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Round four. All are welcome here.

Previous: >>7814975
>>
l worry about extreme technological advances like robotics, AI, autonomous tech, etc.. It sounds like a horrible and meaningless hell, moreso than the one we already live in where we worship our phones, Amazon, and social media.

l just want to live in a quaint small town away from the machine(s).
>>
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>>7838899
failed the captcha first time so my file upload went away. Here's my pape.
>>
A girl I’ve had a crush on since high school is coming to visit me in a few days and I know it’s only because she’s lonely and recently widowed but I don’t know if she wants to visit as a friend or more.
>>
>>7838899
you don't fear the machines, you fear the sunlight they bring that will reveal the empty shell you've always been
>>
>>7838963
Find out what she looks like beforehand if possible. You could be in for a rude awakening.
>>
Don't listen to synesthesia. Time changes all of us. Take it slow and have fun. I'm sure she doesn't know what she wants or needs either. Be a friend and be kind. You will never regret being kind.
>>
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Now that I broke up with my girlfriend, I am finally getting attention from girls I like, but none of them live near me and I miss cuddling and having sex. It's so lonely now sleeping alone every night. Plus I'm so behind with uni and work, I don't have a chance to pursue any of them. A girl I know literally invited me to Berlin but I'm like 6 hours away and can't visit because I don't have the money and time.

I visited back home and went on a couple of dates with a girl and they went really well, but she ended up letting things go because I live too far away and don't visit very often and she was looking for something more serious. Why can't I ever be happy?
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18 and failing university. i don't know what to do. it feels like im completely out of place. i even fear i might be kicked out of the uni. i really want to study, but everything goes so fucking fast.

it feels like if i fail this my life will get completely fucked and go downhill fast. and i am starting to be affected by this thought. i'd like to study and i am ready to do whatever it takes to pass, but what if it's not enough? this shit is killing me.
>>
>>7839422
Man, straight up fuck you! I am 21 about to be 22 and still haven't finished highschool, got a 10th grade degree and thats it. Be fucken grateful for even having that highschool degree. Man fuck the german educational system, a fucken joke.
>>
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It's been three years and I still can't get her off my mind. Usually I'm ok, but I keep having dreams about her and sometimes she'll randomly message me about random BS. I can't bring myself to delete all her pictures.

>>7839422
You need to figure out how to kick your ass in to high gear NOW, before you actually blow it and have to pull yourself back up from the depths of total failure. Trust me, you don't want that at all. It's not as hard as you think it is.
>>
>>7839017
I’ve known her since highschool and we snap/FaceTime pretty frequently. Even when she was married and I was engaged we were pretty close.
>>
Sensory overload is on my mind.
>>
>>7839607
You need to kick your ass in high gear, that guy will be alright, even if he fails the year that will just be one year of his life and he isnt even in his 20s yet.

You however, oh boi. Why the fuck haven't you cut that girl out of your life yet, shit isnt romantic is desperate and sad. Move on dude, she doesn't fucken like you, allow your mind to move on and forget her and get to know someone who actually gives a shit. I haven seen or heard my ex in 2 years and after some time of cutting her off completely I am now fully over her, yeah I am lonely but I dont miss her and I sure af dont dream about her anymore, cut her off man, allow your mind to move on, what you are doing to yourself is downright sad and unnecessary at all, hell allow yourself to suffer for a little bit, its better than carrying this fucken burden with you.
>>
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>>7838651
I hope you die
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My family, particularly my father, are starting to pick up on how much I hate them. I thought I was doing a better job of hiding it, but they said they feel like I dont talk or spend time together anymore and they all miss doing that with me. Theyve spent the past few years, really my whole life when I think about it, putting me down and treating me like a child, telling me my ambitions were pointless, how id never make it and I need to get a local blue collar job like they did, telling me "thats life. grow up" I spent years trying to make them understand and all it did was hold me back, and nearly drive me insane with stress. I realized this year, we will never agree on my life, but I need to cut them out or ill never get anywhere.
When he told me how much he misses spending time with me, I felt nothing.
>>
>>7839607
>she'll randomly message me about random BS. I can't bring myself to delete all her pictures.
cut contact now. Bitches will string you along when they want attention and need a pick me up. She doesnt care about you. Cutting ties will hurt at first but the relief is way better
>>
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I miss my old friend group. We're getting older and its clear we've drifted apart, some even think certain members hate each other. Ive been the glue trying to keep the ties but its exhausting and no longer rewarding. I spent all of summer and then october trying to plan activities and most of the time I didnt even get a response. We're growing up and it sucks, but its the natural order of things. Its dangerous getting sucked into the nostalgic black hole though, I got drunk and went through my high school year book and almost started crying.

A lot of it comes from feeling like ive fucked up my life and I cant fix it. I threw everything into trying to get my career off the ground and its just not happening. Im closer to 30 than 20 now, and coupled with the state of the world being so fucked, if I dont get it together in a few years im dangerously close to giving up and being a drunk at some minimum wage job. I fought so hard to have it not happen but I feel like its inevitable. And now I dont even have friends to fall back on
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>>7838651
It's hard to be positive anymore, take any joy in even the little things when all around there's seemingly a limitless supply of simply, evil, people. Not yet one light in the dark to help me find reason for anything anymore, yet I still remain here, tired and worn down over the years.

Life just... Doesn't seem worth it anymore, I used to say I'd kill myself after the last person who truly matters to me, dies, yet I feel like I didn't used to believe it until recently. I'm hanging on to one last thread, accepting of the course I've laid out for myself, yet.. I still look for purpose to remain, whether it be the reignited space race, or yet for my nieces, who are still with my sister, who is currently homeless and addicted to drugs, dragging around those children to god knows where, it infuriates me.


I don't know for what purpose I was placed here, or if there is one at all but.. Hanging on still, yet feels right. But I don't know if I'm hanging on for that one last person, or for those girls, who I believe even despite their current situation, have the best hope of anyone in my family for getting somewhere.

What do you think? ...It's hard to tell from my perspective, I want to believe I could be holding on for them, to help guide them in life when my sister is inevitably thrown in jail, I do want the best for them, and to be the best uncle I can, but another part of me tells me to just... Die.
>>
>>7839988
I feel for you, brother. I know the feeling of lacking purpose. You just told me your purpose, though: family. God knows we don't have much else in this world (those lucky enough to have even that). I won't give you the junkie spiel, but I also know that burden. I hope you continue to be there for those kids. Keep your head up, pal. I'm here if you want to talk.
>>
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i miss the rain and the trees. it's so arid and flat where i live, it's starting to suck the motivation out of me. it's hard to concentrate when you can't get a breath of real fresh air.

>>7839942
i think these are inevitable feelings. i believe that part of growing up is finding your 'place in the world' that you can fill where things don't feel so pointless. i'm sure there is something you can be good at. i feel the same way right now. i wonder what i should be doing with myself?
>>
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>>7839607
>You need to figure out how to kick your ass in to high gear NOW
how?
>>
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>>7840175
good=/= rewarding or happiness. I can be "good" flipping burgers at Mcdonalds, but that doesnt meant I want to so that for the next 50 years. Then when I mention this, sombodey (usually a baby boomer) gets all in my shit and tells me im being a choosing beggar and that "work is work". when youre 21 and all your friends are doing lame jobs its laughable. when youre almost 27 its pretty scary when its not depressing
>>
>>7838899
>l just want to live in a quaint small town away from the machine.
What's stopping you?
>>
>>7840210
Build routine. Study every day atleast a little - even if you don't have much time, at least look through the material. Build up from that.
As someone said, you are just 18. You would not be the first nor last who failed a year in uni, so don't let that knock you down. Even IF you fail, there is a difference between failing by a lot, and failing by a little. Don't know how your uni works, but you probably won't have to repeat subjects you do pass.
The rest is on you, good luck.
>>
It started out just like a dream
And like a dream I knew that what we had
Would have to end
'Cause I was looking for a lifetime lover and
You were looking for a friend
>>
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>>7839422
Here's the deal kid. Most of us here have been in your position. The idea you need to internalize, that you need to really make a part of your being, is the fact that happiness isn't a default state. It's work. It's more of a sense of satisfaction, especially for males more so than females. You sit on your ass, and not do anything? You will hate life. You accomplish shit, earn your free time, and take care of obligations, even those obligations that you choose to take on? Feels fucking good nigga.

Chicks come to males that have something going on. Not dudes that fuck around. You start working on yourself, you starting getting good grades and going after your interests, the girls will come.
>>
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i don't know if i'm still cut out for what i've been doing anymore. it just feels like a chore now; a chore that i'll have to endure until it ends.
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My life's been just so deprived because the past is caught up with me to an extent where it just drives me crazy. I stopped seeing two people who were the only people I liked and treat them as what a brother should be. I became extremely thin due to my anorexia, there are times where I just don't eat because I feel like I don't deserve to eat for being such a loser and at the same time I think that if I become really thin people might like me. I wasn't really that fat but I just think I am. In these days this picrel resembles me as because of how I put women who doesn't even know my existence and who I could only see on the screen of my phone. But hey at least they make me feel better. My mental state is declining at a rapid rate, my apathy has worsened, my mood swings happening more often than before, daydreaming becoming a routine, and suicidal thoughts that appears everyday.
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im subconsciously self sabotaging my current relationship because of toxic coping mechanisms formed from previous ones (relationships).
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>>7840398
I imagine anything I say could be taken as shitty and unhelpful, but I still wish I could say something that helps you. Start smiling at yourself, fuck, start smiling in general. Fuck women man, put yourself and your happiness first. Quit being a coomer and eat a god damned burger my guy. I'm rooting for you, and I want you to succeed.
>>
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>>7838651
i hate being retarded.
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i wish i had a childhood like the ones you see in coming of age movies. that would be nice
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SUCK MY DICK!
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i'm in college and I've found a friend group that I have become really close with, I have the same music taste as them and I'm so happy. I have two other friend groups that I really hang out with, so this is the third, so I am incredibly lucky to have so many great friends
>>
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A woman that I really like called it off after three months of dating on and off. Commitment issues.

I guess I could see it as a blessing in disguise for potentially avoiding a toxic relationship.

>>7841052
Living the life anon!
>>
>>7841052
Not being Negative Ned but in this life you will see your TRUE friends when you are really destitute and in the dumps. Usually one is your TRUE friend through thick and thin.
>>
>>7841071
can someone remove lowtiergod from this pape?
>>
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I graduated, moved to a new "city" in the middle of bumfuck nowhere and I hate this shit. My coworkers and my boss are nice but I just fucking hate it here. All of my friends and family are so far away I just can't stand it. I get to see them once a month, but that's just not enough.... I feel like an alien here.

>>7840403
I hope you can get over your copes! This was my wallpaper for a year.
>>
>>7839940
you can do this shit anon. it's a bitch and a half but do what you can to be happy and make it work. family doesn't have to be blood relations. find something good for you and fall into it, you will find good people to be around if you don't already have some.
>>
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I'm afraid to be happy. I've spent my whole life being miserable and wanting to die and in the last year I've taken an opportunity to turn that around. Now things are going better than they ever have in my life and I'm afraid to fuck it up but I think I'm dragging myself down and I don't know how to stop it.
>>
>>7838651
>Life has been basically on loop for the last few months.
>Haven't worked on any of my passions in months.
>Every time I do I get pulled away from either education, meetings, family, etc.
>Whenever I do have free time I instead spend it just decompressing from the above shit
>Have this overwhelming sense of wanting to do more with my life, but too scared of it fucking over my future in some fashion
Despite all of this, I know I'll get out of this situation for the better.
We're gonna make it anons. Things will get better, eventually.
They always do.
>>
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2 small things that I picked up have improved my life immensely. First is taking longer walks, sometimes even powerwalking but I can listen to some great podcasts and audiobooks or just enjoy the sounds of night. Second is taking meditation more seriously and making it a habit. This all helps me keep my mind clear and see the opportunities I otherwise wouldn't.
>>
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>>7838651
I'm feeling lonely. When I try to look for some help from friends and family, they can't just help me at all. It's like anybody undestand me, even if they try.

I love the sea! I hope I could go to the beach this holidays

>>7838899
I feel you bro!

I want to live far from machines, or in a utopia where machines serve us, not the opposite.

Well, I could kill myself, but first I want to be a useful person for a little time.
>>
>>7838963
Easy does it. Well, I think you should relax and have a good time with her. Maybe it wouldn't be the thing you want from her, but it could be a new beginning! Good luck!
>>
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>>7841446
I concur with the meditation part, shits changed my life too. Besides the mental health benefits its also helped with my eczema. Used to be really bad, pretty much everywhere (including my dick). Since i've been meditating every day/every other day its cleared up a lot and is less severe, just a few spots on my hands and joints now.
>>
>>7841542
I don't know much about the ocean other than that it relaxes me. The few times I've seen it I was content to sit and watch the waves. Felt like I could take it that scenery forever and die happily. Been many years. The sea has no cares in the world.
>>
>>7839422
how tf u gon fail uni in the first year, where i go you can fail half of your modules and still get a first
>>
Thank you to all anons who contribute and respond. As long as there is a need for guys to get things off their chest I will continue making these threads. I love you all and if I can help, in whatever small way, please reach out.
>>
>>7839607
>she'll randomly message me about random BS
She's using you as an emotional dumpster. Cut her out yesterday,
>>
I thought I was doing everything right going to grad school to balance money with passion, but now that I'm on the other side it feels like I'm starting over and all I can think about is money.
>>
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The iPhone looks like a guy starting to get bald
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the future doesn't feel worth pursuing
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I have spent quite a long time over the years ruminating over my own mortality. But I can't really help it; I find myself always looking for the causation of things and a subject like this doesn't allow me to place myself in that situation. At some point I realized that I didn't care or feel anything at all when I was born, one day I just kind of showed up to the world.

Knowing that is how it will be afterwards as well eases a lot of anxiety and phobia I have towards death and isolation. I can live to know that I was here, that I can live a life at all.

I don't want a big reward at the end. I don't want to spend my life working towards and hoping that I'll finally have it all or something like that. I want to have memories, that's all. They're the only proof that we existed in this point in time in the eons of time. If I could praise my past self for something, its that I kept going so I could try again. I suppose for my future self it would be the same way.
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>>7841550
>>7841446
How exactly do you guys meditate? How did you find the way that works for you?
>>
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She's cute, don't fuck it up.
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>>7839422
Is what you're studying even an interest to you? I struggled through my first year of college because I thought I was super invested in something I was actually not. When winter break hits, revaluate what you are looking for.

Maybe tackle next semester differently. Take less classes, balance your schedule a little better.

If this semester hasn't been going great, tighten down your belt and finish as strongly as you can. You got this!
>>
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>>7842517
I miss being single some days. I love the relationship that I am in, but it feels like I have lost some of the freedom I used to enjoy. Life feels stagnant and I can't find any sort of way to make it more lively due to my commitments.
>>
>>7842346
I either bike down a long trail or walk in the woods. No audio devices, just alone with my thoughts.
>>
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>>7842346
In general, there are two broad categories of meditation. You could do a "void" exercise, where you try to keep your mind blank; no thoughts/no feelings. When a thought does happen, just casually dismiss it and keep going.
Or, you can choose something to concentrate on exclusively, either your breathing, or imagine some shape/object, and when stray thoughts come in you just dismiss them and go back to your object of focus.
imo both methods exercise different mental "muscles", and I think it's worth practicing both.
>>
>>7842346
like other anon said, the most common types of meditation is the typical monk meditation with a mantra (transcendental meditation), and meditation where you passively observe your thoughts and feelings (mindfulness)
both are useful but TM is heavily advised to be done with an instructor, so personally I've stuck with the latter.

here are some videos i like that go into more detail on the basics-
https://youtu.be/wirV265ZYSw <-good points if youre not sold already
https://youtu.be/i7kh8pNRWOo
https://youtu.be/Lb3PzxwEKCQ <-Spira has some great guided meditations
https://youtu.be/7SfZZlpfaN0
https://youtu.be/aAVPDYhW_nw
>>
>>7842808
my links' order got mixed up. "Why Meditate?" has good points to convince you. If you're already aware of the benefits I recommend watching "Techniques for dealing with lack of motivation" as Blow explains mindfulness in a very straight forward way. The other videos are flavour but good
>>
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It's gonna be cold, it's gonna be grey, and it's gonna last you for the rest of your life.
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i got money on my mind
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>>7841091
>>7841052
its okay to have a bunch of friends without knowing who the true homies are. you can enjoy their company while figuring out who you can really rely on when it counts. you just have to make sure you dont get taken advantaged of when interacting with a bunch of people.
>>
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She left after 4 years. Broke up and moved hundreds of miles away. She did it over a phone call. I don't think I'm a bad person, I just had a hard time making her happy. For the past year I thought maybe I would come home from work and her car would be in my driveway like it used to be. She would be waiting inside and we would cry and hug and say how sorry we were to each other. For the past year I recreated this fantasy in my mind every single day in every single moment, it kept me going. I found out last weekend that she has been here multiple times and never even bothered to see me. And she has a new rich boyfriend who takes her around the world while I'm still here slowly dying.
>>
>>7843050
I'm sorry to hear that, pal. I like your wallpaper, saved.
>>
>>7843050
You need to move on, for your own sake, fuck this whore. Only weak people break up via phone calls, you deserve better.
>>
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>>7838651
developed a crush on my fiance's best friend who is married. can't pursue it. kinda sad but my partner is a really good person and i love her. but not quite "in love" with her like i used to be. but she's still my best friend and i know longterm relationships have their ups and downs (been with her over ten years now) so it's just a weird bump in the road. kinda melancholic lately and i know it'll pass. anyways her friend is super talented, cute, and smart. they do music together and i used to do music and actually play gigs in college (folk music in coffee shops, record stores, bars etc). but i've lost my passion for it. maybe i'll pick it back up and write some dumb shit. hell, i'm a better guitar player than any of the people my partner plays with.
>>
>>7843050
yeah move on. the person who is right for you will be a solid friend and wouldn't do a shitty break up and leave you hangin like that.
>>
>>7842517
Yes. I really like what im studying (Data Science spefically) but i come from studying social sciences in high school (didnt study "scientific" maths if thats a thing) and the mathematics here are much harder.

But the thing is that i can't keep up with so much stuff to do, i don't have enough time to study. I should probably take less classes. Feels a bit like cheating anyway but i don't see any other solution. And unless i get kicked out by force of that uni for failing too much (i am told it's a very excepcional case anyway) i'm not fucking quitting
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>>7838651
I'm failing my uni year, once again, after having changed of studies. Time's running out, money's running out, i can't really afford to just give this year up. But at the same time those studies lead me to nowhere.
Been dealing with depression since the end of highschool, drinking daily and smoking a lot. My ability to maintain conversations is going down, i just can't find funny or interesting things to say anymore.
Im getting tired. Very tired. I spent a few evenings with my loaded gun pointed to my head, wondering if ill push that damn trigger to end it all. Asking myself if things will get better. But no, they won't. They just fucking won't.
>>
>>7843377
>I spent a few evenings with my loaded gun pointed to my head, wondering if ill push that damn trigger to end it all.
God knows I've been in that position. I hope things improve for you, pal. It's not pleasant dealing with feelings like that.
>>
>>7838899
I'm a programmer and I feel like I'm watching mark zuckerburg suck every ounce of dopamine out of ours, and future generation. I genuinely feel like the human race is in danger.
>>
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I'm alone, and it's my fault. I'm 25, still living with my dad out of financial necessity. I worked my ass off to pay my way through school and earn a chem degree with good grades, only to find out the entry level jobs pay nothing. Should have known that earlier, but when I was in school I had no real plans for what would come after. I lost my first lab job at the start of the pandemic, then started drinking. After that I spent a year working a shit office temp job because I didn't know what else to do at first. Then I lost my ambition to find something I wanted because I was too busy drinking myself into blacking out every night and wallowing.

Throughout this period of time I've managed to ruin most of my relationships with my friends who I once thought would be there for life, either because of how I acted when I was drinking or because they're busy with their own changing lives. Same goes with the girlfriends I've had, who I treated like shit until the relationships all came to an end.

When I look at my life over these last couple of years all I have are regrets. Regret for my lack of ambition. Regret for how I've treated my family, friends, and love interests. Regret for letting my physical and mental health slip. There was more than one night I blacked out with my pistol in my mouth.

A few months ago I got a new lab job where I feel like I can actually develop professionally. I work hard, learn a lot, and I enjoy it. I've recognized I'm an alcoholic, or at least have the tendencies of one, and have my drinking under control. I'm generally living in a healthy way again.

But the reality of my situation hits me hard some nights. My actions have isolated me. I have nobody to look forward to seeing. Nobody to talk to besides my dad, who is in worse shape than I ever was. I don't have the emotional energy to even try to fix things with the people I hurt. I'm drained, alone, and uncomfortably numb. Sometimes I wonder why I try. Just gotta keep my head up I guess.
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>>7839940
such a shame they tried and wasted time on a radical shithead who will yet find what a real stress is
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>>7838651
I broke up with a long time girlfriend earlier this year. We we're living together for 5 years. I didn't think i'd get over it but i finally have.

I've met someone new but she's younger than me and i'm afraid that it might not work because of it. She's a lot of fun but i feel like i can't keep up. I know we both like eachother but fear that we're going to end up hurting one another.
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>>7843474
My wife was younger than me by 11 years and she could not keep up with me. Age happens to us all but through lifting weights and specifically cycling or some good cardio routine you can turn the tables.

From what I have experienced is that younger people have natural vitality BUT when put to the test of a superior condition person it is NOTHING! Most young people are horribly out of shape and they rely on that vitality but it wanes and because of never regenerating it through exercise they lose it and never get it back again and to start exercising when you are much older is an uphill battle as opposed to starting at a younger age with this regime.
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I've been sat staring at this wishing I could experience something like this for half an hour. I'm sick of modern buildings.
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>>7838651
I've been seeing this girl for a couple weeks, and honestly its made me appreciate that being single isn't so bad. She's real boring, and she talks about her ex at every opportunity, which is a major red flag. I want to cut her off but she's told me she's on a tipping point on mental health. I hate walking on eggshells around her, but I haven't worked up the courage to cut her off completely.
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>>7839422
My man, I dropped out of college because I couldn't work around the online only shit thats been going on. Have you looked into anything outside of uni that you'd do? even if you'll be a wagie for a bit, you can still get a good sense of what you would like to do. Staying in one field isn't as common anymore, so don't get too discouraged if one doesn't work out.
>>7839607
Cut her out, She clearly is just using you as an emotional rebound to feel better. The longer you hang on, the harder it gets. There won't be a time when she comes around, or some romantic movie bullshit, she likes the feeling of validation you give her. If they're nudes, doubly so. Coom brain fucks even the most level headed of men.
>>7839942
Part of growing up is growing apart from your friends, though the people you're hanging around with might not really be all that into maintaining a friendship. The friends I made in the military have gone their separate ways in life, but we still manage to find times to travel to meet up and have a good time. Try to find new friend groups as well, hobbies and all that can be a real good way to connect with people.
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>>7843050
I had this happen to me fren. I was stationed overseas and she couldn't cope with the distance and left for some guy she worked with. I couldn't get past it for a while, fell into alcoholism. What you need to do is live. Go out and exercise, find a new hobby and pursue it, find a group of dudes to play games or do projects with. Go on some adventures yourself around the world. Sometimes it feels like if you did literally anything different, things would be perfect. But it wouldn't have. You had yesterday, you have today, you will have tomorrow. In time you'll still have moments where you'll feel bitter, but you can't let that shit carry you down.
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>>7843826
boot the bitch anon
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>>7843826
That's unfortunate for her that she's having problems, but you are not responsible for anyone's mental health other than your own. Don't let anyone trap you in a situation where your worry outweighs your caring.
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My GI issues are getting worse. I can’t eat anything without terrible gas and bloating. Most of the time I have the shits. I have special nutrition drinks to help me get calories for the day but I can’t do it anymore. Rice is even starting to make me sick. I’m being treated by a doctor but I have to wait until January for more testing due to scheduling. That was their earliest. It’s getting depressing not being able to eat or explain what’s wrong with me because I still don’t know. I’m hanging in there but it’s getting hard because food is such an integral part of life and relationships. It’s going to make the holidays hard, especially not being able to explain it. Well, at least I don’t have a feeding tube. I’m not going to give up and I’m going to figure out what’s wrong. Waiting just sucks.
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Ive basically given up on everything. Ill probably never own my own home, which means ill be living paycheck to paycheck if I wanted to move into an overpriced apartment or rental property for the rest of my life. Or I can keep living with my racsit boomer parents for the rest of my life and listen to them yell at the tv and ask when im going to "get out there and live my life". Thats of course, when theyre not fighting with the other half of my family that is uber liberal and mocks them for being ignorant and not progressive like them. Theres only few of us in my family that arent on either side of the extreme but we dont talk anymore since we're all so busy.
I dont think im ever going to get into my dream careers either, which is pissing me off since I was pushed to go to college and pout myself in debt, but nobody cares about having a degree. I just had to quit my last job when they lied about what I was going to be doing so im back at my old job again.
I'm growing increasingly apathetic about everything. I had a basic plan for life. Go to school, get a job, work hard and climb the ladder to live a comfortable life. I swore off on dating until I was comfortably happy with myself so I can support another person, but now I have no experience in dating and no stability in my life to try. Im terrified of getting trapped and having a kid and then im stuck at low paying job in my shitty hometown forever. Everything sucks and ive gone from miserable to numb in just a few years with no end in sight. I just want to get away from it all
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>>7843985
Just fast lol
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>>7841256
Bingo. That's where I'm at.
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>>7842519
Must be nice being able to be in a relationship.
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>>7839422
when I was in college I worked with a guy who was in his 40s. When I asked why he was back in college he simply said, "how many guys in their 20s do you know who are focused and know exactly what they want?"
The current education system is flawed. Your average 18 year old doesn't know what they want out if life which is why they play it safe and study subjects they had in highschool.
Stick at it if you can. College and university seem like mountains but they're not and won't prepare you for what's to come. Enjoy the freedom while you can. Learn as much as you can. Try to resist fucking around because you'll hate yourself all the more if you land a dead end job when you know the opportunity was there to do more.
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>>7843826
Your a rock for her anon. That's it. A means of emotional support. And bitch, you're better than that.
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That girl. The one around whom you feel lightheaded and like your entire body has been subjected to an electric current. What's her name?
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>>7844139
Jessica, brother. The girl who sets me alight isn't even my girlfriend anymore, she's the fuckbuddy of my new friend from my new home. Fell in love with her after the three of us went dancing and she danced with me a while. She's kind of all over me, and her and my bud ended up asking me for a threesome (mdma) that I had to turn down because I'm taken.

I've moved 1500+ miles away for school and I'm considering for the first time whether the right thing to do is dump my GF of 4 years from my hometown. She can't come up for a year or two at least and so we'll be doing the long distance thing for a while. But we're both early 20's, and I've only been here two months and we're already down to minimal texting. I feel like I'm the only one who is reaching out for contact.

Today I asked her if we could have a call and have a relationship check-in, she said "not today".

I mean, I think it would hurt to know if she was cheating on me or something but at this point I'm almost hoping she does so that I have an excuse to ask her if she'd be for an open relationship, or dump her.

She's the first person I've ever loved this much and it just feels wrong to dump her, no matter what, even if I think it might be the right thing for both of us.

Anyway pape time, sorry for shit rez
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>>7844178
If you are having feelings of wanting to break up, you owe it to her to be a man and tell her. Imagine if you'd swapped places - you'd want to know if she was feeling this way. Being apathetic and/or giving her cause to break up with you first is a chickenshit tactic. That's my read on it. Good luck with whatever you decide, God knows I've been there and it's not a pleasant position. Godspeed, pal.
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Just took a walk over this bridge. Happy to be home.
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>>7843992
Dunno if this would work for you but I just bought a cheap ass house in the middle of nowhere, stones throw from the sea and rivers, surrounded by nature… fuck the real estate game
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I can't stop thinking about someone who has told me is not interested. I know it's unproductive and self destructive at this point but I can't help it. He is an extraordinary person and makes me feel alive.
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>>7843456
you're still young. like you had no idea this is where you'd be 5 years ago, you have no idea where you'll be years later.

covid makes shit weird. but join a book club, or maybe a bird watching club. get a small part time job at a trader joe's since sexy af women work there (at least the one near me).

exercise! physical health helps with mental health. trust me.

just keep working, trying to save some money. maybe get into a hobby. online gaming would be good since you can make internet friends. but yeah, get into some hobbies. visit a local museum. maybe try to volunteer at one to meet people.

>>7843630
sweet. my fiance is 9 years older than me. but age has never been a thing for us. she looks young anyways. she's 49 and i'm 40.

>>7843985
dude i have ibs-c.

you probably have ibs-d. eat lots of fiber and drink tons of water.

what might be happening is your brain is sending too many signals down your spine to your colon, causing it to overly contract to break down foods like crazy so it goes right through you.

before you eat any meal try eating a banana (or white bread...anything SOLUBLE FIBER with water). that will turn it into a jelly that will line the wall of your stomach help with the stomach pains. but regular exerciser, soluble fiber, and lots of water should help. if your stomach feels fucked up try HOT TEA. peppermint is great for stomach issues but it bothers some people so try anise (tastes like licorice but is great for stomach for everyone). the hot tea will act like a heating pad for the inside of your stomach, helping calm the muscles down.

avoid coffee/caffeine, red meat, greasy foods, sodas, anything high in fats. make sure to have a regular sleep schedule.


follow my shit, and unless you have crazier medical shit going on it will help you.
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I've had to leave my ex, but now I'm feeling better without her.
And it's all getting me torn apart.
The reasons are too many, but at this point I don't even think I can handle a relationship.
Life keeps getting more twisted and weird, what do fellow anons?
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>>7845064
You're on the rebound. Take some time to yourself. Reflect. Don't worry about a relationship right now.
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>>7843050
just butcher them like pigs anon
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I have a wife at home who gained weight due to pregnancy, it is not much but that extra weight on me during sex bothers me a lot, which by the way is bad, I do not remember when was the last time we had a good opportunity to go out at least for a walk hand in hand. This frustration or feeling of sexual emptiness is reflected in my work, it is the same to me if tomorrow I am fired and I am left out. They say that I am the best in the area, I have seen my way of working reflected in others, in fact I saw how one of the girls entered my computer and took my database, I do not care, at the end of the day I am the one I get the best commissions, clients look for me and I have a plaque with my name on a wall, but none of that matters if when I get home there is a log that warms the bed ...
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>>7845179
God is the answer anon. Life isn't about sex. You chose the path of suffering in procreation. Believe me, there is more pain in endless free sex than the path you are on. Giving up your pride, you never get it back.

Be the bigger man and stick with it. The majority of men can't find ANYONE. What you have is sacred and trying, so treat it as such, because you are capable, and see beyond the immediate future. Don't make a decision you may regret for the rest of your life.

She is frail, weak, and dependent on you. You take it for granted because you think you can do better. It's not about what is to be done, it's about finishing what you started. Uprooting will kill your plant that took you so many years to sprout. She gave EVERYTHING she has to offer for you, and only you.

But don't get lost with work either, because it all goes away in the end. Do what you need to do. Accept your place in the universe before your ego haunts you for the rest of your life.
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>>7843377

That seems like you're a fucking loser who just plays the victim. You changed your studies? I know a few people who studied medicine for 6 and 7 years and never finished. They are quitters. If you decide to study something then fucking finish it. Stop being so picky about your studies and just do it. You already chose it and your grades just mean you don't give a shit. If you're not passionate about your career then why the fuck would you even attempt to study it? Get real man, finish what you started and grow the fuck up. You'll get a job, just finish your studies or pull the god damn trigger.
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>>7838899
>l worry about extreme technological advances like robotics, AI, autonomous tech, etc
i feel the same, it will take away humanity, if you look at the state of the internet and social networks, you can see how bad things will get
>l just want to live in a quaint small town away from the machine(s).
i mean nobody is stopping you, you can find those places in
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Happy Thanksgiving, anons. I hope you are spending it with people you care about.
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Dark times are coming...
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Should I call her..?
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Hy not get drunk and kill the pain
Remnds me of mac Payne
"the pills woylst rase the pain"
Kill me
And why not
Novify fucking cares
Goodnight
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>>7843456
im cheering for you anon, and in fact all you anons in the thread to succeed, i have no advice, i believe whatever it is we need is within us and our own lives and journeys will draw it out at the right time, that doesnt mean dont search for it, or wait for it. thats all ill say
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>>7843050
first stop feeling sorry for yourself nothing will fall into your lap, go out and get a new girl it aint that hard
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>>7838651
OC from rural Pennsylvania
I sort of love my family but also I hate my family. I wasn't shown any attention as a kid and when they did it was to abuse me. Mom told me her life was better before she had me and i'm a drag, when i was like 5. Although they stopped fucking with me when I was an adult (because i moved across the country and cut contact) they did some crazy shit to me i could never imagine doing to a child let alone my own. I try to larp as a happy family member at the holidays with them since i was about 25, because on some level i think they feel guilt and want things to be okay now and now treat me well. But i think that's mostly because i've proven that i will quickly cut them out of my life if they break my boundaries or fuck with me again.
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>>7839988
try to save your nieces, and if you can, your sister too

best of luck anon

>>7839940
i think you should try to maintain relationships with them as best you can, but focus on your future first

godspeed!

>>7838651
idk where i am in life. i'm a data scientist and fairly successful but i have the dumbest problem. i'm obsessed with some e-girl i have a pretty one-sided relationship with and it gnaws at me everyday (don't worry, i've given her no money). "normal" women are interested in me but i can't reciprocate.

also i might have a hernia, which sucks for now but i'll work it out

good luck to all the anons who read this
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>>7839486
Chill anon. There's no competition on pain here.
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>>7841446
I'm going to try taking up meditation. Long near-daily walks are underrated for your physical and mental health. Mostly by cardio people who see any movement that's not medium/high intensity as a waste when walking is much easier on the body and depending on incline and pace, still pretty good cardio. I'll do HIIT on a bike a couple times a week to spare my joints from jogs/sprints for cardio, and them comfy long walks are all i need to stay in decent shape and feel mentally better / not get diseases from being sedentary.
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>>7846382
>"normal" women are interested in me but i can't reciprocate.
What's the implication with putting normal in quotes?
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>>7838651
Being in love feels good.
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People fear the coming of the totalitarian society, but it is already here. It's been here.
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>>7843992
Who thinks they can buy a house as their first place to live? I rented for years before saving up to buy a house.
Get the fuck out there and live your life. Have a shit job for a while. It's not a dead end, in fact it will motivate you to want to do more and achieve better.
Enter a trade and work your way up the ladder.
Why does everyone think they can just go to college and land a 100+k job their first year out of school?
Life doesn't work that way. You need experience and you aren't getting it at your 'racist' boomer parents' house.
Move out and take charge of your own life and stop bitching
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>>7845179
Your wife has fulfilled her biological purpose in having sex with you. Give her some time to go from mom back to wife. Enjoy the fruits of having a real woman beside you that wants to raise your progeny.
As the other anon said, look to God. You are fulfilling his purpose in procreation.
Also stop watching porn. You will be lusting after your slightly portly wife soon enough.
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>>7846500
Enjoy it while it lasts!
Being in love with a girl who loved you back for a year then pulled back is the fucking worst.
Happened to me 2 years ago and I'm still not over it.
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Life could've been worse !
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>>7843356
It sounds like you know what to do already to be honest.

Take less hours, that should let you focus on each class more. Take advantage of Prof's office hours too, it shows them you are actually trying and putting effort into your work.
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>>7845179
Better quality.
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>>7845832
I know absolutely nothing about the situation except that you should not. Resurrecting old ghosts rarely brings happiness

Feeling resigned but stoic. I feel like I've gotten good enough at my job that I can kind of coast through it, but it's incredibly stressful and my boss is a massive bitch. I've been planning to move to another country for months, but until borders open I'm stuck. I don't know if my relationship can survive long distance for a year. I'm not sure I even should stay in it. Feels really shitty to admit that to myself, though.
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And I couldn't bear to wait around
For all your nighttime lovers to go
The way they came
And it came to hurt too much for me
To have to play your daytime game
No one's to blame
>>
Will you tell me about a hard truth you learned recently?
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I ran out of fucking Robocough and now I'm going through SSRI Withdrawal.
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>>7839940
There were times in my life when I felt exactly like this with everyone in my family (except my mom). I lost my father 2 months ago. It wasn’t a fast thing but it was quick either. There were days when we had to go see him in the hospital slowly getting worse. What I’m trying to say and i can’t believe I’m gonna be “that guy” but you should cherish your family while you have them because it take literally a second for everything to change and at the end of the day, you family are the only people on this planet who will love and support you no matter what you do. This may have do nothing to change you mind and that’s okay. Just felt it needed to be said and ill say one last thing. I would give all my material possessions to be able to have one more day out with me dad.
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I’m in love with my best friend but she’s married.
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>>7847852
I'm in love with my best friend but I'm married. I hope you stay strong, brother.
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>>7846697
I get to that point in the jobs I've had after about a year. Then I get bored and try to go "over and above" but always backfires. Then I end up looking for another job to learn different things, which basically means I start over in my career, and pay. People say you can have many careers in your life but I feel like I'm just burning time.
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>>7839486
Bruder ich hab mein Abi mit 23 nachgeholt und studiere jetzt. Dich hält nichts auf, fang einfach an
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Drinking too much again
I want to call her
I wish I could tell you everything
I'm so sorry
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>>7847852
Take it from experience. Get rid of the emotional weight you carry because if you don't it'll eat you up like cancer and destroy your joy of life and even the will to love!

Look at it realistically that she is married. If you guys cheat then it shows your inner worth which is not much and then you two will cheat with someone else.
>>
It's been a year since I started keeping a journal. I can't say it's helped (or not), but it gives me something to do and I'm the type who likes a routine. Looking back through some entries and I can see how I go up and down emotionally. I've written so much that I have to archive old entries because it started taking too long to scroll to the bottom. I use a note app, mainly for privacy, but also because my handwriting has always been pretty poor and I think I might be developing a touch of dyslexia. It often takes some effort for me to put letters in the correct order and in the back of my head I've been worrying about it a little bit. I'm not sure if it's stress or age or what.

I have a tendency to ramble (obviously) and it's definitely shown in this journal. A lot of it is just raw thoughts and feelings, written without any consideration for anyone or anything. Some are happy, others angry. I've always had a hard time talking about my feelings and it's a lot easier to write them down. My wife and my mother always say it's because of my father always telling me to be strong, be a man, don't cry. If I had children I think I would go about it differently. I had a long period in my life where I thought emotion was a sign of weakness. That can't be a healthy mindset. It leads to bottling things up and eats away at you from the inside. Regardless, it's hard for me. I guess some lessons sure do die hard.

Do any of you anons keep a journal? If not, you might give it a try and see if it helps some. Might even end up enjoying it. The privacy of this particular app seems pretty tight (though I'm certainly no security expert). You can lock notes individually, lock the app itself, both with a password or with biometrics. Everything is encrypted and backed up so you can access it via app or PC. It cost me a couple bucks as I remember, and though I'm not much for spending money on apps this particular one has given me my money's worth. I guess I'll go another year.
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>>7848059
Invest in a physical journal w nice paper/pen
The writing forces you to focus on an idea for longer than your mouth/typing fingers can: it takes longer to write letters which forces you to spend more brain cycles thinking about what youre writing. There's something to sticking to tradition
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>>7848060
I actually bought a Leuchtturm nearly a year ago but haven't used it. I don't know anything about pens, I've used Pilot G2s for as long as I can remember.
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>>7845574
ls there a higher res version of this?
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>>7848138
According to Tineye and Google, no. Maybe someone with more knowhow can help.
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Can't see much reason to go on. I'm not a husband to my wife or a friend to my friends. All I can think about lately is how the few people in my life would be better off without me.
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>>7843826
>I want to cut her off but she's told me she's on a tipping point on mental health.
CUT. HER. OFF. NOW.
You are not responsible her. Women like this will drain your soul and your energy. Trust me, Anon, there are LOADS of women like this who will dump all their baggage and all their problems onto you, but the ONE TIME you have a bad day and open up to them, suddenly they have boundaries and they want to cut and run.
Save yourself the stress and block her. Do it right now. And I mean RIGHT NOW.
>>
Met my old lover in the grocery store
Snow was falling Christmas Eve
I stole behind her in the frozen foods
And I touched her on the sleeve
She didn't recognize the face at first
But then her eyes flew open wide
She went to hug me and she spilled her purse
And we laughed until we cried
Took her groceries to the checkout stand
Food was totaled up and bagged
We stood there lost in our embarrassment
As the conversation dragged
Went to have ourselves a drink or two
But couldn't find an open bar
Bought a six pack at the liquor store
And we drank it in her car

We drank a toast to innocence
We drank a toast to now
Tried to reach beyond the emptiness
But neither one knew how

She said she'd married her an architect
Who kept her warm and safe and dry
She would have liked to say she loved the man
But she didn't like to lie
I said the years had been a friend to her
And that her eyes were still as blue
But in those eyes I wasn't sure if I
Saw doubt or gratitude
She said she saw me in the record stores
And that I must be doing well
I said the audience was heavenly
But the traveling was hell

We drank a toast to innocence
We drank a toast to now
Tried to reach beyond the emptiness
But neither one knew how
We drank a toast to innocence
We drank a toast to time
Reliving in our eloquence
Another auld lang syne

The beer was empty and our tongues were tired
Running out of things to say
She gave a kiss to me as I got out
And I watched her drive away
Just for a moment I was back at school
And felt that old familiar pain
And as I turned to make my way back home
The snow turned into rain
>>
Down in a hole
Feeling so small
Down in a hole
Losing my soul
>>
I think I have been developing a crush on a friend.
Regardless of this I am happy just to have them as a friend and don't feel like pursuing a romantic relationship with them is a necessity. I really enjoy their company and the time I get to spend with them. I've never felt this way before since I've always had a go getter attitude about crushes and needed to have intense relationships that would more often than not end in a blaze of fire. I guess we can say it's part of growing up? Regardless this has been bugging my head for some time. It's been a while since someone's presence has made me feel this happy.
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these past few days i feel like the world is pushing me towards something that i've been wishing to happen, but i've been incidentally pushing all the chances that it has given me away. the uncertainty behind it doesn't really help either. should i do it? what happens if i mess it up again? it feels like i'm stuck in limbo. i really don't like this feeling at all.
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>>7849091
What in particular, pal? If you don't mind me asking.
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>>7838651

Life's going great. I've deleted a few social media apps and have begun going on long night walks counting my steps w/ a pedometer which really gives me peace and has me feeling human.
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I'm in love with somebody and want to tell them. I'm not afraid of getting rejected, it's them reciprocating my feelings that scares the hell out of me. I don't want to get hurt again. I don't want them to realize what kind of person I really am and decide it's not enough. I don't want to drag them into my shitty family life. I'm figuring so much out. I feel lost. There's so much work in progress for me right now. I'm not sure I can do it. Every time i've tried before, my throat locks up, my chest seizes, nervous jitters paralyze me, and I can't even pretend to be composed as my body betrays me. But I can't handle this tension and indecision anymore. The lack of closure is the only thing keeping me from making the choices I need to move forward.
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Well it's all routine for me. Home to work to home. I love my job, (I'm in military). But it fucking hurts that there's no person to talk your mind. Well there is one lass, but I meet her like twice a year. Good thing that I picked up connections with my half-sister, living across the Europe. She's like the only person with whom I can vent about any issue. For me that part of mental hygiene is very important.

>Inb4 feelings are for women and gays

Yeah I know. Won't bother you unless prompted (like in this thread).
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I guess moving to a completely different country is pretty far out, but I'm honestly considering it. I just hope I can get into the cna program and things will start looking up from there.
>>
>>7849307
I don't buy the "only women" show their feelings bullshit. Heard it too much from my father growing up. I'm not saying you need to start weeping in public, but there is nothing wrong with emotion. Vent, pal. All are welcome here. I do not judge you one way or the other.
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>>7849321
Yeah well that's what I love about that collective hivemind here. Point is that if you're forced to live in your own thoughts (it's better not to be that too chatty soldier and at home I live alone) and you don't have any real human been to test your ideas on and have some feedback, that you are indeed still somewhat sane, you start to develop some sort of imposter syndrome. Also that stupid feeling of being as a spectator in your own life. Can't stand that shit.
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>>7840403
nah bro by telling urself that you are removing your agency and thus your responsibility for your actions. Be better
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>>7849324
I know exactly what you mean. I'm here if you need a wall to bounce shit off of.
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I'm going through a lot of mental problems these last 4 months. I'm starting to accept who I am more, and open up to myself. I'm trying to get more in touch with my emotional health. I'm doing great in college, engineering degree, that used to be the only important thing to me, but I'm trying to make more things important. I'm on the edge of addiction to cigars, I really want another one but I know I'll lose control and fall into addiction if I try another, I get those genes from both my parents and I can feel it strongly towards any substance. What I really need is another long term partner. I opened my tinder search to all genders, mainly looking for more friends, and decided to meet with a mtf for the first time. It was nice, they passed as a woman, still felt wrong, there were a lot of things I wasn't willing to do on the first night. I get a msg the morning after they don't vibe with me and don't want to see me again because I basically wasn't gay enough. Something I'm learning is how badly I deal with the loss of a potential friendship/relationship of any kind, and all these tinder hookups I've been having are taking a serious toll on me. I have nothing bad happening on my life right now, but I'm feeling extremely depressed and beating myself up over things I never would have 4 months ago. I don't know what changed back then, it's like a whole new part of my brain was switched on, I feel more emotions than I used to, and I get oddly emotional at things I shouldn't. I might start talking to a therapist, but I know I'll need someone to walk me through the whole process, because I've been on my own and extremely productive for myself to a fault, I need a break, I need someone 's shoulder to lean on. I don't have anyone to talk to about this kind of stuff to, I'm far more experienced and very different from all my friends, I've tried. I'd be suprised if anyone read this. Here's to a new year
>>
>>7849344
Like you, I spend a lot of time, too much really, dwelling on the what if side of things. It's not healthy to do that all the time as I'm sure we both know. Therapy could help. I don't have much experience with it, not for at least twenty years, but talking helps. I know that much. I'm here if you need some help, pal. Or like you said, just a shoulder.
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27 and done nothing with my life. No gf, no career, no real skills. At this poit I'm thinking there won't be a 28 because I'm already too old for this shit anymore.
>>
How do you fall out of love with someone?
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Doing alright. I'm quitting my job at the end of the year. Trying to get out of smelly manual labor and into something more technical, and now is supposed to be a good time to get hired. Wish me luck.
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I've been abroad for well over 2 years now and am excited to be going home and seeing friends and family.

I had a bout with suicidal ideation and put myself in treatment, and met a guy who told me, "you're a cow stuck in the box, but you're not a cow. Let's go on an adventure and see the world."

I literally ghosted Mom, Dad, and all my friends, and this dude on SSI took me to Mexico and then into Southeast Asia. We finally got to Guam early this year in 2021 and I'm eyeballing home.

I witnessed a murder and saw so much horrible shit, but somehow I feel better. I've lost over 100 lbs and am doing good, working right now, and excited about the rest of my life.

It's crazy what happens when you drown out the negative in your head and just go on an adventure. I feel fortunate and blessed to have met a spiritual guide and friend who supported me through depression and helped me find myself.

I wish you all the best and I truly mean that. God or whatever designer is in the stars works in mysterious ways. Things can change if you just walk a different path.

God I can't wait to see the mountains and trees and feel the cool air again.
>>
>>7844139
Morgan but she barely knows I exist
>>
>>7849833
>I've lost over 100 lbs
Holy Christ, that's incredible. Somewhere in there is a joke about the water in Mexico. I'm glad to hear things are looking up, pal. Be nice to get home again. Post later on and give an update.
>>
Been aimless for a while after high school ended, got a small useless degree because mom ask and I just really couldn't think of anything better to do with my life other than doing the family business. Still regret not going to proper uni but my mind always finds ways to keep me from achieving anything, it's hard, too far away, too expensive, you only want a meme degree so you're going to waste your youth on nothing, etc.
So keep going with the business, it was shit, I hate everything related to it, dealing with clients, employees, the whole ambient, but I was bloody good at it and I felt like I was someone, I could hear what people spoke of my work and my business I feel fucking proud about it by names in the industry knew me and often prefered to work with me rather than the rest of my family, It felt great to see people that didn't know me to feel anxious when this 18yo appear in their at their door to direct one of their dream nights and see them leave with complete releif and happiness, but that didn't make the shit that came with it any better or what it paid any better, so I'm kinda relieved COVID killed it. Yeah, instability and a general fear of the future is what I and everyone in my family are paying for it now but I don't feel shackled anymore, family is still here being a weight but I've settled on giving them up, I've told them I'm leaving, now I just hope I can make good on my word, cause fucking damn it I chose a tough destination. Moving to countries to my childhood paradise could be literally the worst choice of my life, it's plagued by many of the BS I hate of my current country, the society and culture there will prove a challenge for my introverted self and I got to learn a whole new language I can barely bring myself to study and nothing guarantees my life will be better there, in fact, everything points to a life of hardship, but it's literally the only dream I've ever had in my inner, death-like life so here I go.
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I am in an okay spot in my life, there are things that can be better, I can work harder than I am now but overall I am fortunate. I hope some of the other anons in this thread who find themselves in tough circumstances can find peace or navigate to calmer waters in your lives.
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I wish this winter could last forever.
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>>7849329
soil pimps and session?
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The other minds paradox all but assures reincarnation. To think any semblance of self maintains beyond the realm that bore it ignores the very nature of all one's known existence. And even if it, the semblance of self, could maintain it would only logically do so through DNA. But not only does this further assure reincarnation, but it also says the self experiences those closest to a previous self. Across incarnations this means nothing, but to a self in the moment, it has profound implications. The day-to-day stigma of life would alter dramatically if this could be realized. And what would this mean of the abstinent? And what roles would we fill if we saw each other as a genuine collective of selves split across timed experience? Not the 2D "love thy neighbor" or "just be kind" bumper-sticker mentality, but completely shed egos and ids to allow identity to be immaterial, as it is beyond our physicality, and bodies to be the tools that harmonize with what lets the self be.
Both loops of a mobius strip, the infinity, can themselves loop on and on infinitely as well on either side. But as stone and mud--as bone and blood--raised of this planet, we can continue to explore its infinitely budding loops known as we and them, or we can look back at the core and poles of our planet that pump hot iron and electromagnetize plasma and see the singular loop around and of us that eddies into life. Our life, and all life. We can ignore our viral, "reproduce and conquer" primitiveness in favor of giving back just as much as we take. Nourishing and protecting the home, not our homes, and our kin, not our kind, until the eye of time much grander than our own blinks us away as the wisping dust of a dream.

>continued...
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>>7850460
>continued...

Is this perhaps a childlike idyllic imagining of civilization that everyone once dreams of before someone or something plucks their innocence like the nighthawk does a newly winged cicada from the sky? Perhaps. But all things most genuine and pure are childlike in nature. They are unbound by betrayal or grudges or cynicism or hate. They come most recently from one, and thus haven't yet compartmentalized their percieved singularity into polarizing frames of identity. It is by nature the unified, the singular, be forthcoming and whimsical. To die, to live ones entire life, by this belief is something so few do. As animals of impulse and instinct our minds were starved, and our once wild emotions have now become tamed into trained beasts and curiosities. Entranced by our own beings and ravenous of knowledge, we devour ourselves while collectively masturbating as a species. An unbecoming image for humanity, or even in general, but unflattering and unpleasant it must be because that is exactly what it is. Until we can live with this planet like adults yet care for us and it with a pure, childlike love, our self destruction is assured by our own insatiable reaping without sowing. And until we accept the nature of our reality and apply its implications logicality, we'll never realize that love flows freely and eternally, with no effort at all. To those closest to us, and even to those most unlike. All we must do is remember our shell is not us; our spirit, our individual consciousness, is not us; but that the marriage of the two is what gives to self.
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I wish my family hated me so I could kill myself without upsetting them.
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>>7847865
>>7847865
Thanks bro, I am just really bitter at the german education system. when I was 17 I failed 10th grade and had to spend 3 years after that to get a realschulabschlus. Now I need 3 more to get the Abi. I am so close but I just dont know if its even worth it
>>
I'm tired, anons. Not sleep tired.
>>
Finalizing my last will and testament. Really puts into perspective just what I don't have. Guess the day is coming. Thank you to everyone who posts in these threads.
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>>7838899
Personally, I don't fear machines.

For now, they are but mere tools through which we exert our will.

Thus any problem you can have with them can always be traced to the actions of men and human nature.

Fear the living man, not the dead or inanimate.
>>
>>7843826
This sounds *exactly* like my ex-wife. Run, run for your life.
>>
I'm trapped in an abyss of nothingness with no willingness to get out. Im 24, still live with my parents, never had a gf pretty much kissless virgin at this point, never went to college, I no longer find joy in anything anymore, dont have motivation to work, have zero friends (besides a few online friends which i dont think count because I barely talk to them), and because im on the spectrum i simply fucking hate change.

I've been to therapist which barely helps, been on depression meds that basically did nothing because I did nothing. I feel I have literally given up not just at life at pretty much anything that makes me human. I feel like the the way i was born and the environment i grew up in made me hopeless in every aspect of life and that nothing I ever do will fix that.

Sometimes I feel like that I'm destined to be alone and should just embrace it rather then waste my fucking time and effort that I don't have, to change that.
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pretty sure i got bpd, have yet to see a psychiatrist or anything. too scared to talk to my family about it, but im mostly scared of myself.
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>>7851017
Regardless of how much you hate change, start doing one thing:
Exercising/working out
That's it. Stick to just that one change. Watch yourself as you do it, and you have introspection so don't say you can't. If you can jump that one hurdle you will realize just how many real world hurdles it translates into. Because when you can mentally, not physically, over come the challenges posed by becoming active you realize your thoughts simply are reflecting your physical being. You are motionless so your thoughts are lifeless, and lead towards the darkness and stillness. The world resounds and reflects. And all it takes is energy/will to change it.
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>>7851027
then fvcking neck yourself buddy. NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR YOUR SHIT
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>>7850461
Niggers are holding us back.
>>
>>7851027
get help you loser
at minimum start exercising
if i could go back and do my treatment again i would do these things:
start therapy and do it weekly until they deem you don't need that many sessions
see a physiatrist and get put on medication if needed
see them regularly(every 4-6 weeks)
do not fuck up your medication schedule and do not fucking drink with it
also go sober you fucking beta, if you need drugs or alcohol to not wanna kill yourself then you are a pussy and need grow a pair

that literally is the cocktail for success that will push you to betterment of yourself and to stop being such a pussy
your own mental health is in your control and you can not use it as a crutch for being a fucking loser
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I have a lot of things in my mind at all times, maybe that's why I'm always so damn tired.

The year is coming to an end and I haven't seen my mother in 2 years now. It's been hard to think about it lately, I currently live at the other side of the world trying to find a better future for her and the rest of my family. But I feel I've failed her immensely.

I studied and graduated in 2020 in the middle of the pandemic. For the life of me I couldn't find a job on my area, or even to flip burgers at McDonalds. I can't even say I am 'unemployable' since I haven't even gotten the opportunity to have a proper job (at least in here. Back home I did have a job, but my experience there seems kind of worthless here) and get pay... Even if it's bad.

I got frustrated and started studying programming on my free time. But, the only offer I got 'hired' for was as a Front-end Developer and they can't pay me yet because its a startup company that hasn't really started making money yet. I appreciate the learning experience, but I need to eat, take care of my sister, pay rent, and other shit... I really need the money and I feel I'm failing the people I love because I have no respectable job at the age of 27.

My mother helps me financially, my father just shames me and calls me useless(We don't have a great relationship) even if I am really trying my best. I just want to help my mother back as much as she helps me, and help my sister to pay her studies so she becomes a great professional.

I feel like a fucking loser depending on my parents for money. It makes me hate myself. I do have a girlfriend who helps me when I am an emotional wreck, but I'm scared to make her distant unloading all this emotional bullshit.

Lately, I've thought of ending my life. I don't do it because I know there's people that love me and need me like my partner, mother and my sister. But I can't take the feeling of being worth absolutely nothing.

Sorry for unloading all of this, but I am just so tired.
>>
Well I came here searching for a wallpaper, but what I found instead was much better.

I was struggling with some love affairs in my life. But after reading most of the posts here, mainly the advices, I feel much better now.

So thanks all, and wish you look for the ones still suffering. Life's a bitch sometimes, but we are stronger
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>>7838651
Had to leave my gf about two months ago, it wasn't our choice but religion, family, uni and the pandemic all came in the way between us.
In a sense I was relieved because she was overbearing and a bit of a burden at times. Yet this has left me devastated as fuck, I miss her bros.
At least we still talk together, she seems to be moving on - trying a long-distance relationship with a mutual friend of ours, quite happy for them to be honest.
She suggested I should start dating, and so have some of my friends, but it's hard - I think they have a point though.

I've only ever had two relationships, first one was semi-serious and the second one was quite serious (even though we both thought it was just a passing thing), 1.5 yrs and 2 yrs respectively.
In both my exes approached me, I'm quite the shy guy, and I don't know how to talk to people unless I'm on drugs or holding my guitar/singing (ironic, I know).
Even more ironic than that is that I was much more outgoing than my last ex, even though she was the one that initially chased after me - not the other way around.

I'm sorry if I'm rambling too much, I guess what I'm trying to get at is that I can't really talk to people - and by extension can't really talk to women, and I don't know how to remedy this.

>inb4 go to clubs
I can't stand the noise, the smell, the sweaty people - it's just horrible.
I'm thinking of opening a profile on a dating app (at the suggestions of my ex and my friend).
But that still wouldn't be enough if I don't know how to talk and "market" myself.
>>
i like spacex
>>
I have nothing going for me anymore. At this point, I'm just waiting for the nukes to fly so I don't have to do it myself.
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i don't want to love her, but i can't stop myself from doing so and now i can't decide whether to tell her or not. this is so cruel
>>
It's over. For all the times I've said it before, now it is well and truly over.
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>>7851729
i have a lot going for me, but i still want to sit back and watch the world burn because the world around me is going to hell.
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>>7851812
Do NOT tell her holy shit retard, treat her like shit and make her say it to you first and don't even tell her then
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got coronavirus for the second time in the past 6 months. yippee!
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>>7838651
Saw that photo on my phone and for a brief moment it looked like one photo I took years ago with some filter etc.
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>>7852463
This image absolutely stunned me. Had I seen it in person I would have never stopped staring. Thanks for posting, pal.
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>>7852329
UPDATE: ended up giving it to my entire family. fucking incredible
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>>7842519
>Life feels stagnant and I can't find any sort of way to make it more lively

That's exactly how I feel being single

>>7844579
That's a nice ass bridge

>>7851090
Fuck you're right. I got into a good routine of working out >3x a week and went 140lbs -> 180lbs in a few months. Felt super good, way more solid on my feet.

Then things changed with my schedule. Then gym shut down for 8 months, now they're open but I'm not allowed in. Just excuses because I can do exercises and shit on my own but I'm fucking lazy.

>>7849473
You've been sitting staring at the wall for 27 years?

>>7849665
Good luck.
>>
So I’ve recently just got out of a 3 year relationship with a girl who was perfect in every way. Every day I beat myself up about how I just let her slip, and I really want to move on but I can’t without the feeling of guilt. I still talk to her everyday because she wants to be friends still, we have so much chemistry but I’m just so torn up about it all

All I want is to sleep and wake up and have it all be a bad dream, I miss her so much. It’s so hard knowing she’ll never be in my arms again, or that we’ll never giggle at some dumb joke or we discuss some outworldly topic like it’s nothing

EZR, if you’re here, I don’t care how much I get hurt I’ll legitimately do anything to have you in my arms again
>>
I'm going to kill myself on January 1st.
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>>7852855
I was there. Thought she was perfect, felt so happy with her and she was essentially the female equivalent of me. I fucking loved her like crazy and all I could think about was how great she was and how much I miss that feeling of comfort, love and happiness. I spent so many fucking months wishing things didn't end that way and missing that peak in my life when I was with her. But over time I started to think more about why the fuck it ended. Why did we break up? Why didn't that happiness and comfort continue until the end? Why wasn't she here at the moment? And after blaming yourself for a while, you eventually start looking at her, and what she didn't do right. Then you see the faults. The underlying issues. The things that you were too blind to notice in the beginning because you were too happy and besotted with love to understand that it was slowly crumbling underneath you. She wasn't as perfect as I thought. I hope you eventually come to that realisation too anon. I'm not saying you'll forget about her or even block out those nice times, but over time you will begin to see the things you were too happy to realise at the time.

>>7852910
good
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This is an art piece of damien hirst, the point is those butterflies are real dead insects but arranged in perpetual simetrical beauty
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>>7852962
Beautiful.
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>>7838899
>where we worship our phones, Amazon, and social media.

Then leave, it's always the same with these types of faggots, complaining about technology and shit and never actually doing anything about it. Stop pretending that you actually don't enjoy scrolling down endlessly.
>>
>>7852917
Thanks anon. I think over the past few weeks I’ve analysed so much about every moment we spent together, and the philosophical questions about existence, and perception of the world. Which is weird, because if anyone expressed thoughts about shit like that, I’d call them a faggot and move on.

I spent a bit of time stargazing and wondering about every little thing I can do to make myself feel better, and thus my life. I thought to myself about things you said too, that maybe I was just seeing her through rose tinted glasses and put her on a pedestal because that’s what I wanted her to be, and that’s what I wanted to see. Maybe I’ll come down soon, or it might take me a while. But I suppose that’s what living is really all about.

Per aspera, ad astra.
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im alone again on christmas
>>
In to the flood again
Same old trip it was back then
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>>7853734
Same here broseph, got the dang omicron and now have to self-isolate
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>>7838651
Stuck in a minimum wage job, which I actually kind of enjoy since I'm friends with all my co-workers. But living paycheck to paycheck stresses me. Have another big group of friends through my only real hobby -- public speaking. Have my family, who I love to bits. I would just love a girlfriend. I'm quite good-looking and tall, but I feel women don't see me as a long-term option because of my financial status. Having said that, I'm thinking about getting into programming or starting an online business or learning online trading or something -- such a cliche I know. Overall, I'm happy but I have a deep yearning for more that eats away at me. Sometimes I think about nukes and climate change and it scares me.
>>
>>7853359
>Per aspera, ad astra

Nice Latin phrase and so true.
>>
Merry Christmas, everybody. I hope you have a good day today and spend time with people you love. That is really all that matters. We can't take anything with us when we go.
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>>7854110
we’ll all make it one day brother.
>>
How did your Christmas go, anon?
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>>7838651
I've been thinking about the long-con, lately i've had some problems which i've heard is due to my aspergers where i have a oversensitive and overreactive bladder which makes it hard to focus & do longterm stuff, not to mention how i don't wanna piss myself when doing smth. I have ambitions to be a musician and that and its hard to do live performance when i need to take a piss constantly, sometimes its also that i struggle to urinate when i actually do. This all started from when i wasn't allowed to take a piss, i didn't pee since 7am at that point and i started to need to take a piss at around 1pm or so, i was in a exam hall you see with like a hundred people and i thought i could hold it in till the exam was over. I asked to go but they said to wait another 15 minutes till the exam was over, but i was at my breaking point so i just rushed out of there after asking again and yeah ever since then my bladders been a oversensitive mess.

I just worry the most this'll fuck me up for life and ruin my dreams of being a musician with needing to take a piss every 2 hours and feeling like urinating whenever i'm anxious or i know a event is going to happen soon (eg. performing)
I'm waiting for the urologist to do a x-ray, sent a few urinary samples over to my local clinic but they said its pure and fine.

It's quite interrupting for my school-life, social-life and mental health as i can no longer comfortably be out as i struggle to urinate unless i'm sitting down, its quiet and inside and that has been amplified with this shit. Honestly its ruining me. If this ever gets solved mark my word i'll be more sociable and outsidey because i yearn for the old days when i wasn't always needing to piss. well per john lennon "you dont know what you got till you lose it"

Sorry for the huge text and constantly being sidetracked and not organising it but needed to get it off my chest

well that aside heres a dog looking down at a valley in tibet i love this image its so cool
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>>7854459
Keep talking with your doctor until he finds a way to help you. Certainly there are medications for overactive bladder and anxiety both. Eventually you will find a combination that works. I heard one time that medicine is like cooking: sometimes we must adjust the amounts, other times the ingredients themselves. Rooting for you, pal. Cool image too, saved.
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>>7854459
carry a doctor's note around with you at all times.

trust me, lots of people have weird medical quirks and yours could be way worse. you could always try to do music soundtracks for games or movies if the live thing isn't for you. otherwise this >>7854466

good luck.

>>7853763
sounds like a normal young dude to me. but having a plan for what you want to do, and knowing and executing all the little baby steps to get there is what'll make it happen. not thinking about it. just dive in, get it started, and fix the mistakes the best you can along the way and enjoy the ride when you can. also, lots of women care about looks only in they want to see you can take care of yourself. most women would rather have a dude who is funny and can be their friend (i.e. accessible and not stuck up or cringe).

pgm4s
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>>7849665
You'll do great. Proud of you Anon
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>>7851812
Can you build a connection first? Its better to tell her if you are both in well terms, but do not make yourself look too clingy or needy. It takes time but you need to act.
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>>7838651
I wonder if a perfect human truly exists. I know the term "Perfection" can be subjective but can a single human being be perfect in every way? Flawless in every aspect? Humanity is beautiful it its own way but I have yet to find its best form.
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I have enough friends to consider myself not te be lonely. And luckily I can have deep, meaningful connections and conversations with them. Yet most interests I have are solely for me and I can not share them with anyone. People around me just don't seem to care about the things I spend much time, toughts and energy on. There is the interent for sure, but meeting people on there just isn't working for me. It's not the same. Sometimes I feel lonely because of this.
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I've been thinking about finding some bottom on Grindr to suck my dick
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this thread has been up for almost 2 months and just scrolling through it makes me feel depressed. I wish I could help every anon out there in this world. I love you all. please just hang in there, o my brothers and only friends.
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>>7855133
You can search your whole life. You'll never find it. Expecting to find it will deprive you of finding the best thing that could come into your life.
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>>7855276
I have the same problem but if you just be yourself and stop trying to "fit in" people will accept you because you are YOU!
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>>7841926
can confirm. Emmanuel Macron's head always makes me think of the iPhone's notch
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>>7839422
I'm also failing
I need to pass at lest 3 classes this semester and I'm not gonna do it.
If I fail its contruction work for life or worse burger king.
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Happy new year, pals.
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dunno how to arrange a date with girls i match with, think they would be shocked by my appearance
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I'm starting to do this digital art thing where I take a character or a scene and edit it to look cool like this wallpaper I made.
I'm not sure where to post it so that its welcomed, or if I shoould even post this stuff since I didn't make the character itself just the scene around it. I posted my first one on my instagram (I don't plan to make money I just like having fun and showing the hard work off.) but I'm worried something about it will be "Wrong" like maybe I'm not allowed to use the characters? idk. I don't use anything water marked or obviously claimed, I just google.
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Crush of 4 years finally admitted to liking me after rejecting me 2 times. She is also my best friend. I am in love but insecure. These days might be the best days I've ever lived in my life and I hope they last long.
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It's deep midwinter, dark and cold and frozen outside. My gf is sleeping peacefully next to me. She loves me. I'm not happy but for just this moment, it's all ok.
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i started cutting myself but im too much of a pussy to do more extreme cuts
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>>7852910
rip anon
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>>7856331
It took her 4 years and she has rejected you twice. I would call that an unstable resolve, GUARD YOUR HEART my friend.
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>>7856322
it looks cool. Keep doing what you love anon
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I would like one of my novels to be published in 2022. I don't even need it to be successful, I don't particularly need the money. Just to be published to show the people who have supported me all these years that they were right to believe in me.
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My girlfriend's aunt died yesterday. Apparently, her aunts dying wish was for her to leave me. I didn't know what to fucking think. I still am a bit clueless as to how it all happened so fast. Everything just went by in a blur and as it turns out now, I'm single. That's okay.

I made an incredibly difficult decision on whether to be selfish and make her stay with me despite her aunt dying, or honor her wish and leave. I decided to leave in attempt to help her, to try to redeem myself in some way to her because I was a real piece of shit to her for a good portion of our relationship. It wasn't until recently that I started picking up my act, but that didn't matter, her family despised me already and for good reason. Looking back at it, I don't know whether this will come back to haunt me, but for now all I can do is keep going and struggling in spite of my circumstances. I want to move on.
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>>7849575
slowly
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>>7856413
you should stop that
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>>7856331
Who the hell are all these guys with female best friends that they're in love with? I am attractive to girls but not 'friends' with them. Maybe that's an ugly guy thing. Women are too ‘on guard’ to friendzone hot guys, friendzone is for guys that are safe and unthreatening – you’re doing something very wrong if a girl you’re attracted to feels safe enough around you to friendzone you. Seriously if you're "best friends" with a woman you want to fuck you should express your frustration by being mean to her, ignoring her, making fun of her, being "nice" is dishonest and weak like you aren't frustrated and upset that this bitch doesn't think you're cool enough to date her? fuck that, be scornful, be hard to get along with, be difficult on purpose until she either learns to respect you or throws you away so you can move on. Hearing about this shit disgusts me, grow a pair of fucking balls dude. If you want a good relationship with hot sex and all the rest of it you have to do your part to contribute to the erotic polarity and be man not a weepy little pussy boy who waits around for some girl that doesn’t know if she likes him, she doesn’t know if she likes you because you’re WEAK AND UNATTRACTIVE

Anyway, I got fat in the pandemic but I'm losing weight fast now, I'm down 15 lbs since the beginning of December, so I'm flying high. Fuck yeah. Bad things happened to me that rival any of the whining in this thread but there’s no point going into it, a new tack has been struck and I will win in the end. stop being little bitches guys
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>>7852855
lmaoo anon that chick's been fucking and sucking nonstop. stop thinking about her
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>>7856629
Hello alpha m
Respect from Pakistan
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>>7856629
You're not wrong.
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>>7839940
I understand this anon ,

what the others who criticize don't understand is the effect that time plays into this . Like years and years .

It develops into a situation where you try to talk about music , food , the weather , and other meaningless superficial things , but you remember how they wronged you , how they didn't believe in you , how they felt at liberty to say the things they said in the past and even beyond the words it shows that they didn't think enough of you to show you the common decency of exercising restraint that they probably would have shown a stranger .

The relationship is rotten from the inside out and then you're supposed to eat dinner together like you "should" as a family .

One lesson that old folks should learn is you can't get respect through constant discipline and just demanding it because of the status of boss or parent .

I hate my parents and the flaws they have passed on to me , but i am working on them .
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I turned 26 and am starting to realize that I'll never lose the fat and have the body that I want. I would love to have a good physique and be in good shape before I turn 30 but I simply don't deserve it or any sort of happiness.
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Work-from-home, the fleeting bliss that it was, has made me realize just how much of my soul is spent on pointless bullshit.

All of the hobbies I picked up during WFH like digital art (or just being able to eat meals with my family rather than a rushed breakfast and absent lunch) have gone down the drain so that we could "go back to normal".
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I have tonsillitis and its very uncomfortable desu
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>>7838651
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21 and 3 years into college, with covid fucking up everything from my education to my social life, to my mental and physical health. I'm getting back onto my feet but fuck is it hard. Diagnosis with depression doesn't really help either. I want to try and restablish myself and ground myself in what I like and do what I want, but breaking out of the hole I dug is nowhere close to easy. As I work towards becoming a person again how people did it before me, and I wonder if I'm good enough to follow in their footsteps.

For now though, it's one step at a time, patching myself back together.
>>7856413
Across the road for attention, down the streets for results. Trying to replace mental or emotional pain may seem like a good idea, but in the end it's just a cry for help. Get help.
>>7856788
Genetics are a cruel bitch anon, but they aren't everything. It's not easy, but if you allow yourself to just give up you're only wallowing in self pity. You can be better.
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does anyone have the wall paper of a sculpture of a man holding a snake and a text: grow a pair, take control
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Just turned 18 and I'm still a senior in high school. I'm absolutely dreading growing up because sometime soon I want to move out on my own due to toxic parents and not being able to stand living with others. I'll have to pay bills on my own, I'll have to find a better job than the one I currently have(fast food, its fucking awful) and I'll have to take care of everything myself, which i havent been good at at all. I fear that if i move out on my own ill end up living like people in depression homes do and I wont have any sort of special skill that can hold me up in the long run. I have a boyfriend who lives halfway across rhe country but my family doesnt want me to move out of state even though i really want to cuz fuck california, shit sucks hardcore here, but im expected to stay and not only that, I'll miss them a lot. I have no idea where to go in life and I feel so lost. I try to educate myself in finances and I try my best to prepare myself but i just don't stick to things long enough for it to help me in any way. And i still feel lost despite my best efforts to look around and ask for advice and ask for assistance. I dread being an adult.
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>>7857106
Same poster, I also dread learning to drive cuz my shit father decided to try to teach me to drive while drunk and aggressive and now even the thought of getting behind the wheel scares the shit out of me
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I'm so tired, anons.
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Any resolutions for the new year?
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i'm scared to try and make friends but i know i have to try because i want friends
and if i don't try i won't make any.
it might be hard but even if i fail i have to keep trying because i know that if i give up then nothing will change.

if i give up i have no chance.
if i try i have a chance even though it could hurt.

i keep saying i'll try later but later never ends. i have to try. i need to try.
i'm letting my life be controlled by fear and i want it to stop. maybe for now i can't stop the fear but i can still do things despite it.

the truth is i'm so fucking scared
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>>7856331
be vary she could just be settling, u could be her choice out of convenience. best of luck.
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I've had my share of broken dreams
And more than a couple of falls
And in chasing what I thought were moonbeams
I have run into a couple of walls
But in looking back at the places I've been
At the changes that I've left behind
I just look at myself to find
I've learned the hard way every time

'Cause I've had my share of good intentions
And I've made my share of mistakes
And I've learned at times it's best to bend
'Cause if you don't, well those are the breaks
Should have listened to all the things I was told
But I was young and too proud at the time
Now I look at myself to find
I learn the hard way every time

But in looking back at the lessons I've learned
And the mountains I wanted to climb
I just look at myself to find
I've learned the hard way every time

'Cause I've had my share of broken dreams
And more than a couple of falls
And in chasing what I thought were moonbeams
I have run into a couple of walls
But in looking back at the faces I've been
I would sure be the first one to say
When I look at myself today
Wouldn't have done it any other way
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>>7843277
Use this to strengthen the relationship with your partner!
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>>7859205
nice poem anon
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>>7859352
Not mine, but everything Jim Croce wrote can have some kind of beautiful meaning.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=47g1jS7G8OQ
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>>7859367
thanks mate
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>>7846500
nothin like it
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>>7843783
not anything like that im afraid, but drive out to the country where there aren't any buildings for a day.
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I'm sleepless since I forgot to take my medication, so I decided to come here for the first time in a while after reading about Windows wallpapers.

Currently I just use Wallpaper Engine but I have a collection dating back to around 2013 (minus a zipfile of old ones I downloaded). I last touched it in 2018. I downloaded some new ones for the first time in a while from here, but I'm a bit conflicted since my collection reflected my interests from that time and I felt like introducing new stuff would disrupt the "ecosystem" or something like that idk. I'm just weirdly sentimental about these things, I guess.

Pic somewhat related, I had a lain phase in highschool. I also recall being into mecha anime, cyberpunk, vaporwave/synthwave and old tech aesthetics.
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>>7840976
same
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>>7859205
Here's a (you) for your efforts.
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>>7838651
I have finally cut her out of my life after 2 years, I was ok the first day, and now I can't get her out of my mind again
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>>7859976
It's going to take a while, pal. Time heals everything, even that void. It's going to be okay.
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>>7859976
>>7860566
Didn't take me too long to forget the bitch I really fell in love with, I got another one a bit after tho. Dunno if that changes the healing time
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>>7859976
Had the exact same, felt good for like a week, then completely depressed for 2 weeks, then I actually got over it. It's shitty, but it is true that it just needs more time
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I gotta get my clutch and flywheel replaced asap. It's costly and I hate spending money, but I love the car.
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I love my girlfriend, more than I have ever loved or will ever love anyone else, but I wonder if I wouldn't be happier alone. Living together requires so much effort and compromise that at this point, I'm thinking a lot about leaving her and moving to a house in the countryside on my own. I know I'd miss her a lot: honestly, she's great, beautiful, really funny and smart. But I also know that it would be easier. Is it worth it? I don't know.
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>>7860801
If she's as great as you're saying, she's worth the compromise. Why throw it away for a what if?
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>>7860813
She is.
But I also have always been attracted to the hermit life. Clearly, in the Middle Ages, I would have been a Cistercian monk, and I would have had a very good life. The noise of the city, the hustle and bustle, the people, all that tends to tire me out quickly.

I have friends, I'm very sociable, and I love to spend evenings with them from time to time, drinking beers in bars, playing tabletop rpg, watching movies and all, but I often find that I have just as good an evening when I'm alone.

With my girlfriend, it's a little bit the same: I like it when we're together, but when I'm alone, I feel like I'm freer, I can breathe.

I'm just very afraid that I'll make the wrong choice, that I'll enjoy this life of solitude for a few months or years, but later I'll realize that I'll grow old and die alone and that I've wasted my life. So for now I stay with her, because of the two choices, this is the one that is not irrevocable.

I talked to my therapist about it, but she couldn't really help me. I don't think you guys can, but at least it allows me to say what's on my mind. So thanks for that :)
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>>7838651
This guy I was very good friends with who also obviously had a crush on me slowly stopped talking to me. Avoided me everywhere. I caught him doing acid and I didnt know he was tripping until his friend told me. he felt bad about telling me to leave because he was tripping that the next day he apologized and asked for a hug (im not a hugger).

Thats hug was so fucking powerful I've never felt something like it in my life I still feel it in my shoulders/chest to this day and I feel attached to him because of it.

Now we make weird eye contact when we see each other in class or in the halls and its torture seeing him. I feel horrible its been half a year I can't get it out of my head ever at all its a loop of all the times I've bumped into him everyday for the past few months. its ruined me.
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>>7860813
You sound like you need you need more alone time
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Today I learned that I might be autistic. I haven't been tested, so nothing is certain, but my shrink thinks it's possible, given everything I tell him.
I don't know if it's true, but mostly, I don't even know if I want to know. I'm 34, I have a life, friends, a fiancée, would it make any difference to know for sure? Would my life be better after this test? No, I don't think so.

The only reason I would want to be sure would be to tell my brother "yes indeed" when he calls me autistic. That would be funny.
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>>7860851
I am like you so I can relate BUT you have mentioned I like being alone and then near the end you mentioned I am afraid I will grow old,alone and I have wasted my life.

Take it from me. YOU are not happy alone and if the girl you are with makes you feel confined then she might seem like a fit but it is not. Being alone you can derive a certain fondness for being that way but in essence it is a way of not reaching out to others as it has a certain restriction in the way that you feel.
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>>7861045
>Being alone you can derive a certain fondness for being that way but in essence it is a way of not reaching out to others as it has a certain restriction in the way that you feel.
Yeah, that's exactly what I fear. Thx for the advice.
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>>7838651
I want to be an artist full time but im currently working in a pretty well paying bluecollar job that takes up all my time. I have some investments in crypto and I want to quit work to full time be an artist. But Im really scared to quit. I struggled to get a job after college and my families always been poorer/middle class and we are all terrified to quit a good job to go follow your passion. Something my parents didnt have the luxury to do. I think I can quit and do it but the fear of losing money or suddenly needing more to pay bills in a year is overwhelming me. I think being an artist will me greater joy than anything else and I just need to work through that fear of no income. I feel like I will quit in a few months as spring rolls around.
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>>7853763
>learning online trading or something
you dont need to go too crazy really. Just start putting some money away into investments. Crypto and stocks. Nice mix of both. They will build up a path for you to quit or take the chance on another job down the line. I know you are living paycheck to paycheck so you dont have much to invest but see if you can get even $50 a month or something.
>>
>>7854459
>i know a event is going to happen soon (eg. performing)
Idk anon, I think you can possibly do a lot at home in your own "studio". Dont need to spend too much on setting something up but in this age tons of musicians are online youtube or whatever. You dont need to really go to a concert hall or anything anymore. Since you are at home it should reduce your anxiety and help and you can just pause the recording and start again if you do need to go. I think you should try this path before truly beating yourself up too much.
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>>7856468
I know you will be able to do it anon. The confidence boost will help a ton too. It shows yourself you can take this dream that many have and actually accomplish it. You will feel great seeing that book finished in front of you.
>>7839940
>When he told me how much he misses spending time with me, I felt nothing.
You shouldnt be so hard on them. They believed it when their parents told them the exact same thing. Im pretty sure if you ended up finding success somewhere outside bluecollar jobs your parents will realize that it was always possible. I think they will share your joy of success. They are humans that make mistakes too. Part of becoming an adult is realizing your parents arent perfect like you remembered/imagined as a child.
>>
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Breaking up would hurt me, but I worry if I stay I'll just be more resentful. We've been together for so long -- I'm not sure if I should feel so lucky or worried it's done no favors for my maturity. How can I know who I am or what I want when I've been with the same person my entire adolescence...into and through my twenties...We're not getting younger and I don't want to hold either of us back anymore. How can you know what YOU want? But is it so bad if we enjoy each others' company? I love you but I feel like a coward.
>>
>>7856468
Damn! Post here when it happens, pal.
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>>7843468
Go fuck yourself anon. Terrible advice.
>>
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>>7846382

Parasocial relationships genuinely terrify me - don't fall for it bro. Live in the real world and build those real connections.

E-girls are like mobile games; they hold your attention for a brief moment but cannot provide you any lasting satisfaction or fulfilment. They just want to keep you on the hook.

It's quite literally a trap designed to suck your time and money out of you in exchange for a fleeting dopamine hit that has severe diminishing returns. You may not be giving her your money, but you are giving her your time. And for what? What do you have to show for it?

You don't know the 'real' them when the camera is turned off. You get the carefully curated version of themselves that they wish they were. Their whole lives are a mask that they wear for the approval of others.

Dont. Fall. For. It. You are better than this bro.
As for me, can't really complain - just got a promotion and payrise for my pretty chill job. Been with my lady nearly 4 years and going to move in with her this year and probably propose next year.

Got a good set of friends, although they don't respond to texts as often as I'd like - but neither do I, so it's a 2-way street.

And yet I cant shake this melancholy. I guess it's just recurring theme of my life but I have perpetual 'grass is greener' syndrome - what if I went down this path in life? What if I had taken this chance when it was available? How would my path change?

It can't be helped and I try to not let it get to me, but it can be overwhelming at times. I just try and count my blessing when that happens. No point losing sleep over hypotheticals.
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>>7861443
>>7861480
Thx guys, that helps :)
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>>7838651
I have no-lifed so hard at my hobbies that I'm incredibly good at the things I know and fucking terrible at literally anything else. That includes just simply talking to people. I can land a good job if I build a resume, but I panic around any amount of pressure and hate being around anyone longer than a few minutes. Also the city I live in has no jobs that are related my specialties and I'm poor along with my family so no college.
>>
>>7859199
We're 22 and she has never had a boyfriend, anon.
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>>7861666
damn bruh i want that to be me, im mediocre at everything
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>>7859355
>17
nigga
>>
I hope you all hit your goals this year, whatever they may be.
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Can't find a more appropriate thread but I was wondering if 1920x1080 is still the most common resolution here. I've been lurking since 2013 yet it doesn't seem like the resolutions posted have changed much since then.
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>>7859232
yeah right. how? tell her i have a crush on her best friend? appreciate the response anyways. not sure why i randomly read this thread again...must be supernatural forces.
>>
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I took this photo on a family vacation 7 years ago, and realize how much weight I have gained and muscle I have lost. I've been exercising and rock climbing lately, so looking back at these old photos has filled me with new motivation.

Things were better back then
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I'm a middle aged married guy with 2 kids and I want to die all the time. I have severe chronic pain that can't be fixed and my life is completely hopeless. I want to live for my kids but I just don't know how much longer I can do it.
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>>7863090
That's an awesome pic, where was your vacation?
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>>7838651
I don't wish I hadn't left, I wish I hadn't had a reason to leave.
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https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Leaf_by_Niggle
https://wp.lps.org/mpayant/files/2010/08/LEAF-BY-NIGGLE.pdf
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q-Nyceces7Q
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>>7839886
we all will.
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>>7838651
waiting for my ny pizza to be ready so i can go pick it up. how's your night op?
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>>7847864
this wallpaper brings back memories, it was my pfp for a long time.
thank you for posting this
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>>7863097
i hope you feel better. you don't have to feel obligated to live for your wife and kids but i'm sure they greatly appreciate everything you do for them.
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New: >>7863731





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