How do I stop being a people pleaser?I'm bad at setting personal boundaries and some of my most forward friends can drag me along incredibly easy. Just today I had to turn down an invitation for coffee because I had a class (plus, I was someone else's ride) and although I was able to say "no" I still feel much guiltier than a reasonable person would.Even when rejecting a more outlandish proposal (last Saturday I had to turn down a friend who asked me to come with him on a 45 minute car trip somewhere to take photos because I had work) I still feel like I'm gonna let people down and they will resent me.
>>32327833Read this https://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-Updated-Expanded-When-Control/dp/0310351804
>>32327833Fuck that. You are doing what is best.
>>32327833>I still feel much guiltier than a reasonable person wouldYou shouldn't. Saying "yes" to everything is what makes someone a people pleaser; it's why people with no future beyond being a wage slave get stuck with twice the work for half the pay.You don't have to say "no" every time. But saying "no" is a boundary that should be respected, especially if something more critical to your life (e.g., work) is why you say "no" to something that isn't. Anyone who doesn't respect that boundary, or tries to make you ditch the more critical thing for the less critical thing, is an asshole and you should ghost their asses without regret.You might miss out on some fun experiences by saying "no". That's a given. But if the vibes are off or you need to be somewhere more important, saying "no" is exactly what you need to do.
>>32327833You can't be a people pleaser and say no to people, regardless of how guilty it makes you feel. You also have no idea how guilty other people feel when they say no, do it's disingenuous to pretend you feel more guilty than others. You aren't special. Get over yourself
>>32327833Enjoy clashing with people or asserting your rights, more than you enjoy the comfort and stability of avoiding conflict Ez
>>32330879>You also have no idea how guilty other people feel when they say noYou don't know what you're talking about.If someone else is intruding on me by asking me something - i.e. it's not part of something I've already agreed to - then I feel absolutely nothing in saying no.Now, if I'm betraying an agreement, that's different. That feels disgusting. But just saying no when I have no reason to say yes? Complete neutrality
