A girl wants to date me but I'm a khhv scared of disappointing her, and of fucking up the relationship because of my lack of emotional intelligence.Should I hide it and pretend that I know what I'm doing (fake it until you make it, although I will probably never make it) or should I tell her (which would probably be considered an infodump, and emotional labor so she would think I'm pathetic and leave)?
Hey man ! Just be clear to her that its your first relationship and you're inexperienced but you still wanna try. I think if she's a decent person, she already likes you enough to let you know, so she must have seen something in you anyways. Just be clear and confident, and you'll be fine man, don't info dump, just tell her why consisely
>>34554624I'm too old to be learning about relationships now
>>34554631well then you have already mind up your mind. stop talking to her and live the rest of your life alone.
>>34554631Everyone has gotta start somewhere anon, and its best to give it a go than to let it slip through your fingers like this. She wants to try, so its easy to just say yes ?
>>34554589>I'm a khhv scared of disappointing her, and of fucking up the relationship because of my lack of emotional intelligence.So?You're fearing future potentials and you overcome those by asking for forgiveness in advance of those outcomes and being aware of your own limitations. Don't let your shortcomings paralyze your present in ways that make you miss opportunities.Relationships require forgiveness, devotion, loyalty, and an active ongoing attempt to avoid resentment by keeping communication going.>But I might failYeah? And if you both want to keep it going you'll overcome those failures. Anyone that promises you that it will clear sailing the whole time has never had a long term relationship.
>>34554589I literally made the exact same mistake as you in my early 20s, and I lost her forever by being too scared to make a move. Just don't tell her about being an virgin and only bring it up if she asks.
get that practice gf anon
>>34554657>>34554664>>34554669Telling her I'm willing to form a future with her and breaking up 3 days later is not cash bros. I wish there was a way to commit for like a month, and then we'll see from there>>34554758I don't see women that way
>>34554872people usually don't plan their weddings before they've even started the relationship. if you like her and she likes you, just hang out. you take this too seriously too early.
>>34554882if she asks to be your gf then she's serious no? even if she doesn't ask, just by flirting with her you're leading her on and wasting her time that she could spend finding the guy she's going to spend the rest of her life with.by playing with her heart, I'm also risking she doesn't find a guy in time and dies alone
>>34554669>Just don't tell her about being an virgin and only bring it up if she asks.you can also just lie lmao sex is not hard.
>>34554872You don't decide on a level of commitment you're willing to enter into with a person BEFORE you start dating them. Dates are relationship job interviews. The more compatible you are, the more you enjoy and anticipate spending time with them.You're approaching this whole thing very backwards.>>34554901>Worried about wasting her timeWhat? You're being absurdly defeatist and need more experience with relationships. Just start under the premise of friendship and follow it through as it progresses to other stages later on. You don't register for a class in college under the assumption that you shouldn't bother because you'll never earn a Masters or that you won't ace the class so you'd be wasting the teacher's time.>if she asks to be your gf then she's serious no?That happens after several dates and a lot of interaction.> just by flirting with her you're leading her onOH NO, NOT RECIPROCATION. NOT THE THING THAT ADVANCES RELATIONSHIPS.> time that she could spend finding the guy she's going to spend the rest of her life with.Nobody finds their spouse without having interacted with other people before them. And not without having spent enough time with someone (through dates) to get to know them well enough to be confident in their ability to provide enough stability in the shared relationship that they can share a mutual commitment.
>>34554589She won't think you're pathetic if she really likes you, and it seems like that's already been established. It's best to be honest, that'll probably just bring you guys closer, so don't let fear get in the way if you want to be with her.
>>34554990if I lie, when she finds out she'll break up with me. I'm not fixing the problem, just delaying it and wasting everybody's time>>34555847she likes me because I haven't shown her my real self>>34554991bro I'm trying to think that if it breaks up with me it's because she was ignorant of my defects because the alternative of thinking she didn't like me all along and was just pretending is too hurtful and honestly toxic. I can't keep a relationship thinking like that
Don't infodump, just say you're not experienced with relationships but you like her and want to give it a try. You don't need to tell her every detail of your lack of romantic success.
>>34555866You sure are full of unfounded assumptions and deterministic bullshit. Almost as if you've just decided that your destiny is to be alone and miserable and that nobody will ever love you if they know you well enough.It's like talking to the inverse of a sociopathic narcissist.Let the other person decide if they like you are not instead of just making that determination for them beforehand you dunce.
>>34554589relax and stick to the program buddy. your instincts will take over and you'll have sex with her perfectly.
>>34555866It sounds like you're just trying to find every possible reason not to be with her because you're scared, and if you go that route it will probably hurt more for the both of you than just giving it a go. I don't think most women have a problem with inexperienced guys, personally I love them, especially when they're eager to learn. See, you think that not having shown her *every* single part of you means you're inauthentic but instead of seeing that's just normal you talk about it as if you're some dark triad manipulator, if that's not what you are I can tell you straight away to just let that thought go because it doesn't serve you. It sounds like if anyone's more likely to break things off it's you because you seem like a fearful avoidant, might be a good idea to read up on attachment theory in case you're not familiar with it.
>>34555914>>34556441Everyone who has ever loved me confessed they actually hated me from the start. But they never left, they just kept pretending. They still send me letters telling me to come back, evwn though they talk about me like I'm some kind of monster. I don't want to go through something like that ever again
>>34554990Most first timers either cum in 5 seconds or don't get hard at all. You can't hide inexperience.
>>34554669>>34554990>>34556613Just to be clear, I'm not a virgin, I'm bi and I had casual sex with men, but sex isn't hot for me, so I'm mainly looking for love.This will probably be another point of contention, when she asks for sex everyday and I can't deliver
>>34556634>i'm a khhv>i'm not a virginlmao
>>34556779I just had casual grindr sex with 60 year old gross men in my teens. that does not count
>>34556796sure, whatever you say.
If you try and fail...you'll be the same as you are now. So you might as well try.
>>34559281>you'll be the same as you are nowno, I'll embarrass myself, word will get out that I'm a stupid retard, and my chances with her once I recover and improve myself will be gonealso, my mental health will tank and maybe I'll become suicidal too
OP, you are literally your own worst enemy
>>34559533I don't disagree, but what can I do?
