Pearls before swine edition.
I was with him until he started complaining about knife sharpening and fancy salt. Outed himself as a faggot with that.
>>20438863sweet a kitchen cringe thread.
>>20438888Hes right about the knives though, most people especially old folks literally have butterknife tier knives to the point your best bet is to just find a serrated one and use it for everything. That said when I met my gfs family I just made steaks for everybody and nailed it because I'm not an autistic fag and I accounted for my audience and the equipment available
>>20438863Retard just can't talk to other people without spazzing out. Unless you're a freak using xanthum gum at home, just say that your egg yolk or whatever, is a thickener.
>>20438902How'd you cook the steaks?
>>20439488In a pan on the stove with butter, salt and pepper on the steak, rosemary and garlic in the butter and baste constantly. Simple as
>>20438888Same but I was with him for the knives for I know the squalor.I don't get the problem with only have 3 mixing bowls. But the salt rage is full of salt. Having only kosher salt is retarded, yes. But having table salt and kosher salt is perfectly fine.
>>20438863>staying with boomer relative>made two portions of gratin dauphinois in rammekins for us>he flips his over on a plate like it's creme caramel and scrapes it off with a knife and fork until it's an unrecognizable sloppais this really a thing? i know frenchies sometimes use rings to cut pretty circular portions out of big pans of gratin but i've never seen anyone try to flip it over into his plate. was it supposed to release easily? because it didn't. it was my first time making it i think i did it right but what do i know
>>20439635If you're serving it in a ramekin, you're saying to eat it out of the dish.If it was mean to be served bare, you'd have used something like a ring mould so you could remove it easily. He was just being senile.
>>20438888Checked fippy bippy fanum tax
>>20438863>vt cookingSo is that why he turned to vtubers? Too autistic for people to handle?
My mom once made pea soup so thick it would hold a shape. I don't know wtf she did because trying to dilute it didn't work, it just wouldn't absorb more water.She also made chicken cordon bleu but accidentally used mint-flavored toothpicks to hold them and the whole thing just tasted liek cheap mint flavor.
>>20440722Based mom, sounds cute anon. Hope you appreciate her
bump
>>20439528Nice, thank you anon.
>>20440722Mint flavored toothpicks? Who the fuck thinks up of that?
>>20441713Big Toothpick wants to get you hooked
>>20438863Cousin had a house warming party and she bought these stupid flimsy metallic plates that you put party foods on or whatever. I decided to heat some of my food up and used that plate because that's all she gave me. Plate instantly lit on fire in the microwave so I turned it off and didn't say shit because I didn't want to cause pandemonium. I just stared at the small fire until it went away but then it started to smell like shit and she found out anyway lol. Still don't think it was my fault, yeah the plate was shiny and shit but I didn't think anything of it.
>>20442946The proper thing to do in that scenario is immediately taking it out either with your bare hands or with a rag and throw it into the sink. Part of a sinks job is helping in extinguishing fires since it's entirely metal and there's a water source. Although yeah that still would have freaked everyone out regardless.
>>20438863Meeting this guy sounds like a horror story.
>>20442946Should've fucked your cousin as revenge desu
>>20442959She has always been the hot one in the family. She's married now but I'd still fuck her if she gave me the opportunity one day. Not posting pics but she has a gorgeous face.
>>20442946>I just stared at the small fire until it went awayExcellent reaction, gotta keep your head in an emergency
>>20438863>that guy
>>20440722>She also made chicken cordon bleu but accidentally used mint-flavored toothpicks to hold themactually lol'danyway, probably not to the extent the guy from OP's post does but I use less common "chemical" ingredients like citric acid or msg all the time, and cook things rare and since I'm not a complete sperg and understand most people aren't autistic about food and wouldn't know this stuff they're are more just briefly interested and willing to try whatever I made rather than annoyed and critical like he's describing
>>20442969She's a woman. She will never offer. She wants you to take her by force.
I once sifted a bowl of flour while making fried chicken at work and found a live fucking cockroach in thereThat's exactly the sort of thing that happens in my nightmares
>>20439567I have a retarded number of salts in my kitchen, but I agree. For the average person, that's all you need.Unless you cook a lot, and cook a lot of different things, having a salt collection is completely unnecessary.
>>20442979>fake quote by patent office kike
Anyone has the screencaps of the flour in the bucket?
After my mom died my first attempt to cook for myself was mac and cheese. I fucked it up, didn't get everything mashed together in time. Put the whole thing in the sink while I went and sulked for messing it up, saying I'd clean it later. I didn't for almost a month. In the end I had throw the colander away. That was just the first time I did something like that and right now I have the remains of instant potatoes on the counter I made a month ago and never cleaned up. Everything smells like shit in the house anyway and I just don't care.
>>20445334the ghost of neetdom future posting in this thread
>>20445334:(My condolences, anon.
>>20445334your mom would want you to not be stinkky
>>20441713have you lived under a rock ever since you were born?
>>20442985kys
>>20438888he's right but I'm still mirin those digits
>>20438888The vnigger image didn't tip you off?
>>20438863>2 types of saltsnigga throw your steak on a stone, have your daily amino acids, micro-nutrients like a man and fuck off with your fag salts
>>20438863>Vtuber>multiple bottles of vinegarI fucking guarantee you that's Damascus, one of my favourite posters from /vt/.He drew pregnant Vtuber art, was into high fashion, damascus knives, and his extensive vinegar collection.Pic related
>>20446327I have most of those, if you're into cooking (and you're european or asian) it's not weird at all to have multiple types of vinegars
>>20442979He's mad because people ask him questions and make normal conversation? What's wrong with asking what trisol is?OP pic guy I assume was an only child and did not get smacked enough when he acted like a little snot.
>>20439567>Kosher for fermenting, pickling, curing, dry brining large cuts of meat and salting pasta water>Table salt for the little extra that you may need on top or for dry brining thin cuts of meat>Sel de guerande/celtic grey salt/fleur de sel for finishingThat's just about all you need imo, the finishing salt can be whatever you like but it should be large, flakey and strong. Sel de Guerande is fucking salty (the salt is salty wtf) and it often comes in ridiculously large crystals which I like to break down with a mortar and pestle, but something about the flavour is much nicer than the table salt you get in one of those big carboard containers. Must be all the plant matter and Breton food fungus,
>>20442946>Puts a metallic plate in the microwave and starts a fire>"I don't think it was my fault"No, you're right. It was your mother's fault for not aborting you and it was your cousin's fault for ever letting you into the kitchen without supervision.
>>20442946>she bought these stupid flimsy metallic plates>Plate instantly lit on fire in the microwavemy sides anon
>>20439567>>20443008>>20446733What the fuck is the difference between kosher salt and non-kosher saltWhat part of normal salt is haramt. doesn't live in the judaic states of america
>>20447075Kosher salt is course and generally used not as a topping like table salt would be (i.e. sprinkling on it on the frozen fries I assume you live on since you clearly know fuck all about cookery, you fat bastard) but rather for the methods laid out in this post: >>20446733It's not blessed or anything and really doesn't have anything to do with religion. It's named after kashering. Table salt is much finer and usually much more processed with iodine added. These are all things you'd know if you could just put like one ounce of effort into typing "kosher salt" into wikipedia or had ever stepped foot in a kitchen in your life.
>>20447094>"doesn't have anything to do with religion">it's rock salt used for dry brining, but it's called neither rock salt nor brining salt or something, it's named specifically after the jewish word for brining
>>20447125https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kosher_saltJust read this and shut the fuck up.
>>20447142Shut up about what? The wiki confirms the name has Jewish origins.
>>20447142>The term kosher salt gained common usage in the United States and refers to its use in the Jewish religious practice of dry brining meats, known as kasheringMy point exactly
>>20438863That's really sad. My one experience cooking with someone I boned was actually really pleasant, she knew how to cook meat good over a campfire too. The time we spent cooking before hand was always better than the sex.
>>20447170>>20447248Yeah man, course salt is just a Jewish psyop. All salt is Judaic in nature except the Aryan kind, the fine and iodized salt you find in your average American diner. (((They))) don't want you to know it, but consuming processed Aryan salt increases your vril circulation and if you consume enough of it, your average white roastie's eyes will finally nautrally be drawn away from Tyrone and toward you brimming and shining naturally with white male vril.It's just fucking course salt that's associated with "kashering" because course salt is better for dry brining shit. Of course the word "koshering" has Jewish origins you genius noooticer. Was that your point all along? Because it's not a special, blessed salt or anything and therefore, I don't consider it to be a "religious" thing. It's associated with something specific due to its properties and marketed as such.
>>20447339I never claimed the salt was religious or whatever (besides do jews even "bless" things? they just have rituals and shit). My point was that the entire country is so cucked that they use a jewish word to refer to common rock salt, just because jews happened to use it. It's just funny to me because then you have exactly the same aryan vril kind of types with swastika tattoos going "hmm I'm gonna go to the supermarket buy some kosher salt!", and usually don't even see anything odd about it.
>>20447351I'm an aryan vril swastika chad and I always buy kosher everything because that K stamp means it doesn't make your frogs gay. facts
>>20438863I doubt that anon ever cooked for a woman that wasn't his mother
>>20442946Yeah I think you might be the dummy in this scenario anon
>>20445334Man I'm sorry anon
>>20438863What kind of elitist doesn't enjoy elucidating plebeians with their superior knowledge and skills? What a strange person.
>>20447075Kosher salt doesn't have iodine added to it
>>20449525>jews want you to die of radiation
>>20446327you're both pathetic vtumor simps
>>20446327Dude was hilarious but he disappeared after being unable to pay rent unironically purchasing most of his paycheck on various cuts of meat that he had delivered. Last I saw of him he was being a vtuber himself while spamming commissions trying to save up money for more meat.
>>20447075Table salt comes in teeny weeny little square crystals. Kosher salt is flaky. Also note the salt itself is not particularly kosher (all salt is kosher) but rather it's called that because it's used in kosher butchering. Cooks like it because it's easier to work with than table salt, and plus which it has no additives so some people say it tastes better.
>>20442946You are a mondo retard
>>20449525Almost no one gets enough iodine, especially in America. The added iodine content is enough for thyroid to not swell up but not enough for proper functioning.
>>20449589>Last I saw of him he was being a vtuber himself while spamming commissions trying to save up money for more meat.lel
>>20449571Don't care. I went to Hololive's big annual concert and Expo in Japan in March, and had the time of my life. I fucking love it
>>20447075>What part of normal salt is haramNot paying the rabbi for his stamp. They don't give a shit about flake nor iodine, only if some corn starch ends up in the salt.>>20447248>The term kosher salt gained common usage in the United States and refers to its use in the Jewish religious practice of dry brining meats, known as kasheringOnly Morton and Diamond marketed their expensive salt as kosher. What do jews use? Cheap salt, ie. sea salt.Morton and Diamond thought kosher sounded exotic.
>>20449549Seems like it
>>20438863
>>20438863I very much doubt he was cooking for girls and think he's making this all up just to flex and impress random anons.What a sad dude. I hate him, especially anyone who represents themselves with an anime avatar.
>>20442946>puts metal in microwave>ignores fire>"Still don't think it was my fault"
>>20445334you should start a youtube channel about cooking
>be me, working at fancy hotel restaurant>working with an absolute smooth brain we'll call Henderson>one slow day the guys and I are sitting round, shooting the shit>all of a sudden we hear panic noises>everyone turns to see Henderson doing the dumbass panic panic dance while the fryer is on fire>we all rush over, shove the idiot out of the way, put out the fire>turns out he was trying to clean out the fryers and add new oil>dung-for-brains drains out about 75% of the oil from one fryer, closes the spigot, leaves to dump oil>from the begining, this fryer has been on at full temp>with only one quarter the oil and the fryer on full the oil overheated and hit its flash pointHenderson had been working for 4 or 5 months when this happened>not his first time trying to clean the fryers>not the first time someone had shown him how to clean the fryers>his IQ did in fact dip into negative values creating some sort of intelligence black hole that sucked the smart out of everyrhing around him>Lord have mercy
>>20438888You don't know that certain salts have certain uses. GTFO casual plebe
>>20445334Are you autistic by any chance? Theres no way you could mess that up badly without having either a physical impairment or a mental one or maybe both. But oh well shouldve learned to cook while your mum was alive
>>20449589HAHAHAHA
>>20451154>negative IQI honestly feel this. Some people are so fucking retarded you get contaminated. Being around them makes you stupider.
>>20439528Adolph's tenderizer works well with shit cuts in place of salt
>>204463272poor4vinegar, but I'd have at least the following in my own place, if not more:>distilled white>cider>red wine>rice>malt>balsamic d'modena
>>20440722Based dumbass mom, would fuck.
>>20447290I dated a girl who could cook better than me. So we're in the kitchen and she's cooking and I'm watching and she's like "ok this has to simmer for a while now..." So I bent her over the counter and fucked her and then came on her face but accidentally got some cum in her eyes and her eyes burned
>>20447248It's just known better by that name in the states because of Jews, there's nothing special about it.
>literally the next day>Chef tells Henderson to go clean the walk-in floors>throw some floor cleaner down, scrub with the brush, squeegee>simple proccess, takes 5 min, 10 if you take your time>once again its, guys and I chilling>from around the corner see this puddle star snaking its into the line>what fresh hell is this?!>we all go into the back prep area>its flooded>water gushing out from under the walk-in door>open it>Henderson has completely filled the mop bucket plus 7 other buckets with floor cleaner and dumped them all in the walk-in>everyone face palms as the whole kitchen is hit with a "headache" epidemic>slink back to the line as Chef chews out Henderson for the next 10 mins>first a fire, now a flood>this fucker is a one man apocalyps
>>20451298AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH NO ITS A CONSPIRACY THE JEWS WANT ME TO SEASON MY FOOD CORRECTLY NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
>>20441713>toothpick (dental hygiene item)>mint flavored (most common dental hygiene flavor category)>anon is confused and enraged by this
>>20447125>>20447075Americans also call their cold slop meat sandwich shops "delis"... must be a GERMAN CONSPIRACY!!!!!
>>20451380Do they? So what do they call delicatessans?
>>20442946>puts metal in the microwave>durr not my fault braindead
>>20451382European Bakeries or European Food Stores
>>20451154I hated cleaning the fryers at the end of service more than anything. It's hot, smelly, and dangerous. Carrying the huge pot of still boiling oil was always worrisome, if I slipped with it I'd literally fucking perish from the burns
>>20447142>Wiki Kosher Salt>Scroll to early lifeI FUCKING KNEW IT!
>>20451339>>first a fire, now a flood>>this fucker is a one man apocalypseAmazing
>>20447075Kosher salt is just another name for coarse grained salts, as that type of salt is predominantly used in koshering.Like how pickles are pickled cucumbers, but we call them pickles.
>>20447075jews tricked burger goyim into calling all coarse salt kosher salt just so big salt has to pay their local rabbi to call their salt kosher so they can sell it to morr retards that don't know the meaning. cope harder mutts
>>20447142>Kosher salt>Jewishfuck, it's always the ones you least expect...
>>20442977Kek, I know I'm deranged because I would have stared at the fire until it went out and then patted myself on the back for not panicking
>>20446327For me it's the vaguely ominous unbranded bottle that was clearly labelled with a ticket printerWhat makes it "white vinegar"Where did he get itWhat caused him to label it himselfI refuse to believe that even a vinegar schizo could be so pedantic about acidic condiments that he /diy/'s his own basic bitch white vinegar
>>20447339This nigga on the Agarthan saltpill
>>20451216never diagnosed but I do have bad ADHD and a case of never having done any cooking before in my entire life.
>>20445334Leaving foods out for a long time to ferment is a time honored tradition in many of the cuisines of Asia. You can tell it's fermenting because it smells like rancid shit. Those instant potatoes should be very good by now.
>>20439567I only have sea salt in my kitchen and use that on everything.
>>20453582You can find his twitch account if you search the /vt/ archives for "damascus"
