(1/5) Good afternoon everyone! I did something stupid and am about to fuck it up even worse but I'm not sure how to proceed in order to fuck it up in an actual spectacular way, and I count on you Jews to give me hints.So the story starts about 10 years ago : I was 20, university dropout and roughnecking on an oil rig somewhere up north somewhere on the American continent, in a shitty village with nothing to do. So I just got drunk at night in my hotel room and wrote poems, which I sent by mail to a girl I liked from my hometown, which I had found accidentally on the internet (I sent the poems at her school, since I didn't have her home address, and yes she was like 3 years younger than me but whatever), but didn't want to meet her irl as she was just supposed to be my muse and I didn't want to screw up my inspiration by meeting her and risking finding an imperfect basic girl. The goal of using a innocent-looking teen was to keep the incarnation of perfection and virginity in my mind and poetry. Let's call her Sophia.Anyway coming back home I eventually did meet her, as she was curious about the secret admirer who made her unexpectedly famous in her school. It was a bad idea; we didn't have much in common and I never pushed to have whichever relationship with her, even though we did stay in contact occasionally for a few years. After this professional dumbass-circus, I decided literature was just not for me and I'd stay in the vulgar world of the primary industry, where I felt like I belonged more. I last saw her in 2017 as we went to the same university, and it was nice.Fast forward to December last year : I came back to the uni to do a Master's degree, and my teacher suggested we go listen to a girl's oral presentation about her research. We go, and I fall in love : she is stunning, intelligent, well articulated, looks super sweet, can't ask for more. Let's call her Maddy.
>> (2/5) After the presentation, I send her a message to ask if we can meet to discuss her research, as we are working on similar topics but she is way ahead of me. She accepts and we meet, and it's kind of awkward because no girl has got my spaghetti dripping out of all pockets like that for at least 7 years. It's no great success, and I try maintaining contact but at some point she just r-bombs my last message, in which I invited her to some social event, probably aware of my feelings for her, and I decide it's enough humiliating myself and stop messaging her.Still thinking about her weeks and months after that, I stalk her with all possible means and platforms I can think of, and finally find out she is a very good friend of the girl to whom I used to send poems, even though she comes from a big town about 2 hours away from my village! Cherry on the cake : I discovered I even had a picture of Maddy in my old files, next to Sophia on some kayaking trip, what the fuck !Anyway, fast forward a few more months and I'm being sent out by my uni to a conference about our common research subject. Of course I see Maddy, and for some obscure reason she decides to come talk to me (weird of her, after ignoring me). On that day, I am a completely broken man as it's my birthday, I got absolutely shitfaced at the open bar on the previous evening, I am drinking my 5th coffee at 10 am, shaking, and I struggle to align a couple coherent thoughts or words without stuttering, let alone being flirty. The conversation is of correspondingly awkward. At some point I ask her where she's from, and she then asks me the same question. When I say where I'm from, she proceeds to ask if I know her good friend Sophia. The spaghetti was already dripping hard again even before this question, but that was the gallon of bolognese sauce that just made the tub overflow.
(3/5) I was sweating too hard to just admit straight up to her face that I was the utter creep sending cryptic poems to her friend as she was still a teen, assuming she had heard of the story somehow and probably didn't think anything good of it. Anyway her friend came out of nowhere and started talking to me, which gave Maddy a good opportunity to just slip out of the conversation and start chatting with some loser, pretending she is suddenly interested in the random dude.After that, I thought it was a mistake not to tell her, since I had nothing to lose, and maybe that could have helped her discover that I'm not the Beotian dimwit she probably thought I was after puking so much spaghetti on her (and also she's one of those ecological feminist and I, having been in the oil industry, was probably seen by her as the bastard son of Hitler and Satan). So I decided I'd tell her as soon as I see her again. I never saw her again, so a couple days after that, I got drunk at home and told her by message (genius, right ?) that I was Sophia's poet. She said she was sorry if she had unknowingly put the knife back in old wounds and some other trivialities about the conference. I told her there was no wound, and other trivialities, assuming we'd never talk again, after such disappointing reaction to my stupidly climactic revelations. Anyway, a few days after that, I get solo shitfaced at home again and go for the Hail Mary : send a message to Sophia. She ignores me completely. Had I not been drunk, it probably would have been obvious to me that Maddy had told her she met her creep of the ole' times and he was, indeed, an utter creep.I wake up on the next day and think deeply about those last 10 years, and how funny and symbolic it was to meet Maddy and everything, like the circle finally closed itself.
(4/5) So I decide, for the first time after 13 years of solid alcoholism, that it's time to become a human bean and stop beaning an alcoholic. After an absolutely terrible month where I could only think of drinking, but feeling much better physically and mentally, I stupidly felt like I owed Maddy at least a thank you for unwillingly making me take back control over my life. So I drop a solid dose of acid, and decide to whip out, once again, my signature move, and write her an anonymous cryptic thank you message including tickets to the next opera in town. In the e-mail I just vaguely said that she made me get my life back on tracks, that our last meeting had been decisive in that, that she had certainly wrongly judged me, but that I did not intend to prove her wrong or even see her ever again at all, which was the truth. Now I grew convinced kind of convinced that she linked the anonymous creep to the actual creep she met, which would only make it ten times creepier.Getting her the tickets was hard, since the opera doesn't really allow to do that, so I had to buy them under my name, call the opera to make them stick her name on them and never to tell her who I am or what my phone number is. I was seriously thinking my plan was perfect and she'd never be able to assemble the 3-pieces puzzle like a non-retarded human bean. Anyway I received an automatic message saying she was abroad for 2 weeks and couldn't see her messages. Nice, I bought these tickets for fucking nothing.Fast forward like 2 weeks, I'm at work and I get a call from the opera, asking who the fuck I was if I were not Maddy but still bought the tickets as if I were her. I proceed to make sure they have no idea who I am, and tell them never to give her my name or number, but I'm afraid she found out because of the opera staff. I have no idea but I can only assume the worst.
(5/5) Now, my research chair was organizing a writing retreat in the woods for a few lucky students to advance our projects, and my teacher told me I absolutely needed to go there, so I signed up.Well we received the retreat-goers' list and guess who will be there also...So what do you think, anons ? Did I accidentally reveal my power level ? And if yes, what the fuck am I supposed to tell her when I see her; how am I supposed to act around her, assuming she accepts to more or less isolate herself in the woods with the phenomenal murderous creep who she would assume me to be??Thanks in advance for the advice, anon, here's a song I like a lot as thank you : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BB7HNn2fGEQ
>>32323176what the hell did I just read. I read the entire thing from start to finish and it didn't even make sense. The best advice I can give you is >So what do you think? utter nonsense >did I accidentally reveal my power level?yes? you revealed not only that, but your brain power level as a low functioning person. >what am I supposed to tell her when I see her? nothing, if you ignore her she will ignore you. just behave yourself and never talk to her? >who would she assume me to be? why does it matter? you're never going to talk to any of these people in your life again, just do not talk to them. ever. stop talking to them. delete all evidence you have of them from your life. delete this post actually, delete it all and never speak with them. if you see her again? shake hands and introduce yourself like you never met.
>>32323159You suffer from Blogger's Fantasy - the delusion that anyone cares
Thanks for the brutal advice, niggers, this is honestly exactly what I needed to hear. Now if the post were not too old for 4chan to let me delete it, I'd delete it.
Jesus fucking Christ this sounds like a lamer, gayer, more psychotic version of the nude lunch. There's more women than your whore Maddie or whatever you fucking deranged creep.
op, i think your problem is you aren't writing enough emails trying to explain your side of the story.
TL;DR???
thanks OP for the copypasta to annoy people on bant
