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/r9k/ - ROBOT9001


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it's fucking over kek
>>
you lied to me. i asked you to show me your conversation and you refused. i added her and she told me the truth. you lied to me. months down the drain for a fleeting interaction. i can only hope it was worth it. she is so much younger than you too. i dont know what lies you are telling her. you have hurt me in a way nobody else has. goodbye.
>>
Hey Buddy, still alive? Worked more on the project we started today. It's tough to do everything on my own, but in the end that's the only way things get done, right? No one is just going to do it for you. In a way, I think you taught me that. Keep yourself alive, buddy
>>
You abandoned me. I gave everything I had in me and you abandoned me. I was left a shell of myself, I never found someone else even fleetly. We had a future together and when we finally could pursue it you left. And I let you go with no fuss because your happiness was more important to me than anything, more important than my life. I really hope you spend the rest of your life thinking you fucked up, because that's what you did. You fucking coward.
>>
You were right about everything. I got greedy and didn't respect you. It's just something I gotta live with. Not even sure why I'm writing this, the damage is done. Just had to put it out there. I'm very sorry.
>>
fucking predator kys
>>
you had someone that genuinely loved you and you did this. you are a monster and a predator. stop messing around with younger girls. im sure shes not the only one.
>>
>>76441078
Try and fix it, you have nothing to lose by apologizing.
>>
samuel is a disgusting predatory piece of shit. samuel likes underage girls.
>>
After destroying all my attempts of finding happiness during decades you still have the gall to expect me to support your pathetic excuse of a life in any way? Honestly, I am not in favor of death as punishment since the ending of suffering is such a gift, but you are such a cancer in the life of all people around you your death would truly be a present to the world. The one thing you did right was having me, and I was just a means to an end for you to live a cushy life. You understood my father was a broken mess because of his childhood and took advantage of that, because then you could be the most repulsive and deplorable person you could be and he would still not leave you. You will never understand how much you DIRECTLY fucked my hopes for happiness. I had a fucking family and you stripped me of them. The pain you caused should return 20x to you but if that ever happens you will, for sure, destroy the lives of people I care about still. Die quietly.
>>
when he is 22 has gyno wide hips and no future KEKKK gotta manipulate women and girls on the internet to feel like a chad
>>
>>76441116
>>76441171
Ay yo what's happening?
>>
>he was sexually humiliated by his ex girlfriend so as muh revenge he goes online and takes advantage of women and underage girls from 4chan to feel like a chad
>>
>>76441216
classic roastie L
>>
actually he wasnt humiliated. thats just the sob story he likes to tell. hes a creep who tries to force himself onto others and when they try to expose him he twists the story. a predator, and a creep. a loser with no future. his only purpose is to get his pathetic dick wet.
>>
>>76441226
stop defending yourself samuel kek pedo
>>
>>76441231
>>76441226
>>76441216
>>76441192
>>76441171
>>76441116
This is not a thread to write shit to take something off our chests is it...
>>
im such a soft boy uwu look at me
>>
It is not, lel
>>
>>76441295
Oh well. Aspirin, hot shower and a good knife should do the trick. Remember to cut from your elbow to your wrist. One cut is enough.
>>
>>76441280
how do you get nails like that? do they just not grow like wtf
>>
>>76441408
he bites them off obsessively because he gets mad anxious thinking about all the lies he has to tell his underage egirls today
>>
>>76441280
Why does your floor have mold?
>>
I'm still alive and I'm not gonna die yet, I won't give up
>>
ignored again! how many texts did i send? aw shucks!
>>
I got angry at noon, I just needed to cry a little
>>
>>76440753
Dear E:
I hope your job interview goes well tomorrow, but if it doesn't, it's okay. Just hang in there and don't lose hope.

With love:
E.
>>
i'm tired of trying so hard in everything
i'm tired of being alone
i want to trust in someone and i want that person to be you
i want to share my shame with you: the embarrassing bad things i enjoy, the clothes thrown on the floor when i get home, the responsibilities neglected by pretending to be busy
i want you to see these and see me as i really am
your shell has never been as thick as mine you never felt the shame like i do
that's a big part of why i loved you
i want all of you too
don't think it might be too much - none of it means anything compared to the weight of your trusting me
i want to share your lazy days and idle times
i want to grow with you and grow old with you
i want to watch hallmark movies in bed together and fall asleep to reruns of old sitcoms
i just want to hold your hand and be with you: a unit against the sea of the world
you're the only person i want like this
>>
dear letter thread
i come here to delude myself into thinking someone would think some things posted here about me
>>
you make me feel so special, I don't care what anyone else think of me, I've been able to really be myself because of it
>>
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I FUCKING LOVE CREATIVE WRITING
I FUCKING LOVE EXPRESSING MYSELF THROUGH WRITTEN LANGUAGE
>>
Dear O,
You've really done it this time, go buy a 711 slurpee and cool off

Bye
>>
>>76442270
Was this post a creative expression, Anon?
>>
i felt tension between us the last time i saw you
it's like a dark cloud has swept over us and dimmed the light of our love
i've been kindling that light as much as i can and i know you've kept it smoldering too
but i can feel it: an oppressive density distorting the dream and pushing it out
i can feel myself being pulled back into the depths you found me in
i wonder, are you drifting back into the sea of dreaming you came from too?
i don't want this to happen
you're the only light i've ever found in this gloomy abyss
you came like the boatman to bring me back to life
have i come up short?
please don't go
don't condemn me to this desolate steppe: these spiritual barrens
let me follow your lantern, please
lead me back into reality so my soul and my body can be reunited
suture my wounds with your love
all i can offer in return is all of me
>>
>>76442046
God damnit, why do I keep coming here and why must you write this post that fits perfectly to my person and me? I guess we're both less special than we want us both to be, eh?
I think one of the things about you that attracts me is that I think you know about loneliness. I've been living alone for more than two decades now and I want my partner to get me and I want someone that hungers for me as much as I hunger for her.
>>
>>76442543
yeah it's not you though so
>>
>>76442323
I remember you. You used this pic to ask if the stim enthusiast was still around.
Sup?
>>
i dont want to live. you are a monster.
>>
I'm here, I'm trying to respond to you to you in a meaningful way maybe i just need to say whatever comes to my mind first
>>
I'M SORRY
I DON'T WANT TO HURT YOU
>>
I'm trying to catch up with everything!
>>
>>76442528
Lots of flighty and migratory energies here. Perhaps you should still yourself so that you may croon a simpler song.

>>76442588
I have no memory of that post.
>>
I feel like I'm drifting blind, searching for your voice holding that lantern in a sea full specters that know and scream at me, their voices full of hatred and fear, some of them known my insecurities, and get inside my mind slowly draining my sanity, I hold that lantern tighter as I hear the echoes of your voice, ALWAYS SEARCHING FOR YOU
>>
where was my fault
in loving you with my whole heart
>>
in not loving yourself
>>
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i hope it was worth it kek
>>
>>76442999
It's worth checkin' these nines
>>
por favor no digas esas cosas, quieres saber como la estoy pasando yo? tengo trabajos que hacer, ahorita estoy haciendo algo para ti y se que no lo pediste pero ese es el punto, amaneci sintiendome triste y aun asi me levante y quize seguir trabajando luego a mediodia leo ciertas pendejadas y me pongo de mal humor regreso, lloro un poco he intento seguir trabjando pero oh sorpresa alguien se siente ignorada y tengo que buscar la manera de confortarla, pierdo el ritmo de trabajo y decido enfocarme en pensar que hacer, y decido distrarem un poco, luego me sales con esto y aqui sigo intentando hacer que entiendas, luego me insultan, estoy cansado y aun tengo trabajo que hacer, pero aqui estoy asi que no digas esas pendejadas de que no me importas o que no te quiero en realidad, de verdad pareces ensimismada pensando que mi vida gira en torno a la tuya, ERES parte de ella,SI, pero entiende que debo trabjar tambien para que esto pase, de verdad siento que no estas percibiendo las cosas, por favor piensa un poco y se mas considerada
>>
>>76441280
You do look very huggable. I feel snuggly when I wear big sweatshirts too.
>>
thank you for basically cheating on me. kek kek kek
>>
>>76443183
HOW? explain it to me clearly
>>
I haven't done that, I wouldn't risk this
>>
have a nice life without me.
>>
i hope i will find someone nice to spend valentines day with. it doesnt have to be romantic. i would like a nice voice to spend time with. but i doubt i will trust anyone again.
>>
It wouldn't be as good without you, i'll stand by you
>>
>>76441244
and yet you spent months talking to this person unable to deduce there was something obviously wrong with them. he's right, this is a classic roastie L.
>>
>>76443536
cope nigger, i knew there was something off, i did my own digging and when i got my evidence im gone
>>
>>76443183
well you probably arent my person but i don't have any kind of agreement with being together exclusively with anyone so its probably not for me.
but if it is for me, on the off chance... maybe you should tell me that you want to be together before accusing me of "basically cheating"
>>
>>76443402
no pun intended
>>
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And again the stark contrast between things.
Reality isn't that bleak.
I'm just not living there.
I don't actually exist in this world.
>>
valentines day with your male best friend. that'll be fun right?
>>
>>76443601
that could be fun, but I would prefer to spend it with my life partner Iykwim
>>
>>76443703
i was hoping it was her, telling me to slow down, while i told her my true intentions
>>
Trevor Moore the comedian is still alive and faked his death. Accept it. Just except it. It's that simple and easy.
>>
>>76443869
Ffffaaaakkkeeed it and now he's retired.
>>
Dear R9K,

Spent another day running around, looking for work, spending my free time coding. Coding isn't even fun anymore, it's just something I do. Started a game in an RPG maker, but don't really know what i'm doing. I think if I dont have a job by friday, I'll drive around the state and think about how to off myself

Anon
>>
>>76443547
cope? who's coping? you're the one saying you're mortally wounded and going to kill yourself because of your fake e-drama. no one should have to tell you that shopping for romantic partners from within the 4chan using population is a risky proposition you unbelievably stupid fuckwit.
>>
Maybe they were right that there's a good chance you're gay. This is fruitless regardless.
>>
>>76440753
this one is especially insane
gg r9k
gg
>>
A city of all men where you all masc it up together and intentionally try to scare women off with your football and monster trucks? I have no chance if that's truly what you like. Why didn't you tell me you liked men better?
>>
All right, it's over.
>>
This is so painstaking and upsetting and idek what to say anymore.
>>
>>76444546
I will make it easy for you
>>
I dream about you coming back to me, but I know I am already forgotten.
>>
>>76444714
How so? What will you do?
>>
Contare la historia de una famosa persona
Todos la conocen con el apodo de chona
Todos la conocen con el apodo de chona
>>
>>76444911
stfu spic go to your own chan ffs this is explicitly an english website
>>
I really wanna kms since I'm still in love with you and we can't be together.
>>
>>76445108
Nta pero imaginate saber solo un idioma jaaaa
>>
>>76445217
Why cant you, just hit her up
>>
it will hurt for a little while. and no longer than that because i will not allow it to. i have grown a lot in the past year and realized people like you are not worth my time, commitment or effort. you lied and disrespected me. it is over. do not attempt to contact me again. any post from me that you see from here on out will not be about you. i no longer care about you. i am done with you and you will be forgotten about in due time.
>>
If there is any justice to be found in this world, let your wickedness and treachery be laid barren. Let all witness the evil that has taken you, and admonish everything you stand for. May you wonder alone for eternity so that you can experience one one-millionth of the pain those you used have felt. When you have suffered like others have suffered at your hand, may you humble yourself and start to be an actual person worthy of kindness and renown. Only then may you feel kindness and joy the world has to offer that you have neglected for hatred and narcissism.
>>
Projection is a hell of a drug
>>
>>76446123
Witnessed.

>>76446305
Insufflate some my way.
>>
i'll take my medication and do some cleaning today. i'll have a nice shower and i'll take a drive somewhere and perhaps i'll bring my camera. i'll inquire about getting a job. i should get a new candle.
>>
It's just embarrassing now. It's been almost 5 years and I still think about you. Years ago I saw a video on youtube by an old man who talked about his biggest regret in life: a love that never was and still ate away at him to this day. I thought that could never be me but now I'm starting to really worry. I've been with other girls and they make me forget about you while it lasts but when it's over my mind wanders right back to you.
>>
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C

Be my Valentine
You filthy vile rotten swine
Let me make you mine

I've never been in hate with someone before, at least until I met you. I hope we can hate each other for ever and ever until the end of our days :)
C
>>
i hate everyone on this planet including you but youre the only person i want to put up with
>>
I get what you mean, have you eaten something yet?
>>
>ignored
Was it your plan to drop me right after getting my hopes up again? Because it didn't work very much.
I'm quite used to you pulling things like this.
>>
i don't know what has gotten into you, but i ain't buying a new phone
>>
I don't have plan, I'm just trying to keep it going with whatever Is thrown at me while I get my shit together
>>
Hello,
I've been watching the threads, in spirit, and I just *know* they've been as wonderful as all of *you* are!
Well, until next time!
>>
dear crazy women

please sex my penis with your vagina
>>
Aphex : who tf unironically says kek kill yourself nigger
syntax : kek
Aphex : fucking 4chan faggot
>>
>>76447953
why do you come here if you apparently have so much contempt for the users and their vernacular
>>
>>76447985
kek dumb ass nigga
>>
>>76448014
good one, idiot
>>
>>76447801
>they've been as wonderful as all of *you* are!
low-key diss. I love it, sis!
>>
Under a setting sun
I will not be undone
My day has just begun
Come here, break me off some
>>
>>76443601
Imagine even having so much socialization to even have a male best friend
>>
I know my own way back
I've seen that sky collapse
I've heard that thunder clap
I've seen that lightning crack
I know my own way home
I'll mend those broken bones
>>
>>76448629
>Imagine even having so much socialization to even have a male best friend
Imagine even imagining having so much socialization to even have an imagined best male friend
>>
>>76448667
Very true, it's hard to make imaginary friends when you no longer have dreams or imagination.
>>
if god didn't want us to fuck people with down syndrome why did he give them such phat asses?
>>
thanks for playing the game with me. i appreciate your friendship.
>>
we are not finished, please be patient I'm doing my best with what i have and i'm too dumb ssometimes
>>
>>76440753
i had a dream where the black kid in my class heard me say the nword. we were all on a bus and i said the nword jokingly with a soft a too.

nigga

and then he chimped out and wanted to fight me

so we got off the bus and when we did there was another black guy there so they teamed up because they dont like racist folks.
anyway
all three of us had, at somepoint, picked up iron bars and were about to bash our skulls in

but thinking quickly i started to attack the busstop and shattered the glass there.

the noigs were still pissed at me and chased me as i ran toward the nearest easily destructable object and let loose with my bar too.

eventually after repeating this a few times, i looked back and they werent chasing me anymore, they were just smashing windows and bashing cards with their metal clubs

outsmarted them

anyway, i after they let out their chimplike energy, i talked with them and they invited me to train at their gym as long as i didnt say the nword anymore. i was glad to join, but i still would say it in private.
>>
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ur the only person i talk to from this godforsaken website and i hope u can move on from what happened and feel better soon
>>
It's not a setting sun, It's a new dawn
>>
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>>76449218
i am not even upset anymore you are based as fuck my nigga
>>
>>76449233
>It's not a setting sun, It's a new dawn
Precisely, Anon.
>>
>>76449233
It's the dimming before a supernova, where I will be utterly annihilated.
>>
>>76449414
Ok
who's POV is? we'll* be utterly annihilated
>>
hope im having a heart attack
>>
hope i kill myself, seriously i can't stand this fucking life
being a unemployed mentally ill schizo is the worst, i can't even get a neetbux, and no, i can't get a job nor make any money even if my life depends on it
>>
>>76449831
Really? Not even sex work?
>>
>>76449455
>who's POV
They are a sun, and I am a planet drifting alone in the dead cold of space.
>>
writing these gay little "letters" has to be gayer than sucking 10 dicks at the same time. Get a life you losers
>>
That work is going to a local expo
>>
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You're still my Valentine, even if you don't know it.
>>
i wish you would get up and do something. try a new road, even if it seems gay and lame
>>
>>76440753
I fell in love with you the day I met you. But you're a whore who's dating the whole country. I would never choose to be with you because you're simply used merchandise. But I'm still in love with you even 4 years later. I despise you yet deep down I believe you're the one.
>>
>>76450789
Who is this one for?
>>
If you're listening, a nice Valentine's date involving me and a truck going 100mph towards me would be nice.
>>
>>76450902
to my current aphatetic self from my future regretful self
>>
Tell me our special phrase and I will add you.
>>
Iggy Azalea is the goat
>>
you are nice to talk to. i wouldn't mind talking more. only if you wanted to.
>>
nearly a quarter of a day spent sobbing
>>
>>76451385
Defiled your own time like a corrupted beast. Shame on you.
>>
>>76451354
I do want to but is this for me?
>>
the special phrase it's "meltdown"
>>
You can't outrun the fun, it has just begun
>>
You didnt have to fucking come back yknow. I was doing fine i was fucking happy. I didnt really think about you much. Then u come back and say you love me. It was like some fucking sleeper agent code. Now you're back to acting like you dont care. I hate that i love you.
>>
I think you got stopped for drunk driving last April
>>
>>76451700
>last april
I don't even remember this april
>>
had to creep out the officer to get away...
>>
>>76452133
How did you do it? Oregonally
>>
being cordial, confident and cooperating, I explained the situation, he wanted a bribe and I suggested another thing, I offered him an object while talking seriously in a soft deep voice, he got surprised because it was just a bracelet I had at the moment, and continue to press for a bribe, then I pulled my cellphone which has a creepy looking sticker in it and offered to him, he just saw it and his tone changed, I just smirked, and he told that I could go my way and I did
>>
white girls be like "who running this bitch imma whoop him up"
>>
you are my valentine's as well
>>
>if you have infinite chances you will eventually succeed
This is what losers believe.
>>
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>>76452584
I am? Promise?
>>
yes you are!!!! I promise!!!
>>
I dressed up like a girl and I liked it.
>>
>>76452878
Yay! I love yuo <3
>>
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>when i try to make friends on the internet
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lC6aZfX4dG4
>>
>>76452894
love you too <3 dhfgksfhsd
>>
>>76452955
https://youtu.be/BCR2hBy2t6I?si=J8A1IlxRIR78vb7y
>>
2 serpent lobotomies in my brain
>>
Someone has asked me out. Long story short- I appreciate his directness, and his efforts. I know how uncomfortable it can be to put yourself out there, and be vulnerable with someone. It's something you never really did with me. I think I'm going to go out with him.
>>
>one less apple in the garden
Guess I don't have to pick that up
>>
i need to go get drunk so i can actualy talk to you ugh
>>
Would you be able to get to the peak?
>>
YES I will be ABLE TO, need to cut on the cigarettes though, been losing weight these months
>>
>>76453330
>YES I will be ABLE TO, need to cut on the cigarettes though, been losing weight these months
Who are you trying to convince?
>>
Myself and the one that asked the question
>>
I was direct, and then some bullshit happened that kept me away from talking to you, been trying to reach ever since
>>
>>76453280
Same. I save beer in case he ever calls me again ;_; and I don't even drink anymore
>>
you don't want me and you never will
i should just give up but i can't while i still remember you
i can tell there are other opportunities in front of me: opportunities i haven't already fucked up
it's those fuck ups which bind me to you though because if you can really reconcile and see past them while still liking me then you must really like me
you'll never love me though i'm just a pitiable pet whose affections you enjoy from time to time and i can't stop it you know whenever you want i'm there waiting for you like a dog
>>
I loved you. It mattered not your looks, your strange spirit, your twisted beautiful mind, your bitter words or your clinging romantic soul. I loved you nonetheless. I would've mended your broken heart. I would've nursed your mind, wiped away your tears, I could've joined you in the darkness and light candles of hope if only to endure it's flickering end together. I couldn't inspire you to be brave, to forgo your fears and demons, to find the courage to give you my all. I wish I was the person you loved, not this weak craven fool cursed to be forgotten. I've never met a soul so heavenly as yours and never will again. I love you. The words I should've said but never did. Now those words scatter in the cold winds of null, never to reach you. My abandoned fate, once only mine, now plagues you. My greatest sin. My dearest love.
>>
DONT SAY THAT!, you are no dog to me.
Why do you think I have sicked around so long and tried to break any barrier that has been put up? I still want you to heal me as I want to heal you, you are not hard to love, it's your insecurities telling you that, and I want to clear those up, I can say it because I KNOW HOW IT FEELS LIKE, there's always a new start and that's what I'm offering you right now, so please calm down, I DO LOVE YOU
>>
>hurrdurr grimoire spell witch'rcraft
>>
>>76441295
What the helk is this thread
>>
>>76453679
that's actually a serious topic
>>
it seems like we are writing a dorama doesn't it?
>>
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You ruined what we could have had. Another L for me when I really could have used a dub. And now today, again, another L to take on Valentine's Day as I got fired from the longest job I've been able to keep down steadily. This day is cursed and you are cursed. I'm not your Valentine and I regret ever sending you that card.
>>
>>76453871
>no cats inside the computer
Never send this to a woman
>>
>>76453699
I take this drain very serious, but by God, I'm very curious
>>
>>76453545
>>76453489
>>76453421
>doesn't message their person
>makes no attempt to contact their person
>doesn't even initial schizoletters
Tomorrow is the perfect day to not be this retarded and self sabotagong.
>>
>>76453915
thread gonna be very comedic tomorrow
>>
>>76453899
I like to study this kind of stuff, been doing since I was 20, I've have also made some works with it, I've also been punished by my hubris before too by it, So i know it's a serious topic that not everyone gets to understand, part of it requires commitment and it can get very tiring to keep up with, I take it seriously because I know it brings results and it has helped me before as well.
I decide to take a rest from it some time ago to try to balance my life, but I think I'm gonna pick it up again.
>>
i think about how fucking openly weird some people are then i realize they just have more guts than me and thats probably how it should be. fuck conservatives
>>
fuck you you fucking bitch fucking you you fucking whore birch fycking whore
>>
WHORE WHORE WHORE WHOREWHOREKYS
>>
bitch I'm eatin cheddar on a pop tart
come arrest me if youre thinkin that you got smart
bet you tried to write a letter but it's not art
still doing tarot now especially the thot part
>>
>>76454782
https://youtu.be/FgPWXw346Y8
>>
no wife
no kih
bih it ih
what it ih
wat u talm bout shower
ho I aint even jih
>>
(for travis scott and kodak black respectively)
>>
ho I ain een jih
>>
>>76454813
fuck you bloody i fuck you bloody
>>
ho i ain een skeet
when tha covid comin out
only covid roun me spoutin
from yo mufuckin mouf
you can neva lock me down
you best watch how you talk about
cuz if you come in 6 feet of me
bih then that jab is comin out
>>
(more kodak but honestly muney you're always welcome to any of this)
>>
>>76454796
u are not the shit ur not even a shart
always been the same since from the start
smoking on that cart while you fall apart keep on rolling just like paul blart
>>
just wanna fuck. wrost fucking holiday after christmas
>>
I get my sexual gratification the purest way possible: hypothetically
>>
I get mine in the holiest of holy ways: not at all
>>
>>76453280
Did you talk to them?
>>
What does uncot mean?
>>
>>76455080
it doesn't mean anything, probably a spelling mistake or someone trying to be funny. give context.
>>
I miss you so much. I always will unfortunately for me. I wish I could see you again, I need a hug so bad. Where did you go? I thought maybe you called me tonight, saw an unknown number.
>>
I bet you anything that they don't even think about me anymore.
>>
>>76455120
I bet the do. Probably.
>>
>>76455138
thanks anon
origaminoli
>>
we separated like spirit and flesh
dont steal this bar is2g
>>
Here's the Playlist for the night anons. This thread has been schizoid enough for my liking. Would be a shame to let it die.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=vnoBzSTLzHw&list=RDvnoBzSTLzHw&start_radio=1
>>
Someone else is trying to take me out for a date.

I still miss you. Happy Valentines day. I hope you're day is great.
>>
fucking kill me bitch i want to die fucjjj
>>
I will not bother you. I will not message again. I will not bother you. I will not message again. I will not bother you. I will not message again.

Sorry for ever wanting you in my life.
>>
I miss you, I'm going to cry again. I am selfish and I miss you.
>>
>>76456064
Never takes long for women to find other opportunities does it
>>
Hey, *****. I wasn't sure of the best way to go about this, nor am I even sure I can adequately articulate myself, but I'll try my best. I understand if you choose to disregard my words, but I still needed to get this out there.

I am deeply sorry for the other night. I know it's no excuse; nothing could be an excuse for what I said then. I honestly can't recall all the details of what lead up to it, but I have some basic idea. Nevertheless, I understand that no matter the circumstances and whatever else I may have felt, there is no justifying it.

You're incorrect about one thing: that I don't care about a "silly little ****." It is quite the opposite in fact, which is why I overreacted as intensely and profoundly poorly as I did. I have deep issues with feelings of abandonment that are hard enough to grapple with while sober, but add in a bad night of drinking on top of everything else, and my internal filter just goes completely out the window.

I remember being blocked on Discord with presumably no discussion, and I guess you tend to avoid confrontation, but it was just a bad mix with everything else at the time. Were it some nobody tossing me aside, I doubt I'd have had much of a reaction or said much of anything, but you were special. I felt overwhelmed and couldn't process it all, and that's what ended up happening.

I've had a few days to calm down, so I think I can cope a little better at this point. I really would appreciate making up with you again, but I completely understand if you rather not. I'm aware that you have other friends who are set on the idea that I am an irredeemable soul with whom you shouldn't have any contact regardless.

It may be better to stay away; I honestly don't know. It'll continue to hurt, but I understand if you need more time or indeed prefer to part ways. I deserve it anyway and am in no position to blame you at all. Again, though, I am really sorry about everything. That's all I wanted to say, thank you.
>>
>>76456357
I don't even want to go out. I wanna just sit inside and cry it out.

My ex probably has a girlfriend now. This was a long time ago. I still have messed up feelings for him.
>>
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58 KB
58 KB PNG
I hope you found your raison d'etre
>>
Je l'ai en effet trouvee
>>
will there ever be anyone who won't go out of their way to hurt me? i doubt it.
>>
To Mexican robots,

Go back to Mexico.

Sincerely,
The Disgruntled European.
>>
>>76456680
Doubt it.

>>76456711
Not while the gibbing is gud.
>>
>>76449111
>but i still would say it in private.
Seriously. It's your god given right.
>>
>>76456711
heyy sorry cabron i'm on a siesta i can't go nowhere maybe when i wake up uhh i'm so forgetful though i wont remember what were we talking about?
>>
whatever youre just some hater you always weree im not drunk anymore bye forever
>>
hate myself and everything and want to die
>>
L, I'm sorry you think I'm so bougie. People have thought that before, and I don't know how to get signs not to show. I try to be polite and to not rub things in people's faces. There's only so much I can do. I offer to help people with stuff, but you have to be real careful doing that (in a polite way, and a way that doesn't hurt me either). I know I did that and I'm grateful you took it well.

I would offer you use of my things (more than just hand lotion, ffs) but that's really, really hard to do gracefully, so you don't come off as tossing someone scraps. I don't think of it that way. I just have a collection of useful items that are hard to drop money on and help prolong the use of one's stuff, and I wish I could share it with you. People helped me when I was dead broke.

For the record, I didn't notice any of the things you were talking about. In a way that makes it worse, but what I mean is, I don't think you do too little body-care-wise, or that you dress badly, or any of that. You look great in all respects. You have an actual aesthetic, which is more than can be said for me, lol. And I don't know what you do at home.

You're a really kind person. I really hope I don't end up pushing you away without meaning to.
>>
never asked to be born and im sorry for ever causing you any harm whether you deserved it or not its probably not my place to judge considering what a nonexistent piece of human filth i am. just gonna starve myself to death or something im fucking over it
>>
>>76440753
Hey,
I know you were drunk. I got drunk later that day to cope with what you did. I was about to brag to somebody about almost getting beat up. The truth is that you humiliated me and made me scared for my life. But to my surprise I dont ruminate over it as much as I thought I would have. I am not bothered by it as much as I thought I would have been. You werent entirely in the wrong, but the way you reacted was over the top. However, one alcoholic to another, I forgive you. Youre either dead or doing time at this point, or maybe neither, it hasnt been THAT long. Whatever the case may be, I wish upon you to find peace
>>
>>76453926
why? because some businessman decided to program the masses to "be especially romantic" on one day per year to get a bump in sales? it's such npc behavior that any chick that gives two flying fucks about that day outs herself to be a moron. do npcs really need a reminder to cherish the relationship that is so important to them? fucking moron npcs, please use protection.

npcs are such idiots that you can be glad that they don't need periodic reminders to empty their bowls to avoid dying of fecal impaction.

anyways, jess, i know i've fucked up with my (often drunken) rants that i did to amuse myself ( i know my jokes are shit but i can't help but finding bizarre behavior entertaining ). you were not meant to read that "creative outlet" of mine and i kind of have to blame the people that fed it to you for making you uncomfortable, at least to some extend.

well, that was not cool of me and i've cut down a lot on drinking silly juice and stopped making these rants.

i hope you find what you are looking for and that the lucky guy you chose treats you right (including paying at least half the amount that freezing your eggos costs, because women pay so much to give life besides money, but you know that better than me so sorry for mansplaining.

i wish you the best and don't let the haters get you down and enjoy being able to currently work in stealth-mode on your thing.

try to enjoy life at least a little bit, ok? it's a real shame living in such a nice place and not hanging out more surrounded by such beautiful landscape.

so long, k1
>>
It's been 7 years. I wonder if you remember it. I wonder if you regret it. I wonder what your parents would think of it. I wonder if you're successful in life. I wonder if the adults around you know about what kind of a person you really are. I wonder if you carry yourself as an upstanding citizen. Hell awaits you, just you wait.
>>
Dear R9K,

Still no luck finding work, been thinking of driving to a major city and doing deliveries on all these app services. At least it'd be something. It's valentine's day but everyone around me seems grumpy and I think they see me as an inconvenience, so I'll hang out here

Anon
>>
>>76458864
dude, i can barely remember what did do a year ago, let alone 7, kek. pretty sure you're not my person because you would know that the afterlife is something that was invented to control weak people like you, moralfag. live your life to the fullest, idiot. k, bye.
>>
>>76459472
no one asked for your shit take, obvious drug addict faggot. fuck your short memory.
>>
i,
you can signal to me that you want me to initiate contact, but im not gonna do it
you left 2 times already so i still wanna pretend to have the dignity to not want to be with you again. but if you do see this hmu :3
j
>>
>>76459485
it's long term memory, you moron!
is 7 years SHORT term memory for you? idiot.
thanks for playing, but you should up your schizo-trigger game tho. you know, it's not very good.
>>
>>76456711
>*colonizes you*
>"HAHAHA TAKE THAT SHITSKINS 14/88"
>*gets reverse colonized*
>"NOOOOOOO YOU CAN'T DO THAT I FEEL UNSAFE WITH BROWN PEOPLE AROUND BECAUSE THEY MAKE FUN OF MY FLUTTERSHY COSPLAY"
No.
>>
i am thankful for this medication. losing weight and becoming a toothpick again will be mad ez
>>
music is echoing, nice
>>
>>76459485
>dude, i can barely remember what did do a year ago, let alone 7

if you can't remember things that transpired in your life a year ago, your memory is fucked. yes that's short memory. i'm not talking about long term or short term memory as pertains physiologically, i'm talking about your abysmal recall capability and small brain capacity as evidenced by your head up ass retard tier post and likely drug addiction. you also type like a spaz. i reiterate: fuck off.
>>
I will not message you. I will not message you. I will not message you. I will not message you. I will not message you.
>>
valentines day has never been a meaningful holiday for me
so when people complain or make jokes about "being alone on valentines" it doesnt really effect me all that much
>>
that nigga skinnymogs me
>>
>>76440753
D, I miss you like crazy. I hope you'll be impressed with my progress but I want to get to know you more.

J, it's been too long. Let's catch up on things tomorrow.
>>
>>76460726
>I will not message you. I will not message you. I will not message you. I will not message you. I will not message you.
But you should
>>
you two aren't together or anything, but I hope you have fun for valentines!!
>>
i should stop cutting my bangs myself
>>
I can tell you never cared about me because of how easy it was to abandon me. I don't know why you left, but I don't even care anymore. you wouldn't have done this to me if you gave a shit about me. i hope you're happy doing whatever the fuck it is you're doing now. I should never have been your friend.
>>
>>76460876
S, you only treat friends as people you can use. I couldn't deal with it. I hope you at least have a good valentines.
>>
i should get a nice mic
>>
>>76460914
D, Hope the place was cozy while you where staying over at least you've still got a place if you need it. Not the op
>>
I wonder if you still keep me in your thoughts now that this much time has passed; I know I do at least, if perhaps to an unhealthy degree.

I just envy your ability to move on and start a new chapter ever since things finished between us. That's something I've never really grasped or learned how to deal with. I wish the circumstances were different, that I could have spent just a bit more time with you Zoey.

It's often said absence makes the heart grow fonder, and each month that has passed has proved it, only more so. As time passes and our paths grow further apart, my longing for something I previously took for granted seems to be wearing away at me more than I expected. It's a stark contrast between the fond memories we shared in the past, and the sobering fact that I will probably never see you again.

I still have your picture on my desk, so I can see you everyday. Funny how the same photograph can invoke a different emotion; There's been happiness, nostalgia, sometimes regret, even some resentment at times when looking at it.

To try and move on from you, to file you away somewhere like other people in my past just feels painful to do. I just don't want you to forget about me. I think I'll always have you in the back of my mind. - R
>>
sorry about that btw. i really hope you don't think i'm annoying.
>>
>>76460851
My person is ignoring me.
>>
i want to fuck you. every time i think of your big tits makes me really excited. but im just a fatfag and you are a hot girl that dates a german nazi
>>
if i had a valentine i would make them their favorite dinner, buy them their favorite candies, and i would gift them their favorite flowers. except i would not just do these things on some capitalistic holiday or any other one, i would do this as often as i could. i have never experienced love before. maybe one day though. feelsbadman
>>
people have told me i am cold and asocial but on the inside i really am quite the opposite. i think more people will take advantage of me if i appear vulnerable
>>
i miss you that is all
>>
if I abuse my medication, how long can I possibly stay up
>>
this shirt would look so much better if it was a turtleneck. turtlenecks ftw
>>
I wish I had acted differently and not made these mistakes. I don't want for you to die, but I can't hold you together anymore. I'm sorry
>>
>>76460876
Fuck off druggie whore. Anything you got out of me is more than you're worth and whoever you've found you can go to hell with
>>
>>76461530
What mistakes did you make? Try to steer them into getting help, sometimes just talking to someone is enough.
>>
i need more ritalin
>>
I never understood this valentine's day thing. It was always just a regular day.
But everyone around me was going crazy for the holiday. And I felt alone for the first time. A feeling of loneliness that turns to despondency. I suggested to my friend that we spend the evening together, but he called me a jerk and went to bed.
I've never been interested in girls. I tried, but I realized it wasn't for me. Maybe it's time to be honest with myself. That feeling sat deep inside.
I guess I just wish I had a close man, closer than just a friend. I would like to care and protect him, to support him in difficult moments.

But lol, as it turns out, there are very few gay men, especially those who plan to find a permanent partner and live together.
~2% of the human population. And most of these guys are just looking for one-night stands and sex. No interest in starting a family. It's sad to realize you're just a statistical error. I have no place even among gays, I wish I had never been born.
>>
>>76450789
I'll starve if I veer of muh old road even just for 1 day. Richniggers don\t know what it's like living paycheck to paycheck
>>
>>76461369
cheer up bud, buy yourself your fav beer and snak then chill at your fav spot
>>
Everyone I showed our texts convos with agrees that I've dodged a massive bullet. They didn't hold you in high regards before, but now they're actively warning their circles about you. How long until it reaches yours?
>>
>>76461894
ritalin and vidya with fren ftw
>>
thanks for gaming with me my friend we mog
>>
>>76461723
Wow, I thought gay dudes have it easy because all they want is to have wild group sex parties, at least I thought so, but I don't have any gay friends. But why not get a beard to have a seemingly normal family life? I heard many females stop having sex with their husbands anyway so you just have to endure a couple times to get her pregnant? Maybe you'll even find one that is ok with a poly-relationship so you get the best of both worlds. Anyways, good luck buddy, just focus on being happy by yourself and you'll attract someone suitable, hopefully!
>>
>>76462263
I lived with a girl for a while. Sure I could take care of her like a sister or something. But after a year, I just realized I was forcing myself to do it
>>
no i have no friends thats why you will not be getting a goodie bag when we're through?
>>
>>76461723
Existence is the greatest gift of all. I pray one day you will understand, brother.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gwA4fFY66nI
>>
>>76462263
I forgot to add
>all they want is to have wild group sex parties,

As it turns out, it's not a stereotype, it's the truth. Of course, I am not letting go of my attempts, but most likely I will not be able to find a calm man who will be interested in living together, like a normal hetero couple.

>>76462454
Thank you
>>
>>76462481
As hormones and sex drive drops down quite a bit as one ages, I think your chances of finding a mellow guy increases with time so focus on being happy by yourself in the mean time, buddy.
Maybe living somewhere gay friendly like NYC or San Francisco can help, I don't know?
I don't know if this is a coincidence, but both areas are super expensive to live in, unfortunately.
>>
I spent today with your replacement but I thought of you the whole time. I hate you. You made me into such a pathetic man. I wish you loved me back. Even though things are going well now I still feel empty without you. Fuck you.
>>
>>76462583
Do you think it's fair to your "replacement" to date her without having your heart in it? You want something real, how about letting others getting something real, too?
>>
>>76462619
Fair ain't got anything to do with it. I don't want to feel lonely anymore. I know I am a bad person.
>>
i like playing vidya with you, i hope we can play the one that i mentioned to you but if not it's ok.
mogger of few and mogged by many is how i feel...
>>
>>76462583
Why do you hate them? What did they do to you? I want to replace him but I can't make myself do it, so I'm all alone today and every day. Probably till I die
>>
bro. we def mogged
>>
Lay your head where my heart used to be
>>
>>76462537
Maybe you're right. I'm 26 now. I never thought about it before.
>>
my ears are ringing from all of the ritalin
>>
>>76462854
I'm 39 now and my sex drive mellowed out quite a bit around 30. Also, it's way harder to stay in good shape with increasing age, which makes wild parties less attractive, I think. You're almost there to find a mellow guy that got it out of his system to explore his nurturing side so don't do anything stupid now. You're gonna make it and you'll find happiness that you never thought possible. Remember, it's always darkest before dawn.
>>
>>76462956
Are you keeping hydrated? Which reminds me that my ears are also ringing, but from modafinil and loud music, lol.
>>
>>76462994
i have some water but i havent really been drinking it. good point.
>>
>>76463090
Not sure who you want to talk to, but if you're ok with talking to a slightly stimmed up anon, I'm awake for a while so don't hold back on my account, bud.
>>
>>76462978
Your words are really comforting. I'm not looking for someone younger than me, I think it's fine if the man is even older
>>
>>76461939
this could so be me i hope it reaches mine soon because i want to know i wish people said shit to your face i can live with being outcast i'm used to it don't keep me around like a fucking lolcow
>>
>>76463310
I'm glad to hear that. I've been an asshole in the past to random people from being drunk / having a psychotic break and I've hurt many people to get a short dopamine kick.
I've sworn that from now on to be a positive voice in this, excuse my french, shithole, after I sobered up to try to make amends for my digressions.

But I really meant what I said to you and I've learned that making other people feel better makes me feel much better myself (and longer lasting) and I'm even not suicidal anymore. It's a bit funny that it took so long for me to learn that but I enjoyed almost no parenting growing up (besides neglect and abuse) so I guess I can be glad that I didn't end up in jail or worse.
>>
>>76463407
Doubtful, any circle that encourages sharing private conversations isn't a circle of merit to begin with. Nor is a circle that isn't immediately hesitant to go along with smearing and discrediting, as it is the most common tactic used by cluster Bs.
>>
>>76463555
nice trips and also good take. showing private convos to other people is such a trash thing to do, it gives me the ick.
>>
anons the boredom is too much wat do
>>
>>76463571
Indeed. It's one thing to vent about your relationshit problems to a close friend you trust or privately, but when you try to drag it into an entire group and try to cause drama? Nah, that's some malicious mentally ill shit.
>>
>>76463513
I think I should drop my complaints and do the same. I respect you.
>>
>>76463513
And, excuse me for asking, did you have an addiction?
>>
42.6kg fat
>>
i keep taking more pills, in the hopes i will feel something
>>
one day i hope this can be our day
i'd be making breakfast as you came downstairs, bleary eyed and half asleep still, you'd've probably forgotten what day it was until i served you pancakes with a sugar dusted loveheart and you looked at me like i was some sort of idiot
then we would giggle about it and, just for one day, i hope we could shamelessly indulge our love together
we could sing in the car together on the way to town where i might proudly hold your hand, even as i burn with embarrassment from the pda
just for one day though it's all allowed
i'm allowed to hug you, steal a kiss from you, and look up into your eyes
i think i'd enjoy anything with you
just walking through the streets, buying ice cream, sitting somewhere, and feeling so seen
i've always wanted to share one earbud with someone
there is so much i want to do with you but truthfully i'd be just as happy staying at home as long as you would let me serve and be near you
let me cook for you, sing with you, watch you, and ask silly questions
you can bring me to my knees with less than a word just the thought of it makes my heart pound
i wish you wanted to
>>
>>76463717
It started with work (small startup, workaholic boss), lots of Jack Daniels (usually a bottle per weekend alone, lots of weed (I did grew some myself for a while with a ton of product, which was fun but not good for my brain longterm) and modafinil to work even more after binge drinking/ being cross faded on weekends. I didn't care about anything at all so I didn't even bother to clean up after puking on the floor.
Occasional gaming addiction but that was mild compared to the other stuff.

I'm so glad that I'm too stingy to get other, more expensive drugs like coke and it would have ruined me, I'm sure of it.

I think I tried to cope with having a shit childhood due to domestic abuse and living with a speech impediment that got me picked on in school a lot, even by some of the fucking teachers, that found it funny to chose me to answer a question and then switching to someone else before I could say my answer from having difficulties to talk.
>>
twomad dead so based
>>
i wish i felt sad, i just wish i could feel something
>>
don't know what to do besides rope and i'm too scared, but i can't keep going on like this
>>
>>76463555
i'm also mentally ill so my friends are all mentally ill it's normal for me
>>
>>76463865
What's eating you, bud? Have you been drinking?
>>
>>76463889
i hate this awful world and the people in it.
>>
>>76463933
What makes the world awful to you? Are you at least content when you're by yourself?
>>
>>76463940
the way that i see people treat others and the way people have treated me. i am chronically empty and i am always by myself. i think i would rather be alone for the rest of my life than to let someone hurt me again. but i struggle to be alone because i like having someone to talk to, especially when it falls under a routine. i let people in and i get hurt.
>>
>>76440753
Dear N,

I was so happy to spend the last 17 and a half months with you. You're everything I could have asked for in a woman and I'm sorry that I ruined things. I still love and care for you deeply and I wish I could've just been a better person from the start. I wish I learned how to control my emotions and I wish I grew up in an environment where I was allowed to be myself. I wish I grew up without being abused and feeling like I was unimportant from the very start. I'm sorry for all the things that I've done and I'm sorry that I hurt you.

I would give anything to just spend one more entire day with you because you took my mind away from all the shit that has happened recently. I don't think I have the energy or spirit in me to keep going. Life has been much harder with my mom passing in September, not having any friends while being in a new place, and my ongoing struggle with depression that nobody seems to care about.

As the time of writing, not a single person has checked up on me since we split three weeks ago. I've been alone, I've been angry, I've been sad, and I have been broken in ways I didn't think was possible. I've already planned out how I'm going to go out soon and I hope that I'll get to see you again. There's nothing you or anyone could do to change my mind and I am sorry. I have been feeling like this for years and it's not your fault. You were the first and only person to show me what it feels like to be loved and cared for. I could not have asked for more out of you and I want you to know that I will always love you forever.

- J
>>
>>76464019
I hope you're not one of the people I've wronged on this board back when I was mentally unstable. I know betting hurt sucks but the alternative is to feel nothing and that get's scary after a while, because you understand then why people kill themselves. They don't kill themselves because they're sad. They do it because they feel nothing so loosing their life doesn't scare them anymore. I've been to the edge a couple times while being shit-faced and it's not good.
>>
>>76464019
I feel this, fuck everyone. Where were they when I needed them, back stabbing fucks.
>>
>>76464066
i definitely am not. but i have been wronged by many people from this website. it is a bad habit of mine to keep coming here but i cannot stop because there is nowhere else i can go. i am too autistic and timid from past negative experiences to talk to people in real life, and i barely leave my house.
>>
it really did end well over a year ago and it's not coming back you rightly haven't wanted it to
i'll never belong anywhere or with anyone i'm doomed to be a wanderer forever and i deserve worse in truth because im nothing but an emotional vampire
>>
>>76464019
Listen, I'm sorry, I gotta get some sleep now to not be a total wreck when I have to go to work in 5 hours. I'll be here in the evenings (Germany) if you want to talk to some anon that grew tired to being an asshole. Read up above if you like. Maybe later? Don't do anything permanent and stupid, Ok? See you bud. Laters.
>>
im listening to the same song i always do when i feel this way. i wish i could experience what the lyrics describe. i want that type of feeling and love in my life.
>>
Shut up! Silly woman, you knew I was a snake when you took me in.
>>
>>76464096
Yeah, I know what you mean. I'm so used to come here and being able to "talk" to people without having to worry about annoying someone with my speech impediment is a bit addicting and I'm very prone to get addicted to stuff. I'm also a shut-in (besides working as an EE) and only go outside to work and to get groceries. I'm in the process to improve my daily routine but it takes time to break a habit that formed so long ago.
>>
thank you for playing my favorite game with me yesterday and today. i am willing to play that game you like although it might take me a while to understand it. i am not always very good at understanding things.
>>
>>76464154
its very dumb of people to judge others for their speech. i often get told i have an odd way of speaking. i am also a shut-in and i recently had a job, but i found out they were paying me less than what i signed for and so i quit after a week. it was also hard for me to be around my coworkers. it felt like everyone was mocking me, and i probably was being mocked. one girl was nice to me and made frequent conversation with me, i complimented her Idolmaster bag. but the rest of the people seemed to dislike me, probably for being quiet and unattractive. i probably gave off either a mean, dumb or absolute sperg vibe.
>>
>>76464154
what are you doing to improve your daily routine? im fixing my sleep schedule but i havent really done anything else. i am trying to get another job but it is hard.
>>
the pills have allowed me to cry. i am not sure what i am crying over. but i am crying and i am so happy to cry because i hate being numb.
>>
>>76463825
Thanks for sharing this with me. I'm not familiar with drug addiction. I only once had a hard time getting off the pills the doctor prescribed. Without the pills, I felt defective and stupid. It was like my brain wasn't fuelled.
You must have had to go through a lot of trouble to give up those things?

>speech impediment
Oh. Kids are cruel. A friend of mine had a speech impediment. He couldn't always say what he wanted to say. Every time I heard someone laughing at him, I wanted to break that person.

>domestic abuse
There's something definitely wrong with people. I don't think I would have survived that kind of treatment as a child. I wasn't bullied at home, but my parents didn't want to raise me. My mum taught me how to read and that was it. No-one cared that I was out till midnight at nine.

I'm glad you're coming round and your suicidal thoughts are gone. I sense in your words the thoughts of a pure man. I hope everything goes well for you in the future. Thanks again for answering me
>>
i wonder if that was a roundabout way to get to me or if i'm just being schizo
>>
i will have another ritalin. i cannot stand feeling so empty.
>>
>>76440753
I LOVE YOU
dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot dot
>>
I have to be strong and remove you, probably tonight.
>>
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Yeah I hurt your feelings or whatever. Yeah you got mentally abused or whatever. You asked for it. Literally this is what you wanted. Now that you got what you wanted you're sad because you'll never be the same again :'(. Get over it. You participated in shit that's just as bad with other people. People who didn't deserve it. (You) do and still do. No amount of larping as a bigger and better person now will change that. You played with fire and you got burned. Woa as me boo hoo. You're just some lowly little League playing discord nigger now. Really pathetic.
>>
god fucking damn it you should have waited for me
>>
i want something interesting to happen in my life. everything is such a bore. everyday is the same.
>>
>>76463817
>pound
I want to be pounded by chad. All women want to be pounded by chad. All women are chadsexual.
>>
>>76464947
Let a random person into your life
>>
I'm so fucking bitter over not being the one and only for a girl
>>
>>76464965
i dont see any candidates for this. where do i find random people?
>>
>>76461723
It's literally a corporate holiday created by the Hallmark company.
>>
>>76441773
you got it man! good luck!
>>
>>76464991
>only for a girl
not just any girl. HER.
>>
i seriously love you, so you cant leave me. you should know that by now i wont be the one to end things between us
>>
clothes feel so uncomfortable on stimulants. i already change my clothes a lot but it increases tenfold on stimulants.
>>
You never compared to the others. You will always be an insignificant blip. Forgotten about within a blink of an eye, much too predictable to leave any lasting impact.
>>
Psychos going mask off like
>>
gooooodnight letter thread
>>
>>76465134
Yet u took the time to write this for them? Get over yourself
>>
You pick the best days to remind me how worthless I am to you. I just wanted a happy Valentine's Day together.
>>
yo where the fuck did my contact go
>>
id be your pickmemaxxed betabuxxer girlwife, my slackermaxxer king
>>
yes i understand what i have to do. i am sorry.
>>
If you don't say anything tonight, I'll remove you. You'll never have to deal with me again.

So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, good night
I hate to go and leave this pretty sight...
>>
>>76465690
Noo anon, don't leave! Origininininini
>>
>>76465707
I won't be treated this way anymore, after years of pain and clearly voicing my concerns multiple times.
>>
>>76461085
>I still have your picture on my desk,
Based nickleback enjoyer
>>
I think you're gone forever, please don't let it be true
>>
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>>76440753
Ahh anon you're so adorable and I can't wait to get to the point in our relationship where it's appropriate for me to say I want to eat you up and keep you all for myself
>>
>>76464418
Surprisingly, I don't think my addictions where physical and mostly psychological and I pretty much stopped cold turkey and only had night sweats for a couple nights.

Getting bullied by stupid kids was one thing, but having teachers join in the mocking really fucked with me. They also pretended not to see that I got pantst in the break outside in the courtyard.
But the worst was at home to get hit in the face for not being like I was supposed to be but I was never told what I did wrong or what I had to do to not get hit.
We were poor so I didn't have toys like the other kids and I stole toys from other kids sometimes thinking they're not even noticing one toy missing seeing that they had a whole room literally stuffed with toys from top to bottom and my room being empty besides a chair, a desk a desk lamp and a mattress on the floor. My friends at school gifted me a cassette deck they found that got thrown out and I attached a speaker without the box I found somewhere with paper clips that I jammed into the audio connector.
I constantly got in trouble for misbehaving but it was all caused by being poor. But I didn't even minded not having stuff (I was mostly unaware how disadvantaged I was, really) and getting bullied from random kids for being poor did a number on me. I'll never understand rich kids that get their jollies by giving the already disadvantaged kids a even harder time by being deliberately cruel to them.

My mother threatened to cut off my hand for stealing by holding my left hand on a chopping board (she just chopped chicken parts before that) while holding the cleaver in the other hand and I think I passed out from all the screaming I did while I tried to escape her grip (I was probably 6 so her hand felt like a vise, no chance of pulling myself out.
She denied days later that she did that to me and I thing that kind of gaslighting caused my not developing a bond to my parents.
>>
>>76464249
Getting treated differently without a chance of knowing what one did wrong is really fucked. I think, at least in my case, they saw from my clothes and bad haircut that I was poor and therefore not being worthy of getting treated like a human. But my inability to gauge people's intentions was probably very apparent and I stood out, most times the first to get bullied. I hope the one friendly girl of yours wasn't being fake friendly to you. I found out later that normies sometimes are super friendly (being fake) to mock neurodivergent people in front of other normies. I think me being a hermit is mostly just protection from this kind of shit, as I do live to be outside as long as there are no people around. I love being around animals tho, especially dogs, especially Border Collies. I got to play with one owned by a family friend and I don't remember being more happy then while wrestling with him for fun. He somehow kept licking my ears and I couldn't stop laughing from the tickling.
>>
I knew something felt off when you said that you would be back in a bit. You had no intention of coming back, did you? I could feel your interest no longer there, too.

It's over.
>>
I just wanna ask.

Would you delete our memories of us together too?
>>
>>76440753
MIA still, I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up. This is a sign I should never stop drinking. It's the only constant companion.
>>
No, I don't think I would. I don't want to make the same mistake again.
>>
i type out a whole thing but I deleted it because you're not worth talking to
lol
fuck you
>>
>>76466798
Being bitter and angry at the world harms you more than them, let it out.
>>
04 am and i still want to die, awake in the fucking night, supposed to be sleeping but i'm here, wanting to die
>>
I unfriended you. I don't really feel anything right now. Maybe it will hit later. I don't like being treated this way and I think I made the right decision. I didn't block you because I want you to add me if you actually care to discuss things and change. I don't think you care enough to though. So long, farewell, and good luck.
>>
you are the only one who could ever really love me
i will always come back to you
and when i can't anymore i will go somewhere and die
>>
>>76466318
big time, meeting was a mistake and i should have left sooner
>>
>>76440753
I wish I drowned when I was six instead of being "rescued." I just had to put that in front of another person's eyeball. There was so much I should have done, but I am a fuckup through and through. I could not shine a shoe I am in such a low state of being; I am just not even remotely there. I am shameful to my family and I humiliate them by existing.
>>
>>76467506
Dude calm down and take a breather You're gonna be okay.
>>
>>76467522
I wish I could be the nobody from the /ng/ for two reasons. One, so I could shill my idea. And two, so the universe would have an incentive to be mild to me. The first one I can scrap; the second one is BRUTAL. The universe isn't satisfied until every soul can't physically stand or feel. The power trip is ungodly; and it wants us to be grateful.

Well, time to have a nightmare then get four hours of sleep. See you around.

You can call me Yoshi, since you've been following me around for a couple years, we may as well finally introduce ourselves. Respond as you like. When you follow me from thread to thread don't just leave a comment addressed to no one in particular, use the name you choose. I will, certainly.
>>
>>76467555
Sorry wrong guy. Hopefully things work out for you man.
>>
>>76467566
Whose the right guy?
>>
>>76467575
Funny enough thought you where the guy that was following me not the other way around.
>>
>>76467451
How do we both forget eachother? Maybe we just shouldn't of dated or became friends.
>>
>>76467580
Nah, just a morbid curiousity what the story was as someone going through things and who knows others also going through similar. I am not following anyone, I am right where I always was and remain .
>>
>>76467625
Well if you got any tips itd be much appreciated
>>
>>76465998
I'm sincerely glad you didn't end up like those who did this to you.
I was poor in those years too. But it was not felt so much because I grew up in the countryside. I just sat in the library and read almost all the books I could for my age.
I wasn't treated so harshly, but there were moments of gaslighting. They tried to make me feel guilty. But even after that I realised clearly that I didn't want to have children, I was afraid I wouldn't be able to give them what I should as a father. Sometimes I ask myself whether my attraction to men is due to the fact that I lacked male upbringing and behaviour.

P.S. Do these feelings and memories still haunt you? Or have you been able to accept it?
I hope there is a loved one near you or you find one. No one should have to go through this alone. I'm always here for you if you need me, just give me a sign.
>>
>>76467807
People in that situation need support, reach out to show you care. Even if they don't say anything they appreciate it.
>>
>>76461085
:( know the feeling mate, some wounds just don't really go away
>>
>>76467451
It wasn't a mistake and our parting was tragic. You can hate me all you wish, but I did genuinely mean what I said, and regardless of your leaving you are still very important to me. I regret not knowing how to effectively communicate properly how I felt, or what I needed in a way I could be understood. I regret not knowing how to say the words I feel in a manner that wasn't overly emotional. I regret not being able to express anything without verbose long winded diatribes. I regret not being able to understand what you were saying, or the manner in which you said them. I regret being annoying, stubborn, and crippled with fear. I was never your enemy and our goals never had to be at odds of each other. I'm sorry.

Also not the person you responded to, and not your person. Just venting.
>>
the thought of losing you completely is devastating. ive tried to get over you so many times i really dont think i ever can. but i have to drink to curb my anxiety around you and thats not sustainable. i guess youre just evil or somthing and my body always knew it but i cant let go either
>>
I'm sorry for how I am. If I make you feel uncomfortable or nervous.
I think you like me but until I'm 100% sure I won't do shit about it.
I need a personality transplant. Some way to be more self-confident and maybe then I would not even need to worry about things. Take risks. Be more selfish and stand on my feet more. Actually ask you out and not just try to joke around you to make you laugh.
Eventually you will get tired of me and never interact with me again like all the others have but until then I'll enjoy your fleeting company.
I don't have a choice to not interact with you anyway. I tried avoiding you but somehow I was magnetised towards you regardless still and I'm sorry for that.
I'm sorry my personality doesn't match my appearance. To look strong and laid back and aloof but internally so so scared.
In time you'll come to understand and walk away.
>>
>>76440753
It was a good run. But now it's over.
>>
Never be someone's #2, bros.
>>
>>76461341
Reminds me of my story.
You're aware she's his mistress, right?

He's not even a real nazi, just some faggot larping that way and he's a mutt. "Real" Aryans, if they're even a thing, won't accept him.
>>
>>76467451
who is this for? it's so mean
>>
>>76467597
without brain damage from successive concussive impacts to the head, we won't forget until we both die. sad, but true.

>>76468483
i understand, i was just venting also.

>>76470684
it sounds mean out of context but the person it's for is a psycho and deserves it
>>
>>76470818
>is a psycho and deserves it
What did they do if you don't mind me asking?
>>
i can't believe you don't know that i still like you and want to talk to you
so i can only conclude that you don't feel the same way because you never reciprocate my advances or so i tell myself because obviously i can't bring myself to accept it since i'm still here still writing these and still hoping against hope that you might come around some time
you wont though and i guess i was just born to be a retarded cuck bitch
>>
>>76470888
>i can't believe you don't know that i still like you and want to talk to you
I'd recommend being direct about it if you haven't, some people are clueless at reading between the lines.
>>
>>76470888
Checked
Don't live on in hope like that. Hope is a poison. It's best to move on from any situation that isn't going anywhere. You owe it to yourself to not stay stuck on someone who isn't reciprocating for you.
>>
>>76470888
Leave an initial and I will reach out to you
>>
>>76461530
Fuck you in hell infinitely cocksuvking piece of shit kill yourself
>>
i thought i wasn't going to get sick but i did waaaa
>>
>>76467814
It's been a long time I spoke to my parents (they went back to Japan when I was around 20, but I had moved out at 17. I just had to get out.
The only times I feel their influence on me is when work colleagues ask me how my parents are doing and I pretend that everything is fine but I think they know that I can't stand even looking at them. Whenever I hear colleagues talk about family activities they did as a kid or when they tell me the stuff they were taught by their normal parents I feel a sadness/rage in me that makes me want to make myself numb by drinking, as I often did. I'm not a very nurturing guy but in my 30s whenever I learned something interesting about life I thought to myself: if I had kids, I would totally teach them that so they can get a leg up in life and then I realize that my parents didn't think that way (as they taught me almost nothing, they even refused to talk to me most of the times) I can't help but getting angry again and I usually drink to calm myself down.
They usually emailed me about two times a year, but it took me immense energy to pretend to not being completely disappointed in their parenting performance from back then and it took me like an hour to type up something resembling an email. With the years passing I couldn't even open their emails and stopped looking at them. The last year was the first year they didn't even send me one and I feel so relieved not having to think about them, as I always get reminded of the fucked up things they did to me as a kid.
>>
https://youtu.be/8bxmk09lCzk?si=LxR8by86CS7ogXhQ
>>
>>76471415
On a positive note: I may never have kids of my own but I get to teach students sometimes about stuff that I'm really into like 3d printers, electronic design and now laser engraving and pre pandemic I even got to be the tutor of a young bright lad and together with a female professor from the university we worked with I got to experience like a hint in what it's like to be a parent to a teenager. He even got a bunch of awards at his graduation ceremony and her and me were like proud parents at the ceremony. She was trapped in a unhappy marriage and I could tell that she was very happy to see him succeed.
We'll probably be hosting a girls-day in a couple of weeks at our company and I get to show off some cool stuff like the wrench design that was designed by Nasa around 2015, which was sent up to a space station via email to assist astronauts with their work. It even has a working ratcheting mechanism! Really cool design and it is a so called "print in place" design, so no assembly is required and it works after lifting it off the print plate. The wrench doesn't even cost more that a buck as it's cheap plastic so we even can give the kids something as a souvenir to take home and show off to their friends at school.
I feel a bit weird helping out at a girls-day as I'm not really an ideal candidate to show the young girls that females are indeed working in traditionally male dominated fields but we don't have female engineers in our company.
>>
i would like a best friend. i have no idea where to find one.
>>
>>76471574
I'll trade u a second hand best pal, just don't ask where it came from.
>>
>>76471574
What are you into? Hobbies? Favorite movies? Favorite books?

Also, maybe just do an activity that you're into to meet like minded people?
I don't think that this place is a good place to find friends but try being nice to people here, help them out and who knows, maybe you end up with more friends as you have time for?
>>
>>76461552
>druggie
Rich coming from you
>>
on the off chance that this causes any upset or inconvenience, i am terribly sorry about this. you were nice. im very sorry. im sorry i could not offer more.
>>
>>76471771
What did you do? Maybe this is for me?
>>
>>76471891
it isnt for you. i am sorry anon.
>>
i will be alone, this is how it has to be
>>
seriously anon, i hate being suicidal, i already attempted with knife and i might attempt killing myself again, i don't know how i'm supposed to cope with this
>>
>>76472273
Are you sober right now? What are the reasons for you to take that kind of a drastic approach to solve your problems?
>>
>>76472305
i never drink in life, and i'm a absolute waste of human life in every meaning of the word, i'm a mentally ill schizo who can't get a job even if my life depends on it nor make any money, no friends, i have only 1 family member left, i hate my life like you won't believe
>>
>>76472473
What do you do with your time? Maybe you've developed a skill that might be transferable into a marketable skill? Is there anything you love doing, regardless of the level of perceived productivity? What is it specifically that you hate about your life?
>>
Having the courage to do what you can't lets me know that I am going to be okay.
>>
>>76472676
That's good to hear but you better not talk about killing yourself.
>>
>>76472736
Hell nah, brah. I'm choosing to live and move on from some bullshit.

https://youtu.be/3vN-4Xwy-Cw?si=b2-ACUMpc0sAApcz
>>
>>76472818
Very good, I'm glad to hear it. Have a good life bro and don't take it the wrong way but please don't come here anymore.
Enjoy your life brah!
>>
come back I love you. you dumb whore
>>
>>76472887
Would you come back to someone that calls you a whore? Origininininini
>>
>>76471447
I see you there
>>
i will never be a burden.
>>
>>76471415
>>76471509
Oh. Thank you for your honesty, now I feel the completeness of the story. It's sad that your parents didn't at least just try to admit their guilt openly. It wouldn't exonerate them in any way, but it would at least bring a modicum of fairness.

>I may never have kids of my own
40 is not a critical age for a man, right? I assume you're an engineer, and the fact that you teach is doubly cool. I entered some public contests from NASA while I was finishing school. And always left my name on their website before every spacecraft launch.

I think you know how to get along with students. The tone of your messages seemed calm to me immediately. And I feel very relieved now. This night I gathered my thoughts and realized that I was too fixated on finding a man and possible failure. It seems that I should first of all realize myself to the end and show myself as a mature ready partner.
>>
>>76472920
I would worship someone who called me a dumb whore
>>
>>76472997
No brah, you will be an entity that improves the quality of all people in your life. What's up, bro?
>>
>>76472920
no but I'm not a woman. women do shit like that all the time
>>
>>76473018
i have to leave everyone i know. i'm a burden to everyone around me. i have to be alone but i don't want to be alone. i keep thinking i will die.
>>
>>76473013
Ok, I'm not gonna kink shame you, sorry. I can see that some chicks get off by being called a whore but dumb whore? really?
>>
>>76473038
I am a silly bimbo with a smooth brain and my only use is being a cum hole :p
>>
>>76473012
Reading this makes me feel really good, thanks for taking the time to write this!
I'm especially glad that you found for yourself that being happy by yourself by being a person you yourself would like to hangout with should be the first priority in getting into a relationship with another person. Otherwise one will only take out the personal flaws of oneself out on someone that doesn't deserve to be mistreated in that way. I think we both made progress here! This day feels like I've accomplished something, very neat!
>>
>>76473034
What makes you leave everyone? Before doing something permanent and drastic, can you imagine a situation in your life that would make you want to live? What makes you think you have to be alone?
>>
i care far too much about people.
>>
>>76473139
i have to be alone because i believe everyone is talking to me to mock or eventually hurt me. i will be miserable alone but i think it will help me end my life.
>>
>>76473060
Not gonna lie, that sound kind of hot.
Are you very skilled at sex? What is your favorite thing to do that's related to having sex?
>>
>>76473140
But isn't it a good thing to care about other people? Are you making fun of me for caring about the lost souls that come here?
>>
>>76473156
why are you being a coombrain in the letter thread
>>
>>76473175
i believe that everyone is going to harm me.
>>
>>76473182
Sorry, but didn't ejaculate for about a week now and I still have a sex-drive. Are you really offended that people are interested in sex? Isn't sex an interesting experience?
>>
>>76473188
Did you experience abuse in your past? Can you tell me something specific that other people say or do that convinces you that they want to harm you? What are they gaining from harming you?
>>
>>76473226
yes. they lie to me and mock me. they want to harm me because i am boring, autistic and unattractive. they gain psychological pleasure from it. i just want a genuine friend. i am often scared.
>>
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>>76473156
>Are you very skilled at sex? What is your favorite thing to do that's related to having sex?
I'm a virgin, I'm just larping
>>
>>76473119
If I may ask one more question, what is your main hobby, interest, after working hours?
>>
>>76473250
I am indeed a virgin due to being severely socially anxious. I know I'm pathetic but that doesn't matter.
>>
>>76473261
I can still be categorized as a workaholic. I usually get obsessed with something new: 3d printing was a big rabbit hole, currently I'm learning to effectively use a laser engraver (pulsed 1064nm laser with a galvo unit) to mark all kinds of metallic materials. I just set up the machine yesterday so I'm still a complete newb and it feels a bit weird to not know much about the tool I use but that is also exciting. Besides using my free time to be more effective at work, I enjoy hard scifi like "the expanse" or "for all mankind". I just bought a book recommended by John Carmack called: "theft of fire", which is supposed to be a well written hard-scifi novel that includes current themes like space travel and AI.
I think I do all this to distract myself from a unrequited crush I have on an autistic woman that I stumbled on by listening to the excellent podcast called "on the metal" hosted by the company named "oxide". She's really quirky and cute but miles above my league.
>>
>>76473339
https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/199142773
>>
>>76473245
I hope you are not one of the many victims of mine from my psychotic phase. If so, please tell me if I can do anything to make things better.
Maybe I can help you find a genuine friend to make amends for my past digressions?
Do you think of yourself as ugly? What do you dislike about your appearance, specifically?
>>
>>76473412
i am not a victim of yours. yes i think of myself as ugly. i really dislike my face, it is not attractive. my body looks awkward too, even at a healthy weight. i prefer being underweight because at least i can be somewhat satisfied with myself.
>>
>>76473431
Are there any features of your face that you do find beautiful / not unattractive? You know that slight flaws can make someone appear really attractive? I had a crush on a female professor some years ago and she had a wide, round chin that some people might think as unattractive and she had a lazy eye.
But her little flaws made her somehow even more attractive to me that I couldn't help but blush the first time I saw her. I think she realized that I zoned out for a second looking at her lips because she had that little smile on her face that made her even more attractive to me.

What makes your body look awkward, in your opinion?
>>
>>76473484
i do not find anything about my features beautiful, i find every feature unattractive. the only thing i can appreciate is how pale i am. i hate having small hands, i want long slender fingers. my body is very awkward looking, i have short legs and a long torso. i try to dress nice and i still look like a retarded child. i wish i was taller, im 5'1. i thought i was 5'3 for a long time and then got accurate measurements, now i have to lose more weight.
>>
>>76473245
have you considered taking your fucking meds
>>
5'1 93 pounds
if i was two inches taller like i thought i would be a better bmi. now i have to lose weight all over again. my hands are small and carry fat in them. i feel like every part of my body has too much fat inside.
>>
>>76473548
i took medication and it did not help because nothing changes the reality of how people have treated me.
>>
>>76473567
what'd they do to you
>>
>>76473573
people have lied to me, insulted me, berated me, mocked me. i was raped and bullied a lot as a child. two of my rapists mocked me as a child for being up intelligent and having a bad body.
>>
>>76473591
unintelligent*
this is exactly what i mean. my brain is melting.
>>
>>76473591
you got raped on a regular basis?
>>
>>76473529
I can imagine you think you have to lose weight because you're concerned about some fat around the mid-section but being too aggressive with losing weight can make people look haggard and it makes wrinkles more pronounced, especially on the face.
I think it's a bit sad that we are kind of obsessed with having low bodyfat because faces look kind of sad with very low bodyfat (imho). I get that having a flat stomach is attractive but I prefer having at least some roundness on the face (especially on females) because soft cheeks are really cute and cuddly.
What do you think of your hair?
>>
>>76473623
as a child, i was molested and raped on a semi-regular basis by different family members and friends of family members from when i was a toddler until i was about seven or eight years old.
>>
>>76473641
oh
sorry to hear that
explains why you are on here then
>>
>>76473635
i think at this point it does not matter if i become uglier. i think that nobody loves me for me, whether i am a skeleton or have more fat on me. i used to be a healthy weight. i did not have a problem with my hair until recently. it seems everyone likes long hair on females. i usually keep mine shoulder length or so but i cut it to below my chin so it could be healthier. it will be a few more months until its back at my shoulders. i feel like it makes me even uglier. i have bangs but i cannot afford to go to the salon much so i often cut them myself and they look uneven a lot of the time. i somewhat dislike the color, it is naturally auburn and i used to dye it brown and black so now its kind of a mix of colors.
>>
>>76473641
Jesus christ, wtf.
Did they at least go to jail for doing that to you?
Pedophiles make me fucking sick.
My parents tried to pimp me out to an art professor when I was a kid and they still didn't come clean about knowing about it.
I don't speak with them anymore and I refuse to talk to them again before they at least stop gaslighting me about it. I doubt they ever will so they are dead to me.
>>
>>76473557
How many calories do you eat? Fat hands are okay to have.
>>
>>76473687
no. a few years ago i told my mother about one of the rapists since i still have to see him occasionally and it makes me uncomfortable and sad. she told me to just get over it and forgive. i did not tell her that my sibling also raped me, and held me down and allowed his friend to rape me on several occasions. she knows what my drug addicted father did and tells people which embarrasses me. she is really into religion and tells me god will decide what should happen in our lives. she says if it happens it happens for a reason. i wish to get away from my family and cut them off entirely. my step parent has made creepy comments to and about me for years, and when i told her about this, she only got angry and defensive at me.
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>>76473682
So, you might be dissatisfied with your physical appearance but you can increase your attractiveness by a lot by having an attractive personality.
You never know what people find attractive about you. I seem to be attracted by intelligence and a nice voice on females, looking back at my crushed.
What do you like to do in your spare time? Any hobbies that other people might enjoy doing with you?
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>>76473704
i definitely try to stay under 1000 calories everyday. having my stimulants helps. i usually just eat or drink something that is around a couple hundred calories per day though.
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>>76473738
i have tried on different personalities but it is hard because i have autism. i just want to be myself. i cannot accurately rate my intelligence. i think a lot about things and tend to notice small details. i think my voice is very obnoxious, people tend to either find it cute or annoying. i mostly just browse the internet and play games mindlessly. i got a camera to take photographs with, but its still too cold at night for me to go outside and i feel embarrassed if someone sees me taking pictures of stuff during the day. im not even sure what i could photograph that other people would want to see. i made a list of hobbies i could pursue and i think enjoy but a lot of them require money, and i do not have a job. i am trying to get one but being around people is hard and scary.
>>
>>76473339
>>76473351
>a laser engraver
The recordings of this device's operation remind me of a relaxing asmr, heh

I've loved sci-fi since I was a kid. First it was movies, later books and games. I'm familiar with the expanse series. And the rest of the titles, I'll make a note of them and add them to my bookmarks.
What do you think of Peter Watts? His books Blindsight and Echopraxia left an impression on me. They are a bit overloaded with terms, but that's the writer's thing.

>above my league.
How about small tokens of affection, if appropriate?
>>
when she was over last time i overheard my grandmother talking on the phone saying i am weird because my mother told her i built a computer. i know old people do not understand how easy it is to build a computer but i heard my grandmother saying i spend too much time alone and that she wishes they had caught my autism earlier so they could have cured it. my grandmother dislikes me a lot and constantly makes mean comments to and about me.
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>>76473735
Your mother reminds me on my mother as in she's REALLY religious and she kept telling me dumb shit like: oh, if something bad happens to you, this means you have done something bad in your PAST life! Having such dumb parents is fucking infuriating. I hope for you that you can leave your fucked up home asap because I would be a total wreck after what you went through. How can someone do that to another person, let alone a relative? I think some of your relatives could be sociopaths or something because trying to fuck your relatives is not something healthy people do.
For example, I snooped on the PC of my sister once when I was bored and I stumbled on some "sexy" pictures of her and I almost puked. Our closeness in genes makes her really unattractive to me (I enjoy looking at other naked females) to prevent genetic defects caused by incest.
>>
everyday i keep saying i will go outside to take a photograph of something nice but i never do.
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>>76473784
I thought I was literally retarded because my mother used to tell me I'm slow but somehow I'm the only member of our family that finished college and became an electrical engineer. It's funny how everyone told me I'm too dumb to study electronics but here I am and they are still the useless losers they were years ago.
Maybe you're smarter than you think and your relatives just want to keep you down so they can feel superior to you.
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>>76473857
does being an electrical engineer make decent money? i wouldnt know what career i would want to do, im not even 20 yet but it feels like i am running out of time. i used to enjoy reading and daydreaming a lot as a kid. i still think being a librarian or someone that deals with information could have been cool. maybe you are right.
>>
i would be even more of a fool to keep trying. i need to do it soon.
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>>76473803
The sound is really interesting to listen to and seeing the sparks flying is also fun to look at.
The name Watts seems vaguely familiar, maybe I have downloaded some of his work on these huge scifi audiobook collections.
I'll check out Blindsight and Echopraxia, as I do have to do mindless work like cleaning my bench or soldering circuits and I like listening to audio-books / podcasts to keep my brain engaged while doing what has to be done.

What do you mean by small tokens of affection?
I'm pretty sure she's into males that are more conventionally successful in life and I'm far from being financially independent because I stayed in one company too long. And she lives on the other side of our planet so it's no use to be attracted to her, anyway.
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>>76473881
It can make ok money if you get hired in a large cooperation and have good social skills to be well liked so you get promoted often but I'm too weird and introverted to play the game I'm afraid. At least I didn't have to take up a loan to get my degree like it is often in the US but as I have said I'm too resisting to change and too introverted to befriend people that can help me with my career.
>>
i simultaneously like and dislike having a clean room. my room is way too big for me, so when it is clean it feels very very empty. i only have a mattress and my computer stuff in here.
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>>76473966
I somewhat envy you because my room is kind of cluttered from me having lots of stuff (mostly related to my work) lying around and I live in a small apartment to save money.
>>
i keep taking more methylphenidate because i want it to give me psychosis again. i want to cry again and i want to feel. i wish to die.
>>
maybe you should not induce psychosis
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its not going to get better. i have to take more and more and lose more weight and i have to die.
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>>76474019
Why would you ever want to give yourself psychosis??? I had an episode from being poisoned or too much weed and hearing my own voice like it's coming from directly in front of my ears was scary as shit.
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>>76473557
Lmaoo this bitch got fat hands sausage finger ass mf
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>>76474052
ive had psychosis before. i just want to feel something again.
>>76474053
they arent that fat. i have gaps between my fingers but the gaps are not that wide. if i lose more weight they can be better.
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I still haven't moved on. It's been 8 years. I'd like to say I'm a better person now. I've got the money, the opportunities, the social life. So it's true from a certain perspective. The problem being that not only did I give up on being a better person in the way that you wanted, it's worse than it ever was. I treat all these girls like dogs. You were right I guess. There was a time where I had let it all go and I was the better man. It's all in the past now. I don't see a way out and even if you called me it would only be for one thing.
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>>76474094
I think about you when I wake up. I think about you when I go to sleep. I think about you when I shower. I think about you when I'm making food. I think about you when I'm alone. I think about you when I sit in silence. I think about you when I sit at my desk. I think about you when I'm in the forest. I think about you when I'm having a conversation. I think about you when I drive. I think about you when the moon is full. I see your face in strangers faces. I suffer with it every day in silence and I know you do too.
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thanks for the recommendation about neocities. i will look into it.
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>>76440753
Next week, I'll tell her. It's going to go either really well or not so good, but I can't keep it to myself.
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>>76474067
Are you positive that psychosis is the only way to make you feel something again? Are you getting enough sleep? Do you get regular exercise?
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>>76474245
I think this crazy woman's problems are a bit outside of what will be fixed by some jogging
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>>76474245
i do believe so. yes i am getting enough sleep. i do not really exercise anymore, i am technically not supposed to because it will cause me to slip back into worse disordered habits. i used to do very excessive cardio.
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>>76474229
I think it's awesome that you take the risk of getting rejected for a chance to be with someone you really care about! I'm rooting for you!
Let us know how it went, well either celebrate your success or console you. We're here for you.
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>>76474265
how am i crazy? i think i am just very hurt and exhausted by everything. of course i am not being rational but i do not want to live anymore.
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>>76474277
Have you tried out barbell training? It's really good to prevent back pain.
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I looked at your pictures again AAAAAAAARRRGHHHHH WHYYYYYYY
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>>76474298
what is that exactly? i do not think that will be cooperative with my anorexia. i can barely lift my cat.
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>>76474294
Is there anything that you could think of that could make you regain the will to live?
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>>76474314
The good thing about barbell training is that anorexic females learn to eat more and that it makes them feel better.
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>>76474278
Thanks. It's a rather peculiar situation (she's a single mom), so even if I'm successful I'll need to be careful. But I'll give it my all, she's worth it.
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>>76474319
i really really want a close friend. but i do not think i can let anyone in again.
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>>76474294
you just sound crazy
either way you should probably move out or something
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>>76474348
It's a real special thing to ask someone out that you really care about, isn't it? I couldn't imagine being intimate with a person I have no emotional connection with, even if they had the perfect body/face. Really liking someone makes all the difference. Good speed my friend, go get yours!
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i have deteriorated horribly. my situation will never improve because im not willing to put in the effort. i do not want to live like this.
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>>76474349
do you want to try out being a pen pal with me? I don't know if it is relevant but I'm male, 39 yo and asexual. I suspect I'm at least slightly autistic because my therapist had a heavy suspicion that I had aspergers.
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>>76474415
Well, suicide is no options so I'm afraid that improving is the only way forward. When you say that you can't "live like this", what do you mean by that, specifically?
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>>76474429
i am very sorry but i cannot do this. i cannot let anyone new in my life. please understand it has nothing to do with you. i am very sorry. thank you very much for your offer. i hope someone will take you up on your offer.
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>>76442125
i wish someone would rant about me on this thread, itd make me happy, i think
id love it more if it was so cryptic i cant tell if you were my teacher from second grade or the piece of dogshit i stepped on this morning
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>>76474445
i cannot live with my appearance or soul. i am disgusting and sensitive. prone to being hurt over and over. and i do think i deserve it. i am not attractive, i am obnoxious due to autism.
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>>76474446
Oh, no, don't worry about me. I have my hobbies that keep me occupied and I only wanted to offer help to someone in need. But I appreciate your kind way to say "no thank you", it's appreciated.
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>>76474478
thank you for your attempts to help.
>>
these rats look nice
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>>76473920
>What do you mean by small tokens of affection?

I have a kind of strange interest. If I like a public person and their content, I can usually sometimes write something of my thoughts on it. And more often than not, I get a response.
I think it's like getting an autograph. I've never told anyone about it in real life. Usually it's youtubers and actors, sometimes musicians.
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>>76474584
Do you @ them? Or do you just write your thoughts without tagging them? I have like 9 followers on X so just writing my thoughts will not reach anyone, I think.
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>>76474584
Do you have any interesting stories about getting a response from them?
I did exchange a couple twitter-posts with her and also got some response from her posting a DM on discord but the low wordcount answer let me know that she was only trying to be nice so I stopped bothering her. I mean, what do I have to offer her that she doesn't already have access to? She's a nice person tho and I'll remember her answers for a long time I guess.
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>>76474628
>>76474678

>Do you @ them?
Oh, I write usually in private messages if they are open and available to subscribers of course (no stalking)

> I mean, what do I have to offer her that she doesn't already have access to?
It's hard to know what to surprise a techie woman with, considering I'm a humanitarian. I think it takes a special approach. And I'm too stupid for these things

P.S. Out of the funnies, one time it was a supporting actor from the Iron Man. We chatted and he recorded a video for me, much to my surprise. He was too open, so I didn't get cocky and impose on him over the top.
One time a NASA employee reacted to my tweet and we got into a public argument. The thread is still intact, but it's a total cringe.

This is actually just the tip of the iceberg, but I don't think anyone will find the stories about the actors from Harry Potter interesting. Most actors are pretty open to their fans. Or let's take the TV series Mr. Robot, the actress of one of the main roles starts streamings on twitch for 5-10 viewers. Anybody can go over there and talk to her.
For me, it's still just one nice moment and I mentally check the box and move on.
>>
Why can't you just message me? You know I want that. Why do a heart and some other very subtle thing to get my attention. You know that every time you message I am receptive. You know I was excited to see you again and you said that you were too. Did I do something? I can't make sense of your behavior. Things used to be so simple and natural between us, it's sad.
>>
>>76474935
Hmm, weird. She just released a new video about a company that has the aim to reduce the amount of waste we put into landfills. She's so rail thin that I get a bit worried if she's ok health-wise. She keeps joking about wanting a robot that makes pan-cakes for her and feeds her dogs and I almost answered her tweet that she should do it like in the Chernobyl incident in which a robot made of flesh might suit the purpose in the mean time to help her get all the nutrition she needs to maintain health.
She seems to have tight pectoral muscles that pull her arms to the front side and I would totally offer her to help stretch her pectoral muscles to straighten her spine a bit as it's a bit tilted forward from working with her arms in front of her all the time.
>>
Spending another valentine alone?
Sucks that things didn't work out, uhn?
Except... y'know... he was just using you for the money and for pity fucks, you've always been alone.
Is that what eats at you?
That you feel the exact same as when you were with him?
And yes, I am gloating over it specifically because of how much you've hurt me.
It's not the most mature reaction but it helped me greatly in getting over everything.
And meanwhile I moved on, alongside everyone else... how does THAT feel?
You go around, calling everyone loses and idiots... and then you're the one living by yourself, not having your own house, no career... nothing.
Not even everyone else's fault either, was it?
Everyone was (and frankly to their own detriment still is) warning you about where you were headed, as a reward you just berated them.

Writing letters to you is always a rollercoaster of emotions to be honest, I always want to say so many things I can't put order to it.
I want to be understanding, because we were so close.
I want to be spiteful, because you were such a genuinely awful person.
I want for you to reach me and apologize, because what I felt was true.
I want for you to reach me so I can just block you and deny you the chance to apologize, because that's what you'd deserve.
So many things, so many emotions and it's always so pointless.
Maybe one day I'll really forget about you and stop writing you these letters, stop taunting you for having fucked up your life so much in spite of all the people, me included, offering you an hand to make it a wonderful adventure.
Maybe one day I'll check your socials and see that you killed yourself, so I'll never have to, knowing that you won't be able to read anyway.
I mean you already are, when a person gets to +100kg of pure fat it's pretty much a slow death anyway, as far as I know your heart gave in and your cats are eating your face as we speak.

Enjoy your shitty life, you got nobody to blame but yourself.
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>>76475227
I just drank a fifth of vodka, you dare me to drive?
>>
Get rdy...
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>bumping the thread desu
DESU
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>>76475227
This post is really weird. The first part fits perfectly and then you put in the 100kg of body fat and me having a cat? Why?

Can you please do me a solid that I certainly not deserve, but: did you post the picture of your male dog to subtly let me know to back off? At least that's the way I understand it and I'm embarrassed to recognize that I didn't take the rejection as well as I should have.
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>>76475227
Do you want me to kill myself?
If yes, send me a smiley as a DM on your discord and I'll see that it gets done.
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>>76475339
>The first part fits perfectly and then you put in the 100kg of body fat and me having a cat? Why?
i think that means it's not for you lil bro ahahahhahhsha
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>>76475370
Do you enjoy torturing me like that?
I guess I deserve it but damn,
just tell me to kill myself via discord.
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>>76440753
i sometimes look up your name hoping to find an obituary
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>>76474156
I was eating marshmallows and I thought of you again, of how it reminds me of your soft and gentle touch, you held my beastly calloused hands with your own without judgement yet I could only think of how I wanted to shove it in my hideous misshapen maw nom nom nom oh fugg I truly am a repulsive dog
>>
i'm doing so much better. i was so weak when we knew each other. i just wish you could know. i wish you would check in on me so you could see it. you took advantage of the weakness and it motivated me. i guess i'm still weak in a way, though, because it matters to me that you don't know. oh well. i really fucking hate you
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>>76475427
hahhahha nooo i'm just saying it's probably not for you
>>
now im sending a letter to a different address. i love you. and sorry for all the rest
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>>76472885
>Have a good life bro and don't take it the wrong way but please don't come here anymore.
Thank you, brother. Thank you. I don't think I will anymore after this.
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>>76475684
are you afraid to tell me to kill myself because you are fearing that there might be repercussions on your life? I already pushed away every person in my life so don't hold back. I doubt there will be any investigation by the police and I con't think they would be able to understand what caused my suicide.
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>>76475710
they dont investigate suicides really
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>>76475736
ok, I think I'll try to OD on heroin so I've at least some fun going out.
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>>76475772
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uVdDXeYM4ss
help, police, murder.
stop, dont, come back.
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>>76475772
Why do you want to die, anon? What could change in your life that would make you want to try living?
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>>76475843
I fucked up my already slim chances of finding someone weird enough to like me and I've misinterpreted her tweets as rejection, which caused me to chimp out in an embarrassing manner. There's no going back, there's only a path forward into the abyss.
In a way it's fitting. I should never have been born, I was clearly unwanted by my own family and I'll end up dead without anyone noticing.
I guess this was all, folks!
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>>76475884
I'll make sure to include in my will to put googly eyes on my casket so you can have a final laugh at my expense.
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>>76475884
>which caused me to chimp out in an embarrassing manner
have you tried just coming down from your manic downward spiral
>>
i wish we still shared something more than mere memories
if we tried again would they be a foundation for something greater or gloomy ruins casting a long shadow on everything new?
i care enough to want to find out
sincerely, i care for you still and i will forever
i promise you that
it might seem so silly from the outside but you really helped me grow and see me for who i truly am
you gave me myself and nobody can ever replace that about you
i love you
truly i do
now and forever i will
>>
I miss you
I miss going out together
I miss eating together
I miss our messaging
I wanted it to last longer than it did
I wanted it to be real
Don't you?
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>>76470818
I'm not your person but I am the original person asking about forgetting eachother. I just miss him terribly and need to move on.
>>
HAHAHAA LOL HAHA LOL 7youre all losers btw7



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