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/r9k/ - ROBOT9001

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feels thread, talk about your problems here robrots
I don't enjoy anything anymore. I can't decide if I'm going to keep doing this until I die, kill myself, or suicide bomb one of those cia things.
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And as always, /gif/ is a thing.
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I feel like I wasted 26 years of my life living in a rat maze with no cheese. Everyone I know has been a paid actor all my life. I have slave reactions to situations I am just now beginning to break out of.

I am sorry that no one sat you down and told you everything anon, you would not have been able to belive it at the time anyway. Even if you did it would mean the end of trust. The end of love for anyone but yourself.

I'm getting out of this province,this country. I am working everyday to be free.
still cant believe i took their fucking vaccine twice a year ago, maybe that shit is causing all this and it cannot be undone
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You can either be Great or you can be Happy.

If its not too late. Please try and be happy.
If you break a glowstick you might find yourself enjoying things even less. Thats why I am working to get out of glow stick radius

There must be shit you like bro, You like 4chan. Do you like Escorts? Maybe some Pizza or KFC or Burgers or something? Vidya? Music?

Dont give up doggy.
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Me too my guy, me too. I mean hey at least I got nanobots repairing my cuts a bit faster. Heals wierd tho, dont really like it.

I just wanted to take bitches to the movies during lockdown. Can you blame me?
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you'll find something, this something can be someone. It's inevitable.
elaborate, stop being so cryptic for no reason
you sound schizophrenic, I am just a man trying to win
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What does it take to win?
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If I knew I would not be here, all I know is that I cannot win, but I'm sure one day I will, I just need to keep trying
Almost everything in my life is ass. Can't get a job, autistic, fear of driving, and so much more. Everyday is just me applying to jobs, sleeping, sitting on 4chan, and hoping I don't wake up in the morning so I don't have to keep doing it all. All of this is also reinforced by looking in the mirror and reminding myself how awful being a white manlet is.
I'm so worried about my future that sometimes I forget about the present
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What you do know has brought you here. You will win. I am certain of it. Just dont win too much or you will have to face me on a certain step.

Keep trying. Never try the same thing twice.
all my friends on bdo have higher apm. i have tiny slow hands. unlucky to be born with 0 motor skills. mmo rpgs are just not it for me. im only 21 and im playing like im in my 40s
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The present moment is where you set the stage for the future. In the present it is your move. Make your move with the future in mind.
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Sorry for responding late man. I do everything based on what feels least worse. I hate sex, food all that bullshit because the feeling goes away so fast. I play video games, I always end up closing them after 10 minutes.

Sorry for replying late man. But I don't get what you mean. How can it be someone when girls always think I look evil / threatening, except for one time, but that was just a fluke.
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>when girls always think I look evil / threatening
we both know that's a good thing, way better than being small and cute
I need to start working by the start of the week after the next one.
On the 6th I get my pack of 60x20mg Oxy.
I don't know what should I do.
I am incapable of enjoying anything anymore. Everything about me is faker than imitation chocolate. The smartest thing I could do is turn myself into a human pincushion, let it bleed, and have God judge me when the time comes (aka send me to Hell where I belong for being a fag and a lazy worthless piece of shit).
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I feel like I'm losing it, but maybe my disassociation is just getting worse. It's been bad for the past few years but it seems like it's gotten worse. Every day feels like a dream, my memory is non-functional at best, I feel like 20 IQ points dumber, it's hell. It's like things are slowly making less and less sense and im worried I'm going to cross over into actual psychosis and things won't make any sense at all.
yeah i feel you. You made me feel a little better I guess, knowing im not alone and shiet. Thanks. Also revenge was MCRs best album imo.
I thought i was being obvious. Well im on r9k and obviously i got problems and i think at least some of them are caused by the damn covid vaccine i took twice. Every day it strikes and suddenly i feel like im drowning and i really wanna kms.
past 2 years have all culminated to having suicidal thoughts and urges everyday, everything's going to the shitter.
Still waiting for gf to wake up after a night out with her normies friends, fucking sucks I litterally cant do anything just have to wait
I feel pretty damn good. Performance-wise, and mental-health-wise, I'm fucking fantastic. Better than ever and better than I ever imagined I could be.

But socially I am as fucked as you guys lol. I am old now and nobody gives the weird old creepy guy the benefit of the doubt like "oh he's just shy". Nope I am probably the creepy old dude to everyone i meet now. Ah well. At least I have the rest of my shit together.
They are not my problems, but my friend's, and I really wish I could do something to help, but we're not actually friends and the problems are too big, so the only thing I can do is to watch and hope something happens that I can't quite see.

I have problems too but that's not my primary concern.
if i had a 12 gauge or a .44 magnum in my mouth there's probably well over 20 times in the last week that i would have pulled the trigger
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OI feel awful today but only because of some disease that I have, besides that my life is going pretty well.
I think Rayman Legends is a little too repetitive though.
>Try to write funny greentext
>3 replies
>Try to craft good bait
>2 replies
>Spot bait a mile away
>It always has 5-10 replies by the end of the thread
>Bait threads always have 100+ replies
>The only bait threads I am able to succeed on are the bait threads that are so common it's basically a general (ex: coffee/bread threads on /fit/, >cast him >image of current meme on /tv/, >post about space, webm is of a round earth on /wsg/, >this dude is highly overrated >image is a hyper obscure artist who made three songs then killed himself on /mu/)
Feels for this feel?
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>Rayman Legends
good game, played it when it came out, realy liked the music stage
help him from the shadows
stop being shy, people are literally just like you
fuck you
try doing stuff to fix this situation ( i'm sure nobody ever gave you this good advice in your life)
it's like the majority of the internet is just bots arguing with each other
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I can't put it in words. I live eternally in the past. My mind is a prison.

It's over.
At least you aren't a fag and a virgin who wasted 18 years of his life.
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I beg you anon don't make the mistake of wasting 18-25. 18 is nothing. You have everything still in your hand. Don't make the mistake of so many anons who suddenly wake up and they have wasted thirty, realising it was all there.
ive done nothing but coom lately and im just rotting. completely neglecting responsibilities and hygiene. disgusted with myself on a spiritual level for other reasons too theres no redemption for me...
>help him from the shadows
That's not possible, and also morally questionable.
Too fucking late. All that's left for me is death.
I have discovered a few weeks that I'm fucking balding at 18 years old, and it's freaking me the fuck out. My face is already nothing special (I've got that long horse face) and I'm not 6 feet tall, so it's pretty much over for me. I've also known that I'm probably never going to get married just due to statistics, but only recently has this really hit me. I know it's all first world problems, and next to nothing compared to other anons and shit, but I have no real drive to do anything more, so getting laid or starting a family at least seemed like a nice cope before I died. I'm just fucking tired and done with it all. How do I become a hermit?
Thanks for listening, OP.
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>I have discovered a few weeks that I'm fucking balding at 18 years old
my hair is also thinning, if you dont look bald yet, and you're the only one who noticed, go see a derma, he'll tell you what you can do to slow/halt the balding process
People notice; I've gotten unsolicited jokes and comments made about it several times, and I've asked people on the Internet. I'm now at NW3; same thing happened to my grandfather at my age. All the dermatologist can do is give me pills that I have to take for the rest of my life.
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The moments when I don't want to kill myself are the ones when I forget that I am. A human. A consciousness. A shitty consciousness at that, unable to even make decisions. Preprogrammed to be whatever was supposed to be.
For a while now, I've been wishing for a sudden, unexpected death. Because the same "I" that says I should just die also says I shouldn't.
I hate my own humanity.
I hate myself in a way too, although I have a hard time distinguishing that "me" from everything else.
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i want to see cute girls wearing cute clothes
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It hurts so much. Three years ago I missed the year's biggest livestream events and it caused me to have a horrible panic attack that put me in the hospital. There my neurotic state continued and when I heard the sounds of women talking on the TV my brain associated females with the trauma and ever since the sight, sound and thought of women causes me too feel an ill discomfort and rising tension and the presence of female pronouns produces a stark shock in my brain. I am no longer able to enjoy music, video games, or TV the same way I could the first 36 years of my life and I am constantly in a state of anxiety over this phenomenon occurring constantly every day, to say nothing of the sorrow over the loss of my joy and my peace of mind. To make matters worse I was writing a book at the time, now that book will have to be held off indefinitely.
My life went from looking up to being pure, unimaginable hell in a single flash. I try and I try working with my therapist and my psychiatrist to find a solution to this horrible ailment to no avail. The thoughts of my once bright life now falling into irrecoverable ruins drive me to drink myself into stupor. I fear there is nothing I can do but end my life, for I cannot live with this pain any longer.
I get horny when a cute girl is next to me in public transport and I can feel the sexual tension brewing, sometimes from the girl (I'd say I'm relatively fashionable, good looking dude), and after the fact it just makes me realize that I'm retarded and lonely and that girls will find my personality boring or repulsive. Also I'm insecure about my body image. And retarded (probably).
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I almost had a job for the first time since covid started but I had a pretty bad panic attack when I got home and ended up declining the offer. I've always had untreated anxiety issues probably since high school, but I've never had a panic attack like that before and I'm starting to fear I'm unable to function in society as I am. Should I call a therapist or something?
I hate myself. I am rarely happy. The only time I am relaxed and content are when I'm lying in bed hugging my pillow. My interests are becoming continuously less interesting to me. I'm in uni and I want to blow my brains out. I am enjoying very little right now.

And why is it whenever I complain about something some dipshit always tells me "It could be worse." No shit, but why can't it get better? Will it ever get better?
I cant connect to people
I wish people wore nice clothes and paid attention to their figures more
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I constantly fantasize about telling people off and telling them to go kill themselves but I am such a pussy when it comes to confronting people. It's so easy to imagine screaming in their faces and tearing them down but when it comes time to do it I can't help but start thinking "oh but what about their feelings" or "oh I they don't deserve this" and a bunch of other shit. It's probably just my brain making shit up because it's scared it's gonna get mauled by a tiger or some shit but I regret it every single time. I also get all patient and understanding and try to see things from their perspective and approach things logically, but people don't do this. It's like people just feel things and just make shit up after the fact that justifies whatever they did on impulse. It's like me trying to be a good person is just enabling them to be an asshole to me. God I fantasize about hurting people all the time. I understand those crazy NRA schizos who are just thirsting for an opportunity to legally kill someone, I imagine myself doing that shit constantly.
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Moved into uni a month ago and haven't made any friends. It could be worse, I have a couple of old friends from my old highschool. We call on occasion but I feel like such a burden when I schizo ramble about life problems and shit.
It's gotten to the point that I actively avoid social situations in order to keep myself shut up.
Talking to new people is also extremely uncomfortable. I always worry too much about what to say that I end up not speaking and just focusing on some other shit. When there's no common ground established it's difficult and awkward. Too tiresome for me to bother, will probably fail uni anyways within the year. No point making connections that won't last.
On one final note, my apathy has grown such a tremendous amount. My dorm is horribly organized, half the time in lectures I'm not even paying attention, and it doesnt matter anyways. All the assignments are online so I can just look up whatever help I need and it becomes easy. Sadly, won't have access to any online calculators during an actual exam, like mid terms, which are only a month away. Fuck.
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That's a lot of symptoms of depression there my guy. If your school has mental health services, you should use them.
That aside, you have to be interested in *something* go find a club or campus group for it. You are, almost certainly, not the only robot on campus.
Pretty sure I've got depression as well, but mental health services will just give me some shitty meds which will fuck me over in the long term.
>not the only robot on campus
I've posted my uni before and doubt anybody is here. Probably for the better, robots meeting up is extremely awkward and will rarely work out.
Clubs sound nice but there are no good ones here. Trying to join the Model UN club because I've done that for 5 years in hs, and that's the only club that I have interest in. Sucks to suck.
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>mental health services will just give me some shitty meds which will fuck me over in the long term.
You (and the 4chan threads you got this take from) are not qualified to make a judgement like that. They wouldn't be there if they didn't work at least *some* of the time. Go see them.
Not just 4chan threads, but from experiences old friends have had as well. They work because they drug your brain into being happy when there's nothing to be happy about. If I actually talked to a shrink about my problems, it would either be psych war time or would get ER called. Not worth the risk
>venting to my brother tonight
>end up showing him the cuts on my leg
>he starts to tear up
>hold him in my arms as he's crying on my bed
>in between tears he says "Anon, if you ever need any help please just call me. I'll always be there for you."
I love my brother and I'm never going to leave him, I feel stupid because I never knew I meant that much to him god I'm sorry bro
They work by unfucking your brain they don't force you into being happy. And even if they did what would it matter? Happy is happy. The meds exist for a reason.
>expecting robots to take their meds
It will never happen. Everyone here is brainwashed by anti-psychiatry propaganda. I don't even bother anymore unless it's someone asking for information about meds.
Was doing ok at the gym and had the whole buzz killed because a woman I walked past gave me That Look. You know, the tight-lipped grimace, or a known sign of discomfort.
I'm never going to know a woman's touch, am I?
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>happy is happy
But it isn't. SSRIs don't naturally make you do happier stuff. You just feel happier. This is bad as it keeps you hooked on SSRIs. Wanna not take them? Now your brain expects you to be happy from the same tasks, but you aren't. Also tons of other nasty side effects.
SSRIs don't make you feel happy. They decrease depressive symptoms. They also largely don't have nasty side effects. The positive and negative effects of SSRIs are fairly subtle.
I realize that I may be attracting some manner of ire in posting this, so please understand that I'm just seeking some kind of help. I'm going back and forth on it as it is, and I'm not sure what to do.
For starters, I'm 24 and I of course haven't been considered attractive by a woman before because I'm here. I don't have a lot going for me and I think I've close to peaked in terms of what I can achieve. I dropped out of college because I can't understand the math and other subjects that my autism doesn't cover. I'm content with my current job but I won't have any more to offer than my meager wages. It may marginally improve, but I know I'm not destined to make a lot of money.
Now there is a woman who's been showing interest in me lately. She knows about the job as she was a coworker (she left and is now making more than me), she knows I make less than her and at no point was I ever making more, she has a vague understanding about what I've been through and who I am, and she of course knows what I look like. Despite all of this she's always been friendly to me, and really did help me at this job. I wouldn't be employed if not for her unprompted help. And I do like her as well, she has a nice personality, I think she's beautiful despite how much she jokes about her appearance, we share a lot of common interests. I find it hard to explain but the way she speaks to me make sit really easy to talk to her too. I'm not nervous or afraid.
The issue is that she has a kid. That is the sole hangup I have, she's otherwise so perfect to me. She's younger than me and still quite fertile, and has hinted that she wants to have my children too. And I've seen how she takes care of her son, she's a good mom and it makes me smile to see her taking care of the little guy. But I don't know if that can get me over it.
A lot of anons say she's going to ruin my life. Some have said it's fine if she just has more of my own kids. Neither really convince me. I feel trapped.
I really really hate women. It is starting to become a problem.
I assume that people hate me regardless of context. When I meet new people I assume I'll fuck it up eventually and I start looking for the signs that they're pulling away, then analyze the situation to figure out where I went wrong, in the vain hopes that I'll finally be able to avoid fucking up a relationship.
I'm angry constantly and have become increasingly distant because it's easier than dealing with this.
I don't know how to correct my course.
anyone got a cure for anhedonia? shit is seriously fucking me up.
I have absolutely no idea what your situation is and what the cause of your anhedonia is but maybe a dopamine detox would help.
I've done a few and they helped my focus (though I inevitably slipped back into my old habits).
Take a day of no 4chan, no internet in general, not even music or sweet food.

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