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>be me
>summer before freshman year of college
>join a group chat made for everyone entering my major
>total cutie and I hit it off right away
>soon we exchange numbers
>start texting every night
>realize shes never specifically stated whether or not shes gay
>i should probably find out to prevent myself from getting a straight girl crush
>i casually ask one night
>admits shes never came out to anyone before but that she is
>keeps confiding in me because I'm the first person shes ever came out to or talked to about gay shit at all
>we start flirting more
>start sexting
>ask if she wants to go on a date once we get to school
>she says yes
>three months of sexting, video calls and heart to hearts go by
>finally move into school
>same dorm
>go to her room as soon as her parents leave
>she gets her first kiss from me
>we just lay in her bed after that and talk
>everything seems normal
>next day
>texts her
>no response
>weeks go by
>finally confront her on it
>she admits she can't be with anyone romantically right now
>i understand completely, shes not out and her parents would kick her out of school if they knew
>ask if we can still be friends
>she says yes
>invite her a few times to hangout with my friends and I
>after a while she just leaves me on read
>ignores me in the hallway
>will literally turn around and leave a room if she sees I'm in it
>>
>>10853813
plot twist: she was just bi-curious and found out she is straight after that kiss
>>
>>10853813
i can't tell what your question is or if this is just a vent thread
>>
(cont.)
>our mutual friends put us in group chats and as soon as she sees my number she leaves the chat
>she avoids birthday parties, classes, interacting with certain people altogether to avoid me
>I start getting afraid i did something wrong
>my anxiety tells me i somehow coerced her into the sexting and stuff even though it was completely consensual
>start convincing myself that i fucked up
>i start avoiding her at all costs too
>everyone knows something happened between us but nobody knows what bc shes still in the closet
>three years of this go by
>be last week
>get really high
>text her a long ass apology for all the pain I assumed I caused her
>she responds to me like 12 hours later at 1am
>page long apology for how she handled things, says how her hating me is "the furthest thing from true", says I have no reason to apologize, how she admires the balls I had to reach out to her because she never had the courage to, ect.
>we start talking almost every day since
>we talk face to face for the first time in three years
>she keeps looking away and laughing way too hard when I make jokes
>we finally give an explanation to our mutual friends about why we were so weird the past three years around each other so now shes semi-out i guess
>other night showing one of our friends a convo we had
>he says shes flirting with me but hes straight so idk how much of his opinion i value on that
>send screenshots to some gay friends
>they think its flirting too
>even one of her best friends who I'm friends with says it "could" be deemed flirty but I should slow my roll because we only started talking again a week ago
>talking to her literally feels like old times though
>she even memorizes our inside jokes from three years ago

TD;LR girl who had he first kiss/ first coming out to/first sexual (i guess) encounter with gets cold feet but three years later we hit it off again, what do I do guys?
>>
>>10853813
She needs you to lay off. Its really hard to get past that hurdle and shes understandably freaked out. She obviously liked you but got cold feet. Let her chew on it and learn about herself and if she comes back around let her pace things. Push her a little but let her be in control yknow? If not... well she missed out on someone really sweet and caring.
>>
>>10853834
>>10853843
oof I'm sorry I'm a mess rn read >>10853857
>>
>>10853857
okay it seems like she likes you op, give her another shot
>>
>>10853813
I don't know you or her, so take this with a nice bucket of salt.
One of two things are happening right now.

Either A: She really likes you, and is scared. She doesn't want to fall in love with you because of her extenuating circumstances.
Some people have the inner strength to be "just friends" with someone they really like, other people don't. It isn't a good or a bad thing, it's just who someone is.

B: She did a bit of soul-searching/"soul"-searching and has decided that she is no longer gay, and doesn't want to lead you on/thinks you are trying to corrupt her.

C: She's now a voracious predator of the female form, and nothing can stop her now. What have you unleashed upon your school, anon!?!

Neither are very good positions.
A's a bit better; there's a chance she'll come to terms with herself or her parents. Give her time, and continue trying to be friendly and kind, as you would to any other friend. Maybe she'll come around, maybe she won't. This is a bit frustrating, but if you try and get her alone it might spook her.

B is pretty much game over, regardless of which way she went.
If she's decided she's not gay, you will probably be completely unable to convince her that she's not doing you a favor by staying out of your life.
People love their martyr complexes.
If she's decided that she was never gay, and you're a vile serpent of darkness, well, I'm sure you're used to that by now. I know it still stings.

If it's C, good luck. You're going through the "trade-up". She opened up to you, now she thinks she can do better. Maybe she'll get better, maybe not. These beasties are hard to predict.

If I may say so, you're actually doing pretty well about all this. This shit's complicated. You did good by checking first, and seem like you weren't predatory. Keep your chin up, this shit happens, just stay civil, kind, and courteous.
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>>10853868
Well, fuck, I started this before you posted >>10853857

Dafuq are you still doing here?
Go out with her!
She's into you!
>>
>>10853857
im not gay but this hurt to read because this has been me and my exes way too many times :_( enjoy it while it lasts op pls
>>
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OP here with a real time update she just sent me a vintage lesbian music video out of the blue bc I'm into that sort of thing
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>>10853890
Aw :) go for it!
>>
>>10853897
I think the safest course of action for me is to keep things platonic for now, shes still a really shy girl and desu even being just friends with her again is such a great feeling. If it develops into something more again that'd be great, but I'm still a bit weary from the last three years I guess. The music video is pretty rad tho
>>
>>10853904
Learn how to take yes for an answer.
Taking things slow might not be a bad idea; rebuild that trust and connection. But don't have a "for now" mindset. "For now" is awful. Don't but arbitrary limits on your emotions, or you'll never lift them.
I know you're probably hurting and confused and happy, and you just don't know any more. But let love into your heart, anon. Reconnect, and get close. If a relationship comes naturally, then go for it. If it doesn't, then that's fine too. You can love someone regardless of whether you are "in a relationship" with them, but I think just from what I've read tonight, that you two have a real shot at something good.
Give it a chance.
>>
>>10853857
can i please kill myself
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>>10853936
She probably doesn't realize what position im in right now tho. I literally sent her the apology with a disclaimer that I wasn't apologizing to her with intent to get back together (at the time I sent it, I truly wasn't)

but now its a thought I can't help but entertain. It doesn't help I've kinda gotten a reputation with our mutual friends for me just kinda hooking up with randos (luckily never with any of the mutual friends themselves, but still).

I'm afraid they've told her of how many exploits I've gotten into since freshman year so now she thinks I'm 100% uninterested romantically

also it doesn't help she saw me kissing a girl outside the dorm a few weeks after she started giving me the silent treatment freshman year
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>>10853941
why?
>>
>>10853961
Literally tell her some of this.
Tell her that you are scared, and insecure about things.
Tell her that you really didn't apologize with the intent of getting back together, but now that you're actually talking again, you've found feelings for her again.
Tell her that you can honestly go either way with this; that you'd love to have her as a friend, but would also like to try picking up where you left off before, if she's up for it.

I know it's hard. I know that today, it's really, really easy to just disappear, and let fate take its course. Don't settle for that. Both of you deserve better.
It sounds like you have ovaries of steel when it comes to everything but yourself and her. If you need to, get baked again, and show her your heart.
If absolutely nothing else, she admires your toughness.
She admires that you broke through to her not just once, but twice. People don't just do that.

She obviously respects and likes that about you, and there's not much I can think of more intimidatingly tough than just revealing your heart.

At the end of the day, it's your call. You do what will make you happy.
But I'll say this. I think you're suffering from a lack of closure right now. Not knowing is what's killing you. Go get it. Regardless of whether what you get is a precious and irreplaceable friend, or someone to spend the rest of your life with that certainty will ground you, I think.
>>
>>10853999
shes your typical quiet reserved femme and I'm this big raging dyke. I'm constantly scared that i'm too loud, too butch, too gay for her, especially considering her upbringing

I don't wanna scare her off again
>>
>>10853965
i have nothing to contribute to the world and it would be better off without me. the only reason i havent is my dad told me he would kill himself if i did. i can already see my moms mental abilities slipping and i dont want to watch that. life is happening so quickly i need more time. im not a good person and i cant see myself being a happy person. i cant see any value in myself and i feel like im tricking myself as far as my musical talents go while people lie to my face. I just want the suffering to stop the good times arent worth the bad times.
>>
>>10854027
yeah but wtf does that have to do with my thread anon?

this being said, I'm OP so I'm more than willing to derail it if it means giving you a bit of courage. I wish I had parents who loved me sm their instant visceral reaction would be to kill themselves upon finding out I did so to myself. As dark as that sounds, a lot of people wish they had that.

As for your mother, I'm sorry. Its awful watching someone loose memories and forget your name. But as someone whose lost many family members to dementia, I'm a firm believer that theres something primal in us all that even when we eventually forget who someone is, we can still feel their significant enough that their presence brings great comfort.

Please channel this into your music. Its a sentiment so many people share with you and its more constructive to create a song that will resonate with people sharing your struggles rather than isolating yourself.
>>
>>10853857
everything turned out better than expected.

she was just shy about being into girls and wasn't comfortable with who she was? What was the explanation?
>>
>>10854059
yeah, and now im mad at myself because I'm catching feelings again lmfao
>>
>>10854016
Then be sweet and kind. I know you're capable of it. It's right there in the story you told.
The fact that you're even here, worrying about this proves that you're a kind person. The fact that you suffered for three years over this, all the while thinking it was your fault proves this.

She already knows this. Whether you like it or not, she's seen that your dykelevel is hiding something gentle, sweet, and kind.
Honestly? It's possible that you scared her off before, as much as it's possible she had her own anxieties about it. But she's talking to you now, and from the sound of it, she's happy to see you again.
She does not sound like someone who is afraid you're going to grab on and not let go. If that was the case, she would have returned your apology, and that would have been the end of it.

But she didn't. She values the time you spent together three years ago to the point that she remembers how you carried on.

You're right. Don't sprint into this and just slam into her. Show her the mixture of steel-hearted courage, and warmth that opened her up in the first place. Show her that as much of a badass as you are, you go weak when it comes to her.
Show her that you really are the caring, sweet person she opened up to three years ago.

Like I said; the worst that can happen is you get definitively friendzoned, and end up with a friend for life.
The alternative is ending up with someone to honestly, and truly love for the rest of your life.
>>
>>10854061
Never be mad over love.
Love is a wonderful thing.
>>
>>10854027
like i just want to be liked for who i am inherently so i feel like i want to be a girl but i know if i was a normal guy i wouldnt feel this way. i got touched by a slightly older cousin when i was a kid and it fucked me up i repress myself from being gay a lot and constantly tell myself i would kill myself if i was gay while when the repression becomes too much i enjoy getting fucked like the faggot i am as a coping mechanism. I just want all the confusion and suicidal thoughts to stop like i wanted to die before i even knew about lgbt stuff
>>
>>10854092
hypersexuality is common among sexual abuse survivors sometimes. Please seek help though
>>
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>>10854092
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>>10854027
Don't kill yourself.
Do something crazy first.

Go backpacking across the country. Find some hippies, and live in a commune for a few months. Take some drugs, become a roadie, open yourself up to the world. See the world out there.
If after you do some things, and experience the world some, you can go ahead and end it if you still want. You have that right. But don't throw away a chance for happiness that might be just outside of the path you've been on.

Life's scary. It comes on faster than you thought it would 5 years ago. It's okay to be scared, and it's okay to feel weak sometimes. But don't give up.
You are allowed to take more time. You are allowed to live at your own pace. You are allowed to find what makes you happy, and do it, even if it's not something typical.

You have people who love you. Your dad might not express it the best way, but he so desperately wants you to live, and find a way to be happy.
Tell someone. Don't feel bad that you are burdening someone; there are lots of good, wonderful people in this world that want to help those around them, and would be sad, and angry that you didn't tell them.

I know it's hard to get through this stuff. Believe me. But don't give up until you've really tried. Don't give up until you've seen enough alternate paths to really be sure.

I don't know if it means a damn thing, but anon, it would make me sad if you died. You deserve to have a chance at happiness, and if you cheat yourself out of the chance of even looking for it, I'mma be upset with you.
>>
>>10854111
>>10854100
>>10854107
thank you anons im doing my best sometimes the current makes me slip but i can keep going
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>>10854133
I know anon. Good days and bad days.
I'd hug you if I could.
>>
>>10854133
if its any help to put things into perspective my brother is prolly gonna be in prison for the rest of my moms life and it kills her every day knowing she will never get to see my brother again as long as she lives. dont do that to ur parents
>>
>>10854133
>>10854138
OP here. God this was a productive thread. I'm gonna finish some homework then go to sleep, then send her a funny video in the morning or something. I'm gonna take things slow but be vulnerable for her.

Suicidal anon, I wish you only the best. Stay strong, get the help you need, love yourself, and next time make your own thread so more people can focus on truly helping you through this, because you deserve it!
>>
>>10854163
I'll be rooting for you!
>>
OP here again. A friend had to cancel on a show we were going to see tomorrow. I would just stay home and resell the tickets but it's kind of an obscure comedian so I'm not sure I'd be able to. How do I ask her to come to the show with me without making it seem like a date
>>
>>10856581
Two options. Go full out and make it obvious it's a date.
OR
"Hey I got some tickets to this cool show and I wanted to bring a friend. Wanna come?"
Act as innocent as possible.
>>
>>10856581
anon i would say just be straight forward with her tell her you had the tickets and someone bailed tell her how you feel about her and let her decide if it is a date or just hanging out
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>>10853857
>>she keeps looking away and laughing way too hard when I make jokes
That's pretty flirty behavior and she might not even realize she does this.
>mfw I caught myself doing this at my last doctor's appointment. Embarrassing.
>>
>>10856655
>"Hey I got some tickets to this cool show and I wanted to bring a friend. Wanna come?"
>Act as innocent as possible.
I'd do this. Make it seem like a friend thing rather than a date thing.
>>
>>10857929
>"Anon you have a tapeworm"
>"Hehe, no, YOU have a tapeworm"
>>
>>10856581
>>10856753
This.
You're story is just reality.





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