American experiences>Be me>Be American>Waddling outside the national Walmart embassy>Recently bought a flannel shirt to hide my gyno and a cowboy hat to turn my degeneracy into masculinity>As I'm helping myself to the insulin dispenser, a small child points a SpongeBob themed desert eagle at me>He demands all my food stamps>Using quick thinking I blind him with Cheetos dust from my pocket and make a mad dash towards my car, breaking both my ankles in the process>I insert five dollars to open the car door and another five dollars to start the engine>I pull out and drive a safe distance away so I can call the police>Luckily I have purchased the silver package so I have the ability to report crimes>I order some food to calm me down and call the McDonald's privatised police force and wait for a Mcofficer to arrive>When he arrives he brings me my happy meal scans my credit card barcode which is conveniently tattooed to my wrist>As I am about to tell him what happened, he shoots me at point blank, but it's okay because he noticed a Whopper purchase on my credit usage history, which is a direct violation of the McDonald's terms of serviceSuch is the price of freedom
why are amerimutts so fat and disgusting?
>>171868634>actually funnyHahahah I appreciate the good laugh
>>171868861>Leaf thinks he can shit talk other countries>Again
>>171868634>be on martha's vineyard beach with gf>she's thicc>kiss a little and iniciate firm bellyshake>suddenly huge shadow over us>it's cop on a huge horse>tells us it's a family beach and he wants us to fuck off>leave with boner>get finedSuch is the price of freedom
>>171869296wtf is martha's vineyard i keep seeing normies post about being there
>>171868634>insulin dispenserkek lost here
>>171868861In the Territories of Canada, I met many fatter fucks than here. One of them noticed the DOD sticker on my car after talking to me for a long while about absolute nonsense. I found it amusing, as I had driven 10-14 hours a day for a week performing my duties. My last few were in Alaska. With eyes of crimson, a look of fear and confusion, this Canuck asked if I was going to arrest him. I told him of Posse Comitatus, and that this was in fact Canadian Territory. "Son, what ever authority I do have, I have none here." "Whoa, ok. Cool, dude. Hey, so about aliens, have you seen any?" You Canucks suck at life. I swear, if one more hostess asks me if I want gravy with my taters on my next trip, or so much as hands me HP sauce with my steak, I will start shooting from Edmonton clear to Quebec. You asshats have no reason to feel superior. I have no other option than to listen to your public broadcasts on my far-flung travels across your shithole asking what the government is going to do about every asinine problem imaginable.
>>171868634>he thinks they sell flannel at wal-martJust cause it's plaid does not a flannel make
>>171869709Are you from vancouver or something? Because if you're from the east side it's pretty close to you. It's an island in massachussets.
>>171870603They wear I live. I live the Southwest you see, every fatfuck over here likes to play dress-up. Lower middle class fat asses wear cheap coyboy clothes to scrape together any from of respect they can find. It's disgusting.
>>171868634I live near and have eaten at that ice cream shop before. Was pretty big talk about campus concerning that
>>171868634Animal fat, probably similar to this grease, has a density of 0.87 grams per cubic centimeter. Humans are 0.985 grams per cubic centimeter. Thus, she sunk like a rock.F.
>>171870478I must add, for my fellow Americans, do. you know these fucks fund public access programs about knitting? What purpose does this serve! Go up there, immerse yourselves in their failure, and know above all that we were right, and that they are Tory faggots.
Fuck that was good you asshole.To many things i could quote
>>171870867They aren't flannel. Flannel is a fabric, not a shirt style. You can't buy it for $9.99
freedom awaits, brothers
>>171868634>An American with any sense of shame and self depreciating humorYou don't belong here
>>171868634God dammit! That was my retirement grease
>>171872424But it's true. Ever walk into an establishment in this country? Anywhere? You can see some actual monsters walking around