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okay i didn't think the thread would die that fast gimme until tomorrow

>>42779041
Making promises you can’t keep again?

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>>42779026
(Reuploading here just in case)

>BEEP!
>BEEP!
>BEEP!
>The first thing to break the silence of dawn is the sound of your alarm going off.
>After a couple misses, you whack the button and the alarm stops dead.
>You feel yourself fumble with the dials, having remembered them well enough to know the stations.
>But you stop a few seconds later, your tired brain waking up just long enough to remember.
>Oh yeah. The radio stations aren't around anymore.
>With a tired groan, you sit up in your bed and stretch your arms.
>Sunlight barely breaks through the cracks of your makeshift curtains, but it's enough to light up the rest of the garage.
>Yes, garage.
>It was hard to remember that factoid the first couple nights, but you've quickly gotten used to it—more so now that you'd decorated it.
>You still had a lot of work to do... but you'll get to it.
>Speaking of getting to it...
>As you step out of bed and wake yourself up, you walk over to the bathroom and do your daily constitutionals.
>Especially while you still can!
>After you brush your teeth, you get dressed, grab a single earbud, set up your music player, and put on your favorite song.
>Time to get to work.
>( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B9j91-18Kb4 )
>You step outside as the 7AM sun strikes you, and you hop into your new truck.
>With a turn of the key, it roars to life.
>You slam down on the pedal, and drive off into the town of Saranac, New York.
>The streets are empty, cars are still parked in their driveways...
>And bodies line the front lawns.
>You were used to it by now.
>But there was no time to gander—you had another street to clean and a shower to build!
>You park your car and grab your trusty machete from the dashboard, then put on the respirator hanging around your neck.
>And as you step out of your truck, you see six of -them- wandering down the road.
>They see you and start limping their way over, opening their jaws and rearing their teeth like wolves.
>You meet them halfway.
>SLASH!
>SWING!
>HACK!
>Before you know it, their bodies fall to the ground with sickening thuds—heads not included.
>You wipe the blood off your blade and move forward.
>You check every house on the street, looking for anyone.
>You find a few of them hiding in bathrooms or basements, and make quick work of them.
>After taking whatever you need for your home projects, you move onto the next home.
>It takes you an hour or so to clear the street, or at least clear them enough to not worry about them later.
>The respirator keeps out most of the smell, but sometimes it gets through and you fight the urge to vomit every time.
>By nine o'clock, the street is clear of any threat.
>You enter one of the homes and hop in their upstairs shower, clothes and all.
>After ten or so minutes, you're back on the road.
>Hacking, slashing, collecting, and driving.
>By noon, you've lost count of how many streets you cleared.
>But the smell next week was going to be atrocious!

>>42779143
>A little after noon, you take a break and have a quick lunch—cooking up the remaining burgers in old Miss Delilah's kitchen.
>And as you chow down on the two-star gourmet you made for yourself, you find yourself staring at Miss Delilah through the window.
>Her body lays on the front lawn—where it's been for the past week ever since you killed her.
>Or at least, whatever wore her skin.
>...
>You take your last bite and look at your watch.
>12:37PM.
>The plate's empty.
>Back to work...
You load sixteen tons
What do you get
Another day older
And deeper in debt
>You start dragging bodies out from the houses you'd just cleared.
>It's still hard to tell if they were already dead before you killed them, but they definitely smelled like it.
>It takes you maybe an hour or more to get them all out onto the front lawns—the ones in their basements didn't do you any favors.
>To be honest, that was on you. You should've let them follow you first.
>Either way, you get it all done before 3PM.
>After getting back in your truck, you pull out your phone and open Google Maps. The connection is shoddy and you only get a connection a couple times a day, but you're thankful it still works at all.
>With cleanup done for the day, you head over to the nearest warehouse and grab an assortment of tools and materials.
>Your little garage was missing one thing that every other place had: a shower.
>Of course, you could always just move into a house for that sake, but all that space was problematic.
>Plus, the garage you were staying in had the perfect cover, how could you NOT take it?
>By 5PM, you headed back to said garage, with your truck bed full of everything you needed to get a head start on your little project.
>As you approached your little hobble, you passed by the clothed metal gates that could stop anything short of a semi.
>Your cozy little home sat in the back left corner, surrounded by thick, sturdy wooden fencing with concrete pillars in between.
>Like I said, perfect cover.
>Technically, you had time to get the basics in place for the morning.
>But with the sun going down, you didn't want to take any chances drawing -anything- here this late.
>You parked the truck next to the garage, threw a tarp over the truck bed, locked the gate, and went inside to enjoy a nice dinner.
>And maybe a movie that isn't about zombies this time...

:::::

>It's sometime after 8PM.
>You hear the pitter-patter of rain just outside, and the smell of wet asphalt manages to permeate even in here.
>You sit down at your little dinner table, digging into some reheated lasagna, and watch a cheesy 90s comedy.
>It's an Adam Sandler classic, so of course it's cheesy, but that's why you love it.
>You laugh at the various jokes throughout the film and moan as every bite of meat and pasta melt in your mouth—and for a moment, things start to feel normal.
>That is, until you hear the sound of jets flying overhead, and you return to reality.

>>42779146
>Suddenly, your phone blares another Emergency Alert after it connects to the Internet for just a moment.
>Of course, it's the same thing as always:
[CONTAGIOUS DISEASE WARNING]
[STAY INDOORS]
[DO NOT MAKE CONTACT]
>The TVs haven't stopped playing it since it all happened, either.
>With a sigh, you shut off your phone and finish your dinner before remembering your place in the film and shutting off the TV.
>You throw out the paper container and dress up in your pajamas, then proceed over to the calendar by the front door and mark down today's date:
May 10, 2033
>You may have had the phone to keep track, but it was smart to count the days on your own, especially if...
>A sigh escapes you.
>You don't want to think about that.
>It's contained, right? It didn't matter who was in charge, they wouldn't be dumb enough to let it get out.
>...
>Right...?
>...
>You think about it later that night while laying in bed.
>It's been almost a month now since it started.
>It started off as random attacks on the local news—a domestic dispute in one home, a gruesome killing in another.
>The police would show up and get scratched or bit trying to haul them away, and the next day they would be showing the same thing.
>Coroners in Redford were the first ones to raise the alarm.
>And soon after, all hell broke loose.
>It all happened so fast, you didn't even have time to mourn the smoldering ruins of your home.
>It's why you were living in this garage, to begin with.
>The military came and fenced everybody in between here and Redford—and even then, it didn't mean much because they reported the same thing in Plattsburgh.
>As far as the news tells you, the entire northeast part of New York State is cut off from the rest of the world.
>And the world just lets it happen.
>Hell, the world didn't even take it seriously until a TikTok kid got himself killed by a pack of them thinking it was a hoax.
>But beyond the cordon, they aren't doing anything to help you or anybody else who might still be alive.
>If they did, you'd be with your parents right now.
>So you lay here, alone, waiting.
>Hoping.
>You fall asleep—praying for a miracle.

>>42779147
>BEEP!
>BEEP!
>BEEP!
>You shut off your alarm and sit up in bed. With a yawn, you remove the covers and stand to stretch your limbs.
>You walk over to the calendar and mark off the date:
>May 11th.
>After using the bathroom and brushing your teeth, you get dressed and head outside to the truck to inspect everything under the tarp.
>Nothing was missing, and the gate was still locked from last night.
>It wasn't like the Infected themselves would want any of it... but you had to imagine you weren't completely alone in here.
>It takes you maybe 20 minutes to put everything away in the storage closet as neat as you can. It's cramped as hell afterward, but that should change once you get your projects going.
>You think about the layout of the shower and what exactly will go into making it function, as you drive down the empty streets.
>Today, you don't do any cleaning up, so the Infected you do see simply limp towards you, but you're already gone before they get more than 20 steps in.
>Instead, you hit the nearest mini-mart and begin to pick it clean. You didn't realize just how low on food you really were, but everything happened so quickly that there was still plenty to go around.
>Probably would be a smart idea to stockpile in case the quarantine really does last longer than you hope.
>Besides, you've got a bit of a sweet tooth this morning.
>It isn't long before your truck bed is full of boxes of food, and the store is stripped clean of anything edible.
>While you chow down on some packaged brownies and doughnut cakes, you try to tune into the radio again. Like usual, it's mostly static.
>Whatever they're doing is keeping any kind of signal from getting in, so you had to imagine it was the same for anything getting out.
>"......BZZT......"quarantine zone remains in-"......BZZT......"President is calling for-"......BZZT......"
>And whatever you DID get were snippets, nowhere near enough to paint a complete picture.
>The only relief it gave you was that there was still news being reported, and that the quarantine was still in place.
>You could only hope your parents weren't too worried about you. They were far away from any real danger, living in LA, but they probably thought you were dead by now.
>Wouldn't be the first time...
>After you finish your meal, you take a drive through town with the roof of the truck open and letting the spring air blow down your back.
>The Infected are in short numbers today, more than usual. You wonder if the jets from last night caused them to migrate a bit.
>But the few stragglers that ARE still here—they seem more active, more alert, like something actually managed to spook them.
>Even the birds above you are flying weird.
>Something's got them riled up.
>And it's definitely NOT you.
"Oh, SHIT—"
>You slam down hard on the brakes, just in time to avoid hitting a deer as it comes out from the tree-line to your left.
>It wasn't the only one.

>>42779151
>DOZENS emerged from the trees, all flocking in the same direction, but practically falling over each other in the process.
>It was unlike anything you'd ever seen.
>They were running from something.
>Were you really going to find out what?
>If it threatened your safety... it was best to know ahead of time.
>You drive forward until you find the nearest dirt path into the woods. From there, you slowly push on.
>The skies slowly become enveloped by the tall trees that surround you, and the bright and colorful landscape is quickly replaced by dark, green moss and overgrowth.
>Eventually, you shut off the car and looked out to the horizon of shrubbery.
>What caught your attention immediately was the lack of wildlife.
>There was not a single animal you could see.
>Even the birds had stopped squealing above.
>An uncomfortable silence surrounded you, and you listened for anything that didn't fit in.
>You listened.
>And listened.
>And lis—
>"HEEEEELLLLLLP!!!"
>The sudden shrill sent a chill down your spine, and for a moment your heart stopped.
>You peered into the dark forest, in the direction of where the scream came from.
>"SOMEONE!!! SOMEPONY!!!"
>You raised an eyebrow.
>Did you hear that right?
>Your confusion was short-lived, however, when something off in the distance caught your eye:
>A young-looking, slender woman, running down a hill.
>In tow behind her, three Infected.
>You knew they were infected from screams alone.
>But the woman... was she naked?
>And why does the hair look familiar?
>"HELP ME!!!"
>Time to ask later.
>You turned the key and started the truck.
>In a single move, you twist the truck in the direction of the group and stomped down on the pedal.
>In a matter of seconds, the gap between you and the Infected is gone.
>You honk the horn once to get their attention.
>The woman disappears behind a tree, while the three Infected now direct their attention to—
>WHAM!
>WHAM!
>WHAM!
>You strike all three of them, denting the hood of your car and sending their bodies flinging 50 feet away.
>One lands on their neck, and the other tumble for several moments before coming to a stop.
>None of them get up.
>You stop your truck in place, gripping the wheel shakily. The dirt you kicked up begins to settle and you look out the windows, trying to find the woman.
>It doesn't take long for her to slowly emerge from behind the tree, trying to make sense of what happened.
>You get a good look at her.
>She was completely naked, not a single scrap of clothing to be found, but you tried not to look too much.
>Her hair was long and frazzled with loose strands that fell over her face.
>And the color...
>Why did it look so familiar?
>The only other person with that hair was...
>Then her eyes fell on you.
>Those eyes...
>It was quiet for a moment.
>Then she spoke.
>"... Anon...?"
>Her voice...
>You stared at her.
"... Twilight?"
>Well... you wanted a miracle...

>>42779154
Ponepaste: https://ponepaste.org/11534
Was a little longer than I wanted to do. Not sure if I should continue, depends on how many people are interested.
Based off this game: https://store.steampowered.com/app/1857950/VEIN/
It's fun as hell IMO.

>>42779103
dropping the ball is definitely on brand for me at this point, but i genuinely thought we'd fall off the board tomorrow as opposed to today
>>42779156
good to see you here RD, love the green

>>42779224
Thanks! Was playing the game and felt the need to make a little story set in it. Plus I don't think I've done any AiE (or in this case PiE) stuff before.

RENBOW
DOSH

>>42779156
T. Hanks again.

>>42779154
bretty gut

>>42778342
>>42779143
>rearing their teeth
*baring
>clothed metal gates
*closed

>>42780324
>*closed
My bad, should've added more detail. They're covered in cloth for stealth. :)
>*baring
Will fix!

>>42779472
Don’t you’re scaring her!

don't die now

>>42781087
then stop sliding threads, faggot.

>>42781297
is there any greater joy than impregnating dashie?

>>42781783
Have you ever done heroin?

Burgers

>>42779156
I wish my backlog wasn’t sumo huge :9 I could play new games

>>42781110
Gotem

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>>42779041
you dirty fibber

>>42783191
Writers lie, it's time you knew.

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>NO! Aaron stop! You're NOT leaving!
>You're going BACK into that pit with the spooky poni ghosts and you're TAKING all those boops..
>..Meanwhile I'll interview cute goth mares and ask about their tattoos.

>>42783700
I'm not aaron.

>>42781783
Impregnating Rarity.

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>Oh my god, PATRICK?!
>YOU'RE Anonymous In Equestria?

>>42783700
Bruh

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>>42784449

>>42779342
We’ll do more of it

>>42779026
Sun horse best horse

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>>42779026
>>42785757

>>42784449
>>42784792
Heh

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>Anon In Equestria: Super Immersive Edition

>>42786897
Dammit Weaver.

>>42779041
Is it tomorrow yet?

>>42787714
No, it’s now

>>42787958
Phooey.

>>42788254
Come back at a later now

>>42787078
Homer face

Early morning bumpa

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BUT PROFESSOR UPONIUM ACCIDENTALLY ADDED AN EXTRA INGREDIENT TO THE CONCOCTION...

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>>42790393
I KNEW this would happen if we were Anonymous In Equestria.
PLEASE mind your cursing and ethnic slurs and urban slang while in Equestria, tyvm.

Flanking Maneuvers: Episode 3.


>There was a sun in your face and a moaning in your ear.
>No. Not just a moaning, it sounded like somep0ny was choking.
>You don't care what it is, it's too early for this shit.
"Shut up."
>The sound continues for a moment. "S-so supportive..." Celestia croaks out.
"Don't care. Sleep now."
>The horrible sound starts up again.
>God dammit.
"At least shut the door."
>"No..." She moans back.
"Any reason other than spite?"
>Whatever she's doing to cause that sound, she does it again. "N-No..." she says.
>Cheeky bitch.
>That damn noise continues for the next fifteen minutes.
>Fifteen minutes of assaulting your ears as the sun creeps its way into your eyes.
>Eventually, it becomes too much.
"Goddammit!"
>You throw yourself out of bed.
>And throw your pillow out the open balcony door.
"GODDAMMIT!"
>You stomp into your bathroom.
"Whatever you're doing in here just cost me my favorite pillow so it had better be pretty goddamn importa-"
>You pause as you enter the bathroom.
>Celestia is laying on the floor, vomiting into the toilet.
"Oh."
>Well, that accounted for the noise.
>Your eyes drifted over the sink and spotted that old tube of spermicide.
"OH."
Celestia was vomiting...in the morning...with an expired bottle of spermicide...
"Oh..."

>>42790405
>"This is so bad." Celestia says as she paces around the room.
>You had helped her through the rest of her vomiting and gotten her cleaned up a bit.
>It was now that the reality of the situation was setting in.
"It's not that bad." You said sitting on the bed, still in your boxers.
>"Mous, any child that we had would be dead within a week of birth with what we do to each other."
"Maybe you're not pregnant."
>Celestia shoots you her best "are you serious" look.
"What? It could happen."
>Celestia goes back to her pacing. "How could this happen? I'm always so careful! That spermicide was supposed to be good for another month!"
>Yeah...you may have fucked up there...
>You know you had swiped the bottle and thrown it out the window during one of Celestias more animated vomiting episodes.
"Maybe the spermicide just went bad?"
>"Oh, I severely hope not! For their sake! A thousand years on the moon will seem easy compared to what I do to them..."
"Shit. This sucks."
>"This does more the suck, dear." She says "The public will be up in arms, the schools around here will need to be aler-"
"No. Now you'll be stealing my food and you'll have a reason to be bitchy."

>>42790410
>Celestia silently rolls her eyes as she keeps pacing. "Uhg. What are we going to do about this?"
"Will you stop worrying so much LightBrite? We live in a castle, remember? Lots of stairs here."
>That seemed to have crossed a line, as Celestia stopped in her tracks and glared at you. "Not funny."
"Yes it was."
>Celestia scoffs. "Of course, I live for over a thousand years and take over a thousand partners, and the one time I slip up is with the one who acts like a child."
"You knew what you were getting into when you fuckin' married me."
>"I didn't know I was getting into having a child!" She shouts.
>This idiot was over a thousand years old and still scared of kids.
>You rise from the bed and spread your arms.
"Do you want a hug?" You ask flatly.
>Celestia turns to look at you. "What?"
>She sounded legitimately surprised.
"I don't even want to have breakfast with you if you're going to be this annoying, let alone a baby. Do. You want. A hug?"
>Celestia walks towards you with her lower lip out.
>She silently plops her head on your shoulder. "I'm still annoyed at you."
>You wrap your arms around her neck.
"No you're not, your just hormonal."
>Celestia groans as she walks to her beauty desk and goes at her hair with the brush.
"We telling everyone at breakfast?" You ask as you search for your pants.
>"Why in Equestria would that be a good idea?"
"Because they probably want to know if they're about to become aunts and uncles?"
>"Mous, we don't even know if we're about to become parents. I think the rest of the family can wait."
>Maybe...

>>42790411
>Breakfast was quite.
>Mostly because Celestia was ridiculously tense.
>Most probably couldn't tell, but they haven't had to spend virtually every waking minute together for the past forever.
>You never really noticed how little everyp0ny else at the table contributed to conversation...
>Did you two really argue that much?
>You enjoyed your sweet rolls not being shoved in your mouth for a while before Luna spoke up.
>"The two of you seem rather quiet today...be there something you wish to discuss?"
>Shit. Of course Luna could sense something was up.
>Uhhh...uh...crap!
>Celestia steps in. "What do you mean, sister? We're just sitting at the table enjoying the families' company. There isn't anything that needs discuss-
"Celestia thinks she's pregnant."
>Luna's jaw drops.
>Cadence does a spit take.
>Shining Armor is choking on his bagel.
>Everything is silent for an eternity.
>And then you're thrown across the room.

>>42790413
>You landed on your back and skidded and skipped along the floor.
>"YOU IDIOT!" Celestia shouted.
"I panicked!" You shouted back as you pushed yourself up.
>Celestia flies over and lands in front of you. "What!? You can stare down a spirit of chaos, but you can't keep your mouth shut over breakfast!?
>Your temper flares as you shove your face in hers.
"It might have been easier to do if you weren't exuding "I got knocked up" waves as you sat there!"
>Celestia stomps her hoof as her eyes start to glow. "Oh do not even start on me sitting there! It's your fault that I had to consider lying to my family in the first place!"
"MY FAULT!? You're the one wh-"
>"Would you two like to take this to your room!?" Shining Armor shouts in his guard voice as he and the rest of the family gallop up to the two of you.
>"Not now!"
"Don't tempt me!"

>>42790416
>Celestia's eyes stop glowing as everyp0ny gathers round.
>"You alright?" Shining armor asks you.
"Yeah, I'm fine."
>She deals out worse anyway...
>Celestia brings a hoof to her face. "And now, everyp0ny knows. Brilliant."
>Maybe if you hadn't shouted...
>Luna approaches Celestia. "Sister...Is it true? Are you...with child?"
>Celestia sighs. "So it would seem...I spent the greater part of this morning trapped in the bathroom."
>"Oh my...that does sound rather serious...Perhaps-" Cadence says.
>Celestia stomps her hoof on the ground. "No. I will not allow this simple possibility to effect the workings of this kingdom until it becomes a certainty."
>Celestia may act like a teenager sometimes, but she knew how to inspire. Everyp0nies faces looked a mixture of awe and calm.
>"And if this...-condition-...becomes a reality, then we will deal with it in the most deserving manner."
>Shining Armor salutes. "Yes ma'am." Before walking away with his wife.
>Luna steps closer. "Well sister...if you think you can handle it, I trust you." She walks past and heads to her room. "Know that you need only ask should you desire to talk!" She calls back.
>You walk up to your wife.
"Well, look at you. You were all nervous before and you set everything straight with some pretty words."
>"Mous, shut up and come with me."
>You cock an eyebrow.
"Where we goin'?"
>"We're going to the drugstore to buy every pregnancy test they have." Celestia said.
>Huh...Celestia also seemed to be a very good liar...

>>42790416
this is shit

>>42790417
>>42790418
>You stood in an alley next to the drug store.
"This is so stupid..."
>"Look, just go in there and buy the tests. Tell them to bill the palace."
"And you don't think that will raise suspicion? On top of the fact that everyp0ny knows we're married? On top of the fact that they can probably see you standing here?"
>You lean back and peek through the window at the shop keep.
>"Mous, I have a reputation to uphold. I cannot be seen going into the drugstore to buy pregnancy tests!"
>You cross your arms.
"Oh, but your husband can?"
>Celestia sighs. "Mous, just please do this for me."
>You look down the road at the traffic.
"Fine..."
>Celestia perks up. "How come I have to be moping to get you to be sweet?"
"Because watching you mope sucks. I have a reputation to uphold too, you know."
>Celestia smirks as you step inside the store.

>>42790422
>Just because you agreed to do this didn't mean you were going to make it pleasant.
>You walked through the aisles as you looked for the right tests.
>"M-milord?" A voice came from behind the counter.
"Supply run for the castle, pay it no mind." You say with a wave.
>Okay, here they are. "Scry Baby: See if your future holds a bouncing ball of joy."
>Yeah, you doubt that.
>As you stand, you spot another prize.
>Spermicide.
>Dozens and dozens of boxes of spermicide.
>"Uh...Will you be billing this too the castle, Milord?" The clerk asks.
"I will...and sorry for any damages."
>"Damages?"
>You slip your hands between the shelf and the boxes and push.
>The end of the aisle becomes a virtual waterfall of pregnancy tests and spermicide.
>As you go to inspect your handiwork, you turn to the stunned face of the clerk.
"Can I get this in paper?"
>Celestia was on your ass about going green.

>>42790423
>That evening, you and Celestia had worked out a system.
>You would help her drink half her weight in water, hand her some tests, and let her go to town.
>After all the tests are done, you compile the results.
"So, out of a hundred and thirty seven tests...eighty six were positive."
>"Which means...?"
>You run the numbers in your head.
"Which means...there is a 62% chance that you're pregnant."
>Celestia chuckles as she nurses her headache.
>Taking in and expelling that much water probably hurts.
>"No "we're pregnant"?" She asks.
"I don't have a parasite growing in me..." You say as you walk over and sit on the floor next to Celestia.
"...And I'm also still open to skipping town to Zebrica."
>Celestia laughs. "Such a romantic..."
"I'm a great catch, I know."
>Celestia leans against you. "A catch that has not only possibly condemned me to almost an entire year of torment, but has robbed my evening from me by making me take pregnancy tests among a mountain of spermicide."
"At least I stocked up. And I helped with the tests, might I add."
>Celestia remains unmoving. "All the trappings of the perfect psychopath father."
"Better then a nymphomaniac mother."
>That gets you a laugh.
>The two of you sit there for a while as you contemplate the future.
"Let's name it Spock."
>Celestia laughs again. "And if it's a girl?"
"Girl-Spock."

>>42789883

>>42790418
No Sadler, you’re small time