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You have ten seconds to PROVE you aren't a heretic
>>
Rolled 4 (1d100)

>>59724516
No u
>>
Let me see your purging face!
>>
>>59724516
Hah! Shows what you know!
I can't be a heretic if I'm a heathen!
>>
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>>59724520
>>59724662
>>
>>59724516

Know your place soldier! *BLAM*

And let that be an lesson to the rest of you about the price of insubordination.
>>
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>>59724516
I slaughtered a group of teens who made a lighthearted and harmless joke about the Emperor.
>>
>>59724709
Wasting resources that could serve in his penal legion is a grave offense to the point of being actually heretical.
>>
>>59724516
You're the heretic
>>
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>>59724516
Pull the trigger bitch, I aint got time for dying when there's heretics to kill.
>>
>>59724516

Do it. Fucking do it you piece of shit. I want to die knowing that you have one less shot for something that matters.
>>
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>>59724516
>>
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>>59724516
Presenting primer, sir!
>>
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>>59724516

Really?
>>
Do not waste what the emperor gave me.
>>
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>>59724516
But sir! I'm calling you on the Vox to tell you that you were the heretic all along!
>>
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N-nope. No h-heresy here!
>>
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Is obsessing over a fiction relationship between teenagers a bit over the line of heresy? At least I'm not writing a fucking 142 page essay on it
>>
>>59724516
I uh, impregnated the Emperor last night.
>>
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>>59724939
Your dad consorts with elves you fucking big blue heretic
>>
All of my armies are Imperium.
>>
>>59724516
>bolt pistol
Passed my armor save faget.
>>
>>59724516
If you suspect me, I submit myself to be executed to maintain regimental discipline
>>
>>59724516
shit, you got me there
>>
>>59724516
I'm a Tech Priest, we have diplomatic immunity, unless you'd actually like to fight that ork invasion with sticks and stones instead of las and tank.
>>
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>>59725352
Jokes on you, cogboy! I do that already cause I'm from a feral world, it's a miracle I even know how to use a lasgun to begin with!
>>
>>59724516
I'm no heretic. Just ask my xenos girlfriend.
>>
>>59725396
>Binaric sigh
Filthy savages.
>>
>>59724516
Sir 10 seconds is more than enough time for a heritic to do damage to the holy property of the Emperor Sir.
Who the hell are you and what did you do to my Comisar! You have 3 seconds to respond.
>>
>>59725060
>qualifiers
>>
If it takes my death to prove my loyalty to the God-Emperor then I shall gladly die in His name.
>>
Only a heretic would try to prove he's not a heretic. The Emperor protects. Do what you think you must.
>>
>>59724516
Heretics dont die from bolter shots.
Checkmate asshole
>>
>>59724893
>if your enemies kill you, you win
>>
le *BLAM*
haha epic
>>
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>>59724516
Holds up a finger and finishes chugging.
"Blam away man-thing."
>>
>>59724516
I play Imperial Guard and haven't lost a game since codex dropped. Tanks+infantry+hellhounds all Cadians and with a Lord Commissar to boot.
>>
>>59725826
for the emprah XD
>>
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>>59724516
>>
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>>59725826
>>59725981
butthurt xeno fags detected
>>
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>>59725125

The literal son of God can do as he likes.

Also, >>59724516 either pull the trigger or put that toy away.
>>
>>59724516
The Son is consubstantial with the Father.
>>
>>59724516
I actually called Sears yesterday.
>>
i masturbate to the emperor
>>
>>59724516
>I shoot myself.
>>
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>>59726075

"Nuh-huh!"

(Seriously though, Arius was so heretical that St. Nicholas was supposed to have punched him. Dude got cold-cocked by Santa.)
>>
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>>59726075
God is the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost, but the Father is not the Son nor the Holy Ghost, neither is the Son the Father nor the Holy Ghost.
>>
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>>59724516
Well I can certainly assure you I'm free of Chaotic taint.
>>
>>59726342
If
A=B=C=D
Then
B=C
C=D
and D=C

It's rhetoric 101
>>
I visited my Mom on Mother's Day
>>
>>59726075
ayo mang fuck da church
>>
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>>59724680
Attacking a member of the Inquisition?

Ah well, the Commisariat was due for an overhaul anyway.
>>
>>59726375

God is not subject to algebra.
>>
>>59726410
Get rekt heresiarch
>>
>>59726462
t. God
divide yourself by zero, it's time for humanity to shine
>>
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>>
>>59724939
>resting your foot on a tome
>>
>>59726462
Convenient, that.
>>
>>59724516
I am a heretic.
>>
>>59726388
Get her anything?
>>
>>59726642

Yep. Arguing with God is not productive because God can be a bit of a dick:

"Job 39: Then the Lord answered Job out of the whirlwind, and said,

2 Who is this that darkeneth counsel by words without knowledge?

3 Gird up now thy loins like a man; for I will demand of thee, and answer thou me.

4 Where wast thou when I laid the foundations of the earth? declare, if thou hast understanding.

5 Who hath laid the measures thereof, if thou knowest? or who hath stretched the line upon it?

6 Whereupon are the foundations thereof fastened? or who laid the corner stone thereof;

7 When the morning stars sang together, and all the sons of God shouted for joy?"

"Why did you kill my family?"

"I have a better question... Did you create the mothering world? Well did you faggot? HUH? NO? Then FUCK YOU!"
>>
>>59724516
THE MACHINE SPIRIT OF YOUR HOLY BOLT PISTOL WOULD NEVER WILLINGLY HARM A PRIEST OF THE OMNISSIA-
>*BLAM*
...OW
>>
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>>59724516
Don't worry mr. commisar sir, sarge gave me this a little while ago, hyuk!
>>
>>59726762
Hey God can you divide by zero?
>>
>>59726410
>this fat slob ruins all of Europe with a piece of paper and nail and you're a fucking heretic, click to read more
>>
>>59727099
Isn't that just negative and positive infinity? Or one or the the other depending on what's on top?
>>
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>>59724516
What was that, commissar?
>>
>>59727803
HAH
EVEN GOD DOESN'T KNOW
HUMANITY FUCK YEAH
>>
>>59724516
I just got done saying my evening prayer to the God-Emperor. I asked him for the opportunity to die in the service of His glorious Imperium.
>>
>>59726035
Horus was a literal son of God too, you dumb smurf.
>>
>>59726075
Amen

>>59726296
No shit? Why don't we have saints this based anymore?
>>
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>>59724516
Do you not normally apply this term to Gue such as yourselves who profess heterodox beliefs? If so, then clearly I am not. My belief in the Tau'va is entirely orthodox with itself, as opposed to being a heterodox version of your state religion.
>>
>>59728335

Probably not, honestly. The evidence is kind of sketchy.

Like a lot of religious history, it was just such a good story, people decided they preferred it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ikjx50RbNvM

"Of course, while you're puzzling over who punched who at the council of Nicaea, I'm in your hut, eating your children. I'm not proud of myself, but you're out of the gene pool"
>>
>>59724516
Glory to him on terra, praise the Emperor?
>>
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>>59728500

Good point, you are not a heretic, xeno scum. Oh, and speaking of, honored Astartes, if you would?
>>
>>59724516
I'm not from this universe dude! I was just shitposting on a tele-communications forum!
>>
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>>59724516
>>
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>>59724516
Put that thing down Commissar and get back in your column, we've got some purging to do.
>>
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Cease your hostility Commissar, can't you see I'm a loyal member of the Space Wolves?
Also, can you help me with the morning ritual of yiff?
>>
>>59728822
*BLAM*
>>59729893
*BLAMBLAMBLAMBLAMBLAM*
>>
>>59729893
FOR RUSS!
FOR THE YIFF TIME!
>>
>>59725125
>Dramatically improves the chances of survival for the Imperium, all for one piece of hot xeno ass.
If Eldar booty is good enough for a Primarch, it's good enough for me!
>>
File deleted.
>>59730071
Good job colleague, show this disgusting mutant (who for some reason are sill considered 100% loyalist, the inquisition must be on coffee break) that we do not tolerate abominations!
>>
>>59724516
Actually we prefer the term Heretik...I mean, for the Emperoer!
>>
>>59724516
Commissar Sir! Im not a heretic, Sir! I beg your leave to shoot the enemy over there- instead of praying for my life, sir!
>>
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>>59724516
Which one of me are you talking to? Oh, never mind, you're dead.
>>
>>59730323
Clowns are scary...
>>
>>59724516

Do it. The emperor shall judge me.
>>
>>59730323
[Desire to tell jokes to that one Harlequin chick that was honking seductively intensifies]
>>
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>>59730378
Y so srs?
>>
>>59730393
Clowns scare the shit out of me, but I'll admit she was kinda cute... for a Xenos clown.
>>
>>59730208
*desire to blame increases*p
>>
>>59730167
>>59725125
Where does this ship come from? Have RG and this eldar even met? Are they even on remotely good terms?

Its wooshing over my head pls halp
>>
>>59730696
https://1d4chan.org/wiki/Roboute_Guilliman#41st_millennium_.2F_Gathering_Storm
>>
>>59724516
Every pair of boots I own are crusted with the blood and offal of every xeno I meet and of those who dare to mock the Imperium of man. I don't wash them. When they are too heavy with gore to wear, I put them on a display. I have about a hundred pairs now.
>>
>>59730696
It's exaggerated for the sake of fun, but they have indeed met. She's one of the reasons Big Bobby G is back and bitch-slapping the Imperium into some semblance of logic and reasoning. A herculean task that I do not envy him for.
>>
>>59730812
She's just jealous you got better tits
>>
>>59730812
That's what you get for cheating.
>>
File deleted.
>>59730850
Nobody offends Sister-sama blessed warp-proof breasts!
>>
>>59724516
Do it anyway, my lord.
Better safe than sorry.
>>
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>>59724516
You have ten seconds to kill yourself.
>>
>>59726431
Implying the Inquisition is not heretical to some degree.
>>
>>59724516
OMNISIAH PROTECT.
YOUR BOLTGUN CANNOT SLAY AN ADEPT OF THE MACHINE GOD!
>>
>>59724922
Let me see that inpection square, private.
If it is marked, Heresy is assured.
>>
>>59724516
I venerate the immortal emperor!
>>
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>>59724516
I am not a heretic, young man. I am Rogal Dorn.

I am here walking with this small voxcaster holder named Boy so that he may grow to be strong.
>>
>>59724516
SIR YES SIR

I TATTOOED THE IMPERIAL AQUILA ON MY BALLSACK WITH A REGULATION RATION PACK SPOON, AND DREW A LASCANNON ON MY DICK SO WHEN I AM ENJOYING IMPERIAL SEX IN THE MINISTORUM POSITION I CAN IMAGINE I AM PURGING XENOS BEASTS WITH HOT LOADS OF LAS FIRE
>>
I can see where this is going.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=IEGo41443iI
>>
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>>59731036
>that "art"
>>
>>59724516

I shoot him. No real commissar would hesitate for that long.
>>
>>59730441
Ahh Yes, the ever mysterious "fear boner"
>>
>>59727763
No one cared who I was until I put up the 99 theses.
>>
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>>59724516
>Heresy grows from idleness
>You sleep Commissar, thus you are idle
>therefore Heresy is growing in you
>>
>>59724516
You'd better shoot, Commissar. Any attempt to talk my way out of an execution is grounds for summary execution.
>>
>>59726610
"I plant my foot firmly on teachings of Codex. What about you?"
>>
>>59726556
>manletnaught calling others tiny
Oh Lordy
>>
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>>59724516
chaos doesn't have nice clowns
>>
>>59726021
i support the imperium any day of the week, but fuck, that gif is heretical
>>
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>>59724516
Uh, I'm not a heretic, sir, but those bugs out on the front are scary so do me a solid and just shoot me right here.
>>
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>>59724516
Oh no, I'm not falling for this shit again! DIE USURPER!
>>
>>59724516

If the Emperor thinks me His enemy, He has but to command me and I will gladly take my own life.
>>
>>59726695
We planted her a cherry tree. She had one at our old house so now that she's retired to the waterside we figured we'd get her something similar.
>>
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>>59731734
Yes, sir!
>>
>>59727763
Well you might say Europe was originally ruined by a piece of wood and some nails.
>>
>>59733299
https://td-vice.deviantart.com/

Tracked down hi DA page. The last time I saw it it was maximum edge tier, but he seems to have tried to mellow out a little.
>>
>>59734978
Best response in the thread.
>>
>>59724516
>me
>a heretic
go kys, you fucking heretic
better yet, I‘ll kill you myself
>>
>>59724516
I make fat people run so they can serve the Guard and have a big picture of the Emperor over my bed. I never fap because that would be wasting seed that could be used to make more men to see the Emperor's holy light. I kill ants because they look like Tyranids.
>>
>>59724516
Tend to your men Commissar, the Inquisitor would rather I died than be delayed and I have no intention of betraying his trust, even if I must walk through you and your men.

And mind, I will walk through, for the Emperor is with him and as the Emperor is with him he is with me.
>>
Go fuck yourself you crazy inquisitor
>>
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>>59724516
I got this cool tattoo?

Oh damn
>>
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>>59724570
>>
>>59736145
*purity seal affixed to inspection square*
>>
>>59737378
Heretical, but, as someone who runs a mono-black necromancer deck, I approve of heresy.
>>
>>59724516
I'm not commisar, but the truce we have with the tau... their women keep asking me about my "greater goods"
>>
>>59735635
Hmmm. Alright, but you best ensure you write to her and ensure she is taking care of herself.
>>
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Just a loyal inquisitor, passing through
>>
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>>59737910
Greetings inquisitior, Good luck with hunting heretics
>>
>>59724709
NO joke about the Emperor is harmless, you heretic
>>
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>>59725125
I think the real question here is, what is she cooking inside that pot?
>>
>>59724516
I firmly believe traps to be gay and all who like them are closeted homos
>>
>>59724516
Why sir, if you cut me open, you would find "Glory to the Emperor" written on my heart.
>>
>>59738295

Judging by the expression on what's visible of that poor Marine's helmet, I think he didn't agree to that...
>>
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>>59724516
I am as loyal as my whole damn regiment sir!
>>
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Rolled 33 (1d100)

>>59724516
>>
>>59726296
I think it was a different St Nick. There is a St Nick patron of boxers, cage fighters, wrestlers and any other sport where you punch each other for sport.
>>
>>59739059
Sounds legit.
>>
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>>59726410
LUTHER?
>>
>>59724516
I'm a genestealer. I am a xenos, not a heretic.
>>
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>>59724516
Fellow Commissar I urge you to cease, you are wasting time by not shooting the heretics charging our position
>>
>>59736262
The fact that you actually believe that shows how little you know about the connection between Judeo-Christianity and western culture.
>>
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>>59725060
>all the cute Gue'la go for knife ears
>>
>>59724516
By the light of the Emperor i will get dubs.
>>
>>59740253
no
>>
>>59738927
You do realize we have to confirm that now, right?
>>
>>59724516
If i was a heretic i would have shoot myself in the head.
Better to die pure and clean in body and mind than to live corrupt and insane.
>>
>>59740142
I don't actually believe it, honestly. I was simply trying to bait people into discussing the shift from traditional paganism towards Christianity in the Roman Empire.
>>
>>59724516
You have ten seconds to prove you aren't a member of the Inquisition or you are getting a lump of wolf shit for the Day of the Emperor's Ascension.
>>
>>59724516
Well just look at the armies I collect

>orks
Uhh I mean
>dark Eldar

Whoops ignore that hmm what do we have over here

>Emperor’s Children

Looks like I’ll be seeing myself out then!
>>
>>59724516
I am a motherfucking chapter master you goddamn retard.
>>
>>59739107
No, the St. Nicholas who allegedly punched Arius was in fact THE St. Nicholas.
>>
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>>59725060
>>59740183

>>Star vs. The Forces Of Evil and Warhammer 40,000 crossover fanfics and fanart.

Oh, internet, you're the gift that just keeps on giving.
>>
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>>59724516
You called me what motherfucker?
>>
>>59742737
You're assigned to the 47th Krieg, right?
They just went over the top to charge the Tyranids; you better go and fetch them.
>>
>>59737387
Thank you sir, I am honored by your trust.
>>
>>59737387
You have been charged for defacing the inspection square with that purity seal, commissar

How do you plead?
>>
>>59724516
I'm no heretic, I love the Emperor! As a matter of fact, my favourite of his loyal Angels, the, (looks at smudged writing in hand) Alpha Legion, just chose a bunch of our young men to ascend and join them in the war against the enemy! They shouted For the Emperor and everything! How loyal is that?
>>
Rolled 1, 6 = 7 (2d6)

>>59724516
>>
>>59726462
Says who?
>>
>>59724893
Something tells me ammunition in 40k isn't so valuable that it would properly validate your desire. Considering how often Commissars use it to execute their own men.
>>
>>59747380
Don't they usually use laspistols for that?
>>
>>59747410
Sometimes, but Commissars are usually depicted with bolt pistols. They do a much better job of executing guardsmen.
>>
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Rolled 20 (1d100)

>>59724516
>>
>>59742661
>Star vs. The Forces Of Evil and Warhammer 40,000 crossover fanfics
That doesn't exist though. There's a berserk crossover fic actually
>>
If I were a heretic, I'd be afraid to die in the Emperor's name!
>>
I don't filter dodge by leaving the Subject header blank when creating a new thread, "SIR."
>>
ban all larp threads
>>
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>>59724516
Fuck you, you aren't an inquisitor.
>>
You have 9 seconds to prove you're not a heretic
>>
>>59724516
I have these nails that make you super strong, any takers?
>>
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You don't even care that I'm not a heretic You just want to shoot a ginger squat

Well it looks like I'm taking you with me you fat bastard.
>>
>>59738842
It is a russian 40k community joke about misheard lyrics of ultramarine chant. We hear it as if they are singing about what great soup they made.
>>
>>59724516
>> Pull out my Deathwatch collectors edition with my name inscribed in t. Telll him he is speaks his bettter and sho show some proper respect.
>>
>>59724516
Give me the Emperors Blessed flamer and stand aside, the xeno's aren't going to purge themselves!
>>
>>59724516
NOTHING IS ABOVE HUMANITY
>>
>>59724709
ANTI HUMAN HERETIC!
>>
>>59724516
The Treaty of Olympus Mons
>>
>>59742760
lol
>>
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>>59724516
>Implying you aren't the heretic
>>
>>59724516
You see, Commissar, if I was REALLY a heretic, you would have already shot me!
>>
The gnostics did nothing wrong
>>
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>>
>>59747594

>That'll be 20 shots to the face. *BLAM* *BLAM* *BLAM*
>>
>>59724516
Because I serve the God Emperor of Man.
>>
>>59724570
>>
Praise the Emprah.
>>
Rolled 6 (1d20)

>>59724516
Rolling for maximum heresy
>>
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>>59724516
Reporing for duty, Sir!
>>
>>59724516
The Emperor is awesome and I will gladly kill those spikey assholes to protect his people!




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