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I did a long backpacking trip back in summer of 2014, after that I had a lot of shit happen in my life that left me broken and depressed. I didn't travel much after that, withdrew into myself, and became socially retarded, again. I was never a social butterfly to begin with, and the concept of "small talking" doesn't exist in my culture, but it was like I actually contracted autism. I couldn't small talk for shit, trying to talk to people I just ended up agreeing with anything like "yeah", "I know", occasionally repeating what they just said etc.

I've done a lot of work on myself for the past 6 months, but what little social skills I had back then still seem to be dormant. Now I've booked another backpacking trip for this summer, the first real solo traveling I've done in 4 years. I'm super stoked, at the same time I'm afraid I'll just be by myself the entire time because I either can't or won't speak to other people at my hostel. Help?

What I essentially need is a crash course on how to be social at the hostel. How do I start a conversation with a stranger, or even worse, a group of strangers, in the common room? I always book dorms to sorta help me along, as it's a smaller group and we're all "in the same boat" there, but I know I've gotta break out of my comfort zone at some point if I want to make friends abroad.

How do I/is it socially acceptable to:
>talk to strangers in the hostel common room
>talk to a girl/group of girls
>talk to people at the hostel bar, where applicable
>ask someone to join me on a day trip to wherever
>tag along with a group of people at the hostel and just join in on their conversation
>for a dude to suddenly start talking to other dudes?

Sorry for what must be a very spergy thread, but I really need some help getting over this social anxiety. Tips, stories, actual advice, Youtube videos, etc, anything will be helpful. Also, no bully pls.

So yeah, tldr: How to be social when you've been a shut-in for the past 3 years. Pic unrelated
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I reckon just take things as they come, it's totally normal to be doing your own thing on any given day. Things will just fall in place at the breakfast table, in the dorm etc.
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>>1433612
I feel you OP, monitoring this thread for stories / advice.

Hopefully some ex-autists have some inspirational tales
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In a way you can think of your social interaction as a trade. You want a social group but what do they want from you? If you aren't a fireball extrovert personality of adventure then the only thing you have to offer is your trust. You must lay yourself bare and open yourself say who you are where you are from, the more you open the more trust they can establish with you. Afterall they need to be secure in the fact that you aren't some creepu downer that's going to ruin their le summer precious memories.
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socialising isn't formulaic, so I wouldn't google advice. context is key, as >>1433733 mentions, socialising it a learned skill.

that in mind here is my advice:
always say waddup/hey in hostels to everyone. their response is a good indicator as to if they want to chat, a follow up question like "how's your day been" is also harmless.

in conversation small talk is mainly just comforting noise but in hostels its easy and you'll likely find yourself presented with these questions:
-where are you from?
-this part of a big trip?
-what are you planning on doing?
-what do you do?
just reciprocate and let it naturally flow, a key to small talk is to LISTEN and make note of threads of conversation to respond to, there will almost ALWAYS be something to talk about.

but really it doesn't matter what you talk about, can be anything. can even talk about the meta nature of having the same questions all the time.

at some point, if its in the evening (if im alone I like to return to the hostel for like 5pm and chat) and ask if they've eaten or want to grab something - that's it. majority of the time im travelling alone i ate with others for dinner.

general tips
-places to stay where you get dinner/breakfast are naturally more sociable
-don't care. laugh at yourself if you get embarrassed, laugh with them
>>
oh yeah and it's fine to talk to any groups of those people
when it comes to girls i guess i'd say don't make it look like you're stalking your prey. which is another way of saying don't be creepy but i basically think being too focused on girls (esp when they're engaged in group conversation) can weird people out
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Socialising as many has said is a learnt skill, you build it up through actively socialising and interacting with people. Try stay calm and collected when approaching and talking to people. If you have social anxiety try to stop it at the onset of the thoughts. Best way is to rationalise why u shouldn't feel anxious. Anxiety and fear builds on itself so always stop it at the beginning. Forst thing to do is get rid of the thought of how you failing to socialise on your trip. This is in the future, you have no idea how things will turn out so do not speculate negatively. When u have anxious thoughts Ask yourself Why should u be afraid, if you embarrass yourself why should you care? You'll most likely never see that person again in your life. Even if u spend a few days at hostel you'll only see them a few minutes in the morning or at night before u sleep. If you screw up a sentence or say something weird, don't freak out, they might see it as funny, persist on with the next topic or question in your mind. Nothing to lose. Most importantly don't be afraid to stay true to yourself. Don't make yourself look more talkative than you are or swaggier or cooler than you are. Eventually people will see right through the fake persona you put up. Even though you think your agendas/interests aren't interesting, others may like it.
As for starting a convo, a good way is to ask where they are from. Generally people r interested in culture so it's a good way to start. Besides that's the reason why people travel right?
Another important thing is to open yourself up. Don't hold back on your thoughts, if u have something u like to say, say it but keep in mind not to interrupt someone talking. Listening is key to maintaing good convo as by nature human are quite self centred, so as much as u like to say something, the other person also wants to speak their mind just as badly if not more than u do.
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Hey it's anon from the reply just above this.
Continuing:
Lastly don't expect yourself to be a changed person after the trip or 'find' yourself through travelling. Of course do try and socialise but don't get upset if you don't change. I went on a trip to kinda change myself when I get back home. But I realised the best way to change is by facing the very things u r afraid of back home or things u don't do. If u live with parents , put away phone etc and spend time talking to them at at table for lunch, dinner, breakfast. If u wanted to join a club but we're scared, sign up for it. If your parents do shopping for you, volunteer to do the shopping for them. Every oppuruntiy u have to interact with people, do so.
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I just got back from backpacking Italy and somehow I was the most popular one there, which is definitely not the case in the U.S where I'm awkward, quiet and aloof.

I think the thing I did differently was not to make 'small talk' right away, because I've learned some body language skills and whenever I make small talk or someone makes small talk with me, it's uncomfortable and awkward.
Small talk is like "where you going" "how do you like (place goes here)" "nice weather we're having" etc.

The thing I did differently was attract attention to myself by breaking my finger. Not saying you should hurt yourself, but damn everyone was interested in me all of a sudden.

All the extroverts would talk to me first, rather than me having to awkardly try to make conversation, and then I would tell my story of how it broke and my experience at the chaotic Italian hospital.
I was honest to the Italians about how inefficient it was and they laughed in agreement but of course we didn't agree with everything. I think that's another key. When you agree with something, the conversation pretty much ends, especially if you don't speak the language so you don't know where to go from there.
Sometimes you have to play devil's advocate and disagree with them for sake of conversation. It makes things more interesting.

So being the clumsy person I am, I became this 'klutzy scatterbrain' character that would always do something cringy or drop something and I got roasted so so much (especially by the aussies and brits) and the key is to turn it into something positive and embrace the cringe.

It's actually cringy when you try hard not to be cringy and awkward.

People at hostels looove cringy awkward people because it makes things interesting and they have a scapegoat to fuck around with.

My advice is to just let them have it at you, you'll make friends.

And a bunch of italian qts signed my cast too
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You are afraid. You are creating negative expectations.
Catch those thoughts. Totally in unrelated to travel but start mindfulness meditation. You will learn to observe your irrationall and pessimistic thoughts and catch them before they create themselves.
Thinking that no one will talk to you in a hostel is an unreasonable and silly thought. Sit in a communal area. See a group. Make eye contact. Say 'hi' and ask some stupid questions like: what plans they have, where they are from, can you join them if they go to x interesting place. Rejection is great as well, on to the next people. Every time will get easier.
There is a 10 percent chance you meet your autistic twin but that will be a rarity. Most hostel people are chatterboxes.
Do you know what pronoia is? It's a great mindest to think about and I try to adapt it for myself.
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It's okay to be awkward. Confident people are awkward too sometimes but they are able to laugh about themselves. Hostels are perfect to learn socializing. Most people will vanish out of your life after 10 minutes but you will have richer experiences every time.

>Hi, I'm looking for new friends to explore the city with
Try that and see what happens. I promise you a high success rate.
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>>1433745
Can you tell a bit more about your hostel experience? Did you do this every day? Stuff you approach groups are single people? Do you have any hook up stories?
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>>1433747
>being too focused on girls can weird people out

I did a Birthright Israel trip, and this guy on our trip was only focused on the girls the entire time. By the end of the trip he was a loner and everyone thought he was a creep.

People can sense desperation. Just try to be cool with everyone.
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>>1433612
Don’t want to crowd up the board with a new thread so just going to ask here
I snore a lot and loud like a freight train and I’m going to be staying in hostels across Europe for a month
I want to be considerate for other people but I really can’t afford the private rooms. How could I not make people hate me for my trip
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OP here. Thanks A LOT for a surprising amount of polite and helpful replies. I was sure I was going to be flooded with bullies, /trv/ truly is the comfiest board.

>>1433620
Thing is I just feel so awkward if I have seen the entire city and don't have anything to do for the afternoon and just end up sitting on my phone at the hostel. I guess I'll just have to muster the courage to mingle in the common room then...

>>1433747
>don't make it look like you're stalking your prey.
>i basically think being too focused on girls can weird people out
>>1434231
>this guy on our trip was only focused on the girls the entire time. By the end of the trip he was a loner and everyone thought he was a creep.
>People can sense desperation. Just try to be cool with everyone.
This is gold advice, I'll remember that. I have a tendency to stare (not in a sexual way, I just don't realize I'm doing it), I guess I should start by not doing that...

>>1433782
>embrace being bullied by the eternal aussie
That I actively try to avoid. I guess I'm more sensitive than the average guy, but I just don't like it when people make fun of me when I fuck up something. Though
>It's actually cringy when you try hard not to be cringy and awkward.
is very well said, I'll keep that in mind.

>>1433745
>>1433770
>>1433845
>>1433848
Great posts, thanks kind Anons
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>>1434504
>I just don't like it when people make fun of me when I fuck up
It's generally only the Australians and some Brits that do this. You'll be alright, anon.
>>
you dont
stay in your own country whore or look down and stay silent
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>>1434323
Find a medical treatment for your snoring. In general people like to sleep. Not sure what to tell you. Snoring is bad for your health anyway.
>>
Man, I hate hostel people.

>m-muh yoga!
>m-muh spirituality!
>m-muh getting drunk every single night!
>m-muh inner self!

Traveling has just made me realize how terribly vanilla most white, Western people really are. The worst, by far, are in South and Southeast Asia. You don't know unintentional condescension until you listen to a group of twenty-somethings discuss what they "love" about countries like India.

>oh my God, poor people are, like, so happy! Why can't we, like, be just like them?

>I love India/Thailand/whatever! It's so beautiful and, like, exotic!
>Indian/Thai/whatever people are so nasty and are always trying to cheat you!

>moves from one tourist ghetto to another, never socializes with anyone who isn't also a backpacker
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>>1433745
What if I do all the small talking and making subjects?
Many of my contacts just dry up because we have nothing to talk about, mostly because of the short answers from the other party.
I'm sure it's not I who is boring, I'm still talking to this girl I met in September last year, she mostly initiates but we just have nothing to talk about, but she keeps coming back.
>>
I had french, they are all you get than me, all more confident and locals try interacting with them. Fuck them. I'm the only Australian in Japan. Fuck
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In Bali and Thailand being Aussie is a good status cause we bring alot of tourist bucks. Not the same in Japan, we are fucking useless to them. They are cultural appropriating imperialists.
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>>1434734
There are shitloads of aussies in Japan. Nobody wants them.
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>>1434745
I realise that when I see the utter boredom on their face after telling them where I am from.
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>>1434544
Found the aussie
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>>1434700
Not sure if I would like your company either because you sound like a whiny complainer. Do you call these people out and talk to them about their views or do you just silently judge?
Yoga is good for mobility. I like it. It helps me with lifting. Not sure what you mean by the spiritually reference. Introspection is not the worst ability to have.
That's all the commonalities I have with the people you described as a western white dude.
Maybe don't paint every person with a brush?
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>>1434723
Ask them about stuff you like, and what they like, ask them if they want to do something with you. Even if it's just hanging out. Also accept that you don't need to click with every person on earth. Sometimes people just have nothing to say to each other. Accept that and move on.
>>
I saw this white asshole in Osaka sitting with 4 old Japanese men having a beer. Pisses me off that guys like that are able to be so engaged. I'm jealous but he is still a fucken wanker.
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>>1433845
based meditation anon
meditation is the biggest redpill of them all
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>>1434723
ideally both parties should enjoy talking to each other. relax and get comfortable shooting the shit.

>>1434190
nah I didn't do this everyday. I've only travelled solo for 2weeks at a time but even then there were some places I just chilled with my book if I didn't feel like it. sure, I was in the Caucasus for 2 weeks and kept bumping into the same people place to place, just chatted to pretty much everyone about anything, talked to an ex-DailyMail journalist, Irish mech engineer, guy working for the ML portion of Nature, crazy black guy making bank as a petroleum engineer, Ukrainian who was shirtless and drunk all the time, Swiss academic couple, accountant from Alabama, German bikers. Ate dinner or went to a bar with all of them. Went in a day trip with a 50yr old traffic planner who was weird but it was okay.
No hook up stories from that trip. It's both because I have no game but it was off season in the Caucasus. Most people had careers then quit there job whereas I'm a 20yr old student. I found more young people at the cheapest hostel on booking.com with an okay rating than the top rated pricer ones. Just a hunch though.
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>>1433845

>mindfulness meditation

It's helped me




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