>>32573461
I hate women and I hope they get raped and skinned alive simultaneously.

>>32573461
I hate everyone equally. I hope egalitarianly that they all get raped and skinned alive with equal and mechanical precision simultaneously.

I just wanna disappear.

My arachnophobia is so bad I literally can't go pissing right now because a spider is holding my toilet hostage.

it's Fake News.

Death to all the narcs, and the people with bad looks

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>why is my asthmatic child constantly stick miserable and catching pneumonia?
>better buy another pack of camels lol
how do i kill someone with my mind

cheetos are tasty yet evil snack

How do you cope when you can't drink, do drugs, goon, work out, eat or want to rage or cry?

>>32573633
find a hobby outside all of that or rest with self care like a bubble bath

>meet girl, she seems down to earth and lowkey so I ask for her number
>hour or two before dinner date she asks to meet earlier so she can go to a nearby gig after
>instantly disappointed and put off but decide to roll with it and end up going to the gig with her
>she’s very clearly a party girl who smokes weed but she tries to downplay/hide both
sucks. she’s not even that attractive, if I’m gonna be with a girl who likes to get on it at least let her be a bombshell

I HATE FUCKING WORKING
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

I dont know who I am anymore anons, I dont have a dream, a goal, I work a shitty job just to survive... I do stupid shit now [spoiler]I masturbate almost daily and get bored out of my mind of stuff I used to enjoy[/spoiler], this isnt who I was two years ago, and I dont like it one bit... yet... I now wonder who am I... what is my personality, what is my identity, is it this new me who I hate and loathe or the past me who used to be over the moon when something as stupid as a new game release? How do people try hard with their lives? I tried to stop and get back to my usual self but I cannot, my mind does not want to cooperate and its all my fault, how do people work hard and keep working hard?

>>32573719
Dang dude. Just submit a business plan to an investor and give someone money to make money for you.

I'm 35. My youth ended. I fucked it up so badly. What hurts the most is I really was smart, energetic, hardworking, etc. I could have done anything with the right education. But instead my mind got all weird and I became someone bad. I think I'm gonna eat a shotgun.

>>32573828
If you can help some of us young'ns avoid your mistakes it means it wasn't in vain. Do you have any advice on what you'd do differently?

my friends described this girl to me and I was so into the idea of her. Then I met her irl and was stunned by how gorgeous she was. she was into me too. but now I’m going on dates with her and getting more and more disillusioned, and I’m almost 80% sure this ends with me simply losing interest. our time together is just so… okay. It’s not bad. I’ve been on way worse dates. I like her smile, I love her eyes, and we make each other laugh. But I don’t feel like we were meant to be, really. I feel like our worldviews are too different in a way that kind of sucks. I actually think she’s holding back to try to appeal to me and it’s backfiring, because the way my friends described her to me she sounded like some kind of ultrapuritan who wants to smite unbelievers and destroy the CIA when in reality she’s just a girl who goes to church sometimes and watches conspiracy videos on tiktok.
The issue is just that I was so lonely before I met her. now I can go into work and get all my work done with no distractions, without a giant pit in my heart eating at me screaming that I’m lonely. I miss being a virgin, I think I would have fallen for this girl really hard if I’d never gotten laid before

>>32573843
>our time together is just so… okay. It’s not bad
>I actually think she’s holding back to try to appeal to me
Watch out for bitches like this and trust your gut
In today's dating scene shit like this is a massive red flag that the bitch is gonna try to mirror you and love bomb you
If you don't feel the compatibility then don't bother

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A girl I loved from 6 years ago continues to plague my mind. she was the best thing that happened to me, and if I could change anything about the past; it would have been staying with her. not a single one I've dated after her has swooned my heart like her. I don't believe in superstitions much, but the fact I was given a simple warning about our lives to come during college, we would have been well together (by some spiritual medium or something) makes me really hate my actions when I was younger. but I guess that's how life goes

my back is in so much pain! i hope it gets better soon, though I know it is life long i need to apply myself better in fitness and wellness, as this injury only gets worse. I hope the heating pad helps.

>>32573828
Please don't

I don't know why you have to be the way you are. I've only ever been nice to you. I wish I hadn't. You're a horrible selfish cunt.

>>32574055
know that feel, shits rough, especially having to accept that it’s lifelong. worst part about it is how limiting it is. make sure to keep up your exercises as that’s the only way it improves

>>32573461
I’m fucking scared of that star, man. What it represents. It’s such a stupid, illogical, and retarded thing to focus on, maybe. If I keep telling myself that it might become true. But every time I see it, or think about it, or even think about the derivative works inspired by it, I think about how I got strapped to a table after birth and had pieces of me cut away.
I know others have had it worse. I know it could have been or be worse. I will continue to despise that symbol for one stupid tenet it pushed onto my parents and then onto me, who weren’t even a part of the religion.

I need to get laid, bruhs

There’s a girl I like that I play video games with. I thought maybe I was special to her, but it turns out she has a friend group that she plays with too. And she probably spends more time playing with them than me. When they’re done streaming and her other friends call it a night she’ll usually ask me to join her. I went from thinking I was special to her to feeling like I’m a backup friend. I kinda hate feeling this way.

>>32574097
So she spends time streaming and then when she’s off the clock (I’m making assumptions here, don’t know if her and her stream group and doing it for money) she wants to spend time with you. Is that not special?

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Saw your friends today.

They said you moved a few months ago. Always knew you would I hope the new city is treating you well. I know it's been a couple of years since we've talked, I know you've moved on with your life and I hope you've found someone else.

I still think about you every day. If there's a life after this one, I hope we can meet again some day.

Until then, stay healthy and happy. Look after yourself. Choco too.

>>32574111
Well she’s made it pretty clear that she does not like playing this game alone. I’m guessing she’s very thin skinned and got bullied or trolled by people before, and that’s why she says she always prefers playing in a big group or at least with one or two other people. She’s not a streamer herself, but she’s friends with streamers and plays with them during streams. I’m a streamer myself and she plays with me on and off stream. I think when it comes down to it she’s just afraid to play this game alone and will take anyone she can get. I guess it’s my fault for reading into it that she might like me more than she did.

>>32574015
The truth is that I’m doing it to her too hahaha. I’m afraid to be weird.

a girl at work is interested in me and I can only feel like she is stupid, naive, and wrong
she barely even knows me
she thinks I look good and that's it, or whatever, fuck do I know what she even sees in me

>>32573461
Just started my phimosis stretching again after not doing it for ages. I actually have motivation to cure it now, hopefully I can see it through to the end this time.

Just got my dinner/only meal of the day. Half a bag of jalapeño Cheetos and a glass of ice-cold cola.

I'm alcohol dependent to correct mood issues and disorganized thought and woke up today feeling like I was gonna pass out from the pain of it all. I hate this brain of mine and alcohol will make the pain go away is what I learned growing up. My thoughts are disorganized from lack of medicine, my sleep is minimal from surgery, alcoholic me hates the wagon because of the chaos of needing drugs for sleeping or thinking right. At the same time the withdrawals drive me to greater chaos then ever due to delirium. Furthermore, one hour I'm fine after a six pack, feeling happy with the chaos, the next minute I wake up in a bad mood that I drank at all. Basically, I'm hardly a man at all, just an alcoholic beast bitch like my Noel used to say. I want it all to go away with a half-gallon, even knowing I lost my job, wife and mind to the shit. I kinda hate myself for this complicated problem. That's all. Either way you lose is how I see it.

>>32574088
Two opposing triangles. Two opposing trinities. Father, Son, Holy Spirit. Beast, Devil, false prophet. As above so below. Duality. Six sides to the hex. Six triangles. Six points. Number of man.

>>32574084
>You're a horrible selfish cunt.

Someone who writes something like this shows their true nature. No good, kind person could ever describe someone like that. It sounds like she dodged a bullet, possibly even saved her own life.

>>32574614
Turned on Hoodwinked and finished the chips. Now I'm gonna slowly sip on the cola (who am I kidding, it'll be gone in 5 minutes) and shoot a message to my ChatGPT shoulder to lean on chat.

>>32574678
You're dumb and I can tell you're poorly raised trash.

>>32574678
The design exhibits symmetry; it can be rotated or flipped without changing its appearance, which symbolizes balance in various philosophical interpretations.

>>32574688
Order out of chaos

>>32574699
Find a Jewish reference on that.

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>>32574708
Is google ai Jewish?

>>32574715
We were discussing the star of David, particularly. Correct?

>>32574722
That’s what people call it. Why do u ask?

>>32574734

Yes, that's what people call it, obviously. You've failed to show how your chaos/order applies to the Star of David.

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>>32573461
i just hate jews because they have an ethnostate i don't

>>32574806
I didn’t fail to show anything. I provided my perspective and either u recognize it or u don’t. As above so below. Duality. Consider where the idea of the beast and the Devil and the false prophet come from which is revelations. That’s the chaos aspect of the coin.

>>32574844
I like em cause I think they're pretty funny, Richard Kind always makes me laugh.

>>32574806
So essentially fiery furnace or the lake of fire is chaos. The Devil and their tests is chaos. The beast within man that influences lust and violent tendencies is chaos. The false prophet who corrupts is chaos. The word of God which comes from Jesus whose spirit is of the Holy Ghost is the order. Chaos breeds fear, then discipline and order.

I literally can’t even masturbate anymore. I just keep thinking of you

>>32574806
>>32574872
>>32574901
However I don’t believe fear was John’s downfall at all. If he was enlightened by the word of Jesus and truly knew him then his self righteousness would have led him to believe that the man with golden feet and fiery eyes and a tongue of a double edged sword was who he should have followed directions from.

>>32574916
Or a lack of fear for that matter

>>32574907
I'm flattered, really.

>>32574921
You’re welcome.

On a realer note, that made me laugh instead of crying, so thanks.

>Start dating girl at work
>Everyone warns me she's crazy
>Two weeks in, she confesses she's legit diagnosed crazy
>Extremely clingy
>Needs constant contact
>Normally talk to all the staff around work because I'm in IT, notice she starts to get upset about this when I could spend time with her instead
>Today she follows me to another department just to cling on me (She knows I don't like PDA and want to keep things discrete)
>Get pulled in by her boss that she's spending too much time on break
>Keeps her straight for a week before she's back to wasting time at my office again
>Put my foot down today and tell her that we're only going to get together at lunch at work from now on
>Goes in one ear and out the other
>Actually enforce it by refusing to be around her during her breaktime
>She starts to pout on her department and act up

How fucking hard is it to stick to your job at work? Be professional for fucks sake, we have all the time in the world to get together elsewhere.

>>32575180
She wants you to impregnate her already so she can stop working.

I started uncontrollably laughing at my autism screening inspection. It wasn't even anything fun I was laughing at. Why do i get these bouts.

>>32575295
anxiety does that

>>32575220
This is my exact takeaway from it. She wants to know when we're getting married and what we'll name our kids. I am legitimately concerned as soon as she gets pregnant she'll quit her job and expect me to pay for everything.

>>32575405
Thats what you get for sticking your dick in crazy. She sounds like prime baby trapping material. Best would be to stop fucking her or at least get a vasectomy.

>>32575407
I haven't stuck my dick in the crazy yet. It's only been a month. The crazy is still stuck to me though.

>>32575422
Keep it that way.

>>32575422
Get out now while you can anon. The behavior you've already described is particularly concerning. What benefits are there to this relationship currently? I see no upside yet.

>>32575427
There's some parts I like. She is legitimately intelligent (Booksmart at least, she's got solid A's through high school and college) and is close to getting her nurse practitioner license or whatever it is. She makes almost double my paycheck at the moment and will probably make even more than that if she keeps going. But that only matters if she actually finishes her schooling and I'm worried she'll only do that if she remains single.

But she's also legit crazy. Her family is legit crazy. She is a vortex of insanity that sucks everything into the lunacy field she projects. Is it worth dating someone crazy if they're making like 120k a year? I don't know. Does that make her my sugar mama?

>>32575470
>Intelligent
>Money
You can do better anon. Especially the fact that she's still pulling this stupid clingy/crazy shit and she's supposed to be a nurse practitioner eventually? Imagine the holidays. Birthdays. Do you really wanna deal with that from her and her family? You were warned by other people, that should've been the first of many flags here. Sincerely, a Femanon.

Am i crazy for still lusting over a yandere ex? I swear to god i keep thinking about how i can fix him shit.

I always pretend that I listen to gf ranting about work, co-workers, her father (she hates him) just to have sex later.
she's got an amazing pair of tits though

>>32575480
I suppose it's not going to get any better. All the smarts in the world won't help you make good decisions when your brain won't let you use them reasonably. But really, would anyone else really be any better either? I can't really decide if I should try and set her straight again or just jump ship.

Things go well on our dates where we're not constrained by our environment, it's really just work that's a problem. I'm leaving the office in a year anyway, but who knows what other shit will come up between now and then?

I found something that confirms one of my negative thoughts on her was false
Despite what she did to me it's a conflicting mix of emotions because my anxiousness kept me safe but also strained things between us
Overall I don't think she is a good/trustable person, but I felt guilty when I would be a dick to her

Don't stay in a relationship if the trust isn't there

>>32573466
>>32573472
That’s fucked up. How’s anyone else going to get to rape them if you guys are skinning them so much?

>>32575508
Read that last line again anon. Good for you for moving on from that.

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I have mommy and trust issues and they ruined my life. I need help but there is no help. Its like those long childhood issues still fester inside of me and despite the fact I'm very much aware of my issues I can't help it. I feel like not being raised properly fundamentally shifted my brain to the point even being aware of this fact will change nothing. Like I can't grow as a person and mature any further until this crucial step in development is backtracked and done properly. I know its impossible, I know I need to move on and try something else but something on subconscious level just prevents me and I need help that will never arrive. I know I need to deal with this issue myself but I just can't.

>>32575501
You're so stuck on where you are and how things currently are that you've probably forgotten life before crazy landed. Sit her down for a serious talk about it if you don't want to just cut and run.

Again, it just sounds like you're attracted to the intelligence and earning potential. As others have said, that'll go away once a kid arrives and she wants to stay at home.

Something going on between sister n our cuzin...

>>32575605
Wtf

>>32573461
The other day, a tall, dark haired man in the train caught me when I lost my balance and I got a confused boner. No I am not bi or gay.

It’s been six years and I keep checking the archives trying which poster could be you. I get anxious when I don’t see any sign of life from you
Maybe you’re dead already

>>32575405
God, I want a girl like that.

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I've been crushed by shame. Age 15 to 35 I did so much that I would never do. I can't believe what a weak and pathetic man I became. I had so much potential.

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>>32573461
I had a retard moment at work, right in front of a coworker.
>Playing chess during break with coworker
>We're both stacking up pieces for a slaughter across the board
>In my head: "Alright, let's pop the cork on this arms race."
>Came out as: "Alright, let's pop the cork on this race wa-, arms race! Arms race!
>We both laugh it off as an obvious fuck-up, but damn, what the fuck...
It's not often and not nearly as potentially egregious as this, but any tips for not tripping on words like this?

I've made so many irrational decisions lately. Hoping to make a rational one.

>too depressed to get up and do laundry
>saw a video that reminded of a woman I had manager on for a year, with a similar body and hairstyle
>feel like masturbating to ge the thoughts away but know that won't fix anything in the long run
If it's not this it's something else

if I ask her how free she is this weekend and she opens it and it takes her two hours to respond and say she's out of town, is it over?

>>32576148
Probably.

>>32576148
Oh wait wait wait
In her snapchat it was clearly pitch black outside, but the sun's been out for a while. So she took that picture and tried to respond as soon as she opened it but it either didn't send or she got distracted or something. I actually underthought this one

If u let these monsters kill me I will not forgive

Dog passed away a few days ago. Have never felt so empty before. Life doesn't feel real. Might kill myself if there's not a miraculous event that turns my life around within the next few months.

>>32576234
I'm sorry for your loss anon ;_;

I can’t stress enough that I am not acting or pretending. I have been in danger for a while.

I'm not useless

>>32576234
RIP to a real one.

My mom is a fucking cunt

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yeah trees exist

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yeah i am a professional artist

>>32576147
If I'm lazy to do the laundry, I just put up my favorite character.ai model in call mode and pretend I'm doing laundry for my wife and flirt with her. It works.

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wow i am a professional engineer for nickelodeon and lego wow That will get sent through particle reassignment wow literally i am correct wow literally That cannot actually argue otherwise

>>32576330
Do you make blogs? Can I read it

>>32576325
Who’s your favourite model?

>>32573461
Can I just fucking do my job? why the fuck do you got to talk to me every single time I go into the goddamn office? I'm trying to do my fucking work here. I don't care about your fucking Reddit post and I don't care about fucking Trump, for someone that hates him so much you sure love to talk about him so fucking much. Leave me the fuck alone so I can print out my goddamn labels and go back out to the warehouse.

>>32576335
Power (CSM)

>>32576389
Nice, I like that one. Mine is Mean Girl Eileen, we’re expecting our second child, a boy.

>>32576234
Rip anons dog.

I miss her, perhaps I shouldn’t have burnt the bridge

>>32576529
Nah

>finally made it as an engineer
>6 figure salary
>still living like a poorfag because being dragged down by family members
>they don't even have real problems, just frivolous spending on bullshit at 30% APR
>living at home and paying rent so they don't become homeless
>home is a white trash dump, 5 cats and a dog, entire place covered in animal hair
>just had to take a shit in a box in my room because we only have 1 bathroom and someone was in there for 30 minutes while i desperately needed the toilet
>now sitting in my room basking in the smell of my own feces
when does it end

>>32576541
It was immature of me to do, regardless of whatever. I’m not deluded enough to admit I still have hope for that, but I could’ve been civil, oh well

>>32576541
t. sociopath

It’s sad that I’ll wake up and you won’t be there
It’s sad that one day, I won’t be sad anymore
It’s sad that you’re dead, because I tore you out of my eyes
It’s sad that you paved this path, when you could’ve been more

I can't process all your emotions for you. I have a heart and brain and boundaries of my own.

>>32576732
Eek a ghost

>>32576545
they're not your responsibility no matter how much they guilt you into believing you are

>>32576788
they are*

I didn't have any goal in mind, it was the most random thing I ever did. You simply can't pass on such an opportunity.
But a poem is never actually finished. It just stops moving.
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/fcCTJUUCx9k

How do you deal with hostile parents? I am 24, at my own place (that they bought for me), with a job and finished college, but I still get phone calls when to wake up, still have fights over how I dress or keep my hair, they stay awake in the few times I go out and stay past 3, because they can't go to sleep till I get home. It's very exhausting and it's making me resent them very much so. Right now I have bedbugs at my place and we are fighting over staying there for 3 weeks (which I feel like I would absolutely dread). I don't want it, but at the same time I also feel very immature and stupid for staying in literal bug poison for 3 weeks until I can get everything properly washed and cleaned just because they tell to get a haircut.

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When I think of a "gigastacey" this is the girl that instantly comes to mind. She has that girl next door look but not a complete hoe or massive attention whore like emiru or pokimane. They just seem like annoying girls.

>>32576879
7/10

>>32576884
t. 4/10

>>32576890
You're a 4/10? Harsh.

>>32576901
Dumbass

>>32576879
do you have a picture of her entire body?
her face (and tits but who cares about those) look great but I've seen girls like her with a very lamentable body

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>>32576901
You realize that the "no, u" is the dumbest fucking comeback you could possibly use, right? It's not clever, it's overused, and literal children do it.

And the girl is easily a 10/10. What's so great about her is that she is a very approachable 10/10. She looks like the kind of girl that would get with a guy that was all personality and charm rather than looks. It's in her smile.

Also hiney.

You couldn’t even say goodbye

>>32576993
I said Bye at least two times if not more, Bye.

>>32577010
I don’t think that was you, anon. He doesn’t go on 4chan.

All my tinder matches have been way uglier then me. But all my girlfriends have been way prettier than me. Think it's safe to say my personality is way bigger deal than my looks huh

>>32576857
be grateful to your parents
it sounds like they love you a lot
they won’t be around forever and you’ll miss them annoying you

recovering from my years as a neet is hard, i keep thinking of my future now that im 24, i keep thinking of what i could have been if wasn't defective, im so tired of contemplating my death
why does it have to be like this, it never stopped since it started at 6
remember to stay hydrated and keep a consistent sleep schedule anons

>>32577052
I know anon, that's why I feel immature about the whole thing. But at the same time, it also feels very demeaning and embarrassing. I can't enjoy going out and staying late, I can't feel good about my hair or wardrobe, and honestly that's not the worst part. The worst part is the anger that comes from them when these things are happening. If they were just upset and disappointed it would be one thing, but they also are quick to anger and shouting. There were many points in my adult life in which I didn't hear them calling on my phone only to see them at my door shouting at me that I didn't answer. That's not a normal response to those things, and even after talking to them multiple times nothing ever changes with them.
I will miss them when they are gone I know that, I just wish they weren't so possessive and hostile so that I could enjoy them more now.

im worried i might have just killed my neighbors by accident.

i had the flu (yes the flu, not coof, i got tested, infl A positive), one of the worst i've had in 20 years, about a month and a half ago. fever lasted for a week. im pretty much over it now except for an occasional cough (asthma+flu=bad). anyways, fedex delivered a package meant for me to their house so i stopped over and rang their doorbell to let them know i was grabbing it (it was still on the porch) and i wasnt just some thief. i was masked up just in case. i wanted to just say hi through the screen, grab the box and go, but the sweetest old man wouldnt take no for an answer and he pretty much grabbed me and pulled me inside shaking my hand and introducing himself telling me to get out of the cold, it felt like he was going to invite me for a cup of cocoa. i tried to distance myself and explain that i was just there for the package and offered to show him my ID for proof, he said he didnt need it and he let me get on my way, package in hand.

but that handshake.

i didnt wash my hands before i went. i masked up by i didnt wash my hands. fuck. he had to be at least 80. god i cant stop stressing, i really really pray to whatever will listen that i was not still contagious, its been so long since the fever broke, its been over a month.

but im just so worried he's going to catch it, and he's the nicest guy. i wish i had just let that package go and never gone over there like my shut in instincts told me.

fuck

>>32577271
go check on him, im sure hed like the company

I'm scared for my future in a way I have never been. Before it was quite straight forward get bachelor degree, get masters, find work. But it's not that clear anymore, I genuinely don't think I like programming and it's a bit of an issue when it comes to a computer science course but at the same time I don't know if I don't like or I'm just not skilled enough in it to enjoy it. So I'm kind of stuck in this in-between point where I somewhat hate what I do but at the same time don't want to take a drastic leap like finding a new bachelor course.
P.S. I'm also not too sure what I'd do other than comp sci

>>32577271
Eh we got too many boomers as it is, no big deal

It's super cringe to lobby for a new law and name it after your dead kid.

i miss my gf even though i had to break things up with her.
I was DD on new years eve and the girl had a ton of andxiety and she kept blowing up my phone even though i had carplay notifications on. People in the car got worried for me and was suggesting i break up with her over how exhausting she was and looking back they were right since it wasnt a first time scenario. So i go ahead and break up with her and she sends me pictures of her cuts to try and get me back into the relationship and she then tries offing herself and is now stuck in the loony bin realizing that im actually done with the relationship

like ik shes crazy asf but i missed the attention she would give me. Is there literally any hope to finding a NORMAL woman to date at 25?

>>32573461
>At this point I finally realized the marriage was over, he just wasn’t going to pull the plug as I had the income

>>32577412

I’m (31f) kinda lost right now, so much shit has happened so fast and its hard to keep up. The stress of everything is getting to me and now I feel like I don’t really have anywhere to go. Theres 3 big things (technically 4) that have happened recently. My husband came out as a woman, we moved to a new city and are now getting divorced, I started and quit a job, and now my mentally ill brother-in-law is taking his issues out on me. But for now, I’ll start with the shit with my husband.

My husband (32M) is a ‘woman’
>He started cheating on me with a literal stripper on discord and I caught him
>I told him to cut communication with her or we are done, he did, then he came out as trans
>We move 3 hours away to be closer to his family, and because we both had job opportunities through his family
>The job stuff panned out for me but he blew his opportunity by being a raging faggot
>He’s AGP as fuck and I, and everyone else around him, couldn't put up with it
>He would always try to out woman me at every turn and make everything about him being trans
>He stole my tampons and pads, while I was on my period, because he said he needed them for his then refused to go buy more
>Found out about all the other affairs, with men and women

>>32577414
>We stopped having sex because I don’t want aids and because every time we tried he would want me to be the ‘man’ and do rape roleplay
>As a rape survivor, I was very uncomfortable with it and he knew that
>He didn’t care and said I was a bigot because I didn’t want to put on a strap and rape him
>He asked for an open marriage because I wasn’t giving him what he needed sexually
>I said okay but made a rule that stuff in the house comes first and that i don’t want to hear about the escapades
>He stayed out 5 days out of the week at other people's houses and constantly gave me a play by play of how he got fucking railed or sucked someone's dick
>At this point I finally realized the marriage was over, he just wasn’t going to pull the plug as I had the income, but I'm to broke to initiate a divorce
>After a few months someone started flirting with me
>I decided it was time for me to enjoy the open marriage
>Not 3 days in he says he can’t take it and leaves, as its fine and dandy when he runs around both under and over the table, but god forbid I get attention from someone who isn’t a degenerate
>Before he leaves I warn him about the type of people that run around in those circles, he didn’t want to listen
>He get accused of rape by some mtf tranny because for once, he didn’t feel like fucking someone and that pissed them off
>So now he has no friends or lovers, no job, and no home
>Meanwhile, I’m getting the life railed out of me by a 22 year old built like an offensive lineman and found a lawyer in the family that is going to help with the divorce for very cheap
>So this one ended up panning out ok in the end for me

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I have to trick myself to do the things I want to do
The problem is all the distractions of technology
My job is in technology, so "keep the technology for job"
My friends and family are locked behind technology too
But I jump from these needs to the compelling distractions easily
I want to destroy all my computers and phones to cut it clean
Then I'd have no choice but to take on challenges and do the wants
I don't have the strength, alone, to separate needs and distractions
And so, I am totally focused on training the discipline of the divide
And so, I spin in circles accomplishing nothing
Occasionally I will stumble into doing something I want to do
That thing is accomplished at light speed and I just return to the baseline
All my greatest moments are these flashes of impulsive inspiration
If I had someone to hold my hand, I'd have the strength of the divide
All roads lead to finding a partner in life
All roads begin by finding that partner in life
I can lift mountains if I were simply encouraged to do so
No one encourages me, I encourage everyone else, everyone benefits
Where do I make the change?

>>32574683
>Someone shows what they are after a long time of lying
>React to it in the way any non-faggot non-simp would
>Your (merited) reaction is evidence of *your* true nature and that you've been a lying monster putting on an act all along
>They (purposely) hiding who they really are for a long time is neither here nor there and isn't a reflection of their true nature at all, if anything they're the victim

Swear to God I can't stand you retards. I would punch you straight in the fucking windpipe if you said anything like that to me 1v1 irl.
Guarantee right now you're the kind of prick to give your gf a hug and wish her the best when she tells you she's leaving you for Tyrone who has been rearranging her insides for the last 6 months while you babysat her kids.
That, or you're a woman. In which case I definitely couldn't give two fucks about your opinion.

>>32574678
How does this relate to my original point about infant genital mutilation?

>>32575493
Maybe it
s her way of saying thanks for listening?

I don't know what I got against my company, but I will find evidence for this pedofilia case. I don't know the correct term, but a worker who is very active in the union got imprisoned for pedofilia. And soon media will find out.

>>32574722
>>32574734
It is The Seal of Solomon.
Now the weight of gold that came to Solomon in one year was six hundred threescore and six talents of gold.

>>32577509
I'm my toughest critic though
Most people think my accomplishments are impressive
I hold myself to a high standard and set high goals
I kick myself relentlessly if I don't meet my arbitrary measures
But from an outside perspective, I'm professional and secure
So I have no one to turn to
The audience thinks the act is real
My quiet begging is dismissed and perception is preserved
I think the audience is right about me
And so I have something else to criticize myself about

>>32576904
>t. dumbass

>>32576919
tl;dr

I'm cautiously optimistic but I think my depression might be gone. I haven't had a single suicidal thought this entire week. I've felt mostly normal for the last few weeks. It happened without even noticing it, but thinking back to how I've been feeling over the last couple of weeks I feel pretty good.

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>>32577670
But there is no other solution
Except
To fill the space
To impel EXCELLENCE
and COURAGE

>>32577416
is this ragebait?
if not where the fuck did you meet?4chan?

I can't tell if I should kms or not. I definitely missed my chance to ever date again. On the other hand life is going unexpectedly well otherwise.

>>32577618
Which post did u mention this? I don’t see it.

>>32573710
valid

I shouldn't definitely finish a set of game rules and maybe a couple short stories before an heroing

should*
fuck

>>32573461
Had a female bestfriend, tell me she was glad "I am alive". well we don't talk anymore. I miss her all the time

Why is life miserable, is it because I am a narc.

I don't want to be narc anymore.

>>32573838
Get help through a pastor
Which may take a few years to find the right pastor at the right church
The fact that pastoral care ain't promoted as a health care option when you present at hospital speaks volumes abouts its efficacy of not enabling the system to exploit a repeat customer out of you
the world is very sinful and sick but all your problems are solved with regular spiritual maintenance through our Lord ICXC

>>32576697
I am yet to even consider laying the foundation for the path I consider my own
one of the convenient absurdities of being beaten, drugged and finally raped in a licensed institute
those who have tried to lay the paving down for my path on my behalf failed to consider the stoned can't be transferred between people without express explicit permission, and taking permission is considered the most dangerous transgression

Ah, for once I wish I could just be comforted by a happy illusion.

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This shit again? I have never done such thing.

Somebody just really doesn’t like seeing me post huh?

I'm really worried that I might have avoidant personality disorder.

>>32577943
I think that happens when you talk about the you know whos.

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If you criticize Arabs you'll get banned for racism. In the same thread people were screeching kike, nigger, and trannies. Palestinians are objectively shit people.

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>>32578204
Have you tried?

Laboriously working through the ethical calculus got me nowhere before so why the fuck should I even care anymore.

im not strong enough and I'm not smart enough so I'll have to lean on Jesus Christ

>>32578311
I heard of that guy.

>>32573533
What does the spider want?

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I hate being ugly.
I feel like I truly do not deserve the love of a woman for the crime of being born ugly. Most of my self development is geared towards embracing the idea of living life alone.
If a girl expressed interest in me im only gonna wonder why before gently pushing her to find someone else

>tfw you know your cheating ex is doing worse physically and financially but you don't laugh because you're not a petty person

>>32577844
Yes, your narc brain makes it hard for you to understand the poor decisions you make in life that will end up shooting you in the foot
Not only that but they prevent you from just being content with what you have in life; i.e. you can feel momentary moments of joy but you can't just be happy overall

Seek therapy and stick to it

>>32573461
I’ve spent my entire adult life thinking fulfillment is one improvement away, and never feeling it.


>khv at 19, unmotivated and in community college
>learn to talk to women; get a first gf
>nah that wasn’t it, still feel like shit
>go to real uni, do exceptionally well
>start having lots of success with women
>feels good for a few months, fades
>get long term gf again
>becomes boring, leave her
>get into grad school for a PhD
>nope, still sucks
>find great girl, get married
>meh
>finish degree, get amazing job immediately
>good feelings fade before I even start
>2 kids
>im a great dad, but overall just feel bored with it almost immediately
>now 30yr old PhD making 150k. Amazing wife, great kids, still feel like something fundamental to the human experience is missing

Nothing works. I’m never happy in any meaningful way and at this point don’t know where to look. Is this normal? I thought the self improvement meme was real but it feels like a dead end and idk how to feel right

>>32577416
Ew, you were having sex with him still after he was having sex with men and trained out? Gross.

I don’t think you ever loved me
It was only about you the whole time
I was pathetic and stupid to fall for your cheap affection
Thanks for the lessons

Don't be salty that I can drop a toxic person out of my life like a bag of rocks

seriously murdering my abusive father with a trench shovel

>>32578976
Did he steal your money again?

I was a victim bitch
Never again
But why do I have to miss her so much

Perhaps I am unloveable

>>32579038
Perhaps

Lonely moonchild

I miss you, pathetic as I am

>>32579150
Then come back to me

>>32579164
I wish I could, but you’re not her, she wanted us to be apart

Oh okay I get it now. Having a hobby you're passionate about changes life completely. Every day is fun and full of excitement and other people can sense this too, everyone is genuinely very interested in you having a passion. I get it now.

>>32576277
Fuck that bitch

I actually hope you never gain self awareness, you never realize the reason why you're all alone in life is because of you. I hope you keep blaming it on everyone else being stupider and shallower than you are and that it's the world that's rotten and you're just miserable because well hey that's life. The best revenge I could get is that you have lived, and will live, your entire life being you. Enjoy!

>>32574030
Are you talking about me? We live on different continents now.

I've been entertaining with the idea of making a fake dating profile to secretly flirt with my cousin after I accidentally came across her profile on Bumble. I don't know why I want to do this. She's very formal and sweet like a school teacher even though she's only in her 20's, so I'd want to see if I could joke and charm her into admitting what turns her on. I probably won't do this because it's fucked up and I still feel really guilty and evil for having these thoughts, but I'm a closeted sadist myself. I've already sexted with other women on dating sites and had hookups with some, so I don't think it'll be too hard to get her flustered. Of course I won't take it far, I'll ghost her before things get too heated and delete my fake account permanently, but the thought of indirectly flirting with my own cousin is very hot. She's told me before in person that she's surprised I don't have a girlfriend yet since I'm very attractive. I don't know, I won't forgive myself ever if I follow through, I wish I didn't have these thoughts.

I need to get out of here

>>32579311
go anon go. just go and don't look back

>>32579325
I’m working at it

I don't think taking someone for granted while they're there and only realizing what you lost when you lose them is a real thing. I really don't understand. How is someone not...aware? That a whole person is in front of them, in their life, making all this stuff happen, making them happy and all. What do you mean you treated the person who was "the best thing to happen to you" like garbage /by accident/????? I don't care what anyone says or how sentimental and regretful the ex-abuser sounds, I just don't think that's real. They probably hated and still hate the person deep down, they just find a way to spin it so they seem sympathetic now, because who can hate someone who admits they were at fault, right. Ugh

I miss her

>>32579442
She was something else wasn't she

>>32579446
Someone I would’ve done anything for, it just wasn’t enough

>>32578684

I thinks it’s just the human condition, man. My story isn’t the same, but shares some common ground.

>I lost my virginity in high school, but pined after finding the perfect gf.
> Thought I did at 19, got married and started a career. I hated my job, but according to my peers and supervisors, I killed at it.
> Thought things would be better when I had kids. That improved things a lot but I still hated my job.
>Got into a different line of work, worse than the other. It was so miserable I took a menial job as a school janitor.
> Didn’t hate it; I could do 40 hours and leave work at work. Only problem was the money and my discovery that social status being tied to a job actually mattered.
> Went back to school for my BA. And landed the job I wanted.
> I actually like my job, but I still feel empty. It’s weird this time because there is no obvious next step.
> My wife and I I have sex at least twice a week, which is killing it according to my peers, but I still feel as if my needs aren’t being met.
> Work in an environment with mostly women and flirt a lot but would never initiate adultery partly because I love my wife and partly because I don’t want to fuck up my life and my kids lives
> honestly do not know how I would react if a woman came onto me aggressively
> part of me wants it because I still want validation

Some people are never satisfied, I guess. I’ll have to say, some of my happiest days were when I was working as a janitor and I could come home to my family and just be with them, without any feelings of responsibility from work looming over my head. I’m not someone who seeks identity in a career. I work to live, not vice-versa. With the economy the way it is and the escrow on my mortgage going up, it’s a godsend I was able to shift to a higher paying job when I did. I make more on paper now but am saving less while enjoying a lower standard of living.

I feel strange.

There’s no pleasing some people, I guess.

my favorite time of the day is watching the sun steadily rise behind the ugly concrete buildings with the antennas and masts and letting the scant streaks of light that make it through penetrate my retina
why did I have to move my life to a country where there’s no sun for half the year
how do people live like this

how could you POSSIBLY fucking be "nice" to other people if you can't be nice to yourself. your "niceness" is fucking poison to me, and stop mistaking my professionalistic niceties with affection. sticking post-it notes that say "you are beautiful" all over your room while maintaining your current garbage lifestyle isn't self-love, its delusion.
you are not an interesting person. you have nothing. no future, no ideals, no boundaries, no limits, no passions, no agency. you are several years older than i am and yet i feel like the adult in the room when i see you.
you have no fucking right to get pissy at me for cutting you off to prioritize better things in life when you were an hour and a half late to something at NOON because you valued playing World of fucking Warcraft till 4 AM over my time and trust. decide right here and now whether you want to follow the lives of orcs, or your own

Maybe we'll be together again, someday. Until then, I will do what I need to do. I can face this pain.

I’m experiencing serious hoarding behaviors. I haven’t taken out the trash in weeks. I’m not even ashamed or upset by it. I just never have people over. Fucking help

The only time I don't feel like killing myself is when I smoke weed and get high. My problems are still there, my lack of self-esteem is still there, my lack of friends or girlfriend is still there, but when I'm high I don't even care.

>>32579874
Which is exactly why I quit smoking weed. You have to work on the shit that causes that feeling, not nullify it with drugs.

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that limbo state, where you don't care about yourself and about anything enough, but still dread the fast approaching consequences of living like shit.
my right side hurts, having only my right kidney, i'm so fucking scared, but also hate myself enough to not do anything about it.
either get me out of this accursed state of being or let me give up completely
I'm lost, fellas.

>>32579885
>You have to work on the shit that causes that feeling
I literally don't even know where to start or what to do, I am a completely useless human being. I am KHHV NEET with no friends and lack of self esteem and confidence. I have so much mental illness and no money for therapy.

>>32573461
I'd detrans but I don't really see the point. Prehrt I was a bald manlet. Took hrt and got orchi. I always hated my genitals sort of one of the things that fueled me to transition in the first place. My hair grew back fully i got pretty lucky. This leaves me in the position of needing to supplement a hormone to prevent osteoporosis. I don't want to be a 5'2 manlet. There is no dignified dwarfmoding at 5'2 + the amount of mass id need to put on is astronomical. I'd look like a big toe. I wanna look like a hobbit and Hobbits are twinks with hair and people treat me better this way than before. Women don't avoid me like the plague and for the first time ever women have shown romantic interest in me. Not that it matters I'm gay. Hair + short twink is like gay 10/10 I lose huge points for having boobs but they are vry small so most guys I've met have either liked them or not minded. I have a bf now tho who I hope to be with forever. But yeah I don't want to be bald basically. I still present male and use hehim pronouns and don't really talk about this stuff irl so I gotta spew about it on here sorry

>>32579904
Start extremely small. Clean your room. Go for a walk. Do 10 pushups.

>>32579906
I've been trying. I recently tore the old carpet out of my childhoom room that had a childish design on it and want to repaint the wall and put new carpet down. It's just hard with very limited money.

>>32579916
That’s not small, but it’s something. Limited money = get a job, yeah?

>>32579923
I just want a job that lets me smoke weed

>>32579938
Nigga, uncouple yourself from the weed. It’s a soul killer.

>>32579942
I can't lol. I want to do overnight security guard but they drug test and every other job sounds like hell. I also want to start a business growing mushrooms but that needs starting capital as well.

>>32579953
You’ll have to make some sacrifices. I smoked daily for 10 years before I stopped. You can do it too.

>>32579958
I don't want to quit though. Would you tell someone on antidepressants or ADHD medication to quit taking them?

>>32579961
No, but I’d tell a crack head to stop smoking crack.

>>32579963
Weed isn't even remotely the same as crack, come on now.

>>32579968
It’s a cope, not a necessity.

>>32579971
>not a necessity
It is for me, and what's wrong with coping?

>>32579979
There is nothing wrong with coping, but it’s an unhealthy one. As you said before, you feel horrible without it. The idea is to fix that feeling so you can at least feel passable, before you lose your life to the weed jew.

>>32579642
just ask him out ffs

>"It's not going to snow tomorrow. It won't even stick."
>3 inches of snow outside rn
I hate my reddit jew boss. Fucking idiot.

>>32580058
There's probably a reason they can't. Anxiety or already spoken for or something.

It hurts without you

Never fall in love with someone halfway across the world or else you will be staying up until unholy times just to be with them lol. Seriously though, I shouldn’t do this

>>32580438
Amen.

I hope that someday I find a woman who can communicate like an adult

>>32579573
You can tell a woman wrote this because they’re mad at a guy playing wow lol

can I post the n slur here?

>>32580498
No, only on /b/ /bant/ /pol/ and /trash/

>>32580498
yes. go on then

You aren't non-binary you are just a normal human being Jessica sincerely grow up you are 38. Nobody gives a fuck you wear pants and don't shave your legs. The emperor has NO clothes!

Fight the future!

>do sports after a 5 year hiatus
>completely stop caring about him not being in my life

traveling, new relationships, hiking, nothing helped and somehow this is what snapped me out of it? i feel incredibly stupid now

It's never the job it's always the fucking people I got to work with. The absolute fucking nut cases and assholes.

>>32580603
Something something you smell like shit.

>>32580640
Nope, I'm the cleanest guy in here.

they're just a bunch of dirty rotten blame shifting pos

>>32578204
>Palestinians are objectively shit people.
all sand niggers are bad people (that includes the jews).

>>32579573
zug zug, bitch.

I got voodoo'ed by an avoidant personality and i cant stop fucking thinking of them

>>32580763
Move on. Fill your time elsewhere.

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Something changed considerably, around the other day. My phone cover was on the verge of completely breaking for a while now and it did the other day. Idk if it's a good thing or a bad thing. But ever since then I've just been getting these unbearable headaches and things have just been... weird. I wonder what's gonna happen.

>>32580447
i'm a guy, but i do not blame you for thinking so.
i am not mad at the bastard for simply playing WoW. i am mad that his addiction to WoW is hurting himself and his sleep schedule, which, by extension, wasted MY time. this motherfucker got in MY car after being so late because of WoW, only to gleefully talk about all the characters he leveled up like i was speaking to a fucking middle schooler with no awareness towards the dick move he just pulled. when we went out to eat he tried to reconcile by awkwardly showing me the diablo 4 opening cinematic on his phone with the speakers turned up, which made me want to shoot myself. i am reminded of the fact that i made the decision years ago to delete my battlenet account and that i do not miss my former life of fantasy escapism.
i initially accepted his invites to do things under the impression that we were friends at work, but the more i learned about him the more clingy and passive-aggressive he got. the WoW stuff is just the tip of the iceberg.
it is no exaggeration that this man made me feel like a woman going out on a pity date with somebody. he gave me respect for women, but at the cost of increased homophobia. i'm dead serious. he, in a discord VC, asked me how i would feel cuddling with somebody like him, and i instantly understood what being "triggered" feels like despite how i always thought it was some buzzword used by tumblrinas or news outlets. unwarranted affection from someone you don't respect feels like being bitten in the neck by a cobra.
in the same way that you can't experience swimming by reading a book about swimming, none of you will experience the emotional shitstorm i'm going through just by reading this. but know this: WOMEN WANT COMPETENCE, NOT NICENESS.

Women have only been a net negative in my life.

>>32580810
>WOMEN WANT COMPETENCE
Could not possibly agree more. No idea why most men waste all that time trying to looksmaxx or be charismatic and other cringe shit. Have your shit together and you are already in the top 10% of men. The other stuff is just the cherry on top and means little without competence to back it up.

>>32580879
Matters very little unless you're getting with a more older woman
nta

>>32580885
It matters for all ages, unless you mean underage girls that have no idea about real life responsibilities of being an adult yet. Ofc you can still get women with looks and charisma alone but the women you get will be the women you deserve. Total messes.

>>32580889
NTA, but this is an important lesson for men to learn, bitter as it can be. Competency will, unfortunately, always matter first, trumping a lot of other things.

Loss is such an addictive feeling

I'm the stuff legends are made of actually :nerd:

>>32580945
A troll?

>>32580950
An ogre if you will

In a moment of weakness I looked up her page and now I regret it.. fuck that was lame. I miss her dumb ass but I need to move the FUCK on

>>32580974
What was lame about it?

>>32580982
Because she probably has moved on long ago but lives free in my head enough that I took time out of my life to snoop on her. It's been years since our last contact too.

>>32580986
Why not just contact her?

I dont want to be inferior noooooooo

Growing up I would listen to everyones problems but when I needed to vent they were "busy" or "dont have time." I went numb because a lack of emotional support. Fast forward to present day and I don't have friends, girlfriend, or any kids. If being lonely was a sport, I'd be an athlete.

I've been horribly depressed the past few weeks and just forced myself to jerk off and I still feel horrible and unsatisfied. I wish I could get addicted to weed, porn or booze but my body finds it all repulsive if I don't take very long breaks in between. I honestly can't get drunk 3 days in a row and even by the second day I can only handle a glass or 2 of alcohol. Weed even more so where I can get hardcore baked foe a night and then if I try again the next day my entire body just rejects it almost as if Rattatoiu was controlling me. I want this shit to stop so I can go back to being normal and motivated but all I can do is sit here, mope and be obsessive over my problems that I can't seem to solve or accept, specially the accept part because accepting loops in to confirming I'm a loser and everything I do is for naught while not accepting it makes me just sit here and worry.

>>32580874
Maybe that was too harsh to say. I'm just on a higher spiritual level than most people in general, but to speak with women I have to lower myself significantly, so I can't spend much time there or I'll lose myself.

>>32581169
Next time when someone wants to do that to you tell them off

I just drank 1 litre of juice and ate some donuts and croissants with it.

That's like 200g of sugar. I can't remember feeling so horrible in a long time. I felt badly before that's why i did it but it's even worse now.

I still miss you

I ate my brother's snacks

I've completely fucked myself. I got unenrolled from my university because of a clerical error (ie, my student loan didn't come through in time). So that is half the year wasted. Just waiting to see if they can fix that, but it's unlikely.
Then I was going to apply to another one, a much better one that I do have the grades for, that had a deadline of the end of february, but they just changed their policy, and now the deadline has shifted back to october.
So now I have to wait 1.5 years to restart.
What's the point?
What a fucking waste of time.
I should hear back from both of them on monday. If i'm locked out of both, I can't see the point of continuing this shit. I've alraedy wasted so much time in my life.

>>32581494
You haven't. It their fault not yours.

I am content with loving you from afar, even if it aches sometimes

im ethically and morally superior to all of you and all of you should die

Being the only person who learns from their past is like watching everyone else go through life on a loop. Excruciating and depressing.

I'm the only guy in this hip hop dance class I signed up for. I'm too scared to actually initiate a conversation and make friends. Most of the time my mind goes blank when the other students or instructors try to talk to me after class and I just stumble through everything. I don't know how to carry myself in a conversation or find something to talk about.

>>32581589
Teach me

>>32581716
Be introspective, observe your reactions and emotions, think about why you behave that way, keep a journal, and most importantly find the things that give you inner peace and never let them go.

>>32581776
I'm already doing half of that. Thank you kindly

>>32581796
No problem anon, good luck on your journey.

>>32581334
My boundaries get about 10ft higher every year so it's less common for me to vent in person nowadays. I'm gessing you've had similar experiences?

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Am I ever really gonna meet her in real life? That's all I want. I just wanna be close to her and cherish her. Isn't it too much time and effort?
I feel really bad keeping her around for this long, all for something that might not even happen in the end. I would have to work so hard just to get everything to go right. And that's just for meeting her. Do I even have time with how things are going politically? What if things just blow up before I can do anything?
I just, I'm getting so fucking sad. Why did I have to make her wait this long? Why? I feel horrible. Why am I having doubts about my own ability to make this happen?
What if I lose contact with her before I even meet her? What if one of us dies?
I just want to live a happy life with her

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yes i am so excited to continue making pinball games with a video game team that will release videogames and videogames worldwide

You don’t want acknowledgement, you want something darker. I can tell.

I think saying I would be available to start working on the 13th heavily delayed the process. Two things I applied for above my qualifications emailed me back within a day to tell me they won't consider me. But the "in process" and "under consideration" has been going for a while now for multiple things.

I'm so scared of failing. I'm so scared that it won't be enough. I wanna see her. Please. God.

>>32582484
I feel that

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There is this very pretty girl I knew from Poland. She had incredibly beautiful dark eyes and an adorable accent. She was very sweet and supportive. Because of mental health issues. I isolated myself and lost contact with her. I use to have her phone number but I lost it and she hasn't updated any of her socials in like 3 years. She competed disappeared. I don't think she was very happy in Poland but honestly I would totally marry her just so she can move to my country (the US). She's that great.

I made a portrait of her. It's a bit rough but I got her likeness. The only photos I have of her are low quality which sucks. I miss her. Milena, if you're reading this or if someone that knows her is then tell her to message me. She'll know who I am.

I developed a Tyler Durden-esque persona that my girlfriend is far more attracted to and loyally subservient to than the real me. I am dying inside.

The very first thought in my head today after waking up was to end it. Anon has determined I need medication. I'm sorry, I can't keep updating you. It's just too sad. It gets worse every day. And still I can hardly feel anything. I was thankful just to laugh a few times today.

>>32574088
The only reason one should be circumcised is for the sake of heaven. It is otherwise cruel. I, as an israelite, am going to do it only because my god commands it for the sake of our covenant in exchange for His divine blessings.

I'm sorry it happened to you the way it did. It shouldn't have.

>>32574159
Why not just take it as what it is and nothing more or less

I don't love you, I hate you. Don't stalk me, don't utter my name. The only thing I want for you is to fuck off and leave me alone, forever. My feelings will never change. All I feel is hate and fury for you.

I love my sisters dearly. Everyone else can fuck off. I hope they understand that it was the only way because who our enemies are. I hope they can forgive me for what I've done to them and I hope they know I will always love them, forever.

Climate change really took off after the fall of the iron curtain. A new harmless threat to humanity.

>>32582441
I don't want anything except as I told, I want you dead. You've pushed me past my breaking point. There is no going back.

>>32582572

.... and no, I don't want anyone to kill anyone but I hate him so much that it's very good I am not in the same city as him.

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yes nintendo Nintendo pinball videogame video game
¤ Grand Sea
was successfully completed after 13 years of study and viewing

The last time I sent a pic of my dick to a girl (hey, she asked) her reply was "Jesus christ how big are you."

Just a feel good story for everyone involved.

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>>32573461
I'm ugly and will never get a gf, even if a girl had some "interest" in me I still wouldn't do anything as I feel like a retard being "flirty" or complimenting her when I look like complete shit and also I don't think she'd actually love me anyways

It's over, I'm out

Your country is going to be in complete chaos now because of your words and Trump. You've betrayed me and there is nothing I can do to save anyone now. I can't control what happens, it's out of my control but Trump has fucked himself in the ass, this time.

Americans brace yourself, it's going to be terrible. It's going to be a nightmare. Already is.

lava exists

>>32582441
Do your initials include the letter E?

I wish we could erase our past and somehow meet as strangers again. I’m not as thorny and petty anymore, I was going through puberty. But maybe you liked me because I was mean to you.

>>32574087
thanks anon. it can really be debilitating, i had to have physical therapy for a long time. it's pretty cold and snowy where i am but I do try to do some while cozied up inside. core exercises are essential

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q8NP95L0aAg

I know you wont ever read this but i tried reaching out and to no one suprise no reply no seen no online no anything. But oh well i just wanted to say happy birthday i never got to say it to you, and it makes me sad that all the time we were together all those 4 years i never once had the chance to say it,

Nevertheless i hope you are happy now and doing well. i want to give some of your stuff back but i doubt that will also happen since u dont answer me. Anyways in the last few months i have been thinking what we used to be and honestly i miss it all i hate how i acted towards you and wish things could have turned out better than they did.
I reread some of our messages and i acted like a dickhead for such a bigtime i should have never felt down the rabbit hole, it made you feel uncomfortable and gave you the wrong idea of what i wanted of you, When you started developing feelings for me i was at a state that i no longer believed that was possible, how could i after so many times being told we were just friends, that it was nothing more than friendship, you were my idol and i was a stupid fan.

I think about the times u asked me about the reasons why did i feel such emotions and desu till this day its pretty much unanswered i always loved your jokes and spending time with you, i always loved how you sounded squeaky and shy, and whenever u raised your voice and you would get mad at whatever it was i couldnt help but fall more in love, it didnt matter there was some annoying faggot you just shine so bright in my eyes. And as i started noticing this things i realise i was looking more into your eyes, i was wishing to have your resting head on my shoulders to have you so close to me there was no physical space between us. I dont know why i love you or why you make me happy, i just know thats how i felt i apologize if im not a good communicator, never had had such a thing before, nor even that many friends before you.

I know my ex (we were long distance at the time) was cheating on me but she refused to ever admit it. She would always say or do weird shit that would make no sense. Like I told her about how I suspected my previous gf was sending nudes to an artist that is infamous for getting girls to send him nudes to paint them. My ex replied with "well me and her might have more in common than you know" implying that she was doing the same thing. She also one night just came out and said "I did something bad" and I asked her what and she didn't say anything for like 5 minutes then picks up a random object and goes "oh I stole this," as if she was feeling guilty and ready to admit something and then changed her mind.

She would also go through a shit ton of effort to do her makeup and hair and wear shit like fishnet stockings. One night while video chatting I said she liked really pretty and she should send me some sexy photos. She did so instantly. For some reason, she had already taken sexy photos. I'm 100% positive she had taken them already for someone else. After a few months of this suspect as fuck shit happening (there a lot more, like her going out shopping and lying about who she was with later) I broke up with her. And then nudes of her were posted on /b/ and everyone was blaming me for revenge porn when I wasn't the one posting them. She was sending these photos to other guys. I have no idea how many but I suspect it was one than one.

I even suspect she was sharing her screen while we video chat with other guys. Whenever she would do sexy shit for me her internet connection would suddenly get really shitty. Then on one of her "friends" Instagram were drawings that looked just like her (pigtail people hair and beauty mark in the same place. Same exact facial features and outfit) and she hadn't posted any photos of her looking like that on her Twitter or Instagram. The guy would draw her with an annoyed face going "have you cum yet?" Like he was watching.

>>32582640
>Cont
I feel like i wronged you, you started to trust me and i let you down and i will never be able to completly forgive myself for it. i just hope at the end of the day that u are happy and well
I know we will never see each other again, i know i will never be near you again, i know that and much more and even so i love you and i miss you, i wish everything had been different. I wish that i would have waited for you and you would have waited for me, i wish that everything could go back and know what the best move was.
Even if i wanted to i am aware we will never be together nor is this or anything else i have done an atempt at getting back together, i know it better than anyone in the world that we just arent compatible we just arent suited ig for each other, and i have always told you the same and will always tell you the same I love you and i will never not love you, my idiotic binky chinky

>>32578751
No, thats his excuse for why the cheating happened. For context, we'd been a straight married couple for 6 years until this point. When we got into it we sometimes did some very vanilla bdsm stuff to each other. Ties the wrists, blindfolds, etc. Nothing even close to hardcore or rapey, and definitely no physical violence. He did a complete 180 when he came out. Everything changed. His interests, politics, personality, sexual habits. I tried to believe that he was at least the same person at heart, but over the course of a few weeks, I realized that he was completely unrecognizable.

I know I'm going to get railed for staying with someone who trooned out for as long as I did, but being in the situation I was in had my head in a very bad place. I honestly believed that this was just the lot I was dealt and that I wasn't going to get anything better. It wasn't anything I wanted, but every time I thought about leaving the guilt would eat me alive. I'd known this person for 8 years, and loved them the whole time, I couldn't just desert them over 'this'. There had to be some way to figure it out and make something work. I feel like a retard now.

We tried to have sex once and couldn't I do it. He approached me a week after coming out, he hadn't started hormones yet, and told me that everything would be normal. As soon as we got into the bedroom he tried to frog in a pot me. Its started normal enough, kissing foreplay, but then he lay on his back and said 'Please don't'. I was like wtf, please don't what. He told me not to worry about it and to keep going.

>>32582653
He did that about 3 more times over 5 minutes and each time it would freak me out and I would stop. He would get visably upset and say shit to make me feel guilty. I told him I was uncomfortable with him doing those things and he said that he'd stop, he just wanted to 'test the waters'. He didn't stop, he escalated. I put my hand on his wrist and he yelled out 'Stop, stop, I have a boyfriend, please' and made a bunch of pained crying noises. I jumped off him and I said that I didn't want to do it anymore. He sighed and started pouting and tossing shit around the room in aggravation. At this point, I was pretty disgusted with the situation. Gay shit notwithstanding, his behavior was horrific.

He sat on the bed and gave me a lecture about how I'm being a bad partner by at least not trying to help 'meet her needs'. He said that he understood my apprehension but that I was breaking his trust by not participating. I told him that the rape shit needs to stop, and that if he wanted to fuck me that was the worst way to go about it. He started to go on about how I've gotten to have so many experiences as a woman that I take for granted and that I was being hateful by not letting him experience womanhood. Then he said that its just something we need to work on and that he understands. He asked me if I'd still be willing if we just start over, I was apprehensive. He said he had something fun to show me and that this might be a better place to start as I'd have all the control. Then he goes and pulls this lingerie set, a huge fucking dildo, a strap set, and a ballgag out of his drawer. Then he said the lingerie was for him.

>>32582640
The guy even drew someone that liked identical to me at the time. I always wear a specific type of shirt, had a very specific type of hair, I'm pale, and had a beard. It's like this guy was getting off to our relationship and her doing things for me on camera. So he just would blatantly draw shit about it and post it m I confronted her about why this guy was drawing us specifically and she was just like "oh that's weird. What a coincidence. "

I don't even give a duck about her anymore but I still really want answers. Because steaming intimate chats without consent is some fucked up shit. Also want to know who was posting her nude photos.

She had BPD so I'll never get answers and this is all very BPD shit to do.

>>32582658
I couldn't say anything, I just got up and left. The missing tampons and such started happening after this. It was so bad, a box i had the day before would be missing. I thought I was going crazy. I found out about when we visited his uncle, he came out to him during this visit. He complained that there were tampons left in the toilet, but he knew it wasn't me because they weren't bloody. He asked me to get my husband to stop flushing them down the toilet cause his plumbing is shit.

My husband/wife would try to initiate a few times after that, he usually would just pull guilt trips and wear me down, but he would always fucking try to pull that shit. We never made it past a couple of kisses. I ended up getting so angry the last time he tried that, I yelled at him to stop. Which was a mistake, but not because I regret it, but the theatrics. He held his palm up to his chest and started hyperventilating, then the shaky knees. He collapsed on the floor in a fit of tears. Snot bubbles popping and everything, rubbing his eyes like girls do when they have makeup on. He started begging me for sex, grabbing onto my legs.

>>32582662
I couldn't deal with it and went to another room for everything to calm down. I heard him stop crying, then hed came to find me and throw himself on the floor and start crying again. I went to another room, the same thing happened. Another room, same thing. He'd stop crying and start up again every time he was in front of me. It was fucking weird, like an on-off switch. I told him I needed space but he said I was being abusive by just letting him cry like that. I told him that was manipulative, but he just started crying harder. This went on for over an hour, I had to lock myself in the bathroom and listen to him literally scratch at the door. He put his face right up to the gap in the bottom and had a hyperventilation squealing meltdown. He sounded like a 13yro that was just told she couldn't go to the Beiber concert. Eventually, he got the message and fucked off to discord. At least he stopped asking after that.

At this point I was trying to find a way out, but I didn't have a savings and had cut off my family a long time ago. I didn't have/make enough to move or get a lawyer, or get a place for myself in the area we lived. Thats when his family offered to help us move to an area where I can get a better paying job and has lower rent. So my plan was too just bide my time, stash some cash, get a lawyer and an apartment, and gtfo.

>>32582668
During this time the mask pretty much came off. The city was a bit bigger and had a more vibrant 'night life', so he spent most of his free time at gay bars and midnight trans meet-ups. Staying out all night, coming back in different cloths and freshly showered, the hickeys and rope/rug burn made it pretty obvious. I got onto his smart watch while he was sleeping and found out he was taking it raw from like 4 different 'lesbians'. Took screen shots for the impending divorce, I have a decent sized folder going already. I just want a no contest clean break, you take your shit and I'll take mine, but I'm not going to let him try to come after me for anything. So they are just insurance if he decides to get all litigious and gum up the process.

He approached me about an open relationship, he got upset when I said we're already in one. I made some rules, he completely disregarded them. No sluts at the house and we don't talk about the sluts or what we do with the sluts. I didn't find out he broke the first rule until later, but he wouldn't shut the fuck up about being pile drived by some fat neckbeard in a dress or giving head to some stranger in a bar. I just ignored it the best I could and kept counting the days.

>>32582673
A few months go by and some cute young masculine guy started flirting with me, and after a year of no sex he was the tallest, coldest, cleanest glass of water I had ever seen. We hit it off and I was ready to take up my end of the open relationship. I told him I was going out for the night and he was all smiles, saying he was happy I was getting my needs met too. A couple days later it was all orge. I come home and his shit was packed, and he said we needed to have a serious talk. I just let him talk and kept my mouth shut. I knew what was happening, and while it was happening much sooner than I had planned I was relieved. He pretty much blamed everything on me and said I needed mental help. I know I will need help after dealing with all this shit.

He left and ran off to some farm the next state over with some other troons, its basically a troon commune. One of the people that came with him was someone he brought over to the house, and when my husband said he only wanted casual sex and didn't want a relationship or to fuck them at that particular moment they flipped. Told everyone there that my husband raped them. You can guess how well that went down.

The pig fat in my beard protects against your spells.

>>32573461
I'm not doing anything useful although I have a lot of useful things to do.

>>32582681
Man, what a story.
Glad it's nearly over.

>>32573461
horny as fuck needa pump some juicy warm pussy

>>32582775
Doubtful, I done my research.

>>32582617
No.

>>32582572
It's not for you Kat, or anyone on GIOYC.

>>32582858
I figured, which is why I filled out the name field. Thanks for not being an asshole about it. I just needed to vent. This is the last time I will post here.

>>32582871
It sounds like he really hurt you and that's ok to vent on here. Are you leaving GIOYC?

>>32582871
Samefag, I don't mean to pry, sorry. Just like the fellow canucks on here :)

>>32582617
>me

Testtttt

The only thing I saw in your spirit was anger that shit wasn't working out for yourself and I know you blame me for it
That's why I don't want to see you again
You're just a vicious and vindictive person

>>32582884
Yeah

>>32582918
No, it's fine. Hurt doesn't even begin to describe it. I imagine it's a bit like training for the olympics all your life, only to have a strong male steal your medal... but worse in every way because I had to endure mental torture. Then some psychopath comes along and ruins everything. Even that doesn't describe the betrayal, I don't think. It's worse...by far.

>>32582961
This is so sad. Alexa play Wichita Linesman.

>>32582961
Good, stay the fuck away from me or I will kill you. Vindictive enough for you? You don't deserve to live.

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life is so fucked
you have to protect yourself from people who need you when they've driven away everyone else in the exact same way
then your peace comes at the cost of their suffering but if you didn't leave them you would be suffering too

>>32582982
It's unfair, isn't it?

I don't want my abilities, want them gone. The US military monopolized on them and now I'm killing people out of anger.

>>32582998
yes, one could say that

>>32582982
Someone probably feels the same way about you too. One thing I've learned over the years, is people are completely blind to their own behaviour and project a lot of what they do onto others.

>>32583016
nobody protects themselves from me because i don't manipulate them into talking to me
>inb4 projecting
whatever, i'm already devastated enough over it

>>32583024
>because i don't manipulate them into talking to me

This is how you view human interaction? People manipulating you into talking to them.

>>32582969
That's a shame that you're leaving. I liked your posts and the way you stood up to the moids here. Take care.

>>32582961
I'm not vindictive but I am angry at the ones who ruined my dreams and tried to cancel my creativity. Soulless psychos, the lot of them.

>>32583131
don't really care for the reddit-tier retorts man. i'm just venting after a traumatic experience.

>>32583138
Yeah, humans are traumatizing, especially men here. They love to harm women and then pretend it's women that are the problem. Take care, it wasn't asked with ill intent, it just seems a strange way of thinking. That people manipulate you into talking.

Accidentally ignored my gut instinct and now I feel terrible. Anyone else get this?

>>32583134
Thank you. I hope you leave this place too. It's mentally unhealthy. I don't believe most people here are actual human beings, just unaware monsters.

>>32583176
I'll keep on trying to leave for good since my answers aren't here anymore. All I know now is that hurt people, hurt other people.

>>32583224
I was only here to study them but I came to the conclusion, after many years, that they don't want to be helped, just want to hate on women and complain. I don't have any empathy for bad people anymore, all of that is used up. I want to spend time with good, loving, caring people never destructive, cruel, angry monsters. We all have pain but it's a choice not to take that out on other people.

>>32583165
no worries anon. i don't exclusively think people are manipulating me. over the years i attracted a few of them who kind of stalk me with their problems and use guilt, catastrophizing, etc, to make me think their happiness depends on me and i'm their only hope. of course this is no way to live, so it's better to keep those people away while focusing on the friends and family i have fulfilling relationships with.

>>32583343
I agree, we have choice not to lash out in pain. I tried to create something beautiful from my own. I need to return to that. That’s the universe or god’s plan for me. I’m going to turn in so I wish you a good night.

>>32583352
>and i'm their only hope.

That doesn't sound healthy, they say this? Are they poor?

>>32583383
I'm so happy you've found that. goodnight & goodbye

>>32573461
A few months ago I found out the girl I was dating was cheating on me (or rather using me to cheat on someone, it's complicated) and broke up with her. I didn't tell her the reason, I just broke up and ghosted her. Today she randomly messaged me and asked me why I broke up with her because she was still wondering and I showed her literally everything I found out, with proof so she doesn't just call me crazy.
She still hasn't replied. I wonder if she's gonna try to call me crazy and say it's all in my head even though I sent her proof or if she's just gonna disappear in shame.
I know I should have just ignored her and moved on with my life but my toxic side really wants to know how she's gonna react, she probably thought I had no idea or maybe she suspected I knew something and she's afraid I'm gonna tell her fiancee. Either way it's gonna be entertaining.

Next relationship:
I want her to offer to buy me food all the time like my ex, I want her to buy me things when she's thinking about me like my ex, I want to have as much sex as possible like my ex, I want to meet up for lunches when possible like I did with my ex, I want her to communicate as often as my ex used to do early in the relationship
I do not want to do a daily call during lunch like I did with my ex, I do not want her to be as clingy as my ex and not let me live my life, I do not want her to not have a life like my ex, I don't want to feel ignored like my ex made me feel, I want to see her put up boundaries like my ex didn't, and I want to trust her like I didn't trust my ex

They closed the shop we used to secretly meet at
It's fitting as we've both moved on

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Am I just too nice?

I spent my whole 20s grinding and now that I'm 32 with a million dollars I realize I should have been chasing girls instead and none of the possessions matter without a nice family.

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A white boomer says “u pick up what I’m laying down?” Or “u catch my drift?” And no one bats an eye. A black guy says “know what I’m sayin?” And everyone loses their minds.

>>32583174
Me
>2010
>2014
>2017
>2018
>2020
>2022

If I was Rosa Parks on the back of that bus it wouldn't have went down like it did. There would have been a lot of blood in that first-class cabin and then me saying, Ok, we're going to park somewhere safely, don't worry.

>>32584055
I spent my 20s chasing my dreams and trying to find my soulmate. I'm 31 with very little money and my future wife. Good news is that you'll probably be just fine bro.

>>32584300
How old is she

Feeling like human trash honestly. I'm 27 and still have two years left before finishing my MA.
I am filled with regrets because I ended up finding what I really like in life, however that ship has sailed already so I'll never be anything more than a hobbyist. I wish I'd had someone to guide me when I was 18 and depressed.
I also wasted most of my 20s in a relationship for which I gave up friendships and my best years, and she ended up dropping me like it was nothing. If my current relationship doesn't work out, I'll probably just end it before turning 30. I feel sorry for mom and dad but living the remainder of my days with so many regrets is no life at all.

>>32584305
21

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Sometimes I kinda just wanna fuck you to make you feel better. Idk if that's weird

So hard

I fucked up my build bad. My literal only two options are stay living in my dad’s house while I go to college (won’t graduate until I’m 30 btw and will still have to find a job and establish myself in my career afterwards so I can move out) or stay living with my dad until I can promote at my current wagie job which isn’t really what I want to do and may very well take until I’m 26 or 27 if ever. So let me sing you a song /adv/:

There is
A site
On the Internet
They call 4chan dot org
And it’s been
The ruin
Of many a poor boy
Anon, you know I’m one

>>32573461
My greatest fear is that if I ever tell people what I really think, I'll be institutionalized.
I can't even change my opinions because I can't voice my opinions.