Been seeing a girl on and off for many years, but I had to move cross-country for grad school, and while she initially came down with me, she had to return to her home state in order to finish her degree. Now that her degree is finished, my hope would be that she comes back to my new state to live with me, but she seems hesitant about that idea, and has not made concrete plans to make that happen. My question is, when is a reasonable timeframe to cut the cord and end the romantic side of the relationship (i.e., I would begin seeing other people)? I don't want to kill something worthwhile by being rash, but I can't stay waiting in the wings forever (especially given the risk that things go wrong anyway). Any thoughts appreciated
>>32581612No timeframe necessary just yet. What is necessary is that you both sit down and have a frank discussion about the future, and decide whether your plans or desires still align. It doesn't matter what either of you said 1, 2, 5 years ago, whenever you met, because people grow, plans and desires change, and it might be the case that you no longer share the same vision of the future. It also might be that you do, but circumstances make it impossible to pursue it together. Don't leave anything to assumptions, just talk about it. If all she can give are "not sure, I don't know" answers, that's alright, table the topic for a week or two, at most a month, then bring it up again when she's had time to sort her feelings out. If then you don't get a straight and clear answer, let her know that you want to try to keep things going, but that you can't be left waiting forever for her to decide if she wants a future with you. Give it a couple more weeks at the very most, ask again, let her know that you really need some certainty from her about where she wants the relationship to go, and if she still can't decide, end things. That is more than charitable and fair, gives her plenty of time to make an informed and thoughtful decision, and if she really wanted to be with you she'd engage with the discussion by or before then to talk about options herself.
