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The previous thread hit bump limit. What's On Your Mind Anon? Share your feels.
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>>7427748
I'll just start by posting a few papes from my folder.
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>>7427750
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>>7427752
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>>7427754
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>>7427755
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>>7427757
I'll post more and join the conversation later.
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There is a quite a bit on my mind so I'll post a few papes that reflect these thoughts. This pape makes me think about how much knowledge there is in the world and how it seems difficult for one person to absorb all of this knowledge in his or her lifetime.
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This pape makes me think about how I will never be able to afford a place of my own. As much as I would like to move out of my mom's basement, I have no money to put a down payment on a modest house and if I rent a place, I will never have any money to buy my own place.
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I have no friends and my entire family hates me, so by the end of June I plan on running away and getting a fresh start. Although finding a new place or even a job will be a challenge, and the chances of going homeless is a high possibility its something I've always aspired in hopes of better days.
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>>7427785
get a big car, sleeping in a shitty civic fucked my back up after a few months.
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I feel as though I'm getting more done than I ever have in my life, and it's only made me aware of how little value any of my actions have had so far.
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>>7427748
i don't want to die but i don't want to live like this
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Sometimes I prefer the company of people that do not exist, while at the same time I prefer no one's company while among individuals that I both detest and that make me ill.
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I have so many problems, worries and issues with so many things so bad that I want to just be forgotten to finally rest. Then again I don't want that because then I wouldn't be able to protect my family member who si the only thing giving me a reason to live.

I feel like I can never climb up from the depths of the bottomless pit and keep falling deeper and deeper the more I live. I have only the one-way ticket.
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Drunk, and lonely
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>>7427915
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Indignation.
The sensation of anger towards feelings of unfair or otherwise unjust treatment.

This extends not only towards a worldly perspective, but also a personal one. The inequitable treatment of oneself, by oneself. Perhaps in the form of beating yourself up over a failed opportunity, or looking in the mirror and feeling disgust, or simply self-harming habits (Such as smoking even though you acknowledge the damage it's doing).

I'm trying to use this self-hatred, this indignation towards myself, as a form of motivation to change my current self and surroundings, into one that I'll resent less, even if just slightly so. Using anger as motivation may be dangerous and addictive in the long run, but currently it's the only motivation I have in this atrophied, momentary existence.

Many great people have used various emotions as motivation in the past, just look at what Elon Musk and SpaceX. I'm uncertain of his personal motivations, but I'm sure of the emotions he must have felt was anger and scorn, perhaps towards the stagnation of scientific development, perhaps his upbringing at some point, or towards some person who wronged or ridiculed him.

Point is, negative, stigmatized emotions such as contempt, indignation, and anger could be used as a driving-force in positive development, if you allow it. Prove yourself wrong by breaking your own constraints.

Anyway, I could be wrong.

Hope you anons out there are doing well.
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There's not enough whisky in the world to make me feel like I fit it
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>>7429039
"Anger gives motivation without purpose"
I don't remember where I heard that, but it sounds so right and so wrong at the same time.
Anyways, doesn't matter what drives your motivation, be it negative or positive emotions, as long as you do something. Motivation is all we need my friend
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>>7427748
Alone wishing I had some DMT to do or weed to smoke so I can just trip
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>>7427748
>feel depressed and lonely, just want to talk to someone
>someone talks to me
>too depressed to make conversation and brush them off

fuck me
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I have a very important exam soon and my family and their issues keep getting in the way of me studying. Too bad I depend on them for basically everything. Except emotional support because I never had that from the start.
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>>7429073
You don't need whiskey to fit in.
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I can't stop thinking about how I might actually want to be a professional ballet dancer. I've been dancing my whole life and I got up to the pre-professional level but for most of the time I thought of it as a means of adding to my college resume or a supplement to my academics. Now I'm in college and in Summer break, and without the distraction of schoolwork I can't help but miss dance and think about where else I could be right now, like on stage, in front of thousands. It's not all roses, and there's a lot of things to a dancers life which instinctively and rightfully turned me away from the career before, but maybe being a professional dancer has always been my path and I just haven't seen it even though its always been right in front of me. I see a lot of my ballet friends, too, who have gone on to be professional at big-name places. The dance world feels so close but so far. I'm going away for the summer so I won't be able to dance at all really, and then school starts right up again. Am I missing my destiny? I think back to all the times when everyone else would have quit but something inside of me kept me going without question, and all of the crazy coincidences that combined to make me dance, and dance more. I never thought of dance much outside of my lessons when I was in high school, but now after not dancing for a year it consumes me. I kept dancing when times were hard because I felt like it was too late to quit, and I'm worried the longer I wait the more it will feel like it is too late to begin again. But what do I do, drop out of college with a 4.0 GPA and an intellectual career that I've worked so hard for? With all these other, non-dance things going for me, and so many relationships in college?
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>>7429527
Maybe it's that I haven't had much going on, mostly sitting around during summer break but I still feel empty. When I dance and I have the blood pumping through my veins I feel alive. This could also just be a phase, an adjustment period, going from 60mph to 15. I'm also at this awkward point in skill where I'm not good enough to jump straight into a good dance company but I'm still very good, and can find a job especially since I'm in high demand as a guy. Glancing on a thread and reading my post I can see how it would be easy to say, "you only live once, go for it." I would probably say that if I were you. But the situation makes it so hard. Think if this were actually you.

I typed this out much faster than I thought I would. All these thoughts have been running through my mind so much now, especially after seeing a show.
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>>7429528
Having studied hard my whole life to get into a good college where I worked extremely hard to get good grades to get into a job I thought I needed to satisfy my parents has brought me nothing.
I went from a regimented disciplined childhood, with a narrow focus and totally lost my adolescence and am now an unhappy, maladjusted adult - straight into the workforce.
I got to visit japan when I graduated college and I fell in love with the country for a million simple reasons but I went right into a job that's commanded 70-80 hours a week, I don't have the time to commit to learning the language and as such cannot make a life there despite having the skills and education to make a living and life a quiet life, working hard and enjoying the little things that I finally connected with there.
I know I can quit and deal with the consequences but that phantom of expectation, mostly self imposed has completely immobilized me.
Tomorrow I will wake up at 5:45, dress and shuffle on and I know Im gonna wake up in 35 years and wonder what it was all for.

Please, please chase what you love. If you fail you'll figure something else out. If you fail at that, at least you aren't dead - or dying any faster than the rest of us.
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Actually i feel like i finally got my shit togehter in life, this last 7/8 mounth have been all good things, ive got myself a job, mental stabilty, and got my good grades again in colege. I hope things just keep getting better.
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>>7429073
how you can drink this muck?! it is vodka which have been spoiled by one stupid man who have thought that adding taste of wood barrel with a fair amount of bitterness is very good idea(no). Vodka is more honest alcohol - only alcohol and water. And it is tested by the time recipe.




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