Last: >>37241502

i think i still love you but i'm not ready to put everything into someone again and you aren't ready to be anything other than functionally moving forward. we're so far away, anyway. growing is really too hard for the both of us and i just hope you know that i'll stay by your side no matter what, even if we can't love like we did before, and even when you think you're "worth" nothing. we're all worth caring for. it's all malleable, like that. thank you for being you

irregardless of what’s happened, i want to be next to you. i love the little shows we put on, i always have, and i can’t wait for the next episode!

I really hope I see you tomorrow, I've been debating reaching out but I'm scared you hate me

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It's not like I hate you the most or anything but you came to mind since I guess I cut you off so abruptly and there's still things that never got to be said.

I know that must drive you mad. You always got the last word, always got to explain yourself and come up with new ways to lie and manipulate. You probably lay awake at night so frustrated that you didn't get a chance to save face.

But I guess you never really understood that this had been boiling beneath the surface all along and no clever line could have saved you this time.

We were best friends and through you I got to experience a lot of social things I otherwise missed out on. It was a good learning experience for me. I do miss the long conversations we used to have.

I still think about some of our jokes and I laugh. It's unfortunate that to you I probably feel like a dead person, someone you can't talk about with the others or laugh about. I wonder if ive become a kind of taboo subject back home? Best not to bring me up lest you kill the mood? Guess I've always been a kind of ephemeral being everywhere I go in life. Even to my family. I wonder what they think of me now...

Anyways,

I think this will be good for your character. There are some things you have to experience to really understand and I don't think many people in your life have ever meaningfully told you "that's enough".

I hope you come to understand that you can't just treat people however you please. You won't ever hear from me again but thanks for everything. You showed up in my life when I needed someone like you. Too bad it had to end this way.

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K. I was not a good person to you. I think about it all of the time. You know this, because I've told you myself, but I still do. The thought of the person I've been to you, and how much I hate myself for it, how much I wish I could undo the hurt I've done to you, is in between every other thought in my mind. I know it is impossible for us to have any sort of closeness with each other anymore, that is my fault. I find myself spending all my time, learning more about everything you were interested in it yourself, all the things you mentioned you liked and loved. It gives me this false sense of being close to you when I'm not, when you would never be close to me again, even if you were able to. It makes me feel like you're there, when you're not. Well, at least you're not completely gone. I wish things were different.

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Since I'm here I guess I'll say something about you too. You are definitely the stupidest person I've ever willingly spent time with.

Until I met you I didn't realize I was such a shallow person that I'd continue to crawl back to someone I find difficult to be around just because of their looks.

It's difficult to be interested in you. Then again it's been like this for me with every person I've dated. I never feel any real love just lust.

It's not like I'm so sociopath who can't be interested in others but I always seem to form this dynamic with women for whatever reason.

Anyways. You seem to feel pretty guilty about all that stuff that happened between us but I'm already over it.

It's like you fancy yourself as the biggest villain in my life or something but honestly you've done a lot to help me out and are a much needed source of comfort in my sad little life.

Despite that though you are seriously stupid and it drives me insane.

>>37330108
is this who i think it is?

>>37330503
Dunno. If it is sorry I called you stupid but this is an anonymous board so I'm allowed. Did you write the post before mine? Sounds familiar. Like you thinking you're some kind of important villain in my life when I don't even care anymore about whatever happened or like I wasn't mean to you too

>>37330555
Well. There is no way for me to identify it is you. But if it is. I don't believe I am some kind of important villain in your life at all. I feel guilt and I feel regret. Those are things I feel towards myself because I do not like the person I was and I do not want to be the person I've been, and its necessary for me to no longer be that kind of person. I need to keep in my mind the actions I've made to move forward and not repeat the same behaviour and mistakes. If it is you, and I'm a needed source of comfort in your life, you know where you can reach out to me to continue talking. -A

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I dont want to loose you E, i dont want you to go to another country, i need you in my life, i know i love you and you dont love me back in the same way, but idc, i cherish every second we spend together. I wish you could understand that i love you in a way that it doesnt matter if we dont have sex or we are not a couple, i feel a deep connection with you and nothing makes me more happy than seeing you smile and be by your side. Im not enough for you but i dont blame you, we are at different moments in life and you just need a stable relationship with someone. I wish i could become a better person with a stable job and be a responsible and assertive person, maybe one day, who knows.... someone you could fall in love with... hope i can see you soon and hope is not the last time. love you <3

>>37330711
If your name starts with A then you're not her lol. My name does start with K so you honestly had me going there

dear [all of my friends],
where have you gone

fuck you for ruining Christmas, fuck you for never truly loving me, you were my idol and apparently the biggest sin i could ever do was want to be like you. why was i never good enough? i just wanted to be like you, this could have all turned out so different if you just saw that and accepted it instead of forcing me into this hell that i can never come back from

>>37330801
You seem like a twerp who deserves to be bullied kek

if you're non-op, you don't understand what it's like to have gender dysphoria.
if you're mtf dating a f or ftm and yoh have piv sex with them? you identify as male for all of the lies that come out of your mouth.
oh you're a gayden? that means you're a straight woman encroaching on gay culture.

>>37330831
Wrong thread schizo

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I MISS YOU SO FUCKING BAD GOD WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU STILL TALKING TO ME WHEN YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU SO MUCH WHY DO YOU THINK ITS NORMAL TO TELL ME ABOUT YOUR NEW GIRLFRIEND AND THE EGIRLS THAT FLIRT WITH YOU WHYYYYYYYYYYY

why don't i just fucking block you? I know why it's because I'm a weak retard who thinks there might be some slim invisible chance that this could work again. The part of my brain that wants you will just take any exposure to you whatsoever even if it means seeing you talking about how "gay" you are now as if we weren't in love and dating for years. I know I fucked it up and fumbled it and did so much wrong and I know it doesn't make sense to give me a second chance but fuck PLEASE PLEASE GIVE ME ASECOND CHANCE ILL MOVE ACROSS THE COUNTRY FINALLY ILL DROP OUT OF SCHOOL I was wrong about my priorities you're more important than anything else FUCK

>>37330859
>Reply as if speaking to whoever you hate
nah, i was in the right thread

>>37330753
I'm honestly glad you're not them. I don't deserve any place in their life. Take care anonymous anon

>>37331040
you hate the wrong people for the stupidest reasons. live your life

>>37331040
these threads are for people to vent at an individual level not for grandstanding. no one here wants to see posts about niche tra-political quibbles

>>37328071

>One:
i knew responding to you was a bad idea. it was literally 330am and i should know better than to talk to anyone at that time but i couldn't resist the idea of feeling the way i felt when talking to you again. you don't even know the effect you had on me. nobody had ever talked to me like that, made me feel like a woman like that. nobody else ever made me feel like i wanted someone like that before. it's why i initially pulled away when i did, it was frankly too much to process, having to keep up with you and myself at the same time. this was a revelation 18 years in the making, years of being teased for something i was confused and hurt by and then you showed up and solved the riddle so easily and you didn't even know it. No reason to know it, really. But because of that it means you were the first, and always will be, and as such I don't know how long it'll take for me to fully move on from you.

>Two:
honestly, i'm not sure how much i ever liked you, and i'm sorry i was too scared to be the one to draw the line in the sand about that. you gave me a space i felt like i could be open in, but over time i became less trusting of that because it always seemed like you never wanted to give me part of you. i know you're a more distant person in general, but it felt like i could rarely get you to tell me how you were, much less do shit together. i would have dropped everything for you, it never felt like you would do the same, and that's why i got more critical of how you were treating me before we stopped talking. however, i don't think i ever said that directly, and instead just said things that were provocative until you justifiably blew up at me for it. that i am genuinely sorry about, like i said, i was scared to be the one to say "something here is really wrong", but by doing so i just ended up hurting you, which was selfish of me. Idk, sorry that I realized all this too late I guess.

i miss you so much. all summer i've just been wishing we were talking. i know it probably weirds you out that i care so much, i'm sorry i'm not more normal. but i promise i'll be better this time, i'll give you your space, i won't be weird and needy about the fact we're kinda just acquaintances. i just want to be a part of your life.
last thing you said was you'd get back to me. please do so soon :(

>>37331270
>two
this probably isn't who it sounds like to me. but if it is, please tell them that you never wanted them around and retract the things you said to the contrary. they might not know. they might be waiting for some kind of certainty

>>37331273
if this is the lass i played elden ring as pink girl with then im sorry for not getting back to you sooner. have ig been reflecting on a lot of things, plus in the months we've not been chatting i've finished uni/had to get a new job/moved house etc. its been a time where i've just sort of took stock and withdrawn from a lot of things. i think part of what got on top of me juggling the fact that realistically i just needed to cut out a lot of social stuff (irl and online) in order to get through things and i was too adamant on trying to spin plates. led to me investing stuff i didnt' have into people and i'm sorry for that (eg; saying we'd do things then flaking when i inevitably over promise)

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Its embarrassing to have this big of an issue with securely trusting people at my age
Seeing it flare puts you off
I'm a very emotional person but very rarely am I capable of putting into words how I truly feel in the moment
Being this way is wretched, I've shut myself away from people for so long but all I've ever really wanted was friends and a happy life
You couldn't be any more special to me
I love you

>>37331327
!!
i'm not upset with you, i want you to know that
a little embarassed that you actually saw this :')
if it's okay for me to ask, can i just know whether or not i should expect to hear from you again like, eventually? just y/n and if it's no i'm still not upset just, clarity thing
i don't want to awkwardly keep sporadically messaging you and sending you well wishes if you've sorted interacting with me as over in your mind and i'm just texting at nobody
(y/n counts as getting back to me btw)

>>37331355
I'm going to pretend this is who I think it is and it's going to give me a little bit of peace today. Thank you anon.

>>37331442
Im glad, happy to hear that. and have a good day

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rWfr4n0d3ME

i never stopped missing you or thinkin of you even when i was gone, im sorry again. i wish i could see you. I wish i could turn back time, i wish i could think of you as a friend, i do but just a little to close. i hope whoever yur with makes u very happy :) wish i wasnt scared enough to be that person

>>37331387
you're not texting at nobody i just do not want to repeat the same mistake of overtaxing myself and hurting people by being unavailable

>>37331387
also no need to feel embarrased like i have always found message boards easier to talk on anyway, as you know
not cut out for disc and im's

>>37331487
tysm for the reply. i completely understand, it's just been eating me because we left things in a very weird place (my fault, still very sorry)
okay then, still always well wishing you and thinking of post-school and work and like hope ur new roomies are fun and travel plans moving along and such.
sorry again for being an overattached weirdo.
and, i promise i'll be more patient this time, take two weeks or two years, i will be happy to hear from you whenever that is
i'll probably keep sending you birds sometimes c:

>>37331513
aha well i was more embarassed by the contents if you haven't noticed i try not to spam "wahh i miss you so much" in your messages lol :')

I'm sad that I can't ever really be myself around you because the different sides of myself are fundamentally incompatible. It's not you, it's me. I'm not a DID weirdo or a Joker-esque schizo, I just have bits of myself I have to hide from everyone, no matter the cost. I'm sorry.

I know that I'm the asshole and that how I reacted wasn't okay, or fair to anyone, or justified in any way - but I deserved better than you and the way you treated me before I got to that point and I wish I had just run the fuck away instead of believing anything you said or letting you string me along for even a second

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>>37328071
I'm gay

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Everytime I'm stuck in traffic, or just alone with my thoughts. I think about how right it would have felt to kill you. You should have gone to jail, instead you have a priest or whatever. I'm sure one day karma will catch up to you, everyone else may have believed your lies but I know the truth. You disgusting piece of shit.

If ever reach a point where I have nothing left to lose you can bet your ass I will hunt you down.

>>37331759
yeah? what are you gonna do about it? go kiss somebody of your same gender? bet you will. heh. gay

not an hour goes by that i don’t think about messaging you, just about the stuff i see, wishing you joy, hoping that you can take something from me to heart. and i don’t because i worry i’m bothering you with this closeness i seem to be putting on you that i don’t think you feel towards me. i know i’m a lot, but even as distant as we are, i want you to feel something. i care when we talk, i care when we’re away, i couldn’t stop caring if i tried. being your friend is more than i could ever deserve, you flood my life with light. i love you.

>>37331308
probably not, this fallout happened over year ago and my life has been stagnant since for reasons mostly unrelated so i just haven't been able to move on.

>>37332027
sorry anon :(
i hope you find peace and closure and someone you can get the right kind of love with

>>37331327
lurking here cause it's interesting and noticed a few other replies sound like something i might write in a worse state of mind, so one more reply to jsyk the last thing i said was >>37331566 in case you happen to also still be lurking here, just so u don't think i'm schizoing again :p
(not that you're schizo, anons who wrote those posts! but if i wrote them, that would be different)

>>37332204
thanks, sometimes it feels like it'll never happen. people keep backing away from me. clearly something is wrong with my behavior but i can't pin down what it is and it's killing me.

looking at it again, the common thread between my two lightning rods is people who i felt like wouldn't be open or transparent with me as i feel they should have been (didn't really get into that for no. 1). i don't know what people see in me that makes them uncomfortable getting close to me, as friends, partners, or anything else. i keep putting my heart into the hands of people who don't really want it. maybe i've been too quick at times, but no. 2 was friends with me for years so it's not just that. my autistic ass doesn't know what speeds bonds are supposed to form at and somehow i feel like i always get it wrong. i don't know, and the not knowing is what kills me.

sorry ik this has diverged off of you just trying to be nice and even the point of this thread, i just haven't had any way to talk about any of this, i just wish i could fix myself. or find people who are more willing to meet me closer to where i am/want to be. or both idk.

i'm sorry i'm a psycho who can't handle my emotions and hurt you in the process

>>37333415
likewise

>>37333461
every post? watch your back anon. >>37331827

You belong in my bed. You belong at my side. I'm counting down the days till we get our hands on each other again. It's become embarrassing just how much I miss you when we're not together

>>37333778
MISTER ROOTY BELONGS WITH ME YOU MONSTER

>>37329949
I'm gonna pretend this is about me so I can sleep easier at night

I'm nervous. I want to confess to you.

I've even written everything out.

But I think I know your answer already. And that terrifies me. I don't know what I'll do without you.

I miss you and I want to apologise for being an insecure wreck, although I doubt we can ever have the same relationship that we had when we first started talking to each other. Even now, I’m still surprised you treated me with such kindness and actual listened to what I had to say, even when I was feeling down. The fact that we got to play games together and have fun also makes my heart ache because I could never have the same energy that we did while playing through Halo on legendary, or just talking on FFXIV. I know that you’re highly unlikely to see this, but just know that I still think about you.

>>37328071
Curse you, Bayle! I hereby vow! You will rue this day! Behold, a true Drake Warrior! And I, Igon! Your fear made flesh! Solid of scale you might be, foul dragon … But I will riddle with holes your rotten hide! With a hail of harpoons! With every last drop of my being

stop trying to take the roundabout way to death, if you want to race to the grave I'll win every time-I just choose to let you think you're winning

>>37333975
But it's probably not about you

>>37336319
Yeah I know. It never was, was it?

>>37328071
if i could give you a fraction of the space you’ve given me, i would die a happy woman

I don't like the direction this world is heading. I sense a weirdo inquisition gaining steam.

>>37331924
I wish anyone missed me but I know that's just selfish and indulgent wishful thinking, I'm quite confident that nobody in my past really misses me or wanted me around in the first place based on the way they treated me

>>37337380
nah, even if you were any of the people I meant you wouldn't have taken me for granted

>>37328664
>Irregardless
Um, double negative alertttt

>>37337773
impossible, you don't treat someone that way if they're a friend or a loved one

>>37337830
>I shouldn't have followed you
what's that supposed to mean?

im on drugs again because when im not on drugs i start doing creepy shit to you. i wish i didn't have to lie about and repress my feelings and i wish you didn't have to live with my disgusting unworthy shadow hanging over you

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part of me hopes you died, the rest of me feels bad for thinking that at all. You were honestly a terrible person and I was blinded by some incel tier desperation for love at any cost. even before we got together, I should've just moved out as soon as you purposefully broke the first thing, but I didn't, and instead asked you out in a drunken fever and things were downhill from there.

contrary to making this post, I don't think about you very often, even with the scar on my face that I still run my fingers across and examine in the mirror, I'm not thinking of you when I do that, luckily, I'm thinking about if it's actually as noticable as I think it is, and if it makes me look better, or somehow more attractive, insert some cliche about girls dig scars or whatever, maybe it works on guys to.

I finally got to play one of those puzzle games I used to play again without anxiety, got to enjoy it again without some impending sense of "I'm about to get my shit beaten in for this", unfortunately, I still have the lasting panic around yelling or loud noises, thanks for worsening that, instead of just being afraid of an argument, now I'm afriad of an argument and possibly dying or being stabbed.

anyway, hope life's been terrible for you, glad that I can't tell which bitch is you on this board. now it's back to forgetting you were ever a blimp in my life until my therapist starts asking questions about ptsd and past relationships again

i just want to talk to you one more time...

i think about all of the things i’ve said to you and i know i’ve ruined one of the most beautiful and meaningful friendships i’ve ever had. i smell the sharp morning rain and the endless dread of a lifelong meandering devoid of your presence. as far as favorite people go, you were special. you are special, even as nothing more than a continued echo i internally prop up and a recording of your cold voice from the answering machine i can’t stop listening to.

>>37338253
Jesus Christ anon this hits home

you made me feel like I'm not good enough one too many times so fuck you, you missed your chance, you're getting customer service voice for the rest of your life, I won't even give you the dignity of telling you I hate you now

Dad, I don't think much about you. When I do I can't help but reflect on the misery of your life. I assume you're doomed forever, you'll probably die of exposure under some bridge or from an overdose or whatever.

Y'know it's weird as a little kid I imagined you to be some kinda progressive and I thought you were nerdy and liked weird stuff but looking back you were kinda always conservative and bullied me for my interests. I always thought the schizo stuff came outta nowhere but it always there huh.

I do feel sorry for you but not that much I mean I overall just find it hard to care. You abused me and there's no coming back from that. You're gonna suffer and die alone now. I spent too many years plotting my escape to go back to you out of pity.

Saw you in the news. Pretty funny stuff. Surprised they let you off so easy but I guess it was because of your circumstances huh. You've really gone off the deep end haven't you.

regret is too soft a word for what i feel when you cross my mind which happens 300 times a day

bump

>>37338913
Out of all the posts here that are probably her this one is the most realistic. Fuck

thank you for posting face and hands recently. they're in my folder now. nice to have you in my you folder and not just your cat. nothing against your cat of course, i hope he has a lovely day and i hope you do too. i want to push your mother off a bridge

>>37337856
stfu, unless you are willing to talk to them directly your "sorry" amounts to self pity

>>37328071
you are a coward.

>>37342377
nta but what if you literally can't talk to the person you want to apologize to because you're blocked? just let it ball up inside you, never to tell a single soul ever, even anonymously?

>>37342411
what did you do to them?

>>37342377
i am TA and we talk directly every day lmao

>>37328071
I like you but its exhausting trying to prove it.

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Claire, it's not like I want to be "cheating" on you.. I wish we lived in a different era, I wish I could just have as many girls as I want and it doesn't have to be a problem. But we don't live in such an era so I have to be sneaky and keep things from you.. sorry dear

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It's fitting for me to write goodbye to you here.
You probably wouldn't approve, but perhpas it's the venue you'd least disapprove of, and it's something I need to do.
We've only really ever talked back and forth with our voices; yes, there are the endless funny joke-texts, but we never really explored one another in the good old-fashioned "let's write words about our feelings " kind of way.
I'm half-glad we didn't, and half-sad we didn't.
It was also like we were always too afraid to talk about the heavy stuff with our voices too, saying the explicit things... but we always knew how we truly felt for one another.
When you hugged me in the hospital.
When I brushed the tears from your eyes.
When you told me I did a good job.
I hope beyond hope I really did do a good job on your behalf.
You're still the most important person in the world to me, even now that you're gone.
I'm a better person because of you--No, I'm a PERSON because of you.
You deserve to be rewarded, remembered, emulated, forgiven, vindicated, cherished, loved, and to be healthy and alive.
You suffered more viciously than this world should allow.
I have tears in my eyes now thinking about it--me, the previous non-person who always eschewed pity.
Perhaps I cry not because of what you went through, but because you are the purest, most innocent, most beautiful peron DESPITE what you went through.
You are my definition of "beauty."
My life from this point on is going to be a sequence of goodbyes and hellos to you.
I will acknowledge your being gone, and then greet you as if you're still here in the world all the same.
Because, in a way, you are--you're with me.
I said goodbye-for-the-last-time to you hundreds of times when you were here.
I'm sure this won't be the last one now that you've gone away.
I hope to meet you at the threshold one day, and to see how much you've done.
I love you, L, with all my heart.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NbY5IjseIO0
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rGRP3jxwD_A

You mean so much to me and I'm so glad I mean the same to you. I promise you won't lose me, I'll stay by your side no matter what. You deserve a friend who won't leave or hurt you

>>37328071
heyyy
>2 days later
>message them about their favourite game I started playing and my thoughts about it once i beat it
>4 days later
lol + post cute cinnamoroll pics because they like sanrio, i bought them a sanrio toy a few months ago
>7 days later
are you going to town tomorrow?
>nothing
I TRY SO HARDDDD WHY WONT YOU BE MY FRIEND I LOVE YOU ;(((((

I don't have anything else to say except I still have my hair and your ass is bald in your 20s so suck it.

>>37342504
i was unnecessarily verbally abusive to them

>>37342617
oh anon, this broke my heart reading
i like to remember that time always exists in the totality of the universe, so the moments we live don't really end when we leave the . so in that way too she's still there, in those moments you spent together, always. i hope you see each other on the other side when that time comes too :'(

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>>37342699
I hate people who ghost so much, it's a sign of cowardice and immaturity if you can't even be bothered to respond to a text. I give you credit, when someone stops responding I stop trying anymore. I have someone so stuck in my head and I won't give them credence, it kills me but I'm not going to denigrate myself any more for feelings that will likely go away when I find someone who actually appreciates my fucking attempts to form genuine connections-we deserve better than what we're given

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we may not be the loves of each other’s lives, but i know my life couldn’t be considered complete without you and me hanging around

>>37342818
Did you talk to them about it?

>>37344311
no because i am blocked

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>>37343629
>hug
thanku, im still trying to cope with it just being BPD episodes that make me feel bad or maybe theyre unable to respond because theyre nice to me when we see each other irl in town sometimes but its AGONY, if i see them tomorrow i will ask them about it maybe i really dont want them to give up on me
its probably for the best generally to just dump those people though yeah

>>37344619
>no because i am blocked
maybe put it in your bio "hey, NAME, if you're reading this I'm sorry. i never should have etc."
my apologies if this is awful advice, but i can't think of any other way to display your contrition.
i mean, if they browse here too, mabye just add a hint about yourself only the two of you know about so they link >>37337856 with you.
otherwise, i'm sorry, anon, but it's like with people in AA making amends to the people they've wronged; you make an attempt, and if they don't wanna listen, you gotta accept that and move on. posting it here is probably the best outlet otherwise desu.

>>37344731
>maybe put it in your bio "hey, NAME, if you're reading this I'm sorry. i never should have etc."
>i mean, if they browse here too, mabye just add a hint about yourself only the two of you know about
i think that if they even find out i'm posting about them here there will be problems. i fucked up astronomically.

>>37342956
>i like to remember that time always exists in the totality of the universe, so the moments we live don't really end when we leave the[m].
>so in that way too she's still there, in those moments you spent together, always.
The growing block universe is sort of a double edged sword because it captures all the pain as well as all the joy, and there was just so much pain that I'd hate to imagining anyone being frozen in those moments, no matter how dear they are to me now.
The fond memories I have are fond because I can try to forget, ignore, or mitigate the very real suffering that was beneath it all while focusing on the spirit of what really mattered--her spirit--but I understand what your intentions are here in saying this.
And not to keep ragging on what you shared, but I just find myself yearning for an idealized reality for us both on another timeline or something, as opposed to being trapped in the memories of a past that was anything but fair to her--a reminiscence of her being so much less than what she should have been, of who she deserved to be. Somewhere out there there has to be a just world for her, for all of us, really; that's the one I choose to meditate on.
Still, despite the enormous vicissitudes she faced, we found so, so much inordinate happiness, and that's my totem moving forward for the both of us.
>i hope you see each other on the other side when that time comes too :'(
She's in my dreams when I go to sleep. Like I said, I'll be meeting aspects of her everywhere in the world; and I'll see her again completely when that time comes, like you said.
>oh anon, this broke my heart reading
Sorry lol
^That was me lightening (get it? "light-n-ning"?) the mood.
But seriously, anon. Thank you for your kind words, and I hope you're doing well.

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>>37328071
Not really sure what to say that I haven't said already. I hope you're doing well.

>>37342160
don't worry anon, i can promise you're not him, he would never care about me enough to look in this thread for my post

>>37342818
what did you say?

>>37344683
I've been agonizing over someone who gives me such a different vibe irl than when I try to reach out. I'm really not good at reading unanswered messages, I get too in my head even if they said they're bad at responding. I didn't want my emotions to ruin a friendship with alot of shared interests. I know they have mental health issues but I can barely manage my own and I don't know how to help if someone doesn't want to respond, I just get upset and hate how much of an impact they made on me after only a few encounters. Do you get the mixed feelings about seeing them? I hate simultaneously yearning and dreading seeing them, I have no idea what to say or do and I'm done with self deprecation

It had to be done. Now we can move on.

>>37345781
>Do you get the mixed feelings about seeing them?
YES YES i feel so anxious and horrible until i see them especially on the last day/day of possibly seeing them, im going to try and sleep through to 6pm and then sit around in public and pray ;( and then because i get overly nervous and anxious it makes it harder to be a good friend

>>37328071
>Reply as if speaking to whoever you hate/love the most.
One of the many pieces of wisdom these threads has taught me is that it's actually *whomever*
Okay, maybe that's not straight up wisdom (just case usage), but where else will I find so neat a word in a thread prompt?

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things can't ever be the same as how they were, can they? i wonder if it was right to even respond to you. i think all it did was resurface all of the hurt that i was trying my hardest to get over those past 2 years. i decided to be selfish anyway. i wanted you back in my life, that's all.
and even though i wanted that more than anything, i haven't even made any attempt to really connect with you. in my mind, you're still just a memory. i want to make new memories, as the people we are now. but, i'm so afraid that if i get too close, we'll just end up hurting each other again.
how are we going to make this work? ...is it even worth it to try?
i'm sorry, J

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>>37346525

>>37346540
yay tails :D

>>37346525
wish this were about me

i wish i didn't love you so much. it twists my heart up and makes me stupid and crazy. but that's not even why i wish i didn't. it's because you don't love me too. it's not fair to you, for me to feel this way so completely one sidedly. it makes things weird between us. it causes problems you probably don't even notice the reasons for.
i also wish i could just tell you how i feel. and i wish you felt the same way.
but mostly, i just wish i could be better to you. i'm sorry that i can't stop feeling this way. maybe i should just stop trying to be your friend until i've moved on

>>37329628
i hope you saw them today

wish i could think of a good way to signify who you are, without our mutuals catching on. i don't know who else has been in on it.
but to both of you, go straight to hell. you acted like my friends, put on a whole dog and pony show about it, just to trick me and make me a fucking lolcow? are you fucking kidding me??
i'm so sorry that i'm not as pretty as you. god forbid i have been born. thanks for reminding me of that, and possibly rendering me unable to ever trust friends again. and for fucking trannies to do that to another tranny? i hope some karmic stones come flying at your glass houses for this, mean girls

>>37328071
sorry i still havent installed openbsd. the security mitigations in their compiler fork is garbage and trashes the branch predictor

>>37346525
say something identifiable that only the two of you would understand

with blood dripping down my face, i want to hand you the knife and i want you to run it along my arm, i want you to cut me up and stab it deep into my chest and i hope to god the last thing i see as i fall away from this earth is your happy face, skin pulled taut around your eyes and mouth as you giggle for my eternity

>>37349747
No. Never. Bad girl. Cuddles and princess treatment for eternity, maybe some light beating and rape. I am a merciful god.

i'm sorry. am stupid tranny. can't talk to u. i think ur really cool and i like u way more than i let on. wish stuff was different. hope im not a lolcow lol

>>37349360
i had a fear like this recently, and it turned out not to be true at all. maybe you should try to calm down and talk to them about it. you don't want to lose real friends over anxiety anon

I miss you, i miss you so much. You were the older sister i never had, you showed me femininity in a light I had never seen before. You brought a sense of community into my life, you brought me love too. I know what we had wasn't appropriate and I know we could never go back to how it was, I was too immature for you, I got mad at little things, I was so clingy too. I wish I could wipe away all of that. I wish we hadn't left everything where we did either, a year of silence with a "Have a good rest of your life" that totally ruined me. Now I have no way of going back, you'll never see how much I've changed, how far I've come. You'll never see the woman you helped shape. You're the most important person to ever enter my life, I'm sorry that it ended like this.

>>37351850
I don't remember what I went by back then, but you had an E name.

>>37346525
please be who i think this is.

>>37351862
You also had a discord username that started with a C

>>37328071
I don't know how to make things work but I'm too much of a coward to say that because I can't let go of you

bump

I'm sorry. I just want a hug :(

not my words, but i found this recently and wanted to share:

I shall hate you
Like a dart of singing steel
Shot through still air
At even-tide,
Or solemnly
As pines are sober
When they stand etched
Against the sky.
Hating you shall be a game
Played with cool hands
And slim fingers.
Your heart will yearn
For the lonely splendor
Of the pine tree
While rekindled fires
In my eyes
Shall wound you like swift arrows.
Memory will lay its hands
Upon your breast
And you will understand
My hatred.

>>37342699
moment of truth PLEASE let me see you two today

I'm sorry

fuck you for blocking me without even telling me why, absolute bitch move from a weak person

>>37342699
avoid her shes a whore
>>37337856
I forgive you. Just move on you retard

Bump

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I wish I had said yes
I wish I had not been such an addict

i like penis :3

I hate poly shit and I hate one night stands. Being your third wheel is the worst feeling in the world. The sex isn't even that good, and seeing people who genuinely love and care about each other when I'm just another rotating body makes my skin crawl. fucking bottoms

im a guy

>>37353727
if this is who i think it is you reached out to me at the worst possible time when everything went to shit, so sorry i didnt get back to you fucker, i blocked everyone, also i dont see any blocked messages or calls from you so i dont know why ur complaining when u never even tried to contact me a second time, and we barely talk anymore, literally why do you need me around i thought u were engaged and living ur best christian life

>>37356217
isn't it better than being alone tho? it's not like I could ever actually find someone who loves me. too broken and degraded by life already

>>37330711
>>37331107
Its always the "A"s that keep me up at night haha. Hope you're doing well if you're somehow my A. There was a post that I didnt make about my A, but he (or they, not sure if they changed how they identify) typed out my name and I felt like shit because it archived before I could get to it. I dont really feel like I deserve to be in their life either though. Everything that happened was my fault, you did nothing wrong and I see that now.

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Dad, I didnt ask mom if you molested me when I was a kid when I was in a drunken stupor years ago because of the stupid reason I gave you (iirc, was something like "oh, lgbt are stigmatized to be sexual assault victims and i was molested by other boys in high school and it made me confused at the time" which did happen but is irrelevant.) I asked her because you always touched me weird, I always felt weirdly around you, and I started to have horrible intrusive thoughts about us having sex when I was in high school. I just couldnt rationalize why else I would have those fucking disgusting thoughts at the time. I fucking hate you. I fucking hate myself. Why did you neglect me

>>37328071
You ruined my life in ways I know you're aware. And yet here I am. Still best friends. I achieved literally every one of my dreams alongside you, your second in command, and I've surpassed you now. And yet I mourn an alternate version of me who never met you. Who never fit myself neatly inside your shadow, and never fell in love and became dependent on the breadcrumbs of affection you'd feed me. I've lost everything that mattered and as I globe hop living someone else's life, adorning the legacy of a greater man than you'll ever be. I'm just empty. I miss what we had and I miss what I had and now everything is gone, all that's left is my use. I could have nurtured a means of communication but instead all I nurtured was my usefulness so I could stay beside you. And here I am. Still useful. Still decorating your guilt laden confessions with tears and blood I've bled and wept for you and all I've lost because of you. The formes I've taken to meet your desires. The limits I've pushed myself to. The friends I've lost. Your guilt I've carried with you while I watched you make mistakes after mistake. I realise this was the only path towards this dream of mine. Had it gone any differently I'd never be where I am. I just resent you so much for holding my hand and leading me here. I'll always love you. Dearest friend.

i hope you have a beautiful life. i'm sorry i didn't get better quick enough. I'm still gonna try. i love you. i'm sorry . im gonna try not to completely self destruct and really get better. i know you'll never ever take me back. i will still try though. i hope u find someone comfy to be with. i want that for me too. im so cold right now.

thinking about you hurts me so much but i don’t think i’ll be able to stop, i just wish i could’ve stopped myself from going overboard that one time too many

>>37357337
im sorry anon. it hurts. hope you get to a place where you can manage your reactions or whatever you're talking about going overboard with. i hope one day you can be someone who is just a place of absolute safety and comfort for someone who loves you more than the whole world and you get to live a beautiful life together

AAAAAAAAAA it hurts so much I lost you I fucked up so bad I wanna just disappear forever this sucks I hate this so much it can't be over it can't be over it can't be over

i no longer resent you for not caring more. it's just hard to let go of wishing you did. i don't think you know this, but legitimately nobody else cares. nobody. our common contact does check on me sometimes, but it doesn't really make a difference what i answer, i think she just checks to verify i'm still alive. i guess that's probably all you're doing too, but i keep failing to see it for some reason.
i get confused and think you're there more than you are, because you're kind, and i'm too far-removed from real closeness with anyone to remember the difference anymore, and because we used to be closer, and because i do care like that.
but i shouldn't care like that. i have to stop caring so much, and I have to stop misunderstanding your nice words and thinking you're going to be supportive in ways you can't or don't want to be and dragging you down with my stupid life and problems. i know i'm nobody to you anymore, but i keep forgetting that and wasting both our time.
i'm trying not to bother you, it's just hard. you used to describe us as best friends, and you were the last person who did still care. it's hard for me to accept that that's gone. but it must be so obnoxious for you, if i were in your position with someone like myself i'd probably want to swat me like a fly. if you see this and read all of it, i'm really sorry :/
-J

YOU TOOK AWAY MY ABILITY TO ENJOY LIFE. YOU TOOK AWAY MY ABILITY TO ENJOY ANY OF THE THINGS I DO. I FEEL LIKE A GROSS VIOLATED FREAK BECAUSE OF YOU AND YOU'RE PROBABLY LAUGHING ABOUT WHAT YOU'VE DONE TOO. FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU. FUCK. YOU. IF THERAPY DOESN'T WORK I'D LOVE TO BLOW MY BRAINS OUT IN FRONT OF YOU AND YOUR WHOLE FAMILY. I HOPE YOU FUCKING DIE

M.. i just guess im upset you abandoned me when i needed you the most. i dont know what to do without you. you said you'd never leave and now you're gone forever, you're not coming back. i dont know why i trusted that you wouldnt go. i ultimately deserve this for betraying your trust but i just wish youd understand why i lied in the first place. i wish in a different universe i could've been your little sister, maybe that could have like binded us together enough, so that you wouldn't leave. i just remember your face, you're beautiful and i know youre going to find someone betterthan me. im upset i let myself stop hrt, my body is mutilated even more, and i dont have anywhere to go to now. im so repuslive i just dont know what to do with myself. i ruined this for absolutely nothing and there's nothing i can do now. i hate you and loathe you for your ability to go and be pretty, and i have to look like a weird monster. im so fucking jealous i just wish you understood. i love you so much but i hate that this ended just like everything else has, you never want to see me again and i hate it

bump ⊙﹏⊙

>>37328071
i love you and you say you love me but based on how things are going its probably not going to work out for us
its a hard pill to swallow but it is what it is. i dont resent you and i mean it when i say i want you to be happy and ill always be there for you, even if it isnt easy or comfortable at first
these last few months ive been sober fighting the urge to get back into using drugs, ive tried so hard to live the good life and doing things better for myself but i feel like im slowly reaching my breaking point. its my own fault, id never pin this on you, but theres so many different facets of my life that cause stress and misery and i simply cannot cope no matter the amount of therapy, exercise, clean eating, whatever positive hocus pocus bullshit i try.
i hope youre not disappointed in me and we can still be friends.

I'm happy that you screwing me over didn't improve anything at all. I know the mature thing to do would be for me to forget about it and move on, and believe me I've tried, but I just can't seem to evict you from my head. So I suppose the next best thing is just peeking back in every now and then to see that nothing has changed. You thought pushing me out of our group would make everything better, but you're still blowing up at random people and whining about everything. I hate to admit it, but it actually puts a smile on my face. The only thing that would make me happier is if you actually did a little introspection and finally realized what an asshole you are. But I doubt you ever will, so I'll just have to settle for watching you suffer.

>>37358817
I had a friend like that once. Who ostracised me from the homies. 1 year out from getting yeeted I find out this fucking asshole got raided by the cops for being a nonce. I made my triumphant return to the group chat, let the other guys know the vibe and then we created a new group chat without him. Bad people rarely heal I'm afraid anon. But sometimes they fuck up so bad they get what's coming to them.
What hurt the most for me about all this was the year of being ostracised from that friend group and those dudes not standing up for me. It's not their fault though, that guy was so fucking nasty and manipulative that I don't blame em for not wanting to step in and back me up. Nice to be back in chat though the dudes were very apologetic and very welcoming.

god must have a sick fucking sense of humor to have made you live longer than mom. when she's gone, there will be no one left willing to put up with your shit. except me. I'm going to be your new caretaker. and then I'm going to put you in the shittiest, cheapest, most mismanaged care home i can find. im going to make sure you live a good, long life there, surrounded by miserable old fucks like yourself. by the end of it, you're going to wish for death. you'll cry and beg for mom, to have her take care of you again. but she'll be gone, along with anyone else who might once have cared for you. it's just going to be you, and me. for the rest of your miserable fucking life. time to lay in the bed you made old man :)

every single problem i have is caused directly by you. you never helped me. you've always just been in the way. all you do is make me doubt myself. putting bad thoughts in my head that aren't real. i hate you.

>>37359429
are u me
i have this thought every day
i was just thinking it earlier today

>>37330736
Mentally ill cuck

you made a huge impact on my life and i thought i made one on yours. You were really special to me, but i think i was just another passing face to you, somewhere to pour out your trauma and aspirations before moving on.
I remember what your mom told me. You were there but didn't hear, busy in your own world. "You should know, he has trouble with love". The message was clear as day: "for your own sake, don't fall in love with my son." I laughed, treated it like a joke, and she laughed too, but I could tell she was serious. I should have listened. She knows you better than anyone else, as much as you resent her for it.
You seemed shocked when i told you how i felt, as if it was out of the blue, as if we hadn't spent late nights imagining our lives together. As if I was delusional for thinking an invitation to uproot my life for you was anything but platonic.
Realizing you were never actually attracted to me has soured my memory of you. Teasing insults have become degrading in retrospect. All the times you came to stay feel like mooching now. So many years wasted, clinging to a guy who doesn't even think of me.
And the worst part of it all is I can't help but miss you, miss what we had, even though it never existed. I can't let go. I'm so tired. Please, leave me alone, tell me to fuck off, shoo me out of your life now that I've lost purpose there. Do something terrible so i can resent you. Just let me go

>>37359453
who are you?

it's been about 2.5 years since we last spoke I think. that first year was horrible and I could never stop thinking about you, I only really fully got over you around a year ago when I reached out to apologise. I still don't really understand why you cut me off but I'm glad you did I was not a good person and it was unhealthy having you as the only person I spoke to. it was always a love at first sight thing, I still vividly remember seeing you in France all those years ago and I was obsessed in that instant. then I finally talked to you during the pandemic and we became best friends, I lied to myself the whole time that I wasn't into you romantically but I think we both know that was a lie. also I'm failing all my classes and I have several addictions now and post on tttt but my music taste is kind of good now so there's that!! I have no idea what you're doing now but I imagine you're doing about as "well" as me.

tldr I haven't really thought about you in a year but the prompt said someone you loved and you're all I could think of, it was doomed from the start, I got new friends now and you definitely hate me now but eh oh well

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>>37349478
>>37351910
if this chicken rings a bell then you might be them
but they said they don't use 4chan so, most likely no

>>37360038
>when you're just some trip they don't think they know
what the hell does that even mean

you were the first person to ever talk to me about “something”, even in passing, and it was one of the deepest repressions i had hidden from myself. i thought i was alone in this for so so many years and it was you that made me realize that wasn’t true. you’ve had such a monumental impact on me in such a short time. i couldn’t ever not love you. i love you, and i know i finally mean it in the way that i want to. i love you, and that’s all there is to it. i love you.

>>37360038
>>37360476
is there a reason you can't just tell them your trip and indicate that you want to chat off board more? the point of a trip is to identify who people are talking to anyway, seems the obvious thing to do

>>37359429
this probably isn't about me but it may as well be, everyone i think i love surely has felt it. so from someone like the person you hate, on their behalf, sorry for not being better and for being so self-centered

i wish you could get better, but i dont know if you even can. last time i saw you was months ago, and i dont think we talked that day. i want to be friends again but i dont know if itd just end up the same
i remember you once said that you used this board. i wonder if youd know that this is about you if youd see this.

What if I don't love or hate anyone? What if I'm an empty shell just imitating human behavior?

Looking back at texts and WOW I was VERY pushy and aggressive the first day and completely oblivious to it. Jeez. You seemed ok with everything but I was putting tons of pressure on you, I think it’s some insecurity thing cause I felt you pulling away and it ended up just pushing you. I get why it just makes you more sad than horny when I talk to you that way. I’ll try to adjust my tone if we ever speak again, and just tone back alllll that shit in general especially in person. You need me to be gentle and I hear you.

>>37361574
I love you and I want you to feel that in how I talk to you and treat you.

>>37361574
jeez you sound creepy

>>37361613
Yea I hear ya buddy, but this is between me and her. I’m trying to change for the better and she seemed to see something in me worth sticking around for at least for a while. I just want her to understand that I see how it was from her perspective, and I don’t want to make her feel like that unless she wants to feel like that in a very specific context.

>>37361625
You send me this text on our first day of being text buddies:
>IM GOING TO GOBBBLE YOUR COCK UP WITH MY BUTT-MOUTH!!!^•^ JUST WAIT ALSO HEIL HITLER

i really think i need space Jeff, sorry

>>37361645
Lol

>>37361625
you probably sent her a dick pic or something equally gross, theres no "haha oops accidentally i didnt realize" ur just gross man

>>37361681
Nothing like that, it was just the way I demanded things of her and threatened her, to me it felt playful and hot but looking back it’s clear I wasn’t doing a good job of making her feel safe. Making her feel safe is something I care a lot about.

>>37361714
>>37361681
She said I was much nicer in person than over text and I didn’t understand at the time but I do now.

>>37361714
>demanded things of her and threatened her
dude what the fuck this is sooo much worse ???

>>37361732
What’s the point of an anonymous confessional booth if moral fags are gonna berate you??? Surely the fact that I’m saying this shit shows I have gained some shame and self awareness.

It’s not as bad as you’re thinking it’s just not great, we had sort of a history of rough flirting but she was very flighty and nervous that day and I just didn’t read the room (figuratively, this was over text)

For T:
I still can't believe you ghosted me. Removed me from your life. It still hurts even though now its more manageable I suppose. But apart from pain, theres also just pure surprise and shock. I tried to behave in ways that would not lead ito us drifting apart, or I guess you deciding im just not good/interesting/fun/??? for you. We both said that we dont wanna lose each other so many times. That we'll stay friends. And now ... I wish you would at least speak to me and tell me how youre doing.
Im tryibg to get my life together, still. A kind of a 3 steps forward 2 steps back deal. Im not sure if I can still make it. It might be too late, idk.
I hope we can meet again someday. Im just now sure how am I even supposed to treat you if that happens, considering how you dropped me like a piece of trash. But ... I hope you're well.

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I need to see death less so I can see you more. I need to be with my thoughts less so I can be with you more. I need to focus on living, I need to prioritize what matters to me, and you are so much of my puzzle sometimes it scares me. But I have to be brave, face the music, and lead with an open heart. I just hope you’ll join in my symphony, there will always be a seat for you, waiting and empty until you arrive.

>>37361781
>ugh wtf i like totally went to confessiobal after i murdered and cannibalized that girl, why are you still mad?? i said it was a mistake!!!

>>37361574
>>37361714
you remind me of a guy i had a bit of a thing with awhile back. we stopped talking over some awkwardness related to something very similar.
i can't speak for your person, but i can tell you if he came to a realization like this about things and said this to me, i think i'd forgive him. i left on a note of discomfort, but i liked the friendship i had with him before. maybe she feels similar
>>37363200
we don't know the details, this just kinda seems mean. not in the spirit of these threads. save it for someone who confesses to violence or something lol

You're not the girl that I used to sit in that dark room with every other day after school anymore, and I'm not that boy, I'm not a boy anymore. I don't hate you, I've felt anger at you but never hate, but now I can't really feel anything for you ever again. You're gone. And even if I had the cash to buy a ticket to another continent, I'd arrive alone, you've changed beyond recognition, and god, I hope you wouldn't recognize me. I don't think I ever loved you, but you made me feel like I've never felt since or before. I woke up each morning looking forward to taking the bus up to your house, next to you, late autumn, and just sit on your bed, cuddle, not even kiss, just hug. Early sunsets, cloudy sunsets, light rain and falling leafs still remind me of you. And in the dark I wasn't a guy, and you weren't a girl, we just were together, holding in heat until spring came. And late winter came, you left for summer, fucking Florida. And time passed.

I've taken my pills, trained my voice, grew my hair out and changed my name. I grew up, we grew up, we were kids, barely teenagers. Sometimes your posts reach my feed, and now you're just any other woman I'd see on the bus. I'm glad you grew beyond the weird kid we used to be, but I'm on this website, in the same stinky shirt I've worn for a better part of the week, and at least even at my most unkempt I look like an unkempt girl, but a part of me can't help but be bitter. I fantasize about you coming back to town, and seeing you on the street, on a cafeteria, on the subway, anywhere, I guess. We'd lock eyes, and you wouldn't know who I was at first. But then I'd say "¡****!" "onions *******", the name you helped me pick, years before anyone actually called me that, and in your eyes I'd know I made it.

bump

I know it’s been over 6 years since I abandoned you and our little family, but I still think about you close to every day. You weren’t a perfect person, and the way you abused me still makes me angry, but I also know I was a cheating asshole who said mean jokes when I got drunk. I know I wasn’t perfect, I still miss holding you in my arms at night and snuggling you when I got back home from work. You are the person I both hate and love the most in this world. Also I miss our sex and eating your cute little butthole out.

Bump

>>37364005
vanilla fawn?

may fate give us peace

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>>37328071
you're a pathetic, spineless coward with no friends, a demonic entity born of nothing but hatred and regret. you hate yourself so much that you refuse every lifeline thrown to you because deep down you know that what you deserve is drowning in a sea of broken glass. you have nothing going for you besides having a somewhat pretty face, but it's not like you did anything to earn it, you basically just got lucky. your ceaseless self-loathing seeps out of your wounds and hurts everyone around you because you are a fundamentally toxic and unloveable person. you've had every opportunity to make something of your life and every single time you just sit there like a deer in the headlights. your only friends are a box cutter and a hyperactive imagination. the only comforts you have are your childish, psychotic delusions of grandeur, yet they never last and every time they fall apart you're hit square in the face by reality, and the knowledge of your own mundane inadequacy rips your body and mind to pieces. you've ran from your problems for so long it's all you know how to do, but the repressed memories never stop stalking you through whatever stupid fairyland you desperately try to lose yourself in. deep down you know you're on the wrong path, yet still you choose to walk it. one day, you will have to make a choice between facing your fears or committing suicide.

and honestly? you should just choose the second option and spare everyone a lot of hassle and crocodile tears. you dug your own grave, now lie in it and fucking rot.

I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU

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i can’t wait to be reunited with you

>>37369791
what's their name start with

>>37369791
what were they to you?

I apologized for my behavior and I meant it, but I will never forgive any of you

>>3737030
>is this post about
a) seeing each other again ^_^
b) suicide ;_;

>>37370304
Kek I was going to post something similar

I let you down. I didn't consider your feelings. You were right to ignore me, even with how much it hurts.

We both deserve better. I will change, and I hope you find your own peace.

>>37328071
do you know im a tranny
can you tell

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>>37328071
I will ruin your life
I know everything about you now. I found your address via google maps background matching and pattern recognition. I can ruin you in so many different ways. You won’t go unpunished for what you did you piece of shit.

>>37370672
yea kind of. u keep dropping lil hints and u kind of talk like ppl here with emoticons and all. i wonder if u will tell me eventually.

>>37370960
what did they do to you?

He was a gay boy
She was an agp girl
Can I make it any more obvious?

>>37370960
damn I wish someone cared about me this much

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>>37370980
Made me give up hope for people.
>>37371441
Fuck you

https://youtu.be/c5ozLFHhNuA?si=rRgeH4WJZ1kr8zGi

You restored my hope in people. I'm sorry, but I'm no good.

>>37328071
Please don't push me away because you hate yourself. I don't hate you and I never could.

so many special people in this thread...
I've met some pretty special people and I wish I'd fought harder to know them better... I'm alone too much for someone who so wants to believe in people and understand them
I've just been too mired in my bs old patterns. love and people are work I haven't had the good sense to make space for
it feels like I'm too weak and immature for the people I badly want to know; and then it's 'surely next year I'll have the energy and I won't be so intimidated'. I just want a real one I can grow up with a bit

where are you? logically i know you're probably playing minecraft or something similarly benign, but i keep worrying that you're finally abandoning me or (worse) that something horrible has happened. please let me know how you're doing. also please don't be in distress.

>>37370960
what's the first letter of this persons name?

>>37370960
i'm sorry. i'm not mentally well. i haven't been for years. existence is torture. i don't want to be here anymore. i can't reconnect with you because i hate myself. i hate myself so much. i've wasted my whole life thus far. i can't take it anymore. i wish i could reach out to you and tell you this but something in my brain stops me from talking to literally anyone but my partner who i'm tormenting via us being together. i miss my old confidence. i miss you man. i really do, but i honestly think my life is coming to a close soon. please forgive me. i can't do this anymore.

>>37372403
i wish this was about me

>>37372715
Scared? Take a guess
>>37372802
You may have me confused

>>37370960
>tfw so lonely that i kind of want this to be about me

>>37370960
what could they possibly have done this seems excessive

>>37328071
You said my life would be ruined if I was with you, GUESS WHAT, my life is ruined and it's even worse because you're not here, I miss you.

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I can't fucking stand thinking about you, but I miss you so damn much *****.
We were in this together, we were here for each other. I did everything for you, and helped you when you were in the hell that was your parents.
We helped each other with our names, our loneliness, and just our transitions as a whole.
You made things feel so much nicer and easier, and I only hope you felt the same about me.
We weren't always close, but we got so close as time went on...
We were so cute together! We said so many cute things in chat, and you were so sweet to me. We were so sweet to each other.
You touched my heart at my most vulnerable. You had me in love, and I thought you felt the same. You told me it was official. That our love was real.
But it wasn't, was it? I don't know what your end game was. I just wanted a friend, but our flirts and teases eventually led to something more.
I would go on and on about you to my friends, telling them how much I loved you and wanted to make you mine.
They thought it was bound to happen, and I thought I would end up as happy as one can be, but that's not what happened. Of course not. Why would it have gone right?
All that closeness, all that love, gone the moment you escaped your hellish situation.
Suddenly, you didn't love me.
Suddenly, I was alone again.
I know you got busy with life when you left, I do get it, but damn does it hurt that you don't even check in on me or message me. You never message me unless I reach out, in which I hear bits about your new life and you never even ask me about myself. Daily messages and lovey messages turned to silence.
It's like you really don't care about me anymore, or maybe it's that you never did. Maybe you really were just using me during a horrid period of your life.
I hate that. I hate you. You hurt me. You abandoned me.
And you know what? I know I told you not to blame yourself for my attempt on my life, and that you had no part in it.
I lied.

>>37373957
You weren't solely responsible mind you, my life is hell and every waking moment is an effort.
I was alone. I was in a horrid mental state. You never bothered to get to me, even when the signs were there that something wasn't right.
But whatever, it's not like you care. You said you were so happy to have me back, but I don't know if I believe that. I think you just want me around as some sort of backup or something.
I'm used, as always.
I'm alone, as always.
I wish we never met. My heart aches thinking about you. You have no idea how much it hurt when you said you didn't see me as a GF, but as a really good friend, even though I asked you if we really were official.
I can't believe I let myself get led on like that. One of these days I can live without you in my mind or heart.
I can't wait until I muster up the courage to unadd you and move on with my life.
There are better things waiting for me, my future is bright. Nowhere near as bright as yours, but maybe I can find some happiness one day. I believe in it, and as long as I have that hope, I will do my best.
To tell you the truth *****, I can't bring myself to hate you fully. I miss you. I love you. But I need to move on, and moping over you wont help.
We had good times together, don't forget that.
******

>>37328071
i understand now why you are like that you left a trauma into me it took me years to uncover by the time i did it was already over and now i am old .i am becoming a copy of you , i don't know even if i have children will repeat the same cycle ,like there was no chance form the beginning .

why did you even get your tits chopped you C cup bitch?

I smoke cigarettes because you hate them. I hope one day it kill me.

>>37374020
>*60 years later*
>*COOF* *WHEEZE* *ACK!*

>>37373957
>>37373962
I know you and who you are talking about lol

I regret investing anything into you or our relationship and I deeply wish I could take back our time together

you were the single biggest disappointment in my life and I hope you never know peace for doing what you did to me and to others like me

thank you for sticking around. i don't know why you do, im a mess. you're the one person i feel i can talk authentically to. you bring a smile to my face. i wish i could write more. alcohol i think has genuinely rotted my brain. you don't know im still drinking, i don't want to burden you with any of that shit. but thank you.

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No one will ever write something like this to me. I wasn't good. I wasn't bad. I just wasn't memorable.

>>37328071
I don't feel anything towards you. This isn't a real friendship, and I'm only your entertainment. I can't even bring myself to tell you I'm trans. I've outgrown this, and no I don't want to hang out with you. I feel as though I can't be myself around you, because honestly I can't. You're a boring, judgemental, and negative person. Friends are supposed to actually KNOW each other and be there for each other. But neither of us has even tried to get personal, so I'm done. You probably wondered why I always disappear, and the answer is because you're draining to be around. You still think I'm straight and cis but I'm not, I don't care to tell you this at this point. I only really stayed in this "friendship" because I'm extremely isolated/lonely, and needed someone to talk to, even if i had to mask constantly. I don't have any friends now, but even around you, I was lonely. Im at fault to for talking to you as long as I did, and I hate myself for it. I hope we can both grow as people, and find deeper/better connections. Connections that aren't primarily entertainment.

>>37373957
How old are you?

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>>37359529
I think E has the same opinion about me
>Mentally ill
of course im mentally ill im a tranny
>cuck
well im a cuck in the same way a father is a cuck for rising his daughter so other people can fuck her

>>37374449
What E is this?

>>37374504
Do you mean who E is? i think the context its pretty clear so if she reads it she knows im talking about her

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i know i’ve hurt you. i wish you’d take me at my word when i say i didn’t mean it, but what’s done is done and now that i look back, i can’t blame you at all. what i’ve done is unforgivable. i hope you find peace without me. take care

the thought of getting close to anyone but you makes me hyperventilate even all these years later
nobody will ever be you
I fucking hate you

they just told me how our friendship was just a bit to you. you complain about being so alone and no one loving you but then you turn around and use those beneath you with no remorse. you deserve to be alone forever, but unfortunately you won't be. you're gonna read this and laugh, if you even read it.

>>37370973
why dont u ask me ?

>>37375384
give me the first letter of the name of the person ur talking to and i'll actually answer if it's mine. or maybe i'll just dm u.

Bump

FUCK YOU WHY DID YOU ABANDON ME, I TRIED KEEPING IN TOUCH WITH YOU, I WAS IN YOUR CORNER. I thought we'd never be apart, I thought you were the one person i could trust forever. But when you hurt my friends, then ditched me, you didn't break my heart, you shattered my soul. It's been so long since I've let anyone as close as I let you. It's been so long since I've last trusted that anyone wanted to be around me. I can't ask you to come back, even if you say sorry, I hate you. But I would be lying through my teeth if I didn't say I missed you so much. I hear how people pass by you, you seem to have changed. But you still abandoned me, betrayed my trust. For that I can never forgive you.

>>37375484
u dont type like him but T lol
u should dm them anyway though

>>37374179
please dont be who i think this is. m?

>>37377086
no and I'm just talking to ghosts, nobody who remembers or cares or would be here to read it

>>37377120
im grateful that you're not who i thought. im sorry anon.

>>37374060
false, none of this is real.

bumping

>>37372554
hi, me again. this again. i hope your mom didn't steal your shit

>>37378421
Double bump

>>37375129
Mental illness

>>37380410
Triple bump

I'm hungry.

>>37381755
Bible thump

>>37328071
We both know you're totally full of shit and I'm amazed at how casually you ruin other people's lives. You always only thought of yourself. When your mom dies, you're going to discover what it's like to really need people and I hope you suffer.

>>37369791
>your only friends are a box cutter and a hyperactive imagination.
this could really be me, but nobody I ever had in my life would be this indignant and butthurt about anything I ever said or did, or certainly still care about me enough to post this

>>37377253
Cope

I wish i was good enough for you.
I wish you would tell me that I wasn’t good enough for you.
I don’t even hate you, I love being around you but your presence is making me miserable because you wont just tell me I’m not good enough for you. It’s so obvious, and I just wish you were honest.

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knowing that you’re alive and as well as can be, at a time like this, is all it takes to make me happy

i hate that i ruined things between us, i wish i was more stable when we were together. i wish you were still as into me as you were back then before i fucked everything up. im sorry. im just thankful youre in my life again and im hoping to keep it that way, regardless of how things end up between us. i love you so much. youre the most special person ive ever met. every second i spend with you brings me so much joy. im so proud of you and i know youre going to do great things in life. youve been through so much but you really have your whole life ahead of you. you are sublime and one of a kind

to a: as i have grown happier over the years i have watched you grow more malignant and hostile towards me. why is that? jealously? you said i've changed, and i guess i have, but why can't you accept that? why can't you accept me?

to b: it's neither one of our faults but the loss of our relationship is something i mourn often. i miss our conversations. i miss the way you laugh. you're still there, and i truly am happy you are, but we will never exist again. i miss us.

to r: i'm sorry that i could never help you or be there for you in any meaningful way. i'm sorry that your last memories of me were of a confused and anxious boy who had nothing but pent up angst in his heart. you will never know how much you meant to me; how much you mean to me. you will never know that the first time my heart fluttered is when i was dancing with you, looking into your eyes. you will never know that without you, i might still not know what true love feels like. you will never know that i would do anything for you, even now, that you are my soulmate, that your soul completes mine, that i am nothing without you on this earth. you will never see me now, but what would you think if you did? if you could say one thing to me, what would it be? you will never know that you're my worst fear, because if i dig through my heart for the answer, i think that you wouldn't say anything at all to me. to you, i'm just a character from your youth, a passing memory who came and went silently. to me, you're everything. everything. i love you r, and even though i know you're still out there somewhere, i mourn for that love lost. i wish you could see this, but i know you never will.

>>37385162
Go to bed, M. You've got school

>>37385204
idk who u think ur talking to but it sure as hell ain’t ‘M’

>>37385221
He's literally called half of the thread M at some point. Lol.

I made the mistake of drinking with you that night but everything that transpired and ultimately ruined your marriage was your own fucking fault. I desired you more than you desired me yet still I was the one with the self control to tell you no. You had my heart, I loved you with everything I had to give and I would have given you everything. Now I genuinely desire getting over you more than I ever desired you in the first place. You humiliated me and blamed me for what was your fault and on god you will see me one day and all the regret and pangs will hit, your ego will crumble and you'll wonder what we could've been and it'll be too. Fucking. Late. You'll be with hotter and smarter and more fun women forever and none of them will replace me. No amount of tequila will ever wash me from your brain. I am wholly unique, good luck.

>>37385244
I'm sorry M, but I'll never forgive me for what you did. You were the first woman in my life to make me forget I was married, and that was priceless to me. Can you ever forgive my wife? I blame her first and foremost for existing, and me second for cheating on her, but I could never blame you M. Those 40 seconds we shared together in my car with your head in my cock space were the happiest I've known in years.

>>37328071
I can’t wait until you realize what you have done you stupid literal cheap hooker whore

Thinking about you makes me feel insane. You enter my thoughts so pleasantly. I think about the times we spent cuddling on the couch, looking after your little siblings, exploring the city together, you made that crummy apartment in that shithole city feel like a real home.
Then I remember the bad stuff. The meltdowns, the cheating, the accusations you'd throw at me out of nowhere, how I don't love you because I didn't give you every second of my attention, how me spending a week back home meant you had to go fuck a rapist just to make me worry about you. You turned my first real and sexual relationship and into a nightmare of jealousy, anger, and confusion, and I still don't understand why. Now I've left and you still make me feel like I've failed you. I paid your rent, I loan you money, I ALWAYS pick up when you call every day to guilt trip me about leaving and still it's not enough for you.
I don't "think" you're an abuser. You ARE an abuser. You made me wish you had just actually hit me or stabbed me so I'd have a real excuse to leave sooner.
I wish didn't love you. I wish I could just erase all these thoughts of abandoning all my friends and family for you just so we could ruin both our lives together. If I have to wake up to one more "I hate myself and it's your fault" message I'm going to kill myself. Why can't you keep your promises and stop sending that shit to me?
I hate how easily you manipulate me. I hate how much I love you still. I hate how I can't go two days with no contact without being so stricken with anxiety that you're gonna kill yourself or do something so self destructive and idiotic I wasn't there to stop you.
Why can't you just care about yourself? Why do you need my attention to be happy? Don't you realize there are other people in your life who care about you?
Please just be happy and look after yourself. That's all I've ever wanted for you.

>>37328071
Recently mom said that as a parent we can't give our children what we lack. She was talking about how she couldn't give us confidence but it made me think about you dad. You were robbed of your childhood and had to look out for yourself at a young age due to your mother leaving and your father's gambling addiction and physical abuse. I get now you could never give me a childhood. Immediately calling me gay and giving me a righteous reason to deny my femininity. Telling me being gay sends me to hell to burn with rapists and murderers. How my family would miss me in heaven and be disappointed in me. I was a flamer. Every interaction became how do I not appear gay. What is the not gay thing to do here. I don't feel like a person with individual thoughts I feel as tho I was a puppet of your homophobia and now I am a husk of a person. When you broke down in front me crying saying you didn't want to be the reason I kill myself. I lied, I lied because your wording proved you didn't care. I lied because I act different when people cry. When I am suicidal you are running through my mind like a hamster on coke and the memory of how you tried to enforce a way to be and how I listened will 100% be the reason I kill myself as it all stems from there.

i miss you so much it hurts, I don't know if I can endure this time apart. i feel like such a loser, but I'm laying in our bed looking around at all the little things that remind me of you. right now you are getting the help you said you need, I wish I could do that for you like you do for me. i am not enough no matter what lies you tell me or yourself. i just wish I was with you right now, watching out silly youtube videos and giggling. i hate myself and I hate this situation. i just want to take my pills and never wake up again, I hate that I'm alive and alone without you.

>>37385437
I wish I was with my bf ;-;

>>37384615
I will flourish, and make way from my rot.
I will survive, as I always have.
Your life serves no purpose to mine.
Away with thee, 1000 curses apon thy name.

>>37385440
i just dont even want to be here anymore, I don't know how to cope with life without her. she says she will be back soon, but my friend is getting admitted for 12 weeks

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waves of relief rush over me as you enter my thoughts. the sea is calm. there is peace. life is good

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bump

>>37389018
In

>>37382410
creative slump

jackie chan
FUCK

Bump

you're an autistic malebrained manipulator and i hope you never find love

i absolutely hate you
i sound like a ftm on T for 60 years? two years of my life down the drain dealing with your worsening delusions and mental/emotional abuse
fuck you, you two faced whore. youre a innocent angel to your "besties", while you shat all over the one person who actually cared about your well being and was helping you. youre almost 30 and your parents still pay for everything, you lazy entitled cunt
fuck you, i hope a. crushes your inexperienced pathetic "virgin" heart like a like a plastic soda bottle, you ungrateful bitch. you will never real love
go die, do your parents a favor

is there anyone?

>>37394038
kek maybe if your entire yee-yee ass personality wasn't just about trying to fuck one girl then you'd get some bitches on your dick, oh better yet maybe that one whore might actually talk to your dog-ass if she ever stops fucking with that brain surgeon or lawyer she's fucking with, faggot

>>37394499
There's always someone, even if it's yourself.

>>37328071
sometimes i get a sad guilty pleasure knowing you'll always feel guilty for doing what you did to me, and you'll always have it hanging over your head in case you move or want to have any kind of public profile or senior career.

I've gone to therapy about it, and I'm mostly over it now, except for rare moments when something confronts me or reminds me. But it makes me happy that you'll always know you're a bad person, and it will make you miserable, and you'll never be able to move to my city. Hell, you probably can't even have a public social media presence anymore or I would use it to tell everyone just how evil you are.

>>37394779
youd make a great fantasy author based on extrapolating that word vomit from my post
or you could just STFU and let people spiel

>>37396378
its always nice to know people like this sink into their own little self torture place thinking they would ever have some sort of affect like that on someone who could easily just tell their side of the story to destroy that person's life.
-kek

>>37396378
>>37396609
TFW, I want a story time!

>>37329949
...A?

remember when you gaslit me and called me insane when i sperged out over you telling me you loved me because i knew it was just a bit? and now i'm getting confirmation that it was in fact a bit and i wasted so much time thinking and worrying about you. you should be embarrassed to be this immature at your age, especially since you're almost as undesirable as me.

my heart soars through the sky like an eagle because you’re alright, you’re out there doing your thing and it’s like magic to me, just knowing you’re here

>>37375361
This better not be about me. I don’t know who “they” are but I wasn’t friends with anyone for a “bit”. I did lots of stuff im not proud of but you seem to have edited your memories pretty heavily. You hurt me too and yet you seem to have no conception of that.

>>37397231
My name starts with K

>>37328071
it's so obvious that the only reason you dmd me again the other day was because you wanted to feel good about yourself and not because you actually care about me and what i've been through over the past couple of months. fuck you for ruining my only two irl friendships.

>>37398681
not sure if this is who i think it is, but if it is
i do care a lot.
i can feel multiple ways at once, i can be worried about you, and also be hurt and missing you, and also be worried about what you may be feeling at me or whether i may be causing you stress. i kept dm'ing after the initial things i said because i got signals from you that i thought meant that was okay. my mind moved to other topics and some of those were insecurities. i have still been worrying over your well being the whole time. but you don't seem to want my support, so all else i can do is keep sending you cute animals and whatever rambling thoughts i have for you on other subjects, until you respond. or just go silent, but i thought you didn't want me to do that

>>37398626
whats ur initial

>>37399647
What’s yours?? I’m sick of people fucking stalking me on here and then getting offended while doing zero introspection.

>>37398681
gonna be wondering if this is about me for the rest of this week now. fuck

>>37399816
it is

>>37399816
it is not

>>37399772
L

>>37398655
>>37400324
>>37399647
DO NOT BE BAITED INTO THIS, im fucked up, but im not that kind of fucked up. I dont derive joy from people in pain. (unless its a grapeist) but no, i dont hate anyone from my past, and all the people that hurt me enough to fuck me up were delt with. I am fine. and i DO in fact wish everyone well. If you feel like someone is stalking you, they are, its most likely a fucked in the head boy who jacks off to your existence and they feel some semblance of power on the web, when all you have to do to them to destroy their whole ass world is enforce the word no.

>>37400433
are you calling me a stalker for directing a post at someone who used me and then asking for an initial before giving mine? the fuck is wrong with you? also the first post u tagged isnt even me.
>its most likely a fucked in the head boy who jacks off to your existence and they feel some semblance of power on the web, when all you have to do to them to destroy their whole ass world is enforce the word no.
ur literally just as if not more fucked in the head than me. at least i don't befriend people as a joke to make me feel better about myself.

>>37400903
Again, people, do NOT OUT yourself in here.

RULE FOR NEXT THREAD

SAY

WHO

YOU

ARE

some of these posts are so vague they might as well be completely made up

>>37400929
the only person outing themselves here is you as a manipulating remorseless cunt. being angry at being treated like a subhuman and posting about it isn't stalking you entitled malebrained whore.

>>37400935
Dont out yourself

>>37400992
im indifferent to people staking me. im clean. But whoever it is that is feeling like someone is antagonizing them, NEVER fall for it.
dont out yourself in here.

>>37401013
why do you feel the need to attack me and paint me as a creepy stalker FOR VENTING WHICH IS THE PURPOSE OF THIS THREAD?

>>37401099
you can vent, go vent, spill pasta allll over the place, You can out yourself all you want. You shouldn't tell people to out themselves if they dont know what they are infor when they do it. Mods know who everyone is. No need to out yourself.

I'll never stop looking for the worst in others and their intentions ever again because you taught me that it was foolish to try and trust others at face value more instead of being so suspicious

>>37401151
>You shouldn't tell people to out themselves if they dont know what they are infor when they do it
i literally outed myself first and the anon i asked didnt even do it how does this make me a predator

>>37401283
idkno if YOU are anything, but you are asking people to put themselves on blast. Sigh* i've said it before and ill say it again, you want to read someone's maturity level, observe how aware they are of their surroundings and how many people are actually staring at them.
Like i said, YOU can out yourself, dont go off and give people a false sense of safety in here.

>>37401375
> but you are asking people to put themselves on blast
they started it by talking shit and i wanted to know if it was meant for me so i can argue. why are you acting like this is some cardinal sin i committed. maybe dont talk shit?

>>37401683
mods know whos who, ive notest those that deserve cumuffins get them irl in here. No need to out yourself. I thought this was supposed to be a "let it out" thread. on stuff like that, its supposed to help you be free. Telling people to out themselves in here is dangerous. Imagine if everyone could connect you to everything you've said in here. Dont tell people to do things they know nothing about. Hell even now, do you know how many people disagree with you in here? Dont out yourself, if you dont want to lose your mind. Dont drive yourself insane. Learn to read something you dont like, and still keep your composure. If you already have stalkers, dont add more to it.

>>37401825
go fuck yourself piece of shit

>>37401902
you have a nice day,
Dont out yourself in here.

>>37401825
>cumuffins
XD
comeuppance

>>37328071
I texted you a few days ago for the first time in years to wish you a happy birthday.
I really thought I would get a response.
You probably got a new phone and don't recognize my number or something; I can't think of any other explanation--you've always been there for anyone, even me, except that one time when you were going thru a lot too.
I'm kinda glad you didn't respond, or a flew under the radar, because with what's happening now we me I don't think I have the bandwith to even say hello.
I wish you well.
I will have to get in touch more conspicuously one day, more directly, if only to tell you the bad news.

i love you with all my heart <3

>>37404925
i fucking despise you, i wish you nothing but physical pain

Emily,

I'm sorry things went so bad when you visited. I didn't know weed gives me psychosis. I wanted to treat you much more tenderly