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Discuss, request, and recommend /u/-related /lit/ works!

Previous Thread: >>3736837

------
>Downloads:

ulit Archives 2020 torrent (10,058 books with release dates up till December 2020):
http://mgnet.me/.ulit2020
https://www98.zippyshare.com/v/2cHoRQTU/file.html

------
>How to find books:

Mobilism Search for Lesbian, FF, LGBT, and GLBT keywords:
https://forum.mobilism.org/search.php?keywords=Lesbian+FF+LGBT+GLBT&terms=any&author=&fid%5B%5D=376&sc=1&sf=titleonly&sr=topics&sk=t&sd=d&st=0&ch=-1&t=0

Custom Google Search:
https://cse.google.com/cse/publicurl?cx=001639227550064093264:dznewka3cca

Downloading from #bookz on IRC:
https://imgur.com/a/AXp2bYW
https://pastebin.com/pwAudzs6

ZLibrary (Bookzz / B-OK):
https://1lib.sk/
https://b-ok.org/
https://b-ok.cc/
https://1lib.eu/
https://ar1lib.org/

Library Genesis:
http://gen.lib.rus.ec/
https://libgen.lc/foreignfiction/

------
Outdated recommendations document:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/18e71t0H7v6olXdY9Ig0giUjnhSt1zltLcLSpj3SxRaI/
>>
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Any super casual comfy lesbian romance novels that have a similar feeling to Non Non Biyori? Just a slow paced relaxing story with lesbians enjoying their lives in a small town out in the boonies where nothing bad happens?
No bishit or het at all, please.
>>
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I wish /u/ had a book club, could be fun.
>>
>>3754190
Can only think of Legends & Lattes
>>
Any story about a hunter of supernatural creatures?

Also not in a vigilante way but like actually does the hunting for her job full time like Van Hellsing and Witcher
>>
>>3754190
Speaking out of my ass here, but I think Western writers are generally averse to writing a slice of life story where nothing much is happening like NNB. There will be some sort of conflict, after all it's what they were taught in schools that stories need conflict.
>>
>>3740487
I'm up to date on this. I like the chapters with her brought to the present more.

Any more recs for time-travel, or fish-out-of-water?
>>
>>3754193
This is the /u/ book club
>>
>>3754330
I ended up stopping this because I started skipping the fantasy world chapters in favor for the "real world" chapters
>>
>>3754327
I don't think you're entirely wrong, but I feel a more relevant distinction is between self-contained and serialised fiction, i.e. movies and books compared to TV shows and serialised literature. We also might be defining conflict more or less broadly than the other.

For example, the NNB movie has a proper narrative arc with some conflict (Natsumi's angst about her Okinawan girlfriend, finding the courage to say goodbye), even if it's low-stakes and focused on a relationship dynamic instead of some big dramatic life-and-death struggle. But there are any number of Western stories where the climax is a small-scale growth a character achieves or a simple epiphany.

>after all it's what they were taught in schools that stories need conflict
It's more that the stories you grow up reading and enjoying inform you as a writer. I certainly don't include conflict in my stories because anyone told me I should, but rather when my ideas grow into plots the character/story arcs that result naturally tend to involve one or more kinds of internal and/or external conflict. I might look at an in-progress project, feel something's missing and consider what kind of narrative thread can be worked in to tie the story into a satisfying experience, but I've never worked out a setting and characters and even a series of events I was happy and then sat there thinking, "okay, but it needs conflict, so how can I add some of that?"
>>
>>3754327
Fanfics tend to explore the slice of life aspect with interpersonal conflicts, but that's ~~bad because fanfics bad.
>>
For the nonna who asked for yuri cultivation novels in the last thread

Still on my to read list, but a fan made a god tier trailer which is how I found out about it https://youtu.be/62TCdBWcdjE

The links to read it are here https://jwqs.carrd.co/
>>
>>3754427
the translations for these are so awkward
>>
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What are you all reading at the moment?
>>
>>3754493
rereading Gideon the ninth, then Harrow in preparation for Nona
>>
>>3754465
I read 'Female General and Eldest Princess' by the same author and translated by Melts. I thought the translation was really well done.
>>
>>3754493
Nothing because there's literally nothing to read. I want something that will make my heart go doki doki, that will make me swoon
>>
>>3754427
Thanks
>Google Drive
?!
>>
>>3754427
I don’t see any cultivation or magical kung fu in this trailer. In fact it almost feels like a reverse Shim Chong where the person married into the family is the one trying to manipulate everyone and putting people in body bags.
>>
>>3754954
JWQS is definitely not a cultivation novel and you're basically correct with your evaluation of the premise. Dunno why anon thought it was. It is pretty good though if you can look past the somewhat awkward translation and the long, meandering plot.
>>
JWQS is a 6/10 sometimes 8/10. The third act is really shit and so is the conclusion. It IS a happy ending though.

If anyone would do exactly as JQWS but tone down the cringe, focus on a more character driven plot and strip it from stupid side-characters it would be one of the best yuri out there.
>>
>>3754954
>>3754967
Ruzhui actually seemed like it was going to have cultivation elements before PDL got bored in the third act and ruined the story.
Would have much preferred the time traveler cultivator that was hinted at.
>>
So Yangchen is completely irrelevant to /u/
>>
>>3754990
Does she have a love interest, though? I searched the book for "kiss" and synonyms and found nothing.
>>
>>3755039
Not really, there's a boy with a lot of sceentime ("page time"), basically they call each other attractive a few times and he flushes from holding on to her once, but ultimately nothing outright romantic.
But not even any female friends or companions, except for a past Air Nomad friendship/sisterhood
>>
Mistress I Was Wrong is a yuri cultivation novel. Just goodluck with the first few chapters, the translation will give you heaf ache
>>
I just found out that "cultivation" wasn't related to agriculture so I'm a bit sad.
>>
I have an incredibly strong urge to reread The Tiger's Daughter. I never reread books and The Tiger's Daughter wasn't even that good, but something about the whole "two girls go on fantasy road trip" is so appealing
>>
>>3754724
Do you like Victorian type fantasy? I could recommend C.M. Waggoner's "The Ruthless Lady's Guide to Wizardry."
>>
Newfag to actual literature: how are Sarah Waters works rated here? Which one should I start with?
>>
>>3756220
Decent. I'd say start with Fingersmith.

OP forgot to include the usual newbie recs at the start of the thread, but the old one is still in the archive so check >>3736840 and >>3736845 to see if anything caches your fancy.
>>
>>3756226
>I'd say start with Fingersmith.
Just bought this one and the other 2, if I'm reading this right it's a lesbian trilogy set in Victorian London? Sounds pretty based.
>>
>>3756233
It’s hard to say much about Fingersmith without ruining the best part but it’s a classic
>>
This isn't a thread for personal projects right? I wrote a pastebin I was looking for impressions on, but I'm not sure where to post it.
>>
>>3756321
You can post here, or the fanfiction thread.
If you post here, the feedback you'll get will probably come with the underlying assumption that you're writing a novel (or at least attempting to). If you post in the fanfiction thread, your work better be based on some existing universe, or make it clear that it's original, but heavily based on one.
Also, you better have at least 5k words worth of material. Possibly closer to 10k, which would be around two to three chapters at average chapter lengths.

Imho pastebin is shite to read, use something like https://rentry.org and take two minutes to turn your text into something presentable, or if you're really comfortable with your work, put it straight up on AO3.
Make sure you've got the grammar editing covered, great way to turn off potential readers, and an even better way to make half the feedback essentially "run a spell check".
Lastly, if you do post your work, state you purpose. What do you think you're looking feedback on? Prose? Pacing? Are you just procrastinating and therefore not writing? Characters?
>>
>>3756332
Oh yeah, it's just a small excerpt of two takes on a prologue I wrote. It's not 5k words itself, but it's part of a larger thing I've almost finished that'll be 50 pages long and meant to update in episodes of multiple chapters so I can start and stop in reasonable chunks.

It's a BDSM romance between two reunited friends where they have a D/s dynamic that's supposed to be playful and mundane, something that the two protagonists engage in to make their lives feel more exciting (and also the protagonist technically kidnapped her friend out of her old home, which plays into that in-universe fantasy they want).

Come to think of it, the 40 pages I've wrote totals to 19k words across four chapters and this prologue. I'm an amateur writer so I don't know if that's too many words for that.

But yeah I'll post it as long as it being two excerpts of 850+ words isn't a problem. I don't know if that's a hard and fast rule but I thought I'd be better off being safe.
>>
>>3756337
If you've already written 40 of your expected 50 pages, just finish the job and then post it fully. The <1k words of your prologue are probably some of the least important in your story, especially if the prologue is mostly an infodump to frame or set up the story.

>I'm an amateur writer so I don't know if that's too many words for that.
You need as many words as you need to clearly and succinctly tell your story. But if you're looking for feedback you need to give some material. I think most people can get a good feel for a story at around 5k to 10k words, which is around two to three chapters at average chapter lengths.

But I think there's an even bigger issue here. How can we know which prologue is better without even having a hint of the story?
Imagine a car manufacturer putting out a new model, no one knows how it looks like yet, and they go on twitter and throw out a poll with two pictures of disembodied side mirrors asking fans which one looks best. Like, mfer, how are we supposed to know which one fits the car better when we haven't even seen the actual car yet.

Also, the more I write in my response, the more I get the feeling that I'm helping you procrastinate, and therefore not write. Publish or perish, you absolute heathen.
>>
>>3756351
>But I think there's an even bigger issue here. How can we know which prologue is better without even having a hint of the story?

ykw I didn't even think about this, you're totally right. I'm near the end, I might as well just go all the way and then post it on AO3 or something.

I also wrote 6 pages of the last chapter over 4 hours today, so don't worry about procrastinating. I've been at it three months now and this is my second draft.
>>
I know this isn't the best place to ask but I chose it because it's /lit/ adjacent, but do any of you guys have the image for the Yuri Ideas thread?

It got axed, I want to start a new one.
>>
>>3756379
Go find it in an archive
>>
Can anyone recommend me some erotica?
I'm looking for something in a fantasy setting, with dubcon. Like a spell gone wrong, or a love/lust god playing a trick on our heroine(s).

I tried lesbian ABO but that still had phallic stuff going on and was a bit too mean for me.
>>
>>3756473
>I tried lesbian ABO but that still had phallic stuff going on
But why? Even though ABO is not my cup of tea, I can think of a few ideas right off the bat.
>both alpha and omega girls have pussy
>to make up for the lack of a direct delivery mechanism (aka dick) alpha girls produce cum with high sperm count; they squirt when they cum, and it takes very little of the fluid to impregnate a heated omega
>there's a lot of tribbing going on
>>
>>3756644
The early stuff in the genre was quite inventive (mostly a lot of fisting and toys/tribbing with fluid mixing like you suggest, but I’ve seen everything from pg-13 friendly ‘rubbing scent glands on wrists against receptive areas on omega’s neck’ to fairly /d/ ovipositor stuff) but at a certain point everything just became dicks. I guess futa is a much more common fetish than most people would assume. It’s a pity because the specific way that power dynamics are often explored in it is something that just hits my kinks perfectly for some reason and it’s basically the entire reason I realised I enjoyed affectionate fisting so much. Most of the time I came across it in fiction before that it was always paired with pretty heavy degradation. Humiliation I can get into based on the tack the author takes, but degradation always feels uncomfortably close to just abuse for me.
>>
>>3756663
>Humiliation I can get into
>but degradation always feels uncomfortably close to just abuse
Literally same thing under different name.
>>
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Hey anons. What was that novel about the lesbian dragon and her slave girl chick from the village? Is that /u/ material or is it bait?
Thanks.
>>
>>3756744
Maybe I should have also qualified the humiliation as affectionate? The personal distinction for me is humiliation is being put in situations that make you feel embarrassed, while degradation is calling you a piece of shit and denigrating your worth as a person. There’s more of a cruelty and shame factor, more ‘mean’. There’s obviously crossover between the two, but it’s the most reliable way I’ve found to filter stuff so far.
>>
>>3756752
Dragonoak by Sam Farren, I think? I only read the first book, but I heard they end up in a throuple with the other monster girl.
>>
>>3756762
No. That wasn't it. It was like a Southeast Asian author. Vietnamese or something. Like the slave girl was given as an offering to the dragon.
>>
>>3756773
Might be In The Vanisher's Palace by Aliette de Bodard (Frenchie author, but the characters have Vietnamese sounding names). Haven't read it yet.
Or possibly Nghi Vo who's written several /u/ novellas (haven't read them either).
>>
>>3756774
ty
>>
>>3756759
youre such a nerd onee-sama
>>
>>3756644
It doesn't take many unpleasant reads to get discouraged from reading more in the same genre.
What sounded appealing to me was people losing control and tempted to give in to their overwhelming desire.

I once read a short story about two girls accidentally breaking a effigy of a love god.
This 'cursed' them into lust when they weren't honest with each other.
After some embarrassing situations, it ended with them becoming a couple breaking the curse.

I'm looking for something similar, be it love potions, magic, or something else. I want to read about being unable to resist lust.
Any recommendations are greatly appreciated.

>>3756759
I totally get this. I love reading about a character feeling embarrassed in the presents of a lover, but it's a massive turn off for me if it feels mean spirited.
The same action can feel totally different if there's no trust between characters.
>>
>>3756845
>I'm looking for something similar, be it love potions, magic, or something else. I want to read about being unable to resist lust.
Don't have any recs for original stories, but if you're ok with fanfic, the tags "sex pollen" or "fuck or die" are what you're looking for.
>>
>>3756845
>This 'cursed' them into lust when they weren't honest with each other
Give me the name of this thing.
>>
>>3756814
Guilty. But I value clarity in communication. Bully me more anon
>>
>>3755912
I'll check it out. Thanks
>>
>>3756887
Thank you for that suggestion.
Tried a few fanfics, most, sadly aren't written that well.

>>3757127
Sorry can't remember the tittle. It was posted on DA, but it was removed for violation of DA's rules (you can't describe sex even in stories).
>>
>>3757153
what no im the poster who talks about other anons bullying her you cant steal one of my only personality traits
>>
God I fucking love being bullied
>>
>>3749362

I could not finish this book. The YA aspect of it is too influential in the way the story evolves for me.

The author had a great idea but I'm not sure about the execution.
>>
>>3757893
Sweet.
>>
>>3757893
>God I fucking love being bullied
no you just crave being bullied because you werent bullied enough as a child :/
>>
>>3758232
I agree 100%. Personally, in terms of minor changes, I would have preferred if the first act was a bit longer before setting off for the adventure.

>MC is actually a nobody, LI gets captured and stays in starter town chained. MC regrets what she did to LI and tries to befriend them. LI is an actual undead and teaches MC about Valkyries stuff. MC realizes over the time that being it isn't what she wants. Kiss kiss fall in love.

I would just scrap all of the third act in favor of something more 'mundane', but that's just me. Or something more organic.
>>
I finally have time to read. Can someone give me the list of YAs released this year?
>>
>>3758784
Here you go, my personal list of recommended reads from this year:
>>
>>3758934
youre so mean anon-onee
>>
>>3759259
They've all been trash. Nothing could really top the releases from 2020
>>
>>3759298
Which are...?
>>
>>3759319
In no particular order:
>>
>These Witches Don't Burn

Please when does it start getting interesting?
>>
Dauntless by Elisa A. Bonnin

Cool book about a society that lives in trees and kills beast that roam the world to grow the population. The plot thickens when the MC discovers that there is a whole society that can talk to the beasts.

Story is ok, there's basically 3 POVs, the MC and her LI and also her commander. MC is gay but the commander is het.

Despite the name and the common theme of killing beasts to make armor and equipment out of them, this book has nothing to do with the game.
>>
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Did any good books come out in the past year or so? I've tried a few but they were all disappointing.

>>3754427
Clear and Muddy isn't cultivation, it's ancient Chinese political palace drama. Do not read it. It's very long, probably as long as 5 regular novels, and it's frustrating to read with disappointing end.
>>
I just learned about "The Well of Loneliness" from watching Antiques Roadshow (US). Has anyone read it?
>>
>>3760444
I haven't, but I'll be looking into it.
In the meantime I've been reading the archive.org scan Wikipedia links to for Girls of Radcliff Hall and five pages in it's ridiculous and very entertaining.




>>
>"And now dear," said Lizzie, suddenly throwing her arm round May's neck, "there are one or two other things I should like to show you."
>she was intelligent and broad-minded; indeed, she was wholly unfitted to be a schoolmistress
>Miss Carfax was troubled by a strange agitation. Her heart began to beat violently. The sight of the two girls clasped in each other's arms aroused a curious hitherto unknown emotion in her breast. She felt as though she were going to faint.
>>
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kek
>>
>>3758232
>>3758650
It's from the same author as Ice Massacre so I won't even touch this book. Not surprised at all that her new one is getting bad reviews.
>>
>>3758272
It's not fair
I just wanted the cool popular girl to noticed me and abuse me, ideally physically
>>
>>3760444
It's famous and it's depressing as fuck hence why I don't wanna read it.
>>
>>3760475
>>3760497
Imagine getting in a relationship with Miss Carfax, but she doesn't come with free vehicle reports.
>>
>>3760850
>>
>>3760578
im sure you can manage it onee-chan, find the hot popular girl of your dreams
>>
For the people looking for erotica, check out Tell Me What You Want by Johana Gavez. Nicely written short story with light BDSM.
>>
>>3760850
FUCKING LUL
>>
>>3760900
>>3761354
Miss Carfax traces her finger up your neck and lifts your chin, locking eyes with yours. She leans forward, slowly inching toward your face, with a devious smile on her lips. You can feel her breath. For a second, you close your eyes. A moment later, her cheek gently brushes past yours. Miss Carfax's lips breathe gently into your ear. "Tsk tsk, on March 27, 2019, you dinged your Subaru Forrester and your insurance rates went up 3%."
>>
Anyone know the name of a Literotica story where a tomboy/sports girl (I think she was black) mind breaks a girl into becoming her slave/lover. I think she got helped by the girls rival, the victims father was a running candidate for something and I think they fucked at the party once
>>
>>3760467
Literally the first chapter and already poor cecily is getting Yaya'd by a transfer student from America.
>>
>>3761392
>whispers in your ear about your Subaru
Just lesbian things .
>>
>this is how you lose the time war
that was mind-numbingly boring
>>
>>3761575
okay
>>
>>3760578
books for this feel?
>>
>>3761473
Moments with Miss Carfax:
>on your first date, she knows everything about your Subaru
>every time you drive, she walks around your car with a critical eye before getting in
>she tells you the front bumper is not an original part, and it's not recorded in the car's history
>when you watch a move and a car gets hit, she always reaches out for your hand
>gets super embarrassed when you accidentally discover her secret Hot Wheels collection
>in bed, dirty talk often includes a classic car with the perfect history
>when you go out to eat, she always sits by the window overlooking the main street
>gets into a heated argument whenever someone insinuates that carspotting isn't a real thing
>starts acting really strange and cold when you don't do your car's scheduled maintenance on time
>mysteriously knows all your friends and family's car history
>judges and ranks your friends and family in accordance with said car history
>refuses to let you drive in snow without winter tires
>gets really nervous whenever she has to use any means of transportation without a VIN
>absolutely refuses to ride a bicycle
>the only thing you know about her education is that she majored in statistics
>will occasionally space out while carspotting until you gently remind her it's time to go
>for some reason she always avoids scrap yards
>whenever she sees an accident on the road and says "I wonder if they're alright," you get this strange feeling that she's not talking about the people
>she's totally indifferent to any new Transformers movies coming out, like, really totally doesn't care one way or another, honest
>somehow, you always end up watching the premiere of the new Transformers movies with her

The more I think about it, the more I'm convinced that Miss Carfax is the perfect LI for A Date With Angel type novella. This stuff practically writes itself.
>>
>>3761929
>when you watch a movie where a car gets hit, she always reaches out for your hand
CUTE. I want a Carfax girlfriend.
>>
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>>3761929
I giggled like an idiot reading these
>>
>>3761575
Not everyone is born with good taste and that's okay.
>>
tfw i catch my mom reading the fucking evelynn hugo boom
>>
>>3762098
Why do straight women like it so much
>>
>>3762121
idk she was recommended it by her coworker and says its mindless celebrity drivel
>>
>>3761929
i would read the shit out of this
>>
There’s like a billion lesbian mermaid books but are there any that are actually good
>>
>>3762213
Tropical Rouge Precure
Kiratto PriChan
>>
>>3762215
i think you misread the brief, queen
>>
Would /u/ rather read about two teenage mages meeting in mage school, or two post-grad mages having adventures in the wilderness?
>>
>>3762688
I guess the latter would be more original, though there can never be too much of the former either
>>
>>3762688
Why not both in the same book?
>>
>>3762694
The latter is what I'm leaning towards.

>>3762695
That's what I was thinking but the way I wanted to write the two halves is quite different. The school stuff would be a typical narrative, starting with them meeting on the way to the school, living together, falling in love, having school drama, etc. I had some ideas for the school stuff, but I don't really "get" school drama. It wasn't something I had to deal with a lot growing up. I don't know how to write a believable boarding school romance, despite having all the Hermione fanfics I've read.
>>
>>3762688
post grad, desu as an adult im kind of sick of reading about kids having wacky adventures now my peer group is other 20 year olds
>>
>>3762706
B-but 20 year olds are kids.
>>
>>3762699
Or have their younger lives be in flashback form.
>>
>>3762706
>as an adult
>20 years old
>>
>>3762750
As a 27 year old I’m desperate for something that appeals to my fellow gay geriatrics
>>
>>3762840
I’m 32 and I’ve circled back around to just wanting something to be well written. That’s rare enough as it is.
>>
>>3762688
Grad student mages doing advanced magic shenanigans, losing funding for their research, and forming a startup to sell less-than-ethical thaumaturgical business solutions
>>
>>3756351
Yo I'm finished everything, slimmed it down, edited it and rewrote large chunks for readability so now it's complete at 42 pages. I was wondering if you still wanted to read it and if anyone wanted to be a beta reader.
>>
>>3762865
Same age and same here.
>>
>>3762865
I'm 29 and same here.
>>
>>3762865
Same
Also no First Person.
>>
>Dear and excellent friend, what a terrible and frightening thing is absence! Though I tell myself that half of my existence and of my happiness is in you, that despite the distance which separates us, our hearts are united by indissoluble bonds, my own heart revolts against destiny, and despite the pleasures and distractions that surround me, I am unable to overcome a certain hidden sadness which I feel at the bottom of my heart since our separation. Why are we not reunited, as this summer in your big study on the blue couch, the couch of confidences? Why can I not, as three months ago, draw new moral strength from your look, so gentle, so calm, so penetrating, that look I loved so much and that I think I see before me as I write to you?
My terminal yuri brainrot is preventing me from enjoying regular ass books.
>>
>>3763039
My yuri brain also says this is gay as fuck however,
>Though I tell myself that half of my existence and of my happiness is in you.

I think anyone could take this as romantic if someone told them this in any capacity.
>>
>>3762875
Sure. Let's see what you got.
>>
>>3763082
Here you are!

https://rentry.org/zxsd6
>>
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I know it's not necessarily on-topic, but I remembered this little exercise from an anon on /lit/ and I thought it was cute.
>>
>>3763217
Ok, when it comes to grammar and stupid mistakes that are easily missed when re-reading your stuff for the third time, copy and paste your whole thing into a google docs file. It's got a pretty good idea of how to grammatically structure things and will underline anything it thinks is unusual in with blue lines, and even offer suggestions on how to fix it if you right click on the text in question. I'm sure other Word-like programs have similar features but I do the google docs thing cause it's free and easily accessible.

Lose the parenthesis for Alice's thoughts, she's the narrator, her thoughts don't need to be separated from the rest of the text.

Other random nitpicks:
-ball gags are fun and all, but there's a lot of drool involved, like a whole damn lot, so probably not something you'd find comfortable while sleeping
-if Alice only has $10 in her wallet, is that really enough for a Tim Hortons breakfast+coffee, and the $4 drink with Rainy later? Or is Alice being super hyperbolic and just swipes her card like the rest of us in 2022? I can't tell
-it's also a little inconsistent that Rainy gets to use her policeman's daughter plot armor when they dine and dash, but that same armor somehow doesn't work when she gets her wallet stolen, especially in a small town where everyone knows everyone
-I expected more /u/ desu senpai

cont.
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>>3763304
Overall, I think you tried to cram a little too much into too short of a story. You either need to axe the parts you can't really get into, or expand on them until they have a clear place and purpose in the story. I think you did this very well in Chapter 3, basically the entire chapter is devoted to one thing; the relationship between Alice and Rainy. There are no distractions in the entire chapter, it's super focused on the one thing that matters.
The beginning of Chapter 5 feels the opposite. Your readers are not Slavoj fucking Zizek. They're not trained in dream interpretation, and even more to the point, your readers don't need a sequence like that for some respite from the story. You have a short story, the action/tension needs to be there from beginning to the end. If this was a 300 page fantasy novel, sure, some ebb and flow is needed to give the action more umpf when it comes, but your story needs to shine as bright as it can, cause it ain't gonna shine for long. You've already set up all the tension you need, but IMHO you broke it with the dreams. Alice just hit a cop, she should be amped way the fuck up until Rainy gets the call from her father, not dozing off shortly afterward.

But hey, what the fuck do I know, I sure as fuck never published anything.
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>>3763305
Thanks for this! The start of Chapter 5 is basically a continuation of Alice's overactive imagination from the very first chapter. it's just there as something I devote a page-ish to a funny visual, not a Symbolic Dream Sequence; she's not tired and about to pass out, she just kind of chronically daydreams about stupid power fantasies like that.

I think what I was expecting most from any impressions was that I axe that part and I probably will for here if I can't give it a good place to breathe. I do actually *want* to write about Alice's stupid power fantasy daydreams on occasion because a major part to her character is a lack of personal fulfillment, but I appreciate you came away thinking it's a weird place for this after she experienced this massive, adrenaline pumping triumph. I saw it as Chapter 4's ending deflating that adrenaline and returning her to a normal status quo, but maybe there are ways I can better express that and without this.

I actually wrote one that was more explicitly sexual in a "Alice daydreams she is a badass assassin and this girl who is definitely not Rainy is her maid who works too hard and needs a break" but I felt it was too blatant for this place in the story since this is the first installment of a bunch of planned short stories and Alice's own realization of her feelings for Rainy are something to develop.
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>>3763304

Otherwise to answer some other stuff:

>-ball gags are fun and all, but there's a lot of drool involved, like a whole damn lot, so probably not something you'd find comfortable while sleeping

She sleeps with one for maybe 10 minutes before Alice takes it off and falls asleep herself. The idea here is part of their Kidnapper/Captive roleplay involves Rainy falling asleep bound and gagged to go "haha I'm totally helpless all the time she can do anything to me." Speaking of the prologue I could totally axe it, it really is just there to say upfront "this is a story about two childhood friends who reunited after a long time, this reunion had some kind of complication that Alice fears will get out, and also the protagonists do bondage as part of a D/s relationship."

-if Alice only has $10 in her wallet, is that really enough for a Tim Hortons breakfast+coffee, and the $4 drink with Rainy later? Or is Alice being super hyperbolic and just swipes her card like the rest of us in 2022? I can't tell

$10 is just a number I pulled out to go "Alice doesn't have a lot of money immediately on-hand" and I could bump it up to $20. She does *have* money, she's just a stickler about spending it without a good reason, but yeah the intent here is that the money in her pocket was what she used at Tim Hortons and was going to use for that milkshake she bought Rainy, and later uses in the vending machine in the park.

The story's also set in 2015 since I wanted Alice to have moved away from her hometown before social media became a big thing and keeping in touch would be easier, since reuniting for the first time is an immediately big deal for the both of them.
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>>3763304
>-it's also a little inconsistent that Rainy gets to use her policeman's daughter plot armor when they dine and dash, but that same armor somehow doesn't work when she gets her wallet stolen, especially in a small town where everyone knows everyone

I don't think of this as plot armour so much as they're moments more about reuniting Alice and Rainy in a heroic saviour moment and depicting Rainy as doing something wrong and waving it off. The $4 milkshake heist isn't going to matter in terms of plot.

The town itself is small, but not in that charming "everyone knows everyone" kind of way but the kind of place I grew up in which was too big to get around without a car and with nothing to do. It's not a quaint little village, it's a small city with 20,000 extremely bored people holed up in pockets of suburbs.

-I expected more /u/ desu senpai

It's gotta be pretty gay to plot to kidnap your childhood best friend who feels too broken by a lifetime of abuse and depression to change by carrying her out of bed, declaring that you're going to take her all for yourself and give her exactly what she deserves, then drive off into the night with her after she wakes up and decides she's cool with being kidnapped, right?
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>>3763304
Thank you for your impressions! To be honest it's funny to me that you say I crammed too much into too little, since while I was doing my second draft these last two months my biggest concern was that I wasn't moving *fast* enough. I've slimmed it down about 10 pages since I finished to what I have now, since I felt a lot of it was relitigating Rainy's depression and Alice trying to argue her out of it before getting to the big "Rainy cannot help herself, so Alice decides to take over." I think what I had was bloated while what I have now is more laser-focused on the straight line of "Alice reunites with Rainy, sees that nothing has changed, and realizes that she is now old enough to intervene and save Rainy from her dad like she wishes she always could."

This is the first episode of a series of planned short stories about these two characters. Alice fulfilling her dream of saving her best friend happens right at the start, and going forward it's about bringing Rainy back home to Alice's status quo and the complications that arise from dragging Rainy out of her shell of depression and malaise to what is almost a literal romantic fantasy for her, and what Alice really wants from having Rainy back in her life.

If you don't mind going further, could you tell me which parts you felt were crammed in or that I "couldn't really get into?" To me everything feels necessary other than the Chapter 5 bit, which is deliberately just "Alice daydreams about being a cool badass" so I want to know which parts aren't coming off correctly.

Thanks again for reading it!
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>>3763407
>Speaking of the prologue I could totally axe it, it really is just there to say upfront "this is a story about two childhood friends who reunited after a long time, this reunion had some kind of complication that Alice fears will get out, and also the protagonists do bondage as part of a D/s relationship."

Actually, this is the part I'm most concerned about. For /u/ readers here, do you think it's wise to start with that kind of visual? The story is going to feature multiple BDSM scenes because their D/s relationship is focal to the plot, and I was wondering if immediately establishing this was good or if I should introduce the BDSM element as it starts to matter to the plot.

How I see it is that if I do a little flash forward prologue it's there to instantly sell that it's a story where BDSM is important to their relationship, but then I wonder if that's not something anyone's worried about and would rather get to see these two interact before kink as a story concept is introduced.
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CA Hall - Head Over Tail
Cat shifter lives in a bookstore for years - as a cat - until the owner has a medical emergency.

Short fluffy story. The idea is kinda fun, since the cat shifter at least at times genuinely feels like, well, a pet cat. But that's also about it. There's nothing more going on than "oh my cut pet cat is actually a cute woman, let's fall in love, The End".

Benjanun Sriduangkaew - Where Machines Redeem the Lost
Probably one of the weaker Machine Mandate novels of hers, yet still better than most of the crap that you get on Kindle these days. Good prose, interesting characters, the setting is of course fascinating, and I do like the tone of these stories - they tend to be a bit melancholic, maybe a bit dark, but in the end, there's always enough hope it won't leave you feeling bad. Maybe the universe isn't great but it doesn't mean you can't find some corner for yourself.
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>>3763422
>If you don't mind going further, could you tell me which parts you felt were crammed in or that I "couldn't really get into?" To me everything feels necessary other than the Chapter 5 bit, which is deliberately just "Alice daydreams about being a cool badass" so I want to know which parts aren't coming off correctly.

Chekov's gun and all that. You mention stolen panties like three times, and yet nothing arises from that. I was expecting a spilled glass/change pants scene somewhere in there but nope, nada. Rainy doesn't even get jealous over the panty thief.

Then there's the D/s thing at the beginning. Sure, D/s is fine and all, but how did we get from "I saved my childhood friend from an abusive relationship" to "she's now happily tied to my bed". Feels like you wanted to have the D/s part in there, but left the building steps to it in your head.

Which brings me to the "I expected more /u/" part.
>It's gotta be pretty gay to plot to kidnap your childhood best friend who feels too broken by a lifetime of abuse and depression to change by carrying her out of bed, declaring that you're going to take her all for yourself and give her exactly what she deserves, then drive off into the night with her after she wakes up and decides she's cool with being kidnapped, right?

I kinda disagree. There's nothing in the history of Alice and Rainy's relationship thus far to clearly imply more than platonic love for each other as friends. If they were separated for 14 years, and Alice is 27 now, they were 13 when they last saw each other. 14 years of nothing is a pretty long time. When did the deeper-than-friends feelings develop? IDK. But it sure didn't happen when they last saw each other.

Basically, if you cut the prologue, this story becomes a "trust me, it's gonna be /u/ later" kind of story. This is why I said I expected more /u/.
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>>3763304
>Lose the parenthesis for Alice's thoughts
I disagree. When I read this I thought this was how internal monologue was given throughout the piece, but parentheses are used for parenthetical asides and putting the two of them in parentheses adds a fun little irreverent tone.
The second one you could write as something like
>The B, incidentally, stands for my bat.
But the first one feels disconnected and less funny without them.
>>3763217
My grammatical nitpick is to learn what dashes are and to use them where hyphens are improperly used instead. According to one of my Leaf mates, spaced em dashes are the Canadian English standard.
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>grammatical nitpick
*punctuation
Will have some grammatical ones along with feedback on the story itself later when I'm free later.
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>>3763781
>Chekov's gun and all that.

I mean yeah, it's just supposed to be a gag about the kind of crap that happens to Alice when she goes to concerts. It's not supposed to be important.

>I kinda disagree. There's nothing in the history of Alice and Rainy's relationship thus far to clearly imply more than platonic love for each other as friends.

I see. This is just the first part (my plan is to upload in episodic, multiple chapter installments like this) and they've only just reunited. I guess I'm questioning if they don't come off as romantic considering the lengths Alice is willing to go and how visibly flustered Rainy gets over Alice's behaviour (let alone that she's extremely comfortable with being kidnapped by her angry buff lady childhood friend who declares Rainy belongs to her). They're friends now because that's who they were back then, and this part of the story is about them reuniting and immediately asserting their old dynamic.

Writing it, I wondered if Alice came off as almost already in love with Rainy considering the lengths she goes to. Seeing her for the first time in that long and offering to let Rainy move in with her (where she describes her heart stopping) kinda felt really romantic-coded even out of the gate, like she was trying to ask her out.

(and Alice marched Rainy up to their parents when they were kids to tell them they'd never get married because she'd never share Rainy with a guy. That's really gay!)

I really appreciate the stuff you've told me even if I'm arguing some of it. I've never had a beta reader before so I've never considered how things that make immediate sense in my head come off to a reader, and how I can convey that intent better. I've never actively sought out impressions, so this has been a really fun experience for me. I want to keep finding people to do this with, though I'm not sure where to start.
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>>3763805
>My grammatical nitpick is to learn what dashes are and to use them where hyphens are improperly used instead. According to one of my Leaf mates, spaced em dashes are the Canadian English standard.

Thanks for this! I probably have a lot of grammar/punctuation stuff to clean up. I definitely should try and do a thorough editing session just for that.
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>>3763217
>>3763824
Well, we know we're reading a /u/ story, so we're inclined so read things as gay, and we know from the flash-forward prologue that they do end up in a sexual relationship.
Attempting to put aside this knowledge, it seems clear that Rainy is cognizant of the sexual/romantic tension the reader can sense, but Alice comes off as fairly oblivious, with the references to Rainy as "[her] girl" seeming the most suss. She feels seriously concerned for a friend's well-being and I buy that Alice at least thinks that's all it is.
A question I had while reading, and I can really only assume I know the answer because I'm on /u/ right now: what gender was Alice's concert hookup? Rainy being the first girl to make Alice realise she's gay feels very natural to their dynamic as I read it ("wait, fuck, have I been in love with Rainy this whole time?"); and if Alice is a confident out lesbian, then an acknowledgement of this feels conspicuously missing from the story and her present-day feelings towards Rainy. Maybe she has a type and it's the opposite of Rainy? Or maybe she just has Rainy compartmentalised in the friend category and needs time to realise how attracted she is to her.
Also, maybe this will come up in future parts, but what's Rainy's history with her sexuality, and does her dad know (and I imagine disapprove)?
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>>3763824
I guess we just fundamentally disagree on how to introduce ideas and concepts to a story. Which is fine, but then from my point of view, you just wrote a 5 chapter long prologue. Maybe that was your intent, but then I'll say I read this stuff for the /u/ and come off disappointed when you reply with "wait for chapters 6-10+".

>I really appreciate the stuff you've told me even if I'm arguing some of it.
The point is to improve your writing. I'm not telling you what to do, I'm just sharing my impressions for you to consider.

>>3763830
>if Alice is a confident out lesbian, then an acknowledgement of this feels conspicuously missing from the story and her present-day feelings towards Rainy.
This.
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>>3763830
>what gender was Alice's concert hookup?

It's deliberately left unspecified but yeah it was a girl and Alice is gay.

It's a "plot twist" in that when it's later stated out loud in text it's less so the audience knows and more that Rainy does, while Alice herself doesn't really have any reason to consider it as worth mentioning unprompted, if that makes sense. As I think of Alice, she's always thought girls were cute and pretty and never thought of boys in any regard, but didn't realize she was a lesbian until later because she didn't know that "thinking girls are cute and pretty" was out of the norm.

>Or maybe she just has Rainy compartmentalised in the friend category and needs time to realise how attracted she is to her.

This is probably a spoiler but yeah that's how I see it. It's obliquely hinted such as at the end of Chapter 4 where Alice says "I'll take you all for myself" to Rainy to punctuate the idea of kidnapping her and notes "saying that should have taken more effort," but when Rainy throws it back at her in the car Alice immediately deflates and decides Rainy was talking crazy for extraneous reasons and she'll have a good, private laugh about it.


>Also, maybe this will come up in future parts, but what's Rainy's history with her sexuality, and does her dad know (and I imagine disapprove)?

We know she at least likes girls, but as I envision Rainy going forward she has a really troubled relationship with her attraction to other people as a result of her abusive upbringing and mental health problems. A line I should reincorporate is Rainy expressing fear of falling in love with someone due to how victims can be drawn to partners who act like their abuser, even with Alice I'm not sure if she'd define that as being attracted to women or just Alice specifically, and if that's part of a broader identity or something she herself doesn't understand.
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>>3763842
5 chapter prologue is not technically incorrect but I think of it more like the first episode of a larger series. Can't have everything done by then, right?

As for 'arguing,' I definitely don't mean that as a negative, just in how I differ in stuff like whether Alice herself is coded gay. This is the first time I've ever sought in-depth impressions over my writing and it's been extremely rewarding for someone to read it and come away with such a different interpretation than what I intended, so I'm extremely grateful you've been taking the time to tell me how you felt.
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>>3763857
>less so the audience knows and more that Rainy does, while Alice herself doesn't really have any reason to consider it as worth mentioning unprompted
My take: I agree Rainy being made aware in this first part doesn't feel necessary, and an offhand reference to a no-gender-specified hookup in the narration is fine. Alice not seeing her in a romantic/sexual light (yet) also makes sense, particularly given how things develop, but the tension is there in the story and since you're not trying to keep her being gay a secret from the reader (which is good – to me that would border on false intrigue), then there's an incongruence where Alice reads as if she's oblivious to how gay aspects of their interactions are.
Something like "after a hard week banging girls it was nice to relax reconnecting with an old friend who happened to be female" might be a bit on the nose, but if we arrived at the point where we learn Rainy is an abuse victim with a better sense of what's going on with Alice I think that would help.

>"saying that should have taken more effort,"
This bit lost me a little. Is the exchange overall Alice leaning into the kidnapper thing, and hearing Rainy say her words back flusters her because that brings a romantic/sexual element into their relationship other than as a joke Alice is making? I don't understand what the quoted line is saying.
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>>3763934
>Alice reads as if she's oblivious to how gay aspects of their interactions are.

In Chapter 5 when Rainy throws the phone out and Alice narrates a bit about how she sees Rainy as "alight with the fire she always dreamed she'd have," I originally had it so that Alice then narrates "it was maybe the hottest thing I'd ever seen in my life. Because fire. Not because she was-"

Do you think I should reincorporate this? In terms of my intent, Alice *is* oblivious to how absurdly gay she's being towards Rainy because she knew Rainy before she figured out she was a lesbian, so she doesn't have that context for her since she sees Rainy again and in the same circumstances she left her. It just seemed redundant with how pointed Alice's denial is in Chapter 4 where she's knocked off balance when Rainy goes "you took me all for yourself, so what I do deserve, Boss?" and immediately passes out, so Alice then goes "haha wow that cough syrup sure did a number on her, better not think about it," but if these moments are coming off as entirely platonic instead of letting the reader question Alice's feelings, maybe I should push harder.

IE: These are moments where Alice has reason to think of Rainy in a romantic or sexual context and she hastily denies it to herself. In terms of whether Alice comes off as platonic, she's in denial or at least apprehensive about viewing Rainy as such, and in conveying that to the reader it's by depicting Alice's feelings without saying "I am a lesbian" until they arrive back in Edmonton, whereupon Alice's own life and status quo is established now that she's brought Rainy to it (looking ahead, this is where she *would* say stuff like "it's nice to be back home after a girl-banging concert, and hey roomie I invited my childhood friend to live with us now"). In this installment, Alice exists as "Rainy's best friend who returns home by chance" and they pick up where they left off, and romantic feelings weren't out to them.
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>>3763934
>I don't understand what the quoted line is saying.

The kidnapping is essentially an in-universe fantasy for Rainy, dreaming of a powerful aggressive force breaking into her house to steal her in the dead of night, whisking her far away and keeping her forever. Alice, when realizing how to save Rainy like she always dreamed of, comes up with the same idea, except *she's* the kidnapper. She's so devoted to Rainy that she will defy Rainy's own depressed brain saying "I can't leave and will die here" to save her and forces the happiest ending for Rainy for her own good and not coincidentally, Alice's idea of her happy ending is "I'll take Rainy with me and care for her." In an earlier take on the kidnapping where Rainy was more alert, Alice is explicitly clear that if Rainy really is as hopeless as she says, then she'll keep Rainy forever (and that she should have made a cool costume for doing this like dressing up as Michelle Pfeifer Catwoman).

Without the prologue (which I might axe) it's supposed to be the first inclination of D/s romance that's core to this story: Rainy wants to be kidnapped and Alice wants to kidnap her, and Alice isn't ready to admit this to herself while Rainy just won't admit it out loud. Rainy being a victim of abuse and mental illness makes Alice reluctant to think of her in a sexual context (and out of universe, it's because I don't want Alice to think "damn gurl" while Rainy is depressed and making pointed commentary about how she'll die in this town), so Alice's feelings are leaking out in this fantasy scenario she created without thinking why it was so easy to fall into it

TLDR: Alice wanted saying that to take more effort because she really wants to think "kidnap Rainy" is a funny metaphor to get Rainy to move out and not, specifically, that she wants to domme a cute, helpless girl who needs Alice to be a powerful, assertive badass who takes what she wants, and what she wants is Rainy.
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Roylan Sinclair - Truth and Measure / Above All Things
Ice Queen romance and sequel. Pretty random grab; went through some generic A-meets-B romances, was disgusted by it all, and, yeah, picked another cliché but at least it's a cliché that's more than "returns to small town blabla cat/dog blabla".

It's a little bit disappointing how much of the standard ice queen formula this is. Boss runs a fashion magazine and such, of course, heroine is her PA; kinda wants to be a writer, though I guess isn't as invested in it. Would have been interesting to see some other combination; I mean, you can be bossy outside of fashion magazines too, kinda goes without saying ...

But despite that I quite enjoyed the first book. It gets the bossiness right, it certainly knows how to play up the attraction, and there's nothing annoying about it. Solid prose, solid characters. Of course, they got some things to figure out and there's some mistakes made but they seem reasonable to make for people in their situation and are resolved before becoming annoying. No homophobia or sexism or anything of that sort either, which for a romance of this type I guess I prefer.

There's a bit of extra spice due to the ice queen being pregnant throughout the story; that was an interesting addition. Could have gotten a bit more depth.

There's also loads of sex once they get going. Especially in the 2nd novel, which frankly doesn't offer all that much beyond. More like a cozy epilogue with some minor problems they work out between fucking all the time. The sex scenes all seem fine but somehow didn't really click with me; couldn't say why.

Enjoyable if not particularly memorable read; 1st book a bit more interesting, 2nd book a bit more whatever, but, "whatever".
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Are there any websites that are just dedicated story depositories that I don't have to go through the trouble of making an account and verifying it and all that crap
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Any recommendations for sapphic stories set in the early 19th century England?
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>>3764545
Is this the same author of the fanfic "Truth and Measure"? Sure sounds like it, so she published it huh.
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>>3765235
Mh, 2013. I had been wondering whether it was directly a Devil Wears Prada fanfic or actually fanfic of Brutal Truth (like a fanfiction one removed, if that makes sense).

... I still find it kinda hilarious that Lee Winter apparently helped edit this.
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>>3764545
You didn't know this was a fic?



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