Long vent. I am a kissless (but not hugless) Zoomer virgin entering mid-20s. A college dropout who was originally was gonna do a gap year but due to depression and lack of motivation, it turned into years. Been working as a part time forklift operator for a few years making slightly above wagie wages. Used to have a few close friends back when I first started college but we went our seperate ways and now I have no close friends. Closest I have is a few work buddies at my job that I occasionally play video games with. Also unironically live with parents. Recently, after some recent events unrelated to me in my family, I decided to actually try to turn my life around. Due to being a /g/entooman and daily driving Arch Linux, I actually picked up a few tech skills like programming and sysadmin stuff (have a homelab and a few VPS) so I decided that I want to go back to school to get an IT degree. I transferred my credits to a community college and should have the credits to transfer to a university by the end of the semester. For the first time in my life, I managed to work up the ethic to so far have all As this semester which I haven't done in school since middle school. Hoping to close out the semester like that. Also studying to take the COMPTIA A+. Aside from that, I became a self improover. I started exercising by doing weight training and a bit of cardio on a treadmill. I also started reading books (mostly sci-fi but also making my way through self-help, philosophy, and spiritual/religious books). I started doing NoFap and doing intermittent NoSurf. Trying to stop being terminally online and limit my time on computers and my phone to mostly productive things. I have some hobbies aside from the usual like anime and games such as programming personal projects, making music using DAWs, and painting. On one end, I feel like I am heading in the right direction but on the other, I can't stop having FOMO and a LOT of anxiety about being so far behind in life. >cont
>>33930133>contDue to being bullied in the past, I have little self-confidence, swore off any social media presence (I only lurked twitter and mostly for the memes) which I found out to many in my generation is a red flag, and have underdeveloped social skills. I have been described as well-mannered yet boring as I don't know how to start and hold a conversation with someone who doesn't share any of my immediate hobbies and interests like sports, anime, games, tech, and aerospace. I have a very basic and somewhat sardonic sense of humor so I wouldn't call myself a funny and memorable person. I also have a slight stutter. So far, I haven't really made meaningful connections at my college (tbf I am mostly focused on getting out of here). I want to eventually make some when I go to university but worried that I am older than everbody else and might get judged. Also, I am worried about landing an internship or career as I have to explain my gap and unfortunately it seems the economy is stagnating and tech isn't hiring as much as it used to. I also think about how to attract women. I wouldn't say I am a complete incel as I have managed to get a girl to like me (I found out through her close friend) despite my flaws back when I was much more naively happy and optimistic teen and young adult (I of course fumbled hard due to my social awkwardness) but now that I am in my mid-20s, I worry that I won't have a chance until I am my late 20s if I manage to get a career. Right now, I have a lot of “red flags”/icks such as a tight budget (I do have some money but I am reserving it for my degree so I don't have debt paying for college), no friends, no prior relationship history, etc. In short, I feel overwhelmed as I feel I have to learn/do a lot in a short amount of time.
