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As the title implies, thread for people who want nothing to do with the community.

>been lolita for 10 years
>only gone to one meet up that friends dragged me to and I hated it
>don't want lolita friends
>don't have anything to do with the community past anon boards and buying/selling shit

I think it's from a mixture of the fact the few lolita friends I ever had were terrible and I'm also a very competitive person, so I would be really focused on one upping any I hung out with.
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I left my lolita comm because I don't understand the point of having a meet-up. Why don't they just hang out with their friends?
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Going on 9 years and aside from lurking cgl I have shit all to do with the community, sometimes I think it'd be nice to have Lolita friends but dressing up for myself, not worrying about catty bitches and hanging out with my normie friends is much better than being in a comm imo.
(I kinda secretly want to dress up all my friends tho as they'd look cute af)
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I move to call this species Loner Lolitas.
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>>9749306
Yeah, lone lolita does not imply the kind of bitterness that anons ITT seem to harbor.
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>>9749315
Do your frills jingle jangle jangle?
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>”I want nothing to do with the community!”
>makes thread to commiserate with others about the community
What do you think a community is? Posting here is still participating.
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>>9749330
is there a cgl comm?

this place isn't exactly acting as a group..
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>>9749333
>>9749330
This is as much a community as a prison lunch room
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I'm generally not opposed to connecting with other lolitas, but I feel like I don't share similar interests with most.
I really don't care about Japan or Japanese things aside from lolita, I dislike social media and I'm not into sweet or prints.
Most of my local comm consists of weaboos who love taobao prints and who see the need to dab in every single group picture, it's just really not something I'm interested in being a part of.
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>>9749345
>and who see the need to dab in every single group picture


You made the right decision
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>>9749336
so like an online gang?
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>>9749333
Are you kidding? cgl is more of a hivemind than most FB groups.

>>9749345
I feel this. There are a few people in my comm I click with but I’ve also been to meets where I was the only one who wasn’t a loud weeaboo teenager dressed in Taobao meme prints complaining about parents and school. That taught me to check who else is going before I commit to any meetup.
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I'm sort of a lone lolita. My local comm is small, and since there are two bigger ones nearby we don't have comm page, only meet-up page. We meet maybe twice a year because of the same reason. I don't have any interest of the bigger ones since I know they are filled with drama.

I'm fine with my loneliness.
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>>9749385
>cgl is more of a hivemind than most FB groups.
Only in that anons sit around accusing each other of being someone else to the point where it really does seem like one person is just posting the same thing on repeat and having the same argument with themselves.

It quite the mindfuck.
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>>9749377
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>>9749336
Yer my huckleberry
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i'm a lonelita but i post my coords to insta/tumblr all the time to feel more involved. idk, it's not even that i hate the community. i've just always been one of those people who dislikes going out/hanging out unless it's with somebody i actually care about. like, i'd rather take tea with someone from my family or a good friend than with a comm. i've been to two meets, but both times i thought about how i'd rather spend time with other people so i stopped going.
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I went to a couple of meets with my local comm, and besides the part that I couldn't connect with anyone, I just couldn't get myself to enjoy it:
We went to a museum 2 times and they were all just rushing from room to room, taking some pictures with one of the famous painting and leaving. I wanted to take my time to actually look at the art and discover something new, but they wouldn't even spend 1 minute in a room, it was impossible and I didn't want to be that one annoying person that everyone has to wait for in the end.
The other thing that really annoyed me was that half of the people always showed up late or not at all. It resulted in that mindset that some people came purposely late because "well, we have to wait for x and x for 30 minutes anyway and I don't want to waste my time".
Some people were also just showing up only for the pictures and then leaving again. I never learned the names of those people because they sticked to their groups and didn't talk to anyone else but they were all over tumblr or insta of course and had their following there.
Last thing that annoyed me was the attention the large group drew to themself, the comments, the stares, the picture sneaking. I never get that when I'm alone, even when my outfit is more OTT.
So all in all I just felt uncomfortable and decided to stop going to meets.
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>>9749473
You sound like me, anon. Where are you from?
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We have a rather active comm here but I don't go on many meetups. The girls are nice and there is no drama but I feel I don't have similar interests with most of them. So the meets tend to get a bit boring. My family and friends don't mind my clothes so I don't have the pressure to go to an meetup only to wear Lolita.
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>>9749472
i'm the opposite, i'm paranoid of people getting to know me better and disliking me / getting sick of me so i much prefer meeting with strangers.
My comm dispersed a while ago so i was a lonelita for a while, but i recently started to meet with new lolitas and that's actually been pretty fun.
I was always jealous of big comms and having tea parties but after reading comments about itas maybe it's better like this..
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>>9749473
This would be my nightmare scenario. I move around a museum at a certain clip depending on the day but people taking pictures with paintings rustles my jimmies like none other.
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>>9749482
I too, have a huge fear of people getting to know me. I'm not shy and actually like a good conversation but I can only have real conversation with my boyfriend and my coworkers apparently. I get absolutely nothing out going to meets.

I'd be a lonelita if it wasn't for the good sales and raffle prizes at meets..
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>>9749478
some country in northern Europe
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>>9749274
That's my reason for being a lone lolita as well. There were way too many people in my comm who based their entire identities around dressing in lolita. They weren't Susie Q who likes to wear lolita. They were Susie Q THE lolita.
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>>9749482
>>9749500
>not lonelitas
get outta my swamp!
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>>9749273
>constantly one-upping others
Don't make excuses for yourself. How are you going to get by in the world if you can't work well with others? Not that a competitive streak can't be good to have but if you seriously cannot socialize with people without doing that, you need to work on yourself. What the fuck man...
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>>9749529
another reason i'm not fond of comms is because of people like OP who have no chill and constantly need to one-up people. it seems really common in the lolita community, but every time i mention it people just say i'm projecting.
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>>9749529
It's just with lolita, not anything else. I have no idea why.
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I was forced to become a lone lolita. I work full time and my free days aren't always on weekends. Luckily, my bf likes lolita and I wear it when I got out with him/alone or just to stay at home. I honestly miss my comm, but at the same time I always felt out of space, being the only one of the old guard and such.
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I'm a lonelita and I do have a couple lolita friends, but I'm not super close to them since I'm pretty antisocial and don't talk to many friends in the first place. I go to meets a few times, but it's not for me and I'd rather just get tea on my own.
I also have a pretty large social media following for jfashion, and it really puts me off when people find out. The last meet I went to, a relatively popular lolita went from ignoring me to fawning all over me for selfies when someone mentioned I had a lot of followers, and it left a really bad taste in my mouth.
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>>9749330
Honestly I consider this my comm. I come and go as I please. Crazy people get replaced fairly often. I am scared of irl comms cause of the creepshots being posted to 4chan. Synergy.
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>>9749471
I use that phrase offline more than i should

>"Wheres that bearded asshole at?"
>Turn corner with mug
>'Im youre huckleberry.'
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>>9749273
>I would be really focused on one upping any I hung out with.
So you have really low self-confidence? No one likes people like that, no wonder your only lolita friends were terrible.
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>>9749523
Whatever, cglita.
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>>9749473
You should of told them to go on without you.
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>>9749473
>the attention the large group drew to themself, the comments, the stares, the picture sneaking
This is probably what I hate most about my comm, though it’s not really their fault. When I’m out by myself I get a few stares and some compliments but when we’re out as a group it’s like we’re a travelling zoo exhibit. It’s not so bad when we’re in a smaller group of more mature girls but there are a bunch of angsty teenage cosplayers in the comm who seem to enjoy flipping off and yelling at bystanders which makes everything 10x worse. So many times I’ve wanted to just go on ahead and pretend I didn’t know any of those people.

None of my friends like lolita or any kind of fashion so ideally I’d like to make some likeminded friends in the comm and just hang out with them from then on, but we’d probably get accused of having ~secret meets~.

>>9749623
That has happened to me too! Except it was a COF post that blew up rather than any large amount of followers. Several meets went by without the efamous girl even looking in my direction and then the first meet after that popular post she comes up to me, greets me like an old friend and even hugs me. ??okay??
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>>9749623
I don't use social media but I found people in my comm who ignored me had a swift attitude change when they learned of my extensive wardrobe. I had only gone to a handful of meet ups and three girls, who seemed a bit out of the main circle, were really friendly to me and I noticed I was suddenly asked to be part of group photos and they were not. I think people assumed I was new to lolita,though I was well dressed, as I had just joined the comm, but I had been wearing it for 4 years by then. The shift in tone upon learning about my wardrobe made further interactions obviously insincere.
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>>9751417
The same happened to me, but I understand why. In my comm we often get people from the cosplay community who buy one or two Bodyline/Taobao dresses and come to one or two meets and then fade into obscurity, so people grew tired of going out of their way to welcome newbies when there’s such a big chance of never seeing them again. My first ~5 meets I made sure to talk to other newbies in the comm only to have them try to talk to me about cosplay while knowing nothing about, and frankly seeming not that interested in lolita. Now if I know someone to have invested in a wardrobe I’ll be more likely to spend time them because I know they’re “genuine” (not sure if that’s the right word, esl). It’s the same with swap meets. People are more likely to chat to someone who’s prepared to buy their stuff because chatting up all the people who just come to your table to whine about not having money and lolita bring soooo expensive is exhausting. From the outside it looks like they only care about the money, but it’s also about finding people you’re on the same level as.

Fake niceness with ulterior motives does happen though. One girl straight up ignored me for almost a year until she found out I own her dream dress, then she started being super nice to me all of a sudden. I’m on to you, lady.
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>>9749273
has 'beauty' been scanned? i love that comic.
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SJW comm where I live with only 2 decently dressed ones. I have seen the younger ones trying adding me on social media but it just wouldn't be my thing as I am too old to use your preferred pronoun.
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I rarely feel like I connect with someone if I'm purposely looking for it, especially in situations where everyone is putting on their best face. It would be really nice to just run into another lone lolita somewhere random, somehow end up talking, and get along really well. Or make friends with someone through something completely unrelated and then find out she's also a lolita. I know that probably won't ever happen, but either way I feel pretty content with my bf and normie-dressing friends for company.
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>>9751454
It's happened to me twice, both times over 5 years ago though
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>>9749536
Main reason I don't go to meets in my city. There's a whole group of girls in the comm who have an exclusive group who go out on meets by themselves, and then post about it as a 'comm meet up' online. They act all super sweet online, but irl they're overly competitive and insufferably rude. It's actually embarrassing.
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>>9751459
Good to hear that it really is possible then. How did you meet them, if you don't mind me asking? And do you still keep in touch?
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I'm between two comms which are both too far away to attend regularly, and there is no one in my area to make a comm with. I've been to a few meets at the closest one when I've had time to get out there and had a good time, but I feel like it's very trend focused and even though every one was very nice I didn't really fit in at all. I guess I wear a lot of what cgl would call boring coords, but that's what I wear regularly.
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>>9751465
One of them at a Versailles live, and one of them at a punk band night at a bar
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>tfw closest comm is hundred of kilometers away

Living in southern europe is painful.
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>>9749473
>Last thing that annoyed me was the attention the large group drew to themself, the comments, the stares, the picture sneaking. I never get that when I'm alone, even when my outfit is more OTT.

Just this for me.
I love my comm! But discretion and gravitas take longer to build in weird fashions most of us aren’t practicing with every day, and most of us start this fashion on the young end of the scale. I only feel comfortable with them at large, closed-to-non-lolitas official events now, where it’s easier to peel off and not be associated with bad behavior, bad coords, or pushy passersby questions, and have a less stressful experience. At a museum or something, even if two separate groups coincidentally went on the same day, people would assume you are together, and that it’s some sort of event they can detain and question you for, plus if the other group has bad behavior, both will be asked to leave.
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I like my comm and I like the meetups we have. The weird thing for me is, it's sometimes really awkward? For example there could be 20 of us walking to a museum, and on the way there, no one is talking. And I mean there really is this 'no one knows what to say' atmosphere. Yet when I get home I see all those selfies with captions like 'hanging out with the besties!' 'had such a great time with x and y!' on insta and I don't get it? Not trying to bash my comm, everyone is really sweet, but it kind of weirds me out a bit. Anyone have similar experiences?
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>>9749536
I know what you mean, the Girls that do this always try to keep it subtle, but it's always really easy to spot the one uppers.
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I don't dislike my comm, but I don't get the point of it. I went to one meet before becoming a lone lolita, and though everyone was nice to me, I just missed my real friends, and didn't think it was worth it to take the train to get there. I'm only a member of the facebook group in case they organise a big event with brand guests or something.
But a while ago I saw a post of members complaining about lurkers, even some people wanted to delete everyone who isn't active in the comm from the group. I already was deleted from the sales group of my comm just because I didn't see the post that we were supposed to comment on to proof that I'm an 'active' lolita.
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>>9752716
People wanted to delete lurkers who don’t really wear lolita because the group literally had hundreds of strangers in it who none of us had ever seen, including people from local television programs, which discouraged everyone from posting coords and stuff. If you’re actually a lolita then you’re perfectly welcome in the group.
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>>9751463
I'm going to be real with you. My comm is similar. I see that 'private group' as a bunch of friends who are also lolitas that want to do stuff on their own because they know each other. Am I part of that group? No. Do I really care? No. We have a lot of members in our comm that are very young and/or whine about things costing money. Do you really want to go to a fancy restaurant with half the comm bitching about the price? That being said not all meets are like that , but even the cheapest meets (like 5-10 bucks) are met with uproar. Bruh, your dress is like 300 dollars. Whats another 5-10 bucks? I feel like it must cut a lot of that out with their private group because all of them are adults with big kid jobs and big kid money.

About them being rude irl, that's a different story. Sorry about that part and the fact that it's unavoidable. I know you're not expecting all lolitas to be lovelies or anything either. But that sucks.
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>>9749492
seconding this.
sometimes the group dynamics are really a pain in the ass.
It can go well, but it's like some people can't act relaxed when they are in groups, resulting in such bullshit..
which brings others involved into an uncomfortable situation in which they often tempt to act accordingly to these dynamics even if they don't really wanted to.
so a simple nice trip to the museum turns into an awkward rushing for example, which is quite a pity.
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>>9749274
I haven't gone to a comm yet but I go out with my friends and lot in Lolita and now your making me think that perhaps a comm is uncessary.
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>>9749517
I always find that a little wierd even in online groups like RC. Shits just clothes mang.
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>>9751437
Yes it has! It's really good, I liked Beautiful Darkness better, but it's better than Miss Don't Touch me.
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>>9749277
Nayrt but omg same. Not all normies are judgemental bitches lol
I've tried to participate in a comm and actually went to several meets but Idk man, I didnt have anything in common with those people except for the fashion? I find that being in a comm kind of forces me to keep up to date with new releases I wouldnt be interested in otherwise and spend way too much on stuff I just kind of like. Being a lonelita feels better coz I can just focus on my dream items and sometimes just spend a long time without making any new purchases if I dont feel like it. It's clothes after all. That's so superficial. I'd rather make friends involved in arts and crafts than lolita.
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>>9752723
I don't have any public pictures of myself wearing lolita on Facebook so we'll see




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