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/r9k/ - ROBOT9001


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what is wrong with your world? In terms of your programming?
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>>43188184
It's the wrong timeline for me. I'm too gentle and too shy for this world.
I want to go to Mars Venice already
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>>43188184
I was coddled by my mom while my dad mostly cared about my brother and now he's a 6'4 marine and I'm a pizza face 5'10 and my mom doesn't love me anymore.
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It's my world
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I'm not telling some rando on /r9k/
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I haven't had any real friends. I'd find some people to hang around for some time, but even they left me after they'd had enough of dealing with me. I was abused a lot by others. It started out as physical, but by the end of grade school that transitioned into more mental stuff. Eventually I learned to stay away from most people, aside from the few who would tolerate my presence for a little while. This went on until my sophomore year of high school, where I moved halfway across the country and went to a new school. People there were nicer, but by then my personality and mannerisms had been cemented. I did get a gf once, if only because she approached me. She was very manipulative and abusive towards me, and only further drove me down the path of isolation. After she broke up with me, I decided to be content on my own. That worked for a while, but the urge for human contact returned. Now that school is over, I don't know how to find people anymore. My mental state is slowly deteriorating, and I've been increasingly tempted to talk to my ex again, if only because she's the only one I have left to contact. I drove over to her apartment twice already, and once I got within a few meters of her door, tempted to walk up and knock.
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>>43189109
damn anon. thanks for being honest.
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>>43188184
i'm autistic so nothing really big at all, just a bunch of little neural path differences here and there and all of the sudden i'm like baa baa black sheep.

i literally cannot stop being cringy no matter how hard i try, ama
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>>43188184
Distant dad who was constantly at work, I was basically ignored by mom the year after I was born since my little brother was born with severe autism and adhd so all her attention was on him
I was the only semi-normal of my dads kids so a lot of pressure was hoisted on to me to compare favorable with my half siblings from mom's first marriage

Of course, no friends at all aside from the internet + family dysfunction led to some disorders that fully imploded a few years ago and now I'm almost a completely shut in neet
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>>43189106
wow you're like, so badass anon thanks for your useful post
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>>43188184
raised as a boy, and i have no idea how to act like a girl, so i stay inside as a neet. on top of already stunted emotional growth.
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>>43188184
No one taught me how to interact with people and especially girls. I also don't know how to do basic shit like cook, laundry, taxes and pension, work and driving. Guess I'll die on the streets lonely in a couple of years.
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segfault. should've caught more errors t b h
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>>43189109
don't do it anon you know it will be worse
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I'm going to get older faster than I can force myself to accept reality and I'll die alone in the woods stuck in a black hole and a dead dream. On the bright side if I can reach a point of insanity the fantasy might feel real enough
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>>43189882
are you a girl, or a girl(boy)
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>>43190236
boy (girl)
intersex technically
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>>43190280
Hot
I'll teach you to be a lady, dont worry.
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>>43188184
Romantic attraction failed to trigger.
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>>43190280
What kind? If you don't mind the question.
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>>43190293
I'm not sure what you have in mind is what i have in mind.

>>43190326
AIS
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>>43190350
I'm not the dude you were replying to, but I was just gonna take you places and stuff.
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>>43190364
I'm not sure if that would help me learn anything.
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>>43190445
It would, trust me. I'd treat you right and you'd just do what comes naturally.
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>>43190489
I'm not looking for love, or anything like that though.
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>>43190627
Neither am I
I'm just terribly bored.
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>>43190280
so genetic female?
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>>43190657
I doubt i would ever meet anyone in person.
I have not even left my house in 4 months.

>>43190680
Complicated question.
I have xy chromsomes, but female genitalia and development.
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>>43188184
I just dont... work with people.
I dont do anything overtly rude or autistic. I make an effort to be friendly.

But it's like they can just smell it. They can tell I dont belong.
Nothing I say ever comes out quite right, none of my attempts to solidify interactions into actual friendships quite hit the mark.

I really just want a couple of actual friends.
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>>43190731
Where are you from, for curiosities sake?
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>>43190784
i live in the united states currently.
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>>43190809
As do I
What state? No harm could come of saying that.
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>>43190809
boi what state? US is massive.
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>>43190731
>xy
>vagina
how does that work???
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>>43190844
>>43190849
michigan

>>43190869
i did just explain it.
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>>43190889
I'm so sorry for you, being stuck in michigan.
You're interesting though, do you use discord?
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>>43190889
wait, so do you have just a vagina, or some kind of hybrid??
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>>43190910
does not matter where i live since i stay inside all day. yeah i have a discord.

>>43190934
just a vagina, mostly functioning i don't get periods though, no uterus and such.
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>>43191006
Mine is Bummer#1163
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>>43191123
I added you anon.
that user name
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>>43188184
I can't hold a conversation. Either I say nothing, or I quickly say the wrong thing without thinking. Conversations move too fast, I can't digest what is said fast enough to properly respond.

My subconscious likes to sabotage me by making me make little mistakes and forget things.

I'm probably going to off myself soon
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I lack the social skills to get far with women.
I can get their interest, but eventually they just stop responding and ghost me.
its very hard for me to break the ice, especially when i have to be funny, charming, entertaining, and carry 90% of the conversation when talking to girls.

Most girls have even less charm than I do so I have to lead the convo.
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I never talked to anyone in my youth or had friends. Reaching an extent where talking to people is weird to me, communication is near impossible.
Maybe if i talked once in a while in my youth it wouldn't be a problem but now it is an active hindrance.
I'm not sad about it, this state is normal. However I am aware that life would improve if I had that skill.
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I have a lot of issues with mental illness from even when I was pretty young and it seems to get worse every year despite me working really hard on continually getting help with it. I recently started having seizures when I have panic attacks and my psychosis is coming back after years of it being quiet.
I really want to apply for disability since I dont last 3 months at a job without being admitted to a hospital and I never graduated high school because of said mental illness but I feel extremely guilty and useless when I think about it. But Im starving right now and Im constantly leaching off shitty partners just so my rent is cheaper and I have someone to take care of me when I get really bad.
Im a terrible person and it always just comes to me concluding that I should kill myself.
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>>43188184
ive missed some sort of fundamental human upgrade, whatever lets people effortlessly make small talk, and function in society.
Im like Windows 8 in a Windows 10 world
>mfw no compatability mode
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My overbearing single mother installed a deep seated fear of failure and rejection into me which subconsciously affects everything I do
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>>43188184
I have shit eyes

Like not vision wise but looks wise.
They're small, a plain brown color, and both of them look really off (my left eye is slightly off to the left and vice versa). Not lazy eye off but just off enough that in every picture of me I always look like I'm starring off into nothingness.

How do I fix?????
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>>43188184
I am to content. This leads me to not take any action that does not sufficiently increase my overall happiness.

This leads me to stay alone even though I want a GF because I just cant handle women. They are to emotionally unwound. They ant just be chill. The first time she questions my love is the moment I break up with her. I cant stand that shit. "I love you." "NO YOU DON'T!" I'm just out. Worse yet they then say shit like "SEE! I KNEW YOU DIDN'T LOVE ME!"

I just want a girl as monotonous and content as I am. That has all her shit together and puts stability over "fun." A girl that I can exist with. Where we just exist near each other and enjoy each others presence maybe kiss every hour or so. No need for anything more. Both content in each others presence and love.
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>>43188184
I can relate. I went from being obese and sad to skinny and sad. It doesn't change anything but you feel better about yourself when you're losing it



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