Anonymous
09/16/24(Mon)09:42:46 No.75124019

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Anonymous 09/16/24(Mon)09:42:46 No.75124019

>be me
>started keto 6 months ago because carbs are literal poison
>only meat and fat can save me now
>first meal: black coffee with butter
>stomach makes demon noises but i press on
>check ketosis strips in the bathroom like a mad scientist
>piss on strip, it’s purple
>success. i’m in deep ketosis, body running on pure fat
>go online, browse keto forums for new conspiracy theories
>tfw bread is part of a globalist plot to keep people fat and weak
>decide second meal is bacon wrapped in cheese, avocado on the side
>brain firing on all cylinders
>everyone else is running on glucose like cavemen

>go to grocery store, need more eggs and heavy cream
>pass by the bread aisle, hear whispers
>“one slice won’t hurt”
>it’s the carb demons again
>whisper “not today, satan,” and clutch my avocado harder
>cashier looks at me like i’m insane
>normies will never understand

>back home, time for third meal: steak cooked in butter with blue cheese
>reading up on how vegetables have “anti-nutrients”
>tfw plants have been trying to kill me all along
>watch 3-hour youtube rant about how the food pyramid is a lie
>brain melts from the truth

>go for a walk around the neighborhood
>smell someone grilling burgers
>realize they’re using buns
>disgust.jpg
>gag a little, poor souls don’t know what they’re doing
>too risky to redpill them, gotta keep my distance

>come home, eat fourth meal: chicken thighs and pork fat
>try to explain to my roommate why carbs make you slow
>he laughs and eats pasta like a brainwashed npc
>check myfitnesspal to make sure i didn’t go over 20g carbs
>perfect, only 12g today
>tfw deep ketosis achieved

>finish the day watching more sugar conspiracy videos
>sip on bone broth, feeling superior