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Thread for those that have lost all hope in having a normal life one day. By normal life I mean having a job, friends, sex/girlfriend, etc. Let's use this thread to talk about how we are feeling and also to help each other with advice from people that really know how we feel.

Previous thread: >>69329300 (Lost Causes #10)

THREAD INITIAL SUBJECT: why do you think you have become the person you are? Do you think it could have been different for you?
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>>71121921
>why do you think you have become the person you are?
too broad of a question
>Do you think it could have been different for you?
the answer to this question will be yes no matter who you ask
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>>71121944
I mean what do you think that made you become the person you are. You could say a few things like type of childhood, parents, etc.

And no, maybe there are people that think they would have ended becoming the same person because they think they were born like they are or something like that.
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>>71121921
>why do you think you have become the person you are?
Had a work related accident at 17 and sustained chemical damage to my brain stem and developed a neurological disorder. I had to get put on a breathing machine and still use it to this day. I'm 27 now and have given up on working for about 3 years after many failed attempts to "integrate".

>Do you think it could have been different for you?
Hard to say, I wasn't exactly normal when I was young but it would still be nice to be healthy. If anything maybe I could have at least moved away from my abusive parents who don't understand or support my condition despite multiple diagnoses. The constant insults from them and my extended family has been tough on my mental state, especially this Thanksgiving when my entire extended family had a fun time ripping into me and comparing themselves to me. Idk what to do anymore, I'm really depressed and gave up hope a long time ago. I'm scaed bros, seem like roping is my only option at this point.
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>>71121997
Did you get money from that work accident at least?
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>>71121921
>why do you think you have become the person you are?
Autism, low IQ, can't do basic math, pushover, short, ugly, and I have bad eyesight. I have never had any actual friends in my entire life and KHHV. I never had any drive to do anything. I've allowed the few accomplishments that I've had in anything to be downplayed by other people, no self confidence. My parents despise each other and both of them know that I'm a pathetic lost cause.
>Do you think it could have been different for you?
No, I'm too mentally ill and my parents hate each other because they only stayed together for so long because my mom got pregnant. I feel like my very existence has made their lives miserable so a scenario where I exist guarantees that I'd grow up in the conditions that I did.
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>Lost Cause: a person or thing that can no longer hope to succeed or be changed for the better.
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>why do you think you have become the person you are?
Fate mixed with bad parenting. My parents always assured me it was 'never too late' and they were content with me making shitty music or videos in my room alone for 12 hours a day. They'd placate me by buying me new 'toys' like a computer and guitars which only further kept me rotting away through my 20s.
I only recently realized how fucked it is when I lost my wallet behind my bed and didn't notice for 3 weeks. It put in perspective how disconnected my life is from everyone else's.
>Do you think it could have been different for you?
Yes and no. I am now a strong believer in fate/determinism. I have a software engineering degree, I have numerous talents, but I always felt invisible. Only recently when trying to change my life around did it really set in. Every job application ghosted, every project I've been a part of crumbled, every hair loss medication failed. It feels like I get 90% of the way there only to be rejected by some external entity. On paper I look like a ripe candidate for an ascension but in reality I'm played the fool as the devil sticks his leg out and trips me before the finish line every time.
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>>71121921
>why do you think you have become the person you are?
autism. just typing the word out fills me with anger and sadness.
>Do you think it could have been different for you?
maybe if i was given help from a young age. instead i was given nothing.
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>>71121921
Im a pretty cut and clear case of self fulfilling prophecy, was insecure from a young age because of a mole on my forehead that really doesn't make me ugly on its own but that insecurity led to me not caring about my appearance since I thought it was hopeless and getting terrible acne and not developing a very masculine face. It's not my genes since my brother is an actual 6 foot 5 gigachad it is really just how I lived growing up for example I only grew to 6'1. I could post this picture that I hate so much that my mom keeps up on the wall of me and my siblings when I was 15 and my brother was 16 and it is crazy how we don't even look related and how good he looks next to my acne covered face and inability to smile even though when we were young kids we looked exactly alike. My parents aren't bad people but they were really hands off and unhelpful and let me drop out of high school with no resistance. I guess they thought I was smart since I test well and skipped a grade and that everything would just work out for me and now I am 26 and still living at home but they don't care because at least they got 2 kids that aren't losers.
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>>71122310
For how long have you been searching for a job and being rejected?
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>not neurotypical but not autistic
>below average IQ
>ugly
>absent father
>high school dropout
>never had a job
>severe back pain

The first four things are what lead to my frequent skipping of school and eventual dropout first from school, then from all of society.

As the cherry on top, starting around age 23 I developed, and since constantly have had, low back pain which has sucked away taken what little drive to "become a member of society" still remained in me.
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>>71122568
Why did that low back pain started?
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Anyone here likes to ride a bicycle?

For me it's one of the few things that still makes me want to go out. And it's an easy way to do some exercise, mostly legs and cardio.
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>>71122938
Not really sure. I think it's a herniated disc, but the only way to confirm is to get an MRI, and I can't afford to (and don't want to) see a doctor.

One day, when I was lying in bed, I suddently got an intense pain in my neck. I felt the urge to lay down flat. I did so and after a day or so the pain went away.

Then some time later I had a similar thing happen to my back. I lied down flat and, after a few days, the pain went away. The same thing happened several times over the course of a few years. One time it happened while I was doing a playthough of Dark Souls and making threads about it here on /r9k/. Unfortunately I never finished that.

Then it happened again while I bent over to grab some spinach from the bottom of the fridge. This time the pain simply never went away, for two reasons I can think of:
At the time, my mom had a broken ankle and couldn't drive, so I was driving her back and forth to work and doing shopping and stuff like that. I had to keep driving and such, even though I really wanted to lie down and let my back rest. I think this might have stopped my back from healing itself.
I took some turmeric, which is anti-inflammatory, right after my back started hurting. Anti-inflammatory substances impair injury recovery.
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>>71123229
Imagine feeling human enough to leave the house
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>>71123229
I used to ride my bike frequently. I don't anymore though. Riding in the city, with so many cars and other cyclists around, isn't worth it for me.
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THREAD INITIAL SUBJECT: why do you think you have become the person you are? Do you think it could have been different for you?

I was never happy with where I was. I'd move, make friends, move again, make friends, move again, and eventually I was too old to be hanging out with college kids and now I have no friends.

If I'd taken my career/studies seriously instead of running around looking for happiness I would have probably had a solid social network.
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>why do you think you have become the person you are?
autism and lack of motivation for any position in the world
>Do you think it could have been different for you?
no
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>>71123239
I'm sure that you also leave the house even if it's for a little walk. Nobody can live inside the house for long. The anxiety is too much.

>>71123236
How much is to get an MRI? In my country you can get that with social security I think. The wait list must be long but you can get it there.

And why don't you want to see a doctor?
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>>71121921
>why do you think you have become the person you are?
i just dont know. cant pin it on one single thing. spent a decade thinking about this and it has to be a combination. ''the straw that broke the camels back'' in a way. my entire childhood, the way i was born and the personal choices i made in interpreting all this.
>Do you think it could have been different for you?
yeah. not much but a little at least if i wasn't so hard headed and convinced everyone was out to get me. maybe if i showed interest in sports. maybe if i had access to the same online consoles or computers as everyone else, the reason people refused to do anything outside sports or playing games at home. even when i played at other peoples houses i sucked since i had to learn everything, first time i played while they had 100+ hours on the game plus a thousand hours on the system. it wasn't fun for anyone.
the older i got the less i could relate to anyone else and my class clown bit started to become dangerous retard tier.
people who like me, my family and some boomers i worked with, say i have a lot to offer but people my age are completely uninterested and afraid my social isolation is contagious.
i've also done weird and reckless shit as an adult so when people say ''i knew that weirdo was nuts'' they're not wrong.
>>
on the surface i'm not so bad. there are guys nearing their 30s who has only played MMOs and smoked weed but a major difference is that they have friends and gfs while i dont.
boomers always said ''yeah but you have a job, car, license and own place, cant be that bad'' but it is since i'm almost entirely socially disconnected in my spare time. i dont have anything to start with. you cant build a company with no starting capital, you cant build a social network without some friends.
this is why i think the government has a moral obligation to euthanatize me.
i can go to the vet and have an animal put down because ''its no longer convenient'' but i cannot have myself put down for suffering
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>>71123763
>you cant build a company with no starting capital
You certainly can if you have useful skills. This is what I'm learning programming.
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>>71123797
Yeah I'm sure that what you are learning is unique and there aren't millions of people the could do the same or better xD.
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not just am I autistic I literally just can't fucking talk to people. even my own family. I'm only capable of mumbling one word answers with rare exceptions. I used to talk to my mother more and used to have a few friends I'd talk to a decent amount while I was still a kid so socializing was less complex but that's it. It seems like it's something I was born with too, I was never comfortable talking. it got worse in high school though when I just stopped talking altogether. probably because again socializing got more complex and the developmental gap became more apparent which increased my anxiety.
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Do you think it has been worth it that you were born or it would have been better no never have been born given the life that you have had?



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