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I posted here a long-ass time ago with another 'That guy GM' story around a Naruto M&M game, that went about as well as can be expected, and so now I've got a new story. The story of my first tabletop game ever.

First ever game of Pathfinder, I play a Brawler Skinwalker named Ronnek cause I wanna punch people and I like the shapechanger aesthetic and fuck it, Imma be a Lycan. My companions are
>Zuryel, the Paladin of Iomedae, stoic and clueless with a giant wolf for a mount.
>Mittens, the catfolk & gentleman rogue thief turned assassin
>Payne, The Tigerfolk Fighter/Gunslinger who later retrained into Barbarian.

This was not on purpose, but the GM loved it and really encouraged us to scare the shit out of the catfolk and implemented a ton of new rules specifically to fuck with them.

We enter the classic tavern scene, and what is going to happen besides the Paladin coming inside, asking the inkeep if he can bring his pet inside, then summoning a giant wolfhound. Both the tigerfolk & the catfolk have to make will saves against the Paladin's intimidate. The Tigerfolk is fine, but the catfolk rolls so badly the GM says he has latched onto the ceiling with his claws before Payne starts talking shit to Ronnek and I challenge him to 'settle this like men' outside before promptly kicking his shit in.

This sums up about the dynamic of the group. Paladin cluelessly does shit, Mittens gets fucked over by our GM, Payne starts fights, I punch things in the face.
>>
We're off to a great start and we haven't even gotten our quest yet, first our GM demands another will save from our Catfolk because while I'm beating the shit out of Payne, Mittens & Zuryel are playing music and Zuryel's dog lets out a 'boof' to sing along because, silliness.

Not only does Mittens fail, he nat 1s, so the GM rules he shits himself. Mittens tries to use prestidigitation to clean himself, GM rules 'nope, can't do that' cause... reasons....

We spend the next ten minutes out of game buying him a new pair of pants, ripping the old ones off him, and give him his new hobo pants, specifically hobo pants because Zuryel.
>>
I will have you know, those were hobo pants because that was all they sold at the nearby store. Also "clueless" my ass, I saved everyone's ass constantly
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It was at this point that Mittens snapped like a twig, swearing vengeance on Zuryel.

And so we were on our way into our actual fucking quest, we're walking down the road when we encounter some odd-looking plantlife. Paladin is the only one who passes the nature check cause he was trained as an herbalist and only knows enough not to fuck with them.

Mittens immediately touches it for the laughs and it comes to life as a murderous plant creature and awakens several other murderous plant creatures in the area. They are all immune to sneak attack damage & nonlethal from our rogue so he's basically useless the entire fight against these things. I punch them, Payne cuts some of them up, Paladin murders some, Leah (His wolf mount who's name I just remember) ate one, and we moved on with our lives and now significantly less health.

We get to a town we were pointed in the general direction of and there's a river nearby. We're all hungry and figure we might as well go fishing. Paladin rolls a Nat 1, pulls up a boot. I roll up a nat 1, pull up a deadly alligator gar. GM expects me to get nommed by it, but I reposition it onto land so its helpless.

Payne tried to grab it so we could cook it and because he wasn't proficient in unarmed strike Chris ruled the gar got an attack of opportunity-because fucking Chris-and so it bit him. Payne then wanted to shoot it with his gun while the Paladin opted to put it back in the water. Since they both said it at the same time, GM ruled that Payne shot Zuryel's hand off.
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>>60795604
You hush, I'm telling the story here, but yes, Chris specifically ruled we could only find hobo pants, which is part of what broke Mittens. His fancy-ass duds were the only thing he had left.

So the Paladin gets his hand shot off, GM's laughing his ass off cause our primary tank just got horrible maimed. He opted to grab his hand and heal it back on, expending all of his magical healing for the day to heal it back on, but Chris ruled it was still fucked up and he got a penalty on attack rolls.

Meanwhile we enter the town and find the PC of Chris' then-boyfriend who went by Meatsock OOC. I don't even fucking know what his name was IC so I'm just gonna call him dickneck because he wore a scarf around his neck to literally hide a penis on his neck.

He was an alien monk with four arms who cited himself as a healer. When the village let him into his son's room, his solution was to punch the kid repeatedly in the face to expel the evil energy...

Then we enter the room to stop him and get dropped into the psyche of this child and we have no idea what's going on, why, where we are, and Chris has us make perception rolls every 5 feet to actually reveal the map in front of us.
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>>60795767
You're not my supervisor.

Also we were hired (Specifically me) to help that kid by his parents to awaken him from a coma he's been in for several days, and got in with the maguffin Chris gave to his boyfriend
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Oh, I almost forgot, Payne got into a fight with the entire village because he wasn't listening to what the village Chief was asking us to do, and kept trying to get passed the big guard on the bridge, and so he tried to fight him, then the Chief, then literally everybody in the village because Payne had no fucking chill and neither did his player so he just got more and more pissed every time somebody tried to stop him even as our Paladin was calming him down.
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>>60795452
What even is this thread?
>>
Oh shit, I know these fuckers. Yeah, Chris was a "great" DM...for all none of the games he actually finished running when I played.
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Cute adventure story, furfag.
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>>60795893
OP and his mate (probably just samefagging) telling a story about their lolrandumb game.

Waiting to see if OP will actually talk about shitty GM behaviour, or just continue samefagging his shitty story.
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>>60795452
That GM thread?
That GM thread.
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>>60795927
Well considering he made a player shit his pants with made up mechanics, and blew a player's hand off before halfway into the first session I'd consider that a start
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And one thing my bud forgot to mention was that 90% of npcs were custom furry race bullshit, with like 3 total humans within the first five sessions
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>>60795893
Another 'That guy GM' story, didn't your ead the title?

So we enter the kids dreams and my character almost drowns in a swift river because Chris decided to make the DC 25 to swim through it when none of us could fucking swim.

I'm eventually dragged out and we enter some spooky fucking lava cavern filled with black shadowy figures and one kid, the astral projection of the kid we were supposed to be healing.

He tells us that apparently we're all idiots because he's not even human and that the town isn't his real town, he was kidnapped or some shit like that, he literally disappeared after five minutes of doing fuck and all, but we got in, and we began fighting the kid's nightmares, actual embodiments of his horrors and fears, which Chris ruled if we killed, we would drastically decrease all of his sense motive check and wisdom checks, but give him immunity to fear.

So what happens, but every single one of them died because Chris made them immune to nonlethal so we couldn't just KO them. We managed to save only two, and Mittens dragged the first away to try and roast it over the lava before eating it because a demon told him to.

This demon also told him that our real bodies were in the actual world and unconscious at the moment, as well as the fact she murdered all the villagers, so that was a sweet sentiment.

So he drops the nightmare into the lava and eats the other raw, getting cool shadow magic as a result, so a plus I guess, but Chris also cursed his soul for it, cause Chris.
>>
>>60796129
And females didn't exist in this setting. At all. We literally never met any female characters until we got to a brothel.

So that shit happens, at some point Payne punches my character in the dick because Chris told him he'd give him huge bonuses for doing it.

We finally get out of the nightmare, everyone's dead, we find an abberation who's also a fucking loli that immediately latches onto Payne's character and praises him all the time about how cool he is-and it was at this point that Chris admitted to me OOC that he had a huge crush on Payne's player and was trying to get the D.
>>
This is the point where the campaign just started getting even dumber so the tl;dr version is

We murdered the boss, I was the only one who didn't get paid because my character showed up late to get paid. Then at some point he decided it would be super funny if he had us roll for dick size.

I said "No that's stupid" so Chris responded with "Ok you have a micropenis." and proceeds to make fun of me for it for the next ten minutes OOC until I stopped.

See, Chris had A LOT of stupid rules in his games, alongside not allowing magic items and getting +1 to an ability score every level, if you rolled above a 20 on a Knowledge (Religion), you could be granted a miracle by any deity.

So I decided to roll Knowledge (Religion), got a 23, and asked Arshea to bless me with virility so Chris would shut the fuck up. His response? "Ok well you've gotta do something for me first"

So he told Payne to curbstomp a dildo up my ass, and forced me to roll repeated fort saves for 'orgasm damage'. I'm also cuffed during this so I can't take it out and had to literally beg Payne-who was taking immense joy both in and out of character-to take it out.

This guy literally only GMed because he enjoyed player torment and he said this numerous time.
>>
That whole situation got resolved, we moved on, got dropped through a magical well, and then got sent to fucking neverland or something, he forced us to draw from the Deck of Many Things, everyone got fucked, blah blah blah, story shit happened.

Then he gave us a piece of magical paper that sucked us inside, no save, and the Paladin got sucked in. We interrogate the shopkeeper that gave it to us, apparently he's a some crazy scizophrenic who magic-teleports out, leaving us with the paper.

Mittens then steals the paper from my hand in broad daylight and I apparently can't see shit because clearly somebody looking directly at something doesn't warrant them an enormous fucking bonus to seeing it stolen.

Mittens told Payne his plan, went to the herbalist's shop, bought some weed, and used the paper as rolling paper as he smoked the Paladin.
>>
>>>/r/eddit
>>
At this point Chris' cousin showed up, who played an Orc with an ass so huge he used it as a battering ram. He intercepted us on our route to deal with some Fey, and our response was to beat the shit out of him like reasonable people.

Oh and I was playing a new character, who was also a Brawler, but evil as fuck, and so when we KOed him I executed this guy... who showed up 3 more times and so we had to kill him every time. Chris only stopped this stupidity because we were collecting his armor and gold every time and he had the gold of a 6th level adventurer so we were getting rich as fuck off of it.

This is about where this campaign fizzled off and there were a few more campaigns of dickery. A pirate game, a dragon hunting game, and a Crypt of the Everflame game. The latter two ended up being run by myself and Sir Shiny Pants (Zuryel) respectively, because Chris dropped them like fucking rocks the moment he didn't feel like running them anymore.
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Step aside, OP, your story is trash.

This is a tale of a little known hamlet known as Brieberry. A town that is home to many smallfolk species, from gnome to halfling, kobold to dwarf, the species that live in this place have set aside their differences for the sake of living in an unusually rich and fertile land, assumed to be the blessed resting site for a nature diety.

Oh, how these days went, calm and relaxed, drinking fine ale and wine while listening to the local songstress enchant crowds of elderly and children with her magical lute and mystic voice. The town suffered not illness nor plague, nor violence nor rage. Everyone could agree to disagree, and heated arguments that got out of hand often ended in drinking and merriment instead.

But these luxuries in life, they were not without cost. This is the tale of a rabbit-man, the Harefolk, a stranger from out of town. Fancying himself an adventurer, but donned in little more than that of a tourist and cosplayer, this rabbit, for the sake of the story shall be known as William, or Will for short, stumbled across this town following the directions of a drunken stranger he met staggering along the roads through the Thorny Vale.

William was easily welcomed into the town, and quickly fell into the jovial nature of its citizens, enjoying himself, resting his aching weary feet after a long trek through the wilderness to get here. After a few drinks, some drunken round singing, and laughing with his new fellows, he began to ask a line of questions pertaining towards the location of a sacred shrine. When inquiring where he could find the ruins of an ancient diety's burial site, the tavern fell into a hushed state.
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I feel like there's some context missing from these last couple posts.
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Will felt nervous, confused, and a little leery about the situation. Quickly sobering up, he knew to distance himself a bit and keep a hand near his blade should things turn out for the worst. To his surprise though, the whole tavern burst into a roaring cacophony of laughter, and his worries changed back to confusion.

It turns out there was a monster that lurked at those ruins, supposedly preying upon those that had gone to make pilgrimage to it lately, and a hero such as William himself was a sign that their God had not abandoned them. More drinks were passed, more merriment was had, and arrangements were made to accompany the hero to the altar and confront the monstrous beast to slay it and purify the site.

Later on that night, William was called aside by a druid, who warned him that the monster was powerful. She showed him that the effects of its defilement were already starting to show, the land wilting and withering at it's edges, the influence of the deity's power being sapped away. Will knew what had to be done, this monster would need to be struck down and cleansed from the world.

The next morning, William was accompanied by a small band of those willing to join him on his journey. A bard, a squire, a druid, a law man, a priest, a rogue, a stable boy and a scribe traveled with him, and before sundown they had arrived at the scene. William saw the monster, and it saw him.

It stood on four legs, with eyes as radiant as fire filled with an unspeakable hatred. "Another one has come?" it spoke. William raised a hand to shush the monster, and hend out his hand. "Squire boy," he said, "My sword."

Instead, he was overtaken by force and led onto an altar, and his head was cut off after a long ritual that he failed to succeed three grapple checks to break free from.

Only one word came to his mind. "Why?"

The Dungeonmaster replied, "Should have put some points into Knowledge (Religion)" and smugly threw William's character sheet into the trash.
>>
The twist?

I was that DM.
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>>60796577

Step aside, Anon, your story is trash.

> Be the story
> All about how
> My life got flipped
> Turned upside down
>>
>>60796633
I'd like to take a minute, just sit right there, I'm going to tell you a story about the Prince, Hell's Heir.
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>>60796583
There is no context. Absolutely none. He just, out of the blue, decided that we needed to roll for dick size cause it amused him.
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>>60796633
IS THIS LOSS?
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>>60796666

Huh. Random string of numbers checks out.
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>>60796633
Step aside thrash, this story is anon

>Be Darth Plagueis the wise
> Etc...
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>>60796633
Step aside, Story, your Anon is Trash.

>Be shitposter
>post dankest fucking memes on my favorite website http://www.memegenerator.com/tg/catalog/yourmomsthread
>get banned for being a faglord
>>
>>60796633
Step aside, Tidus, your story is trash.

>Be leader of Redwings
>Get tricked into going through a monster filled cave with my best bro to deliver a bomb
>Kill a little girl's mother's stand on the way
>Little girl freaks out and summons Rich Piana to split the earth
>Have an emotional breakdown and bleach my hair
>Turns out I have a brother who is voiced by Musafa in the fighting games
>>
>>60796633
Step aside Nero, your swordplay is trash.

>Stinger
>Air Raid
>Round Trip
>Vortex
>>
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>>60796466
>>60796565
you are a coward and a prancing lalahomogay
"Shove a dildo up your ass while being cuffed"
I'm a peaceful man, but Temperance giudes me when I need to give a rughteous slap to the face, and your Chris deserved just for that an Ottoman Bitchslap that'd make his ear bleed for hours. You call that fun? You call being an entertainement for a sadist fun? Are you a masochist or what? You deserve a slap too, and so does the player that shoved a dildo up yer arse for not realizing how ill is such a behaviour from your GM.
That's a behavior not even worth of a barbarian, that behaviour is -may our Lord and Saviour forgive me for what I'm about to say- worthy of a Parthian.

>>60796874
pic related
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>>60795997
A friend wrote bits of an old MUD, and had something similar to this. There was a broken guilliotine, and you could fix it, and then you could stick your head in it, and then you could pull the lever. Maybe you could cooperate on repairs and pulling the ever, I don’t recall. Anyways, if yiu went through all these steps your character died. And there was much pissing and moaning.
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So what I'm getting from this thread is that I should never play any game using the pathfinder system, any that includes furry degeneracy, and especially both
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>>60796565
every member of your furry group is a that guy, your DM for being autistic af and the players for being total pussy bitches that encourage the autism
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>>60799489
There are degenerates like this in all systems, OP and his furry friends just happens to be aparticularly toxic brand of cancer.

OP please purge your DM, the other players, and then yourself.
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Is Curse of Strahd the best opportunity for a Conquest Paladin to pretty much just play Lawful Good and not come off as forcing it?
In most other situations I'd think that their goals of crushing enemies so badly they don't even think of fighting back and allowing no mercy for dissenters would be too extreme and cruel. But in a chaotic and undead-infested shithole of a setting where everything would clearly be better if this vampire man was destroyed, and his land and legal rights given to someone who isn't a monster, isn't a Conq pally kind of exactly what the people need?
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OP i didn't read your stupid story because I got bored before the end of the first post, go take your same fagging blog post shit elsewhere




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