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/r9k/ - ROBOT9001



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no memes, no drawings of frogs or of really pale bald men, no online buzzwords. be honest with me. tell me how you are. tell me how you feel. use your big boy words.

there's someone else on the other side of the screen.
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>>53334617
im 28 and i'm actually pretty at peace with how my life is playing out. I'm beginning to become a bloomer. I'm debt free, have no kids, and looking to buy a condo in the next year with about 50% of total value available as a downpayment. I never wanna work that hard so it'll be really nice to knock out rent early in my life.
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>>53334617
my situation is pretty complicated but how are you?
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Waiting for this hump in civilization to be over so I can close this world and open the next in full-immersion virtual reality.
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>>53334617
I was gonna make my own thread but I will post it here instead. I just laid down in my new apartment for my first night here. Moving was hard as my body is broken. I have a lot of health problems and I might not see 40. I actually tried to hang myself multiple times in the last week of June because I could not see a future. I was looking up Greyhound bus tickets to San Fran where my tentative plan was to drink up the last of my money, play guitar on the street and eventually jump off the Golden Gate. But tonight I go to bed satisfied. And I think this fresh start is a good time for me to make some life changes and improve myself.
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>>53334646
>>53334667
im 19
didnt go to college last year when i graduated hs
the deadline for the fall semester at a school in another state is this month
havent written the entry essays and i dont have any letters of recommendation
i want to be a physician but i dont want to be stressed and working grueling hours for the whole time so i want to join the military and be a navy/army doctor
i dont know if i would be there for the rest of my career, or eventually leave

i dont have any friends now
im afraid of going my whole life without any close connections but i dont often meet people who i WANT to AND CAN connect with

im fake with my family
the only person im close with now is my gf and i keep a lot of shit from her

i don't know what's gonna happen
maybe i wont even be accepted
maybe something big will happen
who knows
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>>53334617
>tell me how you are. tell me how you feel
Pretty fucking happy to be honest. I am better at my job than all of my peers. I can come into work for a week, spend 3 out of the 5 days on my personal projects (this week I have made a neural network the learns to play pong, ported Diablo to Linux, set up a Quake server I can access via SSH), spend one day completing entire migration projects that take my colleagues a week, and still spend all of day 5 (today) at the pub. I am sitting on the dunny sobering up, looking for secret rare yugioh cards to buy. My girlfriend is loving and caring, and she is great. I have accept that I am 27 and life is better than it ever was when I was younger.

I have basically become the person I wished to be when I was in high school.
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>>53334739

Seeing someone in your state makes me feel better about myself, no offense.
Hopefully you can improve your life, anon.
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>>53334785
sounds scary desu dude. but you should be open and honest with your gf, because if we aren't honest then what else do we have?
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>>53334617
Hey Anon, I'm fine, I guess. I'm feeling really lonely again, feeling like I'm running out of time. I know I have plenty of time but I can't get over my anxiety. I really just want to meet the GOMD, if she even exists. Reality is often dissapointing.
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>>53334785
>didn't go to college
don't bother its a waste of time. trust me anon
>join the military
this is honestly a smart move. there's definitely programs that can facilitate you transitioning from military medical positions to medschool. you can probably get scholarships + funding. do some research. you'll also understand more viscerally, with less financial risk, if medicine is something you want to pursue longterm while you do it in the military.
>no friends now
though i wasn't in this situation at 19, its inevitable that your friends will splinter and separate. i only talk to a few friends i've known since elementary school.
>close connections
learn to be alone. most people are fake faggots

im gonna advise you to join the military dude. college is a scam, it'll cost alot unless you go to an in-state school. you should do the military, see i if you like that, if not, get out and then go to school on the GI bill, with a better idea of what you want to do.
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Im 22, 50K +/- in debt with college. Wanting to drop out and go into the Air Force as TACP just to start over and pay off debt, have some friends to do dumbshit with etc. Never felt so lost or alone in my life, so maybe the military will give me new direction. Currently working 56 hours a week as a wage slave and 2 hour gym sessions; wanting to die every minute of it

Anyone have any stories or something similar?
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>>53334617
>tfw 19 and have no true friends or genuinely worthy connections
>gradually accepting that I might end up alone no matter how much I improve myself because of stubbornness and eccentricity
>want to isolate myself from everyone and devote my life to the higher pursuit of knowledge
>just about every career requires me to interact with people

I'm not even an introvert, I've just lost hope.
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>>53334962
Thank you anon, this helps me alot
See post here

>>53335018
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>>53335018
i was you except not TACP and i got permanently DQ'd for a skull fracture i got at 16. Go do it man. you're not gonna be challenged in the civilian world. you're still young and spry (i hope). do it now. don't put it off. Everything is paid for in the military
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>>53334902
>GOMD
The fuck is this
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>>53334617
I keep coming to the conclusion that I'm better off just staying inside and playing video games as a NEET. Attempting anything else would seem to just make my life worse.
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>>53335041
Not him, but I presume it's "girl of my dreams"
That or "gallon of milk a day"
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>>53335041
i only had to think for 5 seconds what it could stand for. pretty sure it means
>Girl Of My Dreams
kek
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>>53334617
im 33 and just vegetate. i have no interest doing anything. i don't care how bad it will probably get, it might even be funny. i dont care about a single person i know, even close family, they mean nothing to me, at best they're just something i use to get what i need. i find nothing worth liking about anyone i meet, i just look right through them. i come on here mostly to see if i can argue my way out of some retarded argument i got myself in because its the only thing that i seem to be able to do well. i enjoy nothing but i dont really care too much that i dont enjoy anything. its a weird feel.
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18, not doing so great recently even though someone looking from the outside-in would think otherwise. I'm either hoping for some kind of apocalypse to give my shitty life a purpose to survive or I'm just going to end it. The world we live in is decaying and it sucks. Not being edgy I'm sincere
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>>53334617
I'm honestly worried about my future. Most of the things that I have to do in college involve mathematics and I'm just not good at it because of brainfog(or maybe low iq). My sleep schedule is really fucked up along with my social life and health. Recently, the thoughts of ending have crept back into my head because no matter how much I try fixing my life it all goes back to how it usually is.
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>>53334617
Bored, lonely, starved of affection. It eats away at me at all times. I want friends but more than that I want a gf (eventually wife), cause it's all I've ever wanted. Everything else in my life has been details, just to achieve this ONE thing. Ever since I can remember, even as a little kid, I've wanted this. Never had the "eww girls" phase
Yet here I am alone without anybody to give a shit about me. And I try to be okay with that, I really do. But sometimes it's so hard that I can barely move. And it wont get better
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>>53335041
"Girl of my Dreams"
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>>53334617
Honestly? I just want to die at this point. Nothing gives me joy any more. Everything feels hollow and empty. I know I'm an ultimate disappointment to my parents and family on every possible level. I have given up all hope of turning my life around and I cant see any escape that isn't my immediate death.
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>>53334962
>waste of time

I NEED a bachelor's if I want to get my MD though, even if I do get a bachelor's that's useless on its own, like biology or psychology.

>this is honestly a smart move. there's definitely programs that can facilitate you transitioning from military medical positions to medschool. you can probably get scholarships + funding.

The HSPS scholarship is tempting. Uncle Sam would cover 100% of my medical tuition (i think i would have to find out to cover my college debt though).

>i only talk to a few friends i've known since elementary school.

I don't know anyone from elementary. I moved from there a long time ago. I don't talk to people from the middle schools I went to, and I didn't have many friends in high school, just a lot of classmates I got along with.

>most people are fake faggots

I'm very interested in other people though. I really like interacting with and helping others, but ever since I was 13-14, I became uncomfortable with having friends that I could talk to, hang out with, etc.

My classmates weren't terrible people either, but once we stopped being forced to socialize, we stopped socializing. I honestly think I would be okay if I just had a bunch of work friends that didn't want any friends either.

>learn to be alone.

I don't want to be alone Anon.

>>53335108
>decaying

The Black Plague killed like 1/3 of people on Earth thousands of years ago, and no one today gives a shit. Do you know how terrifying it must have been to fight in the first world war? To be killed in the Holocaust not knowing if Nazi Germani would succeed? To be Japanese and hear that your city got atomic bombed the day before?

Really, really, really bad things happen all the time in history, and then humans get over it. The world will be fine.
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>>53335040
Thanks anon. Just sometimes mentally syc myself out sometimes. I can pass PAST pretty decently, just wanna make something of myself and cultivate a better person (if that makes sense)

I hope you're well.
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At night I fantasize about having someone to speak my mind to. Then I try to simulate a conversation with them and realize that the only thing that's on my mind is how I want someone to speak my mind to. It's paradoxical and makes me feel like a boring and pathetic idiot.
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>>53335217
>NEED Bachelor's
right, do it while you're in the military on their dime or whenever you decide to finish IF you want to get your MD. otherwise no need
>interested in other people
thats good. you'll do well in life
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>>53335129
>Recently, the thoughts of ending have crept back into my head because no matter how much I try fixing my life it all goes back to how it usually is.
I can relate to that a lot. I'm pretty simple-minded which allows me to keep going through the same old meaningless cycles but it frustrates me how things generally end up the same again no matter what. I know it's a sign I'm not trying hard enough but I have no idea what else to do and always go back to old habits after a short burst of motivation. Also as for the math anon, just go over something as many times as you can and move on once you're sure you've got the concept. Go as slow as you like, the whole point is that you have the eureka moment and everything falls into place. Your sleep schedule may also be contributing to the brainfog problem
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>>53334617
I'm 18, and I do feel like I'm losing all sense of myself. The things that make me, Me are slowly dissapearing from my brain and I feel like I don't even know anything about me anymore. The dread is creeping in and slowly but surely. I'm feeling more and more useless everyday, and I'm not certain if I can go on in life. Does anyone feel the same?
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>>53335217
Are you literally me? I really wanted to become a combat med but I pussied out and went into med school instead. I live in a postsoviet country so Its not expensive, but dont go into med school thinking you'll meet good friends, everyone here is a normie who's in it for the money and prestige. If you're looking for the camaraderie aspect, go the army doc route anon. Peace
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>>53334810
Yeah man, no offense taken. Enjoy your youth. I have not had the easiest road but it could always be worse.
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You ever just get tired of it? Like you know, im working a shitty wagecuck job to get myself through college so I can get an equally shit but pays more job to support a family thats not gonna happen. So why why why why why am I trying so hard when I know in the end it will just be my and my eternal lover Solitude. There will be no happiness, there will be no joy, there will be no love, there will be no family, there is no future. I just want to stay in and play idolmaster all fucking day, and yet why am I still trying so hard?
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>>53334617
I'm doin great, 19, got a gf, gonna become a cop.
Just waiting honestly. Need a new car too.
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>>53335246
I'm like this sometimes too anon.
>>53334617
24. I'm doing some college along with soon getting back into work at likely 30hr weeks. My parents, mostly my father, tries to be in control over every aspect of my life. He's mostly banned me from doing anything indoors, and wants me to focus on college. That's fine, but I'm going to have college done at some point anyways, so I'm trying to prioritize my time to becoming less socially retarded. Even just talking to people over text online has really got me learning alot about conversing with people. On discord if I go back 4 months it's almost like I feel I can clearly see the development of my social skills. My father thinks I should handle it differently and go to people outside, but I've lived in a barren town all my life with people rarely even on the streets. So right now I'm trying to build my credit and get a bit more savings so I can try to get an apartment without my parents co-sign.
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>>53334617
im scared of my future so i block it out im in my 20s a neet living with my mom with more social anxiety than most people on this board i have a life full of regrets and i need to fix my truck before glowinthedarks get me
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>>53335452
At least you're trying. I'm doing the same but I don't even know why I bother anymore. I hate having responsibility yet almost every pursuit considered worthwhile or noble in society eventually just leads back to more and more responsibility for you. Making new friends, getting a job, getting married - it's all just more and more people relying on you day in and day out yet there's this assumption that these are all great events that in no way restrict your personal freedom. Even if you're a filthy NEET or a bum at the very least no one's relying on you and you have the freedom to just throw the day down the drain for the hell of it.
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a friendly place where people usually talk about how miserable they are and try to connect with others. please see for yourself.
/xUfZXPA
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This new ad with the thicc blonde is driving me nuts.
OveralI am feeling pretty hopeful of the future. I think I am starting to climb out of the depression I have been in for the past few years. I didnt take care of some loan exit councelling I was supposed to do, so I wont be able to go to class until spring. My parents will find out about this eventually and when they will do they will lecture me because they think I'm a loser.
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I need therapy. Or something. But I won't get help. One of my biggest problems is that I just can't force myself to do anything. And that problem is preventing me from getting the help I need. I only ever act when I have no other option. So maybe in 10-20 years, after doing something bad, my life will depend on it, and I'll finally go through with it. But right now I just don't act.
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>>53335077
This is the definition of being broken, but I also know that feeling.
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I can't stand how empty a lot of normies are. I don't want this to come across as some 'I'm so superior' post because compared to actual interesting people I'm well aware I'm boring as fuck. But seeing the personalities of people I work with and their social media shit infuriates me. It's literally a non stop popularity contest where everyone is permanently battling for some validation. Theres people that post 3 new pictures of themselves a day, there's people that post about every facet of their life. A guy literally posts every single thing that happens like the world needs to know. People share all this 'it's OK to be struggling' shit and boohoo so sad quotes from other pages about how hard their life is.
I'm a very private person and it disgusts me how much these people need validation and freely share so much of their deeper feelings. They have no hobbies at all, and it's just lmao I drink all the time or lmao I have no money.
Again, I'm a boring fuck, I just paint toy soldiers and play milsims, but I don't ever bore people about it and spam this social media shit. I hate it so much and the instant I find out anyone has a semi regular social media presence I lose so much respect for them
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I really can't decide what I think of the idea of dating. On the one hand I think there is a lot of bitter hyperbole on here and that there are lots of nice, genuinely lovable women out there, but on the flip side when I hear about how my sister dates, what she looks for, how she acts, and when I see how much attention the average woman gets, I just think it isn't worth it. I'm so hesitant to share much of myself with people and I'm convinced that women only respect and love emotionally strong men who don't share their deeper thoughts. I have never opened up to anybody in a big way about how much I struggle with life and how often I want to give up, and I would love an understanding, supportive woman who would still love me when my mask of being strong and confident slips a little, but I don't think they exist.
I also think legitimately 95% of women I meet are completely unsuitable for a relationship because they're invariably promiscuous or too into social media shit like Instagram and getting attention for their make up cakes selfies. I don't think real, wholesome women exist anymore because social media is the ultimate game changer for women.
My standards have been the same for a long time. A woman who doesn't use too much makeup, is authentic and honest, doesn't use much social media and has a low or non existent body count. I'm 24 and still waiting.
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I'm 18
Live with my parents
Sister moved out a little less than a year ago (she's 5 years older than me)
Spending my summer working at an Arbys and playing vidya/watching YouTube in the basement while going out every Friday to play MtG with friends (some older some younger)

I'm getting a little sick of it. It's getting monotonous and I about shut off and collapsed at work today from how drudging it was. My boss is kinda a dick, and we're normally understaffed but Thursday is the day like 80% of our crew take off cuz they're all friends. I like them a lot too but I need money.

Back to what happened today. So there's these two black women that started working with us a month or two ago, ones older and the other ones like 16 (they're mother and daughter) and the daughter sucks ass. She works most of the time but she doesn't seem to grasp the basic shit and she's been working at Arbys for like a couple months. I normally work drivethrough by myself (a normally two person job) and she handed me the wrong order like 5 times. I've gotten pissy with her before but her mom literally pulled me aside once and bitched at me about being pissy with her daughter "you're just impatient" "this is her first job"

Fuck I went off the rails there for a bit but yeah that's what this is for right?
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>>53336197
>>53336239
>I would love an understanding, supportive woman who would still love me when my mask of being strong and confident slips a little, but I don't think they exist.
>I also think legitimately 95% of women I meet are completely unsuitable for a relationship because they're invariably promiscuous or too into social media shit like Instagram and getting attention for their make up cakes selfies. I don't think real, wholesome women exist anymore because social media is the ultimate game changer for women.

Amen.
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>>53336197
Don't look at garbage social media and your problem will be solved a little. If you have a fake social media account to spy on people and learn every single thing about their life, but get annoyed when you do, then that is on you.

This makes me think anyone is retarded pretty much instantly:
>Do you have Facebook
>OMG did you see that post on Facebook
>Jenny posted a tweet (Twitter) that was so dumb
>I love Instagram, I posted like 20 photos today

I am not even joking I hear that shit constantly and it makes me think people are brain-dead nowadays.
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>>53336274
Social media became an extreme addiction for women. Probably for some retarded men too, but so many women are extremely controlled by it where it is just pathetic.
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>>53336283
>>53336302
I attend university (undergrad) and I see this everywhere. At least it's an easy way to eliminate girls from my dating pool.
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>>53336308
>an easy way to eliminate girls from my dating pool.
I don't know a single female who doesn't live on social media.

People I know who live on it (men and women, but I know more women who are severely addicted to it):
>One 80 year old (woman)
>70 year olds (women)
>60 year olds (women)
>50 year olds (men and women)
>40 year olds (men and women)
>30 year olds (women)
>Shit tons of 20 year olds (men and women)
>Shit tons of teenagers too (men and women), but they mostly use Twitter and Instagram to be full on trash or talk about how depressed they are. Facebook is considered lame by them where you have to act "proper."

I cannot name someone who isn't addicted to it and if you don't use any of them (according to anyone you ask nowadays) you're a freak, weirdo, etc.
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Just turned 27 on the 2nd
I hate having friends and being around others in general (My best friend ive had my whole life is off living his own life), which is why I cannot find a job or go to school with others dropped out of high school for that very reason, I sometimes wonder why I am like this but I learned not to question as an adult, no wagecuck job I just work casually and I make just enough so I can get by and have a place to live, never had a gf or any kind of relationship even though ive had girls ask me out before/tell me they like me. People say I am a nice person but I feel like I am not doing enough for myself maybe its the depression talking but I just like to be alone and work in the background while everybody minds their own business.
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Just graduated high school. felt kind bad because all my friends were doing things like going to parties and having fun the last few weeks of hs but i stay home and play vidya most of the time. saw a group of friends in public today and they were driving around doing random things. made me feel depressed again knowing ive done nothing for the past 2 weeks. And I use the term "friends" loosely because there's only about 4 people from school that i know enough to actually hang out with. I'm hopping ill find some good friends in college but idk.
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i feel an unrelenting force of misery every single day. when i wake up, there are one of two things that happen--i either have to drag myself out of bed and work an eight hour shift of being ridiculed by customers, or i have no obligations and stay under my blankets, the only safety i've ever really known. by the end of either day, i'm drinking so i can feel something, or maybe it's the other way around.
i bought a new video game the other day, and it's doing a wonderful job of distracting me from my misery--but i know how these things go. that new car smell wears off, and it wears off fast, and i'll be right where i started.
i can't keep living like this. but i've pushed almost everyone that cared about me away, and when the lease is up, i'll finish pushing away the rest. then i'll have no one else in my life, and that means no one will have to be hurt one more time as a result of my actions when i finally take my life. i imagine it in a quiet, secluded room--far from anyone and everyone.
this world deserves one less miscreant.
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>>53336494
shut the fuck up, fag. you posted that here too.
>>53336461
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>>53334617
>no images allowed
>on an imageboard
shiggy diggy, i am always sincere anyways

but for real i feel so fuggin isolated rn. any group i was a part of i've done something to make myself distanced from it
>be khhv
>my first relationship with a girl ever, it's not even official yet
>we're both big christfags
>I built this relationship on honesty and mutual trust
>she asks me if i watch porn
>I tell her I have, but I hate it and am making an active effort to stop, 30 days nofap, it's hard for me but I can do it
>she looks at me like I just killed a puppy
>tells me all these people she knew who just magically prayed once and out of pure love immediately stopped watching porn or feeling the desire
>including her fucking abusive ex who raped her
>tells me that even though she likes me she cant have someone who isn't concerned about it enough and that we're done
I talked her out of that a few hours later but I don't think it will matter, we're dead in the water now. The worst part is that everything I said to her was completely sincere. I've poured my heart out to her and all it did was make me into the bad guy in her eyes. It hurts so much, i've never even kissed anyone yet.

then tonight, I go to a party and I see two old coworkers with no history, one starts talking about a topic she seems sincere about, the other guy just starts making fun of her and mocking her. later tonight I see them making out. Why do women do this? did nothing she said before even matter? all of it she threw away for someone she found attractive, it just makes me lose hope in everything. It's all so fucking fake it makes me sick
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>>53336468
I relate to this too much. Keep pushing anon, even if you need video games
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dont know what to wear to work
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This thread has an interesting dichotomy between people who have clearly already taken themselves out of the rat race of Live and are just living life on pause, and those who are still sorta bought in but questioning the mechanics of it all. As a member of the first group, I hope you guys make it out and into some third option where your life has purpose
>>
I'm torn between desire and responsibility. Life is quite easy for me, I have everything a person could ever need to succeed but continue to make stupid decisions. Work is just too boring and I abhor it, I don't like commuting, being around lots of people or lacking complete privacy for any real length of time

I could get a job and stay sober and live one of the easiest and most pleasant lives that has ever been lived, but I refuse to. I will continue to lie, steal, commit fraud and get high. It's terrifying, but enjoyable. Those are my choices - boredom, monotomy and tranquility, or a paranoid rollercoaster of excitement

My mother is getting older, younger sister has a kid. No other men around for either of them. Feels like it's on me to provide, but the idea of getting a full time job and just slaving away for the next few decades makes me want to just fucking neck myself. I won't do it. I have to find another

If I could get anything started creatively I'd probably calm down some, but I'm over the hill and don't know where to find an audience anymore
>>
For a long time now I've been working really hard on being someone that people could open up to about their problems. I was taking the advice of "If you go out looking for friends you will find few, but if you go out looking to be a friend you will find them everywhere." I've been successful I guess. I now know several people who I've grown quite close to. They've told me things you wouldn't believe about themselves, often times way more easily than I would have thought they would. They seem(and even tell me they are) happy to have someone to open up to, and I get a genuine joy out of being able to be the person that people feel like they can talk to.
That being said, I have my own issues, but I don't feel like I have anyone I can talk to about it. Maybe I'm just being selfish, but I have a hard time opening up to people. There are people that would probably listen if I told them, but the truth is I want someone to do what I do. To actually put effort into making me feel like I can talk to them, to encourage me, unprompted, to open up and tell them how I really feel about things. I hate that I feel this way. I feel like a 'nice guy' or incel who thinks he's 'earned' people's concern and attention, when I really hate people who view relationships as transactional like that, but fuck man I just feel so isolated.
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>>53334617
I feel pretty fucking worthless honestly. I don't produce anything, and even if I did most of my money will go to my absent asshole landlord and the gobment (which is stacked with crony pedophiles), not to mention that in all likelihood I'm not even going to get paid 10% of the money I'd make for the company in this case. Everything I've done in my life was to benefit other people, and that's supposed to be noble for some asinine reason.
>>
>I'm unemployed, live in one of the cheapest neighbourhoods in my city+partly supported by kinda-rich dad, between college semesters, and my actually rich uncle gives me $50 a week for piano lessons
>All my life I've wanted to learn how to draw since I have a few ideas for comics, and I told myself I'd start practicing this summer
>tfw I've just slept, played video games, and laid in bed for the past two months
>tfw fall semester starts in two weeks
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>>53337001
>tfw fall semester starts in two weeks
that sucks anon, i've got a month and a half left
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>>53337310
I actually did sign up for an art class so hopefully that bears fruit, and I'm also taking piano so I'm going to ace that easily.

By the way, I'm an engineering major, I'm just taking art classes to pad out my schedule.
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I'm pretty happy with my situation right now but at the same time i get bored by doing my bsc. Its just i want to be free and out in the world again. I know i only have two or 4 years left doing uni stuff but man i want to see the waves again. I cant sit in one place for too long. I need to get out.
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>>53337433
Uhm you sound familiar anon where you at?
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>>53334617
30 and I'm just getting this feeling of floating without a sail. Thankfully my GF loves me because I'm on the fence about everything else in my life.

Sure I made it into the IT field but I have no desire to advance. Weekends are painful when you are a private person living in a different city with no friends.

I feel as if I sacrificed too much to make it this far sometimes.
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>>53337452
Austria. Thinking to start a second bsc to get rid of the boredom.
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>>53334785
>gf
fuck off, normie faggot.
you don't belong here.
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I'm 28. The day I left my mother's house 8 years ago, she spat on me. I still talk to my dad, although he never protected me from her, and I won't ever fully forgive him for it. I've never had a healthy, real-life relationship with any woman, not even platonic or familial. I've been on some dates and I've had sex a handful of times, but that's more a function of fortunate genetics than social skills - I'm attractive, but also awkward and pessimistic.

The journey since I left my mom's house has been strange, involving teaching myself how to grow magic mushrooms and then forcing my own ego death, making thousands of little pieces of surreal glitch art, talking to multiple therapists but only sinking further into self-hatred, and buying a condo.

I feel like a bad person, and like my life experiences have literally engineered me to be one. I try to be good and nice to others, but my negative thought loops just keep reoccurring, and then I'm daydreaming about being a comic book supervillain again, and redistributing all the pain and shittiness the world has dished out to me. I know I'm not owed anything by the universe, but I don't owe the universe anything, either.

I just wish my pain meant something. That's what's cruel about life, though - everybody experiences pain the same way. Whether you're a trust fund kid with loving parents or a struggling South African villager, the worst thing you've ever gone through in your life is still the worst thing ever to you... Even if it's just a really bad paper cut. Our pain means nothing. Cruelty is how the universe operates, it's the status quo.
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>>53334617
lol fuck you OP

this shit ain't original
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Got invited to a party tomorrow but due to social anxiety im gonna end up at home
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Well, I'm about to be 28 later this year. Highschool drop out with a GED. Never went to college or trade school. Absolute zero ambition. Neet not on neetbux. No money. The only woman I'd want to be with is married and across the country. Zero chance of that ever changing. Most days I don't even have the energy to play a game, much less anything more than that. I only leave the house to go to the doctor once a month and see my friends once every two months or so. All those friends are living on their own, getting married, their lives are established and progressing while mine has remained stagnant for over a decade so while I do enjoy seeing them it feels like shit. I've been jumping through the SSA hoops and am now waiting for my lawyer to get me a court date for my SSI hearing. It's taking longer than they said it would and I'll probably get denied by the judge anyway. So yeah, it's pretty fucking awful. I'll probably just kill myself after my parents die, I don't want to hurt them by doing it before then.
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I always say that I'm ok with just working and playing minecraft in my room the rest of the time. But the honest truth is I think it would be nice to play minecraft with a girl.
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Gonna put my empty room online for rent, hell i think i might even advertise it here
Ill simply just ask to creep peoples facebook and see if were compatible, i myself had to rent a room this year and it turned out really well so im hoping it goes well for me

Im looking forward to spinning lots of records this year and getting into ffxiv, im really gonna try and meet a girl this year, r9k really has taught me the dos and donts of females




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