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File: benito-mussolini-2.jpg (128 KB, 900x750)
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>Fascist Italy accidentally invades Mordor instead of Greece
What happens?
>>
>>57403689
Italians happen.
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>>57403689
something very much resembling the fall of numenor, at best.
>>
>>57403689
Be a race to see who's more incompetent. Italians or orcs.
>>
>>57403689
If it's the Mordor from the movies, Italy will steamroll them.

The Orcs just fly in all directions when they touch a horse and do not even slow them down. They are also defeated even when they totally outnumber their enemies. The only good stuff from Mordor are the Nazgul and the Oliphants. Both are easily countered by AA and heavy guns.

But then again... Italy sucked so hard in WW2, maybe they would fuck this up somehow.
>>
Italy is subjugated by Morder and the Orcs are delighted by Italian cuisine on the new menus
>>
>>57403689
It says a lot, that Italy manages to screw up their navigation so hard that they rather land in a fictional realm than at their original destination.
>>
>>57403863
Especially considering Greece is right fucking there.
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>>57403797
Mordor itself may be destroyed. but Sauron himself won't be, and given it's fascist Italy he'll have anyone worth giving a shit about wrapped around his finger almost instantly

Within the next couple months Mordor is back except this time the orcs have tanks and the army is spearheaded by italians
>>
>>57403689

Jackson Mordor? Even Italy manages to win.

Tolkien Mordor? Il Duce becomes another of Sauron's pet "kings" and the Orcs have all sort of shiny new weapons to use.
>>
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>>57403863
I don't think you understand how bad Italy is at war.
>>
>army is spearheaded by italians

Something tells me the Rohirrim can go home and rest
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>>57403689
The orks fall before endless swarms of adorable tankettes.
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>>57404001
>tankettes (Italian)
I think you failed a spot check.
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>>57403729
so no change?
>>
>>57404029
Are you saying i got the wrong picture or italy did not use tiny tanks.
Because I know they used the tiny tanks.
>>
>>57403924
I can't believe a third of my country was once under Italy.
>>
>>57404065
I’m saying that Italian tanks can’t into war.
>>
>>57403689
Somewhere in spain you hear a short man let out a looong sigh of relief he's not allied officially with the clowns
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>>57404714
>>
>>57403689
Mordor wins.
As much as people are saying Jackson Mordor would lose, Even their incompetent asses would win because Fascist Italy cannot into unassisted war victory.
>>
>>57404996
Seriously, even the Jackson orcs won at osgiliath. The Italians lost to Ethiopia. Eritrea is barely a country and they can do better
>>
>>57403924
>When you like Fascist Italy in Hearts of Iron
>Know they suck at WW2

At least Mussolini have a nice jaw.
>>
>>57403689
Churchill gives the orcs a favorable reference in the house of commons.
>>
>>57403689
Sauron now rules Italy.
>>
>>57403689
the italians run out of water a quarter of the way through an retreat.
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>>57403689
One does not simply goose-step into Mordor.
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>>57406052
>Churchill gives the orcs a favorable reference in the house of commons.
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>>57403814
Orcs now require an increased water ration to cook their pasta.
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>>57406373
Even though the canned pasta came with its own pasta sauce included, in which it was supposed to be boiled
>>
>>57406402
I love you /tg/
>>
>>57403689
They crush they're conventional forces while establishing a base and searching for food. Eventually the more powerful elements of Mordor come out and start mind fucking them until they fall under Saoron's control.
>>
>>57403689
>What happens?
They lose because the Germans can't come bail them out like they did in Greece
>>
>>57403924
DON'T FORGET THE INVASION OF ETHIOPIA!

Italy was literally BTFO by tribesmen with spears and hand made guns
>>
>>57406373
>>57406402
So was the Pasta Water Ration a real thing? Did they actually have the sauce to boil the Pasta in and not figure that out?
>>
>>57403689

Orcs counter-invade.

An armistice is signed which lets both sides claim that they won.

A generation later, Orcs eat pasta, speak passable Italian, and ride Vespas. Sauron's master plan is now hopelessly mired in bureaucracy.

We got over being an empire when Rome fell, thanks. Since then we've discovered that it's a lot more profitable to let other countries invade us, then assimilate them culturally.

Also, you can put a bazooka on a Vespa.
>>
>>57406498
>Italy was literally BTFO by tribesmen with spears and hand made guns
I'm pretty sure the Russians supplied the Ethiopian forces with weapons. Still pathetic on Italy's part, though.
>>
>>57406498
>Italy was literally BTFO by tribesmen with spears and hand made guns
Much like the British, except the Zulu's were literal spearchuckers whereas the Ethiopians were a semi-civilized kingdom that actually had acces to guns, the Italians were outnumbered 10:1 and still managed to inflict about 2000 more casualties than they suffered. And that's ignoring your biggest blunder: this was the FIRST Italo-Ethiopian war, under the Kingdom of Italy during the Scramble for Africa. The one under Mussolini was the SECOND Italo-Ethiopian war, which resulted in the annexation of Ethiopia, rising tensions on a global scale and apexed with Italy (and Germany) leaving the League of Nations.

There's one thing more ridiculous than the Italian army, and that's your knowledge of history.
>>
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>>57403924
it truly is astounding how Italy can't into war
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>>57406508
Except they did figure it out, nigger. Hell, the Italian army still gives out pasta as part of its standard rations today. You don't need extra water.
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>>57406373
I don't think Italian cuisine refers to pasta...
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>>57406359
glad somebody got that.
>>
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>>57403689
>What happens?
Ha-ha, you fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders, the most famous of which is “Never get involved in a land war in Mordor"!
>>
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>>57406560

Luigi Cadorna was an idiot, but he ended up being celebrated as a great general anyway for some reason.

He is from my hometown.

There is this very Necron-looking tomb on the lakeside for him.

The karyatids are soldiers of various branches of the Italian armed forces when the monument was made... plus a Blackshirt. Every year someone tries to deface the Blackshirt.
>>
>>57403689

Italians manage to fuck up, so the Germans have to bail them out. When faced with German troops, even Sauron is appalled at how much of a control freak those people are.

>>57403814

>LOOKS LIKE RISOTTO IS BACK ON THE MENU BOYS
>>
>>57403689

Didn't someone make a "Nazis in fantasyland" quest http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/qstarchive.html?tags=Nazi%20Quest Ah, there it is. Now I'm tempted to resurrect the concept.
>>
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>>57403689
There's a lot more giant faces on Sauron's architecture.


Also, how do you fuck up fascist architecture, in Italy of all places?
This doesn't look menacing, it looks dumb as hell, and there's so much good roman stuff to take inspiration from right fucking *there*.
>>
>>57406644

Discount Bioshock

Also, because fascists were idiots, except maybe for Gabriele d'Annunzio.
>>
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>>57406643
Ah yes, anyone else remember how quests don't belong on /tg/? I sure am glad they're gone now so we can make room for three more amazon threads.
>>
>>57403863

It worked out OK for Cristoforo Colombo, which is why we are having this conversation at all.
>>
>>57406052
A* reference
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>>57404001

We did use tiny tanks. They were pretty useless.

And really crazy looking airplanes (you may recognize this one from Hayao Miyazaki).

And really weird heroic actions just for the sake of doing it.

Turns out real life doesn't work like anime.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Savoia-Marchetti_S.55

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flight_over_Vienna
>>
>>57403689
>>57403797
>>57403911

Important question is, are the trains on time? And is Littorio still best battleship?
>>
>>57406644
That was just a campaign ad put up on a pre-existing building for one of the staged plebiscites, actual fascist architecture was just a more boring version of Roman architecture.
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>>57406598
>but he ended up being celebrated as a great general anyway for some reason.
What the fuck are you talking about? He is the laughing stock of every italian and i nschool we spent more time talking about how much he sucked then every other bit of WW1 combined.
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>>57406952

oh la tomba la pago' il governo (dell'epoca) e se ti prendi la briga di andare a leggere libri di storia di epoca fascista lo trattano come un genio. (sono verbanese e abito a circa 2km da villa Cadorna, se non altro gli eredi hanno finalmente tolto le statue dal cancello)
>>
>>57406724
>https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flight_over_Vienna
>In WWII America carries out the Doolittle Raid, where a group of brave men fly deep into enemy territory to drop bombs on the enemy capital, scoring an important propaganda victory
>In WWI Italy carries out the Flight over Vienna, where a group of brave men fly deep into enemy territory to drop untranslated propaganda leaflets on the enemy capital, making them look like complete idiots
Can Italy do anything right?
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>>57407012
Pensavo parlassi di oggi, ma scusa è stato destituito durante la guerra perchè faceva schifo al cazzo, com'è che poi l'hanno revisionato in essere un buon generale?
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>>57406566
>>57406542
>spot the italian
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>>57407049

boh..

>>57407018

To be fair the simpler version of the leaflet was translated (not by d'Annunzio, who refused to do so)

And it was a pretty daring operation.

Just not very useful...
>>
>>57406664
>Columbus gets lost and finds middle earth
>enslaves the hobbits before Sarumon can even get there
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>>57403689
They would switch sides each time they get beaten faster than they gobble down a plate of pasta
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>>57406661
Well we can't bring it back...
Or can we?

Although desu, merging the boards back together would probably cause more problems than it's worth
>>
>>57403689
Mordor? Don't you mean Mora-Dora?
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>>57406938
I can't decide whether or not I like this.
Either way it definitely doesn't scream fascist, it wouldn't look out of place alongside lots of mid-century American buildings.
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>>57407126
Italians are nto japs anon, you add the a at the end, not between every couple of non-vowels.
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>>57406560
Italy in WW1 actually managed to blow the fuck out Austro-Hungarian army so hard that it actually stopped being fighting force and the A-H Empire had to sue for peace. All it took to happen was the removal of Cardona from his position.
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>>57407018

In war? No, we stink at it.

But we excel at civil protection.


Granted, we are talking about the Fascist army, not the modern army, so... yeah, you have a point.

https://www.nytimes.com/2014/10/18/opinion/beppe-severgnini-the-italian-military-to-the-rescue.html?_r=0
>>
>>57407200
Forgot to link on the battle that did it.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Vittorio_Veneto
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>>57407200
All it took was the fact that Austro Hungaria was an outdated state on the brink of collapse, the surprising fact is that Cadorna managed to not win the war himself, not that the war was won once he was fired.
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>>57407171
Italians designers where into futurism when Mussolini took over and it seems to have appealed to him due to themes it has.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Futurist_architecture
>>
>>57407245
Just shows you how much of fuckup even by WW1 standards Cardonna truly was, when he can't even win a fight against enemy that is tripping over his own issues.
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>>57406498
>Ethiopia
>almost only actual kingdom on the continent
>tribesmen
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>>57407383
>almost only actual kingdom on the continent
Not exactly hard when everyone else is a colony.
>>
>>57403689
Pre- or post-Ethiopia 2?

Because Pre-Ethiopia 2 they got all the shit ready to invade sombody and with Mordor they got nobody giving a shit about the mayhem too.

So it's a highly mechanized army dropping sarine gas on everything that looks vaguely humanoid with the US industry being in a full frenzy about Fascist Italy buying shit nonstop for reasons nobody can fathom.
They'll probably just barb wire up the couple of entrances into Mordor and then gas the shit outta the place.
>>
Thread theme

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=czTksCF6X8Y
>>
>>57407049
>>57407012
God damn spaghetti speak.
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>>57406560
Those rules about french warfare apparently apply to Italy as well.
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>>57407125
It can't make things worse. Different kind of shit but not worse.
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>>57407796
France has been pretty good at warfare; they just fucked up really twice; Franco-Prussian and WW2.
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>>57407796
>>57407817
I think he misspelled trench warfare, otherwise it makes no sense.
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>>57407821
No I mean this
http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/text/france.html
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>>57407825
Jesus Christ I didn't even know that site was still alive.
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>>57407178
Or at the beginning. Sounds better in this case
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>>57407825
You know the largest battles of the American War of Independence were fought outside of North America thanks to France, Spain and Holland declaring war on Britain during it.
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>>57406819
>is Littorio still best battleship?
yes
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>>57407018

>Previously, critics of D'Annunzio had said: "He writes but does not act." Because D'Annunzio's Italian text was considered ineffectual and not translatable into German, Ferdinando Martini quipped: "Now he acts but does not write."
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>>57407861
Its called comedy anon. Exaggeration is a big part of it.
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>>57407825
Why don't you use a proper list instead.
https://www.militaryfactory.com/battles/french_military_victories.asp
>>
>>57407885
>Be a Nationalist poet
>People keep saying you're a bitch for not doing anything .
>Decide to do something extremely ballsy.
>Refuse however to translate your leaflets because you're such a fucking queen, thus rendering your entire act mostly pointless.
>Still be considered a laughing stock.
>>
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>>57407825
Ah right. I assumed you were an intelligent person who made a typo. I assure you that's a mistake I won't make again.
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>>57407896
Because that list isnt as funny.
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>>57407888
No it's called propaganda against one of the US' oldest allies because it refused to follow in Iraq over flimsy claims and accusations.
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*teleports behind your battleship*
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>>57407911
>>57407917
When the fuck did /tg/ get so autistic they dont find things funny anymore?
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>>57407900

Yep, that's d'Annunzio.

For an encore, he conquered a city. By himself with a few friends. After the war was over.
>>
It's at this point you realise Italy was a plant by the Allies during WW2. Told just to fuck with Hitler for shits and giggles.
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>>57407923
You must be an American, because only in America could flaunting ignorance and ridiculing loss of human life (but 9/11 is sacred!) pass for a joke.
>>
>>57407923
When it became nu/tg/pol/ about 3 years ago.
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>>57407990
Australian actually. Now take a spoonful of cement and harden the fuck up son. If you dont find it funny, fine, but dont become a sanctimonious prick on this site of all places.
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>>57407991
>/pol/
>passing up an opportunity to ridicule France
You must be new here. May I recommend reddit?
>>
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>>57407991

Sense of humor, eh? :)
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>>57406522

Germans did. Yes, it was weird don't ask.
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>>57408039
>Britain
>Irish
Somehow I have a hard time believing that.

Also
>Poor little Belgian guy
>>
>>57403924
>using Wikipedia infoboxes out of context to prove a point
/tg/ is actually worse at history than /his/, great job faggots
>>
>>57403924
It's like they used up all their conquer points on Rome early game and forgot to budget for the long haul.
>>
>>57407991
>nu/tg/pol/
This word triggers me more than any retarded /pol/ shit.
>>
>>57408039
I believe this but only because gypsies are not a country.
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>>57407923
Because it's old. Old, old, old, old, old.
>>
Okay, new question:

> You are Gabriele d'Annunzio, Bard. https://newrepublic.com/article/116326/gabriele-dannunzio-poet-seducer-and-preacher-war-reviewed
> It's Sept 12, 1919
> You are high as fuck on cocaine and mushrooms, normal weekday for you
> "Let's go conquer Fiume!"
> start driving there in your super spiffy one of a kind early hot rod with bicycle wheels
> still high as fuck
> end up in middle earth with your platoon of friends
> "Eh, close enough. O LA VITTORIA O TUTTI ACCOPPATI!"

Wat do, /tg/?
>>57408157

As an Italian, I agree.
>>
>>57407200

AHAHAHAH. Killing an enemy that dies by heart attack does not mean "winning". The Empire collapsed by itself, subnational units like Ungarians and Kroats started deserting en masse. Vittorio Veneto is a pathetic attempt to find a victory to sell to the masses and to the allies: the "well we sucked hard and long but at least we won a single battle". It's sad but true.

>>57408118

Do you want refs? I do have the copypasta I use on /k/ every time someone asks about Eyetalians.

WW1 was that on steroids. Born of a muddy diplomatic deal with France and Britain, it was a deeply unpopular war. The traditional problems of shitty equipment, lack of common language and the shittiest officer class you can think of made the Italian front the mockery it's known as. It was also an incredibly lethal enviroment, imagine fighting in sub-zero temperatures with crap uniforms and your officers are more bent on killing you than the enemy. Caporetto, the great defeat, was a textbook example of the failures of the Italian leadership. Italy won because the Austria-Hungary collapsed by itself.
>>
>>57408182

Fascism. Ohhh, Fascism. I could write a 50 pages paper on fascist and warfare. Italy won the campaign against the British in Somaliland. Italy lost on all other fronts. The problem was, at the basic level, that Italy was a piss poor country with shitty industrial capacity, a good infantry tradition, and hilariously terrible commanders and leadership. Again, we can talk endlessly how Mussolini in reality had little control on his own country, how the industrial output was worse than WW1 levels, how propaganda was an abject failure, how the officer class was STILL a bunch of spiteful dumbfucks (at lower levels, Italian soldiers fought, often quite well. Matters little when the overall situation is a shitstorm, though). The Navy was.... terrified. Think that no one wanted to engage the British because they were scared as fuck to get sacked if they lost a ship: so they never dared to act aggressively, even when they HAD THE FUCKING ADVANTAGE. The Air arm was a mess of glory hounds, shit training and good designs without the industrial capacity to build them.
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>>57408174
And jews. And africans. And arabs.
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>>57408185

Yadda Yadda 1943 Italy knifes Hitler yadda RSI yadda resistance. Post war. Italy gets the most powerful Commie party of the West, and the Americans react by forcing the entire Italian political system to a simple fact: Christian Democrats must rule, the commies can exist but they can be only the opposition. Despite economical growth postwar treaties and the fact that Italy was pretty much useless against the SU (on the contrary, Italy had some very good economical deals with the Soviets) the army gets subpar resources and training. The Army slowly becomes a way for the southern italians to escape economical depression, and we're still there: the Italian army has become utterly useless by itself, and barely useful in a NATO framework (don't tell it to the grunts, some still believe they are useful, lol). It's mostly a way to get a comfy job as a pseudo public servant, and of course as a way for politicians to embezzle untold amounts of founds. A note: contrary to the commonly held opinion "corruption" in Italy is quite hidden: you don't get the policeman asking you for a bribe, but the entire State and all the parties are deep in a web of corruption anf favours exchanges that weights down the economy and makes the life of the common citizen crappy.

If we were to talk about theoretical military growth in Italy, well, shit. We have no money thanks to decades of political and economical disasters. Italy stopped growing in the '80ies. In dreamland Italy could leverage its great infantry tradition, its good weapon industries and its excellent geographical position, but it's all up to the Americans as there simply isn't enough money around. Plus the armed forces never had to DO anything bar being US auxiliary occupation troops, so who knows if they are better than their WW1\WW2 era ancestors. I still remember a frigate captain that I got to know, when I asked him what he did for his whole life, he calmly replied: "Well, not much."
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>>57408181
Keep on going and waving Italian tricolours while delivering drunken ballads about the glory of Italy to bemused people who have no idea who you are and what you're ranting about.
>>
>>57408191
>what is Israel
>what is Somalia
>what is Germany
>>
>>57408181
Well since I'm high on cocaine and mushrooms end up in the Shire for that pipeweed and midget fucking and never leave.
>>
>>57408199

Do you want extra info on how in WW2 all the italian armoure vehicles were designed by a single man thanks to political corruption? How no one had the foggiest idea how to do adequate ammo loads? About the performance of M divisions?

Fascist Italy is a comedy of errors and squandering of forces. At least the Japs had their glory moments until 1942. But one thing is essential, Mussolini did not live in a vaccum. His regime, bar the theatrics, it's typically italian: big on promises, low on results, barely approved and understood by the people.
>>
Meat goes back on the menu. Most of it salted pork and fish.
>>
>>57406560
"Not this shit again"
>>
>>57408213
>>57408203

.... Yeah, that sounds very much about right.

> End up in the Shire
> Some guy named Sharkey is running the place
> Some of the midgets kick his ass before we can get around of it
> Big party
> Why did we come here again?
> Settle in Midget England for a while, share recipes, share stories and songs, get drunk, get laid, all is good
> Eventually stumble home
> Write extremely confusing verse about it
> Nobody gets it
> Write a condensed prose version to young British author asking for writing tips
> Many years later
> Motherfucker stole my novel
>>
>>57403793
>Build greatest civilization in the history of mankind
>Civilization collapses
>Remnants start referring to themselves as something else

Fucking Italians
>>
>>57403793
Thank god they don't need navies in Modor.
>>
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>>57406509

I have...just so many questions about that Vespa.

How does one reload the gun after firing?

Would the weight of the Vespa and the rider be enough to counter-act the recoil of the gun?

How slow is it? Because judging by the fact that my little brother's scooter barely does 60mph and is only a couple CC's below being an actual motorbike, I can't imagine this thing doing more. Especially since it's got small Artilery piece, plus ammo, built into it.

Why would you even need such a thing? It's basically a small-caliber, unarmoured tank-destroyer that has to be manualy shoved around to aim, isn't it?

Would you use your crotch as an improvised cross-hair? Since by the look of it, it is a litteral crotch rocket.

I know the French used something similar during the conflict in French Indo-China (Present day Vietnam, I think), but that was because it was easier to do that than lug a full blown artilery piece through the jungle.

Did the Italians use it in a similar role, or were they working on the rule of cool and use these things in open combat?
>>
>>57408315

The Vespa is a post ww2 invention, the first prototypes were made with landing gear cowlings and airplane starter motors.

That is a recoilless rifle, and yes it could be aimed in motion. The idea was to work in pairs, fire twice, make a U turn, hide behind something, and reload.

The Vespa easily does European highway speeds. Doesn't look like it, but it does.
>>
>>57408039
> All the Nordic countries mock Sweden

I just love this map,also Estonians joking about Finland. What I am most suprised is that the most joked nation in Greece is Albania and not Turkey.
>>
>>57408213


Looked Dannunzio up on wikipedia and the guy did all this crazy shit for real.

> conquer a city by himself
> hold it for 18 months
> literally spend all of that time on a cocaine bender
> go home
> squat in a villa
> drag a FUCKING DESTROYER into the front yard just because
> the government eventually donates it to you
> have all the sex in the meantime

Okay, I have my next bard character concept.
>>
>>57408386
>>57407921
>>57404001
>>57403924

So basically Italian soldiers in the 20th century were a bunch of supreme badasses who kept getting their asses kicked due to having no idea what they were doing strategically.

Got it.

Basically PCs.

If armies can be spirit animals I think we found a good fit for /tg/.

> now waiting for the obligatory loli version, hetalia / GuP?
>>
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>>57408315
It's basically a motorised gun carriage for a recoiless rifle; the idea is that you dismount, take the recoiless off the scooter, set up the recoiless then shoot; no one is shooting that thing while riding it. They were used in teams of two scooters with the loader's scooter carrying the tripod and more ammunition while the gunner's scooter carried the gun and more ammunitions.

It's basically a cheap way to get an air-droppable mobile gun team for paratroopers.
>>
>>57406938
Keep in mind that the aesthetics of the Italian fascists and the aesthetics of the Nazis were very different and need to be treated separately.

The Nazis basically had a sentimental boner for some fake imagined classical west/Holy Roman Empire. Their architecture tended to be Roman architecture lite + but monumental and obnoxious.

The Italian fascists on the other hand were all about Futurism, which many argue had actual artistic merit. Pic related was Il Duce's HQ.

Authoritarianism aside, I like it
>>
>>57408370
Greeks don't joke about Turks; they hate Turks.

Meanwhile Albanians are from a country so shitty they illegally migrate to Italy for work; or at least they used to. Now they tend to go to UK or Germany.
>>
>>57408416

This needs to have a baby with the Davy Crockett nuke.

WITNESS-A ME!
>>
>>57408426
There's plenty in America pretending to be Italian, mostly running restaurants.
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>>57408206
I don't think you get how people in Europe joke about other nationalities, it allways the guys next door they are joking about the most. I bet if we had similar map of USA about what state people are joking about it would most likely be state right next to them. Hell same thing happens in regional level in Europe. England mocks Scotland and Scotland gives it right back at them.And both of the make Wales jokes.
>>
>>57407074
The hobbits all die of syphilis before Sauron arrives
>>
>>57407982
Was it an italian city?
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>>57406661
So gid damned sick if this Amazon fetish taking over the board
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>>57407817

Also that time they led half over half a million people into Russia and returned with a fraction of that
Or that time where they thought that concentrating all your forces in a base surrounded by mountainous jungle was a good way to fight guerrillas
Or that one time at Saint Crispins Day

Point being, I can understand being fed up by the memes, but that doesn't mean the French didn't have their fair share of fuckups like every other nation.
>>
>>57407018

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bakar_mockery

Hmm.

So. Gabriele Dannunzio was a professional military troll.

The flight over vienna was the SECOND stupidly-ballsy-no-real-effect thing he did to the Austrians.

>>57408386

Yeah, a bard warband leader looks pretty viable. This guy sounds like he came out of Valkyria Chronicles.
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>>57408039

Wait, so the Italians take the piss out of themselves more than anyone else?

That's...that's kind of sad actually.
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>>57408481

It was a Yugoslavian city. He conquered it a few months after WW1 was over.

He wanted to give it to Italy, the Italian government basically went "la la la I can't hear you" because with the world war just over they didn't want any more drama, and he basically held it for 18 months then went home.

My guess is that the city had run out of drugs and whores.

The people there still speak Italian to this day.
>>
>>57408517

Eh, we make fun of southerners (terroni) and they make fun of us northerners (polentoni) mostly I bet.

Also, we have a decent sense of humor about political stuff. Given our history we kind of have to...
>>
The old /tg/ lives again in this thread. FORZA E ONORE!
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>>57406373
What wargame was that from?
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>>57407990
Oh brother. Tell us more about your bleeding heart brave signaller
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>>57408281
Rome never collapsed. It just broke apart over the years.
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>>57408179
Everyone got riggered about their boogeymen and you're the only one who gets that stale bullshit is stale and quits being funny after it gets repeated many times. Sad!
>>
>>57408416
So dragoons?
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>>57408039
Poles dont make jokes about Germany, they know Germans are no joke

Also
>Bosnia
>>
>>57408039
Huh, I would have guess for Germany it would be France.
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>>57408966
Paratroopers.
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>>57408039
>All Scandinavians make fun of Sweden

jajajajajajaja
>>
For some reason, thinking about modern Italian warfare makes me think of this
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>>57408841
And got sacked 6 times. One of which was due to the fact that they didnt pay their mercenaries what they were owed
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>>57408206
Pretty sure it's "which country IN EUROPE do European countries joke about", which is why Greece doesn't have Turkey and no-one has the US
>>
>>57408627
What was the saying? "No honor among thieves"?
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>>57409224
They do have a habit of making saturday morning cartoon villains as their leaders.
>>
>>57408039
>Hungary
>Scotland
Wtf?
>>
Faccetta verde
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>>57408454
Except everyone makes fun of New Jersey

t. person from New Jersey
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>>57409319

are you from Unitedstan?
>>
>>57408418
It looks like 1984 had an aneurysm.
>>
>>57406498
>>57405103
But fascist Italy won in Ethiopia.
Also, there's a reason why they invaded it in the first place: no other European power colonized it before. Not to mention how for 1000+ years it's been a Christian kingdom surrounded on all sides by Muslims who also failed to conquer it and not for lack of trying.

That's like saying some civilisation sucks because it had trouble conquering Afghanistan. It's just not easy.
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>>57403689
The Italians in World War II really suffered from two problems: Outdated equipment and poor officers, "poor" in this case meaning officers who generally preferred slower, more cautious approaches.

Neither is likely to impact Italy invading Mordor. Even outdated equipment (even that's wrong...Italy sort-of prepared for the wrong sort of war; their equipment was excellent by the standards of, say, 1920 or early 1930; less so for the late 30s and early 40s) still gives the Italians machine guns, tanks, and artillery to direct against an army largely equipped with bows and spearmen.

No, the real problem the Italians will face is the fact that Mordor is a landlocked nation, hundreds of miles from the sea, and most of Italy's supplies need to travel over the sea. So before Italy invades Mordor it's going to need to secure a port in Gondor for the Regia Marina to bring supplies through.
>>
>>57403924
When Rome fell, it fell hard.
>>
>>57406597
Is "a land-war in China" thing a reference to Risk?
>>
>>57409659
Well, with regards to Ethiopia, they actually invaded it because a European power HAD invaded it before - namely, Italy, from 1895 to 1896. And lost. The second war was done with the intent of reclaiming Italian honor for having lost the first time, along with other considerations like mineral wealth.

Italy lost the first time 'round due to poor intelligence gathering (for example, at the Battle of Adwa they planned an early-morning attack expecting the Ethiopians to be asleep, not knowing that the Ethiopians had risen early for weekly Church services), superior Ethiopian numbers (~17,700 Italians verses 73,000 to 120,000 Ethiopians, most of whom were armed with rifles, half of which were quick-firing), and Russians providing tactical and strategic advice to circumvent Ethiopian shortcomings, like the Feudal structure of its army.
>>
>>57409988
It's actually a land war in Asia, and it's because European powers getting drawn into land wars in Asia - anywhere in Asia - tend to turn into drawn-out nightmares, even if the Europeans technically win, for reasons of supply issues, numbers, the fact that most Asian countries have a surfeit of strategic depth...

If you must get involved in war in Asia, make sure it's one you can win by blockading and shelling port cities from the comfort of your ships, not one that requires you to actually put any significant numbers of boots on the ground. Better yet, if you must get into a land war in Asia, get another Asian power to do most of the fighting for you.
>>
>>57403911
>Army spearhead by italians
So mordor never wins a war again? Good ending.
>>
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>>57408281
Am I the only one that regularly laughs at the fact that at least a quarter of the world now calls themselves Latins while the real Latins refer to themselves as Italians? Lmao at this fucking planet. Humans are stupid as shit.
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>>57409581
You have to admit that Silvio Berlusconi is almost cartoonishly
And Benito definitely was
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>>57410121

Yes. Which is why I am not worried about Trump. We survived Silvio, you will survive Donald.
>>
>>57410067
>while the real Latins

You have no understanding of what you're talking about.

The Latins were a tribe of people in central Italy, but by the time Rome no one considered themselves to be "Latin", they considered themselves Roman and so spread Roman culture and the Latin language, which itself was already branching into a number of different forms. Protip: what you hear in Church sounds nothing like what actual spoken Latin did. "Veni Vidi Vici should be pronounced "weh-nee wee-dee wee-kee", for example, not "veh-nee vee-dee vee-chee".

Heck, by the time of the Roman Empire, the upper crust spoke Greek by preference, not Latin, while the lower classes spoke what was called the Vulgate or Vulgar Latin, which is what eventually became Italian, Spanish, Romansch, and so on.

And the reason why people refer to themselves as Latino is because they largely speak Spanish, which is by far the most successful of the Romance or Latin-derived languages. Mexico alone has more people in it than the entire Roman Empire at its height.
>>
>>57409364
I remember that jokes about Scotland were quite common in Germany when I was a child in the 90s. I did not hear them for a long time though.

It was mostly about stereotypical scottish stinginess. Maybe it was just because every kid loved Scrooge McDuck.
>>
>>57410144
I truly appreciate the sentiment and your attempt to make us feel better, but Silvio wasn't commander-in-chief of the most powerful military force in the history of mankind, President of a country that controls a full fifth of the world's wealth, and didn't have a big red button on his desk.

...well, I mean, he might have had a big red button, but you know what I mean. My point is that Silvio simply didn't have the power to screw up everything to the degree that Trump does. And is.
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>>57410295
Remember, that he has a bigger co... button than everyone else.
>>
So I'm slowly coming to the conclusion that the only things Italians are good at is cooking and designing vehicles that go fast.

Is this the right assumption to be making?
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>>57410242
>no one considered themselves to be "Latin", they considered themselves Roman

Wrong. Rome was a Latin military installation that dominated its fellow Latins. The Latins still existed as a separate entity. Rome was just the "spear" of Mars, so to speak.

The rest of what you said is completely irrelevant to what I was talking about and you're just ranting.
>>
>>57410354
Theyre decent at suits if you fit slim
>>
>>57410354

We're pretty good at inventing stuff in general (the telephone, the espresso machine, the intel chip...)

We aren't particularly good at mass production though.
>>
>>57410363
There was a region called Latium, but no one there would have considered themselves to be Latin except in the most abstract sense by the time the Roman Republic was a thing. They'd call themselves Romans or Italians.
>>
>>57409763
>their equipment was excellent by the standards of, say, 1920 or early 1930

This is the case for nearly everyone though. Shitaly's problem is that it didn't have the leadership or industrial capacity to make up the difference when it came time to get into the 40's. Japanese was exactly the same. By the standards of the decade the war wasn't fought in their equipment was top notch (knee mortars are love) but by the 40's it was outdated and badly needed updates that the economy just couldn't afford to make.
>>
>>57407921
This looks like some dieselpunk fantasy art, it's fucking wild.
>>
>>57408413
GuP Italy are ABSOLUTE MADWOMEN who do stuff like using tankettes with machine guns in real tank matches and SPG JOUSTING and basically being party animals with tanks.
>>
>>57403689
The 11th Battle of the Anduin.
>>
>>57410354
You forgot complaining about stuff we won’t actually fix
>>
>>57403689
Benito finds the ring. Invites orcs to join his army as a measure to hold back the Soviets.
>>
>>57408039
> Belarus never jokes
> May be the Party doesn't like jokes
> May be too busy digging up potatos.
>>
>>57403689
Considering how badly the Greece invasion was planned, I wouldn't be surprised if they ran out of oil before reaching the black gate.

Then again italians led the last successful cavalry charge in history, so they might surprise us with a rohirrim-like desperate zerg.


>>57403924
I don't think you understand how wars work, especially if your judgment relies on a png of a fistful of wiki infoboxes, which are by themselves painfully out of context or meme-tier
>>
>>57410354
They're also pretty good at tractors and welding wire for some reason
>>
>>57407383
>almost only actual kingdom on the continent
>>
>>57408450
They tend to Puero Rican in reality, which is the oddest thing to me.
>>
You know, I've just realised we've gotten this far into the thread and we haven't even decided what the Italians are actually taking into battle with them.

How prepared for this do we think they're going to be?

If it's a repeat of the Russia situation, I imagine they'd get a couple miles in before the sharp, rocky ground of Mordor cuts their cardboard boots to ribbons and leaves them marching barefoot into a land of death and fire.
>>
>>57403797
>The Orcs just fly in all directions when they touch a horse and do not even slow them down.
While I agree the horses should slow, you do realise they weigh around 3 times more than the average man, and can run 30-40 mphs, orcs are lighter and smaller too. They would barrel through several orcs
>>
>>57410121
>You have to admit that Silvio Berlusconi is almost cartoonishly

The joke is that the US voted Trump into office. Guy's so crass that he makes Berlusconi look like a wise statesman and devout Christian.
>>
>>57407825
>the Dien Bien Flu
I chuckled again. That one always gets me even if the rest is kind of played out.
>>
>>57414376
>>
>>57413445
It's apparently everything they had with them when invading Greece, according to OP.
>>
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>>57411794
You probably should be reading the Ribbon Warrior manga.

They keep up being nuts and they get a much fairer shake than in the Anime.
>>
>>57414696
On all accounts he's only a doppelganger badly pretending to be Berlusconi in order to blacken his good name.
>>
Mussolini become friends with Sauron. Gondor gets fucked by gunpowder
>>
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>>57403924
When asked about the Italian military, Audie Murphy replied if the Italians were running the war, they would have lost much sooner.
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>>57403689
Italians abandon their vehicles and guns when a arrow flies their way.

Mordor has now advanced military tech.

Great fucking job, Italy.
>>
>>57408841
A gtadual collapse is still a collapse. All destructions are transformations.
>>
>>57408641
Campaign for North Africa

>>57406402
Apparently the author of the game knew about this but thought it would be funnier to have them have an increased water ration.
>>
>>57414696

Berlusconi made his money, Trump inherited it. So, the meme should be switched around.
>>
>>57413540

Yeah, this is Tolkien Orcs not WH40K Orks.
>>
>Musolini becomes friends with Sauron
>Gondor gets fucked by gunpowder
>>
>>57407012
>>57407049
Bucci beppi scuzzi pasta luigi. Bada bing bada boom paisanos. Do the mario
>>
>>57410354
Wine too, unless that counts as cooking
>>
The same thing that always happens
Italy Fucking Loses
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>>57408517
It's a bit of an obsession to "joke" about how much worse we are compared to Scandinavians. The problem is that some retards think it reflects reality and that meaningful comparisons can be made.
>>
>>57418225

There's a decent fic on fanfiction.net on a similar note.

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/FanFic/SarumanOfManyDevices

>>57418263

ma gavte la nata :)




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