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Have any of you tried making your own yuri?

I've been writing a story scripted as if for a comic--meaning showing an example now would mean little. Though I have a little experience in drawing, it'd be pretty shitty but I'd get it done. Or I could just write... I'll be starting my second draft soon.

I also have an artist friend who may be willing to draw, but I know the person has their own work to do to make a living. I'd rather not say who the artist is now.

If anything, I'm more of a writer than an artist, but I'm curious. What medium do you enjoy most? Would you rather see a LN or comic? Maybe even VN?

Image is the absolute best I can do. Things are usually much worse than that. Also, I haven't drawn in over a year since making that.

If you've ever made anything of your own, I'd be happy to see.
>>
I'd like to make something, but that is a fantasy. Plus I'd be way to embarrassed to share it, even anonymously
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>>2369277
That's how most of my thoughts go too.
>>
I somehow stuff yuri in all of my projects. Am I doing it right or wrong?
>>
>>2369292
Sounds right, you're doing it elegantly tho right?
>>
>>2369292
Type probably doing it wrong. Don't be like KnM and shove a yuri story into another almost totally unrelated story.
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>>2369302
The yuri was the only good part of KnM though.
>>
I'm tired os people saying I should watch something that the focus is on het relationships. Your Name, for example. Usually I don't even like it and people just overrate everything with the elements they like.
But pretty much all stories that people consider masterpiece are het or have het somewhere. So I have a dream of writing something someday that's really epic, but just happens to have a lesbian couple. I wouldn't call it yuri. I wouldn't even call it lesbian. I don't want it to be hidden in the LGBT shelf that most people ignore. I want it to be a story that can be picked up by anyone and be strong to become a hit by writing alone and feature a love story about two girls as a romantic side plot.

Of course, I'll probably just discover that people are biased and can't perceive true quality where the elements they want are non-existent. But I would be happy with that as well.
>>
>>2369269
Yuri is my love and life but as much as I love it as much as want to get content out there I can never commit to finishing. Whether it be fic, comic, or image set.

To say nothing of fickle drive to actually do anything despite my motivation.
>>
>>2369313
Not denying that, just saying it felt like two anime smashed together.
>>
>>2369302
When I was watching KnM, I was thinking "why are there giant robots in my high school lesbian drama?", not the other way around. Besides, if there was no yuri, then their miku rituals would have gone off without a hitch and Chikane would have killed Himeko, wrapping the series up in half the time, if that.
>>
>>2369292
I don't know if it's right or wrong but I do this too.
>>
I've written two Nights of Azure one shots and started two original light novels with yuri MCs - one being over 10k words long.

Visual mediums are preferred, so comics or interactive video games are best. My biggest dream is to make a yuri harem game with big tittied neesans even if I have to draw and program it myself.

I won't give up on love!
>>
>>2369277
This, i get nervous about even posting my ideas on the "write an anime plot" threads, i can't imagine the stress of releasing a full game/comic/whatever
>>
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>>2369378
Your mileage may vary but if it wasn't for the criticism I received I wouldn't have improved as much as I did. I still got a long way to go but you should take a chance. It might sting at first but criticism can help you improve especially if it's constructive.

<<>Was going to be a set but I've only drawn like one more pic before I lost motivation.
>>
I wrote a couple of original short stories for the lit thread, but I've never written a full-length original piece of yuri fiction. I prefer to write fanfics, because all the character creation and worldbuilding has already been done and I can get right down to writing the smut. I've posted some ideas in the old "write a /u/ anime plot" thread, but I've never fleshed out any of them, mostly due to a lack of free time. However, I would trade all my writing ability for the ability to draw, as I think comics are probably the easiest way to convey a story. I can't draw at all, even if I draw a cube it looks bent and misshapen so I am limited to the written word.

And as I'm already writing stories about sisters that fuck each other, I couldn't care less about embarrassment. I write primarily for my own amusement, and if they reader enjoys it too, then great.
>>
>>2369319
I don't think it's possible to get anywhere near as explicit as you might want this to be without alienating anyone. Yuri is the stealth genre. What you described best fits Madoka, in my opinion, as it is an immensely succesful series with yuri elements which can be interpreted as such by yuri fans, and interpreted as plain friendship by those who would be alienated by actual yuri.
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>>2369385
>I would trade all my writing ability for the ability to draw, as I think comics are probably the easiest way to convey a story.

It isn't. It is much easier and less time consuming to just write than it is to illustrate a comic.
>>
I find it hard to balance art and writing together. I have ideas for yuri doujins/ oc stories and when I combine it together, it doesn't look/feel right. Eg. dialogue/story is good but panelling and art sucks or vice versa.
I think I'll stick to drawing yuri fan art for now.
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>>2369269
I did try to make one, but it somehow turned into an action-adventure.
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>>2369277
100% this.
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I made a visual novel.
https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1847704475/alphas-adventures-an-adult-yuri-visual-novel/
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>>2369496
If you don't mind, tell me a little about it.

>>2369473
OP here, that's why I'd rather work with my friend if possible. Besides making doodles, I have very little experience with comics. Though I could always be shamelessly bad. Some of my favorite mangaka like cool kyoushinsha and Aki Eda aren't the best, but I'd gladly read them over many who draw better.

Maybe we should just consider putting anything out.

>>2369385
I'd like to read some if you could point me where.

>>2369509
I'm both jelly and impressed. I'd like to make one too. I'll be joining the support.
>>
>>2369388
>I don't think it's possible to get anywhere near as explicit as you might want this to be without alienating anyone.

Well, I can do like Madoka, except that at the end, they'll explicitly become a couple. Or something like The Last of Us did, but with more focus.

People says that they care about story instead of relationship, so there's no reason for a story like that to alienate them.

Who am I fooling? I won't resist the temptation of making a lot of chapter with them flirting with each other. Not that this would steal the focus on plot, though.
>>
>tfw you're one of the people who vocally complains about too many tragic/bad ends
>tfw you write your own yuri story
>tfw it ends up having a tragic ending because you wanted to write a noir/detective story
>>
>>2369385
>>2369396
It may not be the easiest method to make, but it's a far easier medium to understand.

As for myself, I can go one way or the other with writing or drawing, but I can't seem to do a truly original work in both at once. Fanworks, even AUs, are not beyond me, but making something entirely from scratch is something I can't do, even if it involves forbidden love.
>>
>>2369523
Could always do a subversion or something. Especially if it requires them t o escape from the setting.
>>
I remember writing a bunch of short stories a while ago, most of them involving /u/ content in some way, but I can't find them anywhere. The ideas are still in my head (mostly), but I doubt I can match the quality of the originals I wrote back then (mainly because I wrote them in Spanish, and now I would write them in English so I can post them here I guess).

I'll be look for them/try re-writing them when I wake up. And ask for help with the titles ffs why is giving something a name so hard.
>>
I wrote a Castlevania X Familar fo Zero crossover we're Louise is obsessed with breasts (while Tabitha crushes on her) and tying up girls. Gabriel Belmont )Dracula) is the main character though, its decently popular.
>>
>>2369524
>it's a far easier medium to understand.
What?
>>
>>2369556
Absorb, I guess is the better way to put it? I dunno, I'm kinda tired. They were talking about conveying a story, and in my experience, I've always had a better time with stories that are in a comic format than any other kind of media. So, while it may not be the easiest way to make a story, a comic is one of the easiest ways to get all the different points of a story across (speaking from the audience's perspective).
>>
Writing in general makes me neurotic, so it has to be drawing. I'm working with aspirations of becoming an industry pro like much of /ic/, so stuff like visdev and illustration will be the bulk of what I do for a while, but I'd like to do some moonlighting as a comic artist or something along those lines in the future if/when my career stabilizes. If I can get my visual storytelling to a godlike level then I shouldn't be too annoyed with the actual writing of a comic since being able to visualize my ideas with drawing could probably help me there, but I wouldn't mind working with a dedicated yuriphiliac writer so I don't have to worry about that stuff to begin with. The latter might be best for an actual story though, otherwise I'd probably default to drawing gratuitous amounts of porn.
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>>2369512
>I'd like to read some if you could point me where.

Here's what I wrote for the lit thread:
https://pastebin.com/m6KQ0SXH
https://pastebin.com/Q8qSeD0h
https://pastebin.com/a6aQZmS4

Here's what I wrote for the anime /u/ plot thread:
https://pastebin.com/PdGbRFBP

Here's the only fanfic I ever completed:
http://archiveofourown.org/works/11086860

I have other fanfics sitting around half-written, like a Frame Arms Girl story I've been working on before the anime even aired.
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If you are an Indonesian, I have two technically-yuri novels printed independently (not through any publisher) in Indonesian language.

The novel is about a boy, a girl, and another girl who like the first girl in a semi-fantasy story, a typical setting for a harem series. Except, instead of focusing on the boy x girl relationship, I make the second girl let go of the first girl and started her own harem and have her own adventure (though still complementing the boy's and first girl's adventure). In the end, the yuri take up 2/3 of the whole story instead of 50/50 like I originally planned.

Wish I can translate it to English, but even now I am already struggling to write fast enough to meet my deadline, so it is very unlikely.

Anyone interested to read a sample of it (again in Indonesian) can read it here:
http://g-c-t.weebly.com/power-play---key--lancer.html
>>
I always wanted to write yuri, but I chose procrastinate instead , all of those ideas ended as bedtime fantasies

one of my ideas are Yaya wins the bowl
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>>2369586
Right, that's what I meant to say, but you've hit it on the head. When I think about a story, I can literally see it like a movie in my head. For example, I have an entire kantai collection universe in my head, and I can see how the characters would walk and talk and react with each other, and if I could draw I think it would be easier for people to absorb, as you said, these ideas with a comic rather than a story.

Here's my outline for the story, if anyone's interested: https://pastebin.com/2DwVb5Vn
>>
>>2369805
I'm Indonesian. Never really thought anybody here would be brave enough to produce anything remotely yuri. Cool.
>>
>>2369805
>>2369821

Someone made a real yuri on re-on online magazine, good things since gramedia has forsake us

Anyway, what's wih southeast asian and yuri? Thai definitely likes their yuri, so does the phillipines. someone from malaysia tried to import eclair, and singapore is just a weeb country
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>>2369812
>spoiler
Heresy
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>>2369832
Why? Yaya is cute and she deserves osananajimi gf
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>>2369838
Yayas are designed for suffering.
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>>2369851
Not this time, kid
There will be one Yaya that wins in the future
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I thought itd be cool if I could make a fan game of the tabletop rpg nechronomica, make it a tactical rpg with a support system kind of like fire emblem's, but it'd all be yuri since they're all girls. Unfortunately I cant program, design a game, write a story, create characters, etc.

The actual game is a bit gruesome, but I think cute girls finding comfort in each others company during a post-apocolyptic hells-cape is kind of cute.
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>>2369826
>yuri on re-on
There is? What's its title?
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I'm working on 2 yuri series right now. I more better at drawing so, my writing is mediocre.

The first series (The more complete one) is about two girls growing up in a cult, that have never been to the outside world and viewed it as "hell". I have few chapters of it written out, but I cannot decide on how to continue it or end it.
Pic related is the cover for chapter 1.

The 2nd series is a more longer fantasy and adventure story. I have very little written for, but have a bunch of concept art.
>>
>>2369826
And a Vietnamese founded Yuri Project.
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>>2369805
I'm a white german who has spent most of his life in indonesia. I think reading a yuri story set in this particular setting is pretty cringe inducing. I dont think I can cope, sorry.
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>>2369269
Hay I got a story with Yuri couples in it. I've been working on on my head for years now but I don't have the materials to start a manga out of it. Tho the whole Yuri parts starts at the second season. You have to make it past the first season to get to second part.

Here's how's the couples works.

This takes place early in the series, so they're a tad bit small and underaged


>Roxy:
7 years old.
Really really Oblivious.
A light skinned mixed.
Black eyes
hyperactive tomboy with black and blue spiky hair.

She acts and looks a lot like a boy.
She hyperactive, playfull. She does pranks and could be very aggressive. But thanks to her father which she has a big bond with. She manages to be somewhat respectful to other people. She's pretty much a juvenile delinquent most of the time.
And with the boyish attitude comes her big problem. She actually has problems taking in the fact that she's a girl. thanks to her boyish attitude and her prideful spirit. She looks down upon girls and considers them to be weak and worthless. And this contrast with her fighting spirit and her will to become stronger.

And the girl who started the relationship.

Rosetta flora Valentine. (just the first name by the way.)last name is >mulinexu
But roxy and everyone else just decided to just call her
>Rosa
She's very shy,
Flowers in
Green eyes
Blond hair.
and we'll aware of surroundings.

Her and most of the characters in the story aren't completely human. Rosa's speises are quite in intelligent, and they mature quite quickly. So she kinda knows her sexuality at least at the age of 4/5. And strangely and rarely enough she is attracted to girls.

The story starts off peaceful.
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>>2370349
>7 years old
Hot.
>>
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>>2369777
>https://pastebin.com/Q8qSeD0h

I want to see more non-lewd train adventures of rika ther pervy JK
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>>2370349
Oh, I forgot to mention Rosa is about 6 years old.

And for the record nothing sexually actually happens in the first half of the story. So please Don't expect a 7 and a 6 years old to start doing strange things. But on the other hand, Rosa did actually gaind a huge crush on roxy. As a matter of fact no one with the exception of her grandma who seems to notice her always blushing when roxy is around and not when she isn't. And secret character I can't reveal until I eventually get started with the first season and make down to the second.

And their relationship is just one sided when Rosa figures out herself that she had a crush on roxy.

Then some shit want down important people in the story lost their lives. And roxy moved far away to go train to avenge a person she was really close to. Roxy said that her training would take about 2years. And Rosa knew that was a long time to wait. But even in the sun the snow or the wind Rosa patiently wait at the doc everyone she had the chance. She was really dedicated to meet roxy again but then 4 years passed. Yes 4 years, Roxy stayed to do some extra training. when she finally got back a lot had changed and her appearance is the biggest thing. She first was a hyperactive tomboy who was adamant about her strength. But now she doesn't look like a boy anymore. And she learned to respect other people. But she was still hyperactive tomboy who was adamant about their strength. Pretty much imagine a girl Goku.

Abd Rosa and some other important characters want through some development too.
Rosa use to be a highly timid girl who barely said words. And usually kept people at a far distances even though they'll just all come to her instead. But now she's a confidant individual, who cares deeply about her friends. She's sweet and kind. Pretty much a regular generic nice teenager. And with that he has her weird side.
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>>2369269
I've thought recently about creating a yuri VN but I saw on a website with artists for hire that they take like 12 days at least for a single CG.
How can you even get 100 CGs (and with some variations) like that?
>>
>>2369319
>I'll probably just discover that people are biased and can't perceive true quality where the elements they want are non-existent.

You would embark on a journey of self discovery then, since you clearly don't want to "perceive true quality" in something that has het.
>>
>>2370721
It's all time vs money. If you have money you can hire artists to work only in your project and can finish a CG in a few days.
>>
>>2370757
Well yeah, I was talking about paid artists. From their profile:
> I do not take refund. Unless I dont show any progress for more than 60 days
>Usuall worktime is 4-8 days per step (steps are : rough sketch - sketch - finishing) depend on commission type and difficulty
I mean I don't even know how long it usually takes I'm not an artist but this was a bit demoralising
>>
>>2370767
Well hey, if you can find enough artists that take comissions, and have the money to do so, you can hire all of them to do a cg at the same time and you'll have all of them in about a week.
>>
I've been writing for about 15 years but never really found my feet or started to improve in any serious way until I realised yuri is my niche and the thing I care most about. Now I've been focusing on that I have one novel in the editing stage and another couple in progress.

Funny thing is, writing is how I discovered I love yuri in the first place. I was always aware I sort of liked it, but not that I was gay as curly rainbow. I spent a few years trying to write "serious" fiction, getting nowhere, then discovered fanfiction and stuck to that for a few years. When I tried to write original fiction again I knew I wanted to write girls doing cool stuff. I also wanted romance in my stories, but writing male characters for those roles bored me, so I just mashed the girls together instead and it was like a lightbulb going on in my brain.

>>2369777
It's great to see this stuff! It's been a dream of mine for a while to have some kind of /u/lit writing circle for encouragement and crit stuff.
>>
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>>2370777
Different person. I'd join a /u/ lit circle.

I'd be happy to read some of your stuff. I like to study writing for fun sometimes. I'm probably terrible, so there's a lot I can learn from reading.

>>2369777
Just finished reading them all, good times. They scratch the itch of wanting to watch a small, framed moment in time.

I'm feeling a little motivated to do something similar now, just write a quick short story. Maybe even an excerpt of the comic in writing format (it's currently formatted like a play).
>>
>>2370767
As someone who takes commissions:

Those kind of timeframes are usually just set up for the convenience of the artist, not because that's how long they actually take. It means that if they don't feel like working on something for a day or two they can, or if only feel like working on something a little, they can.

No one actually takes 4 days for a rough sketch. You'd have to be mentally disabled.
>>
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>>2370777
The /u/ lit writing group has been quiet lately, I think I was the only one to respond to the last prompt but I'm always down to writing something new. I've gotten some really good feedback before. I really do believe that writing often is a great way to exercise the writing organ, so I enjoy writing short stuff like this. If anyone wants to throw up a prompt in the lit thread I'd be happy to write something for it, or else I'll put up a prompt the next time I'm hit with a flash of inspiration.
>>
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I have been working on a comic which has a bit of yuri in it. It's not the main thing though. But I realise it ends quite tragically in the part that I'm working on, which goes somewhat like Rule of Rose. So I'd love to hear about what people on /u/ think about the game?
>>
I've always wanted to write a SoL with yuri elements like YKK, I am getting good at art and I'm pitching the story but I'll take years to finish let alone for me to get to a level where I feel like my art is doing justice to what I want to make. I just hope I don't grow out of it someday.
>>
I'm in the middle of writing two webcomics, one just has some yuri elements but could be compared to a battle manga and the other one is just yuri and no other gimmicks. I think I'll be able to shove them out by like december.
>>
>>2370883
>No one actually takes 4 days for a rough sketch. You'd have to be mentally disabled.
You'd be surprised.
>>
I've always wanted to write Yuri VN's, but I also want to stick degerate stuff like mindbreak into them at random, which I feel like would instantly kill most of the already niche viewership.
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>>2371172
You could start the new niche
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>>2371172
Make them optional scenes and have the reader know what they're getting themselves into if they decide to go down that route.

And there's nothing wrong with a little lesbian mindbreak now and then.
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OP again, I got inspired by everyone and made some flash fiction instead of trying to work on my project--which will be left unfinished like the rest of my dreams. I used the train prompt after looking through old /u/ lit threads.

https://pastebin.com/NGT9rXEV


Maybe I'll post it in the lit thread too, but I'm kinda lazy. Have a doodle too.
>>
>>2369805
You've got a cool concept and great art, but sadly my Indo is piss poor so I can't appreciate the prose.
>>
>>2369805
>yuri character lets go
What?
That doesn't make any sense
Girls are suppers to either get together forever with their first love or pine forever alone.
That's how it works, right?


Sounds cool. Wish I could read it
>>
>>2369512
Ahh if only I had a friend that could help me out with comics/manga. I prob need to create some social media account separate to my main to post yuri stuff/ oc art stuff.

Here's the ongoing oc story I'm working on if anyone wants to read it. Follow the shuuwashuuwa posts.
>start
https://pastebin.com/EwQeaddu
>>
>>2369512
>If you don't mind, tell me a little about it.
A witch kidnaps a princess and a knight is sent out to save her.
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>>2371557
And then the knight replaces the 'w' with a 'b' and takes both of her ladies.
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>>2371827
Well the premise was based on a joke about ratings.
>PEGI 12: The hero gets the girl
>PEGI 16: The villain gets the girl
>PEGI 18: Both get the girl

It escalated from here. I still need to work on it though.
>>
I'm literally Pissed about the amount of BL comics there are on Tapastic and absolutely no good yuri
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>>2371827
Why would anyone want some dumb thug over a cute magic user?
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right now me and a friend designed a couple: dunno if im gonna end up making small comics about them yet.

one is a very studious student council prez, and the other is a delinquent that frequently gets in trouble. the prez usually has to watch over her in detention, which is where the delinquent agressively hits on her. pic related is the prez.
>>
A comic about a witch girl who ends up on the run with a young noblewoman who's trying to escape from an Emperor who wants to marry her. I'm not sure how it ends yet but they make friends with a dragon lady who almost certainly eats the Emperor.
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I'm making a yuri action RPG game with my brother. It's going to be like elder scrolls with some kind of simple dating sim. I think the story will be about a planet of monogendered female elves. Is it a good idea?
>>
>>2372022
When you say "like Elder Scrolls" most people are going to think you're trying to make a massive open world game as your first project and move on.

Probably better to avoid making analogies like that
>>
>>2372037
Not my first, and it can be pretty huge.
>>
I had an idea for an RPG that involved heroes defeating a demon king but you play his daughter, who escapes and begins planning revenge while recruiting female warriors to help. One of the main game mechanics would be having sex with the girls and being able to use certain BDSM techniques for status enhancement (ex: hot wax improves heat resistance) but you'd have to mix in softer acts as well to not break them (mindbroken status would have certain perks like immunity to fear/charm/etc but unable to use skills)

You'd be able to challenge the Hero at any time, but it would be near suicide since he's supported by his harem of mage (who can nuke you), cleric (who heals him), and archer (who will snipe you). So the strategy would be to find them individually and make them yours, then take out the hero

Unfortunately I currently have no skill making games, but I'll probably at least write out the story.
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>>2372288
>he's supported by his harem

Why would the hero be male?
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>>2371859
Because dumb is the last thing a knight who beats magic-users would be, and Paladins are Charisma-based anyway, not being cute and/or pretty is impossible for them..
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>>2372298
Because it's a typical LN/JPRG type hero who'd be getting his harem stolen before getting curbstomped? If it were a game there would be a few choices of what to do, and whether the demon princess outright kills him or leaves him cucked and humiliated it's not ending well for the hero.
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A few years ago I did tried to make a few yuri comics,but back then my art skills were really bad. So I never finished any of them.

Today (pic related) my art skill are so much better and I'm really thinking of making some yuri comics. I have a few ideas that I like,although it might be hard make a good story out of them since I'm not that great of a writer. But hey I think I should just go for it and I'll improve as I go.
>>
>>2369523
shit, I realized I'm like this too
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>>2372303
Please, that CHA is all going into intimidate, I bet they even took Intimidating Prowess/Forceful Intimidation. The princess doesn't want some 6/10 brute with no skills.

>>2372388
I don't see how this wouldn't be better with a female hero.
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>>2369269
I write fanfic and can't stop feeling ashamed about it. Yuri isn't my first foray into writing but it is the most succesful by far. I think that my work has had a decent reception so far, but I have no expectation that anything will ever come from it. Fanfiction is a great way to get started, but lately the help offered by a ready set of characters and setting has begun to feel more like a straightjacket than a set of training wheels. I don't know how much F/F content I'll include once I change my focus from fanfiction to original work.

Here's my account in case anyone is interested. Be warned, I write incredibly slowly. https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mongol
>>
I write fanfics. I also wrote a metric shitton of original yuri stuff in the past; a few word documents with over a hundred thousand words each. I've never uploaded them anywhere though. I also made a couple of quick short visual novels that, similarly, I've never uploaded anywhere.

Basically I just produce a lot of yuri content on my own for myself to enjoy. The ultimate in self indulgent, wasted effort.
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I've read about everything in the thread so far. If anyone wants critique/feedback, let me know here or make a post on the lit thread.

https://pastebin.com/NGT9rXEV

I wrote the one with the awkward person on the train. I nervously await feedback.

>>2372536
Ashamed how?

>>2372542
Even if only a bit, I'd like to read some. Seeing your post made me a little envious. I've been around a lot of English majors who often referred to themselves as writers, writing nothing beyond homework.

I refuse to call myself a writer because I think I'm shitty and don't write enough. Rather than seeing wasted effort, I respect that drive to write.

>>2370931
I think I'll try joining. I just posted a prompt on the lit thread.
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>>2372479
Maybe, if Intimidate was a class skill for them. Diplomacy is where it's at.
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>>2372854
I'm also not surprised she'd have to convince people to like her.
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>>2372862
Because having to rely on mind control spells is SO much more impressive than being able to talk her dress off.
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>>2372877
>Implying
>>
I somehow managed to finish a gay novella in 2015, but I've been struggling to even get through first drafts since then. Starting is easy, but so is getting stalled and then I can't resist the urge to start over on the new shiny idea...
>>
I once tried to make a yuri mod for ck2 so that I could start a lesbian dynasty with a yuri religion to convert women into lesbians and wage sexual liberation wars against the pope
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>>2372768
Nice, onee-chan. If this is the start of a longer story then I'm eager to read it. Not much else to say other than that it's nicely written, and that I love aggressive passes in my yuri.
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>keeps trying to make a yuri horror or mystery game
>can't write for shit
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>>2372768
I like it. It's short and sweet. Part of me wants to see a continuation but it's fine as it is.

I need feedback on whether I should continue this story. I'm anon who posted the prologue (which was stupid of me since there was no yuri content in that).

>Synopsis: Sickly girl has a "near death experience" and wakes up in the parallel world as a werewolf. Has to stay in hospital to recover before finding a way back. A spirit took over her body to cause pestilence in the human world and war in the demon parallel world. The only way to save both worlds is for the friend to reunite with main girl and confront their demon selves and their shared past.

https://pastebin.com/NGT9rXEV
https://pastebin.com/WAVD3ez4
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>>2373438
Demon parallel friend is aware of sickly girl but cannot reveal her identity due to a "curse". All parallel selves/demons arose from the humans' sins/secrets.
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Sort of. None of the yuri was really planned, it just kind of...happened. I have a real bad problem with time management and getting to things (especially with my day job), but in one of my story worlds, there's one confirmed couple in the main character section and their relationship is outright shown regularly, to some people's annoyance. No explicit sex or anything, but I'm sure as hell not "hiding the gays" either.

The other is more up in the air and depends on your perspective given the plot, I suppose. Either way, the mc is more...questioning themselves and one of two people crushing on them is a punkish girl. The other is a boy but honestly, with the way he was built and the progression of the plot, that doesn't look like it'll be a thing anymore by the end, much to the disappointment of one of my feedback readers. I'm hoping I can subvert the usual love triangle bullshit with the fact that both of them understand the mc is more in a questioning state and respecting their wish to figure things out on their own....not that it stops the other girl from trying to flirt with them anyway. Also, no, the mc is not trans at all, though there's a plot related reason for using singular they here.

As for the canon couple, one of them is the mc's big sister. Her partner treats the mc and the younger sister as if they were her own siblings, even if she can be kind of an insensitive bitch by being too playful at times.
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>>2373438
your first pastebin is the story that the anon you replied to posted; did you mean to post something else?
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>>2373417
do you have programming and art chops? A look at this thread suggests there are at least a few people who (think that they) can put words together.
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>>2373438
>>2373444
Yeah, oops it was a mistake. Supposed to be this link.

https://pastebin.com/wKV2ifNt
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>>2373438
Art is cutesy and the colors are "warm".
Plot seems quirky and good up to the staying in hospital part. Save the world part is confusing and would probably obfuscate the positives. Quirky and warm, simple sol yuri seems like it would be good. Well, best of luck and it looks great!
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>>2373458
Thank you for the feedback! So if I continue it as a SoL would be better? What if I wrote it as Hina's perspective and gradually incorporate the fantasy element?
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>>2373479
I think you'd want to hint at the fantasy/supernatural elements early on. Maybe you already do in the unposted chapters, but the two here don't give me reason to suspect it's anything more than two friends with an unexplained illness. In fact, the summary seems like it's for an entirely different story than what I've read.
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>>2372768

I posted a mini-review in the other thread yesterday, but the noirish style of this inspired me and I couldn't help writing something of my own. (Despite my other writing project sitting there and needing finishing...)

https://pastebin.com/Jv12FTLi
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>>2369269
>>>/out/
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>>2373438

I started on the first one but I got bored and started skimming, and then when I started on the second one I got very confused (wasn't Chiarasu the first-person protagonist? Why is she being spoken about in the third-person, then?). I know PoV switches can be done and done well, but they're sharp tools and need to be handled with extreme care.

My over-all impression is that it needs a second draft and probably a lot of cutting the passages that aren't building the drama: remember that the reader doesn't come in with any particular reason to care about your characters' lives. (But do get the whole thing written up as a first draft before you do that, and don't let perfect be the enemy of the good. First drafts are always rough.) The idea of starting with a medical drama is very good in terms of hooking the reader, but it didn't grab me or make me feel like it was urgent.
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>>2373663

I should say that I think a lot of what I didn't like was pacing and flow; the first-draft roughness didn't help and your paragraphs are a bit long. It's easier to be punchy in shorter paragraphs, and less likely to wear the reader out prematurely.
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>>2373503
The start of the story had been troubling me for a long time. This has been the third revision I've made to the prologue. The summary was what I plan to put in the future but I realise that it may have been too ambitious for me.

>>2373663
I really appreciate the feedback that you have given, I really needed it. I will be more mindful with the PoV switches. I've considered making the story shift to Hina instead. Yes, the story is still very rough and will need a lot of editing.
I do get carried away with descriptions though.
I'll keep writing it out until I can figure out the proper story.
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>>2370327
Yeah, I hate this particular setting too. But because I hate it, I want to use it so I can subvert it (like, instead of naive young boy, the "boy" is actually a veteran 55 years old man trapped in forever 17 body, has lost everyone dear to him, and just want to recluse himself. He treated the first girl as grand daughter instead of love interest, and the first girl will have a different love interest later on).
I want to say I want to deconstruct the setting, but the yuri side takes the setting of "girl meets girl, have adventure" rather straightforwardly.

>>2371265
>>2371365
Hopefully one day I can translate it to English.

I don't personally draw it myself, I have a friend drawn it for me and I write this particular story because I want him to draw it.
But because I take too long to finish it, his art style change, and I kinda regret that I can't write it fast enough.
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>>2373448
It depends on what standards you have - I think I figured out how to make an Ace Attorney testimony loop. I just want to appeal to myself and crank out some crude, wacky courtroom adventure whose MC just happens to be a lesbian. If I get stuck, I guess I can always ask you ladies for advice.
>>
I wanna make a yuri visual novel/dating sim
It would be monster girls and shit too, but I feel like that makes the demographic even smaller. Maybe I'll do a middle earth world so there are more human girls for the vanilla
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>>2374159
I am definitely part of that demographic, yuri monster girls are the greatest.
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>>2374159
I want a hyper-degenerate dragon girl who is into blushing, kissing, cuddling, and hand holding.
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>>2374159
I'm down for whatever as long as the graphics are sexy
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>>2374183
>no hugging and cheek kiss

pleb detected
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>>2374201
Cuddling is a form of hugging. Cheek kissing is a form of kissing.
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>>2369777

I read your /u/ lit stories and I liked them, broadly, particularly the first and third ones. I did some closer constructive criticism, but it turned out (way) too long to even fit as a reply, and I don't know if you're just sharing and don't want me nitpicking, or if you're looking for some tearing-apart done; if it's the latter, feel free to say so and I'll toss it up in a pastebin or something.
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>>2374236
Sure, if you could put it up on pastebin I'd be extremely appreciative.
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>>2374339

https://pastebin.com/XQ4Ng3zy

Here you go, anon.
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>>2373549
Ahahahaha, I laughed out loud in the end. I enjoyed that turn quite a bit.

I see we have similar taste in the way we use punctuation, though I worry it might be a little overdone; relatively, this made your simpler, more direct sentences refreshing.

Because of the nature and style of your story, I'm unsure about what kind of advice on what could be cut or added.

Story-wise, it there wasn't much to learn about the two, their circumstances, or life in general, but I'm a sucker for stories not really about anything.
>>
Recently, the idea of a yuri manga between a yuri fan and a yaoi fan has been going around my mind.

I'm giving designs to the characters and planning the story. Honestly I would love to start making pages and posting them. And hopefully breaking stereotypes along the way
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>>2369269
Yeah, I'm working on a love story about a Marine Biologist and a Surf bum. I'm not really sure how long it'll be, but I'm portraying their romance as realistically as I can. Romance isn't the only thing in the story though, but its the main focus. I'll be doing any illustrations myself too, maybe I'll make it a light novel, I dunno yet....

Also I'll be addressing homophobia, questioning one's sexuality, and family estrangement because of sexuality so I hope I do a good job there. It took me years to realize I like girls so I have that down pat at least.

There will be sweet fluffy bits too though, that's one of my favourite things about yuri.
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>>2373438
Watch out for the adverbs. Nothing wrong with them in general, but they can usually be replaced with a more interesting verb. It'll keep your sentences more succinct.

You have some good observations on your characters, like how Chi feels and acts when she senses pity. I think you're a little too direct with your characters emotions however. It may be better left as subtext.

Nee-san, there's no such thing as a story not worth continuing. There are only stories yet to be told or properly communicated. What I'd like to know is: why do you want your story told? If you keep writing you can find that focus--a reason to continue.
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>>2374575
>Nee-san, there's no such thing as a story not worth continuing
Artistically speaking, maybe. Commercially speaking, well... I'd say Sasameki Koto could've been done in about half of its actual chapter count.
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I have a few projects.

One is a bit like Rival Schools, Harry Potter, and Stray Little Devil. Humans, demigods, vampires, anthros, angels and demons, so on and so on. A few relationships here and there.

The other is, in essence, Sailor Moon by way of Devil May Cry. Hyper-violence, demons and stuff, UST, all that good shit.

I'm still working out the kinks (ahem) for both. The former is more or less ready to enter some drafts and stuff. I'm still trying to figure out how everything's going to work in the latter.

Shitty 3dpd pic related (as my drawing skills are... lacking; she's one of the main characters).
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>>2374550
That's basically Shinozaki chan.
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I'm about 11K words into a yuri-heavy story (probably ending up triple that when I'm done, so probably ending up pitching it as a trilogy or just one thicc novel)


A girl in generic fantasy world ends up losing her parents and nearly dying in a carriage crash. She's promptly found and adopted by the nearby tribe of primitive amazons hidden in the woods, who raise her as one of their own. She has to go through basically restarting her life, dealing with culture shock, and coming to rediscover love in all its forms through the various friends, family and rivals she finds there. Some largely unintended themes of family and finding yourself slipped in there.

I've also already written an amateur ebook on Amazon about a female version of Hercules (his step-sister via Hera). It's not a theme of the book, but she's openly gay and ends up getting married to an amazon by the end of it.
>>
I've been working on a story I was going to write for myself and maybe make a comic for it. The main story isn't just about the yuri though, and for awhile you wouldn't see MCs eventual romantic love interest, and nor do they fall in love right from the start. In fact, MC sort of hates her at first but it becomes a slow burn love hate relationship and something that feels earned with them progressing and developing their character and feelings and trying to figure them out for awhile, like any normal person does. Also there'll be het couples and characters, as well as some other gays and lesbian characters just like in the real world.
My story is sort of a medieval fantasy with magic, knights, mages, castles and creatures, but people talk a bit more modernly.
There would be some sexual tension scenes and sex scenes for the MC and her love interest. And there's a pair of other main party characters who are a lesbian couple as well. They tease MC and her love interest once they start to notice their feelings.
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>>2374707
Not really, shinozaki-san is a normie who goes otaku for a qt yuri fangirl.
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>>2369269

I've written multiple novels and short stories, where the protagonists and most of the cast members are girls and have feelings for other girls. I've even self-published some as ebooks. But I'm not sure if they really qualify as /u/ since there's no real romance going on and the focus is mostly on other things.
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>>2375050
It's Shinozaki, who's lesbian to begin with, who developed interest in yuri manga. Her friend is a yaoi fangirl.
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>>2374859

35k words is a pretty short novel
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>>2375089
I always do that wrong.

currently at 116320, a little over the 1/3 mark of the full story
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>>2375343
>330K words of yuri
That's a lot of /u/.
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>>2374344
Thank you very much for the insightful commentary!
>I like the setting and how much we learn about it without actually being told.
I’m really glad that you enjoyed that. I’ve never liked stories that give huge exposition dumps at the beginning. I much prefer to walk the reader into the setting naturally, dropping hints about the world naturally like falling leaves as the characters interact with their surroundings. When I describe a character’s attributes, I try to imagine myself walking alongside her, noticing how the breeze might rustle her hair if it’s long and loose or how her pants might look uncomfortably tight when she bends over. I think it’s a more natural way of describing a character, since I know I don’t do a mental inventory of, say, a person’s wardrobe upon first meeting them.

I believe my problems with over-writing stem from my background in writing /d/ stuff. I have a bad habit of going back over each paragraph and embellishing little details with unnecessary adjectives, because I’m so used to describing how slimy the tentacles are, etc. This is particularly noticeable, as you picked up, in the OL story. As you correctly surmised, I do have a milking fetish, and I think I let it get the better of me and I ended up hurting the story overall.
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>>2375435 cont'd
You’ve hit the nail on the head when you noticed that I don’t do much revising, though. I have a weird aversion to reading my own work, and once I’m done, I have a strong urge to just post it and be done with it. You’re absolutely right that the monstergirl story ended abruptly, and that’s because I had the horror ending in mind halfway through writing the story, and by the time I got to the end, I was getting a bit bored of writing so I just wrapped it up and posted it without going back and seeing how smoothly it fit into the story as a whole. My original idea was that the monstergirl’s goo would dissolve the bones of her human host, so eventually she would revert to a goo form and have to seduce another woman. But I wasn’t sure if she should have to consume victims as a source of nourishment or because she’s wanted by the cops or what, so I just kinda settled on making her just a murderous con-woman, and I think these conflicting ideas ultimately hurt the ending.

I definitely prefer to write in third-person limited; I think it can create a nice sense of mystery for the reader if they aren’t privy to everyone’s thoughts. I’ll make sure to keep the protagonist’s viewpoint in mind when doing descriptions and the like, and keep it to what the character should be know or be able to tell from her surroundings.

Interestingly enough, when I revised the tomboy story, I just focused on improving the clarity and I didn’t spend much time “plumping” it up with adjectives. It seems like I hit on the magic formula for that one.

In the future, I’ll be sure to focus on clarity and readability, and resisting the urge to throw in useless adjectives to fatten the story up. It seems like one of my biggest problems is that I get in my own way at times. Thanks again for your analysis, it means a lot to me.
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>>2374193
>>2374183
>>2374172
Hell maybe this does have an audience
I'd love to put together a demo and get some support to do it. Since doing commissions is my only income.
For now I'm just designing characters which is the fun part
>>
I used to be pretty good at writing, but now, after quitting the hobby for few years for various reasons, my skill has rusted away, and I'm struggling to actually move on from the beginning.
I get good plot ideas, but making a base for them feels tiresome, and then I find myself moving on to yet another plot.
>>
I've written before, and I want to write again, but my stuff is pretty much all too /d/ to post here. The closest I have is a WoWfic about a stuttering gnome who gets tentacle raped by her crush.
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>>2376083
Post it.
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>>2376108
...on /d/.
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>>2376108
If you're interested, look up Nitroglycerific on AO3. What you see is unfortunately what you get.
>>
When MC was born she had abnormal colored hair. The doctor told her parents she's the MC of the world.
The MC wants a normal school life and every day something new happens where she's supposed to join in the mix but she refuses and tries to avoid it. Giant robots attack the city on the early morning news. Super villains and super heros fight to save the world in glorious combat in the afternoon. Explosions out the windows and buildings brusting into flames in the backgrounds while she's at school studying. Every month she gets a new exchange student with some new hidden past/motive and stereotypical personality like tsundere, yandere ect.
One boy's a powerful demon and the son of Satan just trying to live a normal life as well but he's forced to fight demons and angels.
One girls a stereotypical moe service blob whose a pervert
One girl who has the sexy cool look has mechanical arm is wanted space pirate in hiding
Another girl is a powerful 1000 year old samurai goddess just wanting to learn how to be a human
One classmate is a ghost girl who everyone in her class can see
one guy is named Self Insert. His whole body is just a white outline of a male with a question mark on his face and everyone thinks he's a nice guy
As the story goes on the MC and her classmates finds out all of their worlds that they came from were connected through her, because at one point she had powers and visted all those worlds when they connected and were friends. But in order to save everyone from an unknow force (The god who made everything made a mistake when she was made and gave her the ability to travel worlds and time or something-- still working on it)
The god had made her for an experiment. ( Think of her as an ant that could freely travel into other ant farms )
She had to wipe everyones memories and go back in time and separate their worlds hoping for a fresh start. Everyone slowly starts finding out the MC was sorce/key from everyones worlds leaking into each other.
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>>2376670
Part 2:
The doctor that made her was the god that made everything. Whenever she gets a checkup when a new power in her awakens or something he finds it interesting. He made her in order to see if she could bridge everyones worlds together and if she could take over for him and lead them all to peace and happiness because he felt he couldn't enjoy his existance anymore and didn't know quite how to make everyone get along. But that's because he didn't quite understand loyalty and friendship. He couldn't understand it just from observing for eons at a time. But she did from actually LIVING.
The yuri part comes in when she falls for one of her classmates who is the only normal human without powers in her class. The girl is a genius/prodigy.
MC risks everything to save the girl when trouble hits one day and the plots start unravelling. They slowly fall in love as MC becomes stronger and stronger wanting to protect her.
>>
i will not start a new thing until i finish this one i will not start a new thing until i finish this one i will not start a new thing until i finish this one

halp, it is not working. The lure of gay cyberpunk is too strong :(
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>>2369269

I've had a few ideas I've played with and eventually dropped or discarded.

One of them is about a small village in a kingdom taken over by Fae and Witches. There's a ceremony every year to appease the witch of the village, and it involves a selected girl giving her a basket of the best fruits. Sadly, the chosen girl is actually bullied maliciously by another girl, who both feels jealousy towards her and doesn't actually understand what the Fae like to do to people who annoy them.

She replaces some of the fruit with rotten ones, and the Fae uses that as an excuse to threaten to destroy everything. The bullied girl offers her life instead (what the Fae was betting to happen) and she's taken to the forest. The bully's friends get mad at her because the prank nearly killed everyone, and she's seen as a pariah.

She goes off to rescue her former victim. Sadly, she doesn't know exactly what Fae love to do with time. By the time she reaches the forest mansion of the fae, her victim has been turned into a thoroughly obedient maid, who is totally taller than her. She's caught as an intruder, and the Fae gloats and mocks her, because she already knew what was happening. Eventually, she makes an offer - her life for her former victim's freedom.

She accepts, and just as relief washes over her, the maid asks "Can I still be your pet, miss?"

Slowly, the rebellious, hot headed and vindictive girl is slowly tamed and turned into the Fae's second maid. At the end, both her and her lover/fellow maid are cleaning the main foyer when they see a scared little girl break into the mansion, holding some stolen food and coins. Sharing a knowing glance, the pair walk up to the inevitable slave, ready to ask what she''s doing in the Mistresses mansion on a night like this...

1 of several
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>>2381440

2 of several

The second idea is a Monstergirl story, but humans in a specific have decided that instead of sending out armies of men to fight, they should send out women because even if they lose it means the monstergirls can't repair their numbers.

A small scouting party goes on a mission, and at some point they all get caught by a band of monstergirls led by a particularly smart succubi. She's been experimenting with magic runes, and has managed to create a rune that makes female mana edible and also allows monstergirls to get pregnant by being eaten out.

The party endures weeks of slavery and has to handle the high libidos of their all female captors, before the experiment is seen as a success. Unfortunately, that means they have an army to help breed...
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>>2381447
3 of several

A new girl moves to an all female highschool, and sees that the school is both incredibly cliqueish and that it's mostly segregated into two factions; the popular groups like the Cheerleaders, student council and several sports teams and the more nerdy, less popular groups like Goths, debate club, math club and so on.

She sees the tense situation of the school, and the vague way in which some of the popular girls are described as all powerful with no real understanding, but joins the popular kids anyway due to her family's wealth and luck.

She feels uncomfortable in how openly the popular kids talk about hierarchies, "haves and have nots", "born to lead" and other things along those lines as well as their apparent immunity from all repercussion, but slowly she accepts it.

Soon, she's invited to a party at one of her friend's homes, and the truth is revealed. All of the 'unpopular' groups have been enslaved to some extent by the richer, more powerful students. The cliques are in fact harems of slaves, and all of the talk was to see if she'd make a good mistress or a good pet.

Eventually, she's given a slave - a mousy book club member with a submissive streak a mile wide. Does she indulge in depravity or resist temptation?
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>>2381458
last of several

The final story idea I had was about a bullied teen who discovers a book of black magic.

She recreates a magic circle and summons a demon to help her get revenge on her five tormentors. Instead of any old demon, she summons a succubus, who demands her to sell both her soul and corrupt the soul of her best friend as payment. She accepts, and suddenly the brand new, reinvented girl is ready for revenge, with the help of an occasionally hijacking succubi inside her.

But revenge isn't just falling in love. Revenge is much more than that. Using magic, guile and succubi seduction, she slowly seduces her former tormentors into hopelessly loving her, and using what she knows about them to make them humiliate themselves in misguided attempts at keeping her affection.

For instance, she seduces the girl who abuses her spot as a teacher's pet to allow her friends to get away with everything, and plants a rune on her while she's smitten. She threatens to break up with her, unless she does something to herself. The girl, intoxicated by succubi fumes - agrees and is tasked with masturbating in front of one of the classes at lunch, wearing only a balaclava.

As she does so, the rune activates. The bully doesn't realize she can't actually cum and doesn't think of stopping until she's arrested for exposure due to the magic affecting her lust addled mind.

The sporty Lacrosse captain who physically bullied the MC is tricked into doing a mascot routine for the football team mostly naked but with bondage gear on under the suit at a national game. The Mascot suit was enchanted to fall apart suddenly, and she's left exposed in front of cameras and hundreds.

These sorts of events continue, and while that's happening, she's slowly seducing her friend in a more WAFFy way whilst angsting over her eventual fate. She succeeds her goals, and the succubus says that when the time comes, they'll have lots of fun together, maybe even her former bullies can join in.
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>>2381458
>>2381491
These two ideas are actually pretty hot.
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I'm making a yuri-centric CYOA for the folks on /tg/ and figured you all might like to see my design document for it.

I'd like some eyes from /u/ to take a look at it to check and see if there's anything in my plans that are significantly non-/u/. There are a few things that are /d/-like, but you won't ever be required to take any of them or even observe them if you don't want to, and there is plenty of support for the fluffiest, purest Kindred Spirits-esque adventure you could possibly think of if you so wanted. I'm just providing some options, and, also, don't worry, there are no and never will be any dicks of any kind in it, so don't worry about that.

Anyway, it's really long, but it's almost totally complete, and when it's totally done, I'll assemble it all into a set of images like a real, proper CYOA with plenty of high-quality imagery and stuff (tons of yuri; TONS of it).

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1jEIhgnDAVtiKR60HMK8smKhecnq5N9BmTyPaD_2LYeQ/edit?usp=sharing
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>>2381691
One or three things. Under family, orphan specifically, you have "...will make manifest your manly yuri spirit..."
Remove or change the manly, there's no need for it. If you're going for unstoppable courage or something use passionate or other synonyms to denote strength of spirit and determination.

Second thing, kinda rather minor. I think a comparison to Lloth or just drow in general would give a better image for the midnight skin tone. I doubt no one's gonna have trouble placing Lloth's skin color.

Third one's kind of probably a bit of a challenge to change, but I'd argue against painting yaoi as some sort of serious enemy or reviled force. Yaoi goals, in the vein of pairing boys up with each other, frees up other girls to be paired up in the vast universe. Effectively making them an indirect, or possibly direct, ally with yuri. Kind of an ouroboros of what makes the boards thrive by way of removing the various competition we each face. There's a scene from Prism Illya that sums it up nicely.
Say for example, in the yuritopia goal, there could be potential for the player-turned matchmaker trying to get a couple split so that the unrequited crush of a friend can be requited by the girl in the couple. If player had a favor with the remnant of the yaoi mafia they could ask them/or pay to have the boyfriend safely taken care. Probably in a similar vein to what MC doing for the girl just without angel helper and more science while keeping him sufficiently removed so the friend with crush and soon-to-be single girl can have their relationship flourish

Just suggestions, though you should really do change the "manly yuri spirit" thing.
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>>2381734
You're breaking my heart. As a big TTGLfag, there's something in my heart that screams that "manly" shouldn't be an adjective that always connotes male-ness. If it's really that bad, I'll consider it, but it was something really special to me -- that particular phrasing. It connotes something more than just strength or passion, too, and I think those words are weaker in comparison because they don't capture in nearly as few words the idea that I want the player to have that rough-and-tumble competitive spirit that seems to come naturally to the more masculine (which, by the way, is totally in line with my deep love of tomboys), and, additionally, it was not meant to be taken so seriously. Just an immediate smirk-causing word and nothing more.

If you're going to continue to suggest such a thing, I will change it, but it would really make me sad.

Secondly, I have no idea what on earth "Lloth" is, so I wouldn't know this person or thing's skin tone at all.

And lastly, about the yaoi mafia, I'm going for a less serious tone with those guys. The Yuri Mafia was always meant to connect the serious (organized crime, corruption) with the lighthearted, fluffy, and silly (turning the world into a great place for the fact that they all have an insatiable thirst for yuri and having comedically-toned fights against their much-smaller rival). I don't think I would want to change that so much, but I would offer better writing to better convey that the tone of the conflict is not supposed to be one of hatred but instead a sort of blind-yet-knowing fanaticism like one might have and opposition to another's choice in sports teams. In the moment, you say you hate them, but you don't really mean it, and if you're a good person, you love them just as much as your next fellow man (or woman).

Hopefully that gives you some insight.
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>>2381742
I mean I guess, but yeah, manly isn't really used to describe yuri. Unless you're getting satirical like Lucky Star, which you kinda are, so keep it if you want I just felt it was out of place. You're right about it potentially working better in the final image collection instead of a document. I'd argue against the notion that an unquenchable passion, or some other descriptor, isn't successfully equated to what you're going for. It's longer, sure, but it could have the same emphasis if the description had that in mind instead of just using a minor TTGL reference.

I misspelled Lolth the spider queen from DnD. She's the drow goddess. It was just something to consider though it seems like her skin tone's inconsistent so I guess that can be left out. It was more that if you're talking about darkness made flesh as a skin tone, drow would serve as a better equivalent since they can have skin that dark and they're /tg/-related.

Okay that's fair. Mostly my fault since I skimmed but hearing that assuages any sort of critique I had regarding it since they sound more like friendly rivals in typical shounen anime than actual loathing.
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>>2381742
>>2381757
For what it's worth, "hot-blooded" is what Nips frequently use to describe what you're getting at.
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>>2381691
This looks fun

now /u/ can make nice SoL style cyoa
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I think I'm going to have to scrap the current draft I'm working with. It's just not working for me. This is the third time I've tried to write this.

I wanted to open the story with a fight scene that cuts off at an uncertain point for the heroine, while the next chapter or two is a recollection on how she got there, but it just doesn't feel right. But I also don't want to bog down the opening of the story with a ton of exposition and world-building.

Can't figure out how best to start this thing off.
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>>2383967

How far in are you to the whole thing? And I assume that there are some other bits that you're looking forward to writing.

If the start isn't working for you, try just jumping ahead to the next part and coming back to it in the next draft. Maybe it'll work in context, or maybe it's totally broken and you'll have to rewrite it--but that's what second (and third and fourth and...) drafts are for.

Don't just endlessly rewrite the start until it's perfect, because it's never going to be perfect and you'll never crack two thousand words (or whatever) before you toss it out again.
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>>2383978
https://pastebin.com/VRw5nrvZ

Here's everything I've got written so far. Maybe I'm just being overly critical of myself because what I've written doesn't match exactly what's in my head. I write kind of slowly and when I'm not exhausted from after work so I kind of don't want to throw out what progress I do have.

I might end up cutting the opening part and moving it where it should go chronologically and make a more normal introduction.
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>>2369269
I'm nurturing plans and ideas for a VN and a tiny bit of simplistic management sim about F1-ish open wheel racing in the fictional late 70s or early 80s, half SoL, half supokon. A straightforward underdog story about a formerly successful team struggling to stay in the sport while some kind of Lauda/Hunt rivalry is happening on the front lines, yet in the background relative to the main plot. Yuri won't be the central part, but depending on whether I'll be able to make sensible route splits based on the management part MC might have a chance to have other romantic interests besides the true one. Yep, the team in question is almost an all-girl operation, which is the most unrealistic part.

I have to finish a stellarly magical translation project first though and keep researching about how racing cars were constructed and operated back then, this would need a lot of technical trivia that I'm currently not educated enough to insert in reasonable quantities. Unless someone well-versed in this stuff helps out.

Of course this will never actually happen, which makes me sad.
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>>2385720
>Yep, the team in question is almost an all-girl operation, which is the most unrealistic part.

Make the sport an all-girls affair like GuP and you won't have to worry about any of that. As for the technical trivia, you won't have to go into too much detail as long as you can present the story convincingly enough. As a matter of fact, I'd be interested in helping you with the writing process. I'm by no means an expert, but I do follow F1 and have an interest in motorsport in general. My first Motorsport Manager had some accidental yuri in it so I absolutely love the idea of a /u/ racing tale.
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>>2385720
Will the rival girl get disfigured?
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>>2385791
GuP is definitely one of the inspirations, I guess going all the way is also an option. The original idea was that in this world Stirling Moss was a girl (and still as successful) which raised the popularity of open-wheel racing among women and made it less of a men's private club. Although a mostly female team still raised eyebrows and was one of the issues in getting sponsorship, besides declining results.

I need to play more MM, I've played for like half a season but haven't played any games since due to work and TL. Enjoyed it more than racing sims, which I just plain suck at. As for writing, I would really appreciate it because I suck at it (which is why I shouldn't be doing it in the first place, really). Just need to get done with the one remaining TL commitment (at least 2 volumes out of 5 released ones, can leisurely do it afterwards) and I'm more or less free. Very much willing to brainstorm anytime, though.

>>2385811
I don't want to go dark, don't like it much and the lighthearted parts would just look out of place, but one of the reasons I want to go for this time period is because the risk is still there. The original idea was that MC actually spins over in the very first race, but is lucky to come unscathed, but later either her (very experienced) teammate or a rival from another team would indeed get injured and unable to race for a while, for the inevitable "I knew it was dangerous, but shit it's really dangerous" cliche episode. Although gotta be careful there so it doesn't look like a rip-off of Lauda's accident.
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>>2385818
I could do the writing, but that's the only thing I'm really capable of. Even though I don't like VNs that much, the idea of writing for one does interest me. I have no idea of how to go about writing one, but tell me what you need and I'll crank it out. If you want to take a look at the writing I've done, take a look at >>2372536. Although I said that I write slowly, I'm capable of writing on demand and have worked fulfilling requests in the past.
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>>2385818
I was just thinking it would be neat if the rival girl crashes, and the player has the option of pulling over and saving her or blowing past her and taking the lead. If the player saves the rival, she joins the player's team as a mechanic/advisor because she's now injured, or, if you don't want to go dark, because her car broke and she can't afford a new one.
>I-It's not like I wanted to join your stupid team, or anything! I just don't have a ride now, that's all!
Her expertise would give the player a small start boost for the rest of the season. Then, as the player and the rival get closer, the player learns about the rival's pulled-up-by-the-bootstraps backstory and resolves to use the prize money to buy the rival a new car if they win the championship. Or, they buy a touring car and drive though the countryside together as a couple in the ending.
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>>2369269
In 2015 I draw a 3 chapters yuri webcomic. That stay online, but it had written in portuguese, my first language. The title is "Entre Lírios".
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Well, there goes that idea. We're getting what seems to be a yuri-ish racing anime with cute girls.

http://otakomu.jp/archives/578039.html

It's about sidecar racing, but still. It will air sooner than this VN concept will be any closer to completion.
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>>2389907
So it's a similar but not identical concept. Since when has that stopped Japan?
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I occasionally draw yuri requests on /a/ and /u/ drawthreads.
My long-term ambition is to make a yuri VN. I can handle the writing, programming and art, but not the music and sound effects.
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>>2390076
You could always use some public domain or license-free music and sounds until you can get some of your own. If I recall, that's what Ryushiki07 did for Higurashi
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>>2390076
You can easily get free music and sounds. For most people it's the art that's the killer.
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>>2390135
>For most people it's the art that's the killer.

This. I'd be more likely to sit through a mediocre vn as long as it looks pretty.
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>>2369269
I guess this is a little /u/ and /lit/ but I started writing again.

So my goal right now is to actually write a full length novel this time. But i'm hitting this weird wall. Everything I write feels so stiff and wooden.

When I roleplay with others I can write some pretty fun and flowery stuff. People seem to dig it. But while writing by myself like this I just hit this roadblock.

I dunno what to do.
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>>2390076
Download anvil studio and bach midis amico.
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>>2390386
You could try writing short stories if you already haven't. As for being able to write roleplay easily, I find that things that people value in roleplay don't necessarily work well when writing fiction. RP text is often excessively flowery and full of description that only serves to clutter normal prose.
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>>2390386
Something I'm thinking about doing is setting a word length goal to write every day just to get into the habit of writing, then regardless of what I think about the quality of it, upload it somewhere. Get feedback, revise, then repeat.

I have a bad habit of reading over things I've written and feeling that it's not good enough to show anyone, then rewriting... which turns into a neverending cycle.
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>>2390076
Do you have a DA or something?
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>>2390500
Where do you upload stuff that's not fanfiction?
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>>2390870
That's what I want to know to be honest. Fictionpress? Does anyone really use that?
I think the metal/u/rgy fics are all compiled on AO3 but I'd always assumed anons scoffed at that site like tumblr (even though some anons also use tumblr to post their art).
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>>2390870
>>2390877
I'd like to know myself. I need a place to upload fanfiction (practice stuff) and OC fiction.

I thought of using fictionpress but, is it a ghost town or something?
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>>2390877
>>2391015
I think fictionpress or wattpad but those are really sites we, as a board, never dabble in. So it's very unknown. It's just something most of our traffic hardly goes to because there's no need. If you were gonna upload fanfics then Ao3 might be better.
>always assumed anons scoffed at that site like tumblr
Don't assume such things. Ao3 is placed slightly above ffn in terms of worth because of the tagging system and depending on what you can find. It certainly isn't scoffed at, outside of maybe griping in the fanfic thread but that's more content based than actually site based. It's like how tumbleh gets scoffed at because of its users, and not the actual site, hence why artists use it.
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>>2390877
I'm not aware of any negative reputation of AO3, if anything people like the tagging system, but I don't know a single person who uses Fictionpress...
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>>2390877
I don't think there's really a popular place for original fiction, especially if it's not smut. AO3 is decent but it's not going to get you feedback (nothing will).
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>>2391031
>but it's not going to get you feedback (nothing will).
That sort of defeats the purpose of posting something for the express reason of getting feedback.
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>>2391086
Better to post it in the fanfic or lit threads here.
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>>2369269
Currently writing a game with a yuri romance as a central character arc between the protagonist and two other women. I want it to be fairly explicit, but with enough buildup to avoid a Bioware-tier romance where two people have sex after talking three times.

Hardest part is realistically writing a friend-turned-lover romance that doesn't come off as forced.
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>>2391647
What genre?

To be honest, it's probably easier to write friends getting together than complete strangers, assuming you want to develop a relationship between them.

With strangers you have to build the relationship, with friends it's already there. Whether you want romance to complicate the friendship is up to you.
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>>2391691
>What genre?
Fantasy FPS.
>To be honest, it's probably easier to write friends getting together than complete strangers, assuming you want to develop a relationship between them.
>With strangers you have to build the relationship, with friends it's already there. Whether you want romance to complicate the friendship is up to you.
That sounds about right. Problem is, protagonist rescues Girl #2 and they both secretly develop crushes on each other. But protag still loves Girl #3 -an elven royal family member turned army general- despite their relationship not working previously, and has to struggle with moving past her codependent tendencies and leaving that relationship in the past so she can get with Girl #2. All while blowing the heads off of demons, collecting keys and exploring ruins.

I may have gone too far in a few places.
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>>2391701
Okay sounds like, you seem to have a good handle on protag and how she eventually falls for 2. That just leaves 2 falling for protag, because she's going from stranger with a crush to friends to love. I'd hazard a guess and say that the crush loses some luster when she moves into friend territory
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>>2391705
>I'd hazard a guess and say that the crush loses some luster when she moves into friend territory
Do you mean the crush loses luster TO protag, or the crush loses luster FOR protag?
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>>2391938
Either? 2's crush diminishes when she learns more about the protag because her crush would've formed on the rescuer part of protag's image
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>>2392042
Ok, I get it. Appreciate the input!
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How do you make a sex scene non-porny and realistic?
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>>2392053
Less moans, unexaggerated positions, more banter.
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>>2392053
make it really awkward
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>>2392055
>more banter.
Like, quips? I don't understand.
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>>2369269
Not mine though, found it on /a/ years ago and I still would watch the shit out of it
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>>2392148
Nah, just normal casual talks and such. Quips is kinda porny.

>>2392065
Also, this.
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A friend and I are working on a mecha space opera setting, where the protagonists of the story we have so far are a lesbian couple. I wouldn't say it's the main focus, though.
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>>2392561
Is this saintbomber?
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>>2392561
Didn't we already get an anime exactly like this?
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>>2392564
Nah. He post anything on that new game he's been working on?

>>2392568
Probably. It's admittedly pretty derivative, based on a heavy love for mecha, fantasy, and space opera- one of the chicks is a Char clone, for example.
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>>2392579
Nothing bad happens to them right? Well like death or something edgy just for dramatics. Sounds interesting in spite of what you said so far.
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>>2392582
The Char clone gets pretty badly fucked up during the story and has a scarred up face; hence why she wears a mask. Pretty standard shit for the genre, I'd say.
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>>2392579
Last time, he was working on something like that.
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>>2392568
Which one do you mean, specifically? Mouretsu?
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Writing something where a girl might join with a recently formed f/f couple as the third member or get a different girl for herself. I'm honestly not sure which to go with.
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>>2397607
I guess it depends on what kind of characters you have. And if you make a fourth girl whose sole reason for existing is for third girl not being alone... I can't say that's a good case
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>>2397607
Either works, but it's impossible suggest what you should do without knowing more about your story.
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>>2369269
>Have any of you tried making your own yuri?

It's called fanfiction.
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>>2397709
Fourth kind of already exists in the background because she's apart of the setting and one of the girl's that knew part of the couple before the story began. Girl A from the couple and 4th girl got into a spat where they took sides and don't interact anymore

>>2397771
Good point. The protag kind of, in her view, sees the couple get together throughout the story despite that not really being the case. Girl A and B of the couple do have deepening crushes on each other but they haven't acted on them cause reasons MC isn't privy too.
So like if she gets involved with them I'm not quite sure how despite MC finding both of the girl's in the couple hot. Might be more of a: they're all kind of friends and protag just tries to get AB together when AB both kind of realize they care a little too deeply about MC and MC's unfettered enough to go along with their plans.

MC gets with fourth girl, it's more of a follow to an earlier mention of MC trying to ask her out but not getting an answer. More typical to high schoolers going out that might not last but I could throw another reference in due to name shenanigans.
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>>2397818
Looking at your description of it, I might suggest going for the threesome if you can lead the story in that direction without making it contrived or going against the character's personalities. Girl number four sounds almost like an afterthough while there's an arc that could lead to a satisfactory threesome. Still, it depends on the kind of story you're writing and the personalities of the characters involved.
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>>2397827
I suppose that's fair, and the reason why she's kind of an afterthought, is because romance somewhat secondary to the plot. As hinted previously, MC ends up kind of tailing and running into AB throughout the story and gets the idea that they're together. Consequently through most of the story MC is dealing with non-romance related things or she would be probably a touch more persistent in asking 4th girl out or at least getting an answer.

Not quite sure how contrived it would be, especially since MC had planned on doing something that might've landed her in a bad spotlight with them but A kind of puts a stop to her plans. I guess, either way, by the end of the story, AB's serious relationship is actually beginning in earnest. Same would go for the ABxMC outcome with maybe MC being a little wary cause it would be the first serious relationship she's ever been in. So she takes it really seriously, much to AB's possible surprise.
I'm also of the mind that A and B would both have to feel something for MC and vice versa for it to be even a possibility. If I go that route. So potentially, A's more emotionally attracted while B's physically attracted in the beginning until it equalizes.

Again though this would probably not be readily visible since it's from MC's pov and the two are kind of wary of her when MC starts making regular appearances in their lives cause of plot reasons.
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>>2397841
Give the trio several scenes where they can be together in an intimiate but non-sexual manner before moving things that way. I could see it working. What kind of story is it? I mean, you're describing the plot structure, but details might make all the difference.
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>>2397843
Almost Magical girl style of story? I guess. Group of heroes that AB is a part of, and MC's the newest member. However AB's group don't initially know MC's the newest member, and because of things that made MC question loyalty/trust, she's not really keen on taking word of mouth answers when it comes to how loyal a(the) group is. The audience knows how loyal the group is, but MC doesn't because she wasn't around when they formed and defeated the first few monsters. So she goes through this process of finding and confirming their identities that has the additional benefit of testing their loyalty. This may or may not involve "kidnapping" a member or two that's not AB, and then when MC's going to kidnap B is when A catches her by surprise and MC gets captured. Or she goes to abduct A but B's sudden appearance causes her to panic and A catches her off guard. Of course, unknown to AB at the beginning, the kidnappings aren't for anything. MC's doing it to observe them and find answers so her "victims" escape/get rescued but still that could seriously dampen the possibility of ABxMC. Hence why she gets captured before she kidnaps one of the girls but there's still potential souring.

I might just be able to do that with how I'm splitting the story up. First half was going to be about MC meeting, being a bit of an antagonist to the group, and then reluctantly offering to help them should they need it. Second half would be more about the group/AB kind of warming up to MC with a monster looming in the background that they eventually fight together. So the possible scenes would play out in the second half. Any sort of confirmation would be after the monster when things are being wrapped up. Something like MC and AB go to a movie and they all end up cuddling leading to a talk.
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>>2397855
Go for it, anon. You've clearly got it figured out.
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>>2397872
Yous right, I'll chance it and maybe test the waters. If it gets a better response I'll work on formalizing it better. Mc's whole table turning caught thing that happens might be a decent way for her to half-heartedly flirt with them causing AB to get all weird. B potentially threatens her and it just goes from there or something. Although, yeah alright I do have a way for B to get interested after the confrontation. Only hurdle would be A being emotionally attracted and the only thing coming to mind is the notion that confidence=sexy despite how illusory it is on the MC
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Did this ever have any results?
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>>2403600
Of course not. People already working on their projects keep on progressing whether a thread like this pops up though.
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>>2403600
From the anon making the yuri CYOA earlier in the thread, I have a 100% success rate with making any CYOA that I get to the physical construction stage with, so that'll happen eventually. This one is just much, much bigger than all of my previous works combined.
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>>2403956
Just don't forget about being hot-blooded.
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>>2403957
We lesbians are sustained on willpower, even when mocked as reckless and gay!
If there's a het couple in our way, we smash it down! If there isn't a path, we carve one ourselves!
The magma of our loins burns with a mighty flame! Super Ultra Combining! Lesban Lagaan!
Just who!
The hell!
Do you think we are!
*Volcano*


Of course not, anon. My yuri is the yuri that will pierce the heavens.
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>>2403960
Good. Cause that's really a better adjective for that one bit.




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