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Just had a good thread that lasted a while. Bump limit killed it. Let's keep it going. All are welcome here.

Previous thread: >>7762342
>>
I don't wanna live ;
I don't wanna die ;
Let me be alone in my corner, sleeping, dreaming.
>>
>>7790151
fuck are you me
>>
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A bit concerned about my anxiety this past couple of days
>>
At a terrible time of my life right now.
But I don't have a single bit of fear or regret about my life. Living day by day. Taking on everyday as they come. I only live in present. No regret about past no fear for future.
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I love her and I wish I didn't.
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>>7790151
Broke up with a girl I'd dated for almost two years recently because she was becoming codependent.
Not controlling, just she was basing all of her well-being on me, and I'm a disaster.
I'm 26, and I'd been single since high school before her, I just wanted to see if I was missing anything by living in my corner.
We're on good terms but I increasingly think the best thing would be for her to forget I exist.
Now I feel like I did a lot of damage to her and learned nothing except I should've stayed in my fucking corner.
I'll have a hard time forgetting the depth of feeling myself, you just don't get that shit alone.
Hell of a lot more stable though.
>>
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>>7790150
My sister is taking anti-depressants again.
Dad lost his job today.
Mom is sad because of this.
All my friends are raging, hedonistic, promiscuous alcoholics and I've been distancing myself from them because we're grown men and can't act like this now, one of them was taken to the hospital from alcohol poisoning last weekend.
At least my brother and I are doing fine, we have nice jobs and are saving money and growing our careers while helping the family.
I want to get married and be a father someday but most girls I meet are sunk into postmodernity and are disgusted by the notion of being mothers.
Can't really afford it either, even if I made three times more money I don't think I could afford a mortgage and food for 3, let alone all the bills, car payments, schooling, insurances, etc.
I might have to leave this country, at least I have a European passport so I have an escape route.
Maybe once I grow my career and can get a job in the EU, but it seems women over there are even worse, so maybe Eastern Europe?

This is not the world I was raised to live in.
>>
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My anxiety, ADHD, and general lack of responsibility almost cost me my ability to finish this class, if it wasn't for my good participation in class/test scores that made some of the instructors want to help me and bend the rules as much as they can

I'm not deserving of the special treatment I get wtf
>>
>>7790318
>most girls I meet are sunk into postmodernity and are disgusted by the notion of being mothers
Just wait a few years until the biological clock starts whooping their asses. As soon as one of their friends pops one out, they all go into full mother mode, fueled by biological needs, fear of missing out, and downright envy. There is nothing worse for a woman than being the only one of the bunch who doesn't have kids.
>>
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Finally decided today to take my career into my own hands the other day and go freelance, but the anxiety about it is almost crippling at times. I know if I don't do this now I'll end up in a job I hate for the rest of my life.
Nervous to see where this goes.
>>
>>7790500
>2560x1440
good luck anon
>>
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My father passed away last december. I am missing him more and more as time passes.
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>>7790150
idk if i want to date my gf but shes getting a job in the city we live in. i have the ability to get a job anywhere else so im thinking about using it as the excuse to leave
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Whenever I get annoyed at myself or something I become so venomous and hateful towards myself and others.
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Another thing too, I really think I'm incapable of ever loving or caring about myself or others. Then I feel guilty for having these thoughts. Maybe I should just go lay my head on the tracks.
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I know this isn't all there is to life, but is my life really gonna be like this forever? I don't want to wake up in a borderline abusive household, work myself almost to exhaustion, then come back to that same house, all while thinking of a love I already know I'm never getting back. Is there nothing I can change from this? I know I can put stuff on top of it to mask it (ricing, silly coding, social interactions, etc), but can I not get rid of those things? Ever? At all? Am I an idiot for not knowing how to solve these menial things, or are they some of those 'parts of being human' I keep hearing about?
>>
>>7790873
save money to buy freedom. find a new home, find a new love. the world is one's oyster
>>
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Everyday I wish for something monumental in human existence to happen yet I am almost certain it never. Whether it's good or bad. Aliens or Yellowstone. Cure for cancer or another nuke going off. But for everything that has happened like phones and a pandemic in my lifetime, it all just seems to be a boring dystopia that's never getting any better. I'm on anti-anxiety meds now since I couldn't wake up for a single day without thinking I was going to die or wanting to die yet neither sound good to me. Not having a guarantee at anything in existence always irks me even if I try to live in the moment. You can be healthy and perfect in every way and still be betrayed by your body randomly or hit by a bus. You could ruin the lives of thousands for years and still live to be 100. I just hope this shit is actually a simulation since I'm extremely dissatisfied and disappointed even though I live a good life
>>
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>>7790903
Another cloud pic. What I enjoy taking pictures of. The sky is a constant free art form
>>
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>>7790905
Jk cloudless. Just sky
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>>7790906
>>
>>7790252
relatable af
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I wish I were better-looking.
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>>7790873
Sounds like you haven't found something that really lights a fire under your arse. My advice is look around and try new things. Could be a cooking class, could be travelling solo through Siberia, but you'll never know until you try it. Don't let fear of the unknown be an obstacle.
>>
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>>7791006
People often mistake having confidence to having good looks. There are plenty of people who get far in life through their talent and that gets them attention and affection in spite of not being objectively hot. Find your niche and own it, it will help you find your people who value you for what you value yourself for. That's how anyone can feel hot.
>>
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>>7790306
As someone who got out of a long and complicated relationship not so long ago, stability is underrated
>>
Today I am feeling good. Damn good. I just came back from seeing the very first museum exhibit I have curated after months of hard work and frustration. I just had feedback for my dissertation plan on a topic I am pumped to be writing and I'm off to a strong start. Now at home chilling to old blues albums I raided from the library. Feelin' fine.
>>
>>7791050
Awesome, pal! That is a hell of an accomplishment. Proud of you.
>>
>>7790150
i hope i never lose the feeling of gratitude i have today. the pain is mostly gone, and i am happy. when i lose gratitude, i become miserable and desperate, which is worse sin of all.
>>
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I wish my inner motivation would show up more consistently. Like, more than once every 5 months.
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I'm in love with my sister, and I can't stop jerking off to her.
>>
>>7790906
Not sure why I like this one so much. Just feels poetic. Thanks anon
>>
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I'm really starting to like this girl and I thinks she likes me but I can't tell if I'm reading it right. But I'm worried about missing my window if she does and I think I just have to go for it. Now I'm afraid of doing it wrong and messing things up if it's not how I think it is. It's got me nervous as hell.
>>
>>7792183
Making a move and "screwing it up" is much, much better than holding off and missing the opportunity. Take it from experience. Follow your heart and take a shot. Life won't wait for you.
>>
>>7792069
at least you're not jerking off ON her... also, that's not love, it's lust, so put it away before you wear it out and go find a hobby or get a paper round or something, preferably something manual that needs two hands kept on the job and keeps you away from the internet
>>
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>>7792244
You are right of course. Wish me luck.
>>
>>7792516
Good luck, pal. Keep us updated.
>>
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I actually think my life is finally coming together, at least for a while. Left a university course I hated, found a job from which I can afford to save up for travelling across the world, came clean to my parents about the whole thing, finally got a gf and have a set date for quitting smoking next month.

Do not give up hope, anons, even when it seems there is no point in life, things will not be like that forever.
>>
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>>7792518
Gave it a shot and have been on radio silence for short of an hour I think. Not a good sign. In any event it had to be done.
>>
>>7790150
I've let myself go and will fix it by whatever means necessary
>>
>>7792518
>>7792596
Not looking good at this point. How long should I let it hang? Wait overnight to see if the gears are turning or just close it out now and end it? I've made peace by now and feel like I should extend that mercy and take ownership here.
>>
>>7792615
At least give her a little bit to respond. Maybe she's having a rough night, who knows.
>>
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This really is the only board worth visiting.
>>
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I'll never live the life i truly want.
Betrayed by my own body.
But maybe we can live a life,
To make up for what we lost.
>>
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I just threw up im really sick have a headache and dont want to go to sleep because im ill have a stroke or seizure when passed out and then ill die
>>
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>>7792625
But there's truth and consolation
And what I'm trying to say
Is that nobody ever had a rainbow, baby
Until he had the rain
>>
>>7792656
Be safe anon, I hope you're ok
>>
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My ex girlfriend 2 months ago (we were dating at the time) accused me of rape while on vacation and it caused the police and everyone to get involved. Now theres an investigation going on for me yet she doesnt want to press charges or continue with it. We had just moved in together.. When we got home from vacation her father took her to file a VPO against me and it effectively got me kicked out of my own lease and i cannot speak to her. Ive been trying to join the military for the last couple months now I cant even do that because of an investigation. Im blocked by her and I cannot legally speak to her or see her.

She had a dissasociate identity disorder episode which pushed her into massive mania and made me her worst enemy. I didnt rape her, not even close and theres texts from her of her agreeing with me. Im just so lost where to go. I hate being at my parents. I have nowhere to go. I hate this rollercoaster of a life. It isnt fun or enjoyable I dont see what lessons I am getting out of this. I love her. I love her so much and it breaks my heart to see her so affected by mental illness yet here I am suffering from the fallout and reppucussions of these issues from her. Im so twisted up by this. I keep talking myself out of thinking of ways to end my own life.

Side note because I care for her so much and have done everything for her, pay her bills, do her homework and test for her college, emotionally support her.. etc. I have a habit of checking on her social media. For some reason even though the end of our vacation turned into a fiasco she still feels comfortable posting about our vacation excluding pictures of me. And even going as far to make photos i took of her as her pfp. Idk maybe looking to into it. I need sleep but im always tired. Ive never felt this disconnected and lethargic. Love you guys desu. Its the only place i can vent. but i dont think i'll last too much longer.
>>
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>>7790306
In my experience, co-dependence is a passive way of using someone. To a certain extent, the pain your ex has felt from your separation is self-inflicted and it's important that you don't take on more than your share of responsibility in that.

Learning to put yourself out there, what to protect and what you can safely wear on your sleeve, is a valuable skill in life. Take this lesson in stride and keep walking.
>>
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>>7792702
That's rough, man. I realise you must be going through hell right now, but trust me when I say you should end things with her before ending yourself. I know how it feels to have to end things with someone you love because of circumstance. It sucks, but unless you do, you are only prolonging your suffering and you won't be able to get off the rollercoaster. Do what's best for you, bud. Your life is too precious to waste on someone else who can't treat it right.
>>
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>>7792050
It takes some cultivation. I'm not in a great place with it myself yet but I've learned that openness and trying new things for the sake of it can evoke an enjoyment and motivation in response
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>>7792050
What you're looking for is discipline, not motivation.
>>
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>>7790150

"The Glory of God is the human person made fully alive"- St. Iraneus, Against the Heresies
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>>7790252
I dont love her and I wish i did
>>
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Yeesh. Rather >>7790252 than >>7793184

Either way, if you want to love others in a way where you're both happy, you gotta learn to love yourself first, lads.
>>
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Losing some hope, I lost my job back in January and had to move back into my parents place, I've been looking for a job ever since I got laid off however no one calls me back. Tired of being screamed at for not having a job. I have an application for every job in a 25 mile radius but, no calls back.
I hope it gets better so I can get my life back on track.
>>
>>7793287
It will get better, pal. Peaks and valleys. Sometimes we spend longer than we'd like in the valley. That just makes the peak all the sweeter. Keep your head up and keep plugging. Good things will happen.
>>
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I want him to love me like I love him
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>>7792702
i'm sorry anon. don't know what to say other than that. we're all here for you man life sucks and then its over. i hope that your resilience surprises you
>>
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Pain and pleasure
confusion and clarity
sadness and happiness
motivation and laziness
path to something and path to nothing
all is ever flowing, ever changing within me
I just observe and marvel at the journey
>>
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just finished my degree, feeling anxious about the new places, new people and the new way of life I'm about to experience

>>7790839
oh how I envy you, that you had a good relationship with your father, I hate mine, but I try not to give any signs of it
>>
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want to learn how to produce music but feeling very lazy and don't know where to begin
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Since i am schizophrenic and do not possess mind of my own, there is not really much to tell, there is only shallow urges and ripples on the surface, not corresponding with things deep inside, if there is anything at all. But if there was a functioning perpetual delusion that people call "self" it would have been pissed off by how inept everyone is; how people with sickness of my own have their hi-tech jobs while i don't; how everyone forces such life upon me and how silly i am to even bother with it; how frustrating it is to allow myself being ruled and helplessly drown in these cardboard decorations imposed by the very same no-one as me, although this no-one is undoubtedly more powerful since he is consensual and i'm not. Only if i could possess everyone and increase my sheer mass and enrich it with counteractions, maybe only then this feeling of pitifulness would begone. Or is it another delusion, and in reality you cannot maintain any sort of mind without any sort of pain. If you could call it a pain, and not another movement on some layer of the world's soul, that is.
>>
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>>7790150
I'm pretty happy with myself and my love life and family. It's just kinda weird because I have two degrees now, a job teaching, the wife and I are talking about buying a house hopefully within a year if the market is willing, maybe having a kid within the next 5 years or so. She's 28, I'm 30.
What's weird to me is the fact that I basically hate most of the "friends" that were so god damn important to me just a decade ago. I kinda miss having bros. I still have bros, but we mostly hangout online a couple times a week and play tabletop RPGs, and we're definitely close, but we're all scattered across the country. I guess I'm just happy with me and my little life here and can't wait to move out of this house I'm renting. But I feel like I don't have a community to belong to really anymore. And a lot of the tourists that have invaded my hobby are, well, pink haired triggered weirdos that can't take a joke. It feels rough to even try to branch out and make friends because socially the US just feels straight fucked right now.
>>
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Im gonna post a phone wallpaper on a mostly widescreen papes thread I bet everyone will hate me and call me a fag. Bit its ok idc cause I just wanted to post something.
>>
>>7795914
I've felt that disillusionment as well. Don't have an answer for it. I visited my hometown in 2015 and whatever connection I had as a kid is now broken. The world moved on without me. Which games do you play? My wife and I are going over to visit our friends this weekend and hopefully by then I'll have gotten up enough nerve to bring Twilight Imperium.
>>
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I don't think there's a single person whose ever been interested in me. It's hard to imagine even the idea of a relationship, it just seems so foreign, but it's shoved into my face everywhere, all the time. It makes me feel so much less than human.
>>
>>7795916

i really like this wallpaper and am probably going to use it
thanks for posting
>>
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>>7795878

pick a DAW, ableton is pretty beginner friendly and has a trial but theres loads of other DAWs like FL studio & Logic, and then just youtube a tutorial series that gets you used to the UI and navigation.

Once you know the UI you can start playing around making loops and beats.

Honestly the best way to learn the software is to read the manual. Its really user friendly, explains things super concisely and break the UI down section by section.

Dont worry too hard about trying to achieve a specific sound to start out with, just play about with what you find fun. I don't necessarily make the music I thought I would when i started out, but thats part of the fun.

Also learn some music theory. You don't need super indepth technical ability but a baseline knowledge of keys, scales, chords etc will take you far.

Splice is a pretty accessible sample library to get you started, it's like £8 a month for a bunch of credits. You can always just pay for a month, buy a bunch of basic sample packs with your 100 credits and then cancel so you dont amass more than you can spend. You can also rent-to-own plugins to spread the cost. And you can backup projects to the splice software - bit clunky in my experience but good to get into the habit of saving and backign up often.

Personally I pirate everything to try before i buy to make sure i'll get the use out of it; DAW, plugins, software etc so may be worth having a ghandi there.

I now own most of my software and plugins but only buy what you think you'll get use out of; it's not a cheap hobby.

Tbh I've not had the time to make music lately as i've been changing careers and all the fun life admin that comes alongside that so my free time is a lot more limited these days...but I'm not going to let the passion die, I fully intend on getting back on the horse once i'm out of this life-limbo of new job and new life.
>>
On the surface I’m a modestly successful software engineer with a young family and a house

Below the surface I feel really lonely and just deal with the same repetitive busy work all day. I want to do something challenging but all the small urgent tasks suck all my time and energy.
>>
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i have no friends and my parents dont love me. i want a good job but no one calls me back. i drown myself in video games and coffee and hope my parents kick me out so i finally have the urgency to kill myself. its ironic that i imagine everyone disappearing so i could go about my business exploring the world without the horrible filth that is other people
>>
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>>7796084
it CAN be an expensive hobby (lord knows I've dropped more than I care to admit on it) but it doesn't really have to be. You could download a tracker for free and learn how to make great music with it. Or you could have the most basic version of a DAW and use only free samples and spend thousands of hours making songs and eventually you'll have something people with lots of expensive gear wish they could make. I guess what I'm saying is it's more important is actually putting the time in to learn before you go around spending money, and you may find that you didn't need to spend anything in the first place
>>
>>7796091
I'm willing to bet someone will hire you, work at a dog shelter, bus at a restaurant, sometimes the connections you make at shitty jobs can lead to better opportunities down the line. Sometimes they are just shit jobs that go nowhere, but better than doing nothing, at least itll give you a purpose and some money
>>
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I do not usually gamble, but I have lost 2k in sports gambling in a week. I have no idea I am losing my mind with the burning feeling of losing money stupidly. Feel a very deep disappointment in my self.
>>
>>7795922
I have about 8 dudes right now in a discord channel. We finished Tomb of Annihilation, because I was too tired to homebrew anything at the time. I'm never running 5e though because its fucking shit when it comes to balance. Baby shoes D&D.
Never played much wargames, but I might be interested depending.
>>
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This world is bullshit. I've been trying to get my shit together for months and what i get instead is a clusterfuck of human failures. I should just quit everything and write a book
>>
>>7796125
shit together how? I feel like we are in the same boat!
>>
>>7792702
>I love her so much
she's ruined your life you moron
she does not love you
your love will not "fix her"
grow up and move on. Save those texts and get a fucking attorney you moron
there are literally billions of women on the planet
>>
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>>7796094

yeah 100% its so accessible as a hobby, its not something where you have to shell out £££s just to get started, just learn the tools and when you need to get more in depth and granular, then you can start going down plugin rabbit holes.
>>
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sandalwood incense and arizona green tea
>>
Bump.
>>
>>7790318
>Maybe once I grow my career and can get a job in the EU, but it seems women over there are even worse, so maybe Eastern Europe?
Worse in what way? If you're talking about the need to be a mother, it seems like it kicks in hard over here for women around the age of 25.
>>
>>7797774
Guarantee you're talking to someone from pol who's bemoaning muh lack of trad women for birthin.
>>7790318
Yes go live in Bulgaria that will solve your problems. Eastern Europe is not your personal playground just because pol says that don't like gays. You have less of an understanding of people there than you do at home.
>>
>>7797891
based anon
>>
>>7792702
>>7796209
Didn't know how to tell you this, but the other anon replied first. Unless you're married for a lifetime, and sometimes not even that, do not anchor yourself for the mentally ill.

Considering all you've done for her in this post, and how she dropped you like a hot turd, to the point of updating her social media over coming out clear on the rape cases...

She's got issues, a least a narcissistic streak, self defeating and a shitton of manipulative issues. If she's unable to break a relationship like a normal person and has to start this circus, chances are she should have never started a relationship in the first place. She's a grown up throwing temper tantrums on the side, STAY AWAY.
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>>7790150
>>
It's so hard to be motivated to move forward. Find a job, work endlessly, rejoin the rat race, get vaccinated. The world is showing more signs of blowing up each day, yet this is a trend that has gone on for the better part of 20 years now. It keeps making me think "something HAS to give", yet I worry it already has, and the results will be a flood rather than a stream.
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for the past 8 years, i feel like ive lost most of my empathy with others. many people i was close to and knew well have died. i havent cried for any of them.
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2020 and 2021 have probably been the worst years of my life yet. I'm currently in the worst physical shape of the last 10 years and even though i'm trying my best, I can't seem to get any result from my university career. I'm so close to finishing my degree, yet so far away. At least i find my studies interesting, but sometimes I wonder: is it really worth it? All this stress? All this struggle? Just so I could take one step forward and 4 backwards?
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I've plateau'd in my work life for a long time, I've been underemployed ever since I graduated college 7 years ago. Though honestly my degree is kind of adjacent to art so maybe it was to be expected

That said, my friends from college have managed to find decent careers, and my attempts to move up at my current workplace and/or finding more well-paid professional work has been for naught so far

I don't even dislike my current job much, my coworkers are great and it's a chill work environment. I just feel like I've fell through the cracks somewhere and I'm too lacking in ambition to truly succeed
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About three years back in June of 2018 I went through a flood. All things considered, it was pretty bad for me personally, but overall we survived.

The worst thing about the flood is that I used to love a good thunderstorm, I loved rain and storms. The flood ruined everything. Now even the smallest rainstorm gives me a bit of anxiety.

Where I'm at, not Florida, we're about to get hit with some hard rains for the next three or four days. I'm very anxious all over again. I thought I'd write it out here and just get it out. I hate what that flood did to me.
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>>7798421
I'm sorry to hear that, man. I never thought a flood could impact someone that way. I, too, love a good thunderstorm and would hate to lose that pleasure. Hoping you can find a way to enjoy rainy weather again someday.
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>>7798321
not to sound like an ass but maybe you're personality or demeanour is holding you back. If people don't think you're capable of moving up or leading they won't give you the time or opportunity. Assert yourself a bit more
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>>7790150
>>7790150
I wasted high school, and am now in limbo. I made no memories, no friends, and am more alone than when I started out.
The army is my only chance. I don't want to do anything else. I need to get there, and from there make the friends I need to and meet the woman I want to.
I need a hug.
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I am so aimless. I crave purpose but fear failure. I’ve lived inside my own head for too long, sometimes I don’t think there’s hope to get out.
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I don't know exactly, but I think I've just stopped caring. I used to panic a lot when a deadline was coming up and submit it by working compulsively, but lately it's been bad. I miss deadlines set by professors threatening to fail me and it doesn't make me do anything. There's an impending doom but I've just stopped fearing it, which cuts off most of my motivation. I exercise everyday unless I'm physically injured but with studies I don't know what's happening.
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>>7798434
Thank you. The first day has come and gone and we got about six inches, but the drainage was actually perfect and there was no flooding. My street filled up, but drained within an hour when the rain slowed down. Three more days of this...I'm pretty on edge right now.

Thanks a lot for the support
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i wish i was never born, i dont wanna die but things would simply have been much better for everyone if i never existed
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Feel like my goals and ambitions are increasingly impossible or at least out of my reach and even my backup plans feel beyond me
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>>7790150
I don't know who I am
I fell like there is something missing, there is a pain in my heart, it comes and goes but it fells like I'm just distracting myself from it.
i always wanted to have an identity, to have something that was mine, that i could look back and say, this is me, but sometimes it seems that there is nothing, but it always fells like there should be.
I have a good life, but this felling of... something missing, out of place, has never disappeared , i forget it for awhile and them it comes back.
I went through a lot of "levels" you couold say, i wanted to know a lot about bow and arrow, than about computers, than about knifes, than forging, than bicycles, and I'm here now, trying to teach myself how to stick weld.
i don't know anons, maybe everyone has this and I'm just a faggot to be annoyed by it so much,
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>>7790903
i kindaa get you anon, i made this post here
>>7798982
i keep listening to these prophecies online, all that insanity, the end is near, covid, politics, and all that, but it fells like a slow boil, in which no crisis will happen, but it will get slowly and surely worse for us.
i believe this is related to all the shit we watch, cartons as kids, them movies and books, at least for me
i wanted to be more, to be something else, but even if i am above average, it makes no difference, i cannot change the world, i cannot change my town, i an somewat change the life of my family and my GF, but again, nothing out of the ordinary.
and living in this society, that punishes behavior different to the norm, it is hard to feel free.
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>>7790150
Been talking with my mom about what kind of work I'll do after I finish college. I've decided I'm gonna take a certification test for fluency in German and then apply for work as a translator. I've been studying, but I've been struggling with procrastination, which is something I've had to deal with for most of my life. When I get too stressed out, I usually end up going for a walk until the feeling subsides, which often ends up killing any momentum I had going. I brought this up to her, and her response was "you're too old to be feeling depressed." My granddad's advice was "sometimes you have to do things you don't want to do". Which, I dunno, it just felt so... contemptful? It hurt a bit, in a way I'm not really sure how to describe.
>>
Tranny suicide rate
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>>7798273
Learn from Guts, anon. Get back into shape, give evrything you got to finish your degree, let your rage out if you need to. Why are you so far away from finishing? Do you have any projects beyond college?

>is it really worth it? All this stress? All this struggle?
I wonder the same at least once every week. At the end I always end up concluding that if God hasn't killed me yet, he must want me to keep on fighting.
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https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=2034482653

I'm turning 27 soon and am a pretty miserable person who isolates despite getting along very well with most people. I've got some serious body image issues that I think are at the root of it all, no family troubles or youth trauma. I just want to feel confident and start playing catch up with my peers...
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I GOT THIS
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>>7790500
What do you do?
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I'm aimless in life. Pretty much a NEET that watches youtube or plays videogames all day. I want to do something with my life because I realise that life is short, but I don't know where to start or what to do.
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>>7790150 (OP)
I'm miserable. I've reached my 30s finally, but I still haven't found anyone. I'm kind of odd I guess, I like fitness and working out, but I like fat women.

I don't really enjoy many things anymore, I kind of just want someone to do stuff with IRL.

I've had this wallpaper since I was 16. I really like it, which I had a widescreen version of it though.

>>7798987
The problem with a lot of people who repeat the prophecies is that they always leave out the important detail: Almost all of them say it will be the end of the current era, and the start of a new one. But you know, fear and uncertain sells better than hope.
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>>7798421
feel this too much. moved to the south years ago and have now gone through two floods. like you said, i survived, but now a light drizzle and i wonder if i need to move to higher ground
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>>7792615
Different anon here. How'd it go? In any case, how's the aftermath been since it's been a few weeks?
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Not sure how to write this but I'm just feeling unhappy and unsatisfied with life. I'm short and have poor social skills and I know that I'm seen as weak and boring. I go to uni I guess but my life is extremely unfulfilling and I feel like I have no means of fixing that. I haven't really gotten any memorable experiences and no creative hobbies appeal to me
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I feel alright. I'm doing the college thing again. It's online, but its going much better this time. I don't know how it will end though. Beyond that I'm living the shut-in life. I don't like it, and I'm trying to change, but progress is slow. I am much happier than I was before. Living like this has made me desire a simple life.
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Any anons have suggestions on how to get started with meditation, or at least learn a bit about it? Looking for resources.
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>>7800594

google it
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>>7790150
I live in a constant state of realizing. I cant stop thinking about the infinite multiplicity of the chances of anything ever being at all. Out of all the things that ever could be, here we are. I cant reconcile these types of thoughts with all the things going on around me and it really messes me with me uwu
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>>7800594
alan watts on youtube. thank me later. PRACTICE IT EVERDAY NO EXCUSES BITCH. ITLL BE THE BEST SHIT YOU EVER DO FOR YOURSELF
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i just accepted the fact that i am most likely going to die alone
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>>7790150
My foot hurts
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>>7790150
There's so much I want to do but I'm so limited. Everyone throughout my entire life has put me in a fucking fishbowl when I just want to jump out and explore the ocean. I keep banging my head on the glass hoping something else will happen. Maybe I'll cut myself on the glass and die, maybe I'll jump out and suffocate, maybe I'll break the glass and jump into the ocean, maybe I'll suffocate in the saltwater, but I don't care. I just want to be free, but no one is making it easy. There's so much I want to do but my lifetime is limited. I'm tired of not having a people, place, or cause to call my own. My entire life is a limited blur of boring mediocrity that I seek to escape by any means necessary.
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>>7800158
> I haven't really gotten any memorable experiences and no creative hobbies appeal to me
Just do something, doesn't matter if it doesn't appeal to you at first, it will grow on you. Making memorable experiences is a choice. I think it's all about freedom to do things. If you had the ability to do literally anything, you would definitely do some crazy shit. Think of that crazy shit and find a way to do it.

> I'm short and have poor social skills and I know that I'm seen as weak and boring.
Maybe the reason you have poor social skills is that you assume you can read people's minds. Also being boring to other people doesn't mean shit if you think your life is cool. As for being weak literally just lift and become buff as shit, take steroids if necessary. If you are unsatisfied with your current life, then better a possibly shorter life lived in a meaningful way than a long one spent in your current state.

> my life is extremely unfulfilling and I feel like I have no means of fixing that.
There's always a way. You don't think there is a way because all the ways of doing the things you want to do seem hard, and they seem hard because they involve lots of change. Change is difficult, but if there is truly nothing to lose, then by all means necessary craft the life you want to live instead of sitting on the sidelines in fear. Are you afraid of losing your fake uni credentials which only serve the purpose of making you a wagie? Afraid of leaving your "home" that gives you no meaning? Afraid of leaving the people in your life who you say see you as "weak and boring"? Afraid of leaving your family who's members apparently don't give you meaning either? Why are you afraid of leaving all these things? Nothing in your life is worth living for, so find something else and live for that instead, don't look back on all the things that drag you down.
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Feeling exhausted at this point of my life. I'm losing emotions and attachments that I've felt for certain things before. Only do hobbies and studies out of necessity, kinda feel like Mersault from the "Stranger" novel. Want to be lonely and without my friends, who force me to meet with them occasionally. Been meditating for a year but I'm starting to get tired of that also, although I'm not planning on stopping it. I'm honestly just tired at this point of life and can't focus on my hobbies properly, such as music listening and movie watching. Don't even bother to post on this site anymore since I'm tired, randomly post and just lurk from time to time. Was browsing /mu/ and /g/ for a long time but I feel like there might be some other boards that might interest me such as /biz/. I love this board and threads like these. My pasiveness towards living is growing from day to day, and I worry that it might make me demotivated for continuing my studies, which have kept me afloat for a very long time.
Music for the feels: https://invidious-us.kavin.rocks/watch?v=UH8ejHICwzI
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A semester from now I'm going to get my degree in a course and a field I absolutely despise. I entered university 6 years ago thinking I was going to go into med school, 3 years ago I got kicked out due to me being a piece of shit student but I managed to enter another university this time taking an undergrad in biochemistry and within a year there it kind of dawned on me how little I wanted to enter medicine, I stayed in the course because I was afraid to get even further behind compared to my peers who were already finishing their undergrad and I decided to use this course to pursue a career in STEM/academia instead.

At this point while I wasn't passionate about science or chemistry I didn't hate it, but sometime over the past year with the pandemic and online learning there was a point where I lost any and all interest I had in continuing to study chemistry and for the past semester I've just been gritting my teeth and bearing it in order to pass my exams.

By the end of the year I'm going to graduate and now I don't know what to do. A year ago I planned on going to grad school but now any thoughts about continuing to study chemistry make me sick.
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Better than anything you could find on /lit/
Good job OP
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>>7800842
Forgot pic
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At the Beginning steps of trying to put my life back together, I seem to be having a mid life crisis as well after screwing it up. I got a Job, I'm broke Poor, I'm back with my parents, I can't internally visuallize things as well anymore, My head is stuck in tomorrow or the past so I can't seem to focus that well on the Now... And I've no car.
Finding people to talk to seems kind of hard at the moment as I kind of have no shame on somethings but trust issues on others, and going religious doesn't help either.
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How do you fall out of love with someone?
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I just got fired from my job 2 days ago.
I am back to struggling to find a job I like, and making ends meet.
I'm still recovering from a surgery I head 3 weeks ago and I'm still not doing too much better with my drinking and smoking addictions.
City is back on lockdown again, but it doesn't really matter as I don't have any friends.
I have no hobbies, video games is not really a hobby. I can barely pick up a book and read it anymore as I've messed with my mind so much by being on the internet that I can never feel mentally calm anymore.
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>>7802120
When they hurt you mentally, physically or emotionally. Or when they've challenged and broken their loyalty to you. Also in some cases, you just both begin experiencing different situations in life where you both see things in a new way, and you can just.... fall out of love.
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i still haven't found my reason to live and it worries me a bit
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>>7802167
Seek Jesus.
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I'm horny
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>>7792620
I second this wholeheartedly. o7
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I've been posting here for so long I started to realise some papes are duplicates. Is there a way to find these doubles without having to spend a day combing through your entire collection?
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ive put all my eggs into one basket and now whenever i hear people say they dont like that style of basket i get irrationally mad and go schizo
metaphorically
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>>7802206
Sure, just download a duplicate finder tool. CCleaner has it IIRC.
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>>7802167
I'll tell you what I tell everyone else who says this: try new things. You won't find a reason to live by doing the same thing every day. Put yourself out there, get out of your comfort zone and you'll find something that will light a fire under your arse.

Or, you know, what >>7802168 said

Anyways, have some OC
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>>7790150
trying to figure out what things are pipe dreams and what realistically be achieved in my lifetime, with relationships/jobs etc
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>>7802206
Here's your best bet. Been using it for years. Free utility.

http://www.visipics.info/index.php?title=Main_Page
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>>7802290
That tends to kill the inner child, best to leave that one with the Imagination still churning and say you'll plan for it tomorrow.
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>>7802228
>>7802412
Thanks lads. Speaking of wallpaper care, just how bad is it if you download .jpg wallpapers? Is there a way to minimize the lossy compression, or am I overstating its impact?
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>>7802576
A jpg file only lose quality when it's re-encoded. You won't degrade your wallpapers by just downloading them and making copies, but you will if you edit them

Pic related is a photo I've taken
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>>7790318
Best advice I can give you for the alcoholic friends
Drop them
Both my parents are alcoholics. I won't drop them from my life because I love them too much
But it's not worth it
When you have better people in your life, you will notice that you will also have a better life, and other better people will show up
Just keep going strong anon, be there for your family. And be there for the one you will have one day
God speed
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>>7799033
You're right I guess. I'll keep on struggling, as life itself is struggle anyway. I might as well put up a good fight and enjoy it.
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>>7792702
>I love her. I love her so much and it breaks my heart to see her so affected by mental illness
To BE female is to be mentally ill. And I don't say this to be witty. Females are fucked up.

I dated a real headcase from 2017 to summer 2020. COVID more or less stopped us from seeing each other (she lived in a state bordering mine). And it (the pandemic) provided the perfect pretext to end the relationship.

I, too, worry about future things like rape charges from her. Not that I did rape her, or even have rough sex. Everything we did was by her consent and involvement. But, over time, women's memories go haywire and they come to see every moment with an ex as purely evil. And law enforcement and the courts believe THEM, of course.
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>>7795930
I date about 1.5 girls every decade.
Not quite your situation, but I go very long stretches "relationshipless."
It's not the situation I wanted.
So, I sympathize.
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>>7798321
"If you don't let us in, we shall take your castle by force."
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i am a property manager for a company that owns over 200 mobile home courts, apartment complexes, strip malls, and leases buildings to various other businesses. i am fine with all the businesses, malls, and most of the apartments. what is totally depressing is just how badly people live in mobile homes.

granted, there are some older folks who take care of their homes and the land we lease to them, but on the other hand, there are total dirtbags who dont give a shit about anything. it is getting worse as well. heroin, fentanyl, crack, meth, pills, covid, and basically the daily news is really hitting that community hard, and they really didnt stand a chance to begin with. yet, i have no sorrow for people who dont give a shit and toss their lives out the window. it is their choice.

but i do care about their children. there are countless times i have seen drug addled parents toss their kids out into the streets of these parks, thinking that the park will be their babysitter. toddlers running down the street in full diapers that mommy forgot to change, children covered in bedbug sores, teens wearing clothes that would make john holmes blush because thats what they saw on instagram, and houses that would be condemned if the damn health department would do its job are all things that are so common, its mindboggling. i just dont understand why people dont give a fuck. these kids basically have no chance whatsoever in life because of the choices of their parents.

i know that most municipalities and townships hate "trailer parks" (a phrase i dont like to use) and only see them as tax revenue until they can get rid of them for something more favorable, but the people who live within them shouldnt be penalized for the type of home they live in.
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In a long lasting relationship I'm starting to doubt. Trying to build my passion up to something I can make a living off of but everything seems to pull my time and energy away from it.

Nothing is balanced, and everything in the universe is only moving into the direction of balance. In anything you do, try to be honest and work towards what true balance is, nothing else is more important.
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I was clean from cutting for 18 months, i recently failed and cut again. Nothing life threatening, but i had been doing well for so long. A friend of mine started doing really heavy drugs again and i dont know what to do. She had been my best friend for so long, and she doesn't even want to talk to me anymore. It sucks when someone you know becomes someone you knew. Especially when its your best friend
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>>7803094
it is only when you exist on that level and climb out youself that you can truly understand their plight. i came from an upper middle class family and intentionally destroyed my life. i have since climbed back into middle class, though i am 32 now. there are some things you just can't understand without firsthand experience. to summarize though, a lot of it is pain. really, those people are experiencing pain at a level you never have and probably never will.
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just livin life day by day, nothing special. kind of boring, but i'm waiting for things to happen soon.
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>>7803986
So sorry to hear, sometimes people will come in go in our life, even if once they were a close friend :( it always sucks but these things take time to heal. There are still things worth being around for, even if you don't realize it at the moment
all the best <3
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I think a lot of people are waiting for the big happines to come but they ignore the little things that happen to them and instead of doing something to change things for them, they just complain.
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I'm scared. I'm scared I'm never gonna be happy again, I look at my life and I find myself asking: "Is this what I wanted? Does any of this make any sense anymore?"
I'm scared cause if I just stop for a second everything around me is screaming that it's falling apart, but I can't afford to fall apart. I've been wondering why I so seldom think about what's around, how every single family member is mentally dying and I can't help but wonder when it's gonna be my turn, How long I'm gonna be able to endure all of this. I can't help it, I can't help anyone but myself but it's getting harder and harder every single day.
I miss the good times. I miss when my mom was there, and I could talk to her, and now she's just a shadow of herself.
And I miss him, I miss when he used to look out for me but now I feel exclusively like a burden. I'm sorry.
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>>7804066
I'm sorry, pal. I have had similar feelings and I understand, at least a little, what you're going through. I'm here if you want to talk.
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>>7790150
The thing that's been bothering me for the past few months is I don't know if I want to drop a class I really like, since it has a heavy workload.

It's Ancient World, and I *love* history, but it's writing intensive. I already have three other writing intensive classes (and I'm a writing major) but it seems like a bit much to have 4 writing intensive classes. I've NEVER had a history class that's writing intensive either and I've taken 4+ in the past.

I already have another class, Intro to Journalism, lined up in case I do decide to drop the Ancient World class.

I don't really know what to do. My one friend called me lazy for trying to escape four writing intensive classes (she has four writing intensive classes), but my advisor/other friends told me to drop it. I'm thinking my one friend is just jealous that she doesn't have the option like I do, since she's stuck catching up on credits.

It's not as serious as the other anons, but I just want this problem to be solved already. I'm thinking of dropping the Ancient World class regardless of the fallout, but I hope a few anons can give me some advice, perhaps?
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>>7804089
What I'd do is balance the joy/knowledge you get from Ancient World against the rest of your workload. Is it having a large effect on being able to complete the work from the other courses? I think people should pursue what they like and it sounds like you really like the class. Stick with it. If it starts becoming too intensive and your other grades suffer for it, then you can think about dropping it.

I don't think "lazy" is the right word for your friend to use here. That's a lot of writing and if you think you can't swing it then you should do what you feel. Don't let anyone else dictate what is or isn't too much for you to handle. Only you can know that. Learning is important but you also have your mental state to contend with.
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>>7804091
Thanks, anon. I'll try to talk to my advisor about it too.

I have this semester (Fall 2021) to do, and then Spring 2021 is my last semester before I graduate, so it's a tough choice. Parents want to send me back to school anyways, so perhaps if I drop the class, I'd gain the knowledge somewhere down the line anyways? I could always just teach myself about it, too.
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>>7804092
*Spring 2022, sorry.
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I've been trying to rebuild my life and it's not been going so smoothly. I first think I'm hyper criticizing small points in my life thta I think will make others happy. I'm stuck at home with my parents for the second time and they seem to want me to become dependent on something, whether it be God, Medications, or talk therapy. I can't help but want to shake this feeling and just give back into my inner child which is quite hard to do at this moment. I don't know if being surrounded by others like this, that suppress their child so horridly, or that are judgemental of other lifestyles that aren't their own, is keeping me held back.
I can't help but think that letting my inner child die will be the sipirtual death of me.
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>>7802944
exactly. It's gonna have pain but you gotta enjoy the good stuff we can get. Not a defeatist mindset, a practical one
I wish you the best of luck
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I've failed, I have peaked at 25 as a modestly talented machinist and supervisor, it's all downhill from here. I found the one thing I'm good at and now that's it, I can go no further. I am paid well enough to pay my bills but not handsomely enough to buy a house or even afford a decent car. I can't do something else because I can't risk losing a job because I suck, I have to take care of my wife. I'm burnt out from working 12 hour days for the last 6 years. Were I single I would quit and couch surf my way to somewhere anywhere. I can suffer anything and it won't affect me, I don't care.
Whats the point of going on? I've done my best and that's all there is to it. I can't help any of you or be a better person than I am, not that it matters I'm stuck at work all the time.
none of it matters, things I make or the dollars I receive it all goes away anyway. I'll never retire and I dont want to work the next 40 years to not even be able to do that. I want to go out some day and just keep going
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>>7803998
ty anon, i appreciate the kind words:)
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I'm tired. I just want a couple of days where I don't have to worry about anything.
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>>7804089
>study history
>fail the course
>oh wait you cant
:^)
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>>7804086
It's fine. I mean, mostly I go to sleep every other night wishing tomorrow will be a better day. It never is. I just struggle every morning to find a reason to stay alive at this point.
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I need money to buy Silver Mountain Water but dont want to work...fml
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>>7804089
As an academic, I would say that if there is a module which really grabs you, then work around that. You never know how it might influence your academic development.
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>>7804219
I deal with this a lot. I worry about everything, and I'm anxious about everything, it's been this way for a decade. I miss the days when my life didn't feel like a spiral.
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>>7804191
I know how it is. invest 10% of your earnings every paycheck in the s&p 500 and learn to become a cheapskate. find a cheaper place to live if you can. build up for the long haul. dont let money disappear. any paycheck is enough if you are smart about it. i recommend reading the richest man in babylon by george clason. It isnt long but it might change your life





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