Write that letter. Confess your sins. Wonder if anon if talking about you specifically or if your life really is that generic. Lets get it all out.Remember that a) they probably NOT talking about you and b) to be excellent to one another.
Waaah I love her so much!!
I recently finally met in-person a long term really good friend who I originally met online and she didn't compliment me at all. I feel like it's fucking over. Not a single adjective used to describe me that makes me feel good. If there was ever anyone who would compliment me it would be her.
>>43668820Trannies are the only people I can fully relate to because they're just as unhinged and socially retarded as me
I'm friends with a lot of ftms on twitter and jerk off to detrans porn on my alt account
>>43668820im scared of the government or rightiods murdering me.
>>43668820i know it's not really gonna work out. i have tried to warn them. i just love too easily. it's going to hurt them more than it will hurt me, which is truly a shame.
>>43668820I used to have a deeply mentally ill hon friend I did weed with all the time, and the reason I socially detransitioned is so I did not appear to look or act like her to other people. I quit weed just so I didn't look like her. I'm genuinely terrified of people looking at me and seeing a "puppygirl" polycule transbian type person. All the trans women I've spoken or talked to irl being hons is another reason too, but it's mainly because of how disturbed I felt talking to her. I have to be transphobic or something, idk, I just can't be like that.
>>43669594keep up the maladaptive self-destructive mindset
I must be the ugliest, most unlovable person on earth. I don't actually think I am when I look in the mirror, but the results speak for themselves. Unlovable. Utterly useless. That's me.
>>43668820I'm wildly attracted to my friend. I'm glad I kinda already had a crush on her before I'd seen what she looked like so I can know that it's not just lusting after her, but I still feel dirty. I feel like I need to dial it back because I don't even think we have a chance. I doubt she sees me the same way. But she's so cool and amzing and creative and I desperately want to make her happy and be able to help with the things she makes. I even find her flaws cute. Her underconfidence, her lack of social awareness. I feel kinda insane sometimes. I tried to pack all of this away and it really didn't help. Ended up touching myself thinking of her last night. She always pops into my mind when I get in that mood and I just try to ignore it, but I can't anymore. I desperately want her hands on me. To be pressed up against her. I feel like a pervert thinking of her this way. She'd probably be mad. Everyone wants to get with her and I'd just be one more. Maybe that's projection because of the vreeps I'm used to. I don't know. I just wish I could make her as happy as she makes me. I wish I could be with her
>>43669772God, I'm worse than I thought. On the verge of tears now. Wrapped a hot water bottle in a blanket so I can hug it and imagine it's her. I should fucking kms
I know how painful yearning can be so I thought if I could try to alleviate it in some way that would help, like yeah I obviously prefer if you like me a lot but I also don’t want you to feel pain.I just worry a lot, I hope you’re doing well.
I have been reading these threads for a while because it's the only interesting thing that gets posted here anymore. Some of the things I see are completely wrenching and some are heartwarming, but the bpdposting is heartbreaking. Like, 95% of the people posting sad emotional things about their interpersonal relationships have crippling bpd and don't have the slightest awareness of it or how they should manage it. Imagine how your life would change if someone took it over without any of your mental trappings. I for one would kill to live the lives you take for granted
you are dead to me, although i highly doubt you care considering all the simps you’ve been collecting
>>43668820I fell in love with a woman I talked to from here and I still think about her every day even though both our discord accounts are dead.
>>43669910They will sooner accuse the person they are heartbroken over of having bpd before looking at themselves. Very funny to watch
Jokingly asked to be your girlfriend after you said someone should. I expected a "no". Like, yea, in no reality is there a "yes" there. It was a bit.But yout curtness... it still hurt. I expected maybe a dramatic oh no or maybe "my wife would never allow it" and yet you just hit me with a flat "nope". Made me feel... ugly.Sorry Im not some cute boymoder you can dress up. Not even funny enough to joke with about it, just... nope.Well. Onwards I go.-V
>>43670464I dunno it sucks but personally I would appreciate the directness. It's better than someone who refuses to hurt you and instead drags you along just because they're too weak to say never.
>>43670537Meh I didnt expect nor did I want a yes. I expected a joke response. The curtness hit like a gutpunch.
>>43668820I got to the point of passing well as a guy and then double-trooned out. It doesn't feel like detransitioning, because people don't see me as a cis woman, and I don't feel like one either.I like it when people read me as transfem, and I lean into that assumption, but it fills me with this insane sense of guilt, like I'm tricking everyone around me, and fetishizing being a trans woman or something. Idk, I don't really know what's wrong with me and it's fucking me up
>>43668820i wish i actually tried with you, but i don't deserve you anyway. part of me is glad i fucked it up because i know you'll be so much happier this way, not pining for me anymore, not thinking about me anymore. if i had more patience in my life, so many things would be different. i hope things are going well for you in lithuania. i wish we got to meet so i could have known what it felt like to be held by you, but i'm a fucking moron. i'll be alone forever if i keep living like this and i don't know how to stop.
im sorry babe
>>43668820so tempted to ask for a kiss one last time, but i know you;d never accept it from a "girl" like me. i wish i was born better for you
i want to write you another letter, or at least an email, but i don't know what i would say right now. i'm not quite sure why i am writing this; perhaps it should be an email. perhaps i should be talking to you. i think that you would appreciate it, but i'm worried that i might be doing too much right now. i'm sorry that my interpersonal skills are so poor. i want to ask you constantly "what should i do?" but i know that this is unfair to you. i will learn someday. i hope you will give me the time.i have been worried about you. i have been worried, selfishly, sbout your thoughts about me, as well. i do not know what you are up to or how you are feeling; i do not know whether you are okay and just tired of talking or if you are in horrible pain for which i am powerless to provide any verbal analgesic; i do not know what i should do. i do not know whether to continue sending you things, reminding you that i love you, telling you that i think of you (the essence of which is really the same), or if i should leave you alone for the moment. i wish i lived closer to you. i wish i could visit; i wish, if you wanted, you could visit me. i wish that i were not so impotent. i wish that you would answer me, if only to tell me that you are there.i love you with all of my heart. i might send this to you, later. i don't think that now is a good time. but what do i know, anyway? you have become my favorite person more suddenly than i could ever have imagined possible. i cherish the beauty of your existence. i cherish your place in my life. thank you for talking to me. thank you for vulnerating your heart to me. thank you for the care with which you treat mine. i've been sloppy in writing this, i suppose because i had not intended really to write it to you; now i am embarrassed. if i do send this to you, perhaps i will clean it up. perhaps i won't. maybe this is better. i don't know. i hope that you are okay. it is difficult for me to tell, sometimes. i love you. i have run out of
Hey M.Fuck you.
>>43672163A?
>>43672195Nope.
>>43672202okay thank you sorry
>>43672163fuck you, too, A/E
>>43671600it’s beautiful nona and i would be really happy to get such a message if you were my person
>>43668820I think my desire to be an estrogenized fag thing is just as powerful as my desire to be a woman.
>>43672523thank you nonny...i hope someone today or someday loves you as much as i love her. my heart could never be big enough.she talked to me a little this morning. she's okay :) just really sad.
I met a tand girl recently and we just immediately hit it off. Talking to her is just so easy and I could listen to her talk about her hobbies for hours. It's just an absolute joy to be around her and getting a text message from her brightens my day. At the same time, I am also extremely lustful over her and literte every time I've masturbated since meeting her, it always ends with me fantasizing her doing the porn things to me which immediately flips the switch. I feel ashamed to have these ongoing thoughts when she is just such a bright party of my life
I hope to, in a final act of love towards you, be final nail that drives you to never return to this place.You know it does you no good reading the banal and soulless shit that the locals here spew on an hourly basis. I know you miss the old days here, but they're long gone, buddy. It's time you get gone too.Focus on your uni studies, focus on recovering from your grief, go get those surgeries at a time that's least risky. Oh, and say hi to mum and the dog for me, would ya? ;^) xx
I really fell for her. I wonder what happened. She had a friend visit and suddenly became cold and distant to me. Insists its not that deep but trust me I noticed immediately that she stopped asking to come over or have me over and I had to start constantly asking for time in her schedule.It feels bad to feel suddenly unwanted by someone who almost stole my heart. What happened...?
it was love at first sight. i was too anxious to talk to you. i'm sorry.
we may not be all that sexually compatible but spending time and sharing things with anyone other than you feels meaninglessi wish you would come backmaking you laugh is the most wonderful thing in the world
It really makes me happy you moved on and found someone who loves you. It really makes me happy we are still friends. I still can't help but seethe that we couldn't make it work and I couldn't be there with you, even if it wasn't either of our fault.
>>43674278Where did they go? Have you reached out?
You could never have saved me. Nobody can. My wishes are broken and my death is imminent.
im rarely genuinely attracted to other people because i think they would be incompatible with me and thats okay, but then i learned a little bit about you and even saw a part of myself in you, thats when i started to find you incredibly endearing. i couldnt stop thinking about you for days until i couldnt take it anymore and i scrambled one morning looking for a way to contact you, and i did. we talked for a bit and things were going smoothly, i was so happy for those few hours and was hopeful that i had made the right choice trusting my feelings. after our initial conversations i kept oscillating back and forth between thinking about if it would turn into something or if it was going to end the way it always does, of course it was the latter. your responses got drier and you stopped eagerly responding to me, sometimes not responding at all. i couldnt take it, you were gone quicker than my deep infatuation for you lasted. the entire time in the back of my mind i knew all of this was a bad idea but i still went along with it because of how rare it is for me to feel anything for anybody, i couldnt stop crying after you were gone even though i was the idiot here. you didnt do anything wrong, hell, you dont even know i felt like this at all and probably just assumed i was just another random and thats okay. i really shouldnt idealize anybody, think things will magically work out, or confidently assume i wont self sabotage because in the end ill always be the one getting hurt. im most baffled by the fact you managed to pierce through the apathy my medication gives me and make me feel and act this way, i wish you were able to grasp that. you were so incredibly sweet to me during our short time together, you deserve someone who fully appreciates you more than i ever could. maybe in another universe we're wearing lolita dresses and playing classical music on a harpsichord like i had daydreamed about.
>>43675595I dont know who you are and I know you aren't talking about us, but, as someone who is avoidant and often oblivious.Please.Openly obsess about the person, to them, let them know how much you care.I'd, want that, if it was me.
>>43675871i dont even know them like that and i think it would be really weird to be so open about how i feel and either reaching back out again would be awkward. i think it would be best to just forget about it and move on
>>43676086Well, either you move on without expressing it, or you express it, and, worst case scenario, you, still move on.Either they respond positively, or, nothing changes y'know?If you're confident they're going to be gone, the pain of vulnerability and potentially looking 'bad' or 'cringe' won't matter
>>43676185i guess, but my obsession will hurt me more than if she outright rejects me. i just dont think its worth it and once again i dont really feel anything right now
I desperately want you back even though you have actually made me and my life much worse and brought out the worst in me since I met you, as if I'm somehow physically addicted to your affection
>>43674304this isn't about me but i am pretending it is. i love you, N. i'm happy to see you have someone, as well; i feel the same. i will always love you and i hope to always be your friend.
i’m worried someone will schizo-reply to a post in this thread using an initial belonging to someone i know and the person i know will see the reply and think i thought the original post was them talking about me
>>43668820It's been almost a year since we kissed under that tree. I remember it so vividly. You wrapped your arms around me and looked up, inviting me. I took a risk and pressed my lips on yours, and you kissed back. And those seconds became minutes as you made sure our first kiss shook me to my core.Ando now I can help but think of you. So tempted to reach out to you. But you made your decision and pushed me away. It will only be a memory, for ever.
I know she's on this board so I intestinally make threads and posts to bait her into replying to them with information about her and her feelings towards things. I then use that information from those posts to make her fall in love with me. This has worked flawlessly and she will NEVER find out about it.
>>43678364that would be the case
>>43674357to their gf's placeye
its been a few years but i wonder if you know how much my life was ruined because of our relationship. i dont think i miss you but i miss the abuse and i keep chasing that comfort. i feel like a stray mutt that needs to get put down. i last shorter with each now dom i find. i burn out, im so eager to send them vids of me cutting myself, bruising myself, degrading myself by making the cutest clothes look so ugly when i wear them and i keep wishing it will feel like when you owned me but it never works. now all i can do is spend my life away for shitty findoms on twitter, shallow attention is all i can handle. how many names of doms i didnt talk to after a week will i carve on me, i think ill probably kill myself by the time im 45, im getting worse and things are getting worse. im just a loser alone in my apartment but i wish i was a good sub and a good girl
>Fall in love>Be inseparable for years>Partner gets bored and leaves>"Sorry just don't feel the same way about you anymore"every fucking time. I hate life. Why am I cursed to be loyal when nobody else is, when everyone else on earth is constantly chasing the next new high? FUCK
i wish you didnt rape me
A couple nights ago I had a dream I was in your bed again but alone and it made me sad. Last night I had a dream you hugged me tight and kissed me on the cheek again, followed by one where you made me a cake to ask me out. I was so overjoyed by it until I realized it was a dream and that when I woke up I would be back in the reality where there's no chance I'll ever be with you.
I love my friend so much, its almost to the point of obsession, I feel terrible about, and I mean shes bordering on psychopathic, but even ignoring that she views me as a character, she doesnt even call me by my name. We have both talked about meeting up at some point, our friend group, me and her dont even live that far apart compared to the rest of them but would it even be ethical to do that without telling her, I have no idea.I know you wont see this, I am truly sorry R.- G
why do i miss her so much
my friends think i'm fucking irritating but they don't even have the stones to tell me to get lost. i feel so miserable and pathetic, i literally know they joke about how annoying i am when i'm not there
Did you want to talk?You are the worms in my head and I have grown tired of feeding them. I'll be completely honest this time, from start to finish. I owe you that.
>>43682029I wish that she would say this to me
i still care about you so much, it’s silly
do you even know who you want?
god, theres a trans girl I love, and she knows I love her. but cause a bunch of complicated stuff, it went from her not loving me to her loving me and confessing but not making things official to her wanting to die remembering i love her. fuck my faggot t4t wanting life... Basically means i gotta pretend to be disinterested, and it sucks! i still dream about the fact she jokingly said she'd kidnap me! we've met in person, and my feelings still exist there. had to hold back so much at a recent gathering. unfortunately for me, she also serendipitously met someone entirely new! also more talented than me (i wish the fl studio part of hrt would kick in)! also cause I don't pass, and am competing with a cis, my yearnhon'd ass is going mental... I'm fairly certain this girl, though I haven't met her, likes her back too. so painful hearing her call herself a faggot and get giddy thinking about her. gonna be awkward when I instinctively moan her name again, please serve me a bullet to my head with a small fry cause i can't afford shit, im screwed... how the hell do i cope
ive sort of given up. im hiding it from the two people that care about me that i plan to kill myself in six weeks. im so tired. im really just so so tired. i had never thought i would do it, try to do it again. i don't want to tell them. but i'm breaking promises. and i haven't broken any promises i've made for years now. it feels wrong to realise that i'm going to die someone who backs out on her promises, when i've spent so long now trying not to do that. it's a shame i will be too dead to care about that anymore.
It's not my fault. I loved you. I still love you. I always gave you my live. You're the one who twisted it. You're the one who perverted it into something that wasn't supposed to be. I would never hurt you. I would never rape you. You made it rape. You did it to yourself. You made it not normal. And derp down you know it which is why you won't say it to anyone but me. Come home
>>43668820i got super obsessed with you, sorry about that. i should have realised you don't actually care so much about me. i know you like me. but i'm always the one texting first and we both know your life goes on without me, and that really you don't need me for anything and i should not get so attached to you. i'm trying to move on a bit, im just not very used to making friends. but i used to look through this board for you, i'd read basically every single post just so i could read every single post that was yours. you have a really recognisable writing style. i made accounts on a couple of platforms just so i could see every single thing you ever did or posted. i found the public discord servers you were in and searched for your messages. i figured where you used to live, where your parents live. i found your parents facebook. it all only lasted a week or so thank god. still i feel like a creep for it, i know it was really creepy of me, a violation of your privacy. and you would have just told me if i'd asked. it was so gross of me. i'm really sorry. i hope you forgive me. i'll tell you myself some day soon. i am really sorry.
>>43683940They deserve to know and to have a chance to save you
>>43684313one of them couldn't do anything about it. the other one would definitely just make everything way worse.
i want you so bad. i don't even know how to verbalize it. i miss you. i want to stamp your name into the pith of my being. i want to fuck you so much you can't speak. i want your body all over mine. i want your hands everywhere. i want you to mark me forever. i want to kiss you and i want your tongue down my throat and i want to grab you all over and i want your face between my thighs and i want you to touch me and love me and hold me and take me. i miss you. i miss you. i want to say these things to you but i get scared. i get embarrassed. i love you
Okay. Ive stabilized over the past few days so I can say things to the void. I feel distant from you. You got so painfully close to me. Told me you wanted to be mine. Wanted to be part of my life. Wanted me at your side. Wanted me. Then suddenly you were distant. No longer pining for my time. Constantly affirming that we are platonic friends despite the immense amount of romantic signaling.I know boundaries have to be kept, I know, but I wish... just once, that I could know for sure. It feels insane and unfair to me to know... ill never kiss you... never hear an earnest I love you... never fall asleep holding you tight... never wake up to the gentle sunlight stroking youre hair... and thats not the painful part. The painful part is not knowing whether you want those things in your heart or not. Because if you do, then we are just kindred souls separated by fate. But if you dont, then Im just some creepy tranny who got obsessed over the first person to consistently show her grace and compassion. I fell in love with the first good friend Ive had in decades... with my best friend... and I can never ever express the depths of that. Its been made clear to me that there is no reality in which it makes sense.And yet... you set a standard for how people treat me that in 30+ years no one has EVER come close to meeting. How am I supposed to ever love again when I know I deserve better than to be treated like someone's tool? When I deserve patience? When I deserve someone who will give me the safe space to silently break? When exactly one person in my entire life has ever been willing to just be kind to me for more than a year? Youre not idealized in some pedestal. I see your flaws and I see that despite being moody, attention hungry, self hating, you still choose kindness and grace. You keep choosing kindness and grace. And it makes me want to hold you tightly until all the broken pieces of You finally mend back together again.And yetIt will never be...-EV
I'm pathetically infatuated with someone I met off of here recently
>>43685260That seems painfully common, I am as well. Though it's not as recent for me, I guess
>>43684065oh god. letters?
I guess I just lost my ability to love after you. I've tried, but I just don't feel that way for anyone anymore. No "sparks", no "butterflies", nothing. It's probably a psychological thing. I've dated a few girls since you but in the end I just felt guilty that I didn't care and broke it off, it felt like the right thing to do.I just don't have anyone to talk to about this, so into the void it goes.
>>43669527same
>>43670699there are coping skills for this nona, you deserve to live a life.
