The solution to no earthly secret is beyond the grasp of your little elvish head. After living for thousands of years only boredom and the road are your constant companions. Oh, Adelyle too. People always assume that she is your caretaker because of your short height but then they notice the leash around her neck. She is a tall and slender demonette, lead on a leash after loosing her eyesight privileges. She overboiled the potatoes the other day. She is now complaining but it's not your problem.Humans approach you constantly with offers to buy her, as she is the last of her kind. The attention that she always gets irks you a bit. Just slightly. Now you feel guilty and return her sight. A hopeful potential buyer approaches you again and you enter tirade mode. You start a convoluted story, which is an allegory to a verbal representation of saying that you are a collector too. Then you proudly show off your other, non-person, collection. It is the string of seashells that form a necklace around your neck. Each seashell is taken from the shores of a different sea. Great way to fight boredom and existential dread, you have found. My goal is to collect a seashell from every sea! Now this is a reason to keep on living! you say with childish enthusiasm. This is stupid Adelyle murmurs to herself. You are forced to take her eyesight again. She puts on her leash with a sigh. So in short, no, she is not for sale. Keep moving, pal, not my problem. The nonsensical verbal barrage repulses the buyer successfully.Adelyle is very loyal, Stockholm syndrome you assume. One time, after another fit of existential anguish, you let a group of drunk humans to put their what-nots in your whatever and once the demonette learned about your clandestine endeavors, she pursued the men for several days in search of retribution. You went chasing her, concerned about her potential collector value dropping, oh, and her safety, only to find her innocently sleeping under a peach tree, covered in someone else's blood. You took her eyesight privileges for a few weeks, you recollect, she made something that wasn't your problem, your problem, after all. After that whole ordeal you started calling Adelyle Aids, but you do it sparingly now because she tends to cry after hearing her nickname for some reason.[1/2]
Soon both of you enter another human settlement. The demonette has soft purple skin and mouth filled with shark teeth. The whites of her eyes are actually black and the irises - blood red. Despite all that, children always want to be around her. Adelyle claims that it's because of her gentle face and nature, you say that's the effect of her subconscious demon longing for easy prey. And guess what, now a child approaches and starts pulling your skirt.Ah, my blond hair and blue eyes, that betray my noble lineage, are gathering admirers with good taste! you proclaim to your temporarily blinded companion with the satisfaction that for once you are the center of attention.The child just wants money. Then he notices your pointy ears and asks if you can perform magic. Most definitely, little fella. Let's see, I know arcane magic, blood magic, elemental magic... the boasting goes on for a while ... necromancy, healing magic and most importantly - invisibility magic! The child is impressed by the emphasis on the last one, his eyes are sparkling with hope all of a sudden.My mom is very sick and needs help. Come, elf woman, help bring back my sweet mother to her feet. Or at least to her knees, so she can again support my multiple siblings! he finishes with the exact same emphasis. You take that into consideration, knowing that imitation is the highest form of flattery.>"Lead the way, beggar child. Let's see your sweet mother's knees and feet.">"Not my problem, kiddo." you say with a smile, patting his head.>make the child disappear forever[2/2]
>>5993910>make the child disappear foreverFor the record, how many times we went on a murder rampage in random human settlements? I assume we already got these kind of things out of our system?
>>5993910>>make the child disappear forever
>>5993910>>"Not my problem, kiddo." you say with a smile, patting his head.It's in the quest title, after all!
>"Lead the way, beggar child. Let's see your sweet mother's knees and feet."
>>5993910>"Lead the way, beggar child. Let's see your sweet mother's knees and feet."
>>5993910>make the child disappear forever
>make the child disappear forever
You squat down, meeting the child at eye level, get close to his face and blow hot air in one if his ears, making him disappear forever.Forever, really? Adelyle asks.Yup, forever. no one pulls your skirt without consequences. You notice a little girl in the distance, staring and frozen in place after witnessing your unnatural magic feat, that starts pointing at you as if to alert the adults in the vicinity for your transgression against nature. No one will believe you you mouth the words and the child pees herself. Satisfied by the whole ordeal you pull Adelyle's leash and vacate the place. Now you are wondering what title, based on your feats today, should you wear as a proper badge of honor. Hm, Duchess Child's Bane... no, no... The Menacing Perambulator... that's not it... Little Boy Vanquisher......Little Girl Liquid Lordess Adelyle adds. You pout dissatisfied with all of them when suddenly you trip over a man, laying on the ground in drunken stupor. The sudden stop makes the back of your head collide with Adelyle's voluptuous bosom, creating a proper cushioning effect. You like when this happens, it massages your gifted elf brain. Now you are staring at the drunken man and decide to:>ask him to give you a title [write-in]>make Adelyle "take care of him">you """take care""" of him. You have experience with drunken men>test the strangulation efficacy of your seashell necklace>"Honestly, drunken hobos aren't really my problem, mister." you pickpocket him
>>5994971>>you """take care""" of him. You have experience with drunken men
>>5994971>Adelyle can do whatever she wants with the drunkard
>>5994971>you """take care""" of him. You have experience with drunken menYea yea yea, tug one out
Since you have had enough previous interactions with drunken men, your triple-parentheses-taking-care-of-someone is to actually explode the drunkard from within, turning half the block into a bloody mess. Adelyle, still having her eyesight privileges revoked, enters her bloodlust mode after smelling the aftermath of your interesting interpretation of care for humans... Control yourself woman is enough to calm her vigorous ways. Both of your garments, now painted red, need replacement but shopping with Adelyle last time was such a hassle that you decide to do what you do best - procrastinate! You enter a nearby pub, looks like a very reputable establishment, probably the drunk got drunk on drinks in here. >walk around the bar as if you are a 260 pound pit-fighter, intimidating the crowd with the guts of your enemies still on you>go and play crabs with the noble young hero and his party in the far right corner of the pub>unleash Adelyle and tell her to go crazy, pent-up bloodlust is never good for the skin
>>5995147>go and play crabs with the noble young hero and his party in the far right corner of the pub
>>5995147>>go and play crabs with the noble young hero and his party in the far right corner of the pub
You go next to the hero's table...How do you do, fellow gamblers! you greet with enthusiasm. Feeling that you are entering your gambling mode, you shuffle rudely some of the hero's party members from the sitting bench. Adelyle, give me the money for the spare clothes, I feel this is my lucky day. After placing the bet, you cup three dice with both hands and start shaking them vigorously, your hands flailing and swinging wildly all over the place. You throw the dice with all your strength in the face of the female healer of the party, that is sitting across you. The dice ricochet back on the table with beautiful twirl. You are quite proud of yourself.Clap of thousand thunders... three sixes!!! Blimey, Adelyle, we are rich! whenever you get excited your pirate vocabulary kicks in, picked up from that one journey that you once had. Adelyle feels embarrassed by it and has been trying to get you to fix it for the past dozen years.The pot was only 16 coins... she responds.Don't jinx my winning spree, lustchievous demonette! you bring back her eyesight so she can watch you win again.Right before you throw the dice, the innkeeper shows up with previously ordered food and drinks. Mistaking you for a child, he starts complaining that the young shouldn't be gambling or spilling so much red sauce on their dresses. Youths these days, am I right? the boomer laughs at his observant quips, starting to pull your ear.>winning spree evolves into killing spree>you "take care" of the innkeeper>the young noble knight stands up in your defense>"Is this rape?" Adelyle asks
>>5995895>>"Is this rape?" Adelyle asks
>>5995895>>winning spree evolves into killing spree lmao
>>5995895>"Is this rape?" Adelyle asks
>>5995895>winning spree evolves into killing spree
>the young noble knight stands up in your defense
>>5995895>>the young noble knight stands up in your defense
Is this rape? Adelyle asks with flashing teeth, ready to go medieval on the boomer's ass. Always with the dramaaa! you get an intense urge to gesticulate with hands. Alright, buddy, thanks for the massage but I hold several lifetimes of experience more than you, so scram, k? hearing your 'k' the boomer backs off, not wanting to donate his 401k to the government before he gets the chance to spend it.The noble young knight, impressed with your mature handle of the boomer situation, now wants to invite you to a festive religious gathering in a monastery in the mountains near by. His medic teammate is still rubbing her dice-bounce head collision area. As the freeloader you are, you enthusiastically agree and start covering ground while the sun is still up. Half way across the mountainous road you encounter a vicious creature guarding the road, a wild goose! Untamed! It starts to hiss! Just as geese do.Unrelenting! Now it spreads its wings, while hissing! Just as geese do.Ferocious! It craves to curb stomp someone's head to a bloody pulp! Just as geese do.I can sense no end to the terrifying presence emanating from this beast! What are we going to do!? Adelyle hurls herself instinctively in front of you, guarding you.I know these types of creatures and there is only one thing that we can do in order to satisfy them. We must pay the blood tax.The blood tax? Aids is starting to piss you off, especially when she asks two questions under a minute.... a blood tax? the noble young knight intervenes helpfully in the conversation....blood tax... you hear someone in the back.Yes, blood tax, Jesus!Your companions have successfully irritated you and you decide to make this quick:>pay the blood tax by giving the noble young knight to the goose. The creature curb stops his head viciously to a bloody pulp>pay the blood tax by giving Adelyle's intact hymen to the goose. Geese are notorious virgin blood connoisseurs? >"take care" of the bird yourself
>>5997299>"take care" of the bird yourselfYea yea yea, give the bird a blowie... Take really good care of it
>>5997299>"take care" of the bird yourselfChoke that chicken, or gas it, I care not, only that it's gone from my sight.
>>5997299>>pay the blood tax by giving Adelyle's intact hymen to the goose. Geese are notorious virgin blood connoisseurs?
>>5997299>"take care" of the bird yourself
>>5997299>just go around it. what can it do?
Your single parentheses taking-care-of-the-problem is not much different than your triple parentheses one from earlier, the brat bird soon finds out. With quick and perfect semicircle steps, of which Euclid himself would be proud of, you accumulate enough inertia to put Newton in the equation. Before the goose knows what's happening, your seashell necklace is hanging like a noose around it's long neck and in a split second comes The Tightening, your special move! Which is plain decapitation. The goose is now running headless and is bathing the nearby trees with its bloody fountain.Wow, his capa got detated! Adelyle did you see this?Adelyle is clapping proudly As expected from The Menacing Perambulator! She starts bowing down to you but you stop her before it gets too embarrassing in front of the new group. You already had your time as a cult leader and you kind of got it out of your system.The young noble knight is very impressed with your skill and starts congratulation you on the clean kill when suddenly a huge group of horsemen encircle you. Their commander says This group is hiding the killer of the Sir Oswald Berkley, the town friendly drunkard, whose sweat old head got exploded to oblivion! And not just his head I might add! he seems pissed off, might have been his friend.>throw the young noble knight under the bus about the murder>sell the rights to popping Adelyle's maidenhead as blood tax for you popping the drunkhead's head>bombard the commander with a barrage of Euclidian and Newtonian terminology until you pop his head or he gets sick of you
>>5998696>bombard the commander with a barrage of Euclidian and Newtonian terminology until you pop his head or he gets sick of you
>>5998117I see that you are a virgin in your geese encounters, the bird has a sword in it's mouth anon!
>>5998709kek, he called you a virgin. What are you going to do about it nigga?
>>5998696>>sell the rights to popping Adelyle's maidenhead as blood tax for you popping the drunkhead's head
Rolled 1 (1d2)1 for >>5998703 | 2 for >>5998987>>5998719least obnoxious Not My Problem enjoyer
Rolled 37 (1d100)>>5998696>throw the young noble knight under the bus about the murdertrying talking only first
QM really said "Not my Problem"
>>6004630True to his name
