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Got any stories about yourself/someone you know that has a mental illness? Come on down and talk about it! Even if it's self-diagnosed meme anxiety or depression that's okay!

Possible inputs
>do you have any mental illnesses?
>are you or were you on meds?
>did those doctors make you pay an arm and a leg for regular visits or inpatient mental ward?
>>
I feel like I'm going insane but I think its anxiety or ocd or something. I've never felt like this before. Now I'm going to a therapist, so I don't know what to expect
>>
I think I might have meme OCD. I feel like I have zero control over my thoughts. There are times I'm halfway to work and I'll turn around to get home and check to see that the stove is off even if I don't use it in the morning. Also that my dog is okay.

I have uncomfortable sexual thoughts about everyone and I can't stop them from popping into my head. I thought I was gay or bi because of this as a teenager, but only women actually turn me on BUT I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT SEX WITH EVERYONE. If the sheets on my bed are even a little bunched up I can't sleep a wink. I've considered stapling them to my bed or something so they don't slip anymore. I can feel the disgusting grease on my skin, I always need to wipe it off in the bathroom a couple times a day.
>>
I starve myself

No one cares about your weightless except the before and after pics
>>
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>>41101886
Glad to know you're trying to figure it out. I hope it works out well for you!

>>41101953
it does sound like OCD, have you thought about getting diagnosed?
>>
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>>41101999
nice digits! maybe those will bring you luck in your goals, just don't die or anything. And if Ana and Mia are your friends, don't hang out with them too often
>>
>finish with gf
>tells me she loves someone else
>take 20 painkillers and vodka

Don't even die

I'm such a fag.
>>
>>41102002
>have you thought about getting diagnosed?
Too scared, no money. On parents insurance, don't want my parents to know I'm seeing a therapist. My life is pretty bad, I can see even a reference to something that makes me uncomfortable and it could possibly send me into a spiral of angst for weeks. I just can't control what I'm thinking, I feel like I'm steering a ship in a storm fighting against the waves trying to direct my mind somewhere, but I get swept up in the waves
>>
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>>41102175
>>41102175
you are a fag, and that's okay. You can always try again, that is with more painkillers or with another love

>>41102198
will it be so bad if your parents know you're trying to fix these issues that you have?
>>
Sort of semi diagnosed bipolar. Used to see a retired psychologist working as a life coach so she couldn't give an official diagnosis. Been really depressed last 3 months or so and can't sleep considering actually heading off to the gp
>>
>>41102284
I don't want them to know I have any issues. I don't want them to have to live with a failure for a son
>>
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>diagnosed with depression and anxiety
>mom gets cancer
>shit gets way worse
>mom dies
>living off xanax and naps

can i die kthanks
>>
>>41101841
What about you OP? Any kooky stuff going on inside your head?
>>
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>>41102317
Bipolar is rough to live with, especially when the stigma for that in particular is associated with schizo stuff

>>41102372
it shouldn't be considered failing if you're still trying to live and make things better. It might seem like whiny emo faggotry, but a lot of parents really don't understand how their kids are feeling. Most of the time, parents will deny their kids being mentally ill because it's easy for them to think it's their fault and that they failed in raising a child

>>41102420
You always have the choice to die, that's the one last true freedom humans have. but living off xanax sounds pretty good give the rest to me if you kys

>>41102573
Me? well gosh I guess I can blog for a bit
>went from straight A to failing high school in 12th grade
>skipped a day of school to stay in bed and think about suicide, went to a family doctor
>"you have depression and anxiety"
>get put on basic SSRI
>doesn't work
>keep wanting to die
>doctor suggests mental ward
>parents say no and take me to a new doc for new meds
>I tell psych that I still wanna die
>parents say no again but doc calls police and ambulance for me
>actually stay in mental ward
>nothing changes, it all sucked in there
>see another new psych
>"have you heard of schizoaffective disorder, anon? You have that"
>try all sorts of different antipsychotics
>none of them work unless the intention was to make me stop thinking entirely
>stop seeing doc and stop taking meds
>now I sit in my room all day posting on R9K about wanting to die
>>
>>41101841
Ive never been diagnosed but also ive never been to check myself, I don't want to die, Ive never feeled depressed but...
my ex gf(long distance, dont reeee on me) was bipolar and depressed, she manipulated me to be her friend while she wanted to fuck her friend, she was always suicidal and sad, around those days I started to fantasy with going to a ward, it was such comfy feeling, sometimes I still fantasize about it even when I dont feel depressed(i am unmotivated and lazy) it is normal wanting to live in a ward?
>>
>>41102849
>now I sit in my room all day posting on R9K about wanting to die

Same, it's truly the best mental care method. It sounds like you've been through some rough times OP.
>>
I feel like I'm the most autistic person at my job, constantly doing and saying autistic shit
>>
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>>41102002
>Glad to know you're trying to figure it out. I hope it works out well for you!
Thank you anon, me too. I don't think whatever I have is too severe. I've always been a real hypochondriac, but lately i've been really scared that I'm developing bipolar or schizophrenia or something. I know its just anxiety that's making me feel that way, but it's still making me feel miserable
>>
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>>41103012
I certainly wouldn't say it's normal. But there is a romanticized vision of mental wards that comes from young adult fiction lately. When I stayed at one it was okay, certainly not a bad one, but definitely not good still. I wasn't mistreated or anything (but that's probably because I was in the section for depressed suicidals, not junkies going on rehab). But then again, doctors sucked because they'd only see you for less than a minute, tell you your new meds, and then you're out of the room.
Although, I did spend time with a qt gril that was a few years older than me. We gave each other our phone numbers and we started texting but her replies got shorter and shorter until eventually she stopped completely. Amber if you're out there I still love you
You might make it, you might not. If you do wanna spend time in one though, you gotta act like you wanna kys and try to get one that looks nice.

>>41103085
Thanks, anon. Been thinking about death since I was 8 years old; probably from my abusive parents and consuming violent media.

>>41103131
You might be autistic, or they might all be turbo normies that don't like it when someone is different. You shouldn't be uncomfortable at a job. It might make you less productive ad therefore Mr. Goldsteinberg gets less money! If you wanna find another job, try to talk with employees that already work there (this is mostly only possible with customer service type jobs).
>>
>>41102849
I wouldn't know how to ask my parents and I doubt therapy or drugs would help much anyway. Just gotta accept that this is my life, I wasn't meant to enjoy it.
>>
>>41101841
My oneitis has schizophrenia.
He still doesn't want me though.
>>
>>41104243
>He

Gays can have oneitis?
>>
>>41101841

>do you have any mental illnesses?

>Diagnosed
BPD, Anxiety, Depression, an ED

>Undiagnosed
Potential schizophrenia. I tried to talk to my therapist about it and they said it might be a side-effect of my drug use (did a ton of acid over the past couple years), and to not touch any for a couple months and then talk to the psychiatrist


>are you or were you on meds?
On and off Zoloft, Seroquel, and Ambien
Fucked with my sex drive too much, beating my dick was the only thing that made things better. Havent touched any of em either

>did those doctors make you pay an arm and a leg for regular visits or inpatient mental ward

For some reason the state took care of all of it.


Anyway, I have a shit-ton of cringey stories full of awful shit I've done. If there's any interest I'll post some.
>>
>>41104268
Fembot but I'd imagine gays can have an oneitis.
>>
>>41104398
No they can't, homosexuality is immoral and hedonistic, they wouldn't know the first thing about commitment and dedication to one person if they tried.
>>
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>I have severe depression and a lot of anxiety
>I am currently on wellbutrin
>no

pills sometimes work and sometimes they don't. They usually help more with my anxiety than my depression
>>
>>41104398
>Fembot

Oh ew, don't put those words together. Fembots do not exist, you're a femanon at best probably a normie
>>
>>41104544
I haven't left my house for a month and I'm a KHV NEET. I'm a cyborg at best.
>>
>>41104599
>I'm a KHV

By choice, I believe all roasties are normies. Not all my fellow bots are as radical as me though so I'm sure maybe a few would consider you a cyborg.
>>
>parents keep talking shit about every job I find
>just want to move out and kill myself in my own home
>>
>>41104626
>By choice
My aforementioned oneitis is a 5'4" schizophrenic guy nearly twice my age. Everyone says he's ugly. Even he didn't want me so what's left to do?
>>
im male, have bpd. my ex bf had bpd and bipolar disorder. i want to die.
>>
>>41104688
Find one of the thousands of guy who will sleep with you, I'd probably do it. And at least half of those guys would even want a relationship too.
>>
Diagnosed with lingering psychotic depression but don't think there's anything wrong with me. Anyone have any tips on how to tell if you're actually psychotic or not? Sure I have paranoid thoughts and think differently from others, but is that really indicative of delusion? It seems that psychosis is just alternate, not necessarily wrong, thought to me.
>>
>>41104710
Will you or anyone else pay to fly out to me? Because I sure as hell can't afford plane tickets.
>>
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>>41101841
>do you have any mental illnesses?
Severe Major Depressive Disorder w/ Psychotic Features, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Avoidant Personality Disorder (undiagnosed but therapist thought I could have it)
>are you or were you on meds?
Prozac, Abilify, and Lamictal at different times, on nothing now.
>pay an arm and a leg?
Nope, all free, state pays for the healthcare of poorfags like me.

I once had a psychotic episode where I was prepared to murder someone and I was also hearing subliminal messages through music.
>>
>>41104740
Where are you, anon?
I was gonna buy a gun to off myself but that might be a better option for the time being
>>
>>41104740
Where are you located? Some remote installation in Antarctica?
>>
>diagnosed with depression (runs in both sides of my family)
>put on Paxil (same thing my mom takes)
>go for regular check ups every year or so just to say I'm doing fine
Sometimes I think about telling my doctor and parents I'm this close to getting a rope but I'm afraid of what happens after that. I'm not even sure the pills do anything but I don't care anymore.
>>
>>41104763
Might as well be. New Brunswick.
>>
>>41101841
>do you have any mental illnesses?
depression
>are you or were you on meds?
ssri, 100mg per day for now, started taking it like a month ago and first it was 50mg
>did those doctors make you pay an arm and a leg for regular visits or inpatient mental ward?
i attempted suicide so i had it sped up and its free in my country (poland) + you get cheapers meds if ur ill
>>
>>41104790
New Brunswick, Canada?
11 hour car drive from me, that's hardly remote
>>
>>41104774
It should be obvious, anon. Unless you're some god of stealth and don't interact with them, a parent should be able to tell when their kids inches away from offing themselves.


The first time I attempted my mom had a pretty good idea what was happening, no obvious tells, but she asked a ton if I was doing OK that day.

If you wanna be stopped and get help, tell em. If not, keep that shit to yourself.

Talk to your mom first, though. If she's somewhat understanding of your situation, anyway. All a therapist will do will put you in some bullshit inpatient unit for a few days if you mention having a hint of desire to blow your brains out.
>>
>>41104387
>Potential schizophrenia
what symptoms are you experiencing?
>>
>>41104838
Well if you or anyone is serious about this then add my throwaway kik account. I'll tell my Discord once I know I can trust you.
Kik is throwabay
>>
>>41104883
Shadow-shapes moving
Whispers in my ear

That combined with the self harm and delusions that've been relatively common in my life for a couple years now.
>>
I think i may have avoidant personality disorder, but I'm too scared to go to the therapist and check
>>
>>41104880
I think they suspect something isn't right since I never leave home except to go to college and then come right back. Been doing that for 4 years now. I've had complete breakdowns before and went on my own to a therapist but they really are worthless; was just offered even more SSRI's. I feel trapped, but I might take your advice and talk to my mom. Thank you for your response anon.
>>
>>41104926
What sort of delusions? Sorry for so many questions by the way. I tripped for the first time about a month ago and am more anxious now than I've ever been
>>
i dont know whats wrong but i seriously want to destroy my life. and its all self inflicted. i dont self harm and do nasty stuff to others or myself but
>havent gone to uni for 2 weeks
>legit want to fail at everything
>dont want friends, even tho i have them at uni, outside of uni i have 0
>no motivation, willing to die
i dont think this is a mental illness but what could it be?
>>
>>41104968
Yeah, man. As cliche and hypocritical as it sounds from someone like me, if you have a route of survival you wanna take more than death, you should explore it.

Also, if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm a bit flaky with responses but I'm open to help you work through some shit, add up my discord

Mordred
#1443

>>41104977
Im pretty sure it's not related to the psychedelic use, first of all, as my delusions have next to nothing in common with my trips and I've tried a lot of stuff (LSD, Shrooms, DMT, a ton of RCs - if I make it to january I'm going to costa rica to try Ibogaine)

My delusions are usually me thinking everyone else alive is some kind of AI. I used to go out and test people for repetitive patterns.

A couple other common ones are that I'm an alien above most other humans, and that I'm a ghost/dont exist (dunno if that last one counts as a delusion or dissociation, but you get the point)
>>
>>41101841

well... my gf had the Borderline-Disorder.

It wasn easy for our relationship, but I loved her and she seemed to make progress in defeating her illness. Until April 2016, where she killed herself by jumping from a rooftop. My first reaction to this? "Well at least I wasnt on duty on this day" (I am a paramedic). Since the moment I realised that she has killed herself I am depressive, have multiple fears which prevent me from building new relationships, even friendships and I have to take 1-5 times a week lorazepam (in germany called Tavor, in the US Ativan) based how hard it is for me to fall asleep.
>>
>>41105125
Oh my god anon, that sounds horrible. How long were you two dating for ?
>>
>>41105162

about 6 months +- 2 weeks
>>
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Doc says I have depression, insomnia and bipolar disorder. I feel like Ive gotten worse though I started hearing things like a single drum being played to a rat in pain. The worst thing Ive heard was random whispering while I was laying on the couch on morning. Ive some things but I want to chock them up to my mind playing tricks on me but I dont really know for sure.
>>
>>41105039
>Ibogaine
I just read up about it. Sounds pretty intense. I couldn't even really hang with a 150mg tab of acid without having an anxiety attack after the peak (granted I smoked a lot of weed with it, probably a bad idea)

As for those delusions, that sounds rough. But you seem to have at least some clarity in the sense that you suspect it's schizophrenia. I hear most people with the disease don't even think of that as a possibility until the doc tells them. Developing schizophrenia is one of my worst fears. I get anxious about it all the time because the whole racing thoughts, intrusive thoughts, and feeling like you're going crazy feelings that anxiety give you make me think I'm going delusional. But I rationally know that it's just anxiety
>>
>>41105214
*Ive seen some things
oops
>>
I'm a diagnosed manic depressive that is currently in college. Girlfriend left me for one of our friends when I left. We were together for a year. She didn't even try to stay in contact. Within a week of me being only 5 hours away she was fucking him.
>>
>>41105227
>Sounds pretty intense.
It's supposed to be. I struggled with serious heroin use in the past, and while I'm clean now, I still get cravings from time to time, and it's really hard to fight sometimes, senpai. Im hoping it'll clear shit up for me once and for all, because as things are im fine most days, but sometimes I just feel like a zombie and it takes everything in me to not go find my old plug and shoot up


>I couldn't even really hang with a 150mg tab of acid without having an anxiety attack after the peak

I had that problem, there was a little anxiety going into each trip, but it goes away after you get used to fucking around with your own mind after awhile. The only times ive had real anxiety about a trip was when I took DMT, because oh boy, I had no idea what i was taking the first time.


>>41105314
>Girlfriend left me for one of our friends when I left.

Ouch, man. I know this feel way too hard, but trust me when I say this, you were above that thot, and your "friend" is a backstabbing cunt. No ride or die homie would do you like that.
>>
>>41105345
It's not too bad, I guess. Tore me up for weeks, but I'm settling into a bitter numbness. I hate the empty feeling, but it's arguably better than the other emotions I should be feeling.

Thanks for the words of kindness, though.
>>
>>41105314
waaaah i can afford college and i got a gf my life sucks :(((

fuck u bitch
>>
>>41102849
Got schizoaffective too bro. I'm on Latuda and lamictal, for psychosis and mood stabilization respectively. I live a fully functional life but it's a lot to do with my support system and watching my dad who has it too fall apart over the course of my life.
>>
>>41105388
I took out a lot of loans. I'm going into massive debt.

But also yeah. Never said I wasn't a whiny cunt. Lots of people have it worse than me, but boohoo me.
>>
@41105412
waaaah i was able to be approved for a loan

fuck u bitch
>>
>>41105388
As someone who's been in the same boat as him, you can eat my ass, anon.

Its the fact that it was his friend, someone he thought he could trust. If you're on this board, you sure as shit don't have many of those. Suppose someone has one GF, and one friend, and that GF fucks that friend, who the fuck is someone supposed to turn to for support?

How is someone gonna process any of those emotions with no one in their life they can rely on?

The GF can be fucked as far as im concerned, but having a friend, and in my case, my best/only friend do that shit fucked with me.
>>
>>41105441
>you can eat my ass, anon.

holy shit you owned me with that one dude
>>
>>41105429
>Not even giving me a (You)

Now I have another thing to whine about. Thanks.
>>
>>41105446
haha yeah ur mum does it every night anyway.
>>
41105447
bitch
>>41105454
tranny
>>
>>41105488
You're not even giving me the @ symbol anymore. Let's see how far we can push this. What's next? Not even putting my post number in?
>>
fourty one million, one hundred and five thousand and five hundred and twenty

fuc u
>>
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My mum tried to get me up for the day and I refused as I had no motivation, she hit my thighs repeated, dad was fed up with my refusal to get out of bed and punched the door in rage, breaking it and his wrist. I feel fed up with life, remember an old thread from /b/ about how suicidal people should just run away and explore without fear of danger, as they want death.

Get out of bed, shock my parents, tell them I'll get ready for school, they leave the room. Pretend I'm changing into a school uniform
when I'm actually changing into regular clothes and packing a bag.

Go to my backyard, jump the fence, run as far as my legs can take me. Walk for days on end, sleep in bushes, almost get attacked by a snake at one point because of this. Hitchike with the least dodgiest people I can find. Eventually escape my suburban area and make it to the city, mostly on foot. Try hide most of the time, after 3 days I am caught by the police.

Taken to CPS and institutionalized, mfw

>do you have any mental illnesses?
Diagnosed Depression and Anxiety also at the time some suicidal tendencies (this was known at the time as well)
>are you or were you on meds?
Yes, was on Fluoxetine at the time, now on Sertraline
>did those doctors make you pay an arm and a leg for regular visits or inpatient mental ward?
It came as part of our DF healthcare so it was free thankfully.

Another story of mine is a time where I lost all my online friends and they were all I had, so I attempted to hang myself and got hospitalized, this was a while before I got the courage to run away though.
>>
>>41105533
Fuck, this guy's getting creative.
I like you.
>>
thanks im only doing it because its funny
>>
>>41101841
i live with my brother,been living with him for 10 yearsmore or less,since i left my parents house. he got diagnosed with depresion and bipolar disorder like 7 years ago,he used to be a mess,i took into myself to try and take care of him as much as i could,i would do the house chores,pay the bills and try to spend time with him.funny thing is now he is much better,years of medication and therapy has done wonders for him,he is now a happy and more or less responsable man,i still get a little surprise when i get up and he as clean the hosue or made breakfast for both,is a good thing,although a little sad too,i feel he doesnt need at all anymore,whats worse im really depressed lately and i have become a mess,like he was years ago,i feel so useless and stupid nowadays
>>
0100 0001 0001 0000 0101 0101 0111 0011

Yeah, it's pretty funny.
>>
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>>41101841
I'm diagnosed with schizophrenia.

Had two major psychosis so far that lasted for a few months each. Minor episodes in between. Been afmitted to the mental ward for a few months for each psychosis too. Took years to recover from psychosis, spent way too much time on /x/, and dwelling over what happened to me back then, years I spent in isolation as a neet.

Now on a high dosis of abilify I'm doing pretty fine though, can even hold down a job and have a more or less active social life again. Meds made me gain a shitton of weight though, which really sucks, otherwise they are great.
>>
>>41105626
not gonna bother converting that to text, glad you liked it tho
>>
>>41101841
>>do you have any mental illnesses?
Yes, aspergers syndrome.
>>are you or were you on meds?
Only as a kid.
>>did those doctors make you pay an arm and a leg for regular visits or inpatient mental ward?
No, and since the national health service is payed for by the tax payer and I don't pay tax it really is free for me.
>>
I wish I knew what caused my mental block to anything requiring some mental effort.
>>
>>41105657
Wasn't text. It was your post number with each individual number written in 4 bit binary.

If CS has taught me anything, binary is a fucking meme.
>>
>>41105683
yes, you would have had to convert the binary to text

dumb noob
>>
>>41101841
i met a self-absorbed sociopath named women
>>
During the summer of 2016 I believed I was the second coming of christ and decided to leave everything behind to travel the world and spread the word of a god I had never believed in until then. This ended up fucking my life up completely, resulting in loss of once in a lifetime job, friends, health, some other shit. I spent two months in a high security mental facility. I don't really think I can get across how much of a horror show this place was but if you've ever seen a movie or tv show with one of these psych ward places and how they overdramatize the staff abuse, drugs, rape, people eating their own shit, throwing their own shit, smearing their own shit on the walls, it's actually disturbingly accurate.

Like fuck man I can't get the picture of this one old lady in there that was in a diaper, lying in the middle of this hallway, and she absolutely reeked of piss and shit. I just remember her screaming at me as I was trying to get to my room after a meal. The attending staff were completely ignoring her.

As I'm going through this, it took me weeks to wrestle with my own mind and realize I'm not the son of god. The entire time I'm also on this fucking anti psychotic that made me feel like I was on a motor so I could only sleep 6 hours a night and I needed to constantly pace up and down the hallway in order to not want to scream and bash my head against the wall (which I did, multiple times).

There's so much to tell and share, the sad part being that I've never talked to anyone about half the shit that happened. Hard to find anyone that can relate to an actual mentally insane retard that thought he was jesus, even among bipolar people that I've met through support groups.

I'd buy a gun to kill myself with if my mental history didn't keep me from buying one.
>>
>>41105698
Yeah, fuck me I guess. Maybe college wasn't a good idea. Oh well.
>>
>>41105724
Heya fellow Messiah, this anon here:
>>41105634

While I'm lucky to have decent healhcare facilities in my country and didn't expereince my stay in the mental ward as this much of a horrific experience, I do know what it's like to think your the messiah and wander the world and spread the word of god you never believed in until then and fucking your life up while doing so.

I was in medschool once and on the track of becoming a psychiatrist, but those times are long behind me, as I turned insane myself I can't ever become a therapist, and I needed years to really get over the fact that I'm not some magical being, although I realized pretty fast that I wasn't jesus as soon as the anti psychotics kicked in.

But after years of living with schizo, a second even more intense psychosis where I fell for the whole I'm the chosen one shit all over again, and years of recovery, I'm finally at a place where I accepeted this fate and am more or less happy with my life again. I dunno, if you want you can add me on discord so we can talk a bit if you think that helps you in any way, at least I'm sure I can relate to this shit, but only if you like to.
>>
The nazis are trying to deport me to a mental hospital because I browse /d/. My psych says I'm experiencing delusions but i saw a post he made on /adv/ laughing about how easily influenced and gullible I am so I know he's got it out for me, just like everyone else.
>>
>>41101841

Mental illnesses: Probably just lazy as shit. Maybe Im depressed. Im someone who believes depression is the numbness you put yourself in to avoid your problems. In that way its like a drug. I try to be numb as often as possible some days...

Am I on meds?
Used to be on ssris and such. I got lazier and fatter. I guess it mightve lead to something good but I changed directions and went with a stimpack. Went from being a fuckup kicked out of college to becoming someone with an award in particle physics and experience doing cancer research. Im just leaving that detail there for the spiders.

Was it expensive?
I tried to stay within my parents copay. Probably spent too much.

I'm a perpetual fuckup, though. It doesnt take much for me to just give up and avoid all social contact and just want to die nowadays. I just feel like the world would be improved if I was gone. Im wasting a lot of resources that could be utilized in a better fashion by someone more inspired and less insane, and there's always new people coming around to do research.

Maybe its just that I had an argument with my girlfriend. I'm someone who's been desparate for attention for over two decades so it makes sense that I would end up fucking up a lot of important things, from my personal health to other people's relationships.

Or perhaps Im just afraid of taking responsibility for my actions, since I feel that many of them were done by me in a manic state.
>>
>>41105791
>add me on discord
Sure anon, anon016#2219
>>
im probably a sociopath

I find myself faking emotions just to please the family and keeping and maintaining friends is a chore so I typically just ghost someone irl if they do something that annoys me like canceling plans to hang out

right now I have no one I keep contact with irl so im just working and playing vidya every day
>>
>Schizophrenia
>currently on abilify but I've tried them all
>It's free because I'm canadian
Being committed for months at a time is hell. Really trying my best not to say the wrong thing to the doctor so I stay out of there.
>>
>>41105822

The human brain is an amazing machine for finding connections that arent there. There are some phrases that are not too commonly used but used nontheless. Not saying anything about you, but I always like to remind myself that Im not fascinating enough to be studied so closely, in every detail including anonymized social media
>>
>>41105948

Ever met another sociopath?
>>
>>41105948
Just because you have autism doesn't mean you're a serial killer. I know you must think it's pretty cool to be a sociopath, but that sounds more like autism to me.
>>
>diagnosed with dysthymia disorder
>lied when asked if I was planning on ever killing myself
>I never got any treatment, just a few meetings every now and again
>continue feeling awful about how I lied about my issue
I just wanted to be normal, robots.
>>
>Do you have any mental illnesses?
Depression, anxiety disorder, possible ptsd.
>are you or were you on meds?
I used to be on meds and just got back on them a week ago.
>did those doctors make you pay an arm and a leg for regular visits or inpatient mental ward?
Nope, it's free for people under 20 here.

Also, does anyone know that feeling when you're stressed and filled with anxiety and it feels like you're gonna cry all the time and you just have a lump stuck in your throat?
It's weird, it feels like a ball of mud is stuck in my chest, all the time.
>>
>>41106028
yes
i also have heart palpations on top of that during my anxiety attacks
>>
>>41106028

I know the feeling, I believe.
Being on the brink of tears in everyday life, only to have someone ask something routine to you, and all you can do is (in a cracking voice) apologize.

Been losing my composure too much in public...
>>
>>41105975
>studied so closely, in every detail including anonymized social media

funny you should say
>>
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I had a friend who I talked out of killing them self a few years ago, I knew he liked my little pony so I sent him a picture of one of the characters
pic related
It worked
>>
>>41106066
Do you every get the feeling of a looming presence, sapping the vitality and joy out of you? Like your illness has manifested into a conscious entity? It's like there's a voice in the back of my head trying to get a rise out of me, preying on every imperfection.
>>
>>41106073

I wanted a stalker once upon a time. I felt nobody cared about me. I threw all my information into the void and ended up with a woman who isnt as crazy as she advertised.

I suppose it's only natural that she doesnt really watch me - she only did it when we werent living together.

And I suppose its natural that we're both kinda driving the other to be that much more insane.

In a hospital Im sure they watch you. Theyre trying to make sure youre not trying to escape and that youre taking your pills. I suppose I kindve yearn for that sort of life right now... I feel I cant afford to do it because of whats going on in my life.

If I knew you, Id throw in a personal detail about yourself - something subtle but somewhat unique. Im a bit more straightforward than most.
>>
I have a severe case of social anxiety. Not the one people usually imply here aka "I'm shy with girls and shy with men a bit :>", I'm talking the real one. When you have a "near death fear" every single time you interact with somebody. When you get a tunnel vision because your body thinks you're in a death danger whenever you're the "center of attention".

Ask me anything I guess.
Though I bet self-diagnosed <25yo kids here would turn on the elitism and say "huh what a snowflake everyone here have social anxiety bro".
>>
>>41106116

That only works if you care about them after they climb off the ledge, in my opinion.

I know Ive ghosted a lot of my friends. I know they would say they care about me. Im sure they would be better off with me off their minds...
>>
>>41106145

I criticize myself endlessly over the smallest mistakes. Im always convincing myself that I cant do anything, even if I have done it countless times before.

When I was younger that criticism came from others. Now it haunts me. I function by recognizing that humans are all flawed, and all we can do is seek to do better than yesterday.

Im no doctor though. See a shrink and let them know about your issue.
>>
>>41106174

Ever taken beta-blockers for anxiety?

Ive never had them, and Im curious if theyve been effective for treating others.

Also, does the anxiety hit you over the phone?

Im also curious if youd vanish if you got like 20 (you)s
>>
>>41106250
>Ever taken beta-blockers for anxiety?
No
>Also, does the anxiety hit you over the phone?
Yes, even over the internet. Even when there's no human interaction actually, to the point I can't even record my own gameplay, for example. Even if I don't even plan to publish that recording ever. If I press the "record" button I get too much adrenaline in my blood and my hands go near-numb.
>Im also curious if youd vanish if you got like 20 (you)s
I probably won't. I'm browsing imageboards for a little over 12 years and I'm kinda used to (You)s already, though sometimes if the topic is hot I get anxiety attacks too.
>>
>>41106346

Have you looked into any meds for the anxiety?

Ive been on a cocktail of stims and it made me into someone my Mom can brag about, even if I dont feel very well at all nowadays.

Not that there's a silver bullet to everyone's problem, but sometimes dealing with the symptoms to allow for function is enough to help you 'get by'.
>>
>>41106346
Er, sorry, not trying to say anything about you.

I just used to let my Mom down a lot.

I guess I'm still doing it.
>>
>>41106446
>>41106627
>Have you looked into any meds for the anxiety?
I have some stuff prescribed and I tried some of them but they never helped me. The doctor said that my only chance is a CBT but I'm not doing that for sure
>>
>>41106001
could be, but Im pretty sure autists cant make friends in the first place or are the ones who get dropped, also I wouldnt consider all sociopaths serial killers

I just get bored of people unless they give me things
my dad also guilt trips me every time I see him because I get annoyed having to call him like once a week for no reason
I just dont get emotionally attached to people bht since I can feel happy or angry I guess im not a sociopath I just think its easier to use that word to explain it rather than ti have a whole schpeel of how Im gonna take advantage of you if you wanna be friends with me

>>41105987
no, most people have very easy to tell emotional triggers so you just gotta hit that to tell and if you cant break someone then youve got yourself a serial killer/autist
>>
>>41105556
sounds fun, maybe I'll run away

you didn't get quads btw
>>
>>41105556
you sound adorable
would/10
>>
depression, anxiety and autism

currently in therapy and on SSRI
all it does is giving me a little bit of motivation, while making me tired af
can't even do anything with the motivation, as I have just about no hobbies or interests, still get home to watch stupid youtube vids all evening long...
>>
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>>41101841
I suffer from anxiety which leads to self harm and suicidal thoughts if I don't calm down
other than that I am cool enough to hide it and shit but you can easily tell something isn't right with me. Heck, people even ask me if I am okay all the time.
>>
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>>41101841
>do you have any mental illnesses?
Yes. ADHD-PI, generalized anxiety disorder, major depressive disorder
>are you or were you on meds?
Yes.
Current meds: Effexor (225mg), Vyvanse (40mg)
Past meds: Concerta (36mg), Celexa (30mg), Seroquel (25mg), Dexedrine (10mg)
I've been wanting to get on Adderall for quite some time now. Vyvanse barely does anything to me unless I take a dose above the recommended ceiling, which is something like 70 mg. It works best at around 80-90 mg for me.
>did those doctors make you pay an arm and a leg for regular visits or inpatient mental ward?
I pay 90$ per session with a therapist every two weeks. Could be worse.
>>
>>41106188
I was still friends with him and help him through his shit, I don't remember why we stopped talking but we did
>>
>>41101841
Nothing. It's all made up bullshit. Nobody has been able to help me with anything ever.

I'm thoroughly convinced I got brain damage by a bad reaction from my vaccine schedule. "Mental illness" my ass. That's why it doesn't appear as traditional mental illness that you see in the literature, geniuses.

I believe some people are born with more sensitive central nervous systems than others. That's why some people have bad reactions to vaccines.

Maybe the government is trying to destroy the minds of people like that on purpose. Who knows? I got a raw deal whatever the case may be.
>>
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Anyone else's anxiety extend into physical pain? My constant fight or flight mode gives me terrible migraines, numb hands/feet and heartburn. My doctor is sick of seeing my hypochondria ridden ass.
>>
What's the likelihood of being involuntarily committed if your therapist discovers your suicidal thoughts involve firearms that you have easy and immediate access to?
>>
I have multiple personality disorder, one of my personalities is literally fucking evil and I genuinely hate myself for that to a point where I'm constantly trying to hurt or kill myself. I also have tons of other mental disorders (anxiety, depression, slightly schizo etc). I've considered professional help but I've always convinced myself that I can manage it myself. I wouldn't trust a random person with a meme profession anyway.
>>
>>41102175
the regular painkillers wont do shit, even extracted codeine wont be lethal damnit. I downed a gram of that shit and a handle of vodka once but didnt even nod out, just had a fun time instead of being dead. fml
>>
>do you have any mental illnesses?
None diagnosed, I was heavily abused as a child by 3 people which includes my parents though so I couldn't have come out clean
>are you or were you on meds?
Got myself put on citalopram one time just to make myself jaded and kill normies but they didn't have much of an effect
>did those doctors make you pay an arm and a leg for regular visits or inpatient mental ward?
I'm British, so no
slit my wrist in the police station once as a cry for help and so I'd be put in a ward. Didn't work at all
>>
>>41105227
meme advice but id recommend meditation.. when bad thoughts come in on your trip, it teaches you to ignore them and let go..

i only tripped off ketamine and it gave me feelings i hadnt had in years because of my depression

on meds i feel like im depressed but i can do things and coast thru life like normies, waiting to die. off meds i cant do anything and my thoughts are on a constant loop of "why?" and "whats the point?", then i try to meditate or train my mind to just go numb.

thats how it is for me
>>
>>41105009
Depression. Plain n Simple. Meds help.
>>
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> My parents everyday for 20+ years: You're a pathetic fuckup that can't do anything right and you're a burden on us
>My parents now: Why do you have anxiety,depression,and low self-esteem?
>>
>>41108208
very high

>>41101841
>do you have any mental illnesses?
depression and some unknown dissociation disorder. Potentially some psychotic disorder as well
>are you or were you on meds?
I'm supposed to take Invega and SSRIs but I don't. I can't justify the cost and they don't do anything other than nasty side effects
>did those doctors make you pay an arm and a leg for regular visits or inpatient mental ward?
30k for an 8 day stay at the mental ward
>>
>>41101841
I don't know if anything is wrong with me. I was told by my doctor to go to the psychologist and I go to a therapist at uni but it isn't making a difference
>>
>>41101841
paranoid schizophrenia
never had meds
>>
>>41109476
might be worth it to go to the psych and get an offical diagnosis in case you need to apply for neetbux or some form of assistance in the future
>>
>>41109508
Yeah but I keep feeling like I don't need it. I'm considering just stopping this counselling altogether. I am supposed to have my third session this Wednesday but I just really hate it and feel uncomfortable with it
>>
>>41109538
finding a decent therapist is finding the needle in a haystack, it's awful. At least go inquire about psychological batteries
>>
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can any of you guys give me a feedback on abilify?
I've major depression with psychotic features and I'm starting taking in in few days?
>>
>>41109571
It gives me restless legs syndrome but I guess it works kinda.
>>
>>41109562
Yeah, guess that would be a good idea.

I've just been having issues with motivation with anything, with trusting people not to fuck me over, and I keep obsessively picking at my skin to the point I have scars (at least I don't rip at my hair or hit my head anymore). I initially started to go because I had so many fears about my health I found it hard to get out of the house, but by the time they made me an appointment a month later I feel better.

I always feel like I'm making a big deal out of all of this and that people secretly hate me and think I'm a pussy for seeking help, the therapist included
>>
>>41109604
what if I can't already stop moving my legs?
>>
>had a friend on the internet that had plenty of mental fucked up shit and also anorexia and eat disorders or whatever
>I was her only friend and she is my only friend
>we would chat on skype pretty often
>she also has an abusive mother
>really like spending time with her
>want to meet her someday
>she considers suicide everyday
>don't want her to die
>one day she deletes me from everywhere without saying anything
>fucking hell no no no
>really want to meet her someday
>>
Diagnosed depressed, bad enough I've been involuntarily committed for 2 weeks once and 5 days twice. Get the disability checks in the mail. Likely schizophrenic or possibly depersonalization/derealization disorder as om starting to look at people and things as just shapes with voices.

Fun people I've met on the ward.
>Guy convinced he was a direct descendent of John the Baptist because his last name was Johnson
>2 anorexic ballerinas
>Guy who was in because he was drunk, and it was a glorified drunk tank. Encouraged schizophrenic patients to attempt flying out the window.
>Old alcoholic women who hit on me.
>Woman convinced all white people were involved in vast conspiracy to track her every movement because her blood was the cure to aids.

Fun times, bad food, and awful literature.
>>
>>41101841
Ya when I was 19 walking to work I blacked out and pulled my pants/underwear down to ankles in the middle of a intersection packed with cars and started screaming and making weird noises while shaking my penis atpeople, I don't remember any of it but the cops picked me up and came to at a hospital I guess I had a psychotic episode..
>>
X military here got PTSD with psychotic features it comes with ocd depression anxiety agoraphobia etc it sucks but I I make 3500 in VA and 2000 disability so I get paid for it
>>
Anyone here tell their therapist they want to fuck traps? I've been thinking about it but it might be a bad idea
>>
>>41109426
>very high
Fug, oh well.
>>
>do you have any mental illnesses?
Depression
alcoholism (altho I somewhat overpower it with weed)
possible psychological weed addiction
several weird things happening in my head, like balancing things in my vision out to have equal amounts on each side or else I get weird tickly feelings in my face
no empathy
constant boredom even with things I enjoyed
>are you or were you on meds?
I just smoke weed and take psychedelics, kek
>did those doctors make you pay an arm and a leg for regular visits or inpatient mental ward?
Nah dude, I work in a loony bin, the depressed people part, so I can get it for free, altho I dont use these services anymore
>>
>>41110207
Most therapists I've been to have said it was normal, I'm just bisexual. It's a really common fetish so I mean as long as it isn't feeding into a mental illness they probably won't judge.

Should note I'm from the liberal north. Religious south might look at it differently.
>>
I'm a sperg anxiety epileptic. It's the greatest combo. Sperg makes everything awkward, anxiety kicks in, epilepsy takes over. People don't want to tell me that they dislike my behaviour or anything because "he so poor with his condition blabla" it sux. I don't know how to fix myself because people just let me be myself all the time.
>>
>>41110604
Drop out, wash up, kill yourself when you get bored of it all.

That's my plan at least. Worked out so far.
>>
>diagnosed bipolar II, probably a shizo too
>stopped taking them because the government is lowkey after me, they might sneak some bullshit pills inside
>haven't visited ward/hospital thing yet, want to avoid it for as long as possible
Third year, I'm failing all my college classes because I haven't gone in over a month and I'm not doing the work. Might drop out but I have no place to stay, and my parents will hate me forever (they still don't know).
Where's the best place to be at in the US to be homeless?
>>
>>41110959
How about I find out who you are and come beat your ass, bitch?

I have not stopped taking my meds, although I know the government could very easily sneak whatever experimental bullshit they have into them and I have considered that. I will be able to tell if they are antipsychotics though.

I am not a schizo and you saying I am does not bother me. I have a better grip on reality than most neurotypicals even, a much sharper one. My CNS is different than most and people often interpret that as schizoid symptoms. My emotional affect is much more complex than an average person, which is the opposite of schizoids (again, owing to my CNS). Average people often come off as emotionally flat to me (seriously), not the other way around.

I only take my stimulants semi-regularly because they aggravate my CNS very easily and make my mood unstable. So I am careful to only take them when I feel balanced.

My school is shit, I am totally isolated there not entirely out of my fault, and I am tired of wasting my time on things that will not get me a job.

I can be homeless if you wish. But I am going to be an absolute menace to society. Not sure why you want that. I am tired of having no options though other than the lowliest menial jobs. Those jobs are nothing to be ashamed of, but I have spent years and tens of thousands on education. Still can not get any worthwhile job.
>>
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>friend killed himself today
what do
>>
How do you stop being too nervous to call the therapist's office and set up an appointment?
>>
>>41111510
Well, you're limited by physics so your options are narrow.

Consider talking to his family and offering some mutual support? Perhaps contact a therapist or another friend to be with you while you grieve?

I mean if you're asking for permission to join him in the void sooner rather than later, the only one you need to ask is yourself.
>>
>>41111579
I take it as implicit endorsement whenever anybody lets a mentally ill person know they can kill themselves. You can kill yourself. Gee, ya think?

Not very ethical, in my opinion.
>>
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I fear i have schizotypal or avoidant and also ptsd, im sure i have ocd and maybe adhd too.
>>
>>41111665
I appreciated the honest sentiment of "It's an option" over "No, you can't kill yourself because..." 10 fold when I was deeply depressed.

It made the other person, if nothing else, seem like they genuinely understood the situation.
>>
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>>41101841
ive been feeling very weak and sleepy for the past few hours even though its barely 8 p.m. Thats tied with intrusive thoughts and a complete lack of willpower to do anything productive. very poor appetite too
>>
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>>41101841
I have actual diagnosed anxiety/depression though I also kind of suspect I'm on the spectrum which is why nothing ever actually gets better
>>
>>41104398
Schizo here, how do you know he doesn't want you
>>
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>>41101841
I was diagnosed bi-polar nearly 2-3 years ago during one of the shittiest moments of my life and now I believe that it was a misdiagnosis and my life has been more or less made into hell and ruined because of it.

I'm operating better at basically non-existent dosages of my meds than any "normal" amount but now I'm pissed because I've spent countless years and untold amounts of money trying to sort a problem that most likely wasn't a mental illness. Also now that I've been thinking more clearly I've been looking into my soul to see what I truly want to do with my life. Funny enough, I really want to join the military, hell at least even the National Guard. I feel it would do me good and I would enjoy it but this damned bi-polar diagnosis, even if reversed, will cuck me from entering yet trannies and cutters (YES FUCKING CUTTERS), can get in with little to no issues.

Oh and fuck the makers of lamictol and tegretol who lie and say their meds have no withdrawal symptoms. Everytime I try to get off of them I experience the same symptoms evertime that get worse with each day and get take nearly 2 weeks to wear off.
>>
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>>41101841
>paranoid schizophrenia
>depression
>extreme social anxiety
>possibly bi-polar
>gender dysphoria

Have strange delusions everyday about people or my own family trying to clone me and kill me. Can't really leave the house or open the door if someone is knocking. Just sit with my dogs all day, they protect me. Just browse /r9k/ for feels, comfy and woman hate threads.

I want to be a girl but I'm not falling for the "become a girl" meme. I don't want to kill myself knowing I died a major uggo tranny
>>
>>41111529
Therapy is not going to help me. I want to be zapped with magnets. This is the future, I know it.

Why will nobody listen to me? Stop wasting my time playing the meds-juggling game.

Everybody always makes my life worse. I have not had a single bit of helpful advice my entire life.

>>41112026
Military would fuck me over big time if they legally got ahold of me. The system has ruined my life enough, Jesus.
>>
>Tfw guy at the hospital told me my therapist suspected PTSD in me.
>She didn't tell me this.
FUCK PEOPLE THIS IS WHY I HATE YOU ALL.
>>
Who else can't answer their phone if the call hasn't been prearranged, even then I usually don't pick up
>>
>>41112120
My friend was like me but refused to accept the diagnosis on his record and immediately enlisted into the Marines before anyone in the medical field could even act. Signed a 6 year contract and was already in good enough shape to be shipped off on short notice and got cleared by MEPS in short order. So far he's loved his life and most of his issues have subsided.
>>
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>>41101841
Some anorexic bitch confessed to me when I was in a psych ward and tried to dox me when I rejected her. End of the story, fuck you.
>>
>>41112166
Military would fuck me on purpose because they know what I post here. I am not stupid.

They may even intentionally try to get me harmed. I have been screwed enough by shit like this, thanks a lot.
>>
>>41112218
Why do you believe this?
>>
>>41112218
how would they ever get hold of what you post here?
>>
>>41112267
Believe what?

I am not going to sign myself over to the government after saying all the shit I have said on here. I would do work as a civilian with them at most.
>>
>>41101841
They now have pills with a tracking device so that the doctor knows of and when you took your medication. It was released yesterday. It will be required for those with mental illness
>>
>>41112306
What kind of shit have you said that they'd give a fuck about? My buddy in the marines spent every day talking shit about niggers, normies, and kikes and they let him in and he's now a Sergeant.
>>
>>41112297
They must be able to divine it from tea leaves or something :^)
>>
I am in a mental hospital for 7.5 month now. today is the last day. I have depression and social anxiety
>>
>>41112315
I wonder what sort of nanobots they can put in pills. They probably would not do that because of the expense. I do not know anything about it though.

The real world is becoming more like schizo world. Large organizations are smart enough to do things that line up with schizo delusions so that nobody will believe what you are saying is happening to you. Ancient spook tactic.

Since many/most malcontents have anti-socia tendencies, it works especially well with them because people already believe they are unhinged.

I am worried they will try to do things to you that line up with schizo delusions, get you to blab about them so that you will be institutionalized, and then they will have carte blanche to medicate you against your will.

>>41112334
I see the civil affairs programming and other things, and they do not want me to actualize others into that mode of thinking because that undermines the whole purpose of the facade. I will not continue to do it often or at all (usually only when I am frustrated with the entire system, really). I will give it up if my situation actually changes in some way.

They know I will not be able to do it if I work for them though :^)
>>
>>41112089
>my own family trying to clone me and kill me
This
>>
>>41101841
I have mental problems
Just got out of the hospital today
Feels weird
>>
>>41109571
Made me sleep for 16 hours a day
>>
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>>41101841
>do you have any mental illnesses?
Depression and anxiety. I also have Aspergers and am pretty sure I have Avoidant Personality Disorder but that isn't diagnosed.
>are you or were you on meds?
Tried Prozac, it didn't work so stopped it. Overdosed on Seroquel (and oother drugs to try and kill myself but survived) stopped that too. Currently just on Remeron.
>did those doctors make you pay an arm and a leg for regular visits or inpatient mental ward?
No, I'm a Britbong so I get free healthcare. It's one of the only pros of living in this shithole.
>>
>>41108622
I've heard a lot of people saying to meditate. How do I actually do it tho?
>>
>>41110959
>probably a shizo too
>government after me

Please for the love of god get help before you can't even realize how ridiculous this is anymore
>>
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>>41103012
>never been depressed
>not diagnosed
>gf
NORMIE OUT NOW
>>
>>41111489
thanks for the (You) but it feels like an AI typed it out your post using certain the key phrases/words from my post, then gathered similar ones online

>>41113838
the system wants to impede us all, I have to fight back
>>
>25
>finally pick up the courage to try get help for my anxiety and depression
>visit the free university therapist
>"just challenge the anxiety and it'll go away :D okay see you next week, I'll say the same thing"
>been trying to challenge it for years with no improvement
>go to a doctor and get referred to a psychologist
>denied
>"the pasient should try seeing the university therapist first"
>have to go to the doctor again tomorrow and let him know that I have been doing that and want to be referred to a psychologist again
I fucking hate confrontations, it's going to suck. Doesn't help that I'll have about six dollars left for the rest of the month after paying for the visit.
>>
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i dont even know how to describe my problems man

sometimes ill get stupidly angry but since i'm naturally introverted the rage is on the inside and all i feel is intense, burning hatred
and then i just want to drop dead and disappear because i know i will never be happy no matter what i do in life

none of this makes sense. is it a mental health problem? is it just my personality? am i just a cunt innately? how am i supposed to know
>>
Literally can't do shit nor can I concentrate, it just fucks with my school work but thankfully everything is still relatively easy.
Still gotta somehow fix my shit.
>>
In general, which mental illnesses will land you economic support from the government?
>>
>>41101841
I prefer the term "superior attunement to reality".
>>
>>41114671
Any that are severe enough to make having a job better than having the mental illness. Retardation, high level autism, catatonic behaviors, unmedicatable psychotics, etc.
>>
>>41114287
Damn, I'm going to a therapist for anxiety next week. I hope it isn't like that, I'll be pissed
>>
>>41114973
If it's a proper therapist, it's hopefully better. I've no idea what the credentials of the university therapist is except he runs a "consulting firm" that's used by the local equivalent of child protective services. Not that I'm really clear on exactly how a therapist would help anyway.
>>
>>41104926
>Shadow-shapes moving
If you're still here, could you elaborate? From like 4 months back, I too have been seeing what I'd describe as this. It spooks me pretty good, not gonna lie.
>>
>>41101841
Advice for all of you that took me forever to realize,

NO ONE is going to help you, NO ONE is going to come down and tell you what you are doing wrong, that everything will be okay. the saddest aspect of this is that no matter what you do trying to beg for help, not showering, cutting, being visibly sad, etc. nothing you do will change that no one will come save you.

This is on you, and you are strong, anything that tells you otherwise is a lie, I genuinely mean this, you have made it this far haven't you?

This is coming from someone who never knew their parents, never had a real family, I moved around foster homes, never staying in one for long, before I just ran away, and tried to just go die in an alley somewhere, all the while dealing with schizophrenia, mania, and also somehow depression.

Whoever you are, and whatever you do, just remember it gets better (i know normies say this but it is generally true) and remember I love you, and so does the universe, just make sure that you love you :).

Be peaceful.
>>
Don't have many 'stories', but here you go:

>Only real 'story': I was about 13 or 14, stabbed self in the stomach, was planning to kill myself. It hurt really bad (fucking wow moment there), and I hesitated about halfway through, pulled the knife out and just sort of went about my day for a while. Cleaned it, put a bandage on and waited until parents got home, but I tried to keep pressure on it as long as I could. (inb4 "finish the job, pussy")
>I had and still sometimes do have solipsistic delusions (specifically, believing that my entire life was a convoluted experiment, a simulation crafted to be as believable as possible, and that someday whoever was controlling the simation would 'turn it off', and I would wake up in 'real life', where I would be studied)

possible inputs:
>Schizotypal, OCD (severe), Anxiety Disorder (I honestly don't remember specifically which one)

>Was on anti-psychotics for awhile, recently quit ADHD (didn't really need them, costed too much, just made me nervous and gave me headaches) currently only on Fluoxetine

>Luckily, when I was younger, my parents had it covered insurance. I haven't been in therapy or a psych ward in years. I don't want to be, and I can't afford it.

Also, anyone else on Fluoxetine, how is it? I've been fine, and it makes it a lot more tolerable to get through daily life, but:
>Hot flashes
>No erection for days
>Hard all day, beat dick until it hurts

How normal is this? I've heard about SSRIs making it hard to get an erection but never the opposite
>>
>>41115137
Sure thing, anon.
It started off a few months ago seeing "shadows" when id be falling asleep or waking up, kinda wrote it off as sleep deprivation or my imagination being overly active when I was just waking up. In the past 60ish days it's escalated to seeing human-esque shadows moving around in the background, especially when im studying or on the computer, but when id move my head and try to focus on them they'd go away. it was major spooky the first few times, and it still fucks with me a bit, but i try to ignore it and go about my day as normally as possible.
>>
>>41115254
stay away from ssri's they will make your suicide more imminent. once you feel like life is a dream because of them, there is no telling what you might do, stay away. those pills do not cure ANYTHING.

Also when I was on them they made me horny so, you are nnot alone there.
>>
I am incredibly ugly from a combination of bad genes and being a shut-in for years. To the point that on the few occasions I go outside I notice people staring.

That alone kills me. I can't stand disapproval in any form, it cuts me to the core.

Is there any hope for somebody like me or will I just have to keep sitting here rotting and eventually go crazy or kill myself? Anybody else in a similar situation come back from it?
>>
>>41115376
literally half of looking good is how you groom, style, and carry yourself, contrary to what the spergs on here will tell you.
>>
>>41115347
Thanks, anon. I've considered getting off of SSRIs, but I'm a fucking mess without them.
>>
>>41113838
The deep state is not just domestic intelligence and bureaucracy, it is also a collection of corporations, especially tech, NGOs, and even Anglo intel in the Five Eyes network. There is a great global integration of these organizations behind the scenes.

They are not "after you," as they would say, but interested in monitoring and tranquilizing your societal discontent (i.e., subversion). I think many treat this job like some sort of humanitarian activity and act paternalistically.

>>41114133
The AI on social media is real but not used here because of the sophistication needed to counter arguments. It is used on dumb normie platforms like Twitter where a false consensus is needed to be projected. Shills do post here regularly though, especially this on this board and boards with higher traffic.

I am not trying to undermine anyone, but I feel like this is just another way of excluding me from some social order. So at times I take great delight in seeing deconstructed.
>>
>>41115301
How exactly do they "disappear" when you look their way?

Have you told anyone about what you're seeing? If so, what did they have to say about it?
>>
I've been dealing with pretty bad ssri withdrawal for a few days. Does anyone have any tips to make it more manageable until I can get a refill?
>>
>>41115251
Bro thank you much for these warm words, I mean it.

I love people who say: "You ARE strong", instead of "You must be strong!" (and implying you are weak.)

It is that people are just generally shit, not all are like you. People just don't how to use words anymore, they open their mouth and don't even know how much damage they're doing, like I said this "You must be strong!". This is why many gave up on people totally.

Ironically these people who give shit advice are precisely the one who never had any traumas, had perfect parents, siblings, friends etc.. they have no fucking empathy because you don't need any to survive or even succeed in this world. The average person is emotionally crippled and devoid of any authenticity or depth. They just fucking repeat what their environment tells them.

I will continue existing in this world just out of spite and to say daily how much I hate it. Escaping is not a solution. I will give NOBODY the fucking satisfaction to live longer than me.
>>
Basically I got something doctors called potentional epilepsy from stress(I get bad migraines from hyper ventilation) and I'm currently taking meds twice a day(googled them, it showed they are mostly for bipolar disorder but I don't know),I sometimes go to psychotherapist and she prescribed some ad's but I don't take those. I hate my life
>>
>>41115405
I can't even brush my fucking hair. I had narcissistic caregivers who never taught me basic life skills.
>>
>>41115428
yeah I was the same, I dont know what I would recommend in place of it, But I will say something that is really important that no one talks about is having things to look forward to. like a fun weekend or even somthing stupid like going out to eat. I think things like that are allways going to help your mental state more than pills.

I was on them and now I am not, I am the happiest I have ever been right now, I would love to answer any questions if I can?

>>41115462
While I cant say I personally am at the same place as you as far as my reasons for living go, that is a good one, whatever keeps you going to live a good life, and leave the world at least slightly better than when you found it :).

At least I think so.

>>41115502
Not to be an asshole friend, But i think you could google theese things,

this is not to say I do not feel terrible for you, that is AWFUL, and shame on those people, you deserve better, you are worthy :)

Sometimes you are not given things in life, so you must take them for yourself.
>>
>>41101841
>do you have any mental illnesses?
Social anxiety disorder
Depression
(undiagnosed) GAD
(undiagnosed) PTSD
(undiagnosed) OCPD
(undiagnosed) NPD

>are you or were you on meds?
I've taken quite a few antidepressants and a couple of benzos in the past but they never really helped. Or if they did I didn't notice it.

Actually one antidepressant I took last year made a noticeable improvement to my mood, motivation and outlook but only because I took it upon myself to take close to the maximum dose. Couldn't keep doing it though because one of the side-effects was that I couldn't piss. After I reduced the dose it stopped working.

Currently taking St. John's wort, started yesterday. Not sure if it'll help. I kind of doubt it. Meant to be just as effective as antidepressants though, and/or more effective than placebo.

>did those doctors make you pay an arm and a leg for regular visits or inpatient mental ward?
I was seeing a counselor at one point. I forget her rate. It was about $80 a week. She gave me a discount though because I couldn't afford it. She didn't help though.

Psychologists here start at $150 an hour, and aren't covered by health insurance and the government will only partially subsidise it, so you end up paying most of it.

I've seen psychologists, psychiatrists and other mental health people through public healthcare but none of them were very good. They didn't help, and some were actually damaging. I don't know if this is because the public mental healthcare system here is terrible, or if it's because I live in a working class shithole that seems to serve as a garbage dump for the lower tiers of people.

I was in a psych ward in 2010 in a private hospital after a failed suicide attempt and apparently that cost an arm and a leg.
>>
>>41101841
I had really bad anxiety/panic attacks for a good while last year, they happened often during the week, I can't remember what set them off but I went to the shrink, who then did the obvious think and prescribed me an anti-depressant to go along with klonopin for the anxiety. I took them for a couple weeks together, I can't say I was getting much better though the panic attacks were slowing down cause of the klonopin. I started doing some research on Youtube and google to see if anti-depressants were actually any good and most of what I found was pretty negative to be honest and I kind of did feel as though they weren't doing me much good so I completely stopped taking them, I kept the klonopin for whenever I felt a panic attack coming. Fast forward a few months later and I feel amazing, no more meds no more panic attacks, I'm getting more sleep, I feel pretty normal again. I think the meds did more harm then good, the klonopin was good to me in a sense that it slowed down my racing thoughts and calmed me down while in panic but the SSRI I felt did nothing but hinder progress. A lot of people i've talked to about SSRI's said the same thing, it helped a little bit but it mostly felt like no progress was being made, as soon as they stopped taking it like I did, with a bit of self motivation and positive thinking they came out of whatever it was that was causing their mental illness. That's not to say some people aren't helped by an SSRI but if you feel nothing is changing, try cutting back on them and see what happens. Positive thinking and self motivation are great!
>>
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>>41115571
>i think you could google theese things,
That's the worst part, I'm afraid to try for fear of fucking it up. I'm just generally incompetent. I don't know why. Part of it is anxiety and part of it just seems like I'm a dumbass. Or I don't have the necessary cognitive development to be like other people.
>>
>>41105666
oh hey satan
>>
>>41115708
how is diagnosing YOURSELF with made up bullshit helping you in anyway friend?
As you have even noticed doctors are not going to help you, so why are you letting them label your thoughts? and then its not even diagnosed, so what is the point?? you are not helping yourself.

>>41115760
I am really sorry to hear that, You are not dumb, I highly doubt that, I do believe that I fucked up childhood very much effects how you view the world, I have been through this myself, But let me ask you this, are you going to let your childhood control the rest of your life? adolescence is only one small part.
>>
And I got angry again. This is such bullshit. It's like a demon trapped in me yelling to get out. I can't even describe my problems. It's going to be the end of me. I'm gonna kill myself sooner or later.
>>
>>41115458
Alright, I looked it up and apparently benadryl helps with the sudden spasms of dizziness. I'm gonna take two, just to be safe. (dose says 1 or 2, and I'm decently large, so no big deal).
>>
>>41115376
Dude, you are literally 90% of your habits and your nutrition. THAT is you. Not how other perceive you, not how you look, not what you think, that is the trick.

Some tips: Eating fast food or sugary food from time to time is fine, but DEFINITELY eat healthy stuff too!

Fish, nuts, vegetables (especially onions) are healthy as fuck. Fruits like oranges or kiwi. You would be surprised how much of depression can be attributed to a lack of Vitamin C or lack of water or lack of sunlight. Drink a lot of water during the day!

Sunlight is important too because of the vitamins, so ocassionally go outside and just sit in the sun.

If your habits consist ONLY to jerk off and play video games to exhaustion you will not have a positive image of yourself. It is fine to do this stuff, but do healthy stuff too! Go outside and take walks. Go outside at least 3 times in a week.

>>41115502
This, my parents taught me fucking nothing. Not how to clearn properly, how to eat properly, how to socialize and have confidence... NOTHING. I was kicked out into the world like in cold water. I never even fucking knew how enjoyable showers are, I thought they were work, but not I don't want to miss them. You can always change. I grew up not even fucking knowing what feelings are, going to school on auto-pilot, answer questions and not thinking for myself or even allow myself to feel negative emotions like anger or hate, even when it was correct to do it.

Don't do 1 mistake: Don't feel bad for taking care of yourself because you fear you could become a narcissist like your parents. You MUST take care of themselves, they should have done it, they didn't, you were their responsibility - they failed. Now you are your own responsibility. Don't blame yourself, blame your shitty parents.
>>
>>41115840
well if you are interested in voice calling or somthing along those lines, or if you want to chat on discord or something let me know, I would love to talk to you and we could be friends :)
>>
>>41106001
just because you're a sociopath/pschycopath doesn't mean you're a serial killer. Most high level executives and whatnot are also pschyco/sociopaths.
>>
>>41114287
University therapists are worthless and all the shit they deal with is baby stuff like freshies struggling in their first year or someone not being able to cope well with the whole living on their own thing. For anything that's actually real they're garbage, unprepared, and cannot tell the difference between someone who is anxious because of normie reasons or anxious because that's their default and it's been a struggle.
>>
>>41115880
I appreciate your offer, but it's not something that can be solved by companionship. The demon will stay there and I don't think anything can get him out.
>>
>>41101841
Presently I'm good. Thanks for asking.
>>
How do I get a positive influence/role model/mentor in my life? My family has always been poisonous and I can never do anything for myself.
>>
>>41115936
Indeed, keep fighting the good fight friend, and remain strong YOU are the strong one in this relationship, YOU have all the power remember that :)
>>
>>41107988
yeah actually. Massive hypochondriac here. I can't tell whether i'm about to die or not, I always think i'm having a heart attack when i'm having an anxiety attack, and I have almost called 911 several times. The panic from the pseudo heart attack causes me to lay down on the bed, try to lower my heart rate, and sometimes I pass out. Also weed doesn't help. at all.
>>
>>41115930
Yeah, I figured it was something like that which is why I still have hope that an actual professional might help. Even my normal doctor could ask reasonable questions about when the anxiety is worst, how it manifests etc. to try to get a proper idea, but this guy not so much.
>>
>>41116031
churches are honestly great places if you can stand religion or are religions at all.

otherwise, some sort of club or somthing, or just even your work, find somebody who is worthy of being a role model and get to know them, just know that no one is a perfect role model, everyone fucks up, A LOT.
>>
my greatest fear
>dog dying
>family buying identical dog
> I can never tell the difference
>>
>>41106803
I hate to say it, but unless you find success with meds or handle your own gradual exposure treatment, the only way things get notably better over just a few years is through CBT. I can understand that you don't really concider that a choice though, seeing how horrible you experience interaction to begin with and how much you hate being in the center of attention. I've always felt the same way about that alternative.

This will suck to hear, bon't put much faith in the meds. I know you desperately want them to help and be your golden ticket out of the everyday hell you go through once you leave your appartment, but social anxiety isn't really a problem based on the chemistry in your brain. For that reason it doesn't matter how many pills you down if all they do is alter the ratio of neurotransmittors being shoved around in there.

Although I'm in a less extreme condition myself, I've had a noteworthy success with my self-handled exposure treatment though. Pretending that I was talking to an imaginary psychologist in my head once a day about my problems without looking them in the eye was the first step. After a year of progress and upping the challange, now I can talk to real people in situations where I previously was completely silenced from my selective mutism. My pulse is calmer around people and life is somewhat easier.

What I'm trying to say here is that although improving your condition might seem hopeless, there is still some hope if you take matters into your own hands and bet on the right horses. It's be a rough and demanding process, but ultimately rewarding. There's always somewhere to start.
>>
>>41115878
>Don't feel bad for taking care of yourself because you fear you could become a narcissist like your parents.
I've never once worried about this. I've just always been so incompetent and fearful and unhappy with myself that it's been easier to just not do anything than the do the responsible things.

I'm started to come around to doing the right things for myself though. I'm realising just how bad my situation is and becoming more aware of my mood and how doing good things for myself and achieving things improves it.

>>41115878
>you are literally 90% of your habits and your nutrition
I'll try to keep that in mind. I'm starting to realise how much I don't do, or what I do that I shouldn't and how it's affected me.
>>
>>41107988
It's not much but I feel nauseous and get a stomach pain during some of my bouts with anxiety
>>
>>41101841

If you don't have a mental illness you really should not be on this board.

Also I have so many.
>>
>>41111579
Which part is difficult? The phone call or convincing yourself to actually show up when the time comes?
>>
>have depression asperger syndrome, frequent migraines
>take handful of medication daily
>Had electroconvulsive therapy for depression
>>
>>41115840
>I'm gonna kill myself sooner or later.
Now, now. No need for tough guy threats. I think we're above that.

Want me to leave 4chan forever and not talk about naughty things again? I rather be left alone than have my life threatened because I'm showing off.

Very disappointing. I just want someone to care and to help me, that's all.
>>
>>41101841
Had cannabis induced psychosis.

Shit was pretty cash actually. Had the odd bit of paranoia but not overwhelming.

Got to be Jesus for a week or two.
>>
>>41116555
I dont understand your post at all, sorry
>>
>>41116555
do you have multiple personalities or something?
>>
>>41116632
I wrote the post he's replying to and I don't have a fucking clue that he's on about
>>
>>41116601
>thinks that all people do not have the ability to become Jesus/Buddha/enlightened.

plebeian.
>>
recently diagnosed bpd, can anyone giveme a rundown?
>>
>>41116815
wikipedia u dummy
>>
>>41116905
I want it from someone who has it
>>
>>41116815
Info should be easy enough to come by. Just type in "Borderline personality disorder" in the YouTube or Google search bars, and they'll give you the info starter-pack.

Once you have specific questions, ask here again.
>>
>>41116815

if you need someone else to tell you about the symptoms of a illness you didn't know you had, How the fuck do you think you could ever have it?????
>>
>>41116927
"mirroring and splitting" I guess, I've become pretty similar to my partner is that mirroring
>>
Is anyone else here stuck in the limbo of being diagnosed, reasesed by a new psychiatrist and having to wait months for treatment?
>>
>>41117150
all of you guys need to realize psychiatrists especially (therapy is at lest decent) ARE NOT THERE TO HELP YOU ONLY BILL YOU

realize this, and help yourself a ton.
>>
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Pretty sure I have binge eating disorder. Also have a weight gain fetish. What a horrible fucking combo. Why can't they just cancel each other out? Isn't that PEMDAS or some shit?
Not on meds. Don't trust shrinks, but maybe that's my constant sense of paranoia too. Thankfully I'm not fat yet.
How the fuck do I get rid of BED or a weight gain fetish?
>>
I had sever OCD, depression and anxiety from 5th grade to my senior year of high school. I missed a lot of class and took a few years off. My self esteem is still pretty fucked. realized that I would have flair ups whenever I got sick. I was put on heavy antibiotics and had IVIG treatment a couple times. I'm pretty much all the way better. If you've had a similar experience please look into PANDAS (Pediatric Autoimmune Neuropsychiatric Disorders Associated with Streptococcal Infection). I made it guys. I hope you all can too.
>>
>>41117228
People keep saying this but I live in a country with socialised healthcare so it doesn't really apply.
>>
Anyone else on Saphris? I'm taking it for recovery from psychosis but it would seem that my doctors are leaning towards diagnosing me with Bipolar. Just wanted to get some other opinions about this medication for manic depression. Good/bad experiences?
>>
Hi I have autism and borderline. It's really nice as you can imagine.
>>
>>41112537
Woah m8 where does this feel come from?
>>
>>41117052
I don't know the answer to your question personally. I don't even know if mirroring as a concept focuses on temporal mirroring or long term adaptation of others behaviors. But I would assume the answer to your question is "probably, if you can notice yourself doing it consistantly".

Why the interest in mirroring specifically?
>>
>>41117052
>partner

Fuck off you cunt. Jesus Christ I am so sick of everyone being so much more fucked than I am yet they all get automatically assigned these fucking partners and friends and relationships.

Fuck off, you cheapen my pain and distract from it.

You got BPD? Fuck you. You have a partner, fuck you. I have BPD and guess what? Nothing. Fuck you, unequivocally fuck you.
>>
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does this count? i am only diagnosed with depression axiety and the tism.
>>
>do you have any mental illnesses?
I have the spergs
>are you or were you on meds?
Either Spicland had none or we couldn't afford/find them.
>did those doctors make you pay an arm and a leg for regular visits or impatient mental ward?
At first, probably. I was too young to know (about 7 or 8), and when I was old enough to know, I had already stopped visiting.
>>
>>41117682
>get automatically assigned
I worked for my relationship anon, it's not a free or easy thing
>Fuck off, you cheapen my pain and distract from it.
how so anon?
>>41117642
I think I've changed as a person since I usually just spend all my time with them and I've become more similar I guess
>>
>>41117775
You only think you worked for it. Only thing that matters is you have it and I don't never have and never will.

I worked too, yet I always get fucking nothing and everyone else gets something. You are destined for these things from the moment of your birth, it's the only logical explanation. I was destined to be eternally ignored disregarded and mocked. and they love to blame me for this situation as if it's my fault when it's been this way ever since i can remember at least 3 years old and until the last 5 or so years i wasn't such a bitter spiteful cunt yet they always try and pin it on me when it was always them acting according to their fucking programming i hate them all
>>
>>41117849
>only logical explaination
look in a fucking mirror niggy
>>
>>41117849
calm the fuck down.
>>
>>41117873
>instantly does exactly what everyone always does

wow hot opinion there dude

totally
>>
>>41117891
its a mental illness thread

if you have a problem with genuine mental illness FUCK OFF. everywhere online is like this. "oh this is a place for xyz" then xyz show up and everyones like "Oh nooo we dont want your kind here!" piss off with it
>>
>>41117849
do you have a victim complex anon? I've put all my energy into making it work anon, we've both been on the edge of suicide but we kept going on. you need to try to improve yourself first before you can get a partner
>>
>>41117930

>>41117722

this is me. i only point this out in hope of that post getting some fucking acknowledgement because AS USUAL the only frigging way i can coax any measure of interaction from others is through being antagonistic and rude. Sick of it to be honest
>>
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>>41117584
>notice how they act around me, their actions seem surgical and calculated
>they offer food to you often
>hear them talking about you when you aren't around, can't make out all the words
>told not to trust them by voice
>they make you take medication and threaten you when you want to stop taking it
>>
>>41117968
online tests are not like a psych anon
>>
>>41118029
where did i say they were?
>>
general depression, constant thoughts of suicide.

Massive introversion, won't answer phone calls, I'll wait for voicemail and work out what to say before calling back. Year I lived in halls at uni I wouldn't leave to go to the kitchen and just ate cold food from my mini fridge for a year.
>>
>>41118027
I thought this about everyone early on in school, then I realized that only about 5-10% of people are real and therefore you can subvert and manipulate most. Albeit it took a few years for me to get them to look at me like I was another one of them. Fight surgical actions probably choreographed by ((())) with surgical actions choreographed by you. Life is but a game.
>>
>>41117968
I got ignored in this thread too. I even asked a question. It happens.
>>
>>41117383
I mean the tax on your brain that will be caused my them far more so than any financial cost you may rack up.
>>
>>41118057
go see a doctor normie
>>
>>41118218
fuck you why do i always get fucking picked on
>>
>>41118244
>only having autism
get out normie
:^)
>>
>>41118261
spoiler i fit every single criteria for bpd i just havent gone to the doctor over it because i dont see the point

fucking die you cunt
>>
>>41118277
>self diagnosing
>not even seeking treatment
guess I see why your ronely anon :3
>>
>>41118244
because /r9k/ is still 4chan and mental illness threads are easy pickings

Still, sorry that today seems to be seriously sucking for you.
>>
>>41118310
>your

Cunt.

>>41118312

It's every day like this.
>>
>>41118324
>It's every day like this.
it's just from how you act, acting like this is why no gf anon, no wonder people "pick" on you
>>
>>41118379
I refer you, pointlessly, to my earlier post:
>>41117849
>it's been this way ever since i can remember at least 3 years old and until the last 5 or so years i wasn't such a bitter spiteful cunt yet they always try and pin it on me

Like clockwork, there it is. Blaming me again as though I was always like this. I wasn't always like this but as ever your kind will totally ignore this fact.
>>
>>41118402
lmao a actual sperglord
>>
>>41118432
My literal first post said I was autistic you stupid motherfucker. So yes, I am a sperg, what? Feel proud for picking on a mentally disabled person? How high and mighty you are. Cunts like you who lurk in mental illness threads soley to pick on others are exactly why I am such a standoffish hateful prick today.
>>
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>go to see psych today after doing a big testing battery
>"well anon, I think you might be depressed"
>"the cure to this is just doing things that make you happy!"
>"also, I didn't get around to scoring your testing, tee hee"
>>
>>41118460
I'm autistic senpai, learn to hide it :)
>>
>>41118163
what do psychiatrists make from taxing my brain?
>>
>>41118551
dummy, I am not saying that LITERALLY tax your brain.

But they waste your energy and time on meds that make you feel worse.

psychiatrists in particular have no fucking idea what they are talking about, mental health sciences are almost strictly guesswork.

have fun taking random drugs that your pshyc is being payed to shill on you LMAO.
>>
>Depressed all my life because weird childhood or I'm just autistic
>Parents drag me to doctor last winter because I couldn't hide it anymore, university stress got too much
>Wouldn't ever leave bed, sleep 16h per night and sometimes forget to eat for multiple days
>Weighted 35 less pounds than normal (normal weight is around 155)

I started taking antidepressants (Celexa) and my mom helped me find a job. Honestly changed my life. Not sure if what helped most was the job or if it was the meds, or both, but I feel pretty much fixed and for the first time in my life I feel like things will be ok.

>make 55k per year in a computer engineering job I managed to get even though I haven't graduated yet
>finishing my last semester while working, it's hard but I somehow manage
>made new friends
>meditate every day (I pretty much became a buddhist in the later part of my depression cause I didn't know wtf else to do)

Even started exercising, I do push ups whenever I get a chance (maybe 40-50 per day like when I go to the bathroom) and it's starting to noticeably improve my look.

I guess what I want to say is it gets better. I'm pretty confident I'll be able to stick to this positive lifestyle after I'm off my meds but it might be a challenge.
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>>41118551
Freud points. One freud point is earned per chemical lobotomy. You get free ice cream at 100.
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>>41118402
This might be taken the wrong way but don't get caught up in robot culture. Depression/anxiety is real, many deal with it and it's absolute shit to suffer through, especially in its more severe forms. It doesn't matter what you think your diagnosis would be if you were to see a therapist... but on /r9k/ there's this infectious mentality of "my pain is greater than anyone else's pain." It's really not a good place for social support.
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>>41118626
>chemical lobotomy
This >>41118607 this anon does not seem to get that. >>41118622
>I guess what I want to say is it gets better. I'm pretty confident I'll be able to stick to this positive lifestyle after I'm off my meds but it might be a challenge.

this is the goal, if you need them temporarily, go ahead they can totally help. long term they are going to fuck your brain.
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>>41118680

fuck guys, I really fucked those quotes, wow.
my bad.
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>>41118680
what does it do? I'll probably quit after it's been a year, the doctor said that's the minimum amount of time I should take them for.

It's pretty scary I hope I'll be ok after.
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>>41117775
Do you think the way you've changed as a person is beyond what could be concidered natural?

If 'yes', what makes you think that?
If 'no', is it even relevant?
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>>41118774
yes, I feel little to no connection to myself a year back even
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>>41118774
if you use the definition of natural that implies anything humans do could even be considered natural, (hint: the definition of Natural implies that it's everything but humans) then everything humans do is natural. You are using subjective terminology bb
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>>41118734
What drugs are you talking about?
SSRIs are basically increase the amount of serotonin in your brain, making you feel happier. Antipsychotics slow dopamine (pleasure) flow in the brain. They basically reprogram how you normally think by trying to "balance" chemicals. Turns you into a drooling fat normie zombie.
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>>41118734
well depending on what you are on this can change obviously, but I think this applies to most of them

>disassociation from reality, life will start to seem like a dream (potential very bad consequences here including harming other people)
>emotions do not feel "right" this might be just me, But there where times where I just knew I either should have been happier or sadder for example.
>(this one you might not agree with) they made me think that I was powerless that (oh, I have a chemical imbalance) I dont believe in chemical imbalances in general, some people just have to try really really hard to be happy and normal, But thats the fun, games on easy fucking suck man.

Basically for me its about taking back my power over myself, at the end of the day the ONLY thing you can control is you, and I dont like the idea That I need drugs to feel "right", because it is not feeling right, It is feeling chemical.

all this considered, if they work for you, they work. if you have no side effects, nothing wrong with them, just watch out for new ones, (they can and probably will devolp, you cannot just rewire your entire brain)
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>>41118656
Thanks for treating me like a person and not a blank target.
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>>41119002
No problem.

originali
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>>41118872
I'm taking citalopram I think, the brand name is Celexa
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>>41119026
SSRI, see the first two points on >>41118890
I experienced pretty bad side effects on prozac (also an SSRI) after about a year of taking it.
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>tfw fell in love and rejected by a BDP, PTSD afflicted, ftm tranny
Literally haven't seen the chick in four months and she's all I think about. She lives like 15 minutes away from me but she has a bf, I haven't skyped her in a month and she hasn't responded to my texts in a week. I day dream about meeting her again at a festival or a bookstore or something one of these days and getting a second chance with her. Why am I like this robots?
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>>41101841
i have self-diagnosed meme anxiety, it's fucking retarded, I managed to make frienda by them interacting with me in college, I don't look at peoples faces if I'm not confortable with them, so basically everyone, some times when I'm alone and get excited about something I start having some weird spasms in my hands, I might be autistic ngl. Fuck anxiety, some random guys asks for directions and I having panic attacks, coming home is a nightmare because I can't keep a steady pace since I can't wait to reach my destination and every sound of a car or person that walks by startles me.
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>>41118607
>>41118626
but my psychiatrist told me she didn't think I needed medicine and that therapy would be more efficacious
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>>41120592
i'll bum u
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I really need to start exercising or something, because I'm pretty sure a great deal of my mental problems are chemical. On most days I'm feeling shitty but on days when I accidentally make my coffee too strong, get a really good sleep, or just feel chemically imbalanced I'll be a happy, charming, and lovable motherfucker.
I'm really glad that I'm having more good days than I used too but I can feel that they aren't natural and are just coming from funny reactions in my brain just like my usual down days. Maybe tomorrow I'll finally go to the gym, but I still have no idea where to start. :/

Also, kids, go on /fa/ and read the basic guides on color theory and whatnot in their wiki. Spending your money on nice clothes and starting to dress well feels far better than spending it on video games. People will notice and it does feel good, not because you bought the new fad or whatever (don't buy clothes because they're popular, buy them because they fit your taste!) but because part of giving a good impression of yourself to others is the way you present and express yourself. I started going out of my way to buy clothes that are a lot closer to my actual size and it does make me feel confident.
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>>41101841
I have tourretes syndrome (self diagnosed)
Lots of of horse noises
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I can't sit still to study, read or basically do any activity properly and i don't think i will ever find a solution to this problem
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>>41121679
How is that only self-diagnosed? I thought you guys pretty much pop out of the womb shaking and making funky noises.
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>>41101841
I don't have any health issues though recently I've been rather curious with people's experiences on the topic (given that near everyone in my family either has depression or type 2 bipolar disorder for some reason) and the effect that tiredness seems to be having on me recently. I don't like asking this kinda stuff since it seems a little conceited for someone who doesn't have any problems, though I've been getting very little sleep the past month or so in particular and so I've been seeing all sorts of greens/ yellows when I try to read and see burning people when I close my eyes, of course I know its my mind trying reacting to the destruction of my circadian rhythm though what is it like to experience these things full on, how do you respond to them and is it possible that many people who suffer from delusions "let go" and accept their state of mind willingly in an almost masochistic fashion?

Also I hope that you guys are doing well. Do you see much of a future or not and what were your dreams when you were a kid? Sorry if these questions are a little petty though it is interesting.
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>>do you have any mental illnesses?
agoraphobia (most notably). general anxiety,and seldom psychosis (mild but trigged from extreme anxiety)
>are you or were you on meds?
i was on cipralax,geodon,vanelfaxine. the one that helped me the most was benzo but i refuse to take it because i have medication anxiety
>>did those doctors make you pay an arm and a leg for regular visits or inpatient mental ward?
pretty sure i pissed off some doctors. but nah, i have a way with doctors. i always seem to get along with them

>current situation
suffering from extreme anxiety for the past 2 months. (im starting exposure therapy due to my agoraphobia.) thought i was gonna die multiple times. one time i felt ike my body was overheating and my face got red, my body got blown up like a catfish and i could barely breath. it turns out that was JUST THE ANXIETY! crazy.
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>>41114287
confronting your anxiety is actually the worst thing you can do

you need to do it gradually in a controlled way + get actual help from a professional.
setting off the anxiety and trying to ignore it will fuck you up real bad. anxiety in itself is not damaging, but it will fuck with your hunger,libido,sleep and decision making
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OCD and paranoid schizophrenia obsessed with extremely fucked shit would say it but ya know with the CIA tracking stuff and me not using tor I'd instantly be arrested even though I would never do it. Also terrified of other humans always want to be alone to the extent I will go into the forest for days at a time.
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>>41122908
>my body was overheating
This is exactly what happens to me if I don't have a nearby escape route or exit, I start getting super hot
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Severe pyromania and depressive psychosis aswell as antisocial personality disorder not taking any Meds because I can't afford it and I haven't ended is because I feel obligated to live though misery for my parents sake after dealing with me and all.
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>>41122905
Nothing in the future but when I was a kid I dreamed of hopping the railroads alone living off the land and sights so that I wouldn't have to deal with college work and taxes
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>referral session for CBT for social anxiety lesson
>enjoying talking to someone about my problems
>ends by saying that my options are a 7 to 8 month wait list for treatment or an online course, and its necessary that I essentially jump in at the deep end and start doing things that with regularly give me social experience

I know Im not going to be able to keep this up. It seemed like things were going to get better, but now I know theres a chance for me to fail at it because its something I have to actively work on
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>>41120592
than listen, this is almost always true.



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