>>1195850I dont turn off Strava when I take the train over bridge amd I've stolen KOMs by accident
>>1195850I have never hung a working air gauge to brake test cars unless it's an eot. I bottle air, drop cars, kick 15 car blocks, and get on and off moving equipment.
I beat my wife once because she only rode a steel touring bike.I've been with my wife for 10 years now. We met in high school, and I got her pregnant. She is and always has been a lazy cyclist and shitty with technology. I wouldn't even mind her shit if she at least acted like she was trying. But she rarely did.We'd get into screaming arguments constantly about how lazy and worthless she was. I felt like an asshole for it, but goddamn she was a real piece of work. The only reason I dealt with all this was for the kids, and also because the sex is great.But one night, I got fed up. So I finally got her to agree that she needed a new bike after her chainstay rusted so bad I could kick it off. To celebrate, I took her to a bike shop, gave her my credit card and told her to get any bike she wanted. I let her shop around talking to the employees for nearly two hours before I gave up and went to eat alone at the buffalo wild wings across the street (the bar is actually pretty nice). When I came back, she ran out of the store with a big smile and was raving that she finally picked a new bike. It was a 2018 specialized sequoia - a steel touring bike. Again. For the 15th year in a row, my wife was going to ride a fucking touring bike when we've literally never gone fucking touring and now never will. She won't even leave the house for 15 miles, always has to be under 15 miles with that bitch.
>>1195868Anyway, I got mad and drove off. She rode home. That night she stole some of my beer and started drinking (she NEVER drinks). Not only did she get drunk off my budweiser, neglect the kids, and adjust the saddle, change the bar tape and sign her name on her new Sequoia, but she decided to give me attitude too. She was being real fucking bitchy. So I told my grandparents to keep an eye on the kids and told my wife we were going to go back to the bike shop together. I drove maybe 70 miles to a bike shop I wouldn't be recognized in (we live in Missouri, it's hard to find a bike shop I haven't been to) and I got out of the car, went around like I was going to open her door for her and let her out, and I just beat the shit out of her while she was still seatbelted. After a few punches, I asked her if she wanted to go on a bike tour. She started screaming and yelling and said yes, so I beat the shit out of her again. Then I asked her what she wanted to do. She finally got smart and said she wanted a carbon fiber road bike but only if it was endurance fit. So I took her into that shop and dared her to start trouble. I even handed her my wallet and picked the bike out for her (a 2018 Liv Avail). I made her talk to the shop owner, while daring her to fucking say she wanted another steel touring bike. And when we got home, I dared her to swap the racks from her old steel touring bike onto her new carbon roadie.Before that incident, I had never laid a hand on her. But I had always threatened it. I told her "one of these days, if you don't straighten up, I'm going to lay hands on you."Her cycling style has changed dramatically, and she just recently asked me if she could get Lightweight carbon wheels. It's a start, but I was just thrilled that she tried.
>>1195868>>1195869This is almost too vivid to be made up.
>>1195868>>1195869This sounds like the guy on weightweenies who built his wife a 4 kg all carbon road bike with pedals that are impossible to clip into/out causing her to crash several times and super expensive carbon wheels she ruined on the first ride by braking too much. Wonder what's happened since then.
>>1195889I love lurking weightweenies. It's a bunch of autists whose special interest is (lightweight) bikes and they have loads of money.
>>1195896https://weightweenies.starbike.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=10&t=141018Here's the thread, it descends into some sort of a surrealist nightmare pretty quickly once the guy eventually gets his wife on the bike.
I don't know how to ride a bicycle.
>>1195868>>1195869You are a weirdo.
>>1195899Holy shit the OP in that thread is autistic as fuck. I wish I had enough disposable income to lose my common sense like that
>>1195875>>1195878>>1195889Its a modified copypasta you retards
>>1195899>shaved off the decal to save gramsim fucking alive
i kicked over another cyclist at stoplight once. it was a food delivery guy on an ebike. he had nearly hit me a block back - ran his light and almost broadsided me. so i knocked him over, his bullshit 50lbs bike falls on him, food spills all over him. i felt badly, but fuck him. fuck his ebike, fuck his flippant endangerment of myself and others.
>>1195850I desperately want friends but I'm too shy to go on group rides.
>>1195850Also, I went on a training ride today and then ate an entire box of cookies... I'll never be a cool hip skinny biker guy like Francis Cade.
When I'm lazy I will ride to the train station instead of just riding all the way to work. I don't ride in the winter because of the cold and ice. I'd probably drive to work if parking was free.
I haven't bike commuted in many months and my mom has been driving me to school instead
Had to take a shit after dark outside town. As I'm letting it rip I notice the grass is much shorter than it typically is in the ditch and that I'm probably shitting on someone's lawn.
>>1196038free fertilizer, you done good
I confess that I am literally the only conscious entity on the planet and the only person that has ever been competent to control a vehicle in motion.
>>1195850i love trains and buses but i don't mind driving
>>1195850I like to flip traffic cones as I bike past them. I've been regularly doing this for a while now :|
I only do the Dam sprint on Strava because there is a swimming deck there with lolitas.
I make Strava segments that pass by famous people's houses and title it "_____'s Sprint".I made one last week in front of the neighborhood grouch entitled "Ring your bike bell halfway through please"
>>1195899>I have not given up and want her to become more involved with cycling. Right now, she simply sucks and I turn into a complete asshole when observed by others in public. For example, when she forgot to unclip and fell down in the middle of the street I said "Really??! Are you kidding me right now??!!" I need to be nicer and more supportive I think.jesus christ
> I wear my bib shorts multiple times without washing> I like how my pee pee feels between my selle smp's center cutout. > When at a stop, I like to flex my quads for the sake of showing off> I always use headphones when riding> I prefer toe straps (not clipless)> Cute girls on multi-speed bikes are the only type of girls that turn me on in the real world anymore> I will not go on long distance rides unless I'm riding early morning or night (because I hate people and road traffic) - I also don't ride most weekends because of freds and scrubs> I've always wanted to blast past someone and touch their butt :')> Part of the fun factor that comes from cycling is trolling other cyclists (i.e. passing freds on cheap bikes, staying on the tails of riders)> I wish I could "lose" one of my 3 bikes so that I could a new one
I-i secretly want to own a car. An nice, shiny expensive one, with a fresh smell mmmm...
>>1195850I've driven my car to places less than a mile away from me because I felt lazy that particular day.
When I get really drunk, I pee in bar bathroom sinks and trashcans if it’s a lockable bathroom
>>1195868Kek the /n/ variant of this pasta
>>1196329I do this all the time when sober.Sinks are at such comfy heights especially when you're wearing bibs and your lil boi is just sticking out over the top.
>>1195850I own a bike that I will in all likelyhood never ride again, but I'm not going to sell it. I have no rational reason except "I liked riding it so no one else should have it". I can see the same thing happening with my current bike. Guess I'm a hoarder.
I once asked a woman who was having a loud conversion with another passenger if she knew it was the quiet carriage, and remarked "I don't know if you're illiterate..." because it's pretty hard to miss the fact when it's written on the door as you get in and on the door to the next carriage.
I've told straight up lies to a Trainmaster I've met on multiple occasions
Been meaning to cycle to work since the beginning of the year. Bought a used bike for cycling to work a few weeks ago. Still haven't fixed it up. Still driving to work.
I'm 26 years old and got my driver's license 6 months ago (I'm an aspie) and still have never driven a car because I am scared. Even though my teacher told me I was a great driver and went on the freeway and all that, I am just scared of driving. So I ride my bike everywhere
I bought a vintage steel frame Bianchi with a matching frame pump, silca with a Bianchi logo made of gold leaf, but the pump does not work. Won't seal to the valve stem at all. I ride around with it anyway and when someone asks to use it I always say "oh it's bit of a hassle to use since it's so narrow. It'd be quicker to use [insert name here]'s frame pump."
>>1197437Nothing to be ashamed of. Notice how all those car commercials always have the car in the middle of nowhere, never in traffic? It's because the worst thing about driving is other people driving.You can be the best driver in the world, but some idiot not watching the road is all you need to ruin your day.
i got dropped by a 50-ish looking dude once
>>1197495If you're biking on the same road as cagers, you're even more vulnerable to other people's stupidity.
>>1195899that’s far side of the spectrum right there
>>1197498but in a car, another person's stupidity can be viewed as your stupidity if they're a lying scumbag and skew the facts, which happens more often than not. On a bike, another person's stupidity is almost always their fault, even if it means being a sacrifice to imprison the driver.
>>1195850If there's traffic, and someone on purpose stirs to the right, so I can't pass, I always scratch their car and leave them behind.
>I don't pay for subway>I'd buy an old sports car and 4x4 if I got money and space
>>1196198I have another confession:I purchased a car after being bike-only for like 8 years. :'(
>>1195850I ride a brakeless fixed gear track bike on city streets.I ride recklessly and create a hazard to all other road users.
>>1198063Damn, same. It's not like I don't enjoy cycling, but I really want to drive across Canada in a 1986 300zx Turbo. Problem is I have no idea where I'm supposed to keep it because my apartment doesn't have a garage. What kind of car would you get?
I repainted an old huffy I got for free Orange and black because I was inspired by the Milwaukee Road.On an empty path at night, I tried to pee while coasting just to try it, which was unsuccessful.I once masturbated in an empty park at dusk while staring at the nearby airport.
>>1197437>scared of drivingOf what exactly? The speed? I remember being anxious at 30 MPH but I got over it pretty quickly.
I neglect my car pretty badly.Something is seriously wrong with the steering and when I go highway speeds I'm actually scared it may break.If something fails who knows what might happen, could kill a family in the other lane.I don't want to spend money on my car, I'm saving up for another.
I got passed by two e-bike commuters tonight and I was really happy about it.
>>1198355I used to be phased by ebike riders but now I just pity them.
>>1198367>phasedWas it a Trek?
>>1198367Then you're utterly delusional and actually pretty sad.You put in whatever effort you were going to anyway, and you go faster and further than you would have unassisted.Anyone - ANYONE - who loves riding should be totally hyped for ebikes.The only thing stopping me so far is that they are still fairly expensive and limited in range. But they've been getting cheaper and better every year for quite a while now.
>>1198318Maybe some just some E24 BMW 635 CSi or air cooled Porsche 911. Also some italian one would be cool. Like Alfa Romeo Montreal from 70's or even a bit newer Ferrari 575M Maranello if I really had the money.80's japs wouldn't be bad either.I also confess that I'm really lazy at doing any other bike maintance other than lubing chains. And they're all over gunk.
>>1198394The mods deleted all of BaconRider's posts but this cage heresy gets accepted on muh board
>>1198376>and you go faster and further than you would have unassisted.leglet with shit endurance detected
>>1198421>I lube my chain with heavy gear oil>I sometimes climb in the drops>I think bibs are unironically shit>I wear my glasses arms under my straps>I don't shave my legs>I tilt my seat post up a degreeRoast me, a/n/ons
>>1198444Nothing wrong in climbing in the drops, not shaving, or wearing glasses under your helmet straps m8
>>1198444The punishment for violating the bike nazi code is in the way you look and the quality of your riding experience, and in the way your fellow roadies see you. Not in anything you need to be told anon.
>>1198454>he has a fear complex that other roadies might not see him as "pro"I said roast ME anon, not yourself.
>>1198444I’d gutter you
>>1198464Not with those digits anon.
>>1198421>leglet with shit endurance detectedLMFAO bruv are you retarded? Even the pro peloton people have been trying to sneak pedal assist bikes into races.
I like trains from other countries more than the ones in my contries, my railfan comrades hate me because of it
>>1195956What's the original
>>1198444lel are you me? The only thing I don't do is climb in the drops
>>1195869You're my new idol
>>1198376Freaking leglets. When will they learn.
>>1198376I like riding. I just don't like riding for very long.
>>1195850I'm a neet that doesn't leave the house
>>1199899It's a copypasta from /n/
>>1198376This right here. Ebikes don't make you lazy, you make you lazy.
I really like fixed gears and I see nothing wrong with riding brakless, once you develope the skills. They are just fun.
>>1197300Been riding my mtn bike to work for 2 months because I have to run a new brake cable on my road bike.
I have three quite expensive bikes in various states of disrepair and I haven't properly ridden any of them in months.
>>1199869I've been with my wife for 10 years now. We met in high school, and I got her pregnant. She is and always has been a lazy person and a shit cook. I wouldn't even mind eating shit food if she at least made it on time. But she rarely did.We'd get into screaming arguments constantly about how lazy and worthless she was. I felt like an asshole for it, but goddamn she was a real piece of work. The only reason I dealt with all this was for the kids, and also because the sex is great.But one night, I got fed up. Not only did she get drunk, neglect the kids, and made me top Ramen for dinner, but she decided to give me attitude too. She was being real fucking bitchy. So I told my grandparents to keep an eye on the kids and told my wife we were going to go out and have dinner together. I drove maybe 3 blocks to a quiet area (we live in Oregon, it's not hard to find a quiet field) and I got out of the car, went around like I was going to open her door for her and let her out, and I just beat the shit out of her while she was still seatbelted. After a few punches, I asked her if she wanted to go back to her parents. She started screaming and yelling and said yes, so I beat the shit out of her again. Then I asked her what she wanted to do. She finally got smart and said she wanted to go home. So I took her home and dared her to start trouble. I even handed her my cellphone and dialed her mom's number on the drive home. I made her talk to her mom, while daring her to fucking say something.Before that incident, I had never laid a hand on her. But I had always threatened it. I told her "one of these days, if you don't straighten up, I'm going to lay hands on you."All my meals have been on time, and she just recently tried to make a meatloaf. It was mediocre, but I was just thrilled that she tried.Do with this information what you will.
>>1199909enjoy being a sweaty mess after commuting against an uphill headwind
>>1201229It has little to do with skills, you simply can't stop quickly enough without a front brake on an emergency.
I use the slowest downhill tyres on my MTB to ride on the road/bike path.It's also equipped with a Shimano Saint disc brake up front. I don't even care about modulation anymore, I just slam the brake and hope I can stay on.I've never ridden a trail/offroad.
They got me. I'm a memester and I want this meme bike. I'm afraid I'm going to do something irresponsible, like spend as much on one bike as every other bike I've ever owned combinednikolasv tell me why I shouldn't spend $4000 on a bike, that way I'll be sure it's the right choice
>>1201409Canyon customer service is notoriously unreliable. Any problems with that meme cockpit and you could be in for a whole world of hassleGo for it if you really like it though man I don't even think it looks that bad
>>1201411Well shit, that saves me $4000I guess I should probably open a roth IRA or something responsible
>>1201412or you could buy an old motorcycle
I take a ridiculously long detour on my way to work going on a pretty dangerous road and doubling the amount of time it takes me to get there because the direct path goes by her house and I don't want to have to think about her anymore
>>1201414I think you're lost, you wanted this board >>>/o/
I stole cycling shorts from my local bike shop.
I never learned to ride a bike until about a month ago at twenty years old. A bad scrape a few weeks in made me stop riding for a week and I'm still nervous on sharp turns but I really want to keep riding.
>>1201441I've been riding for 10 years and just yesterday I lost traction on a wet patch and wend sliding on my palms across the road. Hoped right back on and continued to work. I wasn't even late. Ya gotta get back on that horse son.
>>1201446Gotta be careful about that.I had a very narrow escape from a long-term rotator cuff injury in exactly that situation.Even if you don't feel any damage you should talk to an orthopedic specialist if at all possible.
>>1201441>but I really want to keep riding.Just go ride. It doesn't have to be fast. Take it easy. Enjoy the moment. Check out the QT joggers and give the QT-est a big smile.If you let fear choose your actions you're better off dead anyway.
>>1201454I mtn bike and skateboard as well. This type of thing happens about once a week. Just rarely on the road. Cycling has been shown to make ligiments tighter which means you are more prone to ingury, if that is your only form of exersice. On the other hand skateboarding requires flexibility and neccestitates learning how to fall without getting injured. Stuff like this doesn't even raise my heart rate anymore. I credit the reflexes I learned skating with preventing major injury on many occasions.
>>1195889>>1195889>>1195912This is the bike in question. He ruined a perfectly good supersix for this.What even are those pedals?Also, note the hoods pointing to the sky, awful cable outer lengths and drilled out shifter paddles.I wish i could afford a supersix and not wreck it. :,(
>>1196045Finally some real progress is being made here
>>1201415Shit, I'm sorry anon.Hang in there my mang.
>>1198376For me, half the joy of riding is knowing that I'm conquering the land with my own two legs. Everytime I get to the top of the hill I feel like a badass. And then I get to come down at some point. And that feels great too, because I earned it. Ebikes kinda ruin that.
>>1201415Because the ridiculously long detour sure doesn't make you think about her right
>>1195889>a female crashing over and over again on an unrideable bikeThat sounds kind of hot tbqh, I love women suffering
I love cycling, but I'm worried it'll destroy by perineum and my sperm count long-term.
>>1201529Just tilt your saddle so most of your weight is on your ischium (sitbones) and get a saddle with a relief channel in the middle.If you can afford an older SMP, get one.
>>1195850I don't own a bike and I can't understand this board's autistic obsession over them.
>>1201409what does this third lever do? a single interrupter brake or smthg?
>>1201636The white thing is a bike computer and the bar is the handlebar. Notice how there is no stem clamped to the top bar. It's a raised, double bar drop bar.
>>1201638I got that the bar was raised and clamped to the lower crosspiece (not sure I'd call it a "double drop," tho.)But I guess you're right about the circled bit being a computer, it's shown at a weird perspective is all.
>>1201642>not sure I'd call it a "double drop," tho.Neither did I.
>>1201608Biking makes your Benis grow
One of my favourite things about cycling is pissing outside.
>>1201666This is literally true though. Leg muscles are most important for cardiovascular health.
>>1201643gotcha. I parsed it wrong
Ive spent 80usd on a track pump (old one failes)>sks 50th aniversary rennkompressorno regrets.
>>1201692>Not getting an air compressor with a regulator and presta fitting on the endnothing personnel kid.Really though, nice purchase anon, that's a real deal track pump.
I use rim brakes
>>1201872As opposed to what? Drums? Spoons?
>>1201872>>1201880Spoon brakes are best brakes.
Forgiveme ,, andoge guideme.,,,,,i ,, i,, thisoshame!,,i FAILED to fix a flatire.,,was glued on with pineresin/catblood/hawkdrool,,,thornprooftube,, hardwire tire,, wimpme.,,,,sad,, read/n/.,, THANKS!,, not quite deadyet,, feeling better,, actualy up foride.,,,flat is rear,, trailing tireso,,Pic> VICTORY!!,, who needsair?
>>1201883Lookin' good Bacon.get yourself some tyre sealant my lad.
>>1195889>>1195912> She is not allowed to run spacers under the stem. It must look good. It must be slammed. She does Yoga and Crossfit so she is getting into a pro position whether she likes it or not. Lol. She thinks cycling is easy. She needs to be schooled.fucking hell - how does this man manage to function in society
>>1201914I found the COPE bragging about the expensive garbage he buys his wife to be pure gold. The front derailleur build was a good laugh: replacing the precision machined hinging pins with some crap carbon tubing from a hobby store was the highlight; i don't think he used it, as it'd be destroyed from just doing that alone.
>>1195850I like Caltrain's paint scheme. Service is shit (even compared to Amtrak) and it's slower than old people fucking, but it has a certain aesthetic luster to it. I wish it would adopted for all Amtrak California services, way nicer than the retarded blue and gold paint scheme.
My drivetrain is leaving black marks when you touch it and I'm not going to clean it today even though I have a gran fondo tomorrow because I'm too lazy and have a BBQ to go to
>>1201994Is three pedal revolutions through a clean rag really that much of a hassle?
>>1201997No, I think I'll do that. The rear triangle is generally a bit grubby though.I'm normally very good with sussing out my bike and give it a thorough clean every week, but I just came back from a week in the west country, I didn't have my maintenance kit with me just spares (it wasn't a cycling holiday, just a regular vacation to which I took the bike) and it's all built up a bit.
>>1201994If you’ve got money for a gran fondo entry fee you could probably afford some Haitian child slave to maintain your drivetrain
>>1201999m8 it's not an event just a 120 km ride with the dad for father's day
>>1202000wth just say “I’m going riding with my dad” next time
I wear lycra with 5-10s.
>>1202088>I wear lycra with 5-10s.I also do that, but with non 5.10 flats.You are in good company.
>>1201994Just wax your chains already anon
Sometimes I use the american spelling of words online to not draw attention to myself.
>>1201994how much of your life do you spend cleaning your drivetrain if this is the standard you set for yourself?jfc it's fine
>>1195850Instead of specialized bike Gels and Gummies I just eat Chuckles.
>>1204310Watermelon Jelly Belly beans here
>>1201417Could be worse, I sent my dad to my bike shop while I was at work and he stole the owners entire cycling kit including repair kit, heart monitor, bib, jersey, tubes and a bunch of other stuff. They were in one of those reusable supermarket bags and my dad had just done the shopping so he grabbed them all. Took me about a month to work out it wasn't his stuff(I figured he'd mixed it in with mine) and took it back to the place, got shit for about a year over it. Every fucking time I went in the owner would look at me, laugh and then purposefully lock the register as loudly as possible.Also as a confession, I don't use soap when I shower at work because I'm too lazy to bring it with me, I just use some hand soap on my junk and dry out using a small tea-towel I keep in my bag most mornings.
>>1195899>She is not allowed to run spacers under the stem. It must look good. It must be slammed. She does Yoga and Crossfit so she is getting into a pro position whether she likes it or not. Lol. She thinks cycling is easy. She needs to be schooled.wow, the guy sure loves his gf
>>1195850i fap to chinese poor quality bikes.
>>1204310Freddo Frogs.They melt usually after an hour and I just drink the chocolate.
>>1204341>I don't use soap when I shower at work because I'm too lazy to bring it with me, I just use some hand soap on my junk and dry out using a small tea-towel I keep in my bag most mornings.I haven't used soap ever in 5+ years and I don't bother showering when I get to work
>>1204344>Ummmm my wife read my posts. She is pissed off at me. I am in the dog house now. But she really is horrible at cycling. I cannot lie to the Weight Weenie members. The funny thing is she feels she does not suck.We are riding this weekend. I will let you all know how she does. If we get passed by people that shouldn't be passing us then she sucks.how the fuck did this guy get married in the first place?
>>1204437he's got a lot of money, guess that helps.
>>1204410Same. Thanks based detoxing vegan diet and asian epidermal microbiota that I get from my gf. We smell like flowers.P.s. I ride road rides with mtb shorts, shoes and spds.