28 years old failure here, retreated myself inside the walls of my room 8-9 years ago, time around me kept flowing, my body aged, but i never seeked mental maturity, i wasnt able to, i consider myself the same i was 10 years ago, maybe more patient and tollerant. I got the occasional job a couple of times, but it didnt last more than a month on the average, i got pretty lucky previous year with a decebt blue collar job, my medical condition stepped in, i had a collapse on the way to work and lost that job. It was a good feel having money at your disposal i cant deny it, the offset was having to keep everything in check (healthwise) and having to interact with other people, most of which i didnt like, and even with the one i could tolerate it was hard to keep it easy. I like being by myself, and occasionaly chat with the few friends i have left, i enjoy smoking weed, however i started to realize it is a waste of money, time and health, it makes me anxious. Lately, more often than ever, my body developed needs i couldnt realize i ignored for the past 10-15 years. When i was younger i had my share of interaction with girls, at some point i thought a few of them might like me, and i was not wrong. i had a run down with a girl who liked me a lot, but i didnt like her. When it came up the intent of having sex, we tried without success, i wasn able to insert myself in her, firstly i was kinda scared of hurting her therefore i did not want to see any blood, secondly, i didnt like the sensation of the condom, thirdly i could feel inhibition in the air, also she wore sandals which made me rethink the idea of licking and cuming on her feet (it was a big turn off seeing her with those dirty shoes). Back to my bodily needs, at this point the curiosity of how sex would feel, and what love is, are so callously engraved in my personality, that i feel stunted, maybe what scrrwed me was thinking too much, and not enough acting considering there are a lot of people (cont.)
>>83107707(cont) there are a lot of people who i consider uglier, and dumber (heres my mental maturity btw) which have sex on the daily, they sell themselves to the nastiest form of pleasure, and they probably dont search for more, and think that is what love is.This life i'm experiencing is coming to its brink, my emotions are too encrusted, my estrus is fading, and with it my curiosity. Dont think too much anons, follow your will, understand fear and anxiety as organic, get to their roots, and dont think to estirpate them, instead treat them with cure and see your weakness as part of your pure self, we are machines blessed by the knowledge and consciousness of ourselves, some would call it god, others would say it's the coincidence of life. Either cases dont treat yourself with hate, or you will end up like me, don't overthink, try to be as pragmatic as you could, remember nothing is granted, life can be a gift if you dont bury yourself beofre being born.My final message, goodbye.
>>83107707t'is a tragic life, anon. should you die, your story will be remembered by me
>>83107784I wouldnt call it tragic, there's much more tragedy to the world than there will be in my whole existence, i'd consider it a waste, socially speaking im not bringing nothing to the people around me, i've only been taking and taking, without giving. I dont have the courage to die, also my dad would feel really bad about it, i bet. Im not that scornful toward myself
Time to get into video generation and turn your life around as an artisthttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YYB2SqkyE7c
