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How are you doing, anon? Let's post walls that reflect our thoughts and feels. I've always felt better when I got things out of my head. Maybe it'll help help you feel better too.

ITT I'll be posting a new wallpaper every day along with some of my thoughts on it. For the first day I'll share three. Feel free to disagree with any of the following. I appreciate different perspectives.

You can't look at a boat without thinking of a journey or an adventure. Like they say, boats were not built to stay at their docks. Clearly this ship is heading toward a harbor, nearing the end of its voyage, but is it arriving at a new land or returning to an old one? How long have they been out at sea? If this is "home," how much has it changed? When I look at this wallpaper I'll have different answers every time, but I always think about the captain in the same way: he never expected to reach his destination.

I'm in the same... boat. There was a friend I've had for many years, and long story short I made it prohibitively difficult for him to continue to talk to me. It's not that he ever closed the door, it's just that the onus was on me to reopen it, which was extremely difficult because I have some pretty bad anxiety issues. The fall-out occurred a little over a year ago and I never went more than a week without thinking about reaching out to him again, what to say, where the conversations would go, and everything else, but I still couldn't get myself to do it.

Last week I finally put my foot down and promised myself I would finally reach out. I prepared more than I had ever prepared before, and I planned to do it today, but man plans and God laughs. I didn't reach out to him today. He actually reached out to me first, yesterday. It was unbelievable. After more than a year of silence, and the day before I resolved to reach out, he goes first. I'm also surprised how easy it was for things to return to relative normalcy.

Also, my Captcha wants me to select images with boats. FFS.
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Besides being comfy af, this one makes me think of the absurdity of the internet. I mean, if you have access to the internet, you have access to an effectively infinite source of knowledge. Even crazier, just a few decades ago, none of this stuff was easily accessible, if accessible at all. If you go back just a little bit to the 90's, they didn't have Wikipedia. They might've had Google, I don't feel like checking, but inernet access was nowhere near as widespread as it is now. If someone today from a first-world country told you they don't have access to the internet, you'd look at them like they were crazy, unless they were homeless. Actually you might still look at them like they're crazy but for a different reason.

Of course, it says more about people than the internet. With infinite knowledge easily accessible, people still overwhelmingly choose entertainment over information. It's not new, almost everyone by default gravitates toward short-term comfort and complacency.

Another example is exercise. Regular exercise is conclusively better for your health than a sedentary lifestyle, and it's been demonstrated over and over that you don't have to hit the gym all the time or run a mile every day. Even just some light exercise once or twice a week can have tremendous benefits, especially over the longterm.

I'm not making any value judgments here, I'm just saying it looks weird seeing people overwhelmingly and repeatedly opt for detrimental longterm outcomes, especially since it's not a matter of knowledge. Everyone knows they should exercise regularly, they simply choose not to.

Actually I changed my mind. It is retarded. Exercise more.
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For anyone with really shitty monitors (or eyesight), there are two people sitting suspending from the colossal crane, like a swing set or a carnival ride. I can't even begin to imagine just how massive this thing would be in real life.

But it makes me reflect on how we live a lot of our lives on autopilot. Because if you lived in a world where these sorts of massive cranes existed, had existed for decades, and you saw one while walking to school or work every day, it'd seem unremarkable. It's always been there since you were a kid, and since your parents were kids, and maybe even their parents too. It's not really a big deal.

For most people, virtually everything is unremarkable unless it's novel. This isn't unintended or even necessarily inherently bad, because if you've done any reading into perception and awareness you'll know we actually actively perceive very little. You don't perceive each individual grain of sand on a beach or each blade of grass in the park because that'd be inefficient and unnecessary.

However, I think a lot of people might feel a bit better if they slowed down to smell the roses. When you have a good chance, look up at the clouds or out toward the horizon. The weather is getting better, consider going for a walk. A long time ago I used to have some anxiety about going for walks, but the reality is people won't bother you and it's very refreshing to take a walk.

It really helped me appreciate my surrounding area more. Usually you pass all these things because you're going somewhere else, but when you're just walking you get to absorb a lot more and it really gives you a different perspective. It always sounded cliche to me to "just slow down, take things in" and it still does sound very cliche, but eventually I noticed I was unintentionally doing exactly that and also feeling a lot better as a result, so I encourage you to give it some thought as well.
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Although I'm not contributing with an image nor a thought, I felt compelled to say I enjoyed reading your thoughts, anon. I'll bookmark this thread and check back every now and again to see if you've posted. Well done.
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Cool idea OP, I like this sort of creativity

The Neuschwanstein is my favorite castle in all of Europe. To me it represents my love for exploring. I'm lucky enough to have been to Europe twice, I loved it, and I love exploring new places. I'm at a crossroads in my life. My future is uncertain and the path isn't clear. All I want to be fully content is to be able to travel and explore often and to do it with the people I love. I'm not sure how i'm going to make that happen...yet, but i'm going to find a way.
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Great stuff so far OP, Most people lose track of time now and forget to reflect on things/express themselves. I'm sure we're all confused and uncertain of things given the "Less than assuring" state of the world. 2019 is very strange and from what I can see, It will only get stranger. For me personally in these strange times, stay true to your beliefs/convictions, seek improvement, and most importantly, remain close or in contact with those you care about. With that being said, I hope OP and anyone reading this the best of luck towards whatever your doing.
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Cool to hear your guys' thoughts. After my third post yesterday I realized all of my posts were close to the character limit and was worried it might discourage people from posting.

I really agree that reflection and self-expression are extremely valuable, and it's not just an anecdotal or personal-opinion type of thing, either. I read a book a while back written by an FBI agent who specialized in negotiating with terrorists and kidnappers. He had many tactics for different situations, but one surprised me the most: he would tell the criminals what he assumed to be their worst fears.

>“It looks like you don’t want to come out,” I said repeatedly. “It seems like you worry that if you open the door, we’ll come in with guns blazing. It looks like you don’t want to go back to jail.”
>...
>Then I asked them the question that was most nagging me: Why did they come out after six hours of radio silence? Why did they finally give in? All three gave me the same answer.

>“We didn’t want to get caught or get shot, but you calmed us down,” they said. “We finally believed you wouldn’t go away, so we just came out.”
>...
>In one brain imaging study, psychology professor Matthew Lieberman of the University of California, Los Angeles, found that when people are shown photos of faces expressing strong emotion, the brain shows greater activity in the amygdala, the part that generates fear. But when they are asked to label the emotion, the activity moves to the areas that govern rational thinking.

>In other words, labeling an emotion—applying rational words to a fear—disrupts its raw intensity.

It's sort of like this coastline. It's beautiful, but if you're surrounded by trees or further back in the woods, you might feel lost or frustrated or not even know it's there. Reflection and self-expression can help get you off the ground.
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>>7383945
>A long time ago I used to have some anxiety about going for walks, but the reality is people won't bother you and it's very refreshing to take a walk.

I used to have this same feeling before going on walks, it seems like such a small thing but it's nice to see such a mundane sentiment echoed on here. Nice thread OP, feels "cozy" to read through it somehow.

My laptop cycles through a big folder of wallpapers and Pic related is the one that came up today, and it sort of made me think about how much escapism has become a part of my life. Today was a pretty boring and by-the-books day, which I guess is starting to get to me, so it really does feel nice to just imagine yourself in fantasy locations or in scenarios that you know wouldn't ever happen to you IRL.
Just taking a step back to look at how escapism could be affecting me and what can be considered a healthy amount, and I've come to think that maybe I should tone it down a little. I think a little bit of it is definitely needed to stay sane in what I consider to be an uneventful life, but maybe I could learn to appreciate the things I don't even pay attention to. Sometimes I do try and meditate on the joys of the real life and whatnot, but it is just extremely comforting to come back to a screen and think about how it would feel to live in some magical cloud world where flying whales carry villages on their backs.
It'd probably be helpful to appreciate these sorts of images for what they are and not try and project myself into them.
Maybe I should go on walks more often.
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Damn, that was a tough one. I chose this one because it represents what I currently need - to get away. I need to just leave in my car, and I love this picture because of the weather and the perspective, makes me imagine the wind in my face.

However, I've never found what I'd consider the "perfect" wallpaper, the one wallpaper that describes me 100%. It's gotta be sad, it's gotta need lots of colors while displaying adventure, heartbreak, hope and loss, utter sadness but happiness too. It needs to give me the feelings of grief and nostaliga, love and comfort. It needs something I can't put my finger on, but I hope that one day I will find it. My brain is a mess.
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>>7384580
Nice one anon
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I definitely agree that Escapism is necessary for just about everyone, but much like most things, moderation is the key here. Video games, movies/TV, art, etc. are all great things, but as we can see from the modern era, its a double edge sword sort of speak. If you're reaching a point of stagnation, just open your mind a bit and do a little searching. Try to find that "driving force"whatever that may be. I Know that sounds really cliche, but its the best advice I have to give. Anyways, I once again hope the best for anyone reading this.
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Atrophy. Existentialism.
A strange sensation has gripped me for a few months now, following an emotional event. A sense of detachment and depersonalization. The feeling of being far away and just... Here. No purpose, no goal. Just... Here.
This photo, taken by one of the voyager probes hurled into space on a way bound journey, with no return. But for a moment, it captured an image of Earth, seen as a pale blue dot. This image invokes a strange feeling of modesty, but also existential contemplation. This pixel on a screen has encompassed everything that we have ever experienced, everything that everyone has experienced. Love. War. Hate. Birth. Death.
It's a reflection of everything we know to be, every major event that has gripped our very being, traumatic events in which the world stood still. But even so, it's simply a pixel in a infinite cosmic void. A small, momentary planetoid, that is but a second on the universal clock. And yet, we've experienced everything we know on it. It's humbling.

Anyway, the escapism of this is to mask my very own feelings of being momentary.

I hope all you anons out there are doing alright. Great thread btw.
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>>7384949
Could I ask you what the event was?
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>>7384972
Of course.
Was in hospital for a hernia surgery. During the recovery, the nurses forgot to administer medication for the pain management. I tried to get up to go to the toilet and I blacked out from the pain. My body went into shock and my blood pressure dropped so low that my heart ended up flatlining for a just over a minute and my general anesthetist had to resuscitate me. I woke up and didn't realize I had even blacked out, but ever since I've had heart problems, such as a resting heart rate over 100bpm and cold sweats and night terrors throughout my sleep.
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Well, i'm not that good at english, so i can't talk about my thoughts, but i really enjoyed reading yours. Thanks for sharing this with us, i hope you all are doing alright.
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I used to wonder if there was a way to look at pictures like these and, without knowing time of day or cardinal directions, figure out whether I was seeing a sunrise or a sunset.

It'd be a cool little trick but also help me to contextualize the "true" picture better. This photo of a cloudy, tranquil expanse takes on different meanings depending on whether you see the sun setting or rising, don't you think? Well, turns out if you don't know the time or where you're facing, you can't tell whether you're seeing a sunrise or sunset. Or, if there is a way, I didn't find it.

At first it was a bit of a letdown, but eventually I started to see that kind of open-endedness as a positive. It gives the picture versatility, allowing it to more easily take on different meanings depending on how you feel. It also helps condition you to look at things from multiple angles. You can play with the assumptions with any picture, it's just easily demonstrated when the sun is on the horizon.

I was never really interested in authorial intent. It's an interesting critical exercise to think about what they wanted to convey and the different ways they executed it, but I was always much more interested in what I myself could get out of any given work. The author can never predict all the different thoughts and emotions they're going to evoke. Personal interpretations are not only much more visceral because of the inherent personal connection but also significantly more interesting because they're emergent, unplanned by the work's creator.

On a side note, that's the reason why I don't like genius.com very much. It's cool to read about what the writer had in mind and it can help explain abstruse lines, but too much of the writing I've seen on that site seems to lead readers to look at authorial intent as the sole legitimate interpretation and implicitly discouraging people from reflecting on what the music means to them.
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>>7384986
Jesus. You died, you were dead for a minute or so... you literally died, but you came back. That's a fighter if I haven't seen one.

Do you have some rights for compensation?
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>>7383943
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Right now I’ve spent about a day or so with my best friend that I had unwillingly caught feelings for. I’ve had the vulnerable conversation of teling him that even after 3 years, and after his relationships with other women and his most recent one being abusive, I still harbor those feelings. He’s still cool with me and he values my friendship, but he only wants to be friends.

But lately I’ve wondered if my friendship with him and helping ME grow. At times I feel trapped with him; but like a comforting kind of trapped. Like, “sure, even if I may be stuck with you, it’s totally okay with me because I love you. I accept this, even if it bothers me.” It’s like I’ve lost all regard for myself when I’m with him, out of love. He’s currently at work and I’m back at my place planning to go to the gym to reflect more, but last night when I slept over (in separate beds but in the same room), I stayed up in bed until 3am (he was out at midnight) alone with with my thoughts. Asking myself, why am I still doing this? Why do I keep coming back here? For what? He doesn’t want me. I wanted him to be part of my life, but he doesn’t want me to be part of his. Could we at least have sex? Cuddle? Maybe just have a heart-to-heart talk?

I’m away from him now and it kinda hurts, but I know that constant perseverance at the gym and taking care of myself and meeting my goals takes precedence over him. And sometimes I’ll even remember the times where he wasn’t the best; and I know he remembers the times when I wasn’t the best, either.

I love him, but.. y’know. Maybe love can’t stay. Maybe love shouldn’t. I just want to feel at peace with my own goals; but dopamine from false love and friendships are tough to beat.
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>>7385410
I can relate a lot to those unresolved, unrequited feelings but unlike you I still have to find the strength to initiate the tough conversations.

It feels like I'm in a similar spot to this wallpaper, comforting but foggy. I can't stay here forever, but I don't know what's ahead. Hopefully I can find the strength to move forward soon. Hope things get better for you, too.
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>>7385410
Jesus Christ this hit me hard. I'm almost in the same boat. I asked her if she wanted to date me around last Christmas. She said yes, but by the time New Year's rolled around she said she couldn't go through with it and that she just didn't see me that way. That she was too excited to really think about it. That I was the best friend she had, but nothing more. Everything she said hurt, but she did her best to say it in a way that wouldn't insult me.

We've known each other for about 2 years now and I'd rather have her as a friend than not at all. So I decided to stick with it. In the middle I thought I was over her. We're better friends now than we ever were, which means I know things about her that are momentarily successful at making her seem unattractive. But I still can't convince myself that she isn't a radiant and beautiful soul.

I trust myself enough to know that I won't put myself between her and her happiness. That I won't let her be uncomfortable and distanced from me. If she wants a friend, I'm determined to show her the best one. If she finds her happiness elsewhere, I'll keep my dignity and her happiness in mind when I decide to stay or leave.

But I just met her two weeks ago when I had to go home from college. Still as beautiful, still as fun and lively, innocent and joyful. And I just don't think I've been able to breathe properly since then.

I'm not going to walk away from her. I still find joy in making her happy. I just wish I didn't dread that it would end when another guy comes around.
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This one was taken in Switzerland, up in the alps. I think it's only a half hour drive from Zurich. I don't remember the exact name, but I definitely want to visit this place someday. It looks very peaceful, and the combination of quaint buildings, abundant greens, and massive mountains makes seem less like a location on Earth and more like the setting of a fairy tale.

But it's a very real place, and it really makes me wonder about what it's like to live there. In big cities, it feels like everyone's always in a hurry or stressed out about something. I konw the people living there have their problems too, but it just looks like an environment that has a kind of inherent soothing effect.

I wonder what they do for a living, too. I doubt a majority of the population there is retired. Are they mostly simple jobs like carpentry or baking, or do they commute to the bigger ciites? After all, Switzerland is relatively small, about 1/10th the area of California.

Even though it looks picturesque and idyllic, I'm sure some of them also wonder about what life is like in other places, too. I think it's just human nature to be intrigued by what we don't have. But there are a lot of things in my life I should be grateful for and I often take them for granted. Maybe I'd see that my own life doesn't look too different from this place in the alps.
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>>7385410
wow anon I think you helped me get through I problem I was having, really cleared up my mind and instantly brightened my mood. Thanks for that
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This wallpaper always reminds me of how alone i really am. There are only two boats in a seemingly empty ocean.I've never been good at making friends and even worse at keeping them.Everyone just seems to flow out of my life and there's nothing I can do to stop it. No matter how much I want one of those deep personal connections with another human being I can never seem to grasp it. Only two boats. I've got someone I care about and I know they care about me too. Known him for almost ten years now. He's the other boat. Even with all this time spent knowing each other, I don't feel any deep bond. The boats are alone in the ocean with just each other and still, they aren't together, hell, they're going in different driections. I'm afraid I'm never going to be able to connect with someone and eventually they'll realize this and leave like all tho others. I just don't want to die alone but at this point I think there's no other option for me. I find myself slowly accepting it.
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>>7386448
Me too.
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Alone, in the desert, going against the wind, sand flying into my eyes. I'm not fully prepared and I don't even know where I'm going, but I gotta keep moving.
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Conspiracy theories shouldn't be synonymous with paranoid lunatics.

First off, to be clear, I do believe most conspiracy theories are a waste of time because they're either demonstrably false or unfalsifiable. If you assert that elites are shape-shifting reptilians with magical powers, how could anyone disprove your claim? Those kinds of unfalsifiable conspiracy theories aren't useful.

But generally, people should be encouraged to ask questions. If you think some parts of a story don't make sense, you should feel free to ask questions about those parts without being afraid of people labeling you a conspiracy theorist. It's insanely hypocritical that the pursuit of knowledge and truths is admirable except for certain types of knowledge and truths.

The problem is that most people aren't trained in pursuing truth. People are conditioned to take so much information for granted. The first thing you should do when you encounter "Why"s such "Why did a third tower fall on 9/11?" and "Why did they all turn off their body cameras before they charged the room?" is determine whether or not those things happened. Whenever you see a quote, you have to look at the transcript or listen to the audio yourself to determine whether or not the quote was taken out of context, or if it was even uttered at all. Outsouring these sorts of jobs to fact-checkers isn't good enough because even if everything they say is correct, you have no idea whether they omitted certain facts or not, giving you a misleading picture.

I mean, really think about it.

Ask yourself when's the last time you really looked into a particular event or story, comparing the differences in different outlets' reports and digging through primary sources. When's the last time you read a statistic and actually looked it up to see if it was true?

People are bombarded with information all day. It's unrealistic to ask everyone to always verify everything, but for things you really, truly care about, dig a bit deeper.
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Extreterrestrial expansion is sort of inevitable, don't you think?

I'd be surprised if we don't see some kind of settlement in space within a hundred years, though I'm unsure about the specific sequence of progression. If we were to establish an extraterrestrial settlement, first we'd have to tackle the issue of essential resources: food, water, and oxygen. Would we focus our efforts toward synthesizing these resources locally at the site of the settlement itself or creating a system to ferry resources between Earth and the space site?

Although the scale is much different, I suppose there would be a lot to glean from how things are currently being done with the International Space Station, which I haven't looked into.

Then there's the topic of robots and how much human involvement would be necessary directly on-site. Of course, eventually a lot will be automated or remotely controlled, but I wonder about the initial endeavors. Would we even attempt a habitable settlement on Mars first, or would we first construct another habitable satellite like the ISS to orbit Mars as a kind of HQ?

But to be honest, I only really care about those kinds of massive, collective human endeavors as commentaries at the microscopic scale of my own life.

What are the motivations for our pursuits? How much of it is necessity, or curiosity about our limits, or intrigue about what's out there?

My anxiety issues have strongly encouraged me to stay risk-averse and pretty comfortable for years, but, especially over the past few months, I've been able to temper the anxiety more and more, allowing me to take more "risks" and make more concerted efforts toward the things I've been missing and wanting in my life.

Maybe it sounds retarded, but in a way it really does feel similar to colonizing space. It feels demanding but valuable, venturing toward the unknown. It's not easy, and that's a big part about what makes it worthwhile.
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>>7386448
ah man, that distinct pink colour reminds me of Solace by Earl Sweatshirt: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k2HFehg2BfY

Funny enough, the song (EP?)'s contents match your post pretty well. Give it a listen if you'd like.
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Just had someone who I really cared for lie to me for months.
Fucking women.

We both loved the same niche genres of music, and I had a crush on her a while back but got over that. However, she couldn't trust me after all that. This pape is a reminds me of the midwest emo we both love, and reminds me of home.
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>>7387406
You should check out Isaac Arthur's channel on youtube. Fascinating stuff about space exploration, transhumanism and the logistics of science fiction.
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>>7387507
Thank you very much for the recommendation. Just started watching a video on his channel that seems to go over the exact questions I was pondering https://youtu.be/bGcvv3683Os?t=246
Very cool channel, I'm gonna be watching a lot of it. Thanks again.
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>>7383943
Take it as a sign. Good friends are hard to come by. You should address your problems and maybe talk with your friend about it or you won't grow as a person.
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>>7383943
how can man die better
Than facing fearful odds,
For the ashes of his fathers,
And the temples of his gods?
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I'm just kinda falling apart, my guys
It's weird to even try to write it out, where would I start
I guess since I graduated college, I have 0 friends. I didn't really have many in college in the first place, but since I pretty much hated everyone in my major (computer science) and made friends with international students, we all scattered to the winds. I kept my girlfriend from college for a year or so, then that fell apart. To try to bounce back and reinvent myself, I started exercising, doing skin-care, reading more, learning an instrument, learning a language, and got invested in my cooking.

It was all bullshit. People say oh yeah totally exercising brought me out of depression, doing this brought me out, NOTHING helped so now after a year I've stopped all of it. It was honestly a relief to have the time back. But now i'm still completely alone and miserable. And recently, some health issues have started cropping up. Persistent pains, eyesight getting worse... it's like my spirit died as soon as finished college, and I'm starting to physically shut down. And I feel shitty complaining about anything, cause my job pays bank and I live a cozy life, but just emotionally, feels like there's no reason to keep on doing any of this.
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>>7388023
>You should address your problems and maybe talk with your friend about it or you won't grow as a person.
Yeah I know, it's just that confronting the social anxiety has been extremely difficult for years now. The prescription is simple -- literally just talk -- but simplicity is separate from difficulty.

One of the ways I tried to deal with it is by engaging with things that are "objectively more difficult" than confronting social anxiety to prove to myself that I have strength, so I've gone skydiving, strictly followed a 6-day workout program for over a year, and other stuff. And none of those things helped with my social anxiety at all. I still have crippling issues talking with people face to face.

Although the workouts haven't made talking to people any easier, they have helped with mood and also given me a new perspective on social anxiety. Each individual workout takes a lot of effort, but you don't see gains after one workout. You have to be consistent and stick with it.

It's frustrating but also appreciated because I've always been competitive and enjoyed challenges. Someday I'll be past it, but first I need countless days pushing through it.
>>
said goodbye yesterday to my boy Lucy aka Goose. Having a really hard time dealing with the loss, my wife is being strong for me but I have spent a lot of time crying the past 36 hrs....
The hardest part is now that his lights are off and his tank is empty, it hurts my heart and our home feels empty with out him. I am just glad my son is young enough he doesn't know what is going on...
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>>7389158
i hope things get better for you. this gave me chills because i'm gonna graduate soon and i don't wanna be alone. any tips? also i'm doing data science
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>>7385059
It may not be scientific or whatever, but every sunset i ever saw was way brighter than the sunrise. Im not sure if its any explanation or its my bias, but sunrises feel way more warm, being way darker in general and more orange, while sun sets seem more comfy and light. I feel like your picture is a sunset in my opinion, but again, no way to be sure. Of course, you may want to interpret your picture based on the facts, but what you really feel when you see it is what matters the most in my opinion.
Also, maximum comfy thread, thanks op and everyone for the contribution. This pic would be mine, but you get to see what you want in it
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My girlfriend and I just broke up the other day. I can't even describe this feeling into words it is just indescribable despair. I really thought she was the one. She was the only girl I ever considered marrying I thought I would never do it. I'm just so fucked up right now
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>>7385484

You and I took different routes. It's almost unbelievable how similar our situations are. Christmas, fizzled out by new years, excitement taking over reality. I had allowed myself to feel things, say things and think things that I can no longer take back. Ultimately I chose to end the friendship, the thought of what could have been hurts too much and she deserves a real friend and I deserve to not be mentally tortured by trying to be something I can't. Cheers anon
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>>7389310
My tip would be not taking tips from people who obviously don't know how to run their lives

But I guess I'll give the tip I wish I could get over myself enough to accept, that nothing is so bad if you can keep the fear from your mind. Gotta go make something happen.
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>>7383943
>Let's post walls that reflect our thoughts and feels.
You feel like playing Assassin's Creed 4 again?
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>>7383943
I have manic depression and I can only hope that this slump won't be the last one.

Maybe I'll finally snag a passion the next time I'm in the light.
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>>7389228
sorry for your loss anon, I hope it gets easier with time
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>>7383943
The girl who led me on is now sleeping with her new bf. Everyone tells me I dodged a bullet but it still hurts to know that my feelings apparently aren't worth consideration. She just used me for affection, found someone better, and left. It makes me want to lie on the train tracks outside. wp is for mobile but it works I hope.
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>>7383943
How do I deal with fear? I'm always dangling on the edge of severe depression and I'm afraid I'll fall in if just one too many things goes wrong.
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>>7389158
Hey man, if you're still around hanging in this thread, I want you to know that you are not alone feeling the way you do.
Every now and then we come to points in our lives where we just feel stuck. But please remember that God has a plan for you. You might not see it or understand it, but he sees what you are going through. He might want to teach you something from it.
But most of all, he knows what happens in the future.
God might not be able to directly help you out of you situation, but he can give you the power and endurance to do so.
Be patient in the toughest of times, and you will come out stronger on the other side.
Godspeed anon.
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>>7389478
I also thought it was a sunset when I saw it. I don't think there is any scientific way of knowing it though.
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>>7383943
She has been occupying my thoughts ever since this past friday. I knew her before that, but it was this friday when I had the oportunity to really get to know her.

She is geourgeous and for some reason she seems to like me. Like she keeps on giving me those charming looks and tries to touch me at any oportunity. All those autistic ways in wich women let you know that they like you.

I'll try to spend some time with her tomorrow. I have no idea what I am going to tell her, but well, I guess I can just let my mind play it's magic. It has worked out well on the past. And this is something surprising, how starting to talk is the worst part, how the fear to make the first move can paralize you, but then you find courage somewhere and you just know what you have to do. It's like if there were a map written on your blood, or your genes or your brain or wherever you want it to be; a map you can follow but that lacks a starting point.

Anyway, even if I don't manage to find her tomorrow,we'll met for sure this thursday. Wish me luck.
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>>7390975
May courage be with you anon.
Don't overthink what you are going to talk about, keep it natural.
God bless
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>>7389576
stay strong anon
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Right now I'm trying to get rid of my ketamine addiction.
While there aren't any physical withdrawals, its incredibly mentally addictive.
And I'm having a hard time to quit.
I'm trying to keep myself busy in the meantime but it is so hard to not think about it.....

I still have a stable job and everything but the only thing I'm thinking about is that fucking drug.......

If there are any anons who were in a similar position that I am in, what would you advise?

Anyways I always loved games and planes in general, so this wallpaper is always nice to look at.

Take care of yourselves anons.
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>>7389478
heh. i was reading this thread and wanted to post the same pic. nice taste anon. lucky i have another one that can go with what i want to write but the one you used was the best one i could ve use
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>>7391825
in regards to what i want to say, i ve chosen this pic (also the one tagged in the previous post) because the thing that is going on in my mind is love. more specifically, romantic love. i do feel familial love and i do have friendships, so i can t exactly say i m lonely. and in general i feel pretty good, even tho i admit i have to make improvements in my lifestyle. but the thing is, i often wonder how it is to be truly in love. to have someone late at night next to you. not necessarly having or had sex. just to be there with the one you love, knowing that they love you as well and that you can rely on them and vice versa. to feel their presence and to feel the connection between the two of you. when i think about relationships, besides the obvious factors of what characteristics you find attractive, the other important fact is to feel a connection. no matter how attractive the girl is, if there is no connection, there is no relationship. i had girls saying that they like me or that they found me attractive, but i just didn't feel it. at least at that respective moment in time. that connection has to come from both sides. if you feel connected but the other doesn't, tough luck. that will fail. you will also waste time and make the other peson feel like shit. the main problem in my part is that only 2 times in my entire life i actually felt that connection with someone else. only once it actually resulted in a relationship. and that didn't even last that long but it was i think the best one i had. not the longest, but the best. i chose these two specific wallpapers because it reflects that mutual connection and understanding between two people that i want in a relationship and that i ve been thinking over the last weeks or so. good luck anons out there and thanks for reading
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>>7391109
Thanks man. I failed though.

I tried, but I gess I didn't tried hard enough.
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>>7391831
I was in love once. For the first time I had something to lose. It was terryfing, and at the same time it filled me with courage. I made wonders during that time.

Each day I hope to meet someone I can love.

I guess I should stop losing time on this basket weaving forum and actually go outside and get to meet peole.

I don't have coulples wallpapers, but I always imagine myself being behind the lady on this one.
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>>7392081
did you fail meeting her or talking to her? if its the first, there is always tomorrow. if its the second, don't worry. next time you can try harder. but the important thing is that you tried
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>>7392091
I managed to talk her, and yes, there will be more chances.
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>>7392089
i mean you can come here anytime you like and still have a social life. if you got friends from the past, go out with them and try meeting new people through them. if you lost contact, try reaching out. kind of like op did. no need to overthink it. just hey, how are you, how have you been, let's meet up. and the conversations will flow on their own. now if you didn't have any one in the past, not even familly members like borthers, sisters, cousins, etc, try connecting with people from your work or school and if you are both unemployed and out of school, try going out. apply for a job. most people are actually pretty chill even if there are the occasional assholes, don't back down. just move on, keep going and eventually everything will turn alright
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>>7392098
indeed. no need to feel discouraged. also let the time flow, let her get to know you as well. in time you will see if you will end up with her or not
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Since it is on my mind, anyone remember a previous wallpaper thread where a guy mentioned his ex slept with a ton of guys all at once or something, trying to remember the particulars as it blew my mind.
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>>7383943
>images with boats
I want sometimes to sail away too. I could do it just like that. But I won't.
I don't have a wife or kids of my own, but I have a family to support. It's not just about my income but about my place as well. My nieces and nephews often visit me, sometimes all by themselves.
>I have four the largest 4K displays plus every imaginable game console there is
>two full shelf meters of games
>six full shelf meters of anime and cartoons
>I am not a gamer nor I don't watch TV
>I am an excellent cook
>I nowadays have a minibus and a four seater sports car
>I used to have a two seater sports car and a fast motorcycle
>I used to have much more sporting rifles and handguns
>today I have just one bolt rifle, one AR-15 and one 9mm

Today I buy cellphones. I have 11 cellphone bills on my name to pay (not any financial issue to me). Three of those are personally for me. Like said, I have no wife nor children of my own but despite of that I have nine kids when things get stormy at their place.
>homework trouble
>homecooking With veggies
>a place with someone who doesn't yell

Yea I know I am being used, sometimes big time. But I still love my nephews and nieces, and I know my older sisters are not having it fair always. But they are my family and family sticks together.

Pic related is my desktop.
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I'll die one day, everything i have done on this earth will have been for nothing and ill disappear into nothingness.

And i'm fine with that...
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>>7392131
i don t really think it s for nothing. it s so that you can have a good time while you can. also to leave something behind for the future generations
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I've visited this hut. Photo by my friend.
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>>7383943
>what's on your mind
Solitude, wilderness, nature. These things are right now literally screaming in my head.
A Real getaway with my backpack, tarp, knife and bolt action rifle. At least two weeks of archipelagic innawoods with hunting and fishing.
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>>7392275
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Just feeling a bit lost I suppose. I should really stop talking to her.
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>>7389478
>what you really feel when you see it is what matters the most in my opinion.
Oh yeah, I strongly agree with that. I'd even go further and say most people overlook their emotions and feelings too much. People associate emotions with weakness, but it reminds me of a quote.

A child asked his father, "Can you still be brave if you're afraid?"
His father replied, "That is the only time you can be brave."

Courage isn't absence of fear, it's action in spite of fear. If you take an action and didn't have any resistance, you haven't demonstrated any strength. Thus, feelings and vulnerabilities foster strength, not hinder it.

Some people also overlook or avoid emotions because they're "subjective" and "not objective," but those kinds of arguments misunderstand what feelings are supposed to do.

Basically, feelings and emotions are best used to better understand the links between what you have and what you want. They're measurement tools. The problems arise when people start assigning value judgments, telling themselves things like "I shouldn't feel this way" or "This feeling is wrong." If you're trying to head south and your compass points north, you don't say the compass is wrong. It's just giving you information.

I know that sometimes the feelings are less like measuring tools and more like shackles. Sometimes they trap you, and sometimes they drag you to places you don't want to go. I understand, I've attempted suicide. But I don't think we should throw the baby out with the bathwater.

We don't have to follow our feelings to the ends of the earth, but we should at least hear them out. There's a reason they're there, after all.
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>>7383943
Well, I have many thoughts on my mind rigth now.

I've been under medication for around six months, I'll finish it this tuesday. Said treatment left me with little to no energy, prevented me from doing excersie (I've lost many muscle), dimished my concentration and has made me to be much more sad (I've never been a happy person anyway). Of course, it has also cured my condition, so I'm happy with it. Once all those effects disappear I'll much more energy and I'll to take the offensive with my life, so to speak.

On the one hand I'm loocking forward to it, It's what I have wanted for months. On the other hand I'm sort of afraid. I've always tried to not use this medication as an excuse, to push myself to work and study even if my body was completely against it. God, there was even one day in which it was almost a miracle that I made it out of bed. But, I had a reason not to do something, not to try something, I had a reason not to push myself and that was a relief. I could always tell myself that I was not weak, that it was my treatment. It's like I'm about to lose my shield on the battlefield and figth with only my sword.

I am afraid.

Wallpapers of battles tend to give me courage, I hope it works for you as well.
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>>7392547
I like this wallpaper a lot. It's not really a depiction of a war or some dramatic grand conquest. As you said, it's a depiction of a battle, an important yet singular piece of but a larger whole. It's very personal, very visceral, and very relatable.

A few days ago, I finally mustered the courage to reach out to a friend I've been wanting to reconnect with for a while. That day he replied with one message, I sent another back, and then after 5 minutes he went offline. It may appear abrupt, but at that moment I was actually pretty relieved. I was nervous about how he would reply and if things would be the same, so the fact that he went offline sort of absolved me of responsibility. I was also certain our relationship wasn't completely derelict because we never had any kind of falling out and he was always sympathetic to me, seeing himself somewhat as someone who damaged my life. Thirdly, I had accomplished what I set out to do. I wanted to reach out for months and months and the fact of the matter is I was able to do it. I won my battle that day.

Yesterday, he messaged me back, continuing where the conversation had left off. The anxiety was much more manageable this time around because I was still sort of on the high from initiating the other day, but after a couple minutes the conversation went to a much more difficult spot. He told me he finished school, has a job, and of course the "rules" are I have to share along the same lines. Those sorts of topics are extremely difficult for me to talk about right now, and I knew he wouldn't hold my feet to the fire if I dodged them, but somehow I was able to push through. I told him I hadn't graduated yet and still needed to figure some things out, and he reassured me that it's not a race and he has other friends who needed extra time as well.

I'm proud that I was able to confront my anxiety, but I know I have to keep doing it. I suppose wars end with headlines and battles end with blood. Hope things go well 4u
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I've been feeling kind of lonely. It's usually not like me to feel that way, and no matter how much interaction I seek out there's either not time for it or when I get there it's just unfulfilling. I think it's because all my friends have turned into stoners, and not wanting to take part is driving us away from each other. Imagine if you had a buddy who drove racecars, and you drove racecars cars when you hung out with them, but now all they want to do is sit on the couch and listen to gunna. That's the kind of style shift I'm trying to overcome right now.

Also just feeling pretty worthless in general. I've been trying to learn how to draw for about 3 years now and I still don't get any of it. I'm stuck in a loop where when I make something it never holds up to my own ridiculous standards and I get mad and quit for a while, but then I get even more mad that I was going to quit and start making stuff again, and the loop restarts. Drawing is really the only skill I've ever been interested in developing, and I just can't. Computer stuff, sure easy, music, got it, animal biology, majored in it. But this one fucking thing is just so demonstrably difficult for me that I'm not even comfortable bringing up that I'm trying to learn in conversation. It's the one thing in my house that I can't just pick up and feel good with, and it's probably one of my most expensive investments right now. I signed up for a local class but I don't know if it'll help either
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>>7392925
Having taken art classes from middle school to college - i would suggest you do a few things if you will take an anon's advice. First, get some art books if you havent already - also pick up some by specific artists you enjoy/desire to emulate. You need to learn the basics of anatomy, then learn to find your own art style. Buy a good anatomy model - usually a toy like figure that helps you see what a move/pose looks like. If you arent doing cgi work, get different types of materials (papers, pencils, charcoal, water color - these are the cheapest by far when you begin.)
Dont expect to see yourself becoming as good as the artists you see, most have a decade or more on you, your hand needs to learn to fine tune and connect to what you see in your brain.

Anyway - good luck with art and your friends.
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I usually spend my weekends at home, but yesterday my friends asked if i wanted to go to a friends place and drink etc.
And they did eventually convince me to go out and drink and i got to hang out with a guy i haven't seen in 10 years. It was fun and i had a great time with them.

But now that i sit here the morning after, i realize that i would have enjoyed myself just as much if i just sat at home watching cartoons for kids. It feels like i fucked my brain up by sitting in front of the computer all my life, i wonder.... -
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>>7392790
You did well, keep on that way.

The autor of those paintings is Ferrer Dalmau, in case you want to look for more.
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>>7392335
Originally, in the books, that's what Ned Stark tells his son Bran but in the show, Robb Stark tells it to his bride-to-be.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1_2H-nGLCHQ
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Even though I've been confronting my anxiety and pushing myself to reach out to people I'd like back in my life and all of those efforts have been successful, I can't help but wonder how much of it is "deserved."

I attempted suicide a few years ago, and although I didn't make a huge fuss about it with some kind of big public goodbye, I did talk to two people about it, and I believe word has since spread. I'm not really ashamed about it, but it makes me wonder how much of my recent successes are attributed to pity or sympathy. Do they really reciprocate the longing I've felt for them or do they care just enough to go through the motions so I don't try anything again? While I'm messaging them it never feels like there's an unresolved issue, it just feels normal. But I still can't help but wonder.

It's a nagging feeling that comes and goes, but it doesn't weigh too heavily on me because regardless of the answer, my following action is virtually the same: just treat them like a friend. I can't control how they feel, I can only control what I do.

It's like a ship at sea. You can't control the ocean, you can only control the ship. When the waters get unwieldy, all you can do is adapt. There's no use worrying about things you can't change. And just because you can't change everything doesn't mean your dreams are impossible. You just have to find another way to get there. Stay sharp. There's always a way to get there.
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>>7384949
Is this the original image? I thought the original image was a much, much lower resolution.
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>>7383943
This is a really awesome thread OP. I don't remember the last time I've spent so much time reading strangers' posts with such curiosity. I've spent a an hour or so going through the posts in this thread. Probably having and extra whisky on the rocks that I shouldn't have. Its a really heart warming, home-y kind of feel to know that I'm not the only anon going through the same issues as some of you are. Albeit our issues are very different, I can't help but feel very involved emotionally in every post. A little here, a little there, and voila. A perfect feel-storm.

OC pic. I took it a few years ago while on a road trip across Europe. We're still in touch. I can't help but feel that I've lost contact with the person that I've cared for the most. We had, and still have a great relationship but I can't put my finger on what went wrong. Every time we talk, every time we meet up, I have the same feeling. I can see it in your eyes, the feel is mutual. The circumstances, and our past history, will forever forbid us to take action again. I'm feeling really lost and disoriented in my life now. I don't know what to do. I'm lost at a crossroads. The bottom of the bottle lays heavy on distant dreams.
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I don't feel lost anymore or I don't care that much. Life is generally good. I'm worried about a lot of things that are bound to happen. My grandmother is getting so old, Ill be the one in charge of the house after shes gone and its so much responsibility. Then there's the problem with getting a life partner, which is more of a necessity than anything. Parents are also getting old, my father is alone and I have no idea what hes doing. I hardly have the time to split myself between working in the city a desk job and taking care of a house in the village. But Im doing it. I took choices, I set principles for myself. I defeated worries about taking the right decision, now its just about doing it as good as I can. I dont hate myself anymore yet I know my flaws a lot better than before.
Its like theres more than one me, therefore Im never alone. Theres always me feeding myself hopes, dreams, laughter, crying. I trust people less and less yet I love them more and work with them better.
I love simple things, I love em. Heres saturday morning breakfast, a ritual I hold so dear . Care little, find joy!
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>>7393948
yeah its the original, theres another one of earth out there thats lower res.
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At this time, I genuinenly feel like this cat dozing in the zen garden.

I am content with life, stable even for once with my plans. I just got a new job wich is quite fun and pays reasonably well, while giving me the winter season to move to Venice, and go to University.

I'm finally actually progressing on what I want my ideal life to be, and intend to have it like that.

I'm resting and sleeping comfortably nowadays, in the comfort of not having anything pressuring me or making me dread the future.
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>>7383944
couldn't agree anymore anon, I'm guilty of putting entertainment over education quite a lot.

This year has been quite a change for me but in a positive way, got back into playing guitar, reading, actually have a social life, got a job that I enjoy, exercising (just bike rides and walking to be honest) however in a way I feel more alone than I ever have been, not quite sure why.

Anyway that is why my background is themed in change, change for the better and also to remind us that we are not always what we once were.

PS: I hope whoever reads this has a great day.
>>
i dont know where i fit in this life if this makes any sense. i guess im still young to know, im only 18 but i feel like i have things to say and things to do but i just dont know what. i feel lost. i always loved music but a year ago i acquired tinnitus and it bothers me although i was able to surpass the initial sadness it created and now im okay somewhat. i know that my thoughts are all over the place but truth be told i myself feel all over the place
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experiencing a budding romance with a new partner. It's a breath of fresh air after the end of my last relationship, where communication and honesty where problems. This time needs are being clearly communicated and we're just very supportive of each other and it's very nice.

Also recently started a new position where i work, i used to work from 3am-11:30am everyday, and it was extremely taxing on my personal life. New position has a much more varied schedule and has given me more time to see friends / family and pursue my hobbies. just generally feeling revitalized after a super depressing winter.
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>>7383943
I am constantly alone. This has lead to some immense freedom and fun, but an ache that I need help and no one wants to help. No one wants to join my world, and expects me to enter their world, and I just have been alone too long for that too work.
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>>7394452
same
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Lost times, Rainy nights bumming around downtown Detroit late as shit with my dad. All the weird vague eating spots, shitty diners, eggs covered in grease at 3 AM.

Rainy nights with dad, miss ya man. Rest easy.

Great idea for a thread friend, hopefully it doesn't 404.
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I've been in this thread since the beginning just reading, and honestly i find it very beautiful.

Ive had this as my wallpaper for a very long time because its funny. Thats it. I think this actually highlights a very important aspect of my life, happiness and laughter. These 2 things have always been in my life, and that just shows how lucky I am. Ive always had friends where I can just mess around with and have a good time. Ive never been depressed, never really had "bad days" i just keep on trucking. I know that many people arent as lucky as me and have had a really shitty life.

I just want to say to any anon having a shitty life out there that we can all make it, it just starts with you. My new years resolution was to improve myself and I really think I did that. This also sounds a little weird, but try praying. Ive been atheist all my life but the first time i prayed on my own it actually felt really good and relieving.

I'll leave a few songs that really remind me of this thread for anyone interested.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jfFTT3iz740

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wGfguhnvECc
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>>7383943
blogposting thread? blogposting thread.
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>>7394815
What's wrong with that? People are posting great wallpapers and also get to let out some of their feelings instead of just bottling them up. It's also cool to read through what people are writing.
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>>7395010
Most of OP's posts reflect no particular feel, they're just passing thoughts. He/she invites to share, yet their voice dominates the conversation.

Posts like this
>>7384949
>Atrophy. Existentialism.
>Love. War. Hate. Birth. Death.
are pretty masturbatory and stand out from the rest.

This is an attention whore thread, the rest of you guys are missing the mark.
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>>7395113
How can this be an attention whore thread if everyone's anonymous? No one's using names or trips. And the point of the thread is to share a wall and whatever's on your mind, so both thoughts and feels are welcome. It looks like a lot of people appreciate this thread. I don't get any of your complaints.

If anything you're the problem. You're not even sharing any walls.
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felt kinda alone yesterday. was my birthday and only had greetings from family. but it's ok because i know there are people who wish they had better family relationships and anyway things can get better if i try. overall this week is better than last week and this year is better than last year. i just felt really sad and alone yesterday.
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>>7394815
describing something as if that discredits it? describing something as if that discredits it
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I had a very important exam today and it went pretty good. The only mistake is that i calculated 3+1=5... But I think it should not be that big of a deal. I'm in a relationship with my school crush now ten years later and I'm pretty happy. Also about to go on vacation on Sunday. I'm a bit scared, things are going almost too good if you know what I mean. I'm always expecting the moment when it starts to get worse again, I'm not sure when, but I'm sure that it will get worse which kind of scares me because I like my life right now.

Hope all of you have a good day anons
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>>7395174
>How can this be an attention whore thread if everyone's anonymous? No one's using names or trips.
Posting for (you)s is nothing novel. Being anonymous has never stopped anyone from being an attention whore. At least tripfags are upfront about what they're after.

Are you a woman, OP? Cuz you definitely argue like one.
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>>7384493
What was the book, anon?
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I'll throw in my reply too I guess.

I don't really know what's going on. I've been feeling even more lonely than usual of late and it hasn't been getting better. I've been single for all 20 years of my life and what friendships I have are unfulfilling. I struggle to talk to people and express my personality, I'm convinced that I'm dead boring and have nothing of value to add to anyone's life. I just kind of breeze through the weeks in a daze. I don't think I'm depressed or anxious but I still feel like this most days.
I suppose I feel like I've been improving a little bit over the years (moving to uni helped), but I still don't feel like I've come far.

And the other thing is I'm a bit disgusted at how much time I spend wallowing in these thoughts. I feel like it's all I think about these days just "me me me". I suppose that explains some things though. How can I expect people to care about me if I only care about myself?

I feel so shallow.


As for the pape, a nice view of the clouds will always cheer me up
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>>7395313
Glad things are going well for you anon :)
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>>7384580
I feel you anon. All I want to do is just get in my car and go. I want to see the world. I want to get away from the mundane, if only for a while.
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>>7395375
Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It

I found out about him from YouTube recommending me one of his talks:
https://youtu.be/llctqNJr2IU?t=263
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>>7395333
Not the other anon but you seem like a really cynical asshole. If there's something eating at you you're more than welcome to talk about it here. You're criticizing everyone in this thread for being attention whores but you're the one trying so hard to stand out by posting like a cunt.
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>>7395571
>You're criticizing everyone in this thread for being attention whores
Just the OP. Everyone else seems to be going thru a rough time and is being a good sport. I am a cynical asshole though so I call it as I see it. Anyway, don't wanna leave you guys hanging. Here's my pape:
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>>7395531
Thanks anon!
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Usually I feel like I have to keep moving and need something to do but today I feel comfy and relaxed. A lot of people think they just have to keep running but breaks are important too. If you work out, you don't gain any muscle while lifting weights, you gain all your muscle after your workout while your body recovers.

Rest is valuable!
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>>7395949
Amazing insight, OP sama. Usually after a good workout my muscles are sore and that's how I know it's time for a break. If I have sore legs, I'll work arms instead and keep going.

You're telling me I can NOT lift some days and be comfy instead? This is mind-blowing stuff.
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>>7396107
>after a good workout my muscles are sore and that's how I know it's time for a break
That's a common misconception. Soreness is actually not causally linked with the quality of a workout. Great workouts are a result of some combination of muscle damage, metabolic stress, and muscular tension. Soreness is caused by a certain amount muscle damage, and you actually don't need to induce that much muscle damage for hypertrophy.

>You're telling me I can NOT lift some days and be comfy instead? This is mind-blowing stuff.
Maybe for you living a humdrum carefree life is the easy obvious choice, but believe it or not, some people are more ambitious. They look at being comfy as a waste of time. Why relax when they could be spending time improving themselves? For example, on /fit/ there are multiple threads every day about people having panic attacks because they missed one workout.
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>>7396365
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>>7396366
ouch
i fucking cut myself on this pape
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>>7396365
>doesn't have a training split
>never works out to failure
Thanks for the bodybuilding 101 but I think I know what I'm doing.

>believe it or not, some people are more ambitious
You are clearly not one of them.
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i'm tired and i want to go to bed
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For the last year I've been trying to abstain from drinking, smoking, and watching porn/masturbating. I've failed so many times and I'm so fucking tired of beating myself up for it. Whenever I manage to get a good streak going in all three categories, I feel amazing. But the feeling isn't amazing enough to stop me from doing them completely. 4 to 7 days go by and I relapse in one category or all three at once. Every time there's an excuse, but in the end, I regret it.
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I've been gradually realizing that a girl I was talking to isn't really into me and that we're not going to have any kind of relationship. We hooked up a few times, but she's never paid that much attention to me. We have class together and she sits on the other side of the room, won't even look up at me.

It's weird. I was an incel until a few years ago and I feel like I still have some catching up to do - not just having sex, but learning how to flirt and date and interact with people. I just wish I had pic related. Things are looking good, though. Today has been sunny.
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>>7384580
How do you like this one?


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>>7396837
>It's weird. I was an incel until a few years ago and I feel like I still have some catching up to do - not just having sex, but learning how to flirt and date and interact with people
that must feel strange. i would've guessed people "learn" interaction first. i'm somewhat of an incel right now though i dont blame others. how did you turn things around? any tips?
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I'm a 19 year old college student who got dumped a couple months ago from a year+ long relationship that I had much higher expectations for, and was very invested in. My parents recently told me they're getting divorced, which unlike the breakup wasn't a surprise. I've seen this coming for years, neither one of them has really been happy with their marriage or in general for a while. But it's been hard seeing them be so incredibly sad lately. And I'm starting to regret going to a school thousands of miles away from them, because I want to be there for them more than ever. Igor Stravinsky's The Firebird has personal value to me, and the Phoenix is a sign of rebirth and new beginnings. Which I think is something I'm in desperate need of.
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Sat at a gas station while hiding from the rain.
Also fighting a hella bad stomach flu.

We'll be alright gents it's just one battle after another.
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>>7396974
Not the guy you responded to, but here's my advice.

Give a shit about people. Stop thinking they're out to get you.

And give a shit about yourself.

The best advice I ever got was to let people be people. It's easy to get caught up in our heads and think that folks are predicatable but everyone is out for the same things, to make their lives more stable or to fulfill a vision they have of themselves.

Is it time to re-assess your own vision of yourself? Use your common sense.

As for "learning" how to be a "normie" - tell some people what you're interested in. Gardening, model building, music, etc. They will point you in a place to go, hang out, and do that thing. Once you're there doing that thing you've now got an audience of people from whom you can learn, teach, and see eye-to-eye with.

/end blog post
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>>7396974
jus b yourself bro

Honestly though, confidence plays a huge role. My first relationship kind of fell into my lap. She wasn't great for me, but she really cared. She convinced me that I can be attractive and loveable. After we broke up I was fucked up for a while, but overall it was good experience - a starter gf, if you will.

Like >>7397038 says, self-image goes a long way. Believe it or not, you have something to offer the world, and if you really get to know people their lives will be better for it.
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It snowed today in Chicago. It reminded me of the cold day when she left. That morning we both pretended as if it were just another day. Her luggage was so full the zipper broke. As I fixed it for her, I thought how badly I didn't want to. There's a dinner between the apartment where we lived and the Airport. she had never been there. I wore my fathers tie and she wore makeup. We sat there for more than an hour talking about nothing. We had pie and coffee. A Fleetwood Mac song came on and it was a nice distraction. Her flight wasn't for another few hour but we decided to go early. I played some music we both liked. She didn't know where her terminal but I was good at guessing. We embraced for maybe 30 seconds. The last thing I said to her was "Just go". The last thing she said to me was "Thank you".

Its been three months now and we haven't spoken. I've been good lately. Moving foward and progressing to achieve my dreams. I haven't thought about it all for a couple days now. The thoughts that linger are what I will say to her if we both ever meet.

I look forward to come back to you someday, Anonymous, to tell you how this story ends. Until then Ill take this moment to weep and keep going.
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>>7397083
Fuck.
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>>7397083
>>
It's been a couple weeks since this thing started, where I woke up one morning and things were just different.

I don't know which of my new daily routines it was that did the trick; I forced them into my life, pitting them against years and fucking years of abuse, unresolved anger, bitterness, depression, suicidal thoughts and finally a hospital trip due to a heart complication that appeared PURELY on emotional grounds, as things turned out.

And suddenly it's all gone. And I've been happy. Content and loving myself and so, so calm.

When I was wheeled off to that hospital I thought I'd die, and all I could think of was -Her-. I confessed my feelings just a few days prior.

She ghosted me. And I didn't feel a damn thing.

I'm untouchable now. That's how it feels, like nothing, nothing can get under my skin, not because I'm angry, bitter and defensive but because I'm so fucking happy with myself I blow these things away like the wind, with zero effort.

I accept some things. I accept that love is so hard to come by, and I probably won't have that in my life. And it's completely okay. I'm free. I'm happy.

We all deserve happiness. I hope you get yours sooner than later. Love you all.
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>>7397083
Been in something like that.

Wishing i could end things with one person, we've moved on and are different people. I'd like to move on from a lot of things, a lot of mistakes.
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>>7397284
Wow anon thats genuinely amazing. Actually feel happy for you. I know exactly how that feels and it actually is one of the most liberating experiences you can have imo.
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>>7395391
this is a very destructive train of thought. I've been down it too. When you're depressed you think very little other than how to make yourself feel better. In reality, for most people, the only way to make yourself feel better is to help others feel better. We are pack animals at our most basic nature. You are never supposed to spend too much time alone.

Never undervalue your improvements. The more you improve, the easier it is to improve, and every step forward is endlessly valuable. The rewards in life come when you don't stop improving.

No one actually thinks you're a burden or that you're shallow. If you talk to them, and be really honest, they will empathize.

Feeling like you're boring other people is nothing new. Most people feel that way at some point. You are not, I repeat a thousand times, not alone. Period. There is someone, somewhere near you, that feels how you feel, or has felt it before.

Learn to take stride and actively participate in life. Stop being so wistful. Sometimes anger and a bit of hope as well can go a long way. Lack of passion never got anyone anywhere. There's no value in being cold or distant.

Love and hope will set you free as a man.
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>>7396821
Drinking and smoking are both bad, but everybody gotta nut at some point. Abstaining works the best when you stop feeling so guilty about shit all the time. When you have too much guilt you forget that everything is your choice to make.
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I have been wanting life to be easy for such a long time, instead of accepting it for what it is and learning to be stronger.

I want real, honest, confident strength so that I can take my life captive. I don't want to be a pussy anymore. I don't want to be weak or feel weak. I want to be better. I want to be nothing like I used to be. I want more from myself.

I want a woman to love me for me.
>>
bump
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I think about freedom, a lot.

Sometimes I think my problem is I have too much of it.
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dam guys its hard af, heck. Im living life, but this life is not mine, i have good loving gf, good work, but somehow i hate this all, back in the days i was thinking that having gf is good, oh boy how i was wrong, its the stupidiest thing that u can do,i remember when i was alone, and even now when i have days when i can be alone, its so good, unimaginable good, like fresh air for my lungs, i made mistake in my life, bitch want marriage ffs, but day by day, im more and more convinced that this is not for me, i dont like my work, its draining all life from me, this life draining me, my family, her family everyday routine, im tired. I don't know what i can do, i have 2 options, suicide, or disappearance, what to chose, longer i live like that biger the chance that this would be 1 case, but fuck, i want to know how real life look like, feel like, i want freedom, how come i was so stupid. Guys please if u cam, answer me, can i disappear somehow drom this life, i don't need anything from. this life, i can leace everything, and hide, but how realistically this, is there way to do this, i don't want to be found by them, i want to disapear forever from their lives from my former life, now please help me, please ;(
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its kind of stupid but when i wrote how i feel i forgot to post an image so i copy pasted to this reply with an image, i know its stupid but what the hell

i dont know where i fit in this life if this makes any sense. i guess im still young to know, im only 18 but i feel like i have things to say and things to do but i just dont know what. i feel lost. i always loved music but a year ago i acquired tinnitus and it bothers me although i was able to surpass the initial sadness it created and now im okay somewhat. i know that my thoughts are all over the place but truth be told i myself feel all over the place
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I love Halloween, I always have. It used to be my second favorite holiday until junior year. There was this girl in my junior year physics class. She is my favorite person in the entire world and I fucked it up back then. I've been trying to get that connection back with her the past few months, and it was going well. Yesterday I fucked up and jumped the gun to tell her how I feel about it all and that I wanted to talk to her and hear her side but she instantly blocked me. It's not the whole story and most of it is my fault, but it's the part that has the most impact on me. I really hope with time I can find a way to at least get answers. Life's hitting hard right now though, gotta just keep pushing on.
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>>7400602
I'm also an idiot, I forgot to mention it was her favorite holiday and she loved it so much it became mine. Maybe it was self evident though.
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>>7399687
>i dont know where i fit in this life if this makes any sense
I think most people feel this way, they just don't admit it. If you feel lost, just pick a direction and keep moving. It will keep you busy and you might meet some nice people on the way.

Whatever you do, don't sit and wait to find a purpose in life. You will end up in the same spot you started.
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> tfw realizing I'm actually pathetic
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Dont know if i hate life or love it
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>>7397312
I know this. I struggled at work (among other things) with this. I tried to see it as a challenge, but it didn't work out for me. I just keep pushing myself, even when I don't feel confident.
In the past I was very anxious with a certain task I was given at work, because I was afraid to fail, to disappoint or to hurt myself or others. At one point, I simply stopped thinking about what could happen. I stopped caring. I just put up with the stuff I was given and sooner or later I noticed that this actually gave me the strength and confidence to get used to it.

Everyone is always waiting for some kind of event to happen which changes everything. The truth is, you are in responsibilty to change yourself. And the best time to change is always now.
Fake it till you make it.
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>>7383943
>spent last 4 years fucking around
>only reason I went to college is because my parents wanted me to
>dropped out last semester
>now im at home and the depression is creeping in
>browsing for full time jobs
>call center this, retail that
>talking to a recruiter and I'm gonna join the army and learn a trade there

I just wanna get to boot camp already I fucking wanna get out of here
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it honestly feels like nobody likes me or believes in me. not even my parents or other family members. even when i start going down the path that i want to take everyone seems to just shit in my face and say "no you cant do that, you have to do this instead"
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>>7383943
24yo and 3 weeks into an electrician apprenticeship. So far this job has turned out much better than I expected. I admit there are moments where I do feel like I should be riding the short bus due to a lack of understanding on tools or asking questions to a ridiculous degree of specificity, but on days I just get to work on stuff I already know I feel absolutely amazing. I honestly think I can get my shit together and by 30 be living a comfy life. I don't ask for much. Just a basic 75k+/year wage and I'm content. Have pretty much dropped vidya other than a rare occasion and am focusing on new hobbies.

I guess on the negative side my current gf has become a pain in the ass. Hardly any time towards myself on the weekends and she chooses to get into arguments over the most tedious things. Even the sex isn't worth it any more for the struggle of everything else. I'm trying to find a way to convince myself to be patient but each passing day it gets harder and harder. I think it kinda has to do with what >>7397284 said: I'm more focused on myself and making me happy and if she's going to bring that down or more difficult, then I want nothing to do with her. DESU, before we even dated I was highly considering taking a break from women/dating/fucking. I had an amazing run from last October to January and
while it is nice to have someone to talk to every day, I feel I'm just mentally exhausted from playing the dating game. I'm gonna give this until the end of May at the latest and see how I feel. If it's roughly the same as it is now, then I'm just gonna end it
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>>7386583
good luck on your travels
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>>7396821
I always found it to be easier to give up those things when I moved out of my mums house for uni. I had a new focus - plenty of new focuses, like getting new friends, keeping up with the course etc. When you focus on different shit, better stuff happens.
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My girlfriend went out to study abroad this year - and we figured we'd go long distance. I tell you, its been pretty hard. I went out to go see her tho and all my problems kinda faded away. Still, I'm not sure if shes totally the one for me. Its just the way she is, - but maybe I'm overthinking it. idk man. I'm also pretty darn broke from that travelling. I guess it could be worse. I feel like theres so many lives I wanna live - and theres not enough time to live them all to the fullest. Just dont waste it, thats all. Best of luck to all you guys out there searching for that.
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I was diegnosed with bipolar depression at the at the age of 16,21 now, and it has only gotten worse with time. All the drugs they put me on do is make me feel numb and hollow. Recently all I can think about is all the damage that may have occurred in my mind. I don't know if I will ever wake up in peace.
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>>7402741
diagnosed Fuck i cant even spell
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>>7402713
Idk man, I was long distance for almost 2 years. She was the love of my life, but in the end it just made it that much harder to be apart.
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>>7402741
I have ADD and i kinda feel the same way.
Back when i was 16 I lost all my friends due to a drug called Elvanse(and depression probably), it literally made me feel schizophrenic and I lost all emotion for the duration I took it(I was a NEET at the time, dont know if that matters or not). I cut contact with all my friends because I lost interest in them and fun in general. Eventually I got off them and I managed to get it contact with some old friends i hadn't talked to in years. Now I'm 22 and life is unironically pretty good.
But I cant help to think about what had happened if i stayed on those drugs and never got in contact with those old friends....
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>>7390272
This hits close to home. I hope you're doing ok. Also, saved. Thanks.
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I'm doing as well as you can for a guy living in his car, I actually kind of did it on purpose because I had been so spoiled my whole life and I felt like a pussy so I wanted to get some real perspective. I've always loved these threads and they give me Comfort whenever I'm feeling uneasy, so thank you OP :)
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I'm really lonely
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Uh, honestly, kinda struggling a little at the moment. I come from a pretty crappy family, and as I got older, I learned the best way to deal with them was to let them drift away and separate myself from them. The only person I kept in contact with was my younger brother, and I've always held that relationship as a core part of who I am and how I interact with others. The friendships I form with people are more like sibling relationships and I treat people like I would my own brother, the teasing, the playfulness, the fierce need to protect and look out for them.

Anyway, that's how it's been my whole life, our mother is an alcoholic and a drug addict, so I always looked out for him, and being 5 years older, I did my best to shelter him from the crappier things that happened around us. I suppose that lead to the people we became, as I regularly speak up and confront that which I think is unfair or wrong, and he sticks his head in the sand until it all blows over.

For a long time, that's been fine, it's just how things were, and when he was still in highschool, our mother was going through a particularly bad breakup and I managed to find myself in a position to have him move in with me. Conveniently, I lived near his school, so it was an easy argument to make, since I had work and my own place I was renting, and I just did my best to take over as not only a sibling, but a parent, as best I could.

cont.
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>>7405779

I think, looking back, that's where things started to go wrong. I was in a terribly toxic relationship at the time, so i was doing my best to pay the bills, keep the lights on and food on the table. It wasn't exactly easy, and honestly, I wasn't able to manage it all, supporting three people on a single income. So I embezzelled money from my workplace for years, in secret, to supplement my income, and I wasn't taking more than I needed to get by, so I suppose I slipped through the cracks for years, but having done it, it always sticks in the back of my head as a terrible thing that I'd done that I'd hate for anyone who knew me to find out. Eventually, I was busted, and I managed to get away with a slap on the wrist and noone I knew learned of it, I suppose the company didn't know how much I'd taken, so they didn't really know what to do with me. I made up a story and found another job, but that's not really what's eating me now.

What is eating me, is that I did all this for my brother, and over the last 5 years, we just keep drifting further and further apart. He only contacts me when he needs something, I'm always the one chasing him and checking up on him. He was really sick a little while back, life threateningly so, and he spent a month in intensive care, and I contributed to his bills and was in there nearly every day so he wouldn't be so lonely, trying to keep his spirits up when he was oh so low.

cont.
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>>7405780

And now i'm hearing these stories he's told other people, about how terrible I was, how I controlled his money when we were younger, and worse stories, like the ones we occasionally would tell people about our mother. And it's left me so hurt and lost and confused. I don't know how to repair this relationship, this important part of me that i'd always held up as my most important connection in the world. Even before hearing these stories, i'd been trying to contact him and spill my soul before him a few times, tell him how i felt, how lonely i felt and how i wanted to try and hang out more even. And all I got back from those efforts was "well, i still see you more than most, I count that as a win" (he's a really hermited person these days, and his closest friends have drifted away just like we have, and all he has is his girlfriend, a toxic leech who was also pushed her own friends away, and her sister who lives with them, who also has no friends anymore, for having let them all drift away and not made new ones) and i just can't get through to this household of incredibly broken people and fix or create relationships with any of them.
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>>7404901
Hey man, I hope you’re doing okay
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>>7405781
I can't help but notice that you badmouth every single person in your story. Meanwhile you act like Mother Teresa even though you admit to embezzling money. Sounds like a martyr complex to me.
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>>7391303
Keeping yourself busy is the best thing you can do. If you're finding yourself thinking about it too much occupy your mind. READ! I've been going through some stuff and reading about it has been so helpful.
Some self reflection might keep your mind busy and provide some valuable insight to sort yourself out. I wish you all the best in this difficult time.
Spend time with your friends and family. Things will get better the longer you stay at it.
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>>7386960
I'm rambling about this rl for a while now
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life is... alright, I think? I guess I'm lucky I'm not from a poor family or an abusive household, that I'm in a stable relationship and that I'm doing pretty well in college.
still, I can't say I'm happy. like many others in this thread and on this site in general, I haven't been able to make friends properly. I've talked with classmates, I've been to parties, but it doesn't feel like I've made friends, because I don't really know how to talk to people.
it happened again last night; I went to a bar with some people I know from college, had a few beers, but I couldn't really come up with anything to talk about. I feel kind of bad for everyone else, that they have to put up with a person who tags along but barely says anything. what even is friendship?
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>>7406401
another thing that's been bothering me is that I realized I have never really had a hobby. apart from vidya, but I'm not sure whether I actually liked it, or did it because I had nothing else to do.

maybe it has something to do with the fact that I never asked my parents to sign me up for music classes or sports clubs or whatever, because I was afraid that I would be taking advantage of them, their time, their money and their ability to drive me to training/class. if I recall correctly, my mom would sometimes mention that she didn't like having to take me and picking me up from swimming class (something I didn't ask for, she signed me up for it) when she was in a bad mood, and that may have been a reason for me not to ask her to sign me up for anything else.

or maybe it's because I've always been afraid that I would lose my interest too quickly, and that all the time and money sunk into it would be wasted. I don't know why I've had that idea stuck in my head for so long, it might just be an excuse I thought up somewhere along the line to hide the true reason.

maybe it's simply because my expectations are way too high. I started playing guitar in december, and I don't think I've improved much. I don't think I have been practising consistently; sometimes I practise for only 15 minutes, or not at all for a few days in a row. I sometimes lose my motivation really quickly, especially since I feel like I haven't improved enough, even though the reasons why are pretty clear, so it feels kind of dumb to get upset about it. one half of me says "man up and practise more", the other half says "you're unmotivated so often, maybe you should just quit".

I post pictures of modern looking things, since I feel like most of my problems are first world problems.
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>>7406419
I'm not done blogposting yet, just one more thing I'm not sure how to handle.
this one is about my parents, and their relationship. or, rather, the absence of a relationship. they don't really seem to like each other anymore, they never kiss or hug each other, they only complain about each other when I talk to them separately. it's been like this for years, I remember thinking "maybe my parents should get divorced" when I was younger, probably 7 or so.
I have been trying to figure out where it went wrong, and I think part of the problem is my father's past.
as far as I know (my mom told me what happened; my dad almost never talks about his past) my dad was domestically abused by his father when he was younger. my mom told me that the man was an alcohol addict, and generally a manipulative person who always blamed other people for everything. my dad never really got help for it, as most people of his age do; he's probably been told to just suck it up.
unfortunately, it still shows sometimes. last year, my mom and a few of my dad's friends organized a suprise party for his birthday, they spend a week making decorations and planning things out. the thing is, I had the feeling the entire week that my dad probably wasn't going to be happy with it, but I never said anything because I didn't really have solid proof, and because I though my mom knew better, and that she'd eventually cancel it.
during that week, my dad sent out an email to friends and family that he wouldn't be home on his birthday. my mom thought it would mean he wouldn't mind having a few close friends over for a beer.
the plan was to go shopping with the three of us, and have our friends make preparations while we were gone. when we came home, my dad saw the decorations, and he became livid. he started tearing down signs our friends put up, started shouting and yelling at them and at my mom. I went to a friend the next day, when I came home two days later, (1/2)
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>>7406428
(2/2) jesus I'm sorry this is becoming such a long post

when I came home two days later, my mom told me that my dad had explained to her that memories of his childhood always come back to him around his birthday.

what I don't understand it that my mom never understood his trauma, even though this was not the first, and probably not the last time he's been so pissed.
I don't really know how to summarize it. I think the core problem is that my mom can't empathize with my dad's trauma, and that it often causes problems, and that my dad hates her for it. and I'm kind of stuck in between. I still think it's better for them to go separate ways.
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>>7389673
>My tip would be not taking tips from people who obviously don't know how to run their lives

Nonsense. There is a lot you can learn from mistakes, even if they aren't your own. Successful people can tell you what to do. People who made mistakes can tell you what to avoid.
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>>7405885
I honestly don't know if i'm doing fine or if i'm in hell. I'm happy? i think, yet every day i come home from work i feel a dark hole in my chest about the future etc.
How are you doing fellow /wg/ user?
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>>7405916
Some times people are just as crappy as you make them sound.
I suppose to me, I openly shared the bad thing about myself because I wanted to be more honest in my story, that I know I’m not all that great either, that I made mistakes or bad decisions. I didn’t mean to sound like I thought I was some kinda hero, just another joe average, hurt and confused, wondering where I messed up and what I can do to fix things.

For anyone that cares, I’ve since managed to catch up with an old friend who’s pretty familiar with it, we’d also kinda grown apart for other reasons, but have been meaning to try and reconnect. I reached out to them and we went out for a few drinks yesterday to talk it all over, they’ve always given such sound advice. Anyway, although we agreed there probably wasn’t much more I could do other then wait it out and hope that time will maybe let my brother come to decisions more organically, I managed to put things back to right with my old friend, and I feel a lot better about things, having made a decision and at least fixed something that I could fix.

Anyway, I hope some of you can find your way through your dark spots too
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>>7406603
About as well as the rest of us I suppose, my post is in here too, so I mean, I probably relate at least a little.

Anything in particular getting to you? Or are you just tired of monotony maybe? A lack of excitement or variation? What makes you so lonely, friend?
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>>7406616
The point of charity is that you don't expect anything in return. You're clearly using what you've done for your brother as leverage to get the support you need. Your friend is indeed correct. It's not going to work. You can't force people to be your friend. All you can do is wait and hope he turns around.

In the meantime, I would suggest looking for things to fix within yourselves. Remove any chip you may have on your shoulder and give people the benefit of the doubt. I'm sure calling your brother's gf a toxic leech doesn't help your relationship with him, even if it is true.
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The part of my brain that wants to engage with my friends, carry conversations, and just be what I used to, is being actively suppressed by other parts of it. I'd give in, or up, to either side if I could, but I can't seem to do that either.

Gonna have to get myself sorted at some point.

Also good threading, OP and contributors!
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Man ive been trying to get my thoughts into words for this one and it just comes out as a long mess.

Trying to keep it short it im on a straight line to nothing by myself. I can't enjoy work all i want to do is get home, I get home and then can't enjoy anything and end up just being sad and alone. I even tried making plans this weekend with friends to meet up and after waiting for this all week and being literally the only employee not taking time off i end up catching this fucking flu going around and am stuck in bed unable to go out now. Even when i try as hard as i can to be happy and motivate myself for things to try and be like they were when i was younger its like i just get fucked by the world to prevent that.
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>>7392127
You're a good man, and you're making the world better, what you're doing is important.
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>>7403684
Hey I'm a van dweller, what part of the country you doing it in?

(I feel only Americans do this)
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>>7406642
this looks like an scp
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>>7392127
What do you do for a living, Anon? Also those kids are lucky to have you as an uncle.
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>>7406729
Nice, I'm in Portland/Vancouver WA area right now, working in west Portland
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>>7406618
>Anything in particular getting to you? Or are you just tired of monotony maybe? A lack of excitement or variation? What makes you so lonely, friend?
I'll be honest here. I've managed to pull myself out of NEETdom. I was a NEET from 16-22 and i think it fucked me up.
Now things are great, i got in contact with some friends i haven't talked to in years. I've meet a qt3.14 friend of theirs and we have been flirting(i think) a bit when we have met. I have a good relationship with my family(i still live at home).

But somewhere deep down I want to go back. I want to be a NEET again. I don't want to go outside. I want to sit on 4chan all day and talk shit about women and feel depressed about being a virgin. I dont want to work or care about society. I want to be LONELY.
I recognize how far i've come and how far i still have left, but man i think i'm forgetting the reason why i even pulled myself out of NEETdom...

Thanks for listening
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going decent at school (final senior year), good social life, casual job paying well, family going pretty good. been seeing this girl for past 4 months (were exclusive and do everything couples do, even went on a holiday with her and her family for a week), she says shes in love with me but fuck its difficult. i treat her the best i can and am always there for her but she just doesnt put in effort. its hard because she has bad communication skills (works on it at therapy) so most of the time when shes blunt its not because of me. hasnt spoken to me all day and blocked me on social medias, for no reason. last text was me asking her if she was ok after she said she was crying and stressed. its nothing cheating related or anything because she knows ill never do that nor do i talk to any girls. honestly have no idea what it could be, ive literally done nothing for her to do that. idk just upset and anxious because things have been going downhill recently (due to her actions most of the time) and i feel like itll end soon. i love coming to this board to look at comfy wall papers when im upset, so heres one of my many. wish me luck
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Something has been on my mind lately. I realized that I don't really have a solid plan for my future. People I know who are at my age have been doing pretty solid stuff like going abroad or pursuing their passions. I'm in no way jealous of them, I feel happy for them even. It's not like I haven't done anything either. I graduated university, have a good job, and have friends and family who, at least I think they do, enjoy my company. The thought just came to me when I realized that most of what I've been through so far like university or my career history have just been me going with the flow of life. They're not exactly thing I pursued or have planned to pursue when I was young, but I just went with it when I came across them. I don't know if this is a good thing or a bad one, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little bit scared on what my future will be.

To whoever decides to read this, thanks for listening. I honestly love these types of threads, thanks OP for giving me the chance to tell something I wouldn't normally tell anyone.
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>>7407225
>I realized that most of what I've been through so far like university or my career history have just been me going with the flow of life. ... I don't know if this is a good thing or a bad one, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little bit scared on what my future will be.
It sounds like you're reasonably satisfied with the outcomes of your "choices" so going with the flow can't be all bad. For what it's worth, I think you should try pursuing your passions too, at least a little bit. You don't have to drop everything and do a complete 180, just invest some time here and there in something you're interested in.
Old folks most commonly regret not the things they did, but the things unpursued. It's cliche but true: life's short. I think you should give it a shot.

Whatever you decide, hope things go well, anon.
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>>7393026
You don't love cartoons because you watch them, you watch cartoons because you love them. Considering that you went out and had a perfectly good time, I don't see the problem
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>>7396365
>For example, on /fit/ there are multiple threads every day about people having panic attacks because they missed one workout.
That's weakness, not ambition
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If she genuinely wanted to see me, it wouldn’t be this hard. If she wanted it badly enough, she’d make her way to me. If she even had it in mind, she wouldn’t push me away when I told her I could make it. She’s purposefully rejecting me, and I’ve fallen for it every time. I can’t stop myself and I hate it.
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>>7383943
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>>7410192
Sometimes my mind feels hazy, about dreams and visions of places I never went to but feel like I lived and breathed there.
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>>7383943
Its my current wallpaper
My girlfriend of two years left me a couple days ago. We actually started talking cause she saw I had a gondola profile pic at the time (we started out online) and we just really hit it off and it was the first woman I ever loved and felt loved by someone. Actually made me feel handsome and funny. But overtime we fought a lot and we had some drama ad she told me she basically hates me and she feels sick whenever I text her.
I saw it coming so I'm not surprised, but feels like when my pets have died. I'm just really tired these days. But Like the little gondola I have a lot to look forward to and a future to live.
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I feel out of place, like I was born too late. I know its a fairly common feeling, but it leaves me down. Ive been feeling really down about it and loneliness doesnt help. I havent had a gf in years, but thats my own fault because I havent tried. I dont know how to explain what Im feeling, but Im starting to try to work through it
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>>7410262

>>7410495
Weird I've always felt that I was born to early. I've always loved space and have yearned to escape constricting confined of this planet to escape to deep space.
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I just relapsed in NoFap again. I was on a week's streak, which is something I haven't had in a while. Boredom, really, was the cause.

I feel lost, in a way. I am a happy man with many friends, but I am hardly a man. 145 sopping wet, scarcely any muscle mass, and a voice whose depth largely depends on how long it's been since I pounded the flounder. I cannot escape my vices, though they are vices not often perceived nowadays. When you think of the sin that may live in the life of a teenager, you might imagine drugs, or alcohol, or foul relationships; for me, however, I never participated in any of those things, but rather seek to eliminate such a toxic practice of lustful 'entertainment' from my life. It's difficult, but I pray to the Lord every time I fail for strength in His glory.

On God, though, I am partially conflicted. I always hear the other believers talk about how God spoke to them, or how prayer is them talking *with* God. To me, prayer is like talking to a brick wall with God painted on it. Perhaps I'm just not perceptive enough, but I don't often see my prayers carried out or blessed upon me. I never hear the Lord speak to me. It's the one thing that impacts the integrity of my faith. The only struggle I have with believing.
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>>7410712
No one really hears God, their sub-conscious fills in the blanks. There is zero evidence that you can hear God unless it's clear as day.

You just hope he can hear you and that he will bless your prayer. Anyone who says otherwise just wants some more tithe money, and they're getting it through giving you a sense of "enlightenment."

I'm a Christian too, but I never dodge the fact that the church is very manipulative and shitty at times. "Hearing the word of God," is just another example of that.
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I am struggling with any semblance of finding true peace. I am so angry and jittery, that I have huge issues calming down. Coming to this board is sometimes a treat, and this pape is one of those examples. just helps me calm down.
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>>7410754
Something that helps me with the 'hearing God' thing is the fact that I am Presbyterian, which inherently dictates predestination. It's a minor comfort to tell myself that I do not hear God because he does not need to speak to me to save me, for I have already been saved. My salvation has been decided already, and needs no further discussion.

At least, that's what I hope. I'm not sure if predestination entails that those chosen to have eternal life will act inherently good, making pious decisions automatically.
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>>7390019
Feelings of happiness don't last forever, same with sadness. You'll definitely make it out.
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I am as prepared as I shall be for college freshman finals. On an unrelated note, I am looking for that one painting of a row of Swedish ships of the line, tied up to the pier, all slanted, proud yet sad. I'd like to see that painting again I like to see art. I saw an ancient bust of Marcus Aurelius. To think that such a man could have been worth creating art for, that his legacy might survive nearly 2000 years already. It makes me happy to know that possibly I may be known to history forever.
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Hey chan, Contrary to most on here I've actually been doing pretty okay. Just moved back home after being away from home for a year and a half, and it's been depressing. Since the move I can feel my mood becoming more solidified as I'm with my family and some old friends most the time. I do worry for my older brother though as I believe he's a poly addict similar to both of our parents (Coke, Weed, K, ect..) I just fear he's going down the same path as them. I'm going to try and talk to him, but I fear he'll just shut me out, and write me off as he usually does. I wish everyone on here long and prosperous lives, may you be successful in whatever you're attempting to achieve if anything ;)

Stay good Chan, wish me luck.
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>>7410712
>>7410759
The experience of the Spirit is something that, for me at least, comes only rarely. Most prayers I say don't end with an amazing spiritual experience, but I take comfort in the prayer itself, in depending on God for strength, and in turning my mind towards the example of Christ as I seek answers to my problems and the ability to resist temptation.
I won't deny, however, that experience of God or of His Spirit exists. If you're interested in the more mystical side of things you could read The Cloud of Unknowing for a (admittedly Catholic-based) approach to experiencing God through prayer. As someone not of the Catholic faith myself I've found it inspiring.
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Thanks for bringing back a feel from the good-ol' days. Haven't been asked by another anon how I'm feeling in quite some time. Feels nice.

Like many here I'm about to graduate from college, so that's a nice feeling in itself. I'm lately feeling an overwhelming sensation of otherness as time progresses. I feel myself taking steps backwards and backwards, not really looking where I'm backing into. My experience is something like watching the world pass by from afar while still being immersed in it. It's a strange dualistic kind of experience. Anyway, here's my current desktop. I feel like a user among programs, not to get too red pilled, but Tron always resonates with me on some kind of level I can't seem to articulate well enough in words.

Let's see what the next few days brings.

-Anon.
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>>7397310
Thanks anon. Recently, I've been feeling like the friends I've made have been making me feel more lonely than if I was actually alone. They're all successful and attractive people with partners, and it's been difficult to see myself as anything but a sort of second class member of their group.

It's taken a while, but I believe my thoughts are changing. I was about to isolate myself from these people with the idea that the distance would somehow help with feelings of inferiority - this seems untrue now. Displaying apathy and coldness hasn't done many good things. I can't say that I know how being more genuine and open with them will turn out, but I feel more hopeful now.

we're all gonna make it
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>>7394703
Thank you for the music, anon
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>>7383943
I dated a girl 4 years ago. For those 4 and a half months we dated, I have never felt happier, never felt more in love. The summer of 2015 is a highlight of my life because of her.

I had to let her go because of things that were out of our control. That hole in my heart was filled temporarily with booze, girls, hobbies, etc.

In 2017 she ended up moving 2 hours away for school. Occasionally, we would hang out or hook up, and nothing was ever forced between us. But she has had a bf for months now, and she hasn't ever seemed happier.

She was back in town tonight, so I met up with her. We had dinner and talked, it was all harmless. Over this past year, my unconfessed feelings have been eating a hole in my chest. So tonight, I told her.

I told her that I didn't care if she didn't say she felt the same way, but I did care. I told her that our relationship was my best relationship, but she didn't say the same. I told her that I wouldn't wait around, but I wouldn't shut out the opportunity.

It didn't go how I wanted it to, but now she knows, and now I know how she feels. That our relationship wasn't anything more than our youth.

We'll see how I feel a week from now, but for now I'll just listen to The Cure and drown out the noise.
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I've been holding this in and not knowing who to talk to about this because I really don't have anyone to talk to about my problems so I'll tell you to help me overcome this.

There is girl that I Just can't stop thinking about. Someone that was very special in my life, I'm over the fact she is not in my life anymore and that she moved on. It's just the small things I do like listen to music, the smell of a specific perfume, the long drive from home just gives me the flashes of the memories of just seeing her in front of me with the smile that stops me in my tracks every time. The last time I've seen her it was during a night she looked at me and gave me a hug and all she told me was "I just have to go and be with someone else, you deserve better then me." But I just never understood. So I just left it as it is and let this sink in knowing that was my final goodbye to her

I've joined the army not to run away but to finally start my journey and not having worry anymore about someone else's happiness but my own. I'm finally leaving but this feeling of missing her still haunts me and I can still hear the sound of her voice in my head telling me those three words. "I love you."

Thank you for spending your time to read this and I hope everyone has a good day today.
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>>7411943
Thanks for choosing the military, champ. Hope it's a good tour!
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There is one gal that I haven't been able to shake off my mind. She's blazingly redhaired and pale, deals with some of the same things I have struggled with. Only downside is that not only do those traumas potentially present issues in any possible relationship (whose chances are low) but also her political ideals are almost the exact opposite of mine, and I know that most marriages have similar ideologies and survive because of it.

My personal tactic is waiting until school breaks to divulge any sensitive emotions, and thankfully the end of this year is coming up. It's a patented strategy of mine to admit strong feelings and then fuck off into the woods (physically or metaphorically) for a week or two to avoid having to chalk up to the wages of my sins.

We'll see how it goes, I suppose. Oh well!
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>>7411943
Sorry champ, I hope things go your way. Thanks for sharing : )
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>>7410688
I love space as well, but I just feel like we messed up somewhere down the line, and I associate more with the oldschool than the modern times. I know Im not alone in this feeling either, I know a few other guys that share the same ideas as me
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>>7394452
Me too. Sometimes I worry that if I ever find someone I'll end up pushing them away unconsciously because I'm so used to being alone, and my subconscious will take this other person as an intrusion. I hope not
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>>7397055
ty for this 1, actually a really wholesome wallpaper that isn't straining to my eyeballs :)
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Forgive me if I sound naive, but what's the deal with everyone here being so afraid of loneliness? I think it's great, in fact I can hardly get enough of it. Being around other people - friends, family and strangers alike - feels really taxing after a while. Even across the web, I hardly make any effort to keep in touch with internet friends nowadays and am almost always lurking when I am on here. Maybe it's because my social skills are abysmal - I'm generally an awkward person and don't find it easy to make friends, though I'd argue that I rarely feel the need to make any. I don't know. I just like being alone. I should probably add that I'm only 18 and dropped uni after the first week.
Pic related because it was taken in colour (not sure if it's been edited but the original was produced in colour, look up Sergey Prokudin-Gorsky) somewhere in pre-revolutionary Russia. It looks timeless as fuck, does it not? I'd love to just roam around by myself capturing moments in history like this for people to ogle at in 100+ years time.
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Here's a better one by him. I have this as my wallpaper
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>>7390939
Be active, do things that make you better (read or go for a run/to the gym) or spend time with people that you like (or try to find them)
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>>7413344
I used to hate being alone when i was a NEET for 4 years. But now that i started working, the second i get home i want to be ALONE as much as possible. To bad i still live with my parents....
But trust me buddy, when your life circles around being alone and not having any friends, it's hell....

t. 21 year old
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Pretty much sums it up
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>>7413344
T. Emily Dickinson
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sometimes my friends accidentally hurt my feelings and i cant help but think its intentional even though there is literally no reason for me to think that. they always treat me kindly and go out of their way to spend time with me and invite me to things even when they don't have to so it doesnt make sense to think they're being mean on purpose but i can't help it.

alot of you guys are going through more difficult things so that makes me feel guiltier too. hope your things get better guys.
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>>7386448
I can only offer you advice Anon

Try things that involve other people as much as possible. Exhaust yourself doing things and once you find something that fills you with joy, keep doing it. Working with groups will help fix that feeling and you will eventually stick with people that enjoy the same things.

Another thing is to not be afraid when asking people to socialise. Other people will want to get to know you Anon so don't feel afraid to ask them if they want to grab a beer or if they wanted to come over for a BBQ.

Best of luck Anon. I hope things get better for you dude
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>>7389158
Sorry that things have started to turn bad for Anon. However, don't give up dude.

From your description, it seems that your primary issue is that don't appear to be socialising outside of work conditions. Humans by their inherent nature are social creatures. I may have read your situation wrong but I'm kinda in a similar situation to you but without losing the girlfriend. Only thing I can suggest is start making some of those activities involve others such as getting a workout partner, getting involved with a band or even a fucking book club.

Hope it works out for you Anon
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>>7389576
It's gonna hurt but stay strong my dude
Godspeed anon
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>>7392127
As the other anon said, you are doing an amazing job for your nephews and nieces. When it sucks, think of how much you are helping as opposed to your older sisters
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I'm feeling bad and confused. I can continue on living confused, but feeling this bad for so long is just so fucking frustrating, and I call it bad on purpose since I really don't give a fuck if it's depression on its own, or it's anxiety, or circumstances or whatever. My mind has started falling apart and developed more mental issues as this streak continues. It's the ultimate frustration, knowing that you will feel bad tomorrow too, and that you have to battle yourself at the end of the day and that you never actually won and that there isn't an enemy besides that and there isn't a clear plan to get out of it. I've developed fucked things like OCD which I believe is due to me being weak mentally for so long. The bad part is that I don't have any delusions to fall back on, not being envious of people that do but people tend to latch onto fantasies, tend to latch onto intoxicating themselves to feel a bit normal, tend to blame other people to get a piece of mind. And I can't, I don't even have self-hatred I just feel frustrated that I have this one life and I've spent it so far feeling miserable most of the time for whatever reason and I just want to change that. I had grandiose plans but I'm not even at step 1 one of them. I'm rational enough not to be suicidal but I really feel sometimes like it's a dead end. Due to some things that happened I've been spending more and more time alone, and socializing was probably my only escape from my mind kicking me in the fucking balls all the time, people would never think I was depressed in the slightest. I feel frustrated having to battle my feelings evertime I'm alone in my room. I never had a girlfriend and loneliness of that kind has been hitting me pretty fucking hard recently.

1/2
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I KNOW it is possible to feel happy, and I believe I'm naturally an optimistic person, and I know when there are flashes of things that actually excite me that music sounds amazing again and that life in general feels normal and non bothersome living. I need to get back to that and I still have hopes I will. I know all things are simply because of random circumstances and my decisions how to act upon them, I just feel frustrated as fuck that it was all happening like this. I don't think it's impossible, it's just that I gotta find something that's really gotta pull me out this dump, I'll settle for a fun life of hedonism and a gnawing feeling of not living up to what I wanted and my neverending existential crisis in the back, it would be far more enjoyable than this and it might turn out to let the existential bullshit fuck off


I realize now that this has been written like a wall of text and I don't really expect people to read through it, hell I don't even know if I'll find the right pic for this, but I just feel a tad better now after ranting and collecting my thoughts like this and thank you OP for that.
Also many many pics I saved and I really feel for all of you, it's always beautiful in a way to see people just pour their soul out and show their true feelings, and it's a rare thing to see.

Keep your fucking head up anons, we might just make it, never give up fuck shit up!
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>>7416929
>>7416935
forgot to add, 2/2 sorry for spamming /wg/
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After getting a B.A. and finding a decent job, I'm thinking of going to law school. I'm making this decision relatively late in my life and I'm worried I'm not good enough despite deep down knowing I can do it. I think I'm self sabotaging.

I'm starting to be a bit more rigid about making deadlines for various parts of the application, studying for the LSAT etc, but I get down on myself every now and then. I just have this urge to get a law degree so I can help people, not to mention the money. Thanks for listening, anon.
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This frog is on my mind. Does it makes good wallpaper? My first photo OC that is on the internet after years.

My life is full of questions, why are computer so rubbish and there is not attention paid in detail of their functionality, taking years of humanitys time in hours. People should think more about time.

What do you think about my frog?
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annoyed cause my ps4 randomly beeps and ejects my games while im playing. pretty depressed since that is the only thing i really enjoy in life atm
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>>7416978
saved, it's nice.
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>>7389158

I'm in a pretty similar situation as you, my dude.

I collapsed in on myself after I graduated. I never really gave any thought about what I'd do after college. I didn't know who I was or where I was going in any capacity. I was lucky enough to get a job through an acquaintance. The money is good, but its pretty soul draining too.

I started drawing and painting to cope with it, and it helped keep my mind off it for a little while. Trying to learn a bunch of skills ended up just being distraction from the real issues, though.

I started seeing a therapist last year and its probably helped me the most so far. They've helped me start tackling the bigger issues that I had been distracting myself from. Isolation is a big one - finding a group through MeetUp or something similar is how I'm planning on tackling it.

Don't give up yet my dude. Give yourself some room to figure yourself out and you'll figure it out. If you have access to a therapist it might help.

Hope things get better for you bruv
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Never opened up online really, but I'm in a pretty pivotal point in my life so here goes.

Found porn on my mom's laptop of her and random dudes online just after she divorced my dad and was already married to another guy when I was 7, and that info was used to win my father custody in court. Been exposed to porn since I was about 5 using Kazaa and had an addiction horribly until about 2 years ago.

Im 24 now. Had perfect grades through highschool but after hs was when my mood started dropping. Smoked all the time and didnt give a fuck about school and lost my financial aid. Lowest point in my life up to that point. Have a habit of trying to dramatically change my life when things get that bad so after a few career changes over the years post highschool hoping things would change with it, I said fuck it and enlisted in the air force. Couldn't get more change than that, right?

That was 2.5 years ago. This whole time my dick has refused to get up for women thanks in part to the porn addiction I carried up until I joined, coupled with issues with family like the aforementioned among others that I memory-holed until I uncovered it again recently while talking to a therapist. My friends are growing distant due to, well, distance and I have no true friends here. Im stationed overseas in an english speaking country so I should be more thankful for the opportunity but I hate it at this point. I havent traveled anywhere outside this country yet and I have 5 months before I change station to georgia for a combat comm outfit thatll be much more intense than my sedentary position here, but Im dreading it. I cant travel because I feel like shit when I go out and am now in my most depressed state Ive ever been in.
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>>7417477
2/3

I believe I've uncovered the reason for most of my depressive issues and impotence and trace it to sexual bullshit that happened when I was young like the incident with my mother and others with siblings. I despise my mother and her whoreness and its translated to something similar with most women. I hate promiscuity. I hate this casual sex lifestyle our society currently promotes. I know Im an attractive dude and could snag women if I wanted to, but I would hate myself for it. Everytime I've been with a woman I've felt this off-putting sense of shame in myself, as if Im breaking some rule or doing something I shouldnt be doing and it's been the cause of my limpdick and failure with relationships. Almost every girlfriend I've had has ended up cheating on me due to me effectively blue-balling them for months.. but I honestly can't blame them.

Only woman I've had true chemistry with and true feelings for is back home and I visited last fall and spent a lot of time with her. Every moment comfortable, every conversation natural. We share everything and its a feeling no other woman has provided me.. On top of it all, she's beautiful and she knows it, but she doesn't use it to take advantage of people, nor flaunts her vanity on social media. She's very introspective and has real aspirations she knows how to get to.. the amount of depth to her is wonderful and it keeps me going desu. I liken it to the visibility of stars, actually. , even as I realise I, to a degree, put her on a pedestal and use my belief of what she is to keep my hope up. I liken it to Ive crushed on her since 2012 but due to me being a huge pussy, I never made a move back then. Well, things went great when I was with her in November and we ended up at her place one night and things didn't go as planned.. without boring you with drama, she basically is now convinced I only wanted her for sex and we're not on speaking terms and haven't been since.
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>>7417479
(3/4) I miscalculated, I know.

After a month in there, I realised that my honesty wasn't going to get me the outcome I desired, so I had two options. Either suck it up and deal with the rest of my enlistment in complete misery, or find a way to convince them I should be booted. I've chosen the latter.

To help facilitate it, I've deliberately plunged myself into depression once again. I forced myself back into porn and started staying up late to only get 2-4 hours of sleep a night to begin looking fucked at work. I stopped going out on purpose, but I really did feel like shit anytime I did anyways. At first, I was in control of it, but the issues I emulate have begun to legitimately take hold.. I've developed a real sense of insomnia now and cant get much sleep even if I want to. Im truly addicted to porn again, but its an outcome I knew would eventually happen and I know how to get out of it now. My true worries now aren't if I'm making the right decision doing this, as I have all the confidence it will lead to a better me. My worries now stem from whether or not this will work.. In all honesty, I don't see myself surviving this enlistment. I've carried suicidal ideations in my past but even before this event it wasn't this bad.

On top of it all, I told my father of my desire to leave and he explained that I'm not welcomed back home. I'm the only person in my family to really try and do anything with my life and I know my family would be disappointed, but then again I don't have the greatest respect for my family in the first place, so fuck em. Cant say what he said didn't hurt, though.
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>>7417480
(4/4)

I know I'll appear to be the bad guy in this as I'm manipulating myself like a sociopath to get what I need, but it truly is what must be done. The air force wont kick me out unless I tell them I'm suicidal which I wont do even if I truly am.. my pride will get in the way of it. Not to mention the other ramifications that will have once I return to civilian life.

What little ways I have to cope are primarily poetry. I like to write it and placed 3rd in state while representing my high school so I know I have a knack for it. It more or less helps me understand what and how I'm feeling, so long as I write it as it comes to me and don't retroactively edit it. In fact, if anyone gave a fuck, I'll share my most recent one. Youll be the only ones to have seen it and probably ever will.

Good luck out there, anons. Find your way. Stop watching porn, too.
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I'm 27 now. Been depressed since age 7. Been suicidal since age 12. Just started anti-depressants. They made me feel the happiest I've ever been for about two weeks. My good friend just killed himself and I fell off that happiness. Now that I have something to compare this awful place to I realize how awful my mindset is. Trying to practice being positive and trying to get better. Just been struggling so long I feel completely lost.
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>>7389158
You're in a terrible, terrible depression. I know you've heard this before but seek any kind of help.
I heard traveling really helps, also try your hardest to meet new people, but don't be dishonest with them or yourself.
I know all of this kinda comes off as generic but cynicism won't take you anywhere.
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>>7392098
Bumping for this. Will you be so kind to keep us posted?
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Just wanted to let you guys know that i read all of your posts.
And i tell you this... its all going to be fine!
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I've got so much going for me for the first time in so long, guys. I have a steady, well-paying job I'm doing amazing at after years of poverty and am waiting to hear back on a promotion. I have a gf who adores me and we're vacationing together for the first time this month.
But I can't get out of survival mode or shake the feeling that it's all going to come crashing down.
I look everywhere for threats, and keep expecting the good things in my life to go away in the blink of an eye. My relationship, my job- none of it feels 'real' or 'legitimate' enough to me, after spending so much of my life floating through shitty housing and taking work where I could and just trying to stay alive. Like it's just a nice illusion that's going to go away any time soon.
But I take the happiness as much as I can, the success as much as I can. I try really hard to appreciate it over that sense that it's all going to go. Even if my bugged-out brain tells me it isn't meant to last, I know I have to appreciate and treasure it for now.
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i get angry or anxious easily. it affects me alot, it makes it difficult for me to think, sometimes i snap at my friends and usually i dont get physically violent but one time i broke a tv.. the way i dealt with my anger and anxiety before is by drowning myself in distractions like youtube or video games. it would help numb the feelings a little bit, but sooner or later they come back.

this month i've practiced redirecting the energy i get from those "negative" feelings into more useful things. you know all those little things that you should do or get started with but you just tell yourself you can do them later? when i get mad, i redirect it toward myself: "you're mad about x but what are you gonna do about it, huh?" even if the thing that i do doesn't directly fix the problem i'm still building more discipline and more strength and improving myself and eventually i'll defeat whatever it is that's bothering me.

it might sound cheesy but its like firebending. emotions and feelings are energy and you can always use energy. you just have to practice directing it.




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