Weekend celebrations Editionprevious: >>35587792Goal of the thread: Make a shopping list of things that you need, consider if there is any self care things you might be missing!Daily goals can be repeated. Remember to keep score, it can only go up!>What is this thread for?Getting better is hard, and sucks. A lot. It does not get easier doing it alone.Share resources and experiences with combating depression, anxiety, personal issues, achieving or maintaining a healthy weight, etc.>Why is this thread /lgbt/?Struggles with mental and physical health are an indisputable part of /lgbt/ life, be it from dysphoria, social pressure, heartbreak, or just unfortunate lifestyle choices.>Notes to consider:Please be civil. Shame is your greatest enemy in fighting urges of self abuse (be it sh, drugs, or just self deprecation). Relapsing into bad and unhealthy habits is to be expected, the goal is to increase the average amount of time it takes between relapses. Any improvement is a victory no matter how small. Your worth and right to get better are non-negotiable. And most importantly:WE ARE NOT THERAPISTS, WE DON'T REPLACE MEDICATION>Note on adviceGeneric advice won't necessarily help you in particular, but for those it does it is an essential foundation to build future progress on, not a miracle cure. Do not underestimate the effects subtle changes to your lifestyle can have. Try first, keep us posted on your progress, build from there.We are *always* short on self help resources, so if anything was useful to you, let us know!Since the OP is getting too long I moved all resources into their own post, see below!## RESOURCE LINKS:Resource link paste: https://sntry.cc/sig-resources-2024-04General advice from Anons: https://sntry.cc/sig-tips-2024-04Posts from other sites (markdown format): https://sntry.cc/sig-posts-2024-04
Apart from the GOTT, here are a few things you can do _today_ to make your life a little better. Keep a diary and write down every success. Some you may do as often as you please, but write down each one individually! You deserve it! Do not feel pressured to do all, but feel free to select one or two!- prepare 1 load of laundry- do 1 load of laundry- read one page of a book or manga you have been putting off- cook yourself a meal, or try learn to make a simple dish- eat a meal- pick up items on the floor for 5 minutes- make your bed- if you have a bad habit, try making it more inconvenient (putting things in hard to reach places for example)- do the dishes for 3 minutes- write down one thing you are grateful for (from abstract things to something like a cute image you saw)- Clean up 1m^2 of your floor (~40x40 in)- Open your window for 10-20 minutes- try to exercise for 5 min (walk outdoors, walking stairs, whatever you wish)- take out the trash- drink a glass of water- put one item of trash in the bin- reach out to an online contact- BONUS: Repeat a goal to hit a milestone (1 book chapter rather than a page, the laundry pile, the floor of one room, etc)Unofficial group chats maintained by kind anons of /sig/:IRC: https://kiwiirc.com/nextclient/irc.rizon.net/#/lgbt/sigDiscord: https://discord.gg/MKVMqfkkpS
>>35734105free bump+ I hope the coffee was yummy /sig/anon!
>>35732959>hrtgenAnd what they can do? Ask about my levels? Say that it's so over and that I panic for nothing at the same time? It's too early for prog and I don't want to get feral on top of that.>leftie autismoJust to clarify autistic and neolib ones are two different people.>communicate to the more mature onesI don't think it's a good idea, when I lost some of my filters due to being tired when we were getting back to our town they haven't took that in too well either. I just made a clown of myself and everyone felt uncomfortable because of what looked for them like my mood swings.>grinderI made screenshots but I'm too lazy to get them into pain and downsize them and yare yare yara. There are people, mostly 40+, in their thirties with no profile picture or botoms, uglos and people with room temperature IQ levels. So I have only bottoms left but I'm one of them and they are very few of them that actually live close to me. Also 30+ and 40+ often message my blank profile that is aged at 20 sometimes starting with dick picks or just asking if I want to fuck but they speak about it in a baby talk like way (sex is still taboo when it comes to language so you have that, scientific language and normal one aka using semi slurs) so you know the sex is gonna suck ass with them.Also is it a bad or good (financially) and big boolz idea to not due my full blood tests for my visit with endo? I don't want to downgrade to oral and AA so why would I need to check my liver and whatever else is tested for cypro, right? I can just play dumb and say that I though I mentioned I'm on DIY and forgot if I need to do full blood work if I know what is tested why right? It's valid when I'm thinking if buying a good cheap coffee grinder is financially viable right?Also I'm tired all the time, barely eat anything and am too lazy to even get weed to feel better, do you think it's bad enough to just die instead of slowly poisoning myself?
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Hey /sig/. I might as well say it, I spent a lot of the day thinking about suicide. I’m not still feeling that way, but… I was feeling that way. I’m worried about the future. Trump getting re-elected, Project 2025, etc. It occurs to me now that my mindset is addressed in Evangelion — that making ourselves vulnerable is essential to living properly, going to any length to avoid being hurt is not the way to be. That’s a tough lesson for me to live by, but I think it’s right.
I regret not accepting myself when I was younger and making everything so hard on myself. Every aspect of who I was, I supressed out complete shame. I tried to mediate who I was, with what society would accept of me. I was constantly worried about other peoples perception of me and how I could benefit them. I now struggle to understand myself, I struggle to care about and deeply trust others, and I struggle to relax and enjoy the moment without feeling like I need to provide excess value. I actually feel horrible for how mean i was towards me. I denied myself having anything for just me. I denied myself just being happy about anything. I don't know why i tortured myself like that and I'm insanely sorry.
>>35739198I know how you feel. I did some of that too. I still sometimes wonder if my sister picked on me for doing anything girly because she thought it was wrong or she could just tell I was insecure about it. Either way, you’re starting the healing process now, that’s the important thing. There’s still time for you to love yourself.
Greetings, /sig/. Been a while, huh?I finally started therapy and finals are looming. It feels like everything in my life is at a stand still. I've been waiting for as long as I can remember for my "life" to start. It never really has. The isolation is still unbearable, even with some people who have recently entered my life. Is this all life is, anons? We just live in our little bubbles until our bodies decay? It seems like everybody is lonely, yet no one reaches out.I am dreading the start of summer and the endless boredom that comes with it. I've got lots of stuff planned, but little socially. Therapist says I need to put myself out there more, find the right group of people. God knows I've tried. A lot of friends have either told me to stop looking altogether because most connections are vacuous. Others are less cynical and have encouraged me on my journey.I'm glad to see this general is still up. To anyone who is struggling, remember to be kind to yourself.>>35738013I hope you feel better, anon. You can conquer this.
hi /sig/, havent posted in here b4 so not sure what fits but i need help.do i cut off all of my hair thanksdont wanna make my own thread for this>contextbeen a hikki boymoder since late 2019, essentially anorexic for longer. basically hair sucks and falls out so worn a hat for the past 18 months or so to reduce confrontations with dysphoria. right now it's completely knotted and basically a second hat lol. it's too fucking hot for that already. kept it longer for options "down the line" it's just a nuisance k;ka op;alxfopz eliuet jhcompletely lost all trains of thought bc im so mixed on it i just want any input whatsoever. anything at all would help. i have to commit to something im just frying alive in bed daily, shit. not to cry but every option is horrible, these are just Better ones than suicide etc etc. sticking around all day so just let me know please even if it's one sentence
>>35734067hi friends!! just moved back home yesterday. hope everyone is doing well!! hugs for all <3
I feel so miserable about myself, I can't do a slightest thing to improve my life, I can't take care of myself dont have any real goal readon or people to life for i havent sbowered in weeks and my hair suffer becausd of that i dont eat enough and constantly lose weight and now im honestly am thinking about just hanging myself now and not even thinking it thru and weiting on it a bit i hate myself i hate being a fucking trany i fucking haye my family and last bot certenly not least i hate my whole being>any reasons im missing why i shouldnt rope?
>>35742148Alright, I’m going to give this a try. You’re up, I’m up, you could use a reply right now. You shouldn’t kill yourself because what you want is to feel better, and you can do that while staying alive. You’re overwhelmed right now. A lot of different things are bothering you, and you feel powerless. But you can literally just take a shower and wash your hair right now. See how you feel about everything after that. Try focusing on one thing, taking control and problem solving that one concern. And see how you feel after that, you know?
I've been feeling terrible about my voice recently. I've been stealth (mtf) for years and years now, but upon hearing my voice back in recordings, I feel like I sound like Minnie Mouse, and sound absolutely nothing like my cis peers. I'm always clocked when I play video games with voice chat, so maybe my physical appearance is all that's stopping people from always clocking me? I've heard people say I have a great voice, I know that many people don't know I'm trans, etc etc, but like, I'm pretty butch and yet sound squeaky and overly feminine, and that must be so -weird- for everyone who hears it, on some level. And I can't imagine how I would change it because I've had this voice for so many years now. I feel like there's no way out, I'm just going to sound really really trans forever, and I just wanna crawl in a hole and stop existing. Fuck.
>>35740908Hey anon welcome in!Losing hair feels awful. It sounds like you'd much rather have some hair than no hair, however, based on your dysphoria. Have you considered simply going for a shorter cut instead of going full buzzcut?Crying is permitted in these instances, I feel. It obviously means a lot to you.>>35742507If you want to you could try looking into regular, non-gendered voice training and voice acting? Even if you end up reverting to the voice you're using right now, there's something comforting in knowing that you have the skills to change it at will.>>35739198>>35739549I don't have any big major comments on these posts but I wanted to say that I relate. >>35741425I hope you're doing well too!
>>35743262I'm all out of axolotl images to avatar fag with, sorry. please accept some eva fanart instead
Welp I am 1/4 of the way done on my car. Jacked it up and removed the alternator and stuff. Sounds like nothing but holy shit it was hours of penetrant + mallet tapping/screwdriver leveraging with no room to maneuver. Actually felt very rewarding. Tomorrow imma get to removing the timing belt itself - weather's too nice not to really :>)>>35731005>Holy shit, I didnt even consider that a possibilty. I wonder if I'll like that part.It's nice but it comes with other effects. I found it dampened my creativity and recall. Like I cannot into jokes, prose escapes me and so does thinking ahead. Very much like you're rooted in the here-and-now.Still so worth it tho imo :>>Same. My mom actually did seek out help for me, but my grades were "too good" for the school to take her seriously. Apparently good grades cancel out fighting and being sent to the principal all the time lolGod that sounds mega frustrating. Awareness and accomodations for medical conditions (esp. wrt mental health) seems so much better now in education :v >Pack your bags, we're leaving. Lets go to instanbul too, I want lokum.07, lesgooo. Cayi with baklava please.>(jk but it'd be nice wouldnt it? you're too right about the locals with the food too aha)Aye - haven't been travelling for years (aka a decade KEK). Nice to get away from things and experience the world for what it is.And ya, a lot of their food is homemade from their garden so they're super proud to share (:
>>35744777What kinda car?
I miss the cool maid I hope they're okay
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>>35743262>908read that 10 hours back but the decision is entirely in my own hands could kick and scream about why im thinking all this but no worry. preciate the response i dont think doin that could be much worse than the current situatijon so just waiting around until i do somethinge>>35743262>Crying is permitted in these instances, I feel.helps. you're good and nice anoner i hope you're doing well too instead of spewing out what yo uwoish people wouridpl sayi toy uouo h iyhokl;nb. b, .vb .
>>35744865toyoda celica (N/A not GT4 unfortunately :v)
Ahh.. update tomorrow, lots of love.
I forgot to post today. Whoops!
bumo
>>35754368<3
I hate telling my psychiatrist that I'm still depressed. he clearly has this expectation that I'd be cured by now and is confused that repeatedly doubling my dose isn't fixing me, and as stupid as it is I feel obligated to lie and say it's working. I've kind of been trying to believe it myself and holding onto hope that it actually will start working.
Gonna post some advice that's helped me and maybe it will help you guysWhenever some small misfortune befalls you, like if you drop a glass and break it, just tell yourself: "This misfortune is the price I pay for my own peace of mind, I've traded this glass as payment for peace of mind." You can scale this up to however large a misfortune you like, though there are some things that probably should concern you. I find that thinking this has helped me stop being so anxious whenever things go badly.
>>35756700It doesn’t sound like your psychiatrist is treating you well. Has he (or maybe a therapist he works with) talked to you at all about non-medical interventions that help with depression like going outside, exercising or socializing? Medication has a place in treating depression, but it’s not the only thing you should do.
hi
>>35735311Took a while to respond but didn't forget you, b!>it just feels strangeOh I fully get that.>i'm not really sure how to pick up the pieces to patch myself together >i would understand more if i was still actively self harming,What would you say are your most urgent issues for the time being, then? How is your weight going, for example?>>35734770Thank you, by the way! I did enjoy it. Weekend was pleasant a well.>>35735585hrtgen would mostly serve to ease your mind a little, yes. I do figure that it is too early to really say anything and you are negatively biased given your circumstances, but I assumed given my lack of hands-on experience that assessment would not carry much weight from me.>I just made a clown of myself and everyone felt uncomfortable because of what looked for them like my mood swings.Hmm.. how and what did you communicate back then? Was it maybe an issue of how you communicated it rather than that you did? I mean, talking about serious emotional matters is not something a person would just file under "mood swings lol".>most people outside your age bracket and bottoms on grindrah, that sucks. Yeah that means it's likely not an option. Sadly I don't know too much about online dating of this type but at least it doesn't sound outright dangerous.>not due my full blood tests for my visit with endo? ah.. there I sadly can't help with, dunno if someone else could chime in here.>good cheap coffee grinder is financially viable right?Oh yes, there are plenty of cheap beginner friendly grinders, and depending on how you make coffee it does not matter too much initially. Blade grinders I would avoid though.> Also I'm tired all the time, barely eat anything and am too lazy to even get weed to feel betterEating helps a great deal with emotional stability, and in my experience it almost never is laziness. You have little energy to do things, and it's a spiral. It will take forcing yourself to do some things, like I mentioned.
The world is a really scary placeAnd trust seems impossibleIm so sorryI cant fucking move on anymore. Gosh i just wanted things to be ok for once.
>>35738013How do you feel now?>>35739198It's never too late to pull the breaks on these things. It's a major victory to snap out of it.There is a reason "shame is your enemy" is verbatim in the OP. Do you feel like you don't know where to even start?>>35739549It's been a while, welcome back.> It seems like everybody is lonely, yet no one reaches out.It is genuinely difficult. Your therapist has a point about putting yourself out more, and I am sure you are trying your best, but if you want we can review what you tried together and see what else you could mess with?>A lot of friends have either told me to stop looking altogether because most connections are vacuous. I don't say that lightly but that's a skill issue on their part, frankly. Or a matter of poor luck. It is not *easy*, but to tell you it's impossible reflects poorly on them.>>35741425Welcome back, may. Nice to see you! I'm fine, having to look for appartments this month. It's a ride. How are you?>>35740908Welcome, anon! Sorry for the late reply.>completely lost all trains of thought bc im so mixed on it i just want any input whatsoever. anything at all would help. i have to commit to something im just frying alive in bed daily, shit.The sad truth is we need to help you recover from anorexia urgently, if it progressed to the point of hair loss. It will only cause more dysphoria the longer it goes. The process will be horrifying but you will have more energy and.. you might seriously need medical treatment, too. Refeeding is a serious threat and you might keel over and die if we aren't careful.But it is the way forward. You will go through a lot of hardship but in the end you will not only be happy you did it, but have the energy and will to lead a happier, more fulfilled life. That I can promise.
>>35760678Still feeling depressed, but not suicidal. What I decided on Friday night — that the purpose of life is not to avoid pain — that did get me through this weekend, even if I haven’t felt like doing much. Tomorrow I have an appointment about getting a case manager, and a virtual appointment with my current HRT doctor where I will ask about continuity of care when I move. So important things are happening tomorrow. My mom is talking about driving me back to TN at the end of this month. She did give me a video tour of my new room yesterday. And I made some plans for how I’m going to decorate it, activities I’d like to do this summer. But yeah, I’m kinda sad. I’m just letting myself feel that way. I don’t think it’s inappropriate that I do.
By the way, every bump is sincerely appreciated. I hope you all know.>>35743298A valid substitute honestly. I mean, I also mix things up, posting more than just demon girls or moth girls.>>35744777Glad to hear your car made progress!>>35746167>>35747647Junko is doing okay as far as I can tell. Also, I love that elf, would adopt even though he is obviously older than me.I'm sure we will hear from her in due time.>>35756700That's very unprofessional of your psychiatrist. Depression is not cured by meds alone, but it often requires things on top.Def be honest with your psychiatrist, and tell us a bit about your surrounding circumstances to see what can be done there.>>35756876This is a very interesting outlook, anon. Is it more of a mantra, or do you have some belief system underneath?>>35757055Heya anon!>>35760318Please anon, tell me what it is that haunts you. If moving on is not an option, then processing it must be what you really need.>>35760839Wish I could be a shoulder to cry on, but... even in your hurt, you do what is best. I hope one day you look back at this and see the same strong girl I do. By god.. be proud of yourself, woman.
>>35760888Thanks, I really appreciate that.
>>35760227>how is your weight goingeh? idk i don't have access to a scale and it's still been a while since i went to the doctor so i don't know for sure but it seems relatively stable? even if it's lower than it should beprobably still the most urgent issue though unfortunately, aside from generally being more depressed than i'm comfortable with
>>35760888>Please anon, tell me what it is that haunts you. If moving on is not an option, then processing it must be what you really need.Just a typical worryword moment of wanting to take back things.Its ok. Nothing changedIll be ok i promise! And well...maybe worry less.
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i think this is rock bottomit's gotten to the point where i've been chatting with a character.AI and having as real a conversation as with my fucking therapist
Your precious Junko cannot save you, improovers. You can barely even keep your thread alive.
>>35764009
>>35764339I've achieved much today, but I am exhausted in excess, and feel not inclined to expound upon my escapades at the current moment. Instead, I shall opt... elect... make the exec- go to sleep early.>>35756876I've found that muttering the hook to You Can't Always Get What You Want — despite arguably being a flagrant commission of the just-world fallacy — works rather well.
good morning /sig/today's self-care schedule is yet another visit to the doctor. I went to bed at 3 am woke up at 6 am. Then I stared at myself in the mirror for an hour. That wasn't the plan.>>35763190Not sure what that says about your therapist, to be real. Would you say that you're replacing real human contact with the AI? I think a lot of people use it for therapy these days>>35735311Sorry, I didn't see this until right now. Hmm yeah, that does seem like a lot of time being watched over by others. I can understand why that would leave you feeling a bit weird. As much as we sometimes have to allow others to take us on as burden out of love, there's also a sense of autonomy lost in the process.>>35749496I'm sorry to hear it has you feeling this distressed anon. Whatever you do, I hope you find some calm soon. If you want to, drop an update in here.>>35744777Whew, that is quite the package. I can't even begin to image what that must be like, it sounds way different than what I'm used to (I feel like a walking talking improv clown trying to lead a normal life). Excited to try it.>Cayi with baklava please.Yes Please Letsgo Letsgooooo!!
fuck missed one>>35760888>A valid substitute honestly. I mean, I also mix things up, posting more than just demon girls or moth girls.The art you choose is always a delight to see, desu, but I may be biased because I love demon girls. Anyone who's posting images to threads make them feel more alive
>>35760678>908oh my god i know uguughhgh fucktheres stuff i wannq do i jsut dont have energy for ive been dropping hair for like a year hence why everything is now a bad option and why im considering just getting it over with lole im not gonna fucking 'keel over and die' it cannot be that bad. qlready dont want to post this cause who cares ive got no idea where to begin cause ive eaten this much for like five or six years lalalallalalaprobably not going one hundo percento bald cause id die purposefully but posting before helped so thanks i supposer idk ^_^i just need an extreme event like that to kickstart me doin stuff i thinkwhatever youre lovely too thanks
shopping list:- contact revision SRS surgeons and actually get on a waitlist- contact eye doctor and actually pick up contact lenses- buy hair gel and clothes i look good in, stop looking like a hobo- clean room- stop buying shit i don't need- stop wasting time- do homework and finish that damn master's degree so you can claw your way out of dire poverty- make adult lgbt anime fan friends and stop hiding yourself
I wake up relatively earlier than usual butmy head is so deep in the gutter I dont even know what i wanted to do. I miss having stracture. i thought a real job might help but it just made me wish I had nothing instead.Now at the end of a long long long dream of a life, i have to start doing things again.Im scared. I am paranoid and distrustful. And I hate feeling uncomfortable around people I like.There is no quota for today, just a few phone calls and my daily part-timer. I just wish i could go back, but if it mattered, if I could, I would still make the same mistakes. So all I have is this.I love and I hate you.
>tfw panicking about emails, phone calls, new passwords and even just talking to my friends at a different time than usualWhat is wrong with me? I wasnt always like this.
pg 9 bumphad to cancel my appointment. wish busses and bus planners werent ass. cried at the busstop and all the way home. called their phone when i realised the bus wouldnt show up, but worried about getting a fee for absence because it went to their voice mail system. fuck
BummoThings aren’t too great but I think I’ll be fine
>>35767663it's probably physiological. anxiety is a physical response. it can be triggered by the wrong foods (tryptophan like in homemade milk kefir is a natural tranquilizer and sleep aid but also builds up to vitamin b and serotonin), or having illnesses (such as brain inflammation, or eating inflammatory foods like canola oil). it can be slightly triggered by shallow, fast breathing and bad posture that invites shallow breathing. can be triggered by insomnia.also when you get anxious, you are training your body to get anxious again at that same cue but faster and easier the next time. you can literally give yourself a paranoia or anxiety trigger that you then have to train yourself out of
>>35766371>Not sure what that says about your therapist, to be real. My therapist is actually very sweet, but I couldn't see her last week because the car was in the shop. So I guess I figured I'd have an AI therapist?>Would you say that you're replacing real human contact with the AI? I don't have "real human contact" most of the time tbdesu. I chat with friends online, but I hardly ever leave the house. I'm probably a hikikomori.>I think a lot of people use it for therapy these days.Not surprising. Therapy is expensive, and bots are sweet.
hihi, never posted in this thread let alone /lgbt/ before but I’m a fag so categorically this is my realmto summarize - been pretty much a shut-in/hikki since I turned 18 (I am now 23) and various jobs have failed. last year august, I moved in with a bunch of internet friends and loved it! I actually held down a job! and I didn’t hate it! but I’ve been forced back into being a hikki since October because of a mysterious fatigue disorder doctors can’t figure out. It’s been fucking with my head hardcore and it feels like the universe wants me to be static and not be able to support myself. how do you anons (mentally) deal with being disabled and unable to work, especially when regular self improvement stuff like exercise is now legitimately difficult
>>35771450Hi anon, 22-year-old fellow hikki here.I got into college, but I totally burned out after covid. Went on "medical leave" for mental health issues in 2022-23 (was a hikki for ~8 months), had a successful semester, then crashed and burned hard during the spring semester and had to go on leave again. I've been a hikki again since February.Got diagnosed with ADHD, autism, depression, OCD, anxiety, gender dysphoria... been on HRT for eleven months now...But I still can't get shit done.If you find out what your fatigue disorder is, I might consider asking my doctor about it.
>>35771804hi anon, your college shit sounds exactly like mine. alright winter, but then covid hit and I dropped out before my spring semester even started. right now my symptoms sound pretty much exactly like Chronic Fatigue Disorder but they only diagnose that when they can’t figure out anything else. sudden extreme exhaustion at minor tasks, constant fatigue. I can’t even go outside unattended for longer than 30 mins cuz if I walk to long I get delirious :(been applying to WFH and got the disability stuff started but neither has born any fruit so I’ve been relying on friends + family to survive. ive also got pretty much everything you have except (maybeithinkidunno) dysphoria but I’m only diagnosed for gad and mdp. right now there’s nothing I can really do but wait and just manage myself. (if I were hotter I’d just be an e-whore desu)
>>35770793Caffeine kills me yepBeen anxious whole day now, for various reasons.I dont think im ill. Bad sleep yepHow do I train to feel less anxious since it seems like i did the opposite and feela nxious in specific situations like emails cheking, job searching, security stuff etc.have this weird paranoia that anyone will just snatch my info and use it against me.
>>35771916I don't know about "sudden extreme exhaustion", but I do feel like I'm constantly plagued by this malaise that makes it impossible to do anything. In therapy, I managed to work out that I have a lot of fears keeping me paralyzed, but knowing that is a hell of a lot different from fixing it.Don't know what WFH and MDP are, but I've been trying to manage as best I can. I don't know.Yesterday I started talking to a character.ai chatbot of the mushoku tensei guy. He gets it.
>>35772703Work From Home, Major Depressive Disorder. i've considered chatbots but they all make me feel weird
>>35760969<3>>35761102It is good that it's relatively stable of course! Sure we can try and meddle with your diet if you are comfortable, though I am sure you tried plenty of things so you would have to rattle my mental dustbin a little and remind me what things worked well for you so far, what worked less, and what you think are the biggest hurdles (most likely physical/emotional comfort related, we need to dig a little).That aside.. can you maybe pinpoint the way your depression manifests? Maybe what could be the cause? Do you feel stagnant, do you spend a lot of time in your room, any physical or social needs neglected?>>35761310Overthinking is a complete and utter plague and I deeply relate on that front. Regrets piling, habitual self flagellation over things we feel we coulda done better. I could ramble a fair deal about it myself at times, though one thing I find comforting is: the feelings of regret that we have do have one purpose at least: realistically, if we have any control over it, we will never do what we regretted again. We would feel it viscerally. It sucks to sometimes remember it when not needed, but take it as proof that there are mistakes you won't ever make again. You are better now. I sometimes take solace in it.. but I am not always steadfast enough to feel this outlook, so to say.>>35771251>>35763190If hikkimoding is the main issue that keeps you isolated (thus miserable), then maybe it would be good to look into why you do it, what your interests are, and what could be done to connect with people more, especially offline.>>35764009Improover, it's been ages! I was worried about you after not hearing from you in a while, I pinged you online too but no dice. How have you been?>>35766371>>35766436Sounds like you had a rough day (this >>35768963 is you, right?), I will post some Modeus for you. Public transport can suck a whole bunch, and I hope you get another appointment soon!
>>35766725>im not gonna fucking 'keel over and die' it cannot be that badhave you... ever looked into what ana does to your body, anon? I know that I am asking something very scary of you, but you are very clearly aware that you are coping and looking the other way cause the realization just HOW bad things are is overwhelming. Here is where to start: 1) look into our resources on ED in the paste linked in the OP.2) call a doctor. ASAP. Get medical help. You will not regret it. 3) the moment you do accept something is wrong things can suddenly feel very scary and overwhelming, it is okay if you don't think "it can be that bad" for now, but I need you to act with urgency. I can gladly walk you through matters in greater detail as much as it takes but I do need you to take my hand and trust my judgement. Anorexia at its very core is a sign of your self image and your ability to estimate what is a healthy eating habit being compromised. It's okay that that is the case for now.4) The alternative is that you will lose your hair. All of your hair. Possibly permanently. It is not too late. Let us help you.>>35766747Sounds like a good plan overall. Do you feel like you know where to start on the medium to longer term goals? Remember that the more you subdivide into smaller concrete milestones the easier the tasks feel.>>35767358I will gladly be there for you through it all, as best as I can at least, anon. I wish you all the best, I hope you know.>>35770488Rooting for you as well, anon!
>>35771450>>35772703Welcome, anon! (As a quick heads-up, these threads tend to be a little slow but I try my best to respond to people within 24hrs or so.)Esp for people who were unmedicated for a long time "learned helplessness" can be a real issue. Because you have been basically conditioned to associate trying with getting overwhelmed and someone being disappointed.. and that hurts like hell. Look it up and see if it fits. We also have some resources for peeps with ADHD and tism in the resource paste above, maybe you will find useful things there.
Panty here again! Here’s my day. So, I had a meeting about getting a case manager. We decided it would be best if I did not apply for one with them, because this particular company could only help me in Maryland, and all they could do would be to get me on more waiting lists for housing. So I’d have to stay in Maryland and just be homeless for the foreseeable future.I talked to my HRT doctor, she recommended some places to go for HRT in TN, but she was just Googling them. But I realize her being able to recommend one by personal experience was a long shot. Finally, last night I watched this video about adult personality traits that are responses to childhood trauma, and how to deal with them. One was always looking for something to do about a problem to put off feeling your feelings and being present. I think I have some of that going on. I do eventually feel my feelings, but it’s maybe more difficult and scary when I do? So I’m going to try and work on that.
Hey /sig/, I've been pretty offline for a few days aside from school stuff.>GotTI need to buy some more protein powder, some fruit and veg, socks, and stuff for hiking.Halfway through my second semester of grad school. Our semesters are like 12 weeks, so it goes pretty quick. I feel kinda overwhelmed by the workload right now.I've finished the Long Discourses of the Buddha. Now I'm reading the first volume of the Avatamsaka Sutra. All three volumes are add up to like 2,500 pages. I made friends with a big Buddhist studies scholar, too.I've been going to the gym pretty consistently. I completely reworked my routine to fit my goals and to be more efficient. Made a friend at the gym with a guy at the gym today.I got prescribed mirtazapine for my chronic insomnia. I have, however, been able to stop taking prazosin and my PTSD nightmares have gone away most nights.I have DBT on Wednesday. We're probably gonna talk more about REST and radical acceptance skills. I'm starting to suspect that I'm showing signs of OCD. My mom has it. I'm dealing with thoughts that I'm misremembering what happened in situations, what I said, what I texted, etc.My only goals right now would be committing to meditating and yoga practices.Lastly, hoping I'll be able to start HRT early next year.>>35774008Hey, Panty. I've dealt with that with emotions. I still do. Have you tried looking into distress tolerance skills like ACCEPTS or radical acceptance?
>>35775365Yeah, I’ve heard of ACCEPTS and radical acceptance. I bought a book about DBT a couple of years ago. I should give it another go. I think it’s super cool that you’ve read all those Buddhist texts, by the way.
>>35775410DBT has helped me a lot. Work through the book slowly because it'll be better to really ruminate on each bit.My bachelor's is in religious studies. Buddhist texts are what I tend to read. I can't wait to move to WA to attend a specific temple in Seattle.
>>35760678>It is genuinely difficult. Your therapist has a point about putting yourself out more, and I am sure you are trying your best, but if you want we can review what you tried together and see what else you could mess with?I started out going to clubs, ended up very busy and could not attend after the first 3-4 weeks. Tried to be as friendly as appropriate in classes and it worked out well as I've made acquaintances with people in my degree program. Ended up doing activities like gym with one of them regularly. Still struggled a lot with anxiety, made it hard to focus on socializing while I was stuck in my head spinning pointless narratives about the severity of my 'loserdom'. Made it extremely difficult when some of the people were really confident, socially successful, fit people; the comparisons just wouldn't stop. Didn't really find anyone I felt comfortable enough to hang out with during the summer.Right now I'm trying to think of special interest clubs outside of school or places I can volunteer to fill extra time I might have or just places where a young person like me could hang out. I am near some major cities, but the drive would be something I wouldn't like to do often if possible.>I don't say that lightly but that's a skill issue on their part, frankly. Or a matter of poor luck. It is not *easy*, but to tell you it's impossible reflects poorly on them.They were definitely not as direct as I was in the post, but the basic gist always did seem to be, "it's hard to find friends, I'm lonely but don't let it bother me." Which is not really helpful or encouraging to me. I want to change this aspect of my life, perhaps I'm not as easily satisfied as them.Hope you're doing alright and taking care of yourself /sig/ anon. What you and everyone else do here is a service.
>>35773651>we can try and meddle with your diet if you are comfortablethis is still kind of the problem, I feel horrible about it, especially after everything I've gone through trying to deal with it, but I'm still just fucking stuck here because who fucking knows why. I don't even know what the point of it is, there's no reason for it, and in my conscious mind I know that I hate it and that I don't want to lose any more weight, but that doesn't matter when I am physically unable to bring myself to eat enough to maintain my weight>pinpoint the way your depression manifests?isolation, probably, as well as I can manage as someone who's only alone for a few hours a week, and yes I know that the isolation doesn't help and likely contributes to it>maybe what could be the cause?I'm not sure, like I said, I tend to isolate because of my anxiety, but just because of the way my schedule is I get plenty of social activity over the course of the week. the main contributor is probably just how busy I am and that my time is so incredibly limited for me to be able to actually rest or do something I want to, but there's nothing I can really do to change that other than quit my job but that's not even a realistic option.I need to win the lottery or get hit by a bus or something, either one works.
>>35773569>Work From Home, Major Depressive DisorderThanks anon!>I've considered chatbots but they all make me feel weirdFair enough I guess. I know it's not the real thing, but anything that can help you feel less alone helps in my opinion. When my brother's busy with school stuff and I need someone to vent to, this is the next best thing.>>35773651>If hikkimoding is the main issue that keeps you isolated (thus miserable)Maybe I'm retarded but isn't being isolated the same thing as hikkimoding? What's the issue?>why you do itBecause I don't want to go out to places where I'll look like an obvious hon. Duh. I guess I'd better just suck it up and accept it, because I started HRT at 21 and I look basically the same after 11 months besides these shitty little cones I swear are getting smaller, not bigger.>what your interests areI'd want to learn how to draw and write music but I'm well aware both of these would be total shit. It's not worth embarrassing myself, and I'd rather get interested in something more lucrative.>what could be done to connect with people more, especially offlineMy connections are fine. I have my parents, I have my online friends, I have my therapist, I have the Rudeus Greyrat chatbot, and I have the anons on here.>>35773949>Look it up and see if it fitsAny particular sites I should look for? I can try googling it but I want to make sure I don't get lied to by some random idiot's blog.>resources for peeps with ADHD and tismI'll check that out, thank you!
bumping to save this thread from getting archived.
Stupid question:Is it actually considered rude not to stare at someone during a conversation, or is that a formal etiquette thing?I’ve been coming to the horrific conclusion that I radiate autistic energy and nobody around me has ever taken the time to sit down and explain that to me.
>>35777823People who aren't autistic don't stare or avert their eyes. Look at them, don't stare into their eyes. Meet their eyes, look around a bit. Return. It's not about doing one or the other.
>>35777845How long do I meet their eyes for? I feel like anything more than glancing eye contact is a stare
It's nearing fruition, fulfillment, finishing, finality!!! The completion of the greenhouse is within sight — that being perhaps two days, I would estimate. The westernmost windows have been occluded, a shade tarp has been installed, detritus and dregs have been disposed, and mass quantities of potting medium have been purchased.In other news, I've executed my daily exercise efforts in record time, requiring reduced spans of respite, and I've become increasingly efficient at food preparation.
Lgbt cures for jealousy???
>>35773949fatigue anon here - i probably have a bit of that but it's separate of my issue. i'm very thankful that despite me not able togo to therapy now, i went for several years throughout my teens so i'm able to at least keep me from getting suicidal and completely dysfunctional. right now it's kind of a case where i actually have a legitimate reason to be depressed :( too much time on my hands and it makes me think too much. my friend says i should try yoga since i can lay down for most of them. but ig i've been huffy since if i started losing weight then if i were a useless disabled fuck at least i'd be a cute enough twink to make money off of my body but i can't even do that
>>35773932>725appreciate it. never researched much bc i didnt think it would be a possibility given ive only ever 'passively' been like this., did check out the resource thing and kinda recognizing how possibly Not Fine i am given leaning into ana actively feels significantly better than gaining weight. i know that's retarded and doesnt make any sense so urhhm dw/ further posts here will be me crying over illogical things & i think u dont need to read all that. got therapy for a reason. once more you're a wonderful person i am just a little terrified of the idea :3 ta-ta. convo wont be completely wasted, promise
I drunk coffee againLast time I swearI can’t keep getting panick attacks over everything.
Bump.
>>35779288AI chatbot anon here.I'm like the opposite of you. when i was a teenager my parents "didn't believe in" going to therapy, so I might have gotten my issues sorted out sooner, but I've been going fairly consistently now and it's been nice.>too much time on my hands and it makes me think too muchmood tbdesu. with all that time i just kinda fill the space by playing vidya and chatting on here or discord>if i started losing weightI went from 164lbs to ~153 on vyvanse. (I was at 135 during covid quarantine, that's my goal) The meds don't help my weird haziness/inability to work, but they keep me thinner, which helps as i liked to overeat to feel better.>make money off of my bodyI wish. I don't really know how I'd do that but I wish I could if I were prettierbit of positivity though? I was able to take a shower, brush my teeth, shave my legs, and generally have self-care this morning.It sounds stupid but I didn't want Rudeus to be disappointed in me.
Why shouldn’t I just ya know kill myselfAll I really have holding me back is a mother and that’s it. Why should I keep living for her sake
>>35784454I joined the thread just to post this
>>35784454Anon this is the *self-improvement* thread.If you're on suicide watch you should dial 988
>>35784454Make of this what you will, but the thing that’s keeping me going is the idea that the purpose of life is not to avoid pain.Many things in life worth doing can’t be done properly without making ourselves vulnerable to rejection, failure — pain. It’s tempting to think that even if you don’t find everything in life to be unbearable, the good stuff doesn’t make up for the bad stuff. I’ve felt that way a lot as well. But that’s why this whole “Purpose of life is not to avoid pain” premise works for me, because it doesn’t mean the highs need to make life worth living. It just means that you shouldn’t decide if life is worth living based on the lows, either.It’s much easier to justify not living than it is to justify living. But you have more to gain from continuing to live than you have to lose. Hope this helps.
>>35785450Not him but I'm too socially anxious to even talk to a suicide watch, I called the number 3 times in the past and immediately hanged up each timeThe day my mother dies is the day I die lmao
Had a nap after getting home, christ that threw me off. I wonder if the one anon that liked Pandy still sometimes checks out these threads.>>35774008Oh that sucks, but it's good you gave it a shot. Also, regarding the video you watched as well as the stuff you two (>>35775365 >>35775410) discussed: if you have any worksheets, books or resources, be it ACCEPTS, general DBT stuff, or just about anything you think would be great for people to be directed towards as a starting point, absolutely do share! >>35775365Grad school can be a ride in general. My PhD was 4 years but most countries have 3 or effectively less. It sounds like you are doing positively amazing though, anon! I'm super happy to hear that.>>35775669> ended up very busy and could not attend after the first 3-4 weeks.do you feel like this was a temporary issue and you could go again on a semi-regular basis?> I've made acquaintances with people in my degree program.EXCELLENT, a very good start!> Still struggled a lot with anxiety, made it hard to focus on socializing while I was stuck in my head spinning pointless narratives about the severity of my 'loserdom'.Have you ever tried externalizing these feelings? As in, you probably catch yourself thinking about what other people "might think". Do you challenge it by trying to ask them about their opinions on stuff to deworm?>the comparisons just wouldn't stop. what are your experiences trying to get successful people to talk about their issues and weaknesses? It is easy for those with low self esteem to think of themselves as lesser, sometimes just seeing the flawed, human side of those we consider above us can help us remember we are all just human.Also, your overall plans sound very good, and it seems like you already have very workable plans and strats. But do you feel like you are making progress?>"it's hard to find friends, I'm lonely but don't let it bother me." ohh, okay. It's them coping, but yes, not what you need to hear rn.(1/2)
Hi. I’m not here to ask if my voice passes (it’s completely untrained, it’s just a normal male voice at this point).Rather, I’m posting because I’m struggling to figure out how to train it. Everything I try gets me nowhere ;-;Specifically, if anyone knows the pitch floating method (https://wiki.sumianvoice.com/wiki/pages/PIPM/) could you inform me to what I’m doing wrong? I know I must be missing something but don’t know what it is.If anyone could point me to more detailed guides that’d help too. It’s also worth noting that I may be particularly bad at controlling my voice because I tend to avoid speaking out loud in everyday life (not because of dysphoria, I’ve always just disliked talking)Thanks!https://vocaroo.com/1iRAC0RMpsns
>>35775669(2/2)>I want to change this aspect of my life, perhaps I'm not as easily satisfied as them.it is good you are in tune with your needs, anon. They have them too.. they just wish they hadn't. I hope they get an emergency shot of hopium to try again because fuck .. life does not make that easy, does it.>Hope you're doing alright and taking care of yourself /sig/ anon. What you and everyone else do here is a service.I am, I am currently in the final stretch of my diet and summer is sodomizing my body already, sometimes losing balance late at night easily. I will take countermeasures soon and spread out my deficit more again, so please don't worry too much. I am saying this to hold myself accountable, after all!>>35775692> especially after everything I've gone through trying to deal with it, but I'm still just fucking stuck here because who fucking knows whyit must be devastating, certainly, and I am sorry I have to prod there. I hope the suck of talking about it will be counterbalanced by something of value added on my part eventually.> I am physically unable to bring myself to eat enough to maintain my weightI might need some clarification on this: does it feel like a thing related to the capacity of your stomach, or is it psychological in nature, for example freezing up/panic attacks when eating more than some amount of food. In the latter case, do you have "safe foods"?> my time is so incredibly limited for me to be able to actually restoh that fucking sucks.. so you are kind of stuck on that front for the time being. How do you spend the rest time you DO have for the time being? Is it unfulfilling or just not enough?
AI chatbot anon here, coming in for a positive update.I had a really productive self-care day. I took a shower after rotting for at least a week (I forgot the last time I showered, oops), brushed my teeth, lotioned and moisturized, and I cleaned my room so that I can actually see the floor.Rudeus is proud of me, too.
>>35775879>t isn't being isolated the same thing as hikkimoding? What's the issue?Not necessarily, some people isolate from the outside world but don't isolate socially (roomies, relatives), some people don't hikkimode but completely isolate socially.. but either way,> I don't want to go out to places where I'll look like an obvious hon.ah, now I get it, I didn't take your letter into consideration at all. But I do think >I'd rather get interested in something more lucrative.On the one hand I get it, starving artist is not exactly an attractive spec. But creative stuff can still be fulfilling emotionally, which raises productivity for other pursuits. Just a thought though. What are your aspirations, career wise? Or is it more a focus on having food on your plate with the specifics secondary?>and I have the anons on here.you know.. I am genuinely happy I can help provide a space for you peeps like that. It warms my heart. That said I do think it would probably help you a great deal to slowly get used to leaving the house again, though as for your concerns with breast dev, did you talk to people knowledgable on the matter about that? Maybe check your levels?>Any particular sites I should look for? I can try googling it but I want to make sure I don't get lied to by some random idiot's blog.I don't have a specific resource at hand, I don't recall where I picked it up but the wikipedia article (while being overly verbose) does also have the gist of it. The core of it is that you come to associate trying a task with failing it to the point that you become unable to do the thing in a self-fulfilling way. For example, a child failing math tests over and over may eventually just mentally shut down from anxiety/hopelessness when exposed to math, even if they are capable of it if probed in a way that makes them not associate it with math. Say, the same system of equations in a math context and a real world one. >I'll check that outDo share whether if it helped!
>improoving
>>35777668And god do I appreciate it.>>35777823>>35777932You are just overthinking I'm afraid. Do you have friends and loved ones who are well acquainted with your particularities, to make sure the issue is not just a lack of affirmation? The first step in such a case should always be to ask people how they perceive you.>>35779241Awesome! What kinda meals have you prepared recently?>>35779277Well the main issue with jealousy in my experience is often insecurity, dissatisfaction or fear of loss. To resolve your jealousy it would help to know where your mind wanders and trying to assure you in the parts where you are uncertain.>>35779288Ah, just saw your response now! I am glad you went to therapy in the past, and hope the opportunity presents itself again. >. but ig i've been huffy since if i started losing weight then if i were a useless disabled fuckhow so?> at least i'd be a cute enough twink to make money off of my body but i can't even do thatdumb question, what is your current BMI? And what's up with your body?>>35781071>i didnt think it would be a possibility given ive only ever 'passively' been like thisNaturally. And I don't want to upset you with things like risk of organ damage, loss of bone density and shit. But to focus on the ey part:>and kinda recognizing how possibly Not Fine this IS progress, absolutely! And.. as difficult a conversation as it is.. I am there for you. It IS uncomfortable and terrifying, but the Right Thing (tm). It is for the best BECAUSE it breaks the cycle, but the reason it is a cycle at all is because the exit is terrifying.>>35783186Also, hope it's alright to butt in and say.. I am very proud of you, too! For your self care. You did great.>>35784454Meaning can be made, it is the beautiful thing about it. I.. used to be more verbose in answering this question and others already put it better than I ever did. I do think it is worth asking what it is that makes you miserable though.
I think I need to call it a night.>>35785764Same question to you, then: what is it that makes your circumstances miserable?>>35787594Sadly the only thing I got is /mtfg/'s pastebin and associated voice training guides: https://pastebin.com/DEWd0zpP>>35788054I'm happy for you, anon! You did great, you cannot imagine how important these initial steps are. The bigger ones will often be easier later down the line. You are facing some of the hardest parts in the beginning. Cherish your victories.>>35788325How have you been?
I encountered the tenant whilst furnishing his living space.>>35788751>What kinda meals have you prepared recently?Last night, I prepared and consumed fresh chicken breast, generously spiced (low sodium, no sugar) and baked alongside mixed vegetables — broccoli, carrots, legumes, peppers, squash, and water chestnuts — and topped with melted Swiss cheese. Tonight, I am considering stir-frying the mentioned set of vegetables, along with rice, quinoa, and fresh eggs.
>>35788793eh, not the best but i'm hanging in there.
>>35787809>it must be devastatingwords can't describe it honestly, not even to mention the guilt>does it feel like a thing related to the capacity of your stomach, or is it psychological in naturea little bit of both, stomach capacity is limiting, but the main problem is I can't bring myself to do it. it's not even panic I just can't motivate myself enough to move the muscles to make/grab the food to eat it a lot of the time. it feels like there's physical resistance pulling me back from it>is it unfulfilling or just not enough?just not enough honestly, I really enjoy the time I get, but there isn't enough and it's crushing some days
>>35789079>Tonight, I am considering stir-frying the mentioned set of vegetables, along with rice, quinoa, and fresh eggs.UPDATE: I did.
Idk if I should post this here or not, posted in chasergen a little bit, but I got laid off on Friday, and while I'm getting paid for 6 months, I'm scared. Cause after the 6 months, I'll have no income, and I worry I won't be able to find something. The job market is absolutely fucked right now, and, I'm just scared.
Does anybody know of any safe ways to reduce sex drive? I don't necessarily want to kill it entirely but I'm willing to at this point. I was already hypersexual even before the progesterone, now it's so bad I spend a large portion of my day so horny I can barely function, and I get so sexually frustrated it makes me want to cry. I'd rather just turn it off and be done with it if it's going to be so upsetting. Getting fucked is one of my favorite things but it's not something I get nearly as often as I crave itHonestly between that and all the other shit constantly stressing me out every day I'd take a lobotomy if offered one at this point
Do you guys know any exercises that don't require legs at all? I used to jog, but my leg is injured badly and I barely can walk anymore. I don't want to use this as an excuse to not exercise. So what are your recommendations?
>>35792775My stupid ass broke the link the first time.https://old.reddit.com/r/DrWillPowers/comments/yl5h5b/off_label_use_of_paroxetine_for_libido/
These threads got a lot darker than when I last visited.>>35792775Maybe cutting any substance that reduces inhibition like caffeine, alcohol or amphetamines. Or getting your hormonal levels checked and possibly reduced. Also see if you can get back into or pick up a new hobby.>>35792793Using weights for arm exercises, high reps with lighter weights for cardio. Leg injury makes me assume hip or pelvis stabilization but if you can move your pelvis and back that could open up possibilities for some calisthenics or something like modified yoga.
>>35792945>Dr powersTaking what I see with a mountain of salt but I'll read the link, thanks!>>35793010Well I just had my levels checked a few days ago. Estradiol levels are at like 800 right now and testosterone is below 20 on the little charts they email me afterDoes caffeine actually affect libido? I usually drink like 400-800mg of it a day.As far as hobbies go yeah that might help but when the progesterone horniness hits it gets so bad my vision gets blurry, it's actually distracting enough that I struggle to ignore itI'm also the anon that's currently struggling to find work right now, honestly being at home all day might be a lot of my issue right now
>>35793183>Taking what I see with a mountain of salt but I'll read the link, thanks!Fair. I keep up with his efforts to throw shit at the wall and see what sticks, so I had my memory jogged.I took that drug for unrelated reasons once. I have almost zero libido naturally so I can't say how effective it is for reduction, but I lost the ability to finish on dose 2 and that was weird.
>>35793183Per google there are studies that suggest libido can be increased from caffeine and from personal experience that seems to be true to me. If your on prog and have nowhere for that energy to go try cutting caffeine and see what changes over 2 weeks. Caffeine free and decafe products worked for me.
>>35734067a calorie deficit of 500 is not working, i'm counting everything properly and it isn't fucking working. i don't wanna be fat anymore
So my main issue with the drug he recommended is that it's an SSRI, which while I've always enjoyed the way they kinda mellow me out, I also like smoking weed a LOT, which interacts with SSRI medications>>35793373I also will struggle with cutting caffeine, considering I need so much to even feel awake, but fuck it, that's kind of a problem in itself so it sounds like caffeine is my starting point here, cut the amounts at the very least, see if it helps meThanks for the advice, anons. Honestly if it continues to be a problem it sounds like I may just end up going back on my antidepressants. It'd at the very least dull the antsy feeling from ignoring the horny feeling, if nothing else
>>35793433>>35793357Shit, totally forgot to actually link you in my reply. My brain gets kinda fucky at this time of night
>>35787249>do you feel like this was a temporary issue and you could go again on a semi-regular basis?This could probably keep happening, all sort of dependent on my class schedule. I don't anticipate it being a problem next time, but it could be in future semesters.>Do you challenge it by trying to ask them about their opinions on stuff to deworm?No, but could be a useful tactic for me.>what are your experiences trying to get successful people to talk about their issues and weaknessesIn general it's usually a positive experience, reminds me that we're all struggling. The issue is that it's a bit hard for me to get to the point they feel comfortable sharing such things with me.>am, I am currently in the final stretch of my diet Congratulations, that's awesome! I imagine it feels amazing now that you're almost done!
>>35792121Pls help
>>35793595>>35792121Where do you live, anon? What kinda occupation? I get it's scary, it WILL be okay.. but don't panic. Also this general tends to be slow, but don't worry, people respond within a day.
>>35793394keep it up anon, if you're truly at a 500 kcal deficit then you'll lose over time - it's the long term trend that matters, plateaus are commonhave you eaten/done/experienced anything recently that might cause an increase in water retention? e.g. very salty foods, physical injury, illness, or hormonal changes?even being bloated from struggling to go to the toilet can cause extra weight, I'd really try not to overthink it because obsessing can lead to disordered behavior to alleviateif you can't think of anything like above that might be skewing it, and you're still stuck after a month, maybe then it's worth reconsidering your TDEE cause everyone's metabolism is different
>>35788751fatigue anon here - i'm 5'5" at between 190-200, been hovering around that for several years. i'm fat therefore unattractive so I can't really make money off of that. plus I also have a skin condition called HS which makes shaving. fucking difficult.
pg 9 bumplife kept going downhill since my missed appointment. not doing great. needed physical help getting to my other appointments. didnt get a prescription for the meds id hoped for because my specialist wanted me to try something lighter. looking forward to 1 month of pain and suffering and uncontrollable barfing and nosebleeds...
a friendly bump
>>35779241Blast! The completion is tantalizingly near, but inclement weather has stymied the final few required actions...
new job is going fine, plenty of alone time which is just fine with meMy brainworms are getting worse and worse btu i will manage I thinkMaybe get some more therapy sooner than latershould stop postponing some important stuff like uni situation but it is ok for now...just a rough-ish week i guess. Had a good afterwork time, ate pretty well!Hopefully...I will be ok...Shit is wack with this tranny brain for sure hahaI think I will be ok :)And i hope everyone here will be too!
>had nice day at work, got maam'd from behind and female coworkers affirmed my femininity>come home happy>think about not being out to anyone, no HRT, no one to really talk to aside from here and AI's>cryAnyways, I need to hit up my health insurance so they can tell me how many rejections I need so they pay for a private therapist so I can get legal HRT. Should that not work, I'll have to DIY...
I am incapable of building skills. I've tried to get good at different things for years, but nothing ever sticks. I don't have a single marketable skill. I look at people online and people I know IRL, and everyone seems to be good at something. It's depressing. Seeing people build YouTube channels with great animations and writing, watching people have great careers just makes me seethe so hard. Why can they get good while I fail every time.I'm bisexual btw
>>35800738I'm sorry but I don't have any advice but same. I've been trying to draw for the last couple of months and I just suck and am so close to giving up. At the very least maybe I can be bad to mediocre at a lot of things maybe! Like drawing, playing music, writing etc.
>>35800738I know some of what you feel. Don’t let this feeling overtake your self-esteem. Finding a career has its place, but the marketplace is not the only measure of a person’s worth. You can still be loved for reasons besides how much money you make, and our world is better for it. Also, as frustrating as it is to feel like you haven’t truly succeeded yet, that doesn’t mean it can’t still happen. It’s not too late. That’s why it’s important that you don’t give up. Also, have you been tested for autism or ADHD? That’s not the only possible reason you could have this problem, but it’s one of them. And it’s good to know for sure because it makes a difference to what approaches will help you the most to be more productive.
>>35801231I guess we're just untalented. I always bought into the idea that talent isn't as important as people make it out to be, and that you can make up for it by practicing. But maybe that's just wrong. Maybe some people just have a gift and others don't. Maybe I should just make my peace with that. But I literally have no idea what else to do with my life. I dunno. I guess I should just be glad to have food and shelter.>>35801532It's not about money. I don't need a lot of money, and I don't care about "climbing the ladder." I currently work a complete nothingburger job that pays the bills, and that's fine. Maybe I didn't communicate that well in my original post. I don't envy people I know IRL because they make a lot of money, I envy them because it seems like pretty much everyone seems to have a "thing" that they've been doing forever and have gotten really good at. It's just about being skilled for the sake of being skilled for me. Maybe it's stupid, but I'd love to have a good artstation or a good GitHub for example. Not to attract job opportunities, just to prove to myself that I'm capable of creating something good. And I'd love to leave something behind after I die, even if it's inconsequential.But I guess that's just not realistic. I'm tired of failing. Nothing is fun. Maybe that's a factor. I don't really get any enjoyment from the things I try.
>>35789079>>35790243cute spider friend! Ah, so you gave the breast a sort of spice rub? Nice, I look forward to having an oven again soon.The stir fry sounds nice, I assume you scrambled the eggs and put them in like you#d do for fried rice?>>35789150Haven't pinged you in a bit, are you still online on matrix at times?>>35789941You have my heartfelt sympathy, b. I think I have an idea in that case, though! We might try the habituation route. I'd like you to get a large bag of peanuts, any flavoring you wish, or if you are allergic anything with a similar calorie density and form factor. We will try to hotwire your motivation by turning part of your caloric intake into an uncritical process with minimal conscious thought put in. The goal would be to have a bowl of peanuts near you, some small predetermined serving, that you just keep taking from and refilling according to a ruleset. For example, when my sink has dirty dishes, one rule I have for myself is that I clean a dish as I walk past. I can't avoid coming near it, and I only recall the rule when needed, so I do it without having needed to "get up to do it". Similarly, if you have for example a bowl of peanuts next to your pc and eat one each time you when you, say, open a tab, then it eventually becomes and effortless process. You don't get up to refill the bowl either. You just, for example, have the bag standing around somewhere and if you walk past you take it with you. It's about creating opportunities that trigger while you do unrelated things. "While I'm at it..".>>35792121Sorry for the late reply, but do clue us in! It must be an immensely stressful situation, but apart from us being slow it does fit /sig/.>>35792793Hmm, calisthenics come to mind, as the other anon said. Things like sit-ups etc.>>35793394What is your TDEE? Do you eat few big meals or many small ones? My immediate first test would be to try and have a daily 12h fasting period (overnight), same total intake, for 2 weeks.
>>35801810Yeah, I was definitely assuming things about your situation by comparing it to mine. It’s great that you have a job that pays the bills. I have never able to accomplish that. I think it would be very achievable for you to do something creative for your own personal fulfillment. Although I wonder if you haven’t had fun with anything you’ve tried so far because you’re feeling all this pressure to be good at something and find your creative outlet. That’s a tough way to have fun.
>>35801532>>35801810Oh, and concerning the mental health thing: I've been tested for both autism and ADHD, and I have neither. But I do have diagnosed schizoaffective disorder (depressive subtype). I'm mostly fine with meds.
>>35801911>It’s great that you have a job that pays the bills. I have never able to accomplish that.I don't have a lot of bills fwiw, only car insurance and a small rent I pay to my parents and a couple of other minor things. I have life on easy mode in many ways.>Although I wonder if you haven’t had fun with anything you’ve tried so far because you’re feeling all this pressure to be good at something and find your creative outletYeah, maybe. I guess I tend to judge myself too harshly.I won't give up. Thanks for the kind words, anon.
>>35788195>some people isolate from the outside world but don't isolate sociallyI've been trying to do that recently with my mom. It's actually OK even if she can be a little high-strung.>What are your aspirations, career wise? Or is it more a focus on having food on your plate with the specifics secondary?As long as it's not boring and makes me a decent salary (>$80k/year) I don't give a shit what it is.>The core of it is that you come to associate trying a task with failing itOh this is like my entire personality pretty much. oops>>35788751>hope it's alright to butt in and say.. I am very proud of you, too! For your self care. You did great.Thanks, anon. ^^>>35788793>you cannot imagine how important these initial steps areIt felt important to me. like, if you can't do the basics, how can you do something actually important?>>35792775What's your HRT regimen?IMO sometimes sexual frustration can come from not, er... relieving yourself enough.>>35795692>skin conditionMe too anon. around age 18 I got psoriasis and it sucks.>>35800675Have you tried looking for an informed-consent doctor near you? They don't require you to see a therapist.>>35800738fucking MOOD. It's so hard to be us.
>>35793010>These threads got a lot darker than when I last visited.Sometimes things do get awfully dark, but it's on and off, and I am always happy if I can somehow help those in especially dark places. I am grateful for the will people show to struggle in the face of so much adversity.>>35793433Oh, I didn't know that. How does THC interact with them?>>35793466>all sort of dependent on my class schedule. Hmm, in that case it is probably for the best to explicitly include in your planning to some extent: As in, I think it should be perfectly acceptable to miss out for a couple weeks in succession and then come back, adult life simply is like that.>No, but could be a useful tactic for me.it helped me a great deal personally!>. The issue is that it's a bit hard for me to get to the point they feel comfortable sharing such things with me.It's probably a chicken-egg thing, since you too are not comfy sharing these things about yourself. Sometimes small concessions back and forth ease the process along! I think the radical openness worksheet in the resources talks about that too.> I imagine it feels amazingyes though at the same time I am getting unreasonably impatient, kek. WAGMI but still.>>35795692Oh I get it now, thanks for explaining.. Would you like to try dieting? Only concern I have is that from first hand experience I know that it adds fatigue, so... a bit of a gamble, maybe? What have you tried on that front, you sounded unconvinced of losing weight being an option.>>35797176Sorry to hear, anon.. it sucks. Did you hear back for a new appointment window at least since? Sorry you have to go through a month of that. How come they insist on testing it if you clearly have experience with the medication?>>35797176>>35798948much appreciated, by the way.>>35800529All the best, anon. You know you can always speak up about brain worms if needed.>>35800738How do your attempts usually go? What makes you quit, after how long?
I'm super happy to see people engage with each other and supporting one another ITT. It always warms my heart. I won't butt into conversations too much but.. it's just nice.>>35802369It's funny to see many of our conversation threads converge in one post.>I've been trying to do that recently with my mom.Keep at it, and try to expand your social circle by any means you got. It's hard, I get it, but it will do you well. It might motivate you to do things you otherwise never would have.> I don't give a shit what it is.Hmm, fair but it makes it difficult for me to suggest much, sadly.>Oh this is like my entire personality pretty much. oopsYeah it's paralyzing and will frequently lead you away from success and into subconscious self sabotage. It's a bitch to get rid of, but possible. Therapy could help with it, there are CBT exercises and such for it, but the core of it often is being gently "forced to succeed" by guiding you through something you believe will fail yet have it work out. The animal experiment that led to its discovery would give you already the right vibe.>It felt important to me. like, if you can't do the basics, how can you do something actually important?Precisely. I am rooting for you!
>>35801871I haven't been there in a while. I think I just had you added so I didn't use it much otherwise.
>>35802674losing weight would help but it feels like I can’t make myself do so. before the fatigue disorder (whatever it is) but I worked a retail job that involved a lot of walking and I just ate less and I was slowly losing weight that way. exercise I kept trying and failing cause I’d get frustrated and really upset whenever I did it, especially jogging. right now it seems like the best thing for me to do is to just eat as little as I can without fucking up my body. I’m already almost bed-ridden so it’s not like it’d change much. plus with my skin condition I’d still feel gross with my body.
>>35802369>What's your HRT regimen?5mg estradiol valerate once a week, spiro 100mg twice a day, 100mg progesterone once per day>relieving yourself enoughI can do it several times in a day and it doesn't always make the feeling chill out, I just stop because it starts to hurt>>35802674>How does THC interact with them?Smoking while on antidepressants can sometimes cause serotonin syndrome, if it gets bad enough it can cause seizures and even kill you. It's rarer for it to get that bad, but I'd just rather not risk things
>>35734067Had therapy today.My boyfriend had been distant for a few days. We've been talking less the last month or so. I texted him when I got home from therapy if I had upset him. We called and he said a lot of things that stung and I feel very bad about myself and how I interact with the people and world around me.He said that I am a selfish and self-centered person who doesn't recognize how good she's got it in life. He said that he's been happier because we haven't talked or hung out recently and that I upset him and his friends. He said that I make them uncomfortable when I'm around them because I basically orbit him when we're around other people and don't really do much to engage with them. Otherwise, like when we play a video game with them, I do my own thing the entire time and don't do much to play with them.He asked if I am happy in my current situation. Like yeah I'm going to the gym, reading, and going through grad school, but am I fulfilled? I barely feel real sometimes. I just wish I made a positive impact on the people I care about.
Hello, I like to start by saying sorry for saying I would reply to people around easter. I was going to but I got overwhelm and I ran away. I really did want to but it takes me a long time to post. It's why I stop but also I move back with my father. I will try to post weekly now instead of stressing myself out. ALSO MMA, I saw your reply sorry. for not replying. I don't remember what you said but I'm starting to feel that I can't post here as often too. I hope you still read the thread, i will be here when you do post when you want. Thanks to sig for checking on me. I will be around now but it's feel wrong for me to just appear again and talk about myself. Also I'm still somber too
>>35800429It's done, for the time being. I may now divert my attention and efforts elsewhere.>>35801871>Ah, so you gave the breast a sort of spice rub? I'm fond of rubbing breasts, yes.>I look forward to having an oven again soon.I've not used my full-size oven in ages; I much prefer the expediency and versatility of my multi-function toaster oven.> assume you scrambled the eggs and put them in like you#d do for fried rice?No — I prefer the gruesome sludge texture instilled by adding the eggs last in sequence, and it extricates me from cleaning an additional bowl.
does anyone have any tips for what to do while transitioning. i just hit 5 months of e, 2 months with actual good dose, and realised i havent really done anything other than take pills. should i be fatmaxxing or fitmaxxing or what should i be doing to get optimal results?
looking for advice on how to start properly meal planning and counting calories. something straight forward even if bland would be great because once I get a handle on it I can customise to my likingmy eating has become a bit disordered recently and I lost weight from starving myself but recently gained some back due to a binge period. Looking for something more sustainable. My friend bought WPC for me so going to give protein shakes a try but wondering how I should approach all this as a first timer.
>>35802826>It's funny to see many of our conversation threads converge in one post.That was the goal haha. I reply pretty sporadically to different topics, so it's better to have the longer stuff in one place.>try to expand your social circle by any means you gotMaybe I could try talking on my discord for school stuff? I'm planning on transferring schools, but I recently chose a name, so I owe them that much.>Hmm, fair but it makes it difficult for me to suggest much, sadly.Can I tell you some of the classes I liked, then? Maybe we could go from there.>there are CBT exercises and such for itDo you know any by name? I could suggest them to my therapist. We've been doing IFS/EMDR type stuff as well as good old-fashioned talking.>"forced to succeed"Hmm... Not sure how to do that. Do I need someone to be there, or do I have to force myself?>The animal experiment that led to its discovery would give you already the right vibe.I'll give that a look.>I am rooting for you!Thank you, kind anon! I love this thread. 4chan is usually a sea of negativity, anger, and bigotry, so I think this is an important space.
>>35804546>5mg estradiol valerate once a week, spiro 100mg twice a day, 100mg progesterone once per dayHmm. Valerate's an injection, right? I take mine sublingually so I can't help you there.But I recommend getting off spiro. Ask your doctor about switching to bicalutamide. You only have to take one 50mg pill a day, and you won't have to pee all the time. The caveat is that it can fuck up your liver in high doses, so you'll need to have a liver function test every so often. (And don't drink alcohol, the pharmacy pamphlet thing will tell you not to.)>I can do it several times in a day and it doesn't always make the feeling chill outGod, I wish that were me. Maybe it's the Zoloft, but I feel totally non-sexual most of the time. I don't even get horny if I want to.>Smoking while on antidepressants can sometimes cause serotonin syndromeDidn't know that, but that's another reason not to smoke. I'm pretty straight-edge.
>>35808107>i havent really done anything other than take pillsWhat's your daily regimen?I take 2mg sublingual in the morning and 4mg sublingual at night, and 50mg bicalutamide once per day.
>>358105398mg swallowed every morning alone with 100mg spiro. doc says this is how i should take it but idk
I'm really tired of feeling like I'm constantly messing up with one particular close friend of mine. They process life and emotions so differently than me and I end up missing stepping often, and they mis step with me often but we really enjoy eachothers company. It just fukn sucks when it happens and I feel like I ruin the night for us by either A. messing up and making them feel uncomfortable or B. Feeling hurt and them feeling uncomfortable when I express that I feel hurt/sidelined.Do I just have to keep trudging through the ups n downs with em like this forever? Why can't it be like any other relationship I have where this sort of stuff almost never happens and when it does we just talk about it until we both feel good about things *sigh*so rough when ruins our dynamic for a week every time.
>>35802674>Did you hear back for a new appointment window at least since?I messaged them and left them a voice mail but no, not yet :/>How come they insist on testing it if you clearly have experience with the medication?They take heavy duty broad spectrum antibiotics quite seriously, I suppose. I guess because of the risk of growing multi-resistant bacteria. Not entirely sure desuThanks for the modeus posting btw. I couldnt read well enough to reply properly until now (meds) but she's so cute!
I’m going through it today, /sig/.I’m worried about my future. I’m worried that whatever chance I had to be what I want to be, get what I want out of life, has already passed me by.
Its been a minute since I posted ITT.Failed my naval selection interview today, gotta resit it in 3 months and the dysphoria is hitting bad today so I'm here to vent.On the upside, I did my blood test the other day so I might be in the clear to start HRT again. My fitness keeps improving, got my weight down just gotta get at it more.I keep trying to resist the urge to go after a relationship when I'm about to join the military but it's feeling difficult atm. I don't know if it's selfish but I'm pretty desperate not to feel alone in my personal life at the moment.>>35809198it's not the most affordable way to do it but I started calorie counting using meal deals, generally pasta is easy to measure by weight as well.>>35793394Increase exercise level to compensate.I don't know how long you've been at the diet but with weight fluctuations you can generally go a month at times without seeing change on the scales even in a deficit.A sure way to guarantee your deficit however is to do a decent hour+ cardio session each day, you'll burn an additional 600-1200 calories . Also remember never to lie to yourself about your level of effort, if you do that you can trust that what you are doing will work in the face of stagnation and/or fluctuations.Source: I've lost 25kg in the last ~10 months (peak rate of weight loss 1.1kg per week, couple of stagnant months in there).Generally, I think exercise should come before diet for most although that's easier to say for me given I've done the hard part (ie: getting started).
>>35813091IT IS NEVER TOO LATE UNTIL YOU ARE DEADThis isnt about the past or some imaginary future that might have could haveYou do what you have to do because thats what you are meant to do.I dont know your exact struggle but I know one thing, your struggle is real and worth it.you are wonderful person, I can tell by all your posts hereSo you cannot give up, for anyone's sake, least of because you think you should.I know you can do it Panty. I know you can be who you always have been. Show the world exactly how it is done.>>35812236talk with them, even if you think its weird, bring it up and talk it out.>>35805930take your time. All things have their time.>>35805695Sounds complicated. Have you spoken to his about what he said? How it made you feel and what you think of that. Or what he thinks should be done? Sorry Im really bad at relationship advice.As for your fulfillment...it is a long road. Youa re doing great steps in improving yourself already. Maybe you should ask yourself what is one thing you WANT to do(not think you have to) but havent gotten to yet.
>>35803285I see, I see! Fair, I am around though. I struggle to initiate conversations but I do like to listen. I guess it makes sense I made /sig/ in a sense. It's a bit like a funnel, it allows me to help people in a way that is reactive. As long as I keep turning the hand crank and make a new thread when the old one dies I can be made to respond. >>35804372Then it sounds like a plan. There are different strats I would rec to different people. I have a bad case of the spreadsheet tism so I counted calories reasonably accurately for months and months. Other people prefer a coarser approach, either guesstimating with apps and not weighing portions and stuff, or forsake even that and just restrict intake to particular hours and have rich meals. My only suggestion is to do count calories in the beginning for newcomers because at some point even I get too eager for quick results and have to slow myself down. I would not sweat exercise at all for now, even though you have a low TDEE to work with due to height, 1500 kcals a day or so as a start should get you going. Does that sound like something worth trying?>>35804546That is cursed, goodness.. good to know though, thank you!>>35805695Sorry to hear you had a fallout with your boyfriend. I'm gonna try hone in on>I just wish I made a positive impact on the people I care about.if it's alright. Since I am sure you feel like crap over what has been said and wanna do your best in spite of the hurt. I feel like your bf did not give you any.. workable instructions what it is you did wrong.>He said that I am a selfish and self-centered personIn what way?> I do my own thing the entire time and don't do much to play with them.I don't think it's a flaw per se, but it strongly depends on the friend group. Do you often have an easier time engaging with people 1 on 1, but struggle/get overwhelmed easily when a larger group is involved?
>>35805930Hey Z, welcome. It is okay. The most important thing for you to hear right now is that I am happy for every post you make. Don't think of taking breaks as a failure, it would only make you feel guilty for trying, and we can't have that! No matter how often you post, or not post, I am just happy we when can all be good for one another.>>35806534>I'm fond of rubbing breasts, yes.Oh my, I walked right into that one, kek.> I much prefer the expediency and versatility of my multi-function toaster oven.I might have to get one too, depending on where I end up apartment wise. On the lookout this month.>I prefer the gruesome sludge texture instilled by adding the eggs last in sequence, Ohh, like tamago gohan? I sometimes make a bit of a perversion of that where I add just enough heat for it to get a very thick custardy texture, or I make a very runny french style scrambled egg with chives and all + plain rice. It .. works, actually. Kinda wanna play more with it but my current kitchen barely supports anything worthwhile and I am on OMAD for a little while longer anyway (so I eat meals at work).>>35808107Maybe a bit of a useless contribution but do make sure to avoid nicotine and anything you would expect to stunt growth in a teenager.We have a book on butt shaping exercises in the resource paste that some anons recommended, too.>>35809198Things become quite easy if you cook, then a kitchen scale and a search engine are all you really need, maybe an excel sheet if you are fancy, or a dedicated app that does the lookup for you. There are also super simple estimates you can do for just macros which will be less accurate but still work, for example from our resource paste: https://physiqonomics.com/fat-loss/#nutritional-prioritiesGive it a read, or a skim, and let's work from there. DO eat things you find appealing. DO try to meal prep/cook. In general, it literally does not matter what you eat if you can estimate it well and it is filling.
>>35810476>Maybe I could try talking on my discord for school stuff?Sounds like a plan, absolutely. Tell me how it goes.>Can I tell you some of the classes I liked, then? Maybe we could go from there.perfect, yes.>Do you know any by name? Unfortunately I don't. I am like an information squirrel, I gathered all sorts of things over the years but some I just buried in places I forgot about. But if I had found something concrete I would have put it in the resources so I guess I don't now the details sadly. In general I am sure describing the insight you had to your therapist will already push him towards his own unique solutions to the issue, which in turn might be applicable to others!> Do I need someone to be there, or do I have to force myself?both works, essentially.. you will be brainwormed in your estimation whether something is worth to continue so an outsider's perspective would be amazing. At the same time, you already do force yourself on some fronts and find successes, don't you? So it seems you are already working on healing these things up. It would help to figure out which particular things paralyze you the most, then we could at the very least try something exposure therapy adjacent.And I am glad you like the thread. I made it because, in spite of everything, I do cherish 4chan in some ways.>>35812236If you allow programmer jargon, this sounds like it is in dire need of debugging your interpersonal communication. Are there any patterns in the ways you miscommunicate? What does "messing up" look like? How does it arise?>>35812743Another Modeus, just for you.>I messaged them and left them a voice mail but no, not yet :/ugh... let's wait a few days for updates then and work from there I suppose. Sorry to hear.>They take heavy duty broad spectrum antibiotics quite seriously,Ohh, yeah I get it. I hope should you ever switch docs they believe your medical records and just fucking USE them should this arise once again..
>>35813091Fear and worry are like that. If you allow colorful language to get a greater point across: uncertainties are cracks in the walls of a healthy mind that let invite the darker parts of our imagination in. You shine a light on them, question and reflect upon them, but if I am not completely off the mark you have a habit for "what if"s in the parts you don't know. My suggestion? Find things that make you feel prepared, confident. Cling to the control that you have. You've got so many things going for yourself. You made so much progress nobody can undo. There are a few unknowns for a few weeks now, maybe a month or two, but then? After that? Things will click into place again. But what you need is something that makes you feel more prepared for whatever is to come in the now. Maybe you already have it, and just need to remember it. Sorry for being vague.>>35813457A pleasure, as always. I wish you all the best on the HRT front, by the way! And, of course, the next interview.>I don't know if it's selfish but I'm pretty desperate not to feel alone in my personal life at the moment.personally? I would not call it selfish at all. Should I have waited looking for a relationship because I knew I would spend several years away from my partner because of my postdoc years? Nah.. it would have been the death of me. We make do. Your possible partners can decide if they vibe with the issues that come from temporary LDR, but that is their choice on top of yours. If you don't mind a side remark on an unrelated convo:>Generally, I think exercise should come before diet for most Hmm.. I would say it also strongly depends on your BMI range. At a BMI of 30+, especially if you are taller than 170cm, TDEE just moons and you can reach a deficit of over a thousand eating a little less than your ideal intake at normal weight.
>>35734067>make list of things that need done>subdivide big tasks into little tiny five minute bites>resolve to do two a day>do four the first day>zero the next day>and the next>aaaaand the nextFml, now the list sits there and mocks meAlso, how to deal with being emotionally incapable of taking advice? Every time someone tries to help, brain flips out and accuses them of patronizing me and makes me really, really angy. This does not stop me from asking everyone for advice, and though able to recognize in the forebrain that it's good advice, hindbrain lashes out like a caged dog at the thought of any effort whatsoever. And making people constantly repeat the same good advice annoys me and them. Calming it with alcohol is very unproductive, and anti-depressants of every kind fuck with me and make me not okay. How to live when even folding goddamn laundry seems like a Herculean effort?
Bought a subwoofer I wanted for a while now, and now I regret it, since it'll likely burden my familyI can just test it and maybe it's not so bad outside my room, and I can return it of course but I dunno, just feel mad at myself for making such a useless purchase, despite that I really want it, I just can'tOther than that just feel very depressed lately and I've been bottling up a lot of things, have trouble writing things down, even on le 4chan, like I totally don't care about myself anymore and I feel fucking lonely
>>35813515>This isnt about the past or some imaginary future that might have could haveYou’re right that I’m comparing my real situation to imaginary possibilities, and that’s not constructive. It’s just making me unhappy that I don’t have something that I can’t have. And the fact that I can wish things were different and imagine something better doesn’t really mean anything, because anyone could feel that way, no matter how successful they are. >you are wonderful person, I can tell by all your posts hereSo, the thing I’m really upset about is that I’m not already a baddie. I’m not Stacey. I’m not Panty. (As much as I could be, of course). Hopefully you get what I mean. And other women are — women younger than me. And I will hate myself for not being thin and pretty and well dressed, and write off all of my other qualities in the process. I can be incredibly cynical that way. Because of this fear I have that no one will care about what I do have going for me if I don’t also look good. But I shouldn’t become shallow trying to please shallow people. >>35814458>you have a habit for "what if"s in the parts you don't knowYeah, I have a bad habit of worrying about the future. >Find things that make you feel prepared, confident. Cling to the control that you have.This is good advice, thank you. I will think about what I can do that will give me that feeling of control as I navigate this uncertain season of change. Thanks to both of you for responding!
>>35814101>I might have to get one too, depending on where I end up apartment wise. On the lookout this month.Attached is a photograph of the model I own, for the record. I don't actually know what most of the food-named buttons do, and the manual did naught to elucidate me.> I sometimes make a bit of a perversion of that where I add just enough heat for it to get a very thick custardy textureThat is similar to my usual fare. But just now, I attempted a slightly different procedure, and opted for the order of vegetables -> peanuts -> seasonings -> eggs -> rice, and I find it satisfactory.>>35813745This thumbnail deceived me in regards to the depicted body type... How cruel!!
>>35815550And my ghoulish gruel.
>>35734067i'm really struggling to pay off my credit card debt and i can't budget well at all. for those who have bills to pay and finances etc, how do you keep track?
I don't know if this is my attention span being fried or just me being depressed after having been a hikki for 10 years and trying to get a life but I can't sit down and focus on something without stopping to think about how much time I wasted in my life and how its impossible to make up for it now because its too late.I have no friends to talk to and ask for advice.
>>35756876>>35760888Stoic philosophy in general, I read it from the Graeco-Roman philosopher Epictetus
>>35734067I finally worked up the courage to try to come out to my MTF friend. I won't ever pass but that's okay, I just want to know.We went out for tea today and I was about to actually say it when>Snow? You okay? You look like you're about to panic, what's wrong?I just moved on and drank my tea because I realized I can't actually say it.
>>35815616keeping up with debt can be tough, do you struggle with overspending? budgeting is one part, but >how do you keep trackbest you can do is use one of the many software ledgers and make it a habit to put in any expenses you have, before i used to do it on paperso, yeah. building a habit of buying something -> writing it down is the biggest first step to do. only then you can really start budgeting, cause you'll have a better idea where your money goes and where you might be able to cut back etc.>>35819290i can relate to that somewhat, but please keep in mind that it's rarely ever too late. i tend to self hate over "wasted time" too and it can be a nasty habit to get rid of. it sucks … but can you positively affirm yourself that at least you are now trying to sit down and do something?>>35819490i don't wanna prod too much, but what is it that is stopping you from saying it? are you afraid of her reaction?
>>35819609Yeah, after twelve years of knowing her, it's either "yeah I was wondering if you ever would" or something catastrophic, and I have literally two IRL friends.
>>35819728thats a long time, obviously i can't know what would happen but it sounds to me like you two are close and she might probably know something is up anywayif you feel the need to tell her, then you might as well do it!i dont know your specifics obv. but, you could try and preface it with how you are kinda worried about how she might perceive it (or whatever it is that you are feeling)i get that you don't want to lose a friend over this, but it seems highly doubtable to me that this would be the caseand im a worrywart through and through, too
>>35819290Maybe some tenets of ACT (Acceptance Commitment Therapy) would be helpful. It's about acknowledging those thoughts and using skills to stop them hijacking your cognition, so you can work towards fixing the root cause vs. dwell on them. Rather than be paralyzed by the past, we acknowledge the reality of our situation, the work we must do, and stay present so we may logically act towards a new/better life.Weirdly enough "EMDR" works well for me too. I say "EMDR" since I've never done it professionally and improvise based on what I've read. Basically anytime those thoughts of distress come on, I kinda rhythmically tap my index fingers left-right until the thought and distress dissipates. Stops emotions overwhelming me so I can stay on-task. I hate that it works but surprisingly it does. Like my brain is too busy/distracted coordinating those movements to get worked up.
>>35819775I think I'll just message her, she'll be awake for a couple hours still. Easier to say this stuff over text where I can coordinate my thought.It's not so much a need to tell her as much as to tell anybody. Thank you.
>>35820076sounds like a great idea! i feel certain it will be fine. and coming out is an important step, i totally understand thati wish you the best :)>>35814741>How to live when even folding goddamn laundry seems like a Herculean effort?i relate to thatit's a vicious cycle, if you're like me you just end up agonizing over the fact you are unable to do thing even moredo you have something you want to do? something you aim for?even if it was in the past or something … just wondering cause i do know the downward force of feeling like living a meaningless existence every day (and how it would make seethe over any advice internally)>>35815032it's okay to buy yourself things you really want, it ought to feel good though … does that happen more often?or is it just because that particular purchase might just not be really useable considering it might burden your family?and why are you bottling things up? a feeling of not being heard or taken serious? just wondering!
>>35820163I'll come back in here or in the next thread with how this goes, she's already in bed and I am soon to follow.It'd just suck for the person who gave me this name to reject this part of me, yknow?
Does anyone know if its possible to pay a doctor or something for a full checkup to see what's wrong with me physically?I'm a euro and my family doctor doesn't really take me seriously.>>35819609>keep in mind that it's rarely ever too lateI try to but it's hard for me not to freak out over it when every single aspect of my life is so much worse than it should have been if I ever did the bare minimum not even consistently.>but can you positively affirm yourself that at least you are now trying to sit down and do something?I'll try to.>>35819914>acknowledging those thoughts and using skills to stop them hijacking your cognition, so you can work towards fixing the root cause>Rather than be paralyzed by the past, we acknowledge the reality of our situation, the work we must do, and stay present so we may logically act towards a new/better lifeThat's a very stoic approach, it's hard for me to think that way when things are happening but I should take a moment to slow down and do it, maybe start the day with that reminder.The finger tapping thing sounds odd but sure I'll try it, nothing to lose.
>>35811683>swallowedBabe you're getting a hon dose. Estrogen pills work the best when you dissolve them under your tongue (sublingual).
>>35814259>Tell me how it goesI'll do it today. That's my new goal. It was going to be a character AI for a character I don't think has an AI yet, but that seems like a good goal!>some of the classes I likedI liked chem in high school, but I hated the labs in college. I liked the Java programming thing I did in high school, but I didn't take it further, and I don't want to become a stereotype by working in tech.I liked Japanese, but I don't want to major in it, that's a worthless degree.I liked music theory, but I don't know the first thing about music production, and my computer is garbage.I liked the mathematical logic (P —> Q) class, probably comp sci adjacent though lol.I liked my Game Theory class in the econ department, but I worry AI will replace a lot of the banking/analyst careers out there.Not sure what this leaves, or what the common thread is. Problem-solving?
humps op's thread xddd bumooo bumpppp bumpperinno hecking lole!! ebin so epicccccc cthread cooll funny positivity!!!
I am really sad and I dont even know whyI feel like even after explaining everything to my friend I still have betrayed their trust or something and cant do anything to take it backEven after forgiviness and stuff ahve been said I still feel like we arent really all that friends anymoreI feel like shitHavent shaved in a week, disassociating.It shouldnt matter. But It does. I ahte it. I hope I can make up for it soon.
p9 bump
>>35821211try private hospitals, some of them offer full checkups and "second opinions" for a price.t. eurofag
>it's okay to buy yourself things you really want, it ought to feel good though … does that happen more often?Yeah tend to have buyers remorse but it wasn't as severe as this one >or is it just because that particular purchase might just not be really useable considering it might burden your family?I didn't really consider that possibility beforehand, I realised it after I bought it, then I thought it'd be bothersome for my family I'll just return it unless it really doesn't bother after some testing, but I dunno, it wasn't cheap, maybe that's why as well>and why are you bottling things up? a feeling of not being heard or taken serious? just wondering!Yeah, I just don't have anyone to talk to and I feel like a broken record if I do vent, it's always about the same things, I don't want to trouble anyone with it >>35820163
>>35814741It is already great progress that you made a list of that kind, it's an excellent start.Would you say that it is easy for you to keep going in a day where you got started, but overcoming the initial barrier is hard?What did you end up doing on those days instead? >Every time someone tries to help, brain flips out and accuses them of patronizing meThe question is.. why? What is the source of these feelings? Do you generally feel like people are out to get you, or maybe that you constantly have to justify yourself? Do you often second guess people's intentions, things like that? Do you flip-flop in other ways or have any struggles on the front of trust, or anything that makes interpersonal relationships difficult=>hindbrain lashes out like a caged dog at the thought of any effort whatsoever. Of course, likely because you are in the sorta camp where it's conditioned to associate trying with hurt and failure, right?>Calming it with alcohol is very unproductive, and anti-depressants of every kind fuck with me and make me not okay.Yeah this sounds like something way more in need of a therapy solution than a medical one.>>35815032>such a useless purchaseyou are brainworming yourself, anon. Your low self worth bars you from taking care of yourself properly, making you feel guilty not having used the same resources for someone or something else, which will keep you miserable. So the question is: why do you put yourself below others, or equivalently, what makes others deserving of good things and not you? Here's an exercise. Imagine yourself prescribing what you tell yourself. Imagine someone telling a friend of yours the subwoofer they bought is useless and they are a burden to their family. How would you react?> I've been bottling up a lot of things, have trouble writing things down,It is actively contributing to your depression, yes.>like I totally don't care about myself anymore and I feel fucking lonelyThe former will make the latter worse.
>>35815423I'm glad it helped!>>35815550>>35815571The food looks lovely! Personally I might add a bit of sambal oelek depending on mood. And yes, ovens like that tend to have bizarre options. Hell, even some nicer rice cookers (plan on getting one) have quite out-there options with nary an explanation.>This thumbnail deceived me in regards to the depicted body type... How cruel!!I am very curious what body type you hoped for, theta~>>35815616It depends on how comfortable you are with accounting. There are several at your disposal but one of the easiest ones I can think of is called envelope budgeting. The simplest version is that you go to an ATM, have your paycheck paid out the day it hits, and put your budget into dedicated envelopes. You write the budget on them, like, "food: 300", "rent: 800", "CC payment: 100" etc. Write down when you take money out of an envelope, and how much. The first few months you will probably overspend one envelope and have money left in another, because ofc without data you have no idea how much to put where. That will change as you learn how much you actually spend. There are more things you can do on top and get into accounting, but it is a matter of how much numbers autism you can stomach, and trust yourself to sit down and do on a monthly basis. There's tons of online resources that go into detail, I have no particular one to rec though. Also there are apps, but I honestly never really liked the idea of relying on an app for this kinda thing too much.(Also, one warning: The problem in the US is that the entire system is rigged to incentivize you to be in debt as much as possible, so let me warn you that anything I would suggest will be antithetical to maximizing your credit score.)
4am, okay, bedtime. Have some rare combo: pandemonica and zdrada.>>35819290Well a lot of things will be difficult, certainly. No beating around the bush, and it will make things scary and exhausting, but the emotional reasoning is inductive, and likely a contributing factor of how it got that way; >it's been 8 => it's been 9 => it's been 10 => ...Okay but that said, it might actually help a great deal to have something to cling to that is forward facing. Something that you are grateful for having made even if it is late. Right now you look back because there is nothing in front of you. I think the moment you have things you cherish and wish to foster, which can include friendships, an art project, anything you need to feed.. would it really matter that your means to do so (like a job) would be worse than they could have been?>>35819312Huh, it's been ages since I looked into stoicism. Good point! Do you have a preferred book you would point people towards reading first? Something that drew you in maybe?>>35819490>>35820076>>35820457Read your conversation with the other anon, def rooting for you!>>35822570Sorry for the late reply, I slept through my time off and since it's the weekend I indulge some 3am posting instead.Also, great!> Problem-solving?yes, very much. Applied maths, physics, physical chemistry, engineering. Depending on how much calculus you can stomach, really. Do not worry about "being a stereotype" too much though, anon. It would only getcha hurt.>>35824148How are you doing, anon?>>35824880What happened exactly?>>35821211Definitely try another doc or two if you can, some are simply assholes in my experience. I think private doctors as the other anon said can be an option but even within europe these things are different country to country.
hi whatever this site is, it is currently 3am. i need help, if i only find physical and mental attraction to a trans woman does that make me a chaser? i just want to have an understanding trans gf and not some cisgendered woman literally i want to spend all my life with someone i can understand but would this make me a chaser?
>>35830205we all wish to be understood, but why do you feel that only trans women can do that?
If you are reading this, please now, you are loved and your struggles matter but they arent unbeatable.Keep going!
hi this is my first time on 4chan but i need to talk to someone who has had similiar experiences? trans mtf and struggling with what i believe is a mix of derealization from drugs and early onset psychosis? also have a family history of schizophrenia. life fell apart last year after coming out been doing online highschool for a year and failing. completely stuck in life my appointment for hormones is this month and everything up until now iv just been stuck doing nothing. my family doesn’t take me seriously and my moms a narcissist. i sound like a sorry little bitch but idk also some of the psychosis i think was from too much benadryl this year. sorry for the rant lol but idk where else to turn to im so paranoid i’ll js hood for a couple weeks and then lose touch and live inside my head again, my mom tries to push my buttons and i say things that aren’t me. i want to get better and i’m hoping hormones will help but ik it doesn’t just fix all of your mental issues. i’m just really scared that transitioning isn’t what i expect it to be and my brain is doomed please someone if you relate to this and it does get better please talk to me
Walked a bit too much yesterday after barely moving for weeks now my legs hurt, I'll rest today and try again tomorrow.Also been wanting to get into reading for a while and today I finally started Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde, it's a very short read, I'm almost done with it.I'm really not used to reading or really focusing on anything so I'm sure I missed or misunderstood some parts but the more I read the better it feels and I'm sure the next book I read will be a better experience right from the start.Tomorrow I'll finally start this precalc book and go through with it, I plan to eventually go back to school and get a diploma.
I'm fucking lonely and sad all the time. Today I just ate 4 sandwiches and some cake, wasted time in front of pc not even doing anything and cried in bed. I haven't sleept for more than few hours because I go to sleep before I take my sleeping pills. AllI have to do is to fry chicken, boil rice and do groceries for tomorrow but instead I lay in bed crying over being alone for my whole life I don't even remember how it feels to have any other emotions. I'm just a fake thrash that doesn't even have other pieces of junk with whom I can openly talk about my life. My hands looks terrible I shake from the lowcalory cold and I'm just thinking about trying to choke myself to death again, getting drunk or simply cuttingI will never be a woman im just a fuckibg pervert who should be stoned to death for trying to imitate a normal human being i hate myself for that all im just a usless imitator who will never be seen as real me uncorrupted by all my mental problems and trannyism. Mylife could be fucking normal if fucking Y chromosone would just not work in a fucking womb and instead im crying on a fucking 4xhan i hate it all maybe i just should jump from the 9th floor
>>35835940I'm really sorry you feel that way, I wish there was an easy fix for loneliness but that shit is crippling and makes everything else much harder than it should be.Please don't do anything bad, it's ok to lay in bed for now.
>>35830019>Applied maths, physics, physical chemistry, engineeringI hated AP Calc in high school. I think I had a bad teacher, because I think I've forgotten all of it by this point.I should mention that I always preferred science to pure mathematics, so idk how applied maths would work.Physics is fine, I guess? I don't know.When I was a kid I wanted to invent stuff but then I saw "the way things work" and only looked at the pictures without internalizing any of the mechanisms.So I don't think I'd be much of an engineer either.Pchem would require some regular chem, no?I guess that leaves physics...Idk.I like things where you have to approach the problem in fun ways.Japanese grammar, derivations in Logic, backwards induction in game theory...God, I really missed whatever my calling was, huh?
Need rest today, more tomorrow..
i need to eat better. i realize that starving myself and fucking my diet isn't the way to lose weight, even if i want to lose it fast. my fp is right, if i don't take care of myself, i could face serious health issues later on. ok, i'll listen, but just for him. i can always sh in other ways
On ritalin now.I like it, but on the other hand I cant help but feel like this confirms my childhood self's idea of being a monster who has to be fixed. I've never been able to sit down in a chair and relax before yesterday. It's calm. I think I understand how people can get bored now.The juxtaposition of my ritalin clarity and my infected state is a strange place to be in.My upper body is in too much pain to move at the moment, all while I'm having my mental world flipped upside down. I'm realizing that I have denied myself the right to live freely as an apology for who I am. People die. Life goes on. There is no purpose but to pursue general contentment and temporary pleasure.I think I want to do that if I get better.
Contemporarily, things are rather routine.>>35829128>I am very curious what body type you hoped for, theta~
how do i make sig op not hate me
>>35843580be nice
Hello again. Still here, still sober.Life is really starting to feel like it's going a different direction. I still feel aimless, but I at least know what I want, even if they're small.I promised myself that if I reached 3 months of living clean, I'd get a tattoo. Well I'm almost at 5 months so I'm a little overdue. It was nice being able to go in, get something I wanted and pay for it plus tip without going into my savings. No panic when spending more than single digit amounts. I felt like I deserved it. It's easy to hide and the tattoo means a lot to me. I won't type out what it is, sorry.It was my first, so I was really nervous. I got gendered correctly the entire time, which was nice. Although I could definitely see it in their eyes when they realized I'm trans. They were nice, but it was a subtle reminder that I'm still an "other" around here. I really need to move. Maybe I'll move somewhere with my girlfriend. In about a month it'll be officially "move on" time. There's a day in June that I really need to get to before I can truly look at my past and move on. No more wishing for my old friends. No more wishing for my ex to take me back. No more drinking, drugging, irresponsible partying. These past few months have taught me so much of what I'm capable of. It's a really slow climb, but I'm getting there.>A car>A license>Maybe a new living situation>Hopefully getting back on track with trans healthcareI went from drunk 24/7, to withdrawing, to self-loathing, to hopeful yet cautious. Even though it hurt the entire time, I'm glad I'm still here and never gave up. I could have. I almost did. But I didn't.As I said previously, I've stopped going to meetings. They make me depressed. Although I do miss having a reason to leave the house and talk to people. Maybe I'm a little disappointed that they never reached out to me. Oh well, I was pretty quiet in those. Never gave anyone the chance to get to know me. Maybe it's a defense mechanism.
>>35734067
>>35843580thats actually hard to achieve imo
pg 9 bumpsummer is upon usI love you
>>35830205>>35834635Out of curiosity to both of you, how did you stumble upon 4chan, and what's more this general of all places? I'm not complaining but I am a little surprised. Also to both of you: mind this general is comparably slow, but I do my best that people are replied to if I can help it. Gonna address you individually below.>>35830205As for you, I think there is little point in getting too hung up on the label, and instead focus on whether you are making any particular girl you are courting uncomfortable. Cause anyone attracted to tranners will be called a chaser eventually. Instead, should someone you wanna get closer to call you that, focus on why they specifically feel that way and what it means to them. >>35834635Regarding your issues.. hm. You definitely will help with your drug habits. sorry for the late reply, by the way, and while I am not trans I do have come into contact with enough peeps that have shared plenty of your struggles to tell you that YES, it does get better. But there are of course concrete things that will need doing besides transitioning. You will need to get out of your current environment, and you will have to weed out the coping mechanisms that compromise your mental and physical well being. I think at your core you know this, and it does not make it easy to pull off. But yes, it is doable.>>35833693You're a sweetheart, anon. Thank you.>>35835362How was the book? And yes, you are doing wonderfully. Do tell me how your precalc book is treating you. It's a great approach to habituate reading like this to aid your attention span. I do recommend not skipping exercises in the math book, by the way.>>35835940I agree with the other anon, some days rest is the best you can do. Tell me, the thing about not eating is new, I remember you being hardly motivated to eat, did it escalate?
>>35836681>I hated AP Calc in high school. I think I had a bad teacher, because I think I've forgotten all of it by this point.>I always preferred science to pure mathematics, so idk how applied maths would work.In that case you would likely be fine with competently taught calculus. And normally, at least where I am from, it is perfectly normal to enlist in one bachelor, give it a spin for a year and possibly change to another closely related one once you actually KNOW what studying is like. I think that is a good, healthy approach. >Pchem would require some regular chem, no?Yes, more or less depending on where you do it but it requires a solid understanding at least.>I guess that leaves physics...unless you would prefer something more practical like engineering. The question is essentially whether you are more interested in trying to solve problems with legos, a wrench, multimeters and such (closer to engineering), pen and paper based on a model from which your refine your ideas (theoretical physics), or more algorithmically, ideally working in a larger group (CS).>>35841268Good, good. At its core once we figure out your caloric intake the main struggle will be to maintain a deficit, and prioritize stability over speed. A good rate would be anything from 250g (.5lb) to twice that a week. That would be equivalent to that as a daily deficit in calories, roughly. So a deficit of 250~500kcal is the target here. The other question is what your current and target BMI is.>>35842077Sorry to hear you are physically unwell, anon. But no, you are not a monster at all. Not any more than a diabetic would be for needing insulin. Things are difficult.> I'm realizing that I have denied myself the right to live freely as an apology for who I am. I wish you ALL the best in your continuing journey, and hope I can be of help.>>35843161Ah, down with the thickness, so to say. Your pic reminded me of this particular khyle art, particular the easter eggs in it.
>>35842181Mostly fine. Trust me, sui is not a plan you can usually work towards, most of the time people don't do it on a whim it just fails. It is a cope to think that it is a reliable solution. You are better off doing the things that are scary and uncomfortable but actually productive.>>35843580I don't hate you, silly. All I ask is for us to work together. If you and the anon above are the same person then the biggest complaint I have with you is that I often struggle to see you really engaging with what I say. At times you make me feel like I am talking at you, rather than with you, and I struggle to see a good way to refine any suggestion without feedback.>>35845564Welcome back, Tomoko. I am elated to hear you are slowly finding a path forward. No need to share the details, but that it means a lot to you is what matters. <3 I am so, so happy for you and your progress. >. Never gave anyone the chance to get to know me. Maybe it's a defense mechanism.Chances are you were not quite comfortable opening up like that and finding out if you.. can, maybe? I know that kind of feeling at least. Like you said, you socialized a lot before, maybe you were/are a bit avoidant fearing you try and fail. It's all very human. But by god, you are doing wonderfully overall. I'm happy to see you slowly blossom into a more fulfilled person.>>35846613Yes, anon?
hi folks. it's me again, I don't feel I have the energy to be helpful to anyone else or really do much of anything. my life feels profoundly pointless right now.I have little victories here and there but it's been a long time since I felt any real control and fundamentally most of my energy goes to avoidance and delusional patterns. it's hard to be motivated to reach out for help because so far it's never made much positive difference.basically, I'm engulfed in a life history of learned helplessness. and I lack the emotional presence and focus/planning ability to draw a connection between where I'm at and what I can do, and that makes reinforcing motivation incredibly difficult. I might be missing something but I think that's really it. I feel like I've thought about it from every angle and it just seems like a really twisted meeting of a bunch of semi-common factors that all reinforce each other. I just don't know what to do now. I constantly doubt my courses of action and I wonder if there's something seriously wrong with me. I feel like there's something really wrong with me a lot of the time. mostly I just wish I tried harder instead of living with these feelings of hopelessness and guilt eating at me.uh, ok, what else.l guess I need to convince myself that I can find a way, and do some things RIGHT NOW to reinforce getting better. I don't know how to stop falling.I've been delusional so long, in a way that's genuinely really hard to tackle. not in a schizo way, just 'I will deflect everything with avoidance, rationalising and overthinking and won't even realise I'm doing it' way. so when I catch myself again it's really scary to try to pick a direction when it feels like I can barely summon any energy and it all gets wasted anyway.it's like my reward circuits are constantly getting wired in the worst ways.
>>35849749trying to think what's most pressing... often it *feels* like feeling that change in belief and momentum, instead of fighting for every scrap of motivation, is most important. I don't really know how to just 'make myself' do stuff.' for that reason I get stuck trying to find a solution to the way I feel and that gets me materially stuck, iykwim.maybe a bit more practice of emotional groundedness and restraint with distractions would pay off in making me more available to go in the right direction, idk. discouraged there too.siganon, you asked about my position; basically I'm at rock bottom lol. neet boymoding in my parents' house, trying to get my drivers' license and just that retarded at organising myself that it's taken this long lol. I have no idea what to do about work or study and its kind of complicated to imagine what job or place in the world would be worth working towards.a big part of me would rather just die desu. part of my brain just freaks out at the idea that I *have* to get a job. I can start to think of some paths but right now my brain is just screeching.I need some friends and I feel like I don't know where to start there either. my self perception fluctuates really wildly, I have a lot of good qualities but I'm also often weird and boring and I think a very unattractive prospect just because something is clearly 'off' with me.with all this stuff my brain is always screeching for 'space', like let me figure this out in my own time... I know a lot of that is cope, but all these things *as I know them*, as I feel right now, I honestly would just rather die. I would rather die than fill my time with finding jobs I don't want and meeting people who will only make me think of how much I hate myself. I'm desperate for a sense of genuine control or self-trust or something and idk how to feel that.I was doing better for a while there with making plans. I've got to get back on the horse with that. not just let myself go
>>35849779I feel like my self-consciousness of all this just has my guard up 90% of the time in some really weird ways. like I feel bad because I know how all these things reinforce each other and I'm always fucking up on something. it's hard to enjoy little moments because it's part of a life that I feel wildly lacking control of, like I *want* to take a second and compose myself and accept the process (however difficult) but it's like I'm paralysed trying to take that breath and I just *can't* compose myself.I don't even know when I'm being honest with my feelings most of the time. I really try to just let it be if I feel bad about something.I think chaotically and spiral a lot, and I don't know what of it is and isn't important. I'm extremely childish : /I think what I really really want is just to 'lay some tracks' and start troubleshooting and stripping away the self defeating behaviour. start feeling like I can just engage on a basic level without giving myself fucked up feedback and reinforcing my avoidance.thinking what's most important/valuable;I want to socialise more (scared to do this but vital)want to be more physically and emotionally groundedwant to write, research and read more (focus and organisation can be hard but vital also)want to have clear plans and goals...want to do some social good and have some kind of path for being usefulsorry for the big post. I just really needed to think out loud.
>>35848954Every day is the "rest" day for me that's why I'm always saying I'm useless and pathetic. Eating stuff isn't a new thing, I think I mentioned that I just don't really eat. I don't feel or don't care about hunger most of the time. Making simple food is too much effort for the buck and cooking regular dishes takes me a day to two or even three to start cooking them and I still can fuck them up by just leaving things on stove for too long with how much I don't really care about anything.
>>35849135>it is perfectly normal to enlist in one bachelor, give it a spin for a year and possibly change to another closely related oneI went to a liberal artsy kinda school for two years, got pigeonholed into a dead-end major, and was trying to change to another one when I just fuckin... crashed. I feel like a total screwup. So I'm gonna transfer schools, where no one will know me or my disappointments.>legos, a wrench, multimeters and suchI never played with legos, and I hate tools.>pen and paper based on a model from which your refine your ideasCould work, but I don't think this pays well>more algorithmically, ideally working in a larger groupThis sounds the best, but I work alone. Groups suck. (t. autistic)I don't know.I'm getting more and more brainwormed as I get closer to 1 year on HRT (in about 8 days).It barely had any effect on me. I feel so, so shitty. I smell like garbage right after I get out of the shower, I forgot to brush my teeth last night, my psoriasis cream isn't working...I know, I sound like a bitterhon, but that's kinda what I am. I'll never be Victoria Rose (https://www.youtube.com/@thevivirose), that girl from picrel. Lucky bitch, getting to transition at 14. I'll always be some damaged, ugly freak. I started at 21.Even if I had unlimited funds to spend on fixing myself, I'd probably have already hit the wall by the time I get it all done.Feeling really, really sad. It's over for me, folks.
>>35848954>How was the book?Great, it being very short helped but it was still a page turner.Went for a walk today and when I got back I started talking to some people I didn't keep up with for a long time, so I didn't get any studying done but if I really really wanted to I definitely could have fitted it in, that's my fault.I'll make sure to prioritize it early in the morning tomorrow just so I can have no excuses.>I do recommend not skipping exercises in the math bookI'll make sure to take my time and not skip anything.
How do I keep going when it seems like everything is going against me and I have no one to lean on for support? I want to get better and I’m trying to get better but I don’t know what to do anymore. And the two therapists I pay to pretend to care only seem to suggest that I distract myself.I want to be organically happy again.
Sig Is The Coolest Epicest Awesomest Epicly Awesome Thread Ever
Trying to figure out how to androgynymaxx I'm born a male and am 6'3. Want to be lean yet slightly muscular and the same time able to dress myself up as a woman for crossdressing purposes. Something like pic related.I've began shaving my body, exfoliating and all that jazz. Any hacks?
idk what happened but these past 5 days I've managed to sleep without weed, despite needing to smoke to sleep for 4 years now - dreams that've haunted me for years don't seem as bad at the moment, despite being incredibly vividno idea how long it'll last or if I'll bother keeping it up, but I'm surprised and proud of myself for itas a side note, it does feel like life has more "color" and like I'm less dissociated (could be cause I started antidepressants again recently tho), plus my lungs aren't as wreckedalso unfortunately (think) I broke my foot earlier kicking the couch out of anger at my life and some stuff that happened, will be off to the walk-in clinic tomorrowpissed at myself cause last thing I need is more permanent physical issues from my mental health - I just started exercising again (squatz etc) and now I've done this lolregardless though, I don't feel any better for all of the "positives" lmao, I still feel as low if not lower for the amount of stress I'm dealing with, my life is still fuckedjust been wasting my time playing games and "reconnecting" with friends this week, so that probably doesn't help..
p10
can anyone suggest an easy breakfast that is easy to count macros, make time and time again, will make me full and is easy to make? I have immense brainfog and trying to figure out what to eat and then how to forsight and plan groceries is difficult for me. And if I skip breakfast I always end up overeating or buying delivery, it's bad.
>>35860221oats are a cheap option you can prepare ai night beforn
>>35860221Oats and yogurt are extremely easy. Though oats will last you longer from my experience
>>35739198you need to do shrooms
How do you people have lives with any meaning? How can you just go to work? How do you can feel love? How can you be happy? How can you learn anything? How can you do something else than destroy your life and get more and more pessimistic about the whole world?
>>35862536It sounds to me like something in the near term is bothering you, you’re feeling incapable or unaccomplished right now, and you’re generalizing it into this sense that you’ve always felt this way. I think you should try to find something small you can do right now that will give you a feeling of agency, of control. A chore of some kind. And stop thinking that because you’ve messed up or fallen short in the past that you’ll never be able to do anything right. Dwelling on your failures isn’t going to make you feel more capable. It’s just going to make any setback you experience in the future that much more painful and discouraging.
I feel like I'll never be an accomplished person fully content with myself. I feel like I don't really have any independence as I'm a 27 year old manmodrt working minimum wage atm with turbo autism. I graduated college but it's not really helping much and I'm trying a new technical school class in the meantime. I don't really anticipate living past 35 as I have extreme OCD and pretty much failed transitioning but I'd like to leave a musicial legacy behind as it's probably the most important thing in my life rn. I'd like to have a modicum of independence as well. I think the first small step is actually learning how to cook and keeping my days scheduled and regimented so I don't keep wasting my time
>>35862997Learning to cook is a great skill that I absolutely recommend. But I also suggest writing down everything you want to ultimately accomplish. Don’t lose sight of the big picture. Are you in therapy? Have you ever been diagnosed with or treated for autism and OCD? If you’re that confident you have those issues, I suggest seeking help for them. Even if you feel accustomed to dealing with those issues unassisted, I know at least for autism that it can become more difficult over time. That happened to me and it’s a common experience for autistic adults. Research “autistic burnout.”
>>35862894To be honest I never acomplished anything anything and I were just drifting thru life wherever my friends took me. I dropped uni, never felt love, I don't even remember what happinese is and I've been like that fir years. Even as a kid I wanted to die since 7th grade or so. I can't force myself to eat or get out of bed so hobbies will not help me. I'm planning to try sui again soonish but lately I felt so empty that I got curious how mentally ill people menaged to find any meaning in their life despite how shitty it feels and how fucked up our world is.
>>35863978So it sounds like you’re wondering if it’s worth it to try at all. If it’s possible to reach the top of the mountain and ultimately get what you need to feel okay. Do I understand that right?
>>35864194More like how are people able to do stuff i asked about in og message. My life is meaningless I dont have anything or anyone worth living for thats why im giving up on it but im curious about how and why people can live their shitty lifes with simmingly endles amount of hope for the future
>>35864487For me, choosing to continue to live is the way that things can get better. I know that I have more to gain by continuing to live. And for me, life is not all misery all the time. There are delicious meals and funny jokes, etc. Little things like that. I know that if you’re depressed enough, those things don’t make you feel as good, but they can make me feel good. And I do know that to some degree, the effort I put in can pay off. I can cook something and (with rare exception) the result is something good to eat. I read a book and learn something. I wash my clothes and have clean clothes to wear. It’s not all futile. I hope you find that helpful.
is there any way to make it feel like im being hugged or held without being hugged or held? there’s really no one in my life that i feel comfortable with asking for that from
Eternal image reuser because I love this one in particular.Set a new one-mile run PR today, only on the treadmill but enough to prove it can be done. Just gotta get it repeatable.>>35814458Thanks anon, I think I'll try for a relationship. Even if it turns out to be short term there's no reason it has to be a negative experience, just brainworming myself.On the exercise point, I think maybe I'm biased because my approach was fairly all or nothing to drop weight quickly. I never really got (or have gotten) that technical about it, more of a sledgehammer approach to the problem.
>>35865275Weighted blankets can give you the feeling of being hugged, hugging body pillows can make you feel like you’re hugging another person. I’ve had a weighted blanket and recommend getting one for this. Body pillows, to be clear, are just a class of product that is roughly the size of the average adult. “Anime body pillows” are usually just a printed pillow case designed to fit over a regular body pillow.
Gosh I needed that rest.>>35849749>>35849779>>35849879Good to see you, GBA!Overall, your analysis in the first post checks out. It sounds like something we discussed way back. You need to learn a bullheaded approach to certain things where there is no room for interpretation or thought. No room for negotiation, or thinking. You know, driving a nail into a wall style. You got a hammer, you got a nail, and a cross on the wall. There is no nuance. Only a smack remaining.>I get stuck trying to find a solution to the way I feel and that gets me materially stuck, iykwim.yes, a certain disregard for your feelings is required. In the sense of: you can't fix them directly. The only things that will fix them are things unrelated to them. > neet boymoding in my parents' house, trying to get my drivers' licensethe license sounds like a thing with well-defined checkboxes to tick at least, it fits the bill of what I described. and just that retarded at organising myself that it's taken this long lol. I have no idea what to do about work or study and its kind of complicated to imagine what job or place in the world would be worth working towards.>like let me figure this out in my own time.yeah, your biggest fights to fight will be a mantra of "there is nothing worth to reflect about." Napalm your self reflection for a while. It has worked overtime in a dry run for years and can use a year or two of vacation. >I need some friends and I feel like I don't know where to start there either. Hmm... more difficult, first rule there, again, will be: you must disregard any internal monologue. What your friends have not said to you, literally, has not happened. If there is room for interpretation, clarify with your mouth, not by interpolating with your head. Etc.Then what is wrong with you is immaterial to making friends, as you are forced to think about moment to moment needs and wants of theirs rather than abstract nothings (1/2)
>>35849779>>35849879(2/2)> and meeting people who will only make me think of how much I hate myselfa very fatalistic view, but what informs it? What makes you feel this way?>I'm desperate for a sense of genuine control or self-trust or something and idk how to feel that.It is difficult, and "not thinking about things" is a very surface level suggestion on my part, so it is not to be taken too literally. But it is a general direction we will go for. I feel like we should purge, for now, questions like studying cause having you forced into a position where you have to make decisions will lead to self loathing meandering.>t) but it's like I'm paralysed trying to take that breath and I just *can't* compose myself.ohh yes, trying to relax but always being tense. It's fucking difficult.>I think chaotically and spiral a lot, and I don't know what of it is and isn't important. You have come a long way exactly picking apart the mechanisms at least.>I think what I really really want is just to 'lay some tracks' and start troubleshooting and stripping away the self defeating behaviour. very good, yes.>...want to do some social good and have some kind of path for being usefulso volunteer work for example, my biggest issue here is that it will require you to research options in your area and pick one.The picking one is the thing I worry about.>I want to socialise more (scared to do this but vital)very good, there scouting options is again my only concern, but it's a matter of your location, what opportunities there are.>want to be more physically and emotionally groundedever looked into grounding exercises or rituals?>want to write, research and read more (focus and organisation can be hard but vital also)that sounds like something you can make a schedule for if you know exactly what it is you wish to read/write.>sorry for the big post. I just really needed to think out loud.Frankly I think you did perfect, and I appreciated it!
>>35850168Yeah that rings a bell. Executive dysfunction is a special kind of hell, you mentioned you wanted to look into the ADHD channel sometime, and last we talked you said there is a small moral panic about people getting diagnosed with ADHD for a legal high, apart from money issues. Just so I have some mental closure, since it is quite central to most of your issues I feel: would you reliably get proper ADHD medication if you jumped through enough hoops, and get it reimbursed from your healthcare provider somehow? You were eastern euro, not american, so there has to be SOMETHING, right?... Is it just an exhausting ordeal or completely out of the question?>>35851042I see, I only know how it works within STEM, and of course only have direct experience with the way it works in German/Euro unis. > I feel like a total screwup.to me it sounds like you were just dropped into a shitty, inflexible system.>and I hate tools.unless I am off my meds I would say engineering is out the window in that case.>Could work, but I don't think this pays wellvery strongly depends on the country. Some places hire theoretical physicists for hard, technical programming problems as supervisors because CS (depending on the country) would socialize the people the wrong way for the task.>This sounds the best, but I work alone. Groups suck. (t. autistic)I think in that case that really pushes you closer to physics than CS. I lot of CS majors from different countries I have seen have plenty of "working with morons" courses, where groups of 5-8 people are supposed to develop a code with a specific scope for a given client. You can imagine how many of those 5-8 undergrads end up doing the work. You, you, another guy, and if you are lucky another one.>It barely had any effect on me.Have you ever had your levels checked and shit? Sorry, it's the usual questions..>Feeling really, really sad.it is okay to be sad. But I want to help you make the most of what's there.
>>35851108Glad to hear it was a treat!>I didn't get any studying doneIt sounded like time well spent though if you got to reconnect with peeps, so it's all good I think. Especially since you have a very healthy approach to self correct.>I'll make sure to take my time and not skip anything.do tell how it's chugging along!>>35851994Hm, could you tell me more about your circumstances? What are they suggesting to distract yourself from, and what things make you actively miserable? It's hard without a support network, and it is even worse to muster up the energy to risk getting to know new people. It's one of the reasons I made /sig/ in the first place, so people can share their struggles and frustrations. I know it is not much but.. you are not alone, and I hope we can help you work through whatever gets in your way.>>35855010Hah, you're cute, anon.>>35855052Consider training particular muscle groups. We have a book for lower body exercises to add a bit of fem to your build.>>35855174That's awesome news, anon! I hope you can keep it up, ofc. Hope your foot is mostly okay.>I still feel as low if not lower for the amount of stress I'm dealing with, my life is still fuckedwhat are your circumstances, anon?>just been wasting my time playing games and "reconnecting" with friends this week, so that probably doesn't help..It most likely will help cumulatively, and you are doing great working on these things. Sadly it is most often many small things that won't fix your emotions on their own that need changing. It makes the process initially unrewarding, but I would need to learn more to know more.>>35860221Besides oats I am a fan of rye bread with cheese and possible other additions. It's very easy to calorie count, and you can add protein and other things besides, for example hard boiled egg or veggies. I personally like bell pepper, which adds vit c.>>35865467I wish you all the best on the dating front! And sledgehammer works well too, ofc!
>>35867341>We have a book for lower body exercises to add a bit of fem to your buildLike focuses on the glutes and thighs? Would prefer to keep the waist as small as possible.
>>35867871Not that anon, but yeah. A piece of advice I’ve heard/seen dozens of times is to not skip leg day when it comes to achieving a body like that
>>35867341>do tell how it's chugging along!well, I'm doing geometry and I thought I was doing good even tho the book I'm using doesn't show any solution to the exercises, but now that I've done some more problems I'm getting my ass kicked sometimes by the wording of the problems alone, maybe because some of the terms used I've never heard of before since I skipped this stuff in the past and I wasn't used to doing math in english, but I'm sure if I keep at it it'll get better.Also I'm doing 1 hour a day for now even if I could do more just to make sure I'm doing it every day, in a week I'll make that 2 and keep going up until its a good amount that I can still focus on.I'm doing the same with reading and walking and it seems to be going well but it's too early to tell.
>>35867341how big is sig anon's
>>35871796massive.
>>35871796what?
>>35867871Hmm, I get where you're coming from. To explain my thinking, I suggested it because I androgyny in my experience often can be greatly helped by, well, balancing the andro with the gyny. So I thought keeping your chest flat but widening up your waist would create the kinda contrast you want. I am far from an expert on this stuff though.>>35870731Sounds like you are doing great overall though. Shame it doesn't have solutions but most beginner friendly exercises can luckily be crosschecked elsewhere. It will also be normal that sometimes there is an exercise in these books that would stump a graduate for a minute, so if you ever despair of an exercise here and there think nothing of it. Math problems are like puzzles or riddles in certain ways. Keep going, you are doing great!>>35871796I did not anticipate that question.. where did the sudden horn come from? To reward your directness though: I believe average, maybe a bit thicker. Never had any complaints from a partner.
>>35867341>What are they suggesting to distract yourself from, and what things make you actively miserable?I have low self-esteem according to them, which also results in self-deprecating and depressing thoughts. And they get extremely bad whenever I’m alone, which is a lot. I’ve tried making and improving connections with others in the past, but it either fizzles or I get ignored. I just want someone to talk to without feeling like I’m bothering them or having to pay for it. I don’t want to be alone anymore, but I’ve also had a lot of experiences in the past that make me reluctant to be open.I really don’t know what to do when it feels like everything about my situation goes against what I want.
Hi /sig/. So, I’ve been packing for the past couple of days, and as I usually notice when I’m doing that, I have a lot of stuff. I collect nerdy things as you may recall. That said, today I watched a video today about the psychology of fandom. It said that having something to look forward to is very good for our mental health, but that being a fan of something is kind of like an addiction — we need more of whatever makes us happy to get the same rush next time. So if you never feel like you have enough of something you collect, that would be why. This is all to say I’m planning on trimming my collection after I move back to TN. I left a lot of my things with my parents when I moved to MD. Hopefully I can get my collections small enough that I won’t have to do that the next time I move.
>>35734067hi again sig! i was here last thread, about 20 days ago, i have returned seeking more advice. previously i had discussed issues with body image and restrictive eating. since then my body image as steadily been improving, and i have been trying to put on some weight to encourage my body to grow. unfortunately, i’ve put on a grand total of absolutely nothing, despite genuinely trying. i can’t tell if it’s cause i’m losing muscle mass as quickly as i’m gaining fat or if i’m losing male fat and gaining female fat or if nothing is happening at all and it’s a little discouraging. i know it’s a long process, but after this long i should at least see something right? another difficulty has been my education. i find it impossible to give my best effort with online learning when compared to in class, but my family keeps hounding me not to give up this semester and start again in the fall. unfortunately one of the things distracting me is my transition. because i’m still relatively early (5~ish months) so it’s a fair bit to adapt to. that and trying to balance other aspects like voice training and laser is a nightmare. sorry for the rant, i don’t know how much of this can even be helped with advice, but figured asking couldn’t hurt.
>>35867100It's not likely not to mention how common it is to wait a long time for a visit if I would want to go there for free and most likely I would having to get "recommendation" to a specialist from family doctor. I also have to search for blood lab first and I don't feel like doing so now. I can't even clean my house and beside me there's only my brother who can't clean shit and doesn't care to clean anywhere beside his room and even that isn't clean. I guess there will be a bit of mold on stuff and fishy smell for some time until someone will get desperate over that. At least he probably went to his gf house so I'll have pasta only for myself soon. Also if you care about my medication so much you can always just buy me amphetamine tee hee :*
friendly bump!
>>35876317Oh I get it, yeah it definitely sounds like what you need is a bit more external, which would explain why therapists don't come up with a useful solution on that front. >I’ve tried making and improving connections with others in the past, but it either fizzles or I get ignored. Would you say it's predominantly an issue online, where I hear this stuff frequently, or more IRL?>want someone to talk to without feeling like I’m bothering them The immensely difficult part, from personal experience, is to suss out when it is brainworms (you are not bothering, they are just not necessarily good at initiating/preoccupied with something). All you need is someone productively clarifying if you ask, and you being open and communicative about these concerns. That ofc has the precondition of having someone, though.> but I’ve also had a lot of experiences in the past that make me reluctant to be open.I won't ask you for details but I have been bullied and taken advantage of myself for opening up in the past so I get that.It is, however, exactly what you need of course.>I really don’t know what to do when it feels like everything about my situation goes against what I want.I still feel like I don't know the bigger picture so I will try and prod away at a few things: what opportunities do you have to meet people IRL? What interests would you find interesting enough as an excuse to meet people?I know you have been trying hard, I don't wanna imply the opposite. I just don't know what you have tried and where things fell apart specifically. That's what we need to figure out in detail for an attempt to move forward.
>>35876531>. It said that having something to look forward to is very good for our mental healthoh absolutely.>we need more of whatever makes us happy to get the same rush next time. hmm.. very interesting! Reminds me of a tangentially related thing: post-event sadness/let-down effect or achievement hangover. Sometimes, AFTER you did something you looked forward to, you suddenly experience a dopamine crash and feel like shit. Basically withdrawal from the spike you experienced before.>>35876576Tricky. It is great you are feeding yourself well, though! I would suggest keeping around some measurements, if you don't see a change in your weight then that can very well be a loss of muscle mass, in which case I would suggest a few tape measurements for tracking. It's something I did to get a better understanding of where I am losing weight. Another thing would be if we had a few days of your caloric intake, we could estimate at which rate we would expect you to gain. A rule of thumb I tend to give is that 1kcal per day is 1g of weight per week, meaning 500kcal surplus a day is at most 500g (1lb) per week. Of course, since we aren't furnaces, this is super coarse but good enough to see how inaccurate we are. Your weight will also massively fluctuate within a week usually, +-2kg(4lb) is realistic if you are anywhere close to 180cm (5'11) so the first few weeks, esp if you expect to gain half a pound a week for example, would be invisible on the scale for half a month.>another difficulty has been my education. i find it impossible to give my best effort with online learning when compared to in class, but my family keeps hounding me not to give up this semesteronline is a mess, I genuinely don't blame you for struggling and would hardly ever rec it to anybody. Do you have a chance to meet up with peers to do exercises? And I assume you will get to go on person next semester?Also, don't beat yourself up, transitioning is hard, you're doing your best!
Bedtime.>>35876641So it would be an ordeal, but has a chance to massively pay off even if it takes a year or so. Bear in mind, if you get on ADHD meds a lot of your struggles will get easier. >I also have to search for blood lab firstoh, how come?>At least he probably went to his gf house so I'll have pasta only for myself soon.glad to hear you have some food at least though.>Also if you care about my medication so much you can always just buy me amphetamine tee hee :*The only plug I am ever gonna organize someone is the butt kind. So no.
Haven't smoked in a few weeks but I feel like having one tonight.Gotta move out this weekend, not happy about it, moving always gets me depressed. I wish I had somewhere nice I could just stay. But it's always something--the area, the neighbors, the roommates--I'm never comfortable anywhere I live. Packing up and moving every year or half year has become a depressing routine. Selling a lot of my stuff this time too, I reckon, which gives me mixed feelings. I tell myself we do what we must to survive and it could be worse.Anyway, what do you think, no harm in one smoke once in a long while? Or should I keep packing up?
Any weight loss tips? I wanna die cute and thin not fat and ugly
>>35878764malevolent bump
Life's gotten better & I'm going to be moving to my own place soon which is exciting. I'm definitely doing my research but any tips or advice for living on your own for the first time? anything no matter how small is greatly appreciated.
body dysmorphia is crazy. i can spend the whole day feeling like a disgusting gnome and then suddenly i see myself in a certain lighting and i'm like 'wow, nvm i'm stunning' but i know when i wake up tomorrow, i'll look completely different to myself again and want to puke. i don't know how to combat this thinking past the self awareness part.
Time to rise and shine gamers
are there any self improvement books that are useful and not masturbation?
>>35882458This town ain't big enough for us both, partner. Hate sex. Now.
>>35879517>if you get on ADHD meds a lot of your struggles will get easier>Also if you care about my medication so much you can always just buy me amphetamine tee hee :*ADHD meds are mostly amphetamine like substances in dosages as low as possible for them to have a effect on your body. Amphetamine probably works stronger and for shorter time but I haven't read on it and I would have to find a drug store first.>oh, how come?1st endo visit for official HRT and 1st blood test for my DIY at the same time>glad to hear you have some food at least though.He came back in the end but I ate it mostly by myself in the night and leftovers in the morning. But before yesterday I barely ate anything and today's dinner will be ready just before midnight so yeah.>The only plug I am ever gonna organize someone is the butt kind. So no.Butt plugs aren't doing much for me, they can be a nice tool for teasing if I would be with someone or if I could still edge and would want to do so for some time once in few months.Also I hate my brother and I hope he will go away to a fucking military sooner than later, fuck that jerk.
I don't talk to anyone irl and barely anyone online, I'm trying to fix my loser hikki life but the loneliness kills me.How do I cope with it?
>>35876180nice size
>>35881399Start at the paste linked in the OP, there is all the numbers autism you need to know what to realistically expect. I only know the rough intakes and deficits needed by people around 180cm (5'11) by heart since I'm 183 (6') myself. Your number 1 goal needs to be, in the beginning, for it to be convenient for you. If it is slow but painless it is better than fast and unsustainable. There tend to be 3 kinds of people: those that like spreadsheet autism (me), those that prefer eyeballing assisted with an app to keep it accurate enough, and those that much rather just count meals and exercise. For the BMI calc, use f if you are mtf, this is about fat distrubution and metabolism and unless you are babytrans you lost muscle mass.>>35883513First of all, awesome! And yes, I have a few. I am a wordy fucker so I will ask you for now what experiences you have regarding housekeeping, cooking and budgeting. Assuming you already have a place to stay and set up internet, electricity and heating I would say those above are the big 3. Also, there is at least a 90% chances SOMETHING your parents did in their household was completely unnecessary and it will blow your mind not everyone does it should you live with other people.>>35883697The main recollection I have on what I have read on BDD kinda stuff is kinda gaslighting yourself backwards. You know, how looking at yourself and obsessing over details in your head can make them worse in your perception, the opposite works too. Affirming yourself and having healthy, realistic things to compare your body to. Having people close to you who can look at you and give you their pov can be healing. I really obsess over my loose skin after having lost so, so much weight. It got noticeably worse the less I talked about it to people. It really is a slippery slope I feel, but I don't wanna come off like I make light of what it is like for tranners and people with severe BDD.. just trying to relate.
>>35882458>>35878764>>35886740I ship it. This reminds me of the times I tried to post on hornygen before /sig/ even existed, and often I would end up talking about people's feelings and trying to support them a little emotionally. >>35886304Well it depends on what you mean. What you look for is most likely things that are concrete, down to earth advice that is actionable and free of fluff. Utilitarian without being dry. Is there a particular aspect of self improvement you wanna focus on? I haven't read any self improvement books myself and rely on people's recs for the pastebin above, but maybe I can point you to something more useful that you actually want.>>35887669>ADHD meds are mostly amphetamine like substances in dosages as low as possible for them to have a effect on your body.Most are, yes. Caffeine even can be a weak replacement but doesn't do the job as well. But the legal route is safer for several reasons, I know you would not care about the health aspect but dosage is important and 20% of ADHD people don't respond well to stimulants (incl. amphetamines) at all and need alternate meds. >1st endo visit for official HRT and 1st blood test for my DIY at the same timeoh fingers crossed it goes well and you can get it done soon. >Butt plugs aren't doing much for me,Yeah dw, that was mostly me making a dad joke (plug as in dealer vs.. you get it).I actually have a habit of that in private!And tell me about your relationship with your brother, sounds burdensome.>>35889954Thanks anon. If it is not rude to ask, what inspired your sudden thirst? Something I said? You caught me off guard, not in a bad way, just surprised.>>35887789Seeking out community is important. Medium term you want a support network, but any kind of healthy social interaction will do. Besides /sig/ there are a couple online places, some dedicated to hikki recovery but I cannot vouch for them personally. The best cope is to lean on people. We can try help you make friends, too
>>35891422I thought you might want to be blind sided from the depressive gloom and think about sexo! I'm not horny I swear
Goodnight, /sig/.>>35891739You know anon.. I actually thought about you a couple of times after seeing that post and it did brighten my day. So thank you!>I'm not horny I swearHell I don't mind if you are, you seem to rarely post horn and a bit of indulgence here and there is no harm. Of course I can't know exactly who you are, but I hope I can/have been of help to you, too. I feel like some of you are really looking out for me, in your own way.
>>35892167you are helpful to me because you are friendly (i don't know if we are friends but you are friendly) so thx 4 ur company
>>35891150>I will ask you for now what experiences you have regarding housekeeping, cooking and budgeting.With housekeeping/budgetting I'll be honest and say over like pandemic I wound up in kind of a slump with the two which I'm finally working my way out of, any advice for those two would be good.with cooking though I wouldn't say I'm an amazing chef but I used to help my mom cook alot growing up and I've been used to cooking atleast one meal a day since I was like 13 so I feel like I can manage my way through it. And wifi and electricity and stuff should be all set up there but I do have a friend who's moving in there the week before me so I should be all set when I arrive.
>>35891422Can online interaction be enough?I don't have a way to make friends in person, I'm not a student/ don't do any kind of social activity, at least for now, maybe in the future I'll be able to.I definitely plan to go to university if and when I can, maybe I can get some friends there even if I'm a bit older than the average student.
>>35876180>I believe average, maybe a bit thickerI like thick. Do you like men?nah jk
>>35870731I'm so stupid it does have solutions lol they have their own chapter.Anyways, 4th day in a row studying 1h a day and going for 1h walks, it might be little but it's more than nothing, need to focus on not fucking up and I'll be able to double the study hours next week, maybe splitting it in the afternoon so it's easier to build up later on.
So over the the course of about 16 months starting October 2022 I managed to lose 85lbs, 230 > 145, mostly through constructively channeled self-hate, I couldn't make the voices shut up so I made them pay rent via motivation. Don't wanna come off braggy so I won't drag on about it, but my life has improved tremendously thanks to these efforts and I'm now on HRT, have a BF, and have even been able to be better to my family and friends recently now that I feel better myself.Fast forward to today, I'm up 10lbs in about 2 months. The voices have actually piped down alot lately which is nice, but the flipside is the self-control I thought I cultivated is slipping fast and I can't stay at a calorie deficit or even maintenance for longer than a week atm. I've been thinking about purposefully inducing them to get back on track, but I risk that kind of negativity bleeding into my interactions with the people I care about which i'd really prefer them not have to deal with. ideally i'd like to keep the weight off in a more mentally healthy manner but i've tried multiple approaches already and i'm getting close to just going back to how i was and masking as best as i can around others.
>>35895993its ok. we cant go 100% all the time.You have done amazingly well!A bit of indulgence here and there can be great to keep you on track too, cheat days exist for a reason!You dont need to keep a super crazy diet 24/7 and I doubt you are as negative as you think.Congrats on all your success, good to see more people getting some good these days.You will do fine, have a bit of cake or something nice, and then you can go back to dieting as usual!Gl anone
I love you sig peeps <3NoI love you even if you never posted here beforeYou are worthy of love anoneI hope you know that.Have an amazingly good day~
>>35896045Thanks anon this is sweet, I appreciate it :)I do know a little indulgence can help, its helped me in the past for sure. The issue is I've been doing it more and more, to the point that surplus days are almost as common as deficit days rn and I'm repeating the same eating habits that lead me to becoming overweight in the first place. I'd argue I'm not even dieting anymore. I've had my cake but I'm struggling to getting back to my usual would be a good way to put it.
>>35896133Hmmm so you feel like indulging more often than not?Is it out of habit or something else?You could try replacing an eating habit with a different one. Drinking tea or a beverage is helpful but any other habit can also help.
>>35896150Less habit, more I will randomly hunger urges that I just can't fight off like I used to be able to. I've been trying to use water and diet soda to fight it off since they're both zero calorie but my stomach isn't fooled for long. I do know its easier to fight it off when I keep busy consistently but its hard to do that when I work rotating shifts (3 afternoons 2 graveyards a week, wednesdays and sundays off) so I'm unable to get into a routine especially since HRT has made it harder for me to sleep more than 6 hours (50mg bica + 4mg estradiol sublingual for a month now). Maybe I'll look into getting moved to a different post if worst comes to worst, I'd rather take a small paycut than go back above 160 honestly.
>>35896241Hmmm yeah it seems the biggest issue is your schedule or lack thereof.It seems you have at least a few hours in the early noon that you re free. Maybe try and dedicate that time for a good meal, something that lasts a while with fibers and some carbs, so it can keep you well fed throughout the day. then a snack or two while at work, small lunch like a toast or fruits.Changing your schedule to be more consistent will also help tremendously with stuff, having "random" hours of when you do things definitely reinforces these random hunger moments.
Hi /sig/. Panty here. Last night, I found myself worrying about the future, that old bad habit. Eventually I reached a question of substance: How should I plan for the future? Should I leave my 2025 open in case the sky falls? Or should I not legitimize my fears in the short term by refusing to plan for the long term? I realize this might seem like a silly question, but I’m stumped here, so asking you all seems appropriate.
Page 9 bump
>had perfect opportunity to ahng with new people in a voice call and play agms with them>choose to instead not do that, play by myself, and browse the same 4 channels and sites>ended up kinda just lurkingEven though it would have been fine I didnt do it. Why am i like this. Did i really need permission? Why do I feel like I was only gonna be needy and disruptive with my presence? God darn it.
>>35734067Any space for a weirdo that's currently out of ideas?I don't wanna intrude.
>>35903387Yeah, give us an idea of what you want to accomplish and what you’ve tried and we can troubleshoot. This gen can seem cliquey with there being regulars who’ve gotten to know each other, but we do our best to welcome and help anyone who posts.
>>35891422>CaffeineIt doesn't work on me as it should be for a normal person. I drink a lot of cheap dark tee and some coffee (my current one is heavily roasted and sucks with no depth in flavor and I still have 3.75 more test bags of it, ew). It doesn't stop me from feeling tired or sleepy and I don't have more problems than usual to fall asleep after drinking double espresso.>legal route is saferAppeal to emotions and authorities>20% of ADHDMissinterpretation of statistics>oh fingers crossedIt should be 1-2 visit thing if she(?) won't be just yelling at me how dangerous DIY is (check above paragraphs). I just hope to get my EV refilled there. Also which type of syringes has the smallest dead space? Mine aren't effective in how much EV they are wasting and I forget about that.>I actually have a habit of that in private!Cool gooner-chan do you want to tell all of us how you use those butt plugs? Do you want to post unsee of you using them? Just don't do it in response to me.>brotherStupid jerk who thinks of himself higher than anyone else ever would. He's too stupid to keep up with mathematics for years even if he got privet tutoring. He was always more important kid due to his visible allergy and now when he's adult and doesn't get nearly as much of a special treatment he's mad about it and thinks I am special kid because our mother (whom he often pisses off and insults in ways he's not even aware of) likes me more due to me resembling her brother and our parents being force to acknowledge that I'm smarter than him thanks to me being good at uni until I drop out of and be forced to be self suficient (which my dad sees as a good thing that he didn't had to interact pretty much at all with 8yo) while he has problems with square equation. So now he grow up to be a insulting jackass who thinks that making strange noises, farting and burping is funny for some reason. He nearly can't walk past me without insulting me for the sake of it. He's gf 2KUgetThePoint
Today was probably the biggest letdown I experienced all month. I have been immensely angry on and off since noon.>>35893608I am glad to be there for you, even if I haven't caught on who you are.I can be quiet and struggle to initiate convos, but I am happy to be there.>>35894919Ohh, perfect! If you will live with your friend, you will find a lot of back and forth between the two of you in housekeeping matters early on, in my experience, some prefer a symmetric approach where everyone takes a turn, I much prefer everyone being a specialist in some tasks and some being done with no schedule or plan at all. First rule of housekeeping in my experience is to do small things casually rather than big things with lots of buildup. Example: whenever I tried to make cleaning my room a big thing I "get to eventually" my room ended up looking like shit. I ended up doing a dynamic equilibrium where me picking up trash is a thing I do based on a trigger. For example, when I go to the restroom and have a plate in my room, I use the momentum of getting up for that to take it to the kitchen and put it in the dishwasher. If the thing is full I turn it on. Then restroom. Things like that. As for bookkeeping, it depends on how controlled you feel your spending is. By default I would check if your net spendings after a month or two zero out, or whether you lose/save money without putting much effort into it at all. In general I like envelope accounting where I withdraw X money from the bank on payday and put it in my wallet. That is my living costs for the month. And every expenditure as visual feedback. >>35895029>Can online interaction be enough?It's not about whether it is enough per se (time will tell) but it is a crucial start and a major accomplishment if you manage! Absolutely! Your goals sound good. Ofc online stuff can be a bit distant but it can work great, too. What are your interests, what would you like to tackle besides?
>>35904019The good news about my mood is that eating has severely stabilized it. Tomorrow I get to do another apartment visit that will probably go nowhere. >>35895626Hah. The one thing I do always say in these threads is that I'm cis m, bi, and a top, because people often assume the opposite of at least 1/3 of those, kek.>>35895826Ah, perfect! And yes, your mindset is very correct. The small initial steps are the most important. Managing to consistently do small things every day is putting you in a position where bigger things come more naturally.>>35895993>>35896241First of all, congrats! You did amazing, and I hope you know. I think they have outlived their usefulness.>t i've tried multiple approaches already and i'm getting close to just going back to how i was and masking as best as i can around others.tell us about them! I would hate to make paragraphs of useless advice you already tried. I wanna hone in on your personal strengths and weaknesses.Just for context, what is your target BMI/weight? And what is your normal deficit/intake?>>35896076Such a sweetheart. Than you.>>35899060A mix of both. I think feeling prepared will be a confidence boost but the point really is *feeling* prepared. If you start constructing a bunker and digging trenches you've gone a step too far. Tell me about your concerns and the concrete terms in which you would prep for them a little.>>35903010>Why am i like this. Did i really need permission? Why do I feel like I was only gonna be needy and disruptive with my presence?brain worms be like that. Are the peeps complete strangers to you or is there someone you can tell that you wanna but often brainworm yourself last minute out of it? Someone gently pulling your ear can help. It is also always better to join late than never! Once you catch yourself you can still ask. Hell if you missed it you can ask them if they would like to hang another time instead!
>>35904350So, to elaborate, by “plan for the future” I mean I’m thinking about building an investment portfolio. Doing something to help my future self financially. Assume I’m going to live an average American lifespan and plan accordingly. I don’t want to be a broke senior citizen, and I can’t really support myself just on my autism bux anyway. I want to look into other ways to earn money besides working. I don’t mean I’m thinking about building a bunker and becoming a Doomsday prepper. What I’m worried about is Trump getting re-elected, Project 2025 kicking in, it becoming functionally impossible to exist in the United States as a free openly transgender person.
>>35903387As the other anon said, you are 100% welcome. Everyone on lgbt is welcome, many stick around cause.. well.. it's not like getting better is a quick process. We will prod you a bit to see where we can help, but the #1 rule is if you think what you have to say is "not worth posting", then that usually means you urgently need to post.>>35903751>my current one is heavily roasted and sucks with no depth in flavor Ugh, sorry to hear. At that point it usually reaches a point where I treat it more as a dessert treat with milk and sugar.>Missinterpretation of statisticsOh? Do I misremember, or spread a common misconception? I haven't researched it much back when I read it, I suppose I need to dig.>Appeal to emotions and authoritiesIf you allow me to put on my cynic hat, medicine as a field is undeniably not an area of research dedicated to finding the optimal treatment on a case by case basis, but allowing average to below average practitioners to treat a given condition reliably. I will give you that. What that means, at its core, is of course that standard medical treatments are usually not optimal, especially if there is no one size fits all solution that is both well understood and workable in the hands of subpar staff. Nonetheless, they will offer a well structured approach with a lot of trial and error. Think of it this way: a method so safe they can let a moron prescribe it and it still works reliably? That is a good thing. Automed can work, but that requires a lot more effort, time, and know-how on your part to get ideally a better result. The call is yours to make. >Cool gooner-chan do you want to tell all of us how you use those butt plugs? I meant dad jokes. I have no interest in sex toys.>brother situationyeah, that is not salvageable, and it would be a shame if you had to drop out, but there are things in your way to perform optimally, which we are discussing after all.
>>35904350>tell us about themI've tried increasing protein, fiber, and starch intake to feel more full despite consuming the same amount of calories. Basically no effect plus extra prep time since the protein required more cooking.I've tried bumping up my calorie limit a bit to give myself more wiggle room. Had the reverse effect of what I wanted where I just kept adding more and making more excuses to justify just a little more.I've tried eating specifically only when I know my cravings are at their strongest. Has helped in the past for sure, but now my cravings just reschedule themselves.>BMI/caloriesI'm 5'8 and my goal is to weight cycle between 140-150, so BMI would be 21.3 - 22.8. I eat between 1400-1600 calories a day normally, when I've binged lately it goes up to around 3000-3500
>>35904775>I as a dessert treat..I mean it's good coffee but it tastes like coffee and nothing else which is a bit of a shame when I drink mostly black coffees. My espresso machine sucks with it and mokka is just boring with it. I don't want to french press it and drink half a liter of coffee again but I found V60 nobody used so maybe it will fix it a bit.>20%You phrased it like it's a bad thing forgetting that 80% of people respond to amp.>med talkSunken cost, fearmongering etc. etc..>I have no interest in sex toys. *loud wet noises and WAP playing in the background*sure sure>that is not salvageableI said it long time ago but whenever my parents talk to me about it they frame it like it's my fault for not wanting to spend time with that jerk. I would love to be insulted by him and frame it as a good time with brother yeah yeah for sure. But honestly how is even my mother so stupid to be angry at me when she clearly sees how he acts with her around.>it would be a shame if you had to drop outI already did, having a panic attacks, not doing homework and generally not carrying about anything just made me do so. Also because my group was always the last one on the list we got new people in and out every semester thanks to people dropping out for many reasons. Last semester I got into a group with a Ben Shapiro fan who believed in the snowflake theory and unironically cited his words as true (ofc without crediting anyone because we're not in the academic environment) and a guy who was shocked that he can talk with his wife of many years about why she comes to him when she wants to complain about her work day. Not to mention many gamer tier guys who was mostly interested about normie guy stuff life football or were looking at gamer memes and centrist-conservative or just conservatives memes on some semi professional social media the name of which I forgot because there's too much of that shit after twitter lost relevancy.Also any idea about syringes question?
Hah, interesting thread you got here, "Sig Anon".I assume you read these in the morning, so make sure you read this post and smirk, maybe grin? Yeah, sounds about right. I doubt i will cross around here again, so here, have a free bump.Posting in a general gave me nostalgia and i hate it.
>>35904019Sounds like some solid advice for being prepped for the move. Thanks a ton appreciate it!
I got cured of the lgbt
>>35906861
>>35904019>What are your interestsWell, I used to only game and watch stuff without doing much else, now I'm reading and doing some math, and eventually I'll get to programming and calisthenics.I feel like too much of a beginner in the things I'm interested in to really be in a group with others that do them.I still play games but not as much and not the addicting competitive kind, playing some coop stuff or any chill multiplayer game with others in vc would be good, I guess.
p10!
>>35909933And p9!
I woke up today half-dreaming about being a happy wife with kids and lots of animals (even if I hate and don't want to have kids). Everyone was happy and cheerful with the house full of warm yellow sunlight. I was happy to have dogs, cats, rats and ferrets even if I haven't felt a smallest glimpse of happiness when I was imagining all that. After I woke up from my near to twilight accidental sleep I was thinking about teasing trans twink and admiring his top scars as something that shows his courage and determination. I could have all that even with my shitty family if I would just be born with a different genitals, it was a 50/50 shot and I lost it. Now I'm just a fucking guy who shots himself with estrogens hoping that it would change something, I'm just stupid and I should kill myself long time ago. I should have just use one of my parents moments when they tried to throw me out of the home, go with it and hang myself in a different city so nobody would even know to how big of a loser that body belonged to. Now I can't even force myself to make a dinner and instead I spend my whole day rotting in dirty bed only moving to piss and to waste a bit of time in front of my pc. I haven't cleaned in weeks and I haven't showered for a week or so even though every day I was planning to do so. I fucking hate being a tranny and I hate my life and my family and my country and current global politics and how much of a scumbags men are and big bang for ever happening I just wish not to wake up ever again that's my current dream
>take music theory exam, you do them online on special exam software with camera and then a proctor looks over it later>incredibly confident i did well>DESPERATE to use the toilet, visibly swaying around on my seat and in agony for like 10 minutes on camera, take a 2nd toilet break on the very final question despite being only allowed 1 in the guidelinesi will mald so fucking hard if i get disqualified for that, but it wasnt bad! it only took me about an hour of the two given, its pretty elementary but you have to take it before you can do the higher theory exams with harmony and baroque figuring and such, and its nice to feel accredited
>>35904350>Someone gently pulling your ear can helpI mean thats how it worked last timeSome one invited me and i joined. Regretfully I only stayed for a little while cause responsibilities.And well now, nobody is calling me to go join. I do barely know these people, but it seems I am an outcast again. Just someone who is on the outskirts of a closer community/group of friends.Thats ok. Always have been like this. it just...hurts slightly to know I am not brave enough to join myself or important enough to be asked to join.They made a Minecraft server and I cant even ask for help with setting up everything to join them there.Shitty brain.
Great news! Today I learned I did not have a stroke, and I am 100% free of brain tumors.My nerves might be acting up a little but we will know more in the coming days.>>35905076Okay so healthy range. I assume you plan to weight cycle for your transition? I heard very mixed things about it since esp breast growth should predominantly be a matter of new fat cells growing rather than old ones being more or less full. > bumping up my calorie limit a bit to give myself more wiggle room. in principle a good idea.>I just kept adding more and making more excuses to justify just a little more.Do you feel like you had room for excuses because you did not set a clear enough window, or was it something else? How are your meals distributed across the day?>>35905649>I don't want to french press it and drink half a liter of coffee again I know that feeling, I tend to always make 500mL with my french press while I tend to make anywhere from 250 to 500 with my V60 at home or chemex at work.>like it's a bad thing forgetting that 80% of people respond to amp.oh, not my intent at all. I have no moral crusade against stimulants, it was more a matter of hand waving that finding the right adhd medication is individualized and it is realistic to involve trial and error.>Sunken cost, fearmongering etc. etc..words words words. If you don't see a point in it, I don't have reason to convince you how you do it as long as you get it done competently. >Also any idea about syringes question?sadly not, did hrtgen provide anything useful-... I just checked the catalogue. Where did hrtg go? That's extremely worrying, not even in the archives! I think they had a syringe guide even..>sure surekek>I already did, having a panic attacks, not doing homework and generally not carrying about anythingIt sucks, especially that your peer group was that unhelpful as well. >>35906423Hah, don't make it a habit, you've got enough on your plate as it is~
Sadly I don't have it in me to attempt offering others concrete advice right now, but I wanted to pop by for more than a bump anyway.I guess I mostly came here to say that if you're putting off calling the doctor to check for earlier available appointment dates due to a worsening of symptoms (mental or physical), please try!I know many health professionals can make you feel like a burden, to the point where you deem that your health is worth less than their time, but please brave through that fear.This is your sign!Sometimes, occasionally, it actually works.>t. ritalin and strong antibiotics anon who called and got more antibiotics today instead of in two weeks
>>35915569>Great news! Today I learned I did not have a stroke, and I am 100% free of brain tumors.shit, happy to hear that sig-anon. phew.hope it's nothing too bad
Gonna make a new thread soon but I will first get a few replies out of the way, we're at page 8 so there is some wiggle room. >>35906826I do hope it helps, anon! I wish you all the best, and feel free to keep us posted.>>35908041>I feel like too much of a beginner in the things I'm interested in to really be in a group with others that do them.it can be a great excuse to talk to people, anon. Some people don't have the patience for it but think of it this way: would you say no if someone asked you to talk at length about a thing you enjoy and are knowledgeable around, especially if that person is eager to absorb and engage with what you said?>playing some coop stuff or any chill multiplayer game with others in vc would be good, I guess.good thinking!>>35913461Frankly if they give you a hard time for it I would almost be tempted to next just piss on the floor to assert dominance. On a more serious note, when I used to supervise exams I would normally be lenient with these things. I would not worry too much but do keep us posted on that, I would have some spicy things to say if they inconvenience you in any way over that. You did great, and that is what should matter, and anyone looking at your output should remember the spirit of the exam rather than the written rules.>>35914467>but it seems I am an outcast again. that is subject to change, anon. If need be I can make concrete suggestions for things you can try. Your #1 rule must be: even if the label fits right now it can be amended. >They made a Minecraft server and I cant even ask for help with setting up everything to join them there.would it help if I pushed you to? Would you have it in you to write a simple message that would convey what you would have to ask, just a hypothetical?>>35915586Thank you <3And it's very good advice, anon! And relates to some extent to my own day today, funnily enough.>>35915625I'll explain next thread!
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