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/r9k/ - ROBOT9001

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How are you doing tonight, robots? I may not be doing so hot right now but I enjoy your guys' company, even with all of the cancer this board is filled with. If you aren't feeling well, sorry to hear; be strong.
what frens are for :)
You're a good person bro. I hope you feel better because you deserve it.
Absolutely terrible.

My OCD is beating me. I can't take the pain anymore. I don't think I'm ever going to feel clean again. I live in constant mortal terror of going to the bathroom and having to wash my hands. I'm afraid of what I might do to avoid that pain.

A few months ago, I joined a D&D group. That was a mistake. I don't enjoy the game anymore, because having an obligation means having to go to the bathroom so I can be there, and going to the bathroom has become such torture that I scream, cry, pray, and beg for death. Having to go to the bathroom so I can make it to the game, even if I don't necessarily have to go right at that moment, is terrible. It's almost 11 PM here right now. The next session is scheduled for tomorrow morning at 9. I'm going to have to go to the bathroom at roughly 2 or 3 AM in order to make it to the session at 9, because going to the bathroom takes me five fucking hours now. It was a mistake to join the group. I wish I hadn't done it. I hate myself, and I want to fucking die.
Not good. Im alone with guilt and dark thoughts, and the power is out. Hoping tonight wont be the night. I did something awful. I dont think I will ever be able to forgive myself. This has been the darkest few months of my life and nobody knows about it. Thanks for your time
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That doesn't sound good. I had very mild OCD when I was little but nothing like what you're describing. Would you say you are a hypochondriac? Unfortunately, I can't give much advice for that since that's unlike anything I have had experience with. Perhaps seek professional help? Beyond that, I can only wish you good luck, anon.
Thanks, you guys.
From how you're describing it, the pain will certainly be difficult. Be strong though. I know we're all strangers on this site but from one person to another, please don't do anything stupid. Time heals most wounds and you can come to accept what you've done and come out a better man. Be safe, anon.
I really don't know for sure about this time. I messed up, very very badly. It might be over for me. Maybe it's just psychological irrational guilt but I don't know. All of my hope is really gone this time, I'm drowning.
>Would you say you are a hypochondriac?
Not in the least. My OCD isn't about disease at all. It's more that I believe that if I let things get contaminated with bodily fluids - mine or others - I've failed as a human being. It means I don't really own my possessions, I don't really own anything, I don't really have anything, I have no identity, I'm a loser, I'm not a person, and I don't deserve to enjoy anything. You have no idea how much I wish I was just afraid of getting sick. That I could deal with. That would be far better than the matters of self-worth and value as a human being that I'm so afraid of.

>I'm not sure if I'm understanding everything but do you have to go to the session?
I do. It was actually originally scheduled for today, and I asked to delay it until tomorrow because I didn't feel up to going to the bathroom again last night. Plus, when we left off, we were on a side quest for my character, so I'm pretty much required to be there now.

>You need sleep. It's important.
I did sleep today, from about 4 PM to 9 PM. All I want to do is go back to sleep forever.
Bump. I'm not feeling so well tonight frens. But you all give me company and make me feel better
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Most people here are not feeling well, but that is what gives us a sense of community. It's pleasant to discuss our grievances with life so that we can feel less alone and push through it.
I'm feeling ok, it's been a long past few months but I've found some new motivation to keep pushing. Nothing like a long term solution but at least everything does not feel so hopeless. For now at least.

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