and absorbing, and how much you're able to observe around you.

Just in the last 15 years, things have gotten hugely worse, very quickly, and very publicly to anyone paying attention.
>lying on shelves
I think silicone things like that are made to order. At least that's what the manufacturing process was for one of the most famous brands out there after that Spec Ops team assassinated the last terrorist who we were allowed to be happy was dead. There was a news article where they talked about their manufacturing process, and said they'd be mailing complimentary ones to the members of that team. They also had information about a sale of the ones that didn't come out quite right due to minor flaws in the manufacturing process. Small cosmetic flaws, maybe a bubble or two on the outside, maybe a little of the orange colour got into the blue one, etc.
Hayburgers! (Fuck yeah!)
Princesses! (Fuck yeah!)
A dozen foals! (Fuck yeah!)
Hoof holding! (Fuck yeah!)
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I suppose it depends on which angle you look at it from.

Of course the way men and women interact and how relationships form and function has changed during recent times, and I think people in general were probably happier before when things were simpler, but at the same time I'm not sure if "love" specifically was any less rare back then.
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>I'm not sure if "love" specifically was any less rare back then.
People aren't joking when they talk about the Eternal Thot.
The phrase "quis custodiet ipsos custodes" comes from an ancient Roman poem about locking your wife up to keep her from sleeping around.
Human women have always been nothing but trash, a means to an end at best.
Holy shit, life really isn't worth living.
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Bad Dragon sent a bunch of horse fleshlights to Seal Team 6?
Man, this timeline sure is a wild ride.
I think he was saying that it was just the manufacturing process used by one of the more famous brands in existence at that time.
But what the fuck do I know, it could be that each member got a complimentary box of silicon horse pussy for their service. For all I know there could be one lurking right now as he bulldozes the sex pocket of his lifesize waifu plush.
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>when you have over 300 confirmed kills and a fuckable life-size plush of your waifu
yep, not being betrayed by your partner is a luxury in these days
>"A-And then her human slowly presses his finger into her hoof's tender frog, drawing a primal groan from his true love, revealing her most base self..." Flurry mutters to herself, using her magic to type furiously at the human keyboard in front of her.
>Her hind legs kick absentmindedly at the side of the bed she's flopped herself onto.
>You snicker quietly at the sight before tapping lightly on the doorway
>Seems she didn't realize she'd left the door slightly ajar
>She gasps at the sound and flings her laptop across the bed, somehow closing it in the process.
>"I-I-I wasn't--I mean. I wasn't doing anything. How are you today?" she stammers out before cracking an innocent grin
"You shouldn't browse that site. There are some naughty ponies out there with dirty, dirty minds. I think I read one all about proper spooning positions once. Stuff about achieving the maximum body-to-body contact between alicorn and human."
>You savor the steadily increasing blush on her face for a moment before continuing.
"I'm sure you'll find someone to practice those things on soon enough, though."
>You turn around and walk off, but not quickly enough to miss the sound of her frantic typing
>She'll be old enough to know why you've actually been staying in the castle soon enough
>But until then you'll just have to keep yourself amused by slowly corrupting her mind with lewdities
Who's the second party in this?
Older Flurry Heart. It's a response to >>32646274
I'm also still interested in, uh, whatever was about to happen next.
As well as all of our other silent writefags, e.g., Angrywino, Cosmic, whoever was writing that Crystal War Rarity thing, etc.
>Older Flurry Heart. It's a response to >>32646274

What I mean is, who's the party saying
>"You shouldn't browse that site. There are some naughty ponies out there with dirty, dirty minds. I think I read one all about proper spooning positions once. Stuff about achieving the maximum body-to-body contact between alicorn and human."
Well, they announced an intention to do that, at least.
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I would’ve had an entry long ago, but for some reason in my idiotic rush to push out an update, I left the last chapter with a sad cliff hanger as Anon unwittingly triggered Luna’s memories of being Nightmare Moon and I’m kinda getting tired of writing sad shit. If I could go back, I’d just change that ending to a more happy one, but now because I’m stuck with another self pity moment I need to resolve, I pushed the romance back another couple chapters. Not being able to write sappy happy green is draining my motivation away. I don’t know how DanteAnon gets away with it.
probably "Anon" or some human
>I don't even hate 3D women
Get out of here stalker!
>that pic
Still fucking love this version
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Things have been rough lately and I haven't been able to put my heart into it.
>you will never play with your mares ears.
fuck yea
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>ywn whisper sweet nothings in her ear and feel her coat stand up, her heart beat faster
>swn pounce on you and nuzzle against your face before settling down for her nightly cuddle, an unspoken demand
>the two of you wn fall asleep sprawled over a tiny pone sofa in front of the fire
>ywn wake up to the armrest digging into your back, feeling sore but with zero regrets as she snoozes on top of you
Sometimes I wonder about this life, man. I mean, it's not like we're asking much.
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Isn't it ironic that the most simple, most natural of things like these are completely out of our reach?
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> Not being able to write sappy happy green is draining my motivation away
What exactly is stopping you from writing some sappy happy oneshot while keeping whatever story you're talking about on hiatus till you're no longer in that self pity mood?
Fight through, my man. Just remember what waits you after this
What does Luna's mane feel like?
Listen to this anon: >>32651752
Writing small unrelated shit of different mood helps me a lot. You should try doing that.
>I don’t know how DanteAnon gets away with it.
I remember we asked him to do a saccharine sweet story after that to balance things out and he wasn't against it. Maybe he doesn't remember that, but I sure do.
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Looking into the psyche of normies, they would outright refuse a mare. Which is typical for a normie, but no matter how many thots they run through, they will always think that this next one is "the one".
They don't understand and continue to push the metaphorical boulder up the slope in search of a girl that isn't a thot.
Why are normies so fucking retarded?
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Who cares
>a /really/ soft and smooth mane
>some indescribable liquid
take your pick
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I care, it's mainly pity but I care.
Coworker of mine got divorced and his wife went full Brendan Fraser on him. Won't even let him see his kid.
Other coworker's wife had major mental issues.
I don't know why they keep thinking "this one will be different" and then are shocked to find out that it's always the same shit.
>Won't even let him see his kid.
>Kid's gonna grow up alone with his bitch mom, or worse, with her and her lover
The worst thing about it right here, honestly.
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Can confirm.
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I have come to the realization that 3D women do not love, or at least in the same way we do. They simply choose the most successful mate, and what you could call love comes afterward. They don't fall in love with personality or traits like we do, they fall in love with a man's money. I'm not saying we are so righteous though, maybe we do a bit of the same thing. What is love, after all?
I know that feel
At least you learned early on about the treachery of the thot
>3D women
Importance level: 0
Meh, personality is a meme.
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Yeah, it's not like mares would behave that way. It's not as though we'd seen social climbing and the desire to pursue only wealthy, high-status males presented not only as the norm but as an ideal, right?

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>mare literally brought down the sky for you
>this one example represents the norm and the ideal
Yeah, sure.
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She didnt like him because he was a prince.
She liked him because she assumed a prince would be a top-tier gentleman, his material status didn't really matter outside of that.
Keep in mind that rarara at this point was still a village lass that romanticized the hell out of canterlot and nobility in general.
I wish they never moved away from that small village feeling the early seasons had, where going to canterlot and having Celestia visit was a big deal and everything had a rustic tinge to it instead of crystals and stone carvings everywhere that look impressive but are far too grand for everyday tomfoolery.
Season 1 and 2 feel so long ago now.
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S2 was already making its way into more modern pone but still not too far enough, making it a bit odd to me. Thematically, it was all over the place compared to how solid S1 was. I'd rather they've kept S1 vibes and ditched everything else.
if you want a vision of the future, imagine a mare sitting on a man’s face - forever.
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Motherfucker, if I can come back from the pits of whatever hole I had been stuck for nearly six months and write 12 updates in three weeks, then you can write at least one update.

C'mon dude, don't leave me hanging, I just read that shit and I wanna know what happens next. If you want to write happy shit, make Anon realize he said something that made Luna really upset, and have him take her on a Date around Ponyville where they go to the sugarcube corner and share a milkshake together or some shit.

Knowing Penka, she's wouldn't feel the least bit weirded out that a Princess and a hairless ape were having a date on the shop, and would try to cheer everyone up like she always does.

Get motivated faggot, I believe in you. It fucking pains me to see a better writer than me being stuck like this while I shit out my Cadance Suffering Simulator.
wouldve been better with context
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>better writer
Did you read my laser pointer story, because if you did, you would not say that.
That kinda sounds like a good idea. I think that might help me. Alright, I'll try writing something. Maybe I'll remember to take my medicine tomorrow too.
A poni who frequents Ann Arbor, Michigan?

A poni with a fixed cary handle and a rear sight adjustable for elevation?
>A poni with a fixed cary handle and a rear sight adjustable for elevation?
nyet, poni is fine
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>Did you read my laser pointer story, because if you did, you would not say that.
Just beacuse the plot is dumb doesn't mean it's badly written. It's still better written than whatever monstrocity I have created.
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Also comes with a shotgun mode if you press the button underneath the slot that's between the cheekrests
Careful using it, though, it'll give you a serious kick.
Then spend the next hour or so rubbing your bruise and apologizing
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>Getting kicked accidentally
>Lack of cartoon physics biology.
>Unicorn impalement.
Mares might end up apologizing a lot.
Apologies for the heresy, cant find a non-gay version of this kind of thing..
Heresy or not, I expect that a lot of mares would rather eat candy vag than die alone.
>That spoiler
Go to a drawthread and ask someone to make a version with an Anon and a random unicorn from the show.
>tfw not getting poked in the eye by pineapple hoers
What if her name is Pineapple Express, and her catchphrase is "Never go full retard?"
Zigga, you just went full retard
why would you say such an awful thing
call her Pex for short
you hate him because he speaks the truth
dont be scared, this is what you never knew you wanted all along

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