>started to meditate again after a hiatus>first session went great, felt bliss>second session almost killed me>deep seated anger arose, against a particular guy who used to pick on me>literally felt my insides burning, each organ engulfed in its own bubble of hell>deep heart burn that lasted even after waking up>thought I made peace with this situation, even managed to stand up for myself and make him leave, I ended up bullying in return>still feel like this wasn't enough, he's out there probably picking on others>feel my intense desire to kill him to avoid others becoming victims, even if I accrue the worst karma imaginable, but its worth it>felt like I didn't use my gifts to the benefit of humanity, my physical build, I feel like I failed as a man with virtues>im not satisfied with the revenge I already got, I feel like I went against my morals by not burying him alive>tried to just observe these feelings, not rejecting them, it's justified to be seething, but they still linger>my seemingly self-centered narrative continues to hijack my ego>my vision went pitch black, darker than just merely closing your eyes, feels like I got stingrays coming in at every angle directly to my brain>sat in this position for half an hour>eventually fell asleep and still feel the intense effects a day afterWhat better meditative techniques shall I employ?
bump
there are virtuous and non-virtuous objects to meditate onvirtuous objects increase your peace of mind, non-virtuous objects steal it from youyou found a non-virtuous object
meditation is not about introspection. your goal should be to have a clear mind that's not particularly thinking about anything at all. but at this point you're not ready, you need to write down these feelings and solve them outside of meditation
>>33928879The only solution I have is to brutally harm the wrongdoer.
>>33926890I like Buddhist stuff.All begins with 5 precepts and sense restraint and learning to navigate the suttas and vernacular.
>>33926890Sounds like you are clearing your chakras. The bullying trauma is in your root Chakra, and you are correctly "feeling it to heal it".Lots of things come up as the chakras are cleared on the way to awakening.
>>33928879>your goal should be to have a clear mind that's not particularly thinking about anything at allNot possible. You observe the thoughts you don't shut them down.
>>33930273"particularly"
