What would you do with a portal gun?
>>739386204suck my own dickretard
>>739386204probably have a portal in my room and one outside so I can pee without making a mess in my room, while also not leaving my room
>>739386298>not fucking your own assder midwit
>>739386298I would only do this if I also had a device that turned me into a futanari otherwise it would be quite homosexual.
>>739386305this nigga never heard of bottles
>>739386298I used to be able to do this. It's not as good as you think.
>>739386298suck this anon's dick
>>739386298speaking from experience, it's about 80% sucking a dick and 20% getting your dick sucked. unless you really like sucking dick, it's not going to be a good time.
>>739386204probably your mom
>>739386562thisyoure too stressed out by the uncomfortable posture and the cock in your mouth to get any penile pleasure from the experience
>>739386562how did you get a portal gun?
>>739386204Fuck myself in the ass.
>>739386204Skip the commute to work.
Do the box experiment so A tards kill themselves en-masse
>>739386424This is the one everyone was looking for.Question is, how would one thrust forward into the asshole if the asshole is also being thrust forward?
>>739386305>retarded post>/vt/rannyevery single time
>>739386562>>739386674How did you lose the portal gun?
>>739386674With my going into games machine
>>739386204I would place a portal near my TV and then one near my favorite chair so I could game in luxury while sitting closer to my TV
>>739386204>What would you do with a (physics breaking shit)Eternal motion engines, generate infinite energy. Do whatever I fucking want
>>739386724put one portal on the floor and one on the wall. moving diagonally adjusts penetration depth. it's not exactly a comfortable position though.
>>739386612thanks, my non-trans bro
>>739386424how the fuck would you do that? If you thrust forward your ass goes away from your dick and you would need a stupidly right spot to do it even if that weren't the case.
>>739386863obviously the alt-right incels exist in the same spaces as trannies and indians
>>739386298beat me to it
>>739386616i like sucking dick (in a non-gay way)
>>739386204Free fall forever
>>739386724This is not a difficult problem to solve with the tiniest bit of problem solving. Give it another try.Put one of the portals on a movable surface.
>>739386919Why do they hang out with trannies and indians all day?
>>739386424Imagine if this is why the portal gun's inventor invented it in the first place.
eat my own shitretard
>>739386424I mean the logistics of it are a lot more rough. With cock sucking you just have one at waist level, one at head level, then get to town. With ass fucking you're trying to thrust into an ass that's pulling away from you each time. You'd need a super narrow squeeze of an area to get both portals in, and even then it'd still be awkward.
>>739386863They're a mid stage evolution of them
>>739386424poop comes from there gaylord
>>739386980you're not funny
>>739386876Put the portals on slanted surfaces so you can change the relative distance by moving along the tilt
>>739386298I feel like the problem with sucking you own dick with portals is that even with portals you can't look up and make eye contact while sucking which kind of ruins half of the appeal? idk tho
>>739386740I feel bad for the faggotsYou can't even be a normal faggot anymore without someone accusing you of dressing up and taking hormones
>>739386204Run through them counterclockwise until I go back in time to the Cretaceous period and meet my tyrannosaurs rex wife
>>739386851Wouldn't work.>>739386965I'm going to need you to show your work. I want to be able to thrust into my own ass, and I want my own ass to feel as if it's getting pounded, so that means no pulling with the arms.
>>739387124I'm still not sure how they managed to get her cloaca on television
>>739386204Make people fall from non-lethal heights.Pissing around a corner.Placing portals in hidden places and scaring people by yelling when they're close.The classic perpetually falling objects.Things like that.
>>739387083Its that important to you?Maybe its just my current partner but I'm just not crazy about her looking at me while blowing, though I like looking at her
>>739386204THREAD THEMEhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NLXU0co_030
>>739386204fun way to kill myself ig?maybe portal to like a ayce kbbq and home
>>739386298This. Also if I had a time machine.
>>739386965Sorry, wouldn't work. Your ass would just fall harmlessly out of the portal.
>>739386204Cool my PC by placing one portal in Antarctica
>>739386204I'd use it for traveling around town, save on gas money. It's not like I'm sneaky enough to rob banks or shit and I'm okay with giving myself handies but I draw the line there.
>>739387180Mandatory thrusting is tricky, but doable if the size of the portal is adjustable.>Place on penis-girth sized portal on a disc-like surface that fastened by a pelvic harness so that it is positioned right in front of your asshole>Place the second portal on a disc with a fixed position (surrounded by some cushioning to absorb your thrusts)>Thrust your erect penis into portal 2; your cock will exit through portal 1 and penetrate your asshole>EnjoyYou can customize the portal surfaces for comfort as well.
Say to girls that I'm a magican and can take them anywhere they'd like for a date or just a drink. Just ask them to close their eyes and follow me as I lead them by the hand.Would probably get bored of that though. Probably.
>>739387825Why would you give yourself a handy? You can do that without a portal gun. It's arguably more gay than a blowjob since you chose to see it as another man. At least a blowjob is filling a need that can't be met otherwise.
>>739386612you're a woman right ?
conquer the world
>>739386424That'd be gay tho
>>739387748Wrong.>>739387851
>>739386204I fight myself, since I fight myself I improve upon both defeat and victory against myself I will keep fighting myself until I become the best fighter in the world.
>>739386298Would it count as your own dick if it comes through the portal? Getting ship of theseus vibes here.
>>739386747How you even know that these random anime reaction images are vtubers? Seems like the anons who seethe about vtubers are awfully familiar with them...
>>739386204reminder: your dick dies and is reassembled when it goes through the portal
>>739386204Probably just mundane shit. I wouldn’t be able to do any of the high maneuver shit without the implants/long fall boots.
>>739388453that's okay, as long as my brain doesn't go through it's fine
>>739386424Not possible.
>>739386965Okay but if you stopped moving the portal would your dick jettison off deep inside?
>>739388842why even live in this gay ass world?
How far away can the portals be? Because if they can be very far away I might just keep a portal permanently open to the beach and another next to my house.
>>739388842That's why you slant the walls like a V, so you can crouch to make your dick approach your butthole
>>7393889419000 IQ anon, right here
>>739388842attach one of the portals to a door
>>739388842couldn't you do something like this?
>>739386204gradually expose the holy land to vacuum
>>739389040Incredible, this is like /v/'s Haruhi Problem
>>739386616>This anon somehow has a portal gunWhat the fuck
>/v/ is so full of closeted queers that they've done thesis-level work on how to suck their own dicks and fuck their own assholes if portal guns were real
You guys are something else, Jesus. If this thread is still up in an hour, I will draw a diagram of my asshole harness system. This does not need to be this difficult for anyone with the slightest capacity for spatial reasoning.
>>739389259nope, it was just my going into games machine
>>739389338it's not gay if it's your dick and asshole you are sucking and fucking
>>739389040I think this should work>>739389338fucking your own ass is definetly gay but I'd argue that sucking your own dick isn't, same as jerking off isn't giving yourself a handjob
>>739389356You don't need a harness just a way to grip the sides of one of the portal panelsThis is just a retardedly elaborate onahole design for people who didn't deem that gay enough
>>739389338>closeted
>>739389338*shoots to the floor next to me**shoots to the ceiling above you**takes a massive big fat shit so it falls down the portal*GETOUTFUCKINGSKILLED
>>739389338
>>739386204Idk but it'd definitely involve rape somehow
Is it gay to suck your own dick?It seems like the answer is an obvious "yes", but then again, we give ourselves handjobs all the time and that's not gay, so maybe not.
>>739389894is it gay to lick your fingers clean of cheeto dust? nois it gay to lick another man's fingers clean of cheetos dust? yesnothing gay about sucking your own dick
>>739389894Now you're getting the juices flowing (just brain juices, for now)
>>739386204she could lay in her own lap like that
>>739386298FPBP also piss on my face only problem is I'd be too hard to actually be able to piss. oh woe is me!
>>739386204
>>739390417BITCH
i'd order deliveryget it fast like dignorio'cuz once it leaves the restaurantit goes right through a portal
>>739389894Technically, no, you can't be gay for yourself because the actual term is autosexuality, which means that you like yourself in a sexual way and it isn't neither gay nor straight.
>>739386298I'd use it to eat my own shit.
>>739388415Every vtuber uses that same pseudo 2D look and they were spammed all over /v/ in 2020.
>>739386298You arent just meant to say it!
>>739389894i would say no, and honestly go so far as to say shoving a dildo up your ass isn't gay either. it's only gay when there's another person involved.
>>739386204Shoot one portal on the ground. And the other inside a black hole.
I would put one portal on the ceiling of my office and then one in my garage. Can get to work instantly without driving and wasting gas.Boring answer, but commuting sucks dick, and unlike all the rest of you fairies in this thread, that’s not something I’m into.
>>739386298Fpbp
Remember College Humor-er, Dropout?https://youtu.be/NggUSbgRUhc
>>739386616I'm in luck, then.
>>739386424Impossible, your hips move forward which moves your ass in the same direction.
>>739386204Can you give yourself the stranger using a portal gun? If not, then nothing.
>>739386204put one in your ass and one on my cock
>>739394965Congrats on your farting cock, retard.
